1 00:00:09,983 --> 00:00:12,883 ♪ 2 00:00:12,883 --> 00:00:15,886 [crowd laughing and chattering] 3 00:00:15,886 --> 00:00:25,930 ♪ 4 00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:33,490 [crowd applauding] 5 00:00:35,492 --> 00:00:38,219 ♪ 6 00:00:38,219 --> 00:00:39,599 MC: So, please, put your hands together 7 00:00:39,599 --> 00:00:41,877 for the great Sam Cowell! 8 00:00:41,877 --> 00:00:45,743 [crowd applauding] 9 00:00:45,743 --> 00:00:51,128 ♪ 10 00:00:51,128 --> 00:00:55,098 Hello... 11 00:00:55,098 --> 00:00:57,859 [audio fading into distortion] 12 00:01:03,071 --> 00:01:05,211 Male news anchor: It's gonna be beautiful sunny day today. 13 00:01:05,211 --> 00:01:07,765 And we can expect much more of the same over the next few days 14 00:01:07,765 --> 00:01:09,974 if you want to do some of those outdoor activities 15 00:01:09,974 --> 00:01:11,148 you've been saving up. 16 00:01:11,148 --> 00:01:12,736 And in business, the stock market 17 00:01:12,736 --> 00:01:14,186 fell through the floor today. 18 00:01:14,186 --> 00:01:16,878 No one seems to have predicted this, so it's hard to know-- 19 00:01:16,878 --> 00:01:18,811 Female news anchor: And there was another drive-by shooting 20 00:01:18,811 --> 00:01:21,572 today downtown, it appears to be gang-related, 21 00:01:21,572 --> 00:01:23,091 but there are no suspects-- 22 00:01:23,091 --> 00:01:26,439 [Woman singing]: ♪ Come on down to Charlie's Jewellery ♪ 23 00:01:26,439 --> 00:01:28,061 ♪ I'll help you find... 24 00:01:30,650 --> 00:01:32,687 Female news anchor: The newest update to the Renner case 25 00:01:32,687 --> 00:01:35,138 is that Brooke Renner, a 14-year-old, 26 00:01:35,138 --> 00:01:37,623 has been missing since Thursday. 27 00:01:37,623 --> 00:01:41,282 The teen's aunt filed a missing person's report two days ago. 28 00:01:41,282 --> 00:01:43,215 Brooke hasn't been seen... 29 00:01:43,215 --> 00:01:46,149 [audio fading into static] 30 00:01:46,149 --> 00:01:56,159 ♪ 31 00:02:05,168 --> 00:02:08,378 ...No foul play is suspected in the teen's disappearance. 32 00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:12,244 The family is concerned for her well-being. 33 00:02:12,244 --> 00:02:13,555 - So if you have any information - Paige? 34 00:02:13,555 --> 00:02:15,143 - on Brooke's whereabouts... - Paige: What is it?! 35 00:02:15,143 --> 00:02:17,973 - It's Brooke. - Paige: Is she here again? 36 00:02:17,973 --> 00:02:19,251 [footsteps approaching] 37 00:02:19,251 --> 00:02:21,287 ...call local police, or the number you see on the screen. 38 00:02:21,287 --> 00:02:22,978 Why are you sopping on the couch? 39 00:02:22,978 --> 00:02:24,428 The news of Brooke's disappearance 40 00:02:24,428 --> 00:02:26,775 was widely circulated on social media, 41 00:02:26,775 --> 00:02:28,467 perhaps because of last year's case involving police-- 42 00:02:28,467 --> 00:02:32,229 Okay. Oh, just mute that, and then... 43 00:02:32,229 --> 00:02:34,197 How long has she been missing? 44 00:02:34,197 --> 00:02:35,715 It just said four days. 45 00:02:35,715 --> 00:02:38,408 Well, I think you need to tell somebody that you saw her. 46 00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:39,823 Like, Jill? 47 00:02:39,823 --> 00:02:41,790 No, like, the fucking... police. 48 00:02:42,791 --> 00:02:45,415 Even though ACAB, obviously. 49 00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:48,107 Why don't you go get dressed, and I can call. 50 00:02:48,107 --> 00:02:50,661 They'll probably put me on hold for a while anyway. 51 00:02:50,661 --> 00:02:52,560 - Yeah. - Cause, you know, 52 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:54,355 like, bureaucracy and all that. 53 00:02:54,355 --> 00:02:57,703 Right, yeah. Red tape. Um... 54 00:02:57,703 --> 00:02:59,256 Yeah, yeah. Go-- Go lay down. 55 00:02:59,256 --> 00:03:00,775 - Okay. - Go. 56 00:03:00,775 --> 00:03:04,227 Thanks. Um, I'm gonna go... 57 00:03:06,194 --> 00:03:08,679 ...lie down in my towel. 58 00:03:14,340 --> 00:03:16,998 Good job for washing your body! 59 00:03:18,068 --> 00:03:20,173 Sam: Thank you. 60 00:03:20,173 --> 00:03:29,079 ♪ 61 00:03:29,079 --> 00:03:30,943 [glass smashing] 62 00:03:30,943 --> 00:03:32,496 ♪ 63 00:03:32,496 --> 00:03:36,880 Paige: Hey, yeah, is this the tip line? 64 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:39,123 Um, yeah, this is about Brooke Renner. 65 00:03:39,123 --> 00:03:42,126 Um, my roommate saw her like, three days ago. 66 00:03:43,921 --> 00:03:45,820 When would she have to come in? 67 00:03:47,304 --> 00:03:48,685 [doorbell ringing] 68 00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:57,832 [doorbell ringing repeatedly] 69 00:03:57,832 --> 00:03:59,212 Coming! 70 00:04:03,216 --> 00:04:05,253 - [doorbell ringing] - [pounding at door] 71 00:04:05,253 --> 00:04:07,876 Hold on! Jeez. 72 00:04:09,326 --> 00:04:11,190 [glass smashing] 73 00:04:14,780 --> 00:04:16,644 [breathing heavily] 74 00:04:17,576 --> 00:04:18,818 Oh my God, what the fuck?! 75 00:04:18,818 --> 00:04:20,544 Brooke: I know you're in there, you fuck! Come out! 76 00:04:20,544 --> 00:04:21,649 Sam: Oh my God, Brooke! 77 00:04:21,649 --> 00:04:23,340 Did you just throw that through my window? 78 00:04:23,340 --> 00:04:26,792 And did you just call me a fuck? You need to leave! 79 00:04:26,792 --> 00:04:28,345 Where the fuck am I supposed to go, Sam? 80 00:04:28,345 --> 00:04:30,968 To your aunt's house. And stop swearing, it doesn't sound cool. 81 00:04:30,968 --> 00:04:32,694 Brooke: Okay, I can do whatever I want. 82 00:04:32,694 --> 00:04:34,386 Yes, I know, Brooke. 83 00:04:34,386 --> 00:04:36,180 You've made that abundantly clear. 84 00:04:36,180 --> 00:04:38,769 - How did you get downtown? - I took the bus. 85 00:04:38,769 --> 00:04:42,463 - You on the bus? - I got a ride, all right? 86 00:04:42,463 --> 00:04:44,430 Please leave. And take an Uber home. 87 00:04:44,430 --> 00:04:46,398 I just wanna know why you lied! 88 00:04:48,814 --> 00:04:51,541 I'm not doing this with you today. 89 00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:53,784 Brooke: Fuck you, Sam! Fuck you! 90 00:04:55,165 --> 00:04:56,856 Are you drunk? 91 00:04:58,202 --> 00:04:59,894 [breathing heavily] 92 00:05:05,175 --> 00:05:06,349 Fuck. 93 00:05:09,835 --> 00:05:12,493 Man: Dinner's ready! 94 00:05:12,493 --> 00:05:14,736 [dishes rattling] 95 00:05:32,202 --> 00:05:34,791 Thanks for cooking again, Philip. 96 00:05:34,791 --> 00:05:36,309 It's just Ragu. 97 00:05:36,309 --> 00:05:37,552 - It's still food. - Yeah. 98 00:05:37,552 --> 00:05:39,865 Technically... it's not, 99 00:05:39,865 --> 00:05:42,315 but you're welcome anyway. 100 00:05:42,315 --> 00:05:44,214 So, um... 101 00:05:46,803 --> 00:05:48,874 What are you gonna do about Brooke? 102 00:05:50,254 --> 00:05:51,635 I'm not sure. 103 00:05:51,635 --> 00:05:53,050 Just say that she broke our window 104 00:05:53,050 --> 00:05:55,432 in your statement tomorrow, and, you know, 105 00:05:55,432 --> 00:05:57,607 we'll ask her aunt to pay for it. 106 00:05:57,607 --> 00:05:59,954 And, you know, she'll go home on her own. 107 00:05:59,954 --> 00:06:02,232 She's just being 15, like the Taylor Swift song. 108 00:06:02,232 --> 00:06:04,234 - She's 14. - Yeah, even worse. 109 00:06:04,234 --> 00:06:06,995 Yeah, I know, it's like, when your boobs are the weirdest, 110 00:06:06,995 --> 00:06:08,928 you're wearing bad halter tops, it's a nightmare. 111 00:06:08,928 --> 00:06:10,723 Philip: I'm sure it's gonna be fine though. 112 00:06:10,723 --> 00:06:12,311 Hasn't she done this like, a few times? 113 00:06:12,311 --> 00:06:13,450 Yeah, I mean, 114 00:06:13,450 --> 00:06:15,866 she's probably loving the missing person posters. 115 00:06:16,764 --> 00:06:18,386 They used a selfie, she looks great. 116 00:06:18,386 --> 00:06:21,251 You can't say she looks great, babe, she's missing. 117 00:06:21,251 --> 00:06:23,011 I mean, it's not, like, out of character 118 00:06:23,011 --> 00:06:24,565 for her to do this for attention, 119 00:06:24,565 --> 00:06:26,808 but like, I'm still worried. 120 00:06:27,913 --> 00:06:30,053 Well, you're not getting paid to worry about her anymore. 121 00:06:30,053 --> 00:06:32,814 I'm worried that you're still not leaving the house. 122 00:06:32,814 --> 00:06:35,990 - Okay, I showered toady. - Oh. 123 00:06:35,990 --> 00:06:38,682 - Oh my God. - I did! 124 00:06:38,682 --> 00:06:40,546 - Philip: You did! - I did. 125 00:06:40,546 --> 00:06:41,754 Yeah. 126 00:06:41,754 --> 00:06:43,169 And I almost went to your show last night. 127 00:06:43,169 --> 00:06:46,483 Okay, but you didn't, so I just sat there all night. 128 00:06:46,483 --> 00:06:47,933 - Lonely Paige. - What? 129 00:06:47,933 --> 00:06:51,005 You bring home strange girls from Comedy Bar all the time. 130 00:06:51,005 --> 00:06:53,973 I mean, lesbian sex, there's like, a less than 1% chance 131 00:06:53,973 --> 00:06:56,182 of catching an STI, so... it's not risky. 132 00:06:56,182 --> 00:06:59,151 [sing-song] ♪ That's not true 133 00:06:59,151 --> 00:07:00,980 [laughing] That's dangerous misinformation. 134 00:07:00,980 --> 00:07:02,534 You know what I'm talking about though! 135 00:07:02,534 --> 00:07:04,915 It's not like-- lesbians, you're never bringing home a stranger, 136 00:07:04,915 --> 00:07:07,400 everyone is like, someone's ex, someone's dog walker, 137 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:09,748 you know, someone's friend twice removed. 138 00:07:09,748 --> 00:07:12,060 Yeah, okay, that's true. That is gay math. 139 00:07:13,406 --> 00:07:15,719 Mmm. Speaking of exes, 140 00:07:15,719 --> 00:07:17,514 I did see Noah last night, 141 00:07:17,514 --> 00:07:19,516 and he said he was trying to call you again-- 142 00:07:19,516 --> 00:07:20,793 Paige. 143 00:07:20,793 --> 00:07:23,762 Seriously, let's talk about anything else. 144 00:07:23,762 --> 00:07:25,902 You were saying that you have an STI? 145 00:07:25,902 --> 00:07:27,248 [laughing] That's not at all what I said. 146 00:07:27,248 --> 00:07:28,732 Yeah, you were confessing to us-- 147 00:07:28,732 --> 00:07:30,527 I said it's impossible for me to catch them. 148 00:07:30,527 --> 00:07:32,080 - Sam: Oh! - Oh, we got it wrong. 149 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:35,670 Okay, what year do you think everyone in the world has HPV? 150 00:07:35,670 --> 00:07:37,914 - Soon, I hope. - [Philip laughing] 151 00:07:37,914 --> 00:07:40,399 What do you mean? What do you mean by "you hope"? 152 00:07:40,399 --> 00:07:43,436 Just, kind of, something to talk about... with people. 153 00:07:43,436 --> 00:07:44,679 [Philip and Paige laughing] 154 00:07:44,679 --> 00:07:46,198 Well, you also, by the way, 155 00:07:46,198 --> 00:07:47,855 didn't miss truly anything last night. 156 00:07:47,855 --> 00:07:49,546 - Alicia... - [Paige groaning] 157 00:07:49,546 --> 00:07:52,169 I know, is still doing that, like, "Pick me up, daddy," 158 00:07:52,169 --> 00:07:54,068 - that, like, "daddy" bit. - [in a baby voice] Daddy. 159 00:07:54,068 --> 00:07:55,828 She says "daddy" a bunch of times. 160 00:07:55,828 --> 00:07:57,761 Please say she retired the jean shorts 161 00:07:57,761 --> 00:07:58,866 over the top of the tights look. 162 00:07:58,866 --> 00:08:00,902 Okay, she did. But, sort of a twist, 163 00:08:00,902 --> 00:08:02,352 she added some really bizarre hats. 164 00:08:02,352 --> 00:08:03,733 - Yes. [laughing] - So it's hard to tell 165 00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:05,976 if we're sort of winning or losing with her. 166 00:08:05,976 --> 00:08:07,944 - Sam: Uh, we're losing. - We're losing. 167 00:08:07,944 --> 00:08:09,635 - It's giving loss. - [laughing] 168 00:08:09,635 --> 00:08:10,878 It's giving loss, what she's doing. 169 00:08:10,878 --> 00:08:13,259 - Alicia is giving us loss. - [laughing] 170 00:08:20,128 --> 00:08:22,337 Officer: Did Brooke tell you she was intoxicated? 171 00:08:23,580 --> 00:08:27,135 I mean, she didn't tell me she was drunk, but she was drunk. 172 00:08:29,379 --> 00:08:31,174 What else did she say? 173 00:08:32,624 --> 00:08:35,074 Um, she called me a liar. 174 00:08:35,074 --> 00:08:39,251 You know, small talk. 175 00:08:39,251 --> 00:08:42,634 And was there anything else that you noticed different about her? 176 00:08:43,945 --> 00:08:46,603 Um, her hair. She dyed it blue. 177 00:08:46,603 --> 00:08:47,949 Like, this low-key blue. 178 00:08:47,949 --> 00:08:50,365 - Blue hair. - Yeah, but it wasn't, like, 179 00:08:50,365 --> 00:08:53,368 all blue, it was, like, dip-dyed, kind of, 180 00:08:53,368 --> 00:08:55,819 so it's like, just the ends, sort of, 181 00:08:55,819 --> 00:08:58,132 but it was done, like, really shitty. 182 00:08:58,995 --> 00:09:02,205 She-- um, she dyed it blue. Yeah. 183 00:09:03,447 --> 00:09:04,656 Okay. 184 00:09:06,209 --> 00:09:07,590 Thank you. 185 00:09:09,833 --> 00:09:13,665 Look, uh, I don't know what you, uh... 186 00:09:15,528 --> 00:09:18,842 I'm really sorry you're back here, Samantha. 187 00:09:18,842 --> 00:09:20,430 Yeah, me too. 188 00:09:22,674 --> 00:09:26,367 Just get in touch if you remember anything else. 189 00:09:26,367 --> 00:09:27,471 Okay. 190 00:09:28,541 --> 00:09:30,405 Officer: We all just want to make sure that Brooke 191 00:09:30,405 --> 00:09:32,097 gets home safe, right? 192 00:09:34,582 --> 00:09:36,515 Okay. [sighing] 193 00:09:37,965 --> 00:09:40,692 - Here. - Yeah, um, I have one. 194 00:09:42,694 --> 00:09:52,704 ♪ 195 00:10:06,718 --> 00:10:08,443 Thanks for waiting. 196 00:10:08,443 --> 00:10:10,307 Paige: Were you a reliable witness? 197 00:10:10,307 --> 00:10:12,378 Yeah. I remember everything about her, 198 00:10:12,378 --> 00:10:14,277 I can't get her out of my dumb brain. 199 00:10:14,277 --> 00:10:16,072 Okay, so you did everything you could, 200 00:10:16,072 --> 00:10:18,315 and it's out of your dumb hands now. 201 00:10:19,558 --> 00:10:21,111 [engine starting] 202 00:10:21,111 --> 00:10:22,734 Officer [voiceover]: I'm really sorry 203 00:10:22,734 --> 00:10:24,321 you're back here, Samantha. 204 00:10:26,254 --> 00:10:27,877 [doorknocker clacking] 205 00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:33,123 ♪ 206 00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:37,300 Okay. 207 00:10:38,508 --> 00:10:45,515 ♪ 208 00:10:48,035 --> 00:10:49,622 [clacking] 209 00:10:53,834 --> 00:10:56,215 - Samantha. - Hi! Are you Mrs. Renner? 210 00:10:56,215 --> 00:10:58,010 - Oh, I'm her sister, Jill. - Oh. 211 00:10:58,010 --> 00:10:59,978 Brooke's favourite aunt. [chuckling] 212 00:10:59,978 --> 00:11:01,600 Come on in. 213 00:11:06,881 --> 00:11:08,780 You're so short! [chuckles] 214 00:11:08,780 --> 00:11:10,402 Right this way. 215 00:11:13,508 --> 00:11:15,648 [quietly] Orchids? So psychotic. 216 00:11:15,648 --> 00:11:18,582 - You can have a seat here. - Oh, thank you. 217 00:11:19,825 --> 00:11:22,241 Cameron, this is Samantha. 218 00:11:22,241 --> 00:11:23,829 - Hi, Samantha. - Hi. 219 00:11:23,829 --> 00:11:26,280 - I'm Cameron. - Nice to meet you. 220 00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:29,801 - Um, got your resume here. - Yes. 221 00:11:29,801 --> 00:11:33,045 Seems, um... Uh... 222 00:11:33,045 --> 00:11:36,048 I've never done this before. [stammering] 223 00:11:36,048 --> 00:11:37,532 I-- I'm Sam. 224 00:11:37,532 --> 00:11:42,123 Um, I was an au pair for a family in the UK 225 00:11:42,123 --> 00:11:43,780 for two years. 226 00:11:43,780 --> 00:11:45,437 I'm also a comedian. 227 00:11:45,437 --> 00:11:47,922 Oh! I took improv in college. 228 00:11:47,922 --> 00:11:50,200 Oh, yeah. Zip, zap, zop. Totally. 229 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:51,961 - Like... - Yeah! 230 00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:53,928 Yep, love it. Um... 231 00:11:53,928 --> 00:11:57,587 So, I mean, I spend most of my time with overgrown children. 232 00:11:57,587 --> 00:11:58,553 Why'd you leave? 233 00:11:58,553 --> 00:12:00,417 I'm still doing comedy, I'm still, like-- 234 00:12:00,417 --> 00:12:03,006 - Family in the UK. - Oh, um... 235 00:12:03,006 --> 00:12:05,595 I just didn't renew my student visa, so, like, 236 00:12:05,595 --> 00:12:08,046 - paperwork, I guess. - You're in luck. 237 00:12:08,046 --> 00:12:09,495 The only paperwork you'd have to fill out here 238 00:12:09,495 --> 00:12:12,602 is permission slips for field trips and things like that. 239 00:12:12,602 --> 00:12:15,398 Oh, Brooke can't do her own forgeries yet? 240 00:12:16,606 --> 00:12:17,607 No. 241 00:12:17,607 --> 00:12:19,298 Um... 242 00:12:19,298 --> 00:12:22,819 I also have a fine arts degree. 243 00:12:22,819 --> 00:12:24,994 Um, yeah, I just thought... 244 00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:26,719 Fine arts degree, feels applicable. 245 00:12:26,719 --> 00:12:29,101 Yeah, you know, art. 246 00:12:29,101 --> 00:12:31,448 Brooke loves to draw. [clearing throat] 247 00:12:31,448 --> 00:12:33,278 That's great. 248 00:12:33,278 --> 00:12:37,040 Uh, so, here's the situation. 249 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:38,524 Brooke's mother is very sick. 250 00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:40,319 She's in and out of hospitals all the time. 251 00:12:40,319 --> 00:12:43,978 I know, I'm really sorry, the agency told me that's... 252 00:12:43,978 --> 00:12:46,394 Yeah, and I still need to work quite a bit, 253 00:12:46,394 --> 00:12:50,536 so I would need someone maybe to stay over a few nights a week. 254 00:12:50,536 --> 00:12:53,125 - We have a guestroom. - I'd be here more, 255 00:12:53,125 --> 00:12:55,783 but I live an hour out, and with two kids and work, 256 00:12:55,783 --> 00:12:58,199 it's... it's a lot with the hospital visits. 257 00:12:58,199 --> 00:13:00,305 - Totally, yeah. - As you can imagine, 258 00:13:00,305 --> 00:13:05,241 the amount of change in a young girl's life has made Brooke... 259 00:13:05,241 --> 00:13:06,587 ...a little difficult. 260 00:13:06,587 --> 00:13:09,728 Of course. I mean, that's a teenager's job, right? 261 00:13:09,728 --> 00:13:11,316 [chuckling] 262 00:13:12,179 --> 00:13:14,733 That's a joke? 263 00:13:14,733 --> 00:13:17,425 Yeah... I hope. 264 00:13:25,433 --> 00:13:28,264 Brooke, can you come out please? 265 00:13:28,264 --> 00:13:30,749 Brooke: No thank you. I don't want a nanny. 266 00:13:31,750 --> 00:13:33,510 Mom will get better. 267 00:13:33,510 --> 00:13:35,616 I know she will, sweetie. In the meantime, 268 00:13:35,616 --> 00:13:37,998 can you just come out and meet Sam here, please? 269 00:13:37,998 --> 00:13:39,792 She's nice. 270 00:13:39,792 --> 00:13:41,104 Oh, thank you. 271 00:13:41,104 --> 00:13:42,623 Hi. 272 00:13:48,629 --> 00:13:50,700 Hi. 273 00:13:52,495 --> 00:13:54,290 Why can't you just stay home like you used to 274 00:13:54,290 --> 00:13:56,775 - at the beginning? - Cameron: Brooke, say hi. 275 00:13:57,845 --> 00:14:00,089 If you do, we'll go to the skate park this weekend. 276 00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:02,125 I promise. 277 00:14:02,125 --> 00:14:04,196 Oh, you skate? 278 00:14:04,196 --> 00:14:06,543 Okay, that's cool. Very intimidating. 279 00:14:08,511 --> 00:14:10,306 Uh, you know what, we'll be in the kitchen 280 00:14:10,306 --> 00:14:12,687 if you guys want ice cream after. 281 00:14:12,687 --> 00:14:14,897 - Cool. - Okay. 282 00:14:16,450 --> 00:14:20,661 Okay, ice cream. That is a bribe I can get behind. 283 00:14:22,318 --> 00:14:25,804 Right? They know what they're doing. 284 00:14:25,804 --> 00:14:27,944 Maybe we trick them, we go downstairs, we're like, 285 00:14:27,944 --> 00:14:31,499 "Yeah, we're friends!" And then we get the dessert. 286 00:14:31,499 --> 00:14:35,848 No. I don't need a nanny, okay? I'm 12. 287 00:14:35,848 --> 00:14:37,747 Sam: Okay, fair, totally. 288 00:14:38,748 --> 00:14:40,681 Why don't we think about it as being friends? 289 00:14:40,681 --> 00:14:42,303 I'll just be a friend that's old enough to know 290 00:14:42,303 --> 00:14:44,305 you can't have pizza for dinner every night 291 00:14:44,305 --> 00:14:46,963 or play with matches all the time. 292 00:14:46,963 --> 00:14:48,551 And I'll be paid. 293 00:14:49,724 --> 00:14:52,796 I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to be funny. 294 00:14:52,796 --> 00:14:56,179 - And I'm not being funny? - No, not really. 295 00:14:56,179 --> 00:14:59,286 Okay, that hurts, but the fact that you have 296 00:14:59,286 --> 00:15:01,357 high comedic standards means it's going to be easy 297 00:15:01,357 --> 00:15:03,290 to be friends with you. 298 00:15:03,290 --> 00:15:05,464 You're not like other nannies, are you? 299 00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:08,709 You're not like other kids, are you? 300 00:15:11,746 --> 00:15:15,543 Okay, well, if you're gonna be stuck with me, 301 00:15:15,543 --> 00:15:17,545 what do you wanna do tonight? 302 00:15:17,545 --> 00:15:20,238 I have the new episode of Riverdale. 303 00:15:20,238 --> 00:15:22,826 I love Riverdale. 304 00:15:26,002 --> 00:15:28,487 [crowd applauding] 305 00:15:28,487 --> 00:15:30,386 Philip: So, basically, that's why I don't fuck guys 306 00:15:30,386 --> 00:15:32,043 who read books anymore. 307 00:15:32,043 --> 00:15:34,735 [crowd laughing] 308 00:15:34,735 --> 00:15:37,427 - Hey, good to see you. - Yeah, it's been a while. 309 00:15:37,427 --> 00:15:40,258 Yeah. And probably a lot healthier and less depressing? 310 00:15:40,258 --> 00:15:42,605 - Yeah, you'd think. - When are you up? 311 00:15:42,605 --> 00:15:44,331 Oh, no, I'm not on the lineup. 312 00:15:44,331 --> 00:15:46,022 I'm just here for moral support. 313 00:15:46,022 --> 00:15:48,921 Okay, well, you can joke about literally anything now, 314 00:15:48,921 --> 00:15:50,440 so that's good, right? 315 00:15:51,234 --> 00:15:52,546 What? 316 00:15:53,823 --> 00:15:55,169 Just that you're... 317 00:15:55,169 --> 00:15:57,413 uniquely positioned, with all the... 318 00:15:57,413 --> 00:15:59,656 ...topics at your disposal. 319 00:15:59,656 --> 00:16:02,452 [sarcastically] Yeah, I'm really lucky. 320 00:16:02,452 --> 00:16:05,145 - No, I just mean-- - Tim's just jealous 321 00:16:05,145 --> 00:16:06,801 because you can talk about your period, 322 00:16:06,801 --> 00:16:09,701 - and he can't talk about his. - Okay, thank you, Zara. 323 00:16:09,701 --> 00:16:11,461 [in baby voice] Got me. Sorry, baby made a bad joke. 324 00:16:11,461 --> 00:16:12,566 Okay, I gotta go. 325 00:16:12,566 --> 00:16:16,363 - Philip: Tim Gideon! - [crowd cheering] 326 00:16:17,881 --> 00:16:20,091 - Thanks. - Of course, Tim's the worst. 327 00:16:20,091 --> 00:16:21,506 - Oh, horrible. - Yeah. 328 00:16:21,506 --> 00:16:24,854 I feel like his hair somehow got more incel-y. 329 00:16:24,854 --> 00:16:27,029 You know what? I don't even think there's gel in it. 330 00:16:27,029 --> 00:16:28,513 I just think it grows that way. 331 00:16:28,513 --> 00:16:31,033 Sam: Wow, horrible. Heinous. 332 00:16:31,033 --> 00:16:32,758 Zara: Really weird. 333 00:16:34,553 --> 00:16:35,899 What, Tim say something dumb? 334 00:16:35,899 --> 00:16:39,938 Oh, he tried to make a certain kind of joke. So funny. 335 00:16:39,938 --> 00:16:41,181 - Oh. - I mean, 336 00:16:41,181 --> 00:16:44,736 Tim's obviously jealous because he is in no way relevant. 337 00:16:44,736 --> 00:16:47,359 Okay, well, what happened to me doesn't make me relevant, Paige. 338 00:16:47,359 --> 00:16:48,636 Yeah, I know that. 339 00:16:48,636 --> 00:16:50,362 The fact that you're a woman makes you relevant. 340 00:16:50,362 --> 00:16:53,296 Exactly. Girlina, bring some of that girlboss energy 341 00:16:53,296 --> 00:16:54,746 to the lineup tonight. 342 00:16:54,746 --> 00:16:58,370 I have genuinely missed seeing you be an annoying white woman 343 00:16:58,370 --> 00:17:00,096 - on stage. Genuinely. - Thank you. 344 00:17:00,096 --> 00:17:01,546 - I have, I have! - Thank you. 345 00:17:01,546 --> 00:17:03,927 But I gotta go, because I have a date, 346 00:17:03,927 --> 00:17:06,102 and in his bio, it says that he's a poet, so... 347 00:17:06,102 --> 00:17:07,276 Oooh! 348 00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:08,656 That will be fun to torture my parents with. 349 00:17:08,656 --> 00:17:10,934 - Okay, have fun. - You too. I love you. 350 00:17:10,934 --> 00:17:13,454 - Good to see you. - Zara, please fuck the poet. 351 00:17:13,454 --> 00:17:15,284 - Fuck the poet! - Fuck the poet! 352 00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:16,664 - Yes! - And I'd just say, 353 00:17:16,664 --> 00:17:18,356 - fuck the poet. - Sam: One more time, yes. 354 00:17:18,356 --> 00:17:20,910 Just for you to fuck the poet. 355 00:17:20,910 --> 00:17:22,049 So? 356 00:17:23,119 --> 00:17:25,639 Uh, all I have is what I had for my Montreal taping. 357 00:17:25,639 --> 00:17:27,882 It's not really topical two years later. 358 00:17:27,882 --> 00:17:30,816 Who cares, dude? Tim is still doing material about Frasier. 359 00:17:30,816 --> 00:17:32,784 Tim: Uh, hands up if we think Niles eats ass? 360 00:17:32,784 --> 00:17:33,957 [Paige groans] 361 00:17:33,957 --> 00:17:36,408 I just, I'm not ready to like, take the think pieces 362 00:17:36,408 --> 00:17:37,789 and the subtweets and port them over 363 00:17:37,789 --> 00:17:39,584 into real-life heckling and harassment. 364 00:17:39,584 --> 00:17:42,414 Your Montreal set was so good. 365 00:17:42,414 --> 00:17:44,899 I was so mad at you for getting that taping. 366 00:17:44,899 --> 00:17:47,385 Yeah, well, you know, you win some, 367 00:17:47,385 --> 00:17:49,007 you lose some lifelong dreams, 368 00:17:49,007 --> 00:17:51,043 and then you watch your friends and peers 369 00:17:51,043 --> 00:17:52,183 live out those dreams, so... 370 00:17:52,183 --> 00:17:54,633 you don't have to be mad anymore. 371 00:17:56,256 --> 00:17:57,981 Tim: It's good, it's good... 372 00:17:57,981 --> 00:18:00,363 I feel like your youth pastor stuff could still work. 373 00:18:00,363 --> 00:18:02,262 Tim: ...and scrambled eggs! 374 00:18:02,262 --> 00:18:03,780 I mean... 375 00:18:04,919 --> 00:18:06,680 - [crowd applauding] - You guys, 376 00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:09,131 you are in for a very special treat tonight. 377 00:18:09,131 --> 00:18:12,720 After a brief hiatus, the pride of Toronto, 378 00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:15,378 not in the gay way, though, that was Paige earlier. 379 00:18:15,378 --> 00:18:18,485 [crowd laughing] 380 00:18:18,485 --> 00:18:21,936 - And I guess me now. - [crowd laughing] 381 00:18:21,936 --> 00:18:24,836 But without further ado, you guys... 382 00:18:24,836 --> 00:18:27,149 Sam Cowell! 383 00:18:27,149 --> 00:18:30,876 [crowd applauding] 384 00:18:33,016 --> 00:18:42,578 ♪ 385 00:18:42,578 --> 00:18:45,822 [audio fading into distortion] 386 00:18:48,135 --> 00:18:56,143 ♪ 387 00:18:57,593 --> 00:18:59,905 Um... that was a joke, you guys. 388 00:18:59,905 --> 00:19:02,011 I would never give up my stage time. 389 00:19:03,357 --> 00:19:05,221 Gay men on dating apps will literally have on their bio, 390 00:19:05,221 --> 00:19:08,362 like, "please, only contact me if you take care of yourself 391 00:19:08,362 --> 00:19:09,674 "and love your body." 392 00:19:09,674 --> 00:19:11,331 And then I will literally see them doing meth 393 00:19:11,331 --> 00:19:12,849 at circuit parties. 394 00:19:12,849 --> 00:19:14,748 [crowd laughing] 395 00:19:16,750 --> 00:19:19,960 ♪ 396 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,307 Tim [voiceover]: You can joke about literally anything now, 397 00:19:22,307 --> 00:19:23,929 so that's good, right? 398 00:19:24,930 --> 00:19:28,002 Noah [voiceover]: You're funny. You are funny! 399 00:19:34,664 --> 00:19:36,666 So, what did you do at school today? 400 00:19:36,666 --> 00:19:38,116 We talked about a book 401 00:19:38,116 --> 00:19:39,980 I already read last summer at our cottage. 402 00:19:39,980 --> 00:19:42,224 At the cottage where you broke the tablet 403 00:19:42,224 --> 00:19:43,535 I got you for your birthday? 404 00:19:43,535 --> 00:19:46,952 Oh, were you annoyed with how Twilight ended, too? 405 00:19:46,952 --> 00:19:49,438 I'm also team Jacob, I was like, what is going on? 406 00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:52,095 You're team Jac-- No! I'm Edward. 407 00:19:52,095 --> 00:19:53,373 - You're Edward? - Yes! 408 00:19:53,373 --> 00:19:55,685 - Sam: Are you kidding me? - Brooke: Are you kidding me? 409 00:19:55,685 --> 00:19:57,446 Was he the one with the abs? 410 00:19:57,446 --> 00:19:59,206 Both: They both have abs. 411 00:19:59,206 --> 00:20:01,829 I mean, a completely different kind of abs. 412 00:20:01,829 --> 00:20:04,763 Like, Jacob, it's a warm, cuddly ab. 413 00:20:04,763 --> 00:20:06,903 You put it in the sleeping bag, you snuggle up, 414 00:20:06,903 --> 00:20:09,354 you get toasty. Edward, ice cold abs. 415 00:20:09,354 --> 00:20:12,909 - Cutting steel, killing people. - With his abs. Okay. 416 00:20:12,909 --> 00:20:15,774 - Yeah. - That all seems very rehearsed. 417 00:20:15,774 --> 00:20:18,777 Is that you treating us to one of your stand-up comedy things? 418 00:20:18,777 --> 00:20:20,917 No, those are-- those are usually much less funny. 419 00:20:20,917 --> 00:20:23,851 That was-- that was off the cuff 'cause I'm passionate about it. 420 00:20:23,851 --> 00:20:26,129 Okay, what do you actually tell jokes about? 421 00:20:26,129 --> 00:20:28,166 Yeah, I was reading about stand-up comedy, and it's-- 422 00:20:28,166 --> 00:20:31,169 it says a lot of it is apparently all about 423 00:20:31,169 --> 00:20:35,000 self-deprecation, you know, and you're not... ugly. 424 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:35,863 Not ugly! 425 00:20:35,863 --> 00:20:37,244 You're conventionally attractive. 426 00:20:37,244 --> 00:20:38,935 I'm just saying she doesn't have any affliction, 427 00:20:38,935 --> 00:20:40,385 you're not obese, you don't have a stutter. 428 00:20:40,385 --> 00:20:43,423 - Okay, that's... stop it. - Was that a joke, Cameron? 429 00:20:43,423 --> 00:20:45,701 I mean, no, it... 430 00:20:45,701 --> 00:20:48,220 Wow, your dad is going to roast battle me. 431 00:20:48,220 --> 00:20:52,328 Um, no, but actually I mostly do observational stuff 432 00:20:52,328 --> 00:20:53,778 about men being bad. 433 00:20:53,778 --> 00:20:55,227 It's called political comedy. 434 00:20:55,227 --> 00:20:57,885 It's very trendy. A lot of women do that. 435 00:20:57,885 --> 00:20:59,784 I also do the classics, you know? 436 00:20:59,784 --> 00:21:01,958 My period, the mall, skincare. 437 00:21:01,958 --> 00:21:04,064 - [giggling] - Guys, do I love them? 438 00:21:04,064 --> 00:21:06,031 Do I hate them? I'm changing my mind. 439 00:21:06,031 --> 00:21:08,724 I'm going crazy! Where's my tampon? 440 00:21:08,724 --> 00:21:11,347 They shout it back, they go, "Where is it?!" 441 00:21:11,347 --> 00:21:12,935 The crowd goes nuts. 442 00:21:12,935 --> 00:21:14,868 I'm gonna do it all at my show tonight. 443 00:21:14,868 --> 00:21:16,835 - A big period show. - Right, 444 00:21:16,835 --> 00:21:20,632 which is all derivative of Ruth Buzzi. 445 00:21:21,909 --> 00:21:24,533 - Who is Ruth Buzzi? - [laughing] 446 00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:25,982 Who is Ruth Buzzi? 447 00:21:26,983 --> 00:21:28,053 So, I realized something today. 448 00:21:28,053 --> 00:21:31,333 I realized I have a lot more in common 449 00:21:31,333 --> 00:21:34,474 with closeted homophobic youth pastors than I thought. 450 00:21:34,474 --> 00:21:35,889 [crowd laughing] 451 00:21:35,889 --> 00:21:39,617 Uh, the same way that they're denouncing gay people 452 00:21:39,617 --> 00:21:41,895 is the same way that I'm denouncing straight men. 453 00:21:41,895 --> 00:21:43,931 - [crowd laughing] - Meaning, yes, 454 00:21:43,931 --> 00:21:46,313 very loudly. Very, very loudly. 455 00:21:46,313 --> 00:21:48,177 I'm going all over town, I'm preaching, preaching, 456 00:21:48,177 --> 00:21:50,904 I'm tweeting on my phone, "Men are bad, they're so evil!" 457 00:21:50,904 --> 00:21:54,010 Then I'm going home, I'm blowing a graphic designer. 458 00:21:54,010 --> 00:21:55,771 [crowd laughing] 459 00:21:55,771 --> 00:21:57,117 Seriously, though, it's like, 460 00:21:57,117 --> 00:22:00,707 we need a Volkswagen level recall on men in general, 461 00:22:00,707 --> 00:22:03,503 because the airbag is exploding, okay? 462 00:22:03,503 --> 00:22:05,850 We've got a lot of choking hazards, 463 00:22:05,850 --> 00:22:07,610 - if you know what I mean. - [crowd laughing] 464 00:22:07,610 --> 00:22:10,958 Yeah, like, if one out of every 10 cars 465 00:22:10,958 --> 00:22:13,375 was killing its entire family and then the next day, 466 00:22:13,375 --> 00:22:17,068 the news was running a photo of the car on a jet-ski... 467 00:22:17,068 --> 00:22:18,207 [crowd laughing] 468 00:22:18,207 --> 00:22:21,072 ...would we still sell them? I don't know. 469 00:22:21,072 --> 00:22:22,970 Even though they're bad, they're murdering people, 470 00:22:22,970 --> 00:22:24,765 I am having sex with them... 471 00:22:24,765 --> 00:22:27,112 ...um, as much as possible. 472 00:22:27,112 --> 00:22:30,840 Um, I'm at the bar, I'm signaling guys 473 00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:33,705 like a Republican senator signals the male interns. 474 00:22:33,705 --> 00:22:35,569 - [crowd laughing] - Hell yeah. 475 00:22:35,569 --> 00:22:38,330 I'm like, "Kyle, I need you in the bathroom for something." 476 00:22:38,330 --> 00:22:39,539 [crowd cheering] 477 00:22:39,539 --> 00:22:43,163 I'm spraying Axe body spray like smoke signals. I'm like... 478 00:22:43,163 --> 00:22:46,062 - [crowd cheering] - "Come here." 479 00:22:46,062 --> 00:22:48,858 So, really, who am I to judge Justin Bieber's youth pastor, 480 00:22:48,858 --> 00:22:50,791 because I want to fuck Justin too. 481 00:22:50,791 --> 00:22:52,828 [crowd cheering] 482 00:22:52,828 --> 00:22:54,554 Thank you guys so much. 483 00:22:54,554 --> 00:22:57,971 [crowd cheering] 484 00:22:57,971 --> 00:23:00,007 MC [echoing]: That was Sam Cowell! Keep it going! 485 00:23:00,007 --> 00:23:02,424 Keep it going. Give it up for Sam Cowell. 486 00:23:02,424 --> 00:23:03,942 Next on the stage... 487 00:23:06,773 --> 00:23:08,050 [cracking] 488 00:23:09,051 --> 00:23:12,986 ♪ 489 00:23:12,986 --> 00:23:15,678 ["Smoke Signals" by Phoebe Bridgers playing] 490 00:23:15,678 --> 00:23:17,059 [microwave beeping] 491 00:23:17,059 --> 00:23:22,685 ♪ 492 00:23:22,685 --> 00:23:24,376 [blowing air] 493 00:23:26,033 --> 00:23:28,070 ♪ I went with you 494 00:23:28,070 --> 00:23:31,625 ♪ Up to the place you grew up in ♪ 495 00:23:31,625 --> 00:23:35,077 ♪ We spent a week in the cold ♪ 496 00:23:36,285 --> 00:23:41,152 ♪ Just long enough to Walden it with you ♪ 497 00:23:41,152 --> 00:23:44,914 ♪ Any longer, it would have got old ♪ 498 00:23:45,915 --> 00:23:49,056 ♪ Singing "Ace of Spades" when Lemmy died ♪ 499 00:23:49,056 --> 00:23:50,679 ♪ But nothing's changed 500 00:23:50,679 --> 00:23:54,476 ♪ LA is all right 501 00:23:56,270 --> 00:24:00,792 ♪ I'm sleeping in my bed again, and getting in my head ♪ 502 00:24:00,792 --> 00:24:04,555 ♪ And then walk around the reservoir ♪ 503 00:24:05,556 --> 00:24:07,109 Okay. 504 00:24:09,180 --> 00:24:13,046 ♪ You... 505 00:24:13,046 --> 00:24:17,429 ♪ You must have been looking for me ♪ 506 00:24:18,430 --> 00:24:23,781 ♪ Sending smoke signals 507 00:24:23,781 --> 00:24:26,922 ♪ Pelicans circling 508 00:24:27,923 --> 00:24:33,031 ♪ Burning trash out on the beach ♪ 509 00:24:34,826 --> 00:24:38,520 [bell ringing] 510 00:24:49,772 --> 00:24:52,326 Hi, um, I'm here for Brooke Renner. 511 00:24:53,327 --> 00:24:54,950 Are you a relative? 512 00:24:54,950 --> 00:24:57,539 She's my nanny. She's late. 513 00:24:57,539 --> 00:25:00,749 I mean, we agreed "nanny" is kind of an antiquated term, 514 00:25:00,749 --> 00:25:02,682 but, yes. 515 00:25:02,682 --> 00:25:03,855 Are you okay? 516 00:25:03,855 --> 00:25:05,581 I didn't know you went to Hogwarts. 517 00:25:06,927 --> 00:25:08,584 Sorry, I'm going to need to see some ID. 518 00:25:08,584 --> 00:25:11,656 Oh, yeah. Sure. 519 00:25:11,656 --> 00:25:14,417 I have... that. 520 00:25:15,764 --> 00:25:17,869 Okay, this is a library card. 521 00:25:17,869 --> 00:25:22,460 Okay, could I say I know her full name, 522 00:25:22,460 --> 00:25:23,910 her middle name? 523 00:25:23,910 --> 00:25:26,429 Her food-- I know her food allergies. 524 00:25:26,429 --> 00:25:27,603 Could I say that? 525 00:25:32,435 --> 00:25:33,989 Hey. 526 00:25:35,335 --> 00:25:36,957 What happened? 527 00:25:39,753 --> 00:25:43,930 Um, my mom... was supposed to come home. 528 00:25:43,930 --> 00:25:47,174 But she-- she got an infection last night. 529 00:25:47,968 --> 00:25:49,901 And your dad? 530 00:25:49,901 --> 00:25:53,560 He decided to work if we couldn't go to the hospital. 531 00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:55,113 Well, it's perfect, 532 00:25:55,113 --> 00:25:56,874 I was on my way to meet up with my best friends-- 533 00:25:56,874 --> 00:25:58,185 - So I ruined your plans? - No, no, it's-- 534 00:25:58,185 --> 00:26:00,325 We were just going to the movies, 535 00:26:00,325 --> 00:26:02,396 and now you can come with us. 536 00:26:02,396 --> 00:26:04,778 Isn't sci-fi you and your mom's favourite? 537 00:26:04,778 --> 00:26:08,402 [horn honking] 538 00:26:08,402 --> 00:26:10,681 Brooke: What kind of car is that? 539 00:26:10,681 --> 00:26:12,579 - I think just old. - [laughing] 540 00:26:13,684 --> 00:26:15,133 What movie are you seeing? 541 00:26:15,133 --> 00:26:19,482 Uh, an R-rated one that you probably shouldn't be watching. 542 00:26:19,482 --> 00:26:20,622 Okay. 543 00:26:21,968 --> 00:26:23,659 And I promise I'll take you to see your mom tomorrow 544 00:26:23,659 --> 00:26:24,764 if she's feeling better. 545 00:26:24,764 --> 00:26:26,628 - I talked to Jill earlier. - Okay. 546 00:26:28,526 --> 00:26:31,978 So, what kind of snacks are we thinking for today? 547 00:26:31,978 --> 00:26:33,945 - Everything? - I don't know. 548 00:26:33,945 --> 00:26:35,222 You don't know?! 549 00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:42,505 Paige and Philip, meet Brooke. 550 00:26:42,505 --> 00:26:44,266 - Hey, Brooke! - Hey. 551 00:26:44,266 --> 00:26:45,888 We've heard nothing but good things. 552 00:26:45,888 --> 00:26:48,546 Yeah, right. Sam gets paid to hang out with me. 553 00:26:48,546 --> 00:26:51,894 No, seriously, um, Sam is actually really jealous 554 00:26:51,894 --> 00:26:54,932 of your hair, and your clothes. Whole vibe. 555 00:26:54,932 --> 00:26:57,659 She's, um, profoundly intimidated by you. 556 00:26:57,659 --> 00:26:59,868 - Kind of pathetic. - Sure. 557 00:26:59,868 --> 00:27:01,697 No, not pathetic. 558 00:27:01,697 --> 00:27:04,010 Uh, Brooke are you-- are you coming to the movies with us? 559 00:27:04,010 --> 00:27:05,528 Yeah, if that's... that's all right. 560 00:27:05,528 --> 00:27:08,773 Oh, yeah. Any friend of Sam's is a friend of ours. 561 00:27:08,773 --> 00:27:09,843 Yeah. 562 00:27:09,843 --> 00:27:11,673 Especially one with such voluminous hair. 563 00:27:11,673 --> 00:27:13,916 - Yeah. - Thank you. 564 00:27:13,916 --> 00:27:18,680 [pop music playing] 565 00:27:33,177 --> 00:27:34,419 [knocking at door] 566 00:27:34,419 --> 00:27:35,662 Hey. 567 00:27:35,662 --> 00:27:39,597 I'm gonna go grab a drink with Noah if you want to come. 568 00:27:40,771 --> 00:27:42,738 Um... 569 00:27:42,738 --> 00:27:45,051 No, I think I'm just gonna... 570 00:27:46,155 --> 00:27:49,020 Yeah, um, didn't go well 571 00:27:49,020 --> 00:27:52,472 when I finally tried to go out last night, so... 572 00:27:52,472 --> 00:27:54,060 Say hi, though. 573 00:27:54,060 --> 00:27:56,614 Yeah, I'll probably just lie and say you'll call him. 574 00:27:56,614 --> 00:27:59,134 - Paige. - Hmm? 575 00:27:59,134 --> 00:28:01,757 Do you think he hates me? 576 00:28:01,757 --> 00:28:04,070 He'd be an asshole if he hated you. 577 00:28:04,070 --> 00:28:08,177 Yeah, and he's not an asshole, right? 578 00:28:10,973 --> 00:28:12,768 [sighing] 579 00:28:12,768 --> 00:28:14,770 I mean... 580 00:28:14,770 --> 00:28:17,324 kinda, but like, in a good way. 581 00:28:17,324 --> 00:28:20,362 I like assholes. We're all assholes. 582 00:28:20,362 --> 00:28:22,882 I'm sorry that I'm not a fun asshole anymore. 583 00:28:22,882 --> 00:28:25,091 Okay, you were there for me during the great depression 584 00:28:25,091 --> 00:28:28,128 of 2016, and I will never forget that. 585 00:28:28,128 --> 00:28:30,199 - I was a nasty woman. - Yeah, I know, 586 00:28:30,199 --> 00:28:31,718 - but like, after that-- - No. 587 00:28:31,718 --> 00:28:33,547 I don't want to talk about that. We don't need to. 588 00:28:33,547 --> 00:28:36,171 No, I didn't think that you were jealous of my taping. 589 00:28:36,171 --> 00:28:38,483 - I shouldn't have said that. - I was jealous. 590 00:28:38,483 --> 00:28:41,417 And I probably shouldn't have told you you only got it 591 00:28:41,417 --> 00:28:42,798 'cause you were thin and white. 592 00:28:42,798 --> 00:28:46,181 Okay, so I'm hearing that and you're saying I'm thin. 593 00:28:46,181 --> 00:28:48,390 You should hear that you're malnourished. 594 00:28:48,390 --> 00:28:50,150 [giggling] 595 00:28:50,150 --> 00:28:52,014 I mean, I am living for this, though. 596 00:28:52,014 --> 00:28:55,224 I am loving just seeing my friend laying down, 597 00:28:55,224 --> 00:28:58,883 all day long, sometimes microwaving something. 598 00:28:58,883 --> 00:29:02,059 No, I've been very horizontal lately. 599 00:29:02,059 --> 00:29:03,819 But I'm telling you, I'm not going to be the one 600 00:29:03,819 --> 00:29:05,994 to drive you to physio when your muscles atrophy, 601 00:29:05,994 --> 00:29:07,961 so let's turn the beat around. 602 00:29:07,961 --> 00:29:09,998 Fuck, okay. 603 00:29:09,998 --> 00:29:12,897 Yes, move your body. Chair aerobics. 604 00:29:12,897 --> 00:29:15,969 - Write some jokes? - Eh... 605 00:29:15,969 --> 00:29:18,558 - Movement. - How about this? 606 00:29:20,353 --> 00:29:22,596 Yeah, I'll do it again. 607 00:29:22,596 --> 00:29:24,184 Paige: Shit! 608 00:29:24,184 --> 00:29:26,911 Um, I... do cherish you, 609 00:29:26,911 --> 00:29:28,292 and I do have to leave. 610 00:29:28,292 --> 00:29:29,880 Okay. Have fun at the show. 611 00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:31,882 Oh, you know I will have fun, 'cause you know who 612 00:29:31,882 --> 00:29:33,504 - is on the lineup? - No, no, no. 613 00:29:33,504 --> 00:29:36,438 - Alicia, baby. - [baby voice] Daddy! 614 00:29:36,438 --> 00:29:38,612 - Daddy! - Well, now I'm jealous. 615 00:29:38,612 --> 00:29:39,751 [Paige laughing] 616 00:29:39,751 --> 00:29:41,339 Paige: Oh, Daddy! 617 00:29:46,344 --> 00:29:49,865 ♪ Ooh, did you really think I'd change ♪ 618 00:29:49,865 --> 00:29:53,869 ♪ Nothing like a good thing going the wrong way ♪ 619 00:29:53,869 --> 00:29:55,733 [sighing] 620 00:29:55,733 --> 00:29:57,528 ♪ Ooh 621 00:29:57,528 --> 00:29:59,599 ♪ I loved you 622 00:30:01,394 --> 00:30:03,879 ♪ The way I wanted to 623 00:30:05,916 --> 00:30:07,572 [laughing] 624 00:30:09,022 --> 00:30:11,197 Are you tweeting already? 625 00:30:11,197 --> 00:30:12,992 - Yes. - Morning tweets? 626 00:30:12,992 --> 00:30:15,787 Rattling off some big... killer tweets. 627 00:30:15,787 --> 00:30:18,135 - Oh yeah? - "My boyfriend's so annoying." 628 00:30:18,135 --> 00:30:21,379 - Excuse me? - "Stinks and is rude." 629 00:30:21,379 --> 00:30:23,347 - What? - Boom, viral. 630 00:30:23,347 --> 00:30:24,762 Did you tag me in it at least? 631 00:30:24,762 --> 00:30:26,488 I can't tag you, that's bad for the brand. 632 00:30:26,488 --> 00:30:28,145 [Noah scoffing] "The brand?" 633 00:30:28,145 --> 00:30:30,388 Yeah, I have to shit on you, never tag you, 634 00:30:30,388 --> 00:30:33,046 and then a million girls are gonna comment 635 00:30:33,046 --> 00:30:34,599 "So true, queen." 636 00:30:34,599 --> 00:30:36,912 But they-- they don't even know me! 637 00:30:36,912 --> 00:30:38,914 Well, it's worth it, 638 00:30:38,914 --> 00:30:41,192 'cause look what I get to look at. 639 00:30:42,987 --> 00:30:44,092 What do you mean? 640 00:30:44,092 --> 00:30:46,439 Like, look what I get to look at. 641 00:30:46,439 --> 00:30:47,992 And you have to look at me. 642 00:30:47,992 --> 00:30:50,512 My view is... good, too. 643 00:30:50,512 --> 00:30:53,411 But I'm just saying that the property value of being 644 00:30:53,411 --> 00:30:56,449 in my body is actually higher than being in yours 645 00:30:56,449 --> 00:30:59,141 because my face looks out at yours. 646 00:30:59,141 --> 00:31:00,556 - Oh. - See? 647 00:31:00,556 --> 00:31:03,559 And your face looks out at like, 648 00:31:03,559 --> 00:31:07,011 uh, a vacant lot where they can't build, 649 00:31:07,011 --> 00:31:08,564 because there used to be a gas station. 650 00:31:08,564 --> 00:31:12,327 I don't know, I feel like there's... potential. 651 00:31:12,327 --> 00:31:15,675 I'm seeing, like, an organic kale co-op. 652 00:31:15,675 --> 00:31:18,436 - Wow. - They're building a Target. 653 00:31:18,436 --> 00:31:21,025 - Nice. - A Pilates studio for dogs. 654 00:31:21,025 --> 00:31:22,958 Okay, so, gentrification? 655 00:31:22,958 --> 00:31:25,409 Mm... unfortunately, yes, 656 00:31:25,409 --> 00:31:28,170 but the Pilates studio is gonna be amazing. 657 00:31:28,170 --> 00:31:30,793 - [laughing] Great. - Good plan. 658 00:31:30,793 --> 00:31:34,694 Hey, um, you know, I actually need to check the foundation 659 00:31:34,694 --> 00:31:36,316 - of your property. - Of mine? 660 00:31:36,316 --> 00:31:37,731 - For a second, yeah. - Why? 661 00:31:37,731 --> 00:31:41,218 Well, 'cause there's been some concerns with regards-- 662 00:31:41,218 --> 00:31:42,702 - Concerns?! - Yeah, there's been leaks. 663 00:31:42,702 --> 00:31:45,774 - Leaks?! - Yeah, soil density issues. 664 00:31:45,774 --> 00:31:47,396 - Oh my God. - Mmm. 665 00:31:47,396 --> 00:31:48,708 And if you don't mind, a couple guys from the city 666 00:31:48,708 --> 00:31:50,330 are gonna come down and join me. 667 00:31:50,330 --> 00:31:51,573 - Oh, it'll be a couple? - Yeah. 668 00:31:51,573 --> 00:31:53,264 But you'll barely notice we're here, okay? 669 00:31:53,264 --> 00:31:54,403 - Okay. - Oh. 670 00:31:54,403 --> 00:31:56,060 Don't use your hot water for a bit. 671 00:31:56,060 --> 00:31:57,648 Okay. 672 00:31:58,752 --> 00:32:00,340 [laughing] 673 00:32:03,136 --> 00:32:06,001 [moaning] 674 00:32:16,287 --> 00:32:19,946 ♪ It's gonna take a bit of work... ♪ 675 00:32:19,946 --> 00:32:25,676 ♪ 676 00:32:25,676 --> 00:32:28,127 Can I get you anything else, Sam? 677 00:32:28,127 --> 00:32:30,750 Um, do you think this premise is funny? 678 00:32:30,750 --> 00:32:33,995 It's like, two old-timey dudes, 679 00:32:33,995 --> 00:32:35,375 like, named Victor and Timothy 680 00:32:35,375 --> 00:32:39,034 come up with the term "victim," so it's like, "vic," 681 00:32:39,034 --> 00:32:41,692 the "vic" from Victor and the "tim" from Timothy, 682 00:32:41,692 --> 00:32:43,383 and it's like, "Oh, you're inserting yourself 683 00:32:43,383 --> 00:32:45,799 "into that," you know... 684 00:32:45,799 --> 00:32:48,078 Um, yeah, I guess. 685 00:32:48,078 --> 00:32:50,183 It's not your best work, to be honest. 686 00:32:50,183 --> 00:32:52,979 Yeah, no, it's bad. Thanks, Jeremy. 687 00:32:52,979 --> 00:32:55,154 Get you another Sapporo? 688 00:32:55,154 --> 00:32:56,431 - Yeah, thanks. - All right. 689 00:32:56,431 --> 00:32:58,536 - This one's on me, all right. - Thanks. 690 00:33:19,730 --> 00:33:20,903 Sam? 691 00:33:21,766 --> 00:33:24,424 - Can I talk to you? - Um, Jill, 692 00:33:24,424 --> 00:33:26,668 I like, asked you not to come around here. 693 00:33:26,668 --> 00:33:29,602 - I'm trying to work. - You're working again? 694 00:33:29,602 --> 00:33:32,018 Well, I'm trying to drink, but, yeah. 695 00:33:33,123 --> 00:33:34,848 - How are you? - [sighing] 696 00:33:34,848 --> 00:33:37,092 Um, thriving, obviously. 697 00:33:37,092 --> 00:33:40,923 Listen, I just want to know what you told the police. 698 00:33:40,923 --> 00:33:42,856 Just that I saw her. 699 00:33:42,856 --> 00:33:45,273 Or heard her, she threw a rock through my window. 700 00:33:45,273 --> 00:33:47,033 [sighing] 701 00:33:47,033 --> 00:33:49,070 She stopped going to school. 702 00:33:49,070 --> 00:33:52,349 Well, probably because she can't throw rocks at school. 703 00:33:52,349 --> 00:33:54,420 She also, uh, 704 00:33:54,420 --> 00:33:56,318 released her rabbit into the ravine behind the house. 705 00:33:56,318 --> 00:33:57,733 Sammity? 706 00:34:00,253 --> 00:34:03,532 Maybe she was trying to free it? 707 00:34:03,532 --> 00:34:05,293 She dyed it blue first. 708 00:34:05,293 --> 00:34:06,570 Oh. 709 00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:09,918 She really misses you, Sam. 710 00:34:09,918 --> 00:34:13,128 And it's even worse now because I had to sell the house. 711 00:34:13,128 --> 00:34:17,408 My sister's house. And she's just totally uprooted. 712 00:34:17,408 --> 00:34:20,411 I gave all of the information that I have. 713 00:34:20,411 --> 00:34:23,449 And I really doubt that she misses me. 714 00:34:23,449 --> 00:34:26,659 I mean, she literally started a petition on Change.org 715 00:34:26,659 --> 00:34:28,557 to have me arrested, so... 716 00:34:28,557 --> 00:34:30,421 Please, Sam, you know her best. 717 00:34:30,421 --> 00:34:33,424 Did she ever say anything to you about a Nathan? 718 00:34:33,424 --> 00:34:36,117 Hmm, no. I'm sorry. 719 00:34:36,117 --> 00:34:37,532 I really am. 720 00:34:38,464 --> 00:34:40,466 Come on, please don't hold this against us. 721 00:34:40,466 --> 00:34:44,228 I'm not holding anything against you, or against Brooke. 722 00:34:44,228 --> 00:34:46,679 I just-- I feel terrible, okay? 723 00:34:46,679 --> 00:34:49,406 I don't know how I didn't see the signs, I didn't-- 724 00:34:49,406 --> 00:34:50,855 Okay, don't beat yourself up about it. 725 00:34:50,855 --> 00:34:53,824 The last thing that I want is a woman blaming herself 726 00:34:53,824 --> 00:34:54,963 for all of this. 727 00:34:55,860 --> 00:34:58,932 That's not what I'm doing! Please. 728 00:34:58,932 --> 00:35:01,763 All I see is Brooke's mother's face every time I look at her. 729 00:35:01,763 --> 00:35:04,697 Okay, and all I see is her father, so... 730 00:35:05,698 --> 00:35:09,219 ♪ 731 00:35:09,219 --> 00:35:10,530 [sighing] 732 00:35:11,876 --> 00:35:14,776 [Brooke sobbing] 733 00:35:19,574 --> 00:35:21,886 Fucking keys... 734 00:35:22,887 --> 00:35:23,957 Oh my God. 735 00:35:23,957 --> 00:35:25,235 Oh, fuck! 736 00:35:26,236 --> 00:35:35,245 ♪ 737 00:35:36,970 --> 00:35:38,282 Brooke? 738 00:35:38,282 --> 00:35:40,042 Brooke, I'm here! 739 00:35:41,906 --> 00:35:43,874 [Brooke sobbing] 740 00:35:43,874 --> 00:35:45,186 Brooke? 741 00:35:45,186 --> 00:35:48,189 Oh my God. Brooke. 742 00:35:49,673 --> 00:35:52,054 - Oh. - [sobbing] 743 00:35:52,054 --> 00:35:54,816 Brooke: She's gone. 744 00:35:54,816 --> 00:35:57,612 She died. I can't believe she died. 745 00:35:57,612 --> 00:36:00,856 I'm so sorry, Brooke. I'm... I'm here. 746 00:36:00,856 --> 00:36:03,997 - I'm here. - She left me. 747 00:36:05,206 --> 00:36:06,759 [sobbing] 748 00:36:09,279 --> 00:36:19,289 ♪ 749 00:36:24,190 --> 00:36:34,200 ♪ 750 00:36:40,931 --> 00:36:50,941 ♪ 751 00:36:59,501 --> 00:37:00,916 [glass clinking] 752 00:37:04,092 --> 00:37:05,611 Cameron? 753 00:37:06,853 --> 00:37:13,308 ♪ 754 00:37:13,308 --> 00:37:15,862 Um, Cameron? 755 00:37:22,317 --> 00:37:24,630 Brooke's asleep. I'm gonna go. 756 00:37:28,772 --> 00:37:30,843 I don't know how to do this. 757 00:37:33,466 --> 00:37:35,330 What do I say to her? 758 00:37:37,436 --> 00:37:39,300 Can you stay, please? 759 00:37:40,542 --> 00:37:42,544 Tell a joke or something. 760 00:37:42,544 --> 00:37:44,650 I... I don't-- 761 00:37:44,650 --> 00:37:48,550 I don't know if this is the time for it, I'm sorry. 762 00:37:48,550 --> 00:37:49,724 [sobbing] 763 00:37:49,724 --> 00:37:51,760 I'm gonna be here first thing tomorrow. 764 00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:55,695 I'm gonna have all my Twilight jokes, I promise. 765 00:38:02,564 --> 00:38:05,187 [sobbing] 766 00:38:05,187 --> 00:38:07,017 I'm so sorry. 767 00:38:10,020 --> 00:38:11,366 [sniffling] 768 00:38:12,712 --> 00:38:15,750 ["Half Return" by Adrianne Lenker playing] 769 00:38:17,821 --> 00:38:21,100 ♪ Shadow, shadow, what a show ♪ 770 00:38:21,100 --> 00:38:24,621 ♪ Every other step there's a cross-eyed crow ♪ 771 00:38:24,621 --> 00:38:28,072 ♪ Half return, half return ♪ 772 00:38:28,072 --> 00:38:31,697 ♪ Minneapolis, soft white snow ♪ 773 00:38:31,697 --> 00:38:34,803 ♪ Thirty-five bridge, hometown ♪ 774 00:38:34,803 --> 00:38:38,186 ♪ Half return, half return ♪ 775 00:38:38,186 --> 00:38:41,362 ♪ Standing in the yard, dressed like a kid ♪ 776 00:38:41,362 --> 00:38:45,089 ♪ The house is white and the lawn is dead ♪ 777 00:38:45,089 --> 00:38:48,507 ♪ The lawn is dead, the lawn is dead ♪ 778 00:38:48,507 --> 00:38:56,687 ♪ Illinois toll road, Indiana plain ♪ 779 00:38:56,687 --> 00:38:59,966 ♪ Roll the windows down, shoot out the change ♪ 780 00:38:59,966 --> 00:39:03,280 ♪ Half return, half return ♪ 781 00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:06,421 ♪ Honey in your mouth when you didn't even eat ♪ 782 00:39:06,421 --> 00:39:09,942 ♪ Tears in your eyes when you pull it like a chain ♪ 783 00:39:09,942 --> 00:39:13,290 ♪ Half return, half return ♪ 784 00:39:13,290 --> 00:39:16,327 ♪ Standing in the yard, dressed like a kid ♪ 785 00:39:16,327 --> 00:39:19,296 ♪ The house is white and the lawn is dead ♪ 786 00:39:19,296 --> 00:39:20,884 "Breann Smordin". 787 00:39:20,884 --> 00:39:24,266 ♪ The lawn is dead, the lawn is dead ♪ 788 00:39:26,061 --> 00:39:28,581 "We keep moving in the same circles, 789 00:39:28,581 --> 00:39:30,445 in the same way that neurons circle atoms. 790 00:39:30,445 --> 00:39:32,620 We must become straight lines." 791 00:39:32,620 --> 00:39:34,207 Okay. 792 00:39:37,521 --> 00:39:39,040 [sighing] 793 00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:43,562 ♪ Half return, half return ♪ 794 00:39:43,562 --> 00:39:46,703 ♪ Dusty swing set, plastic slide ♪ 795 00:39:46,703 --> 00:39:49,982 ♪ Push me up and down, take me for a ride ♪ 796 00:39:49,982 --> 00:39:53,192 ♪ Standing in the yard, dressed like a kid ♪ 797 00:39:53,192 --> 00:39:56,644 ♪ The house is white and the lawn is dead ♪ 798 00:39:56,644 --> 00:40:00,406 ♪ The lawn is dead, the lawn is dead ♪ 799 00:40:00,406 --> 00:40:06,447 ♪ 800 00:40:08,241 --> 00:40:10,761 How's she doing since she's been back at school? 801 00:40:10,761 --> 00:40:14,213 I let her get social media, but I don't know. 802 00:40:14,213 --> 00:40:16,905 It's cute that you think it's all just called "social media." 803 00:40:16,905 --> 00:40:19,770 I mean, she's taken on this very "cool teen" attitude 804 00:40:19,770 --> 00:40:21,600 to make it seem like she doesn't care about anything, 805 00:40:21,600 --> 00:40:24,741 but I know how to deal with that particular defence mechanism, 806 00:40:24,741 --> 00:40:26,397 so we're figuring it out. 807 00:40:26,397 --> 00:40:29,124 I'm glad she has you to talk to right now. 808 00:40:29,124 --> 00:40:32,300 Sam: Yeah, Cameron does not really know what to say. 809 00:40:32,300 --> 00:40:36,925 He's always kind of needed a buffer between him and Brooke. 810 00:40:36,925 --> 00:40:39,307 Yeah, like a translator of girls? 811 00:40:39,307 --> 00:40:42,344 Yeah, actually, that's... a great way to put it. 812 00:40:42,344 --> 00:40:46,245 Yeah, I mean, I think he thinks I'm like, interesting 813 00:40:46,245 --> 00:40:48,040 or like, endearingly weird or something, 814 00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:49,593 but I don't think he's ever talked to a woman 815 00:40:49,593 --> 00:40:51,181 in a hoody before. 816 00:40:51,181 --> 00:40:52,872 Well, he always loved Laura's class. 817 00:40:52,872 --> 00:40:54,667 Oh, are you calling me not classy, Jill? 818 00:40:54,667 --> 00:40:56,497 No! That's-- No, I'm not. [chuckling] 819 00:40:56,497 --> 00:40:58,671 No, I just-- I just meant 820 00:40:58,671 --> 00:41:00,811 that I think he always liked our... 821 00:41:00,811 --> 00:41:04,470 you know, our family friends, and fancy dinners, 822 00:41:04,470 --> 00:41:08,681 and vacations, and he just liked Laura's life, you know? 823 00:41:08,681 --> 00:41:10,959 She always made things so beautiful. 824 00:41:10,959 --> 00:41:14,515 You're both super classy broads. That's for sure. 825 00:41:14,515 --> 00:41:16,413 Thanks, Sam. 826 00:41:16,413 --> 00:41:19,416 I just really fucking miss her so much. 827 00:41:19,416 --> 00:41:20,486 Yeah. 828 00:41:20,486 --> 00:41:22,523 - Can we see the birds now? - Yep, the birds. 829 00:41:22,523 --> 00:41:25,595 I know, we're gonna go look at the birds. Come on. 830 00:41:27,355 --> 00:41:30,634 Hey, are those those weird white ones with the pink eyes? 831 00:41:30,634 --> 00:41:33,361 They're Netherland dwarf rabbits. 832 00:41:35,363 --> 00:41:36,916 You like them? 833 00:41:37,883 --> 00:41:39,919 I mean, I wouldn't mind having one. 834 00:41:39,919 --> 00:41:42,025 - You'd have to ask your dad. - He won't care. 835 00:41:42,025 --> 00:41:44,855 He says yes to everything ever since mom. 836 00:41:51,137 --> 00:41:53,484 You know, I could name one after you. 837 00:41:53,484 --> 00:41:55,521 Okay. Tempting. 838 00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:00,561 This one does kinda look like me. 839 00:42:01,700 --> 00:42:03,598 I see it. I feel it. 840 00:42:03,598 --> 00:42:04,772 - It's the energy. - It is. 841 00:42:04,772 --> 00:42:07,015 - And the cuteness. - Brooke: Oh, of course. 842 00:42:07,015 --> 00:42:08,638 It just has "Sam" written all over it. 843 00:42:08,638 --> 00:42:10,087 Sam: Yes. 844 00:42:12,055 --> 00:42:13,643 So, what are you thinking of getting your dad 845 00:42:13,643 --> 00:42:15,230 for his birthday? 846 00:42:16,818 --> 00:42:19,131 A coupon for doing my chores? 847 00:42:19,131 --> 00:42:22,099 You have a housekeeper, Brooke. 848 00:42:22,099 --> 00:42:24,239 You know, it's gonna be the first year 849 00:42:24,239 --> 00:42:27,829 that he's celebrating without your mom. 850 00:42:27,829 --> 00:42:30,280 He likes history books, like, 851 00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:33,110 the War of 1812 and all that. 852 00:42:33,110 --> 00:42:35,457 Okay, you're right. Your dad is boring. 853 00:42:35,457 --> 00:42:38,322 The good news is, there's a very cool used bookstore 854 00:42:38,322 --> 00:42:40,808 - by my house. - Could we go tonight? 855 00:42:40,808 --> 00:42:44,328 Oh, I can't tonight, 'cause I'm supposed to hang out with Paige. 856 00:42:44,328 --> 00:42:46,330 - I could come. - Well, I mean, 857 00:42:46,330 --> 00:42:48,470 you're not really allowed where we're going. 858 00:42:48,470 --> 00:42:49,679 Why? 859 00:42:49,679 --> 00:42:53,234 Well, because it's a comedy club and you're a child, so... 860 00:42:53,234 --> 00:42:56,478 Wait, you don't tell any jokes about me, do you? 861 00:42:56,478 --> 00:42:59,792 No! Never. Scout's honour. I promise. 862 00:42:59,792 --> 00:43:01,276 Okay. 863 00:43:05,073 --> 00:43:07,835 - You gonna hurry up? - Okay, safety first. 864 00:43:07,835 --> 00:43:10,631 - Oh, okay. - Just locking in. 865 00:43:10,631 --> 00:43:13,357 We're on, we're ready to go! 866 00:43:13,357 --> 00:43:17,016 You know, I am working on some material about teens in general. 867 00:43:17,016 --> 00:43:18,431 - Oh? - Yes. 868 00:43:18,431 --> 00:43:20,641 How it's no fair that Gen-Z already knows about, like, 869 00:43:20,641 --> 00:43:23,678 skin serums and stuff, so they're just gonna 870 00:43:23,678 --> 00:43:26,301 rule the world with their poreless skin forever. 871 00:43:26,301 --> 00:43:28,303 Okay, you know, your skin is fine. 872 00:43:28,303 --> 00:43:32,342 Fine? Very generous, thank you. Wow, "fine." 873 00:43:33,861 --> 00:43:36,035 What's the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you 874 00:43:36,035 --> 00:43:38,003 - with a boy? - Ooh. 875 00:43:38,003 --> 00:43:40,419 - Oh, sounds like there's a lot. - There's a lot. 876 00:43:40,419 --> 00:43:41,592 Um, okay, 877 00:43:41,592 --> 00:43:44,630 one time I pissed myself in my boyfriend's car. 878 00:43:45,424 --> 00:43:47,564 You peed yourself... with Noah? 879 00:43:47,564 --> 00:43:50,015 No, not with Noah! My ex from junior high. 880 00:43:50,015 --> 00:43:51,706 - Dylan - Oh. 881 00:43:51,706 --> 00:43:53,259 I was wearing light pink jeans, 882 00:43:53,259 --> 00:43:54,882 I was at a party, everybody saw. 883 00:43:54,882 --> 00:43:57,954 And that, young Brooke, is why you should never experiment 884 00:43:57,954 --> 00:43:59,645 with alcohol or pastel denim 885 00:43:59,645 --> 00:44:02,165 until your bladder fully develops at age 18. 886 00:44:02,165 --> 00:44:04,132 Alcohol smells gross anyway. 887 00:44:04,132 --> 00:44:08,689 Brooke, listen to me, one day, probably very soon, 888 00:44:08,689 --> 00:44:11,174 you're going to be offered multiple coolers of some kind, 889 00:44:11,174 --> 00:44:14,280 and they are going to taste like lemonade, gummy bears, 890 00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:17,111 and no matter how good they taste, you can only have one. 891 00:44:17,111 --> 00:44:19,458 Okay... Jesus. 892 00:44:19,458 --> 00:44:22,081 Okay, 'cause otherwise you're gonna be peeing your pink jeans. 893 00:44:22,081 --> 00:44:23,462 - I don't have pink jeans! - Sam: Okay. 894 00:44:23,462 --> 00:44:25,671 You're gonna be peeing your cool mom jeans. 895 00:44:25,671 --> 00:44:26,879 Brooke: Okay. 896 00:44:26,879 --> 00:44:29,088 [sighing] 897 00:44:35,888 --> 00:44:42,274 ♪ 898 00:44:42,274 --> 00:44:46,140 Alicia: And so in the bedroom, he makes me call him Daddy. 899 00:44:48,867 --> 00:44:50,903 ♪ ...In between 900 00:44:50,903 --> 00:44:55,563 ♪ Stuck in shoulder to shoulder... ♪ 901 00:44:55,563 --> 00:45:05,711 ♪ Only strangers make me feel strange ♪ 902 00:45:05,711 --> 00:45:08,265 Sam? 903 00:45:08,265 --> 00:45:09,646 Noah! 904 00:45:09,646 --> 00:45:11,406 - Hey. - Hey. 905 00:45:11,406 --> 00:45:13,581 I haven't seen you here in like, a year. 906 00:45:13,581 --> 00:45:15,859 Are you-- are you doing shows again? 907 00:45:15,859 --> 00:45:20,036 Oh, uh, no. I'm just here watching Paige and Philip. 908 00:45:20,036 --> 00:45:22,590 How are you? Are you-- Are you, uh-- 909 00:45:22,590 --> 00:45:25,110 Are you writing? Or... 910 00:45:25,110 --> 00:45:27,146 Um, I mean, like, not really. 911 00:45:27,146 --> 00:45:30,805 I have, like, one joke about online shopping. 912 00:45:30,805 --> 00:45:32,289 Great. Nice. 913 00:45:32,289 --> 00:45:34,533 I love your shopping stuff. It was always, uh... 914 00:45:34,533 --> 00:45:35,568 ...uh, cerebral. 915 00:45:35,568 --> 00:45:37,225 - Cerebral? - Yeah. 916 00:45:37,225 --> 00:45:39,158 Wow. Thank you. 917 00:45:39,158 --> 00:45:40,642 Um, that's very generous. 918 00:45:40,642 --> 00:45:44,267 Um, yeah, I mean, it's all I can write about, 919 00:45:44,267 --> 00:45:46,890 'cause I basically just sit at home, open a hundred tabs, 920 00:45:46,890 --> 00:45:50,445 and then buy a bunch of t-shirts with money I don't have, so. 921 00:45:50,445 --> 00:45:51,792 Oh. 922 00:45:53,621 --> 00:45:56,451 I can go back to helping with rent if that-- 923 00:45:56,451 --> 00:45:58,212 - Oh, my God. No. - would help. 924 00:45:58,212 --> 00:46:00,835 - Um. That was a joke. - Oh. Ha! 925 00:46:00,835 --> 00:46:02,423 Okay, yeah. I mean-- 926 00:46:02,423 --> 00:46:04,252 I'm not gonna make you pay rent. I kicked you out. 927 00:46:04,252 --> 00:46:05,840 No, that's-- It's not-- 928 00:46:05,840 --> 00:46:07,669 "Kicked me out," that's-- Come on. 929 00:46:07,669 --> 00:46:09,637 Let me do something. 930 00:46:09,637 --> 00:46:12,433 You know, I'm feeling more useless than usual, 931 00:46:12,433 --> 00:46:14,435 which is hard for a comedian. 932 00:46:14,435 --> 00:46:16,402 Yeah, it must be really hard for you. 933 00:46:16,402 --> 00:46:18,749 [laughing] 934 00:46:18,749 --> 00:46:19,889 You know what I mean. 935 00:46:19,889 --> 00:46:22,477 Yeah, I know, but, um... 936 00:46:22,477 --> 00:46:24,376 Paige and Philip are both pitching in on rent, 937 00:46:24,376 --> 00:46:26,792 and they're, like, ridiculously good at pretending 938 00:46:26,792 --> 00:46:29,450 that I'm pulling my weight as a roommate, so... 939 00:46:29,450 --> 00:46:31,210 Hm. 940 00:46:31,210 --> 00:46:32,556 I thought you, um... 941 00:46:34,627 --> 00:46:36,353 I thought you needed time alone. 942 00:46:37,458 --> 00:46:41,462 I-- I am alone. I'm-- I'm alone with them. 943 00:46:41,462 --> 00:46:43,878 Yeah, I'm sorry. That's-- I shouldn't have. 944 00:46:43,878 --> 00:46:45,949 No, it's okay. It's totally okay. 945 00:46:45,949 --> 00:46:47,882 Um... 946 00:46:47,882 --> 00:46:49,677 It's good to see you. 947 00:46:49,677 --> 00:46:50,816 Yeah. You, too. 948 00:46:52,024 --> 00:46:55,200 Oh, please. I didn't-- I'm not-- 949 00:46:55,200 --> 00:46:56,373 Please, I wasn't-- 950 00:46:56,373 --> 00:46:58,617 Sam: It's okay. It's totally fine. 951 00:46:58,617 --> 00:47:00,999 I actually was about to go home-- 952 00:47:00,999 --> 00:47:02,103 - Yeah. - anyway. 953 00:47:02,103 --> 00:47:03,622 - So I'm going to go. - Okay. 954 00:47:03,622 --> 00:47:05,175 Um, but it was really good to see you. 955 00:47:05,175 --> 00:47:06,245 - You, too. - Yeah. 956 00:47:06,245 --> 00:47:07,384 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Sam: Okay. 957 00:47:07,384 --> 00:47:12,182 ♪ Even though I know 958 00:47:12,182 --> 00:47:15,737 ♪ Hell is a crowded... ♪ 959 00:47:17,325 --> 00:47:19,086 Sam [on video]: And because it's, like, you touch hands, 960 00:47:19,086 --> 00:47:22,158 and then it reminds him that he has the power to kill you. 961 00:47:22,158 --> 00:47:23,435 [crowd laughing] 962 00:47:23,435 --> 00:47:25,230 Man: ...Bullshit is all I'm saying, Cam. 963 00:47:25,230 --> 00:47:28,198 I mean, excessive. Excessive? Come on. 964 00:47:28,198 --> 00:47:29,372 You were doing the right thing. 965 00:47:29,372 --> 00:47:30,683 Cameron: I know that. 966 00:47:30,683 --> 00:47:33,514 Oh, sorry. I was just taking out the trash. 967 00:47:33,514 --> 00:47:35,171 Yeah, that's alright. Hey. 968 00:47:35,171 --> 00:47:38,622 Uh, Sam. This is officers Gerrard and Lawrence. 969 00:47:38,622 --> 00:47:39,796 - Hi. - Hi. 970 00:47:39,796 --> 00:47:42,903 Gerrard here was just defending my honour. 971 00:47:42,903 --> 00:47:46,251 It's, uh-- It's Jim, hun, and this is Conrad. 972 00:47:46,251 --> 00:47:47,562 - Conrad. - Hi. 973 00:47:47,562 --> 00:47:49,185 Can we, uh, offer the babysitter a beer, or? 974 00:47:49,185 --> 00:47:50,911 Okay, first of all, she's an au pair. 975 00:47:50,911 --> 00:47:52,153 [chuckling] 976 00:47:52,153 --> 00:47:53,430 The less teen version of a babysitter. 977 00:47:53,430 --> 00:47:54,707 - Thank you, Cameron. - Jim: Right. 978 00:47:54,707 --> 00:47:55,674 I get it, I get it. 979 00:47:55,674 --> 00:47:56,951 It's like, uh, the thing with stewardesses. 980 00:47:56,951 --> 00:47:58,608 You can't call 'em stewardesses anymore. You gotta-- 981 00:47:58,608 --> 00:48:00,127 Conrad: Flight attendant's the correct term now. 982 00:48:00,127 --> 00:48:01,369 Jim: Flight attendant. 983 00:48:01,369 --> 00:48:03,475 And the gay dude ones are actually pretty funny. 984 00:48:03,475 --> 00:48:06,202 The Seinfelds of the sky, truly. 985 00:48:06,202 --> 00:48:07,479 Anyway, Sam doesn't want to drink beer 986 00:48:07,479 --> 00:48:08,514 with a bunch of old dudes. 987 00:48:08,514 --> 00:48:12,139 Oh, no, I mean, Conrad is young-ish. 988 00:48:12,139 --> 00:48:13,968 - Jim: Young-ish. - Thank you. 989 00:48:13,968 --> 00:48:15,452 All right. 990 00:48:15,452 --> 00:48:17,316 So, uh, what do you do with Brooke? 991 00:48:17,316 --> 00:48:19,525 You know, math homework, keep her from slipping 992 00:48:19,525 --> 00:48:21,734 into an existential crisis too early. 993 00:48:21,734 --> 00:48:23,184 - Jim: Right. - All of that good stuff. 994 00:48:23,184 --> 00:48:27,395 Yeah. Must be, uh, tough without a mom. 995 00:48:27,395 --> 00:48:28,638 Conrad: Yeah. 996 00:48:30,329 --> 00:48:32,159 Yeah, she must think you're pretty cool. 997 00:48:32,159 --> 00:48:33,815 Yeah, she loves Sam. 998 00:48:33,815 --> 00:48:37,233 Well, I mean, even you and I, with our relative youth, 999 00:48:37,233 --> 00:48:39,476 are already considered way too out of touch 1000 00:48:39,476 --> 00:48:41,237 to be cool to teens. 1001 00:48:41,237 --> 00:48:43,825 Well, Cam and I must be royally fucked. 1002 00:48:43,825 --> 00:48:45,689 - Oh, yeah. - Brooke's always giving me shit 1003 00:48:45,689 --> 00:48:47,760 for saying stuff I'm not supposed to. 1004 00:48:47,760 --> 00:48:50,763 Well, I mean, you're not supposed to say "exotic," but... 1005 00:48:50,763 --> 00:48:52,455 I don't know, Cameron's pretty funny. 1006 00:48:52,455 --> 00:48:54,664 My wife thinks he's hilarious. 1007 00:48:54,664 --> 00:48:56,217 - Sam: Really? - Conrad: Oh, yeah. 1008 00:48:56,217 --> 00:48:58,771 Cameron, what's funny about you? 1009 00:48:58,771 --> 00:49:01,774 I mean, you're not ugly, you're a straight white dude, 1010 00:49:01,774 --> 00:49:02,948 you don't stutter. 1011 00:49:02,948 --> 00:49:04,018 I get it. 1012 00:49:04,018 --> 00:49:05,364 That's a callback. 1013 00:49:05,364 --> 00:49:07,539 Yeah, that's a term in comedy where 1014 00:49:07,539 --> 00:49:08,954 an inside joke comes back around. 1015 00:49:08,954 --> 00:49:09,955 Oh, yeah. 1016 00:49:09,955 --> 00:49:12,302 Sam's a stand-up comedienne. 1017 00:49:12,302 --> 00:49:14,235 - No way. - What? 1018 00:49:14,235 --> 00:49:15,719 Like a comedian, but a girl. 1019 00:49:15,719 --> 00:49:16,720 Conrad: Right. 1020 00:49:16,720 --> 00:49:19,930 But, I thought, like, isn't comedy, like-- 1021 00:49:19,930 --> 00:49:21,001 It's hard on women, no? 1022 00:49:21,001 --> 00:49:22,519 Uh. 1023 00:49:22,519 --> 00:49:25,143 No, it's really easy. I just wear a tiny little top, 1024 00:49:25,143 --> 00:49:27,110 I get on stage, I make baby noises, 1025 00:49:27,110 --> 00:49:29,906 and then I get a million dollars, 1026 00:49:29,906 --> 00:49:32,633 and everybody in the audience goes, "Yas, queen!" 1027 00:49:32,633 --> 00:49:34,290 Okay. 1028 00:49:34,290 --> 00:49:36,223 That's a joke from one of her sets. 1029 00:49:36,223 --> 00:49:37,224 I've seen her videos. 1030 00:49:37,224 --> 00:49:38,363 You've watched-- 1031 00:49:38,363 --> 00:49:39,778 Fuck, you've watched my videos, Cameron? 1032 00:49:39,778 --> 00:49:41,400 - Conrad: What? - Sam: Which ones? 1033 00:49:41,400 --> 00:49:43,264 Conrad: Whoa, whoa, whoa. We have to see one of these. 1034 00:49:43,264 --> 00:49:44,783 - Are you on YouTube? - Yeah. Look her up. 1035 00:49:44,783 --> 00:49:46,578 Sam Cowell. YouTube. 1036 00:49:46,578 --> 00:49:48,580 - Yeah? - Conrad: Is that her? 1037 00:49:48,580 --> 00:49:50,375 - Cameron: Yup. That's her. - Oh, my God. 1038 00:49:50,375 --> 00:49:51,686 49,000 views. 1039 00:49:51,686 --> 00:49:54,172 - Conrad: Wow. - That's pretty good. 1040 00:49:54,172 --> 00:49:55,690 Conrad: Oh, my God. 1041 00:49:55,690 --> 00:49:57,485 I'm a nanny, which is the politically correct term 1042 00:49:57,485 --> 00:49:59,591 for "old babysitter." 1043 00:49:59,591 --> 00:50:01,179 Wait, you do sets at the Laugh Basket? 1044 00:50:01,179 --> 00:50:02,387 That's pretty cool. 1045 00:50:02,387 --> 00:50:05,045 Sam: No, the Basket is not cool, okay? 1046 00:50:05,045 --> 00:50:08,393 It smells like pee and the floor is always wet. 1047 00:50:08,393 --> 00:50:09,532 [Jim chuckling] 1048 00:50:09,532 --> 00:50:11,361 Teen mom or struggling actress? 1049 00:50:11,361 --> 00:50:12,431 Crowd: Aww. 1050 00:50:12,431 --> 00:50:14,261 Either way, I am rock hard, so. 1051 00:50:14,261 --> 00:50:15,365 [both laughing] 1052 00:50:15,365 --> 00:50:18,023 You're funny! You are funny. 1053 00:50:18,023 --> 00:50:19,162 [groaning] 1054 00:50:19,162 --> 00:50:20,646 This is so inappropriate, Cameron. 1055 00:50:20,646 --> 00:50:23,477 What? I had to vet you somehow. 1056 00:50:23,477 --> 00:50:26,100 You're looking after my one and only daughter. 1057 00:50:26,100 --> 00:50:27,964 I guess so. 1058 00:50:27,964 --> 00:50:31,554 My big flirty move on a date is to make the guy 1059 00:50:31,554 --> 00:50:33,521 pinky promise not to kill me. 1060 00:50:33,521 --> 00:50:34,902 - [crowd laughing] - Conrad: Yeah. 1061 00:50:34,902 --> 00:50:36,973 More stuff about men. I get it. I get it. 1062 00:50:36,973 --> 00:50:39,217 ...you touch hands and then it reminds him 1063 00:50:39,217 --> 00:50:40,804 that he has the power to kill you. 1064 00:50:40,804 --> 00:50:42,910 We should all go see her. When are you there? 1065 00:50:42,910 --> 00:50:44,360 No, please. 1066 00:50:44,360 --> 00:50:46,120 - Yeah, put us on the list. - Is there a list? 1067 00:50:46,120 --> 00:50:47,156 No! 1068 00:50:47,156 --> 00:50:49,710 [Jim and Conrad laughing] 1069 00:50:49,710 --> 00:50:53,610 Sam [on video]: It is hard to be a nanny for this generation, 1070 00:50:53,610 --> 00:50:56,544 though, because it's like, they know everything, you know? 1071 00:50:56,544 --> 00:51:00,410 It's like everything you know, they know, 1072 00:51:00,410 --> 00:51:01,860 and they know why it's wrong, 1073 00:51:01,860 --> 00:51:03,724 and they know which member of the Clinton Foundation 1074 00:51:03,724 --> 00:51:05,243 made you think that it was right. 1075 00:51:05,243 --> 00:51:07,072 [audience laughing] 1076 00:51:07,072 --> 00:51:08,108 It's like-- 1077 00:51:18,083 --> 00:51:19,084 [sighing] 1078 00:51:20,879 --> 00:51:23,502 [TV playing] 1079 00:51:23,502 --> 00:51:26,505 Woman [on TV]: Houston! Houston, come in! 1080 00:51:26,505 --> 00:51:30,233 Hey. Pay attention. This is a good movie. 1081 00:51:30,233 --> 00:51:31,959 I don't care about space. 1082 00:51:31,959 --> 00:51:35,204 You don't care about the wonder of space? 1083 00:51:35,204 --> 00:51:37,447 The ever-expanding universe? 1084 00:51:37,447 --> 00:51:38,966 Sandra Bullock? 1085 00:51:42,935 --> 00:51:44,558 Hey. 1086 00:51:44,558 --> 00:51:45,869 Are you okay? 1087 00:51:47,975 --> 00:51:49,873 Have you ever burned a photograph? 1088 00:51:49,873 --> 00:51:51,323 What? 1089 00:51:51,323 --> 00:51:54,982 Like, in a... cathartic way. 1090 00:51:54,982 --> 00:51:56,604 Um... 1091 00:51:57,674 --> 00:52:00,401 I mean, I guess. Only of exes. 1092 00:52:00,401 --> 00:52:03,163 Definitely of Dylan. Why? 1093 00:52:03,163 --> 00:52:05,924 No, I was just thinking of deleting a bunch of photos 1094 00:52:05,924 --> 00:52:06,994 off my phone. 1095 00:52:08,306 --> 00:52:10,170 But you don't have any ex anythings. 1096 00:52:12,931 --> 00:52:14,208 Brooke. 1097 00:52:14,208 --> 00:52:15,934 - N-- - No! 1098 00:52:17,349 --> 00:52:19,524 You're going to want those. 1099 00:52:25,357 --> 00:52:28,360 I just-- I-- You know, I see her 1100 00:52:28,360 --> 00:52:30,638 every time I try to take a new picture 1101 00:52:30,638 --> 00:52:32,813 because my phone has this-- this-- 1102 00:52:32,813 --> 00:52:34,849 this feature where, you know, it-- 1103 00:52:34,849 --> 00:52:36,437 it gathers up photos based on faces, 1104 00:52:36,437 --> 00:52:39,578 and just, like, displays them in an album. 1105 00:52:39,578 --> 00:52:42,754 And it... [sighing] 1106 00:52:42,754 --> 00:52:44,928 I know, and the feature is horrible, 1107 00:52:44,928 --> 00:52:48,208 and it adds songs, it's not good. 1108 00:52:49,278 --> 00:52:50,589 But... 1109 00:52:50,589 --> 00:52:52,522 it's going to hurt a lot more later 1110 00:52:52,522 --> 00:52:54,628 if you don't have anything to remember her by. 1111 00:52:55,974 --> 00:52:58,148 I was just thinking about it. 1112 00:52:58,148 --> 00:52:59,736 Okay, well, 1113 00:52:59,736 --> 00:53:02,739 maybe just do an iCloud backup 1114 00:53:02,739 --> 00:53:05,742 in case you're thinking of doing anything rash. 1115 00:53:05,742 --> 00:53:08,573 I'm surprised you know anything about backups. 1116 00:53:09,436 --> 00:53:12,473 Okay. Wow. I'm not that old. 1117 00:53:12,473 --> 00:53:14,613 P.S. I'm surprised the cloud can even 1118 00:53:14,613 --> 00:53:16,581 store the number of selfies you take. 1119 00:53:16,581 --> 00:53:19,791 Although, the poses are spectacular. 1120 00:53:19,791 --> 00:53:23,035 I'm-- I'm going to borrow this and this. The tilt? 1121 00:53:23,035 --> 00:53:25,555 Okay, you're all set. 1122 00:53:33,287 --> 00:53:34,564 So, what's this movie about? 1123 00:53:34,564 --> 00:53:37,705 I told you. Sandra Bullock. 1124 00:53:37,705 --> 00:53:41,088 It's good. It's a lot of strings. 1125 00:53:41,088 --> 00:53:42,745 They break, they tangle. 1126 00:53:42,745 --> 00:53:45,851 Then the strings are going to save someone. 1127 00:53:47,991 --> 00:53:49,924 [sighing] 1128 00:53:55,965 --> 00:53:57,932 [sighing] 1129 00:53:57,932 --> 00:54:07,977 ♪ 1130 00:54:22,060 --> 00:54:26,236 ♪ 1131 00:54:26,236 --> 00:54:27,514 [sirens wailing] 1132 00:54:27,514 --> 00:54:37,765 ♪ 1133 00:54:42,356 --> 00:54:52,332 ♪ 1134 00:55:01,341 --> 00:55:11,351 ♪ 1135 00:55:15,562 --> 00:55:24,225 ♪ 1136 00:55:24,225 --> 00:55:25,365 [sniffling] 1137 00:55:25,365 --> 00:55:35,375 ♪ 1138 00:55:44,107 --> 00:55:45,419 [sighing] 1139 00:55:48,629 --> 00:55:54,773 ♪ 1140 00:55:54,773 --> 00:55:57,431 [whispering] Brooke. Brooke, Brooke-- 1141 00:55:57,431 --> 00:55:58,674 What? What? What? What is it? 1142 00:55:58,674 --> 00:55:59,882 You need to get up. 1143 00:55:59,882 --> 00:56:00,952 - Wh-- - You need to get up now. 1144 00:56:00,952 --> 00:56:02,643 What happened to your head? 1145 00:56:02,643 --> 00:56:04,783 I, um... 1146 00:56:04,783 --> 00:56:05,922 I tripped. 1147 00:56:05,922 --> 00:56:07,061 What? 1148 00:56:07,061 --> 00:56:08,753 The carbon monoxide monitors are going off. 1149 00:56:08,753 --> 00:56:09,754 We have to leave now. 1150 00:56:09,754 --> 00:56:11,445 What about my dad? Why-- 1151 00:56:11,445 --> 00:56:13,585 He's fine. He left. 1152 00:56:13,585 --> 00:56:15,035 I turned them off, we have to go. 1153 00:56:15,035 --> 00:56:16,381 Fine. Fine. 1154 00:56:16,381 --> 00:56:20,454 ♪ 1155 00:56:20,454 --> 00:56:22,007 Sam: [whispering] No, no, no. We don't have time. 1156 00:56:22,007 --> 00:56:23,595 - Leave Sammity. - He's going to die, okay? 1157 00:56:23,595 --> 00:56:26,322 It'll affect his small rabbit lungs first. 1158 00:56:26,322 --> 00:56:27,496 - Okay, fine. - Fine. 1159 00:56:27,496 --> 00:56:29,049 Just you get the door. 1160 00:56:29,049 --> 00:56:30,878 - Okay. - Be really quiet. 1161 00:56:30,878 --> 00:56:32,397 Why should I be quiet? What is going on? 1162 00:56:32,397 --> 00:56:35,296 Sam: Because-- So I can hear the monitors. Just-- 1163 00:56:35,296 --> 00:56:36,297 Brooke: What?! 1164 00:56:36,297 --> 00:56:38,023 Be careful with Sammity. 1165 00:56:39,784 --> 00:56:43,166 Sam: Okay. Here, take this. 1166 00:56:43,166 --> 00:56:44,098 Brooke: Okay. 1167 00:56:44,098 --> 00:56:45,237 Sam: Are those your dad's keys? 1168 00:56:45,237 --> 00:56:47,550 - Brooke: Yes. - Okay, let's go. 1169 00:56:47,550 --> 00:56:48,827 Quiet. 1170 00:56:49,690 --> 00:56:51,451 - Get in the front seat. - Brooke: Okay! 1171 00:56:54,592 --> 00:56:56,352 [engine starting] 1172 00:56:56,352 --> 00:56:57,457 Just get-- Get in. 1173 00:56:57,457 --> 00:56:58,699 I'm doing that! 1174 00:56:58,699 --> 00:57:00,218 How do I open the garage? 1175 00:57:00,218 --> 00:57:01,012 Just here. 1176 00:57:01,012 --> 00:57:02,634 - This thing? - Yes. 1177 00:57:02,634 --> 00:57:03,842 Put on your seatbelt. 1178 00:57:03,842 --> 00:57:05,810 [tires squealing] 1179 00:57:06,983 --> 00:57:10,746 Sam. Sam, it's okay, all right? We all got out. It's okay. 1180 00:57:10,746 --> 00:57:11,747 It's o-- Can you pull over? 1181 00:57:11,747 --> 00:57:12,955 - I know, yeah. - Can you pull over? 1182 00:57:12,955 --> 00:57:14,370 Can you just pull over? 1183 00:57:14,370 --> 00:57:16,717 Can we call my dad? 1184 00:57:16,717 --> 00:57:17,718 Stop! 1185 00:57:17,718 --> 00:57:18,719 Okay. 1186 00:57:18,719 --> 00:57:20,721 [panting] 1187 00:57:20,721 --> 00:57:23,586 I'm going to-- I'm going to call the-- 1188 00:57:23,586 --> 00:57:26,175 I'm going to call the fire department. 1189 00:57:26,175 --> 00:57:27,245 Okay. 1190 00:57:29,040 --> 00:57:30,559 Where's my phone? I need my phone. 1191 00:57:30,559 --> 00:57:32,457 Here. It's here. It's fine. 1192 00:57:32,457 --> 00:57:34,494 [panting] 1193 00:57:35,909 --> 00:57:37,566 What are you doing? Stay in the car, Brooke. 1194 00:57:37,566 --> 00:57:39,015 You could be hurt, okay? 1195 00:57:39,015 --> 00:57:40,879 Carbon monoxide is very complicated. 1196 00:57:40,879 --> 00:57:42,225 I'm fine, Sam. 1197 00:57:42,225 --> 00:57:44,918 Just stay in the car, okay?! 1198 00:57:48,542 --> 00:57:52,546 [panting] 1199 00:57:52,546 --> 00:57:54,479 [whispering] Okay. 1200 00:57:54,479 --> 00:57:56,516 [phone line ringing] 1201 00:58:02,073 --> 00:58:12,083 ♪ 1202 00:58:13,843 --> 00:58:17,329 [sirens wailing in distance] 1203 00:58:17,329 --> 00:58:27,374 ♪ 1204 00:58:40,629 --> 00:58:42,009 Please let me in. Just let me in! 1205 00:58:42,009 --> 00:58:43,701 I just want to be in with her, please! 1206 00:58:43,701 --> 00:58:45,461 Let me in! Let me in! 1207 00:59:25,846 --> 00:59:30,299 [sighing] 1208 00:59:30,299 --> 00:59:32,473 Woman: How are you feeling, Samantha? 1209 00:59:33,958 --> 00:59:36,926 Um... Is Brooke okay? 1210 00:59:36,926 --> 00:59:39,515 She's here at the hospital. She's physically fine. 1211 00:59:39,515 --> 00:59:41,241 Her aunt's on the way. 1212 00:59:44,209 --> 00:59:45,210 And... 1213 00:59:47,109 --> 00:59:48,835 This is what you want to file? 1214 00:59:48,835 --> 00:59:52,942 [monitor beeping] 1215 00:59:54,392 --> 00:59:56,221 Sam. Sam! Sam! What's going on? Are you okay? 1216 00:59:56,221 --> 00:59:58,638 What's going on? No, Sam. What did you say? 1217 00:59:58,638 --> 01:00:00,709 What-- What's happening? Sam! 1218 01:00:00,709 --> 01:00:03,573 What's going on, Sam?! 1219 01:00:03,573 --> 01:00:05,023 [shouting indistinctly] 1220 01:00:05,023 --> 01:00:07,267 [monitor beeping louder] 1221 01:00:07,267 --> 01:00:10,442 Can you please get the fuck out of my room? 1222 01:00:10,442 --> 01:00:16,621 ♪ 1223 01:00:16,621 --> 01:00:17,622 [exhaling] 1224 01:00:17,622 --> 01:00:19,659 [beeping] 1225 01:00:19,659 --> 01:00:23,663 [crying] 1226 01:00:25,423 --> 01:00:31,015 ♪ 1227 01:00:31,015 --> 01:00:32,085 [sighing] 1228 01:00:32,085 --> 01:00:34,294 Philip: Dude, it's so exciting! 1229 01:00:34,294 --> 01:00:35,329 Paige: Yes! 1230 01:00:35,329 --> 01:00:37,331 Sam! Paige's green card got approved! 1231 01:00:37,331 --> 01:00:40,645 Paige: LA, baby! Oh, what? 1232 01:00:40,645 --> 01:00:42,716 What's wrong? 1233 01:00:42,716 --> 01:00:45,201 Paige: What's going on? 1234 01:00:45,201 --> 01:00:47,894 Hi, sad on the floor. What's going on? 1235 01:00:47,894 --> 01:00:49,309 Paige: What's happening? 1236 01:00:49,309 --> 01:00:53,140 What is this... Lisa Frank monstrosity? 1237 01:00:53,140 --> 01:00:55,384 And why does it smell like a half-smoked cigarette? 1238 01:00:55,384 --> 01:00:57,973 It's Brooke's. 1239 01:00:57,973 --> 01:00:59,975 How would you get-- 1240 01:00:59,975 --> 01:01:02,184 I found it. I went back to the house. 1241 01:01:02,184 --> 01:01:04,704 She's been staying there. 1242 01:01:04,704 --> 01:01:06,809 No, you went back there? 1243 01:01:06,809 --> 01:01:08,328 That is way too big a trigger. 1244 01:01:08,328 --> 01:01:10,882 Dude, you need to drop this 1245 01:01:10,882 --> 01:01:12,332 and start taking care of yourself. 1246 01:01:12,332 --> 01:01:14,196 I'm trying to take care of myself, okay? 1247 01:01:14,196 --> 01:01:16,577 I know that I'm a huge fucking burden. 1248 01:01:20,996 --> 01:01:22,204 I knew it. Just say it! 1249 01:01:22,204 --> 01:01:24,344 My PTSD is a huge fucking burden. 1250 01:01:24,344 --> 01:01:26,587 For fuck's sake. It's not that. 1251 01:01:28,797 --> 01:01:29,763 What? 1252 01:01:29,763 --> 01:01:30,799 Do-- Say something. 1253 01:01:30,799 --> 01:01:32,766 I mean... 1254 01:01:32,766 --> 01:01:36,045 Does it suck that we can't invite people over here? Yeah. 1255 01:01:36,045 --> 01:01:38,634 You know, does it-- 1256 01:01:38,634 --> 01:01:41,119 does it suck that you still haven't met Ravi 1257 01:01:41,119 --> 01:01:42,983 and we've been dating for five months. 1258 01:01:42,983 --> 01:01:44,813 And we always have to stay at his place, 1259 01:01:44,813 --> 01:01:45,883 and he has the worst sheets. 1260 01:01:45,883 --> 01:01:47,781 Yes, that sucks. 1261 01:01:47,781 --> 01:01:49,093 But, dude, it's fine. 1262 01:01:49,093 --> 01:01:50,888 It's not fine. I'm annoying. 1263 01:01:50,888 --> 01:01:52,924 Sam, you have always been annoying 1264 01:01:52,924 --> 01:01:55,202 and we have always loved you. 1265 01:01:55,202 --> 01:01:58,136 Just, you know, let's-- Let's just drop it. 1266 01:01:58,136 --> 01:02:00,207 I'm trying, okay? I'm doing my therapy. 1267 01:02:00,207 --> 01:02:03,107 It's just imaginal exposures don't always work. 1268 01:02:06,213 --> 01:02:09,251 Maybe she does need to be trying the in vitro exposure. 1269 01:02:09,251 --> 01:02:11,149 No. What? It's in vivo. 1270 01:02:11,149 --> 01:02:12,841 I'm not a child, okay? 1271 01:02:12,841 --> 01:02:15,222 So, please stop treating me like one. 1272 01:02:15,222 --> 01:02:17,604 And I'm sorry, Paige, that you got good news 1273 01:02:17,604 --> 01:02:18,950 and I ruined your night. 1274 01:02:18,950 --> 01:02:20,918 Okay, you're not a child, 1275 01:02:20,918 --> 01:02:24,818 but you are... a daughter and a friend 1276 01:02:24,818 --> 01:02:27,131 - and a girlfriend. - Paige, don't-- 1277 01:02:27,131 --> 01:02:30,065 No! And we all want those Sams 1278 01:02:30,065 --> 01:02:32,136 to-- to drop the Brooke thing 1279 01:02:32,136 --> 01:02:34,379 so that we can get those Sams back, please! 1280 01:02:34,379 --> 01:02:36,312 I'm not a girlfriend, okay? 1281 01:02:36,312 --> 01:02:39,419 I'm not a girlfriend, and I'm barely a friend. 1282 01:02:39,419 --> 01:02:41,352 I'm not contributing anything to this friendship 1283 01:02:41,352 --> 01:02:43,699 or to society or to anyone. 1284 01:02:43,699 --> 01:02:46,288 So, just stop being so fucking nice to me! 1285 01:02:47,772 --> 01:02:48,773 [sighing] 1286 01:02:53,882 --> 01:02:56,781 [sniffling, sighing] 1287 01:02:58,024 --> 01:03:00,958 Okay, well, if you want, 1288 01:03:00,958 --> 01:03:03,167 you could start paying full rent again? 1289 01:03:04,962 --> 01:03:06,653 Okay, well, I can't do that. 1290 01:03:06,653 --> 01:03:09,345 It's obviously cool. I was just... 1291 01:03:11,796 --> 01:03:15,386 Sam: [inhaling] I'm sorry. 1292 01:03:15,386 --> 01:03:19,079 I just can't stop thinking about how much Brooke hates me 1293 01:03:19,079 --> 01:03:21,771 and, like, what if something's actually wrong 1294 01:03:21,771 --> 01:03:25,810 and then she, like, dies thinking I ruined her life? 1295 01:03:28,088 --> 01:03:30,677 She's not dying, okay? 1296 01:03:30,677 --> 01:03:33,611 She's still bullying us on Twitter. 1297 01:03:34,646 --> 01:03:36,441 Okay. 1298 01:03:36,441 --> 01:03:39,065 But, I really think you should get in touch with Noah, 1299 01:03:39,065 --> 01:03:41,377 because he knows this whole situation, 1300 01:03:41,377 --> 01:03:44,484 and this is just so much for Philip and I. 1301 01:03:45,657 --> 01:03:47,245 I agree with Paige. 1302 01:03:47,245 --> 01:03:50,179 I mean, he's a really good listener. 1303 01:03:50,179 --> 01:03:52,457 Actually, more than either of you, but-- 1304 01:03:52,457 --> 01:03:54,770 Okay, Sam, just either, like, reach out to Noah, 1305 01:03:54,770 --> 01:03:56,668 or come to the all women's ayahuasca retreat 1306 01:03:56,668 --> 01:04:00,845 I keep talking about, but this has just got to stop. 1307 01:04:02,778 --> 01:04:03,779 And, you know... 1308 01:04:04,953 --> 01:04:05,954 ...maybe next time you're out 1309 01:04:05,954 --> 01:04:07,610 you just grab some toilet paper. 1310 01:04:10,510 --> 01:04:11,891 Okay. 1311 01:04:11,891 --> 01:04:15,032 ["Handle Me" by Muna playing] ♪ Who taught you that 1312 01:04:15,032 --> 01:04:17,413 ♪ If you get a good thing ♪ 1313 01:04:17,413 --> 01:04:19,139 ♪ You better not touch it too much? ♪ 1314 01:04:19,139 --> 01:04:20,692 [knocking] Hey. 1315 01:04:20,692 --> 01:04:22,522 Can I come in? 1316 01:04:23,592 --> 01:04:24,420 Yeah. 1317 01:04:24,420 --> 01:04:25,801 ♪ Who told you that 1318 01:04:25,801 --> 01:04:28,183 ♪ You've got to keep your hands clean ♪ 1319 01:04:28,183 --> 01:04:30,323 ♪ Or you're going to mess it all up? ♪ 1320 01:04:30,323 --> 01:04:32,877 Can I get in the bed with you? 1321 01:04:32,877 --> 01:04:34,396 Yeah, sure. 1322 01:04:37,088 --> 01:04:38,469 I'm glad you texted. 1323 01:04:38,469 --> 01:04:42,197 ♪ I am rough around the edge ♪ 1324 01:04:42,197 --> 01:04:46,995 ♪ I am not a flower petal ♪ 1325 01:04:48,168 --> 01:04:52,379 ♪ You can handle me 1326 01:04:53,449 --> 01:04:55,589 Are-- Are you okay? 1327 01:04:55,589 --> 01:04:56,659 Yeah. 1328 01:04:56,659 --> 01:04:57,971 Yeah? 1329 01:04:57,971 --> 01:04:59,283 Yeah, I'm fine. 1330 01:04:59,283 --> 01:05:01,975 Paige kind of made it sound like 1331 01:05:01,975 --> 01:05:04,081 you weren't doing so good. 1332 01:05:04,081 --> 01:05:06,324 Not that she told me much. 1333 01:05:06,324 --> 01:05:07,532 I don't-- I don't wanna-- 1334 01:05:07,532 --> 01:05:08,878 I mean, I'm here if you wanna talk. 1335 01:05:08,878 --> 01:05:10,501 I could just listen to you-- 1336 01:05:17,646 --> 01:05:18,854 [unzipping] 1337 01:05:18,854 --> 01:05:20,649 What are you doing? Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1338 01:05:20,649 --> 01:05:23,997 Are you sure about this? Hold on a second. Sam, wait-- 1339 01:05:23,997 --> 01:05:25,205 Just-- Just be quiet, okay? 1340 01:05:25,205 --> 01:05:27,276 It's fine. Just let me-- 1341 01:05:27,276 --> 01:05:29,175 Noah: Okay. 1342 01:05:29,175 --> 01:05:30,314 Okay, yeah. Yeah. 1343 01:05:30,314 --> 01:05:32,557 [sighing] 1344 01:05:32,557 --> 01:05:34,352 Holy shit. 1345 01:05:34,352 --> 01:05:36,630 ♪ If you love someone 1346 01:05:36,630 --> 01:05:38,978 ♪ It's best to just leave them alone ♪ 1347 01:05:41,256 --> 01:05:42,602 That was, uh... 1348 01:05:44,811 --> 01:05:46,813 Are you okay? 1349 01:05:46,813 --> 01:05:48,194 Yeah. 1350 01:05:48,194 --> 01:05:49,678 Totally. 1351 01:05:49,678 --> 01:05:50,713 I'm fine. 1352 01:05:52,888 --> 01:06:00,413 ♪ 1353 01:06:00,413 --> 01:06:02,725 MC: Now, you guys are probably here to see 1354 01:06:02,725 --> 01:06:05,038 everybody's favourite skinny, rich, white girl. 1355 01:06:05,038 --> 01:06:06,833 Sam Cowell! 1356 01:06:06,833 --> 01:06:08,697 Sam: I do have to be nice to the guys. 1357 01:06:08,697 --> 01:06:10,561 I'm going to be nice to the guys. 1358 01:06:10,561 --> 01:06:12,114 Somebody had to come backstage, like, 1359 01:06:12,114 --> 01:06:15,014 "Be nice to the guys." 1360 01:06:15,014 --> 01:06:16,049 [audience laughing] 1361 01:06:16,049 --> 01:06:17,292 Sam: Thank you guys so much! 1362 01:06:17,292 --> 01:06:19,501 [audience cheering] 1363 01:06:20,398 --> 01:06:22,090 ["Number One Fan" by Muna playing] 1364 01:06:22,090 --> 01:06:24,057 ♪ So, I heard the bad news ♪ 1365 01:06:24,057 --> 01:06:26,059 [people chatting] 1366 01:06:26,059 --> 01:06:28,234 ♪ Nobody likes me 1367 01:06:28,234 --> 01:06:30,098 ♪ And I'm gonna die alone 1368 01:06:30,098 --> 01:06:32,272 ♪ In my bedroom 1369 01:06:32,272 --> 01:06:33,756 [people chatting] 1370 01:06:33,756 --> 01:06:38,002 ♪ Looking at strangers on my telephone ♪ 1371 01:06:39,521 --> 01:06:41,419 Hey, guys. Good to see you. 1372 01:06:41,419 --> 01:06:43,249 Philip: Oh, yeah. No, that's crazy. 1373 01:06:43,249 --> 01:06:45,803 I've never climbed Kilimanjaro. 1374 01:06:45,803 --> 01:06:47,080 All: Hey. 1375 01:06:47,080 --> 01:06:48,771 Hi. Good to see you. 1376 01:06:49,979 --> 01:06:51,050 Okay. 1377 01:06:52,120 --> 01:06:53,155 I showered. 1378 01:06:53,155 --> 01:06:54,915 Dude, you look hot. 1379 01:06:54,915 --> 01:06:57,021 Thank you. It's killing me to be here, 1380 01:06:57,021 --> 01:06:58,781 but I do look hot. 1381 01:06:58,781 --> 01:06:59,748 You do! 1382 01:06:59,748 --> 01:07:01,301 You're not going to, like, ruin the party, 1383 01:07:01,301 --> 01:07:02,889 and jump off the roof or anything. 1384 01:07:02,889 --> 01:07:04,063 Oh, my God. No. 1385 01:07:04,063 --> 01:07:06,755 I would never ruin Paige's green card approval party 1386 01:07:06,755 --> 01:07:09,344 by jumping off the roof tonight. 1387 01:07:09,344 --> 01:07:10,586 Have you seen Paige yet? 1388 01:07:11,656 --> 01:07:13,900 I mean, you cannot miss her. 1389 01:07:13,900 --> 01:07:17,006 I'm gay, I'm a genie, and I'll grant you a wish! 1390 01:07:20,182 --> 01:07:21,908 I am really happy for her, though. 1391 01:07:21,908 --> 01:07:23,151 She-- She deserves this. 1392 01:07:23,151 --> 01:07:25,118 [snorting] 1393 01:07:25,118 --> 01:07:28,156 Yeah, you sound so happy 1394 01:07:28,156 --> 01:07:30,019 and not bummed or jealous at all. 1395 01:07:30,019 --> 01:07:33,368 But I'm really glad you left the house. 1396 01:07:33,368 --> 01:07:34,610 And I'm actually even glad that 1397 01:07:34,610 --> 01:07:36,129 you bought all the American flag stuff, 1398 01:07:36,129 --> 01:07:37,613 - even though it is-- - Thank you. 1399 01:07:37,613 --> 01:07:38,925 extremely American. 1400 01:07:38,925 --> 01:07:41,652 So American. 1401 01:07:41,652 --> 01:07:44,724 Yeah, so, now we just need to get you back on stage. 1402 01:07:44,724 --> 01:07:46,691 You wanna help me pick a new stage name? 1403 01:07:46,691 --> 01:07:49,970 What? Sam Cowell's an incredible name. 1404 01:07:49,970 --> 01:07:53,664 Plus, you're probably the first Google search result now, so. 1405 01:07:53,664 --> 01:07:57,357 Wow. Okay, fine. I'm going to say it. 1406 01:07:57,357 --> 01:07:58,910 I did it for attention. 1407 01:07:58,910 --> 01:08:01,223 [laughs] Sam! 1408 01:08:01,223 --> 01:08:04,330 You shouldn't be joking about search engine optimization. 1409 01:08:04,330 --> 01:08:07,264 Yeah, you're right. No. That's too far. 1410 01:08:07,264 --> 01:08:09,369 - It's too far. - That's the line. 1411 01:08:09,369 --> 01:08:10,922 Some things we shouldn't joke about. 1412 01:08:10,922 --> 01:08:11,820 No more. 1413 01:08:11,820 --> 01:08:13,304 I'm gonna get a drink. Do you want one? 1414 01:08:13,304 --> 01:08:14,305 - I need one. - Okay, yeah. 1415 01:08:14,305 --> 01:08:15,341 I have to have one. 1416 01:08:15,341 --> 01:08:16,514 Okay, well, I'll get you one. 1417 01:08:16,514 --> 01:08:18,240 - Thank you. - Mm-hm. 1418 01:08:18,240 --> 01:08:28,492 ♪ 1419 01:08:30,701 --> 01:08:34,532 Jill: Did she ever say anything to you about a Nathan? 1420 01:08:34,532 --> 01:08:36,638 [laughing, sound distorting] 1421 01:08:37,811 --> 01:08:41,746 ♪ 1422 01:08:41,746 --> 01:08:43,541 Sam: [groaning] My God. 1423 01:08:43,541 --> 01:08:45,992 Parties were not like this when we were in junior high. 1424 01:08:45,992 --> 01:08:49,823 They were in, like, basements or 7/11 parking lots. 1425 01:08:49,823 --> 01:08:51,860 She told me this was a sleepover. 1426 01:08:51,860 --> 01:08:53,724 - Where is she? - Is that her right there? 1427 01:08:53,724 --> 01:08:56,796 - Noah: There you go. - Sam: Brooke! 1428 01:08:56,796 --> 01:08:58,867 Brooke: [giggling] Hi. 1429 01:08:58,867 --> 01:09:00,662 Are you drunk? 1430 01:09:00,662 --> 01:09:02,250 It's just a birthday party. 1431 01:09:02,250 --> 01:09:04,700 Okay, let's get this on. 1432 01:09:04,700 --> 01:09:06,323 No, no. No, no, no. 1433 01:09:06,323 --> 01:09:07,979 - Hi. - Hi! 1434 01:09:07,979 --> 01:09:11,983 Um, Brooke owes me and Nathan $30 for the Smirnoff Ice. 1435 01:09:11,983 --> 01:09:13,778 - Both: Thirty dollars? - That's insane. 1436 01:09:13,778 --> 01:09:15,435 Mm. 1437 01:09:15,435 --> 01:09:17,023 Okay, yeah. Um, do you have that? Sorry. 1438 01:09:17,023 --> 01:09:19,681 Yeah, sure. I'd like to give you my last $20. 1439 01:09:19,681 --> 01:09:21,130 There you go. Enjoy. 1440 01:09:21,130 --> 01:09:22,546 No. No. It's $30. 1441 01:09:22,546 --> 01:09:23,995 I'm not an ATM. Yeah. 1442 01:09:23,995 --> 01:09:26,066 Where did you guys get all this alcohol? 1443 01:09:26,066 --> 01:09:29,277 There's-- Everyone here has an older boyfriend-- 1444 01:09:29,277 --> 01:09:31,520 or you know something. I don't-- 1445 01:09:31,520 --> 01:09:33,315 - I don't want to leave. - Noah: Oh, okay. 1446 01:09:33,315 --> 01:09:35,144 We are going to go to Niagara Falls. 1447 01:09:35,144 --> 01:09:36,974 - Noah: Yeah, we sure are. - We're going home. 1448 01:09:36,974 --> 01:09:38,424 Noah: Let's go for it. It'll be fun. 1449 01:09:38,424 --> 01:09:39,701 ["Skeletons" by W. Darling playing] 1450 01:09:39,701 --> 01:09:40,978 ♪--mountains in roller skates ♪ 1451 01:09:40,978 --> 01:09:43,601 ♪ I'm reckless, and careless ♪ 1452 01:09:43,601 --> 01:09:45,500 ♪ Bloody knees in my jeans 1453 01:09:45,500 --> 01:09:47,950 ♪ And my sundress is so delicate ♪ 1454 01:09:49,538 --> 01:09:51,747 ♪ Oh, skeletons 1455 01:09:54,440 --> 01:09:57,236 ♪ Oh we're skeletons 1456 01:09:58,340 --> 01:09:59,997 Phew. I miss this view. 1457 01:10:02,724 --> 01:10:05,520 Yeah, we're really lucky. 1458 01:10:05,520 --> 01:10:07,660 ♪ Oh, skeletons 1459 01:10:07,660 --> 01:10:09,075 I missed you. 1460 01:10:12,941 --> 01:10:14,253 Sam: Oh. 1461 01:10:16,324 --> 01:10:17,532 Oh, fuck. 1462 01:10:17,532 --> 01:10:18,533 Noah. 1463 01:10:18,533 --> 01:10:19,913 Oh, please. Sam, no-- That-- 1464 01:10:19,913 --> 01:10:23,641 No. No, I-- I thought we were making progress. 1465 01:10:23,641 --> 01:10:25,678 We? I mean-- 1466 01:10:25,678 --> 01:10:27,300 You and I just slept together. 1467 01:10:27,300 --> 01:10:28,612 Yeah. 1468 01:10:30,096 --> 01:10:33,099 What, so you're saying there's no glimmer of "we" anymore? 1469 01:10:34,169 --> 01:10:36,447 I mean, there's barely a me right now. 1470 01:10:36,447 --> 01:10:37,828 Yeah, yeah. Okay. 1471 01:10:37,828 --> 01:10:40,693 Uh, well, do you think there would be a you 1472 01:10:40,693 --> 01:10:42,246 to care about at some point? 1473 01:10:42,246 --> 01:10:43,661 What? 1474 01:10:43,661 --> 01:10:44,835 I don't know. I'm just-- I'm-- 1475 01:10:44,835 --> 01:10:46,285 The pronouns are confusing me here. 1476 01:10:46,285 --> 01:10:48,459 You-- I-- 1477 01:10:48,459 --> 01:10:50,427 Everyone needs we's in their life. 1478 01:10:50,427 --> 01:10:53,533 Fuck, Noah. This is just so not about you-- 1479 01:10:53,533 --> 01:10:54,810 - No, I know. - or us. 1480 01:10:54,810 --> 01:10:56,467 I know I don't exist in this, okay? 1481 01:10:56,467 --> 01:10:58,297 I'm just-- I'm just the ex-boyfriend. 1482 01:10:58,297 --> 01:10:59,953 I... [sighing] 1483 01:10:59,953 --> 01:11:01,196 I just wish... 1484 01:11:02,508 --> 01:11:05,338 What? What do you wish? 1485 01:11:05,338 --> 01:11:07,892 I wish I could have been there. 1486 01:11:07,892 --> 01:11:12,414 I know, but you weren't, and that's okay. 1487 01:11:12,414 --> 01:11:14,865 That's-- That's why I was trying to be there after. 1488 01:11:17,730 --> 01:11:19,490 But how, Noah? 1489 01:11:19,490 --> 01:11:21,906 You know? 1490 01:11:21,906 --> 01:11:24,944 By getting in fights on Twitter with trolls? 1491 01:11:24,944 --> 01:11:28,913 By asking me, like, just why would he think that? 1492 01:11:28,913 --> 01:11:30,777 Okay, I will regret that fucking question 1493 01:11:30,777 --> 01:11:32,365 for the rest of my stupid life. 1494 01:11:32,365 --> 01:11:35,023 I just can't be around you, okay? 1495 01:11:36,473 --> 01:11:37,922 It just makes me feel like shit to be 1496 01:11:37,922 --> 01:11:39,786 around the people who were there. 1497 01:11:42,271 --> 01:11:44,135 But you can go looking around for Brooke? 1498 01:11:47,898 --> 01:11:48,899 Yeah. 1499 01:11:50,487 --> 01:11:52,385 I guess that I can, 1500 01:11:52,385 --> 01:11:55,077 because Brooke is, like... 1501 01:11:55,077 --> 01:11:56,976 the one person who doesn't pity me. 1502 01:11:57,770 --> 01:11:59,392 She hates me. 1503 01:12:00,428 --> 01:12:02,257 It's refreshing. 1504 01:12:03,569 --> 01:12:05,778 I am gonna go check on the ice. 1505 01:12:05,778 --> 01:12:07,780 You don't care about ice. 1506 01:12:07,780 --> 01:12:09,264 Sam: I do. 1507 01:12:09,264 --> 01:12:13,061 I care deeply about the ice right now, Noah. 1508 01:12:13,061 --> 01:12:14,683 I'm sorry. 1509 01:12:14,683 --> 01:12:16,409 ["Late Bloomer" by Allison Ponthier playing] 1510 01:12:16,409 --> 01:12:19,412 ♪ Late bloomer 1511 01:12:19,412 --> 01:12:20,896 [sighing] 1512 01:12:20,896 --> 01:12:23,968 ♪ I'm not afraid of you anymore ♪ 1513 01:12:23,968 --> 01:12:26,454 ♪ Late bloomer, now that I'm awake ♪ 1514 01:12:26,454 --> 01:12:28,594 ♪ It was worth the wait 1515 01:12:28,594 --> 01:12:33,012 ♪ Late bloomer 1516 01:12:33,012 --> 01:12:36,256 ♪ I'm not afraid of you anymore ♪ 1517 01:12:36,256 --> 01:12:38,362 ♪ Late bloomer, now that I'm awake ♪ 1518 01:12:38,362 --> 01:12:39,743 ♪ It was worth the wait 1519 01:12:39,743 --> 01:12:41,607 - [phone line ringing] - Nathan: Who's this? 1520 01:12:41,607 --> 01:12:44,230 Hi, this is Tiff. 1521 01:12:44,230 --> 01:12:45,818 Uh, or... 1522 01:12:45,818 --> 01:12:46,819 Nathan: Tiffer? 1523 01:12:46,819 --> 01:12:49,442 Yes, no. Um, this-- It's Tiffany. 1524 01:12:49,442 --> 01:12:51,202 Um, Brooke's friend from school. 1525 01:12:52,238 --> 01:12:53,791 Nathan: What do you want with her? 1526 01:12:55,414 --> 01:12:58,002 Uh, no. Um... 1527 01:12:58,002 --> 01:13:00,798 That's not why I'm calling, um... 1528 01:13:00,798 --> 01:13:01,903 I was wondering if I could-- 1529 01:13:01,903 --> 01:13:03,456 Nathan: Whoa, not on the phone. 1530 01:13:03,456 --> 01:13:06,425 Okay, look, if you want to buy, you just gotta come by, okay? 1531 01:13:06,425 --> 01:13:08,737 - Come by the trap. - What? 1532 01:13:08,737 --> 01:13:10,636 Nathan: The greenhouse behind the convenience store 1533 01:13:10,636 --> 01:13:12,534 on Main Street. 1534 01:13:12,534 --> 01:13:14,916 Yo, are you calling from the city? 1535 01:13:14,916 --> 01:13:16,952 You sound kinda old, you know. 1536 01:13:16,952 --> 01:13:20,439 Uh, no. I'm in Niagara, too. 1537 01:13:20,439 --> 01:13:22,820 This is my friend's phone, um, 1538 01:13:22,820 --> 01:13:25,547 and I just smoke a lot. 1539 01:13:25,547 --> 01:13:27,169 Nathan: All right, all right. 1540 01:13:27,169 --> 01:13:28,585 Come by in, like, an hour, okay? 1541 01:13:28,585 --> 01:13:31,829 Peace... Out. 1542 01:13:31,829 --> 01:13:34,694 ♪ Late bloomer 1543 01:13:34,694 --> 01:13:38,836 ♪ I'm not afraid of you anymore ♪ 1544 01:13:38,836 --> 01:13:41,183 I can't believe you know where she is. 1545 01:13:41,183 --> 01:13:43,185 And, I'm sorry, but who's named Tiffany anymore? 1546 01:13:43,185 --> 01:13:44,808 I don't know, I just panicked. 1547 01:13:44,808 --> 01:13:46,672 Philip: Well, I'm packing you apples. 1548 01:13:46,672 --> 01:13:48,915 Okay, and you're sober enough to drive? 1549 01:13:48,915 --> 01:13:50,503 Yes, I only had one beer. 1550 01:13:50,503 --> 01:13:51,642 Paige: And you're sober enough 1551 01:13:51,642 --> 01:13:53,161 to go out there and be a big hero? 1552 01:13:53,161 --> 01:13:54,887 I just don't care what anybody thinks anymore. 1553 01:13:54,887 --> 01:13:56,509 I don't even care what Brooke thinks anymore. 1554 01:13:56,509 --> 01:13:57,683 I'm finding her. 1555 01:13:57,683 --> 01:13:59,650 Do you want us to go with you? 1556 01:13:59,650 --> 01:14:01,583 No, I have to talk to her on my own. 1557 01:14:01,583 --> 01:14:03,033 I don't want to spook her. 1558 01:14:03,033 --> 01:14:05,863 I wonder what this boyfriend drug dealer sells. 1559 01:14:05,863 --> 01:14:06,864 I was thinking Molly-- 1560 01:14:06,864 --> 01:14:08,348 Guys! Shut up, okay? 1561 01:14:08,348 --> 01:14:10,212 Brooke could be high on anything right now. 1562 01:14:10,212 --> 01:14:12,214 Do you remember how stupid we were when we were her age? 1563 01:14:12,214 --> 01:14:14,700 I mean, we tried smoking dog hair once. 1564 01:14:14,700 --> 01:14:18,462 Ugh. Hey, um, take my keys. 1565 01:14:18,462 --> 01:14:19,946 Please be safe. 1566 01:14:19,946 --> 01:14:21,534 And check in with us. 1567 01:14:21,534 --> 01:14:23,087 Okay. 1568 01:14:23,087 --> 01:14:24,848 Because teenage drug dealers who live in Niagara Falls 1569 01:14:24,848 --> 01:14:27,540 probably, you know, don't have a lot to lose. 1570 01:14:29,749 --> 01:14:31,993 I'm sure it'll be fine. Just don't-- 1571 01:14:31,993 --> 01:14:34,513 Don't think about Euphoria. 1572 01:14:34,513 --> 01:14:36,687 - Paige: Go! - Okay. 1573 01:14:36,687 --> 01:14:38,033 Paige: Go get her, girl. 1574 01:14:42,003 --> 01:14:43,660 ♪ 1575 01:14:43,660 --> 01:14:46,594 Lawyer: And how long had you and Mr. Dolman been dating 1576 01:14:46,594 --> 01:14:48,803 on the night of October 13th? 1577 01:14:48,803 --> 01:14:50,977 Sam: It was our three-year anniversary. 1578 01:14:50,977 --> 01:14:53,393 Lawyer: And yet you chose to stay late at the Renner's. 1579 01:14:54,463 --> 01:14:56,431 Sam: It was my job to stay late at the Renner's, 1580 01:14:56,431 --> 01:14:57,777 until Brooke fell asleep. 1581 01:14:57,777 --> 01:14:59,779 Lawyer: And that night you told 1582 01:14:59,779 --> 01:15:02,333 Brooke that you wanted to leave with her 1583 01:15:02,333 --> 01:15:05,026 because of a carbon monoxide leak. 1584 01:15:05,026 --> 01:15:07,269 But there was no leak. 1585 01:15:07,269 --> 01:15:09,962 No, I told her that so that I could-- 1586 01:15:09,962 --> 01:15:11,791 So, you lied to her about your intentions 1587 01:15:11,791 --> 01:15:13,413 for wanting to leave the house? 1588 01:15:13,413 --> 01:15:16,727 I lied so that I wouldn't have to leave her there 1589 01:15:16,727 --> 01:15:19,005 after... that. 1590 01:15:21,249 --> 01:15:24,252 And Brooke has gone on the record, saying that 1591 01:15:24,252 --> 01:15:26,910 you were in love with her father. 1592 01:15:28,014 --> 01:15:29,878 I was not in love with Cameron. 1593 01:15:29,878 --> 01:15:33,882 I found him really boring and pretty sexist. 1594 01:15:35,401 --> 01:15:37,127 I was in love with Noah. 1595 01:15:37,127 --> 01:15:38,335 Hm. 1596 01:15:40,579 --> 01:15:45,066 Exhibit C is one of Ms. Cowell's comedy clips from 2014. 1597 01:15:45,066 --> 01:15:48,621 If everyone could direct their attention to the television. 1598 01:15:48,621 --> 01:15:51,348 I mean, if you're not having rough sex, it's like, 1599 01:15:51,348 --> 01:15:53,005 are you having sex? 1600 01:15:53,005 --> 01:15:55,076 At that point it's just procreation. 1601 01:15:55,076 --> 01:15:57,630 [audience laughing] 1602 01:15:57,630 --> 01:16:00,668 And in February of last year, 1603 01:16:00,668 --> 01:16:05,673 you were a guest on a podcast called The Crimson Wave, 1604 01:16:05,673 --> 01:16:07,260 in which you said, and I quote, 1605 01:16:07,260 --> 01:16:11,540 "It was offensive that you hadn't been hit on as a nanny." 1606 01:16:13,370 --> 01:16:15,786 Well, I mean, you're... taking that out of context. 1607 01:16:15,786 --> 01:16:17,132 Oh, well, I don't understand. 1608 01:16:17,132 --> 01:16:18,789 Could you explain what the context is? 1609 01:16:18,789 --> 01:16:20,170 The context of a joke. 1610 01:16:20,170 --> 01:16:23,483 I mean, also, you're not even playing, like-- 1611 01:16:23,483 --> 01:16:24,795 These are my worst clips. 1612 01:16:24,795 --> 01:16:26,210 I'm still flat-ironing my hair in these. 1613 01:16:26,210 --> 01:16:28,247 I wasn't even nannying for them at the time. 1614 01:16:28,247 --> 01:16:29,524 I'm... 1615 01:16:36,669 --> 01:16:39,672 There's no evidence that states that my client 1616 01:16:39,672 --> 01:16:42,054 didn't see this material, 1617 01:16:42,054 --> 01:16:43,987 and that you didn't confirm 1618 01:16:43,987 --> 01:16:48,025 that you wanted to have consensual rough sex with him. 1619 01:16:49,302 --> 01:16:51,650 Are you going to ask what I was wearing next? 1620 01:16:55,584 --> 01:16:58,139 Judge: If the defendant could please rise. 1621 01:17:02,108 --> 01:17:06,319 In the case of the Queen versus Cameron Renner, 1622 01:17:06,319 --> 01:17:09,253 on the charges of sexual harassment 1623 01:17:09,253 --> 01:17:12,636 and aggravated sexual assault, 1624 01:17:12,636 --> 01:17:14,880 I find the defendant guilty. 1625 01:17:14,880 --> 01:17:17,779 [banging gavel] I sentence him to five years. 1626 01:17:17,779 --> 01:17:20,023 [audio fading out] 1627 01:17:30,930 --> 01:17:41,147 ♪ 1628 01:17:47,498 --> 01:17:48,499 [sighing] 1629 01:18:01,927 --> 01:18:04,067 Brooke: She's lying to you! 1630 01:18:04,067 --> 01:18:06,069 Noah: No, she isn't, Brooke. 1631 01:18:06,069 --> 01:18:07,449 I know this is hard to understand. 1632 01:18:07,449 --> 01:18:09,279 No, it's not. She's trying to take his money, okay? 1633 01:18:09,279 --> 01:18:10,901 And now he lost his job! 1634 01:18:10,901 --> 01:18:14,387 She just-- she saw our house and she saw-- she saw his car, 1635 01:18:14,387 --> 01:18:17,149 and she was probably glad when my mom died! 1636 01:18:17,149 --> 01:18:18,667 Brooke. Enough. 1637 01:18:20,152 --> 01:18:24,328 Noah. Noah, I'm so sorry. I had no idea, I swear. 1638 01:18:24,328 --> 01:18:26,261 - An inkling-- - Why are you on their side? 1639 01:18:26,261 --> 01:18:28,160 - Jill: Stop it. - Dad loved Mom, not her. 1640 01:18:28,160 --> 01:18:29,264 She's a liar! 1641 01:18:29,264 --> 01:18:32,267 Hey, we don't talk about women like that. 1642 01:18:33,061 --> 01:18:34,753 Thank you, Jill. 1643 01:18:35,823 --> 01:18:37,134 Yeah, of course. 1644 01:18:38,066 --> 01:18:39,412 Get inside. Come on. 1645 01:18:39,412 --> 01:18:41,345 Let's go. Let's finish packing. 1646 01:18:44,452 --> 01:18:45,280 Go. 1647 01:18:45,280 --> 01:18:47,835 Holy shit. I'm sorry. 1648 01:18:47,835 --> 01:18:50,389 Can we go? Can we just go please? 1649 01:18:50,389 --> 01:18:52,149 We're going. 1650 01:18:52,149 --> 01:18:54,565 [engine starting] 1651 01:18:54,565 --> 01:18:57,948 Noah: She wasn't supposed to be here. 1652 01:18:57,948 --> 01:18:58,949 [thumping] 1653 01:18:58,949 --> 01:19:00,226 Jesus. 1654 01:19:02,021 --> 01:19:12,238 ♪ 1655 01:19:13,688 --> 01:19:17,243 ♪ 1656 01:19:17,243 --> 01:19:21,178 [teens talking indistinctly] 1657 01:19:22,352 --> 01:19:25,631 Boy: Yo, Brooke said that, too, though. 1658 01:19:25,631 --> 01:19:28,737 [speaking indistinctly] 1659 01:19:28,737 --> 01:19:30,360 Boy: Alright, yeah. Yeah, I'm down here. 1660 01:19:30,360 --> 01:19:32,569 Let's just go home. Let's just go to my... 1661 01:19:36,124 --> 01:19:37,954 Yeah, that was stupid, bro. 1662 01:19:37,954 --> 01:19:39,541 I remember. 1663 01:19:39,541 --> 01:19:41,440 Yeah, yeah. Brooke was there... 1664 01:19:45,927 --> 01:19:49,448 [teens laughing] 1665 01:19:49,448 --> 01:19:51,553 Yeah, yeah. That's my car. Mine's the green one. 1666 01:19:53,176 --> 01:19:55,040 [teens laughing] 1667 01:19:55,040 --> 01:20:00,286 [indistinct conversation] 1668 01:20:04,566 --> 01:20:08,122 Boy: Yeah, all right. Everyone in. Everyone in. 1669 01:20:08,122 --> 01:20:09,744 [laughing, speaking indistinctly] 1670 01:20:11,711 --> 01:20:12,678 Boy: You're welcome. 1671 01:20:12,678 --> 01:20:21,721 ♪ 1672 01:20:23,585 --> 01:20:24,897 Fuck. 1673 01:20:24,897 --> 01:20:34,942 ♪ 1674 01:20:40,948 --> 01:20:42,915 [barking] 1675 01:20:42,915 --> 01:20:44,572 Fucking cop dog. 1676 01:20:44,572 --> 01:20:49,094 [barking] 1677 01:20:49,094 --> 01:20:51,613 [car alarm beeping] 1678 01:20:53,132 --> 01:21:02,383 ♪ 1679 01:21:02,383 --> 01:21:05,110 Conrad: I'm really sorry you're back here, Samantha. 1680 01:21:05,110 --> 01:21:06,870 Tim: You can joke about literally anything now, 1681 01:21:06,870 --> 01:21:08,354 so that's good. 1682 01:21:08,354 --> 01:21:11,633 Jim: You're funny! You are funny. 1683 01:21:11,633 --> 01:21:13,152 Cameron: Is that you treating us 1684 01:21:13,152 --> 01:21:15,396 to one of your stand-up comedy things? 1685 01:21:15,396 --> 01:21:19,020 Lawyer: There's no evidence that states that my client 1686 01:21:19,020 --> 01:21:21,160 didn't see this material, 1687 01:21:21,160 --> 01:21:23,507 and that you didn't confirm 1688 01:21:23,507 --> 01:21:26,925 that you wanted to have consensual rough sex with him. 1689 01:21:29,479 --> 01:21:32,378 Brooke: I just want to know why you lied! 1690 01:21:32,378 --> 01:21:33,759 Conrad: This is what you want to file? 1691 01:21:33,759 --> 01:21:36,210 Brooke: She was probably glad when my mom died. 1692 01:21:36,210 --> 01:21:37,211 Noah: Brooke! 1693 01:21:37,211 --> 01:21:38,453 Paige: You need to drop this 1694 01:21:38,453 --> 01:21:41,767 and start taking care of yourself, dude. 1695 01:21:41,767 --> 01:21:43,803 Noah: I just wish... 1696 01:21:43,803 --> 01:21:46,841 [voices overlapping] 1697 01:21:46,841 --> 01:21:47,980 Noah: One, two, three. 1698 01:21:47,980 --> 01:21:50,845 There you go. Does that work? 1699 01:21:50,845 --> 01:21:52,122 - Yes. - Okay. 1700 01:21:52,122 --> 01:21:53,779 Thanks for the extra film, Noah. 1701 01:21:53,779 --> 01:21:55,194 Oh, it's my pleasure. 1702 01:21:55,194 --> 01:21:58,646 There's not enough pictures of you two on our fridge as it is. 1703 01:21:58,646 --> 01:22:00,096 Gross. 1704 01:22:00,096 --> 01:22:02,650 Okay, well, then you can leave. 1705 01:22:04,065 --> 01:22:05,722 Hey, make sure you get everything. 1706 01:22:05,722 --> 01:22:07,655 - I did. Bye, Noah. - Noah: All right. 1707 01:22:07,655 --> 01:22:09,312 Bye. 1708 01:22:09,312 --> 01:22:11,314 So, you want me to, uh, stick around? 1709 01:22:11,314 --> 01:22:12,694 Uh, no, it's okay. 1710 01:22:12,694 --> 01:22:14,420 I have to help Brooke with her math homework, 1711 01:22:14,420 --> 01:22:17,009 and Cameron is actually home for once. 1712 01:22:17,009 --> 01:22:18,355 What? 1713 01:22:18,355 --> 01:22:20,426 Yeah, and we all know that he's not a huge fan 1714 01:22:20,426 --> 01:22:21,669 of the babysitter's boyfriend. 1715 01:22:21,669 --> 01:22:23,119 I'm not wearing my bulletproof vest. 1716 01:22:23,119 --> 01:22:24,499 I should get out of here. 1717 01:22:24,499 --> 01:22:26,915 You have to wait up for me, though. 1718 01:22:26,915 --> 01:22:30,298 I would wait for you 'til 4:00 in the morning. 1719 01:22:30,298 --> 01:22:31,851 Okay, so I'll wake you up when I get back? 1720 01:22:31,851 --> 01:22:33,025 Yes, please. Yeah. 1721 01:22:33,025 --> 01:22:35,510 I'll see you really soon. 1722 01:22:36,718 --> 01:22:39,445 I'll see you so soon. [echoing] 1723 01:22:40,653 --> 01:22:44,657 [panting] 1724 01:22:46,625 --> 01:22:55,427 ♪ 1725 01:22:55,427 --> 01:22:57,118 Sam: You want some ice cream? 1726 01:22:57,118 --> 01:22:59,017 Sure. 1727 01:22:59,017 --> 01:23:02,951 [sighing] Delicious ice cream? Sure. I guess. 1728 01:23:02,951 --> 01:23:06,472 You're so funny. You make me laugh. Thank you. 1729 01:23:06,472 --> 01:23:07,956 You know it was a lot easier to cheer you up 1730 01:23:07,956 --> 01:23:09,061 when you were little. 1731 01:23:09,061 --> 01:23:10,338 Whatever. 1732 01:23:10,338 --> 01:23:11,477 Can you stay over tonight? 1733 01:23:11,477 --> 01:23:13,410 I really have to get back tonight. 1734 01:23:13,410 --> 01:23:15,136 It's my anniversary. 1735 01:23:15,136 --> 01:23:17,552 ♪ Pictures of people you follow ♪ 1736 01:23:18,622 --> 01:23:20,107 Does he go down on you? 1737 01:23:20,107 --> 01:23:22,109 What?! 1738 01:23:23,765 --> 01:23:26,251 How do you know about going down? 1739 01:23:26,251 --> 01:23:28,943 Candace says that if a guy goes down on you 1740 01:23:28,943 --> 01:23:32,567 and posts about you online, then he's boyfriend material. 1741 01:23:34,121 --> 01:23:35,294 Wow. 1742 01:23:35,294 --> 01:23:37,572 Noah posts about you on his stories a lot. 1743 01:23:37,572 --> 01:23:40,610 Yeah. Yes. Yeah, he does. 1744 01:23:40,610 --> 01:23:43,889 That's actually pretty insightful of Candace. 1745 01:23:43,889 --> 01:23:45,097 She's not wrong. 1746 01:23:46,616 --> 01:23:48,031 Okay, new conversation topic. 1747 01:23:48,031 --> 01:23:50,516 We've never-- We've never done this before. 1748 01:23:52,070 --> 01:23:53,416 Oh. 1749 01:23:53,416 --> 01:23:55,659 Are you good on your ice cream? 1750 01:23:55,659 --> 01:23:57,005 Mm-hm. 1751 01:23:57,005 --> 01:23:58,593 Okay. I have to go. 1752 01:23:58,593 --> 01:24:01,148 And you absolutely need to go to bed. 1753 01:24:01,148 --> 01:24:03,150 It is so late. 1754 01:24:04,703 --> 01:24:08,086 Okay, watch. I'm going to get this all in one. 1755 01:24:09,846 --> 01:24:11,779 Yes, there we go. 1756 01:24:12,987 --> 01:24:15,369 Go it. Goodnight. 1757 01:24:15,369 --> 01:24:16,991 Please go to bed, okay? 1758 01:24:16,991 --> 01:24:17,992 Love you. 1759 01:24:17,992 --> 01:24:19,476 Love you, too. 1760 01:24:19,476 --> 01:24:22,410 [hyperventilating] 1761 01:24:24,654 --> 01:24:26,690 [crying] 1762 01:24:36,217 --> 01:24:38,046 Sam: Please stop. 1763 01:24:38,046 --> 01:24:42,499 [crying] 1764 01:25:07,214 --> 01:25:08,491 Cameron? 1765 01:25:13,220 --> 01:25:14,635 Cameron, are you okay? 1766 01:25:14,635 --> 01:25:17,120 Here. It's a beer. 1767 01:25:17,120 --> 01:25:20,158 Oh, I was just checking to make sure you were okay. 1768 01:25:20,158 --> 01:25:21,952 Um, I have to go soon. 1769 01:25:21,952 --> 01:25:24,576 - Brooke's asleep, so-- - Why wouldn't I be okay? 1770 01:25:26,233 --> 01:25:28,373 Because you're... kind of drunk. 1771 01:25:28,373 --> 01:25:30,685 Cameron: I'm still your boss. 1772 01:25:30,685 --> 01:25:33,171 You can't talk to me that way. 1773 01:25:34,862 --> 01:25:36,070 Okay. Sorry. 1774 01:25:36,070 --> 01:25:39,798 Um, I'm just going to finish up the dishes, and then go-- 1775 01:25:39,798 --> 01:25:42,318 Just... 1776 01:25:42,318 --> 01:25:44,941 I actually need to talk to you. 1777 01:25:45,976 --> 01:25:47,840 Okay. 1778 01:25:47,840 --> 01:25:49,048 [sighing] 1779 01:25:49,048 --> 01:25:50,360 [Cameron clearing throat] 1780 01:25:50,360 --> 01:25:51,465 What's up? 1781 01:25:51,465 --> 01:25:52,983 So... 1782 01:25:55,158 --> 01:25:58,920 ...I've been watching more of your stuff... 1783 01:25:58,920 --> 01:26:01,268 online, 1784 01:26:01,268 --> 01:26:03,718 and I take it back. 1785 01:26:04,547 --> 01:26:06,652 You take what back? 1786 01:26:06,652 --> 01:26:08,413 That you're not funny. 1787 01:26:08,413 --> 01:26:11,243 You're actually funny. 1788 01:26:11,243 --> 01:26:13,590 - I'm actually funny? - Mm-hmm. 1789 01:26:13,590 --> 01:26:16,075 Wow. Well, thank you, Cameron. 1790 01:26:16,075 --> 01:26:20,459 That means a lot coming from someone as riveting as you. 1791 01:26:20,459 --> 01:26:25,430 Your special, you said... 1792 01:26:25,430 --> 01:26:29,296 "It's weird, 'cause I like cops." 1793 01:26:29,296 --> 01:26:33,886 Yeah, but then the punch line was, 1794 01:26:33,886 --> 01:26:36,544 "I'm more partial to firefighters." 1795 01:26:36,544 --> 01:26:39,892 No. That's not what I remember. 1796 01:26:41,515 --> 01:26:43,758 Okay. Well... 1797 01:26:43,758 --> 01:26:47,279 I'm sorry to disappoint you, officer, but... 1798 01:26:47,279 --> 01:26:49,247 Hmm. 1799 01:26:49,247 --> 01:26:52,353 ...I'm going to go. 1800 01:26:52,353 --> 01:26:53,492 Not... 1801 01:26:53,492 --> 01:26:56,254 if I arrest you... 1802 01:26:56,254 --> 01:26:58,566 young lady. 1803 01:26:58,566 --> 01:27:00,672 [chuckling] Okay. 1804 01:27:00,672 --> 01:27:04,089 Well, I can talk my way out of most tickets, 1805 01:27:04,089 --> 01:27:05,918 so I'm going to go now, Mr. Renner. 1806 01:27:05,918 --> 01:27:08,680 Just don't... 1807 01:27:08,680 --> 01:27:10,992 "Mr. Renner." 1808 01:27:10,992 --> 01:27:13,098 It's Cameron. 1809 01:27:16,170 --> 01:27:17,965 Really? 1810 01:27:24,558 --> 01:27:26,491 It's fine. It's okay. I'm sorry. 1811 01:27:26,491 --> 01:27:29,217 I think it was just a misunderstanding. 1812 01:27:29,217 --> 01:27:32,428 I'm just going to go. We don't-- We can just forget about this. 1813 01:27:32,428 --> 01:27:33,636 I'm going to-- 1814 01:27:33,636 --> 01:27:35,258 [handcuffs clinking] 1815 01:27:35,258 --> 01:27:37,329 It's role play. 1816 01:27:38,503 --> 01:27:40,608 I've seen your show, and I know you like it. 1817 01:27:41,575 --> 01:27:43,508 All right? 1818 01:27:43,508 --> 01:27:46,304 You scream and I'll arrest you. 1819 01:27:48,064 --> 01:27:50,860 Are you serious? You're going to wake-- 1820 01:27:52,586 --> 01:27:56,244 You can't resist an officer. 1821 01:27:57,280 --> 01:27:59,593 You have to comply, 1822 01:27:59,593 --> 01:28:01,836 and I know you like handcuffs. 1823 01:28:02,837 --> 01:28:05,184 Are you serious? This is ridiculous. 1824 01:28:05,184 --> 01:28:08,602 This is-- You're just-- You're, like-- 1825 01:28:08,602 --> 01:28:11,329 I'm not ridiculous. 1826 01:28:11,329 --> 01:28:14,297 - Okay. I'm going to go. - Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1827 01:28:14,297 --> 01:28:15,781 Whoa. 1828 01:28:21,994 --> 01:28:25,481 [panicked] Oh, my God. Please stop. Fuck. 1829 01:28:25,481 --> 01:28:28,104 Cameron: It's fine. It's fine. 1830 01:28:28,104 --> 01:28:30,900 Hey. Just look at me. It's fine. 1831 01:28:30,900 --> 01:28:33,903 It's fine. Just look at me. 1832 01:28:34,800 --> 01:28:36,284 [voice distorting] Look at me. 1833 01:28:43,153 --> 01:28:45,224 Look at me. 1834 01:29:19,845 --> 01:29:22,020 [retching, vomiting] 1835 01:29:53,327 --> 01:29:54,501 [gasping] 1836 01:30:14,175 --> 01:30:16,626 Brooke? Brooke? 1837 01:30:16,626 --> 01:30:18,939 You need to get up now. 1838 01:31:06,883 --> 01:31:08,575 [sighing] 1839 01:31:14,788 --> 01:31:16,962 ["Valkyrie" by Lou Roy playing] 1840 01:31:16,962 --> 01:31:19,413 ♪ I was forced 1841 01:31:19,413 --> 01:31:21,967 ♪ To breathe on purpose 1842 01:31:21,967 --> 01:31:24,694 ♪ One, two, three, four five, six ♪ 1843 01:31:24,694 --> 01:31:27,973 ♪ One, two, three four, five, six ♪ 1844 01:31:27,973 --> 01:31:30,113 ♪ Metal is healing 1845 01:31:30,113 --> 01:31:32,426 ♪ Sometimes the beast needs feeding ♪ 1846 01:31:32,426 --> 01:31:34,048 ♪ Ride with me Valkyrie 1847 01:31:34,048 --> 01:31:36,603 ♪ Slay all those fuckers 1848 01:31:36,603 --> 01:31:40,986 ♪ That have hurt you in the past ♪ 1849 01:31:40,986 --> 01:31:45,750 ♪ Oh, he did me so bad 1850 01:31:45,750 --> 01:31:50,237 ♪ And every time I think of how you laugh ♪ 1851 01:31:51,549 --> 01:31:54,482 ♪ Oh, it gets me so bad ♪ 1852 01:31:56,243 --> 01:32:00,558 ♪ Hey, man, what you doing? ♪ 1853 01:32:01,662 --> 01:32:06,287 ♪ Come on back I need you moving ♪ 1854 01:32:06,287 --> 01:32:11,292 ♪ Said, hey, man what you doing? ♪ 1855 01:32:11,292 --> 01:32:16,021 ♪ Come on back I need you moving ♪ 1856 01:32:16,021 --> 01:32:18,748 ♪ I am sore 1857 01:32:18,748 --> 01:32:21,682 ♪ And I am melted 1858 01:32:21,682 --> 01:32:23,960 ♪ Chaos reigns 1859 01:32:23,960 --> 01:32:26,653 ♪ All is permitted 1860 01:32:26,653 --> 01:32:28,793 ♪ Ride with me Valkyrie ♪ 1861 01:32:28,793 --> 01:32:31,105 ♪ Slay all those fuckers ♪ 1862 01:32:31,105 --> 01:32:35,627 ♪ At that party from way back ♪ 1863 01:32:35,627 --> 01:32:38,319 ♪ Oh, it did me so bad ♪ 1864 01:32:46,949 --> 01:32:49,227 [sighing] 1865 01:33:06,658 --> 01:33:16,634 ♪ 1866 01:33:27,748 --> 01:33:29,094 Brooke? 1867 01:33:34,375 --> 01:33:35,963 Brooke. 1868 01:33:41,762 --> 01:33:44,040 Why are you here? 1869 01:33:44,938 --> 01:33:46,215 Who lives here? 1870 01:33:47,457 --> 01:33:50,668 - I do. - Who else lives here, Brooke? 1871 01:33:50,668 --> 01:33:52,739 Nathan and his brother. 1872 01:33:52,739 --> 01:33:54,326 How do you know Nathan? 1873 01:33:54,326 --> 01:33:55,914 I met him with Candace. 1874 01:33:55,914 --> 01:33:58,330 [under her breath] Oh, that fucking idiot. 1875 01:33:58,330 --> 01:34:00,678 Did Nathan give you drugs? What are you on? 1876 01:34:00,678 --> 01:34:03,163 I just smoked pot. A teener. 1877 01:34:03,163 --> 01:34:05,096 - It's-- - Holy shit. Is that meth? 1878 01:34:05,096 --> 01:34:08,686 Or oxy? What the hell are teens doing these days? 1879 01:34:08,686 --> 01:34:11,792 I'm just chilled out, Sam. Why are you even here? 1880 01:34:11,792 --> 01:34:15,037 Because I'm worried about you. 1881 01:34:15,037 --> 01:34:17,108 Your whole family is worried about you. 1882 01:34:17,108 --> 01:34:19,558 No, you're not. 1883 01:34:19,558 --> 01:34:21,181 Yes, I am. 1884 01:34:21,181 --> 01:34:23,217 Of course I am. Come on! 1885 01:34:23,217 --> 01:34:24,529 That's ridiculous. We're going, okay? 1886 01:34:24,529 --> 01:34:26,186 - No. I don't want to. - Yes, Brooke. 1887 01:34:26,186 --> 01:34:27,428 Yo. 1888 01:34:28,878 --> 01:34:30,708 Who are you? 1889 01:34:30,708 --> 01:34:33,055 I'm Tiff. 1890 01:34:34,021 --> 01:34:35,195 All right, Tiff. 1891 01:34:35,195 --> 01:34:36,714 You shouldn't be here, okay? 1892 01:34:38,094 --> 01:34:39,544 Have you seen the news? 1893 01:34:39,544 --> 01:34:41,615 Do you know that Brooke is considered missing? 1894 01:34:41,615 --> 01:34:44,411 Brooke's not missing anything, all right? 1895 01:34:44,411 --> 01:34:46,171 You know what? Get out of my house. 1896 01:34:46,171 --> 01:34:48,173 Not without Brooke. Come on. 1897 01:34:48,173 --> 01:34:49,727 I don't want to go. 1898 01:34:49,727 --> 01:34:52,868 See? Brooke doesn't want to leave, either, all right? 1899 01:34:52,868 --> 01:34:54,524 We're having a lot of fun here. 1900 01:34:54,524 --> 01:34:56,492 How old are you? 1901 01:34:56,492 --> 01:34:58,149 Are you 18? 1902 01:34:58,149 --> 01:35:00,945 [scoffing] Yeah. So what if I am? 1903 01:35:00,945 --> 01:35:02,291 Well, did you know that the little girl 1904 01:35:02,291 --> 01:35:03,775 you've been feeding God-knows-what to 1905 01:35:03,775 --> 01:35:04,914 is 14 years old? 1906 01:35:04,914 --> 01:35:06,226 - Sam, stop. - Nathan: Whatever. 1907 01:35:06,226 --> 01:35:07,745 She's taller than you are. 1908 01:35:07,745 --> 01:35:10,782 Okay? Plus, she told me that she was, uh, 16, so-- 1909 01:35:10,782 --> 01:35:12,957 Yeah? Well, last year, she was in a one-piece snowsuit. 1910 01:35:12,957 --> 01:35:15,511 Nathan: Wait a second. 1911 01:35:16,823 --> 01:35:19,170 I know exactly who you are. 1912 01:35:19,170 --> 01:35:20,447 You're the little bitch 1913 01:35:20,447 --> 01:35:22,173 that got Brooke's dad locked up in the first place. 1914 01:35:22,173 --> 01:35:23,795 Don't you fucking dare call me a little bitch! 1915 01:35:23,795 --> 01:35:25,935 Brooke: Stop it! 1916 01:35:25,935 --> 01:35:28,766 [cackling] Come on, Tiffer. An apple? 1917 01:35:28,766 --> 01:35:31,044 You got to come packing a little more than that. 1918 01:35:31,044 --> 01:35:33,115 - Get up, Brooke. Let's go. - I am! 1919 01:35:33,115 --> 01:35:35,358 - Ow! - Sam, stop it! Stop. 1920 01:35:35,358 --> 01:35:37,567 Sam: And I took Krav Maga on my ClassPass 1921 01:35:37,567 --> 01:35:40,674 three times last year, so do not fuck with me! 1922 01:35:40,674 --> 01:35:42,434 I'll kill you. 1923 01:35:42,434 --> 01:35:45,161 No, Nathan. If I ever see you come near Brooke again, 1924 01:35:45,161 --> 01:35:47,923 I will come to your shitty, smelly house, 1925 01:35:47,923 --> 01:35:49,062 and I will kill you! 1926 01:35:49,062 --> 01:35:50,788 - Brooke: Stop! - Let's go. 1927 01:35:50,788 --> 01:35:51,754 - Stop! - Go. 1928 01:35:51,754 --> 01:35:53,860 - Oh, my God! - [Sam shouting] Come on! 1929 01:36:03,731 --> 01:36:05,837 Brooke? 1930 01:36:05,837 --> 01:36:07,321 It's Sam. It's... 1931 01:36:10,877 --> 01:36:13,500 You're in my hotel, or-- 1932 01:36:13,500 --> 01:36:15,674 This is definitely a motel, but... 1933 01:36:18,885 --> 01:36:20,990 I got you out of that house. 1934 01:36:20,990 --> 01:36:23,165 You kidnapped me? 1935 01:36:23,165 --> 01:36:25,857 Kidnapped you? Brooke, you're a missing person. 1936 01:36:25,857 --> 01:36:28,549 I found you, okay? I'm a hero. 1937 01:36:28,549 --> 01:36:30,724 I don't need your help, Sam, okay? 1938 01:36:30,724 --> 01:36:34,176 What is it with you kidnapping me from all these places? 1939 01:36:34,176 --> 01:36:37,006 They're literally my friends. Jesus. 1940 01:36:37,006 --> 01:36:38,283 - Okay. - Oh, God. 1941 01:36:38,283 --> 01:36:39,871 I looked up what a teener was 1942 01:36:39,871 --> 01:36:41,769 on Urban Dictionary, okay? 1943 01:36:41,769 --> 01:36:43,426 You're in big shit. 1944 01:36:43,426 --> 01:36:46,982 - Shut up. - You're smarter than that. 1945 01:36:46,982 --> 01:36:48,190 [coughing] 1946 01:36:48,190 --> 01:36:50,364 Sam [sighing]: Okay. Maybe not. 1947 01:36:50,364 --> 01:36:53,436 [panting, coughing] 1948 01:36:54,230 --> 01:36:56,577 [sighing] Here you go. 1949 01:37:01,928 --> 01:37:05,655 Did any of those guys make you do stuff with them? 1950 01:37:07,450 --> 01:37:08,417 What? 1951 01:37:08,417 --> 01:37:12,352 Did any of them pressure you into doing stuff 1952 01:37:12,352 --> 01:37:13,560 that you didn't want to do? 1953 01:37:13,560 --> 01:37:15,527 I'm not talking to you about any of that, Sam. 1954 01:37:15,527 --> 01:37:18,047 Okay, well, Nathan is 18, 1955 01:37:18,047 --> 01:37:20,222 so "any of that" is technically illegal. 1956 01:37:20,222 --> 01:37:22,120 I turn 15 in two weeks, Sam. 1957 01:37:22,120 --> 01:37:23,950 Who cares if I made out with him? 1958 01:37:23,950 --> 01:37:26,918 I don't know. I feel like a lot of people would care. 1959 01:37:26,918 --> 01:37:30,197 Nathan is nice, okay? 1960 01:37:30,197 --> 01:37:31,785 He didn't do anything wrong. 1961 01:37:31,785 --> 01:37:32,682 Brooke-- 1962 01:37:32,682 --> 01:37:35,996 And neither did my dad, you freak. 1963 01:37:35,996 --> 01:37:37,170 - Brooke. - Freak! 1964 01:37:37,170 --> 01:37:39,241 Brooke, your father did do something wrong. 1965 01:37:39,241 --> 01:37:41,381 No, he did not. Do not say that. 1966 01:37:41,381 --> 01:37:43,210 I know that it's hard to understand, 1967 01:37:43,210 --> 01:37:44,349 but there was evidence. 1968 01:37:44,349 --> 01:37:46,006 It is not hard to understand, Sam. 1969 01:37:46,006 --> 01:37:47,145 I've read all the articles, okay? 1970 01:37:47,145 --> 01:37:49,492 - Oh, the articles? By who? - Yes. 1971 01:37:49,492 --> 01:37:51,701 Jordan Peterson? All the men's rights activists? 1972 01:37:51,701 --> 01:37:53,945 - I hate you! - [glass shattering] 1973 01:37:53,945 --> 01:37:55,498 You didn't have to ruin our lives! 1974 01:37:55,498 --> 01:37:58,225 I didn't do anything wrong! 1975 01:37:58,225 --> 01:37:59,468 You know I didn't do anything wrong. 1976 01:37:59,468 --> 01:38:01,021 You did do something wrong, Sam. 1977 01:38:01,021 --> 01:38:02,264 Brooke, what did I do? 1978 01:38:02,264 --> 01:38:04,404 - My life was ruined! - Your life? 1979 01:38:04,404 --> 01:38:05,957 - Yes. - Your life?! 1980 01:38:05,957 --> 01:38:08,546 Yes! I can't eat. I can't sleep. 1981 01:38:08,546 --> 01:38:10,410 - I can't go online. - Fuck you! 1982 01:38:10,410 --> 01:38:11,998 I don't want kids. I don't want Noah. 1983 01:38:11,998 --> 01:38:13,102 Fuck you. Fuck you! 1984 01:38:13,102 --> 01:38:15,001 I'm not funny anymore, Brooke. Okay? 1985 01:38:15,001 --> 01:38:17,279 I'm not funny anymore. Why would I have wanted that? 1986 01:38:17,279 --> 01:38:19,522 I don't know! 1987 01:38:19,522 --> 01:38:22,353 Then what could I have possibly done to you, huh? 1988 01:38:22,353 --> 01:38:24,079 What did I do to you? 1989 01:38:24,079 --> 01:38:26,840 You left! 1990 01:38:31,431 --> 01:38:33,812 [crying] You left. 1991 01:38:37,851 --> 01:38:42,718 Even if he did do it, you shouldn't have left me, Sam. 1992 01:38:42,718 --> 01:38:44,478 [crying] 1993 01:38:48,724 --> 01:38:51,347 I'm sorry, Brooke. 1994 01:38:51,347 --> 01:38:53,832 [crying continues] 1995 01:38:53,832 --> 01:38:55,110 I'm here, okay. 1996 01:38:55,110 --> 01:38:58,078 [crying intensifies] 1997 01:38:58,078 --> 01:38:59,838 I'm here. 1998 01:39:14,267 --> 01:39:16,200 ["I know the End" by Phoebe Bridgers playing] 1999 01:39:16,200 --> 01:39:18,823 ♪ Somewhere in Germany 2000 01:39:18,823 --> 01:39:21,136 ♪ But I can't place it 2001 01:39:21,136 --> 01:39:23,345 ♪ Man, I hate this part of Texas ♪ 2002 01:39:23,345 --> 01:39:27,211 ♪ Close my eyes, fantasize ♪ 2003 01:39:27,211 --> 01:39:29,247 ♪ Three clicks and I'm home ♪ 2004 01:39:29,247 --> 01:39:33,493 ♪ When I get back I'll lay around ♪ 2005 01:39:33,493 --> 01:39:36,358 ♪ Then I'll get up and lay back down ♪ 2006 01:39:36,358 --> 01:39:38,153 [moaning] 2007 01:39:38,153 --> 01:39:40,120 ♪ Romanticize a quiet life ♪ 2008 01:39:40,120 --> 01:39:41,294 ♪ There's no place like my room ♪ 2009 01:39:41,294 --> 01:39:42,812 Okay. 2010 01:39:46,057 --> 01:39:48,094 ♪ But you had to go 2011 01:39:48,094 --> 01:39:52,443 ♪ I know, I know, I know ♪ 2012 01:39:52,443 --> 01:39:55,135 [song continuing on radio] ♪ Like a wave that crashed 2013 01:39:55,135 --> 01:39:57,517 ♪ And melted on the shore 2014 01:39:59,070 --> 01:40:00,244 ♪ Not even the burnouts... ♪ 2015 01:40:00,244 --> 01:40:03,247 [turning down volume] 2016 01:40:03,247 --> 01:40:06,802 So, how do I know that you're not going to run away again? 2017 01:40:08,286 --> 01:40:11,082 Because if you promise to not tell my aunt about the drugs, 2018 01:40:11,082 --> 01:40:12,118 I promise to stay there. 2019 01:40:12,118 --> 01:40:14,085 No deal, Brooke. 2020 01:40:14,085 --> 01:40:16,536 I only did it once, okay? Really. 2021 01:40:16,536 --> 01:40:17,778 Yeah. Okay, Brooke. 2022 01:40:17,778 --> 01:40:19,918 And were you hiding it inside your body, too? 2023 01:40:19,918 --> 01:40:21,161 For a friend? 2024 01:40:21,161 --> 01:40:22,576 Okay, fine. 2025 01:40:22,576 --> 01:40:24,958 But I do promise I will never do that again. 2026 01:40:24,958 --> 01:40:26,132 It made me feel like shit. 2027 01:40:26,132 --> 01:40:27,788 It's the least glamorous drug. 2028 01:40:27,788 --> 01:40:29,445 It literally comes out of your skin. 2029 01:40:29,445 --> 01:40:30,584 I didn't know what it was. 2030 01:40:30,584 --> 01:40:33,035 I thought it was just weed, Sam. 2031 01:40:33,035 --> 01:40:34,036 Okay. I mean, it truly changes 2032 01:40:34,036 --> 01:40:35,796 the shape of your nose and your face bones. 2033 01:40:35,796 --> 01:40:37,384 Sam, okay. 2034 01:40:37,384 --> 01:40:38,799 When we get to somewhere with good Wi-Fi, 2035 01:40:38,799 --> 01:40:40,732 I'm showing you before-and-after pics. 2036 01:40:40,732 --> 01:40:42,700 Okay. 2037 01:40:46,221 --> 01:40:47,463 Sam, there's one more thing 2038 01:40:47,463 --> 01:40:50,466 if I'm going to let you turn me in. 2039 01:40:52,365 --> 01:40:54,539 Sam: So, you're bargaining now? 2040 01:40:54,539 --> 01:40:59,613 ♪ ...Go down with my hometown in a tornado ♪ 2041 01:41:00,476 --> 01:41:02,582 ♪ I'm going to chase it 2042 01:41:02,582 --> 01:41:05,861 ♪ I know, I know, I know ♪ 2043 01:41:07,173 --> 01:41:09,313 ♪ I got to go now 2044 01:41:09,313 --> 01:41:12,557 ♪ I know, I know, I know ♪ 2045 01:41:25,087 --> 01:41:35,097 ♪ 2046 01:41:36,650 --> 01:41:39,722 ♪ Driving out into the sun... ♪ 2047 01:41:39,722 --> 01:41:41,586 Paige: Well, we all know why we came here tonight. 2048 01:41:41,586 --> 01:41:42,932 Here with her new hour, 2049 01:41:42,932 --> 01:41:45,383 she is traumatized but funny as hell. 2050 01:41:45,383 --> 01:41:48,352 Put your hands together for Sam Cowell! 2051 01:41:48,352 --> 01:41:49,594 [cheering and applause] 2052 01:41:49,594 --> 01:41:52,218 ♪ Ended up with a pair of cracked lips ♪ 2053 01:41:52,218 --> 01:41:53,391 Sam: Wow! Oh! 2054 01:41:53,391 --> 01:41:57,637 ♪ Windows down, scream along ♪ 2055 01:41:57,637 --> 01:41:59,708 ♪ To some America First rap-country song ♪ 2056 01:41:59,708 --> 01:42:02,504 Um, hi, everybody. I'm Sam. 2057 01:42:02,504 --> 01:42:06,024 And tonight, I'm going to tell a rape joke. 2058 01:42:06,024 --> 01:42:08,717 So, um, my ex-boyfriend 2059 01:42:08,717 --> 01:42:11,168 will not stop making my rape about him. 2060 01:42:11,168 --> 01:42:12,583 He has an identical hour. 2061 01:42:12,583 --> 01:42:14,999 Same material, right after this. 2062 01:42:14,999 --> 01:42:17,243 He's, like, "Please tell them to stay for the next show." 2063 01:42:17,243 --> 01:42:18,554 [audience laughing] 2064 01:42:18,554 --> 01:42:19,728 So, if you're, like, 2065 01:42:19,728 --> 01:42:23,180 "I kind of need this, but from a male perspective," 2066 01:42:23,180 --> 01:42:24,284 hang out. 2067 01:42:24,284 --> 01:42:28,495 ♪ It's a government drone or an alien spaceship ♪ 2068 01:42:28,495 --> 01:42:32,016 ♪ Either way, we're not alone ♪ 2069 01:42:32,016 --> 01:42:36,641 ♪ I'll find a new place to be from ♪ 2070 01:42:36,641 --> 01:42:40,783 ♪ A haunted house with a picket fence ♪ 2071 01:42:40,783 --> 01:42:44,856 ♪ To float around and ghost my friends ♪ 2072 01:42:44,856 --> 01:42:48,757 ♪ No, I'm not afraid to disappear ♪ 2073 01:42:49,689 --> 01:42:53,693 ♪ The billboard said "The end is near" ♪ 2074 01:42:53,693 --> 01:42:57,973 ♪ I turned around there was nothing there ♪ 2075 01:42:57,973 --> 01:43:02,253 ♪ Yeah I guess the end is here ♪ 2076 01:43:08,432 --> 01:43:11,124 ♪ The end is here 2077 01:43:17,095 --> 01:43:20,133 ♪ The end is here 2078 01:43:25,587 --> 01:43:28,624 ♪ The end is here 2079 01:43:34,216 --> 01:43:37,150 ♪ The end is here 2080 01:43:38,151 --> 01:43:48,161 ♪ 2081 01:44:46,426 --> 01:44:56,643 ♪