1 00:00:01,376 --> 00:00:04,338 - New York City. Ever heard of it? 2 00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:05,797 - ♪ Uh-huh, yeah ♪ 3 00:00:05,797 --> 00:00:07,674 [groovy pop music] 4 00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:08,717 - ♪ Yeah ♪ 5 00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:10,135 - That's me walking. 6 00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:12,262 I'm Petey, a girl with a boy's name, 7 00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:13,805 so you're allowed to like me. 8 00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:16,099 My days are filled with typical New York stuff: 9 00:00:16,099 --> 00:00:17,809 getting a coffee on my way to coffee, 10 00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:20,729 therapy, more therapy, therapy again, 11 00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:22,481 jaywalking to a museum, 12 00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:23,899 avoiding the train piss bottle, 13 00:00:23,899 --> 00:00:25,776 looking relieved yet somber 14 00:00:25,776 --> 00:00:27,903 as a giant monster is murdered, 15 00:00:27,903 --> 00:00:29,738 and, of course, Broadway. 16 00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:31,990 I had it all, the perfect job 17 00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:34,159 as a senior assistant editorial assistant 18 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:36,870 at the biggest fashion magazine in Midtown. 19 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,914 Mm, good clothes, bad clothes, good clothes, bad clothes. 20 00:00:38,914 --> 00:00:40,499 Well, time for lunch. 21 00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:42,543 Sure, I'd been an assistant for eight years, 22 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,294 but they let me take home the stale bagels 23 00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:46,296 at the end of the day. Girl boss! 24 00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:47,714 ♪ ♪ 25 00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:49,299 - We need to pick a page. 26 00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:51,551 If only we knew which was going to be in this month, 27 00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:54,137 shirt or pants. Any ideas? 28 00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:57,474 - Shirt covers the top! - Pants cover the bottom! 29 00:00:57,474 --> 00:00:58,809 - [quietly] Jumpsuit covers both. 30 00:00:58,809 --> 00:00:59,685 [all gasp] 31 00:01:00,936 --> 00:01:03,814 What, me? I didn't say anything. 32 00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:05,065 [laughs] 33 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,316 [laughter] - Ugh. 34 00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:07,651 - Sure, I've spent my whole life 35 00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:09,194 terrified of speaking up 36 00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:11,154 because of a complete lack of sense of self, 37 00:01:11,154 --> 00:01:12,781 but who knows? 38 00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:14,700 Maybe that's what landed me the perfect fiancé. 39 00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:17,411 He was the best man New York had to offer. 40 00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:18,787 [romantic jazz music] 41 00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:21,039 God, you make sense on paper. [board clatters] 42 00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:24,585 - [giggles] Oh, my God, Brian, not here. 43 00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:26,545 God. [laughs] 44 00:01:26,545 --> 00:01:28,714 I guess you could say I had it all: 45 00:01:28,714 --> 00:01:31,174 a man, a job, and an apartment. 46 00:01:31,174 --> 00:01:33,218 Wait, that's three things. 47 00:01:33,218 --> 00:01:35,971 I guess you could say I had three things, 48 00:01:35,971 --> 00:01:39,141 and none of them will ever completely fall apart. 49 00:01:39,141 --> 00:01:41,935 [upbeat music] 50 00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:45,022 ♪ ♪ 51 00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:47,983 [quirky folk music] 52 00:01:47,983 --> 00:01:51,695 ♪ ♪ 53 00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:53,655 - [exhales sharply] 54 00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:56,158 [goat bleats] 55 00:01:56,158 --> 00:01:57,659 [screams] 56 00:01:57,659 --> 00:01:59,369 - My whole life was perfect, 57 00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:01,538 but none of it was ever enough for my socialite mother, 58 00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:02,789 White St. Barts. 59 00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:04,583 She runs a charity for unwed dogs. 60 00:02:04,583 --> 00:02:07,711 - Ms. St. Barts, your daughter is here to see you. 61 00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:09,296 - What on earth is a daughter? 62 00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:11,423 - It's like a son but a girl. 63 00:02:11,423 --> 00:02:13,175 - This generation has a word for everything. 64 00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:14,718 I can't keep up. [door buzzes] 65 00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:16,219 - Hi, Mother. 66 00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:18,055 I brought you an expensive yet meaningful pastry 67 00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:19,306 from the bakery we used to go to 68 00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:20,474 when I was little. - [sighs] 69 00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:21,808 How thoughtful. 70 00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:23,393 Now, what is it you want from me, 71 00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:24,728 money, a lawyer? 72 00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:26,188 If it's an apology you're after, 73 00:02:26,188 --> 00:02:28,023 I'd prefer to just write a check. 74 00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:30,734 - You called me, Mother. - Right, of course. 75 00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:32,319 I called you here because there's a wedding 76 00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:34,988 I have to go to next month that I'm absolutely dreading. 77 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:37,491 - Oh, Mother, that's-- - I know, I know. 78 00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:39,534 Why not just send a cold gift with my regrets? 79 00:02:39,534 --> 00:02:40,619 - Mother. 80 00:02:40,619 --> 00:02:42,079 - The only reason I'm going 81 00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:43,872 is that I'm the mother of the bride. 82 00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:45,749 Oh, right, that's you. 83 00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:48,377 Um, here. - What's this? 84 00:02:48,377 --> 00:02:49,961 - I wanted to pretend I had a gift, 85 00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:53,173 but it's actually the VHS tape I've been hiding from you. 86 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:56,385 Honestly, it's the worst thing I could have possibly grabbed. 87 00:02:56,385 --> 00:02:57,552 [sighs] 88 00:02:57,552 --> 00:02:58,553 Well, now that you're holding it, 89 00:02:58,553 --> 00:02:59,513 it's a message from your father. 90 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,014 - [gasps] I have a father? 91 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,933 - Well, not anymore. He's dead. 92 00:03:02,933 --> 00:03:06,103 - I have a dead father? - I'll get my checkbook. 93 00:03:08,313 --> 00:03:12,109 - Dearest, sweetest, loveliest Petra, 94 00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:14,152 It's me, your father! 95 00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:16,905 Yeah, I'm sorry I wasn't around much 96 00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:18,490 when you were growing up, you know, 97 00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:23,495 but I was busy working on something so cool, 98 00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:25,664 and if you're watching this, that means two things: 99 00:03:25,664 --> 00:03:29,709 I'm dead, and now that cool thing is all yours. 100 00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:33,171 The community of New Utopia... 101 00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:34,589 West Carolina. 102 00:03:34,589 --> 00:03:35,632 [enchanting music] 103 00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:39,511 Wow, what a nice town I made. 104 00:03:39,511 --> 00:03:41,012 [grunts] Go get it. 105 00:03:41,012 --> 00:03:42,347 There you go. 106 00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:45,058 Now, I know you're a city girl. I do. 107 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:48,687 I was a city boy myself. We have that in common. 108 00:03:48,687 --> 00:03:52,607 Yeah, there's only one problem, I'm not a city boy anymore. 109 00:03:52,607 --> 00:03:54,526 I'm a country old man. 110 00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:57,154 [laughter] 111 00:03:57,154 --> 00:03:59,322 Okay, now once you grow up, 112 00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:02,951 I'm sure you'll be a decisive, opinionated, 113 00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:06,830 brave, confident leader just like your daddy, 114 00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:09,166 and once I'm gone, the only person 115 00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:12,043 who can keep this place going is you 116 00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:16,173 because you're the only me that's younger. 117 00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:17,716 Does it--does that make sense? 118 00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:18,925 [laughter] 119 00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,844 [chuckling] Does it make sense? 120 00:04:20,844 --> 00:04:23,096 We need fresh blood around here. 121 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,557 [townsfolk speaking together] We love you, Petey! 122 00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:28,435 - Yeah, look at them! They love you! 123 00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:29,728 [chuckles] 124 00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,647 - Whoa. 125 00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:35,609 - Security, there's some random woman in my office. 126 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,611 - Tonight on "Hot People Over-Sharing 127 00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,780 Their Trauma and Then Kissing"... 128 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,615 - My mom got really sick. 129 00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,366 - My dad exploded. 130 00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:45,368 [tender music] 131 00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:47,329 - Wow, a whole town or whatever? 132 00:04:47,329 --> 00:04:49,372 That's a dope inheritance. Are you gonna take it? 133 00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:50,582 - No way. 134 00:04:50,582 --> 00:04:52,542 What about my job, my apartment? 135 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,294 And what about Brian? He can't leave now. 136 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,670 He just got a big raise. 137 00:04:58,173 --> 00:04:59,758 - Well, what if you went out for a little bit? 138 00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:01,176 Just to test it out. 139 00:05:01,176 --> 00:05:02,135 You could get to know about your dad 140 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,304 and touch a cow. 141 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,431 I mean, maybe you'll like living in the country 142 00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:08,099 and not getting married to Brian. 143 00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:09,684 - Wait a minute. What's on your lip? 144 00:05:09,684 --> 00:05:11,019 - [gasps] That? 145 00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:13,230 It's--oh. - Oh, my God. 146 00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:15,565 A splinter? That means... 147 00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:17,818 - Oh, God. - [gasps] 148 00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:21,071 Brian? With my best friend? 149 00:05:21,071 --> 00:05:23,573 - It's not what it looks like. - This cannot be happening. 150 00:05:23,573 --> 00:05:25,283 - You know there's no good guys in New York. 151 00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:27,410 I mean, what woman could say no to him? 152 00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:29,955 - I am done with both of you. [door slams] 153 00:05:29,955 --> 00:05:33,041 [sobbing] 154 00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:34,167 [phone chiming] 155 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,544 My female boss. 156 00:05:35,544 --> 00:05:37,045 - We just got the numbers 157 00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:38,797 from the magazine we published today. 158 00:05:38,797 --> 00:05:40,090 - The one on shirt? 159 00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:41,424 - They're the worst we've ever had. 160 00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:43,385 Turns out the answer was jumpsuit. 161 00:05:43,385 --> 00:05:44,761 - Ugh, but I said that. 162 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,638 - No, you whispered it under your breath, 163 00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:51,142 then called yourself dumb, then you did a little shimmy. 164 00:05:51,142 --> 00:05:53,270 - Oof, did I say the dumb part out loud? 165 00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:56,189 [laughs] I'm dumb. 166 00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:57,399 - I'm sorry, Petey. 167 00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:59,150 We have a zero-tolerance policy 168 00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:01,194 for women calling themselves dumb. 169 00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:02,320 You're fired. 170 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,656 - No! 171 00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:05,824 [flames whoosh] 172 00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:07,617 My apartment! 173 00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:09,911 - Sorry, I knocked over every candle. 174 00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:11,288 - Ugh. 175 00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:13,331 - Wait, Petey, stop. Where are you going? 176 00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:14,499 - Taxi! 177 00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:16,334 Taxi to the South! [horn beeps] 178 00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:19,629 - I was feeling really sad 179 00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,298 after my whole life literally burned down. 180 00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:23,174 I just needed to lay low for a while 181 00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:26,011 and figure out my next move in my dead dad's weird town. 182 00:06:26,011 --> 00:06:28,138 [chickens clucking] [goats bleating] 183 00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:30,223 - Ugh. [groans] 184 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:31,266 [grunts] 185 00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:32,601 [bright country music] 186 00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:34,561 [phone beeps] Ugh, no service. 187 00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:37,105 This is not New York. Oh! 188 00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:38,356 [spitting] 189 00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:39,900 Uh, I'm walking here. [grunts] 190 00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:42,819 Oh, ugh. 191 00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:44,029 [groans] 192 00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:45,447 [gasps] 193 00:06:45,447 --> 00:06:48,658 No, not my tiny shoe. [gasps] 194 00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:50,827 [groans] 195 00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:53,788 [blues rock music] 196 00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:56,082 ♪ ♪ 197 00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:58,043 Hello, hot redneck. 198 00:06:58,043 --> 00:06:59,753 Hello, hot redneck? 199 00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,796 - Name's Bandit. - Could you help me? 200 00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:04,966 I'm stuck in this-- this brown cement. 201 00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:06,551 - I'll save you from that there mud-- 202 00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:08,720 it's called mud-- on one condition. 203 00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:10,096 - Uh, okay. 204 00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:12,349 - You turn tail and get. - I what? 205 00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:14,851 - You take that caboose and vamoose. 206 00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:18,229 - A moose and "jaboose." What? 207 00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:21,524 - I'm saying you better go back where you came from. 208 00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:23,652 - You are being so mean for no reason. 209 00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:25,111 Don't you know who I am? 210 00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:29,199 - You are Petey St. Barts, and I will die on my feet 211 00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:32,035 like a horse before I let you ruin that town 212 00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:33,536 like your daddy did. 213 00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:35,789 - Excuse me, rude hunk, 214 00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:38,291 I can do whatever I want with that town 215 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,543 because my dad gave it to me in a video, 216 00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:43,588 and I am not gonna let some uneducated, 217 00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:47,592 square state, backwoods nobody push me around. 218 00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:50,929 - Wowie, all right then. Suit yourself. 219 00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:52,555 But you should know, 220 00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:54,599 your town has a little gator problem. 221 00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:56,893 - [gasps] Oh, God. 222 00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:58,186 [gator hisses] 223 00:07:58,186 --> 00:08:00,522 Please help me. - Hey, it's your town. 224 00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:01,856 You figure it out. 225 00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:02,941 [gator roars] 226 00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,651 - [screams] 227 00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:07,529 Okay, fine, I'll leave on the next bus. 228 00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:09,531 Just help me. - [spits] 229 00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:11,574 Shake on it? - Ugh, fine. 230 00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:13,034 Just make it quick and not on my hair. 231 00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:15,203 - Oh, no, not what I was going for. 232 00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:17,163 - Ah! Oh. 233 00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:18,331 - Gary. [kisses] 234 00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,457 [Gary rumbles] 235 00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:20,875 - [gasps] - Go get it, Gary! 236 00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:21,793 [bright country music] 237 00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:23,545 - Mm. [clears throat] 238 00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:26,047 Thank you, but as I learned in my many years 239 00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:28,174 as a senior assistant editorial assistant, 240 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,593 that contract is not binding because I didn't open it 241 00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:32,303 on my phone, agree to terms and conditions 242 00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:33,805 I never read, and then press okay 243 00:08:33,805 --> 00:08:35,890 to a signature that looks nothing like mine. 244 00:08:35,890 --> 00:08:38,768 - But we spit shook. You snake! 245 00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:40,603 - Can you help me get a ride to my town? 246 00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:41,938 - Help you? 247 00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:43,398 I wouldn't help you with a ten-foot pole. 248 00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:46,526 But I'm a Southern gentleman, 249 00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,361 so I can't just leave you out here all alone. 250 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,196 - So what do we do? 251 00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:51,322 ♪ ♪ 252 00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:53,324 Ugh, oh. 253 00:08:53,324 --> 00:08:55,201 [groans] Ugh. 254 00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:57,495 Will you at least tell me why you hate me? 255 00:08:57,495 --> 00:09:00,415 - Hydrangea, you hear something? 256 00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:04,836 - What--what? Oh, oh, my God. 257 00:09:04,836 --> 00:09:06,504 Oh, my God. Oh! 258 00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:07,797 [chuckling excitedly] 259 00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:10,759 [dramatic music] 260 00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:14,637 ♪ ♪ 261 00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:15,847 - [gasps] 262 00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:18,391 [blows horn] 263 00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:20,894 - And honestly, New Yorkers never talk to our neighbors, 264 00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,312 so you won't even know I'm here. 265 00:09:22,312 --> 00:09:24,939 - I'm thinking they already do. - [gasps] 266 00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:27,817 [townsfolk cheering] 267 00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:32,864 - Wow, talk about Southern hospitality. 268 00:09:32,864 --> 00:09:34,199 [chuckles] Right, Bandit? 269 00:09:34,199 --> 00:09:35,241 Ugh. 270 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:38,203 [enchanting music] 271 00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:40,371 ♪ ♪ 272 00:09:40,371 --> 00:09:43,041 Uh... Hi, I'm-- 273 00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:45,835 - The spitting image of your daddy. 274 00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:48,588 Welcome to the New Utopia Inn. 275 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,006 Mm. - [chuckles] 276 00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:52,884 - I've been waiting on you for so long. 277 00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:56,221 This day--oh, this day. 278 00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:59,432 [bell rings] - Um, so who are you? 279 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,017 - I'm Mae Mae. 280 00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:03,937 I was your father's right hand until the day he died. 281 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,563 - His right hand, perfect. 282 00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,315 So you'll be able to answer all my questions. 283 00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:11,861 - This town has no questions, only answers. 284 00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:13,404 - That was not an answer. 285 00:10:13,404 --> 00:10:15,657 - Oh, look at your broken heel. 286 00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:17,909 Let's get that fixed up. 287 00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:21,621 Emmett, will you take good, long care of this shoe? 288 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:24,624 - I take good, long care of every shoe. 289 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:27,335 - Emmett, neutral statement. - Ugh! 290 00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:28,920 - Let's get you to your father's room 291 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,505 so you can take a shower. - God, yes. 292 00:10:30,505 --> 00:10:33,424 I would love a shower. 293 00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:38,471 - ♪ Ha, da, doo, da ♪ - Oh, ah, that's so nice. 294 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:41,516 Thank you, thank you. - ♪ Nah, nah, nay ♪ 295 00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:43,059 - Not the weirdest shower I've ever had. 296 00:10:43,935 --> 00:10:45,228 Ooh. 297 00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:48,064 - It's so fun having a leader back 298 00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:49,941 'Cause I help the leader. 299 00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:53,111 Anything I can ever do for you, you just holler. 300 00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:56,197 [chuckles] And I mean anything. 301 00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:58,283 - Honestly, this day has been a lot. 302 00:10:58,283 --> 00:11:00,076 I could use a drink in a fun way, 303 00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:02,579 not in any other way. - We have drink! 304 00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:04,372 [blues rock music] 305 00:11:04,372 --> 00:11:05,748 - Ooh. 306 00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:07,917 - Welcome to the Filthy Pecker. 307 00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:10,003 Over there is the jukebox, 308 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,839 and back there is where men punch fight to music. 309 00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:16,593 Up there's Big Judy, and right there's Eliza, 310 00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:19,179 proprietress of this fine establishment. 311 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,597 - Hey! 312 00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:22,390 - She'll make you the finest pickleback 313 00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:24,058 this side of the Chattahoochee. 314 00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:26,436 - Thank you. What was your name again? 315 00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:30,190 - I'm working actor Alan Tudyk. - Who? 316 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:33,484 - I'm the chicken in "Moana." [imitates chicken] 317 00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:36,029 - Cool. What are you doing out here? 318 00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:38,156 - I took a workshop out here once. 319 00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:39,949 Really fell in love with the place. 320 00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:42,368 All it needs is some fresh blood. 321 00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:44,746 - Young people, alcohol, 322 00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:46,998 a random slightly famous person. 323 00:11:46,998 --> 00:11:48,708 These are all the signs of a good party. 324 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:51,836 Wait, is this place fun? 325 00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:53,254 - Ooh. [sighs] 326 00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:55,131 I thought I told you to get. 327 00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:58,343 - So you're mean to me but nice to old ladies. 328 00:11:58,343 --> 00:12:00,220 [chuckles] Random. 329 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,971 - Is your body wearing a necklace? 330 00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:05,099 - Oh, it's a belly chain, a timeless fashion. 331 00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:07,852 - That's kinda-- I--I've never seen that. 332 00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:10,647 It looks...bail. 333 00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:12,232 - Okay. 334 00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:14,776 [sighs] 335 00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:17,028 What is it about a hot guy 336 00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:20,573 being nice to an old lady that is so [bleep] hot? 337 00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,742 - [burps] - Yeah, good. 338 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:25,662 - Eh, maybe I'm just horny and upset because my ex-fiancé 339 00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:27,330 cheated on me with my best friend. 340 00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:29,290 - Weird instant overshare. I like it. 341 00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:31,042 I'm Eliza. - I'm Petey. 342 00:12:31,042 --> 00:12:33,044 And I am loving your bar. 343 00:12:33,044 --> 00:12:35,088 It's almost good enough to be in NYC. 344 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:37,757 - Thanks, I poured my heart and soul into this place 345 00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:41,094 ever since my last relationship ended a year ago. 346 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:43,888 - Oh, my God, I'm just out of a relationship too. 347 00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:46,432 We have so much in common. Let me guess. 348 00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:49,477 Another woman? - Uh, yeah, you could say that. 349 00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:51,688 [intense electronic music] 350 00:12:51,688 --> 00:12:53,982 - It just feels like my whole life, 351 00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:56,025 every decision was made for me, 352 00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:58,278 either by the culture or some older person 353 00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,863 who's in charge of me. - Same here. 354 00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:04,367 - Ugh, listen to us sharing our heartbreaks on first meeting. 355 00:13:04,367 --> 00:13:06,577 - We sound like an episode of "Hot People Over-Sharing... 356 00:13:06,577 --> 00:13:07,537 [together] "Their Traumas 357 00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:08,788 and Then Kissing"! 358 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,206 - You watch that show? - Oh, my God. 359 00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:12,750 I never miss it. - You feel this, right? 360 00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:15,169 - Your ice-cold grip? - Our friendship spark. 361 00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:17,630 We're gonna be best friends. I can tell. 362 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:20,925 - I do feel it, but are we getting too close too fast? 363 00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:22,427 - Um, probably not. 364 00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:24,304 Look, my whole thing with coming out here 365 00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,973 is to bring this town into 20-whatever year it is. 366 00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:28,308 Is there anything I should know? 367 00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:29,434 - [whispering indistinctly] 368 00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:31,436 - Listen, a lot of people around here 369 00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:33,229 will be fake with you because of who your dad was. 370 00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:34,689 Not me. 371 00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:36,899 If you need someone to talk to who's normal, 372 00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:39,485 come find me, and if anyone tells you they're normal, 373 00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:40,653 don't trust them. 374 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:44,198 [townsfolk cheering] 375 00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:45,658 - What is this? 376 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,035 - That there is pool darts. 377 00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:48,619 Simplest game on the books, 378 00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:50,288 unless you're city folk, of course. 379 00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:52,999 - Uh, I was an assistant at "Money Girl" magazine, 380 00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:55,877 so I'm pretty sure I could figure it out. 381 00:13:55,877 --> 00:13:57,879 - Want to bet? - Name your terms. 382 00:13:57,879 --> 00:14:00,214 - If I win, you have to leave town. 383 00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:02,425 - And if I win, you have to kiss me. 384 00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:04,385 - Deal. 385 00:14:04,385 --> 00:14:06,888 [Radda Radda's "C'mon What Are You Waiting For"] 386 00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:09,640 - ♪ What are you waiting for? ♪ 387 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:12,852 ♪ Oh, come on, what are you waiting for? ♪ 388 00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:15,772 [upbeat rock music] 389 00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:18,399 ♪ ♪ 390 00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:20,860 - [sighs] Beginner's luck. 391 00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,445 - Pay up, loser. 392 00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:25,490 - ♪ What are you waiting for? ♪ 393 00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:29,243 ♪ 'Cause you got everything that I've been dreaming of ♪ 394 00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:31,871 ♪ What are you waiting for? ♪ 395 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:33,873 ♪ Oh, come on, what are you waiting for? ♪ 396 00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,875 - [laughs] Get it! 397 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:38,294 - Why are we clapping? - Because they're kissing. 398 00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:40,213 Come on. 399 00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:42,465 - I can't do this. - Why not? 400 00:14:42,465 --> 00:14:44,467 - Because your dad ran a cult. [record scratch] 401 00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:46,677 - What? No, he didn't. 402 00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:49,847 - I grew up with your dad, and it was hell. 403 00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:52,975 Once he died, I thought it was safe to come back and rebuild. 404 00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:55,061 You being here ruins all that. 405 00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:56,562 - Well, I can make it better. 406 00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,189 - You being here means the prophecy 407 00:14:58,189 --> 00:15:00,399 of the great daughter's return is fulfilled. 408 00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:02,110 That's why I wanted you to leave. 409 00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:04,362 - I thought you were being mean to me because you liked me. 410 00:15:04,362 --> 00:15:07,657 - Who would do that? - This is not a cult. 411 00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:09,325 It just needs a little fresh blood. 412 00:15:09,325 --> 00:15:11,119 - Oh, yes! [chuckles] 413 00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:12,453 Oh, here we go. Thank you. 414 00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:13,830 Ooh, it's cold. 415 00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:16,749 [townsfolk chanting] Fresh blood, fresh blood. 416 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:18,584 Fresh blood... - Ooh, looks sharp. 417 00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,628 [laughs] [townsfolk cheering] 418 00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:22,171 [ominous music] 419 00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:25,466 - What the [bleep]? [screams] 420 00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:28,594 - This is what a feminist dies like. 421 00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,388 [weakly imitates chicken] 422 00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:31,430 [party horn blares] 423 00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:34,976 - Sweetie, what's wrong? 424 00:15:34,976 --> 00:15:36,811 - They killed Alan Tudyk. 425 00:15:36,811 --> 00:15:38,521 He's good in everything. 426 00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:42,024 He's like a boy Judy Greer, and they killed him 427 00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:44,569 for me. [gags] 428 00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:45,611 [retches] 429 00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:47,113 - Oh, I'm sorry. 430 00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:48,656 I guess I should have warned you better. 431 00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:50,158 It was your father's teaching 432 00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:52,326 that, on the night of the great daughter's return, 433 00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:55,079 we kill a character actor. It's tradition. 434 00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:57,915 - You people are [bleep] crazy. 435 00:15:57,915 --> 00:16:00,418 Give me my shoes. I need to leave. 436 00:16:00,418 --> 00:16:03,462 - Sorry, your shoes aren't ready yet. 437 00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:06,048 - Even the shoe guy was fake? 438 00:16:06,048 --> 00:16:08,968 Taxi! Taxi! 439 00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,052 [gasps] 440 00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:13,014 What is wrong with my hand? 441 00:16:13,014 --> 00:16:15,057 - Please, Petra, you can't leave. 442 00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:17,018 We need you here so the comet will return. 443 00:16:17,018 --> 00:16:19,312 - Oh, God, it's a space cult? 444 00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:20,354 Ugh, of course. 445 00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:22,106 Boomers love space. 446 00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:25,026 - Emmett, the emergency combination TV/VCR! 447 00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:27,236 - Uh, what is this? 448 00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:29,155 - Your father will explain. 449 00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:31,324 - If you're watching this tape, 450 00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,618 it means you've gotten a little spooked 451 00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:36,871 after witnessing your first human sacrifice. 452 00:16:36,871 --> 00:16:39,248 Hell, I wouldn't blame you for running for the hills, 453 00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:42,501 but you're still here. Why is that? 454 00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:45,671 Maybe it's because your shoe is still in the shop, 455 00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:48,549 or maybe, just maybe, 456 00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:51,135 it's because, despite the unfamiliar, 457 00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:53,679 bizarre, and occasionally horrifying sights 458 00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:55,723 you've seen today, you can't help 459 00:16:55,723 --> 00:16:58,267 but feel connected to this place. 460 00:16:58,267 --> 00:17:00,937 I'm trusting you with it, Petey. 461 00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:03,189 Whatever you want to be different, 462 00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:04,607 you can change. 463 00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:07,985 New Utopia needs you, and deep down, 464 00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:11,572 I think you need New Utopia too. 465 00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:13,991 P.S., who got sacrificed tonight? 466 00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:17,078 Who was it? I love show business gossip. 467 00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:18,788 Was it Helen Hunt? Was it? 468 00:17:18,788 --> 00:17:21,707 God, she'd be such a great get! 469 00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,878 - Well, Petey, will you accept your father's gift to you? 470 00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:28,172 - But the gift is a cult. 471 00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:30,299 - What isn't a cult? 472 00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:32,593 You wear your LurlyLimon leggings 473 00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:34,512 to yoga class where you hurt your body 474 00:17:34,512 --> 00:17:36,514 to impress the tiny lady. 475 00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:38,599 You get your hair done exactly the same 476 00:17:38,599 --> 00:17:40,977 as the most powerful girl at work. 477 00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:43,771 You do everything your therapist tells you to do. 478 00:17:43,771 --> 00:17:46,107 Our comet's cult-y? 479 00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:48,276 How about you won't buy a printer 480 00:17:48,276 --> 00:17:50,611 during mercury in retrograde? 481 00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:52,238 - You're right. 482 00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:55,992 My life in New York was as big a cult as this cult. 483 00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:58,327 - You could go home and keep muttering 484 00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:00,371 your genius ideas under your breath 485 00:18:00,371 --> 00:18:01,914 for the rest of your life, 486 00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:04,792 or you could stay here 487 00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:06,377 and say them out loud. 488 00:18:06,377 --> 00:18:08,045 [dreamy country music] 489 00:18:08,045 --> 00:18:10,172 - I do have good ideas. 490 00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:12,341 I should be the boss. [gasps] 491 00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:14,719 Oh, my God, I said what I mean, 492 00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:16,470 and I'm not doing a self-deprecating shimmy 493 00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:17,888 to undercut it. 494 00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:21,142 - I'll advise you just like I did for your daddy, 495 00:18:21,142 --> 00:18:23,394 and I admit, we do need to modernize 496 00:18:23,394 --> 00:18:26,230 and get a little more young people around here. 497 00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:27,940 - I don't even know who the "Euphoria" generation's 498 00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,525 Alan Tudyk is. 499 00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:31,402 Is it Lukas Gage? Beanie Feldstein? 500 00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:33,029 [gasps] It's Evan Peters, isn't it? 501 00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:34,614 - Evan Peters is 36. 502 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:35,698 - Wait, really? 503 00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:38,117 - Aw, I know today was a lot, 504 00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,995 but it's just how we say, "I love you." 505 00:18:40,995 --> 00:18:43,247 And you're not used to hearing that, 506 00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:45,875 especially not from your mom. 507 00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:49,170 So will you stay, Petey? 508 00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:52,173 [cheers and applause] 509 00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:54,508 [enchanting music] 510 00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:57,970 - Bring forth the ceremonial dagger. 511 00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:00,931 [cheers and applause] 512 00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:02,058 ♪ ♪ 513 00:19:02,058 --> 00:19:03,559 - [gasps] 514 00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:07,938 - Bring forth the ceremonial boo-boo sticker. 515 00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:10,483 - All praise the great daughter! 516 00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:12,443 [together] Praise Petey! 517 00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:16,697 - Sweetest, dearest, loveliest Petra, 518 00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:20,034 what shall be your first decree? 519 00:19:20,034 --> 00:19:22,161 - No more human sacrifice. 520 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,497 [townsfolk groaning] 521 00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:25,665 [together] Okay. 522 00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:28,000 - Anything else? - Yeah. 523 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,169 We're not wearing kaftans anymore. 524 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,838 We're wearing jumpsuits. 525 00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:34,507 [together] Jumpsuits! 526 00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:37,551 [cheers and applause] 527 00:19:37,551 --> 00:19:40,513 [bright country music] 528 00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:42,306 - No human sacrifice? 529 00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:44,058 But that's a pillar of our faith. 530 00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:46,185 - I know, Emmett, you [bleep] weenie! 531 00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:48,771 - Hey, neutral statement! 532 00:19:48,771 --> 00:19:52,191 - As long as she's here, we're fulfilling the prophecy, 533 00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,777 but she can never leave. 534 00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:56,862 - Well, my dead ex-husband's daughter 535 00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:59,240 who is now my BFF just took over the cult 536 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:00,408 I'm a member of. 537 00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:02,159 This ends well, yeah? 538 00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:05,621 - One way or another, I'm gonna stop her... 539 00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:07,540 and at some point, I'll probably [bleep] her. 540 00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:11,919 - Wow, I guess I'm a cult leader now. 541 00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:13,838 I'm still not sure how I feel about it. 542 00:20:13,838 --> 00:20:15,631 It's like I got promoted to she-E-O 543 00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:18,968 of a super toxic corporation, hey, but I'm in charge now, 544 00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:21,011 so I can make things better. 545 00:20:21,011 --> 00:20:22,847 Also, I could find out more about my dad 546 00:20:22,847 --> 00:20:25,307 and maybe impress my mom. 547 00:20:25,307 --> 00:20:27,059 Gee, been up here for a while. 548 00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:28,936 Hope they put me down soon. 549 00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:31,313 How big is this cult? 550 00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:33,774 Wow, I've learned a lot today, 551 00:20:33,774 --> 00:20:36,235 like that Evan Peters is 36. 552 00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:37,862 That seems wrong. 553 00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:40,322 I should remember to google how old Evan Peters is. 554 00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:43,617 Wow, I'm going really far. 555 00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:46,579 I wonder which celebrities I can get to join the cult. 556 00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,956 Oh, I bet I could get Frankie Jonas, 557 00:20:48,956 --> 00:20:50,875 or Frankie Grande. 558 00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:52,334 Definitely someone from Freeform.