1 00:00:02,753 --> 00:00:05,422 - Morning. How much is a bacon, egg, and cheese? 2 00:00:05,422 --> 00:00:07,382 - It's six Comet Bucks, but we're out. 3 00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:09,218 - Are you saying "comic books"? 4 00:00:09,218 --> 00:00:11,553 - No, Comet Bucks. It's our money. 5 00:00:11,553 --> 00:00:14,056 - What do you mean "our money"? We're in the United States. 6 00:00:14,056 --> 00:00:16,016 Shouldn't you use dollars? - Oh, no. 7 00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,267 Members don't handle dollars. 8 00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:18,769 You hand those in when you join. 9 00:00:18,769 --> 00:00:20,938 Anyway, sorry, all we have is ketchup and limes. 10 00:00:20,938 --> 00:00:22,606 - Is this town doing okay? 11 00:00:22,606 --> 00:00:24,566 - No, we're starving kind of. 12 00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:28,153 - Works for me. [laughs] 13 00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:29,238 - Where do Comet Bucks come from? 14 00:00:29,238 --> 00:00:30,572 - From the Comet Bank. 15 00:00:30,572 --> 00:00:32,324 - Well, who's in charge of the Comet Bank? 16 00:00:32,324 --> 00:00:34,243 - Uh, your dad. - But he's dead. 17 00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:35,410 - Right. 18 00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:37,454 Oh, that explains it. 19 00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:38,956 - That explains nothing. 20 00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:40,707 I've been to Cuba on vacation a bunch, 21 00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,918 and I've seen "The Big Short," like, seven times. 22 00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:45,462 This has all the markers of financial crisis. 23 00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:47,339 - Well, in any case, we're out of food. 24 00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:49,258 [electricity crackles, customers grumbling] 25 00:00:49,258 --> 00:00:51,468 - I'm a city girl. I do money all day. 26 00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:54,054 Don't worry, New Utopia. I've got this on lox. 27 00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:55,347 Or is it "lock"? 28 00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:56,556 - Oh, boy. 29 00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:59,184 - [laughs] 30 00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:02,062 [upbeat music] 31 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:07,192 ♪ ♪ 32 00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:10,153 [crowd cheering] 33 00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:13,407 ♪ ♪ 34 00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:16,368 [goat bleats, chomps] 35 00:01:16,368 --> 00:01:17,578 [person screams] 36 00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:21,582 - Mae Mae, I have some serious questions here 37 00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:22,958 about the local economy. 38 00:01:22,958 --> 00:01:25,168 - Well, I have questions about the Federal Reserve, 39 00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:28,547 but they're not taking my phone calls. 40 00:01:28,547 --> 00:01:29,673 Okay. 41 00:01:29,673 --> 00:01:32,092 Emmett, bring the white board! 42 00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:34,886 - [giggles] Oh. 43 00:01:34,886 --> 00:01:37,139 - Our money comes from a few places-- 44 00:01:37,139 --> 00:01:40,434 Speechblasters classes, your father's self-published books, 45 00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,894 finding it on the ground, and mostly from recruitment. 46 00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:44,479 Back when your father was alive, 47 00:01:44,479 --> 00:01:47,482 he inspired so many people to join him on this journey. 48 00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:50,319 - W-what does recruitment have to do with ketchup? 49 00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:51,653 - When new members join, 50 00:01:51,653 --> 00:01:53,155 they donate all their earthly possessions, 51 00:01:53,155 --> 00:01:54,656 sort of like a tithe, 52 00:01:54,656 --> 00:01:57,075 but instead of 10%, it's 100%, 53 00:01:57,075 --> 00:01:59,661 in exchange for Comet Bucks. 54 00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:02,456 - Which are, again? 55 00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,499 both: Credits toward the trip on the comet 56 00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:06,460 that brings us to the other half of the universe, 57 00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,170 where it is nice. 58 00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:10,213 - Money's been a little tight because we haven't brought in 59 00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:12,299 anyone new since your father passed, 60 00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:15,427 but now that we have a leader, we can recruit again. 61 00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:19,306 - So you take people's money for a trip to space heaven? 62 00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:22,309 That's a scam, and I can't be anywhere near a scam! 63 00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:24,353 Fashionable city women who mess with people's money 64 00:02:24,353 --> 00:02:26,104 always get shamed via podcast, 65 00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:28,273 and they would absolutely destroy me. 66 00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:30,942 - Petey St. Barts was a bad girl, 67 00:02:30,942 --> 00:02:33,820 a bad girl who took money badly, 68 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,405 and that was bad. 69 00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:37,574 And everybody hate her now. 70 00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,618 - [gasps] - You have questions? 71 00:02:39,618 --> 00:02:42,079 I have a question. What's a podcast? 72 00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:44,665 It's like radio but computer? 73 00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,375 And then it's money? 74 00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:47,709 Well, that's a scam. 75 00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:49,795 - Okay, right now we have an immediate issue, 76 00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:51,046 which is people need to eat. 77 00:02:51,046 --> 00:02:52,589 And I need to charge my phone. 78 00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:54,800 If new members gave all their money to my dad, 79 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:55,801 where is it now? 80 00:02:55,801 --> 00:02:58,345 - Mm, ha. Hmm. 81 00:02:58,345 --> 00:02:59,805 - Oh, my God. 82 00:02:59,805 --> 00:03:01,807 Mae Mae's a level two billion in Speechblasters. 83 00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:04,059 She never says "um." Something is wrong. 84 00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:05,644 - [gulping] - What's happening? 85 00:03:05,644 --> 00:03:08,355 - Oh, her blood pressure gets a little feisty sometimes. 86 00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:10,190 She's been skimping on her medication. 87 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,358 She has a prescription 88 00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,402 at the Pharmacy Barrel in Apple Bucket, 89 00:03:13,402 --> 00:03:16,196 but it has a co-pay of $30. 90 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,490 - The cult doesn't even have $30? 91 00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:20,075 - I can give you 30 Comet Bucks. 92 00:03:20,075 --> 00:03:22,994 - Oh, this place is in worse shape than I thought. 93 00:03:22,994 --> 00:03:24,830 - Well, all we have to do is recruit one person 94 00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:27,499 who's worth at least $30. - No, I'm not recruiting. 95 00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:31,169 I'm gonna earn $30 the honest way--from an ATM. 96 00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:33,422 Don't worry, Mae Mae. You'll be okay soon. 97 00:03:33,422 --> 00:03:35,590 - I'm twice as crazy as I was this morning 98 00:03:35,590 --> 00:03:37,300 but half as crazy as I'll be tonight. 99 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:39,511 [dramatic music] 100 00:03:39,511 --> 00:03:42,347 [animals chattering] 101 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,645 [doorbell rings] 102 00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:50,814 - Is it weird for you to be outside of New Utopia? 103 00:03:50,814 --> 00:03:52,399 - No, no, no, it's not weird at all. 104 00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,568 When I was still a gung-ho cult person, 105 00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,736 I would come here all the time to recruit new cult members. 106 00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:58,864 I'm not proud of it because it's morally wrong, 107 00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:01,199 but I was so good at finding cult bait. 108 00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:02,492 Like that woman over there-- 109 00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:04,828 she is one line away from joining the cult. 110 00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:07,372 Vitamin B12, huh? What about vitamin B-happy? 111 00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:08,915 - What, so you won't take a card 112 00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:10,459 that isn't covered in mayo? 113 00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:12,752 - That lady buying Tupperware-- I would just tell her, 114 00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:15,422 wow, you're a master compartmentalizer, aren't you? 115 00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:17,299 Or that lady looking at hammers-- 116 00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:19,843 oh, I bet you always have to be the strong one, don't you? 117 00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:22,512 Come on, let me just do one. I'm so good at it. 118 00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:24,389 - No, I'm not tricking people like my dad did. 119 00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:26,224 I want to do things the right way. 120 00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:29,019 If this town is a company, I want it to be a good company, 121 00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:31,229 like Jessica Alba's diapers. 122 00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:32,981 Ugh! 123 00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:34,441 - Morning, scum. 124 00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,109 I see you're picking up some medication. 125 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:38,570 Is it for narcissism? [chuckles] 126 00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:40,781 - Actually, Bandit, I'm here on behalf of the health 127 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:43,033 of a very important member of my community. 128 00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:46,995 And because I'm not narcist, I'm not gonna reveal who it is. 129 00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:48,997 [scoffs] 130 00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:52,793 Excuse me, sweet old man, your ATM machine is broken. 131 00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,795 - Have we met somewhere? 132 00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:58,089 - Ooh, I can say with 100% certainty that we haven't. 133 00:04:58,089 --> 00:04:59,758 No offense. 134 00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:03,386 - Oh, then you must be one of those New Utopians. 135 00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:04,888 Now, you all are weird, correct? 136 00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:06,223 I just love all the stuff you do, 137 00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:07,808 dancing around in the fields and such. 138 00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:08,892 Sometimes I peek. 139 00:05:08,892 --> 00:05:10,060 Can I come visit? 140 00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:11,520 I'm born and raised in Apple Bucket, 141 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:12,813 but I've never crossed the town border, 142 00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:14,314 except for this one time 143 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,066 which I will describe in great detail right now. 144 00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:17,567 Here I go. - No, thank you. 145 00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:19,402 I just need you to fix that ATM. 146 00:05:19,402 --> 00:05:21,404 It keeps saying "funds not available." 147 00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:23,031 - Well, usually when the machine says 148 00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:24,449 "funds not available," 149 00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:26,451 it means your funds aren't available 150 00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:28,745 on account of you don't have any funds. 151 00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:30,580 Sounds like you're broke, buttercup. 152 00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:32,791 - Broke? Would someone who's broke grow up 153 00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:34,376 never having to think about money? 154 00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:36,795 Wait here, buttercup. 155 00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:38,129 [doorbell rings] 156 00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:40,340 - [sobbing] 157 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,884 - Oh. [doorbell rings] 158 00:05:42,884 --> 00:05:45,929 [cellphone ringing] - Yes, hello? 159 00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:47,514 I'm afraid you have me at a disadvantage. 160 00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:49,182 You see, you know who you called, 161 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,517 but I don't know who this is. 162 00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:52,602 - [scoffs] Mother, it's me. 163 00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:54,896 Everything's fine and actually less weird 164 00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:56,231 than I thought it would be. 165 00:05:56,231 --> 00:05:58,191 I'm calling because I'm at the ATM 166 00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:00,986 and I need some cash for a rural charity initiative, 167 00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:02,487 but no money will come out for me. 168 00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:04,114 - Let me guess. 169 00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:06,992 You realized you eat too much to subsist on Comet Bucks. 170 00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:09,828 - What? How do you know about Comet Bucks? 171 00:06:09,828 --> 00:06:12,122 - Petey, I'm with my accountability coach, 172 00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:13,915 and he's going to tell me what to say next. 173 00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:15,584 - "Accountability coach"? 174 00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:16,668 - I love you. 175 00:06:16,668 --> 00:06:18,086 You're my daughter, 176 00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:20,839 but I will not "finance" your latest crisis. 177 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:23,174 - Well, if you love her so much, you talk to her. 178 00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:24,551 [cell phone beeps] 179 00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:25,886 - [huffs] It finally happened. 180 00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:28,847 My mom's accountability coach cut me off. 181 00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:30,849 - Aw. - What's wrong? 182 00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:33,435 You all out of caviar funds for your dinner parties 183 00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:34,728 at the Elders' Houses? 184 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,354 - What does any of that mean? 185 00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:37,689 You're being such a jerk, 186 00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:39,274 and I'm already having a terrible day. 187 00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:41,067 My mom cut me off, Mae Mae's sick. 188 00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:43,737 - She is? I got to go. 189 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,488 - What a weird and hot guy. 190 00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:48,241 Ugh. How hard can it be to get $30? 191 00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,702 It's just $10 three times. 192 00:06:50,702 --> 00:06:52,162 - That's just for Mae Mae's medicine. 193 00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:53,997 You're going to need a lot more than $30 194 00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:55,832 if you're going to save this cult. 195 00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:58,710 [down-home music] 196 00:06:58,710 --> 00:07:00,378 ♪ ♪ 197 00:07:00,378 --> 00:07:02,714 - I have an idea. 198 00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:04,674 - This is going to be my whole day. 199 00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:08,845 - I don't know if this is going to work. 200 00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:10,347 We're in chunky-jewelry country. 201 00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:12,015 - Listen, if there's anything magazines have taught me, 202 00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:13,475 it's how to sell expensive things 203 00:07:13,475 --> 00:07:14,976 by people looking at them. 204 00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:17,937 Hey, you yokels, real dainty New York gold for sale. 205 00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,773 200 for stacking rings, 206 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:23,860 400 for this genuine sparrow charm from Mejooji. 207 00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:25,904 - Y'all aren't those cult weirdos 208 00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:28,657 from New Utopia, are you? - No. 209 00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:31,326 I'm a completely normal person from New York City. 210 00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:33,119 - So where's the jewelry? 211 00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:35,580 - They're ultra-thin because they're meant to be stacked. 212 00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:37,499 I have 80 of them on my finger right now. 213 00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:39,709 - Sorry, honey, I'm looking for something 214 00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:41,961 with a little more statement heft. 215 00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:43,171 - [scoffs] Don't feel bad. 216 00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:44,631 She's what we used to call "unrecruitable." 217 00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,466 You should aim for someone a little easier to hit, 218 00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:47,634 like that guy. 219 00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:49,302 - Oh, I'm bad. 220 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,262 - They taught us to approach people eating near trash cans 221 00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:52,889 because it scores highest on the shame scale. 222 00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:55,141 - [coughs] There go my thighs. 223 00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:58,561 - [sighs] All we have to do is get 30 frickin' dollars, 224 00:07:58,561 --> 00:08:00,188 make Mae Mae's brain work again, 225 00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:01,648 create a new type 226 00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:03,566 of self-sustaining, nontoxic capitalism, 227 00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:06,194 and then make a bunch of money to fix all the town's problems. 228 00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:08,697 - That sounds complicated. Just let me recruit one person. 229 00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:09,948 - Oh. - Just one. 230 00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:11,282 - [groans] - It's really not that bad. 231 00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:13,493 - No. I told you, I don't want to rob 232 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,286 a bunch of sad, lonely, vulnerable people. 233 00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,996 It's not my brand. 234 00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:19,124 - Is this about your brand, or is it about us having food? 235 00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:20,917 I'm truly just trying to follow. 236 00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:23,128 - There's got to be another non-harmful way 237 00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:25,171 to make money at this fair. 238 00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:28,049 - [chanting] Oh, Great Comet, 239 00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:30,093 please watch over this true believer 240 00:08:30,093 --> 00:08:33,221 as she begins her journey to the other side. 241 00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:36,599 Grant her priority boarding and extra legroom 242 00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:40,437 and a window seat if Comets have windows. 243 00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:41,521 - Mom! 244 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:42,981 Y'all can get out of here! 245 00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:45,442 Go on, get! [all whimper] 246 00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:46,609 Are you okay, Mom? 247 00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:49,863 - Who are you? - Bandit, your son. 248 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:53,158 - Oh, I had a terrible dream you abandoned your beliefs 249 00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:55,243 and became a smug, dissenting critic 250 00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:57,537 of my beloved New Utopia. 251 00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,372 - Yeah, Mom, that happened. 252 00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:03,209 - Not to my Bandit. He loves it here. 253 00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:05,503 I'm so proud of you. 254 00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:10,675 - I love the leader! And the comet is coming! 255 00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:13,970 And I can't wait to do weird stuff to defend it! 256 00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:15,764 - That's my son. 257 00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:17,140 - Stop seeing me as little Bandit. 258 00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:18,516 I'm a big Bandit, 259 00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:21,227 a big Bandit who only wants to help his mama. 260 00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:22,896 [indistinct chatter] 261 00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:26,775 - [grunts, breathing heavily] I finished milking your cow. 262 00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:28,818 - [bleats] - Money please. 263 00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:33,364 [sighs] 264 00:09:33,364 --> 00:09:34,866 - Mm, mm, mm. 265 00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:36,576 - [crying] 266 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,119 - Hmm, cult bait. 267 00:09:38,119 --> 00:09:40,080 - [continues crying] - [gasps] 268 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:44,000 [crowd cheering] 269 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:48,213 [person groans, speaking indistinctly over PA] 270 00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:49,714 [bell rings] 271 00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:52,217 - [scoffs] You call that eating butter? 272 00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:57,222 - Push it, ladies. 273 00:09:57,222 --> 00:10:00,391 - I'm not paying 50 bucks to ride a bike. 274 00:10:00,391 --> 00:10:02,977 - Petey, come on. - [breathing heavily] 275 00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:05,647 [groans] 276 00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:08,441 ♪ ♪ 277 00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:11,945 [gasps] Wait, I have another idea. 278 00:10:14,072 --> 00:10:16,366 - Mama? Mama? 279 00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:18,743 - My body is trying to get to space. 280 00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:21,287 This place is no longer pure. 281 00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:24,207 And I have so many regrets. 282 00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:26,793 - Don't give up, please. 283 00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:29,087 I'm gonna get you out of this cult but not that way! 284 00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:31,381 Hang in there, Mama! - I'm too far gone. 285 00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:34,634 But you, you still have a chance for love. 286 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,678 - What are you raving about? Love? 287 00:10:36,678 --> 00:10:38,513 - Go get the girl. 288 00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:40,306 - What girl? - The girl! 289 00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:42,517 - The--the girl? 290 00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:45,103 [dramatic music] 291 00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:46,604 - Mmm. 292 00:10:46,604 --> 00:10:49,732 Help me, I'm stuck in this brown cement. 293 00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:52,068 I am not narcist. 294 00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:53,695 - [sighs] Don't worry, Mom. 295 00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:57,407 I'm gonna get the girl. Just hold on a little longer. 296 00:10:57,407 --> 00:10:59,993 - [growls] - Ha, you blinked. 297 00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:00,952 - [groans] 298 00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:05,832 [gavel bangs] - Sold for $400. 299 00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:07,876 - If they'll pay that much for a date with a cow, 300 00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:10,253 imagine how much they'll pay for a date with me. 301 00:11:10,253 --> 00:11:11,588 - Mm. 302 00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:13,673 - The next heifer for sale is a human-- 303 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,425 a date with Petey St. Barts. 304 00:11:15,425 --> 00:11:17,302 She is a twenty-thirty-year-old magazine writer from the city 305 00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:18,636 who would rather not say what she's doing 306 00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:19,846 in these here parts. 307 00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:22,307 Bidding starts at $500. 308 00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:26,019 - Hmm. Don't look like she can produce much wool. 309 00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:28,479 [person coughs] 310 00:11:28,479 --> 00:11:30,231 - My niece needs a friend. 311 00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:31,983 So $5? 312 00:11:31,983 --> 00:11:34,527 - I hear $5. Do I hear $6, $6, $6? 313 00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:35,904 Do I hear $6? 314 00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:37,906 - $1,000! 315 00:11:37,906 --> 00:11:39,949 [crowd gasps] 316 00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:42,410 - Going once, going twice, and sold-- 317 00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:45,455 a date with Petey St. Barts to the hunk with the highest bid. 318 00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:47,749 - Come on. We have to go. 319 00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:51,544 - I can't believe you did that. Where did you get $1,000? 320 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,922 - I don't have the money. I was defending your honor. 321 00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:55,882 - Wow, you're a liar, and you're poor. 322 00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:57,300 Thank you for killing Mae Mae, 323 00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:59,886 because I was doing this to pay for her medication. 324 00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:01,721 - You were doing this for my mom? 325 00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:04,098 - [gasps] Mae Mae is your mom? 326 00:12:04,098 --> 00:12:06,184 both: This is a huge reveal. 327 00:12:06,184 --> 00:12:10,146 [rock music] 328 00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:11,189 - Oh. 329 00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:13,900 Whoo-hoo! 330 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,402 Here I come, other half of the universe. 331 00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:19,530 Wow. Petey's father wasn't lying. 332 00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:21,574 This is nice. 333 00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:25,662 Oh, yeah! Whoo-hoo! 334 00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:28,414 - A-whoo! 335 00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,583 - [gasps] I'm doing it! 336 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:31,584 I'm doing it! 337 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,127 Yeah! Ow! 338 00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:34,712 Get away, Emmett. 339 00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:36,256 - I was just trying to give you water. 340 00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:38,800 - I hate you, you little bug. 341 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:41,761 - God, I am glad you're finally done humiliating yourself 342 00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:44,514 and are ready to recruit this guy like I told you to. 343 00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:46,182 - I am not recruiting him. 344 00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:50,228 I am going to beg him for an IOU like an adult. 345 00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:52,313 [doorbell rings] - Well, lookee who's back. 346 00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:53,564 - [sighs] 347 00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:54,983 My friend is sick, 348 00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:57,110 and I don't have money to pay for her meds. 349 00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,028 I've never said these words before, 350 00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:01,572 but is there any way you could spot me 351 00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:03,950 and I'll pay you back later? 352 00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:06,119 - Normally I wouldn't even consider something like that, 353 00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,162 but you really are the spitting image 354 00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:10,540 of my high-school sweetheart, Tammy Overalls. 355 00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:11,541 You know her? - [sighs] 356 00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:13,751 I have never met an Overalls. 357 00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:18,423 - She had the sharpest elbows I've ever seen. 358 00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:19,924 - About the IOU. 359 00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:22,552 - Sorry, no can do on the IOU. [chuckles] 360 00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:24,345 I've been burned too many times. 361 00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:27,890 But seeing you sure reminds me of how much I miss my Tammy. 362 00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:30,226 I should have married her when I had the chance. 363 00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:31,811 No offense to my current wife. 364 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,062 RIP. She died. 365 00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:34,856 And my church just fell into a sinkhole, 366 00:13:34,856 --> 00:13:36,774 so now I have nothing to worship. 367 00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:38,276 - [gasps] 368 00:13:38,276 --> 00:13:39,944 - I don't even care if it's made up. 369 00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:41,404 I just want to believe in something. 370 00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:42,947 Also, I'd love to wave 371 00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:44,657 my little thing around in the woods-- 372 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:45,742 not in a creepy way. 373 00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:48,327 - Cult bait? - Ha, cult bait. 374 00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:51,080 - [sighs] You've always had to be the-- 375 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,583 - Strong one. How did you know? 376 00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:54,959 [sobbing] 377 00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:57,712 - Come live in the community of New Utopia. 378 00:13:57,712 --> 00:14:01,007 Application fee is $30. 379 00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:03,176 - Is $50 okay? - Can I get that medication? 380 00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:04,761 - Boy, can you? 381 00:14:04,761 --> 00:14:07,555 Am I ever excited to give up everything 382 00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:10,266 for people who actually care about me. 383 00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:11,601 - [sighs] 384 00:14:13,728 --> 00:14:16,314 - I did it! I got Mae Mae's pills! 385 00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:17,899 - [gulps] 386 00:14:17,899 --> 00:14:19,692 What the dang hell, Emmett? 387 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,152 What'd I tell you 388 00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:22,737 about putting your dirty fingers in my mouth? 389 00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:24,489 Ugh! - Thank God you're okay. 390 00:14:24,489 --> 00:14:27,200 You wouldn't believe how hard it was to get $30. 391 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,701 Long story short-- 392 00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,453 I did need to recruit a lonely old man to get it. 393 00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:33,289 - We're back to recruiting? Happy days are here again. 394 00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:36,084 - No. It was the first and last recruitment, 395 00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:38,127 because now you're not blood sick. 396 00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:40,922 It's not like one recruit is a viable economic system. 397 00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:42,340 This was an emergency. [door opens] 398 00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:43,841 - Oh, am I barging in? 399 00:14:43,841 --> 00:14:45,301 When would be a good time 400 00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:47,053 for me to give y'all my bank account information? 401 00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:48,763 Did I mention I'm a Rockefeller? 402 00:14:48,763 --> 00:14:50,473 Not one of the good ones, but still... 403 00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:51,766 - Oh, no-- 404 00:14:51,766 --> 00:14:53,518 - That's actually part of the initiation. 405 00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:56,062 There'll be a big ceremony tonight at the Elders' Houses. 406 00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:57,480 - Oh, a ceremony. 407 00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,607 Oh, mmm, mmm. Mmm, mmm, mmm. 408 00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:01,484 - No, Mae Mae, this is wrong. 409 00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:03,236 - Petey, can I talk to you for a second? 410 00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:07,865 - Ouch! 411 00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:09,992 Could we have picked a less-cramped location? 412 00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:12,078 - Oh, I understand your moral position 413 00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:13,538 against recruitment, 414 00:15:13,538 --> 00:15:15,540 but a lot of people are going to starve to death 415 00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:17,166 if we don't take this man's money. 416 00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:19,752 Being a leader means making tough decisions, 417 00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,254 and this is one of them. 418 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:24,799 So what's it gonna be? 419 00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:26,384 - [sighs] Okay. 420 00:15:26,384 --> 00:15:27,969 What do you need me to do? 421 00:15:27,969 --> 00:15:30,471 - Keep him occupied. Wine him and dine him. 422 00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:32,348 Make sure he gets to the Elder Houses 423 00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:34,892 in time for his induction ceremony. 424 00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:37,353 - Aah! [grunts] 425 00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:39,689 - One limey Mary and a ketcharita. 426 00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:41,315 They are the same. 427 00:15:41,315 --> 00:15:43,568 - Spicy. - Gosh, it was so surprising 428 00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:45,486 that you just had so much money. 429 00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:47,822 Were you just going to sit on it until you die? 430 00:15:47,822 --> 00:15:49,532 - Nope, truth be told, I was going to donate it all 431 00:15:49,532 --> 00:15:51,159 to the charity fundraiser 432 00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:53,494 to help a little girl get a new set of eyeballs. 433 00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:54,996 She has this condition 434 00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:57,039 where every time she sees a flash of light, 435 00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:59,917 it ages them four years, and she wants to be a model-- 436 00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:01,002 poor thing. 437 00:16:01,002 --> 00:16:03,087 - Oh, God. That's terrible. 438 00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:04,297 - But forget her. 439 00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,340 Just think of all the wonderful ways 440 00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:08,009 you'll be able to use my money. 441 00:16:08,009 --> 00:16:09,677 - Like feeding people not ketchup. 442 00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,095 - Eliza, seriously, 443 00:16:11,095 --> 00:16:12,805 he was going to use that money for charity. 444 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,891 - Petey, I think it's time for you to take our new friend 445 00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:17,226 to his induction ceremony. - [grunts] 446 00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:18,728 [crowd cheering] 447 00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:20,730 - Well, look at me wearing a robe. 448 00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:23,316 I feel like a person in a hotel. 449 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,943 - Listen, you can be honest with me. 450 00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:28,321 Are you sure you're ready for something like this? 451 00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:31,157 - Oh, yes, I've memorized my routing number 452 00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:33,951 and my account number just as you asked. 453 00:16:33,951 --> 00:16:35,703 And I know it has to be really everything. 454 00:16:35,703 --> 00:16:38,706 I had a trust fund set up for children born without necks, 455 00:16:38,706 --> 00:16:40,541 but I'll turn that over, too-- don't you worry. 456 00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:42,710 - No, stop telling me stuff. 457 00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:45,087 - All right, you, time for our auction date. 458 00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:47,673 - "Auction date"? - If it's okay with this guy. 459 00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:48,883 - Oh, we're not dating. 460 00:16:48,883 --> 00:16:50,676 I'm just giving her all my money 461 00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:52,261 in exchange for immortality. 462 00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:54,138 - Back to recruiting, huh? 463 00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:56,849 Every time I think I can't be more disappointed by you, 464 00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,517 you surprise me. 465 00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:00,853 - [sighs] Look, I don't want to go back to recruiting 466 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,188 any more than you do. 467 00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:04,273 This was not my vision for the town. 468 00:17:04,273 --> 00:17:07,526 I did this to save your mom. - Fine. 469 00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:10,029 Let's take the scenic route to the Elders' Houses. 470 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,530 - Swish. 471 00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:13,616 - Look, I have spent all day trying to figure out 472 00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:15,284 how to make money to save this town 473 00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:16,744 without taking advantage of people, 474 00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:18,079 and I'm all out of ideas. 475 00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:19,872 - Typical city person. 476 00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:22,541 Can't you just take a minute to enjoy your surroundings? 477 00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:23,751 Look around. 478 00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:26,003 T-there's a deer... 479 00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:28,506 [thud] Giving birth. 480 00:17:28,506 --> 00:17:30,216 That there's a river... 481 00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:31,384 giving birth. 482 00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:32,635 That there's a star-- 483 00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:35,179 you guessed it, giving birth. 484 00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:38,599 - [sighs] They sure don't make nature like this in New York. 485 00:17:38,599 --> 00:17:40,685 - Sometimes you just got to clear your head 486 00:17:40,685 --> 00:17:43,854 and get out into nature and connect with something real-- 487 00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:45,481 dirt, trees. 488 00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:46,566 - Marble. 489 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:47,942 - What? - Look. 490 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:51,821 This is where all the money went. 491 00:17:51,821 --> 00:17:53,781 - It's the Elders' Houses, of course. 492 00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:55,992 They designed them themselves. 493 00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:57,827 - Mae Mae, you neglected to tell me 494 00:17:57,827 --> 00:18:00,705 that the Elders live in giant marble palaces-- 495 00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:03,916 and not just any marble, Carrara marble. 496 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,918 - I'm sure it's not that expensive. 497 00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:07,545 - Don't challenge a city girl 498 00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:09,839 on her ability to recognize different types of marble. 499 00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:11,924 I would recognize my mom's favorite countertops 500 00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:13,259 from anywhere. 501 00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:14,719 - Well, that's very neat, dear, 502 00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:16,637 but let's get this recruiting going. 503 00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:18,848 - No, that won't be necessary, Mae Mae. 504 00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:20,725 [snaps fingers] Elders, get out here. 505 00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:22,518 [creepy laughter] 506 00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:24,061 - Is the new inductee ready 507 00:18:24,061 --> 00:18:27,148 for his most holy bank transfer, hmm? 508 00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:28,941 - No, we won't be doing that. 509 00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:30,901 We're not stealing the pharmacist's money 510 00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:32,737 or those children's eyes or necks, 511 00:18:32,737 --> 00:18:34,488 because this isn't just a scam. 512 00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:35,823 It's a pyramid scheme. 513 00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:38,117 You guys took all the money from new recruits 514 00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:41,454 and used it to build these houses made of floor. 515 00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:43,039 But I'm going to take the pyramid 516 00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:44,749 and turn it upside down. 517 00:18:44,749 --> 00:18:47,710 I'm going to sell your houses. [Elders gasp] 518 00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:49,795 - Sweetheart, you're new around here, 519 00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:50,963 so you don't understand. 520 00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,465 We get nice stuff 521 00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:54,967 as payment for our job of being your dad's friends. 522 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,260 - Well, you're not my friends, 523 00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:57,970 so you can just move into one house together. 524 00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,680 You guys cool with that? 525 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:04,185 - Well, we--we will do whatever our greater leader decrees. 526 00:19:04,185 --> 00:19:06,270 - So we're redistributing the wealth--great! 527 00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:08,189 It might not solve everything long-term, 528 00:19:08,189 --> 00:19:11,275 but it does mean we don't have to eat ketchup anymore. 529 00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:14,278 Pickle dogs for everyone, on the houses. 530 00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:18,199 [crowd cheering] 531 00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:19,909 - Hi, can I still be in your cult? 532 00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:21,952 I already threw out all my underwear. 533 00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:24,080 - Who told you to do that? - Nobody. 534 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:27,124 - I mean, we were about to fully rob you, 535 00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:29,001 and I don't yet have a great permanent solution 536 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,419 for not robbing people. 537 00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:32,713 But if you want to stay, sure. 538 00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:34,006 People need pills. 539 00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,508 - Great. 540 00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,760 Now that we're alone, 541 00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,888 you'd tell me if you were Tammy Overalls, right? 542 00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:43,849 [dramatic music] 543 00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:50,815 ♪ ♪ 544 00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:01,575 - I'm going to... 545 00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:03,703 [slowed] Sell your houses. 546 00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:06,706 [Elders gasp] 547 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,249 You can just move into one house together. 548 00:20:08,249 --> 00:20:09,709 You guys cool with that? 549 00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:12,545 - We will do whatever our great leader decrees. 550 00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:15,423 [air horn blares] - This is gonna get crazy. 551 00:20:15,423 --> 00:20:19,093 Five Elders, one house. 552 00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:21,262 It's "Elder House." 553 00:20:21,262 --> 00:20:24,306 - Talk all you want. 554 00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:27,935 There's no time for drama on the comet. 555 00:20:27,935 --> 00:20:32,064 - I might look sweet, but I'm 104. 556 00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:36,068 - Life isn't all human sacrifice and Metamucil. 557 00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:38,362 But it should be. 558 00:20:38,362 --> 00:20:41,031 - I believe rules were made to be followed. 559 00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:44,452 But a disobedient spirit is meant to be broken. 560 00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:46,954 - Call me a bitch if you want. 561 00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:49,874 Just don't call me a heretic. 562 00:20:49,874 --> 00:20:51,584 - "Elder House."