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A NETFLIX COMEDY SPECIAL

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Turn it on.

3
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We have to do this.
This is a municipality thing. Rule.

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Whatever is on the poster...
Otherwise people complain about it.

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To avoid "It's on the poster,
he went on with a T-shirt" complaints.

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Look, I did the whole thing.
I didn't skip it because of the pandemic.

7
00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:52,960
Welcome.

8
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Just because
I've never had a big stage costume,

9
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I wanted to do something like
this with a cape, you know?

10
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It's cool, isn't it?

11
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Right? Because you don't use
the cape in daily life.

12
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Actually, I'm personally
very sorry that it's outdated.

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Look at this. Imagine yourself
in this in Zincirlikuyu. Right?

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I mean, who can cut in front of you
in line for the metrobus, you know?

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Who can ask for your HES code?
Look at this.

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You, standing there
like the Duke of Bağcılar.

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Cool, isn't it? I'm leaving my cape here.

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Just to clarify, you know,

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it's not like I'm passing the torch here.

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I never had a beautiful costume.
I started this tour in London first.

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I wanted to take my cape
and baton for the tour.

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They didn't allow this on the plane, dude.

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They said,
"You can't bring that into the plane."

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As if I was trying to shove it
into the plane.

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"You can't bring it into the plane."

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They asked, "What are you
going to do with that in England?"

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I mean, it's clear
that it's a baton, right?

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I don't know what comes to your mind, but...

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I'd get the concern
if this came in a set with some lotion.

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Can't take this on the plane,
can't take that on the plane...

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I swear, I'm tired of it.

32
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Do you know why our show is called
"Diamond Elite Platinum Plus"?

33
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I went to a faculty of theology in Bursa
for a talk.

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Someone said on social media,

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"Cem, beware, this is theology!"

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God. As if the Vatican sent me to Bursa.

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With incense in my hand.

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"Green Bursa will be ours."

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What's gonna happen in the faculty
of theology? God created me, too.

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I was chatting with the young students.
One asked,

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"Why is your show called
'Diamond Elite Platinum Plus'?"

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I said, "Dude, it represents you,
it's not about me."

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"You're the diamond,
you're the elite, you're the platinum."

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"You don't deserve regular treatment.
You deserve much better, that's why."

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"What will you talk about?" he asked.
I said, "What I know."

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I said, "I've seen that many people have
benefited from the things I talk about,

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so I'll continue doing that."
I hadn't been on stage for some time.

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I saw you make your own comedy,
you're creative.

49
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Like your TikTok videos, Instagram videos...

50
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Your jokes while driving a car...
Like this, like that...

51
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You made jokes with a teapot
when I wasn't around.

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Didn't you?
"Alala mamama, fuck your grandma..."

53
00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:16,960
But I kept my patience...

54
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I decided to do a show before
Ata Demirer makes another Aegean movie.

55
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You know, he has those movies with
a clarinet. "Fuck, what is happening, yo?"

56
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I said, no more.

57
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Time for me to talk now.

58
00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:38,640
But nobody owns the rights to make comedy.
Of course you'd make your own.

59
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Not only that, to me... I'm someone...

60
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I tell the jokes that make me laugh...
Seems like my rivals were closer to me.

61
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The enemy is within.

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I brought my son to one of my shows
so he could see what I do.

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He keeps getting diamonds
for his iPad games, tap, tap, tap.

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I wanted him to see his poor old man
getting 100 liras, one by one.

65
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This is how we get our diamonds.

66
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It's very laborious for a celebrity
to have a kid, you know?

67
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With your kids, you guys are freer.
You're on each other's Instagram accounts.

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People write nice comments. Send <i>"Namaste"</i>
and heart emojis. "Such an angel!"

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If we uploaded a video of our kid dancing,

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they'd comment,
"The kid must be a moron."

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And it doesn't matter if the kid has
the accumulated IQ of his whole family.

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I'm not looking for a diamond
in the rough, but he's a brilliant kid.

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He says really smart things.

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Young people ask me,
"Cem, sir, should we have kids?"

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If you have a tablet, go for it.
You have an iPad, do it.

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If not, don't even think about it.

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Honestly.

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Experts complain, "Oh, they give
the child a tablet right away."

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I dare you not to!

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What happened with the pandemic?
Everything's on...

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Can you take the tablet away from the kid?

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All his school life would end.

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As far as the experts are concerned,

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whatever is trending,
keep your kid away from it.

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When I was a kid, they used to say,
"Don't let them watch too much TV."

86
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Dude, they would
turn the TV on at 7:00 p.m.

87
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There was only one channel.
With my brother,

88
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we would play
in front of the turned-off TV,

89
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to see our reflection on it and have fun.

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Poor us. The '70s kids.

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With starch, cracked wheat
and tarhana soup, that's all we could do.

92
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We achieved all of this just on potatoes.
Our generation is the real deal.

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They say, "Oh, the new generation..."

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"They are so smart."

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Dude, if you gave me that much folic acid...

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Folic, folic, folic, folic...
"Did you get your folic?"

97
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"Take your iron. Take your folic acid."

98
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The baby gets all that folic...

99
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When he gets out, he asks,
"What's the iPad's passcode?"

100
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Yeah...

101
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I even saw a kid
who was registered for school

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as he came out of the delivery room.

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Comes out, all wet...

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"I want to attend Robert College."

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The generation before ours, poor things,
thought there were people in the radio.

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Fucking idiots!

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What were <i>you</i> fed? "We thought
there was a man inside the radio."

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Twisted generation.

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New generation is so smart...
For their own parents.

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We have a saying:
"You can't pay your debt to your parents."

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Yeah, but it can be calculated, bastard.

112
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Honesty is important.

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Our elders who raised us, our role models,

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that's the way they were.
My dad, my mom, really...

115
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I can give examples of men.

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My maternal uncle, my uncle-in-law,

117
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they were important figures.
We learned a lot. My uncle,

118
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he's one of the most important alcoholics.

119
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You know who my uncle is? My uncle...
You know AMATEM?

120
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Addiction treatment center.
My uncle graduated from it twice.

121
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My uncle is the big boss
at the end of the game in AMATEM.

122
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You need to defeat heroin
to fight my uncle.

123
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He hasn't been drinking for 15, 16 years.

124
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He was an important alcoholic.

125
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And his tragedy saved our lives.

126
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My dear uncle, during the '60s,
'70s, '80s, '90s and early 2000s,

127
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because he was drinking all this time,
neither me or my brother nor my cousins

128
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ever had anything to do with alcoholism.

129
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Because my uncle would drink everything.

130
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He drank it all,
so we had nothing to drink.

131
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His drinking was off the charts.

132
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Unbelievable.

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Nobody could compete with
the amount he was drinking.

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In '87, he had a car accident.

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In Yedikule,
his car rolls over five times.

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My uncle flies through the windshield.

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He is on the road like this,
300 meters away from his car.

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Lying on the ground like this.

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For half an hour.

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Half an hour later, this happens.

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He sees a car crash ahead.

142
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Decides to go help them.

143
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He asks the police officer
what's going on.

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Buttoning his jacket and all.

145
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The policeman says, "There's been a
huge crash, but we can't find the driver."

146
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My uncle says, "Humanity is not dead,"
so he starts looking for the driver too.

147
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Really.

148
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He is a very important man.

149
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He hasn't been drinking for 16 years.
My advice to young people is,

150
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it really is not something I'd recommend.
For example, me, I don't drink much.

151
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I drink. But I drink responsibly.

152
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Sometimes, just because I have
Instagram photos or videos drinking rakı,

153
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people go, "You godless..."

154
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Man, I drink normally.

155
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That's all I drink. Don't get shocked
to see me drinking on Instagram...

156
00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:54,200
"He posted rakı on Instagram." Yes.

157
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Because normally, I drink, that's why.

158
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Should I have done this instead,

159
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shown hot dipping sauce,
icy almonds, melon, ice,

160
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but no rakı?

161
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Just like, "Allah doesn't follow me
on Instagram anyway."

162
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"He sent a request,
but I didn't respond." Like that?

163
00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:14,880
How shameful. If I drink, I drink.

164
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If I burn in hell, so be it.
What can I do?

165
00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:19,600
But of course,
it's not something I'd recommend.

166
00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:24,720
The answer to
what I really talk about is this.

167
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My show is about eliminating the things
that drain the happiness out of our lives.

168
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Seriously.

169
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Look, we have
serious problems with having fun.

170
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It's the same all around the world,

171
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but our people have extra issues
with having fun.

172
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There's a thing called genetic poverty.

173
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Like "poverty of happiness."

174
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I'm included in this group, too, but...

175
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if we can remove these from our lives...

176
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For example, that's the "plus"
I'm talking about on the poster.

177
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Pay attention to the man
who says this while laughing:

178
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"We're having so much fun.
Wish we had seen this before."

179
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Listen to that.

180
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"Oh, very funny. Really."

181
00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:03,800
"Isn't it?"

182
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"Better record it,
so I can laugh again later."

183
00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,120
These are key indicators.

184
00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:11,240
A moment... You know, people have
learned this during the pandemic,

185
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"I've learned to live in the moment."

186
00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:16,440
Fuck off!
We know nothing about the moment.

187
00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:19,320
"Moment" was important
in the 1970s or '60s.

188
00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:21,240
There's no such thing as a moment now.

189
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,440
It's in our photos.

190
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:26,240
Look at
the birthday photos of my generation.

191
00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:28,760
A single frame. Cake and friends.

192
00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:31,080
Our vacations, a single frame.

193
00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:32,480
Ephesus ruins and us.

194
00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:36,520
Living in the moment was then.

195
00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:39,800
Now, at a kid's birthday,
at a special occasion...

196
00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:43,200
Man, there's a button called "burst"
on the camera.

197
00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:45,200
Just as they're about to slice the cake...

198
00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:50,280
Two hundred and seventy-eight
shots of this.

199
00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:56,440
Which one is "the moment"?

200
00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:58,480
None.

201
00:10:58,560 --> 00:11:01,720
Bro, how long does it take
to get to the islands from here?

202
00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:04,240
The Princes' Islands. Heybeli, Büyükada...

203
00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:06,960
An hour? By swimming?

204
00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:13,280
Do you live on the Anatolian side? Okay.
It'll take 30 or 45 mins, right?

205
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:15,080
Are there any Islanders here?

206
00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:18,560
How beautiful that would be.
You go from here and you get fresh air.

207
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,480
I was born and raised in Istanbul.

208
00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:23,000
The islands are where we go
to get fresh air.

209
00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:24,360
When you go there, "Oh, nice."

210
00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:27,200
"I can smell the linden."
And then there's this.

211
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:31,520
Is it nine carbon, six hydrogen,
or six carbon, nine hydrogen?

212
00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:33,840
Do you know what I mean? Horse shit.

213
00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:38,200
That smell is so strange.
It comes from the horse-drawn carriages.

214
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:41,280
The smell gives you the desire
to buy a house on the island.

215
00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:45,280
Because it takes you back
to the nomadic times.

216
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:50,600
Yes, and you say,
"I must get a house here."

217
00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:54,600
But when the smell goes away, you say,
"What the hell would I do in Burgaz?"

218
00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:57,200
Now they changed the carriages.

219
00:11:57,280 --> 00:12:00,680
The horses were treated cruelly.
Poor things. I was upset by that.

220
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:04,000
There are horse-drawn carriages
all around the world.

221
00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:07,280
I saw carriages in Switzerland too,
but you should see the horse.

222
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:10,320
You'd think the coachman
was working for the horse.

223
00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:14,520
The horse was like this. "Did we
take care of your health coverage?"

224
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,680
"Eat now, then we'll go on."

225
00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:19,720
In New York, in Central Park, et cetera.

226
00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:22,320
None here.

227
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:24,120
I went to the islands recently.

228
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:25,920
Three or four years ago.

229
00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:30,400
Man, you'd go to the island,
get a little fresh air. Beautiful.

230
00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:35,400
There'd be genetically poor
in the group, I mean someone unhappy...

231
00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:36,680
They'd start mumbling

232
00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:39,680
and manipulating you,
but with positive comments at first.

233
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:42,560
Like this: "I'm glad we came here."

234
00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:45,000
Pay attention to this remark.
This is how it all starts.

235
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:48,560
"I'm glad we came here.
This island is like paradise."

236
00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:49,880
"I wish we'd come here before."

237
00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:53,800
"Nuran, we're here now. Let's enjoy it."

238
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:57,280
"No, we never come.
We are missing out in Istanbul."

239
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:58,960
"Nuran, here we are."

240
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,680
"No, bro, we're fucking lost causes."

241
00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:04,400
"Look, the island is so close."
"But we never come."

242
00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:08,960
Dude, that two or three hours
of joyous time...

243
00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:11,720
Nagging the whole time...

244
00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:14,080
"No, we're missing out, really..."

245
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:17,920
For example, a nice walk on the beach...
"We never walk, bro. Really."

246
00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:19,720
"Man, we're walking!"

247
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,400
"No, bro, no. We never walk."

248
00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:26,160
No matter how often,
you'd still go to the island.

249
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,240
That makes it joyous.

250
00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:30,800
"We must come, bro. We must do it..."

251
00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:33,760
Like a Sunday barbeque.
It's always like this.

252
00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:37,920
"We never do this.
Really, we never do this, man."

253
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,360
"But we're doing it right now, Sadettin.
We are eating now."

254
00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:41,640
"No, brother, no. Really.

255
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,040
"Look. So good."

256
00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:45,160
"Damn it."

257
00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:47,960
"We never do this!"

258
00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:52,600
Always postponing, putting things off.

259
00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:54,040
Complaining about the past.

260
00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:56,760
I have a summer house in Bodrum,
if I do say so.

261
00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:58,400
A humble place. Come visit me someday.

262
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:04,120
But in Bodrum.
I don't have a stone house in Alaçatı.

263
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:06,720
I'm not that wealthy.

264
00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:09,840
And I'm not that stupid either.

265
00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:13,000
They always sell stone houses in Çeşme.

266
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:15,600
They show off, saying their
house was a church in old times.

267
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:19,880
"Oh, we bought a stone house in Alaçatı.
It used to be a church."

268
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:21,120
So what?

269
00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:23,400
As if they have visitors from the Vatican.

270
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:28,080
"Oh, we bought a house,
and there is a small chapel inside it."

271
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:29,000
"Really."

272
00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:31,720
"And we live in a gated community.
It used to be a church."

273
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:35,200
"We forgot to pay the monthly fee,
so they crucified my husband."

274
00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:37,080
I mean...

275
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:40,800
Leave me the fuck alone!

276
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,400
I have a summer house in Bodrum.

277
00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:48,400
I'm in my pool. We're in the water
with a friend, this deep.

278
00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:52,320
We have champagne flutes in our hands.
Next to each other, two men.

279
00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,000
You know what he says?

280
00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:56,480
"Dude," he says, "if we had the chance..."

281
00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:05,400
I mean, are we gonna stick these
up our asses if we had the chance?

282
00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:07,880
When will we ever live in the moment?

283
00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:12,960
With all negatives and positives,
even from the smallest one

284
00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:16,440
to the most significant one,
there's always that safety valve,

285
00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:17,960
always hitting the brakes.

286
00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:22,000
A sense that things should've happened
before or must happen all the time.

287
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:23,760
Utter nonsense.

288
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:27,160
Wants to live in the moment, my ass.
We need to get rid of this attitude.

289
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:31,000
And when you pry into this,
you always get in trouble.

290
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:34,440
My son had this thing at school...
What do you call it?

291
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:35,960
A play.

292
00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:39,040
They were taught a few things.
He was in first grade.

293
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:41,160
They learned a little English.

294
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:44,080
They wanted the parents to see it.

295
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:45,560
So we went.

296
00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:49,400
But, you know,
his mother and I went separately.

297
00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:54,240
And that's where I learned that we were
the only divorced parents in the world.

298
00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:57,720
Since the Sumerians, the first to divorce...

299
00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:01,240
Because the other parents were like this,

300
00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:02,400
"They're divorced."

301
00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:06,120
"Divorced. Divorced."

302
00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:08,360
So what?

303
00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:11,000
Pitying the kid... "Poor kid. Divorced."

304
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:15,800
What are you upset about?
The kid has two iPads.

305
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:18,800
Pity yourself.

306
00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:22,920
There are no more kids to feel sorry for
but Prince Kemal.

307
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:26,080
All those blondes
with an inch of their roots showing,

308
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:29,280
the parents that study more than
their kids, they were all there.

309
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,080
You know those women,
getting excited and all.

310
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:34,280
"We counted apples today."

311
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:36,920
Lady, you graduated long ago, fuck off.
It's the kids' turn.

312
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:40,760
Anyway, we went to the play.

313
00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:45,400
I swear, I didn't even touch
my phone to record my kid there.

314
00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:47,040
Because the play was like this.

315
00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:51,040
They form a line. They had the poor kids
memorize a few lines. Pictures in hands.

316
00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:53,560
One has a picture of sushi. "I am Sushi."

317
00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:56,920
"My name is Sushi, I am from Tokyo,"
for example.

318
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,280
Or Japan, something like that.

319
00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:01,680
"I am from Italy,
my name is Spaghetti," they say.

320
00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:06,080
They were all assigned
a food name and a picture.

321
00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:08,840
That's all they say, "I am from..."
That's the play.

322
00:17:09,839 --> 00:17:14,119
Man, I saw a family that brought
a tripod there. A tripod and a camera.

323
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:18,440
Mother was there, father was there,
they even brought the grandmother.

324
00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:21,280
Grandma had such a perm...

325
00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:25,599
She looked like a Tesla coil.

326
00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:30,200
She looked as if she was given
the perms of all the ladies

327
00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:33,560
in the Republican Party's
Women's Branches in Istanbul.

328
00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:43,040
Like this.

329
00:17:43,120 --> 00:17:45,800
If you accidentally
take your credit card out,

330
00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:49,400
her hair would
magnetically pull it like that.

331
00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:53,760
Anyway, my son walked on stage.

332
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,720
"I am from America..."
He was assigned the hamburger.

333
00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:59,280
"I am from America,
my name is Hamburger..." and so.

334
00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:01,160
Then he was like "Hi, Dad!"

335
00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:02,800
This Tesla coil turned to me and said,

336
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:04,680
"Cem, sir, he's just like you."

337
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:08,440
Just like me?

338
00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:11,200
Dude, I have 15 movies.

339
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,640
I've been on tour all around Anatolia,
Europe, America...

340
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:17,160
I've been on stage 5,000 times.

341
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:20,280
Is that the same?

342
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:24,120
I said, "Tesla, you waste less,

343
00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:27,080
but you talk too much."

344
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:31,120
God helped me.
Their kid walked on the stage and said,

345
00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:33,960
"I'm from Italy, my name is Sgabetti."
Fucked it up.

346
00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:36,960
It's on tape.

347
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:42,040
Can you believe it?

348
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:43,400
Wants to live in the moment...

349
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:46,800
In one of their gigs,

350
00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:50,320
my brother tells a joke about my uncle.

351
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:52,480
A smartass among the audience says,

352
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:55,200
"Cem has already told
the story of your uncle's alcoholism."

353
00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:57,200
And my brother says, "He's my uncle too."

354
00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:02,160
Fuck...

355
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:06,880
Why would you even bother
trying this over the age of 50?

356
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:09,040
"My uncle too."

357
00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:10,920
Forget about your uncle.

358
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,080
Talking about himself
would be 1,000 times funnier.

359
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:16,960
I'd be pale in comparison,
but not everyone has that personality.

360
00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:19,280
I would talk about my stupidity,
he wouldn't.

361
00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:21,600
But I can tell one of his stories now.

362
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:24,720
Guys... My brother's kids are adults now.

363
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:28,840
Fifteen years ago, he wanted to film
his younger daughter's school play.

364
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:31,240
Okay? My God!

365
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:32,320
I mean...

366
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:35,880
The kid was doing
all sorts of different performances.

367
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:39,240
Sings a pop song,
then an anthem, folk dancing...

368
00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:41,760
Doing this, playing that...

369
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:43,680
The play was one and a half hours long.

370
00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:47,320
And my brother recorded it as a parent.
The whole play.

371
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:50,680
Then they go home, watch the video.
There's another kid.

372
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:56,840
My brother shot the wrong kid.

373
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:01,680
His kid says, "Dad, this is not me!"

374
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:05,000
And he says,
"She was good, what can I do?"

375
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:10,120
So he is fair like this.

376
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:13,320
Crazy, he's really crazy.

377
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,080
Really crazy.

378
00:20:18,360 --> 00:20:20,800
Living in the moment
was possible when I was a kid.

379
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:23,000
I'm a '70s kid.

380
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:27,280
But back then I was...
People always say this in a nostalgic way.

381
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:30,240
Since the Sumerians...
"Our generation was crazy!"

382
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:31,800
"We were crazy in high school."

383
00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:33,600
I'm sure.

384
00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:37,680
Every generation has their own thing,
but there's also the spirit of the time.

385
00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:41,760
For example,
I was known as a rogue, a whip-smart man,

386
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:46,400
but I was a very romantic kid.
I was never rude to my elders.

387
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:48,080
I was never a smartass.

388
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:50,720
"Alala mamama, fuck your grandma..."

389
00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:53,320
"My grandma boils molasses..."

390
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:54,840
No such things.

391
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,720
I didn't have those skills
when I was a kid.

392
00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:02,040
I was just a little bit of a womanizer.

393
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:04,960
And it only lasted until last week.

394
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,320
I'm cutting down on it.

395
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:10,440
Cutting it down.

396
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:15,120
When I was five, I proposed to
the 20-year-old neighbor girl.

397
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:19,240
Why would you propose? You're only five.

398
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:21,520
Sit on her lap,
play with her boobs. That's it.

399
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,600
Why would you
take yourself that seriously?

400
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:28,600
That's the '70s spirit.
I was institutional.

401
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:31,520
I shall get married, or engaged.
Turkish movie style.

402
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:34,280
I had a suit I had worn
for my circumcision ceremony.

403
00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:36,200
I turned it into a groom's suit.

404
00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:41,320
Because it was a dark blue velvet suit
with a ruffled shirt.

405
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:42,840
Shoes like my father's.

406
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:44,160
Take the <i>mashallah</i> band off,

407
00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:47,920
and the prince hat, that feathery thing.
You're Erol Evgin. That's it.

408
00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:51,520
I got a ring from my mom.
Rang their doorbell.

409
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:55,040
And said, "I'm here to get engaged."
But the reason is this...

410
00:21:55,120 --> 00:21:56,280
Try to recall those days.

411
00:21:56,360 --> 00:22:00,080
I'm talking to ladies my age.
I don't know if they still do this.

412
00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:04,200
They call the younger boys,
"My fiancé, my boyfriend, my lover."

413
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:06,040
Girls, don't do that.

414
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:08,240
It's not forgotten.

415
00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:13,720
Look, this is a story from 44 years ago.
Can you believe it?

416
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:17,600
So, I took it seriously.
All I lacked was the Turkish delight.

417
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:19,120
I had the ring, a bowtie...

418
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:22,720
And her parents were like, "Welcome, son."

419
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:30,280
I walked in, sat on the couch,
my feet wouldn't even touch the floor.

420
00:22:30,360 --> 00:22:32,680
They gave me crackers and tea.

421
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:35,520
I was dunking my crackers in the tea.

422
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:37,560
"Do you love my daughter?"

423
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:38,920
"I do."

424
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:40,720
Good God!

425
00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:45,400
For a second, I thought,
"Is it okay to move out before school?"

426
00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:48,520
I got scared that
I was about to get married.

427
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:52,320
So I made up an excuse.
I'll never forget it.

428
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:53,720
The TV was on.

429
00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:56,440
And my favorite cartoon started, <i>Sinbad.</i>

430
00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:58,640
I said, <i>"Sinbad</i> is on,
I gotta go," and fled.

431
00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:01,600
That was my first time
running away from marriage.

432
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:05,040
Dude, think about it,
my kid would be 44 years old now.

433
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:10,000
What confidence!

434
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:13,560
So, being a womanizer
is tough when you're a kid.

435
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:16,800
Our downstairs neighbors
were a newlywed couple.

436
00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:20,880
The man worked all day,
so the new bride was alone at home.

437
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:24,520
And their apartment was known as "the new
bride's place" in the neighborhood.

438
00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:27,760
And the girl was gazing out of the window.
We lived in Samatya then.

439
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:29,080
Looking out the window.

440
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:34,560
And I was five. I wondered,
"Is there anything she needs?"

441
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:39,400
She's bored at home all day,
her husband isn't there.

442
00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:43,800
And I used to think
I was a small man then.

443
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:45,760
Drawing on a mustache with a pen.

444
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:48,120
I'm saying this
as if it's a normal thing, forgive me.

445
00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:54,520
<i>Uckers,</i> board games...
I had games brought from Germany.

446
00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:57,520
I tucked them under my arm,
knocked on her door and said,

447
00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:00,720
"If you're bored,
we can play <i>Uckers</i> together."

448
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:01,840
"I'd love to," she said.

449
00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:05,040
I started going there every day.
Every day.

450
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:08,600
I was thinking like,
"That husband, he doesn't deserve you."

451
00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:09,720
"But I do."

452
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:12,680
We'd put the games on the floor.

453
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:16,120
You know those board games. You roll
the dice, you're green, she's red.

454
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,040
You have a team, you advance, you know.

455
00:24:18,120 --> 00:24:23,040
We look into each other's eyes...
She's 21, 22. I'm five. Like this.

456
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:27,240
"You're either mine or you're dead."

457
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:29,360
We play, look into each other's eyes.

458
00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:31,480
"Six, your turn." "Four."

459
00:24:34,120 --> 00:24:36,520
At a moment of absolute silence,
this happened.

460
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,400
"Now, it's your turn. Play."

461
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:39,520
"Two."

462
00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:47,440
She farted, man!

463
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:53,640
Most people think,
because I was a kid, I farted. No.

464
00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:56,880
She farted. I was heartbroken.

465
00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:03,480
Such a clear gesture
that she didn't take me seriously...

466
00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:08,840
Okay, I may be a kid,
but did you have to fart?

467
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:12,240
I didn't ask you to get divorced
and marry me instead.

468
00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:15,000
But we were playing <i>Uckers.</i>
That's a serious thing.

469
00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:17,200
I had just rolled a six.
I was about to win.

470
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:18,880
You know...

471
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,520
"Your turn," she said.
I said, "I'm never coming back."

472
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:27,120
Maybe due to that trauma,
I'm still single.

473
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:32,120
So weird. If she had sneezed,
I'd have said, "Bless you!"

474
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:35,840
If she had yawned,
I'd have said, "Let's go to bed."

475
00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:39,600
Man, one in three bodily functions

476
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:42,600
turned the situation into such a story.

477
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:44,320
Farting is such a weird thing.

478
00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:47,320
You wouldn't know because you don't fart.

479
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:50,280
It's only done by people like us.

480
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:53,200
What a weird thing.

481
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:56,760
In my youth, people said, "In Germany,
farting in public is allowed."

482
00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:01,480
As if it's such a big,
weird social finding.

483
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:03,360
"Farting is allowed in Germany."

484
00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:06,360
So? "That's why they have
an advanced automotive industry."

485
00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:10,440
And anyway, farting in public
is not acceptable in Germany.

486
00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:14,280
In many societies,
farting is considered weird.

487
00:26:14,360 --> 00:26:16,160
But have you ever wondered why?

488
00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:18,520
Why it's shameful or why it's funny?

489
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:22,120
Whenever a comedian talks about farting,
people say right away,

490
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:25,280
"Whoever laughs at fart jokes
doesn't have a fart's worth of brains."

491
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:27,840
What is this? A scientific finding?

492
00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:32,280
It's like,
"The world is run by four families."

493
00:26:33,120 --> 00:26:35,200
"Where are you going?"
"To the coffee shop."

494
00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:40,040
Does reality change when you say,
"Whoever laughs at fart jokes

495
00:26:40,120 --> 00:26:42,320
doesn't have a fart's worth of brains"?

496
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:44,400
Why is farting shameful?

497
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:45,800
Why?

498
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:50,160
Let me explain it scientifically.
In times of hunting and foraging,

499
00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:56,400
women and kids hide in caves
because they are vulnerable, right?

500
00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:59,600
And men go hunting, as a group.

501
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:02,640
An animal is gonna be caught for
the first time. They'll finally have meat.

502
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:06,280
"Gentlemen!"

503
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:09,960
They don't want the farter
to join them again.

504
00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:14,080
These are scientific facts.

505
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:18,560
I too could get my clarinet,
talk like an Aegean and go,

506
00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:20,360
"What the fuck is it?"

507
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:30,200
Just because farting ruined
the first hunt, it's now shameful.

508
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:33,920
Go, look it up. You draw the bow...

509
00:27:39,120 --> 00:27:42,760
Once, twice, three times...
Then they shunned the farters.

510
00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:44,400
In time, it came to this.

511
00:27:45,360 --> 00:27:46,360
Scientific.

512
00:27:47,120 --> 00:27:48,320
Either believe it

513
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:51,640
or make fun of it.

514
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:56,640
You, seven and a half months...
Still going, right?

515
00:27:57,720 --> 00:27:59,960
His wish hasn't come true.

516
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:04,640
I hope you deliver it nicely.

517
00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:07,720
I hope it is better than the first one.

518
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:09,440
An elaborative work.

519
00:28:10,120 --> 00:28:14,200
But I'm sure these things I say
have enlightened some people.

520
00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:18,120
That's all I want. Enlightening.

521
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:20,880
One time,
I was going home from the movie set.

522
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:24,600
I started getting
several emails from Apple.

523
00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:28,480
Like, "Thank you.
We are happy for your cooperation."

524
00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:31,120
They were constantly
charging me 49.90 liras.

525
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:37,160
I got annoyed.
"Thanks, you got Bunny a hat for 149.90."

526
00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:39,560
Bunny's jacket, Bunny's glasses...

527
00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:42,600
My son, at home...
There was a character in his game.

528
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:44,720
He was constantly downloading diamonds.

529
00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:46,680
And my wallet kept getting lighter.

530
00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:51,920
A hat for 49.90, glasses for 149.90...

531
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:55,200
I hadn't even bought a winter coat
for myself. Bunny got everything.

532
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:59,040
In the background,
Bunny was fucking us over.

533
00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:00,720
I got so annoyed.

534
00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:03,600
Like I said,
our generation was more innocent.

535
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:05,040
When we were given one lira,

536
00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:08,440
we'd get chocolate with half of it,
and ice cream with the other.

537
00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:12,320
"I should save half of it."
"I saved, and turned it into five liras."

538
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:14,920
We used to feel it,
it was a physical thing.

539
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:17,720
Now that it's virtual, he taps and taps...

540
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:23,120
Having a kid is like downloading
a free app. It's free to make the baby.

541
00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:27,760
But there are "in-app purchases."
The purchases are done later.

542
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:29,360
But downloading is free.

543
00:29:30,160 --> 00:29:31,160
Ask these two.

544
00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:37,280
Man, in 20 minutes,
I lost 6,000 liras. I got really upset.

545
00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:40,120
I mean really...
I don't collect the money from the trees.

546
00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:44,120
It's not like, "I have shitloads of money.
Make it rain." That's ridiculous.

547
00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:46,400
And I don't want my kid to be senseless.

548
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:51,440
I decided to punish him when I got home
but until then, Bunny kept screwing me.

549
00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:52,360
So...

550
00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:54,760
I got home.

551
00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:57,920
The guilty one
is right in front of me, still tapping.

552
00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:00,840
I walked in angrily,
took the iPad from him.

553
00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:04,320
I said, "Get your shit together,
I'm not Acun!"

554
00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:07,080
He should know that.

555
00:30:09,080 --> 00:30:10,880
Well, Acun is broke now, but still.

556
00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:14,720
He's been wearing flip-flops lately.
Haven't you noticed?

557
00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:17,880
Says it's his style.
"I was in the Dominican, that's why."

558
00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:19,240
You have no money, don't lie.

559
00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:24,040
But Acun is fine.
He is immortal, that's true.

560
00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:27,040
I swear to you.
Nothing bad happens to him.

561
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:30,800
He's a great persuader.
And I'm a so-called clever man.

562
00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:33,680
I don't have a devilish mind. Pure mind.

563
00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:38,880
He persuades a man like me...
He's great at it. He even roped me in.

564
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:42,400
I collected donations
for Ali Koç live on TV.

565
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:46,600
Me. I don't even have a pot to piss in.

566
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:50,480
We were saying, "Don't worry, Ali."

567
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:53,360
He's a big-time manipulator.

568
00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:54,600
But he ran out of money.

569
00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:57,720
A man has three wishes.
Have you ever been divorced?

570
00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:00,760
Oh, good.

571
00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:04,040
Three wishes. I believe Acun
has made all three come true.

572
00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:06,680
That's right.
That's what I call a divorce.

573
00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:09,520
God, nothing can destroy him.

574
00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:12,760
Right now, God forbid,
may we all live long lives,

575
00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:15,080
but if I died now,
I'd be called and questioned,

576
00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:17,560
all those rakı photos on Instagram,
I'd confess to it all.

577
00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:21,320
You laughed at it...
"But, God, you know it."

578
00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:23,640
I'd say, "I did it
because you told me to."

579
00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:26,600
Because He created us.
I'm not a byproduct.

580
00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:31,200
But Acun could
convince even Him, I'm sure.

581
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:32,800
"God, let us split in two groups..."

582
00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:38,920
"Sinners and volunteers. What do you say?"

583
00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:40,760
Listen.

584
00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:43,760
If he doesn't make you send voting texts
from here, I'll change my name.

585
00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:47,800
"Type <i>'Sübhaneke, '</i> then add a space

586
00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:51,040
for the sake of your lost ones."

587
00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:54,840
I'm telling you, honestly.
He's untouchable.

588
00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:57,880
He'd even make you watch
the recap clips on weekends.

589
00:31:57,960 --> 00:32:01,000
"Souls that fell off the stairs
to heaven are leaving the island."

590
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:03,480
Wouldn't he? He would.

591
00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:06,920
But he doesn't have money now.
Nusret does.

592
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:10,360
Nusret... Is there Nusr-Et in Japan?

593
00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:13,280
It's in civilized places.
In Arabic countries and in America.

594
00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:15,840
Not in Europe. No way.

595
00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:18,280
I can't imagine a shop
where a cow is fingered

596
00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:21,640
opening up in Stockholm.

597
00:32:21,720 --> 00:32:23,320
God forgive them.

598
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:25,600
I wonder what happened
between that kid and the cow.

599
00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:33,240
This is the era of showbiz.
Everyone has gone crazy.

600
00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:35,720
There are no more small eateries,
after seeing these...

601
00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:37,760
And then there's the one
that chops himself...

602
00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:42,200
Nobody is normal anymore.

603
00:32:42,280 --> 00:32:46,120
I can't find a normal place to eat
chickpeas and pilaf in my neighborhood.

604
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:48,520
You ask for it,
they bring a fire extinguisher first.

605
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:52,840
They write your name on pita.

606
00:32:52,920 --> 00:32:54,360
With black sesame seeds.

607
00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:58,520
They write "CMYLMZ Fundamentals,"
and you hold it up like this.

608
00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:00,400
What the heck is this?

609
00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:02,360
You want mussels,

610
00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:05,560
"Stand across the road,
our chef will toss it into your mouth."

611
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:09,640
What happened to
not joking around with your food?

612
00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:12,640
And there's this one with a mustache.
"What shall we eat today?" Shit!

613
00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:14,160
What?

614
00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:20,040
You know, digested pilaf.

615
00:33:20,120 --> 00:33:21,760
How ridiculous.

616
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:25,240
Wasn't it like this in the old times?
I sound like a nostalgic old-timer.

617
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:27,880
We had a saying, "You shall not
joke around with your food."

618
00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:30,200
Nothing religious,
a folkloric thing, but still.

619
00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:32,560
Wouldn't step on a crumb.
Pick up the bread like this.

620
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:34,920
You'd place the bread up somewhere high.

621
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:39,400
Slapping the cow... Why would you
stick your finger in a dead lamb's ass?

622
00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:43,320
Dips it in gold in the end. He's gonna
suffer in the afterlife, I'm telling you.

623
00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:45,680
He's gonna have a hard time.

624
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:48,240
That Nusret. And he can
express himself well there.

625
00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:49,960
"Cappuccino," you know.

626
00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:54,200
They have it in America.
I didn't go there.

627
00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:55,680
Right, there was one in Miami.

628
00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:58,680
I had a gig in Miami.
I can't go everywhere, like Nevşehir.

629
00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:02,600
I was about to take to the stage in Miami.

630
00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:04,520
I checked the audience
from behind the curtain.

631
00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:07,880
Who was there? Who? What?
I'm a curious person.

632
00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:10,840
Not like, "Has everyone taken
their seats? Then I'm coming."

633
00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:12,640
I'm not like that.

634
00:34:12,720 --> 00:34:17,520
A group of people had gathered around
someone in the front row.

635
00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:20,080
They were taking selfies,
getting photos together.

636
00:34:20,159 --> 00:34:22,320
I have lots of stories
about having photos taken,

637
00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:25,040
so I wondered
if they were preparing a prank.

638
00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:26,960
People sometimes make this joke,

639
00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:29,120
"Sir, you get angry,
but can we have a photo?"

640
00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:31,960
For years... Why would I get angry?

641
00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:34,800
Because of those old stand-ups,
I keep hearing this now.

642
00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:36,560
"You get angry, but..."

643
00:34:36,639 --> 00:34:39,560
That actually means,
"You get angry, but we don't give a fuck."

644
00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:41,600
It means that.

645
00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:45,080
I don't get angry at having photos taken,

646
00:34:45,159 --> 00:34:47,360
I get angry when
they fail to take a photo.

647
00:34:47,440 --> 00:34:51,239
It can't be taken. Unbelievable.
You wouldn't believe the things I see.

648
00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:53,920
And they ask me...
They take the photo, and then,

649
00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:55,239
"Can İsmail join us?"

650
00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:56,760
I don't know.

651
00:34:56,840 --> 00:35:00,040
Am I supposed to know that?
You look at İsmail from afar.

652
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:01,880
He's like, "No, no."

653
00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:04,280
İsmail plays hard-to-get.

654
00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:05,440
You say, "Come, İsmail."

655
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:09,200
"I won't. I won't."
And you try to convince İsmail.

656
00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:14,480
I had a recent one.
Ass-to-ass. She pushed me, he pushed her...

657
00:35:14,560 --> 00:35:17,000
"Let's get all five."
"Let's squeeze Burcu in, Hasan in..."

658
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:18,480
In the end, I wasn't in the photo.

659
00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:20,800
I didn't say anything.

660
00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:25,120
And girls have these weird filters.
They take a photo with you.

661
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:28,520
And they have their own filters.
They end up looking like dolls.

662
00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:30,600
They take it. And I become Murat Boz.

663
00:35:31,680 --> 00:35:32,920
That's not me!

664
00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:36,320
I'm not exaggerating.

665
00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:39,440
I said it before, they even took one
in a sauna. But there's been worse.

666
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:43,040
I attended some events
at Adana Film Festival.

667
00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:46,080
We had kebab at a restaurant.
I went to the restroom.

668
00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:49,000
I was peeing at the urinal
in the restaurant's restroom.

669
00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:52,160
A man walked in.
"You have nowhere to run now," he said.

670
00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:55,240
Why would I run away?

671
00:35:56,600 --> 00:35:58,480
And he says, "You take it."

672
00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:01,880
I said, "Okay,
you hold this, I'll take it."

673
00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:05,720
So... What can I say?

674
00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:11,520
Anyway, everyone was taking
pictures with a man in the front row.

675
00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:15,200
I was wondering if that was a joke.
No, it wasn't. Then I wondered who he was.

676
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:18,080
Anyway, the bell rang,
people took their seats.

677
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:19,840
Then I saw him, a familiar face.

678
00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:21,480
Rahmi Koç.

679
00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:22,560
From my entourage.

680
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:27,040
Rahmi Koç is one of the most
important business people of our country.

681
00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:29,320
"Wow," I said,
"Sir, what are you doing here?"

682
00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:31,360
"What brought you here to Miami, sir?"

683
00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:35,960
And he jokingly said,
"Dearest Cem, we came here to see you."

684
00:36:36,040 --> 00:36:37,600
I said, "Rahmi, drop the act."

685
00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:41,640
You couldn't find a ticket to Maslak,
"M for Miami, okay."

686
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:45,760
I asked, "Seriously, sir,
what are you doing in Miami?"

687
00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:47,560
He was sitting
in the front row at my show.

688
00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:50,800
He said, "Cem, we bought a marina here."

689
00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:52,600
He bought a marina.

690
00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:56,200
Look, I can understand buying a yacht.

691
00:36:57,400 --> 00:36:59,320
Dude, why would you buy a marina?

692
00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:02,640
What kind of shopping is this?
You go to Miami and be like,

693
00:37:02,720 --> 00:37:05,920
"Do I have a marina?" Shit!

694
00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:09,920
Asks his friends.
"Do you have a marina?" "No."

695
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,280
"Really?" "I have one. For me."

696
00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:14,720
So they buy one for him.

697
00:37:15,320 --> 00:37:16,560
Bought a marina.

698
00:37:16,640 --> 00:37:20,320
We can't understand the numbers or
lives the big business people talk about.

699
00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:22,960
Like I said, I can only
understand buying a yacht.

700
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:26,320
I mean, wow, he bought a marina, man.
They talk like that.

701
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:29,360
"How much does this investment cost?"
"Three to five billion dollars."

702
00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:31,080
Is it three or five?

703
00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:35,360
How can you say three or five billion?

704
00:37:36,280 --> 00:37:40,880
"30 to 40 billion dollars." Between
30 and 40, there are 10 billion dollars.

705
00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:42,120
Fuck off.

706
00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:45,480
We don't even get how much money that is.

707
00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:49,480
We have a game,
we couldn't play it there that day.

708
00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:53,120
The game is about money. What would you do

709
00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:56,480
if you woke up one day
and had 100 million dollars?

710
00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:59,360
We couldn't play it on that show
when Rahmi Koç was there.

711
00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:02,880
What could he say?

712
00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:05,240
"Sir, what would you do
if you had 100 million?"

713
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:07,360
He'd say, "I'd bawl my eyes out."

714
00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:11,440
Think about it. You're Rahmi Koç.

715
00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:14,480
You wake up one day
and you have only 100 million dollars.

716
00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:16,840
You'd lose your mind. "Ali!"

717
00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:19,840
"Find me Acun."

718
00:38:20,560 --> 00:38:23,080
"Right, all the money
has gone to Fenerbahçe."

719
00:38:23,640 --> 00:38:25,320
"Cem must come help me."

720
00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:28,520
A special night for Rahmi Koç.

721
00:38:34,720 --> 00:38:40,200
This is a social test that shows us
we don't know the value of money.

722
00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:43,720
"What would you do if you had 100 million
dollars when you woke up one morning?"

723
00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:46,600
I've been asking this on stage
for a year or two now.

724
00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:49,760
As you see, due to the pandemic,
we are at half capacity.

725
00:38:49,840 --> 00:38:53,360
Imagine that it was fuller
and I asked this every day.

726
00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:59,560
I have yet to hear an idea for a medicine,
a brilliant idea, nothing.

727
00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:00,800
100 million dollars.

728
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:03,480
Because people don't know
how much money is worth.

729
00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:05,080
For example, how much is $100 million?

730
00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:08,760
How much is it now?
850 million liras, right?

731
00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:12,480
Or 860, something like that. Tell me how
much it is by the end of the show.

732
00:39:14,720 --> 00:39:16,520
100 million dollars.

733
00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:19,440
Now, when someone else has money,
we all have some ideas.

734
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:20,800
For example,

735
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:24,880
"Look at this douchebag. He's rich
but doesn't know how to spend it."

736
00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:29,040
They come up with really stupid responses.
Now listen to this.

737
00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:32,160
"You wake up with 100 million dollars.
What do you do?" And he said,

738
00:39:32,240 --> 00:39:33,320
"In the morning?"

739
00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:35,600
No, at noon.

740
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:39,280
One told me that they'd count it.

741
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:42,280
What are you talking about?

742
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:46,880
Yesterday, a girl said, "I'd invest it."

743
00:39:48,160 --> 00:39:51,480
Money spending is an art.
It's a different story.

744
00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:55,880
What was the prize money for last
New Year's lottery? 100 million liras.

745
00:39:56,760 --> 00:39:58,560
I ask them,
"What would you buy with that?"

746
00:39:58,640 --> 00:40:01,480
The answer is ready,
"First, a mansion by the Bosphorus."

747
00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:03,760
Okay...

748
00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:06,680
"A big-screen TV."

749
00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:11,240
"And precision scales." "What for?"

750
00:40:11,320 --> 00:40:12,520
To weigh their balls.

751
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:15,760
Is this how you spend it?

752
00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:20,360
They want a mansion first. The money is
gone, you're already five million short.

753
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:24,760
They did street interviews
when I was a kid.

754
00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:28,240
There's a ticket booth
that is believed to be lucky.

755
00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:30,200
Nimet Abla's booth.

756
00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:33,360
TRT has always done
street interviews there since I was a kid.

757
00:40:33,440 --> 00:40:36,040
"What would you do
if you won the big prize?"

758
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:38,880
"I'd give it to the poor." "You?"

759
00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:40,600
"I'd share it with people in need."

760
00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:43,400
"You?" "I agree with my friend.
I'd share it with them too."

761
00:40:43,480 --> 00:40:45,600
"You?" "I'd give it to the poor."

762
00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:46,840
Four holy angels.

763
00:40:48,720 --> 00:40:49,720
Who the fuck are you?

764
00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:53,360
How good-hearted you are.

765
00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:55,800
What are you doing
in the ticket line then?

766
00:40:56,720 --> 00:40:58,360
You know what it is? A very sad thing.

767
00:40:58,440 --> 00:41:00,200
Trying to deceive God.

768
00:41:01,640 --> 00:41:03,200
"Dear God!"

769
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:08,240
He means,
"Give it to me, I can hand it out."

770
00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:10,560
How absurd.

771
00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:12,680
The great force
that created the whole universe

772
00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:14,200
couldn't hand out 100 million liras,

773
00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:17,440
and instead decides, "Oh, İbrahim has
an idea. Let's give the money to him."

774
00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:21,360
I asked this during a show in Germany.
But I asked it differently.

775
00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:24,280
Like, "What would you do
if you had 100 million euros, bro?"

776
00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:25,560
A little different like that.

777
00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:29,280
He said, "I'd travel, bro."

778
00:41:29,360 --> 00:41:31,640
"I'd travel."

779
00:41:31,720 --> 00:41:34,280
I liked that idea, but then
he got busted by his wife.

780
00:41:34,360 --> 00:41:35,960
She asked him, "Where are you going?"

781
00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:39,640
I liked the idea of travelling.

782
00:41:39,720 --> 00:41:44,480
To be honest, my friends,
we all really work hard.

783
00:41:44,560 --> 00:41:46,160
We go through unfortunate times.

784
00:41:46,240 --> 00:41:48,520
It doesn't only happen in our country.
Look at the world.

785
00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:50,040
We haven't been hit by a meteor yet.

786
00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:52,240
Somebody posted this on social media,
so I replied.

787
00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:53,480
"A meteor is approaching."

788
00:41:53,560 --> 00:41:56,080
That's not the problem.
What if it bounces up into our ass...

789
00:41:56,160 --> 00:41:58,800
We are at that stage now.

790
00:41:58,880 --> 00:42:00,840
Meteor. So?
It didn't go in my ass. No problem.

791
00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:03,800
We are at that point.

792
00:42:04,760 --> 00:42:10,640
But isn't travelling
a very meaningful activity?

793
00:42:10,720 --> 00:42:14,520
I always wanted
the arrogant people to travel the world.

794
00:42:14,600 --> 00:42:19,080
I wish you could go to the Galapagos
and see the Komodo dragon.

795
00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:20,840
See what God has created.

796
00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:24,320
Some people think
that God only created them.

797
00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:26,720
And they treat us like a byproduct.

798
00:42:26,800 --> 00:42:29,840
But if they see that Komodo dragon,
how nicely God has created it...

799
00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:34,640
It sticks its tongue out...
A more sophisticated creature than you.

800
00:42:34,720 --> 00:42:36,920
But people look for miracles
in the wrong places.

801
00:42:38,080 --> 00:42:39,160
On social media,

802
00:42:39,240 --> 00:42:42,400
they share
the video of a lion saying, "Allah."

803
00:42:42,480 --> 00:42:43,840
It says, "Allah!"

804
00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:46,000
I mean...

805
00:42:46,720 --> 00:42:49,360
Shame on you. Seriously.

806
00:42:50,440 --> 00:42:53,040
So the lion itself is not
miraculous enough, is it?

807
00:42:55,680 --> 00:42:57,520
"This is not Allah. No, it didn't say it."

808
00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:00,120
What a shame.

809
00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:03,840
There's the lion, the panther,
and all the other creatures.

810
00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:06,520
There's the peacock and whatnot.
The single-celled ones.

811
00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:08,880
The blue whale, the orca,
and all the others...

812
00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:10,240
"Allah."

813
00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:16,440
How shameful to search for
a miracle in this.

814
00:43:16,520 --> 00:43:18,280
So shameful.

815
00:43:18,360 --> 00:43:20,120
It's okay. That's all right.

816
00:43:21,240 --> 00:43:22,960
You can explain it in the afterlife

817
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:24,720
next to Nusret.

818
00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:26,920
"Hello, Nusret, sir."

819
00:43:28,200 --> 00:43:29,240
"Why are you here?"

820
00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:30,320
"Because of this."

821
00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:32,520
"Cappuccino."

822
00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:38,960
It's so nice to travel.

823
00:43:39,040 --> 00:43:43,120
But genetic poverty is a different story.

824
00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:45,440
So, is there a thing called wealth?

825
00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:48,200
Yes, of course.
There's something called being rich.

826
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:50,680
But there's also the gains
by breaking a sweat.

827
00:43:50,760 --> 00:43:55,040
There are things that give
you various feelings.

828
00:43:55,120 --> 00:43:57,600
They're all different.

829
00:43:57,680 --> 00:44:02,760
Resting after hard work is
different than lying down all the time.

830
00:44:03,320 --> 00:44:04,600
Now you see it sometimes.

831
00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:10,400
A well-dressed creature who has clearly
spent so much money, wandering around.

832
00:44:10,480 --> 00:44:13,520
It doesn't make any sense.
I mean, it doesn't work.

833
00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:15,840
Why? Because...

834
00:44:17,400 --> 00:44:19,120
It comes from the soul.

835
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:21,480
Give them 100,000 euros.

836
00:44:21,560 --> 00:44:24,640
"Take it and spend it in Rome."

837
00:44:24,720 --> 00:44:26,680
Two minutes, it'd take two minutes.

838
00:44:26,760 --> 00:44:28,200
Or an hour.

839
00:44:28,280 --> 00:44:30,760
Salvatore Ferragamo,
Gucci, Prada, et cetera.

840
00:44:30,840 --> 00:44:32,520
If you're genetically poor,

841
00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:36,440
your body will automatically take you
to the Mecidiyeköy of Rome in two hours.

842
00:44:37,640 --> 00:44:40,720
You'd suddenly find yourself
shopping for shoe soles,

843
00:44:40,800 --> 00:44:42,640
phone chargers... Suddenly.

844
00:44:44,720 --> 00:44:46,080
That's how it works.

845
00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:50,000
You'd find yourself talking to
the immigrant chestnut sellers.

846
00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:51,920
"What's up? How's Mogadishu?"

847
00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:54,200
That's how it is.

848
00:44:55,680 --> 00:44:57,680
If I had so much money, what would I do?

849
00:44:57,760 --> 00:45:01,960
I'd travel too. I'd go on a vacation.
I never get a chance.

850
00:45:03,040 --> 00:45:06,520
But you still see me on vacation.
They post pictures of me on my yacht.

851
00:45:06,600 --> 00:45:09,320
Last year, they even censored my nipples.

852
00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:13,400
Did you see that?
They placed a black band over my nipples.

853
00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:17,400
And these are the so-called
conservative newspapers.

854
00:45:17,480 --> 00:45:19,600
Headline reads, "Not what it used to be."

855
00:45:21,800 --> 00:45:23,840
As if I used to breastfeed the audience.

856
00:45:25,320 --> 00:45:28,160
Or at the end of the show,
I rubbed their head here like this.

857
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:30,640
This is so shameful.

858
00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:34,200
I'd travel around.

859
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:36,320
I'd have a vacation. I miss it so much.

860
00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:39,040
Don't be fooled when you see me in shorts.

861
00:45:39,120 --> 00:45:41,880
They post the same photo
twenty times for six months,

862
00:45:41,960 --> 00:45:44,120
looks like I'm always on a vacation.
Not true.

863
00:45:45,560 --> 00:45:48,680
It was the year '85
when I last had a vacation.

864
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:53,600
"Cheri Cheri Lady," "Self Control"
were the hits. I swear.

865
00:45:53,680 --> 00:45:56,160
It was '84, not '85.

866
00:45:56,240 --> 00:46:01,440
'85. '84, '85, both.
That's the only vacation I remember.

867
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:04,280
My uncle-in-law, in 1985...

868
00:46:04,360 --> 00:46:08,440
Back then, the most advanced
technology to capture a moment

869
00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:10,320
was the video camera.

870
00:46:11,440 --> 00:46:14,640
Our vacation...
We'd travelled across the Aegean coast.

871
00:46:14,720 --> 00:46:17,040
He recorded
the whole trip on video. My dear.

872
00:46:17,120 --> 00:46:22,880
Such devotion. How long has it been?
Thirty... 36 or 37 years.

873
00:46:23,680 --> 00:46:27,320
Man, he was also overweight.
Around 130 kilos back then.

874
00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:30,480
He was an interesting man.
Not suitable for this job.

875
00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:33,520
He used to tell a story,
breaking it into pieces.

876
00:46:33,600 --> 00:46:35,280
Like a 1,000-piece puzzle.

877
00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:38,520
He'd spew out all the random details,
you had to put it together.

878
00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:41,080
You know that type of man.
He'd tell it like this,

879
00:46:41,160 --> 00:46:44,760
"There is that thing in
Yenimahalle near the hippodrome."

880
00:46:44,840 --> 00:46:47,560
"This wooden thing.
What's it? You tell me."

881
00:46:47,640 --> 00:46:49,840
And you'd be like...

882
00:46:49,920 --> 00:46:53,120
What the fuck is that
in Yenimahalle, near the hippodrome?

883
00:46:53,200 --> 00:46:55,360
Limitless possibilities.

884
00:46:55,440 --> 00:47:00,760
"In Yeniköy, there's this thing,
restaurant. There's this man, blue-eyed,

885
00:47:00,840 --> 00:47:02,600
big guy. Has a son." What the fuck?

886
00:47:03,880 --> 00:47:06,000
"You know what he told me?" No!

887
00:47:06,880 --> 00:47:08,960
"And what did I tell him?" Uncle, please...

888
00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:12,080
Is there a story or not?

889
00:47:13,240 --> 00:47:14,760
He gives you these details...

890
00:47:15,800 --> 00:47:17,600
Hippodrome, yes.

891
00:47:18,440 --> 00:47:19,720
A man in Yeniköy.

892
00:47:19,800 --> 00:47:22,120
And there is a minibus.
What do I do with this?

893
00:47:24,080 --> 00:47:26,320
He gives you
the anecdote under construction.

894
00:47:27,280 --> 00:47:29,960
If you can connect the dots, fine.

895
00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:33,080
"Guess what happened in the end?"

896
00:47:35,840 --> 00:47:38,040
And he leaves you brooding on it.

897
00:47:38,120 --> 00:47:41,200
But he left us this memory.

898
00:47:41,280 --> 00:47:43,040
May he rest in God's light.

899
00:47:43,920 --> 00:47:45,680
His surname means "light" by the way.

900
00:47:47,320 --> 00:47:52,920
The camera, in '84 or '85,
weighed 20 kilos itself.

901
00:47:53,000 --> 00:47:56,120
Camera was 20 kilos. There was a recorder,
you hung it on your neck.

902
00:47:56,200 --> 00:47:57,480
That's another 15 kilos.

903
00:47:57,560 --> 00:47:59,640
The battery was also 15 kilos.

904
00:47:59,720 --> 00:48:03,160
If you wanted to do a night shoot,
there was a flashlight, this big.

905
00:48:03,240 --> 00:48:06,040
So he was carrying 40 kilos on him.

906
00:48:06,120 --> 00:48:07,880
He weighs 130 kilos himself.

907
00:48:07,960 --> 00:48:09,800
So we went to...

908
00:48:09,880 --> 00:48:11,680
There's a place in Ayvalık...

909
00:48:11,760 --> 00:48:14,480
What is it called? Devil's Feast?

910
00:48:16,120 --> 00:48:19,080
No, that's Ata Demirer's footprint.

911
00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:23,240
Yeah, there <i>Eyyvah Eyvah...</i>
He was like, "Fuck it!"

912
00:48:26,240 --> 00:48:28,200
Oh, my dear. Dear Ata.

913
00:48:28,280 --> 00:48:31,120
I like him. I don't make jokes
about people I don't like.

914
00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:32,560
"Oh, my."

915
00:48:33,400 --> 00:48:34,920
"What the fuck happened?"

916
00:48:35,000 --> 00:48:36,280
"How the fuck would I know?"

917
00:48:37,080 --> 00:48:39,680
I'd make a movie like that
if I could pull it off, but I can't.

918
00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:42,000
"Fuck..."

919
00:48:46,320 --> 00:48:48,000
"Oh, my..."

920
00:48:50,080 --> 00:48:51,240
Clarinet...

921
00:48:51,760 --> 00:48:57,080
So, Devil's Feast, you go down
and there's Pamucak, Kuşadası, et cetera.

922
00:48:57,160 --> 00:49:00,600
As you head south, there's
the House of the Virgin Mary. Ephesus...

923
00:49:00,680 --> 00:49:05,440
Seljuk, Ephesus ruins... There,
my dear uncle would climb up to the top...

924
00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:07,920
We were three families.

925
00:49:08,000 --> 00:49:10,400
And lots of kids.
Each family had two or three.

926
00:49:10,480 --> 00:49:12,720
He shoots us coming and going.

927
00:49:13,880 --> 00:49:17,160
He goes on top of the amphitheater
to get a wide-angle shot.

928
00:49:17,240 --> 00:49:20,120
Comes down all sweaty,
shoots us by the tombs.

929
00:49:20,200 --> 00:49:23,680
All 45 days, he shot the whole trip.

930
00:49:24,720 --> 00:49:25,560
Like this.

931
00:49:25,640 --> 00:49:30,040
Anyway, we returned to Istanbul.
Dad said, "Ömer, let's watch the video."

932
00:49:30,120 --> 00:49:34,440
So we started watching it.
Our trip was like a Polish porno.

933
00:49:39,080 --> 00:49:41,920
Okay, we were in it and all, but...

934
00:49:43,360 --> 00:49:45,360
He was a fat man.

935
00:49:46,200 --> 00:49:49,880
Microphone was close to him.
As he said, "Oh, oh..."

936
00:49:50,600 --> 00:49:53,600
Our trip was both shaking
and moaning, "Oh, oh..."

937
00:49:55,160 --> 00:49:56,440
Dad told him to stop it.

938
00:49:57,720 --> 00:50:00,480
Looks like we're gonna get screwed
when we get to Gönen.

939
00:50:06,240 --> 00:50:07,520
There's a memory for you.

940
00:50:08,400 --> 00:50:10,840
That was my last vacation, '85.

941
00:50:12,320 --> 00:50:13,920
But I love it so much.

942
00:50:14,000 --> 00:50:16,720
The summer is coming,
but there will be no vacation.

943
00:50:16,800 --> 00:50:18,880
Those movies you don't like...

944
00:50:18,960 --> 00:50:21,760
I mean, the movies you won't
like next year,

945
00:50:21,840 --> 00:50:23,200
we shoot them this year.

946
00:50:24,240 --> 00:50:26,120
Or the ones you won't like
two years later,

947
00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:27,840
we think about them two years earlier.

948
00:50:27,920 --> 00:50:29,920
I won't have a vacation this summer.

949
00:50:30,000 --> 00:50:31,920
I won't. There's nothing I can do.

950
00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:35,560
I'm filming <i>Erşan Kuneri.</i> No luck. But...

951
00:50:36,320 --> 00:50:37,560
Oh, well, no vacation.

952
00:50:38,560 --> 00:50:42,560
Not that I haven't had a summer vacation.
I have a yacht, small, 20 meters long.

953
00:50:44,480 --> 00:50:46,280
I could only get that with halal money.

954
00:50:48,280 --> 00:50:50,080
Why are you laughing?

955
00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:55,320
Been playing sold-out shows for 25 years,
I can only get a 20-meter long one.

956
00:50:55,880 --> 00:50:58,680
I go on the stage every day.

957
00:50:58,760 --> 00:51:01,200
I can buy a 20-meter long yacht, just one.

958
00:51:05,920 --> 00:51:07,880
And you're laughing at it, motherfucker.

959
00:51:07,960 --> 00:51:10,240
Instead of crying, you're laughing at it.

960
00:51:11,600 --> 00:51:13,280
Your choice, dude. Hashtag.

961
00:51:16,280 --> 00:51:19,200
I have a small yacht.
We decided to go on a vacation.

962
00:51:19,280 --> 00:51:22,520
People complain about my movies,
"He makes movies with the same people."

963
00:51:22,600 --> 00:51:23,960
It even got to this point,

964
00:51:24,040 --> 00:51:26,960
"In his movies,
he is always in the limelight!"

965
00:51:28,720 --> 00:51:30,480
Dude, this is my own movie.

966
00:51:30,560 --> 00:51:33,280
There are people
who don't want Arif in <i>G.O.R.A.</i>

967
00:51:33,360 --> 00:51:36,400
I only act with friends in my movies.

968
00:51:36,480 --> 00:51:39,160
They think I act with my friends
from my neighborhood.

969
00:51:39,240 --> 00:51:40,920
Dude, my friends are actors.

970
00:51:41,720 --> 00:51:43,480
This is my entourage.

971
00:51:43,560 --> 00:51:47,840
People have this weird notion.
As if they are butchers, sellers, grocers,

972
00:51:47,920 --> 00:51:50,600
and I call them over and say,
"Come, the audience won't understand."

973
00:51:51,360 --> 00:51:53,000
Dude, this is my entourage.

974
00:51:53,080 --> 00:51:54,720
These are my people.

975
00:51:54,800 --> 00:51:58,440
These are my friends. Russell Crowe,
Şener Şen... These are my people.

976
00:52:01,160 --> 00:52:02,720
I'm the only person in the world

977
00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:05,480
who's made movies with
both Russell Crowe and Şener Şen.

978
00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:09,560
Even Russell Crowe doesn't
have a movie with Şener Şen.

979
00:52:11,840 --> 00:52:13,160
Yeah.

980
00:52:13,240 --> 00:52:16,560
I don't only make movies with my friends.
I go on vacation with them too.

981
00:52:16,640 --> 00:52:20,440
One day, we had a yacht vacation.
But since we're genetically poor,

982
00:52:20,520 --> 00:52:24,000
it was like an army recruiting office
on the yacht. My brother said,

983
00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:28,320
"Dude, in music videos,
there are girls on yachts."

984
00:52:28,440 --> 00:52:31,920
I said "Dude, we are genetically poor.
We are the working class, man."

985
00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:35,840
"For five days, we'd sail
the Aegean Sea, go to Kos, Greece,

986
00:52:35,920 --> 00:52:38,560
that's all we will do."
Anyway, we set sail.

987
00:52:38,640 --> 00:52:43,280
Vacation means summer vacation to me.
That's coded to my subconscious.

988
00:52:43,360 --> 00:52:46,400
I don't have a winter vacation culture.

989
00:52:46,480 --> 00:52:48,960
You wear a pair of trunks

990
00:52:49,040 --> 00:52:51,400
and do the things you do in winter.

991
00:52:52,680 --> 00:52:56,400
It gives you the feeling
that it's a vacation.

992
00:52:56,480 --> 00:52:58,520
We're on the yacht.
We'll dive in the sea, get out.

993
00:52:58,600 --> 00:53:00,840
Repeat. Then we'll get hungry, dive again.

994
00:53:00,920 --> 00:53:03,000
We'll drink, and dive again,
then sober up.

995
00:53:03,080 --> 00:53:04,920
I was dreaming of these things.

996
00:53:05,000 --> 00:53:08,560
Zafer had made a playlist, brought CDs.

997
00:53:08,640 --> 00:53:12,520
Fazıl Say, Chopin's Nocturnes, and so on.

998
00:53:13,280 --> 00:53:16,200
Dude, he played a Nocturnes CD. Man...

999
00:53:17,040 --> 00:53:20,920
What does summer mean? Listening to Tarkan
and dancing like this, isn't' it?

1000
00:53:21,880 --> 00:53:22,920
Or something like...

1001
00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:24,560
<i>I'm the father of misery</i>

1002
00:53:25,720 --> 00:53:27,880
Or songs like "Cuppa."

1003
00:53:27,960 --> 00:53:30,680
So the Nocturne by Chopin started playing,

1004
00:53:30,760 --> 00:53:33,440
and suddenly we were
in an award-winning movie.

1005
00:53:34,800 --> 00:53:36,920
We started staring at the horizon.

1006
00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:40,640
I thought about breaking the bottle
and slitting Zafer's throat.

1007
00:53:40,720 --> 00:53:43,080
Just to spice things up.

1008
00:53:44,080 --> 00:53:46,560
Or strangle my brother in the cabin.

1009
00:53:47,400 --> 00:53:51,080
There was a nocturnal situation.
That was the feeling.

1010
00:53:51,640 --> 00:53:55,520
I asked him, "Zafer, bro, okay,
you created an atmosphere of

1011
00:53:55,600 --> 00:53:59,280
being in a nice festival movie,
but we only have five days."

1012
00:53:59,360 --> 00:54:02,520
I thought we'd better go to Kos
and buy a Tarkan CD.

1013
00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:05,680
So that the yacht would liven up.
Because summer means Tarkan music.

1014
00:54:05,760 --> 00:54:08,600
We bought the album of
that year. What was it?

1015
00:54:08,680 --> 00:54:13,120
"Can't get enough of your kisses," or
"Every once in a while..." How does it go?

1016
00:54:13,200 --> 00:54:16,080
Is it "Write your name in my heart"?

1017
00:54:16,160 --> 00:54:21,080
"Write my name in your heart
and don't forget me." Yes, thanks.

1018
00:54:21,160 --> 00:54:24,360
We were having a blast.
Have our breakfast in the morning.

1019
00:54:25,200 --> 00:54:27,160
We are all the same.

1020
00:54:27,240 --> 00:54:29,840
We had breakfast, ate our caviar.

1021
00:54:31,520 --> 00:54:33,120
Continued with white wine...

1022
00:54:33,200 --> 00:54:35,920
Rakı in the afternoon, laughter...
And Tarkan was playing nonstop.

1023
00:54:36,000 --> 00:54:40,120
<i>Even if it's every once in a while
You gotta call me</i>

1024
00:54:40,200 --> 00:54:44,640
Tarkan's lyrics and dances
don't really match.

1025
00:54:44,720 --> 00:54:46,520
Have you noticed that?

1026
00:54:46,600 --> 00:54:49,840
For example, he says,
"I'm the father of misery..."

1027
00:54:49,920 --> 00:54:51,720
What kind of misery is this?

1028
00:54:53,600 --> 00:54:55,960
Did your spangles fall off?

1029
00:54:56,040 --> 00:54:57,720
<i>Send...</i>

1030
00:54:57,800 --> 00:55:00,000
<i>I'm the father of misery</i>

1031
00:55:00,920 --> 00:55:03,880
Would you tell Tarkan your problems
like this?

1032
00:55:03,960 --> 00:55:05,560
"Tarkan." "What's up?"

1033
00:55:06,440 --> 00:55:07,440
"The kids are starving."

1034
00:55:07,480 --> 00:55:08,560
<i>Send them</i>

1035
00:55:10,440 --> 00:55:13,840
He's a sensitive man, actually.
I'm just joking.

1036
00:55:15,880 --> 00:55:16,880
So...

1037
00:55:18,440 --> 00:55:21,960
All those Tarkan songs,
15 or 12, or 14 songs

1038
00:55:22,040 --> 00:55:25,240
kept playing and playing.
Afternoon's rakı finished.

1039
00:55:25,320 --> 00:55:27,960
We drank rakı in the evening, too.
Then switched to whiskey.

1040
00:55:28,040 --> 00:55:30,280
The only thing we didn't drink
was our own piss.

1041
00:55:30,360 --> 00:55:33,440
Dancing with towels like this.

1042
00:55:33,960 --> 00:55:36,320
We were away from the coast.

1043
00:55:36,400 --> 00:55:38,560
<i>Send, send my destiny...</i>

1044
00:55:38,640 --> 00:55:39,640
Danced our asses off.

1045
00:55:40,960 --> 00:55:43,160
We dropped anchor at a bay.

1046
00:55:44,560 --> 00:55:46,480
Still dancing at sunset.

1047
00:55:46,560 --> 00:55:50,280
A yacht with a Scandinavian flag,
maybe Finnish, I don't know,

1048
00:55:50,360 --> 00:55:51,400
approached us.

1049
00:55:51,480 --> 00:55:54,840
They dropped anchor.
One man was sorting the lines...

1050
00:55:55,760 --> 00:55:58,440
And we were dancing.
The man said, "Hello."

1051
00:56:00,120 --> 00:56:01,760
My brother said, "They're fags."

1052
00:56:09,360 --> 00:56:10,640
Man...

1053
00:56:12,200 --> 00:56:14,160
What a thing to say.

1054
00:56:15,640 --> 00:56:18,680
For the last nine hours,
we were like this...

1055
00:56:20,280 --> 00:56:21,640
Five men on a yacht.

1056
00:56:22,400 --> 00:56:25,120
Dancing. Washing clothes,

1057
00:56:25,200 --> 00:56:27,040
swinging heads, all those moves.

1058
00:56:27,120 --> 00:56:29,960
Two Scandinavians said, "Hello."

1059
00:56:30,040 --> 00:56:31,720
My brother says, "Be careful."

1060
00:56:34,760 --> 00:56:36,360
Why are we like this?

1061
00:56:39,000 --> 00:56:40,200
Homophobia...

1062
00:56:40,800 --> 00:56:43,440
Do you know what it means?
Homophobia means this:

1063
00:56:44,080 --> 00:56:46,640
"God, I hope
I don't start liking those men."

1064
00:56:48,680 --> 00:56:50,360
This is what homophobia means.

1065
00:56:51,360 --> 00:56:54,520
I asked him, "How can you think that way?
That's ridiculous."

1066
00:56:54,600 --> 00:56:58,600
Two men, they said hello.
What kind of an idea is that?

1067
00:56:58,680 --> 00:57:00,400
He said, "Dude, drop it."

1068
00:57:00,480 --> 00:57:02,200
"I know what this is."

1069
00:57:03,160 --> 00:57:05,000
I asked him, "How can you get this idea?"

1070
00:57:05,080 --> 00:57:07,920
He said, "What would two men
be doing alone on a yacht?"

1071
00:57:12,840 --> 00:57:14,600
Dude, we were five men.

1072
00:57:16,000 --> 00:57:19,560
Based on that, we should be
the federation of that business.

1073
00:57:21,000 --> 00:57:23,400
We are in charge of it at that bay.

1074
00:57:24,520 --> 00:57:27,360
"Wear your leggings.
It's not tight enough."

1075
00:57:27,440 --> 00:57:29,240
"Your balls are not showing."

1076
00:57:31,760 --> 00:57:32,920
Homophobia...

1077
00:57:34,680 --> 00:57:36,040
Really...

1078
00:57:36,120 --> 00:57:38,800
There are so many other sensitive matters,

1079
00:57:38,920 --> 00:57:42,240
but because I'm telling this story,
in some people's minds,

1080
00:57:42,320 --> 00:57:45,240
just because
I'm telling a homophobic story,

1081
00:57:45,320 --> 00:57:47,880
somebody says,
"You're telling a homophobic story."

1082
00:57:48,600 --> 00:57:50,360
Homophobia is a thing, isn't it?

1083
00:57:51,160 --> 00:57:52,960
Why would I be homophobic?

1084
00:57:53,040 --> 00:57:56,560
I'm not homophobic,
but I feel like I have to prove it.

1085
00:57:56,640 --> 00:57:59,800
That's ridiculous.
He wants to see me hopping on his lap.

1086
00:58:00,520 --> 00:58:02,920
I'm not interested in men.

1087
00:58:03,000 --> 00:58:06,680
That doesn't make me homophobic.
I don't like men sexually.

1088
00:58:06,760 --> 00:58:10,320
I shouldn't say,
"I don't like men who like men."

1089
00:58:10,400 --> 00:58:13,560
That's confusing.
Let me show it by kissing...

1090
00:58:13,640 --> 00:58:20,200
It's not a problem that concerns me,
but some things are mixed up, you see?

1091
00:58:20,280 --> 00:58:22,680
Once, I went to
a massage parlor in Antalya.

1092
00:58:22,760 --> 00:58:25,560
So I went there to sign up,
not to write my name in your heart.

1093
00:58:25,640 --> 00:58:28,080
I went there to get an appointment.

1094
00:58:28,160 --> 00:58:30,480
One employee, one male staff member...

1095
00:58:31,280 --> 00:58:34,280
Really, I'm having a hard time
explaining this.

1096
00:58:34,360 --> 00:58:35,960
The language changed a lot.

1097
00:58:36,040 --> 00:58:40,800
If you don't know the jargon,
you're doomed to fail.

1098
00:58:40,880 --> 00:58:45,160
You can't save yourself by saying "person
of science" instead of "man of science."

1099
00:58:45,240 --> 00:58:48,520
It all started like that.
"Let's not call it 'man of science, '

1100
00:58:48,600 --> 00:58:50,480
let's make it genderless,
'person of science.'"

1101
00:58:50,560 --> 00:58:53,400
"Shall we?" "We shall."
"Now, you're screwed..."

1102
00:58:53,920 --> 00:58:57,040
For example, sexual preference, right?

1103
00:58:57,120 --> 00:58:59,560
Say "sexual preference"
and they instantly correct you,

1104
00:58:59,640 --> 00:59:02,720
"It's not preference, it's orientation!
Fuck you, motherfucker."

1105
00:59:02,800 --> 00:59:04,880
Calm down, bro. Why are you mad?

1106
00:59:04,960 --> 00:59:08,640
The jargon may not be known by everyone.

1107
00:59:08,720 --> 00:59:12,880
Why would you think that
it's used in a negative way?

1108
00:59:13,800 --> 00:59:16,000
"You shall not say sexual preference,
say orientation."

1109
00:59:16,080 --> 00:59:18,080
"Or else, I'll fuck you up."

1110
00:59:18,160 --> 00:59:20,800
Okay, don't get angry, bro.

1111
00:59:20,880 --> 00:59:22,360
Everybody raises a banner.

1112
00:59:22,440 --> 00:59:28,840
All the communities that have suffered
come at the innocent. Objective ones, too.

1113
00:59:28,920 --> 00:59:31,800
I was gonna get an appointment.
The man told me,

1114
00:59:31,880 --> 00:59:33,560
"I will be massaging you."

1115
00:59:33,640 --> 00:59:37,760
I said, "Thank you,
but I'd prefer a lady to do it."

1116
00:59:37,840 --> 00:59:40,240
"What do you mean?" he said,
"This is inappropriate."

1117
00:59:41,360 --> 00:59:44,120
"If you..."
He was accusing me of being uncivilized.

1118
00:59:44,200 --> 00:59:47,360
"If you act this way,
others would do worse." He got pissed off.

1119
00:59:47,440 --> 00:59:51,320
He raised his banner. "L, G, B, T, S, C..."

1120
00:59:51,400 --> 00:59:53,680
I froze. I said, "Can I get a letter?"

1121
00:59:57,120 --> 01:00:00,120
It was a simple thing
about getting a service.

1122
01:00:00,200 --> 01:00:03,960
I don't want to be massaged
by a man. Do I have to?

1123
01:00:04,040 --> 01:00:05,360
Not that I haven't.

1124
01:00:05,440 --> 01:00:08,320
You end up listening to
their military service stories.

1125
01:00:08,400 --> 01:00:09,640
"Once, we were in Hatay..."

1126
01:00:09,720 --> 01:00:10,720
Fuck off!

1127
01:00:11,400 --> 01:00:12,960
I'm in Çırağan. What is Hatay?

1128
01:00:13,920 --> 01:00:16,120
"The commander was putting
so much pressure on us..."

1129
01:00:16,200 --> 01:00:17,480
Fuck off.

1130
01:00:17,560 --> 01:00:21,760
Or this other guy who was all aggressively
like, "I will massage you."

1131
01:00:21,840 --> 01:00:24,280
I said I didn't want it.

1132
01:00:24,360 --> 01:00:26,600
"I can't believe you'd say that."

1133
01:00:26,680 --> 01:00:29,040
"Can't a man massage another man?"

1134
01:00:29,120 --> 01:00:32,800
I said, "He can, but you're
too passionate about it."

1135
01:00:33,920 --> 01:00:37,240
Am I the only one at fault here? The man
is attacking like, "Leave him to me!"

1136
01:00:38,280 --> 01:00:41,920
So, if you become angry at this,
you are labelled a homophobic.

1137
01:00:42,000 --> 01:00:44,600
That's not right. Don't be unfair.

1138
01:00:44,680 --> 01:00:47,040
Elton John. I'd let him ride on my head.

1139
01:00:47,120 --> 01:00:48,680
And he'd like it,

1140
01:00:49,960 --> 01:00:53,160
but if he played the piano in front
of my house all the time,

1141
01:00:53,240 --> 01:00:56,520
then things change.
Think about it, you walk out of the house,

1142
01:00:58,080 --> 01:01:00,280
he plays
"Candle in the Wind" all the time.

1143
01:01:00,360 --> 01:01:04,160
"When will Cem be back?"
He's always there, even when it's raining.

1144
01:01:04,240 --> 01:01:07,600
Once... Twice... Then you'd say,
"Elton, fuck off."

1145
01:01:08,560 --> 01:01:11,720
So if you're caught saying that,
would that make you homophobic?

1146
01:01:12,960 --> 01:01:16,400
That's an absurd issue.
Anyway, let's close this chapter.

1147
01:01:16,480 --> 01:01:18,040
I don't like the male body.

1148
01:01:21,640 --> 01:01:23,960
But that doesn't mean
I don't like my own body.

1149
01:01:24,040 --> 01:01:27,440
My body is fine. There's just
a little bit of water weight, that's it.

1150
01:01:28,000 --> 01:01:32,720
This city we live in is not a great one.

1151
01:01:32,800 --> 01:01:36,040
You can't go out in your
neighborhood for a jog, or walk,

1152
01:01:36,120 --> 01:01:39,200
to get your blood pumping.
The Anatolian side is better, isn't it?

1153
01:01:39,280 --> 01:01:40,880
Kadıköy area, right?

1154
01:01:40,960 --> 01:01:43,120
People living there would know.
They have a bike lane.

1155
01:01:43,200 --> 01:01:46,960
On this side, some places
don't even have sidewalks.

1156
01:01:47,040 --> 01:01:49,600
How can the sidewalk end
in a city, a metropolis?

1157
01:01:49,680 --> 01:01:51,640
You're walking and then... "Fuck."

1158
01:01:51,720 --> 01:01:53,400
No more sidewalk.

1159
01:01:54,720 --> 01:01:58,240
You can't walk from
one neighborhood to another.

1160
01:01:58,320 --> 01:01:59,800
Is this a metropolis?

1161
01:02:01,800 --> 01:02:04,800
I wanted to go jogging in my
neighborhood with my headphones on.

1162
01:02:04,880 --> 01:02:09,240
I've been living in the same place for
over 30 years. Since I was in high school.

1163
01:02:10,360 --> 01:02:13,000
Somebody yanked my arm.

1164
01:02:13,080 --> 01:02:15,600
I got baffled.
And I had the headphones on.

1165
01:02:15,680 --> 01:02:17,760
I was like, "What the fuck is happening?"

1166
01:02:17,840 --> 01:02:19,800
He says,
"Don't get scared. I just want a photo."

1167
01:02:21,280 --> 01:02:22,560
Don't get scared.

1168
01:02:22,640 --> 01:02:25,920
Then I got it, it must be the same
in all the civilized cities.

1169
01:02:26,000 --> 01:02:28,680
For example,
Keanu Reeves is running in Central Park.

1170
01:02:28,760 --> 01:02:30,520
You trip him up,

1171
01:02:31,600 --> 01:02:34,240
saying, "Fuck you."

1172
01:02:34,320 --> 01:02:36,240
And Matrix falls,
and you take a photo with him.

1173
01:02:37,080 --> 01:02:39,920
Or an older actor like Al Pacino.
"You motherfucker..."

1174
01:02:40,000 --> 01:02:43,000
When you knock them down, they stay still.

1175
01:02:45,120 --> 01:02:46,440
Stupid, isn't it?

1176
01:02:48,120 --> 01:02:51,520
Going to the gym is another problem.

1177
01:02:51,600 --> 01:02:54,840
But you need to move a little.

1178
01:02:54,920 --> 01:02:57,680
Being fat is not good.
Let's be honest. Isn't it right?

1179
01:02:59,640 --> 01:03:01,880
You'd register there...
Do you know that feeling?

1180
01:03:01,960 --> 01:03:04,080
You pay the first payment.

1181
01:03:04,160 --> 01:03:06,800
You lose some weight right there.

1182
01:03:06,880 --> 01:03:09,640
You pay and you say,
"Dude, I lost some already."

1183
01:03:09,720 --> 01:03:13,560
Kind of.
But the gym is difficult for me too.

1184
01:03:13,640 --> 01:03:16,880
Being in the changing room... Working out...

1185
01:03:16,960 --> 01:03:20,280
And everybody says, "Come to his gym,
you'll feel right at home."

1186
01:03:21,200 --> 01:03:25,040
I went to one.
What's that thing called? Treadmill.

1187
01:03:25,120 --> 01:03:28,360
So I get on it. To break a sweat a little.

1188
01:03:28,440 --> 01:03:31,920
I'm not telling you this to show off.

1189
01:03:32,000 --> 01:03:34,520
Like everyone else. For 20 minutes.

1190
01:03:34,600 --> 01:03:37,920
Instead of spending it with your kid,
or doing work, you're there

1191
01:03:38,000 --> 01:03:39,120
just to work out.

1192
01:03:39,200 --> 01:03:41,760
Some weirdo shows up next to you. "Hello."

1193
01:03:44,400 --> 01:03:45,840
"What's up with your mouth?"

1194
01:03:46,880 --> 01:03:48,240
"I'm just being a prick."

1195
01:03:53,280 --> 01:03:55,880
He asked, "Do you come here?"

1196
01:03:57,520 --> 01:03:59,280
Do you come here?

1197
01:03:59,360 --> 01:04:04,240
Is this a question you'd ask someone
who's on the treadmill next to you?

1198
01:04:04,320 --> 01:04:05,320
"Do you come here?"

1199
01:04:05,360 --> 01:04:07,720
Yes, motherfucker,
I come here like this. I'm trying to.

1200
01:04:09,520 --> 01:04:12,280
"You'll feel right at home here," he said.

1201
01:04:13,320 --> 01:04:14,640
"Let me tell you this

1202
01:04:16,000 --> 01:04:17,760
before my mouth
returns to its normal state."

1203
01:04:20,200 --> 01:04:22,480
"Beyazıt Öztürk also comes here."

1204
01:04:23,800 --> 01:04:26,280
As if I were a student in
Avcılar Vocational High School,

1205
01:04:26,360 --> 01:04:27,560
I got very excited.

1206
01:04:32,240 --> 01:04:33,240
"Yay!"

1207
01:04:35,080 --> 01:04:37,880
"Okay," I said, "very nice."

1208
01:04:37,960 --> 01:04:42,040
"This is a really nice club," he said.
"In the other gyms,

1209
01:04:42,120 --> 01:04:44,400
they'd disturb you."

1210
01:04:45,760 --> 01:04:49,880
So in the other gyms, I guess
they shove a dumbbell up your ass.

1211
01:04:51,520 --> 01:04:54,560
A gym is already a restless place.

1212
01:04:54,640 --> 01:04:58,200
I mean, there are parts of it
where private things happen.

1213
01:04:58,280 --> 01:05:00,240
Places where you get naked.

1214
01:05:00,320 --> 01:05:02,800
And I'm not much of a laid-back person.

1215
01:05:02,880 --> 01:05:04,400
Don't be fooled by the looks.

1216
01:05:04,480 --> 01:05:06,760
There are those people in hammams.
Regardless of gender.

1217
01:05:06,840 --> 01:05:09,440
Especially the older people.

1218
01:05:09,520 --> 01:05:12,040
Being all careless...

1219
01:05:12,120 --> 01:05:14,080
"I've done my exercise..."

1220
01:05:14,920 --> 01:05:17,080
Walking around naked after a shower.

1221
01:05:17,160 --> 01:05:20,560
"Where is the hairdryer?"
Is that the only problem, motherfucker?

1222
01:05:20,640 --> 01:05:23,160
Is the hairdryer the problem?

1223
01:05:23,240 --> 01:05:25,280
As you're tying your shoes, to slip away,

1224
01:05:25,360 --> 01:05:27,560
you have one foot on the bench,
a naked man pops up

1225
01:05:27,680 --> 01:05:29,200
and begins making small talk.

1226
01:05:29,280 --> 01:05:31,360
"Hey, what did you do
with that apartment in Levent?"

1227
01:05:32,760 --> 01:05:35,240
What gives? Are you looking for
a place to stick your head in?

1228
01:05:36,600 --> 01:05:38,360
Bastard, you're naked.

1229
01:05:39,280 --> 01:05:40,800
Are we in heaven?

1230
01:05:42,280 --> 01:05:45,120
We were banished from heaven,
came to Earth...

1231
01:05:45,200 --> 01:05:47,240
The Industrial Revolution happened...

1232
01:05:47,320 --> 01:05:51,400
There's a thing called a loincloth.
You can put on something cottony.

1233
01:05:51,480 --> 01:05:54,560
Put something on.
Naked like this... "How's it going?"

1234
01:05:54,640 --> 01:05:56,640
Who am I supposed to answer to?

1235
01:05:58,080 --> 01:06:01,200
And he expects you to take it naturally.
"He has really grown up."

1236
01:06:07,480 --> 01:06:13,160
Gyms are difficult places,
but I see no harm in getting in shape.

1237
01:06:13,240 --> 01:06:14,960
That camp of big asses...

1238
01:06:15,040 --> 01:06:18,000
It's always thought that fat people
are mocked the most.

1239
01:06:18,080 --> 01:06:20,400
The majority thinks this way.

1240
01:06:20,480 --> 01:06:23,840
"People make fun of fat people.
They make jokes about them."

1241
01:06:23,920 --> 01:06:26,760
No, that's a very reversible thing.

1242
01:06:26,840 --> 01:06:28,920
Fat people are an important community.

1243
01:06:29,720 --> 01:06:32,480
They'd never want you to lose weight.

1244
01:06:32,560 --> 01:06:35,080
Try this with your group of friends.
Tell them that

1245
01:06:35,160 --> 01:06:37,440
you no longer eat bread,
and see what happens.

1246
01:06:37,520 --> 01:06:40,440
"I stopped eating bread."
"No, you can't do it. No way."

1247
01:06:40,520 --> 01:06:43,080
"Fuck off.
You can't cut down on bread, jerk."

1248
01:06:43,160 --> 01:06:44,520
"Asshole."

1249
01:06:45,320 --> 01:06:48,280
"You cut down on bread, I'll fuck you up."

1250
01:06:48,360 --> 01:06:51,520
Lose some weight, join a gym...
Or try to quit smoking.

1251
01:06:51,600 --> 01:06:53,480
"I quit smoking." "No, you didn't."

1252
01:06:53,560 --> 01:06:55,800
"I did."
"No, you didn't, dude. You can't."

1253
01:06:55,880 --> 01:06:58,520
"Trust me, you can't quit.
I'm telling you. No way."

1254
01:06:58,600 --> 01:07:00,840
"Did you really quit? Dude, you can't."

1255
01:07:00,920 --> 01:07:03,800
"I stopped eating bread."
"No, I'll fuck you up."

1256
01:07:03,880 --> 01:07:05,240
They exist.

1257
01:07:05,320 --> 01:07:06,320
Right?

1258
01:07:07,480 --> 01:07:10,240
That's a serious bunch.

1259
01:07:10,320 --> 01:07:14,560
They unite to stop people from being fit
just because their asses are big.

1260
01:07:15,800 --> 01:07:20,280
You don't have to be fat to be mocked.

1261
01:07:20,360 --> 01:07:22,480
An athletic girl can be mocked too.

1262
01:07:22,560 --> 01:07:24,160
And they are mocked.

1263
01:07:24,240 --> 01:07:26,920
She'd go to the gym
and all those big-ass ones would say,

1264
01:07:27,000 --> 01:07:30,200
"She's not going there to work out,
but to find a husband."

1265
01:07:32,160 --> 01:07:33,560
He says, "That's true."

1266
01:07:33,640 --> 01:07:37,280
No, what's true is this statement.

1267
01:07:37,360 --> 01:07:39,640
Maybe the girl is really there
to exercise. You crazy?

1268
01:07:39,720 --> 01:07:42,800
Big asses... It sounds like a district name.

1269
01:07:44,960 --> 01:07:46,240
Just like Vefa.

1270
01:07:47,200 --> 01:07:49,840
Right. Kind of like Kartal Big Ass.

1271
01:07:49,920 --> 01:07:54,040
There is Başıbüyük, right?
Head or ass, it's all the same.

1272
01:07:54,120 --> 01:07:55,880
Doesn't this district have an exit?

1273
01:08:01,360 --> 01:08:04,560
You yelled, "True." Which one is true?

1274
01:08:04,640 --> 01:08:07,080
The thing you called true is right.

1275
01:08:07,160 --> 01:08:10,720
You'd say it that way,
but this is not right. They always say,

1276
01:08:10,800 --> 01:08:14,120
"They go there to find a husband."
And what's your excuse?

1277
01:08:14,200 --> 01:08:17,320
Because you're looking for a husband
in the Beyazıt Library.

1278
01:08:17,400 --> 01:08:20,840
You're always at NASA, looking for
an astronaut worthy of your ass.

1279
01:08:20,920 --> 01:08:24,080
"Isn't there a scientist
who would appreciate this ass?"

1280
01:08:24,160 --> 01:08:25,479
"At least tell me its pi value."

1281
01:08:28,279 --> 01:08:31,160
Yeah. What did that girl do to deserve it?

1282
01:08:31,760 --> 01:08:35,240
You need to be a little... fit.

1283
01:08:35,319 --> 01:08:39,399
The summer is coming.
Instead of planning it in January

1284
01:08:39,479 --> 01:08:42,439
and getting in shape by summer,
we postpone it.

1285
01:08:42,520 --> 01:08:44,080
This is early June, isn't it?

1286
01:08:44,200 --> 01:08:47,120
Look, it's still here. Nope, we didn't.

1287
01:08:48,160 --> 01:08:52,319
Because people realize that the summer
is here only a week before it's summer.

1288
01:08:52,399 --> 01:08:55,640
Brings out the bikini and wonders,
"How am I gonna fit in this?"

1289
01:08:55,720 --> 01:08:57,399
"Well, I hope it fits me."

1290
01:08:58,520 --> 01:09:02,240
Okay, but it was known in January that
the summer was gonna come.

1291
01:09:03,000 --> 01:09:04,800
You knew that.

1292
01:09:05,680 --> 01:09:09,000
Unbelievable. Really.

1293
01:09:09,080 --> 01:09:12,479
There's no such problems for
winter tourism. That's a weirder case.

1294
01:09:12,560 --> 01:09:14,040
Do you know about winter tourism?

1295
01:09:14,120 --> 01:09:15,120
Rich people?

1296
01:09:16,520 --> 01:09:19,479
I love rich people's hobbies.
There are really stupid things.

1297
01:09:19,560 --> 01:09:21,840
Oh, the rich... Like golf.

1298
01:09:22,439 --> 01:09:23,600
A wide field.

1299
01:09:26,439 --> 01:09:27,439
"Let's go."

1300
01:09:29,000 --> 01:09:30,240
Are you stupid?

1301
01:09:31,160 --> 01:09:34,399
Give this to a poor person,
and I bet he'd hit a hole in one.

1302
01:09:35,920 --> 01:09:36,920
Look, like this.

1303
01:09:37,920 --> 01:09:39,120
"Sit down, damn it."

1304
01:09:40,080 --> 01:09:41,640
"Put the wings on the grill."

1305
01:09:43,760 --> 01:09:45,840
<i>I turn over the chicken...</i>

1306
01:09:46,840 --> 01:09:50,120
Isn't it stupid to hit it with this
19 times? You gotta be insane.

1307
01:09:50,200 --> 01:09:52,200
Or the winter tourism. Skiing and such.

1308
01:09:53,000 --> 01:09:55,840
The year is almost 2022.

1309
01:09:55,920 --> 01:09:58,359
How far can you go by skiing?
How stupid are you?

1310
01:09:59,040 --> 01:10:01,320
Why would you go
3,000 feet up to eat a hot dog?

1311
01:10:01,400 --> 01:10:02,840
At minus 20 degrees...

1312
01:10:02,920 --> 01:10:05,280
"But we never come here. We should."

1313
01:10:09,120 --> 01:10:10,840
"You go ski, I'll catch up."

1314
01:10:12,280 --> 01:10:14,000
Go eat your sausage.

1315
01:10:14,080 --> 01:10:15,600
Does anyone do winter tourism?

1316
01:10:16,600 --> 01:10:18,800
Do you snowboard, bro?

1317
01:10:18,880 --> 01:10:21,680
Dude, very cool things, that's true.
Go abroad too?

1318
01:10:22,680 --> 01:10:25,040
Courchevel, St. Moritz...

1319
01:10:26,120 --> 01:10:27,120
Where?

1320
01:10:27,520 --> 01:10:28,880
In England.

1321
01:10:31,480 --> 01:10:32,480
Yes.

1322
01:10:34,920 --> 01:10:37,840
He gave me an idea about the world map.

1323
01:10:37,920 --> 01:10:41,280
"Hey, look, it's closer to those..."

1324
01:10:42,200 --> 01:10:45,720
"Motherfucking ignorant pleb..." Dude!

1325
01:10:51,200 --> 01:10:52,480
I know that, bro.

1326
01:10:53,480 --> 01:10:56,560
I pretend that I don't,
so that I can joke about it.

1327
01:10:57,760 --> 01:10:59,640
Winter tourism is cool.

1328
01:10:59,720 --> 01:11:01,520
You put your ski coats on...

1329
01:11:01,600 --> 01:11:03,800
What is summer? Summer makes people equal.

1330
01:11:03,880 --> 01:11:06,800
You put your trunks on,
doesn't matter if you're royalty.

1331
01:11:06,880 --> 01:11:10,320
Look at Rahmi Koç
in Baltalimanı at the beach.

1332
01:11:10,400 --> 01:11:13,160
If I asked for 5,000 dollars, he'd say
"Cem, I have my shorts on."

1333
01:11:14,600 --> 01:11:15,880
It's an equalizer.

1334
01:11:17,000 --> 01:11:18,320
Summer makes people equal.

1335
01:11:18,400 --> 01:11:21,720
When I see people swimming in
their underwear in Baltalimanı,

1336
01:11:21,800 --> 01:11:25,680
I feel proud of them. The sea is for
everyone. And you know the state it's in.

1337
01:11:25,760 --> 01:11:26,920
And people think,

1338
01:11:27,000 --> 01:11:29,920
"Oh, they are in their underwear."
What should they do? Take them off?

1339
01:11:30,800 --> 01:11:32,360
Is underwear the only problem here?

1340
01:11:35,720 --> 01:11:39,840
Winter tourism, coats,
jackets, ski goggles, all the gadgets.

1341
01:11:39,920 --> 01:11:42,840
"Where did you go?" "We were in Austria."

1342
01:11:42,920 --> 01:11:44,120
"What happened to your mouth?"

1343
01:11:44,200 --> 01:11:45,360
"You know."

1344
01:11:48,480 --> 01:11:49,880
"Where were you?" "Courchevel."

1345
01:11:49,960 --> 01:11:50,880
"Where were you?"

1346
01:11:50,960 --> 01:11:53,760
In America, in the other continent
there's Aspen, is that right, bro?

1347
01:11:53,840 --> 01:11:55,120
Have you been to Aspen?

1348
01:11:55,800 --> 01:11:56,800
Gotcha.

1349
01:11:59,400 --> 01:12:01,040
And it's closer to Alaska.

1350
01:12:08,280 --> 01:12:10,880
He tells me that it's closer to England.

1351
01:12:11,440 --> 01:12:15,800
In the beginning, I said
I had two shows at the Apollo Theatre.

1352
01:12:15,880 --> 01:12:17,080
And he tells me, England is...

1353
01:12:19,480 --> 01:12:22,880
My God, the audience is not that bright.

1354
01:12:24,440 --> 01:12:25,920
"Fuck you."

1355
01:12:31,720 --> 01:12:34,960
Dude, skiing and all that...

1356
01:12:36,000 --> 01:12:38,920
So weird, it's a cool thing.

1357
01:12:39,000 --> 01:12:42,600
Winter tourism gives you
a socio-economic picture.

1358
01:12:43,280 --> 01:12:46,760
It has outfits, equipment,
it's troublesome with all those things.

1359
01:12:46,840 --> 01:12:51,560
And those people never suffer
from a terrible accident.

1360
01:12:51,640 --> 01:12:55,840
They go there really cool,
get injured, and come back even cooler.

1361
01:12:55,920 --> 01:12:56,920
"What happened?"

1362
01:12:56,960 --> 01:12:58,760
"Carpal tunnel."

1363
01:12:59,440 --> 01:13:00,680
"They put a splint there."

1364
01:13:00,760 --> 01:13:03,440
But if a poor man falls on the ice,
he breaks his ass.

1365
01:13:05,280 --> 01:13:07,840
If you or I fell, a vein would pop.

1366
01:13:09,080 --> 01:13:11,280
If he falls, he'd go,
"Oh, my Achilles tendon..."

1367
01:13:12,200 --> 01:13:13,800
"We were in Courchevel..."

1368
01:13:15,120 --> 01:13:17,960
Have you ever heard that
Cem Hakko broke his ass?

1369
01:13:20,040 --> 01:13:24,000
It only happens to poor people like us.
"His neck got twisted."

1370
01:13:24,840 --> 01:13:27,840
They would only get carpal tunnel.

1371
01:13:27,920 --> 01:13:30,120
They get splints...
All kinds of fancy shit happens.

1372
01:13:30,200 --> 01:13:33,040
But whatever happens,
it's always something cool.

1373
01:13:33,120 --> 01:13:35,840
It's never something that
would heal with yogurt soup.

1374
01:13:37,280 --> 01:13:39,800
They return home cooler
even though they're hurt.

1375
01:13:39,880 --> 01:13:42,240
"I'm cooler now." It's always like that.

1376
01:13:43,040 --> 01:13:45,960
"A vein popped." Nope, never.

1377
01:13:47,440 --> 01:13:50,000
"My chest is burning."
These are all poor people's problems.

1378
01:13:50,760 --> 01:13:52,880
"My lungs are on fire, Doctor."

1379
01:13:53,560 --> 01:13:57,600
Have you heard of it? When you're rich,
it's called "psychosomatic reflux."

1380
01:14:01,360 --> 01:14:02,440
So...

1381
01:14:03,720 --> 01:14:05,680
He goes up to 6,000 meters elevation.

1382
01:14:11,880 --> 01:14:13,400
"Look, I was there, now I'm here."

1383
01:14:14,360 --> 01:14:16,600
So? So what?

1384
01:14:16,680 --> 01:14:18,040
"Shall I go there again?"

1385
01:14:18,840 --> 01:14:20,080
"Go." "Okay, I'm going."

1386
01:14:21,920 --> 01:14:23,440
It's insane.

1387
01:14:24,800 --> 01:14:27,320
And they always complain about this.

1388
01:14:27,400 --> 01:14:28,400
"Where were you?"

1389
01:14:28,440 --> 01:14:29,600
"We were in St. Moritz."

1390
01:14:29,680 --> 01:14:30,560
"How was it?"

1391
01:14:30,640 --> 01:14:31,960
"There were so many Turks."

1392
01:14:33,560 --> 01:14:35,200
"Fuck this, it's full of Turks."

1393
01:14:36,840 --> 01:14:41,520
I don't know any other community
who get this bothered by their own kind.

1394
01:14:42,320 --> 01:14:45,000
Have you ever heard of a penguin
that is tired of other penguins?

1395
01:14:45,080 --> 01:14:46,560
"Come on, guys!"

1396
01:14:48,360 --> 01:14:50,960
"Just go away, damn it."
Ever heard of this?

1397
01:14:52,640 --> 01:14:56,560
Is there a problem like
running into a Turk during vacation?

1398
01:14:56,640 --> 01:14:58,480
"We were in Rome, weren't we, Nuran?"

1399
01:14:58,560 --> 01:15:02,920
"It was full of Turks.
We were about to lose it."

1400
01:15:03,000 --> 01:15:05,080
"My mouth is getting better. Better."

1401
01:15:05,920 --> 01:15:06,920
So...

1402
01:15:08,080 --> 01:15:09,120
Dude...

1403
01:15:10,440 --> 01:15:11,760
Haven't you heard of this?

1404
01:15:12,560 --> 01:15:16,440
They themselves go there.
How many Turks do you need?

1405
01:15:16,520 --> 01:15:17,560
Why does it bother you?

1406
01:15:17,640 --> 01:15:22,280
"We were in Austria, everywhere...
Paris, full of Turks."

1407
01:15:22,360 --> 01:15:23,240
What about you?

1408
01:15:23,320 --> 01:15:24,960
"Don't count us."

1409
01:15:26,120 --> 01:15:29,600
People used to be happy
when nobody could tell they were Turkish.

1410
01:15:29,680 --> 01:15:34,640
"Sometimes, I tell them I'm a Turk
and they get surprised."

1411
01:15:36,360 --> 01:15:40,040
Maybe they don't see those traits
and think, "Who the fuck is that jerk?"

1412
01:15:41,880 --> 01:15:46,280
Why would you be proud of this?
"They always ask me if I'm French or..."

1413
01:15:46,880 --> 01:15:48,240
"Oh, my."

1414
01:15:48,320 --> 01:15:51,440
"Well, they don't.
They never think that I'm a Turk."

1415
01:15:52,320 --> 01:15:53,920
"We were in Rome, it was full of Turks."

1416
01:15:54,960 --> 01:15:57,840
If I was the passport officer,
I wouldn't let them in the country.

1417
01:15:58,640 --> 01:16:01,680
So they come back from winter vacation.
"What happened?"

1418
01:16:01,760 --> 01:16:03,200
"We're back..."

1419
01:16:05,480 --> 01:16:06,640
"Fuck off."

1420
01:16:08,200 --> 01:16:10,120
"What happened?"
"Too many Turks in here."

1421
01:16:12,800 --> 01:16:14,120
"Move along."

1422
01:16:14,200 --> 01:16:15,280
That's it.

1423
01:16:18,320 --> 01:16:21,480
We should travel, and see our country.

1424
01:16:22,200 --> 01:16:25,920
Either summer or winter, four seasons,

1425
01:16:26,000 --> 01:16:29,360
seven climates,
we should travel all around our country.

1426
01:16:29,440 --> 01:16:30,520
But we never do.

1427
01:16:33,040 --> 01:16:34,200
We really don't.

1428
01:16:34,920 --> 01:16:37,680
There is a lot to see
in our country, really.

1429
01:16:37,760 --> 01:16:40,440
Honestly. I joke about Ata...

1430
01:16:40,520 --> 01:16:42,360
Ata is from Bursa, you know, Ata Demirer.

1431
01:16:42,440 --> 01:16:45,160
But look, how nice he knows
the Aegean and Thrace regions.

1432
01:16:45,240 --> 01:16:47,840
He has traveled a lot in the Aegean,
spent time there.

1433
01:16:47,920 --> 01:16:50,960
I haven't travelled like that.
I can't travel much.

1434
01:16:52,000 --> 01:16:54,520
There is a limit to how much
I can observe from home.

1435
01:16:55,640 --> 01:16:58,720
You can only do so much at home.
But if I had traveled...

1436
01:16:58,800 --> 01:17:02,520
Some friends of mine were
shooting a movie in the highlands of Ordu.

1437
01:17:03,560 --> 01:17:05,600
I was born and bred in Istanbul.

1438
01:17:05,680 --> 01:17:09,400
What's the highest hill here?
Çamlıca Hill. It's 280 meters high.

1439
01:17:09,480 --> 01:17:11,560
The highest hill I know is Devebağırtan.

1440
01:17:11,680 --> 01:17:14,560
Go down from Barbaros, go up from there.

1441
01:17:14,640 --> 01:17:16,320
"Bebek Hill, oh, it's so steep."

1442
01:17:16,400 --> 01:17:20,840
Man, there were houses, towns,
villages 1,600 meters high.

1443
01:17:20,920 --> 01:17:24,280
I felt like I was in <i>Avatar.</i>
It was my first time in highlands.

1444
01:17:24,360 --> 01:17:27,400
The car was vertical like this, look.
Like this.

1445
01:17:27,480 --> 01:17:30,000
And he says...
You ask where we're headed, and he says,

1446
01:17:30,080 --> 01:17:32,880
"You see that village up there,
see that mosque?"

1447
01:17:34,080 --> 01:17:35,600
That's basically heaven.

1448
01:17:36,920 --> 01:17:40,800
God will be able to
see you up there, right?

1449
01:17:42,480 --> 01:17:44,040
Man, it was crazy high.

1450
01:17:44,120 --> 01:17:46,640
He says there is
another village past that village.

1451
01:17:46,720 --> 01:17:48,080
We reared up.

1452
01:17:48,160 --> 01:17:51,880
"A river flows here,
something happens there..." So...

1453
01:17:52,600 --> 01:17:57,040
This shows you how geography
shapes people's character,

1454
01:17:57,120 --> 01:18:04,080
their stories, legends, folk tales,
written literature. For real.

1455
01:18:04,160 --> 01:18:07,560
Why are there so many struggles
in Black Sea folk songs?

1456
01:18:07,640 --> 01:18:10,600
Giving directions all the time?
Because the region is like that.

1457
01:18:10,680 --> 01:18:13,760
You hop on a cable car in the air.
You take a raft downriver.

1458
01:18:13,840 --> 01:18:17,160
Rivers are flowing,
the village is behind the hill.

1459
01:18:18,040 --> 01:18:21,920
Haven't you noticed? For example,
Central Anatolian folk songs are flat.

1460
01:18:22,000 --> 01:18:25,240
<i>I walked to the fountain...</i>

1461
01:18:25,320 --> 01:18:28,320
You walk, all flat, the fountain is here.
The mosque is there.

1462
01:18:28,400 --> 01:18:31,720
The great mountains are there.
But they're only pointed at from afar.

1463
01:18:31,800 --> 01:18:34,000
The Black Sea region's topography,
it's like...

1464
01:18:34,840 --> 01:18:37,240
It always starts with giving directions.

1465
01:18:37,320 --> 01:18:39,240
From here to there.

1466
01:18:41,520 --> 01:18:43,240
Down the river.

1467
01:18:44,040 --> 01:18:46,520
From there to here, and then there.

1468
01:18:46,600 --> 01:18:48,400
Like, so that you don't get lost...

1469
01:18:49,840 --> 01:18:54,320
So that you don't get lost in the song...

1470
01:18:54,400 --> 01:18:56,160
Rivers are flowing, it comes from there.

1471
01:18:56,240 --> 01:18:58,920
Falcon, bird flight, shot...

1472
01:18:59,000 --> 01:19:02,040
It's all like, "Wow!"

1473
01:19:05,680 --> 01:19:07,680
Look, how is this a song?

1474
01:19:07,760 --> 01:19:11,280
"Shall Ordu's rivers flow upwards."

1475
01:19:12,360 --> 01:19:15,040
Can you grasp the size of the project?

1476
01:19:15,120 --> 01:19:18,520
Have you ever heard of such a thing
in Anatolia, or the Aegean?

1477
01:19:18,600 --> 01:19:21,000
If this happens then this happens.

1478
01:19:21,080 --> 01:19:23,880
The region is weird...
"Man, those rivers..."

1479
01:19:23,960 --> 01:19:26,360
Like the Lavoisier Law.
If that applies pressure from here,

1480
01:19:26,440 --> 01:19:29,560
then that moves up over that,
it'd be fucking crazy.

1481
01:19:33,200 --> 01:19:37,640
In Central Anatolia, "I got to her room,
walked through her iwan..."

1482
01:19:38,720 --> 01:19:40,560
All flat, I mean.

1483
01:19:40,640 --> 01:19:43,040
<i>I'd jump from roof to roof...</i>

1484
01:19:43,120 --> 01:19:44,240
Like Southeast Anatolia.

1485
01:19:44,320 --> 01:19:47,320
It's all about breaking and entering.
In Central Anatolia...

1486
01:19:49,320 --> 01:19:51,000
There's such a thing in Anatolia.

1487
01:19:51,640 --> 01:19:55,480
<i>I walked through her iwan
Went into her room...</i>

1488
01:19:55,560 --> 01:19:57,040
Why are you going into the room?

1489
01:19:58,320 --> 01:20:02,280
There's only one ethical issue.
And their problem is this...

1490
01:20:02,360 --> 01:20:06,280
<i>We're doomed
If others hear about us, darling!</i>

1491
01:20:06,360 --> 01:20:08,200
Don't do this stuff then.

1492
01:20:09,360 --> 01:20:11,520
Is the only problem
others hearing about you?

1493
01:20:12,880 --> 01:20:15,920
Look, observe this
as a genetic code, I beg of you.

1494
01:20:16,000 --> 01:20:18,360
There are so many weird things there.

1495
01:20:18,440 --> 01:20:22,520
If in so many songs, people are
this worried about getting caught,

1496
01:20:22,600 --> 01:20:26,560
then it means there is a serious problem.

1497
01:20:28,280 --> 01:20:32,000
Why is this the only problem, dude?
If something is bad, it's bad.

1498
01:20:32,080 --> 01:20:34,200
<i>If others hear about it...</i>

1499
01:20:34,280 --> 01:20:36,680
And if they don't?
"Fuck it, we'll do it." What?

1500
01:20:38,600 --> 01:20:40,320
Does this make sense?

1501
01:20:41,120 --> 01:20:44,200
If people don't hear about it, go on.
Oh, yeah?

1502
01:20:44,840 --> 01:20:47,960
Moreover, it's crazy that
such a record even exists.

1503
01:20:48,120 --> 01:20:50,120
How can there be such a record?

1504
01:20:50,200 --> 01:20:52,016
Would a person
walk into the studio and sing...

1505
01:20:52,040 --> 01:20:54,840
<i>We're doomed if people hear about us?</i>

1506
01:20:54,920 --> 01:20:57,440
They're gonna hear,
you're making a fucking record.

1507
01:20:59,360 --> 01:21:01,920
Aren't you even aware
that it's being recorded?

1508
01:21:02,000 --> 01:21:05,040
<i>Who knows what would happen
If people hear about it...</i>

1509
01:21:05,120 --> 01:21:06,520
You'll see when the record is out.

1510
01:21:10,960 --> 01:21:15,520
There's a thing called
"attention deficit syndrome," right?

1511
01:21:17,320 --> 01:21:19,280
Which means lack of focus.

1512
01:21:19,360 --> 01:21:22,160
Right? Englishman?

1513
01:21:24,280 --> 01:21:27,840
So there is a disorder called
"attention deficit."

1514
01:21:27,920 --> 01:21:30,840
Does "deficiency" mean lacking? Yes.

1515
01:21:30,920 --> 01:21:33,520
Lack of focus, let's call it that.

1516
01:21:34,120 --> 01:21:37,400
Lack of focus.
Black Sea songs contain a lack of focus.

1517
01:21:37,480 --> 01:21:38,680
Have you ever noticed that?

1518
01:21:38,760 --> 01:21:41,200
So the song has an "attention deficit."

1519
01:21:41,280 --> 01:21:43,760
Let me give you examples
from the classics. Like...

1520
01:21:45,560 --> 01:21:47,520
<i>Open the white cloth</i>

1521
01:21:47,600 --> 01:21:51,720
<i>Let me see your face
Let me see your face</i>

1522
01:21:51,800 --> 01:21:53,640
<i>Let me see your...</i>

1523
01:22:00,080 --> 01:22:01,360
So what happened?

1524
01:22:03,480 --> 01:22:06,720
Look, in a second, it went "poof..."
Fell into a blackhole.

1525
01:22:08,400 --> 01:22:10,720
I wonder what happens then.

1526
01:22:11,320 --> 01:22:12,800
I mean, think about the song.

1527
01:22:12,880 --> 01:22:15,280
<i>The ropes of my basket...</i>

1528
01:22:15,360 --> 01:22:16,240
Right?

1529
01:22:16,320 --> 01:22:20,080
<i>The ropes of my basket are
Cutting into my shoulder</i>

1530
01:22:20,160 --> 01:22:22,680
<i>Cutting into my shoulder</i>

1531
01:22:22,760 --> 01:22:24,920
<i>Cutting into my...</i>

1532
01:22:29,960 --> 01:22:33,200
<i>My... Cutting into my...</i>

1533
01:22:36,520 --> 01:22:38,240
"Furkan." "One second."

1534
01:22:41,000 --> 01:22:43,440
What might have happened? I mean...

1535
01:22:44,240 --> 01:22:45,800
<i>Let me see your...</i>

1536
01:22:45,880 --> 01:22:47,760
What was the composer thinking?

1537
01:22:47,840 --> 01:22:50,560
<i>Let me see your face</i>

1538
01:22:50,640 --> 01:22:52,680
<i>Let me see your...</i>

1539
01:22:54,280 --> 01:22:56,040
<i>Your face...</i>

1540
01:22:56,120 --> 01:22:58,960
"No, that would be the same."

1541
01:22:59,640 --> 01:23:01,720
<i>Let me see your...</i>

1542
01:23:06,080 --> 01:23:08,080
"I'll think about it."

1543
01:23:15,600 --> 01:23:16,960
Strange, isn't it?

1544
01:23:18,000 --> 01:23:20,960
Who'd even think about
trivial stuff like this? Just me.

1545
01:23:24,280 --> 01:23:26,120
Heaven, heaven.

1546
01:23:26,200 --> 01:23:27,440
But we never travel.

1547
01:23:29,120 --> 01:23:34,200
We have so many treasures.
Karacaoğlans, Yunus', this land's...

1548
01:23:34,880 --> 01:23:37,720
I don't want to sound like a bank
commercial, but you know how they say,

1549
01:23:37,800 --> 01:23:40,080
"People of this land..."

1550
01:23:40,160 --> 01:23:42,000
In Haluk Bilginer's voice.

1551
01:23:42,080 --> 01:23:43,960
"The best pepper of Turkey..."

1552
01:23:45,240 --> 01:23:47,160
And Haluk's voice is like...

1553
01:23:49,080 --> 01:23:50,840
Haluk Bilginer has such a voice.

1554
01:23:55,560 --> 01:23:57,600
It has a bus line inside, a small one.

1555
01:23:58,680 --> 01:24:00,320
For internal trips.

1556
01:24:04,400 --> 01:24:06,840
Haluk Bilginer.
Haluk Bilginer. Haluk Bilginer.

1557
01:24:15,160 --> 01:24:18,960
When you say Yunus,
young people reach for their IDs...

1558
01:24:19,040 --> 01:24:21,400
Don't worry, there is no traffic stop.

1559
01:24:21,480 --> 01:24:22,760
I mean Yunus Emre.

1560
01:24:23,600 --> 01:24:24,720
Nobody has any clue.

1561
01:24:25,360 --> 01:24:28,440
To present our values
in greater magnitudes,

1562
01:24:28,520 --> 01:24:30,960
they are sometimes referred to
in the plural form.

1563
01:24:31,040 --> 01:24:32,360
"Karacaoğlans."

1564
01:24:33,520 --> 01:24:36,320
Who are they? As if there are
several Karacaoğlans in a police van.

1565
01:24:36,400 --> 01:24:37,720
"Yunus'."

1566
01:24:38,880 --> 01:24:41,200
Yunus Emre. Karacaoğlan.

1567
01:24:41,280 --> 01:24:43,920
I had this in a previous show, Dadaloğlu.

1568
01:24:44,000 --> 01:24:46,160
These are our values, okay, but...

1569
01:24:46,240 --> 01:24:47,720
What is left for us? Just us?

1570
01:24:48,360 --> 01:24:52,040
Our people have something like this...

1571
01:24:54,360 --> 01:24:55,400
Look, nothing.

1572
01:24:56,600 --> 01:24:58,120
You couldn't remember it either.

1573
01:25:00,680 --> 01:25:03,440
Our people have something, we do.

1574
01:25:03,520 --> 01:25:04,920
We do, but...

1575
01:25:07,680 --> 01:25:11,160
it's not common. It's a little personal.

1576
01:25:11,240 --> 01:25:15,320
For example, there's no such thing like
Nasreddin Hodjas. There's Nasreddin Hodja.

1577
01:25:16,400 --> 01:25:19,600
Yunus', no, it's not Yunus'.
There's only one Yunus. Poor thing.

1578
01:25:20,600 --> 01:25:22,800
What do we have to show for ourselves?

1579
01:25:22,880 --> 01:25:25,080
Nobody talks about that much.

1580
01:25:25,160 --> 01:25:27,720
For example, Nasreddin Hodja is
the father of my profession.

1581
01:25:27,800 --> 01:25:31,880
Isn't he? Humor, tolerance,
looking at things from a different angle.

1582
01:25:31,960 --> 01:25:33,840
Nasreddin Hodja is the father of this art.

1583
01:25:33,920 --> 01:25:35,240
He would say, "You are right."

1584
01:25:35,320 --> 01:25:37,000
"But Hodja, it's..." "You are right, too."

1585
01:25:37,040 --> 01:25:39,440
"How can that be?"
"You're also right, motherfucker."

1586
01:25:39,520 --> 01:25:40,760
Let's go now.

1587
01:25:40,840 --> 01:25:46,480
Now he is there as the manifestation

1588
01:25:47,560 --> 01:25:50,320
of human dilemma and weirdness.

1589
01:25:50,400 --> 01:25:55,280
I mean, as a point of view,
and from the 13th century, dude.

1590
01:25:55,360 --> 01:25:56,760
The father of this art.

1591
01:25:56,840 --> 01:26:02,200
When I first went on the stage as a kid,
I played Nasreddin Hodja in a school play.

1592
01:26:02,280 --> 01:26:06,200
I started at the top. 42 years ago,

1593
01:26:06,280 --> 01:26:10,080
I started as Nasreddin Hodja,
then I stooped all the way down here.

1594
01:26:10,960 --> 01:26:14,880
But I'm not saying that
I carry his traces,

1595
01:26:14,960 --> 01:26:17,800
but compared to people who say
the following, I can't say I don't.

1596
01:26:17,880 --> 01:26:21,320
The person who hasn't made
a single person laugh in his life says,

1597
01:26:21,400 --> 01:26:24,160
"We are the descendants of
Nasreddin Hodja."

1598
01:26:24,240 --> 01:26:25,640
Never made anyone laugh.

1599
01:26:25,720 --> 01:26:28,720
Never showed appreciation
for anyone's jokes.

1600
01:26:28,800 --> 01:26:33,560
Never thought about a criticism
and said, "Yes, that might be true."

1601
01:26:33,640 --> 01:26:36,600
Who are you to say something like,

1602
01:26:36,680 --> 01:26:38,760
"We are the descendants of
Nasreddin Hodja"?

1603
01:26:38,840 --> 01:26:41,520
So? "It means we don't need to do much."

1604
01:26:43,320 --> 01:26:46,360
How can you say you're
Nasreddin Hodja's descendant?

1605
01:26:46,440 --> 01:26:50,320
Who are the people asking the stupid
questions in Nasreddin Hodja's anecdotes?

1606
01:26:51,000 --> 01:26:52,800
"Hodja, you're cutting
the branch you're on."

1607
01:26:54,440 --> 01:26:55,920
What if we're his descendants?

1608
01:26:57,240 --> 01:26:58,960
"Hodja, why would you ferment the lake?"

1609
01:27:00,960 --> 01:27:02,400
They're all from the same village.

1610
01:27:04,000 --> 01:27:07,520
Isn't it possible that we're
their descendants? Nobody claims them.

1611
01:27:07,600 --> 01:27:09,920
Everybody just wants to
put Hodja's turban on.

1612
01:27:10,920 --> 01:27:13,000
Not so fast. Is it that easy?

1613
01:27:13,640 --> 01:27:16,560
Is it easy to be remembered for 800 years?

1614
01:27:16,640 --> 01:27:18,240
That's Nasreddin Hodja for you.

1615
01:27:19,000 --> 01:27:22,000
How long have I been doing this? 25 years.

1616
01:27:22,080 --> 01:27:27,040
How can you compare 25 to 800?
You're all waiting for me to finish.

1617
01:27:27,120 --> 01:27:29,080
"Yilmaz, will this fucking end? Come on."

1618
01:27:30,080 --> 01:27:32,680
Can 800 years end? 800.

1619
01:27:32,760 --> 01:27:37,440
But having lived in the 13th century
also has an effect on this.

1620
01:27:38,480 --> 01:27:41,200
It's not easy right now.

1621
01:27:42,120 --> 01:27:45,040
Nasreddin Hodja's anecdotes
have been told for 800 years, okay,

1622
01:27:45,120 --> 01:27:46,480
but that's the 13th century.

1623
01:27:47,560 --> 01:27:50,400
If one of those stories
were to happen now,

1624
01:27:50,480 --> 01:27:52,520
the poor man would be destroyed in a week.

1625
01:27:53,280 --> 01:27:56,080
For real. Isn't that so?
So he goes to the bazaar,

1626
01:27:56,160 --> 01:27:58,800
the kids gather around, say,
"Hodja, can you get us whistles?"

1627
01:27:58,880 --> 01:28:00,920
"Hey, mister, could you buy us whistles?"

1628
01:28:01,720 --> 01:28:04,000
This kid is dubbed. He must be Mongolian.

1629
01:28:06,360 --> 01:28:07,840
He says...

1630
01:28:07,920 --> 01:28:10,040
All the kids... You all know the story.

1631
01:28:10,120 --> 01:28:12,520
They gather around him,
"Hodja, get us whistles."

1632
01:28:12,600 --> 01:28:14,880
Only one of them gives him money and says,

1633
01:28:14,960 --> 01:28:17,680
"Can you buy me a whistle
with this money?"

1634
01:28:17,760 --> 01:28:21,920
He goes to the bazaar and only brings
a whistle to the kid who gave him money,

1635
01:28:22,000 --> 01:28:25,480
and he says "Here, take it, whoever gives
the money plays the whistle."

1636
01:28:27,880 --> 01:28:28,920
What is this?

1637
01:28:30,320 --> 01:28:32,520
Had I run a social experiment like this,

1638
01:28:32,600 --> 01:28:36,720
next week they would swear at my whole
family on social media, on Twitter...

1639
01:28:38,040 --> 01:28:40,520
"Son of a bitch, you made the kids cry."

1640
01:28:41,800 --> 01:28:43,760
"You could have gotten whistles
for all of them."

1641
01:28:44,640 --> 01:28:47,960
"I hope you go bankrupt."
"Tarkan, Athena Gökhan, God damn you all!"

1642
01:28:51,360 --> 01:28:52,360
Right?

1643
01:28:53,080 --> 01:28:56,480
That's the truth.

1644
01:28:58,560 --> 01:29:01,240
The hardship of our era.
There are also advantages.

1645
01:29:01,320 --> 01:29:03,760
Nasreddin Hodja's wife was a little weird.

1646
01:29:03,840 --> 01:29:05,760
I was lucky in that department.

1647
01:29:05,840 --> 01:29:09,040
Hodja's wife was so ugly,
after they get married, she asks him,

1648
01:29:09,120 --> 01:29:12,440
"Hodja, who shall I show my face to,
and who should I not?"

1649
01:29:12,520 --> 01:29:14,440
And he says, "Show it to anyone but me."

1650
01:29:15,880 --> 01:29:18,520
Never had a problem like that.
Thank God, I was lucky.

1651
01:29:21,840 --> 01:29:24,320
But this century has other issues.

1652
01:29:24,400 --> 01:29:27,240
I'm not that ambitious, I don't want to
be talked about for 800 years.

1653
01:29:27,320 --> 01:29:30,800
But the young people have to learn this.

1654
01:29:30,880 --> 01:29:32,920
Like, you tell them
a Nasreddin Hodja anecdote,

1655
01:29:33,000 --> 01:29:34,120
they go, "What's so funny?"

1656
01:29:34,200 --> 01:29:36,240
Not everything has to be funny.

1657
01:29:36,320 --> 01:29:38,960
It's the idea. The idea is important,
that point of view.

1658
01:29:39,040 --> 01:29:41,520
"He was fermenting the lake,
he says, 'What if it works?'"

1659
01:29:41,600 --> 01:29:43,320
Is this the moral of the story?

1660
01:29:43,400 --> 01:29:45,960
"He says, 'What if it works?'
I don't get it."

1661
01:29:46,040 --> 01:29:48,120
"So did it work?"

1662
01:29:48,800 --> 01:29:52,240
Result-oriented generation.
Fuck this generation. What a waste.

1663
01:29:52,320 --> 01:29:55,720
"So what did Hodja try to teach?"
He didn't want to teach anything.

1664
01:29:56,560 --> 01:30:01,640
We're talking about something
that happened in the year 1278.

1665
01:30:01,720 --> 01:30:04,440
You don't even remember
what you ate last week.

1666
01:30:04,520 --> 01:30:09,920
A story of a man sitting by the lake
in 1275 with yogurt in his hand.

1667
01:30:10,000 --> 01:30:12,200
Maybe that's not how
it transpired, who cares?

1668
01:30:12,280 --> 01:30:14,760
Maybe he was smoking a cigarette.

1669
01:30:14,840 --> 01:30:16,080
Holding his yogurt.

1670
01:30:16,160 --> 01:30:18,440
When his blood pressure dropped,
he ate some yogurt.

1671
01:30:19,800 --> 01:30:23,120
Villagers came, he hid his cigarette,
left with the yogurt. We don't know.

1672
01:30:23,600 --> 01:30:24,800
Is it possible? Yes.

1673
01:30:25,920 --> 01:30:27,440
Villagers asked, "What are you doing?"

1674
01:30:30,320 --> 01:30:31,680
"Go back to the village, go."

1675
01:30:35,120 --> 01:30:36,320
"Go to the village, dude."

1676
01:30:37,320 --> 01:30:39,160
"Hodja, what are you doing?"

1677
01:30:39,680 --> 01:30:41,480
"Are we going to have descendants too?"

1678
01:30:44,440 --> 01:30:45,720
"I'm not doing anything."

1679
01:30:45,800 --> 01:30:49,240
"You head back to the village,
I'll come riding my donkey backwards."

1680
01:30:50,240 --> 01:30:52,040
"Hodja, what are you doing
with that yogurt?"

1681
01:30:52,960 --> 01:30:54,480
"I'm not doing anything. Well..."

1682
01:30:57,520 --> 01:30:59,880
"I'm fermenting the lake, let's say."

1683
01:30:59,960 --> 01:31:01,720
"I mean, let's say that."

1684
01:31:01,800 --> 01:31:03,520
"Hodja, can a lake be fermented?"

1685
01:31:07,280 --> 01:31:08,560
"What if it can?"

1686
01:31:09,200 --> 01:31:10,200
He said.

1687
01:31:15,960 --> 01:31:18,560
Then he thought, "This moron'll
go tell everyone about it now."

1688
01:31:20,200 --> 01:31:22,000
Maybe this is what happened,
we don't know.

1689
01:31:22,600 --> 01:31:25,280
What Nasreddin Hodja
taught us is not like,

1690
01:31:25,360 --> 01:31:28,760
this is funny,
that is weird, this is cheeky.

1691
01:31:28,840 --> 01:31:31,920
Maybe it's like this.
Maybe it's like that.

1692
01:31:32,560 --> 01:31:34,760
His message is,
"Are you ready for these possibilities?"

1693
01:31:35,800 --> 01:31:36,960
This little show.

1694
01:31:38,160 --> 01:31:41,240
You must have heard many rumors about it.
Look. It's finished.

1695
01:31:42,920 --> 01:31:46,000
I mean, "It's gonna be like this,
it's gonna be like that..."

1696
01:31:46,080 --> 01:31:47,280
"Will our asses burst?"

1697
01:31:48,120 --> 01:31:50,120
That had never been my goal.

1698
01:31:52,520 --> 01:31:53,800
I wanted to share something,

1699
01:31:53,880 --> 01:31:56,800
wanted to laugh together,
more than we ever laughed before.

1700
01:31:57,760 --> 01:32:00,320
What do you think
people will talk about in a week?

1701
01:32:00,400 --> 01:32:02,280
"Have you been to Cem Yilmaz's show?"

1702
01:32:04,560 --> 01:32:06,320
"Oh, we have, it was a little weird,

1703
01:32:06,400 --> 01:32:08,560
during the pandemic.
It was being recorded."

1704
01:32:09,440 --> 01:32:11,280
"What does he talk about, for God's sake?"

1705
01:32:13,400 --> 01:32:14,840
"I mean..."

1706
01:32:14,920 --> 01:32:17,280
"Not what it used to be.
I mean, things we know,

1707
01:32:17,360 --> 01:32:20,200
but it doesn't taste the same.
He'd also put on a little water weight."

1708
01:32:21,920 --> 01:32:23,560
"So what? What does he talk about?"

1709
01:32:24,920 --> 01:32:26,040
"I don't know, like..."

1710
01:32:26,120 --> 01:32:27,480
"He farted when he was a kid."

1711
01:32:31,760 --> 01:32:33,440
"I mean, I don't know."

1712
01:32:33,520 --> 01:32:36,160
"He has a yacht,
his nipples aren't the same. This."

1713
01:32:39,680 --> 01:32:41,160
"But what happened to your mouth?"

1714
01:32:42,920 --> 01:32:44,400
"I'm just being a prick."