1
00:00:47,882 --> 00:00:49,926
<i>Glendale, California.</i>

2
00:01:12,824 --> 00:01:13,658
<i>Whatever</i>

3
00:01:17,286 --> 00:01:19,538
<i>I went down to the beach and saw Kiki</i>

4
00:01:19,622 --> 00:01:22,041
<i>She was all like, "Ehh"
And I'm like, whatever</i>

5
00:01:25,545 --> 00:01:27,629
<i>Then this chick comes up to me
And she's all like</i>

6
00:01:27,713 --> 00:01:29,715
<i>"Hey, aren't you that dude?"
And I'm like, yeah, whatever</i>

7
00:01:33,386 --> 00:01:36,221
<i>So later, I'm at the pool hall
And this girl comes up</i>

8
00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:38,641
<i>And she's all like, "Aww"
And I'm like, yeah, whatever</i>

9
00:01:40,852 --> 00:01:44,313
<i>'Cause this is my
United States of Whatever</i>

10
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:50,194
<i>And this is my United States of Whatever</i>

11
00:01:52,947 --> 00:01:56,284
<i>And this is my United States of Whatever</i>

12
00:01:58,119 --> 00:01:59,287
Lucas!

13
00:02:00,121 --> 00:02:02,790
<i>And then it's 3 a.m.
I'm on the corner wearing my leather</i>

14
00:02:02,874 --> 00:02:05,710
<i>And this dude comes up and he's like
"Hey, punk!" I'm like, yeah, whatever</i>

15
00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:08,879
Lucas.

16
00:02:08,963 --> 00:02:11,757
<i>Then I'm throwing dice in the alley
Officer Leroy comes up</i>

17
00:02:11,841 --> 00:02:14,552
<i>He's like, "Hey, I thought I told you"
And I'm like, yeah, whatever</i>

18
00:02:17,388 --> 00:02:19,973
One, two...

19
00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:22,226
<i>Then up comes Zafo
I'm like, "Yo, Zafo. What's up?"</i>

20
00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:23,811
<i>He's like, "Nothin'"
And I'm like, "That's cool"</i>

21
00:02:25,021 --> 00:02:28,274
<i>'Cause this is my
United States of Whatever</i>

22
00:02:30,776 --> 00:02:34,030
<i>And this is my United States of Whatever</i>

23
00:02:50,379 --> 00:02:52,006
That's my agent, fellas.

24
00:02:53,758 --> 00:02:55,717
So what'd I do right this time?

25
00:02:55,801 --> 00:02:58,262
I've got bad news and bad news.

26
00:02:58,888 --> 00:03:00,264
Let's start with the bad.

27
00:03:00,348 --> 00:03:01,224
Very well.

28
00:03:01,724 --> 00:03:03,892
Lucas, between your string
of box-office bombs

29
00:03:03,976 --> 00:03:06,895
and reports
of your toxic skater boi behavior,

30
00:03:06,979 --> 00:03:10,607
this town's on the verge of saying,
"See you later, boi."

31
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:13,694
You are one mistake away from movie jail!

32
00:03:13,778 --> 00:03:16,197
Good thing I've got
a get-out-of-jail-free card...

33
00:03:17,031 --> 00:03:18,115
this smile!

34
00:03:19,617 --> 00:03:23,203
You realize I can't see you, right?
We're on the phone, yeah?

35
00:03:23,287 --> 00:03:25,914
Lucas, you need to get your act together.

36
00:03:25,998 --> 00:03:28,125
My act is acting.

37
00:03:28,209 --> 00:03:31,211
You want goody-two-shoes,
buy 'em at a shoe store.

38
00:03:31,295 --> 00:03:35,299
Well, that's just the sort of thing that's
made you nigh unemployable, isn't it?

39
00:03:35,383 --> 00:03:39,595
We've got one offer for a lead role.
I suggest you take it!

40
00:03:39,679 --> 00:03:42,556
It's probably going to be
the last one for a while!

41
00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:45,350
Your flight to Toronto
departs in four hours.

42
00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:50,731
And remember, you must be professional
at every opportunity,

43
00:03:50,815 --> 00:03:55,611
or the stardom you love so much
will slip through your grasp.

44
00:03:57,822 --> 00:04:04,787
<i>The stardom you love so much
will slip through your grasp.</i>

45
00:04:08,332 --> 00:04:09,417
Whatever.

46
00:04:10,209 --> 00:04:13,713
<i>'Cause this is my
United States of Whatever</i>

47
00:04:15,798 --> 00:04:19,260
<i>And this is my United States of Whatever</i>

48
00:06:31,225 --> 00:06:32,893
While we appreciate your passion,

49
00:06:32,977 --> 00:06:37,189
no one visits the set of a Lucas Lee movie
without explicit permission.

50
00:06:38,357 --> 00:06:39,941
Lucas Lee is here?

51
00:06:40,025 --> 00:06:42,861
Of course he's here.
What do you think our job is?

52
00:06:42,945 --> 00:06:45,948
Oh man!
Do you think we could have a selfie?

53
00:07:09,889 --> 00:07:11,139
Young Neil?

54
00:07:11,223 --> 00:07:13,683
Ramona! Love the new hair.

55
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:16,645
Have a seat.
They're about to roll the camera.

56
00:07:16,729 --> 00:07:19,523
Not like a bowling ball.
The camera doesn't roll at all.

57
00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:21,275
You learn a lot on a movie set.

58
00:07:29,074 --> 00:07:32,077
Why does the set look
exactly like The Rockit?

59
00:07:32,161 --> 00:07:35,247
The director thinks sets
are more authentic than locations.

60
00:07:35,331 --> 00:07:38,792
They don't consult me on those decisions.
I'm just the writer.

61
00:07:38,876 --> 00:07:40,211
Of this movie?

62
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:42,338
You wrote a movie?

63
00:07:42,838 --> 00:07:43,672
Yes.

64
00:07:43,756 --> 00:07:46,133
You wrote a Lucas Lee movie.

65
00:07:46,217 --> 00:07:47,760
Bring in first team!

66
00:07:50,930 --> 00:07:51,931
Let's go.

67
00:08:02,191 --> 00:08:03,734
Hey, Young Neil.

68
00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:06,570
Why is Envy Adams dressed like me?

69
00:08:06,654 --> 00:08:08,197
She's playing Ramona Flowers.

70
00:08:09,073 --> 00:08:09,907
Okay.

71
00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:13,452
Young Neil, what's the title
of this movie?

72
00:08:13,536 --> 00:08:14,662
Quiet on the set!

73
00:08:15,955 --> 00:08:18,290
<i>Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Life.</i>

74
00:08:18,374 --> 00:08:19,583
Scene 12, take 1.

75
00:08:21,544 --> 00:08:22,378
Action!

76
00:08:22,962 --> 00:08:26,089
So are you a fan of Sex Bob-omb?

77
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:29,468
No, I'm kind of seeing
someone in the band.

78
00:08:29,552 --> 00:08:32,179
That's crazy! I am too!

79
00:08:33,305 --> 00:08:37,601
So, I just want to make sure
I understand what's happening here.

80
00:08:38,102 --> 00:08:41,646
We're both dating Scott
at the same time and don't know it?

81
00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:44,650
Cut! Yes, our lead character is flawed.

82
00:08:45,401 --> 00:08:49,112
You wrote an entire script
about a world where Scott Pilgrim

83
00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:51,114
won the fight with Matthew Patel?

84
00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:52,282
Basically.

85
00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:54,159
Do you know where I can find Lucas Lee?

86
00:08:56,662 --> 00:08:57,746
Wait.

87
00:08:57,830 --> 00:08:59,665
Who is he playing in this?

88
00:09:09,258 --> 00:09:12,761
Did you know in the U.S.
these are called Mario Karts?

89
00:09:12,845 --> 00:09:13,971
That can't be true.

90
00:09:14,555 --> 00:09:16,014
How would you know that?

91
00:09:16,098 --> 00:09:17,850
I'm from the U.S.

92
00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:20,644
Well, they're definitely
called that in Japan.

93
00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:22,479
Pretty sure that's not true either.

94
00:09:23,314 --> 00:09:24,565
Agree to disagree.

95
00:09:27,026 --> 00:09:28,694
There's Lucas Lee's trailer.

96
00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:33,156
Thanks for the tour.

97
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:34,074
Anytime.

98
00:09:34,158 --> 00:09:36,118
I know my way around the studio.

99
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,707
I don't know where I am!

100
00:09:46,545 --> 00:09:47,463
Someone's outside.

101
00:09:48,839 --> 00:09:50,841
Who is it? I'm working on my lines.

102
00:09:51,342 --> 00:09:52,468
It's Ramona.

103
00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:53,969
Flowers.

104
00:10:02,061 --> 00:10:03,228
Oh my god!

105
00:10:04,063 --> 00:10:06,231
Ramona Flowers.

106
00:10:06,315 --> 00:10:07,607
Been a while.

107
00:10:07,691 --> 00:10:09,318
Freshman year, high school.

108
00:10:10,402 --> 00:10:11,611
We need to talk.

109
00:10:11,695 --> 00:10:12,988
I'm not sure we do.

110
00:10:13,739 --> 00:10:15,240
About Scott Pilgrim.

111
00:10:15,324 --> 00:10:16,533
I'm Scott Pilgrim.

112
00:10:16,617 --> 00:10:18,786
No, the real Scott Pilgrim.

113
00:10:19,370 --> 00:10:21,162
You saying I'm a fake Scott Pilgrim?

114
00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:24,166
No, the Scott Pilgrim
your character is based on.

115
00:10:25,334 --> 00:10:26,793
I didn't know this was a biopic.

116
00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:28,878
No, it's more like...

117
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,799
Wait, do you even know
what this movie is about?

118
00:10:32,383 --> 00:10:33,550
Have you read the script?

119
00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:34,676
I read the title.

120
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:36,929
Maybe you should read a little more.

121
00:10:37,429 --> 00:10:40,974
Well, as not fun as it's been to catch up,
I'm needed on set.

122
00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:44,853
We're about to shoot my first scene.
Gotta give the people what they want.

123
00:10:44,937 --> 00:10:47,063
Crank that Lucas Lee charm to 11.

124
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,316
- I think you're a 12.
- Let's make out.

125
00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:53,445
Damn girl! What are you doing later?

126
00:10:55,781 --> 00:10:57,116
Are you hitting on me?

127
00:10:57,866 --> 00:11:00,953
Maybe I am, and maybe I am.

128
00:11:03,455 --> 00:11:04,748
Gross.

129
00:11:08,210 --> 00:11:09,128
My Lord!

130
00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:24,100
Ramona Flowers.

131
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:25,852
Didn't expect to see you here.

132
00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:27,104
Seeking fame?

133
00:11:27,688 --> 00:11:28,772
Not my style.

134
00:11:30,107 --> 00:11:33,693
Still on the search for my old roommate,
what's-his-name.

135
00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:34,944
Any progress?

136
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:35,904
Minimal.

137
00:11:35,988 --> 00:11:38,824
But hopefully that's about to change.
What brings you here?

138
00:11:39,408 --> 00:11:42,327
I heard they hired
a notorious heterosexual to play me.

139
00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:44,996
Needed to see this debacle up close.

140
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:45,914
Action!

141
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:50,502
I had a dream about that girl again.

142
00:11:51,837 --> 00:11:53,964
I didn't care the first time you told me.

143
00:11:54,506 --> 00:11:55,966
I care even less now.

144
00:11:59,011 --> 00:12:00,929
Cut! Let's go again.

145
00:12:02,765 --> 00:12:05,809
Hey, how was that? Gay enough? Any notes?

146
00:12:05,893 --> 00:12:09,938
Yeah. How about you build
a time machine, go back in time,

147
00:12:10,022 --> 00:12:12,399
and never audition for this part
in the first place.

148
00:12:13,192 --> 00:12:14,442
Am I being heckled?

149
00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:18,738
Who has the nerve to share
his opinions on the set of my film?

150
00:12:18,822 --> 00:12:20,490
Me. I have the nerve.

151
00:12:20,574 --> 00:12:22,493
You? What's your name?

152
00:12:23,827 --> 00:12:24,912
I'm Wallace Wells.

153
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:30,834
Method, wow! Bold, confident, impressive.

154
00:12:31,335 --> 00:12:32,628
I love it!

155
00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:38,300
What's happening right now?

156
00:12:39,468 --> 00:12:40,510
Have you acted before?

157
00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:43,514
I considered it.
But I was worried I'd be too good at it.

158
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:46,057
Wonderful! The part's yours.

159
00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:47,142
What about the other guy?

160
00:12:47,226 --> 00:12:49,311
He's already been escorted off set.

161
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,105
What?

162
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:54,733
Everybody, take five

163
00:12:54,817 --> 00:12:57,193
while we get our new Wallace
to hair and makeup.

164
00:12:57,277 --> 00:13:00,739
You heard him, everybody!
Take five, people.

165
00:13:02,741 --> 00:13:04,409
Hey, Young Neil.

166
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:08,121
How'd you know exactly what Scott and I
said in bed that morning?

167
00:13:09,790 --> 00:13:12,167
The creative process is a mystery.

168
00:13:12,251 --> 00:13:14,419
Congrats on skipping
all the traditional steps

169
00:13:14,503 --> 00:13:16,296
to becoming a major movie star.

170
00:13:16,380 --> 00:13:18,423
Hey, if Lucas Lee can do it, why not?

171
00:13:18,507 --> 00:13:19,799
Speaking of which,

172
00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:22,427
I hear Mr. Lee is already
balls deep in a sweaty affair

173
00:13:22,511 --> 00:13:24,179
with someone on the production.

174
00:13:24,263 --> 00:13:26,681
You catch any gossip
on who the lucky lady might be?

175
00:13:26,765 --> 00:13:30,852
Not the mystery I'm trying to solve.
And on that note, wish me luck.

176
00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:33,814
Hey, you could always wish upon a star.

177
00:13:35,274 --> 00:13:36,817
The star being me.

178
00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:44,074
It's Ramona.

179
00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:48,161
I'm reading the script.
I'm busy. Come back later.

180
00:13:48,245 --> 00:13:51,289
I'm not falling for that.
I know you have a girl in there.

181
00:13:51,373 --> 00:13:53,208
Can we just get this over with?

182
00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:56,420
Fine. It's open.

183
00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:03,886
No girl.

184
00:14:05,387 --> 00:14:06,889
Did you know I'm in this?

185
00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:09,391
Yeah. You're the lead.

186
00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:12,018
No, there's a Lucas Lee character,

187
00:14:12,102 --> 00:14:14,270
and Scott tricks him
into grinding to death.

188
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:17,733
I'd never fall for that.
What kind of idiot would write this?

189
00:14:25,616 --> 00:14:27,993
Who put that garbage can there?

190
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:33,957
Wow, that's a fast garbage can!

191
00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,376
So this movie is what would've happened

192
00:14:36,460 --> 00:14:39,003
if Scott won the fight
against Matthew Patel?

193
00:14:39,087 --> 00:14:40,004
Yeah.

194
00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:41,631
Scott defeats all your exes,

195
00:14:41,715 --> 00:14:43,842
and the two of you
live happily ever after.

196
00:14:43,926 --> 00:14:47,346
Young Neil may not be the brightest,
but he has a vivid imagination.

197
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:49,305
The ending is unrealistic.

198
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:52,016
The Ramona Flowers I know
would be on to the next one.

199
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:54,018
That was a long time ago.

200
00:14:54,102 --> 00:14:55,646
Feels like yesterday.

201
00:14:58,440 --> 00:14:59,649
Why are you here?

202
00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:01,276
Scott's not dead.

203
00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:04,571
Someone wants us to think he is.

204
00:15:04,655 --> 00:15:05,655
Who?

205
00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:06,573
Why?

206
00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:09,158
That's what I'm trying to find out.

207
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:13,163
Is there anyone from my past
who would do something this messed up?

208
00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:17,250
You think I'd kidnap some Canadian loser
and fake his death?

209
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:21,087
You willfully chose to join
a league of evil exes.

210
00:15:21,171 --> 00:15:23,215
I need to know how evil you really are.

211
00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:26,426
We're not really evil. It's just branding.

212
00:15:26,510 --> 00:15:28,011
I know your reputation.

213
00:15:30,514 --> 00:15:33,266
You're a quintessential Hollywood bad boy.

214
00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:34,893
You can't judge me.

215
00:15:34,977 --> 00:15:37,520
You're on a quest to find a guy
who was dating a high schooler.

216
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:39,272
I'd never do anything that stupid.

217
00:15:39,356 --> 00:15:41,400
If I did, my career would be over.

218
00:15:42,484 --> 00:15:43,318
Lucas.

219
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:47,406
My God!

220
00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:49,407
<i>This just in.</i>

221
00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:54,413
<i>The actor playing Scott Pilgrim is dating
an actress playing a high schooler.</i>

222
00:15:55,247 --> 00:15:57,248
<i>That's actually hilarious!</i>

223
00:15:57,332 --> 00:15:59,542
You're dating a 17-year-old?

224
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,545
She's 31 in real life!

225
00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:05,882
An earthquake in Toronto?

226
00:16:05,966 --> 00:16:07,801
No, something worse.

227
00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:13,265
Paparazzi!

228
00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:30,157
Leave her alone!

229
00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:32,325
Go! I'll cover you.

230
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,204
Lucas!

231
00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:48,425
We have you surrounded, actor scum!
Show yourself!

232
00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:08,445
Whatever.

233
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:11,948
<i>Lucas Lee versus the paparazzi.</i>

234
00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:12,908
<i>Fight!</i>

235
00:19:56,988 --> 00:20:03,036
<i>The stardom you love so much
will slip through your grasp.</i>

236
00:20:11,962 --> 00:20:13,171
Need an assist?

237
00:20:13,755 --> 00:20:15,674
Why would you help me?

238
00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:19,052
What do you mean? I always helped you.

239
00:20:37,779 --> 00:20:38,655
<i>Yeah.</i>

240
00:20:40,532 --> 00:20:42,993
<i>Until you left me
with nothing but a broken heart.</i>

241
00:20:50,667 --> 00:20:52,002
<i>And a broken board.</i>

242
00:20:54,379 --> 00:20:56,964
<i>That was the day I decided
who I was gonna be.</i>

243
00:20:57,048 --> 00:21:01,553
<i>The best skater,
the highest paid actor, the biggest star.</i>

244
00:21:04,264 --> 00:21:06,807
That day made me who I am.

245
00:21:06,891 --> 00:21:11,604
So I guess, in a way,
I have to thank you, Ramona.

246
00:21:12,105 --> 00:21:15,025
That's really nice and all,
but we're out of time.

247
00:21:15,817 --> 00:21:17,819
Are you gonna let me help you or not?

248
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:20,739
Lucas Lee, we know you're in there!

249
00:21:48,808 --> 00:21:49,684
All clear.

250
00:21:50,518 --> 00:21:52,311
I just got off the phone with my agent.

251
00:21:52,395 --> 00:21:55,482
I'm off the movie.
And she's dumping me as a client.

252
00:21:56,775 --> 00:21:58,317
Well, there goes my career.

253
00:21:58,401 --> 00:22:00,861
It's like I'm a show
that's no longer on the air.

254
00:22:00,945 --> 00:22:01,780
I'm a...

255
00:22:02,739 --> 00:22:04,949
Damn. I wish there was a word for it.

256
00:22:08,328 --> 00:22:10,121
Maybe this will all blow over.

257
00:22:10,747 --> 00:22:13,874
Nah, they're already testing
new actors to play Scott.

258
00:22:13,958 --> 00:22:15,001
By tomorrow morning,

259
00:22:15,085 --> 00:22:18,045
someone else will be cast in the role
of the guy you like more than me.

260
00:22:18,129 --> 00:22:20,090
And I'll be back to being nobody.

261
00:22:21,383 --> 00:22:25,011
That was your cue to say something, like,
"You were never nobody, Lucas."

262
00:22:25,762 --> 00:22:29,808
Well, you were definitely nobody,
but I still made out with you.

263
00:22:31,601 --> 00:22:32,769
Hey, I'll take it.

264
00:22:36,815 --> 00:22:39,484
Still think I kidnapped
the real Scott Pilgrim?

265
00:22:40,068 --> 00:22:40,985
No.

266
00:22:41,069 --> 00:22:42,903
I don't see you as a kidnapping guy.

267
00:22:42,987 --> 00:22:43,988
Or a portal guy.

268
00:22:44,614 --> 00:22:46,615
Good. Because I didn't.

269
00:22:46,699 --> 00:22:49,744
That was the night
of the <i>Teen Sorcerer 4</i> premiere in L.A.

270
00:22:50,328 --> 00:22:52,455
I got blitzed
and puked on Winifred Hailey.

271
00:22:52,539 --> 00:22:54,374
You can find the photos online.

272
00:22:55,041 --> 00:22:57,210
Guess someone else
took your stupid boyfriend.

273
00:22:57,710 --> 00:22:59,212
He's not my boyfriend.

274
00:22:59,838 --> 00:23:02,715
Whoever did this kept that train
from leaving the station.

275
00:23:03,216 --> 00:23:05,051
Take care of yourself, Lucas.

276
00:23:07,929 --> 00:23:08,763
Whatever.

277
00:23:33,455 --> 00:23:35,039
Vegan powers.

278
00:23:35,623 --> 00:23:36,875
Vegan portals?

279
00:23:40,962 --> 00:23:42,338
Yes, hello.

280
00:23:42,422 --> 00:23:43,506
I'm Todd Ingram.

281
00:23:44,090 --> 00:23:47,385
I'm vegan, and I'm here to audition
for the part of Scott Pilgrim.

282
00:23:47,469 --> 00:23:49,220
Scott Pilgrim?

283
00:23:49,304 --> 00:23:51,263
You mean the lead role in this picture?

284
00:23:51,347 --> 00:23:53,308
Well, good luck.

285
00:23:54,100 --> 00:23:56,144
Watch out, guys. Vegan coming through.