- [pensive music building] - [indistinct chatter]
[indistinct chatter, laughter]
[man] Please take your seats. Our show is about to begin.
[door hinges creak]
[Todd] Extra butter, please.
- Keep going, keep going. - [sloshing]
Okay, great.
Nope, not great.
More, more.
Now stop. Okay. Now double that, and we're done.
- [Todd exhales] - [chuckles]
[gentle music playing]
[munching] Hmm?
[tense music playing]
[whooshes, whirs]
[Scott groaning]
- [Scott grunts] - [rumbling]
- [splats] - Come on!
- Evil Ex Number Three, Todd Ingram, right? - [tense music continues]
The v... vegan? Let's fight!
[laughing]
Me? Fight you? Over Ramona?
Don't make me... [laughs] ...laugh!
And I'm vegan no longer.
I had a cheese plate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner today.
Ugh! You owe me a new tub of butter.
I mean, popcorn.
And you didn't create this weird force field between me and Ramona?
Dude, for your information, I've got a new obsessive love interest.
- [gasps] Hey! - [dings]
You were Wallace's roommate! Tell me everything!
Where was he born? What is his middle name?
Does he have a favorite vegetable?
Move on, Todd. I'm not interested in curds and whey.
- There were sparks! Sparks! - [horn blows]
There's no such thing.
Ah! [hyperventilating]
♪ I had that dream again ♪
- Oh, hi, Ramona. - Hmm.
- [sharp sting] - [grunts]
Scott Pilgrim! Do not be throwing hands at me right now!
This is the biggest night of my career.
I shouldn't even be wasting my voice on you! So, bzzp!
[Scott] Hmm.
- [Julie] Well, look at this. - Huh?
[tense music plays]
Scott and Ramona together again.
So he's alive!
Put 'er there, Pilgrim.
- [sharp sting] - [grunts]
Hey, I get it. No presh on the handshake.
You didn't create a force field preventing me and Ramona from kissing, did you?
Scotty, that evil villain stuff is behind me. I've got Jules now.
We're just here to watch the show, you psycho maniac. Let us pass.
What? Eh?
[paparazzi grunting]
[action music playing]
[Lucas Lee grunts]
- [camera shutters clicking] - [chimes]
- [paparazzi] Huh? - [coins jingle]
Come on, fellas. Don't make this about me.
Let me tell you about Broadway Bad Boy, Matthew Patel.
[paparazzi grunting]
- [Roxie] Hi-yah! - [sword slashes]
[paparazzi groaning]
[Roxie grunts]
- [laughs] - [rapid beeping]
- [sharp sting] - [grunts]
- [Scott] Hey, Evil Exes! - Huh?
[Scott] Do either of you know anything about this force field thingy?
And would either of you like to fight about it?
Nope.
Come on. Let's go watch a stupid musical about a stupid guy.
Mmm...
[dramatic music playing]
[twins] Scott Pilgrim.
- [sharp sting] - [grunts]
Oh, excuse us. We were just reading aloud.
[both] "Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Musical."
We're not here to fight.
Our robot says we're all bros in the future. So...
- [both] Later, bro. - [robot chimes]
So it probably wasn't them then.
That leaves...
Wait, nobody?
We've ruled out all my exes.
What the hell? No fights? No kissing?
This finale sucks.
[suspenseful music playing]
[music builds, halts]
["Bloom" by Necry Talkie playing]
[music halts]
[classical music playing]
I'm so excited I might legitimately pass out again!
I'm here to support the two of you, but this better be really good.
"Based on a memoir by Old Young Neil." Huh.
I wonder if there's any relation?
- [Scott grunts] - [Ramona grunts]
- [sharp sting] - Scott Pilgrim!
So you got the girl.
You gonna kiss her or what?
[all chanting] Kiss her! Kiss her!
Kiss her! Kiss her! Kiss her!
[chuckles]
[groans]
[indistinct chatter]
[classical music playing]
[breathes deeply] Hmm!
[audience cheering]
- [Matthew] ♪ I'm Scott Pilgrim ♪ - [actor] I know, shut up.
[Matthew] ♪ I had that dream again ♪
[actor] I didn't care the first time, I care even less now.
[Matthew] ♪ The girl with rollerblades And rainbow hair ♪
- [actress 1] ♪ How do I tell him ... ♪ - Woo-hoo!
[actress 1] ♪ My exes are evil? ♪
- ♪ Skater ♪ - ♪ Exes ♪
- ♪ Actor ♪ - ♪ Evil ♪
- ♪ Vegan ♪ - ♪ Exes ♪
- ♪ Rock star ♪ - ♪ Evil ♪
- ♪ Mogul, Titan ♪ - ♪ Exes, Evil ♪
- ♪ Lover ♪ - ♪ Exes ♪
- ♪ Fighter ♪ - ♪ We are the Evil Exes! ♪
[actress 2] ♪ Bread ain't all that ♪
♪ Bread makes you fat ♪
- [Matthew] ♪ What's wrong with that? ♪ - [sneers]
- [chorus] ♪ Scott, Scott, Scott, Scott! ♪ - [music builds]
Huh?
- ♪ This is your precious life! ♪ - [both] Huh?
[rumbling]
[whooshing]
- Uh... - Hmm?
- Uh... - [rumbling swell]
- [whooshing] - [rumbling]
Uh, what the hell?
Where are we?
[whoosh]
Huh. Gotta be part of the show. The special effects are incredible.
[Matthew snaps fingers] It most certainly is not!
I need to get back and sing the big finale!
Exactly.
He needs to bring the house down.
- With dynamite! - [sharp sting]
Julie and I rigged the whole stage with it.
You did what? Why?
Isn't it obvious?
You took his life away.
And I'm the cool girl who's helping him get it back.
But that could really hurt someone!
[Gordon] Not us.
The cast and crew, maybe.
Still not cool, Goose.
- [man echoing] Enough! - Huh?
- [whoosh] - [man growls]
[wind whooshing]
Scott?
But old.
No.
Even older.
Even Older Me!
How ya doing? Love the white hair. Huh?
- [yells] - [Scott grunting]
[all] Huh?
I explicitly told you to stay away from Ramona!
- But did you listen? - [grunts]
- No! - [gasps]
- [Scott grunts] - [Even Older Scott growls]
[Even Older Scott grunts]
- Hmm! - [Even Older Scott] Ha!
[Scott grunts]
[coughs]
[groans]
Isn't that perfect?
Scott and Ramona.
- [Ramona] Hmm. - [Even Older Scott] Must be love.
Hey, give us a kiss, you two. Let's see those sparks!
[gasps] The force field! It was you!
[Even Older Scott] Uh, duh!
I tried to convince you to give up on Ramona,
but if you didn't listen, I had a backup plan.
I put nanomachines in your drink.
Developed by the Twins. Coded to Ramona's DNA.
You'll find the AK fields they generate to be quite impenetrable.
"AK fields"?
Anti-Kiss fields!
[grumbling]
[electric zap]
So why are you here fighting us? You've already won.
I'm here because winning didn't change anything!
We still end up marrying Ramona inexplicably!
You and all your stupid friends must team up at some point in my new past
and figure out how to dissolve the Anti-Kiss Fields.
My new memories are kind of fuzzy, but that made me realize
all my plans were too complicated.
It's time to do what I should have done in the first place.
- Rip your-- Hmm? - [Gordon] Ahem!
Sir, I respect the work you've put into this villain plot,
but I have my own villain plot going on.
So please, send the rest of us back first. We've got no beef with you.
What if I have a beef with you?
- [grunts] - [whirring]
- [dramatic music playing] - [choking]
[gasps] Gordon!
Put him down, you old [bleep]!
[growls]
- [laughs] Pathetic. - [gasps, coughs]
After you left the future, and after Old Wallace kicked me out,
I began my training.
[grunting]
[breathing heavily]
[yelps] Ahh!
[groans]
For ten years, I did nothing but study all of your skills.
- Your strengths, your weaknesses. - [munching]
Because there's only one way to end this.
[exhales]
- Me versus the world! - [dramatic music playing]
- [grunts angrily] - I have to destroy all of you!
So you're the big bad.
- Me? - [music halts]
I'm a good guy! I've been living like a friggin' monk!
Is that what we're calling it?
Or is it just that you haven't been outside in ten years?
- Ah! You sound just like my wife! - Hmm.
- [sharp sting] - Hmm!
[announcer] Even Older Scott Pilgrim versus everyone!
- [bell dings] - Fight!
[grunts] Ha!
- Huh? - [Ramona groaning]
[tense sting]
- [both grunt] - [sharp sting]
- [yells] - [Even Older Scott grunts]
- [grunts] - [gasps]
- [grunts] - [Scott] Ramona!
[growls]
- [yells] - [grunts]
[groans]
[both grunt]
- [exhales] - [grunts]
[yelling]
- [grunts, groans] - [sharp whir]
[Scott groans]
- [Scott grunts] - [gasps]
[dramatic music playing]
Ramona, are you okay?
Got anything besides that hammer?
[snaps fingers] Hmm.
[groaning]
- [exhales] - [rumbles]
- [Knives grumbling] - [yelling]
[Knives yells]
[inhales, grunts]
[yells, grunts]
- It's time to Chau-down! - [sharp sting]
Oh, you want to fight Old Scotty P?
[gasps] Slice! [grunting]
- [Knives screams] - [gasps]
- [all gasp] - [grunts]
[Knives grunts, exhales]
You need to respect your elders!
All's fair in love and--
War!
[tense music playing]
Om. [yells]
[grunting]
- [laughing] - [whooshing]
[Even Older Scott grunts]
[zipper zips]
- [chiming] - [Roxie] Hmm!
- [Todd] Hmm? - [Lucas Lee] Hmm.
[grunts]
[Roxie grunts]
[Lucas Lee] Mmm.
- [whoosh] - [Todd grunts]
[Roxie grunts]
- [grunts] - [Even Older Scott grunts]
Huh? [grunts]
- [both grunting] - [sword clanks]
[whooshes]
- [grunts] - [Lucas Lee chuckles]
[yells]
- [whirring] - [Todd grunting]
Ah!
[gasps]
- [growling] - [loud whooshing]
[yelling]
- [gasps] - [Even Older Scott yells]
[grunting]
[rumbling]
[both] Rocketto punch!
- [grumbling] - [squeaking]
- [grunts] - [loud rumble]
- [grunts] - [Ken yells]
[all grunting]
[wind whooshing]
- [yelling] - [tense music continues]
Gordon!
[laughs]
- [Knives grunts] - [all groaning]
Ramona!
[loud explosion]
- [whirring] - Huh?
- [Knives gasps] - Hmm?
- Huh?
[Even Older Scott yelling]
[Ramona breathing heavily, grunts]
- [Scott panting] - Scott!
- Ramona, let's hit him together! - Hmm. [grunts]
- Wait. - Huh?
- [both panting, grunt] - [Even Older Scott] Huh?
- [both yell, grunt] - [rumbles]
[Even Older Scott yelling]
[grumbles]
[Scott grunts, yells]
[grunts]
- [loud explosion] - [Even Older Scott yelling]
[grunting]
You need to let me live my life!
If I do, you'll end up where I ended up.
Alone.
Alone in a room for ten years!
That was your choice! Let me make my own!
I'm you!
- [electronic zap] - [Scott yells]
[loud rumble]
[grunts] Scott!
[groaning]
What if... what if he's right?
He's you.
Do I want to date that guy?
[Scott] You think I want to become that guy?
I won't!
Scott, how can you be sure?
[groans]
[tender music playing]
Huh?
[tender music continues]
[rumbles]
- [electronic zap] - [Ramona groans]
[whooshing]
Ten years!
- [Even Older Scott whimpers] - Ten years!
Not even a text?
Then Wallace tells me you're training to go back in time and fight yourself?
Well, not just myself. A lot of people and... and a robot.
We hit one rough patch, and you go completely insane?
Why are you in the past fighting all of these people...
And... and a robot.
...when you could've been fighting for us?
Uh, we were over?
I just needed some space, dude.
[Even Older Scott] What have I been doing for the past ten years?
- Giving you space! - Uh--
Okay, wait, wait, wait. Back up. Are... are you saying that we weren't over?
Are you saying that you still loved me?
At the time, yes.
Does that mean that we can get back together?
Just like that, after ten years?
No, dude.
Oh.
Well, that makes sense, I... I guess.
So what about me?
- You're telling me I should just skate on? - Huh?
Call it another failed experiment?
[Future Ramona] Would that come as any surprise?
Oh, go ahead, both of you, run! Run away from the thing that you love.
Huh?
[pensive music playing]
[whooshing]
I'm done running.
Huh?
You. I choose you.
Mmm.
[whooshing]
- [ethereal music playing] - [whirring]
[chimes]
Ah!
Hmm?
Super Ramona!
It's just like...
- Sonic the Hedgehog 3! - Sonic 2! Uh, I mean, 3!
[Super Ramona] Wow! This one's just an idiot kid.
And this one is a real mess.
- Ooh, kick his ass, Super Ramona! - [Super Ramona] No.
It's never too late to clean up a mess.
But I will send him home so he can get started.
Wait, uh, me?
Wait, who? No, no, no! No, no, no! Wait, wait, I'm--
[snaps fingers]
[whirs, chimes]
Oh, well, this is great.
Not!
[Super Ramona] The me who left him and the me who just met him...
We’re the same.
I see that now. It’s all the same.
It’s all beautiful.
Beautiful.
[ethereal swell]
[rumbles]
- [rumbling continues] - [kisses]
[enchanted twinkle]
- [Super Ramona sighs] - Wow!
Hey. Because I’ll have a lot of trouble saying it later, let me say it now.
I love you, Scott.
And I run away from the thing that I love.
But what I’ve done in the past doesn’t have to define me.
Help me keep remembering that, okay?
[ethereal swell]
- [Matthew sobbing happily] - [audience cheering]
Thank you, thank you, thank you! Aw!
[cheering continues]
Killer work! You crushed that!
- [laughing] Yeah! - The Bad Boy of Broadway.
- Tremendous. - Spectacular.
Not bad.
[cheering continues]
[Scott] Huh?
[tender music playing]
Hmm. [chuckles]
- Oh-- - [Ramona moans]
[enchanted twinkling]
Sparks.
[enchanted swell]
- Handled! - [both] Hmm!
[foreboding music playing]
[Matthew] Hmm.
- [Gordon shrieks] - [Julie grunts]
[both] They tried to bomb the theater, sir.
We don't use the b-word on opening night, girls.
Why'd you do it, Gordon?
[exhales] I don't know.
Maybe I am just evil.
I only wanted revenge for what you took from me.
Buddy, you think I enjoy being a CEO?
- I've lost billions! - [chime]
Is there any way you would take the empire back?
Just let me keep my show, and the rest of it is yours.
- [enchanted swell] - Huh? [laughs]
[both laughing]
[crying, chuckles]
[all laughing]
[all laughing evilly]
[gentle music playing]
[Knives] Woo-hoo!
- You were the best Scott of them all. - [man 1] I like Matthew now.
[woman] Yeah, it sucked.
[man 2] Yeah, all right! What do we... Yeah! Okay! Is it over?
[twinkling, chimes]
[Kim] We are Sex Bob-Omb! One! Two! Three! Four!
- [rock music playing] - ♪ Hey, hey ♪
♪ Can't find my way around ♪
♪ When the sun comes up, I'm down ♪
- ♪ Hey, hey ♪ - ♪ Hey, hey ♪
♪ I feel fine ♪
♪ Hey, hey ♪
- ♪ I feel fine ♪ - ♪ I don't feel good ♪
[music fades]
- [Ramona clapping] - [game controller clicking]
Wow! It's sounding great.
See? We don't suck.
- Not since Knives joined the band. - [chuckles]
All right, fine. We don't suck. But we are late. Come on, Knives!
[chuckles] Yay!
[gentle music playing]
[inaudible]
- [glass shatters] - [Ramona grunts]
- [board claps] - [Ramona groans]
[exhales]
[inaudible]
[assistant] That's lunch, people!
[Young Neil imitating car]
All right, slow down!
We're making an action movie, not living one.
Have you seen him Tokyo Drift that thing?
Young Neil is off the chain!
[chuckles] I'm a speed demon. [continues imitating car]
[munches]
- Vegan power! - [panting]
[inaudible]
- [gasps] - [indistinct chatter]
- [Lucas Lee grunts] - [twirling]
[crowd] Whoo!
- [continues grunting] - [indistinct chatter continues]
[grunts, chuckles]
Superstar barista, Lucas Lee, at your service.
- Whatever. - Uh, whatever?
Yeah, whatever.
Hmm.
Yeah, it's so annoying. [chuckles]
But the tips are good, and I do get to look at his butt all day.
- [twins] Mmm. - [robot chiming]
[gentle music continues]
[camera shutter clicks]
Yeah, I'm spending the money I got for starring as myself
in this major Canadian motion picture that never got made.
Un café, s’il vous plaît.
- [man] Uh, même pour moi. - Huh?
Another Canadian abroad? Our French is terrible.
- [water whooshing] - [gentle music continues]
[enchanted twinkle]
Sparks are real?
[squelches]
[sloshing]
[slathering]
[drain gurgles]
[mirror squeaks]
Mmm.
[rock music playing]
[inaudible]
[gasps]
[rock music continues]
♪ I've liked you for a thousand years A thousand years ♪
- ♪ I've liked you for a thousand years ♪ - ♪ I can't wait until I see you ♪
♪ A thousand years ♪
♪ I've liked you for a thousand years A thousand years ♪
[dramatic music playing]
[Gordon] Time for the real game to begin.
[Julie] The Goose is loose. Honk-honk [bleep].
[dramatic swell]
[techno music playing]
[announcer] Toronto, Canada.
Not too long ago.
Scott Pilgrim Takes Off!
[techno music continues]
Fight!
Scott Pilgrim.
Ramona Flowers.
Matthew Patel.
Wallace Wells.
Lucas Lee.
Stacey Pilgrim.
Envy Adams.
Kim Pine.
Julie Powers.
Todd Ingram.
Gideon Graves.
Young Neil.
Stephen Stills.
Roxie Richter.
Knives Chau.
Scott Pilgrim Takes Off!
[music continues]
[music halts]