1
00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:23,857
Life is like a parody
of your favorite song.
2
00:00:23,941 --> 00:00:26,443
Just when you think
you know all the words,
3
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:30,739
surprise, you don't know anything.
4
00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:38,038
Clear the way, clear the way!
5
00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:40,165
- Clear!
- Shut that door, please!
6
00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:48,090
Clear!
7
00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:53,762
Dammit. Dammit!
8
00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:58,767
All right, nurse, let's call it.
9
00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:02,646
Time of death: 7:30...
10
00:01:04,857 --> 00:01:07,734
Quick!
11
00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:10,445
I need some paper,
and a number two pencil.
12
00:01:10,529 --> 00:01:13,407
But... maybe
I'm getting a little ahead of myself.
13
00:01:18,537 --> 00:01:21,123
Why don't we start
back at the beginning.
14
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:26,545
All gabardine suits are now 30% off.
15
00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:30,549
Jenkins in to the windup,
16
00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:32,467
and the three-two fastball is in the...
17
00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:35,929
President Nixon is on board Air...
18
00:01:42,728 --> 00:01:47,441
Whoo-whoo-whoo wind up your radio!
19
00:01:47,524 --> 00:01:50,861
It's time for The Dr. Demento Show,
20
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:56,200
two hours of mad music
and crazy comedy
21
00:01:56,283 --> 00:01:59,203
- from out of the archives...
- Alfy!
22
00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:01,663
What have we told you
about listening to that garbage?
23
00:02:01,747 --> 00:02:05,542
But Mom, it's Dr. Demento.
It's my favorite show in the whole world.
24
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,085
It's going to rot your brain.
25
00:02:07,169 --> 00:02:09,129
You're lucky your father
wasn't here to catch you, mister.
26
00:02:09,213 --> 00:02:11,507
You know how he feels
about that kind of music.
27
00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:13,258
Yes, I know.
28
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:20,599
All right. Now go on, go get washed up.
29
00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:22,601
Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.
30
00:03:03,976 --> 00:03:06,979
Alfy, aren't you going to ask
your father how his day was?
31
00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:09,773
Um, how was your day, Dad?
32
00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:13,652
What, how was my day?
33
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:17,447
We had another fatality
down at the factory.
34
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,575
Oh, God, real grisly one this time.
35
00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:22,160
It was that McKinley kid
that started last week.
36
00:03:22,244 --> 00:03:24,204
I kept telling him
to stop messing around
37
00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:28,125
by that industrial shredder,
but he just wouldn't listen.
38
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,835
I would've reached
out and grabbed him,
39
00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:33,630
but I already lost one hand
to that cursed machine.
40
00:03:35,924 --> 00:03:38,719
Well, anyway, there's an opening
down on the factory floor.
41
00:03:38,802 --> 00:03:40,470
Maybe I could pull a few strings
42
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,431
and you could spend the summer
working with your old man.
43
00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:43,932
How's that sound?
44
00:03:44,016 --> 00:03:46,143
Um, no, thank you.
45
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:47,644
"No, thank you."
46
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,646
Well, you're gonna have to learn
sooner or later,
47
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:53,233
that factory, that factory
will make a man outta you.
48
00:03:53,317 --> 00:03:56,737
But I don't wanna work at the factory.
I wanna make songs.
49
00:03:56,820 --> 00:04:02,117
What? You wanna make songs?
Did you hear that, Mary?
50
00:04:02,201 --> 00:04:04,995
We got a regular Bing Crosby
on our hands, don't we?
51
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,705
Nick, you're embarrassing him.
52
00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:10,042
Oh, am I? Why don't you
sing us a little ditty, Bing, huh?
53
00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:12,961
Such a little songbird.
Sing one for us.
54
00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:33,106
Stop, stop! What in God's name
are you doing?
55
00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:34,942
Those aren't the right words.
56
00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:37,653
I know. I made 'em better.
57
00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:40,822
By changing the lyrics
to a well-known song?
58
00:04:40,906 --> 00:04:44,076
No, boy, what you're doing
is confusing and evil.
59
00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:45,577
My God, and I will not have
60
00:04:45,661 --> 00:04:48,163
that kind of blasphemy
in my own home.
61
00:04:48,247 --> 00:04:49,790
But Dad...
62
00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:52,084
What has gotten
into you, Alfred?
63
00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:54,545
Hmm? With the songs and
the crazy magazines?
64
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:57,506
That is all gonna stop now,
young man!
65
00:04:57,589 --> 00:04:59,383
Honey, I know it's hard to hear this,
66
00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:03,095
but your dad and I had a long talk
67
00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:06,306
and we agreed it would be best
for all of us
68
00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:10,686
if you would just stop being who you are
and doing the things you love.
69
00:05:12,271 --> 00:05:14,231
You don't understand me!
70
00:05:21,697 --> 00:05:23,323
It was a few weeks later
71
00:05:23,407 --> 00:05:25,701
when a mysterious stranger
showed up at my door
72
00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:29,329
and changed my life forever.
73
00:05:31,582 --> 00:05:33,292
Alfy, get the door.
74
00:05:35,711 --> 00:05:38,755
Why, good afternoon, sir.
The gentleman of the house, I take it?
75
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,592
Well, congratulations.
Today is your lucky day.
76
00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:45,095
How would you like to be
the envy of all of your friends
77
00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:47,014
and the most popular fellow in town?
78
00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:49,558
Well, everything you
need to make that happen...
79
00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:51,560
is right here in this box.
80
00:05:54,897 --> 00:05:58,150
Um, my dad is actually...
81
00:05:58,233 --> 00:06:00,861
Voila.
82
00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:02,362
Feast your eyes.
83
00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:09,995
Have you ever seen
such a gorgeous instrument?
84
00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:15,584
Better yet, try it on.
85
00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:23,175
Son, when you play the accordion,
you are a one-man band.
86
00:06:23,258 --> 00:06:25,844
You are the life of every party.
87
00:06:25,928 --> 00:06:29,598
Go ahead, son, tickle those ivories.
88
00:06:35,604 --> 00:06:37,064
A natural talent.
89
00:06:38,857 --> 00:06:40,859
Son, you cannot squander that.
90
00:06:40,943 --> 00:06:43,654
You have got to buy this beauty,
and I guarantee it,
91
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:46,156
you are gonna have girls
lined up around the corner.
92
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:47,699
You're gonna need a lifeguard
93
00:06:47,783 --> 00:06:49,368
because you're gonna be drowning
94
00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:52,996
- in so much p...
- Hey! What's going on?
95
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,082
And hello to you, sir.
96
00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:56,959
What are you doing in my house?
97
00:06:57,042 --> 00:07:00,879
And why is my innocent young child
wearing that devil's squeeze box?
98
00:07:00,963 --> 00:07:02,089
That's actually our newest...
99
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,924
I thought I told you to shut up!
100
00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:08,345
I don't remember you telling me
to shut up before,
101
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,472
but if you're telling me now,
I will gladly...
102
00:07:15,227 --> 00:07:16,728
Dad!
103
00:07:16,812 --> 00:07:19,398
Ah!
104
00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:25,487
Dad, stop! You're killing him!
105
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,115
Nick? Oh, Nick, oh, Nick!
106
00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:31,493
No, Nick! Hey!
Nicky, stop it right now!
107
00:07:31,577 --> 00:07:33,453
You made me do this, boy.
108
00:07:33,537 --> 00:07:36,206
You brought this evil into the house.
And now look at you.
109
00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:37,958
Look at you.
110
00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:42,421
Take that devilish monstrosity off
this very instant.
111
00:07:42,504 --> 00:07:44,673
I don't wanna see you
ever wearing it again!
112
00:07:44,756 --> 00:07:47,176
Nick, why don't you go
take a little walk?
113
00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:49,136
I think you'd better cool off.
114
00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:51,930
Yeah. Yeah.
115
00:07:52,014 --> 00:07:55,642
I could use some fresh air
because it stinks in here.
116
00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:08,739
I'll be right back.
Don't go anywhere.
117
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:13,243
I'll be right here.
118
00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:17,247
Mister, I'm so sorry about this.
119
00:08:17,331 --> 00:08:20,083
My husband, he just has
a little bit of a temper,
120
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:23,837
but he is a good man and
he means well, but anyway,
121
00:08:23,921 --> 00:08:25,964
if you're amenable to it,
122
00:08:26,048 --> 00:08:28,759
we'd like to buy that accordion.
123
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,719
Mom! You mean it?
124
00:08:30,802 --> 00:08:32,971
How do you feel about
an early Christmas present?
125
00:08:33,055 --> 00:08:37,476
Yes! This is the best thing ever!
Thank you so much!
126
00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:40,646
There's just one thing.
127
00:08:44,650 --> 00:08:50,155
No one can see you playing it,
especially your father.
128
00:08:50,239 --> 00:08:53,325
This is our secret.
Do you understand me?
129
00:08:55,661 --> 00:09:00,749
Mom... does Dad hate me?
130
00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:04,962
No, of course not, sweetie.
131
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:08,215
Then why is he always
so hard on me?
132
00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:12,553
Listen, you're too young
to understand now,
133
00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:16,723
but just trust me,
your father has his reasons.
134
00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:20,644
I think I have
a collapsed lung.
135
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:25,357
We're trying to have
a conversation here, sir.
136
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,860
For the next few years
I kept to myself,
137
00:09:27,943 --> 00:09:30,445
and tried my best
to please Mom and Dad,
138
00:09:30,529 --> 00:09:34,157
but deep down,
I felt like I was living a lie.
139
00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:37,327
Sure. I was well-behaved,
I got good grades,
140
00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:41,373
but I never let anyone know
the real me.
141
00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:45,419
Hey, Yankovic, you going to that party
at Hofstadter's tonight?
142
00:09:45,502 --> 00:09:48,922
- His parents are out of town.
- Ah, geez, guys, I don't know.
143
00:09:49,006 --> 00:09:51,049
I'm not really allowed to go to parties.
144
00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:53,927
You don't need to have
your parents' permission. Just sneak out.
145
00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:55,596
I-I don't think I can.
146
00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:57,973
My mom always tucks me in
in case I have night terrors.
147
00:09:58,056 --> 00:09:59,516
You have night terrors?
148
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,727
No, I... You know, just in case.
149
00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:04,646
Well, just use a hay boy, then.
150
00:10:04,730 --> 00:10:07,191
A hay boy? What's that?
151
00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:09,484
You don't know what a hay boy is?
152
00:10:09,568 --> 00:10:11,945
Oh, dude, you've got a lot to learn.
153
00:10:12,029 --> 00:10:15,365
Just let us handle everything.
We'll pick you up tonight.
154
00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:18,327
Okay, yeah.
155
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:25,167
Night-night, Alfy. Don't let the bed bugs
give you night terrors.
156
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:47,064
I mean, Myron Floren is great and all,
Lawrence Welk sure likes him,
157
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,983
but he's way too overexposed.
158
00:10:50,067 --> 00:10:53,779
For my money,
it's Whoopee John Wilfahrt
159
00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:56,490
that really gets me just
hoppin' and steppin'.
160
00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:59,493
I'm all about that Minnesota sound, man.
161
00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:01,411
Look what I found!
162
00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:05,040
Hey, hey! Hey, you didn't tell me
that this was gonna be a polka party.
163
00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:08,043
- What, do you not like polka?
- No, I like it, it's...
164
00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:11,046
My parents would kill me
if they knew I was here, okay?
165
00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:14,258
I'm so, so sorry, guys. I-I-I gotta go.
I can't... I can't be here, man.
166
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:17,427
Come on, Al. Live a little!
What's the worse that could happen?
167
00:11:17,511 --> 00:11:21,181
You might actually let your guard down
and enjoy your life for once?
168
00:11:26,562 --> 00:11:29,690
Yeah, yeah, I can...
let my guard down.
169
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:37,322
Hey... and sorry.
170
00:11:40,242 --> 00:11:43,912
Hey, everybody, look what I found!
171
00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:48,458
Dude, pass it here. Pass it.
172
00:11:54,423 --> 00:11:56,967
Okay, dude. Okay.
173
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,427
Al, here. You gotta try this.
174
00:11:58,510 --> 00:12:00,345
Oh, no. No, no, thanks. I'm good.
175
00:12:00,429 --> 00:12:01,930
Al's afraid his mommy and daddy
176
00:12:02,014 --> 00:12:03,849
are gonna find out
he tried an accordion.
177
00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:08,228
I just don't wanna play, okay?
Just, just lay off me, man!
178
00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:13,066
No, guys...
179
00:12:13,150 --> 00:12:14,860
I'm not gonna...
180
00:12:19,865 --> 00:12:22,492
I'm not... I'm not... I'm not...
181
00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:28,582
Okay. Yeah, sure. I'll play, yeah.
182
00:13:11,667 --> 00:13:14,503
It's the cops! Everyone, run!
183
00:13:21,260 --> 00:13:23,387
I'm sorry to disturb you, ma'am,
184
00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:27,891
but I'm afraid we found your son
at a polka party.
185
00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:29,893
He was playing an accordion.
186
00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:32,521
That's impossible. Alfy's in...
187
00:13:32,604 --> 00:13:36,984
A hay boy?! Really?
188
00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:39,987
What did I do to deserve this,
huh? Huh?
189
00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:42,155
It's like I don't even
know you anymore, Al.
190
00:13:42,239 --> 00:13:45,200
You want me to be like you.
Look at me, I'm nothing like you.
191
00:13:45,284 --> 00:13:46,743
You want me to work that factory.
192
00:13:46,827 --> 00:13:49,246
Okay, I don't even know
what you make down there.
193
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:50,747
You just call it the factory.
194
00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:52,624
You will find out what we make
at the factory
195
00:13:52,708 --> 00:13:54,084
when you work at the factory!
196
00:13:54,168 --> 00:13:57,713
Well, it's my life,
and I wanna make music
197
00:13:57,796 --> 00:13:59,423
and I wanna play the accordion.
198
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:00,924
Ah, hogwash!
199
00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:05,387
And I'm good. I'm really, really good!
200
00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:08,473
How did you get good
at playing the accordion, huh? Huh?
201
00:14:08,557 --> 00:14:10,642
It certainly wasn't
under my roof, was it?
202
00:14:10,726 --> 00:14:13,395
What'd you do, sneak out
and practice in the woods
203
00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:14,855
in the middle of the night?
204
00:14:14,938 --> 00:14:19,026
No. I played it here, quietly.
205
00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:22,571
Yeah, I play in the closet.
206
00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:27,701
But I'm not a closet accordion player
anymore.
207
00:14:27,784 --> 00:14:29,494
It feels good!
208
00:14:33,624 --> 00:14:35,375
The closet, you say?
209
00:14:38,754 --> 00:14:40,339
Hmm...
210
00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:42,716
No-no-no. Dad, Dad, hey.
Hey, hey, hey, Dad.
211
00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:44,801
No-no-no. You're not going...
It's not in there.
212
00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:46,386
You're not gonna find anything in there.
213
00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:48,472
Dad, what are you doing?
No, no, Dad... No-no-no-no...
214
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,057
Dad, no. Dad, please.
215
00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:51,141
- Uh-huh?
- Stop, stop.
216
00:14:51,225 --> 00:14:52,684
- Boy.
- Stop. Stop it.
217
00:14:52,768 --> 00:14:55,479
- Boy, this...
- Please, Dad. Please! No-no-no!
218
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:56,980
This is for your own good, boy.
219
00:14:57,064 --> 00:14:58,899
No, I need this, I need this...
220
00:15:03,278 --> 00:15:04,947
Nooo!
221
00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:09,368
No, no, no, no, no!
222
00:15:09,451 --> 00:15:12,496
You... You think you're gonna stop me
from playing?
223
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:14,915
You'll see.
One day I'm gonna be the best...
224
00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:17,543
Well, perhaps not technically the best,
225
00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:20,879
but arguably the most
famous accordion player
226
00:15:20,963 --> 00:15:24,091
in an extremely specific genre of music.
227
00:15:24,174 --> 00:15:25,425
I'll show you.
228
00:15:26,677 --> 00:15:28,262
I'll show everybody!
229
00:15:29,346 --> 00:15:30,514
Get out!
230
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,018
Good riddance!
231
00:15:42,526 --> 00:15:46,196
Things at home
never got any better after that.
232
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,615
But within a few years, I graduated
233
00:15:48,699 --> 00:15:51,994
and I was able to move out
and live on my own.
234
00:15:52,077 --> 00:15:54,788
Well, with three other guys
in a dirt-cheap apartment,
235
00:15:54,872 --> 00:15:58,750
but the point is, I didn't
have to answer to anybody.
236
00:15:58,834 --> 00:16:00,836
- Hey, hey.
- Howdy.
237
00:16:00,919 --> 00:16:03,046
Now I'd have a chance
to find others
238
00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:05,757
who would truly understand me.
239
00:16:05,841 --> 00:16:08,760
I could find my people.
240
00:16:26,028 --> 00:16:27,529
Okay.
241
00:16:30,282 --> 00:16:33,577
- Okay, that's enough. Thanks.
- Mm.
242
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:37,831
Yeah. Very... very interesting.
243
00:16:37,915 --> 00:16:40,792
So... we'll let you know, okay?
244
00:16:40,876 --> 00:16:45,339
Great. Um, when?
245
00:16:45,422 --> 00:16:47,382
Right now. You didn't make it.
246
00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:57,476
This sucks.
247
00:16:57,559 --> 00:17:00,687
It's the fifth audition
I've been kicked out of this week.
248
00:17:00,771 --> 00:17:04,316
It's almost like nobody wants
an accordion player in their band.
249
00:17:04,399 --> 00:17:06,109
That just doesn't make any sense.
250
00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:07,986
Yeah. Accordions are cool.
251
00:17:08,070 --> 00:17:10,322
That's the problem
with being on the bleeding edge.
252
00:17:10,405 --> 00:17:12,574
You gotta wait for the rest of the world
to catch up with you.
253
00:17:12,658 --> 00:17:14,743
I don't have time to wait.
254
00:17:14,826 --> 00:17:16,870
If nobody wants to have me
in their group,
255
00:17:16,954 --> 00:17:18,872
I'm just gonna have
to go it in on my own.
256
00:17:18,956 --> 00:17:20,791
Don't worry,
it's gonna happen for you.
257
00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:22,960
You just gotta hang in there.
We got your back.
258
00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:26,255
Thanks, Bermuda. All you guys.
You've just been so great.
259
00:17:26,338 --> 00:17:28,048
You really get me.
260
00:17:28,131 --> 00:17:30,342
It is such a difference after living
with my folks for so long.
261
00:17:30,425 --> 00:17:33,470
Yeah. And you know, the best part
of moving away from home
262
00:17:33,554 --> 00:17:36,849
is you can do anything you want.
Hook up with girls...
263
00:17:36,932 --> 00:17:38,475
Get high all the time.
264
00:17:38,559 --> 00:17:41,270
Yeah, I mean, literally anything.
There are no rules.
265
00:17:41,353 --> 00:17:42,938
Just last night, I was driving
266
00:17:43,021 --> 00:17:45,732
down the wrong side of the 101
with my eyes closed,
267
00:17:45,816 --> 00:17:48,443
not knowing whether I was
gonna live to see another day
268
00:17:48,527 --> 00:17:52,197
or die in a horrible, fiery wreck.
269
00:17:52,281 --> 00:17:53,615
Suck on that, Mom and Dad.
270
00:17:53,699 --> 00:17:55,576
- Yeah. You get it, Steve.
- You go, Steve.
271
00:17:55,659 --> 00:17:56,869
Oh, wow, Steve.
272
00:17:56,952 --> 00:17:58,328
What about you, Al?
273
00:17:58,412 --> 00:18:00,038
What's something you always
wanted to do,
274
00:18:00,122 --> 00:18:01,456
but you were never allowed to?
275
00:18:08,380 --> 00:18:11,383
Make up new words
to a song that already exists.
276
00:18:14,595 --> 00:18:17,973
- Oh, well, you should do that, then.
- Absolutely.
277
00:18:18,056 --> 00:18:21,560
Yeah. Why don't you do it right now?
Go on. Make up something brilliant.
278
00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:25,898
No, guys, it's not that easy.
I gotta wait for inspiration to strike,
279
00:18:25,981 --> 00:18:29,193
and I'm pretty sure that well dried up
a long time ago.
280
00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:31,361
Oh, well, if you're not
gonna write us a song,
281
00:18:31,445 --> 00:18:33,197
why don't you make us
some sandwiches?
282
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,490
Oh, yeah, dude, I'm starving.
283
00:18:35,574 --> 00:18:38,869
Sandwich! Sandwich! Sandwich!
284
00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:42,623
Okay, okay, okay. Guys, I'm on it.
Jim, you wanna put on some tunes?
285
00:18:42,706 --> 00:18:43,707
Yeah.
286
00:18:56,470 --> 00:18:59,014
Oh, Steve?
This bologna has your name on it.
287
00:18:59,097 --> 00:19:00,474
- Can we?
- Uh, yeah, sure.
288
00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:02,809
Just open up a package of my bologna.
289
00:19:29,753 --> 00:19:33,298
Is this DJ asleep?
The record keeps skipping.
290
00:19:33,382 --> 00:19:35,801
Hey! Wake up.
291
00:19:48,397 --> 00:19:49,731
Al?
292
00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:00,701
You okay?
293
00:20:32,608 --> 00:20:34,151
Where did that come from?
294
00:20:34,234 --> 00:20:35,569
Dude, I've got chills.
295
00:20:35,652 --> 00:20:37,446
I don't know, it just came out of me.
296
00:20:37,529 --> 00:20:40,199
I've never heard anything like that
before in my life.
297
00:20:40,282 --> 00:20:41,533
You have to record that.
298
00:20:41,617 --> 00:20:43,118
Record it? No, come on, guys.
299
00:20:43,202 --> 00:20:45,204
Al, you've got something here.
300
00:20:45,287 --> 00:20:48,999
I don't know if it comes
from God or the devil,
301
00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:52,211
but the world needs to hear it.
302
00:20:52,294 --> 00:20:55,130
No, forget it, guys. I don't have
the money for a recording studio.
303
00:20:55,214 --> 00:20:59,384
I think the bathroom at the bus station
has pretty good acoustics.
304
00:21:02,179 --> 00:21:05,557
Yeah, sounds good in here.
305
00:21:05,641 --> 00:21:07,935
You can put it right there,
that works.
306
00:21:58,068 --> 00:22:01,488
All right. Just mailed the tape off
to Captain Buffoon.
307
00:22:01,572 --> 00:22:05,993
Now, I guess, all I gotta do
is sit back and wait to become famous.
308
00:22:06,076 --> 00:22:09,246
Yeah, I don't think
that's quite how it works, Al.
309
00:22:09,329 --> 00:22:12,291
Nobody becomes famous overnight.
That's a myth.
310
00:22:12,374 --> 00:22:16,461
Sometimes it takes years,
decades of hard work to get noticed.
311
00:22:16,545 --> 00:22:18,630
- What?
- Look, I believe in you.
312
00:22:18,714 --> 00:22:20,799
I know it's gonna
happen for you someday,
313
00:22:20,883 --> 00:22:23,260
but you can't just mail your
tape off to some disc jockey
314
00:22:23,343 --> 00:22:25,304
and expect to instantly become
a sensation.
315
00:22:25,387 --> 00:22:27,639
Man, why can't I catch a break?
316
00:22:30,475 --> 00:22:32,769
Captain Buffoon on your radio dial.
317
00:22:32,853 --> 00:22:34,688
No, I'm not making this up...
318
00:22:34,771 --> 00:22:37,149
I just received this tape
in the mail a few minutes ago,
319
00:22:37,232 --> 00:22:40,527
and what can I say?
It's an instant sensation!
320
00:22:40,611 --> 00:22:43,530
It's already the number one
most-requested song of the week,
321
00:22:43,614 --> 00:22:45,490
and we're playing it all day long.
322
00:22:45,574 --> 00:22:49,953
So, here it is, once again,
Al Yankovic with "My Bologna!"
323
00:22:55,209 --> 00:22:58,003
Again!
324
00:23:04,051 --> 00:23:05,594
You know what this means, right?
325
00:23:05,677 --> 00:23:08,013
You gotta get yourself a record deal.
326
00:23:40,337 --> 00:23:42,089
I've heard enough.
327
00:23:45,300 --> 00:23:47,803
And what did you think?
328
00:23:47,886 --> 00:23:51,181
Do you know why they call it
the "music business"?
329
00:23:51,265 --> 00:23:53,225
Uh, why?
330
00:23:53,308 --> 00:23:54,476
Because it's a business.
331
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:55,894
It's a business!
332
00:23:55,978 --> 00:23:57,437
Use your head, kid.
333
00:23:57,521 --> 00:23:59,773
Nobody wants to hear
a parody song
334
00:23:59,857 --> 00:24:02,776
when they can hear the real thing
for the same price.
335
00:24:02,860 --> 00:24:04,444
What's the point?
336
00:24:04,528 --> 00:24:06,613
Yeah, it makes
no financial sense, whatsoever.
337
00:24:06,697 --> 00:24:08,574
Uh, my-my-my song was actually
338
00:24:08,657 --> 00:24:10,576
a-a big hit on
The Captain Buffoon Show.
339
00:24:10,659 --> 00:24:12,536
- Oh!
- What?
340
00:24:12,619 --> 00:24:13,954
Captain Buffoon? Really?
341
00:24:14,037 --> 00:24:15,581
- Yeah.
- Wait, wait.
342
00:24:15,664 --> 00:24:17,624
Captain Buffoon actually
played your song on the radio?
343
00:24:17,708 --> 00:24:19,126
Yeah.
344
00:24:19,209 --> 00:24:20,961
Why didn't you tell us?
This changes everything.
345
00:24:21,044 --> 00:24:24,047
Ben, get this young gentleman
a record contract this very instant.
346
00:24:24,131 --> 00:24:26,508
We are gonna sign him
to a 14-album deal.
347
00:24:26,592 --> 00:24:27,801
Wait, really?
348
00:24:27,885 --> 00:24:30,512
No! What do you think I am,
an idiot?
349
00:24:30,596 --> 00:24:32,806
- He's not an idiot!
- I'm not an idiot!
350
00:24:32,890 --> 00:24:35,184
- If I may interject here.
- Please.
351
00:24:35,267 --> 00:24:37,311
Look, I'd just like to say
352
00:24:37,394 --> 00:24:39,521
that you got some nerve
coming in here
353
00:24:39,605 --> 00:24:44,276
and wasting my time and
my brother Tony's time.
354
00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:48,864
I'm gonna remember your name
because you, Al Yankovic,
355
00:24:48,947 --> 00:24:52,409
are the most untalented, pathetic loser
356
00:24:52,492 --> 00:24:55,454
that I've ever met in my entire life.
357
00:24:55,537 --> 00:24:57,164
Okay, um, maybe...
358
00:24:57,247 --> 00:25:02,419
You're nothing but a hack,
a stupid, useless parasite,
359
00:25:02,503 --> 00:25:05,714
- and you're so ugly.
- Okay...
360
00:25:05,797 --> 00:25:09,885
That ridiculous hair,
that horrible mustache,
361
00:25:09,968 --> 00:25:11,803
stupid glasses.
362
00:25:11,887 --> 00:25:13,180
You make me wanna throw up!
363
00:25:13,263 --> 00:25:14,890
All right, thank you.
Thank you, Ben.
364
00:25:14,973 --> 00:25:16,767
Thank you, Ben, for your,
for your thoughts.
365
00:25:16,850 --> 00:25:18,352
- Thank you.
- Jeez.
366
00:25:18,435 --> 00:25:20,145
- Ugh.
- Look, kid,
367
00:25:20,229 --> 00:25:24,441
if you really have your heart set
on doing this stupid music,
368
00:25:24,525 --> 00:25:26,652
maybe write more than one song.
369
00:25:26,735 --> 00:25:30,656
Yeah, all the biggest musical acts
have more than one song in their catalog.
370
00:25:30,739 --> 00:25:32,115
That's very true.
371
00:25:32,199 --> 00:25:34,076
And also, get out
in front of a live audience.
372
00:25:34,159 --> 00:25:35,786
Any audience, any stage,
373
00:25:35,869 --> 00:25:38,956
just get out there, build up your chops,
and who knows?
374
00:25:39,039 --> 00:25:42,584
Maybe someday... we'll talk again.
375
00:25:42,668 --> 00:25:45,671
But don't count on it
because you truly suck.
376
00:25:45,754 --> 00:25:46,713
Right.
377
00:25:46,797 --> 00:25:47,965
Okay.
378
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:04,565
Thank you! We are Skunk Barf!
379
00:26:04,648 --> 00:26:08,694
You guys suck!
380
00:26:15,784 --> 00:26:19,037
I can't do this. I can't do this.
381
00:26:19,121 --> 00:26:21,123
Just relax, you'll be great.
382
00:26:21,206 --> 00:26:22,916
Yeah, the new song's a bona fide hit.
383
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:24,751
It's about ice cream!
384
00:26:24,835 --> 00:26:26,461
Everybody likes ice cream.
385
00:26:26,545 --> 00:26:29,923
This seems like more of
a whiskey and... heroin crowd.
386
00:26:30,007 --> 00:26:33,218
Look, guys, I appreciate you being here
for moral support and everything,
387
00:26:33,302 --> 00:26:36,013
but they are literally gonna kill me.
We need to leave right now.
388
00:26:36,096 --> 00:26:38,223
Don't be silly, man.
They're gonna love you.
389
00:26:38,307 --> 00:26:39,850
All right, we got, uh, most of the blood
390
00:26:39,933 --> 00:26:44,354
cleaned off the stage,
so you're on, now.
391
00:26:44,438 --> 00:26:48,317
- Go start the car.
- Nah, you got this, Al.
392
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:50,903
This is your moment.
Go get 'em, champ.
393
00:26:50,986 --> 00:26:54,531
Go get 'em.
394
00:27:01,038 --> 00:27:04,750
All right, all right,
who's ready for some more music?
395
00:27:07,044 --> 00:27:09,296
Okay, uh, coming next to the stage,
396
00:27:09,379 --> 00:27:12,508
it's this guy's first time,
Al Yankovic.
397
00:27:17,387 --> 00:27:19,306
Hey.
398
00:27:19,389 --> 00:27:20,390
Sorry.
399
00:27:22,100 --> 00:27:24,353
Sorry.
400
00:27:24,436 --> 00:27:27,147
Ah, nice Hawaiian shirt, Trapper John!
401
00:27:29,775 --> 00:27:31,235
Um...
402
00:27:36,532 --> 00:27:37,741
Boo!
403
00:27:56,927 --> 00:27:58,637
This guy needs some help.
404
00:28:34,590 --> 00:28:37,217
Gimme a shot of tequila
and two scoops of rum raisin.
405
00:28:37,301 --> 00:28:38,844
We don't sell ice cream here.
406
00:28:38,927 --> 00:28:41,221
You better start selling it
before this song's over
407
00:28:41,305 --> 00:28:44,057
or you're gonna have a riot
on your hands.
408
00:29:38,111 --> 00:29:40,989
Why didn't you guys tell me
you could play? You're great.
409
00:29:41,073 --> 00:29:43,033
I guess it didn't seem relevant 'til now.
410
00:29:43,116 --> 00:29:46,578
Thank you!
411
00:29:53,752 --> 00:29:55,045
Oh, hey.
412
00:29:56,255 --> 00:30:00,092
Oh! You're Dr. Demento.
413
00:30:00,175 --> 00:30:03,637
Oh, wow. I, I am such a huge fan.
I can't believe this.
414
00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:05,931
I've been listening to your show
my entire life.
415
00:30:06,014 --> 00:30:08,934
Whoo-whoo-whoo,
wind up your radio...
416
00:30:09,017 --> 00:30:10,310
- Don't do that.
- Sorry.
417
00:30:10,394 --> 00:30:12,354
Um, did you see the show?
418
00:30:12,437 --> 00:30:16,024
I did. And let me
tell you something, kid.
419
00:30:16,108 --> 00:30:18,402
Every once in a great while,
I can spot a talent
420
00:30:18,485 --> 00:30:21,238
that I know is headed
straight to the top.
421
00:30:21,321 --> 00:30:23,073
Nervous Norvus,
422
00:30:23,156 --> 00:30:25,576
Wild Man Fischer,
423
00:30:25,659 --> 00:30:28,662
and now... you.
424
00:30:28,745 --> 00:30:32,457
What I saw you do on that stage
tonight blew my mind!
425
00:30:32,541 --> 00:30:36,086
I'm telling you, you've cracked the code.
You're onto something special.
426
00:30:36,170 --> 00:30:37,796
Wow, I mean, you, you,
you have no idea
427
00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:39,548
what it means
for me to hear you say that.
428
00:30:39,631 --> 00:30:42,593
- Thank you so much.
- Oh...
429
00:30:42,676 --> 00:30:45,554
I only wish the Scotti Brothers
felt the same way.
430
00:30:45,637 --> 00:30:48,015
Ah, those suits.
They couldn't recognize real talent
431
00:30:48,098 --> 00:30:52,060
if it slapped them in the face
with a dead fish.
432
00:30:52,144 --> 00:30:54,980
But I might be able to
get them to notice you.
433
00:30:55,063 --> 00:30:56,356
How?
434
00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:59,151
Well, stick with me, huh?
435
00:30:59,234 --> 00:31:01,820
I know a little something
about the biz.
436
00:31:01,904 --> 00:31:05,657
Uh, wait, are-are you saying
you want to be my mentor?
437
00:31:05,741 --> 00:31:10,913
No, I'm saying I want to be your...
de-mentor!
438
00:31:19,254 --> 00:31:22,466
But first, we gotta find you
a stage name.
439
00:31:22,549 --> 00:31:26,053
I mean, Al Yankovic. Ugh, blech.
440
00:31:26,136 --> 00:31:28,138
Doesn't exactly trip off
the tongue now, does it?
441
00:31:28,222 --> 00:31:29,973
I guess not.
442
00:31:30,057 --> 00:31:32,059
It's so clunky. It's long.
It's ungainly. It's hard to pronounce.
443
00:31:32,142 --> 00:31:33,268
Sorry.
444
00:31:33,352 --> 00:31:35,771
Now, I'm just gonna throw this out there.
445
00:31:35,854 --> 00:31:38,357
Would you be willing
to change your name to...
446
00:31:40,234 --> 00:31:44,738
Weird... Al Yankovic?
447
00:31:46,281 --> 00:31:47,449
I love it.
448
00:31:47,533 --> 00:31:50,911
Great. Great!
449
00:31:50,994 --> 00:31:53,163
Hey, I'm having a little pool party
at the house this weekend.
450
00:31:53,247 --> 00:31:55,165
I'd love to introduce
you to some folks.
451
00:31:55,249 --> 00:31:56,667
What do you say you come on by,
452
00:31:56,750 --> 00:31:58,752
we'll continue this conversation
at the grotto.
453
00:31:58,836 --> 00:32:00,087
Yes, of course!
454
00:32:00,170 --> 00:32:05,050
Mm-hmm. And don't forget to stay demented!
455
00:32:06,885 --> 00:32:07,886
You got it.
456
00:32:20,816 --> 00:32:25,737
H-H-Hey!
There he is, my newest superstar.
457
00:32:25,821 --> 00:32:28,031
Ah, so glad you could make it.
458
00:32:28,115 --> 00:32:29,992
I've been telling everyone about you,
459
00:32:30,075 --> 00:32:32,870
and, uh, looks like you've
brought your band.
460
00:32:32,953 --> 00:32:34,538
Okay, fine.
461
00:32:34,621 --> 00:32:36,707
Uh, there's some canapés right
over there, gentlemen.
462
00:32:36,790 --> 00:32:39,084
Help yourselves. So,
let me show you around, okay?
463
00:32:39,168 --> 00:32:42,171
Everyone's dying to meet you.
Oh, right this way.
464
00:32:42,254 --> 00:32:44,256
- Uh, Mr. Herman.
- Hello.
465
00:32:44,339 --> 00:32:46,133
I'd like you to meet
"Weird Al" Yankovic.
466
00:32:46,216 --> 00:32:48,552
Ah, a rising star.
467
00:32:48,635 --> 00:32:50,179
Pleased to meet you.
468
00:32:55,184 --> 00:32:57,686
And this is, of course, Tiny Tim.
469
00:32:57,769 --> 00:33:03,442
Oh, Mr. Yankovic.
Oh, why, you're just the cat's pajamas.
470
00:33:03,525 --> 00:33:05,319
Is that a good thing?
471
00:33:05,402 --> 00:33:06,528
Sure.
472
00:33:06,612 --> 00:33:08,780
Ah, excuse us, gentlemen.
473
00:33:08,864 --> 00:33:10,657
Nice to meet you.
474
00:33:10,741 --> 00:33:12,951
So that's Demento's new protégé.
475
00:33:13,035 --> 00:33:17,039
You know, I hear they don't even hand out
raincoats and tarps at his shows.
476
00:33:17,122 --> 00:33:18,582
Amateur hour.
477
00:33:20,459 --> 00:33:23,045
Amateur hour.
478
00:33:23,128 --> 00:33:26,632
- Well, hello, Dali.
- Andy.
479
00:33:26,715 --> 00:33:31,220
What do you think of
this "Weird Al" Yankovic?
480
00:33:31,303 --> 00:33:36,433
Dali predicts he will change
everything we know about art!
481
00:33:36,517 --> 00:33:39,895
Weird Al will change the world!
482
00:33:39,978 --> 00:33:43,106
Eh, I give him 15 minutes.
483
00:33:43,190 --> 00:33:47,361
Well, well, well, if it isn't Dr. Demento.
484
00:33:47,444 --> 00:33:50,614
Wolf man Jack.
Who let you in here?
485
00:33:50,697 --> 00:33:53,825
The Wolf man goes where
the Wolf man wants, baby.
486
00:33:58,330 --> 00:33:59,790
Security!
487
00:33:59,873 --> 00:34:03,961
Relax. I just came by
to lay eyes on this cat
488
00:34:04,044 --> 00:34:06,505
you've been paradin' around.
489
00:34:06,588 --> 00:34:08,966
The one who takes
preexisting musical compositions
490
00:34:09,049 --> 00:34:12,511
and completely changes the lyrics.
491
00:34:12,594 --> 00:34:16,557
He has a name, you know.
And it's "Weird Al" Yankovic.
492
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:20,060
Well then, put 'er there, Weird Al.
493
00:34:20,143 --> 00:34:22,396
Oooh! Too slow.
494
00:34:22,479 --> 00:34:23,897
What is the meaning of this?
495
00:34:23,981 --> 00:34:26,441
This is me telling you
that I know hit talent
496
00:34:26,525 --> 00:34:28,652
when I see it, and this kid ain't it.
497
00:34:28,735 --> 00:34:32,197
He'll never crack the top 40,
he's too niche.
498
00:34:32,281 --> 00:34:37,286
This kid, as you call him,
is the future of music.
499
00:34:37,369 --> 00:34:41,874
Right. Well, if he's so great,
how about he comes up
500
00:34:41,957 --> 00:34:45,460
with a new parody song
right now on the spot?
501
00:34:45,544 --> 00:34:47,296
- Ooh...
- Whoa.
502
00:34:47,379 --> 00:34:50,632
I mean, come on, man. It's a party.
I don't know that's a good idea.
503
00:34:50,716 --> 00:34:52,718
Do "Another One Bites the Dust."
504
00:34:52,801 --> 00:34:56,722
That seems fitting,
who said that?
505
00:34:56,805 --> 00:35:00,100
I did. I'm John Deacon...
506
00:35:03,604 --> 00:35:04,938
of Queen.
507
00:35:08,150 --> 00:35:09,735
I play the bass in Queen.
508
00:35:09,818 --> 00:35:11,486
Oh...
509
00:35:11,570 --> 00:35:13,989
All right, future boy.
510
00:35:14,072 --> 00:35:17,910
Let's hear what you can do
with "Another One Bites the Dust."
511
00:35:27,294 --> 00:35:28,712
We're waiting.
512
00:35:30,797 --> 00:35:33,342
You don't have to
prove anything to him.
513
00:35:33,425 --> 00:35:36,386
Come on, guy from Queen.
514
00:35:36,470 --> 00:35:41,016
Let's go find a party
with some real talent.
515
00:35:45,896 --> 00:35:48,815
Get me my accordion.
516
00:35:48,899 --> 00:35:50,609
Hey, you like deviled eggs?
517
00:35:50,692 --> 00:35:53,529
I love a good deviled egg.
They don't love me, though.
518
00:37:44,890 --> 00:37:46,266
I don't know what to say.
519
00:37:47,684 --> 00:37:49,436
That was the...
520
00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:52,648
That was the most beautiful thing
I've ever heard in my entire life.
521
00:37:54,358 --> 00:37:57,653
You truly have a rare gift, Weird Al.
522
00:38:05,953 --> 00:38:10,040
Hey mate, we're playing
a little gig next week
523
00:38:10,123 --> 00:38:15,254
called Live Aid,
Wembley Stadium.
524
00:38:15,337 --> 00:38:17,548
I'd be honored if you
would join the band
525
00:38:17,631 --> 00:38:20,759
and play that song on stage with us.
526
00:38:22,845 --> 00:38:24,179
What do you say?
527
00:38:30,894 --> 00:38:32,521
Hard pass!
528
00:38:40,279 --> 00:38:43,031
- This guy?
- Get him, get him out of here!
529
00:38:47,619 --> 00:38:50,289
I felt like
I was on top of the world,
530
00:38:50,372 --> 00:38:54,084
but this was just the beginning.
531
00:38:56,170 --> 00:38:59,631
"Weird Al" Yankovic is
one of the most exciting
532
00:38:59,715 --> 00:39:01,967
new artists in pop music today.
533
00:39:02,050 --> 00:39:04,678
His self-titled debut album
534
00:39:04,761 --> 00:39:08,557
was just certified quintuple platinum.
535
00:39:10,017 --> 00:39:12,227
Simply by taking well-known pop songs
536
00:39:12,311 --> 00:39:13,729
and changing the lyrics,
537
00:39:13,812 --> 00:39:16,231
Yankovic has taken the world by storm.
538
00:39:16,315 --> 00:39:19,484
I have never seen a collection
of Hawaiian shirts like this.
539
00:39:19,568 --> 00:39:21,153
Oh, well, thank you, Oprah!
540
00:39:21,236 --> 00:39:23,572
He has the number one album
in 20 countries
541
00:39:23,655 --> 00:39:25,532
and counts among his fans
such luminaries as...
542
00:39:25,616 --> 00:39:27,492
Hey, turn this up.
543
00:39:27,576 --> 00:39:30,204
...President Ronald Reagan
and Pope John Paul II.
544
00:39:30,287 --> 00:39:33,332
Even international drug lord
Pablo Escobar
545
00:39:33,415 --> 00:39:36,210
calls Weird Al his favorite musician.
546
00:39:42,466 --> 00:39:44,218
And what about this,
this necklace you're wearing?
547
00:39:44,301 --> 00:39:45,761
Oh, these, yeah.
548
00:39:45,844 --> 00:39:47,721
I, uh, I wear one
solid platinum record medallion
549
00:39:47,804 --> 00:39:49,431
for each time my album went platinum.
550
00:39:49,515 --> 00:39:51,850
So that's one, two, three, four, five.
551
00:39:51,934 --> 00:39:53,644
Wow. Those look heavy.
552
00:39:53,727 --> 00:39:55,854
They are super uncomfortable.
553
00:39:55,938 --> 00:39:58,607
And it's not
just the record company
554
00:39:58,690 --> 00:40:01,151
that's cashing in on Weird Al fever.
555
00:40:01,235 --> 00:40:04,905
The artists he's parodying
are experiencing a phenomenon
556
00:40:04,988 --> 00:40:07,699
that's being called the Yankovic Bump.
557
00:40:07,783 --> 00:40:10,953
The Knack, Joan Jett
and even Queen
558
00:40:11,036 --> 00:40:13,830
have seen their
album sales double
559
00:40:13,914 --> 00:40:17,334
after Weird Al put
his unique spin on their songs.
560
00:40:17,417 --> 00:40:21,505
Which begs the question,
who will be next?
561
00:40:21,588 --> 00:40:24,716
Who indeed?
562
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:29,179
Al, you really do seem to have
the Midas touch.
563
00:40:29,263 --> 00:40:31,807
I've never seen anything like it
in all my years.
564
00:40:31,890 --> 00:40:34,393
Your parents must be proud.
565
00:40:34,476 --> 00:40:37,187
Yeah. Yeah, my parents...
566
00:40:46,697 --> 00:40:48,073
Is everything okay?
567
00:40:48,156 --> 00:40:50,576
Huh? Yeah. Yes, of course.
568
00:40:50,659 --> 00:40:52,995
Yeah, whose, whose parents
wouldn't be proud?
569
00:40:53,078 --> 00:40:54,454
Exactly.
570
00:40:56,081 --> 00:40:59,084
Al? Al?
571
00:41:03,881 --> 00:41:05,007
Hello?
572
00:41:05,090 --> 00:41:08,886
- Hey, Mom. It's me.
- Alfy?
573
00:41:08,969 --> 00:41:10,929
It's been a long time, hasn't it?
574
00:41:13,015 --> 00:41:14,516
We saw you on the TV.
575
00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:17,019
It's crazy, right?
576
00:41:17,102 --> 00:41:19,188
Yeah, who would've thought?
577
00:41:19,271 --> 00:41:21,690
I'm actually gearing up
for a residency right now
578
00:41:21,773 --> 00:41:23,775
at Madison Square Garden.
579
00:41:23,859 --> 00:41:26,528
Sold out 25 nights in a row.
580
00:41:26,612 --> 00:41:28,363
They're, uh, they're moving the Knicks
581
00:41:28,447 --> 00:41:30,157
to a hockey rink in Jersey
for a month.
582
00:41:30,240 --> 00:41:31,909
- Huh.
- Yep.
583
00:41:31,992 --> 00:41:33,827
Yep. I'm living the dream.
584
00:41:33,911 --> 00:41:36,163
I mean, to have 20,000 people
every night
585
00:41:36,246 --> 00:41:38,373
singing along to my words
586
00:41:38,457 --> 00:41:40,501
to other people's music.
587
00:41:40,584 --> 00:41:43,420
I feel truly alive
when I'm on that stage.
588
00:41:43,504 --> 00:41:44,880
Oh, that's nice.
589
00:41:46,298 --> 00:41:47,591
Are you eating enough bran?
590
00:41:49,176 --> 00:41:51,303
- What?
- Well, it's important.
591
00:41:51,386 --> 00:41:53,764
It keeps you regular
and you know how you get
592
00:41:53,847 --> 00:41:56,225
when you're not having
your regular BMs, Alfy.
593
00:41:56,308 --> 00:41:59,269
I... Yeah, sure.
594
00:41:59,353 --> 00:42:02,773
Good. That's good.
595
00:42:04,149 --> 00:42:09,071
So, um, so how's Dad?
596
00:42:09,154 --> 00:42:12,574
Gosh, your father's a complicated man.
597
00:42:12,658 --> 00:42:14,743
Does he ever talk about me?
598
00:42:14,826 --> 00:42:17,996
Oh, sure, all the time. Yes.
599
00:42:18,080 --> 00:42:20,249
There's so many things
that he wants to tell you,
600
00:42:20,332 --> 00:42:21,708
but it's just difficult for him.
601
00:42:21,792 --> 00:42:23,794
Well, like what?
602
00:42:23,877 --> 00:42:26,171
You know, what does
he want to tell me?
603
00:42:26,255 --> 00:42:30,884
Well, mostly he just
wants to let you know that
604
00:42:30,968 --> 00:42:33,053
he's definitely not proud of you.
605
00:42:34,388 --> 00:42:35,806
What?
606
00:42:35,889 --> 00:42:37,683
Yes. He told me to be crystal clear
about that.
607
00:42:37,766 --> 00:42:40,352
Also, he still thinks that parody songs
are stupid
608
00:42:40,435 --> 00:42:41,687
and I don't have to tell you
609
00:42:41,770 --> 00:42:43,355
how he feels about the accordion, do I?
610
00:42:43,438 --> 00:42:45,107
Okay. Well, Mom,
I actually have to go now.
611
00:42:45,190 --> 00:42:47,109
You know, he just never
really wanted to have kids.
612
00:42:47,192 --> 00:42:48,902
Okay. Well, great talking to you.
613
00:42:48,986 --> 00:42:51,530
Listen, if you do wanna get
that job down at the factory,
614
00:42:51,613 --> 00:42:53,615
I'm sure your father can
pull a few strings for you.
615
00:42:53,699 --> 00:42:55,117
All right. Take care now, bye-bye.
616
00:42:55,200 --> 00:42:56,785
- Love you, Alfy!
- Yep!
617
00:43:08,005 --> 00:43:11,967
Oh, tough call with the folks, huh?
618
00:43:12,050 --> 00:43:14,803
You know, I can fire up the downstairs
hot tub for you if you'd like.
619
00:43:14,887 --> 00:43:17,181
Oh, no, no, this is fine. I don't want to
put you through any trouble.
620
00:43:17,264 --> 00:43:18,724
I... It's really no trouble.
621
00:43:18,807 --> 00:43:20,642
I mean, there are actually
three other Jacuzzis
622
00:43:20,726 --> 00:43:22,686
in the house that are
not here in my bedroom.
623
00:43:22,769 --> 00:43:26,106
Oh, that's so sweet of you,
but really, I'm good.
624
00:43:26,190 --> 00:43:29,526
You, on the other hand,
you don't seem so good.
625
00:43:29,610 --> 00:43:31,528
Do you wanna talk about it?
626
00:43:35,324 --> 00:43:38,785
It's just, my whole life,
627
00:43:38,869 --> 00:43:44,416
all I've wanted is for my
father to accept me for who I am.
628
00:43:44,499 --> 00:43:47,669
And I thought if I became
this huge success,
629
00:43:47,753 --> 00:43:49,838
that that would change things, but...
630
00:43:49,922 --> 00:43:51,131
Mm.
631
00:43:52,799 --> 00:43:55,928
But he still hates everything about me.
632
00:43:59,181 --> 00:44:01,975
You know, maybe he's right.
Maybe parody songs are stupid.
633
00:44:02,059 --> 00:44:05,312
Look, you don't have to
write parody songs
634
00:44:05,395 --> 00:44:06,563
if you don't want to.
635
00:44:06,647 --> 00:44:09,024
What?
636
00:44:09,107 --> 00:44:11,235
You look a little hungry.
Here, have a snack.
637
00:44:13,570 --> 00:44:16,281
You can write your own songs.
638
00:44:17,950 --> 00:44:19,535
You think I took
you under my wing
639
00:44:19,618 --> 00:44:22,079
because you write parody songs?
640
00:44:22,162 --> 00:44:25,666
No, I saw in you a visionary,
641
00:44:25,749 --> 00:44:29,586
an artist who has
something to give to the world.
642
00:44:29,670 --> 00:44:31,463
I saw in you something special,
643
00:44:31,547 --> 00:44:34,758
something your father doesn't see
644
00:44:34,842 --> 00:44:37,135
and that even you don't see...
645
00:44:39,346 --> 00:44:40,430
yet.
646
00:44:40,514 --> 00:44:42,266
This guacamole tastes funny.
647
00:44:42,349 --> 00:44:45,853
Of course it does.
It's loaded with LSD.
648
00:44:45,936 --> 00:44:47,104
What?!
649
00:44:47,187 --> 00:44:49,398
No!
650
00:44:49,481 --> 00:44:53,068
You need to open your heart
and your mind,
651
00:44:53,151 --> 00:44:56,321
face your fears,
break your chains,
652
00:44:56,405 --> 00:44:58,699
come with me on a spiritual journey.
653
00:44:58,782 --> 00:45:00,868
Find your source of inspiration!
654
00:45:00,951 --> 00:45:03,829
No, that-that is totally not cool, man.
You can't just...
655
00:45:03,912 --> 00:45:06,790
Whoa, no, what is happening
to your head?
656
00:45:06,874 --> 00:45:08,625
That's probably the drugs kicking in.
657
00:45:08,709 --> 00:45:10,711
Just relax and enjoy the ride.
658
00:45:10,794 --> 00:45:13,463
It'll be over in like, 10 to 12 hours.
659
00:45:13,547 --> 00:45:17,009
12 hours?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
660
00:45:18,886 --> 00:45:21,430
I'm just gonna close my eyes
and when I open them up again,
661
00:45:21,513 --> 00:45:23,348
everything is gonna
be completely back to...
662
00:45:32,357 --> 00:45:35,527
What in God's name
are you doing, boy?
663
00:45:35,611 --> 00:45:37,404
Those aren't the right words!
664
00:45:37,487 --> 00:45:41,909
Please, just stop being who you are
and doing the things you love.
665
00:45:41,992 --> 00:45:45,662
You, Al Yankovic,
are the most untalented,
666
00:45:45,746 --> 00:45:50,167
pathetic loser I've ever
met in my entire life!
667
00:45:50,250 --> 00:45:52,920
No, no, no, stop it.
Leave me alone!
668
00:45:56,173 --> 00:46:01,136
Alfred Yankovic, this is your time.
669
00:46:01,220 --> 00:46:05,182
Believe in yourself,
and the song will come to you.
670
00:46:05,265 --> 00:46:06,934
Don't listen to him, boy!
671
00:46:07,017 --> 00:46:09,895
You belong with me, at the factory!
672
00:46:09,978 --> 00:46:13,440
It's your destiny!
673
00:46:13,524 --> 00:46:16,902
Aah! No!
674
00:46:24,409 --> 00:46:26,620
Aah! No!
675
00:46:26,703 --> 00:46:30,499
He's losing his power
over you, keep going!
676
00:46:30,582 --> 00:46:32,459
I can't!
677
00:46:32,543 --> 00:46:35,337
Maybe you should try
a little Cap'n Crunch.
678
00:46:36,672 --> 00:46:38,423
What?
679
00:46:38,507 --> 00:46:40,217
Raisin Bran, perhaps?
680
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:44,346
No, no! I don't want no Cap'n Crunch!
681
00:46:44,429 --> 00:46:46,265
Don't want no Raisin Bran!
682
00:46:46,348 --> 00:46:50,519
Eat it, just eat it.
683
00:46:50,602 --> 00:46:52,813
I don't understand!
684
00:46:52,896 --> 00:46:56,108
Don't you make me repeat it.
685
00:46:58,902 --> 00:47:01,196
What's happening to me?!
686
00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:04,825
Now you must die in order to be reborn.
687
00:47:04,908 --> 00:47:08,120
No, no! No!
688
00:47:41,361 --> 00:47:42,487
Put it in.
689
00:47:59,755 --> 00:48:01,131
I've heard enough.
690
00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:06,136
It's brilliant.
691
00:48:06,220 --> 00:48:08,847
Okay, I'm sorry.
I don't recognize the tune.
692
00:48:08,931 --> 00:48:10,933
What song are you parodying here?
693
00:48:11,016 --> 00:48:12,935
I'm not parodying anything.
694
00:48:13,018 --> 00:48:15,062
This song is completely original.
695
00:48:15,145 --> 00:48:18,190
Wait, you wrote the words
and the music?
696
00:48:18,273 --> 00:48:19,316
That's right.
697
00:48:19,399 --> 00:48:22,444
Okay, just to be perfectly clear,
698
00:48:22,528 --> 00:48:26,573
so you're saying this is not a parody
of an existing song,
699
00:48:26,657 --> 00:48:31,495
but an entirely original composition
that you wrote all by yourself?
700
00:48:31,578 --> 00:48:32,913
Yes.
701
00:48:32,996 --> 00:48:35,666
Not based on anybody else's song
in any way?
702
00:48:35,749 --> 00:48:37,209
Did I stutter?
703
00:48:40,254 --> 00:48:43,715
I'm tired of people thinking
I'm some kind of joke, okay?
704
00:48:43,799 --> 00:48:49,847
I am done writing parody songs. Done.
705
00:48:49,930 --> 00:48:55,936
From now on, I am only gonna do
completely original music.
706
00:48:56,728 --> 00:48:59,106
Oh, Al, you can't smoke in here.
707
00:49:08,907 --> 00:49:11,368
I totally deserved that.
708
00:49:11,451 --> 00:49:16,123
Well, I am blown away.
This is a bold new direction.
709
00:49:16,206 --> 00:49:19,001
I mean, the parody songs were fine,
710
00:49:19,084 --> 00:49:24,256
but you've completely
changed the game here.
711
00:49:24,339 --> 00:49:26,550
This is gonna be your biggest hit yet.
712
00:49:30,929 --> 00:49:35,309
Okay, okay! Hold your horses!
713
00:49:47,029 --> 00:49:48,739
"Weird Al" Yankovic.
714
00:49:48,822 --> 00:49:51,992
Um, do I know you?
715
00:49:52,075 --> 00:49:55,746
Madonna. Ring any bells?
716
00:49:55,829 --> 00:49:59,416
Oh, right. Madonna.
717
00:49:59,499 --> 00:50:03,629
Yeah, "Lucky Star,"
"Holiday," "Borderline."
718
00:50:03,712 --> 00:50:05,380
Born in Michigan, Catholic schoolgirl,
719
00:50:05,464 --> 00:50:07,299
dropped outta college
and moved to New York City
720
00:50:07,382 --> 00:50:09,134
with nothing but the clothes
on your back
721
00:50:09,218 --> 00:50:10,511
and $35 in your pocket.
722
00:50:10,594 --> 00:50:13,013
Maybe it was to become
the Queen of Pop.
723
00:50:13,096 --> 00:50:15,974
Maybe it was to get back at Dad
for marrying the housekeeper.
724
00:50:17,309 --> 00:50:18,769
Wow.
725
00:50:18,852 --> 00:50:21,146
You know a lot more about me
than you let on.
726
00:50:21,230 --> 00:50:25,400
What can I say?
I'm full of surprises.
727
00:50:27,945 --> 00:50:31,949
So, what brings you here, Madonna?
728
00:50:32,032 --> 00:50:34,034
Oh, I was in the neighborhood.
729
00:50:34,117 --> 00:50:39,581
Wanted to see if my map to
the stars' homes was accurate.
730
00:50:39,665 --> 00:50:42,459
Guess you won't need a refund then.
731
00:50:42,543 --> 00:50:46,463
Is that, uh, all you wanted?
732
00:50:46,547 --> 00:50:51,677
No, I want a lot of things,
733
00:50:51,760 --> 00:50:54,179
but the truth is,
I'm a big fan of yours.
734
00:50:54,263 --> 00:50:56,890
Join the club.
735
00:50:56,974 --> 00:51:01,144
Have you heard my new
single, "Like a Virgin?"
736
00:51:01,228 --> 00:51:02,646
Oh, I've heard it.
737
00:51:02,729 --> 00:51:08,110
And I'm curious,
is that song autobiographical?
738
00:51:08,193 --> 00:51:11,530
Yes. I technically am a virgin,
739
00:51:11,613 --> 00:51:14,825
except for the fact
that I've had a lot of sex.
740
00:51:14,908 --> 00:51:17,327
I mean, a lot.
741
00:51:19,037 --> 00:51:20,998
I see.
742
00:51:21,081 --> 00:51:24,126
Anyway, I was wondering
743
00:51:24,209 --> 00:51:26,295
if you were going to
do a parody of my song.
744
00:51:27,963 --> 00:51:29,381
Maybe.
745
00:51:29,464 --> 00:51:32,050
I like that.
746
00:51:32,134 --> 00:51:36,388
So, would you like to see
the rest of the house?
747
00:51:36,471 --> 00:51:38,765
There's only one room
I'm interested in seeing.
748
00:51:38,849 --> 00:51:40,809
Oh, I'm doing some
work on the bathroom,
749
00:51:40,893 --> 00:51:43,061
but there's another one downstairs.
750
00:51:43,145 --> 00:51:45,272
Oh, I'm not talking about the bathroom.
751
00:51:45,355 --> 00:51:48,650
Then let me show you
to the laundry room.
752
00:51:50,402 --> 00:51:54,489
Al Yankovic,
are you playing with me?
753
00:51:56,283 --> 00:51:57,784
Yes?
754
00:52:20,933 --> 00:52:23,852
Oh, you're so weird.
755
00:52:41,370 --> 00:52:44,706
So, are we like, boyfriend
and girlfriend now?
756
00:52:46,500 --> 00:52:49,920
Maybe.
757
00:52:50,003 --> 00:52:53,590
Well, now that things are official,
758
00:52:53,674 --> 00:52:56,927
I should really be honest with you.
759
00:52:57,010 --> 00:53:01,723
When I said I might parody
one of your songs, I lied.
760
00:53:05,185 --> 00:53:10,732
So, it's true, what they're saying.
You're not doing parodies anymore.
761
00:53:11,275 --> 00:53:15,279
My song "Eat It," which, as you know,
is a hundred percent original,
762
00:53:15,362 --> 00:53:18,824
is the biggest hit by anybody ever.
763
00:53:18,907 --> 00:53:21,368
So, I've decided that's all
I wanna do from now on.
764
00:53:21,451 --> 00:53:23,829
Completely original songs.
765
00:53:27,875 --> 00:53:30,919
See, that's what I love about you.
766
00:53:31,003 --> 00:53:34,089
You know what you want and
you know how to get it.
767
00:53:36,258 --> 00:53:37,467
Just like me.
768
00:54:07,915 --> 00:54:12,544
How about that?
And I've got some amazing news.
769
00:54:12,628 --> 00:54:15,422
I've officially gotten the word
that we have broken
770
00:54:15,506 --> 00:54:19,635
the Beatles' record for most singles
in the Billboard Top 10.
771
00:54:20,677 --> 00:54:21,845
Oh.
772
00:54:25,641 --> 00:54:27,226
Yeah, cool.
773
00:54:27,309 --> 00:54:28,936
Uh, okay.
774
00:54:29,019 --> 00:54:33,649
Well, um, we have some very
exciting offers pouring in
775
00:54:33,732 --> 00:54:36,193
that I would love to...
776
00:54:36,276 --> 00:54:38,278
- That...
- Oh, that feels good.
777
00:54:38,362 --> 00:54:39,905
love to discuss with...
778
00:54:39,988 --> 00:54:41,240
Love to discuss with you.
779
00:54:41,323 --> 00:54:43,075
We got some, some great calls.
780
00:54:43,158 --> 00:54:45,202
Uh, very interesting.
781
00:54:45,285 --> 00:54:48,956
Led Zeppelin, uh, is thinking about
getting back together,
782
00:54:49,039 --> 00:54:51,041
but they say the only
way they'll do it
783
00:54:51,124 --> 00:54:53,085
is if they can open
up for you on tour.
784
00:54:53,168 --> 00:54:55,045
I mean, that's sweet, but yeah.
785
00:54:55,128 --> 00:54:57,840
I already offered the gig
to Howie Mandel, so.
786
00:54:59,424 --> 00:55:02,719
Okay, yeah. But this is perhaps...
787
00:55:02,803 --> 00:55:07,808
Look, I am not bumping
Mandel for Zeppelin, okay? Pass.
788
00:55:07,891 --> 00:55:10,394
Okay. Got it.
789
00:55:12,145 --> 00:55:15,607
Uh, well, we have another offer,
a very serious offer.
790
00:55:15,691 --> 00:55:19,653
This is to replace Roger Moore
in the James Bond franchise.
791
00:55:19,736 --> 00:55:21,154
- Now this one...
- No!
792
00:55:21,238 --> 00:55:23,073
No, no, no, I'm not gonna
be the new James Bond.
793
00:55:23,156 --> 00:55:25,075
I'm not gonna be
the new Indiana Jones.
794
00:55:25,158 --> 00:55:28,912
From now on, everything I do
has to be completely original.
795
00:55:28,996 --> 00:55:31,039
How many times have
I gotta say that?
796
00:55:31,123 --> 00:55:34,918
Look, Mr. Pimento,
we have places to be.
797
00:55:35,002 --> 00:55:37,129
How long is this gonna take?
798
00:55:37,212 --> 00:55:39,715
Not much longer.
799
00:55:39,798 --> 00:55:41,341
We got another offer
for you to play
800
00:55:41,425 --> 00:55:43,719
Pablo Escobar's 40th birthday party.
801
00:55:43,802 --> 00:55:45,762
I saw him on the news.
He's a really big deal.
802
00:55:45,846 --> 00:55:48,515
The drug lord?
Why is he so obsessed with me?
803
00:55:48,599 --> 00:55:53,478
And he has upped his offer
to three billion pesos.
804
00:55:53,562 --> 00:55:55,522
I mean, okay, how much is
that in American money?
805
00:55:55,606 --> 00:55:58,233
You know what, never mind,
I don't feel like doing the math.
806
00:55:58,317 --> 00:56:00,194
Well, I've done the math
and I can assure you...
807
00:56:00,277 --> 00:56:05,908
Bup-bup-bup! I can do my own math,
and I said, I don't want to. Pass.
808
00:56:05,991 --> 00:56:09,036
Alfy, are you chewing my gum?
809
00:56:09,119 --> 00:56:11,455
I don't know. Maybe.
810
00:56:11,538 --> 00:56:13,665
You wanna come get it?
811
00:56:25,552 --> 00:56:27,429
You, you don't think
things are moving
812
00:56:27,513 --> 00:56:28,889
too fast with us, do you?
813
00:56:28,972 --> 00:56:32,976
Baby, don't be silly.
We're soulmates.
814
00:56:33,060 --> 00:56:36,522
This is true love.
When you know, you know.
815
00:56:36,605 --> 00:56:38,148
You're so right.
816
00:56:38,232 --> 00:56:42,569
This has been the happiest
six hours of my life.
817
00:56:42,653 --> 00:56:46,031
Mr. Yankovic, you have a phone call
at the host stand.
818
00:56:47,199 --> 00:56:48,742
Excuse me, my love.
819
00:56:56,500 --> 00:56:57,876
This better be good.
820
00:56:59,461 --> 00:57:00,671
Well...
821
00:57:02,172 --> 00:57:04,007
What's going on, Tony?
822
00:57:04,091 --> 00:57:08,554
Okay, um, I-I thought you should
hear it from me first.
823
00:57:08,637 --> 00:57:13,308
Michael Jackson just released
a new single called "Beat It."
824
00:57:13,392 --> 00:57:15,394
It's, um...
825
00:57:15,477 --> 00:57:18,188
Well, it's-it's a parody of "Eat It."
826
00:57:18,272 --> 00:57:20,858
You mean the kid from the Jackson Five?
827
00:57:20,941 --> 00:57:23,402
Why is that has-been trying
to ride my coattails?
828
00:57:23,485 --> 00:57:25,988
He actually has
a pretty successful solo career now.
829
00:57:26,071 --> 00:57:27,406
Whatever! You're telling me
830
00:57:27,489 --> 00:57:29,700
Michael Jackson recorded
a parody of my song?
831
00:57:29,783 --> 00:57:32,870
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Same music, different words.
832
00:57:32,953 --> 00:57:34,663
What kinda sick freak
changes the words
833
00:57:34,746 --> 00:57:36,540
to someone else's song?
834
00:57:37,624 --> 00:57:39,418
"Beat It," huh?
835
00:57:39,501 --> 00:57:41,336
Wait, so it's about eggs?
836
00:57:41,420 --> 00:57:42,921
No, no, it's, uh, I don't
think it's even about food.
837
00:57:43,005 --> 00:57:45,132
It's about fighting or...
838
00:57:45,215 --> 00:57:47,176
trying to avoid a fight?
I'm not exactly sure...
839
00:57:47,259 --> 00:57:51,305
What gives him the right?!
Can he even do this?
840
00:57:51,388 --> 00:57:53,557
I think you're overreacting
just a little, okay?
841
00:57:53,640 --> 00:57:57,060
I mean, this could be great publicity.
Sell a few more albums.
842
00:57:57,144 --> 00:58:00,397
No, I don't need to
sell more albums, Tony!
843
00:58:00,480 --> 00:58:04,735
I need people to start taking me seriously
as an artist that creates original music.
844
00:58:04,818 --> 00:58:06,612
Now some idiots
will probably get confused
845
00:58:06,695 --> 00:58:09,281
and think "Beat It" came first!
846
00:58:09,364 --> 00:58:10,949
Nobody's gonna think that.
847
00:58:11,033 --> 00:58:13,327
This is a disaster,
for the rest of my life now,
848
00:58:13,410 --> 00:58:15,412
I'm gonna be linked to
this Michael Jackson guy.
849
00:58:15,495 --> 00:58:17,206
And why would that be so bad?
850
00:58:17,289 --> 00:58:19,499
You know, maybe it's a good thing.
I-I think it's an honor.
851
00:58:19,583 --> 00:58:21,001
Michael's one of the biggest stars
in the world.
852
00:58:29,343 --> 00:58:30,969
Everything okay?
853
00:58:31,053 --> 00:58:33,639
Everything's pretty freaking not okay.
854
00:58:33,722 --> 00:58:35,474
I finally created something of my own
855
00:58:35,557 --> 00:58:38,852
and now people are just gonna think
I'm ripping off Michael Jackson.
856
00:58:38,936 --> 00:58:40,854
Your fillet?
857
00:58:43,440 --> 00:58:45,651
I think I lost my appetite.
858
00:58:45,734 --> 00:58:48,779
Babe, you seem stressed.
You should have a drink.
859
00:58:48,862 --> 00:58:50,906
I don't really drink.
860
00:58:50,989 --> 00:58:53,033
If there's one thing I've learned in life,
the only thing that can clear your head
861
00:58:53,116 --> 00:58:57,079
and make you feel better is
hard alcohol, and lots of it.
862
00:58:57,162 --> 00:59:01,583
Well, you know me better than anyone.
863
00:59:03,210 --> 00:59:04,211
I trust you.
864
00:59:05,754 --> 00:59:07,172
He'll have a whiskey, neat.
865
00:59:11,760 --> 00:59:14,638
You know what? Maybe you should bring
the whole bottle.
866
00:59:26,525 --> 00:59:29,069
I know, right?
867
00:59:29,152 --> 00:59:33,907
Hey, hey. The king is here!
Let's get this party started.
868
00:59:33,991 --> 00:59:37,286
Dude, soundcheck was supposed to start
like three hours ago.
869
00:59:37,369 --> 00:59:41,957
Well, I wasn't here three hours ago,
so we're starting now.
870
00:59:42,040 --> 00:59:43,750
Al, are you drunk?
871
00:59:43,834 --> 00:59:46,837
- I'm not drunk, you're all drunk.
- No, this is pointless.
872
00:59:46,920 --> 00:59:49,339
Hey, man, why don't you
just get out of here?
873
00:59:49,423 --> 00:59:51,717
I need to get out of here?
You need to get out of here!
874
00:59:51,800 --> 00:59:53,343
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Guys, guys!
875
00:59:53,427 --> 00:59:55,971
Al, look, it's the first show
of the tour tonight.
876
00:59:56,054 --> 00:59:57,723
It's kind of a big deal.
877
00:59:57,806 --> 00:59:59,308
Do you think you could maybe
not screw this up for everybody?
878
00:59:59,391 --> 01:00:02,436
Oh, what-what-what are you gonna do,
fire me?
879
01:00:02,519 --> 01:00:05,814
You guys are nothing without me.
880
01:00:05,898 --> 01:00:08,775
Yeah, I could replace
you with a drum machine
881
01:00:08,859 --> 01:00:12,613
and you with a guitar machine
882
01:00:12,696 --> 01:00:17,159
and you with a, I don't know,
with some other machine.
883
01:00:17,242 --> 01:00:19,620
You're all just a bunch of normals, okay,
884
01:00:19,703 --> 01:00:23,457
I'm the weird one!
I am the weird one!
885
01:00:29,379 --> 01:00:32,382
Okay. That's it.
886
01:00:40,140 --> 01:00:41,683
You've changed, man.
887
01:00:43,268 --> 01:00:46,230
Fame's really gotten to you.
888
01:00:46,313 --> 01:00:47,898
Wow.
889
01:00:51,235 --> 01:00:54,488
Look, just get yourself cleaned up
for the show tonight, all right?
890
01:00:58,200 --> 01:00:59,826
- You're a mess.
- Yeah.
891
01:01:05,791 --> 01:01:07,543
They seem nice.
892
01:01:07,626 --> 01:01:08,627
Yeah, they're great.
893
01:01:10,879 --> 01:01:13,924
- Al?
- Oh, what do you want?
894
01:01:14,007 --> 01:01:15,759
Can I talk to you for a minute?
895
01:01:18,512 --> 01:01:20,389
Privately?
896
01:01:20,472 --> 01:01:23,392
Look, anything you wanna say to me,
you can say in front of my girlfriend.
897
01:01:25,018 --> 01:01:27,938
Okay, fine.
898
01:01:28,021 --> 01:01:30,649
I think Madonna's a bad influence on you.
899
01:01:30,732 --> 01:01:32,776
I think she's an evil, conniving succubus
900
01:01:32,860 --> 01:01:35,696
and she's only using you
for her pathetic and selfish needs.
901
01:01:35,779 --> 01:01:37,447
- What?
- No offense.
902
01:01:37,531 --> 01:01:41,535
She only wants you for that
sweet, sweet Yankovic Bump.
903
01:01:41,618 --> 01:01:42,911
She knows her record sales
904
01:01:42,995 --> 01:01:45,330
will go through the roof
if you parody her.
905
01:01:45,414 --> 01:01:47,124
How dare you.
906
01:01:47,207 --> 01:01:51,879
This woman is the greatest thing
that has ever happened to me.
907
01:01:51,962 --> 01:01:55,674
And besides, I already told her
I'm not doing any more, um...
908
01:01:55,757 --> 01:01:58,510
Any more...
The thing you said.
909
01:01:58,594 --> 01:02:00,262
- Song parodies.
- Song parodies!
910
01:02:00,345 --> 01:02:01,930
You're so drunk right now,
911
01:02:02,014 --> 01:02:04,141
I bet you couldn't even
give her that Yankovic Bump.
912
01:02:04,224 --> 01:02:05,934
That's not true!
913
01:02:06,018 --> 01:02:08,103
That's not true, I'll come up with
that song parody right now.
914
01:02:08,187 --> 01:02:11,481
Instead of "Like a Virgin,"
it'll be "Like a..."
915
01:02:11,565 --> 01:02:12,733
Like a...
916
01:02:14,776 --> 01:02:16,320
Like a...
917
01:02:16,403 --> 01:02:18,280
Shut up, it's impossible!
Nothing rhymes with virgin.
918
01:02:18,363 --> 01:02:19,781
Al, listen.
919
01:02:20,741 --> 01:02:22,201
You gotta take care of yourself.
920
01:02:22,284 --> 01:02:24,244
When she's done with you,
she's gonna drop you
921
01:02:24,328 --> 01:02:25,996
like a sack of spoiled cabbage.
922
01:02:26,079 --> 01:02:28,582
No, no, shut up, shut up!
You're not my dad.
923
01:02:28,665 --> 01:02:31,877
You think you're my dad,
but you are not my dad.
924
01:02:35,339 --> 01:02:37,633
Baby? Baby, where are you going?
925
01:02:37,716 --> 01:02:39,927
I'm goin' for a drive to clear my mind,
on my own.
926
01:02:40,010 --> 01:02:43,597
No, no, no, no, no. You cannot go.
927
01:02:45,849 --> 01:02:47,476
Without your car keys.
928
01:02:47,559 --> 01:02:50,854
Thank you so much.
929
01:03:05,786 --> 01:03:07,663
Well, we can't wait.
930
01:03:07,746 --> 01:03:09,915
Weird Al hits the stage
at Joe Robbie Stadium
931
01:03:09,998 --> 01:03:13,669
tonight at eight o'clock,
and it's gonna be off the chain.
932
01:03:13,752 --> 01:03:15,045
One for the history...
933
01:03:26,807 --> 01:03:29,226
Well, that was
multi-platinum recording artist
934
01:03:29,309 --> 01:03:31,854
"Weird Al" Yankovic with
"I Love Rocky Road," and my god,
935
01:03:31,937 --> 01:03:34,773
have you ever seen
a more durable pop artist?
936
01:03:34,857 --> 01:03:36,191
Anything you throw at this guy,
937
01:03:36,275 --> 01:03:38,694
he just seems capable of surviving it.
938
01:03:38,777 --> 01:03:41,488
I'll bet he could land a plane
into a volcano
939
01:03:41,572 --> 01:03:44,157
and still come out...
940
01:04:01,008 --> 01:04:02,384
Dammit.
941
01:04:04,595 --> 01:04:06,763
All right, nurse, let's call it.
942
01:04:08,640 --> 01:04:10,684
Time of death: 7:30...
943
01:04:15,147 --> 01:04:16,523
Quick!
944
01:04:16,607 --> 01:04:18,692
I need some paper and
a number two pencil.
945
01:04:18,775 --> 01:04:20,402
Here you go, baby.
946
01:04:20,485 --> 01:04:22,446
Excuse me, miss, he's
in no condition to be doing...
947
01:04:22,529 --> 01:04:26,158
Look, there's no time, okay?
He's got a show in 30 minutes.
948
01:04:26,241 --> 01:04:28,827
All right.
949
01:04:28,911 --> 01:04:30,996
Better give me all your gauze, nurse.
950
01:05:15,332 --> 01:05:16,375
Yes!
951
01:05:31,098 --> 01:05:35,602
This is all for you, babe.
I love you so much.
952
01:05:35,686 --> 01:05:38,105
I think I should have stuck around
for that blood transfusion though,
953
01:05:38,188 --> 01:05:40,983
- I think I'm gonna pass out.
- No, babe, you're killing it.
954
01:05:41,066 --> 01:05:43,026
- Now get back out there.
- Okay.
955
01:06:32,910 --> 01:06:36,455
Okay, babe, you have a costume change,
one more song
956
01:06:36,538 --> 01:06:38,290
and then we can go home
and sleep it off.
957
01:06:38,373 --> 01:06:39,458
Okay.
958
01:06:44,004 --> 01:06:47,090
No, no, no, no. What-what is that?
I'm not wearing that.
959
01:06:47,174 --> 01:06:49,635
- It's your "Eat It" jacket, babe.
- No, not anymore, it's not.
960
01:06:49,718 --> 01:06:52,179
That is a Michael Jackson jacket now.
I don't wanna see it.
961
01:06:52,262 --> 01:06:53,680
Get that outta my face.
962
01:06:53,764 --> 01:06:55,057
You don't have to wear it
if you don't want to.
963
01:06:55,140 --> 01:06:58,477
Now just drink up.
Yeah, that's good, yeah.
964
01:06:58,560 --> 01:07:01,939
Little more, little more.
That's the medicine.
965
01:07:35,514 --> 01:07:39,852
Boo, boo, boo, boo!
966
01:07:39,935 --> 01:07:43,021
Yeah, that's what you sound like.
Boo!
967
01:07:45,274 --> 01:07:47,985
Oh, what? You want,
do you wanna hear "Eat It?"
968
01:07:48,068 --> 01:07:49,862
Do you?
969
01:07:49,945 --> 01:07:52,906
Okay, here goes.
970
01:07:58,453 --> 01:08:00,998
You're all a bunch of slaves!
971
01:08:01,081 --> 01:08:02,708
You're morons.
972
01:08:02,791 --> 01:08:05,294
Idiots!
973
01:08:05,377 --> 01:08:08,630
Oh, what, what, you paid good money
to see a show?
974
01:08:08,714 --> 01:08:12,634
You worked your little butts off
at some dangerous factory?
975
01:08:12,718 --> 01:08:16,763
God only knows what they make there!
976
01:08:16,847 --> 01:08:18,724
No one will tell you that.
977
01:08:23,437 --> 01:08:26,607
What do they make in the factory?
978
01:08:26,690 --> 01:08:28,442
What do they make?!
979
01:08:30,694 --> 01:08:34,364
Do you like getting pushed around?
980
01:08:34,448 --> 01:08:37,034
You like letting everybody
push you around?
981
01:08:37,117 --> 01:08:41,663
Yeah, I think you do.
I think you like it.
982
01:08:41,747 --> 01:08:45,000
You like letting your dad
push you around?
983
01:08:45,083 --> 01:08:46,418
No!
984
01:08:46,502 --> 01:08:49,421
You like letting Michael Jackson
push you around?
985
01:08:49,505 --> 01:08:53,217
No!
986
01:08:53,300 --> 01:08:56,762
Well, what are you gonna do about it?
987
01:08:56,845 --> 01:08:59,348
What are you gonna do about it?!
988
01:08:59,431 --> 01:09:03,143
What are you gonna do?!
989
01:09:06,563 --> 01:09:10,150
So... you wanna see it?
990
01:09:13,904 --> 01:09:16,031
Do you want me to show it to you?
991
01:09:18,825 --> 01:09:20,827
I'm gonna whip it out!
992
01:09:23,413 --> 01:09:25,457
You don't think I'll do it, do you?
993
01:09:25,541 --> 01:09:28,752
I haven't whipped it out yet
but I'm gonna do it for you,
994
01:09:28,836 --> 01:09:32,130
but only if you really want me to.
995
01:09:34,842 --> 01:09:37,219
Okay, here goes!
996
01:09:39,012 --> 01:09:40,681
Yeah!
997
01:09:42,432 --> 01:09:45,394
Get off me! Get off me!
998
01:09:50,190 --> 01:09:51,817
We're sorry to interrupt
999
01:09:51,900 --> 01:09:53,986
the President's address,
but we have breaking news.
1000
01:09:54,069 --> 01:09:58,198
Parody songsmith "Weird Al" Yankovic
was arrested earlier tonight
1001
01:09:58,282 --> 01:10:01,618
in Miami-Dade County
for lewd behavior.
1002
01:10:09,793 --> 01:10:11,795
Okay. Here's my thought.
1003
01:10:11,879 --> 01:10:14,131
I think this is a really great idea,
I hope you like it.
1004
01:10:14,214 --> 01:10:15,841
We team up, right?
1005
01:10:15,924 --> 01:10:18,343
I'll write all the, you know,
good songs, the real ones,
1006
01:10:18,427 --> 01:10:22,806
and then you parody them every time.
Bam, bam. It's perfect.
1007
01:10:24,683 --> 01:10:26,226
Sounds great.
1008
01:10:26,310 --> 01:10:28,061
It's foolproof, we'll be unstoppable.
1009
01:10:28,145 --> 01:10:30,898
We'll be the hottest power couple
in the entire music industry.
1010
01:10:30,981 --> 01:10:32,900
What would our power couple name be?
1011
01:10:32,983 --> 01:10:37,154
I'm thinking Madankovic
or Madonnavic
1012
01:10:37,237 --> 01:10:41,491
or maybe just Madonna.
1013
01:10:41,575 --> 01:10:43,952
There'll be plenty of time
to figure all of that out.
1014
01:10:44,036 --> 01:10:45,954
But can you imagine the world tour?
1015
01:10:46,038 --> 01:10:49,374
Madonna... with Weird Al.
1016
01:10:50,709 --> 01:10:53,962
All that money?
I just got the tingles.
1017
01:10:56,882 --> 01:10:59,426
But I mean, you're okay
with all of this, right?
1018
01:11:00,511 --> 01:11:01,887
Look, babe, I'm...
1019
01:11:03,680 --> 01:11:07,184
I'm seriously okay
with anything you wanna do.
1020
01:11:08,560 --> 01:11:12,397
I mean, look at me. I'm a train wreck.
1021
01:11:12,481 --> 01:11:15,359
I'm barely holding it together.
1022
01:11:15,442 --> 01:11:18,111
My parents wrote me off.
1023
01:11:18,195 --> 01:11:22,324
I pushed away my band, Dr. Demento,
1024
01:11:22,407 --> 01:11:24,701
everyone who was important to me.
1025
01:11:27,246 --> 01:11:29,456
You're all I got.
1026
01:11:29,540 --> 01:11:32,835
You are literally the only thing
I have left in the world,
1027
01:11:32,918 --> 01:11:37,464
and if anything happened to you,
I don't know what I would do.
1028
01:11:39,591 --> 01:11:42,427
No, no! No!
1029
01:11:42,511 --> 01:11:44,888
Relax, Mr. Yankovic.
1030
01:11:44,972 --> 01:11:46,640
We only wanna borrow your girlfriend.
1031
01:11:46,723 --> 01:11:49,601
Just stay calm and
nothing will happen to you.
1032
01:11:49,685 --> 01:11:52,521
Please, sir, please.
Whatever you do...
1033
01:11:56,316 --> 01:11:57,776
Don't hurt me.
1034
01:12:00,279 --> 01:12:02,406
- Help me!
- Madonna!
1035
01:12:06,118 --> 01:12:08,620
Hiya!
1036
01:12:52,414 --> 01:12:55,459
Die, die!
1037
01:12:57,794 --> 01:13:00,005
Order up.
1038
01:13:02,216 --> 01:13:05,010
Pablo Escobar sends his regards!
1039
01:13:12,142 --> 01:13:16,313
Pablo Escobar, you just made
the biggest mistake of your life.
1040
01:14:32,723 --> 01:14:34,683
This'll do.
1041
01:14:49,573 --> 01:14:51,909
So, then I'm stomping on him and
stomping him with my boots,
1042
01:14:51,992 --> 01:14:53,577
and he's calling for
his mom and I'm like,
1043
01:14:53,660 --> 01:14:55,787
"Stop being so extra."
You know, it's like...
1044
01:14:55,871 --> 01:14:59,875
Oh, my goodness! Ha ha!
That better not be vanilla.
1045
01:14:59,958 --> 01:15:01,293
Who was it?
1046
01:15:01,376 --> 01:15:03,712
- No, who was it?
- Escobar!
1047
01:15:03,795 --> 01:15:07,007
Oh, Mr. Yankovic.
1048
01:15:07,090 --> 01:15:10,219
We've been expecting you.
Welcome, welcome.
1049
01:15:10,302 --> 01:15:14,723
As you know, I am a huge,
huge fan of your music.
1050
01:15:14,806 --> 01:15:17,976
I got all of your albums
through the Columbia House Record Club.
1051
01:15:18,060 --> 01:15:21,438
Twelve for one penny, you guys.
Really great deal.
1052
01:15:21,522 --> 01:15:23,023
Really great deal.
1053
01:15:23,106 --> 01:15:26,860
Anyway, I... Oops.
I hope you will forgive me
1054
01:15:26,944 --> 01:15:28,904
for kidnapping your lovely girlfriend.
1055
01:15:28,987 --> 01:15:31,657
It just seemed like
that was the only way
1056
01:15:31,740 --> 01:15:34,743
to guarantee that you would
come to my birthday party.
1057
01:15:34,826 --> 01:15:38,497
Your agent, oy, a real nightmare
to deal with, if I'm gonna be honest.
1058
01:15:38,580 --> 01:15:40,123
Real vicious guy.
1059
01:15:40,207 --> 01:15:42,417
You know, I'm sorry.
Let me turn down the music please.
1060
01:15:42,501 --> 01:15:43,919
Just a little annoying, yeah.
1061
01:15:50,092 --> 01:15:52,678
I can hear myself think now.
1062
01:15:52,761 --> 01:15:54,847
It's so noisy up in there.
Aah, the voices.
1063
01:15:54,930 --> 01:15:57,349
Oh. Oh, where are my manners?
1064
01:15:57,432 --> 01:16:00,686
We were just about to cut the cake.
May I offer you a slice?
1065
01:16:00,769 --> 01:16:02,145
Let's get him a slice, please.
1066
01:16:02,229 --> 01:16:04,106
No. No cake.
1067
01:16:04,189 --> 01:16:06,692
Okay, Mr. Diet.
1068
01:16:06,775 --> 01:16:08,026
More for us, am I right?
1069
01:16:08,110 --> 01:16:10,988
I just want my woman, then I'll go.
1070
01:16:12,531 --> 01:16:16,410
Ah, you want your woman. Okay.
1071
01:16:16,493 --> 01:16:21,039
I'm afraid that's
not how it works, Mr. Yankovic.
1072
01:16:21,123 --> 01:16:24,042
You see, you can't leave until you
perform for me.
1073
01:16:24,126 --> 01:16:26,086
- Do you understand me?
- No dice.
1074
01:16:26,170 --> 01:16:28,589
Not gonna happen.
I'm not your monkey.
1075
01:16:28,672 --> 01:16:32,509
- I can do "Borderline."
- No, I don't want that. I want him.
1076
01:16:32,593 --> 01:16:35,888
Mr. Yankovic, why-why all the drama?
1077
01:16:35,971 --> 01:16:37,723
I mean, you're already here.
1078
01:16:37,806 --> 01:16:41,476
Just perform one measly song for us
and then you guys can leave.
1079
01:16:41,560 --> 01:16:44,813
Come on, just one song, no?
1080
01:16:44,897 --> 01:16:47,482
How about that wonderful
1081
01:16:47,566 --> 01:16:50,068
Michael Jackson parody
that you did, huh?
1082
01:16:51,403 --> 01:16:54,573
That's not a parody!
1083
01:17:20,891 --> 01:17:24,728
Stop! Stop! It's my birthday.
Stop it! Stop it!
1084
01:17:27,272 --> 01:17:31,276
Well, first off, rude. Okay?
And second of all,
1085
01:17:31,360 --> 01:17:34,488
if you really, really don't wanna
entertain us, then fine.
1086
01:17:34,571 --> 01:17:36,031
You can just leave.
1087
01:17:38,075 --> 01:17:40,244
Wait, so, so we can just go?
1088
01:17:41,662 --> 01:17:44,373
Yeah, you can go whenever you want.
1089
01:17:45,290 --> 01:17:47,042
Psych!
1090
01:17:47,125 --> 01:17:48,836
No!
1091
01:17:53,590 --> 01:17:55,175
Very unfortunate.
1092
01:17:55,259 --> 01:17:59,429
He was like a god among men,
and now just worm food.
1093
01:17:59,513 --> 01:18:04,309
Tsk, tsk, tsk. Anyway, back to the party.
Should we cut the cake or...?
1094
01:18:04,393 --> 01:18:10,065
Hey, Pablo, you forgot one thing.
1095
01:18:12,109 --> 01:18:13,652
I'm certified platinum.
1096
01:18:16,864 --> 01:18:18,156
Hey, Escobar.
1097
01:18:19,241 --> 01:18:20,701
Eat it.
1098
01:18:28,917 --> 01:18:31,587
Okay, let's get outta here.
1099
01:18:34,882 --> 01:18:37,384
I just gotta get this medallion.
1100
01:18:37,467 --> 01:18:42,347
Okay.
Oh, it's in there. Ah.
1101
01:18:42,431 --> 01:18:45,684
Oh, gross, gross, gross,
gross, gross!
1102
01:18:50,230 --> 01:18:51,648
You just killed Pablo Escobar!
1103
01:18:51,732 --> 01:18:54,818
I know! I've killed so many people
this week.
1104
01:18:54,902 --> 01:18:58,530
Before last Thursday,
I never really killed anyone.
1105
01:18:58,614 --> 01:19:02,534
The things we do for love, huh?
Okay, come on. We gotta go.
1106
01:19:02,618 --> 01:19:06,538
Well, now, wait, wait, wait,
hear me out here.
1107
01:19:06,622 --> 01:19:10,417
With Escobar out of the picture, maybe...
1108
01:19:10,501 --> 01:19:12,211
maybe we can run the drug cartel.
1109
01:19:12,294 --> 01:19:13,795
Wait, what?
1110
01:19:13,879 --> 01:19:15,881
Supply and demand, baby.
1111
01:19:15,964 --> 01:19:20,511
Look, someone's gotta run the cartel.
May as well be me. Us.
1112
01:19:20,594 --> 01:19:23,347
You can't be serious.
What about all our plans?
1113
01:19:23,430 --> 01:19:25,766
Writing songs together, touring together.
1114
01:19:25,849 --> 01:19:28,685
Why rule the music industry
when you can rule the world?
1115
01:19:28,769 --> 01:19:31,730
All the money and power is right here.
1116
01:19:31,813 --> 01:19:34,024
Madonna, that's...
1117
01:19:34,107 --> 01:19:36,109
No. No way.
1118
01:19:36,193 --> 01:19:40,364
My life is in America, and my
family would never forgive me
1119
01:19:40,447 --> 01:19:42,533
if I became involved in a drug cartel.
1120
01:19:42,616 --> 01:19:45,327
Well, your family's
already disowned you, Al.
1121
01:19:45,410 --> 01:19:47,829
I'm all you've got, remember?
1122
01:19:49,289 --> 01:19:54,002
And we'll still be together.
I'll be the head of the cartel...
1123
01:19:54,086 --> 01:19:55,671
and you can be my number two.
1124
01:19:57,589 --> 01:19:58,715
Your number two.
1125
01:20:01,468 --> 01:20:05,597
I can't believe this.
Dr. Demento was right.
1126
01:20:05,681 --> 01:20:09,226
You were just using me to further
your own career, weren't you?
1127
01:20:11,478 --> 01:20:14,815
Well... yeah.
1128
01:20:16,149 --> 01:20:18,402
My relationship with you
was a business decision...
1129
01:20:18,485 --> 01:20:23,574
and so is this.
It's all just business.
1130
01:20:26,702 --> 01:20:27,703
Wow.
1131
01:20:30,122 --> 01:20:33,041
Well, okay then.
1132
01:20:35,002 --> 01:20:37,462
I guess... I guess that's it.
1133
01:20:43,177 --> 01:20:44,595
Have a nice life.
1134
01:20:53,187 --> 01:20:54,188
Whoa!
1135
01:20:56,064 --> 01:20:59,735
I can't let you leave, Al.
You know too much.
1136
01:20:59,818 --> 01:21:01,236
What are you talking about?
1137
01:21:02,779 --> 01:21:05,073
Stop that!
1138
01:21:05,157 --> 01:21:08,160
We could have made
such a beautiful team,
1139
01:21:08,243 --> 01:21:09,870
and you know what?
1140
01:21:09,953 --> 01:21:12,122
I decided I do like Weirdonna
better than Madonnavic.
1141
01:21:13,874 --> 01:21:16,335
But that's all over now.
1142
01:21:16,418 --> 01:21:19,713
Our partnership is officially dissolved.
1143
01:21:22,841 --> 01:21:24,259
Goodbye, Madonna.
1144
01:21:43,278 --> 01:21:46,782
Yeah. I had
a lot of soul searching to do.
1145
01:21:46,865 --> 01:21:50,369
Was I a parody singer?
An original artist?
1146
01:21:50,452 --> 01:21:53,080
The most dangerous
assassin in the world?
1147
01:21:53,163 --> 01:21:55,374
Maybe I had lost my way.
1148
01:21:55,457 --> 01:21:57,084
Don't get me wrong,
there were things
1149
01:21:57,167 --> 01:21:59,169
I loved about being Weird Al.
1150
01:21:59,253 --> 01:22:01,338
The fame, the money,
1151
01:22:01,421 --> 01:22:04,091
the fancy dinners,
joining the Illuminati,
1152
01:22:04,174 --> 01:22:06,677
going to the Illuminati
holiday party,
1153
01:22:06,760 --> 01:22:10,264
learning the truth about
the moon landing and JFK.
1154
01:22:10,347 --> 01:22:14,017
But without my family,
none of that mattered.
1155
01:22:14,101 --> 01:22:16,103
I knew what I had to do.
1156
01:22:32,911 --> 01:22:34,830
There it is, pretty simple.
1157
01:22:36,915 --> 01:22:41,128
When the light turns green,
you turn this crank to the left.
1158
01:22:41,211 --> 01:22:45,507
When it turns red, you stop
and pull this lever down.
1159
01:22:45,591 --> 01:22:48,635
When it turns green again,
you push this lever up
1160
01:22:48,719 --> 01:22:52,347
and turn this crank back to the right.
1161
01:22:52,431 --> 01:22:55,767
Yep, that's about it. Lunch is at 12:30.
1162
01:22:57,519 --> 01:22:59,062
Hey, can I ask you a question?
1163
01:23:00,105 --> 01:23:01,356
Sure.
1164
01:23:02,941 --> 01:23:05,944
What do we make here?
1165
01:23:06,028 --> 01:23:10,532
Your old man
said you was funny.
1166
01:23:10,616 --> 01:23:13,785
That's a good one.
"What do we make here?"
1167
01:23:43,732 --> 01:23:46,860
Somebody help! My leg!
1168
01:23:46,944 --> 01:23:48,362
Oh, uh...
1169
01:23:48,445 --> 01:23:52,407
It's burning me! Oh, my leg!
1170
01:23:52,491 --> 01:23:55,702
Ahh! Ahh! It burns!
1171
01:23:58,205 --> 01:23:59,748
Hey.
1172
01:23:59,831 --> 01:24:02,000
Cleanup crew to the control room.
1173
01:24:02,084 --> 01:24:03,877
You got a minute?
1174
01:24:03,961 --> 01:24:06,296
Well, what?
1175
01:24:08,549 --> 01:24:10,759
You want to take a swing, old man?
1176
01:24:14,221 --> 01:24:15,389
No.
1177
01:24:17,766 --> 01:24:21,436
Just... what are you doing here?
1178
01:24:22,604 --> 01:24:25,649
What am I doing here? Really?!
1179
01:24:27,568 --> 01:24:30,362
All my life, all I wanted to do
is please you,
1180
01:24:30,445 --> 01:24:32,197
but I was never enough.
1181
01:24:32,281 --> 01:24:35,242
You were always disappointed
in your weird son.
1182
01:24:35,325 --> 01:24:38,745
So yeah, I gave up
the most successful career
1183
01:24:38,829 --> 01:24:41,748
in music history to come work
at this miserable factory
1184
01:24:41,832 --> 01:24:43,542
because it's what
you've always wanted
1185
01:24:43,625 --> 01:24:45,836
and what, it is still
not enough for you?
1186
01:24:45,919 --> 01:24:47,462
I appreciate what you're doing.
1187
01:24:48,922 --> 01:24:51,341
This isn't the life for you.
1188
01:24:51,425 --> 01:24:53,969
Oh, what? So I'm not even
good at turning cranks now.
1189
01:24:54,052 --> 01:24:55,512
No, Alfred, that's
not what I'm saying.
1190
01:24:55,596 --> 01:24:57,222
What are you saying, then?
1191
01:25:03,020 --> 01:25:04,938
I was wrong to stand in your way.
1192
01:25:07,983 --> 01:25:10,110
This isn't what you were meant for.
1193
01:25:11,945 --> 01:25:13,238
You're special.
1194
01:25:14,656 --> 01:25:18,660
You're Weird Al, and you're my son.
1195
01:25:21,580 --> 01:25:22,831
And I'm, uh...
1196
01:25:24,291 --> 01:25:25,584
I'm proud of you.
1197
01:25:33,175 --> 01:25:34,593
What are you doing?
1198
01:25:40,057 --> 01:25:41,058
Dad!
1199
01:25:55,489 --> 01:25:58,242
Yeah, that's an absolute classic.
1200
01:25:58,325 --> 01:26:01,119
Whew.
1201
01:26:01,203 --> 01:26:03,664
Well, so Mom tells me you're
dating that singer Madonna.
1202
01:26:03,747 --> 01:26:07,292
Oh, um, no, we-we broke up.
1203
01:26:07,376 --> 01:26:10,295
Oh, I'm sorry, honey. What happened?
1204
01:26:10,379 --> 01:26:12,756
Yeah. It's-it's complicated.
1205
01:26:12,840 --> 01:26:15,676
Well, don't worry.
There's plenty of other fish in the sea.
1206
01:26:15,759 --> 01:26:19,429
So, so, what is it like?
What's it like being you?
1207
01:26:19,513 --> 01:26:22,975
You know, world famous superstar and all?
1208
01:26:23,058 --> 01:26:29,106
Well, um, it's-it's fun,
but it's also a lot of pressure.
1209
01:26:30,274 --> 01:26:33,652
The hardest part for me
is just coming up with new songs.
1210
01:26:33,735 --> 01:26:37,197
I-I never know where my
next idea's gonna come from.
1211
01:26:37,281 --> 01:26:40,450
And yeah, I-I honestly, I don't know
if I have it in me anymore.
1212
01:26:40,534 --> 01:26:43,579
Oh, nonsense.
I'm sure that next big idea
1213
01:26:43,662 --> 01:26:45,831
is just right there in front of you.
1214
01:26:49,751 --> 01:26:52,379
Well, you may have noticed
I've put on a little weight.
1215
01:26:52,462 --> 01:26:54,131
Don't be silly, Ma. You look great.
1216
01:26:54,214 --> 01:26:57,009
You do, dear. I think you look wonderful
with a few extra pounds.
1217
01:26:57,092 --> 01:26:58,635
I think you're pleasingly plump.
1218
01:26:58,719 --> 01:27:01,722
Oh, Nick. You know I'm fat.
1219
01:27:01,805 --> 01:27:03,682
I'm fat, you know it.
1220
01:27:08,270 --> 01:27:09,605
What?
1221
01:27:09,688 --> 01:27:10,647
Wow.
1222
01:27:10,731 --> 01:27:12,816
Dad, can I ask you something?
1223
01:27:14,902 --> 01:27:18,655
Mom told me growing up,
you always had your reasons
1224
01:27:18,739 --> 01:27:20,574
for being so hard on me.
1225
01:27:24,494 --> 01:27:26,246
I think it's time, dear.
1226
01:27:29,458 --> 01:27:30,792
All right.
1227
01:27:44,473 --> 01:27:47,267
Oh, whoa.
1228
01:27:48,894 --> 01:27:53,148
I wrote it all down.
This should explain everything.
1229
01:27:53,232 --> 01:27:56,693
Okay, do you have maybe
a-a photo album
1230
01:27:56,777 --> 01:27:58,987
or we can just go through
the bullet points together?
1231
01:27:59,071 --> 01:28:02,115
I don't have a photo album,
but I have a sketchbook.
1232
01:28:02,199 --> 01:28:03,659
A sketchbook?
1233
01:28:06,078 --> 01:28:09,665
You see, we didn't have any cameras
1234
01:28:09,748 --> 01:28:13,168
when I was growing up because...
1235
01:28:16,004 --> 01:28:17,506
I was raised Amish.
1236
01:28:19,216 --> 01:28:20,801
What, really?
1237
01:28:20,884 --> 01:28:24,054
Yep. I grew up Amish.
1238
01:28:24,930 --> 01:28:27,683
Lived in the community for
the first 16 years of my life.
1239
01:28:27,766 --> 01:28:31,061
And frankly, I don't think I
ever really fit in
1240
01:28:31,144 --> 01:28:33,689
because, well, if I'm being honest,
1241
01:28:33,772 --> 01:28:37,818
I was just as weird as you
when I was a kid.
1242
01:28:38,777 --> 01:28:40,779
Yeah, I even made up new words
to the hymns
1243
01:28:40,863 --> 01:28:42,865
that we sang during church service.
1244
01:28:42,948 --> 01:28:45,284
That didn't go over too well.
1245
01:28:47,286 --> 01:28:49,955
That boy will never learn.
1246
01:28:50,038 --> 01:28:51,748
And then when I was
a few years older,
1247
01:28:51,832 --> 01:28:53,834
I was able to go on rumspringa.
1248
01:28:53,917 --> 01:28:56,628
I finally had a chance to go out
into the great big world
1249
01:28:56,712 --> 01:29:00,424
and see what it had to offer.
1250
01:29:00,507 --> 01:29:03,093
And that's when I saw
the love of my life,
1251
01:29:03,177 --> 01:29:06,346
a 1933 Excelsior,
1252
01:29:06,430 --> 01:29:10,225
the finest accordion there ever was.
1253
01:29:10,309 --> 01:29:14,730
Cost me every penny I had
in the world, but it was worth it.
1254
01:29:14,813 --> 01:29:17,191
So wait-wait-wait,
you had an accordion?
1255
01:29:17,274 --> 01:29:20,736
I did, I did, I did,
I was pretty good at it too.
1256
01:29:20,819 --> 01:29:23,322
I was not bad. I was not bad at all.
1257
01:29:23,405 --> 01:29:25,073
I thought I was the love of your life.
1258
01:29:25,157 --> 01:29:27,117
Oh, honey, you come later, please.
Anyway...
1259
01:29:27,201 --> 01:29:28,911
So, I tried for months to make it
1260
01:29:28,994 --> 01:29:30,829
as a professional musician,
1261
01:29:30,913 --> 01:29:32,456
but it just wasn't in God's plan.
1262
01:29:32,539 --> 01:29:33,999
Get outta here!
1263
01:29:34,082 --> 01:29:36,752
Failure mocked me
at every waking moment.
1264
01:29:36,835 --> 01:29:38,587
Hey, there, squeeze box.
1265
01:29:38,670 --> 01:29:41,089
I knew that I had to
give up my dream
1266
01:29:41,173 --> 01:29:44,259
and go back to the only life
that I'd ever known.
1267
01:29:44,343 --> 01:29:46,887
But when I tried to come back
to the Amish community,
1268
01:29:46,970 --> 01:29:49,556
well, the second they
saw that squeeze box,
1269
01:29:49,640 --> 01:29:54,478
I was immediately ex-communicated,
banished forever.
1270
01:29:54,561 --> 01:29:56,772
My whole world
was torn away from me.
1271
01:29:56,855 --> 01:29:58,941
All I knew was
I never wanted to see
1272
01:29:59,024 --> 01:30:02,778
another accordion again,
for as long as I lived.
1273
01:30:02,861 --> 01:30:05,239
So I got a job at the factory,
1274
01:30:05,322 --> 01:30:08,784
a place where I knew you could
get an honest day's wages
1275
01:30:08,867 --> 01:30:10,994
for an honest day's work.
1276
01:30:11,078 --> 01:30:12,704
And that's when I met...
1277
01:30:13,914 --> 01:30:15,541
the true love of my life.
1278
01:30:16,959 --> 01:30:18,544
Your mother.
1279
01:30:18,627 --> 01:30:20,254
Wow.
1280
01:30:20,337 --> 01:30:22,965
Dad, I... I never knew.
1281
01:30:25,259 --> 01:30:27,886
Of course you didn't.
How could you, I just told you.
1282
01:30:27,970 --> 01:30:30,222
I just, the whole story was about...
1283
01:30:31,181 --> 01:30:32,975
Anyway, look,
1284
01:30:34,184 --> 01:30:37,312
son, I hope that you can forgive me
and I hope you understand.
1285
01:30:39,398 --> 01:30:41,942
I lost everything
and I didn't want you
1286
01:30:42,025 --> 01:30:44,278
to suffer the same sad fate.
1287
01:30:46,780 --> 01:30:48,907
I didn't want you
to get your dreams crushed,
1288
01:30:48,991 --> 01:30:52,411
so I thought I should
crush your ideas
1289
01:30:52,494 --> 01:30:54,413
before they could turn into dreams.
1290
01:30:57,708 --> 01:31:00,669
Yeah, that makes sense.
1291
01:31:02,588 --> 01:31:03,630
Oh.
1292
01:31:04,965 --> 01:31:08,135
Oh, that's nothing. You can just
throw that thing out, that's...
1293
01:31:08,218 --> 01:31:10,679
- "Amish Paradise?"
- Nope, just tear that up in little pieces
1294
01:31:10,762 --> 01:31:12,848
- and get rid of that.
- Dad.
1295
01:31:12,931 --> 01:31:14,433
Are these song lyrics?
1296
01:31:14,516 --> 01:31:16,143
That's just something stupid
I wrote a while ago.
1297
01:31:16,226 --> 01:31:17,686
It doesn't matter. You can just...
1298
01:31:17,769 --> 01:31:20,105
No, no, no, Dad, these lyrics...
1299
01:31:21,690 --> 01:31:23,942
they're like a window into your soul.
1300
01:31:25,110 --> 01:31:26,820
I don't think I've ever felt
more connected to you than this
1301
01:31:26,904 --> 01:31:28,530
in my entire life.
1302
01:31:31,867 --> 01:31:34,036
Well, I never had the chance
to perform it myself
1303
01:31:34,119 --> 01:31:36,705
because the dream had already died.
1304
01:31:36,788 --> 01:31:40,542
I thought maybe someday,
but no, never mind.
1305
01:31:40,626 --> 01:31:44,671
Never mind. I guess no one
will ever hear this song.
1306
01:31:48,383 --> 01:31:51,845
That's it! That's it!
1307
01:31:51,929 --> 01:31:53,514
Mom!
1308
01:31:53,597 --> 01:31:55,265
What did you say like
a minute ago, about being fat?
1309
01:31:55,349 --> 01:31:56,934
We're onto something else now.
1310
01:31:57,017 --> 01:31:59,228
We were kind of having
a moment here, son.
1311
01:31:59,311 --> 01:32:00,896
Read the room.
1312
01:32:00,979 --> 01:32:03,732
Yeah, I mean, I wrote the book
and did the whole thing.
1313
01:32:03,815 --> 01:32:04,900
- Alfy!
- The drawing.
1314
01:32:04,983 --> 01:32:06,360
Listen to your father when he's talking!
1315
01:32:06,443 --> 01:32:08,278
Does anything register with you?
1316
01:32:08,362 --> 01:32:11,532
Can you see my lips moving?
Nothing gets through to you.
1317
01:33:07,921 --> 01:33:09,840
Man, I should a kept
the publishing rights.
1318
01:33:25,731 --> 01:33:26,732
Yecch!
1319
01:33:42,080 --> 01:33:44,458
It is so good to
have you back, man.
1320
01:33:44,541 --> 01:33:46,418
Yeah, I was starting
to miss the weird one.
1321
01:33:46,502 --> 01:33:49,004
Oh god, I cannot believe
I ever said that to you guys.
1322
01:33:49,087 --> 01:33:50,672
I am so, so sorry.
1323
01:33:50,756 --> 01:33:52,299
Hey, you're an artist.
1324
01:33:52,382 --> 01:33:54,551
Being an abusive jerk
is all part of the process.
1325
01:33:54,635 --> 01:33:56,345
Yeah, name me one creative genius
1326
01:33:56,428 --> 01:33:58,138
that doesn't have a checkered past
1327
01:33:58,222 --> 01:34:00,807
involving drugs, alcohol
and a murderous rampage
1328
01:34:00,891 --> 01:34:02,518
through the heart of the jungle.
1329
01:34:02,601 --> 01:34:05,020
Yeah, I guess you're right.
1330
01:34:05,103 --> 01:34:06,730
I love you guys so much!
1331
01:34:08,440 --> 01:34:10,234
Yeah, yeah. See you out there.
1332
01:34:13,403 --> 01:34:15,531
Dr. D, you came!
1333
01:34:15,614 --> 01:34:18,075
Of course I came. I wouldn't
have missed it for the world.
1334
01:34:18,158 --> 01:34:20,452
And well, needless to say,
you were amazing.
1335
01:34:20,536 --> 01:34:25,499
Thank you. And I-I also,
I really wanna say the way I treated you...
1336
01:34:25,582 --> 01:34:27,626
Stop. I'm gonna stop you
right there, okay?
1337
01:34:27,709 --> 01:34:29,211
No apologies necessary.
1338
01:34:29,294 --> 01:34:31,755
I have been thinking
a lot about what you said,
1339
01:34:31,839 --> 01:34:34,424
and I realized, Al, that...
1340
01:34:37,261 --> 01:34:40,931
you are like a son to me and, uh...
1341
01:34:41,014 --> 01:34:44,184
Well, I never really had any children
of my own, so, uh...
1342
01:34:50,649 --> 01:34:51,984
I want to adopt you.
1343
01:34:57,155 --> 01:34:58,615
Will you be my son?
1344
01:35:00,325 --> 01:35:02,202
Wow.
1345
01:35:02,286 --> 01:35:07,124
Um, you... I... I just made up with my dad.
1346
01:35:09,251 --> 01:35:10,377
You d... You did?
1347
01:35:10,460 --> 01:35:12,129
- Yeah.
- That's, wow. Okay.
1348
01:35:12,212 --> 01:35:13,505
Yeah. So yeah, we-we talked.
1349
01:35:13,589 --> 01:35:15,799
- Wow.
- We're-we're all good now.
1350
01:35:15,883 --> 01:35:17,092
Cool, the coolest. that's great.
1351
01:35:17,176 --> 01:35:18,969
- That's great.
- It is great.
1352
01:35:19,052 --> 01:35:20,554
Oh, good!
1353
01:35:20,637 --> 01:35:21,555
- Yeah.
- Cool.
1354
01:35:21,638 --> 01:35:23,140
Wow, that's so cool.
1355
01:35:23,223 --> 01:35:25,184
That's really cool. That's so cool.
1356
01:35:25,267 --> 01:35:27,519
My, my category
is coming up really soon,
1357
01:35:27,603 --> 01:35:29,313
I think, so I should probably go change?
1358
01:35:29,396 --> 01:35:30,314
You should...
oh, you should go. Yeah, definitely.
1359
01:35:30,397 --> 01:35:32,441
It's so good to see you.
1360
01:35:32,524 --> 01:35:34,318
- Thank you so much for coming.
- Okay.
1361
01:35:34,401 --> 01:35:37,446
- So good. Take care.
- All right.
1362
01:35:44,286 --> 01:35:47,539
Please welcome to the stage
Grammy Award winner Diana Ross,
1363
01:35:47,623 --> 01:35:51,251
and Intercontinental
WWF Champion Hulk Hogan.
1364
01:35:52,544 --> 01:35:56,840
As artists, we learn to express ourselves
through our instruments.
1365
01:35:56,924 --> 01:36:01,720
Louis Armstrong had his trumpet
and Jimi Hendrix had his guitar.
1366
01:36:01,803 --> 01:36:04,765
And well, my instrument is my voice.
1367
01:36:08,352 --> 01:36:09,770
That's right, Diana.
1368
01:36:09,853 --> 01:36:13,023
And my instruments
are these 24-inch pythons.
1369
01:36:13,106 --> 01:36:16,568
Whoo!
1370
01:36:16,652 --> 01:36:20,489
No, no, Mary.
That's an oily man.
1371
01:36:22,991 --> 01:36:26,828
And now, the award
you've all been waiting for.
1372
01:36:26,912 --> 01:36:30,415
In the category of "Perhaps
Not Technically the Best
1373
01:36:30,499 --> 01:36:33,669
But Arguably the Most
Famous Accordion Player
1374
01:36:33,752 --> 01:36:37,464
in an Extremely
Specific Genre of Music."
1375
01:36:37,548 --> 01:36:39,466
And the award goes to...
1376
01:36:48,350 --> 01:36:50,269
"Weird Al" Yankovic!
1377
01:37:17,462 --> 01:37:20,048
Oh, thank you.
1378
01:37:20,132 --> 01:37:23,719
Thank you. Thank you.
Oh, this is incredible.
1379
01:37:23,802 --> 01:37:25,804
This award means so much to me,
1380
01:37:25,888 --> 01:37:28,640
and in front of all
the billions of people watching
1381
01:37:28,724 --> 01:37:33,103
around the world right now,
all I want to say is...
1382
01:37:33,187 --> 01:37:35,439
see, Dad? I told you!
1383
01:37:35,522 --> 01:37:37,941
Yeah! In your face, old man!
1384
01:37:38,025 --> 01:37:41,403
Huh?
1385
01:37:41,486 --> 01:37:45,908
There are so many people here tonight
that I need to thank.
1386
01:37:45,991 --> 01:37:49,494
People who mean the world to me
and who made me
1387
01:37:49,578 --> 01:37:51,622
everything that I am today.
1388
01:37:51,705 --> 01:37:55,042
But they know who they are, and I'm gonna
thank them all later privately.
1389
01:37:56,960 --> 01:38:00,506
Okay, I'm just gonna wrap things up.
I don't have much time left.
1390
01:38:00,589 --> 01:38:04,927
I... Y'know, I'm gonna be around
for a good long time.
1391
01:38:05,010 --> 01:38:06,887
You don't have to worry about that.
1392
01:38:06,970 --> 01:38:09,389
You're not gonna get rid of me
that easy.
1393
01:38:13,519 --> 01:38:16,647
- Waiting on your signal.
- Stand by.
1394
01:38:16,730 --> 01:38:20,442
But in my remaining few seconds,
I just wanna say...
1395
01:38:22,653 --> 01:38:24,988
live the life you wanna live.
1396
01:38:25,072 --> 01:38:27,991
You know, be as weird as you wanna be.
1397
01:38:28,075 --> 01:38:30,827
Believe me, you will never
find true happiness
1398
01:38:30,911 --> 01:38:33,872
until you can truly accept who you are.
1399
01:38:35,207 --> 01:38:38,919
And standing before all of you,
right here, right now,
1400
01:38:39,002 --> 01:38:43,423
I can honestly say I have
never been more happy
1401
01:38:43,507 --> 01:38:46,927
or more proud in my entire life.
1402
01:38:48,637 --> 01:38:49,930
Thank you.
1403
01:39:04,653 --> 01:39:06,989
Thank you! Thank you!
1404
01:39:13,579 --> 01:39:14,997
Take the shot.
1405
01:39:21,378 --> 01:39:23,547
Nooo!
1406
01:45:39,882 --> 01:45:41,550
Wow, fake-out ending!
1407
01:46:33,143 --> 01:46:36,897
Awwwwww, double fake-out!