- Did we wake up at the same--
- I've been up since four.
♪
I've been thinking a lot about this.
New York is where real writers live.
And I am a real writer.
- Why didn't you tell me?
- Keep it to yourself, Linds.
- Nice pants. - Thanks!
- You don't need her. Mama's here.
- Okay, that's creepy.
LINDSAY: I've listened to so many different people
telling me who I should be.
♪
- Whoo!
LINDSAY'S MOM: It's time to come home.
LINDSAY: I belong in the city.
- You've been hit by three cabs.
- At very low speeds.
MIGUEL'S INNER VOICE: What are you doing?
MIGUEL: It's different with Lindsay, because she's special.
- That is... actually very sweet.
♪
- All those voices floating in her head, they don't see what I do.
- I am sick of everyone telling me what I'm supposed to do!
ALL: Ooh!
- I need to find my own story.
You're gonna be okay? - I can handle it.
[all screaming]
♪
♪ light music playing ♪
- Hm.
- How 'bout... truth or dare?
- Do we have to? - Yes, Linds.
Just because we weren't invited to Victoria F.'s boy-girl Frenching party
doesn't mean we can't have fun tonight, too.
- Truth. - Your biggest fantasy.
Sexual fantasy.
I'm your best friend. You can tell me anything.
- You wanna have sex with a 74-year-old man?!
- No, that's not what I said!
- He's a widower, Lindsay. For crying out loud.
A-A-And a veteran. - And now the whole school is talking about it.
Lindsay and Mr. Tucker.
- I said a librarian. Not the librarian. A librarian.
- Do you know what they're calling our Lindsay now, Tom?
Two words.
The first one is Tucker.
The second one rhymes. - But I didn't do anything wrong!
I just told Celeste that-- - You don't tell people
those things, Lindsay!
You keep those things up here in your head where nobody else can see them.
You show people the nice parts.
Because, believe me... that's all that anybody wants to see.
[snoring]
♪ piano music playing ♪
- Did we wake up at the same time?
Again! - Again.
- [mouths] I love you.
- ♪ Gee, it's nice to really know someone ♪
♪ And understand the things they say and do ♪
- ♪ Gee, it's nice to really know someone ♪
- ♪ And know that someone really knows you, too ♪
- ♪ The way that they do their hair ♪
- ♪ The style of the clothes they wear ♪
- ♪ The story of where they're from ♪
- ♪ The tunes that they like to hum ♪
ALL: ♪ Ba da bum, bad dum baa bum ♪
- ♪ Gee, it's great to really get someone ♪
♪ To know 'em front and back and inside out ♪
- ♪ That's when you can really trust someone ♪
♪ To understand what you are all about ♪
BOTH: ♪ It's nice to know what ♪
♪ Someone's really thinking ♪
- ♪ But can you really know ♪
♪ What someone's thinking ♪
- ♪ Still ♪
- ♪ It's great to really know someone ♪
BOTH: ♪ It's nice to think you really know someone ♪
- ♪ But can you ever truly, deeply ♪
♪ Really know someone ♪
- ♪ You can feel you really know someone ♪
♪ You can feel comfortable when they are there ♪
- ♪ You can feel you really know someone ♪
♪ By all the little ways they show they care ♪
- ♪ The way that they hold your hand ♪
JOAN: ♪ The way that they understand ♪
- ♪ They're like an old comfy shoe ♪
JOAN: ♪ And you're a shoe for them, too ♪
TOM/JOAN/CELESTE: ♪ You're a shoe, you're a shoe, woo-hoo ♪
- ♪ Is it possible to know someone ♪
♪ I would really like to know someone ♪
TOM/JOAN/CELESTE: ♪ But can you ever prob'ly never ♪
♪ Really know someone ♪
- ♪ I truly wanna hope I'm gonna ♪
♪ Really know someone ♪
Ned?!
- You won a contest?
- The Weetly Short Story Prize.
It's put on by a bookstore in New York City.
- Linds. That's amazing!
- Yeah, I, I read about it a few months ago,
and I just figured, why not? So, I wrote a story.
- What's it about?
- Um... it's about a woman
who has never had an orgasm before.
- Heavy.
I mean, not my cup of tea, but still, congrats.
- Yeah, you know, I... I used to think I, actually,
wanted to be a writer when I was a kid.
But I... sorta gave it up.
NED: I didn't know that.
- You know, the ceremony's in two weeks.
I was thinking we could go.
- Next month's a little busy for us.
- This is gonna sound crazy, but... what if we move there?
- To New York? - Ned, I've been thinking a lot about this.
New York is where real writers live,
and I am starting to think that, maybe, I am a real writer.
Or I could be.
- But you can write here. We have an hour lunch break.
- It's more than just that.
Writing this story, uh, winning this contest,
it, it feels like maybe it's a sign.
- A sign? [chuckles] Of what?
- Well, a sign that maybe
our relationship needs a new adventure.
You know, s-something different.
- Didn't realize you wanted somethin' different.
Why didn't you tell me?
- Do not say it. - Careful now.
- Keep it to yourself, Linds.
- I guess... I just have all these voices in my head.
All the time, you know? - Now you've done it.
- And the... voices
they told you not to tell me?
- I don't mean, you know, imaginary friends
or like, "the devil made me do it."
I'm talking about, you know-- [sighs] Everyone has them.
The voices that say,
"Don't say how you really feel because people will hate you
if you do that."
And your, your, your mom's voice or your best friend from sixth grade
who ruined your life and your enjoyment of the school library.
- Oh, wah-wah.
- Your history. Your baggage.
All the... noise living inside your head.
- You're startin' to scare me. [chuckles]
I know you, Linds, and this,
this isn't you.
I think you need a good night's sleep
and everything will be better in the morning.
[snoring]
♪
Did we wake up at the same-- - I've been up since four.
[birds cawing]
- ♪ Gee, it's nice to really know someone ♪
♪ And understand the things they say and do ♪
- ♪ Gee, it's nice to really know someone ♪
- ♪ And know that someone really knows you, too ♪
- ♪ The way that they do their hair ♪
- ♪ The style of the clothes they wear ♪
- Whoa! PB&J instead of turkey?
[chuckles] I'm sorry. Is it Christmas?
- I'm leaving you.
[off-key chord]
- Don't do this, Linds. Come on. [chuckles]
- You can't just move to New York City.
This isn't Muppets Take Manhattan.
- You need to stop and think this through.
- I am not listening to you anymore.
- Lindsay, I hate to remind you, but your great-grandfather Jedediah
was murdered in New York City in 1920.
- Ned is perfect for you. He's everything you've ever wanted.
- I've spent my whole life listening to you
and look where it's gotten me.
No more. I'm done.
You can keep following me around forever,
but from now on, I'm doing what I wanna do.
♪ melancholy music playing ♪
- What am I gonna tell everyone?
- Tell 'em I changed my mind.
[driver speaking] [engine starts]
Thank you... Thank you so much.
[ambient street noise]
- [British accent]: As I said on the telephone, the bedroom isn't huge.
- Oh, well, I, I don't need a lotta space, you know, just enough room to write.
I'm a writer. - Yes, you've said that a few times.
Do you have a job?
- Not yet. I'm, uh, I'm actually waiting on some prize money.
You know, it's probably not a ton, but every little bit counts,
especially since I emptied out my savings account to move here, so.
- Okay, keep going.
- Mm.
Mm.
Wow, look at this.
Great bones.
Hm.
'Kay, drum roll, please.
[imitates drum roll]
Uh, it's perfect.
And it's, it's huge. It's too big, almost.
- Uh, no. This is my bedroom.
That's yours.
- Oh.
♪ suspenseful music plays ♪
MARTA: It's not a closet.
- I didn't say it was a--
- In case you were thinking it was just my bedroom closet, it isn't.
- There is a hanger rod. - That's for decoration.
- I love it.
♪ light music playing ♪
Hi.
Hi, I'm... I'm here for the ceremony.
- Wiccan meet-up is Thursday nights. - No, no, I-- [chuckles] I'm Lindsay.
Lindsay Arthur. The... writer.
The winner of the Weetly Short Story Prize.
- The what?
- The Weetly... Short... Story Prize.
See, it says here that the ceremony is today.
- That's the Weekly... Short Story Prize.
That's a typo.
The word "ceremony"... it's ironic.
Here's $15 store credit for anything you might want.
Congratulations, by the way.
- Okay.
Thank you... for this.
Are you hiring?
[TV plays]
[footsteps approach]
- Another night on the sofa? - Long day at the bookstore.
Some prankster thought it would be a laugh
to re-alphabetize Memoirs by subject matter.
- I don't get you.
You've been here for almost a month.
Every day you come back from work and you put on those little girl pajamas
when you said you came to New York to write.
Where's the writing? - I'm writing. It's just my
laptop died and the... cord doesn't reach the couch.
- Well, if you're just going to spend your time watching TV... alone,
eating microwave meals for diabetics, then why are you here?
Whatever.
I'll be at the sort of gross place on Spring Street
if you decide to not be so lame.
[door closes] [sighs]
[groans]
[sighs]
♪ acoustic guitar music playing ♪
- ♪ These smiley-face pajamas and this rainbow kitten mug ♪
♪ Have gotta go ♪
♪ What if I throw them both away ♪
♪ They're comfy but they chain me to that anvil of a couch ♪
♪ In a defensive crouch, afraid to go and play ♪
♪ I know the rules ♪
- ♪ Be sunny, honey, close those knees ♪
- ♪ Clorox offensive thoughts and you'll prevent disease ♪
- ♪ It's like a show where every song's the same reprise ♪
♪ Ohhh ♪
♪ But breaking out is dangerous ♪
♪ I know the party game: be small and tame ♪
- ♪ Or we will maim you in your sleep ♪
- ♪ So, buy the fuzzy pencils ♪
♪ Wear the t-shirts with the hearts ♪
♪ Let any darts or weapons sink into the deep ♪
♪ And find the boy ♪
♪ A six or seven out of 10 ♪
♪ Who cracks a joke you laugh at every now and then ♪
♪ You know you'll fall in love, although you wonder when ♪
♪ Ohh ♪
♪ What if I try to change this ever-looping tune ♪
♪ What if I let them see the dark side of my moon ♪
♪ My brain is like a video store ♪
♪ With a... big, restricted section door ♪
♪ With lots of cool stuff ♪
♪ Hiding in the ultraviolet liiight ♪
♪ What if I let somebody see me tonight ♪
♪ I could be that girl from anthro class who felt no shame or guilt ♪
♪ And wore the kilt with the fishnets and the Vans ♪
♪ I remember what she said that time she passed me in the Quad ♪
♪ "Your Diet Coke is oppression in a can" ♪
♪ She thought she sized me up in a single glance ♪
♪ She never noticed me in Afro-Cuban Dance ♪
♪ She'd never think I'd go and buy some plastic pants ♪
♪ Sooo ♪
♪ What if I cut the tags and took these for a spin ♪
♪ What if they're worth contracting yeast infections in ♪
♪ Try to put me in a box ♪
♪ But, baby, I'm a paradox ♪
♪
♪ Ohh, ahh ♪
♪ What if I let some other parts out of the vault ♪
♪ What if I hurt someone and don't think it's my fault ♪
♪ Time to let the bridges burn ♪
♪ So many lessons to unlearn ♪
♪ What if I let somebody see me ♪
♪ If they saw what it is to be me ♪
♪ Would they be terrified of the sight ♪
♪ What if we see about what if ♪
♪ Toniiight ♪
[ambient street noise]
Mm.
- I am so glad you gave me a little tough love tonight.
Yeah, it's-- I wanna put myself out there,
but it is scary, you know?
Look at me now. I'm in a real New York City bar
drinkin' a real New York City--
- I just need you to wait here. Guard the door... Let's go.
- Whoa, whoa.
One sec, sir.
Are you gonna have
sex
in the bathroom?
Do you even know this guy?
- I find it's better not to.
[scoffs]
- You are exactly the person I wanna be.
No shame, no guilt.
- Whatever you hear, don't come in.
♪ bar music playing ♪
[indistinct chatter]
[chuckles]
- [mimics accent] Don't come in.
I won't.
- Nice pants.
- Thanks. They're new. I mean, they're not new.
I've worn them a lot.
I wear them a lot.
- Well, it sounds like they have a very rich history.
Are you waiting for the bathroom?
- Actually, my roommate is--
Well, she's having sex with a stranger in there, actually.
Yes. - Wow.
- Yeah, should we go next? [chuckles]
Sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry. I was trying to be funny.
That was supposed to be a joke, but I-- - No, no, no. No, it's just, um,
I'm pretty sure you need to make reservations.
They're sticklers here.
- Right... I mean, that does make sense.
You know, you wouldn't want just anyone waltzing in off the street
and having intercourse in your restroom. - No, no. In a place like this,
you want it to feel exclusive. - Yeah, absolutely.
- I just remembered, actually, there might be a waitlist.
So, if you wanted to put us down-- - Just in case something were to open up.
- Last-minute cancellation.
- Yeah, it happens. You-- - You never know.
- Yeah, you never know. - Right. [stifled laugh]
All right. How about this?
I'm gonna use the other bathroom.
Yeah, the one where your roommate isn't having sex.
And then maybe by the time I'm done, they'll be done
and you and I could grab a drink?
I'm here with some colleagues, um.
It's a table full of suits. Ya can't miss us.
- Perfect.
♪ light music playing ♪
[indistinct chatter]
[moaning in restroom]
[knocks on door] Marta?
[knocks on door]
Just about how long-ish do you think you're gonna be?
KEVIN/CHAD: Shots, shots, shots!
- Get in here, Jimmy. You, too, random chick.
- Oh, it's, it's Lindsay. I-I'm enjoying my Cosmo--
- Get in there, Lindsay. - Yes. Okay.
- Ahh. Ah. - It burns so sweet.
Jimmy, random Lindsay.
Another round. - Uh, a-- We're good, actually.
- Yeah, one more. - It's--
- I'm just gonna sleep a little.
If I start screaming, it's totally normal.
- Sorry, we had a pretty major breakthrough at work today,
so... we're celebrating.
- Oh... Where do you work?
- Uh, Winnicott Douglass. The investment bank.
- Fancy.
- Very fancy.
Usually, I'm walking around with a monocle.
- Hm. - Yeah.
- So, what's it like? Investment banking.
- It's intense. It's competitive.
That's what I like about it, though, you know?
It's all on you.
If you don't kill, you don't eat. - Mm, I hear that.
- Yeah. What about you? What do you do?
- Uh... I'm a writer.
- Really?
What kind of writing?
- Fiction... Novels, mainly. I'm a... novelist.
Yeah, are you familiar with the Weekly, uh, the Weetly Prize?
- I don't think I've ever actually met a real-life novelist before.
- Well... here I am.
- Leather pants and all. - Plastic.
- Forgive me.
- We'll see. [Chad retches]
BYSTANDERS: Ew!
CHAD: I'm okay.
- Do you wanna get outta here? I know a place.
- Yes, I do. - Okay.
[pants squeaking]
- Whoa.
You work here?
- Yeah. - Oh... wow.
Is that the Brooklyn Bridge?
- That's it.
- Wow. You wonder h-how did they even... build something like that?
- Well,
it took 14 years.
Yeah.
It was the longest suspension bridge in the world when it opened.
- Are you some kind of... amateur bridge historian
or... is this all part of your seduction protocol?
- Can't it be both?
- What else do you know?
- About the Brooklyn Bridge? - Hm.
- It wasn't officially named that until 1915.
- Fascinating. - Mm-hm.
- What else?
- The guy who designed it,
when he went to pick out the spot for it, he was standing on a dock.
A boat came,
crushed his foot.
He had to have his toes amputated.
[chuckles]
- Why would you tell me that?
[both laughing] - You asked me what else I knew.
- Poor, poor man.
- Well, then, after the amputation,
he insisted on this thing called water therapy.
- Did it work?
- Oh, no. He, he died a few weeks later from the infection.
[laughing]
- I'm sorry. I d-- I don't know why I'm--
- I don't either. It's, um-- - It's-- [laughs] It is not funny.
- No, it's really not. - It is horrible.
[both laughing] - It's terrible.
- Where'd you go?
- No, I was just--
Nowhere.
- You don't have to listen to them, you know?
- Listen to who?
- All the... noise... in your head.
I've started to realize recently
it's... not always the truth.
Never mind. Sorry. I don't know... what I'm saying.
I'm just-- Just ignore me. [laughs]
I-- I'm just really drunk, so, yeah, sorry.
- Sure, yeah.
♪ pensive music playing ♪
- Actually,
I'm not... drunk... at all.
And, and I am trying to apologize less and say what I want more.
And... right now what I really want is to kiss you.
So,
would that be okay?
- Yes.
That would be--
Yeah.
♪ light music playing ♪
[heavy breathing]
[moaning]
[pants squeaking] [laughs]
Plastic really doesn't stretch, does it?
These things can't be comfortable. - They're really not.
Oh... yeah.
[moaning]
Oh, my God... Oh.
God.
Oh God.
Oh, my God.
Oh... Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
[crying]
MIGUEL: Shit.
Um.
I, I should go. Um, this was--
I'm sorry.
[ambient street noise]
- Be honest... How hard were you pulling it?
[elevator dings]
[door opens]
[sighs]
- What the fuck was that? - She did it on purpose.
- You're such a little bitch. - Talking about noises in your head.
- You were right there.
- What kind of sick mind games is she playing with my baby?
- You're weak. - You're pathetic.
- You're perfect. - Shut up.
[dings]
♪ In all this crazy world ♪
♪ There's one thing I am certain of ♪
♪ For every hour and month and year that we are here to love ♪
♪ Regardless of how much ♪
♪ We talk, we tell, we touch ♪
♪ No matter what we suffer throoough ♪
♪ I can never know you ♪
[voices harmonizing]
♪ "What If" playing ♪
♪ Ohh, ahh ♪
♪ What if I let some other parts out of the vault ♪
♪ What if I hurt someone and don't think it's my fault ♪
♪ Time to let the bridges burn ♪
♪ So many lessons to unlearn ♪
♪ What if I let somebody see me ♪
♪ If they saw what it is to be me ♪
♪ Would they be terrified of the siiight ♪
♪ What if we see about what if ♪
♪ Toniiight ♪
[fanfare]