1
00:00:01,795 --> 00:00:04,046
♪ In all this crazy world ♪
2
00:00:04,046 --> 00:00:07,884
♪ There's one thing I am certain of ♪
3
00:00:07,884 --> 00:00:13,890
♪ For every hour and month
and year that we are here to love ♪
4
00:00:13,890 --> 00:00:16,851
♪ Regardless of how much ♪
5
00:00:16,851 --> 00:00:19,938
♪ We talk, we tell, we touch ♪
6
00:00:19,938 --> 00:00:25,735
♪ No matter what we suffer throoough ♪
7
00:00:25,735 --> 00:00:28,655
♪ I can never know you ♪
8
00:00:28,655 --> 00:00:32,074
♪ I can
never know you ♪
9
00:00:32,074 --> 00:00:34,703
[voices harmonizing]
10
00:00:49,134 --> 00:00:50,343
LINDSAY: Hm.
11
00:00:51,970 --> 00:00:54,973
Well... at the very least,
12
00:00:54,973 --> 00:00:57,392
I think Strip-Clubs Miguel
had a good time.
13
00:00:57,392 --> 00:00:59,728
- Well, Strip-Clubs Miguel
always has a good time.
14
00:00:59,728 --> 00:01:01,313
That's his whole thing.
15
00:01:06,151 --> 00:01:08,778
- Do you th-- Do you think we should--
16
00:01:11,114 --> 00:01:13,742
- Yeah. Yeah, no, we should definitely.
17
00:01:13,742 --> 00:01:16,161
- Okay, so I can go out first.
18
00:01:16,161 --> 00:01:18,872
- Right, and then--
- And then you will wait a few minutes
19
00:01:18,872 --> 00:01:20,457
and then you come out.
- Okay.
20
00:01:20,457 --> 00:01:23,251
- Just 'cause I, you know, we don't
want people to get the wrong idea.
21
00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:26,379
- No, we don't want that.
- Or the right idea.
22
00:01:26,379 --> 00:01:29,049
Sorry, I've never done this before.
23
00:01:29,049 --> 00:01:32,260
- Well, lucky for you,
I've done this about a million times.
24
00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:35,138
- Sex in a, uh, a printing store bathroom?
25
00:01:35,138 --> 00:01:38,642
- Printing store bathroom,
printing store utility closet,
26
00:01:38,642 --> 00:01:40,852
printing store employee break room.
- Wow.
27
00:01:40,852 --> 00:01:42,646
- I guess you could say I come here often.
28
00:01:42,646 --> 00:01:44,648
- I'm gonna meet ya outside.
- All right.
29
00:01:44,648 --> 00:01:47,150
- [grunts] Okay. [clears throat]
30
00:01:48,485 --> 00:01:49,486
Yes.
31
00:01:53,823 --> 00:01:55,033
Perfect distraction.
32
00:01:57,285 --> 00:01:58,286
Bye.
33
00:02:01,498 --> 00:02:02,540
[door closes]
34
00:02:05,043 --> 00:02:08,046
♪ piano music playing ♪
35
00:02:08,964 --> 00:02:11,967
- ♪ Oooh ♪
36
00:02:13,885 --> 00:02:17,514
♪ Ahhh ♪
37
00:02:21,476 --> 00:02:24,813
♪ Time stops and I'm not waiting ♪
38
00:02:24,813 --> 00:02:28,108
♪ My heart is already there ♪
39
00:02:28,108 --> 00:02:31,278
♪ I'm done with hesitating ♪
40
00:02:31,278 --> 00:02:34,573
♪ This feels so right and so rare ♪
41
00:02:34,573 --> 00:02:37,325
♪ And I can't help but feelin' ♪
42
00:02:37,325 --> 00:02:40,829
♪ I am not alone ♪
43
00:02:40,829 --> 00:02:44,165
♪ So much of life is lonely ♪
44
00:02:44,165 --> 00:02:47,586
♪ So much of love is hiding ♪
45
00:02:47,586 --> 00:02:50,839
♪ Falling in love is only ♪
46
00:02:50,839 --> 00:02:53,967
♪ One single heart deciding ♪
47
00:02:53,967 --> 00:02:57,262
♪ My destiny is callin' ♪
48
00:02:57,262 --> 00:03:00,473
♪ The rest of me is reelin' ♪
49
00:03:00,473 --> 00:03:03,727
♪ And I can't help but fallin' ♪
50
00:03:03,727 --> 00:03:06,563
♪ 'Cause I can't help but feeling ♪
51
00:03:06,563 --> 00:03:12,569
♪ I am not alone ♪
52
00:03:13,153 --> 00:03:19,117
♪ I belong with you now ♪
53
00:03:19,492 --> 00:03:25,498
♪ I am not alone ♪
54
00:03:25,957 --> 00:03:31,963
♪ Love is what I do now ♪
55
00:03:32,214 --> 00:03:34,216
[knocks on door]
Just a second!
56
00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:36,134
- Yeah.
57
00:03:36,134 --> 00:03:39,387
♪ Let's not get too excited ♪
58
00:03:39,387 --> 00:03:42,641
♪ You always make this mistake ♪
59
00:03:42,641 --> 00:03:45,894
♪ As soon as you're ignited ♪
60
00:03:45,894 --> 00:03:49,147
♪ You are a whole lot to take ♪
61
00:03:49,147 --> 00:03:51,942
- ♪ But once the fire's burnin' ♪
62
00:03:51,942 --> 00:03:55,153
- ♪ No ♪
- ♪ And all the bells are ringing ♪
63
00:03:55,153 --> 00:03:57,864
- ♪ No ♪
- ♪ I know there's no returning ♪
64
00:03:57,864 --> 00:04:00,075
- ♪ God, no ♪
- ♪ Because my ♪
65
00:04:00,075 --> 00:04:01,701
♪ Heart is singing ♪
- Ah, fuck it.
66
00:04:01,701 --> 00:04:07,707
- ♪ I am not alone ♪
67
00:04:08,250 --> 00:04:14,256
♪ Love is where I live now ♪
68
00:04:14,631 --> 00:04:20,637
♪ I am not alone ♪
69
00:04:21,346 --> 00:04:27,352
♪ So much love to give now ♪
70
00:04:27,352 --> 00:04:31,273
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
71
00:04:31,273 --> 00:04:36,903
♪ I am not alone, I am not alone ♪
72
00:04:37,487 --> 00:04:39,197
♪ There's so much love to give ♪
73
00:04:39,197 --> 00:04:43,910
♪ There's so much love to love ♪
74
00:04:44,411 --> 00:04:46,204
- I'm sure we're
on the same page about this,
75
00:04:46,204 --> 00:04:50,875
but you probably just wanna
keep things casual... right?
76
00:04:51,126 --> 00:04:52,335
- Absolutely.
77
00:04:57,215 --> 00:04:59,217
- This is good, right?
78
00:05:00,135 --> 00:05:04,139
- Bro, this... is ideal.
79
00:05:07,559 --> 00:05:10,645
- It's just... she did
frame it as a question.
80
00:05:10,645 --> 00:05:14,065
She didn't say that she wanted
to keep it casual, necessarily.
81
00:05:14,065 --> 00:05:17,527
She asked me if I wanted to,
so now I'm wondering if--
82
00:05:17,527 --> 00:05:20,196
- Stop wondering, okay? Lose the wonder.
83
00:05:20,196 --> 00:05:23,325
- No... you're right.
- Of course, I'm fuckin' right, man.
84
00:05:23,325 --> 00:05:25,577
Steady sex, zero obligations.
85
00:05:25,577 --> 00:05:27,996
You get to do it with Lindsay
and whoever else you want.
86
00:05:27,996 --> 00:05:30,206
And she's the one that's suggesting it?
87
00:05:31,041 --> 00:05:32,876
It's the Holy Grail of fuckery, man.
88
00:05:32,876 --> 00:05:34,502
- And we don't have to get attached.
- No!
89
00:05:34,502 --> 00:05:37,047
- We don't have to get feelings involved.
- Exactly.
90
00:05:37,047 --> 00:05:39,966
- Just... sex.
- Yeah.
91
00:05:39,966 --> 00:05:43,261
- There's nothing special about it.
- Special? Bro.
92
00:05:43,470 --> 00:05:45,096
Fuck special!
[all laughing]
93
00:05:45,096 --> 00:05:46,556
- Sex is always special for him.
94
00:05:46,556 --> 00:05:48,683
He could be getting a dumpster blow job
95
00:05:48,683 --> 00:05:51,561
from a snaggle-toothed prostitute
named Chuckles.
96
00:05:51,561 --> 00:05:54,606
He'd be madly in love by the time
she finished undoing his belt buckle.
97
00:05:54,606 --> 00:05:56,191
- Nuh-uh, no, no, no, no.
98
00:05:56,524 --> 00:05:59,027
That's the old Miguel.
- Yeah, that's not me anymore.
99
00:05:59,027 --> 00:06:00,654
- Oh, not since 12 minutes ago
100
00:06:00,654 --> 00:06:03,281
when you were ready to start
pickin' out the name of your first child?
101
00:06:03,281 --> 00:06:05,825
- O-kay. That was just--
102
00:06:05,825 --> 00:06:07,953
I was caught up in the moment.
This is what happens.
103
00:06:07,953 --> 00:06:09,829
- Uh, is that the same thing
that happened with me?
104
00:06:11,164 --> 00:06:12,666
You know, when I let you go up my shirt
105
00:06:12,666 --> 00:06:14,960
'cause I was trying to get back
at Rod for fingering that skank
106
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:16,670
from Holy Cross with the twitchy eye?
107
00:06:16,670 --> 00:06:18,046
- [whispers]: Nice.
- And you promised
108
00:06:18,046 --> 00:06:19,589
not to get weird after it.
109
00:06:19,589 --> 00:06:21,758
And then, you wrote me those poems,
110
00:06:21,758 --> 00:06:25,595
and some of them were,
like, bizarrely sexual.
111
00:06:25,595 --> 00:06:29,474
About, like... "fragrant tulip buds"?
112
00:06:31,351 --> 00:06:33,812
- Hey, it's not that weird.
- It's pretty fuckin' weird.
113
00:06:33,812 --> 00:06:36,189
- It was a long time ago! Is the point.
114
00:06:36,189 --> 00:06:37,607
I was a kid.
115
00:06:38,525 --> 00:06:40,860
Things are different now.
- You're a man.
116
00:06:41,903 --> 00:06:43,905
- I'm a man.
- Yeah.
117
00:06:43,905 --> 00:06:46,616
♪ romantic music swells ♪
118
00:06:46,616 --> 00:06:48,618
- Wow. That was--
119
00:06:48,618 --> 00:06:50,287
- I should get going.
- Oh.
120
00:06:50,287 --> 00:06:51,621
♪ music ends ♪
121
00:06:51,621 --> 00:06:52,706
Okay?
122
00:06:52,706 --> 00:06:55,917
- Yeah, I just need
to prep for this meeting.
123
00:06:55,917 --> 00:06:58,128
- Oh... what's the meeting?
124
00:06:58,420 --> 00:07:00,547
- Um, you wouldn't be interested.
125
00:07:00,547 --> 00:07:01,756
- I'm asking.
126
00:07:02,090 --> 00:07:05,969
- I, uh, think I... may have
found my own business
127
00:07:05,969 --> 00:07:07,178
to bring in.
128
00:07:08,346 --> 00:07:11,850
To the bank.
- Oh... Well, that, that sounds good.
129
00:07:11,850 --> 00:07:16,479
Is that good?
- Yeah, it is good. It is... very good.
130
00:07:16,980 --> 00:07:19,691
- It's very good?
- Very, very good.
131
00:07:19,691 --> 00:07:22,193
- Well, dang.
- If I can land it.
132
00:07:22,193 --> 00:07:25,238
- Well, you're not the only one
with life-changing professional news.
133
00:07:25,238 --> 00:07:27,741
I finally get to do
my very own Staff Pick
134
00:07:27,741 --> 00:07:29,868
at the bookstore.
- Okay. What are you gonna choose?
135
00:07:29,868 --> 00:07:31,786
- Fitness Walking For Dummies.
136
00:07:31,786 --> 00:07:33,580
It's a completely rigged process.
137
00:07:33,580 --> 00:07:36,708
We just do whichever book
we've ordered too many copies of.
138
00:07:36,708 --> 00:07:39,753
- God, this is just like the night
I found out the Tooth Fairy
139
00:07:39,753 --> 00:07:44,507
was actually just my dad rifling
through his wallet for small bills.
140
00:07:44,507 --> 00:07:45,717
- Truth hurts.
141
00:07:47,928 --> 00:07:51,598
- Uh, do you think that pizza place
at the end of your block is still open?
142
00:07:51,598 --> 00:07:53,683
- Ooh, I don't know. Let's find out.
143
00:07:53,683 --> 00:07:54,684
- Uhh.
144
00:07:56,478 --> 00:07:58,813
You really think we should be doin' that?
145
00:08:00,315 --> 00:08:03,485
Going out for dinner?
- It's a slice of pizza.
146
00:08:03,485 --> 00:08:06,238
- Yeah, it's, it's probably better,
though, right, if we just
147
00:08:06,238 --> 00:08:09,241
keep things simple, keep it casual.
- I think we could
148
00:08:09,241 --> 00:08:13,245
get a slice of pizza
without falling madly in love.
149
00:08:13,245 --> 00:08:14,454
- That's true.
150
00:08:17,374 --> 00:08:18,583
[sighs]
151
00:08:19,876 --> 00:08:22,629
Yeah... let's do it.
152
00:08:22,629 --> 00:08:25,632
♪ I Am Not Alone playing ♪
153
00:08:38,478 --> 00:08:40,146
[inaudible]
154
00:08:42,774 --> 00:08:44,776
[baby crying]
155
00:08:51,449 --> 00:08:53,451
[baby crying]
156
00:09:00,709 --> 00:09:01,918
- Nice...
157
00:09:03,295 --> 00:09:04,504
pants.
158
00:09:04,504 --> 00:09:07,674
[monitor beeping, flatlines]
159
00:09:07,674 --> 00:09:10,760
- ♪ There's so much love to give,
there's so much love ♪
160
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:14,389
- What the fuck are you doing?!
- Oh, my God.
161
00:09:15,974 --> 00:09:18,143
- Okay, so, uh,
a dinner date, a sleepover,
162
00:09:18,143 --> 00:09:20,353
and now you're dreamin'
about your future fucking offspring?
163
00:09:20,353 --> 00:09:23,315
Yeah, this is about as casual
as a brain aneurysm.
164
00:09:23,315 --> 00:09:26,401
- I don't know what happened.
- Unless-- Oh, my God!
165
00:09:26,401 --> 00:09:27,694
Maybe she's in love with you.
166
00:09:27,694 --> 00:09:30,405
Maybe it really is special.
Maybe she's special.
167
00:09:31,990 --> 00:09:34,451
- She's bein' sarcastic,
you cuckolded fuckin' infant.
168
00:09:34,451 --> 00:09:38,079
- I know. I, I was thinking
about it sarcastically, with sarcasm.
169
00:09:40,790 --> 00:09:42,000
LINDSAY: Hey.
170
00:09:42,959 --> 00:09:47,714
You, you leaving?
- I'm leaving, yes, um,
171
00:09:47,714 --> 00:09:50,508
but it was nice to see you, as always.
172
00:09:51,176 --> 00:09:54,596
[sighs]
- Yes... Good.
173
00:09:54,888 --> 00:09:55,972
- High five.
174
00:09:56,389 --> 00:09:57,599
- I'd rather not.
175
00:09:59,476 --> 00:10:00,518
- Okay.
176
00:10:01,519 --> 00:10:03,521
[children laughing]
177
00:10:03,521 --> 00:10:09,444
- "So, the fire-juggling flounder
and the lion-taming eel,
178
00:10:09,444 --> 00:10:13,823
"with the snow crab on a unicycle
and the sea trout named...
179
00:10:13,823 --> 00:10:15,867
ALL: Emile!
180
00:10:15,867 --> 00:10:20,330
- "They went one and all,
yes, one and all they went
181
00:10:20,330 --> 00:10:26,086
to the great, grand ocean circus
in the great, grand coral tent."
182
00:10:31,091 --> 00:10:32,217
- Mr. McGooch?
183
00:10:32,717 --> 00:10:34,135
- Ted... please.
184
00:10:34,469 --> 00:10:39,140
- Okay, Ted. I'm sorry. I just--
I had to tell you, The Bubbling Big Top?
185
00:10:39,140 --> 00:10:41,685
I used to refuse to go to sleep
186
00:10:41,685 --> 00:10:44,521
until my mother would read it
to me at least three times.
187
00:10:44,521 --> 00:10:47,607
- Please extend my sincerest
apologies to your mother.
188
00:10:47,607 --> 00:10:49,776
- No. She, she loved it.
189
00:10:49,776 --> 00:10:53,863
I-I was actually wondering if maybe
you could sign copies for both of us?
190
00:10:53,863 --> 00:10:54,864
- Ah.
191
00:10:55,282 --> 00:10:57,117
Should I make them out to?
192
00:10:57,117 --> 00:10:59,536
- I-I'm Lindsay and she's Joan.
193
00:10:59,536 --> 00:11:01,746
- Pleasure to meet you, Lindsay.
194
00:11:02,831 --> 00:11:06,960
- I'm... I'm actually a writer, too.
- Ah.
195
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:08,670
- Well, but grown-up stuff.
196
00:11:09,129 --> 00:11:13,300
I didn't mean that to sound--
I, I love children's books.
197
00:11:13,592 --> 00:11:16,636
- It's a misnomer. "Children's books."
198
00:11:16,636 --> 00:11:18,805
Name me a single piece of writing
199
00:11:18,805 --> 00:11:21,433
that confronts the riddle
of human mortality
200
00:11:21,433 --> 00:11:25,812
with more courage, more honesty,
201
00:11:25,812 --> 00:11:28,732
than Goodnight, Moon.
202
00:11:29,149 --> 00:11:33,403
"The quiet old lady... whispering 'hush.'"
203
00:11:33,403 --> 00:11:34,362
Come on.
204
00:11:34,362 --> 00:11:39,200
Camus, Sartre, Beckett...
compared to that?
205
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:40,827
Schoolboys.
206
00:11:42,078 --> 00:11:46,458
- The... quiet old lady
is supposed to be... death?
207
00:11:48,293 --> 00:11:50,503
- It's all supposed to be death.
208
00:11:52,088 --> 00:11:56,092
The quiet old lady...
the bowl full of mush,
209
00:11:56,092 --> 00:12:00,305
the three little bears sitting on chairs.
210
00:12:01,181 --> 00:12:03,516
The bears are death, the chairs are death.
211
00:12:04,142 --> 00:12:07,229
Children live much closer
to the true essence of life.
212
00:12:07,562 --> 00:12:09,648
The darkness, the doubt, the dread.
213
00:12:10,106 --> 00:12:11,316
- Oh, wow.
214
00:12:11,775 --> 00:12:15,362
I guess I... never thought of it that way.
215
00:12:18,073 --> 00:12:19,699
- It's been nice chatting with you.
216
00:12:19,699 --> 00:12:21,701
I'm always excited to talk about death.
217
00:12:21,701 --> 00:12:23,954
Alas... I must be off.
218
00:12:25,205 --> 00:12:26,623
Hope to see you Saturday.
219
00:12:27,749 --> 00:12:29,751
- Uh, sorry, Saturday?
220
00:12:30,168 --> 00:12:33,380
- Midnight. 740 Ludlow. Tell no one.
221
00:12:35,715 --> 00:12:38,760
MIGUEL: So, I was flipping through
the Brown Alumni Magazine.
222
00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:42,097
I usually don't even read it,
but then I saw the profile on you,
223
00:12:42,097 --> 00:12:44,683
and I was so inspired by your story.
224
00:12:44,683 --> 00:12:48,061
- Jimmy showed me the article
and I was like, "Wait, I know that dude."
225
00:12:48,061 --> 00:12:49,729
- I was this guy's surfing teacher.
226
00:12:49,729 --> 00:12:53,608
- Uh, the teacher learned much
from the student, if methinks correctly.
227
00:12:53,608 --> 00:12:55,443
[all laughing]
228
00:12:55,443 --> 00:12:57,404
Well, listen, I just wanted
to be here for the intros.
229
00:12:57,404 --> 00:13:01,449
I will let my esteemed colleague
Jimmy take it from here.
230
00:13:01,449 --> 00:13:03,243
Still recoverin' from my bachelor party.
231
00:13:04,661 --> 00:13:06,913
Cardboard Jimmy was a champ.
232
00:13:06,913 --> 00:13:09,040
- Oh... good.
233
00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:10,208
So, as I was saying,
234
00:13:10,208 --> 00:13:12,836
I was so impressed
by all that you've done,
235
00:13:12,836 --> 00:13:15,755
creating the 12th largest
juice brand in the world.
236
00:13:15,755 --> 00:13:17,507
- Number-one cruelty-free.
237
00:13:17,507 --> 00:13:19,301
- I didn't realize that.
That's great to know.
238
00:13:19,301 --> 00:13:22,262
- Oh yeah, and we don't test
our shit on bonobos and whatnot.
239
00:13:22,262 --> 00:13:24,264
I'm, I'm very firm on that.
240
00:13:24,264 --> 00:13:26,474
- Well, and I think it's exactly
that commitment to your vision--
241
00:13:26,474 --> 00:13:28,476
- And I wanna murder Snapple.
242
00:13:30,312 --> 00:13:33,857
- What's that?
- I said I want to murder Snapple.
243
00:13:33,857 --> 00:13:35,775
That's the other part of this.
244
00:13:35,775 --> 00:13:38,695
I want to take a pillow
and hold it over its face
245
00:13:38,695 --> 00:13:41,781
until it, it goes lifeless, and it dies.
246
00:13:42,991 --> 00:13:44,993
Can you help me do that?
247
00:13:48,538 --> 00:13:51,583
- I believe you have the potential
to outperform any of your competitors.
248
00:13:51,583 --> 00:13:53,043
You just need the right partner.
249
00:13:53,043 --> 00:13:56,796
Someone who has relationships
to key players in private equity
250
00:13:56,796 --> 00:14:02,385
to get you the capital you need
to make Squez... a fruit juice empire.
251
00:14:03,386 --> 00:14:06,139
- Wait until you hear
what I wanna do to Ocean Spray.
252
00:14:06,139 --> 00:14:07,349
[chuckles]
253
00:14:07,933 --> 00:14:10,352
- Why don't I grab us another round
and you can tell me all about it?
254
00:14:10,352 --> 00:14:11,978
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
255
00:14:11,978 --> 00:14:13,980
[indistinct chatter]
256
00:14:18,818 --> 00:14:20,153
- Looks like a fun meet.
257
00:14:25,867 --> 00:14:27,494
- Do you know, uh, Squez Juice?
258
00:14:27,494 --> 00:14:31,039
- Of course. Can't live without
my daily Berry Bonanza.
259
00:14:31,039 --> 00:14:31,998
- That's the guy.
260
00:14:32,958 --> 00:14:35,961
- It's always the weirdos.
[both chuckling]
261
00:14:36,711 --> 00:14:39,881
- Uh, hey, can I get another round
of, uh, Johnnie Walker Gold, please?
262
00:14:39,881 --> 00:14:40,882
- Sure.
263
00:14:40,882 --> 00:14:42,926
- You're in finance.
- How'd you guess?
264
00:14:42,926 --> 00:14:47,264
- Armani jacket, Ferragamo shoes,
criminally overpriced Scotch.
265
00:14:47,264 --> 00:14:49,599
- Well.
- I know the type.
266
00:14:49,599 --> 00:14:51,601
I'm at Lehman. Arbitrage.
267
00:14:51,601 --> 00:14:53,311
- Winnicott. Analyst.
268
00:14:53,311 --> 00:14:54,896
- Oh, you're a baby.
269
00:14:55,313 --> 00:14:56,648
- Not quite.
270
00:14:58,066 --> 00:15:00,402
- My home number is on the back.
271
00:15:00,402 --> 00:15:01,403
- Oh.
272
00:15:02,529 --> 00:15:03,947
I'm sorta seein' someone.
273
00:15:04,447 --> 00:15:06,449
- You fuckin' rube!
274
00:15:06,449 --> 00:15:07,659
- But it's casual.
275
00:15:08,034 --> 00:15:10,078
It's very casual.
276
00:15:10,078 --> 00:15:13,123
- Well... casual works for me.
277
00:15:23,842 --> 00:15:25,844
TRIP:
Ask if they have walnuts.
278
00:15:26,469 --> 00:15:27,679
Whole nuts.
279
00:15:28,221 --> 00:15:30,223
I brought my own nutcracker.
280
00:15:35,437 --> 00:15:36,646
- Walnuts?
281
00:15:43,153 --> 00:15:44,154
- Hey.
282
00:15:47,824 --> 00:15:49,242
- Should probably go.
283
00:15:49,826 --> 00:15:53,121
I've got a... a ton of work
to get through this weekend.
284
00:15:53,121 --> 00:15:55,123
- Oh... okay.
285
00:15:55,498 --> 00:15:58,293
Oh, hey, how did the big meeting go?
286
00:15:58,293 --> 00:16:00,003
- Pretty great, actually.
287
00:16:00,003 --> 00:16:02,964
I mean... still need
to put together a deal, but.
288
00:16:02,964 --> 00:16:05,050
- But then you get to be assistant.
289
00:16:05,050 --> 00:16:06,092
- Associate.
290
00:16:06,092 --> 00:16:08,136
- Which is... better than assistant?
291
00:16:08,136 --> 00:16:09,638
- There is no assistant.
292
00:16:09,638 --> 00:16:13,266
There's analyst
and then there's associate.
293
00:16:13,266 --> 00:16:15,393
- Well, in that case, yay!
294
00:16:16,478 --> 00:16:17,520
- No.
295
00:16:19,105 --> 00:16:20,523
[Miguel chuckles]
296
00:16:21,274 --> 00:16:25,612
I used to love reading this book.
- Yeah, me too. [laughs]
297
00:16:25,612 --> 00:16:29,699
You know, he did a reading
at the store the other day.
298
00:16:29,699 --> 00:16:32,118
Yeah, I introduced myself
and told him I was a writer.
299
00:16:32,118 --> 00:16:34,704
- No! You met Mr. McGooch?!
- [laughs] Yeah.
300
00:16:34,704 --> 00:16:39,084
- God. My six-year-old self
is seething with envy.
301
00:16:39,084 --> 00:16:42,295
- He was actually... kind of amazing.
302
00:16:43,088 --> 00:16:48,718
And I think... talking to him...
might've made me realize that I
303
00:16:48,718 --> 00:16:51,763
kinda wanna...
try writing a children's book.
304
00:16:52,138 --> 00:16:56,268
There's a lot more to them
than people realize.
305
00:16:56,268 --> 00:16:58,687
- Yeah... why not?
306
00:16:59,396 --> 00:17:01,231
- Yeah, why not?
307
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:04,067
- I used to read this
to my little brother.
308
00:17:04,067 --> 00:17:06,945
He was obsessed.
[chuckles]
309
00:17:06,945 --> 00:17:09,030
Right after my mom died,
my dad worked two jobs,
310
00:17:09,030 --> 00:17:12,242
and I had to take over
the whole bedtime routine.
311
00:17:12,242 --> 00:17:15,495
- How old were you when--
- I was 10.
312
00:17:15,870 --> 00:17:18,498
And then we had to move,
and that... sucked.
313
00:17:19,416 --> 00:17:20,250
- How come?
314
00:17:21,084 --> 00:17:25,505
- Well, we lived in Westchester.
It's, like, the suburbs.
315
00:17:25,505 --> 00:17:29,050
But when my dad couldn't swing
two jobs and two kids by himself,
316
00:17:29,050 --> 00:17:30,969
we had to move to Queens.
317
00:17:30,969 --> 00:17:32,178
- Why Queens?
318
00:17:32,178 --> 00:17:34,014
- It's where he grew up,
in Jackson Heights.
319
00:17:34,681 --> 00:17:37,100
It was like my whole life
had been this one way,
320
00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:39,311
and then, all of a sudden,
321
00:17:39,811 --> 00:17:41,062
it wasn't.
322
00:17:41,062 --> 00:17:42,689
My Spanish was shit.
323
00:17:43,690 --> 00:17:45,525
And I didn't know anybody.
324
00:17:52,032 --> 00:17:53,158
- Sorry.
325
00:17:54,701 --> 00:17:55,702
- Thanks.
326
00:17:56,202 --> 00:17:58,204
[phone ringing]
327
00:17:58,914 --> 00:18:00,540
- I'll be right back, okay?
328
00:18:10,175 --> 00:18:11,176
Hello?
329
00:18:12,052 --> 00:18:13,053
Ugh.
330
00:18:13,386 --> 00:18:16,014
No, for the last time,
there is no one here named Dave.
331
00:18:16,014 --> 00:18:18,683
Please, you have
to stop calling, seriously.
332
00:18:18,683 --> 00:18:21,645
[hangs up phone]
[Lindsay exhales]
333
00:18:23,688 --> 00:18:25,941
What are you... doing later?
334
00:18:25,941 --> 00:18:29,236
'Cause I have this thing I, I might go to,
335
00:18:29,236 --> 00:18:33,281
but I was thinking maybe
we could grab dinner?
336
00:18:33,281 --> 00:18:36,660
I mean, I realized earlier
that we've never actually eaten
337
00:18:36,660 --> 00:18:41,790
inside of a building together.
- Uh, I have plans already, actually,
338
00:18:41,790 --> 00:18:43,792
with, uh, another--
339
00:18:45,585 --> 00:18:48,797
with someone else, so I can't.
- Oh.
340
00:18:49,422 --> 00:18:52,634
Okay, well... rain check then, I guess?
341
00:18:52,634 --> 00:18:54,636
- Yeah. Yeah, I'd love that.
342
00:18:58,723 --> 00:19:00,934
I'll see ya later.
- 'Kay.
343
00:19:09,818 --> 00:19:11,444
[exhales]
344
00:19:19,411 --> 00:19:20,704
- I'm glad you called.
345
00:19:20,996 --> 00:19:22,205
- Me too.
346
00:19:27,210 --> 00:19:28,837
[applause]
347
00:19:31,882 --> 00:19:34,301
TED:
Welcome to the real Bubbling Big Top.
348
00:19:39,055 --> 00:19:41,516
- Rockin' atmosphere.
349
00:19:41,516 --> 00:19:43,935
- This is where I get all my ideas.
350
00:19:44,728 --> 00:19:47,480
- Really? Ah.
- Hey, Emile.
351
00:19:48,565 --> 00:19:50,817
- [gasps] Oh, my God, Emile.
352
00:19:50,817 --> 00:19:52,569
- I told you, children's literature
353
00:19:52,569 --> 00:19:55,405
is much more complicated
than people realize.
354
00:19:56,114 --> 00:19:57,324
- Yes.
355
00:19:59,659 --> 00:20:01,077
I...
356
00:20:02,537 --> 00:20:05,165
I think... I think I wanna write one,
357
00:20:05,832 --> 00:20:07,751
a, a children's book, I mean.
358
00:20:07,751 --> 00:20:11,421
I... I wanna write
the kind of... children's book
359
00:20:11,421 --> 00:20:13,840
I wish I had... when I was a kid.
360
00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:15,383
- What kinda book would that be?
361
00:20:15,383 --> 00:20:20,388
- Well, growing up, I guess
I always felt like kind of a--
362
00:20:21,389 --> 00:20:23,391
like a weirdo.
363
00:20:24,809 --> 00:20:29,231
You know, I had all these
big ideas and feelings,
364
00:20:29,231 --> 00:20:33,652
and... I just thought
that there was something
365
00:20:35,111 --> 00:20:37,948
wrong with me, honestly.
366
00:20:39,324 --> 00:20:43,328
I just wish I'd had a book to read
that told me that there wasn't.
367
00:20:43,328 --> 00:20:48,416
That you don't always
have to be... good or nice.
368
00:20:49,417 --> 00:20:54,631
I think... if I'd had that, my life
would've turned out a lot different.
369
00:20:54,631 --> 00:20:57,259
- As soon as you finish writing that book,
370
00:20:57,884 --> 00:20:59,219
send it to me.
371
00:20:59,844 --> 00:21:00,845
- Really?
372
00:21:00,845 --> 00:21:02,180
- Really.
373
00:21:02,639 --> 00:21:04,641
[both chuckling]
374
00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:10,146
[moaning]
375
00:21:10,146 --> 00:21:13,149
♪ I Am Not Alone playing ♪
376
00:21:34,337 --> 00:21:36,339
- Um, ho-hold, hold on.
377
00:21:37,048 --> 00:21:40,260
- What's wrong?
- Uh, I-I'm, I'm just wonderin' if maybe--
378
00:21:40,260 --> 00:21:42,095
MAN: Hey... Hello?
379
00:21:42,095 --> 00:21:43,847
- Who's that?
RACHEL: Oh shit.
380
00:21:43,847 --> 00:21:45,640
He wasn't supposed
to fly back until tomorrow.
381
00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:48,602
- Who wasn't supposed
to fly back 'til tomorrow?
- I'm j--
382
00:21:48,602 --> 00:21:52,814
- What the fucking fuck, Jimmy?!
Are you trying to fuck my fiancée?!
383
00:21:52,814 --> 00:21:54,649
- What?!
- Answer me, you fucking traitor!
384
00:21:54,649 --> 00:21:57,819
Are you tryna fuck my fiancée
in my fucking apartment?
385
00:21:57,819 --> 00:21:59,696
- I didn't know she was your fiancée!
386
00:21:59,696 --> 00:22:02,240
- Chad, please don't
do anything crazy, okay?
387
00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:03,366
Not like last time.
388
00:22:03,366 --> 00:22:04,951
- You wanna fuck her,
you sick fuckin' pervert?
389
00:22:04,951 --> 00:22:07,120
- No.
- Go on. Fuck her.
390
00:22:07,120 --> 00:22:09,748
Don't let me stop you.
- I mean, if he's insisting.
391
00:22:09,748 --> 00:22:11,416
- Oh, I'm insisting all right.
392
00:22:11,416 --> 00:22:13,710
- And he's just gonna sit there and watch.
393
00:22:13,710 --> 00:22:18,882
- And I'm just gonna sit here
and watch with my pants off.
394
00:22:18,882 --> 00:22:20,675
- What choice do we have?
395
00:22:23,220 --> 00:22:24,095
- Wait a minute.
396
00:22:24,638 --> 00:22:25,847
- Not into it?
397
00:22:27,390 --> 00:22:29,226
- Oh, my God!
398
00:22:29,226 --> 00:22:32,395
We said casual,
which I was totally okay with--
399
00:22:32,395 --> 00:22:35,565
CHAD/RACHEL: Mm.
- I thought I was totally okay with,
400
00:22:35,565 --> 00:22:37,901
but maybe part of me
always thought there was
401
00:22:38,276 --> 00:22:41,112
something special... about her.
402
00:22:42,197 --> 00:22:43,031
I don't know.
403
00:22:44,032 --> 00:22:45,533
Thank you for listening.
404
00:22:46,201 --> 00:22:47,410
- Any time.
405
00:22:50,247 --> 00:22:53,250
- I hope this isn't rude of me to say, but
406
00:22:54,292 --> 00:22:56,920
I don't understand how you guys can
407
00:22:57,754 --> 00:22:58,797
do what you do.
408
00:22:58,797 --> 00:23:01,466
I mean, don't you get jealous or?
409
00:23:01,466 --> 00:23:02,676
- You know our secret?
410
00:23:03,176 --> 00:23:04,844
We have one unbreakable rule:
411
00:23:05,345 --> 00:23:06,346
honesty.
412
00:23:06,888 --> 00:23:08,932
We tell each other exactly what we want.
413
00:23:08,932 --> 00:23:11,726
- No half-truths and no game playing.
414
00:23:11,726 --> 00:23:14,271
- Yeah, as long as we both
want the same thing, great.
415
00:23:14,271 --> 00:23:15,480
And if we don't,
416
00:23:16,439 --> 00:23:18,066
then we'll deal with that, too.
417
00:23:19,693 --> 00:23:21,903
Look, I don't know
if you'd be interested in this,
418
00:23:21,903 --> 00:23:25,156
but, uh, if you did wanna stick around,
we could start with some light ticklin'.
419
00:23:25,156 --> 00:23:27,158
- I'm good... thanks.
420
00:23:27,826 --> 00:23:30,120
- Fair enough. Hm.
- Okay.
421
00:23:32,914 --> 00:23:35,333
- After everything I have done for you,
422
00:23:35,333 --> 00:23:36,835
all that I have sacrificed,
423
00:23:36,835 --> 00:23:40,839
all the hours I spent trying to graft some
semblance of testicles to your scrotum,
424
00:23:40,839 --> 00:23:42,841
and you're just gonna--
you're gonna throw it all away!
425
00:23:42,841 --> 00:23:44,718
- I knew he couldn't do casual.
I said it from the beginning.
426
00:23:44,718 --> 00:23:46,261
- Except I can do casual, actually.
427
00:23:46,261 --> 00:23:47,804
I could've had sex
with Rachel all night long.
428
00:23:47,804 --> 00:23:50,307
- That is highly debatable!
- And I wouldn't have felt anything.
429
00:23:50,307 --> 00:23:52,058
But it's different with Lindsay.
430
00:23:52,434 --> 00:23:55,312
It's special... because she's special.
431
00:23:55,312 --> 00:23:57,939
- What are you talking about?
You felt the same thing with me.
432
00:23:58,815 --> 00:24:02,152
- Maybe you were special, too.
- That is actually very sweet.
433
00:24:02,152 --> 00:24:04,362
- Okay, but that's the problem, Miguel.
434
00:24:05,363 --> 00:24:06,615
You're not special...
435
00:24:06,615 --> 00:24:08,700
at all.
MIGUEL: Mm-hm.
436
00:24:18,460 --> 00:24:19,461
Hey.
437
00:24:20,378 --> 00:24:21,880
- Oh, hi.
438
00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:23,381
- I hope you don't mind that I came by.
439
00:24:23,381 --> 00:24:27,802
- N-No, it's great to see you, um.
I don't have super long to talk, though,
440
00:24:27,802 --> 00:24:31,389
just because the new Sue Grafton
joint just dropped, O For Outlaw,
441
00:24:31,389 --> 00:24:33,808
and let me tell you,
we are "S" for screwed
442
00:24:33,808 --> 00:24:35,810
because we don't have
the manpower to handle this.
443
00:24:35,810 --> 00:24:37,604
- No, no, no. This, this won't take long.
444
00:24:37,604 --> 00:24:41,233
It's just, um, there's something
I need to tell you, um.
445
00:24:41,233 --> 00:24:42,317
♪ romantic music swells ♪
446
00:24:42,317 --> 00:24:44,152
I was with someone last night.
447
00:24:44,778 --> 00:24:45,612
Um.
448
00:24:46,196 --> 00:24:47,030
- Oh.
449
00:24:47,405 --> 00:24:51,534
- It, it didn't mean anything,
but it made me realize--
450
00:24:51,534 --> 00:24:55,580
- I, I just have to say,
I-I'm so glad that you brought this up
451
00:24:55,580 --> 00:24:59,376
because I, too,
was with someone last night.
452
00:24:59,709 --> 00:25:02,045
♪ music ends ♪
And I j-- I didn't know if we were,
453
00:25:02,045 --> 00:25:06,258
if we were gonna share that...
news with each other or.
454
00:25:06,633 --> 00:25:11,263
It's actually someone you know...
sort of. It was... Ted.
455
00:25:12,514 --> 00:25:14,349
McGooch... Yeah.
456
00:25:14,349 --> 00:25:16,685
I mean, that's not
his real last name, but.
457
00:25:17,519 --> 00:25:18,728
- You were with
458
00:25:20,188 --> 00:25:21,606
Mr. McGooch?
459
00:25:23,108 --> 00:25:26,736
W-Where did you go? An underwater circus?
460
00:25:27,737 --> 00:25:29,990
- Yeah, [laughs] actually.
461
00:25:29,990 --> 00:25:32,450
I mean, it was above water, obviously,
462
00:25:32,450 --> 00:25:35,328
uh, and it was less of a circus circus
463
00:25:35,328 --> 00:25:40,667
and more of a sex club
with a circus theme?
464
00:25:41,418 --> 00:25:43,420
I just have to say I-I'm--
465
00:25:43,420 --> 00:25:46,381
I was really, really nervous
when we started this, you know,
466
00:25:46,381 --> 00:25:50,051
because I was like,
"Can people even be casual?"
467
00:25:50,051 --> 00:25:51,261
But
468
00:25:51,261 --> 00:25:53,096
this is what I came to New York for,
469
00:25:53,096 --> 00:25:58,727
to be free and to try
all kinds of new things--
470
00:25:58,727 --> 00:26:00,353
[drumroll]
[Lindsay's voice fades]
471
00:26:04,316 --> 00:26:07,277
- ♪ There once lived a boy,
or rather, a man ♪
472
00:26:07,277 --> 00:26:10,280
♪ Who loved a young woman
and hatched a great plan ♪
473
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:13,199
♪ He thought he should share
all his feelings inside ♪
474
00:26:13,199 --> 00:26:16,161
♪ Those feelings he felt
he should no longer hide ♪
475
00:26:16,161 --> 00:26:19,164
♪ So he hitched up his courage
and ran to her side ♪
476
00:26:19,164 --> 00:26:22,584
♪ Hopin' to open his heart open wide ♪
477
00:26:22,584 --> 00:26:27,047
♪ But I was right there sayin'...
"Buddy, beware" ♪
478
00:26:27,047 --> 00:26:30,675
♪ With McGoochy McWisdom
I thought I'd McShare ♪
479
00:26:32,385 --> 00:26:35,847
♪ Oh, there's so many ways
you have not thought this through ♪
480
00:26:35,847 --> 00:26:39,392
♪ Yes, you feel things for her,
what does she feel for you ♪
481
00:26:39,392 --> 00:26:43,146
♪ Your feelings are big, ah,
but hers may be smaller ♪
482
00:26:43,146 --> 00:26:46,399
♪ She may have big feelings
for one who is taller ♪
483
00:26:46,399 --> 00:26:49,778
♪ Or richer or cooler,
this has been the trend ♪
484
00:26:49,778 --> 00:26:53,240
♪ So, think this thing through,
my full-feeling friend ♪
485
00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:56,618
♪ You're a smart-seemin' kid,
keep a lid on this blaze ♪
486
00:26:56,618 --> 00:27:00,956
♪ Your feelings could burn you
in so many ways ♪
487
00:27:00,956 --> 00:27:06,753
TED/DANCERS:
♪ So many ways, so many ways ♪
488
00:27:07,170 --> 00:27:09,589
DANCERS:
♪ You've not thought this through ♪
489
00:27:09,589 --> 00:27:13,009
♪ In so many ways ♪
490
00:27:13,593 --> 00:27:16,888
- ♪ 'Cause there's so many ways
you will not measure up ♪
491
00:27:16,888 --> 00:27:20,141
♪ If you're counting them now,
then the answer is yup ♪
492
00:27:20,141 --> 00:27:23,812
♪ You've no self-assurance,
you always soft pedal ♪
493
00:27:23,812 --> 00:27:27,065
♪ You have no Newbery
or Caldecott Medal ♪
494
00:27:27,065 --> 00:27:30,110
♪ I own my apartment and prob'ly a boat ♪
495
00:27:30,110 --> 00:27:33,572
♪ Thanks to whimsical,
swim-sical classics I wrote ♪
496
00:27:33,572 --> 00:27:36,825
♪ And a girl on the go
likes a player who pays ♪
497
00:27:36,825 --> 00:27:40,829
♪ And your boat
just won't float in, oh, sss ♪
498
00:27:40,829 --> 00:27:44,165
DANCERS: ♪ So many ways ♪
- ♪ So many ways ♪
499
00:27:44,165 --> 00:27:46,585
DANCERS: ♪ So many ways ♪
500
00:27:46,585 --> 00:27:49,838
- ♪ Oh, there's so many ways
you are going to get hurt ♪
501
00:27:49,838 --> 00:27:53,049
♪ Has she been to my place,
have I been up her skirt ♪
502
00:27:53,049 --> 00:27:56,553
♪ You can't know, you can't know,
she will not tell you so ♪
503
00:27:56,553 --> 00:28:00,015
♪ So you'll go and imagine
a slow blow-by-blow ♪
504
00:28:00,015 --> 00:28:03,101
♪ And there in your head,
I'll be so good in bed ♪
505
00:28:03,101 --> 00:28:06,354
♪ You'll concoct that her cooch
likes McGooch there instead ♪
506
00:28:06,605 --> 00:28:09,733
♪ When I do the deed,
every dame's in a daze ♪
507
00:28:09,733 --> 00:28:13,945
♪ My deed does it deeper in so many ways ♪
508
00:28:13,945 --> 00:28:19,868
TED/DANCERS:
♪ So many ways, so many ways ♪
509
00:28:19,868 --> 00:28:22,996
- ♪ I have experience, I have the skills ♪
510
00:28:22,996 --> 00:28:26,291
♪ I'm wiser and Pfizer
supplies me with pills ♪
511
00:28:26,291 --> 00:28:28,084
♪ But do what you want, fella ♪
512
00:28:28,084 --> 00:28:31,171
♪ Nerve up and tell her
ya love her and need her ♪
513
00:28:31,171 --> 00:28:34,466
♪ Then wait like Old Yeller,
as she pulls the trigger ♪
514
00:28:34,466 --> 00:28:37,427
♪ And right down you go
like that pitiful pooch ♪
515
00:28:37,427 --> 00:28:40,472
♪ Yes, McGooch... told ya so ♪
516
00:28:41,723 --> 00:28:44,142
LINDSAY: Like you were saying,
it made you realize--
517
00:28:44,142 --> 00:28:45,769
- This was a mistake.
518
00:28:46,937 --> 00:28:48,647
For us to get involved.
519
00:28:49,439 --> 00:28:51,066
That's what I realized.
520
00:28:52,025 --> 00:28:53,652
For a lot of different reasons,
521
00:28:54,486 --> 00:28:57,239
we were better off as friends,
522
00:28:57,239 --> 00:28:58,240
so
523
00:29:00,116 --> 00:29:02,118
I think we should just
524
00:29:03,495 --> 00:29:04,496
do that.
525
00:29:06,206 --> 00:29:09,626
- Yeah, I mean, if that's...
what you really want.
526
00:29:12,045 --> 00:29:13,255
- Absolutely.
527
00:29:17,008 --> 00:29:20,011
♪
528
00:30:11,521 --> 00:30:14,524
[fanfare]