♪ soft music playing ♪
Wow. You just got dumped by someone who you weren't even dating, Linds.
Let's take a second to think about that. It's pretty impressive.
I just don't get it. Wh--
Everything was going so well.
In hindsight, maybe a mistake to rub his nose
in the fact that you cavorted with another man
like a common street whore.
Jesus Christ, Mom.
You know, he went home with somebody else, too.
TOM: Excuse me.
He fornicated with one other partner that he admitted to.
Who knows the real total?
That's why I recommend a comprehensive venereal panel
as soon as possible.
Why do I even care, you know?
The whole point of this was that it was supposed to be casual.
Because you love him, Lindsay.
You've loved him from the moment his tears fell on those
blotchy, under-moisturized cheeks of yours.
[scoffs] Okay. Maybe I... like him. A little.
- Finally, she admits it. - It's like pulling teeth.
Hey.
Remind me, bitch. Why are you here?
Oh no, Lindsay, not her.
Did you seriously come all the way to New York City
to find a cute little boyfriend?
Some cubicle-dwelling dweeb you could snuggle up with
to watch Party of Five?
There's no need to drag the Salinger siblings into this.
'Cause I thought you came here to find you.
To meet bad boys, and make bad decisions,
and end up in terrifying situations.
Maybe not... terrifying, but.
Okay. Lindsay? You don't know this person.
She said a mean thing to you once about a beverage...
♪ Your Diet Coke is oppression in a can ♪
...and it's become an obsession.
You don't even know her name.
Oh yeah? Well, I know her soul.
- Oh, for God's s-- - Uck!
- Yuck, Linds. - The soul is a myth.
LINDSAY: You know, I used to see you at parties,
and you would just be sitting there in the corner just
reading Anaïs Nin, and smoking cloves,
and glaring at everybody.
Y-You didn't care what anyone thought.
And that's all I did was care.
- That's a good thing. - Look, bitch.
It's simple, okay?
Miguel is over.
Miguel and his nine-to-five,
Brooks Brothers slow march to the grave,
which means you have a choice to make.
♪ alluring music playing ♪
♪ You could keep cryin' in your pink party dress ♪
♪ Stayin' still, keepin' clean, afraid you'll make a mess ♪
♪ Or you could do as ya please ♪
♪ Get a little dirt on those knees ♪
♪ And when trouble knocks to come and play ♪
- ♪ You could say ♪ - ♪ Yes ♪
♪ Who's afraid of the big, bad girl ♪
♪ Could it be you, could it be you ♪
♪ How ‘bout try her on for size ♪
♪ Give up that good girl compromise ♪
♪ It could free you, you got to be you ♪
BOTH: ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Hell yeah ♪
- You look insane. - Thank you!
♪ You could keep chasin' that ol' bunny down the track ♪
♪ Runnin' fast, like a dog, for a pat on the back ♪
♪ Or you could simply refuse to run a race set up to lose ♪
♪ Then you can run a little wild and go find your pack ♪
♪ Who's afraid of a bad, bad dog ♪
♪ Could it be you, could it be you ♪
♪ Remove those blinders and you might unleash a bitch who likes to bite ♪
♪ Collar free you, you've got to be you ♪
BOTH: ♪ And to the delicate boys you leave in your wake ♪
♪ They were broken before, they're too easy to break ♪
♪ I am a risk that you miss or you take ♪
♪ But I'm done bein', done bein', done bein' fake ♪
♪ Who's a fan of a badass girl ♪
♪ Could it be you ♪
♪ I'm runnin' feral and untamed, and in the end, I can't be blamed ♪
♪ For what we do, you got to be you ♪
BOTH: ♪ Hell yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Fuck yeah, yeah ♪
♪ In all this crazy world ♪
♪ There's one thing I am certain of ♪
♪ For every hour and month and year that we are here to love ♪
♪ Regardless of how much ♪
♪ We talk, we tell, we touch ♪
♪ No matter what we suffer throoough ♪
♪ I can never know you ♪
[voices harmonizing]
♪ jazzy music playing ♪
KEVIN: This was all my idea, you know?
Chad told me The Great Gatsby's Rachel's favorite book.
I said, "Dude, do a Gatsby-themed rehearsal dinner at your parents' place
in Bridgehampton. She'll freak." MIGUEL: Nice.
And guess what? She freaked.
- Wow. - Yup.
Oop, there they are... The happy couple.
I hear they tried to fuck you.
Uh, you know, I'm getting pretty close with Squez, the juice company,
and I think there might be some legs there.
Yeah, well, you oughta talk to Dick about it.
Because Dick Waltham wants to hear about an eight-figure deal
from a second-year analyst?
Ugh, Jimmy. Jimmy, Jimmy.
This weekend?
That man is not the CFO of Winnicott Douglass.
He's just Chad's dad, father of the groom.
And you are not a second-year analyst.
You are his son's close friend and trusted colleague.
Could you introduce us?
[scoffs] I could.
But if you really wanna impress the old man,
you'll nut up and do it yourself.
This is it.
You are not gonna allow anything to stand in your way this weekend.
You march up to that old fucker right now
- and tell him that-- - Hey... I know that chick.
♪
Random Lindsay.
Miguel.
What are you doing here?
- There goes the fuckin' weekend. - This asshole again? Really?
I'm here for the wedding.
For Charles's wedding?
- You mean Chad? - I don't know.
Derek just said it was his cousin, Charles.
Who's Derek?
- Hey. - Oh, fuck. He's huge.
This is, um, Derek.
- Derek, this is Miguel. - I'm, I'm Miguel. Nice to meet you.
How long have, uh, you two been dating?
[scoffs] No, we're not dating. We don't do labels.
Yeah... labels are for grocery stores.
For items... that need labeling.
DEREK: God, you're amazing. [Lindsay chuckles]
Wow, cool. Where are your costumes?
Like we're gonna dress up for a fucking costume party.
- Stop thinking about her. - I'm not thinking about her.
Oh, oh, I see another brown person. You're not the only-- Nope. Waiter.
I'm not gonna feel weird about that.
- You already feel weird about that. - Okay, stop. Look, he belongs here.
Hey... you belong here, buddy.
What?
Oh! There he is. Look alive.
CHRIS: Jimmy Jam-A-Rooney.
- ORSON: Ah, fuck. - How goes it? So good to see you, bud.
Hey, Chris. CHRIS: Heard about your juice biz.
I think I may have found a client, too. Nothing as cool as juice, obviously.
My dad's best friend runs Pringles? Do you know Pringles?
This Machiavellian motherfucker!
- Yeah, Chris, I-I've heard of Pringles. - Yeah... They're pretty tasty.
♪
♪ Well, hello ♪
♪ Again, you dance into my brain ♪
[Chris rambling] ♪ Remember last time ♪
- ♪ All the passion ♪ - 'Scuse me.
- SINGER: ♪ All the pain ♪ - No, no.
- SINGER: ♪ You throw me ♪ - No!
SINGER: ♪ You throw me off my chosen track ♪
MIGUEL: You changed.
I... just threw this together.
- Where's your boyfriend? - He's not my boyfriend.
Right. No, I forgot. No labels.
Like a... grocery store.
He decided to stay in the room and work on his writing.
He's an amazing writer. CHAD: Hey!
Who wants to dance with my beautiful fiancée, huh?
Oh. Oh, I see someone.
Uh, do you wanna maybe?
Okay, sure.
♪ You're meant to find one day ♪
♪ And when you meet them ♪
♪ You know them faster than you should ♪
♪ And the smallest thing they do makes you feel ♪ - He seems... great... Derek.
He's brilliant.
He just had his second piece published in the Village Voice.
About the new politics of grammar.
Oh... wow.
See, I'm not even caught up on the old politics... so.
♪ What was my life like before you were there ♪
You know, you were the one that said that you wanted to be friends,
but you didn't, by the way,
'cause I called you several times to hang out and... I left messages.
Guess I just assumed you didn't really wanna see me.
Well, I did. CHAD: Oh yeah!
Random Lindsay and Jimmy. Old school, baby.
SINGER: ♪ Something about you I already seem to know ♪
Do you think any of them actually know your name?
[Miguel scoffs]
Honestly, it's anyone's guess.
SINGER: ♪ Path we're on has only gone for just ♪
- ♪ A little while ♪ - You're better than all of them.
SINGER: ♪ Let the rest of it begin ♪ [Miguel chuckles]
You realize that, right? SINGER: ♪ I'm with you and I'm all in ♪
♪ I feel like I've always known you ♪
DEREK: Hey.
I'm here. 'Sup. LINDSAY: Hey.
Hey. D-Money has arrived.
Someone forgot their 1920s attire.
I am 1920s. I'm a vagrant.
Have fun. DEREK: See ya, man.
You wanna dance?
No.
You look beautiful.
[Dick and guest chatting]
DICK WALTHAM: He's just been an absolute standout
from the second he started.
Last quarter, especially. GUEST: Thank you.
DICK: Anyway, we're so thrilled you could make it out.
- Talk to you a little bit later. - Thank you.
Mr. Waltham.
Um, Miguel Jimenez, sir. Second-year analyst.
I'm actually a friend of Chad's and colleague, a trusted colleague.
Pleasure to meet you.
Um,
I don't mean to talk business on an occasion like this,
but I just had to tell you--
I know it's usually a three-year track from analyst to associate, but, um,
I'm ready now.
How do you figure that?
I'm better than any other analyst you have.
[chuckles]
And...
I'm on the cusp of securing a major deal
with an up-and-coming juice company.
Nantucket Nectars reported $80 million in sales last year.
Snapple?
Had almost 800.
The company I'm talking with,
I firmly believe,
has the potential to compete with both of 'em.
[bell ringing]
Find me later. We'll talk after dinner.
Sounds good.
[guests chattering]
♪ piano music playing ♪
[groans] Beef medallions? This evening could not be more grotesque.
Yeah. I-I didn't even know they were doing rehearsal dinners anymore.
It's, like, what is it, 1973?
DEREK: Huh, exactly.
How's your children's book?
You said you were gonna maybe start working on one?
I-I had an idea once that maybe I would write a, a children's book.
I thought you said you were writing an existential horror story
about the monstrosity of nature?
Yeah.
As a children's book.
Mmm, what do you do, Miguel?
I work with Chad, actually, at Winnicott.
[groans] I'm sorry.
Oh, it's just banking, you know, it's--
I mean... you've seen what it's done to my family.
I guess... not everyone can afford to be a writer for the Village Voice.
Well,
cultural critic and predatory capitalist
aren't the only extant career paths available.
Where is it you bank, Derek? [Derek scoffs]
I don't have that kinda money.
No, sorry, I meant your trust fund.
- He doesn't have a trust fund. - N-- Well, no, no, no. It's--
Look, my, my parents set one up for me,
but, uh... yeah, I don't control it.
No, right. You just use it to... fund your writerly lifestyle.
[chuckles]
♪ Have you seen this baby genius ♪
♪ He'll bring you such joy ♪
♪ He's my smart, smart, smart, smart, smart ♪
You have any cocaine here?
Somewhere in the house?
- MIGUEL: Hm. - Gentlemen, we're, uh,
headed to the cabin for some cigars.
You in?
Dick asked to make sure you were there, Jimmy.
Then I guess I have to be there, don't I?
Hey, wait, I'm sorry. So, is your name Miguel or is it Jimmy?
- That's just a nickname. - It's because of his last name:
Gym-en-ez.
Um, so then wouldn't it be pronounced "Jimenez"?
It, it doesn't matter, all right?
- Cigars. - No, it does matter, though,
because this guy right here is actually being pretty racist.
- Derek, I-I don't think it's right-- - Is it, is it racist?
- Am, am I, am I racist? - N-No. No, you're not--
Yeah, bro, very racist. I'm sorry, Miguel.
Man, if I were you, I'd be standing up for myself.
What he's doing, it's not right.
You actually have no idea what you're talkin' about,
so why don't you just shut the fuck up, Derek?
Whoa.
DICK: Everything okay here?
Yeah... Yeah, no, everything's, um, everything's fine.
We're heading over to the cabin.
Right?
Maybe you should take a walk instead.
Cool down.
Walk with me.
Hey... I was just tryna help.
LINDSAY: Miguel.
Miguel... Miguel, will you stop?
Look, I'm sorry for what happened in there, okay?
No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry your boyfriend's an asshole.
He's not my boyfriend.
What happened to you?
Because the Lindsay I knew was excited about everything.
In love with everything.
This is who I've always been.
This is exactly the person that I've always wanted to be.
Wow. Congratulations, then. That must be really nice.
You don't get to dump me
and then just show up three months later and start--
Dump you?
You were the one who didn't even wanna be in a relationship.
- You wanted casual. - No, you said you wanted casual.
Because I knew that's what you wanted me to say.
You said that you wanted to be friends. You ended it.
I ended things because I was terrified I was falling in love with you!
♪ light music playing ♪
That's when I thought I knew you.
And this person now? I don't know her.
I don't know her at all.
Were you really falling in love with me?
I have to go.
- Why did I say that? - She tricked you. Again.
Just like with the crying.
You need to focus the fuck up.
Get your head outta your ass and back in the game.
Let's go find that cabin, you walk in, you drop to your knees,
- and you grovel. - Are you joking? It is too late for that.
You did the only thing, the one thing you are not supposed to do:
you scared them.
The next time you see those men,
you tell them exactly what Mrs. Woodruff told your father and me
at your third grade parent-teacher conference.
[branch snaps]
ORSON: The... fuck was that?
What she said was, "Mr. and Mrs. Jimenez"...
- Oh, my God. - ..."your son is gonna be President
of the United States someday."
Okay? That's the kind of brilliance we're talking about here.
She was talking about me running for student council.
ROSIE: As a stepping stone.
[all yelling]
What an arrogant, self-righteous butt wipe.
He's like Pedro on The Real World, if all Pedro did was yell at Puck
for putting his finger in his peanut butter.
Whoa... you're siding with Puck?
Uh, yeah.
Miguel never got you.
Not like I do.
Not like Derek does.
You're a badass bitch just like me who doesn't give a fuck.
But
- I do give a fuck. - Mm-mm.
I give a lotta fucks, actually.
You don't know me at all, and I-I don't know you.
My mom was right. I-I don't even know your name.
It's Liz... probably.
I don't think I wanna be friends with you anymore.
We were never friends.
Exactly.
DEREK: I wanna trust you.
I'm just so scared you're gonna hurt me.
- Ah, ah! Wh-- - I don't know what happened.
We got to the cabin, and Chad and Kevin asked
if I wanna try something really fun,
so of course I said yes because I like really fun stuff.
They blindfolded me, put me in the suit,
shoved a ghost pepper in my mouth, and told me to run like the wind,
and if I stopped running, even for a second,
they said they would know,
and I would have to swallow the ghost pepper--
Was, was Miguel-- I mean, did you see Miguel down there?
He never showed up... Lucky bastard.
Miguel?
Miguel?!
MIGUEL: Lindsay!
Miguel?!
Hey. Hi.
You came to find me.
Well, yeah. You, you told me you were afraid of the woods.
You remembered that?
Of course.
I don't wanna scare you,
but there's a bear... somewhere around here.
Hey,
he went home.
Come on, let's go.
♪
♪ Well, hello ♪
♪ Again, you dance into my brain ♪
♪ Remember last time ♪
♪ All the passion, all the pain ♪
MIGUEL: ♪ You throw me ♪
♪ You throw me off my chosen track ♪
♪ And every time I dance away, you keep on dancing back ♪
BOTH: ♪ I don't know who you think you are ♪
♪ No one's like you near or far ♪
♪ But I feel like I've always known you ♪
♪ Did we meet ♪
♪ In some lifetime long ago ♪
♪ There's something about you ♪
♪ I already seem to know ♪
♪ I've always known the way ♪
♪ You speak, the way you smile ♪
♪ Though this path we're on ♪
♪ Has only gone for just a little while ♪
♪ Let the rest of it begin ♪
♪ I'm with you and I'm all in ♪
LINDSAY: ♪ And I feel like I've always known you ♪
MIGUEL: ♪ I feel like I've always known you ♪
LINDSAY: ♪ I feel like I've always ♪
BOTH: ♪ I feel like I've always known you ♪
[out of breath] Hey, guys... Have you seen a bear?
'Bout yea high? Ghost pepper in his mouth?
Things got pretty crazy at the cabin.
Oh, wait.
Were you about to bone?
♪
[fanfare]