♪ In all this crazy world ♪
♪ There's one thing I am certain of ♪
♪ For every hour and month and year that we are here to love ♪
♪ Regardless of how much ♪
♪ We talk, we tell, we touch ♪
♪ No matter what we suffer thorough ♪
- ♪ I can never know you ♪ - ♪ I can never know you ♪
[voices harmonizing]
Excuse me.
I really hope Derek didn't mess things up for you. With your job?
No, not at all.
I'll make it up to them once I land this client.
- Is, um, is this the juice guy? - Yeah.
I just have to put together a good investor presentation,
and, and if he likes it, then--
Free juice for life?
Free juice for life. [both chuckling]
I had a really great time with you... this weekend.
Me too.
And I'm really grateful that you said what you said
because I wasn't brave enough to be the first one to say it.
Now, I kind of feel like we could tell each other anything,
and that's... really cool.
You can't trust anything she says. Proven fact.
You should never have been the first one to say... the thing.
- "I love you." - We don't have to repeat it.
You're rushing into this.
- What're you thinkin' about? - Nothing.
ORSON: Now she knows how fuckin' weak you are.
Nothing at all? Just... no thoughts?
- ORSON: Oh, she's gonna eat you alive! - Just blank.
- Hm. - Yeah.
Seriously... I'm, I'm good.
♪ uptempo music playing ♪
I'm not rushing into anything.
I know exactly what I'm doing.
♪
♪ Fallin' in love does not have to hurt ♪
♪ Don't try too hard or overexert ♪
♪ Savor the sun, stay out of the rain ♪
♪ That's falling in love without pain ♪
♪
♪ Fallin' in love is easy as pie ♪
♪ Don't go too low and don't get too high ♪
♪ Share a good time without baring your soul ♪
♪ That's falling in love in control ♪
♪
♪ Poets and rockstars and every Valentine's card ♪
♪ They all sing of leaping or hurtling or falling too hard ♪
♪ Yeah, well, that's one way to do it ♪
♪ But having been through it ♪
♪ I'd like to keep one hand on guard ♪
♪ ‘Cause falling in love is like placing a bet ♪
♪ How much you put in affects how much you get ♪
♪ I've been burned before, so this time I'll choose ♪
♪ To only put in what I'm willing to lose ♪
♪ Low stakes, no mess, and I guess I'm okay ♪
♪ With fallin' in love ♪
♪ Falling in love ♪
♪ Halfway ♪
♪
Everything all right?
Uh, yeah. I'm just feeling a little stuck.
I've been tryna figure out the ending of this book for two weeks now.
I could help... if you let me read it.
I don't want you to see any of it until it's actually--
- Until it's perfect? - No.
Mediocre is what I was going for, actually.
Hey... you know you don't have to go.
[sighs] I have the presentation tomorrow,
and I've already spent the night three nights this week, so.
Huh... didn't realize you were keeping count.
Okay. I was joking.
How 'bout I, uh, give you a call tomorrow?
- Bye. - Bye.
[door closes]
[door opens]
[footsteps thumping] [rummaging]
Ah! What's going on?!
Get your shit! We have to go. Right now.
- Dave's back. - Who-who's Dave?
Dave lives here. He owns this place.
- I didn't know we were subletting. - We aren't.
Where the fuck is my diaphragm?
It never felt like an illegal squat, but I guess that's neither here nor there.
Yeah, squatting's sort of independent of your feelings.
I-I promise I'm gonna start looking for my own place right away.
There's no rush.
- Wow! Your room is so cute. - Thanks.
Uh, that wasn't a compliment, dude.
Yeah. No woman wants to fuck a grown man with a cute bedroom.
You need to get her the fuck outta here before she sees all your humiliating shit.
Ah... this must be the infamous Yogurt.
- Hi! Oh! Oh, my God! - No, no. I wouldn't--
Yeah. [growling]
- Good boy. - Yeah, he's not great with people.
- Hey, it's okay. You're okay. - Sorry.
MIGUEL: There you go.
What's this? Like a little inspiration wall?
- Uh-- - Yeah, I'm dyin' to hear you explain this shit.
No, tho-those are just pictures that I, um...
- ORSON: You what? - ...that I found.
Yeah, I, I just-- I like, I like the way they look together, so I--
Is that an office?
That's the Corinthian.
- It's, um, it's a condo. - It's kinda sterile.
Well, it has great amenities.
- What, what are these? - Oh, great!
She found your dungeons and dork shit.
Uh-- ORSON: Fuck!
Those are just from... my old job.
I drew them. ORSON: Game over, man!
You, you drew these?
Yeah, I, I thought I told you I worked in video games.
Yeah, uh, but I just assumed you did, like, video game finances or something.
I... I didn't know you were an artist.
Well, it-it's not actually art. That's just what they call it.
- But it's-- - I love this guy.
Oh, no, no! She found the wizard. Ah, there's no goin' back from this.
What's his name? BOTH: Cyprian.
And he's a wizard?
A sixth-level sorcerer with ninth-level powers of necromancy.
He's-- Yeah, he's basically a wizard.
You never told me about any of this. I didn't even know you drew.
Well... it was a long time ago.
Oh, he's a magnificent artist.
And the things he would do with papier-mâché.
Oh! Talk about a wizard.
So, you gave up all this to... do... banking?
Well, he wasn't gonna draw video games for his entire life.
He has goals. He has things to accomplish.
I couldn't just do concept art forever.
I have goals.
It's just--
It wasn't me anymore.
♪
[child coughing]
[indistinct chatter]
[clears throat] Hi, hi, hi, hi!
[chuckles] Hi, friends. Hi.
Okay, so I know we're all waiting on Xander Duggins,
and he should be arriving at any moment,
but in the meantime,
how would you guys like to be part of a focus group
for a brand new, as-yet-unpublished, work-in-progress story
about a fun friend named Squid the Squirrel
who's tryna figure out who she really is and where she really belongs.
[crowd murmuring]
Great. So there's no illustrations yet,
so we're just gonna have to use our imaginations,
but, hey, that's twice the fun. Am I right?
With the growth levels we're targeting,
even after you factor in for supply volatility,
with the three Ps:
- Pineapple, Papaya, Passion fruit-- - I, uh,
uh, yeah, I have a question.
Well, we're actually, um, timing the presentation right now
just to see how long it's gonna be for when actually presenting to investors.
Should I stop the timer?
So I'm over here kinda wondering like,
"Does this guy even like juice?"
I... I like juice a lot.
What's your favorite blend?
- Uh-- - See? That should be split second.
Orange Kiwi Crisis. I blanked.
I can't have somebody sellin' my company
that's not on fire with juice.
- I am very much on fire. - He's totally aflame.
So where's the passion? Huh?
'Cause I see numbers and I see graphs.
Well, you really want great graphs in an investment presentation.
Fuck graphs... Where's my Snapple killer?
Hey.
He's right here.
Okay?
Yeah, well, uh, unfortunately, Miguel,
I just don't see it.
Eight minutes and 32 seconds.
LINDSAY: "But suddenly, it struck her, like a bolt from on high,
"the owl had been wrong, and so had the fly.
"Squid might've been different, that much was true,
"but she was a squirrel,
a squirrel through and through."
So, uh, by a quick show of hands,
who here preferred that ending to ending number one,
in which Squid discovers that she is actually a squid
who was abducted by a pair of well-meaning
but, ultimately, misguided squirrels with fertility issues?
- CHILD: What's fertility? - Yes.
I don't get it. Is she a squid or a squirrel?
- [children agreeing] - Oh, that's what I'm trying to suss out.
- Yeah. - Shouldn't you know what animal your main character is?
I could definitely choose that on my own,
but, you know, I-I'm tryin' to... see what you think.
So, ahem, maybe we should just move on to ending three.
How many endings do you have?
I just want you to like her.
What do I need to do to make you like her?
Do you want her to be a squid, or do you want her to be a squirrel?
Or do you want her to be an Amazonian pygmy marmoset,
which I promise, will make a lot more sense
once we get through ending six.
Oh!
Look, everybody! It's Xander Duggins! [children cheering]
Yay! Okay.
♪
Great reading.
Yeah... thanks.
It's a wonderful book.
I actually have a book myself.
It's a-- It's about a, a squid who thinks she's a squirrel.
Or it-- maybe it's about a s-- a squirrel who thinks that she's--
[sighs] Honestly, I-I'm having trouble figuring out what she is.
What do you want her to be?
I don't know.
Lately, I have just been feeling so--
Blocked.
Yes!
I was blocked on one book for three and a half years.
Thought it was a writing problem.
Turns out it was more of a
"my ex-wife accused me of caring more about inanimate puppets
"than my own children, and the judge agreed,
and now I'm essentially penniless" problem.
Had to get past that,
and then I sat down and finished that book in an hour flat.
H-How did you get unblocked?
[sighs]
Are you a cop?
Hey... so I guess it's just us.
Your dad had a teacher conference in Delaware?
[sniffing]
Whatchu doin'?
I blew my presentation today.
Chad and Kevin had to convince Trip to come back tomorrow morning for a redo.
So, now I have to come up with something to say
to show how passionate I am about juice,
or there's no chance I'm making associate by the end of the year.
And we're sure that's a bad thing, right?
It's just... you don't seem to like it very much.
You know, your job.
[bottles clinking]
I'm not going back to video games.
But... if you don't love what you do--
Most people don't get to love what they do.
What do you love, exactly?
'Cause I don't really get a whole lot of feelings from you.
You know, you'll open up to me and you'll say all this stuff,
and then, all of a sudden, you slam the door shut
and you're just gone.
I have no idea what you're thinking.
- People aren't always thinking things. - You keep things from me.
Your drawings.
I'd never even seen your house until I showed up at your doorstep
because I-I lost my apartment. [Miguel gargles]
[Miguel spits, groans]
You all right?
It's expired.
It's two years old.
Oh, my God. It's, like, fermented.
- [Miguel groans] - Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Why is that worse than the juice?
Because it's... psilocybin.
It's what?
Magic mushroom tea?
Supposedly, it is very
- helpful in unblocking-- - It's drugs.
I just took drugs.
How much drugs did I just drink?
Well, I, I only took a few sips, so not a small amount.
I've never done drugs.
Yes, I-I-I'm beginning to gather that.
Are you gonna be okay?
Yeah, no, I'm fine. I'm--
It'll be fun, I bet.
[all screaming]
Still nothing?
Nope.
It's been an hour.
Maybe neither of us took enough.
Are you sure you didn't get a bad batch?
I did... purchase them from a marionettist with a ukulele
in what sounded like a terrible first marriage,
so... [inhales] definitely wouldn't surprise me.
Um, I'm gonna get some air.
Wait, but are we--
are we totally sure that's a good idea?
If it was gonna happen, it would've happened already.
Yeah... Yeah, you're probably right.
♪ video game synth music playing ♪
CYPRIAN [on TV]: ♪ You have been called to the quest of quests ♪
♪ You will endure many tests ♪
♪ And your reward, should you persevere ♪
♪ Is a kingdom beyond pain and fear ♪
♪ Will you go forth... on this quest with me ♪
♪ And face the trials of your destiny ♪
♪ High in the halls of the Crystal Tower ♪
♪ You'll find your doom ♪
♪ Or you'll find your power ♪
When did this game come out?
I feel like I should've heard about this.
Come. Your enemies gather.
♪
Okay?
[knocks at door]
♪ mysterious music playing ♪
[knocks]
Yogurt? [knocks]
Is that you?
[knocks]
Well, good evening and hello.
- Ned! No! Are you kidding me? - My goodness!
We did just enough fucking drugs for you to show up?!
What'd you expect, Linds? You wanted to dig deep, right?
Why are you deep inside me?
I'm your block.
- Surprise! - No. No, it can't be.
You're filled with guilt over what ya did to me.
You tried shovin' it all down, but... I'm still here.
I don't feel guilty about what I did at all.
- In fact, I feel great. - You're stuck because you've written
a character no one could ever like.
A character who abandons the creatures who love her
to go on some kind of half-baked, coniferous Rumspringa.
And you can't decide, is she a squid or a squirrel
or a sloth with a pituitary disorder
because she's not an animal at all.
She's a monster.
[deep voice] Just like you.
I'm not a monster.
[normal] Oh! Really, Linds?
[distorted] What's in the suitcase?
♪ ominous music playing ♪
[whispers] Why don't you open it? [gasps]
Ooh, give Miguel a little peek while we're at it?
I'm sure he'd be very interested in the contents.
♪ cheery video game music playing ♪
♪
Are you prepared to face the battles ahead?
No.
Not at all.
I don't have any armor or... weapons.
You will.
♪ Bury thy feelings way down deep ♪
♪ Obtain thy shield and sword ♪
♪ Storm the evil castle keep ♪
♪ Swear fealty to thy lord, that's me ♪
♪
[whooshing]
I hear the lawn mower. I guess Migwell's dad's working today.
Uh-oh, he's gonna cry.
I'm not gonna cry. I don't feel anything.
♪ triumphant music plays ♪
♪ A weak man's quick to fight ♪
♪ A strong man keeps it calmer ♪
♪ Deny thy feelings, knight ♪
♪ And claim more armor ♪
♪ More armor ♪
I told you not to get weird.
♪ video game music descending ♪
I don't feel anything.
CYPRIAN: ♪ More armor ♪
[distorted] Hey, ese, I'm gonna have to look in your backpack.
[distorted] Miguel, you weren't supposed to come home.
I don't feel anything.
♪ triumphant music playing ♪
♪ Gauntlets and cauldrons and tight cuirass ♪
♪ More armor ♪
MIGUEL: Dad.
We need to be strong, Miguelito.
For Diego.
You need to be a big boy.
What would your mami say?
I don't feel anything.
♪ More armor ♪
♪ magical music playing ♪
Hi.
You've been gone a long time.
I missed you.
[armor clanking]
MIGUEL: I can't really see anything.
Here.
♪
[Lindsay moaning]
Ooh, ow, ow! Ooh. Something's digging into my rib.
Here. Just try to move.
- Miguel. [grunts] - I, I, I, I can't move.
[voices overlapping]
I wanna get outta here.
- LINDSAY: Miguel. - I wanna get outta here.
I should go, um.
I wanna get outta here. [voices overlapping]
I don't want this. I don't feel anything.
I can't feel anything.
♪ Falling in love should not be a war ♪
♪ Yes, I've been hurt from what came before ♪
♪ But how can I love ♪
♪ How can I fall if I'm so armored up ♪
♪ I can't feel at all ♪
♪ video game music ends ♪
LINDSAY: Hey.
You're up?
I didn't know if I should wake you or just--
I feel a lot of things.
So many... things.
And I'm sorry I don't always show you that.
And... maybe I don't love banking.
Maybe it's okay if I don't get the promotion.
Maybe it's okay if I never live in the... Corinthian
or... drive a BMW
because
maybe it's not worth it.
You learned all that from drugs?
[chuckles]
I learned all that from you.
And the drugs did help provide confirmation.
- Well, sure. - But, um, what about you?
Did you?
I didn't really get that much out of it.
Seriously?
Yeah. [phone ringing]
Yeah, I th-think my... hair felt kinda heavy at one point,
- but... that was pretty much it. - That's so weird.
I didn't feel anything like that at all.
♪
[phone ringing]
Hello?
KEVIN [on phone]: Dude. It's Kevin. Where'd you go?
You need to get back here right now.
Come back? KEVIN: You killed it this morning.
I've never seen a presentation like it in my life.
I'll do anything.
Anything
for fuckin' fruit juice!
We should all get rid of our armor!
KEVIN: You're definitely making associate now.
[nervous chuckle]
♪
[fanfare]