♪ To Really Know Someone playing ♪
[snoring]
[clock ticking]
- Did we wake up at the same-- - I've been up since four.
♪ Gee, it's nice to really know someone ♪
♪ And understand the things they say and do ♪
♪ Gee, it's nice to really know someone ♪
♪ And know that someone really knows you, too ♪
♪ The way that they do their hair ♪
♪ The style of the clothes they wear ♪
Whoa!
PB&J instead of turkey? [chuckles]
I'm sorry, is it Christmas?
I'm leaving you.
[music stops]
Like, to run an errand?
Because if you're goin' anywhere near the pharmacy,
I need some more cherry lozenges.
The lemon ones ya got me were too spicy.
No, Ned, I... not leaving for the pharmacy.
I'm... leaving.
Forever.
But we're getting married in six days.
Yeah.
I think I'm gonna mess all that up?
♪ In all this crazy world ♪
♪ There's one thing I am certain of ♪
♪ For every hour and month and year that we are here to love ♪
♪ Regardless of how much ♪
♪ We talk, we tell, we touch ♪
♪ No matter what we suffer through ♪
LINDSAY: ♪ I can never know you ♪
MIGUEL: ♪ I can never know you ♪
[voices harmonizing]
♪
[whimpering]
Oh. Don't worry, Yogurt. He'll be home so--
[barks, growls]
Fine. You know what? Forget it.
[Lindsay groans]
NED: Non-identical.
[Lindsay sighs] You need a rhyme for tentacle, right?
"Nonidentical."
- N-o-n-- - Will you please shut up?
Believe me, Lindsers, the last thing you want
is a muse who starts self-censoring.
You are not my muse, Ned. You are my block.
Basically, the same thing.
God, I have not been able to write a word since you showed up.
Well, it's not my fault ya can't write
because you feel terrible about ruining my life.
- I didn't ruin your life. - Well, you wouldn't know, would ya?
It's not like ya picked up the ol' telephone to check in
on the good Dr. Ned over the last eight months.
What kind of a person would hold onto somethin' like that?
Eventually... you're gonna have to deal with us, Linds.
'Cause we're here, and we are not goin' anywhere.
It's not like you can just get rid of us. [chuckling]
What? What's that face?
No.
So, I'm now officially pre-approved.
- Wow! - Hey!
Yeah, I have an appointment to go see a one-bedroom next week.
- 27th floor. - That's amazing.
- Yeah. - This is at the Condom?
Ha-ha. You know it's not called the Condom.
It's the Corinthian.
Well, movin' on up in the world. Promotion, apartment.
So you guys moving in together?
- Oh, um-- - I, I mean, we-we've only been
going out a few months, so.
I really am gonna find my own place.
I've just been so distracted trying to finish this book, you know?
But I think, today, I-I might've had a breakthrough, actually.
- Hey, that's exciting. - Mm-hm. Yeah.
[slobbering]
Did he eat today?
I left him some treats out at a reasonable distance,
- but Miguel says-- - You know how he gets
pukey with other people, so it's just safer for me to do it.
[email notification chimes]
♪
[door shuts] LINDSAY: Hey.
- Hey. - What's that?
Oh, the game that I worked on, the release party's tomorrow.
Fun! I wanna go. Can I go?
I'm not going.
What?! Miguel.
I haven't talked to anyone there in, like, two years.
So what? You helped make that game. They're celebrating you.
No, this was a completely different part of my life.
Still, you can't just run from your past.
Or shove it in a suitcase and throw it in a dumpster
behind a Greek restaurant in Queens,
so to speak.
Only if you come with me.
We'll just have one drink.
TOM: Rooting around in a public garbage receptacle
as if she's never heard the words "Hepatitis C" before.
New low, Linds.
I have to bring it back. I just want this to be over.
Ned is going to be furious when he sees you.
JOAN: You stole his mother's wedding dress.
The one in which you were meant to wed her dear, sweet son.
Not on purpose! You know, I-I just left in such a hurry,
I guess it got swept up with everything.
I mean, I forgot I even had it. [all groaning]
It's true!
You're walking into trouble, Linds. Everyone loves Ned.
He's one of the most popular dentists in all of southern Vermont.
The way you up and left? [chuckles]
Oh, you're gonna have to answer for that.
You're being dramatic.
Sure, I might have to talk through a few things.
And, yes, my timing was slightly less than ideal.
But once I calmly explain why I made the choices I made,
everyone will understand.
You're gonna have to give the performance of a lifetime.
Yeah? Well, just you watch.
[spotlight clicks on] Just... you... watch.
♪ upbeat music playing ♪
♪ Sorry I accidentally hurt your soul ♪
♪ Sometimes I make a mistake that can take a toll ♪
♪ Sorry if you were sad ♪
♪ Or distressed, depressed or raging mad ♪
♪ I'm here to admit, I'm a shit, but also, not that bad ♪
♪ Please like me, I need you to like me ♪
♪ Let go of that story that I'm selfish and don't care ♪
♪ Please like me, you don't have to love me ♪
♪ I need you to like me, and I need you to like my hair ♪
- AUDIENCE MEMBER: Ew! - ♪ Lalalala lala lalala ♪
♪ Sorry I kinda disrupted your little life ♪
♪ I know that we'd agreed I'd become your wife ♪
♪ That part is all on me, and I owe you an apology ♪
♪ So, how 'bout we let you forget, forgive, and set you free ♪
♪ Please like me, I want you to like me ♪
♪ I'm not gonna force you, I just strongly feel you should ♪
♪ It's true now, though we are through now ♪
♪ I need you to like me, so that I can believe I'm good ♪
♪ Lalalala lala lalala ♪
♪ Lalalalala like me ♪
♪ Before you pass judgment upon me ♪
♪ Or unleash your temper on me ♪
♪ And get all upset and cry and curse ♪
♪ Remember, I have an imagination that excels at flagellation ♪
♪ If ya sell it, I have bought it ♪
♪ If you yell it, I have thought it ♪
♪ Way, way worse ♪
♪ Please like me, I need you to like me ♪
♪ It's not that I'm desperate, I just need a little clue ♪
♪ Do you hate me ♪
♪ You don't have to love me ♪
♪ But can I get a peek into your point of view ♪
[mic feedback]
♪ 'Cause if I thought you liked me then I could like ♪
♪ Me ♪
♪ Too ♪
♪ I'd lalalala lala lala like me, too ♪
[silence]
Booooo!
[exhales]
[doorbell rings]
I can't do this. I definitely can't do this.
I am so sorry. I never meant to take your dress.
And I never meant to hurt Ned. Please, please, please don't hate me.
Hate you?!
Ah! How could I hate you?
You brave, brave angel.
And what a dear, bringing my dress back.
And you're here for Syrup Nights.
- It's Syrup Nights? - Come in. Have a cider.
Everyone's going to be so excited to see you. [chuckles]
Uh... e-everyone?
Look who's here! [people gasping]
Hi, I'm sorry. Hi, I know. I'm really sorry. I'm so sorry. Hi.
How are you? You look like you're feeling better.
I'm sorry. NED: Lindsay?
Is it really you?
I--
You're walking so well.
Can't believe it!
- Let's-- Can we just-- - Sure.
Ned, listen,
I wanted to apologize to you, face-to-face, for everything that I did.
For... for leaving like that, and for never calling--
Stop it right there.
I refuse to accept an apology from you.
I mean, how could I?
It wasn't your fault.
Lindsay,
when you blew up our life with absolutely no warning,
and seemingly without a shred of basic human decency,
that wasn't you.
You were in the grips of a tick-borne psychosis.
So, you enter the room here.
You see
[blows]
Fiona.
Do you approach her or do you wait for her to see you,
like a fucking peasant?
- I approach her. - Yes!
You approach her hard with a thick stack of business cards.
Well, maybe just one business card.
Goddammit! I knew you weren't ready for this.
I just don't know why I'd be giving her a whole stack of them.
How else are you supposed to segue into the line,
"Looks like the odds are stacked in my favor"?
- Why am I saying that? - Dude! The whole point of this night
is to rub her nose in the huge mistake she made.
I mean, look at you!
You got the job. You got the girlfriend.
I'm gonna stick with one business card.
Bro, do you want tonight
to end in a sloppy ménage à trois with Lindsay and Fiona or not?
Not.
Okay. Well, then I'm confused.
LINDSAY: Tick-borne psychosis?
This really isn't a great time.
I have 30 dresses to finish for the Maple Pageant.
You told everyone that I had a tick-borne psychosis?
No!
You have to understand, you left so suddenly.
People had already bought plane tickets and gifts from your registry.
Oh, and you and Ned seemed so perfect together.
The whole town was confused about you abandoning it all
for some sort of... sweepstakes you won?
It was a short story contest.
I am the one who had to stay here and face everyone... alone.
All of them asking the same question,
"Who on Earth would raise a daughter that could do something like that?"
They actually asked you that?
With their eyes.
- Right. - So, one night I saw a segment on Dateline
about Lyme Disease causing seemingly well-adjusted people
to do seemingly insane things.
And the next day, I was at the deli counter ordering,
and I wondered aloud... casually, if maybe that happened to you.
- Mom! - I didn't say it!
I wondered it!
[sighs] But you know how this town talks.
Honestly, Ned's the one who ran with it.
The notion gave that poor boy great comfort.
I didn't leave because I went crazy.
I left because I finally woke up.
Well, I wouldn't know, would I? You barely call--
Because I know you don't believe in anything I'm doing,
becoming a writer, moving to New York.
Must we get into all of this?
The bottom line is people were furious with you when you left.
They were furious with me.
But when this story spread,
it made all of that go away,
and people liked you again,
which is all I've ever wanted for you.
♪
- MIGUEL [on phone]: Hello? - Hey, it's me.
Hey! Um, are you close? We should probably head out soon.
Listen, Miguel, I... I got
stuck at the bookstore.
Phil is sick.
Well... can't you get somebody to cover for you?
[sighs] Believe me, I tried.
Okay. I don't really know what to do.
I already RSVP'd. I told people we were gonna be there.
I know. I'm sorry. I--
Do you think I wanna be here? Doing this?
Hey, psst, psst. What do we think?
Ooh, sorry. On the phone? Sor-- Mm.
Who was that?
Listen, I'm really sorry, but I-I-I have to go.
Bye.
You know what? I'm gonna make one for you.
ORSON: Well, well, well.
Color me impressed.
Making her feel guilty for not being able to come
even though she doesn't have a choice?
Yes! Nicely done!
I'm an asshole.
Obviously, the calculus on the ménage has become a little bit thornier,
but... I don't think it's impossible.
Where's my marker?!
JOAN: Well, you better get going.
My bus doesn't leave for another half hour.
We're really early, so can we just pop by the morgue?
I wanna see Dad.
Well, your father's very busy. You know, Christmas is almost here.
The bodies are piling up,
and the formaldehyde girl's on maternity leave.
Okay. Well, I'll just run in.
Your father and I are not speaking... at the moment.
What does that mean?
We have been living apart.
- Since when? - Since a few months ago.
Your father made a mistake.
Not... with the formaldehyde--
Oh God, no. Of course not.
So, were you just gonna keep this from me, like, forever?
Well, are you happy now that you know?
♪ light music playing ♪
Who was that on the phone earlier?
It was my... boyfriend, Miguel.
You should've brought him along.
No, he doesn't know about any of this.
I mean, he... he knows that I have an ex named Ned, you know?
He just doesn't know all the... details,
which I'm obviously gonna tell him.
I'm not keeping it from him.
I just-- I haven't shared it... as of yet.
We're not so different, you and me.
I've said it a thousand times.
- I thought you were sick. - No, I'm good.
But my dad is still messed up.
They think it might be testicular cancer,
but the old coot won't let anyone see his nuts.
- Okay. Is, is Lindsay-- - Lindsay bailed on me.
She said she had some kind of personal business to take care of.
♪
Thanks.
♪
I knew it! I knew she was trouble.
Pull your jacket over your face so no one can see you cry.
ORSON: No, no. Leave your jacket right where it is.
Nobody is crying a drop.
You got a party to go to.
I'm not goin' to the party. ORSON: Okay,
imagine when Lindsay comes home
from finishing up whatever it is she's doing.
RENEE: She's obviously having sex with someone else.
And you're not sitting up like some sad, little puppy dog.
No! You're at a party.
You are havin' the time of your life
with your exceedingly attractive and exceedingly open to doing all kinds
of disgusting things you don't even know ex-girlfriend.
She's hurt you for the last time.
Enough is enough. ORSON: There's that look.
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water,
the tiger shark returns.
♪ party music playing ♪
[indistinct chatter]
'Scuse me.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! [Miguel laughing]
No. You don't get to jump.
I hate you.
- Making this game without you sucked. - I know.
So, it's true what they say. You really are a banker now.
Yeah, I really am a banker.
You're like the nerd that went to college and came back a stud.
Okay, I was always a stud.
I'm really sorry I didn't get to finish the game with you.
Do you miss it?
Maybe a little.
Hey.
♪
[indistinct chatter]
NED: I hereby take my leave, Linds.
You are officially unblocked.
You can go back to your book... go back to Miguel, who's none the wiser.
I still don't know how to end the book, though.
Oh, you'll figure it out.
Everyone's gonna love it.
Just like everything else you do.
That's why I'm stuck.
Trying... to make something that everyone will love,
trying to be something that everyone will love.
You're not my block.
I am.
Good luck with that.
♪ slow piano music playing ♪
♪ It's hard to come back home again ♪
♪ Slip into who you were then ♪
♪ To take a look at who you were ♪
♪ And try to try as hard as her ♪
♪ How you try, you try ♪
♪ And you lie ♪
♪ No wonder it's so hard to find ♪
♪ Sentences to speak your mind ♪
♪ Your story's full of stops and starts ♪
♪ You left out all the ugly parts ♪
♪ And ohhh ♪
♪ You bend and you twist ♪
♪ And ohhh ♪
♪ You've earned permission to exist ♪
♪ But the truth... is the cost is too high ♪
♪ To keep splitting yourself to fit somebody's lie ♪
♪ And the truth... may be hurtful to hear ♪
♪ But you must disappoint before you disappear ♪
♪ And the truth is ♪
♪ You don't know what the truth is ♪
WOMAN [over speaker]: Express to New York now boarding.
♪ Now you've come back home again ♪
♪ You find you're still who you were then ♪
♪ Cracking codes to win the prize ♪
- TICKET TAKER: Ticket, please. - ♪ Constantly in compromise ♪
♪ And so ♪
♪ Your life makes no sense ♪ TICKET TAKER: Ticket.
♪ ‘Cause ohhhh ♪
♪ You've hidden all the evidence ♪
♪ But the truth... is you've gotta come clean ♪
♪ You can't run and hide if you wanna be seen ♪
♪ And the truth... is the lies have to go ♪
♪ If there's somebody out there who you wanna know ♪
♪ And the truth is ♪
♪ You want them to know what the truth is ♪
♪ And the truth is ♪
♪ It's up to you what the truth is ♪
[doorbell rings]
♪ And the truth is ♪
Linds?! Perfect timing.
We're just about to head to the Sap Ball.
Yeah.
I think I'm gonna mess all that up.
I can't believe you're buying a place.
That's insane.
I mean, there's still a few steps left,
but... I got lucky with the promotion.
I don't want this to come out the wrong way,
but... I never expected any of this.
I thought you'd be working in indie games for life.
And I'm sorry... for everything.
- What happened with me and Orson-- - Orson?!
My name is Orson?!
What the--
I recognize what an utter asshole I was.
Total asshole.
That's exactly the word I was thinking, actually.
So why isn't your plus-one here?
You know... personal business.
Are you two... serious?
I guess I don't really know
how serious we are, to be honest.
And now, I'm living an authentic life.
Leaving you was not easy, but... it was definitely the right choice.
So all the things you said,
everything you did,
that wasn't because of inflammation in your brain?
I know it feels shitty now.
But isn't it kind of better this way?
You know, knowing the truth?
Don't you feel
kinda
relieved?
I feel...
I feel like I really just
hate you.
That's okay.
It's gonna take time.
- Come here. - What the fuck are you doing?
Oh, you really hate me. Okay... um.
[person clears throat]
I'm gonna take off.
Actually, have a thing.
- Back door open? - It's unlocked.
♪
STEPH: Hey! Come dance!
You owe me, fucker!
No! FIONA: Come on!
♪
I should probably-- It's late. I should go.
No, don't go.
I shouldn't have come here.
LINDSAY: Miguel?
♪
[fanfare]