[ Indistinct conversations ]
[ Video game music plays ]
Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull
-Kevin, put that down.
Put that down, Kevin.
Alright, class.
Class!
Please give your attention to Dorothy.
Kevin! Put. that. down!
-Kevin, put that down.
[ Feedback whines ]
-Hi, everyone!
I'm Dorothy Goodwin
and I'm running for class president
because I see a better Alabaster Elementary
in our future. [ Laughter ]
-Boo! -Let's start by rewarding
faster tidy times with longer recesses
and start a bully box,
where you can say you're being bullied
and the principal has
-[ Farting ] -to read it.
[ Laughter ]
To quote my favorite Founding Father,
Thomas Jefferson,
"I am opposed to any form of tyranny
over the mind of men"!
-Who cares? -Thank you.
[ Applause ] -Good job, honey. -Dad, stop it!
-Okay, okay, sorry, sorry.
-And now, Brent Hart.
[ Cheering and applause ] Kevin, no!
-Hey, guys.
Um, hi, everybody.
My name is Brent Hart.
Tyr-- T--
T--
T.Rexes are gay!
[ Booing, laughter, and applause ] -Brent!
-I want to be class president
so we can have fries every day, all day.
[ Cheering and applause ] I mean, who likes fries, right, right?
-[ Chanting ] Fries! Fries! -Um, I wrote a song about it.
-Yeah, Brent!
-♪ Vote for Brent Hart
♪ Fat Dorothy loves farts [ Laughter ]
♪ Vote for French fries in the
♪ Cafeteria
[ Chanting ] Vote for Brent Hart!
Fat Dorothy loves farts! -That's enough.
-Hey! -Vote for Brent Hart!
Fat Dorothy loves farts! -It's okay. Stay here.
That's enough. Everybody sit down.
-Vote for Brent Hart! -Do not do that
with your hands, Kevin!
It's okay, honey. [ Voices overlapping ]
-[ Chanting ] Fat Dorothy, ha ha ha ha ha!
Dorothy is fat!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
-Brent! Brent! Brent! Brent! -Dorothy is fat!
-Fries, fries! -Dorothy is fat!
-Brent! Brent! Brent! Brent! -Fat, fat!
Fat! -Fries!
[ Frequencies warbling ] ♪♪
[ Distorted electronic voice speaking indistinctly ]
♪♪
[ Buzzer ] -You can't fire me!
-I'm not firing you, D.
-Fine, you can't let me go. -We cannot have
Scott's speechwriter getting arrested.
You lit a flag on fire.
-Which, again, was unintentional!
But, just so you're aware,
that has not been illegal since 1989.
-It was on private property.
-It was a government office.
-And it was a workday.
-I was on my lunch break. -Okay,
and that's why I'm bailing you out today.
-I do not want to be bailed out. -So you can go
and take the weekend off. -Fiona.
-Go home. -You have a meeting this weekend
with restaurant union workers.
I have to write those speeches. -Okay,
we've seen the video.
-There's a video? That's excellent news.
Then you know that I was well within my rights.
-Dorothy, no, you look like a complete psycho in that video.
-I'm sorry, what person that changed the world
ever didn't look like a psycho while they were doing it?
The definition of being a psycho is
that you don't fit with other people's norms.
The norms in this world right now
are completely fabricated
in order to hold us all down,
so, if I look like a psycho in that video
while I'm espousing my own beliefs,
then I am proud of that video.
What are you -- Wait, I'm sorry. -We can't let you in.
Fiona said we can't. -I'm sorry. What are you doing?
-Just -- -What do you mean? I'm sorry,
what did Fiona say?!
Guys, I hired you!
I hired you!
Scott!
-Dorothy, Dorothy, I told you not to --
-Fiona, I don't want to talk to you right now.
Fiona, I really don't want to talk to you right now.
-What happened to your eye?
Are you okay? -No, I'm not okay.
The cops tackled me!
I was wearing a fucking cow mask!
-Senator Powell knew it was you,
okay? -[ Scoffing ] Who cares?
-You weren't like hidden, in disguise.
Look, you need to go home and get some sleep
and we will talk about this on Monday, please.
-The world is melting down.
We are burning down the only remaining resources
actually standing between humanity and death
and we're doing it to create space for fucking hamburgers
in the day and age of Impossible meat.
And, meanwhile, the starving people at our borders
are being treated like animals.
I am not going to go home and hang out
and like chill back and like rest.
Please recycle this.
-I'll still consult with you.
I-I was going to keep you on payroll.
-It's not enough, Scott!
I built this campaign with you!
-I will recycle this!
'Cause that's what people who care do!
-They're calling you La Vaca Loca.
-Who's "they"? -Shit, everyone?
Breitbart started it. -That definitely means
that Scott's not going to give me the recommendation I need
to get another job this election cycle.
-Just get a regular job and chill for a minute.
-What the fuck are you talking about,
"get a regular job and chill for a minute"?
I don't even know how regular people
are going to their regular jobs.
They all just sit around kissing each others' asses
in this state about how fucking great we are
and doing absolutely nothing about it.
I'm going to Texas.
-Texas, bitch?
You can't live with your grandfather.
You hate him. Sounds like you're having
an anxiety attack. -I'm not.
I've never been more lucid. I'm going to go to Texas.
Everything that's happening is happening there.
There's some emergency money in the toilet.
It'll be fine.
I love you. -Love you-u-u.
-Bye.
-Bye-e-e.
[ Door opens, closes ]
[ Indistinct radio commentary ]
-Agh!
♪♪
Please let me in.
[ Indistinct radio commentary ]
♪♪
[ Indistinct radio commentary ]
[ Passing horn blares ]
♪♪
[ Indistinct radio commentary ]
[ Groans ]
♪♪
[ Knocking ]
[ Doorbell rings ]
[ In distance ] -Yeah, I'm coming.
[ Grunts ]
[ Locks clicking ]
[ Grunting ]
[ Laughs ]
Dorothy.
-Frank.
-Still with the "Frank" shit.
Jesus Christ.
What happened to your face?
-Oh, I...
hit it on a doorframe. -No, no, I'm talking
about the nose.
-Um, I have a nose ring?
-Oh, shit. -For a personal taste in style.
-[ Grunts] See ya.
[ Slam ]
That was just bullshit.
Come on in.
When I ask you in, go, please.
-I will walk into this house because I'm a co-owner
of the house and I will walk in because I want to.
-So you're walking in under protest, right?
-I'm walking in -- -Okay.
-Ugh! -I get it.
[ Slam ]
I never thought I'd see you again.
You know that? I didn't know whether you were even alive.
-I feel like that's a little dramatic.
I was home like last year for your birthday.
-That's a long time.
And you remember what you did that day?
You did your fucking laundry.
-I call every Christmas.
-You never leave your number.
Your ID, it says "Unknown."
-I'm just trying to be safe. It's really important not
to have a digital thumbprint with this government...
-[ Scoff ] -...so I block my number.
That's not funny. That's very scary,
the amount of data that they're collecting on us.
-Well, what else have you been doing
besides criticizing America?
-[ Laughs ]
Um, I'm not criticizing America.
I've been trying to fix America.
-I don't know what "health care voter" means, but --
-This is already really fun.
I honestly haven't asked you for anything in a decade,
so if I could just hang out here and, you know,
use the half of the house that I technically own
and have been basically loaning out to you -Hey.
-for all these years. -Hey. Don't throw
"technical" at me. I get it.
I understand it, you know.
You're welcome to stay here, you know.
-Thanks for the invitation. -And, uh,
incidentally, while you're here,
if you're not going to call me Grandpa,
then call me Mr. Goodwin.
Don't call me Frank,
'cause only my friends call me Frank.
Oh, brother.
-Hey, thank you all for coming out
to "Fox & Friends" so early in the morning.
We love you.
Back inside, Steve, Ainsley, and Brian.
Happy book release, Brian Kilmeade!
[ Indistinct voice on TV ]
[ Click ]
[ Clack ]
[ Click ]
[ Evanescence's "Bring Me to Life" plays ]
♪♪
-♪ How can you see? ♪
♪ Into my eyes? ♪
♪ Like open doors ♪
♪ Leading you down ♪
♪ Into my core ♪
♪ Where I've become so numb ♪
♪ Without a soul ♪
-♪ Oh oh oh oh oh ♪
-♪ My spirit's sleeping ♪
♪ Somewhere cold ♪
♪ Until you find it there ♪
♪ And lead it ♪
♪ Back ♪
♪ Home ♪ -♪ Wake me up ♪
-♪ Wake me up inside ♪ -[ Banging ] Pipe down up there!
-♪ Wake me up inside ♪ -♪ Save me ♪
-You fucking pipe down -- -♪ Call my name and save me ♪
♪ From the dark ♪ -♪ Wake me up ♪
-♪ Bid my blood to run ♪ -♪ I can't wake up ♪
♪ Befo-- ♪ [ Indistinct voice on TV ]
[ Indistinct conversations ]
♪ [ Clapping ]
-♪ I have a hammer
♪ It's heavy and strong
♪ One of us must be right
♪ And one of us wrong
♪ 'Cause there's a nose on the one side ♪
-Alright, Texas Democrats... -♪ And the other one
♪ Pries -...who needs Dorothy's help?
"Think locally, act globally.
Think locally, act globally."
This is why you came home.
Okay. Sally Jensen? Okay. -♪ Yes, I have an ambivalent
Ran three times, state legislature,
hasn't won. You need my help for sure.
-Hi, may I please speak with Sally Jensen's
campaign manager? -♪ La da da da da
-Yeah, I have years of experience
as a speechwriter and, um,
very, very, very passionate about this election cycle.
-♪ I have a shotgun -I think it's so important.
Oh, you already have a speechwriter.
-♪ It's loaded and poised
-Do you have a copywriter, or...?
-♪ But I don't know where to aim ♪
♪ Through all the noise -The president has begun
a year-long process of pulling out
of the Paris climate agree-- -Earlier today moving
to outlaw climate rela-- -It's unbelievable.
The world's burning down and he's changing --
-Beyond the Amazon, today we'll go to the Congo,
where we'll learn that less funding goes
into protecting the Congo rain--
-♪ Yes, I have
♪ An ambivalent shootin' machine ♪
♪ As fickle as the hand that holds it ♪
♪ And screams -I canvassed for him for Senate.
I wept in the tub the night he lost,
and I don't cry or take baths.
I'd do anything to flip Texas blue in 2020.
Democracy depends on it. -♪ La da da da da da
-References? -♪ I have a bell
-♪ And I sound the alarm
-What? [ Sigh ] I can't do this.
-♪ To put up and put down and pray ♪
♪ And raise your arms
-Yep, yes, I-I agree. I think it's really important
that we are all -- -Our volunteers
-Mm-hmm. Yep. -are our lifeblood.
-You know, we don't need you in the office until the
new year. but we have a virtual -Yep. Yep.
-weekly meeting, so, you'll want
-Mm-hmm -to make sure you have
strong Internet.
-Wonderful. I'll see you Tuesday.
Thank you so much, really. -As a reminder
-Very excited, thank you.
-we can't pay you. You'll get -Yep. Thank you.
-a look ahead of our weekly -Thank you very much.
-meeting this Tuesday. -First thing, yep.
-So that should be it. Thank you for volunteering
for Rexford for Senate.
-Thank you, bye. -You have a good one.
-[ Sigh ]
Stuffing fucking envelopes.
[ Crunching ]
I came home to stuff fucking envelopes.
It's a start.
[ Whines ]
[ Crunching ]
Why didn't I bring more weed?
[ Grunts, scrapes ]
[ Sigh ] [ Doorbell rings ]
[ Dog barking in distance ]
[ Doorbell rings ]
[ Scraping ]
Ugh! I'm coming!
[ Doorbell rings ]
I'm coming.
What? I --
I didn't know you were here.
-I'm always here.
Does that bother you?
-No, it's fine. -What are you looking for?
I don't have anything in there.
Dorothy.
Hey!
-Come on in. -Greta, hi.
-Come on down.
Bring it in, bring it in.
-Hey, Frank!
-Do I rate a hi from Mae? This is my daughter Mae.
-[ Laughs ] -Do I get a hi from Mae?
-Hey, you.
Mm. Nice to see you.
Do you mind if I heat this up?
-Mae, as in May Day.
Come on.
I'm not going to bite ya.
-She's on -- doing a vow of silence, Frank, so,
she's not saying a lot right now.
Right, Mae-bird?
Hey, Mae, honey, will you turn it down?
[ Laughter on TV ]
-When Lois and I first met...
-Mm-hmm. -...it was in the summer
and she and some friends
[ Laughter ]
had started a synchronized
swimming club. -[ Laughs ]
-And this is before it was even an Olympic event.
-Right. I love it. -Well.
-Frank tells me so many stories about her
and you must've just loved her, Dorothy, huh?
-My grandmother? -Mm-hmm.
-I never met her. She died before I was born.
-Oh, right, yes. -Wow.
-I-I think I knew that.
-Tell a joke.
-I can't think of a good one right now.
-Want me to tell one?
Jack and Jill went up the hill. -Okay.
-They each had a dollar
and a quarter. -[ Laughs ]
-Jill came down with 2 1/2.
You think they went up for water?
-[ Snorts, laughs ]
Frank, you're always --
-But that's okay for me, too, isn't it?
Oh. -[ Clears throat ]
-Dorothy, you look great, by the way.
I haven't seen you. It's been so long.
Oh, my gosh! It's so good to --
It's so good to see you. It's been like --
It's 10 years or something crazy?
-Mm.
-I think the last time I saw you
was actually at, um, your dad's
-Funeral. -...funeral, yeah.
-Yeah.
-I like your hair. -Thanks, Frank.
Anyway -- -You know how Greta and I met?
Church. -We met at church.
-In church. -Oh, how nice.
-I'm trying to drag him there. -And so we talked
and she said, "How about a Sunday dinner?"
-[ Laughs ] -Every other family
went off together on Sunday, except me.
I was alone. -Well, we have fun.
-Yeah. -I'm alone half the time, too.
It's so nice for Mae to have Frank.
-How's Fisher?
-He's good.
-Huh? -Thanks for asking.
He's good, he's good.
He's good, thank you.
I miss him, though. I miss him a lot.
Uh, my husband, Fisher, is a -- he is on tour right now, so.
He's -- -Fisher's a flag boy, right?
-He flies a helicopter for the Army.
[ Ring ]
-On Sundays,
these son of a bitches,
[ Ring ] -telemarketers,
and that doesn't bother me they call.
How did they get my number? [ Ring ]
-You want me to get it, Frank?
-I can also get it. [ Ring ]
This is my house. -No, I'll get it.
-Um -- [ Ring ]
-You go tell 'em. -That's part
of the whole government protection thing
that I was talking to you about [ Ring ]
and why you don't want to give out
all of your information.
[ Ring ] The government has
too much information about us.
-Are you still into politics? [ Ring ]
-Yep. -Homicide.
-I have a -- I have a job.
I'm actually starting tomorrow.
-Oh, that's exciting! -In Austin.
-Oh, congrats! -Yeah.
-What is it? -It's working for a --
a political campaign there.
-Whose? -Pretty --
Pretty high-level, um,
there, so. -Good for you.
-But, But, also, you know, on the other hand --
-Such a difference in people's lives. -I also write
freelance stuff, so if you know anyone
who's looking for -- -You were always such a good writer.
Well, I work at the community center.
But they're definitely not hiring
because they can barely pay me.
But you remember my godmother, Genie,
from Greta's Guns and Ammo?
You know -- You know Genie? -Mm-hmm.
-She's the president of the Women's Chamber of Commerce,
which is this amazing group of women that I work for.
Anyway, it's a real welcoming, great group,
and a lot of local businesses,
and, you know, if you want to come,
we have free lunch every Sunday.
-Hmm.
What time?
-Who here thinks I color my hair?
Don't answer that. [ Laughter ]
But the fact that you don't know is a testament
to my coloring style, okay?
[ Laughter ] Now, we are having
a cut and color special
all the way through the weekend,
in preparation for next week's dance
at The Oaks in Schulenburg.
And, y'all, it's beautiful up there.
It's where I got married. [ Murmuring ]
And my son is playing bass in a musical trio, um, from --
from young musicians at the high school
and it's going to be so much fun.
He promises to get everybody up
and dance on their feet
and have a good time.
Okay, so, thanks, y'all.
Thank you so much.
[ Cheering and applause ]
-Thank you, Barbara, for this week's Spotlight on savings.
[ Cheering and applause ]
And thank you, Rosa, for catering this event.
[ Cheering and applause ] -Ladies, try the tenderloin.
It's got a little kick in the rub.
Really good.
-And this brings us to our keynote speaker.
As you know, we don't involve ourselves directly in politics,
but these are special times.
And, last week, we unanimously voted
to endorse a spirited young man,
a new voice for the Republican Party,
a homegrown hero who's come back here
to open a Ford dealership in this community
with his father,
Senator Hart. [ Murmuring ]
So, if you're still at the buffet table, come on in!
You can bring your plate and give your complete attention
to Brent Hart.
[ Applause ]
-Thank you.
Thank you, Genie. -Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
One more thing -- If you buy a truck from Hart Ford,
you will get a half-price gun
at Greta's Guns and Ammo -- that's my shop --
and I will keep that price
straight through the primary, so.
Don't tell corporate. -Don't tell corporate.
-That's what he said.
Brent Hart, everybody.
[ Laughs ] Brent Hart. -Thank you so much.
[ Applause ] Yeah. I am proud to be running
for state representative
for the prettiest little district in all of Texas.
[ Distantly, slo-mo ] -So hot.
[ Laughter ] -[ Speaks indistinctly ]
[ Crunch ]
[ Distorted voices overlapping ]
-Dorothy! Dorothy!
♪♪
-If you can dream it,
well, then, you can sell it
in Alabaster.
Ain't that right?
[ Cheering and applause ] Thank you.
-[ Hyperventilating ]
[ Click ] -♪ Who's got the heart? ♪
♪ Who's got the plan? ♪
♪ Who's got the soul ♪
♪ Of a conservative man? ♪
♪ It's Brent Hart ♪ -[ Cries out ]
[ Door slams, stomping ] -Drama of these impeachment hearings
will draw viewers and change -The door is
-minds across the aisle, but -- -a relic, ma'am.
[ Voice continues indistinctly ]
[ Slam ]
And so's that one.
-I mean -- [ Musical ringtone, vibrating ]
Hold on one second.
♪♪
-[ Hyperventilating ]
Hi. Hi. -Baby?
I sublet your room out for you.
Only dude I could find fast enough
has "Con Air" Steve Buscemi vibes, but, uh,
he paid in cash and you don't have any valuables, so.
-[ Hyperventilating ]
-Are you running?
-Do you remember Brent?
-Your high school bully?
-Disney prince test tube baby from hell!
He's running for state legislature.
-Just come home. You know, they really
shouldn't have fired you.
You can file and unemployment
should kick in. -Fuck that! I did not get fired!
I fucking left that job on principle!
-Oh.
So you quit.
I see.
He said he just let you go.
-Oh, my God, the woman who is running against him
has run and lost three times.
She'll never beat him.
-Beat who?
-Brent! A Democrat
has never won. Never, not a single time.
Everyone is Republican here. I thought I was a Republican
when I lived here. It's like the conservative
fucking twilight zone and something bad is happening
down here, Glenn, really fucking bad.
[ Indistinct ]
I bet he has ICE gear.
I bet he works out in it.
I bet he has workout photos in it.
-Just come home. You're delaying the inevitable.
-Delay?
Delay.
[ Gasp ]
Tom DeLay.
-What?
-Tom DeLay. Tom DeLay.
-Okay, babe, just calm down,
breathe, and I'll call you tomorrow, okay?
-Tom DeLay. -Are you okay?
Hello?
-Care most about -Dorothy!
-and that affect their lives -We should tell.
-every day. -Hey, yeah, yeah.
I love you. -And not
a campaign focused solely
as a referendum on me. -So...
-So today I am announcing
my intention to resign my seat in the House.
-When a candidate withdraws their name
from the ballot in Texas,
then that means no candidate --
in this case, no Republican --
would be on the ballot at all.
-And, as we know, Mr. Lampson lost the seat
after redistricting. So, what issues?
-Shit, shit. Shit! -It remains a Republican-leaning district.
Yes! Holy shit! -But it has become
eminently more winnable -[ Laughs ]
-for him. -Okay, so Tom DeLay dropped out
and they couldn't nominate another Republican.
A Democrat won.
That's really what happened.
So, if a candidate is nominated in the primary
and then drops their nomination,
that candidate's side can't nominate a new candidate
and the other side pretty much automatically wins.
So, if I want to beat Brent, I just have to
get a Republican to beat him and then drop out.
♪♪
-♪ Ooh ooh
-♪ Oh oh
-I beat Brent in the Republican primary,
I drop out,
Sally wins.
Holy shit. -♪ Oh oh oh
-Holy shit.
Okay. [ Mumbling ]
♪♪
Oh, my God, what?
How do I have nothing -- [ Mumbling ]
♪♪
Okay, I'll never tell a real lie.
As long as I don't lie, it's fine.
My platform will be...
Hi, I'm Dorothy Goodwin. If you have some time
for personal liberties today.
Some people say illegalize tobacco,
but I say legalize everything.
-Who says illegalize tobacco?
-[ Coughs ]
♪♪
-I'm a Democrat.
-I am -- -Honestly, I'm registered
in California, anyway. -Do you think your mom
would be -- -No, she would not.
-♪ La la la la -♪ Ooh!
-♪ La la la la, la la la
♪ La la la la, la la la la
♪ La la la la, la la la -Thank you. Thank you very much.
Yes.
Jesus is...
Jesus.
Are you --
♪♪
-They put that up a few years ago.
I tried to find you on Facebook,
but you're actually really hard to find.
Hey, do you have five minutes?
♪♪
There's something that I really want to show you.
-I really -- I just need to
get back out there and -- -No. No, no, no, just give me
a second, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Um,
I swear I'm like -- I'm actually losing my mind.
I just had these and I think Cheryl moved them again
and I'm like, "Where did you put these?
Stop moving stuff everywhere."
Aah! What are you looking at?
-Oh, nothing, just -- -Oh, look at you!
Oh, my gosh, you're -- you were so cute.
You were like all about Alexander Hamilton
before anyone else was. [ Laughs ]
-Yep. We were all wrong.
He was actually a complete hypocrite.
-I found them!
Yes! Oh!
So, we had to recatalog everything recently
and I came across this and I got such a kick out of it.
It brought all the memories back
and I was like, "I have to show Dorothy!"
"The Wonderful Wizard of Oz" was the last play you did,
right, in school?
-Yeah.
-Oh, I'm so excited to show you this!
Some of these are so cute!
Look!
Sit.
-Okay. -Look at this!
Look at you.
-There I am. -Oh, my gosh.
Oh, we had so much fun.
Aww, I was so jealous
that you were the Wicked Witch.
-Ugh! -I was. I hated playing Dorothy.
She was so boring.
She just kind of walked around with this like
stunned look on her face, you know?
-You were really good at it, so.
-Are you being sarcastic?
-No, I was honestly being sincere. I mean,
you were the lead every year, so you were
very good at playing ingenues.
-Why did you quit the musicals?
You were so good. -Thanks.
-Your dad -- Oh, my gosh.
Look, he looks so happy.
-Mm-hmm. He looks really happy. -I noticed that y'all
don't have that many photos of him in the house,
[ Whispering ] so I want you to have this.
-Um, no, I don't -- I'm good, thank you.
-Come on, it's fine. I won't get in trouble.
Don't worry about it. -Okay, I don't really want it.
-There are so many photos of him in there and you can --
you can cut them out. Put it in your backpack.
-Okay, I really appreciate it.
Thank you so much. I just -- I'm going to be home
for a little while and it would really help me if,
every single time we saw each other,
you didn't bring up my dad because it just
makes it really hard for me to, you know.
-Yeah. Well, I'm so sorry.
-No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. -I just thought you might want
to have that and then -- That was
completely insensitive of me.
-It's fine, it's fine, thank you.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
It's a very nice gesture and --
I'm just hot, you know?
And I've just been walking around all day and I'm --
I'm sorry. -Sometimes I come on
a little strong. -[ Mumbles ]
It's nothing. It's nothing. -"Dorothy Goodwin
for individual liberties is running
for state legisla--"
Oh, my God, are you running against Brent?
-Yeah, I am.
-[ Whispering ] Shut up!
-I mean, do you remember Brent?
He's...
You want to take a trip down
yearbook memory lane? -Of course I remember Brent.
-He's this guy...
That was his senior quote, but, you know,
I know that he's your guy, so. -No, he's not.
I 100% agree with you.
-[ Laughs ] You don't have to just say that.
-[ Whispering ] Keep your voice down. I don't want anyone
hearing any of this.
Do you know what they're planning
on doing to this building?
-No. -Ripping it down,
so that they can put up a Ford dealership
that his daddy wants him to run.
-That's why the franchise deregulation.
Of course. Jesus.
That's not even capitalism. That's oligarchy.
-They say that they're going to build a new one
and it's going to be super state-of-the-art and modern
and beautiful and so it's just whatever.
-They're not going to build a new community center.
They have no incentive to do that. They don't think
about anybody but themselves. That's how this works.
They just don't care about anybody else.
And what do you mean, whatever? There's an election
coming up. There's actually a chance
to do something about this.
-Yeah. -How do you know all this?
-Because my friend Marcie works
at the county permitting office
and she's a real gossip.
-Well.
Thanks for the photos.
I'm sorry for getting heated.
So we'll see you
Sunday for dinner?
Is that like a weekly thing, or...?
-You wouldn't change this place?
-I mean, I think it could use new carpeting
and a fresh coat of paint, but I definitely wouldn't
turn it into a Ford dealership.
-Don't hate me for suggesting this, but I have an idea.
Do you happen to own anything that's a little bit more...
feminine?
[ Creaking ] -Feminine, feminine,
feminine, feminine.
Feminine, feminine, feminine.
[ Coughs ]
[ Indistinct voice on TV in distance ]
Feminine.
[ Door closes ] -Smile.
Hi, Kelsey!
Hey, Elsa. How y'all doing?
Hi, ladies.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
♪♪
-I'm so sorry.
Genie just said -- -That I don't know anyone
and it made no sense. -Okay, to be fair,
it sounds like you asked for help and she tried.
-Oh, hell no. I'm sorry, that dumb bitch
has been a dumb bitch since elementary school.
She fucking set me up.
We were friends in middle school
and she's done this before!
She's probably over there laughing about it
over fucking sweet tea right now,
or whatever the hell they drink.
-Adults don't do that. -Adults fucking
drive drunk and watch MMA.
Don't tell me what adults do.
-Well, you FaceTime while driving.
-You're in the cradle. -You split from that small town
like over a decade ago and you're not Republican.
I think it's fair to suggest [ Tires screech ]
that you're an unlikely candidate.
-Okay, I'd just like to say that I think, at this point,
we've kind of jumped the shark [ Indistinct conversation ]
on the whole likely candidate thing.
Our president's literally the laughingstock
of mainstream media.
It's why he's famous.
-Mark my words -- a KarJenner may be
in the White House in the next three terms.
Please, God, Kim, not Kanye.
-I'm sorry, that is actually insane.
The solution to a reality star is not
another fucking reality star.
That is so insane, it's actually absurdist,
and absurdism makes me wants to die.
"Waiting for Godot" is my least favorite play.
I promised myself that, if it ever got to this place
in this country, I would move and go to the Peace Corps.
But honestly, at this point, Texas seems like
it needs the Peace Corps more than anyplace else,
so I don't even know what to fucking do anymore.
-What you're talking about is AmeriCorps.
Someone's behind you, trying to get in the freezer.
-I don't give a shit. They can fucking wait.
♪♪
Do not touch me! -Is that a gun?
Dorothy, it's a gun!
Aaaaaaah! -Aaaaaaah!
[ Gunshot ] -Stop! Run!
-Aaaaah!
-[ Groaning ] -What the hell type of people
try to rob a pregnant woman?
-Do you know what day it is today?
-Happy.
Hap--
I don't remember.
Um, it's a weekday.
-Okay. -Um, I was just --
I was visiting home, so I just don't remember generally.
It's not like I don't remember 'cause I'm in shock.
I just -- I'm -- I just am
between jobs right now and I was on my way
to get it down today.
Um, is everyone else okay?
-Everyone's fine, ma'am. -[ Crying ]
-Do you know who the president of the United States is?
-[ Continues crying ]
-[ Whispering ] 4, 3, 2, 1.
Hello, I'm Victoria Upson
on location in Alabaster,
in Paula County, for PJTX at Noon.
In breaking news, we are at the Kwik and Serv
with Dorothy Goodwin,
who is being hailed as a hero today!
Witnesses are saying that she saved 12 people's lives,
including that of pregnant owner Eloise Fincher herself,
by disarming two masked gunmen with intent to burgle.
Dorothy. -Oh.
-Ma'am, ma'am, you can't be in the truck.
-Dorothy, what is the last thing you remember
before you took the guns?
-Um, I --
-Hi, Mae-bird. -And I was trying to get
a coconut water and then... -What y'all watching?
when it went off, it -- I hurt my hand.
-People are calling your actions heroic.
-Oh, my good. -Do you agree? -I just did
what any good person would do -Lord.
-and I -- I just did
the best I could to stop the attack!
-Spoken like a mother
who just lifted the car off her two kids.
True courage was shown here today.
A true hometown hero.
-Um, hi.
Uh, I -- Um, yes.
Um, if I have courage, it's the same courage
I hope to bring to my campaign for state legislature.
-Oh, my -- Hey, Carla... -Dorothy Goodwin
-I-I-I got to go. Do you mind -- -for state legislature.
We'll be back in a few moments -Thank you.
with the convenience -I love you. I'll be back
-store hero. -in a couple hours.
I love you, Mae!
-[ Laughs ]
-You heard it here first.
[ Siren wailing in distance ]
-Vicky!
Hey!
Are you okay? -Did you see it?
-Yes! Are you okay? -I'm fine.
-Is everyone okay? -Yeah, she just --
she hurt her hand. -Oh, my God!
How the hell did you get here so fast?
-I made Jeremy get me a police radio for the van.
If this doesn't get me the Sunday morning spot --
[ Musical ringtone ]
-Jeremy?
Pick it up. I love you.
I'm glad you're okay.
-Hi!
-Dorothy! Hey!
-No, Geraldine cannot have gluten.
-Are you okay? -Yeah, what are you doing here?
-Oh, girl, I feel so bad about this morning.
I'm so sorry about that. I've really been, like,
feeling sick about it all day. -It's really fine.
Is that Vicky from high school?
You guys are friends? -Yes, she's my godsister.
-Of course, you know everyone. Is --
Did you hear anything over there about --
Is she -- She just seems really upset.
Is it anything about my -- -What?
No, no, no, she's going through a messy divorce.
It's totally fine. -Okay, sorry.
-Yeah, it's fine. I have an idea.
I've been thinking about it all morning.
Oh, my God, by the way, I saw you on TV!
It was so badass! It was like the coolest thing.
-Thanks. -Are you okay?
Are you sure you're okay? -I'm really fine.
I'm really, really fine.
-Okay, because I've been thinking I would vote you,
and I really think a lot of people in this town would,
and I -- -Look, I really appreciate that.
Thank you so much for the support.
It's just -- you know, you really don't owe me anything
just 'cause we were friends in middle school, and I --
I'm sorry, I know that sounds snarky.
I'm just in a rush to get back on camera,
but, really, you just don't, and that's totally fine.
But just, you know -- -But I have an idea.
-Unless Genie's gonna endorse me --
She's endorsing Brent,
I don't know why that's happening.
-Try to listen, okay? Because I have an idea.
-Okay. -You're a gun hero now.
-Mm-hmm.
-You're an implicit spokeswoman.
-What, like I sell guns?
-You go to her events, you pose for photos.
Vicky's over there.
She's calling you the Convenience Store Hero.
You match that with all the other things
you're saying, and, girl...
you've got a tagline.
-What, like -- like -- like,
"Being a hero is having courage even when it isn't convenient?"
-I'm literally obsessed with --
Like, I don't know how you just came up with that.
-It's literally the most basic-bitch tagline
in the history of politics. -It's perfect.
People are very simple.
[ Breathes deeply ]
-You really think that's good? -I think it's really good.
I wouldn't lie.
I really don't want to lose my job at the community center.
Do you want to beat Brent?
-Yeah, I want to beat Brent.
-Can you let me try my idea?
Vicky!
-Holy shit.
-Hey, I was just thinking. Um...
I was over there talking to Dorothy,
and you know how when we were --
we were hanging out last week, and we were at Chili's,
and you were saying that you wanted to do, you know,
more of a journalistic piece? -Yeah.
-I was just like, "Oh, my gosh. I have this crazy good idea."
You know, we already got all this,
and if we're outta here in the next 30 seconds,
you'll be the only one -- -What are you talking about?
What? -You'll be the only one.
-Like -- Like, an exclusive? -Yes, like an exclusive.
-An exclusive? -Yeah.
♪♪
-Good evening.
I'm Victoria Upson for PJTX Houston 5:00 news.
We're coming to you live from the Alabaster Community Center
with Dorothy Goodwin.
And on a personal note, you're seeing the stage behind us,
where her late father, Teddy Goodwin,
used to teach many of the children in this community.
Following the saving of 12 lives today,
you are being called the Convenience Store Hero.
When you were looking down the barrel of not one but two guns,
did you feel like a hero?
-First of all, I just want to say
that I don't want to call any of my actions heroic
because I don't want to encourage
anyone to repeat my actions. I was...
If I'm being fully honest, I just kind of --
my body went numb and -- and --
and took over. Um...
-Well, I assume you're talking of the colorful moves
that you used to disarm those men.
-Yes.
Uh, I was on color guard here at Alabaster High.
-Because you grew up in Alabaster.
-Yes.
-Well, it was very lucky for pregnant
Kwik Serv owner Eloise Fincher
that you were back in town today.
We spoke with Eloise earlier.
-She is a true hero, you know.
Jesus passed through her, and...she saved me.
So I am gratef--
-Ooh, a brutal tackle from Jackson.
-No, it's the cornerstone of the Republican Party,
is personal liberties.
-Brent Hart -- He's also called a hometown hero.
Yale graduate. -He is.
Uh, yes, I think that I would invite anyone who feels
that Brent is a hometown hero to look at his plans
to outbid this very community center
when it is up for renewal this year
and put in a Ford dealership right here in downtown instead.
We all lose when corporate America
is allowed to buy out Main Street.
-Dad, you gotta close the fridge in between times.
-It's my house. I'll close it when I want to.
-Is there anything else that you would like to say
to Alabaster or to the world? Because they're listening.
-I heard the AR-15 wasn't even loaded.
Come on, turn that off. Let's go eat.
-You know her -- that's Dorothy. -Yeah.
-That's Mr. Goodwin's daughter.
-Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, the theater guy.
-Yeah. Well, he taught me public speaking and diction.
He was a pretty good guy.
She ran against me every year and lost.
You remember that?
Lost every time.
-The franchises are gonna come here,
no matter if it's us or someone else.
If it ain't us, it's gonna be goddamn Chevy GMC.
-Yeah.
-I'm gonna give you a number to call for insurance.
Everyone's hiding something.
We got this two-shit stepping our necks.
-Boys, come on and eat.
The chicken's getting cold. -Alright, come on.
Turn that off, let's go eat.
And water your mother's plants, will ya?
-I will.
-That I would take any amount of pain and any amount of danger
far exceeding what happened today
in order to get this community and this country back
on the path to the America that I was promised as a youth.
And real heroism is having courage
even when it isn't convenient.
-Whoo! Station loved it.
-R-Really? I didn't seem, like, too angry
and, like, I was just rambling the entire time?
-No. I hope you win.
-It was so powerful, I got goose bumps.
-Really? Are you sure?
Because I felt very stupid saying it yet again.
-100%. No, you have to put that in your literature.
You really do.
-You know, honestly, I think...
[ Sighs ] I know that I'm...
whatever, but I have had
a lot of experience on political campaigns.
I don't know if you know this, but I actually dropped out
of college after my dad died, and --
-I didn't know that. -Uh, yeah, and went on
a political campaign and volunteered
and have just been working in political campaigns ever since.
I went to -- -Yeah, you can tell you know
what you're doing.
-And I do think that with what I know
and who you know, maybe we would know enough.
-What do you mean with who I know?
-You know, like...
like, if I ran and --
and you talked to the Vickys of the world,
but every day instead of just today.
-Wait. You want me to be involved?
-I don't -- I mean, not to -- It wouldn't be a ton of work.
I could do -- I could do all the legwork
for both of us, and -- and I could --
I could organize everything,
and all you would really have to do is like
show up and smile or...
make a phone call here and there for me.
I feel like we have some values in common,
and I think we both want to beat Brent.
-So I'd be like your campaign manager?
-Yeah.
Why not? -Okay.
-Sure, you're my campaign manager.
-I'll do it.
-Really? -Yeah.
That sounds --
I want -- Yes, I want to do it.
I believe in you.
Honestly, I'm excited.
-I can't pay you. -That's okay.
Let's go out. I have a babysitter.
She'll stay for the next hour and a half.
Please, can we, please, please go out?
I want to celebrate. We also have things to do.
Do you want to get a drink?
-I don't really drink.
-Should we go to Chili's? -Sure.
I don't usually eat at chain restaurants
because their shipping practices
are really problematic for the environment.
-"I don't usually eat at chain restaurants
'cause their shipping practices are really" --
What did you just say? [ Both laugh ]
[ Television playing loudly ]
-Hello, America. I'm Mark Levin.
This is "Life, Liberty & Levin."
A big-time special edition.
The Democrats up Schiff's creek.
Now, before we start, I noticed all the witnesses --
and even the witnesses who aren't witnesses --
have to prove to you that they're noble, courageous,
and beyond reproach.
The New York Times likes to refer to me as...
[ Television volume mutes ]
-[ Snoring ]
-It's not cute to watch me sleep.
-You were gonna spill that beer.
I'm sorry I, uh, missed dinner and Greta missed dinner.
She was helping me with something.
-I saw on TV that you got into Lois's clothes.
-Oh. Yeah. Um, I'm sorry.
You weren't supposed to see that.
I -- I have it here.
It's not damaged or anything.
I'll put it back in the cellar.
-Let me ask you a question.
Maybe I don't know. Are you running for office?
-[ Clears throat ] Yeah, I am.
I'm running for office.
-For what?
-I'm running for state legislature.
-Well, it's not a good image to have yourself in that outfit
that you had on, on the TV.
And the next time, if you would ask me,
I could show you other stuff you haven't seen yet.
There's other boxes, where Lois had really cool stuff.
You were looking at her mother's stuff.
-Um, okay.
Maybe in the morning? -Yeah.
I'll show you some other stuff in the morning.
-Thanks.
-Where were the Democrats?
Where were the impeachment hearings then?
[ Door opens, creaks ]
-No?
Okay, then let's go over it because I don't want to be --
I don't want to be bad drama dad, as I'm sure people call me.
Okay. So, you had social studies.
Do you have anything from social studies?
You remember what Miss -- -Oh, yeah.
Okay.
♪ What do you have for homework today? ♪
What do you have?
-Um, I...
I forgot to write it down. -[ Laughs ]
-Um -- -You know what?
You know what'll jog your memory?
Play something for me.
-This is cool. -Oh, my God.
It's a track suit.
Do you run? -No.
I mean, I -- No.
-Well, why would you wear it?
-You don't need to run to use a track suit.
-No, no, no, no.
That's out.
Just put it back.
Yeah.
Maybe one day, but not now.
I never remember how to get up from this fucking cellar.
And leave the red dress.
You can have one box to start.
And treat it with care.
-I don't need a straw, I'm good. -Find out the best birds for
your Thanksgiving table later.
But first, next up, a special report
on yesterday's armed robbery in down...
-Hey, how you doing? -Thank you.
-Thank you so much. -I don't need --
I don't need a straw. I'm good. Thank you.
-Oh. Why don't you want a straw?
-I just -- I just don't need --
-Oh, sweetie, your hand. She's worried about her hand.
[ Both laugh ]
Oh. Thank you, Ariel.
Oh, my gosh, I get so, like, jittery, you know,
with Genie because she can just be, like...
so "blech" sometimes.
You know what I mean? -Mm-hmm.
-I get so antsy, and then, last night, like, of all nights,
our plumbing breaks.
And then Mae is sitting there waiting by the phone.
I told you she's been, like,
doing this whole vow-of-silence thing, right?
-No. -Yeah.
Ever since Fisher left last time,
she is protesting the war, and I'm very proud of her,
but I'm losing my mind, and I'm...
-Mae will come around.
She's just missing her daddy.
-Hi, Genie. -We got to get right to it
because I got a budget meeting in 30 minutes.
-Okay. Gotcha. Um...
[ Clears throat ] Genie...
Um, did you happen to see the new--
-I'm going to take it to go, Ariana.
Thank you.
-Did you happen to see the news last night?
-I did, yeah. -Oh, you did?
-I thought you made some good points.
-She did, right? -Thank you.
-I know. I thought it was very impressive.
And you know who else caught it, uh, was John
over John's Guns and Ammo.
And so he actually happened to call this morning,
seeing if Dorothy would appear with some of his new inventory
at a barbecue next week, which is wild.
The first thing I thought is, I was like,
"I don't think Genie would like John
claiming the Alabaster gun hero as his spokesperson."
So, that's what I had to say to you today about that.
-I remember your father.
He was a good man.
He was very gentle. -Mm-hmm.
-Are you even into guns?
-Um, I mean, I'm -- Uh, yeah.
Yeah, I-I mean, I'm a -- I'm a gun hero.
And, um, that's only because I have a deep familiarity
with guns, obviously,
you know, having grown up doing color guard and being a Texan.
And I just think that, um, uh...
Look, I mean, honestly -- honestly,
I think there's a huge referendum coming up
in this country on guns and gun rights,
and I think it's really important
to have a real Texan... -Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. -...who's from Alabaster
who has such strong feelings
about guns as part of that conversation.
-I've already talked and called everybody
about Walmart moving in.
-Oh, you have?
-Yeah, and, you know, if that happened,
Hart would have to, you know, buy me out.
Everybody needs that community center.
-I know.
-You'd have to be willing to be completely exclusive
with Greta's Guns, with my label.
You couldn't buy from any other store.
Thank you.
And we'd have to do publicity together.
-Yes, I was thinking you and Dorothy
could do a story for the paper together
'cause I know Jan at The Register.
Oh, my God.
Y'all, do it at the store. -Excuse me.
Would you just mind excusing just one second.
-Your sweet hand. You better go check on it
'cause you're a true American hero.
Not all heroes wear capes. [ Chuckles ]
-Um, she seems awfully skittish to me.
-I know, I know.
I know she's a little different, Genie, but she's smart,
and she's going to help our town.
-It's fine. It's, like, not a lie.
Sometimes people just stand in front of gun stores.
You're just like walking in.
You're just walking in.
There's a gun store behind you in some places.
Even in California, there are gun stores.
Thank you.
-Are you okay? -It's okay.
-Well, we are going to endorse you,
but we want you to do something for us.
-Absolutely.
Um, I'm working on smiling more, um --
-No, no, no, no. All that innate intensity
works great in politics.
I'm talking about your style.
-Oh. -Okay?
Greta, you can help her with that.
-100%.
-And I don't care about the cost.
I'll take care of all that. It's great.
It's just that you need to freshen, okay?
-Okay. -Absolutely.
-Well, I'm going to go out
and collect those signatures y'all need...
-Mm-hmm. Oh, good.
-...if you're going to run.
-You're a busy woman. -And I have to -- Oh.
Well, that's -- -Get over here.
-Thank you so much. -Oh.
I'd love to bring you some muffins.
-Thank you. -Okay.
-I just made blueberry ones.
I love you, Genie. -Thank you.
-Okay.
-I know Mae wants to see you, so...
[ Breathes deeply ]
-Did we get reached out to by another gun store?
-Well, technically, I called them,
but the rest was true.
-Oh, my gosh. I'm so excited.
Yes. -I have a stylist.
♪♪
Ooh, how much would you charge for a campaign stop?
I bet we could get Genie to pay for it
and we wouldn't have to use your real name.
-D, please.
Let's get through the makeover first.
I know you wanted me to come in butch realness,
but I just promised myself if I ever came back to Texas,
it wouldn't be as anything but myself.
-I just want you to be safe. I'm sorry.
It was inappropriate of me to ask you to dress
differently than you usually would.
It was. I just -- I don't want to stifle you.
I just want to make sure you're safe,
and I don't trust anyone here to not be...
-Attracted to my beauty? I understand.
Thank you.
Oh, my God, your hand. -Yeah, I know.
It looks like shit.
-Was it scary?
-Yeah, it was really scary.
-Are you sure you want to do this?
I mean, this is legitimately insane, D.
I mean, what are you even doing?
-I'm running as a Republican to beat another Republican.
-You don't have to exclaim everything.
-I haven't been exclaiming everything.
You've been in the car for five minutes.
It's the first thing I've exclaimed.
I'm running as a Republican to beat another Republican.
There's a loophole in the state.
If you win the primary and drop out before the midterm,
your side can't nominate a new candidate.
That's what I'm doing.
-But what makes you think that you can win?
-I don't know. I mean, people run and win on less.
I'm a local hero. And if I win,
we'll have a Democrat for the first time ever.
-Okay. So, what if you don't win?
What if you're out and -- -Then fuck it.
Like, I'm not gonna technically get in any trouble,
and maybe it'll at least make people think twice about
who they're fucking voting for.
-Is this illegal? -Aah!
I don't know! I mean, no, it's not illegal!
Why is that your first question about everything?!
The world is illegal!
-Yes, it's legal.
Technically. -Mm.
Girl, what is not okay is this hair.
-Ugh. -Honestly.
I mean, I've checked out the competition,
and we're going to need some strong looks to beat
this Disney prince motherfucker.
-My hair is fine. -Mnh.
-And Brent is literally human feces.
-Oh, that is not a great image.
-You'll help me, then? -Yeah.
I mean, I've always wanted to make you over.
I never thought it would be as a Republican.
-[ Laughs ]
-Wow. -Yep.
-A pantsuit and a boot and a sash and, like, a --
a bowl cut?
Ugh. Wow.
Conservative Spirit Award.
You really were...
a freak, huh? -This is Greta.
-So nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you, as well.
-Sorry. I'm a hugger. Oh, my gosh.
-Okay. -Oh.
-I really don't wear pink.
-Oh, no, this is more salmon. -Yeah, that's salmon.
And then this is just a blush, but -- -Right.
-I think this is kind of fun.
I think that this would really show your fun side.
-Where'd you get this from?
I love it. -Um...
-This would look great on you.
This is for a woman.
Have you ever sewed for a living?
-Yes, I do.
-Really? -Yes.
I sing, and I sew. -You're like a seamstress?
-I'm a singing seamstress. -[ Laughs ]
-And this one... -Here. Try it from the box now.
-There you go.
-Oh, look at that, Dorothy.
Look. That'd be cute on you.
-...a big Republican...
-Take anything -- -Is it really okay?
-Everything.
Anything in there you want, take it.
-What do you know about where this stands?
And if he appoints her
and not you, how are you going to feel about that?
-What did you do to him? -Is it cheesy?
-Absolutely. -Absolutely fucking not.
-I am going to vote for you.
-I mean, everybody says it's, like,
the greatest day of your life, and leading up to it,
I was like, "I mean, come on, it's not going to be --"
And then after, it really was.
-Reminds me of, um, "Steel Magnolias."
-Shelby, drink your juice.
-Drink your juice, Shelby. -Drink your juice.
-I know that, you know,
you're working with Genie and Greta's Guns and everything.
I just, um --
I really hope you'll get some sort of regulations.
I mean, I have two boys in school, and, uh,
it's really scary, so...
But I don't tell many people that, so...
Anyway, you're gonna look so cute.
We're just going to just get you right under the hood.
Here we go. Watch your face.
-No, I think regulations are really important.
-Yeah. Okay. There you go.
-Beautiful. Okay.
-Hold on one second. -Okay.
-Oh, my goodness. -Oh, so good.
-Make sure you keep it real with those conservatives
while you lie to them.
-How do I keep it real with Republicans?
Keep it real with Republicans.
I wonder if a gun hero can convince them of climate change.
Hmm.
-♪ She'll take the hard road if it's right ♪
♪ She'll work all day and through the night ♪
♪ To keep your freedoms safe, she'll fight ♪
♪ She's the hero from Paula County ♪
-I am Dorothy Goodwin,
and I just want to say thank you so much for being here today.
-My name is Brent Hart.
Some of y'all know me as the quarterback
who took us to state -- twice.
-We're facing so much division right now,
but one thing I think we can
all come together about is the environment.
-The quiet little kid who was always laughing behind his dad
when he was giving those big, fancy speeches.
-Science tells us that the world is going to burn down.
-What?
-I want you to know I'm with you 100% on global warming.
I really am.
I just feel like -- I got to be honest.
It's just -- I don't think it's a good idea, you know,
to bring it up during the campaign.
I'm sorry. Is that okay?
-Hi, everyone. I'm Dorothy Goodwin.
-Brent Hart.
-Thank you so much for allowing me
to be part of your Sunday gathering.
-I took us to state. -Twice!
-Twice. Thanks, Phil.
-When we allow giant corporations to have control,
we allow them to threaten our very ecosystem,
our very own Garden of Eden.
[ Bell tolls ]
♪ Dorothy Goodwin is her name
♪ She'll care for our Garden of Eden ♪
♪ Dorothy Goodwin is her name
-...of the prettiest little district...
...the most saintly little district...
...the most delicious little district...
...in all of Texas.
God is in my heart,
and that's why I want all of y'all
to follow your hearts to the ballot box on March 3rd.
-When they threaten our air, when they threaten our land,
they threaten our ranch life, our Texas way of life.
You know what God and science have in common?
-Hey, man.
-Whoo! -Thank you, Judy.
-Both of them want us to keep God's green Earth green.
Protect the Garden of Eden. -Amen.
-It's having courage even when it isn't convenient.
Garden of Eden.
-Bring it on.
-I can send you more information on that.
I know it's getting --
I know it's getting colder in some areas,
but that's actually also global warming.
-Dorothy shot a wild turkey. -No.
-Yep. -This one's for you.
-Oh, I'm good. I don't --
-Oh, come on, Dorothy. Have a little bit.
-She doesn't drink. Dorothy, you don't have to.
-Shot a turkey. -I shot a turkey.
-She shot a turkey. -Whoo!
You shot a turkey!
Alright, now, when are we setting up shop?
Because I was promised margaritas.
-We all need an Earth to live in, it shouldn't be
a political issue; we all need an Earth to live in.
-Any civilization worth its weight
can stand the test of time.
God takes care of that. He has a plan.
-God does have a plan. -You know, totally, and I know
God will -- God is there, um, but I also think that...
-God is never too busy, honey.
He's a multitasker. [ Laughs ]
I think one thing we could do is support our president
and hope that he can gain some wisdom
because I think he can fix this
if there weren't so much hatred coming at him.
Let him do his job.
-Well, I don't know how I feel about him, truthfully.
The border is militant now.
And it's scary.
-You know, that's why it's important
that we control our borders.
-I just want to have fun.
[ Indistinct cross-talk ]
-La Vaca Loca.
And it sounds just like you, Dorothy.
-Trees, not greed!
[Chimes] -Happy New Year, love!
I got a gig at music festival in Austin next Saturday.
So major. Can get you comp tix.
Bring Greta? My new song is kinda country,
L-O-L-O-L, oh, no!
-Happy New Year, baby. Yay, so exciting!
Day drunk, blech, will call later, heart.
Are you okay?
-I'm great.
[ Retching ]
-Ugh.
Greta, I -- I really think that you're sick
possibly from the wild game we just ate or whatever.
I just think we need to take you to, like, an ER,
or like a -- -I'm pregnant.
-That's great!
That's great, right? -It's not great.
-Okay.
-My husband's in the goddamn Army.
And I swore up and down I was never going to marry
a fucking Army man! God bless!
I never wanted to have a shit ton of kids.
And I have so much going on, I can barely take care of Mae.
-You take amazing care of Mae, she's one of the most
self-possessed children I've ever seen.
She's doing a vow of silence.
-God, I can't even say it.
Ugh. But Fisher agrees that...
I don't want to have this baby.
I don't want to be pregnant right now.
-I don't know if this matters right now,
but I'm pro-choice, so...
-I didn't know that.
-I mean, we're running a campaign on personal liberties,
and that's your right to police your own body, so...
-And the insane thing is the only thing
I'm thinking about right now is how upset Genie would be,
which is crazy since I'm the one who's pregnant.
[ Retching ]
-I think you're going to be really dehydrated soon.
-Sorry. -You know, I'm still
a little bit drunk from those margaritas,
but I think I should drive us home.
-You drive. -I can drive.
Yeah, let's just get you out of the puke.
Here.
♪♪
-Not that I'm trying to change the subject, but Glenn texted,
and I know something that might cheer us up.
-♪ Lay down
♪ Lay down
♪ Lay down while I take your breath ♪
♪ I said stay down
♪ Everybody, stay down
♪ Stay down, don't you lift your head ♪
♪ Hands in the air
♪ Get your hand up
-This is the coolest thing I've ever seen.
-I'm so glad you like him. I love him.
-♪ I said please don't cry
♪ Please don't cry
♪ Please don't call the police ♪
♪ My ride is waiting outside
♪ I said please don't close your eyes ♪
♪ Nothing comes for free
♪ Gonna make you pay the price
I think I may have a new boyfriend.
He wants to move in. I mean, me with him.
-He's hot. -Yes!
Sis!
Oh. She's --
She does not care if I have a boyfriend.
-Oh, no, no, it's not that.
It's just a weird day.
-What's -- What's happened? -Nothing.
Nothing. Everything's good. -Okay, what's the latest?
Tell me everything. How's the campaign?
What's the 411? What's the tea?
-Um, it's really good.
-That's amazing. Right? -Yeah.
No, yeah. Yeah, it's really amazing.
-Great. -Yeah. It's just -- Yeah.
Yeah, no, it is amazing.
-Wow. Yas.
Good job. -Hey.
-So, I just talked to Fisher.
-Are you okay? Is he okay? -Yeah, yeah. No, it was good.
It was good. Sorry. You were so amazing.
-Thank you.
♪ Please don't call the police
-If you'll just move... -So, Tuesday is Veteran's Day,
and they're just having a little thing down
at the community center, it's just like a luncheon and --
-Let me see the screen now, okay?
-We need to know.
-Alright, so, you'll come with me?
-Yes, I will. I just said I would.
-Great. You're going to need to wear a button-down shirt.
Thank you. Ugh.
I can't believe you watch that racist gnome.
-Huh? -Nothing.
-Thank you. That's very nice.
Thank you so much for your service.
Do you want another Danish?
-Yeah. -Yeah?
-Do you play? I forget. -Um...
I don't remember the rules, but I can try.
-What makes this Danish? I never understood that.
-Oh. -Care if I play?
-Uh, not at all.
I was just saying I don't remember the rules anymore.
-Is that an ex-wife?
[ Both laugh ]
-You got a fucking sense of humor.
I like that. -It's your move.
-She's running for office. She's my granddaughter.
-I saw that. I saw that. The convenience store hero.
I read about that. -She's a difference maker.
-Yeah. -Where were you on tour, sir?
Oh, IHOP.
How cool is that?
-I thought we, uh, deserved a treat after today.
You want syrup? -Just the syrup.
You can have the spuds.
-Did you, uh...
know any of the guys there before today?
I'd never seen any of them before.
-Yeah, no, I knew a few.
-I always thought the cane was just because you were old.
Which sounds incredibly rude, but I just -- I don't know.
You just always seemed...
I guess I was a kid, but -- -It's not 'cause I was old.
I got shot.
A bullet went straight through my leg.
They sent me home, thank God, and saved my life probably.
War is a terrible fucking thing.
There's really no reason to discuss this.
You know what I hope?
I hope you had a good day with your campaign.
I hope you made some progress.
-It really wasn't about that.
I mean, Greta did think it was a good idea
for us to, you know,
put some more visibility at the community center, but --
-Can you tell me something?
-Mm-hmm. Maybe.
-Honest? -Mm-hmm.
-No bullshit? -Mm-hmm.
-Why are you really running?
-Um...
I just feel like this town and this state
and our country could...
use better leadership.
-Really? No bullshit?
-I hate the other guy.
-Is that -- is that the little turd
that used to pick on you all the time?
-Yep. -Oh, he's an asshole.
-Yeah, he is.
-Oh, my God.
What we're doing right now... -Mm-hmm.
-...reminds me of your dad.
-Tell me more about Grandma Lois.
I don't really know a lot about her.
I'm wearing her dress and her jewelry,
and I don't really know --
I don't know.
I don't know much about her.
-She was a rebel.
Also the most colorful woman I ever knew.
You know what she and your dad used to do?
I'd watch them through the window
when I came home from work,
and they'd take the table and shove it there.
And the music was so loud, the neighbors would come
because they were like complaining
'cause the music was so loud in the neighborhood.
And they'd start dancing, and then your grandma would start --
"Come on down. Come on in and dance."
She'd leave the door open.
People would come in and dance all around.
Um...
She loved people.
-People scare the shit out of me.
-[Laughing] Join the club, ma'am.
Me too.
-♪ We fight, we fight
♪ As we go marching
♪ In the beauty of the day -Oh, my God.
-♪ A million darkened kitchens
-...my nomination in the upcoming primary.
Thank you so much.
-♪ Are touched with all the radiance ♪
-We've been talking a bunch today about heroism.
You must fight if you have to, to stand up for your beliefs.
And my granddaughter, Dorothy, is a fighter.
She's a maverick.
She's got an integrity I haven't seen since uh...
-♪ We battle too for men -...my son.
And she's exactly what Alabaster and Paula County needs.
-♪ And we mother them again
♪ Our lives shall not be sweated ♪
♪ From birth until life closes ♪
♪ Hearts starve as well as bodies ♪
♪ Give us roses
♪♪
♪ As we go marching
-...here in Alabaster, Texas, my --
my hometown, where I've been so lucky
to be called a hometown hero.
We need to start talking about
a Sunday morning club for you.
-♪ Small art and love and beauty ♪
♪ Women's drudging spirits know ♪
♪ Yes, it is bread we fight for ♪
♪ But we fight for roses, too
♪ We fight
♪ Our lives shall not be sweated ♪
♪ From birth until life closes ♪
♪ Hearts starve as well as bodies ♪
♪ Bread and roses
♪ We fight
-I made you a lucky rabbit's foot from the rabbit you shot.
-Oh, thank you. -Yeah.
Isn't that great? -Uh, yeah.
I actually shot the wild turkey. -Oh.
-So... -I was pretty toasty that day,
but, mira, it'll bring you good luck.
We're behind you.
We believe in you, mija.
-Thank you.
[ Cellphone ringing ]
-Why isn't anyone answering their phones?
Jesus!
Sorry.
-I'm Reggie Phillips, and this is a breaking news report.
Texas state legislature hopeful Dorothy Goodwin,
Republican of Alabaster, recently famous
as the convenience store hero, is in the headlines again today.
She and her campaign manager, Greta Hoffman,
also of Alabaster, were seen visiting
this Planned Parenthood in downtown Austin.
Ms. Goodwin, a relative newcomer...
-Excuse me.
-Goodwin's campaign lists nothing
on their website about the right to life,
and Ms. Goodwin -- [ Turns off radio ]
-We're about to go live at the Alabaster
Women's Chamber of Commerce,
where legislative candidate Dorothy Goodwin
and her campaign manger... -Mouth guard.
-...Greta Hoffman are due to comment on allegations that --
-Reporting on claims that remain unsubstantiated
outside of hearsay is the definition of fake news.
Um, I believe strongly that these --
these photos came out of the Hart campaign.
I will be addressing this privately with Brent
later this evening, as we wish to get
strongly back on the path towards victory
in the primaries, which are coming up very soon.
-Ms. Goodwin, so, just to be clear,
you were not at the Planned Parenthood?
-Again, I believe that it is deeply beneath
the sensibilities of this campaign
to even respond to such accusations.
Next question.
-But are you pro-life?
-Um, I don't know how many ways
I can say that I am very pro the lives of this community.
That has always been true, and it will continue to be true
through my run and through-- -Are you pro-life?
-I am very pro the lives
of this community -- -It was me.
-Greta, I don't think -- -It's fine.
No, no, no. I'm going to do this.
Let me do this.
Go. Go. Go. -Okay.
-Um...
Okay.
Whew.
I'm Greta Hoffman.
I'm a mom.
I'm a wife.
Um, I love my husband.
I love my daughter.
My husband, Fisher, is away on active duty.
Um...
And not that it's any of y'all's business,
but we decided to do what we feel is best
for our family in this moment in time.
And I'm sorry, I can't allow my friend Dorothy
to stand here and answer for me or for anyone to think
I'm ashamed that I went to Planned Parenthood
because I went there for support,
and that's what they gave me,
so that I, as a woman, could make my own decision.
That decision's going to remain private, as is my right.
But what I am happy to share with y'all today
is that I proudly am pro-choice.
Now, I'm a true Christian and a proud Republican.
And I love my country.
I really do.
But one of the founding principles
of the Republican Party, y'all,
is individual rights.
And you what to know what that is?
That's the government keeping their hands
off our bodies in all the ways.
-Mm-hmm.
-And I'm sorry, but I feel like this falls under that.
Okay. Thank you.
-Dorothy?
-We will be taking a brief --
Oh. -Excuse me.
Uh, yeah, we will be taking a brief recess,
and, uh, if you excuse us just for a moment.
-Please state publicly your...
-What is your position on abortion, Ms. Goodwin?
Please state for the record --
what is your position on abortion, ma'am?
-I applaud Greta's bravery today, sharing her story.
Please clear the lawn.
♪♪
-America!
♪♪
-[ Scoffs ]
This is a private club. You know that?
-I understand that.
-You want to sit at the end of the bar?
It's a bit more private.
This stays in this room.
But I drove my college girlfriend to get an abortion.
-Is that that entire story?
So, you drove a woman to get an abortion in college?
-No. Yeah. -Do you want an award for that?
-She's kidding. She's kidding.
You know what? Yeah, I would.
I drove her there and I stayed through the whole procedure
and then, at the end of it, she broke up with me, so...
-Well, that's the first time I've actually, uh,
respected any woman that's ever decided to date you.
-Well, then I don't know what to tell you.
You can believe me, you can not: I didn't leak it.
-I don't believe you. Who else would do this?
-Never mind. Hey, look on the bright side.
At least now we're going to get a really great community center.
And, oh, we're going to put in pickleball courts.
Have you ever played pickleball? That game is a fucking blast.
Cheers to the sweet community center
that we will one day build.
-You're never going to build it; you're going to build
the dealership, and you're never going to build it.
-[ Chuckles ]
Yeah.
[ Pouring, sighs ]
I need more wine.
So, would you like to join me in that?
My treat.
-Obviously.
Do you even want to be a politician?
-[ Laughing ]
I mean, do you?
-I've wanted to change the world my entire life.
-Dorothy, I --
I'm the son of a senator,
and I have literally never seen politics do that.
-I can't believe the guy that started "Fat Dorothy"
is going to beat me again.
-[ Laughing ] I'm sorry.
You know it's -- you know it's all karma, though, right?
Because you called me stupid.
-I never called you stupid. -Oh, yeah, you did.
We were in class one day, and I made fun of the way
your dad said something or something like that,
but I remember very clearly you stood up,
and your face -- it was beat red.
And you pointed your little finger at me,
and you said, "Brent Hart, you are stupid."
-Well, even if that's true, you're not stupid,
and you've always know that, and you knew that then,
so it's a stupid reason to start bullying me
for the rest of time. -Well, you're not fat,
and you always knew that, so... -I did not know that,
as no women in America know that.
-No. You're beautiful. You were not fat.
-Ugh. Don't call me beautiful. You don't get to tell me that.
-Well, I am very sorry that was an asshole to you.
Truly.
-If you were sorry, you wouldn't do it anymore.
-What do you mean?
-You know, you actually have power here.
It's like you could actually do things differently.
Politicians should want to lead.
You don't seem like you want to lead.
That makes you an asshole.
You could be doing something else.
-What -- I-I mean, what else am I going to do?
My family is here.
This is what my family does, and I love Texas.
I really do.
So I want to give to it.
-You want to give it to Texas?
[ Both chuckle ]
I can't believe I'm about to say this.
I actually think you might do an okay job,
if you just try really, really hard.
But I hope you do try really, really hard...
'cause I really care.
So, cheers to you doing the right thing.
Good luck.
-♪ He's Brent Hart
♪ He's an American ma-- [ Turns off radio ]
-Hey! -Hey!
-What are you doing here? I thought you'd be home.
-I'm so happy you're here.
You want to hang out with me?
[ Both laughing ]
Can you believe that moment?
We completely lost today, huh?
[ Sighs ]
-Eh. You don't think there's any way
we could come back from that? -No. I don't think so.
You would have made such an amazing congresswoman.
I'm sorry.
-Don't be. -You're such a good friend.
I'm so grateful. -I'm not.
I'm not that good a friend.
You're an amazing friend.
-Good Lord. I want to hear about Brent.
Tell me all the Brent things. -I don't know.
The whole conversation was weird.
He just seemed so sad.
And he doesn't want to be a politician at all...
-Really? -...which is so weird.
It felt like one of those stress nightmares
you have where everything happens in the same nightmare.
-That's what today has kind of been, actually.
Oh, wow, that's crazy. -Yeah.
-I was thinking, I never actually apologized to you.
-For what?
-Brent was not the only person that...
was not kind to you.
I mean, come on.
I was silently a part of that,
and kids were awful.
-Kids are assholes. -I'm so sorry.
-I was an asshole, too.
Remember that conversation we had when we first...
hung out or whatever in the records room
when I first got back to town?
-Yeah.
-Um...
you asked me, you know, why I stopped doing the musicals.
I didn't stop 'cause I didn't like doing them.
I mean, after I started getting bullied,
I just sort of quit everything
and started going on the Internet,
learning about the rainforest, and that just spun me out
into all of the other evils of our world.
And...
I guess I just got to a point where I felt like anything
but trying to fix everything was just a big waste of time.
I feel like I owe you an apology, too,
'cause I feel like as much as you weren't awesome to me...
I was very jealous of you,
'cause you just seemed like you were good at being happy
and like you had this --
like you had this relationship with my dad
that came out of that,
that I could never really have.
But I really wish I had spent that time with him.
-He would have been so proud of you.
I mean, oh, my God, what you've done.
Dorothy, he loved you more than anything.
-Dorothy! Get on down here!
-And it has been an interesting 24 hours,
but after a very long and very...
productive conversation with my family,
I have decided to hereby withdraw my candidacy.
I did have a conversation last night with Dorothy Goodwin,
and as a longtime childhood friend,
I feel confident in leaving Paula County
in her caring and deeply well-informed hands.
-Hands can't be well-informed. -Oh, for Christ's sake.
You won essentially. How about that?
-I can see that she is... -We got anything?
You know where the -- the hard stuff is in the cabinet?
Go see if we have a real drink.
-I feel confident, but I will continue to support
our great state by investing in our burgeoning wine country,
which is rivaling Napa now.
I didn't know if you knew that.
-This is good. This is...
-Hey, babe, could you grab the box labeled "kitchen" next?
-No problem, baby. -Thanks, babe.
-Baby. -Baby.
-Dorothy, did you see the news? Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
What are you doing right now? -Yeah. No. I'm sorry.
-Are you running? -No, I was just going upstairs.
I just -- -We won! I mean,
or we're definitely going to win now.
-Yeah, it's -- it's so great, such great news.
-Oh, and I have a favor to ask. Would you mind coming with me
to my next ultrasound to record the screen?
'Cause it really helps Fisher feel like he was there.
-Yeah. -It's the capital of
Hubei Province, and that province is all but sealed off
from the rest of the country.
Harsher lockdown measures are in place,
requiring billions of people to stay at home --
[ Knocking at door ]
-Dorothy.
-...and daily necessities delivered to them.
And in terms of the... -You basically won.
-...almost half of China's population.
-What are you doing in there?
-Frank, I just want to be alone.
-I can't hear what you're saying.
-In terms of the scale here...
-I made you a sandwich.
Can I sit down?
-Please.
-Geez, I...
I don't really know what's going on or what -- what you're up to.
Seems to me you should be celebrating.
-I'm just...
Tired. -Sit with me.
I worry about you so much, you know?
I don't know what's going on with you,
but I think you have the greatest potential
of any human being I have ever seen in my life.
And I'd be letting you down if I didn't encourage you
to take this spirit and this heart and this mind
and share it with the people.
Have the courage to go out and do that.
Bear your heart in front of them,
and you'll win them over.
This whole country is waiting for the yous.
[ Sighs ]
I failed a lot at telling people I loved them.
But I want you to know...
I love you, ma'am.
And make no mistake about who's telling you that.
I love you.
Listen, you've got a real downtown asshole
as a grandfather.
But I did the best I could, you know?
Now you got a job.
You won an election.
You know, you got to go out there.
That's a win tonight.
That asshole was no competition, but, you know,
you forced him to quit because he knew he sucked.
Now, I'm going downstairs.
-Today would have been Grandma Lois' 60th birthday,
so I thought we could learn her favorite song.
Will you do that with me? -Yeah. Okay.
-I think you'll like it. -Okay. I'll try.
-♪ Sleepless dreamer, won't you come on home? ♪
-Yeah. [ Chuckles ] Okay.
-♪ The season's turning
♪ You've been too long alone
-Good. So...
♪ The season's turning -♪ The season's turning
-♪ You've been too long alone
-Yeah!
-...protecting coffee's genetic diversity
has emerged as essential
to its surviving rising global temperatures.
♪♪
-What we're dealing with here is a president
who doesn't even mention climate change
in his State of the Union address
but then says he's going to be planting a trillion trees,
with zero proof to that matter,
even as his administration is opening up protected areas
for the first time in -- in some cases, decades
to drilling and logging...
♪♪
-We can do it mambo style. Have you ever sang
anything mambo style? I know I haven't.
-I don't want to sing anything mambo style.
I don't want to sing anything at all. I don't --
The song does not actually distract me from the fact
that there's still no envelope in our mailbox,
and Ray got his results last week.
-Honey, it doesn't mean that you're not going to get one.
Come on. Let's -- Let's sing the song.
Whatever happens, okay?
-I don't want to sing a song! No song!
Sing the fucking song.
♪♪
-Hey, honey bunches.
-[ Sobbing ]
-Aw, honey.
I know the world is...
Well, but you can -- you can change all that.
-I can't. I can't. -You know?
You can change all that, and I, for one, believe that you will.
So...
over and out or...
L-O-L or whatever the kids...
are saying these days. -[ Laughing ]
-But one more thing.
Try to understand that college is important, but...
...so is love.
-So is love. So is honesty.
So is...
So is truth.
And so is life.
And so is singing.
And that's why I'm going to play it anyway.
You're gonna hate me 'cause you'll hear this from upstairs.
One, two, three, and...
[ Piano playing ]
♪ Sleepless dreamer, won't you come on home ♪
♪♪
♪ The season's turning
-Good morning. I'm Victoria Upson,
reporting for PJTX at the saved community center in Alabaster.
Dorothy Goodwin, yesterday's primary vote winner --
-I can't believe that it's so packed,
we had to park by the dumpsters,
and they're covering it on the news!
This is crazy. Let me do a tooth check.
Let me see. You look amazing.
Let me go to the side. Wait. Hold on. Hold on.
I want to fix that. You look great.
Mae-bird, will you pass me my pur-- Okay.
Thank you. How do I look?
Do I look okay? I know it's not about me.
You look beautiful. -I do?
-Yeah. -I feel like my base
is a little heavy, but, you know, who cares?
Ohh! I'm so excited for you! It's your big day!
You worked so hard! Ahh! -We worked so hard.
-You worked so hard. Hey, Mae-bird,
you're gonna work hard when you grow up, right?
Help me carry these posters, okay,
'cause your brother is kicking on my bladder.
-Hi, Caroline.
Yeah, I'll be out of here in 20. Oh, God, no.
I'm just here to see if I can pick some moderate donors.
Yes, I heard that garden of Eden speech.
-[ Toilet flushes ] -Bye.
[ Water running ]
[ Water stops ]
-Sally! Hi!
-Hi, Dorothy.
-Uh, fresh-washed.
-Doesn't make it clean. [ Chuckles ]
-Con-- Congratulations.
-Congratulate me when I win.
I'm the only one running.
-To the best woman.
-I just want you to know
I don't plan on losing this seat again.
This is my fourth time running.
And, believe me, I know every trick in the book.
I've had them all used on me by candidates over the years,
one supported by your buddies.
And while I was impressed by the intelligence
behind your pro-choice-adjacent behavior,
I don't buy it for a minute.
Everything you do is a ploy.
-But I -- I really do believe of all those things.
That's why I ran this campaign. -You don't believe anything.
None of you believe any of that.
-That's really not true. I --
-I was the one that leaked the photo.
And while you turned that one around on me,
it's not gonna happen again.
-I'm sorry. You leaked the photos of Greta?
-That's just the beginning.
I got the video of you being arrested
with your little nose ring.
The minute you accept the nomination,
I'm releasing everything.
I don't know what fucked-up game you think you're playing here,
but as you know, I am pro-life.
So you taking that pregnant mother to get an abortion...
-I want to thank you all for coming today.
-...it made me sick.
-Without further ado...
-See you out there.
-...your Republican nominee, Dorothy Goodwin.
-♪ Sleepless dreamer -♪ Sleepless dreamer
[ Applause ]
♪♪
-I'm so sorry.
Um, if I could just get a quick consultation just with my --
with my campaign manager just for one second.
Greta, could you meet me outside just for one moment,
just out back, please? Thank you so much.
Thanks so much. We'll just be right back. I'm sorry.
-What the actual fuck, Dorothy?!
-I know. I never told -- I never told a single campaign lie.
-You never told a campaign lie? -I have been registered
as a Republican in Texas my entire adult life.
And, granted, it was to mess with your primaries,
but technically it's not a lie.
Got us through anything that was illegal.
I would never put you in that position.
Wanted to mess with Texas, but, like, not like --
-Well, you don't mess with Texas.
-Okay, I understand that. It was a bad choice of words.
Sally is so much worse than Brent, which is completely
my bad because I didn't research her at all.
I just bought based on brand, which was the whole reason
why I ran this campaign, so joke's completely on me.
-It's not a joke. -I really thought --
-It's not a joke, Dorothy. Just let me talk!
It's not a joke!
You took it too far!
We're real people. I'm a real person.
I don't know who you are.
-You do know who I am.
-I thought we were friends. -We are friends.
-And it's clear that you just think I'm a moron.
-I do not think you're a moron.
-You thought I was a moron in high school,
and you think I'm a moron now. -I don't.
-And you don't actually care
that I'm a real person with real feelings.
-I just hated this town so much. I don't know how to explain it.
I just hated this town so much for what it did it to me, and...
And for...
And for what it did to my dad. And...
He was gay.
And I didn't even know until after he was dead.
And it's not an excuse. It's not an excuse.
There's no excuse for what I've done.
But I -- I was at his funeral looking at all these people
who...
loved him...
but who were the reason why he didn't have a full life.
And maybe that was their fault,
or maybe he just...
made assumptions...
just like I have.
But whatever it did to me, I just hated this place
and just got really overwhelmed.
[Crying] I just got really overwhelmed, and I'm sorry.
I just hate the president so much.
I know you do, too!
-It was the first time in my life...
...that anyone has taken anything
that I have thought or felt seriously.
And I...
was something other than...
Fisher's wife and a mom.
And I loved you, and I loved your dad.
Of course I love your dad!
Do I feel guilty? Yes.
Do people in this town probably feel guilty?
Yes, but I'm...
Ugh. God.
I'm sorry about your dad.
I loved him, and I loved our time together,
but I can't talk to you anymore because...
I have a family and I have to --
-No, no, wait, wait, wait. wait. -I -- I can't.
You're clearly going through something, and I --
-Please just hear me out. -I'm actually quite mad.
-You never have to listen -- I understand that.
You don't have to stop being mad at me.
Just please hear me out, okay? Look.
It should be you running. It should always have been you.
-What? -You should.
You've run this whole campaign on the idea of having courage
when it isn't convenient. When have I ever done that?
-You really do need psychiatric help.
-No, I don't. -Are you -- I'm confused.
-I am right about this. -This is a lot of information.
-You are honest and you are kind and you care!
-Are you saying that I'm supposed to be a politician?!
-Absolutely! -What are you talking about?!
[ Muffled dialogue ]
You are what we actually need and deserve!
I mean, I would vote for you.
-I'm not a politician, Dorothy.
-That's a matter of semantics. I would vote for you.
And I know that a lot of people would, and I have an idea.
Will you let me try my idea, please?
Please.
-[ Laughs ]
-Don't you even want to hear my idea?
-[ Laughing ]
Ahh! You're insane!
♪♪
-It's Sunday, September 13, 2020.
This is "The Sit Down with Vicky."
Good morning. We are eight weeks out from voting day.
First up, with our ongoing election coverage,
we are so lucky to have with us
Greta Hoffman, campaign manager turned independent candidate
for Texas state legislature, and Dorothy Goodwin...
-Dorothy, it's on!
It's on the TV right now! Get on down here! See it!
-I'm coming!
-You of all people don't want to miss yourself on the TV.
-...liberal Republican nominee.
-I was just kidding!
-Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. -Maybe.
-I came here today to accept the Republican nomination.
I believe that we're in the middle
of an environmental apocalypse.
I think that we need to come together.
I did come here to do something good.
And instead I ended up finding someone good.
And that person is Greta Hoffman.
Vicky, all I can really say about that is, some days you
just kind of have to tell it like it is, or at least I do,
although I do want to seriously state
that the climate crisis is worse than ever.
-With that in mind, why not focus on your own nomination?
Why support Greta? -I think that the thing...
See how good my nose ring looks on TV?
-You look sharp, ma'am. -Thank you.
-Is that one Lois'?
-The blazer is...
We absolutely all have to stand together
to strike down hatred, bullying,
and misinformation in all of their forms.
-It's very important to me to run a campaign
that welcomes everyone to the table equally
and without preconceived notions.
-That's beautiful and incredibly inspiring.
-Yes. And she's up in the polls!
She's actually making history as the first independent woman
and the first pro-choice woman to be up in the polls
in Paula County, so let's make history together.
Let's get out there and vote.
Or send in your ballot from home. Very important.
-To everyone in Northeastern Texas, you can go to my website,
and I will give you all the locations for polling.
-Yes. Power to the people, y'all! Vote!
-♪ Sleepless dreamer, make your journey home ♪
♪ The season's turning
♪ You've been too long alone
♪ Ease on your saddle
♪ Soothe your weary bones
♪ Sleepless dreamer, make your journey home ♪
♪ Ohh, sing out of your journey ♪
♪ The world needs to hear your song ♪
♪ And, ohh, ride through the darkness ♪
♪ And bring back your light with the dawn ♪
♪♪
♪ Restless wanderer, open up your eyes ♪
♪ Eden's burning, there's fire in the skies ♪
♪ Aren't you tired of all their petty lies? ♪
♪ Restless wanderer, open up your eyes ♪
♪ And, ohh, sing out of your journey ♪
♪ The world needs to hear your song ♪
♪ And, oh, oh, oh, ride through the darkness ♪
♪ And bring back your light
♪ With the d-a-a-awn
Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull
♪♪
♪ Ohh, sing out of your journey ♪
♪ The world needs to hear your song ♪
♪ And, oh, oh, oh, ride through the darkness ♪
♪ And bring back your light
♪ With the d-a-a-awn
♪ Lie beside me
♪ Come down from the stars
♪♪
♪ Sleepless dreamer, settle who you are ♪
♪ No more seeking what you already know ♪
♪ Sleepless dreamer, bring your body home ♪
♪ Sleepless dreamer, bring your body home ♪♪
♪♪
-♪ She'll take the hard road if it's right ♪
♪ She'll work all day and through the night ♪
♪ To keep your freedoms safe, she'll fight ♪
♪ She's the hero from Paula County ♪
♪♪
♪ Dorothy Goodwin is her name
♪ She fights for your personal liberties ♪
♪ She won't play the politicians' games ♪
♪ She'll stand up for this community ♪
♪♪
♪ She knows what the Founding Fathers meant ♪
♪ She's the hero, even when it's not convenient ♪
♪ Her rule is iron-clad
♪ She cannot be bent
♪ She's the hero of Paula County ♪
♪ Dorothy Goodwin is her name
♪ She'll care for our Garden of Eden ♪
♪ Dorothy Goodwin is her name
♪ She's the change that Texas is needin' ♪
♪♪
♪ She's not your teacher, your mother, or your wife ♪
♪ But just like them, she will protect ♪
♪ Our Texas way of life
♪ She stands with Jesus
♪ On ending all human pain and strife ♪
♪ She's the hero of Paula County ♪
♪ Dorothy Goodwin is her name
♪ She'll care for our Garden of Eden ♪
♪ Dorothy Goodwin is her name
♪ She's the change that Texas is needin' ♪
♪♪
-♪ Ohh-oh
-♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
♪♪