1 00:00:00,625 --> 00:00:02,001 [TV static drones] 2 00:00:02,085 --> 00:00:04,713 [bright tone] 3 00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:08,508 - So we found it strange that we 4 00:00:08,591 --> 00:00:11,011 were making toys in February. 5 00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:13,138 We thought, toys in February? 6 00:00:13,221 --> 00:00:14,472 Since when? 7 00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:17,225 The Christmas holiday just happened. 8 00:00:17,308 --> 00:00:18,643 It was odd. 9 00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:21,980 But then we realized what we were making. 10 00:00:22,063 --> 00:00:23,982 - And what was that? - Objection. 11 00:00:24,065 --> 00:00:24,983 Relevance? 12 00:00:25,066 --> 00:00:26,818 - Overruled. 13 00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:31,448 - It was a toy. 14 00:00:31,531 --> 00:00:35,368 It was a--forgive me. 15 00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:38,246 It was a sex toy. 16 00:00:38,329 --> 00:00:41,249 [whimsical music] 17 00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:43,168 ♪ ♪ 18 00:00:43,251 --> 00:00:44,919 - Please state your last name. 19 00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:46,338 - Claus. 20 00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:48,006 - First name. 21 00:00:48,089 --> 00:00:49,924 - Mrs. 22 00:00:49,966 --> 00:00:52,344 - How would you characterize your relationship 23 00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:53,636 with the plaintiff? 24 00:00:53,678 --> 00:00:54,679 - He's an elf. 25 00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:56,431 He's one of my husband's elfs. 26 00:00:56,514 --> 00:00:58,850 Elfs? Elves? 27 00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,602 I don't know. Sorry. [chuckles] 28 00:01:00,685 --> 00:01:02,395 He's one of many. Sorry. 29 00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:04,813 - It's OK. - Phew. 30 00:01:04,855 --> 00:01:07,067 [chuckles] I'm feeling a little nervous. 31 00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:10,320 I'm more of a behind-the-scenes gal. 32 00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:12,655 - That's OK. 33 00:01:12,697 --> 00:01:15,033 Do you know Dodo? 34 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:17,035 - Yes. 35 00:01:17,118 --> 00:01:18,661 We're all family. 36 00:01:18,703 --> 00:01:21,122 That's what I thought, at least, if you ask me. 37 00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:23,667 Him and the other ones would come over for dinner, 38 00:01:23,708 --> 00:01:26,544 small parties, Christmas parties. 39 00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:30,799 - It's at one of these parties where Dodo found a present. 40 00:01:30,882 --> 00:01:36,179 He was instructed to create, uh, a, uh, strap-on. 41 00:01:36,221 --> 00:01:40,850 He alleges it was in your home for personal use. 42 00:01:40,892 --> 00:01:43,978 - Elves make the toys. My husband delivers the toys. 43 00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:46,856 The toys are his responsibility. 44 00:01:46,898 --> 00:01:49,234 And it's our responsibility, 45 00:01:49,317 --> 00:01:52,987 as for all the presents, that we ensure the quality 46 00:01:53,071 --> 00:01:54,906 and we test them out ourselves. 47 00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:57,826 I gladly tested it on Santa for Christmas. 48 00:01:57,908 --> 00:02:00,745 [chuckles] Sorry. 49 00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:02,622 Behind-the-scenes gal. 50 00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:04,040 - That's OK. 51 00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:07,335 Dodo alleges elves are made to work for free. 52 00:02:07,419 --> 00:02:09,628 - Not for free. No. 53 00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:12,465 For the love of Christmas. 54 00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:15,552 - And can you share with us what Dodo said 55 00:02:15,593 --> 00:02:17,095 at one of these parties? 56 00:02:17,178 --> 00:02:19,764 - He said--and he was tipsy. 57 00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:21,224 I'll give him that. 58 00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:22,600 This one can sure drink a lot of eggnog. 59 00:02:22,642 --> 00:02:27,772 He said, "God, I hate Christmas." 60 00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:31,943 [gasping, murmuring] 61 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,778 I was devastated. 62 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,739 I still haven't recovered, if you ask me. 63 00:02:35,780 --> 00:02:38,116 And I think that's why he's on this social justice 64 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,242 warrior kick. 65 00:02:39,284 --> 00:02:41,244 He hates Christmas. Don't you? 66 00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:42,746 Tell him the truth. 67 00:02:42,787 --> 00:02:44,372 - I don't like that Dodo. 68 00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:46,833 He wants to cancel Christmas, for Christ's sake. 69 00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:49,127 - OK, so you're interested in corporeal service. 70 00:02:49,168 --> 00:02:50,128 - Yes. 71 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,129 - You want to get rid of your body? 72 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,130 - I would like to get rid of my body, yes. 73 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,131 - OK, great. 74 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,966 Well, let me tell you a little bit about us. 75 00:02:55,050 --> 00:02:57,218 New Solutions Incorporated specializes 76 00:02:57,302 --> 00:02:58,803 in mind upgrading services 77 00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:02,098 and are certified by official agencies nationwide. 78 00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:03,850 Our incorp-- - Sorry, like the FDA? 79 00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:06,144 - No. Our--let me finish. 80 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,395 - Sorry. 81 00:03:07,479 --> 00:03:10,190 - Our incorporeal service can free you of your daily bodily 82 00:03:10,273 --> 00:03:12,108 ailments and discomforts. 83 00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:15,320 "Without a body, I have never felt more like myself." 84 00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:16,529 Jonathan R., Brooklyn. 85 00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:19,074 - I can read it-- - "Service was fast and easy. 86 00:03:19,115 --> 00:03:21,493 I left feeling better than I had in years." 87 00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:22,660 Sam K., Manhattan. 88 00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:24,579 - Do you have--oh. Do you have change for $20? 89 00:03:24,662 --> 00:03:26,081 I just got some dumplings. 90 00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:28,124 - We're here to help people just like you 91 00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:31,836 get rid of the burden of having a body. 92 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,881 You just float around. 93 00:03:34,964 --> 00:03:38,802 It says here that you're battling a skin disease. 94 00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:40,220 - Yes. 95 00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:42,180 I'm actually a little worried about this. 96 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,515 - Oh! 97 00:03:43,555 --> 00:03:44,933 Uh, I'm sorry. 98 00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:46,351 It's really bad. 99 00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:48,395 Um, but you don't have to worry about that. 100 00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:50,146 You don't have to worry about a thing. 101 00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:51,606 You don't even have to worry about getting an apartment 102 00:03:51,690 --> 00:03:53,024 because you won't have a body. 103 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:54,484 You'll just be floating around. 104 00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:56,027 - Like a ghost? - Let me finish. 105 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:58,530 You will be floating around like a freed mind. 106 00:03:58,571 --> 00:04:00,782 And you ever feel, like, hungry, 107 00:04:00,865 --> 00:04:03,785 or, after you eat food, you're, like, bloated? 108 00:04:03,868 --> 00:04:05,161 - Um, sure. Yeah. 109 00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:06,579 Yes. - See? 110 00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:08,206 That wouldn't happen if we upload you. 111 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:11,292 Hey, I got to get this. 112 00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:13,962 Hello? Yes, this is the real bank. 113 00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:15,130 - Uh, I got a call saying-- - Hey. 114 00:04:15,213 --> 00:04:16,297 Hey, can you get this? 115 00:04:16,380 --> 00:04:17,339 I gotta take it. 116 00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:18,841 - Oh, I don't know what the-- 117 00:04:18,882 --> 00:04:21,136 - Everything is in the brochure. 118 00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:22,345 Yeah? Mm-hmm. - OK. 119 00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:24,180 Uh, yes. 120 00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:25,640 - Yes, I'll just need your full name and account number. 121 00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:30,061 - Right now, uh, we are offering 122 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:35,066 a promotional fee of $999 a month 123 00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:40,113 because you are a preferred, uh, customer. 124 00:04:40,196 --> 00:04:41,281 - That's nice. 125 00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:42,741 Um, for--for how long? 126 00:04:42,782 --> 00:04:44,034 - I told you this is a real bank. 127 00:04:44,075 --> 00:04:46,161 - Uh, initial 10-year commitment. 128 00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:48,955 - And if I stop paying, I can just return to my body? 129 00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:50,790 - No. No, you can't. 130 00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:52,042 Can't do it. 131 00:04:52,082 --> 00:04:54,919 Just-- [sighs] 132 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,422 - So, sorry, I guess the question is, 133 00:04:57,505 --> 00:05:00,550 if I upload my consciousness into the ether 134 00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:03,053 and I become this little light for a fee, 135 00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:07,390 if I stop paying that fee, where does my consciousness-- 136 00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:11,519 [whimsical music] 137 00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:13,104 Go? - Oh. 138 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,023 That's between you and your pastor. 139 00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:16,358 We don't do that. 140 00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:18,985 - Well, uh, to sign you up, we just need a-- 141 00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:23,406 your credit card to put on file and then a copy 142 00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:25,116 of your proof of existence. 143 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,744 - I don't-- I--wait. I'm sorry. 144 00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:31,706 I need to prove that I exist so I can stop existing? 145 00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:33,457 - It'll be real fast. We'll swipe it. 146 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:34,959 All you need is proof. That's it. 147 00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:37,212 - You know, I don't have it because I don't want it, 148 00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:38,630 is the issue. 149 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:41,007 - Wait, so... 150 00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:43,802 How do you have an apartment? How do you take out a loan? 151 00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:45,470 They're going to be asking for it 152 00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:46,888 as soon as you're on the subway. 153 00:05:46,971 --> 00:05:48,890 - --you never knew you needed until now! 154 00:05:48,973 --> 00:05:50,517 - I even heard you'll need it to vote soon. 155 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:54,979 Toilets. 156 00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:56,231 [classical music] 157 00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:58,233 Go back. [clears throat] 158 00:05:58,316 --> 00:06:01,069 It breaks my heart to see them naked, 159 00:06:01,152 --> 00:06:03,738 undignified, shivering in the cold 160 00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:05,824 as they swallow our daily filth. 161 00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:08,827 That's why I've dedicated my life 162 00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:11,871 to fashioning toilet dresses. 163 00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:14,374 You see, every toilet is a she. 164 00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:16,918 And she, she ought to be dressed. 165 00:06:17,002 --> 00:06:20,588 [chuckles] Go. 166 00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:23,466 Yes, her favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. 167 00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:25,260 Mm. The turkey one. 168 00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:26,594 And her? 169 00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:28,263 Well, she woke up early just to bake bread 170 00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:29,514 with her two ugly daughters. 171 00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,016 [toilet flushes] - Ah, ha. 172 00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:33,768 - Ah, daydreaming of a Hawaiian honeymoon 173 00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:36,438 with a man she'll never meet. 174 00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:39,024 - [sighs] 175 00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:41,276 - What the hell are you doing? 176 00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:43,153 Not the cowgirl. 177 00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:45,321 She's private. 178 00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:47,741 People are always asking me, 179 00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:50,577 Denise, I tried to go to your website 180 00:06:50,659 --> 00:06:52,787 and I couldn't find the online shop. 181 00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:54,330 And I say, don't be an idiot. 182 00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:55,707 I don't have an online shop. 183 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,167 You know that. 184 00:06:57,207 --> 00:06:59,544 You have to call me personally at home 185 00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,504 and you need to ask for a consultation. 186 00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:05,300 Then I'll come to your home when you least expect it, 187 00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:07,052 but when it's convenient for me. 188 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:09,387 And I'll have a moment with your toilet. 189 00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:11,139 Feel its skin. Hmm. 190 00:07:11,222 --> 00:07:12,349 Feel its gurgles. 191 00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:13,475 [gurgling] 192 00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:14,851 Hear it roar. 193 00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:18,355 [flushing] 194 00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:19,939 She wants a sequined seat. 195 00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:21,358 - Won't that hurt? - Shh. 196 00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:22,567 Babe. 197 00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:23,902 - I don't want to sit on sequins. 198 00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:26,029 - [chuckles] "Won't that hurt?" 199 00:07:26,071 --> 00:07:27,489 You are an idiot. 200 00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:30,367 This one doesn't mind being the other woman. 201 00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:32,702 And her, I'm not ready to discuss. 202 00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:36,039 My dedication to this cause began 203 00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:39,584 back when I was a little girl. 204 00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,252 [whooshing] 205 00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:43,713 I live alone with my grandmother, 206 00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:46,007 so you know my childhood was excellent. 207 00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:49,594 - Put your pants up, you vile, vile girl. 208 00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:52,514 My life is hard, and it's your fault! 209 00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:55,642 I dump all my shit on you. 210 00:07:55,725 --> 00:08:00,355 - Thank you to my producers for making that flashback happen. 211 00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:02,273 Oh. 212 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,566 OK. 213 00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:04,734 Well, don't make a whole show of it. 214 00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:05,777 Just go. 215 00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:07,445 Toilets need love. 216 00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:10,365 Toilets didn't ask to be toilets. 217 00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:13,827 Toilets need to be dressed, and they need to look good. 218 00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:15,787 But please don't call here and be asking 219 00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:17,580 how much it costs, OK? 220 00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:20,625 Just book a fucking consultation. 221 00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:25,422 ♪ ♪ 222 00:08:25,463 --> 00:08:26,423 Good night. 223 00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:27,549 [doorbell rings] 224 00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:29,175 - Bibo will get the door. 225 00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:31,761 - Skin cancer. 226 00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:35,222 How long to kill? 227 00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:36,558 - Thank you, sir. 228 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:38,601 Keep the change. 229 00:08:40,477 --> 00:08:42,480 - How about this apartment? 230 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,149 No? 231 00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:46,609 Oh, I've been there. 232 00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:48,486 That's too small. But this one. 233 00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:49,487 How about this? 234 00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:52,866 Oh, Bibo, don't move. 235 00:08:54,826 --> 00:08:55,827 Oh. 236 00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:58,496 [phone ringing] 237 00:08:58,580 --> 00:08:59,748 - I detect an incoming call. 238 00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:01,249 - Thank you, Bibo. 239 00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:02,375 Hello? 240 00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:03,626 - Julio, may I speak to you? 241 00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:04,753 - Right now? - Can we talk? 242 00:09:04,836 --> 00:09:06,212 - No, no, sorry. No, not you. 243 00:09:06,296 --> 00:09:08,256 - Now's a good time for me, and I need to tell you-- 244 00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:10,091 - Yeah, this is he. - Julio? 245 00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:12,093 - Can I-- - Julio, hello. 246 00:09:12,177 --> 00:09:13,345 Hello? 247 00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:14,971 - Hello. 248 00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:19,517 - So was your mother a rice cooker or a vacuum cleaner? 249 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,603 - Angrysound.mp3. 250 00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:22,729 [groans, whirs] 251 00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:24,939 - Oh, Bibo, relax. 252 00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:26,358 It's a human joke. - OK, OK. 253 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,568 It was the venue. They have a lead on the oyster. 254 00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:30,362 If they find it, I can get a biopsy, like, today. 255 00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,739 - What you need is an apartment. 256 00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,783 - No, what I need is to know what I'm dealing with. 257 00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:36,618 And I'll only know what I'm dealing with 258 00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:37,952 if I can get the oyster. 259 00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:40,872 - Julio, I can't do this. 260 00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:42,499 I can't spiral with you. 261 00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:44,793 Remember when we were in college 262 00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:46,044 and you thought you had internal bleeding 263 00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:47,796 because you were spitting blood, 264 00:09:47,879 --> 00:09:49,506 but you just weren't flossing? 265 00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:51,049 - I--I don't know why you're bringing that up. 266 00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:53,218 I don't know what that has to do with anything. 267 00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:54,552 This is nothing like that. 268 00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,179 It--it's just nothing like the flossing. 269 00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:58,014 - This is just like that. 270 00:09:58,056 --> 00:09:59,557 You always do this. 271 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:02,644 [phone ringing] 272 00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:06,856 Hello? Vanesja. 273 00:10:06,898 --> 00:10:08,233 - Hello? 274 00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:09,818 Your Chase Bank account has been compromised. 275 00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:11,695 - Oh, no. 276 00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:14,781 - OK, I haven't found your little golden oyster, 277 00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:17,867 but I think I know where it might be. 278 00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:19,452 Have you ever heard of Fufu's? 279 00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:20,912 - No. 280 00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,455 - Fufu's was the first and only queer hamster 281 00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:23,748 nightclub in New York City. 282 00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:26,167 [electronic music] 283 00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:28,378 Fufu's was like Studio 54 meets Berghain, 284 00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:29,671 but for gay hamsters. 285 00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:32,757 It was the only space that was just for them, 286 00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:36,219 where they could walk in, dance, misbehave, 287 00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:37,846 and forget about the tedious, endless loop 288 00:10:37,929 --> 00:10:39,681 of their exercise wheels. 289 00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:42,559 At Fufu's, you'd see hamsters in fetish wear, 290 00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:45,061 hamster couples eyeing a third and disappearing 291 00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:48,106 into a dark room, or arguing about dropping the coke. 292 00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,357 - Where is it? Fuck! 293 00:10:49,441 --> 00:10:50,567 I'm so stupid. 294 00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:52,277 - Babe, did you drop the coke? 295 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:53,695 - Don't get mad. 296 00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:55,447 - There was no easier place to score drugs 297 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,073 than at the Fufu's bathroom. - So stupid. 298 00:10:57,115 --> 00:10:58,616 - Where is it? Where is the baggie? 299 00:10:58,700 --> 00:10:59,617 - I hear your boyfriend's toxic. 300 00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:00,744 Want to make out with me? 301 00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:01,953 - They let me work the coat check. 302 00:11:02,037 --> 00:11:03,788 - Alex, chica! 303 00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:05,123 - Oh, my God. Hi! 304 00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:07,334 So good to see you. Just one? 305 00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:09,002 - Yeah, one item. - It's $5. 306 00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:10,295 - Oh, my God. 307 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:13,256 I could buy more items for that much money. 308 00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:17,260 - Fufu's was owned by a sweet old queen named Pompolino. 309 00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:19,721 He named the club after his late partner Fufu, 310 00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:22,098 who died at the hands of a merciless seven-year-old 311 00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:23,892 who forgot to feed him. 312 00:11:23,975 --> 00:11:26,353 His new boyfriend, who was young 313 00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:28,480 and power hungry, was named Coco 314 00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:29,939 and had big plans for Fufu's. 315 00:11:29,981 --> 00:11:31,191 - We should do brunches in the day. 316 00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:32,484 Bottomless mimosa brunch. 317 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,194 - Babe, that's not what Fufu's is. 318 00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:35,195 - We should make it a chain, 319 00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:37,030 open more Fufu's, and team up with 320 00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:38,823 brands to do big sponsored events. 321 00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:39,991 Do a bump. 322 00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:41,284 - [sniffs] Sponsored events? [groans] 323 00:11:41,326 --> 00:11:42,327 - We should charge a really high cover 324 00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:43,495 to make sure hamsters that come in 325 00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:45,455 can afford the drinks. Come on, babe! 326 00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:46,498 This is smart. 327 00:11:46,581 --> 00:11:48,083 - Babe, Fufu was for family. Queer family. 328 00:11:48,165 --> 00:11:49,167 - You should do a bump. 329 00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:50,502 - Babe, I do not want more cocaine. 330 00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:52,087 - We should invite Antoni from "Queer Eye." 331 00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:53,338 We should invite Anderson Cooper. 332 00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:54,756 [gasps] We should invite Spock. 333 00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:55,965 Which one's Spock? 334 00:11:56,007 --> 00:11:57,467 - Babe, he's a human. 335 00:11:57,509 --> 00:11:59,135 - Who cares? Humans are cool. 336 00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:00,178 Do a bump. 337 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,680 - Babe, Fufu would not have liked that. 338 00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:02,889 - Fufu's dead. 339 00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:05,433 I had nothing to do with it, no matter what the police say. 340 00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:08,019 And I'm going to take this place to the next level. 341 00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,980 - Fufu's turned into a CVS the next day. 342 00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:12,607 - That's so sad. 343 00:12:12,691 --> 00:12:16,820 - Anyway, the hamster CVS is under the DJ booth. 344 00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:19,239 I think your little oyster might have rolled over there. 345 00:12:19,322 --> 00:12:21,449 [whimsical chime] 346 00:12:21,533 --> 00:12:24,577 [soft suspenseful music] 347 00:12:27,706 --> 00:12:30,792 [squeaking] 348 00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:33,962 [mellow music playing] 349 00:12:34,045 --> 00:12:34,963 [scanner beeps] 350 00:12:35,046 --> 00:12:36,923 - Following guest. - Hey, hey. Hi, hi. 351 00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:39,175 OK, so my name is Julio. - Uh-huh. 352 00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:41,636 - OK, I was wondering if maybe you found a little-- 353 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:44,514 well, little for me, but sizable for you-- 354 00:12:44,556 --> 00:12:46,349 golden diamond-encrusted oyster. 355 00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:47,726 - [sighs] An oyster? - Yes. 356 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,894 Well, it's an earring in the shape of an oyster, 357 00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:51,229 with diamonds. - OK. 358 00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:53,148 Hey, Chips! - Yes? Chips here. 359 00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:55,150 - Have you seen a golden oyster with diamonds? 360 00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:57,152 - Hmm. Ah, yes. 361 00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:58,361 I can help you. - Oh, yeah? 362 00:12:58,403 --> 00:13:00,864 - OK, a customer was here yesterday 363 00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:02,407 saying he lost his sweater here. 364 00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,409 [squeaking] 365 00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:05,410 - Uh-huh. 366 00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:06,745 - So I brought out the lost and found, 367 00:13:06,828 --> 00:13:08,872 and he saw exactly what you're describing. 368 00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:10,248 The golden oyster, was it? - Yes. 369 00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:11,499 - Yes. 370 00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:13,126 And then the customer said, "oh, yes. 371 00:13:13,209 --> 00:13:14,294 That's my sweater." And I gave it to him. 372 00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:15,962 - What? And you just gave it to-- 373 00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:17,714 [groans] Never mind. 374 00:13:17,756 --> 00:13:19,049 What's his name? 375 00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:20,091 - [squeaking] 376 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,259 - And where does he work? 377 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,261 - [squeaking] 378 00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,387 - OK. 379 00:13:24,429 --> 00:13:26,264 [tapping] 380 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,519 - Why are you wearing that? 381 00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:34,939 Not allowed to have phones in school. 382 00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:38,318 - I--[sighs] I don't go here. 383 00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:40,236 - Then why are you here? 384 00:13:40,278 --> 00:13:42,572 - Because I'm waiting for class to be over 385 00:13:42,614 --> 00:13:44,199 so I can yell at a hamster. 386 00:13:44,282 --> 00:13:47,285 [distant chatter] 387 00:13:51,122 --> 00:13:54,376 - Don't let him get to you. 388 00:13:54,459 --> 00:13:55,919 - Oh, I'm--I'm OK. 389 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,962 I don't, um-- 390 00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:10,308 - Did you like school? 391 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:11,309 - No. 392 00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:12,977 - Why? 393 00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:15,897 - Um, because it's a horrible, oppressive, uh, environment. 394 00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:18,566 - Did kids make fun of you? 395 00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:20,193 - No. Um-- 396 00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:23,279 - Is it 'cause you're gay? 397 00:14:23,321 --> 00:14:26,533 - That's a--maybe like a symptom, but no. 398 00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:28,451 I, um, I don't know. 399 00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:30,662 Just different-- different priorities. 400 00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:31,996 - How do you mean? 401 00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:34,124 - I--it's a little Oprah here. 402 00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:35,750 I don't know. 403 00:14:35,834 --> 00:14:37,752 I didn't like school because it felt like a competition 404 00:14:37,836 --> 00:14:39,462 to see who could fit in the most. 405 00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:42,298 And I started at a deficit and could never catch up, 406 00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:43,758 no matter how hard I tried. 407 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,261 You see, my family inherited a lot of debt 408 00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:48,471 when my grandfather died, and we had to move 409 00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:50,015 just to avoid the debt collectors. 410 00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:51,766 We couldn't have nice things. 411 00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:54,310 The kids at school sniffed out that something was off. 412 00:14:54,352 --> 00:14:55,937 "Why does your car look like that? 413 00:14:56,021 --> 00:14:57,480 Why do your clothes look like that?" 414 00:14:57,522 --> 00:14:59,357 Until eventually I said, "Guess what? 415 00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,192 Joke's on you. I don't want to fit in. 416 00:15:01,276 --> 00:15:03,778 I don't want what you have. I don't want to eat like you. 417 00:15:03,862 --> 00:15:05,030 I don't want to look like you. 418 00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:06,698 I don't want to think like you. 419 00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:08,366 What? I didn't get invited to the party. 420 00:15:08,450 --> 00:15:10,869 [scoffs] That party isn't even on my radar. 421 00:15:10,952 --> 00:15:12,620 I'm not at the bottom of the pyramid. 422 00:15:12,704 --> 00:15:13,705 I'm not in the pyramid. 423 00:15:13,788 --> 00:15:14,873 I'm not losing the race, idiot. 424 00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:16,249 I'm not running at all. 425 00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:17,834 I'm not even watching the race. 426 00:15:17,876 --> 00:15:20,420 I'm over here, very relaxed and highly at ease. 427 00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:22,464 [voices echoing] I'm different. 428 00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:23,798 I am my own thing. 429 00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:25,800 I'm the exception." 430 00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:28,178 So no, I don't need proof of existence. 431 00:15:28,219 --> 00:15:32,432 What I need is my own special, little quest. 432 00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:35,143 - So to me, this whole quest you're on, 433 00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:38,521 this whole maze you've put yourself in, 434 00:15:38,563 --> 00:15:42,692 it's all a distraction from the brutal reality that, 435 00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:45,028 like the rest of us, you'll have to sacrifice 436 00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:46,696 some of what you believe in, 437 00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:49,032 some of your precious individuality 438 00:15:49,074 --> 00:15:50,825 that became your armor to survive 439 00:15:50,909 --> 00:15:51,993 in a system that hurt you. 440 00:15:52,077 --> 00:15:55,413 You'll have to play by its rules to some extent 441 00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:59,000 to keep surviving this world. 442 00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:00,919 And you know you're not sick. 443 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:04,673 You're just scared of facing that the walls are closing in. 444 00:16:04,756 --> 00:16:06,424 But what happens after the biopsy, huh? 445 00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:08,093 [bell rings] 446 00:16:08,176 --> 00:16:13,056 What happens when you no longer have this to face the world? 447 00:16:13,098 --> 00:16:15,558 You're going to find some other thing to distract you? 448 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,645 [distant chatter] 449 00:16:20,772 --> 00:16:23,692 [choir vocalizing] 450 00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:26,695 [upbeat music] 451 00:16:26,778 --> 00:16:33,785 ♪ ♪ 452 00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:35,745 - Figaro? 453 00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:37,038 - Mm-hmm? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 454 00:16:37,122 --> 00:16:38,373 Hi. What's up? 455 00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:39,540 - Hand over the diamonds. - Mm. 456 00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:41,418 Wait, I'm sorry. Diamonds? Hmm. 457 00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:43,753 Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about. 458 00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:45,255 - Where is the oyster? 459 00:16:45,296 --> 00:16:46,756 - Oh, you mean my sweater. 460 00:16:46,798 --> 00:16:48,008 OK. [chuckles] 461 00:16:48,091 --> 00:16:49,175 That's--yeah, yeah. - Sure. 462 00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:50,385 Where is it? 463 00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:51,386 - OK, it is coming back to me now. 464 00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:52,387 - That's nice. 465 00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:53,638 Where is it? 466 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:54,889 - Listen, sir, I'm still rattled 467 00:16:54,973 --> 00:16:56,266 from a near-death experience. 468 00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:57,976 [chuckles] 469 00:16:58,018 --> 00:16:59,978 - Just get on with it, Figaro. 470 00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:01,938 - OK, relax. God. [chuckles] 471 00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:04,566 I lost the diamonds when I had a close encounter 472 00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:06,651 with hell's mouth. 473 00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:09,654 That's what we call toilets in my culture. 474 00:17:09,738 --> 00:17:12,156 - What is the issue? 475 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:15,117 The funds will be wired from Europe. 476 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,327 Hello? 477 00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:17,579 Where are you? 478 00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:18,747 - I'm in a middle school bathroom 479 00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:20,330 looking for the oyster. 480 00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:24,252 - [sighs] I have exciting news. 481 00:17:24,336 --> 00:17:26,755 I just landed the client-- 482 00:17:26,838 --> 00:17:29,466 zappos.com's streaming services. 483 00:17:29,507 --> 00:17:30,967 They only do remakes now, 484 00:17:31,009 --> 00:17:33,678 and they want you to adapt the tooth fairy. 485 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,681 Something fun for the whole familia. 486 00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:38,141 - I already told them my idea. 487 00:17:38,183 --> 00:17:41,978 So I hear you're looking for a fun, family-friendly summertime 488 00:17:42,020 --> 00:17:43,313 movie about the tooth fairy. 489 00:17:43,355 --> 00:17:45,106 Well, you got it. 490 00:17:45,190 --> 00:17:48,151 Uh, my idea would be a story about addiction. 491 00:17:48,193 --> 00:17:52,197 We find this young fairy alone, shivering, cold and gaunt, 492 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,617 stealing quarters from his father, a fairy plumber. 493 00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,369 They live in a tree, but in their world, 494 00:17:57,452 --> 00:17:59,454 this is sort of like a tenement-style building. 495 00:17:59,537 --> 00:18:01,706 Later, we learn that he's stealing the quarters 496 00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:03,541 in order to fund his addiction-- 497 00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:06,878 human teeth, children's teeth. 498 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,505 The fairy dies at the end. 499 00:18:08,546 --> 00:18:10,548 Is this movie going to make a lot of money? 500 00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,967 No, but-- [scoffs] 501 00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:15,053 You didn't become an executive to make money. 502 00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:16,554 - [coughs] 503 00:18:16,638 --> 00:18:18,348 - Mm, I think they want something more palatable. 504 00:18:18,390 --> 00:18:19,724 [line beeps] Ugh. 505 00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:21,309 Hold on, my little star. 506 00:18:21,393 --> 00:18:22,811 Someone's calling. 507 00:18:22,894 --> 00:18:24,646 - This is the bank calling you regarding 508 00:18:24,729 --> 00:18:26,231 some leaked photographs. 509 00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:28,483 - You again? 510 00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:33,154 - OK. Well, now back to finding the oyster. 511 00:18:33,238 --> 00:18:34,489 [gasps] 512 00:18:41,246 --> 00:18:44,165 [ambient music] 513 00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:46,876 ♪ ♪ 514 00:18:46,918 --> 00:18:48,086 - [gasps] 515 00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:50,088 [gasps echoing] 516 00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:52,757 I am the water. 517 00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:55,093 I am here, but also there. 518 00:18:55,176 --> 00:18:56,261 I am the water. 519 00:18:56,344 --> 00:18:57,762 Rushing over here. 520 00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:59,347 [vocalizing] 521 00:18:59,431 --> 00:19:01,933 Cleaning over there. 522 00:19:02,017 --> 00:19:03,727 Hydrating everywhere. 523 00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:04,936 - Ah. 524 00:19:04,978 --> 00:19:07,939 - Toilets make me dizzy. 525 00:19:08,023 --> 00:19:09,566 What was your question? 526 00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:12,444 I'm about to rain. [echoing] Rain, rain, rain. 527 00:19:12,527 --> 00:19:14,779 Oh, yes. Your oyster. 528 00:19:14,863 --> 00:19:19,617 I felt it going down my throat, through my very being, 529 00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:22,787 and eventually to my sea. 530 00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:24,414 [whimsical music] 531 00:19:24,456 --> 00:19:25,707 - Hello? 532 00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:27,167 - God, I've been waiting for four hours. 533 00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:28,209 - Hold, please. - No! 534 00:19:28,293 --> 00:19:30,378 Do not fucking put me-- [line beeps] 535 00:19:30,462 --> 00:19:32,172 - I fucking hate Halloween. 536 00:19:32,255 --> 00:19:34,132 - Don't even get me started, girl. 537 00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:35,884 - Seeing those gross little kids 538 00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:38,011 and their fake mermaid tails. 539 00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:39,929 - Hello, appropriation much? 540 00:19:39,971 --> 00:19:41,556 - Yeah. 541 00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:43,141 Like, I don't want to see your sad little sneakers 542 00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:45,060 poking out of your green skirt. 543 00:19:45,143 --> 00:19:47,062 - Because that's what it is. 544 00:19:47,145 --> 00:19:48,605 It's a skirt. 545 00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:50,273 - Like, that's not a tail, mama. 546 00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:52,734 - If you're going to commit to the look, commit to the look. 547 00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:54,194 - Yeah. 548 00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:56,488 And drag yourself from door to door with your tail. 549 00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:59,824 - Or, like, make a papier maché rock and have your parents, 550 00:19:59,908 --> 00:20:01,785 I don't know, wheel you around. 551 00:20:01,826 --> 00:20:04,996 - Wait, that--that's a really good idea. 552 00:20:05,038 --> 00:20:06,122 That's genius. 553 00:20:06,164 --> 00:20:07,499 - Should we make them? - Yeah. 554 00:20:07,582 --> 00:20:09,334 I can make a website. 555 00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:11,336 I can design the logo right now. 556 00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:12,629 [keyboard clicking] 557 00:20:12,671 --> 00:20:14,089 - Oh. 558 00:20:14,172 --> 00:20:15,840 But I feel like we should make the product first. 559 00:20:15,924 --> 00:20:17,425 - OK, well, here we go again. 560 00:20:17,509 --> 00:20:20,011 - Should we be getting ahead of ourselves? 561 00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:22,514 - That's why you never get anything done. 562 00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,015 - Am I being, like, too much? 563 00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:26,434 - No, you're just pushing me because you're a good friend. 564 00:20:26,518 --> 00:20:27,477 - You're a really good friend. 565 00:20:27,519 --> 00:20:29,604 - My therapist says I need to stop drinking. 566 00:20:29,688 --> 00:20:31,773 - My therapist says you need to stop drinking, too. 567 00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:33,024 - Shut up. 568 00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:38,196 - [sighs] 569 00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:40,281 [phone ringing] 570 00:20:40,365 --> 00:20:42,534 - Ugh. 571 00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:43,743 Vanesja. 572 00:20:43,827 --> 00:20:45,286 This is Vanesja. 573 00:20:45,370 --> 00:20:46,705 - Hello? 574 00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:49,165 Your savings account has been compromised. 575 00:20:49,207 --> 00:20:50,834 Yes, I'm the real bank. 576 00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:52,252 Yes, I'm the bank. 577 00:20:52,335 --> 00:20:53,378 - Enough. 578 00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:55,797 Who does this? 579 00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:57,549 - Hello? 580 00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:58,633 Hello? 581 00:20:58,717 --> 00:21:00,218 - Hello. 582 00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:04,472 Um, Oscar, 42, Brooklyn, New York. 583 00:21:04,556 --> 00:21:08,727 This is my dream for analysis. 584 00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:11,813 Um... 585 00:21:11,896 --> 00:21:14,024 Uh, for some background information, 586 00:21:14,065 --> 00:21:17,694 my sister and I own and run an internet café. 587 00:21:17,736 --> 00:21:19,070 Well, I'm in charge mostly. 588 00:21:19,154 --> 00:21:23,408 She is now, uh, busy with new ventures. 589 00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:26,911 We're in a substantial amount of debt. 590 00:21:26,995 --> 00:21:31,958 You see, um, last summer, I walked into our father. 591 00:21:32,042 --> 00:21:35,337 He was passed out, and I had just 592 00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:37,213 heard about a heat wave warning on the radio, 593 00:21:37,255 --> 00:21:41,259 so naturally I called an ambulance. 594 00:21:41,301 --> 00:21:46,848 At the ER, the doctor said he was just taking a nap, 595 00:21:46,931 --> 00:21:49,559 but we got slammed with the bill 596 00:21:49,601 --> 00:21:51,978 for the ambulance ride nevertheless. 597 00:21:52,062 --> 00:21:53,563 Never mind that we live a block away from 598 00:21:53,605 --> 00:21:55,565 the hospital and spent most of the 45-minute ride 599 00:21:55,607 --> 00:21:57,400 looking for parking. 600 00:21:57,442 --> 00:22:01,738 Ah, anywho, we owe a lot of money now, 601 00:22:01,780 --> 00:22:04,282 so Vicky has a few side hustles. 602 00:22:04,366 --> 00:22:09,120 She has a franchise for this body uploading thing, 603 00:22:09,204 --> 00:22:13,458 she sells Clinique products, and makes some, 604 00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:17,796 well, scam calls, all while I run the internet café, 605 00:22:17,879 --> 00:22:22,801 which, um, doesn't make a ton of money. 606 00:22:22,884 --> 00:22:26,137 From my computer screen, I can see the computer screen 607 00:22:26,221 --> 00:22:27,931 of every customer's screen. 608 00:22:27,972 --> 00:22:31,059 They're mostly checking their emails, 609 00:22:31,101 --> 00:22:34,479 paying their bills, playing games. 610 00:22:34,521 --> 00:22:36,106 But I have to keep an eye on anyone 611 00:22:36,147 --> 00:22:39,859 watching pornography or doing any risky activities. 612 00:22:39,943 --> 00:22:43,279 And that is where the dream comes in. 613 00:22:43,321 --> 00:22:48,201 In the dream, well, I was here at work, sitting at my desk, 614 00:22:48,284 --> 00:22:50,912 doing my job, 615 00:22:50,995 --> 00:22:54,499 but this time I saw from my screen 616 00:22:54,541 --> 00:23:00,380 that Vicky is looking at this leather jacket. 617 00:23:00,463 --> 00:23:02,841 And the jacket has this zipper, 618 00:23:02,882 --> 00:23:07,303 this non-functional zipper, and I am the zipper. 619 00:23:07,345 --> 00:23:12,017 And the reviews all say, "Do not buy, 620 00:23:12,058 --> 00:23:16,479 zipper does not open, zipper just for decoration." 621 00:23:16,521 --> 00:23:18,940 And I'm like, you know, just because I'm a zipper 622 00:23:19,024 --> 00:23:22,193 doesn't mean that I'm well, functional. 623 00:23:22,235 --> 00:23:24,112 - You have reached the dream interpretation 624 00:23:24,195 --> 00:23:25,697 24-hour hotline. 625 00:23:25,780 --> 00:23:27,824 Your dream is not ready at this time. 626 00:23:27,866 --> 00:23:30,744 Please check back again later. 627 00:23:32,620 --> 00:23:35,582 [mysterious music] 628 00:23:35,665 --> 00:23:39,210 ♪ ♪ 629 00:23:43,048 --> 00:23:45,759 - [echoing] Proof of existence. 630 00:23:45,842 --> 00:23:47,844 - I hear troubled thinking. 631 00:23:47,886 --> 00:23:50,722 What is it, my little star? 632 00:23:50,764 --> 00:23:53,641 - [sighs] I can't get a biopsy because I haven't found 633 00:23:53,725 --> 00:23:55,477 the little oyster, and I can't even 634 00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:57,979 upload myself because even they asked for proof of existence. 635 00:23:58,063 --> 00:23:59,314 - Proof of existence? 636 00:23:59,397 --> 00:24:00,982 - Oh, no. 637 00:24:01,066 --> 00:24:02,817 - Proof of existence is a new form of ID 638 00:24:02,901 --> 00:24:04,110 at only $5 per month 639 00:24:04,194 --> 00:24:05,904 that combines all forms of identification. 640 00:24:05,945 --> 00:24:07,405 - Bibo, you have an Alexa in you? 641 00:24:07,489 --> 00:24:08,490 - Humiliating. 642 00:24:08,573 --> 00:24:10,909 - Now this I can use. 643 00:24:10,950 --> 00:24:14,079 There's a huge market for transsexualism. 644 00:24:14,162 --> 00:24:15,246 - OK. 645 00:24:15,330 --> 00:24:16,581 - Proof has teamed up with the government 646 00:24:16,664 --> 00:24:19,417 to require this ID at bars, airports, apartment leases, 647 00:24:19,459 --> 00:24:21,753 loans, and venues by the end of the year 648 00:24:21,795 --> 00:24:24,381 via proofreading machines, which are to be installed 649 00:24:24,422 --> 00:24:26,257 this month on public transit. 650 00:24:26,299 --> 00:24:28,385 To get proof, you must prove good credit, 651 00:24:28,426 --> 00:24:32,389 employment history, et cetera, or become an exception. 652 00:24:32,430 --> 00:24:34,099 - Wait, exception. Yes, that's me. 653 00:24:34,182 --> 00:24:35,684 Exception. 654 00:24:35,767 --> 00:24:37,394 - To become an exception, you must submit documents 655 00:24:37,435 --> 00:24:40,105 of extraordinary ability, such as mainstream fame, 656 00:24:40,146 --> 00:24:43,233 as a household name like Beyoncé or the Minions. 657 00:24:43,274 --> 00:24:47,195 - I know a job that can help you achieve this. 658 00:24:47,278 --> 00:24:50,156 But if you do it, you need to promise me 659 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,409 you'll use it to get an apartment 660 00:24:52,450 --> 00:24:55,286 and not to upload yourself. 661 00:24:55,328 --> 00:24:56,705 - But what about the mole? 662 00:24:56,788 --> 00:24:58,081 - I have connections. 663 00:24:58,123 --> 00:24:59,708 We could get it biopsied. 664 00:24:59,791 --> 00:25:01,209 It could be a performance. 665 00:25:01,292 --> 00:25:02,961 - OK. 666 00:25:03,003 --> 00:25:04,337 I'll--I'll--what's the job? I'll do it. 667 00:25:04,421 --> 00:25:05,964 I'll do it as long as I don't have 668 00:25:06,006 --> 00:25:08,091 to succumb to that horrible, horrible system. 669 00:25:08,133 --> 00:25:10,802 So whatever this job is, I'll do it. 670 00:25:10,844 --> 00:25:12,887 - It's a credit card commercial-- 671 00:25:12,971 --> 00:25:14,305 - I won't do it. 672 00:25:14,347 --> 00:25:18,810 - --targeting young people called Ca-ching. 673 00:25:18,893 --> 00:25:23,606 And you have to wear a rainbow pride suit 674 00:25:23,648 --> 00:25:25,108 and a sombrero. 675 00:25:25,150 --> 00:25:26,317 - Oh, my God. 676 00:25:26,401 --> 00:25:28,403 - And maracas. 677 00:25:28,486 --> 00:25:30,238 [suspenseful music] 678 00:25:30,905 --> 00:25:33,825 [whimsical music] 679 00:25:33,908 --> 00:25:36,953 ♪ ♪ 680 00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:36,721 [choir vocalizing] 681 00:26:36,763 --> 00:26:43,812 ♪ ♪ 682 00:26:51,111 --> 00:26:52,946 [electronic dance music] 683 00:26:53,029 --> 00:26:54,364 - My name's Keto. 684 00:26:54,406 --> 00:26:56,199 Can we fuck? - Hey, babe. 685 00:26:56,241 --> 00:26:59,244 - Two tequila sodas, one vodka cran, and a seltzer. 686 00:26:59,285 --> 00:27:00,745 All different tabs. Thank you. 687 00:27:00,787 --> 00:27:02,205 - No one wants to dance with me. 688 00:27:02,247 --> 00:27:03,790 Happy fucking birthday. 689 00:27:03,873 --> 00:27:06,501 Hope you're having a fucking great time. 690 00:27:06,584 --> 00:27:09,004 - I'm too old for this. I shouldn't have come. 691 00:27:09,087 --> 00:27:15,093 ♪ ♪ 692 00:27:17,095 --> 00:27:19,139 [bright tone]