(neon buzzing)
-(line straining) -(grunting)
-Huh? -Hello.
(screams)
(theme song playing)
* Supervillain, ahead of his time *
* Incredibly handsome genius, criminal mastermind *
* But now he's all cleaned up and fighting crime *
* A superhero that you stream online *
* It's Megamind *
* Oh, it feels good to be good this time *
* It's Megamind *
* Oh, it's Megamind *
* Rules! *
(rock music playing)
What up! And welcome to
Megamind's Guide to Defending Your City!
I'm Keiko Morita in the Casita del Megamind.
Today, the blue guy himself is gonna give us
an insider peek of his heroic lair.
(screaming) Yes! Welcome! Today,
-we'll be live screaming from inside my-- -Keiko: Psst!
It's live "streaming."
(normal) Today, I'll be live streaming
from inside my super-secret abode.
So much cool stuff. Check it out!
This first gizmo is a particle collider
that can atomize anything.
But it also doubles as a gelato maker.
Over here, we have a time destabilizer.
That's extremely dangerous,
-so it's more of a conversoshon piece. -(bottle clatters)
And over, here we have a horrifying garbage monster
that I quite honestly don't remember creating.
-(clattering) -Whoa!
Oh, hang on! That's just my heroic assistant, Chum!
Smile for the camera, Chumberto!
-Hello. -Chum keeps everything running in tip-top shape,
which is important because safety is priority number one.
-Ah! Whoa! -Look out!
Phew!
Grab me some bait and a hook
because those unstable isotopes almost went fission!
Anyway, don't forget to like and prescribe.
Keiko: And cut!
Great. Wrap that in a tortilla
'cause fans are gonna eat it up!
(splats, squeaks)
Oh...
(sighs)
**
May I have a word, sir?
Make it quick, Chum. Keiko and I are onternetting.
About that, sir.
Ever since Keiko started working here,
there has been an overabundance of--
New subscribers to my web channel?
-No. -Unflinching respect and admiration?
-No. -Pop culture references
we both just pretend to understand?
Trash, sir. I was going to say trash.
It's because I have no idea where the trash can is.
Figured you guys just played it loose here.
Trash starts with a T,
so it's located in the south wing
next to the gumball machine,
a "treat," which also starts with T.
I mean, how hard is that to understand?
Why can't we just keep a trash bin right here,
where we spend the majority of our time?
Because we have never done it that way.
I get that I'm the newb on the team,
but your system makes, like, zero sense.
I don't even have a place to put my stuff!
Well, if I'm being perfectly honest,
it's been a big adjustment having you here all the time.
I had no idea kids ate so much.
It's called metabolism.
If I don't feed the beast, he gets loco.
At least take a bowl with your granola.
Or if you'd like, I can get you a feed bag!
Weird, but I'm not saying no to the feed bag idea.
You know, crumbs can lead to all sorts of problems.
We have a lot of sensitive equipment in here!
-Okay, I'll throw it out. -No, I'll throw it out.
**
-Give... it... ah! -Ah!
Oh, look what you've done!
-What I've done?! -Megamind: Just clean up the mess, Chum.
Keiko and I are about to film another segment.
**
(dramatic crescendo)
Whenever I have a question, I seek the counsel
of the handsomest and wisest person I know.
Myself!
And now, so can you lucky rapscallions!
Time for fan mail! Brainbot?
-(whirring) -(beep)
Number one fan Terry Sasko writes,
"Dear Megamind, what does it take to become a superhero?"
-Well, Terry, becoming a hero requires a great deal of-- -(clang)
-(alarm buzzing) -(power whirring down)
Chum!
Sorry! The mega-vac shorted out.
Someone must have vacu-dried their capes again.
There's, like, 20 in here.
O-Oh, sir? Would you mind throwing the circuit breaker?
(Megamind groans)
(clang, whirring)
Oh, now where was I? Ah, yes!
To be a superhero, one must be fashionable,
punctual, and utterly brave in any situation,
no matter how terrifying-- (gasps)
**
(high-pitched scream)
Ew, gross. Are you okay?
Me? Yes, of course!
It's not like I'm irrationally terrified
that those roaches will encase me with goo
and take me to their queen
and torture me with their ickiness for all eternity!
Okay, that's really specific.
Ah! There's a lot more of them!
-What is going on? -(screams)
Megamind saw a roach and freaked.
I'm not freaked! I just wanted to know
what it'd feel like to be Chum's backpack.
Okay, they are getting way too close!
I warned you about those crumbs.
Sir! Feel free to let Keiko know
how disappointed you are with her.
Uh, sir?
Still not freaked! Just love a good sprint!
-(panting) -(shoes squeak)
-(locks door) -(sighs)
-(beep) -Chum? Keiko?
I am speaking to you from inside
my titanium-reinforced "I Never Panic Room,"
where literally nothing can harm me.
I'm going to need the two of you to take down
every single one of those vile creatures
that I am (laughs) in no way frightened of!
Sir, this is all Keiko's fault!
-What?! -Megamind: You both are responsible
for this horrific breach of security.
Meanwhile, I won't be leaving until those roaches are gone.
But not because I'm scared.
I just think this will be
a good team-building exercise.
-Okay, bye! -(beep)
This way to the roach repellent,
which is exactly where I know it is because I put it there.
Yeah, I was thinking
I know another way I could help around here.
You know, organize things in a way that actually makes sense.
(laughs) Please.
I'm all about organization. You're an agent of chaos.
Okay, Chum. Lately, there's been this weirdness between us.
Like you don't want me here.
That's absurd. Just because you and sir
spend all your free time laughing and making fun videos
while I'm always on cleanup duty,
why would I not want you here?
Are you jealous?
Is that what this is all about?
You think I'm gonna take over your spot?
There's only room for one number two around here,
and that's me.
I'm a big number two!
Did sir make you your own pet parakeet? Ka-kaw!
(robotic cawing)
(baby talk) I love you, too, Polly 227.
Because you're a cutie-wootie cuckoo bird
who doesn't try to usurp people.
-(cawing, farts) -(nuts and bolts clatter)
Sir trusts me because only I know
the ins and outs of this lair.
I've even developed a highly sophisticated lettering system,
so I always know where everything is at all times.
-You mean an alphabetical system? -Yes, alphabetical.
But then, you grab the third bottle to the left,
switch the middle and the third back and forth three times,
and voilà! Couldn't be simpler.
Wait! You're holding a can of--
Couldn't be simpler!
(hissing)
(shrieking, squirming)
(evil laughter)
Intelligence booster?
Yeah, that's gonna be a problem.
No need to panic. No roaches can get in here.
You're protected by a titanium steel
cobalt-reinforced level-seven door
with Corinthian security lining
designed to keep Behemoth himself from breaking in.
German Voice: Why break in
when you can just walk under?
(screams)
**
Chum, Keiko, funny story.
There's a roach in here, and it's talking!
-Ah! -That's right!
Your simpleton assistant sprayed me with an intelligence booster,
and now, I'm a super genius,
just like you!
Ah! I beg you!
Stay away, hideous creature!
Hideous creature? It has a ring to it.
But I prefer you call me Rochelle!
Please, Rochelle! Don't come any closer!
Most people are repulsed by me.
-This is nothing new. -(gasps)
But in you, I sense unbridled fear.
Tell me, where exactly does this fear come from?
I won't tell you a thing!
My painful childhood stories are my own!
So, it goes back to childhood.
Blast it! Get out of my giant blue head!
What do you want, anyway?
For too long, we roaches have been
at the very bottom of the food chain,
treated like nothing more
than the disgusting refuse we've been forced to consume.
We want revenge!
-Don't you mean revonge? -No, it's revenge.
I just learned this language today.
-How do I speak it better than you? -(gasp, whimpering)
You're just a little, totally not scary bug.
What kind of evil plan could your tiny brain hatch up?
I'm going to use your spray
to make an army of super-evil intelligent roaches.
We'll take over the city.
Then, the world!
**
That's actually a pretty airtight evil plan.
-No notes. -(beep)
Attention! I, Rochelle,
hereby assume control of this lair.
And I order you
to hand over the intelligence booster immediately!
And if we refuse?
Then, I will do the backstroke
in Megamind's favorite coffee mug!
-We'll buy him a new mug! -Stop playing with Sir's life!
(quietly) I'm stalling until we can figure out what to do!
If that is not enough, I shall shed my exoskeleton
and deposit it in his shoe!
-Oh yeah? Well, we'll buy him new feet! -Huh?
If you do not hand me the spray, I shall scurry
all over Megamind's pathetic blue face!
Hand her the spray immediately!
-Right away, Sir. -Chum! That's the fear talking!
We can't let her send an army
of tiny bug villains out into the world!
Sir is my world.
She'll turn him into a quivering,
mentally scarred puddle of jelly!
Keiko, as the number one number two around here,
I am insisting that we hand over the can.
Dude, no way we are handing over this can!
-I'll let go if you let go! -(struggling) Give it...
Time to add some fuel to the fire.
(Morse code beeping)
(Keiko and Chum struggling)
-Look at you, Megamind. -(yelps)
Too scared to lift a pinky to save your friends.
Please don't drag my pinky into this.
It's been through so much already.
If one smart roach is able to do this,
imagine what a bunch more could do to the city.
-(scurrying) -If he wasn't totally freaking out,
Megamind would want us to stop her, no matter what!
Okay, then I'll just crush the can.
Are you crazy?
I'll just release the spray into the air!
Give it to me! I'll throw it in the incinerator.
That will be worse! It'll release it into the entire city!
There has to be something in this place
that can destroy a spray can.
But we can't just destroy it.
We have to atomize it.
Both: The particle collider!
(Morse code beeping)
(grunts)
(grunts, yelping)
**
-Whoa! -(clang)
Whoa! Chum, catch!
-(gasps, grunts) -(clang)
Rochelle: Your two companions have proven to be most troublesome.
And that is trouble for you.
-What are you gonna do to me?! -Quiet!
-Order your friends to obey me! -(yelps)
Ow! How are you so strong?!
**
This'll zap it into atomic dust!
(typing, beeping)
Okay. It's loading up...
-Wait for it... -(chirping)
Still loading...
And... here we go.
-Hazelnut? -My bad! Had it set for gelato.
**
(zapping)
They got the can. You guys are really starting to bug me!
Pun intended! Throw me, Chum!
(grunts)
(chirping)
(grunts, laughs) I knew that trash would come in handy!
Whoa!
(grunts)
To the time destabilizer!
If we can't destroy it, maybe we can send it back
-to the Stone Age! -(beeping)
(zapping)
-(whirring) -Yes!
Got rid of it just in the nick of "time."
You see what I did there? Because we just--
-(gasps) -(zaps)
You sent it two seconds into the future!
Ooh. Think of all the things that can has seen.
Let loose that caboose, Chum!
**
They're gaining on us!
We could really use a set of wings right now.
I've got just the thing. Ka-kaw!
(cawing)
Fly, brave parakeet!
Away!
-(inspirational music playing) -(slow motion) Ka-kaw!
**
-(bonk) -(weakly) Kaw...
(clang)
I guess we should've opened the skylight first.
Okay, we are officially terrible at this.
I'm goin' for it.
(gasps, shivers) This is like wearing a sweater
made of toenail clippings!
Ha, there's more where that came from
if you can't convince your friends to hand over the spray!
No! I-I won't do it.
You may have tapped into my darkest fears,
but you're going to have to find someone else to be your puppet.
Oh. Not a bad idea.
-(clicking) -If I cannot puppet you...
(beeping)
...then I will assume control of your robot gorilla!
Megamind: Control Chum?
That's my job, you monster!
(grunting)
**
Easy does it. Grab the can, save the day.
-(scurrying, chirping) -(grunts)
(gasps) Almost...
Got it!
Hey! I walk with those!
Whoa! Chum! What are you doing?!
I-I'm not doing this!
Kinda feels like you're doing it!
-(Chum and Keiko groaning) -(Rochelle laughing)
-Rochelle say, monkey do! -(gasps)
Foul beast! This is madness.
Stop me, if you dare!
Just reach out your hand and swat me away.
(grunts, struggling)
Come on... Swat, you cowardly paw! Swat!
Do this, and I promise to start moisturizing.
(groaning) Swat!
(laughs)
So much for Metro City's greatest hero, eh?
Time to pump up the volume!
-(grunting) -(dance music playing)
-(Chum grunting) -Keiko: Whoa! Chum, let me go!
Whoa! I'm afraid that's impossible.
Rochelle hacked into my mainframe!
How do we stop it?
Uh, the override button! On the main console!
Of course, it's way down there!
I'm going to dance this monkey
-right over the edge! -(Keiko screaming)
(Rochelle laughing maniacally)
Okay, Rochelle.
You wanna know why I'm afraid of cockroaches?
Yes! Tell me. Tell me!
**
I was but a child, growing up in prison.
I didn't have much, but I was a highly resourceful young lad,
repurposing whatever I could find around the cellblock.
One day, I decided to craft a comfy beddy-bye pillow
out of a bag of discarded ham sandwiches.
That night, the ham-scented pillow
attracted every roach in the prison.
I awoke to find the bugs using my face as a dining hall
at a nightmarish all-you-can-eat ham sandwich buffet!
Sometimes, I can still feel their tiny roach feet
dancing all over my face!
-The horror. -(slow clap)
So you are the famous ham boy.
For generations, cockroaches have told the tale of a boy
who did something so stupid that it led
to the greatest feast our people have ever known!
And here you are, still that scared,
stupid little ham boy.
Such a tragic story.
Also, a distractingly long one.
Wha?
**
-(grunts) Bullseye! -(beep)
-Rochelle: Nein! -(beeping)
(gasps)
You did it! I'm rebooting!
Oh! Sorry!
(yelling)
(grunts)
(sighs) Rebooted!
Thanks. That's one mess I'm glad I didn't make today.
**
Rochelle: The can is ours! (laughs)
Your distraction was all for naught. We've won!
And it's all thanks to your pathetic fear!
Well done, my kinderroaches.
Now, who needs a boost...
-of intelligence?! -(hissing)
-(Chum gasps) -(gasps)
**
What is the value proposition here?
A bouquet really brightens up a foyer.
I love math.
Rochelle: Welcome to the next phase
in roach evolution!
Yesterday, we were living off humanity's scraps.
Tomorrow, they will be living off of ours!
(roaches cheer)
When we control the food,
we control the world!
Gotta hand it to her.
That's a pretty airtight evil plan. No notes.
(sighs) This is all on me.
None of this woulda happened if I wasn't such a slob.
To be fair, I'm the one who grabbed the wrong spray.
You tried to warn me, but I didn't listen.
You were right. I was jealous.
Aw, come on.
The last thing I wanna do is replace you.
I admire you.
You and Megamind have been together
like, forever.
That's why I feel like I need to prove myself.
Otherwise, I'm just a third wheel.
I think you've proved today you're not a third wheel, Keiko.
-You're a kickstand. -Huh?
Because without you, we would've fallen right over.
Aw... (laughs)
Kudos, you two, for working out your differences.
But there's still the whole
end of the world thing to deal with.
**
-(roaches yelling) -So many roaches.
(vomiting)
I-I'm sorry. What were we just talking about?
-Roaches? -Yes, of course.
(vomiting)
-(alarm blares) -Move out, roach regime!
Victory awaits!
We cannot let these things get out.
There's no stopping them now.
There's got to be something more we can do.
If only this roach phobia didn't leave me
totally grossed out by all the little tiny arms and legs.
All due respect, Mega,
but maybe you just need to suck it up!
Suck it up? Keiko, you're brilliant!
-I am? -The Power Vac!
-It'll just take a minute! -(clang)
-Or two! -I'll try and buy you some time.
Hey! Who wants some juicy, delicious garbage?
-Aah, an amuse-bouche! -The temptation is undeniable!
Yeah, I could eat!
No, no, no! Resist your instincts!
Why eat garbage when you can have filet mignon?!
-That's right. Follow me! -(chirping)
**
Whoa!
Wow! You guys really are smart!
Chum, can you hurry it up? They are getting really hangry!
Whoa!
Almost there. I just need a crescent wrench.
Okay, they're made of iron, so that must mean I put it in
-the... -The ironing closet!
Yes! That's it, Keiko! Everything has its place!
(chirping, scurrying)
-(whirring, sucking) -Yeah!
Uh-oh. Whoa! Whoa!
(roaches struggling, yelling)
-My babies! -(gasps, yelps)
-(crank thuds) -You are liberated!
-(vacuum stops) -Now, onward to Metro City!
Schnell, schnell!
Chum: Sir, we need the power back on!
-Throw the circuit breaker! -Right! On it!
-(gasps) Oh dear. -(evil laugh)
-Throw the switch, Sir! -Come on! You can do it!
-(struggling) -(suit creaking)
Oh! I can't do it!
Ha! You have failed again, Megamind!
If just one of those things gets out, it's game over.
How do we snap him out of this?
If Megamind won't listen to us, maybe he'll listen
to the handsomest and wisest person he knows.
-Ka-kaw! -(cawing)
-(beep) -To be a superhero,
one must be fashionable, punctual,
and utterly brave in any situation.
Earlier today me is right!
You cannot win. Look at you!
Still just a scared little ham boy.
No.
I'm a scared little ham man!
**
(Rochelle yells)
-(crank thuds, whirring) -Go, Chum!
-(Chum laughs) -(roaches yell)
Way to get all housekeeper on their thoraxes, Chum!
(roaches yelling)
Nein! Nein! Nein...
(vacuum stops)
-(laughs) Yeah! -Sir, that was amazing!
-Ah! You did it! -Yes, yes! We all did it!
Ew, icky, icky, ick, ick, ick!
(roaches yelling)
You have not heard the last of--
Yeah, I think we've heard enough for one day.
-In three, two, one. -(beep, whirring)
**
-Granola? -More like gra-yes-la.
I'll try to watch my crumbs.
That's okay, Keiko.
I think we've learned both order and chaos
have their place in the world.
And now, so do you.
A place to put my stuff!
With my very own trash can? No way!
Megamind: Hopefully, that's the last we'll see of Rochelle
and her brood.
So, uh, where are they headed?
All the way to Proxima Centauri B.
A planet fit for a roach.
Honestly, I think I was far too kind sending them there.
**
What?! He sent us
to a garbage planet?!
Mark my words, Megamind.
The roaches will have their revonge!
(groans) Now he's got me doing it.
**