(neon buzzing)
-(line straining) -(grunting)
-Huh? -Hello.
(screams)
(theme song playing)
* Supervillain, ahead of his time *
* Incredibly handsome genius, criminal mastermind *
* But now he's all cleaned up and fighting crime *
* A superhero that you stream online *
* It's Megamind *
* Oh, it feels good to be good this time *
* It's Megamind *
* Oh, it's Megamind *
* Rules! *
-(dramatic music playing) -(timer beeping)
Ah! 27 seconds and counting!
-Our time's running out! -Okay...
-(beeping continues) -Dentist.
No! Stop guessing "dentist"!
Come on, Chum.
It's scary, it's got a big mouth, little arms...
-(beeping speeds up) -Oh! I know! A shark, but with arms!
A shark but with arms?! That's your guess?!
(buzzes)
-(zap) -(grunting)
(gasps, sighs)
A T-Rex, Chum! It was a T-Rex!
-(relaxed) Sorry, not sorry. -(grunts)
So this is like regular "Guess That Thing,"
but with electric shocks.
Yeah, painful ones! Well, except for Chum.
The wattage is pretty calming on his circuits.
(relaxed, slurring) It thure is, Kreiko.
This is how we do game night at the lair, dear Roxie!
Now, are you ready to guess that thing?
Let's do this!
-(beep) -Megamind: Uh, okay!
This thing is-- Um...
Oh, sorry. My brilliant brain keeps thinking of
Old English synonyms you couldn't possibly know.
(British accent) Try me. I'm no Yorkshire raggedy fishwife.
Oh. I've never heard that one.
-(normal) I-I made it up! Keep going! -Okay!
Remember one time when I was evil and captured you?
This is what I dangled you over
-by the thinnest of strings... -(beeping speeds up)
Uh, genetically modified piranhas!
-Mm, no, the other time. -Quicksand!
-No, no! A different time! -Bear traps!
-Yes! I dangled you over a pit of bear traps! -Whew.
-(beeping stops) -That was close.
(sighs) Almost as close as you got to those bear traps.
(Keiko laughs)
Piranhas? Bear traps?
You guys have the weirdest friendship ever!
I think we have a perfectly normal
villain-turned-hero- slash-reporter-turned- mayor camaraderie.
There's nothing normal about that sentence at all.
I admit our relationship is a bit unconventional,
but it's kinda like those videos
where a koala is friends with an eel.
Okay, yeah, it is kinda weird.
Christina: Couldn't agree more.
But I would replace "kinda" with "very,"
and I'd replace Megamind with anyone.
Sorry. Polls say voters prefer a mayor with normal friends.
You're still here?
Don't you turn back into a bale of hay at sundown?
The mayor's work is never done.
We still have to finish
the municipal operations facility's budget.
Guess the mayor's work is never interesting either.
Hey, man, it's game night at the lair!
You leave your manners at the door.
-(phone alert) -Whoa.
Sorry, guys. I gotta head home.
Already? It's way before your curfew!
I have to work on an extra credit project.
If I don't build a robot that can throw a tennis ball,
my science teacher will flunk me.
If it's a robot you need, you're more than welcome to use
all the high-tech doodads the lair has to offer.
Really? I can use all your cool stuff?
Oh, Mr. Schlurg-Peterman might give me extra-extra credit!
-Wait. Bennett Schlurg-Peterman? -You know her teacher?
(sighs) We were inseparable at summer camp.
They didn't even need to tie us together
-for the three-legged race. -So, why aren't you hanging out
with this everyday card-carrying member of the teachers union
instead of these stinking weirdos?
-Hey! -Hey!
-(zap) -Yipe! Aaah...
Man, I haven't seen Bennett in years,
but we used to have so much fun.
Like bear trap, piranha fun?
Different in that it was a more... normal fun.
Yeah, we must be talking about a different Schlurg-Peterman.
Schlurg-Peterman? Sounds like a law firm
-that represents haunted toys. -Chum: Mm...
Or that noise Chum's making.
-(zapping, buzzing) -Schluuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrg.
-(upbeat music playing) -(marker squeaking)
(door opens)
Burp McSchlurp Esquire?!
Ritchi Von Coconut Cannon?!
-(squeals) It's really you! -(squeals) I can't believe it!
My science classroom's down there.
It's really not that exciting.
Not exciting? To see where my dear Keiko fills her mind
with test tube wishes and double helix dreams?
I mostly doodle.
Well, now you can skee-doodle on home.
I want to experience this solo.
Are you sure this isn't about Roxie and Mr. Schlurg-Peterman?
I said skee-doodle.
(Keiko sighs)
Please. What could some boring normie-normalton
have to offer friendship-wise over moi?
-(door squeaks) -(laughter)
* Camp Frog Ear! Camp Frog Ear! *
* If we could, we'd stay all year! *
Huh?
Megamind! What a surprise!
Uh, Bennett, Megamind. Megamind, Bennett.
Schlurg-Peterman.
Ah, just reminiscing about summer camp here
with ol' Coconut Cannon.
Yikes. Insulting her stringy coconut-like hair?
Not so nice, Bennett.
I have stringy hair?
Oh, we called her Coconut Cannon
because of her killer throwing skills on the dodgeball field.
Not as killer as your air muffins
on Wet Chili Wednesdays.
(nervous laugh) You know, in prison,
I invented a snack called "toothpaste bites."
(laughing) Yes, I know.
(gasps) Oh! Our secret handshake!
How have we not done that yet?
-(upbeat music playing) -(both giggling)
Excuse me, Roxie?
Remember when I trapped you on a hot air balloon
with tarantulas?
-That was fairly enjoyable... -One, two, three.
Both: And pinky! Wazoo! Cronch!
(laughter)
-Bennett: I can't believe we remembered it all! -Roxie: Oh, I know!
(both laugh)
-(stomach gurgling) -Oh...
-(groans) -Chum: Oh, Sir.
-Did you use a taquito as a chocolate milk straw again? -(electric fizzling)
Oh, this is a different kind of agony, Chum.
Like longing mixed with sadness
mixed with feelings of inadequacy.
Keiko: Sounds like someone's jealous.
You know, 'cause you and Roxie are a thing?
We're not a "thing."
Why? Did she say something?
I just figured you guys were deeply in love,
but pretend to be too busy to realize it
because you're both terrified.
That's how hero relationships normally work.
It's complicated, Keiko. And I am not jealous!
I'm sure my tummy has nothing to do with the fact
that the goodest thing that ever happened to me
has replaced me with her old camp buddy,
and they share nothing but warm fuzzy memories!
Just wondering, have you told Roxie
you think she's the goodest?
Which is adorable, by the way.
I grew up in a prison, remember?
I'm new to the whole friend thing.
-Um, hello? Standing right here. -(fizzling)
Oh, Chum, I adore you,
but you're more of a vestigial limb
or a helpful ghost haunting me for life.
-I'll take it! -(zap)
(grunting, contented sigh)
-(stomach growls) -Oh, you don't understand
the pain I'm in.
When I was young, I never even got to play
-a decent game of-- -Robot: Throw!
-(whirs) -Ow!
It's actually called "catch," but yes.
(gasps) My robot actually works!
And just in time for dinner.
Try not to be jealous, okay?
So you don't have an old camp buddy. Who cares?
You're Megamind. You can do literally anything!
Huh...
Keep an eye on my pal here, will you?
-(mysterious music playing) -Hm...
Pal...
-(exciting music playing) -That's it!
Maybe it's time I make a pal of my own!
Come, come, little robot.
-(whirring, clanging) -(screaming, grunting)
* Her pants got eaten by a crocodile *
-(laughs) -(laughs) Oh yeah.
Ooh! Remember when we snuck into the cabin
where they kept all the confiscated candy?
(laughs) I've never thrown up so many colors in my life.
-(laughs) -(phone alert)
Oh. It's nothing. City social media account tagged me.
Happens all the... Wait.
"Our mayor with her oh-so-normal teacher friend.
Hashtag relatable."
**
-Christina... -(shutter snapping)
Hey! That's us!
I am so sorry about this.
I don't normally have paparazzi, I swear.
It must be weird being friends with adult me.
I'm cool with it. It feels like
-the most normal thing in the world. -(door opens)
Megamind: (laughing) Yes!
**
And I have a feeling
those normal feelings are about to change.
-(robot whirring) -(sighs)
Oh! (laughs) You guys come here, too?
Roxanne, Bennett,
I'd like you to meet my old camp buddy,
-Pal-3000! -(triumphant music playing)
Ollo! We were bunkmates at Camp Turkey Neck.
Oh, the friendship memories we shared.
What? You don't really expect us to believe
this scraggly hunk of metal is an old friend of yours?
-(sad music playing) -Your words make me sad.
-I am sad now. Hm... -(whirring)
I programmed him to be very in touch with his emotions.
Not advanced AI so much as
a simple copy-paste of my own heart.
I thought you said you met at camp.
It was a day camp, and that day happened to be today.
And while Pal-3000 may indeed be made of metal,
he and I have just as strong a bond as you two.
Actually, I might even argue that we have
an even stronger bond than you two!
It's not a competition.
Perhaps, but you know what is a competition?
-Limbo! -(limbo music playing)
Come on, limbo!
Who will crash to the ground on their spine first?
-(laughing) Oh! -(back cracks)
-(grunts, groans) -S-So, what's the deal with you and him?
It's complicated.
I'd say he's not normally like this,
but my nose would start growing.
(laughs) Like Pinocchio! Because you'd be lying!
You got it! (laughs) Shall we finish?
-(yelps) -(sighs) Enough limbo.
Time for Camp Turkey Neck Cheer.
Brilliant idea, robo pal of mine!
**
-Who's in the neck? -I'm in the neck!
My neck of the woods?
Your neck of the woods!
Both: Turkey Neck! Turkey Neck! Gobble, gobble, gobble!
Ha-ha ha-ha! Memories good. Shared memories better.
-Come on, guys! Gobble! -You don't have to-- Ah!
-Gobble, gobble! -Ow!
(app beeps)
No! This is the opposite of normal!
(gasps)
Where is my robot?
-(zaps) -(relaxed) Uh, have you checked the lair?
We're in the lair! He's due today!
-Dah! I need to stress scroll. -(app beeping)
(gasps) Why is my science project wearing a hat
and throwing donuts at Megamind?!
Oh, food fight!
Just like old times!
-Oh no! -Hey, come on, cut it out!
-Look out! Gonna get ya! -Ha! Throwing food at you!
-So sorry about all this. -Eh, it's not your fault.
We'll try again soon. Yeah, I'm gonna make a run for it.
Watch out, Pal-3000!
You're about to get a face full of jelly!
(Bennett yelping)
-(stomach growling) -Oh...
Here comes that awful feeling again.
-(yelps, grunting) -(thuds)
Ha-ha!
You just got Pal-3000'ed in the face.
-(dramatic sting) -You stole my science project?!
No, I borrowed your science project.
The robot isn't even yours?!
No, it's not!
(sighs) You can have him back.
Turns out, it wasn't enough to relieve me
of my churning tummy anyways.
Plus, I think Roxie may be a tad displeased with me.
If you could fill a city bus with a tad, then yes.
-(sad music playing) -It's been fun, Pal-3000,
but our lifelong hour of friendship has come to an end.
-Pal-3000: Mm. -Run along now.
(sighs)
I'm truly sorry, Roxie.
L-Let me get these sprinkles out of your stringy hair.
Come on, science project.
We have my academic future to save.
-(beeping) -Pal-3000: Processing... Processing...
Not science project.
Pal-3000 is Megamind's best friend.
But, Megamind is no longer best friend to Pal-3000.
Then, Pal-3000 must find new Megamind
to be best friend.
(dramatic sting)
I think my homework's freaking out!
Uh...
Must find new Megamind.
-(cars honking) -Must fight new Megamind.
-(beeping) -Must find new Megamind.
**
(beeping)
Megamind!
(beeping, buzz)
Not Megamind.
Uh, think you could drive faster?
Speed is relative, Keiko.
-(fizzling) -This is not the time for relaxation.
We've got an emotionally unstable
and potentially dangerous robot on the loose!
Must replace Megamind.
Must find new Megamind.
(beeping)
Must find new Megamind.
-Megamind. Not Megamind. -(buzz)
-Hey! What are you doing? -Throw!
Whoa! (grunts)
-Friend: Dude, you okay? -Pal-3000: Ha-ha ha-ha. Memories good.
-Shared memories better. -(screaming)
Feeling melancholy.
Hm. Want to journal.
Roxie: He just tossed that civilian like a rag doll!
Megamind: Uh, yeah,
so I may have reinforced his metal body
with space alloy
and made him 1,000 times stronger than a human.
-(Roxie gasps) -What?!
Oh, sure. It sounds crazy now,
but what if we were in a tug-of-war contest?
(dramatic music playing)
Not Megamind! Throw!
-(buzz) -Not Megamind! Throw!
-(buzz) -Not Megamind!
-Throw! -(distorted siren)
(rumbling, tires screech)
Unbelievable! All of this just because you were jealous.
What? This is all because of
that diabolical Schlurg-Peterman.
Bennett?! What did he do?
I don't know, but for some reason,
I don't like the guy!
Again, all of this could have been avoided
if you both just clearly defined your relationship.
Both: It's complicated, Keiko! (gasping)
Pal-3000: Not Megamind. Not Megamind. Not Megamind.
-Not Megamind. -(smashing)
You gotta do something!
-Nice knowing you, Pal-3000. -(whirring)
No! I still need him for my science grade!
Ugh. It's gonna be absolutely impossible to tame him.
Just pretend to be his friend again,
so we can make him go to school.
-Not Megamind... -I'd rather not. He's so needy.
It can make him so unpleasant to be around.
Sounds like someone I know.
Yeah. Bennett, am I right?
Not Megamind! Not Megamind!
(malfunctioning) Not Megamind. Not Megamind. Not Megamind. Not...
Giving him what he wants is the only way to stop this,
and what he wants is you.
-(balloon pops) -Megamind...
Gah. Can't you just make do with a lower GPA?
Colleges care far more about extracurriculars, you know.
If I don't get extra credit, I fail.
If I fail, my mom won't let me hang out at the lair anymore.
She won't let me hang out with any of you!
(sighs) I should step it up then.
But, if I pull something doing the Turkey Neck Cheer again,
-I expect foot massages from all of you. -No!
-Absolutely not. -I got first dibs!
-Not Megamind. Not Megamind. -(yelling)
Yoo-hoo! Pal-3000!
-(beeping) -My bestest friend.
-(affirmative beep) -Megamind!
(wailing)
-Ha ha ha. -(nervous laugh)
(upbeat music playing)
(grunting, yelping)
You look hungry.
Uh...
(choking, muffled speech)
Trust fall!
Oh, no. (screams)
-(thud) -(grunts)
(groaning, yelps)
Pal-3000: Throw. Catch.
-(exhausted groan) -Throw. Catch.
(quietly) Lead him over here!
Uh, why don't we go this way? More friendship fun to be had.
There? Processing.
-(beeping) -Processing. Analyzing new data.
Megamind led me to girl who called me science project.
Ultimate betrayal detected.
-(beeping) -(glitching chatter)
Engage tantrum protocol.
-(glitching) -Hey!
-(beeping) -Calm down! It's okay! (grunts)
-Megamind will not leave Pal-3000. -(screams)
(grunts)
This friendship is officially toxic!
(whirring)
Aah!
-Megamind! -Sir!
**
(surprised screaming)
Up, where nobody can stop us.
Ha-ha!
(gasps) Ah, this will all be fine.
-(zap) -Woo! (laughs)
(gasps) Ah!
(clang)
We don't need gun for friendly fun.
Oh, blast that magnetic alloy!
That I added. Why must I always overachieve?
-What do we do?! -I don't know! Chum,
-I forget. Can you fly? -(beeping)
Nah. The space alloy I'm made of is super heavy.
-(zap) -Yow!
That's it! If the orb calms Chum,
and they're made out of the same stuff...
You are thinking of other friends.
-(buzz) -Mm-mm-mmm!
Ah! Of course not!
Uh, come here, you huggable pal! Let's play a game.
How about Guess That Thing?!
Not with Roxanne, but with you, my real friend.
Oh, a game? Yes, please!
(gasps) Guess That Thing! On game night,
we all had to play with these small, round, dangerous things.
-Remember?! -Game night does not compute.
(gasps) The electrified orb!
-No! No! Not the orb of calmness!
We have to throw it to Pal-3000 to save Megamind.
-Soon, they'll be too high up. This is our one shot. -(Chum grunts)
Can't you throw it up there? For Sir?
**
(sighs, grunts)
I can't!
You'll have to! For Sir!
(groans)
-Come on, Coconut Cannon. -(beep)
You got this.
-(beeping speeds up) -Hey, Pal-3000!
Catch!
-Catch! My favorite game. -(rapid beeping)
-(buzz, zap) -(Megamind screams, Pal-3000 giggles)
-(clattering) -Megamind: Chum, grab it!
(crying) Oh, my beautiful orb! (sobs)
Pal-3000: Ah... Taking nap now.
I may not have thought this through!
(screaming)
-(sobbing) -Chum! (groans) I'll do it.
-(gasps) -Decelerate! To slow their fall!
Ah. I see you paid some attention in science class.
Breathe. Aim. Shoot.
(zap)
(slow-motion screaming)
O...kay.
Good... aim... Roxanne...
Nope! No time for your decelerated thoughts!
I got a class to pass!
Okay, Pal-3000.
**
Throw the ball.
Hum... I will never be Megamind's best friend.
What's the point?
What's the point of anything, anyway?
Mr. Schlurg-Peterman, you saw what Pal-3000 is capable of!
Ooh, sorry. Rules are rules.
Unless he throws that ball, you fail.
(groans)
Look, Pal-3000. I made you to be my best friend.
But I saw today that you can't just make a friend.
You can't force someone to feel how you want them to.
Friendship is more like a game of catch.
It's give and take.
And today, I was a real ball hog.
**
I'm sorry.
And I'm sorry I was going to throw you off
the top of a skyscraper.
That's oka-- Wait, what?
Oh, hey, someone give me that ball to throw.
-Throw! -Robot: Catch.
Keiko: Whoa!
Don't be surprised. I am up to my eyeballs
in extra-credit robots.
-A lot of kids are failing. -Analyzing. A new friend.
Conclusion, vastly superior to Megamind.
Vastly superior? I don't like that.
-Recognize a good thing?
Robots: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...
**
Alright, Keiko. You now have a B-.
Yes! Can we have another game night to celebrate?
-Of course! -How about 8:30?
-Absolutely. -Roxie! You in?
Oh, we were gonna finish our meal.
**
I guess I'm cool with you two hanging out.
Oof!
Puddles of poodles, that hurt.
Pal-3000: My bad.
(robots, Roxanne laughing)
**
Uh...
-A giraffe on a sailboat! -(Chum grunting)
-Lasagna! The War of 1812! -(beeping)
(laughing)
These are all horrible guesses!
-Roxie. Where's Bennett? -(grunts)
Turns out, we don't have a lot in common beyond camp memories.
And sure, you and I have some not-so-fun memories,
but who cares?
We have all the time in the world to make new ones.
Like today, when I saved you
from being thrown off a building.
Or when you shot that De-Gun at me with perfect aim.
I've never been so decelerated.
O-Or when that robot tossed that guy into the garbage!
(Keiko, Megamind laugh)
That was actually very scary.
And how about that throw, Coconut Cannon?
Oh, stop.
-(laughter) -(beeping speeds up)
-Uh, you do know that's still counting down, right? -(whirring)
-(zapping) -(yelping)
That is quite calming.
-(Chum grunts) -Ow!
**