(neon buzzing)
-(line straining) -(grunting)
-Huh? -Hello.
(screams)
(theme song playing)
* Supervillain, ahead of his time *
* Incredibly handsome genius, criminal mastermind *
* But now he's all cleaned up and fighting crime *
* A superhero that you stream online *
* It's Megamind *
* Oh, it feels good to be good this time *
* It's Megamind *
* Oh, it's Megamind *
* Rules! *
Megamind: Welcome to "Megamind's Rules For Defending Your City!"
Today, we're sprucing up the lair
and cleaning out our emails from the onternet.
My number-one fan Terry Sasko writes,
"How important to crimefighting is handsomeness?"
Why, it's like the number one thing!
Myself aside,
keeping your heroic lair handsome is critical,
and the secrets are simple.
Elbow grease, a huge army of brainbots,
and a compassionate supervisor.
Double time, brainbots!
I wanna be able to make a sandwich on a toilet seat!
-(grunts) -(grunts) Sir!
I was cleaning the Gallery of the Vanquished when I noticed
that Machiavillain's golden hairbrush was missing!
-Machiavillain's golden hairbrush... -(dramatic crescendo)
Keiko: Uh, Earth to Megs.
What the heck is a Mack-a-blah-blah's golden hairbrush?
Dear Keiko, that hairbrush belonged
to my villain shool master, Machiavillain.
He was the greatest bad guy who ever lived.
Cunning and cruel, with long, luxurious hair
and the voice of a glam rock angel.
He ruled the world of villainy with wicked schemes,
power chords, and, most of all...
(echoing) presentation!
He still sends shivers down my spine.
(shivers) And then I defeated him,
which completed my training and bada-bing,
I'm the world's greatest villain!
And now, I'm a hero but I'd still really like to know
where that brush went.
Now, where was I?
-(yelps) -Happy birthday, girl!
Oh, you got me a drone?!
Yeah. You can use your phone to control it
and talk through it. Hide behind your couch,
and you can use it to scare the new city comptroller.
-Not that I tried that. -(gasps) So cool, Roxie!
Thank you so much.
-(beeping) -(whirring)
**
And me?
I have... a very big surprise.
It's a, a very surprising thing,
even to me.
It's okay you forgot
because I know exactly what I want for my birthday.
You told me you'd train me to be a crimefighter.
-That's what I want. -I never told you that. Ow!
-(grunts) -(beep)
(on video) You help me,
I'll train you to be a crimefighter.
You have my word.
Well... it appears I did.
Sadly, I don't think you're ready.
You might have to put in a little more work first.
Or a lot more. Actually,
I need you to sweep the curbs around the lair,
lest Roxanne send her filth police after me.
I don't have filth police. But...
-(beep) -Memo. Patrol cars with mop wheels.
Little brooms in holsters.
I don't wanna sweep curbs on my birthday!
Uh, maybe I'm one of those
make-you-do-chores-until- surprise!-
you-know-how- to-do-everything teachers.
Oh, but really, I'm not a teacher at all.
Self-teaching is the best. That's what I've always said.
But you had a teacher! The hairbrush guy!
Trust me, you're better off teaching yourself. Bye!
That was shockingly harsh.
Would you like me to invite her back
and destroy her surprise?
Which is? I'm so excited to hear
what you make up right this second.
**
I'm gonna, uh, make a cake.
A cake for Keiko! Nailed it.
(scoffs) Come on.
You don't know how to make a glass of water.
How hard can it be?
Have you ever heard the term "piece of cake"?
Chum! To the hot refrigerator!
**
(whirring)
(clatters)
-(drone whirring) -New drone camera check. Looks good.
Welcome to "Keiko's Rules For Defending Your City!"
So, Megamind thinks I'm not ready for training.
Well, I'm not ready to not be ready.
And since he wanted me to teach myself,
I borrowed this. Boom! Disguise generator.
To prove I'm hero material,
I'm gonna infiltrate the Doom Syndicate
and find out their next big moves.
Luckily, Megamind just put shadow boy in the slammer, so...
-(whirs) -(Nighty-Knight voice): What up!
I'm Nighty-Knight. I'm dumb and think I'm scary,
and Keiko Morita is awesome.
(beep, whir)
**
To find their hideout,
I encircled their metadata to pinpoint
-the exact location of... Wait. -(beep)
That's their secret hideout?
-(whirs) -Man, these guys are doofuses.
(laughter)
-Look at me! I am kicking your derriere! Ho, ho, ho! -(laughing)
Come on, guys!
This is a communal workspace!
We're supposed to be a community!
Quiet! Behemoth having hard time with 'puter.
(clicking, Mac alert chimes)
-(laughter) -I'm gonna call the cops on you!
Then, I'll be the one laughing!
Ha, ha, ha-- Ah!
Behemoth say quiet down!
You no listen, so you go up!
(Lady Doppler laughing)
You guys are a bunch of bullies!
His feet are dangling!
-(Keiko-As-Nighty-Knight laughs) -(villains stop laughing)
Keiko-As-Nighty-Knight: Dark tidings! And other dark... things.
Yes, I have freed myself from prison.
Now, what's our next dark plan?
Nighty-Knight, where are the sandwiches?
Uh... the what?
Has prison made you dumb-dumb?
When one of us escape, they bring sandwiches for all.
Oh! Yeah. I was gonna pick some up,
but, you know, darkness and... stuff.
So,
what are we gonna do next to bring old Megamind down?
Let me get this straight.
You go to jail for a day, forget the sandwiches,
and think we're gonna start letting you in on planning? No!
We plan, you do chores.
Drop my lucky beret at ze cleaners.
-Actually, we all have filthy outfits to go there. -(Nighty-Knight grunts)
(Behemoth cheers, laughs)
(grunts)
That's right.
Of all the villains I could've impersonated,
I picked the one that gets chores.
(clang)
-(oven dings) -Ah! The cake is ready.
Sir, perhaps you should've used,
you know, a recipe.
If a birthday is going to be a surprise,
shouldn't the ingredients be as well?
Now, let's marvel at its sponge-like fluffiness.
(sliding, sucking air)
(rock-like clattering)
Well, that certainly was a surprise.
(clang)
Now, with a slight adjustment...
And a pinch of love!
...this first layer will be about as moist as a cake can be.
(dripping)
-(splat) -Ah!
Achilles' high-tops!
Are you okay?
Eh, it's all going according to plan.
Ah, so 12-degree burns were part of your plan.
**
Oh, well done, Sir!
You see, Chum? With trial and error,
one can accomplish anything.
-(animal-like screech) -Chum: Wah!
-(feral shrieking) -Help! Get it off! Get it off!
(ray gun blasts)
-(blows) -Just to be clear,
this is for Keiko's birthday this year, right?
**
-(typing) -Behemoth appreciate help.
Didn't know you knew about 'puters.
Keiko-As-Nighty-Knight: Are you sure you have to print this entire collection?
Behemoth: It Behemoth's favorite comic strip.
Funny cat keeps Behemoth temper in check.
-(printing) -You know, all of your failed print jobs
-are jamming up the queue. -(stomping)
You be patient
or Behemoth crush and melt your bones!
See? Behemoth need all 10,000 pages of Happy Pizza Cat.
(groans)
-(typing) -Control alt delete,
and print-a-doodle-doo.
Behemoth thank you.
-(Behemoth grunts) -Oh! Ah!
Hey, I just want to apologize
for the behavior of my coworkers.
Thanks. That means a lot.
I'm grateful one of you is capable of kindness.
-(dramatic music playing) -(Behemoth laughing)
-(beep, whir) -Huh?
Who are you?
I work for Megamind!
Can you get my back if I need it?
Well, I would, but I'm too afraid
of what these bullies are capable of.
Come on. You're the former mayor!
-You got a little cutthroat in you. -Huh.
Well, I suppose I did crush Bulldog McGoo
in that runoff election.
Look, if Megamind can help put these guys back in prison,
then I'll do what I can to help.
And call me Jody.
Jody Smelt. I do it all. Taxes, food delivery...
Oh! And blown-glass figurines, huh?
-These are cool. -Lady Doppler: Nighty-Knight! We need you!
-Gotta go. -(beep, whir)
-(soft music playing) -(applause)
We saw you typing out there, and we thought,
"Yes! One of us finally learned how to type!"
-(grunts) -Me make big ideas
to help big boss take down Megamind. You type.
Keiko-As-Nighty-Knight: Big boss? Who's bigger than us? Am I right?
-(laughter) -Oh, mais oui, mais oui!
He's much funnier now that he knows how to type.
-D'accord! -(typing)
To take down Megamind, we should first...
(tense music playing)
Nighty-Knight: What in the blazes is going on?!
Keiko-As-Nighty-Knight: Uh, I'll tell you what's going on!
-I'm the real Nighty-Knight! -Nighty-Knight: No,
I'm the real Nighty-Knight.
Well, this one brought sandwiches.
Yeah, but this one knows how to type.
Keiko-As-Nighty-Knight: As the real, actual Nighty-Knight,
I can totally throw my shadow, right?
(laughs) N-No way this loser impostor can shadow-throw.
Nighty-Knight: Let's see if this imposter
can conjure up an entire unicorn.
-Made of darkness! -(lights click)
-What? -Weak shadow, bro.
Keiko-As-Nighty-Knight: So weak. Do I even need to throw mine? (laughs)
I mean, you can pick him if you want,
but you'll lose these magic typing fingers.
I declare the Nighty-Knight who can type is the real one.
-Nighty-Knight: No! Let me go again. -(door opens)
Machiavillain: What is going on?
I can hardly hear myself scheming.
Keiko-As-Nighty-Knight: Whoa...
Machiavillain: Either Nighty-Knight has a twin sibling,
and Heaven help us if that's true,
or we have an impostor in our midst.
We cannot figure out who is the real one!
Hm. Wild guess,
maybe not the one wearing Megamind's disguise generator.
-(gasps) Sacre bleu! -Why didn't we see that?
(sighs) Honestly, if I had a head,
I'd shake it in disappointment.
Now, let's see who our surprise guest is.
-(beep, whir) -(dramatic music playing)
Busted. Huh?!
Hi, Busted. Me Behemoth.
-Megamind: Okay, look. -(Chum gasps)
Roxanne: Megamind. That's...
beautiful.
Oh... Mind if I take a little taste?
Don't move a muscle! (gasps)
Sorry. Just look at it for a few more seconds.
Close your eyes even tighter than before.
Believe in me,
knowing in your heart that I have the ability
to create a perfect cake for Keiko.
-Something's fishy. -Sorry. That's me.
I'm a bit overdue for a bowl cleaning.
-(scoffs) No, not you, Chum. -(whimpers)
Oh, gimme a break!
A cardboard cutout of a cake
might not be the mind-blowing surprise you'd hoped for.
I don't know. It's a pretty nice picture.
I'd love that for my birthday, Sir.
(sighs) Fine.
Making a cake is actually hard for me.
There, I said it.
(sighs) It's okay.
You know, I can teach you how to make a cake.
You? You can't bake!
Those muffins you made tasted like charred hair follicles.
I'll have you know I've been taking online classes,
and my food is much more edible.
So, do you want my help?
I don't need help from you or anyone!
Believe me, self-teaching is the best.
If you teach me, the only way I can be sure
I've mastered cake-making is if I defeat you in battle,
and I really don't want to do that to you.
I-I think your last teacher
may have given you the wrong idea about teaching.
-Oh, so many wrong ideas. -(sad music playing)
Machiavillain was villainy incarnate.
Pure evil.
(echoing) Evil... Evil... Evil...
Machiavillain: Can I get you some gum? Boba tea?
Oh, silly me. (laughs) You must be so lost.
I'm Machiavillain, an old friend of Megamind's.
It is a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance, Keiko.
It's very clear to me that you're a gifted student
in desperate need of the right teacher.
Actually, Megamind promised--
Machiavillain: Megamind. (scoffs)
He could've been the greatest villain
the world has ever seen.
He had so much potential.
(sighs) It must be heartbreaking
he doesn't see yours.
That's... actually why I'm here.
Figured I'd give evil a shot.
And you'd be a much better teacher than Megamind.
How do we know she's not just trying to spy on us
-for her old boss? -Machiavillain: Hm...
She's right. You'll have to prove your loyalty
before we can start your training.
Yeah, sure. Okay.
What do you want me to do? Rob a bank? Destroy the moon?
-(dramatic music playing) -I want you to steal
Megamind's baby binky.
That's it. Seriously?
Machiavillain: Think of it as a small test
before we let you in on our bigger plans.
But know this.
You try anything funny,
and you will force me to do something...
-most regrettable. -(dramatic crescendo)
Maybe I will take that boba.
Soft enough that you can't use it for hockey,
and it's not walking off on its own power.
Clearly, I have nailed this!
(hopeful crescendo)
(gags, grunts)
(straining) Maybe it needs more salt.
(scoffs) How can it be that bad?
-(horror sting) -(yelps, grunts)
(straining) Maybe when we can move again,
you finally let me teach you how to make a cake.
That might be a good idea.
**
(action music playing)
(brainbot whirring)
-(beeping) -(drone buzzing)
Okay, drone. Let's do this.
Keiko Recording (on drone): Yoo-hoo! Drones rule! Brainbots drool!
(brainbots whir)
(grunts)
(door creaks)
(mysterious music playing)
-(binky humming) -Whoa!
This is more than just a binky.
This has some kind of... power.
I can't just hand this to Machiavillain,
but I have to find out what his plan is!
Oh, think, Keiko. Think!
**
If you want an exact copy,
it's gonna take me about an hour.
I don't have an hour!
I'm giving the Doomers the fake,
then I gotta get the OG back to Megamind lickety-split.
So, this is to pull one over on those creeps, right?
I'll do it in the 15 fastest minutes of your life.
(dramatic crescendo)
(soft music playing)
What's the real reason you won't train Keiko?
(sighs) That's personal. I'll never tell.
Oh, you better tell, or I'm gonna tickle you.
Good luck. We can't move.
Well, look at this.
(laughing) Stop! Ah! Please stop!
Not until you fess up.
Now, what's more tickly than your armpit?
-(giggles) -Please! Not my ears!
-(squeaking) -(laughing)
So, why won't you train her?
(laughing)
Because I don't want to put Keiko through
what I went through! Especially the whole...
(laughing)
defeat-me-to-prove- her-mastery thing!
Oh! Oh, thank goodness.
Just because that's the way you were taught
doesn't mean you'll do the same to Keiko.
Look, if I teach you to make a cake,
I promise you won't have to defeat me.
Okay, okay. You have a deal.
Great. I'll gather ingredients. Uh, you regain mobility.
Wait. How did it wear off on you so quickly?
I was faking. You really think
I'd swallow something you cooked?
Come on...
**
(quietly) Fake's in your hand.
I've marked it with a little lightning bolt.
-See? -Keiko: Cool.
The original is in your backpack. Good luck.
-(whirring) -Mm, yes.
I can sense the power.
The binky has entered the room.
-Mission accomplished. -(zap)
Huh?
(Lady Doppler and Pierre gasp)
Well, you've done well, Keiko.
Come. You've earned the coveted Seat of Dishonor at our table.
**
-Nighty-Knight: Aw... -(grunts)
Aw, yeah.
Now you're ready to hear the details of my genius plan.
In fact, you're an integral part of it.
(soft laughter)
Keiko Morita,
the "expert in all things Megamind,"
didn't know that this binky
is one of the most powerful energy sources in the universe!
-Huh? -And it is the final component needed
to restore my body to its stunning and glamorous glory.
Power up the regeneration machine!
(dramatic music playing)
Lady Doppler: Thanks to Megamind's nincompoopery
when he was playing mayor,
we acquired the perfect vessel for the machine.
Ta-da!
Nighty-Knight: While Megamind was obsessing over his social media,
I managed to steal this genetically modified starfish
with enhanced regeneration powers from the aquarium.
Pierre: Merci to Megamind,
we not only managed to get ze isotopes
we needed to fuel ze machine...
Behemoth: Evil friend steal brush with hair sample.
We use DNA from hair sample to rebuild big boss' body.
And now, we have the power of the binky
to bring my plan to fruition.
(clapping)
Hate to interrupt your long cliché villain explanation,
but I just gave you a fake binky, dude.
And I got the real one right here. See ya!
-Get her! -(dramatic music playing)
She's around here somewhere!
(growling)
(roaring)
Keiko: Megamind! It's Keiko! Bad news.
-I'm in a jam and need your help. -(Lady Doppler shushing)
I'm behind a fire truck parked on the corner of--
-Seize her! Huh? -(whirring)
Keiko (on drone): Maybe you guys should be called the Dumb Syndicate!
Ha, ha! Smile for the blooper reel!
Lady Doppler: How did she get so slippery?!
Tricky girl turned into flying machine!
-(boom) -(whooshing)
-(crash) -(Keiko groans)
**
Ah! (panting) Oh no!
(grunting)
-(zap) -(panting)
-Whoa! -(roaring)
Ah!
-(roaring) -(screaming)
-(crashing) -Whoa!
-Ah, ha! -(whirring)
-Ah! -Ho, ho!
-(beep) -You will double-cross your friends.
(beep)
You will double-cross your friends.
Uh, if I insist.
-Have at you! (yelling) -Nighty-Knight: Ah!
Not cool, bro! Ow! Personal space, man!
**
(sighs) Keiko, you're just too smart for 'em.
Nighty-Knight: We failed you most darkly.
The child escaped.
And why would that matter?
(dark music playing)
(gasps) It's the fake!
You see, a long cliché villain explanation
is always a good distraction
when swapping out fake binkies for real ones.
(laughing)
(Syndicate laughs)
When Megamind finds out what his little pupil did,
-it'll rip their team to shreds! -(dramatic crescendo)
(sad music playing)
Megamind, I-I have to tell you something.
Megamind: No, no, no! Not a word,
as I am about to present your birthday surprise.
-But this is really-- -Shushie shush shushles.
I present to you...
your very own cake!
You really shouldn't have. Believe me.
But, I made it myself!
You deserve every crumb.
-Will you do us the honors? -I-I really shouldn't.
-Ugh, just cut the cake. -Oh, come on, Keiko! It's your birthday!
(sighs) If you insist.
-(grunts) Um... -(clang)
Something's in there.
Well, reach in and find out what! (giggles)
-(dramatic crescendo) -(squishing, grunts)
**
A hero costume?
I apologize for earlier.
You're ready to begin your training.
No. I'm not ready for this at all.
Keiko, are you alright?
Uh, totally. I...
(sad music playing)
My mom has a thing for me at home, so I gotta go.
Just gonna leave this here for now.
Thanks, but... I don't deserve you guys.
-(menacing music playing) -(muffled machine whirring)
(crackling)
(whirring)
(zapping)
(whirring down)
(glam rock music playing)
Machiavillain: Now we can really get to work.
(elevator music playing)