1
00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:04,796
Someone... someone help me!
I'm trapped in a well!
2
00:00:04,796 --> 00:00:07,007
And the waters
are rising!
3
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:09,927
And I'm still in love
with Zane!
4
00:00:09,927 --> 00:00:11,261
[ Crying ]
5
00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:13,972
Wait, what?
No, no! It's over?
6
00:00:13,972 --> 00:00:16,225
Announcer:
Like waves of emotions,
so are "The Tides of Our Days."
7
00:00:16,225 --> 00:00:18,227
Ugh, I need to know
how you get out of the well.
8
00:00:18,227 --> 00:00:19,520
Ooh, and when are you
gonna find out
9
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,188
that Zane killed your sister?
10
00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:22,981
I always knew, darling.
11
00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:24,816
I helped him.
12
00:00:24,816 --> 00:00:26,235
You're so bad.
13
00:00:26,235 --> 00:00:29,154
Oh, I love this research
for this obituary.
14
00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:31,073
Usually, I'm just
Googling to make sure
15
00:00:31,073 --> 00:00:32,407
they don't have
a secret second family.
[ Knock on door, door opens ]
16
00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:34,368
Edward: Can I come in?
Hello.
17
00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,662
Uh, not really a fair question
when you're already in.
18
00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:38,455
I want to make sure you remember
to take out the trash
19
00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:39,998
and put your dishes away
20
00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:41,917
and compost
your pistachio shells,
21
00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:43,961
and please, if you're
gonna steal my toothpaste,
22
00:00:43,961 --> 00:00:46,171
squeeze from the bottom instead
of the middle, like a carny.
23
00:00:46,171 --> 00:00:47,422
The gall!
24
00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:48,632
I love him.
25
00:00:48,632 --> 00:00:49,841
[Lowered voice]
Also, I-I need you
26
00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:51,551
to hold onto
a few things for me.
27
00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:54,680
Uh, you know, usually, when you
ask someone for a favor,
28
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:55,847
you don't berate them first.
29
00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:57,432
Fair, but my
girlfriend Charlotte
30
00:00:57,432 --> 00:00:58,892
is coming to visit
from San Diego...
[ Gasps ]
31
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,978
...and I need
to make room for her.
32
00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:02,354
I'm finally gonna
meet Charlotte?
33
00:01:02,354 --> 00:01:04,189
Ooh,
the girlfriend's coming.
34
00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:06,483
Oh, classic complication.
35
00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:08,860
I wonder if she's gonna be
a complete nightmare
36
00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:10,654
or a jealous vixen.
37
00:01:10,654 --> 00:01:12,906
Or a sleepwalking serial killer
that just got out of a coma.
38
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:14,741
Season 23!
Season 23!
39
00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:16,076
Mm.
40
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,995
Whoa, another one?
Yeah.
41
00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:20,455
Listen, this is the first time
she's ever been in my space,
42
00:01:20,455 --> 00:01:22,666
and I just need
everything to be perfect.
43
00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:24,710
Wait, she seriously
has never been here before?
44
00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:26,253
No, I go there
every weekend
45
00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:27,504
from Friday at 6:00
till Sunday at 4:00,
46
00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:28,880
which is
the perfect amount of time
47
00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:30,507
for hiking, tacos,
and sex.
48
00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:32,467
[ Chuckles ]
Multiple times.
49
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:34,177
Can you please stop?
Oh, go on.
50
00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:35,262
We're kind of at
a make it or break it point
51
00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:36,763
in our relationship... Mm.
52
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:39,057
...and I think
if things go well,
53
00:01:39,057 --> 00:01:40,142
she might
move in with us.
54
00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:42,936
Okay, have a nice day.
[ Gasps ]
55
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,188
Wait-- Wait-- uh...
56
00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:46,940
Did he just say
"move in with us"?
Yes!
57
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,609
He just let it
hang in the air,
58
00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:51,361
like he was begging you
to come back
59
00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:53,780
after the opening credits.
[ Dramatic music plays ]
60
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:56,533
- Captions by VITAC--
61
00:01:56,533 --> 00:02:00,787
♪
62
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:03,415
I just can't imagine
what this girlfriend's like.
63
00:02:03,415 --> 00:02:05,584
I mean, if Edward has
30 rules for you,
64
00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:07,377
imagine how many
he has for her.
65
00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:08,712
Oh, yeah, but what
if she's just like him?
66
00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:10,005
Mm.
You know, I-I just--
67
00:02:10,005 --> 00:02:11,131
I can't imagine living
with two Edwards.
68
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,466
That's like living with...
69
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:13,508
two Edwards. Mm.
70
00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:14,885
I have so many questions.
71
00:02:14,885 --> 00:02:16,762
Like, who uproots
their entire life for a guy
72
00:02:16,762 --> 00:02:18,096
that's she's only known for,
like, a few months?
73
00:02:18,096 --> 00:02:20,641
Mm! Who would do that?
74
00:02:21,725 --> 00:02:23,852
Phillip? Come on.
75
00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:25,854
No.
That was for love.
76
00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:27,689
This is for... Edward.
77
00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:28,899
Mm-hmm.
78
00:02:28,899 --> 00:02:30,567
Hey, Cricket...
Mm?
79
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:32,986
...is throwing a trivia night
at her wine bar...
Mm. Mnh.
80
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:34,404
...so you should come,
81
00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:35,572
because the winner gets
a free wine tasting.
82
00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:37,532
No, no, no, you have to
take that down right now,
83
00:02:37,532 --> 00:02:39,826
because if Lexi sees this,
she's gonna want to play,
84
00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:41,578
and then her competitive
streak will come out. Oh.
85
00:02:41,578 --> 00:02:42,746
When we podded together,
86
00:02:42,746 --> 00:02:44,790
game nights
were the absolute worst
87
00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:46,166
because she hates
to lose.
88
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,584
I'm right behind you,
aren't I?
89
00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:48,794
Oh!
90
00:02:48,794 --> 00:02:49,795
[ Chuckling ] Hi.
91
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:51,713
Hiii.
Mm.
92
00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:53,548
We're just in here talkin' about
break room stuff
93
00:02:53,548 --> 00:02:55,217
with, uh, this one.
Mm-hmm.
94
00:02:55,217 --> 00:02:57,219
Like cream cheese. Mm.
95
00:02:57,219 --> 00:02:59,763
It is, like, so thick.
She's a fiend.
96
00:02:59,763 --> 00:03:01,807
So I see a little
trivia night flyer?
97
00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:03,517
Because count me in.
98
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,018
That sounds fun.
99
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,687
Sam, you want to
be teammates?
100
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:07,938
I call Sam!
101
00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:08,980
Okay, great.
You do that.
102
00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:10,023
I'm gonna go
somewhere else.
103
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:11,608
Oh, Sam. Noooo.
104
00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:13,026
Saaaaaam--
No.
105
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:15,904
We said no more
game nights, okay?
106
00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:18,907
Keith and I are still finding
Scrabble tiles in my bushes,
107
00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:21,827
and I'm pretty sure there's
a "V" still clogging our toilet.
108
00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:23,870
That was the pandemic.
We were all on edge.
109
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:24,871
This'll be fun.
[ Scoffs ]
110
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:25,872
What'll be fun?
111
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:27,416
Trivia night
at Cricket's.
112
00:03:27,416 --> 00:03:29,626
Oooh, yeah,
that does sound fun.
113
00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:31,503
Should I be the leader?
No, you're right. That's Lexi.
114
00:03:31,503 --> 00:03:33,964
Look, you're always telling me
I need to do more
115
00:03:33,964 --> 00:03:35,382
"regular people"
things,
116
00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:37,759
like "not wearing
driving gloves"
117
00:03:37,759 --> 00:03:40,011
or "drinking from a can."
118
00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:41,638
I love you, but I'm sorry.
119
00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:43,056
My therapist said I have to
120
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:43,890
establish
healthy boundaries,
121
00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:46,226
and so the answer is no.
122
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,019
I'm gonna take that
as a maybe, Sam Sam.
123
00:03:48,019 --> 00:03:49,729
♪
124
00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:52,023
Your obituary is gonna be
as fabulous as you are.
125
00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:53,442
Oh!
Three ex-husbands.
126
00:03:53,442 --> 00:03:55,485
Oh. One wife.
127
00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:58,196
And you still had time
to tour with the Osmonds?
128
00:03:58,196 --> 00:04:02,409
I'm just so excited to have
my entire story told.
129
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:03,493
[ Both gasp ]
130
00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:04,953
Are you gasping at
what I'm gasping at?
131
00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:08,206
The girlfriend is here,
ready for her dramatic entrance.
132
00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:09,458
♪
133
00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:11,585
Hi. You must be Nell.
I'm Charlotte.
134
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,253
I'm so excited
to finally meet you!
135
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,505
Yeah, yeah. I'm excited
to finally meet you, too.
136
00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:16,923
[ Chuckles ]
137
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:18,925
She looks sweet,
but who knows
138
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,302
what's going on
under the surface.
139
00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:21,720
Ask her if
that's her real nose.
140
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,680
So, like, just, like, tell me
everything about yourself.
141
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,223
I mean, is there, like,
a specific way
142
00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:26,391
you like to
organize your spices
143
00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:28,351
or how you like
your toothpaste squeezed?
144
00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:30,520
No, I am very average. Yeah. Oh.
145
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,565
I-I love the beach and hiking
with Edward and--
146
00:04:33,565 --> 00:04:35,066
Oh, I love baking.
147
00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:37,110
I just made these. Oh.
148
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:40,113
They're Edward's favorite--
chocolate chip skillet cookies
149
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:42,741
with a hint of cinnamon
and a sprinkle of doobie.
150
00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:44,910
[ Laughs ] I got the recipe
from his Aunt Helen.
151
00:04:44,910 --> 00:04:46,578
Not the doobie part.
[ Chuckling ] Oh, right.
152
00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:48,038
Oh, whoa.
153
00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:49,414
♪
154
00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:51,333
Is... uh...
155
00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:52,667
I-- Whew.
156
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:54,294
I see that you really put
the work in.
[ Chuckles ]
157
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,545
I think that
maybe we should
158
00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:56,838
clean some of this up
before Edward gets--
159
00:04:56,838 --> 00:04:57,798
[ Door opens ]
Aah!
160
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,049
Hey, handsome.
161
00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:00,091
Hey, gorgeous.
162
00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:01,301
- [ Sighs ]
- Oh.
163
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,261
Mm.
Oh. My. God.
164
00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:04,554
I know.
165
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:06,348
Here come
the fireworks!
166
00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:08,099
You made
my favorite cookies.
167
00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:09,142
What?
168
00:05:11,686 --> 00:05:13,522
Mmm!
These are incredible.
[ Chuckles ]
169
00:05:13,522 --> 00:05:17,442
Nell...
you gotta try these.
170
00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:20,237
Yeah. That-- That is,
um, pretty incredible.
171
00:05:20,237 --> 00:05:21,655
[ Chuckles ]
172
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:23,615
I'm sorry,
what are those toes?
173
00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:25,450
Charlotte got these
awesome mandals for me.
174
00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,327
But you hate toes.
I hate your toes.
175
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,788
Eddie, be nice.
176
00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:31,248
You're right, baby.
177
00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:33,542
Nell, I think your toes
are fantastic.
178
00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:35,544
Thank you, Eddie.
179
00:05:35,544 --> 00:05:37,087
Let's get out of here. Okay.
180
00:05:40,632 --> 00:05:42,843
[ Whispering ] He's like
a totally different person.
181
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:46,263
It's like your roommate's
been taken over by an evil twin.
182
00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:47,556
Let's put this theory
to the test.
183
00:05:47,556 --> 00:05:49,474
Hey, Eddie, I'm gonna grab
one of these cookies,
184
00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:52,143
but, eh, I don't have a napkin,
so crumbs might go everywhere!
185
00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:54,104
Eddie:
Do your thing, girl.
186
00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:56,064
Whoever he is,
I hope he stays.
187
00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:57,941
Cool. Cool, cool!
188
00:05:57,941 --> 00:05:59,109
Nope. I'm dead.
189
00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:04,030
Oh. Oh!
190
00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:06,032
[ Laughs ]
This is awesome.
191
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,784
Yeah, you never want to watch
"Extreme Packrat" with me.
192
00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:09,202
Are you kidding?
193
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:10,745
I love when people
keep their urine in jars.
194
00:06:10,745 --> 00:06:12,163
Oh.
Mm!
195
00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:14,708
Speaking of, I have to use
the little girls jar.
196
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:16,084
[ Laughs ]
197
00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:17,419
Can you pause it for me?
198
00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:19,212
Yeah, I can turn it off.
I can guess how this ends.
199
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:20,505
[ Television shuts off ]
200
00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:21,923
She gets her life together
201
00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:23,341
and goes to
her daughter's wedding.
202
00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:24,426
[ Chuckles ]
203
00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:26,094
[ Breathes deeply ]
204
00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:27,637
♪
205
00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:29,890
Ah! [ Laughs ]
206
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:31,266
There he is.
207
00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:33,268
♪
208
00:06:33,268 --> 00:06:34,644
No. Don't you-- No!
[ Motor whirring ]
209
00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:35,937
Get-- No!
210
00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:37,814
Stop it! I wanted
to eat those crumbs!
211
00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:39,900
[ Whirring slows, stops ]
212
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,484
[Lowered voice]
I like Charlotte.
213
00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:43,278
She's kind and she's smart
and she's thoughtful--
214
00:06:43,278 --> 00:06:45,071
she's always making
my favorite cookies.
215
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:46,990
I totally agree.
Charlotte is great.
216
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:48,491
There are some other
pressing issues.
217
00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:50,160
She's soaking the cast-iron
skillets in the water.
218
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:51,911
I can hear them
oxidizing from here.
219
00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:54,205
So, why don't you just tell her?
It's not that big of a deal.
220
00:06:54,205 --> 00:06:55,498
You're right. Mm.
221
00:06:55,498 --> 00:06:57,125
Will you do it?
Huh?
222
00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:58,543
Just tell her how to
clean the pans,
223
00:06:58,543 --> 00:07:00,045
and to always
use coasters,
224
00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:01,796
and to turn off the water
when she's brushing her teeth.
225
00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:03,548
You want me
to be the you?
226
00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:04,633
Yes.
227
00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:06,384
Be the me.
228
00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:08,428
I don't want to scare her off
with all my--
229
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:09,763
I mean, they're totally
reasonable requests, but--
230
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:10,972
Mm.
231
00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:12,807
I want this to work.
232
00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:14,059
Nell.
233
00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:17,145
Mm?
234
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:18,563
Fine. Yeah.
235
00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:19,689
I'll be the you.
236
00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:21,858
But if
Charlotte moves in,
237
00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:24,110
I want rent split three ways,
not two.
238
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:25,570
Fine.
239
00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:28,031
And I get to have as many
ice cubes as I want,
240
00:07:28,031 --> 00:07:30,116
hum in the morning, and paint
my toenails in the living room.
241
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:31,534
You can paint,
but no pumicing.
242
00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:32,535
I can't "pumice" you anything.
[promise]
243
00:07:34,371 --> 00:07:37,624
♪
244
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:38,875
Got a minute?
245
00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:40,710
Yeah, sure.
What's up?
246
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:42,462
I just wanted
to circle back
247
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,214
on the whole
trivia night thing,
248
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:45,465
because...
249
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,801
this could be us,
The Fun Bunch!
250
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:49,761
Lexi, I said no.
I have--
251
00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:50,720
[ Indistinct conversations,
telephone rings in distance ]
252
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:52,263
Oh, it's actually
very soft.
253
00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:53,807
It's Prada.
[ Breathes deeply ]
254
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:55,475
Look--
But no, no.
255
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,602
I said no,
and I mean no.
256
00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,521
Listen, I thought about it,
and you're right.
257
00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:01,314
Games bring out
the worst in me.
258
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,565
Yeah, I know that.
259
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,693
But you don't know why.
[ Breathes deeply ]
260
00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:07,987
When I was a child, my parents
made everything a contest.
261
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:09,364
Literally.
262
00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:10,365
One time, they used
a game of Monopoly
263
00:08:10,365 --> 00:08:11,700
to determine
which of their children
264
00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:13,284
would be sent
to a boarding school.
265
00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:15,120
It was a hotel
on Baltic Avenue
266
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,997
that bankrupted me
and ultimately lost me the game
267
00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:19,708
and consequently
sent me to
268
00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:22,544
the Chastity Bainbridge
Disciplinary School
269
00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:24,421
for Overprivileged Girls.
270
00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:26,673
Now I understand why you
struggle so much with losing.
271
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:29,384
Yes, but, uh,
I want to change.
272
00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:30,802
I want to be able to go out
273
00:08:30,802 --> 00:08:32,470
and have a casual night
with my friends,
274
00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:34,806
and, Sam, I just feel like
with your help,
275
00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:36,015
I can achieve that.
276
00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:40,520
Okay, fine.
We can play trivia tonight.
277
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,231
But the moment it stops
being fun, we are leaving.
278
00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:46,109
I gotchu
if you gotch me, girl.
279
00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:47,694
[ Sighs ]
280
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:50,155
♪
281
00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:52,240
[ Door closes ]
282
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:53,700
Hey. What you doin'?
283
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,910
I'm taking Charlotte
on a romantic picnic
284
00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:57,912
at the Observatory
before trivia night.
285
00:08:57,912 --> 00:08:59,164
She came up with
a good team name--
286
00:08:59,164 --> 00:09:01,499
Roomies.
Cool.
287
00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:02,625
Your neck looks
really angry.
288
00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:03,752
You okay?
I'm fine.
289
00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:05,587
I'm just trying to
get used to
290
00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:08,131
this poncho
Charlotte got me.
291
00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:10,050
She said I look like
Keanu Reeves in "Point Break."
292
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,469
I looked it up and
[Chuckles] he's very hot.
293
00:09:12,469 --> 00:09:13,928
I thought
you only wore cotton.
294
00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:14,804
You only wear cotton!
295
00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:16,139
Okay.
I'm sorry.
296
00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:18,308
I'm-- I'm
just very tired.
297
00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:19,976
Hey, Nell.
298
00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:21,811
You ready,
Johnny Utah?
299
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,271
Yeah.
I love the way that feels.
300
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:24,856
[ Chuckles ]
100% pure adrenaline.
301
00:09:24,856 --> 00:09:25,899
Come on. Let's go. Oh.
302
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,692
Bye.
Yeah.
303
00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:28,693
[ Door opens ]
Have fun!
304
00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:29,736
Surf's up!
305
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,488
[ Door closes ]
306
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:35,116
Hey, Marlena, does Edward
seem off to you?
307
00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:36,826
[ Stammers ]
Like, he says he's happy,
308
00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:38,953
but he just seems
so exhausted, and--
309
00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:39,996
Maybe it's all the sex?
310
00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:44,459
I know when I first
met my wife [chuckles]
311
00:09:44,459 --> 00:09:46,711
we couldn't keep our hands
off each other.
312
00:09:46,711 --> 00:09:48,129
It was a romp-fest.
313
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:49,464
Oh, right.
That reminds me.
314
00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:51,591
I wrote the opening paragraph
for your obituary,
315
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,176
and I think
you're gonna love it.
316
00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:54,552
Let's hear it.
317
00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:56,096
"While millions
loved watching
318
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:58,431
sexy, conniving villainess
Marlena Quintrell
319
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,600
manipulate the men
of Middleton Falls,
320
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:04,020
she saved the juiciest twist
of all for her private life,
321
00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:06,397
when her cast mate husband
caught her in bed
322
00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:09,234
with her female makeup artist
and soon-to-be wife."
323
00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:10,485
Pretty spicy, huh?
324
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,947
Honestly, I think you have
some more work to do.
325
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:16,616
What are you
talking about?
326
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,701
Look, it's got
everything you love.
327
00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:21,538
Suspense! Intrigue!
Romance! Beeping!
[ Beeping ]
328
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,790
Wait, sorry, do--
do you hear that?
329
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,416
[ Pulsing ]
330
00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:27,001
Is that coming
from the box?
331
00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:28,920
[ Pulsing continues ]
332
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,797
Let's see.
Male voice:
Cower before me, traitor!
333
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:32,882
For I have taken the life force
of countless basilisks!
Oh!
334
00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:35,552
It's, uh, one of
his "Star Rim" figurines.
[ Pulsing ]
335
00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:37,554
It's from his favorite
video game. Hm.
336
00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:38,888
Yeah, it's like everything
that brings him joy--
337
00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:41,349
his magic tricks
and his Rubik's Cube
338
00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:44,018
and his
video game paraphernalia.
339
00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:46,104
Huh.
[ Clatters lightly ]
340
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:47,272
I thought he was
just hiding
341
00:10:47,272 --> 00:10:48,523
his anal apartment rules
from Charlotte.
342
00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:51,818
I didn't realize that
he was hiding... himself.
343
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,361
[ Chuckles softly ]
344
00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:54,487
Why do you think
he would do that?
345
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:55,738
[ Door closes ]
346
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:57,991
You have to go ask him.
347
00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,742
[ Dramatic music plays ]
348
00:10:59,742 --> 00:11:01,077
Hey, you're back.
349
00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:02,620
I forgot
our collapsible cups.
350
00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:04,497
Right. Um...
351
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:07,375
You know, your robot monster
in the box was beeping.
352
00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:09,919
My Zamatron-X39 with the
dual engine laser blasters?
353
00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:11,045
Yep.
Is he okay?
354
00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:12,463
Yeah,
I turned it off.
355
00:11:12,463 --> 00:11:14,507
Okay.
The galaxy thanks you.
356
00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:16,926
Um, hey, hey, wait.
357
00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:19,637
Uh, I couldn't help but notice
everything else in the box.
358
00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:21,681
I-I mean, I know
it's none of my business,
359
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:25,351
but, um, it just--
it just feels like
360
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:27,604
you're hiding
all your favorite things away.
361
00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:30,398
Okay. Thank you for
your wholly unsolicited advice.
362
00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:32,609
You haven't really enjoyed
yourself since she's been here.
363
00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:33,943
I'm perfectly happy.
364
00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:35,069
You're definitely not.
365
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:38,489
You're just my roommate, Nell.
366
00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:39,741
Okay?
367
00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:41,701
Stay out of it.
368
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,119
♪
369
00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:48,583
Are you kidding me?
Nope.
370
00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:50,543
Then he said,
"You're just my roommate.
371
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,003
Stay out of it."
372
00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:54,214
And I'm like-- I'm supposed
to say something, though, right?
373
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:56,216
I just think it's best
to tread lightly
374
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:58,218
when criticizing
someone else's relationship.
375
00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:00,261
Mmnnnnn, is it, though?
376
00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:02,430
Look, when I told you to go
a little slower with Phillip,
377
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:04,140
you didn't exactly
love that.
378
00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:06,267
Okay, but I was only mad at you
for like a minute.
379
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:07,268
Excuse you.
380
00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:08,603
Or two years.
That's right.
381
00:12:08,603 --> 00:12:10,813
So maybe Edward just needs
to figure it out for himself,
382
00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:11,856
like you did.
383
00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:13,149
Hey, Roomie. Oh.
384
00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:14,734
Get over here.
385
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,361
- Hmm.
- Here we go.
386
00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:18,029
[ Indistinct conversations ]
387
00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:20,615
- Roomie.
- Roomie.
388
00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:23,159
♪
389
00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:25,870
Oh, everyone looks
so nice and friendly.
390
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:27,247
[ Chuckles ]
391
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:29,749
Hello, fellow
trivia aficionados.
392
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,751
Excited
for some playful sparring
393
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:33,544
with all of you tonight.
[ Chuckles ]
394
00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:35,380
We're The Fun Bunch.
395
00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:37,173
That's a pretty
clever name.
It is.
396
00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:38,925
What state school did you go to
to come up with that?
397
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:40,134
[ Laughter ]
398
00:12:40,134 --> 00:12:43,096
Hey!
Mm.
399
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:45,556
[ Strained ]
Have you ever tried Gouda?
400
00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:48,226
It's the most fun
of the cheeses.
401
00:12:48,226 --> 00:12:50,687
It's a real gift
to the palate.
402
00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:52,063
That is the spirit,
Lexi, okay?
403
00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:53,439
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
404
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:56,442
We will have fun,
and that is the point, okay?
405
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,111
How's everybody doing?
406
00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,238
- Whoo, whoo!
- Yeah!
- Trivia!
407
00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:04,284
First category is magic,
kind of like me on this mic.
408
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:05,702
Ha ha!
409
00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:10,498
This turn-of-the-20th century
magician became so famous
410
00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:15,086
that his traveling magic show
required eight train cars.
411
00:13:15,086 --> 00:13:17,130
God, I don't know
anything about magic.
412
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,214
Nell?
Mnh. [ Clicks tongue ]
413
00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:19,465
If I was to guess,
I would say, mm,
414
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:21,134
greatest magician
of all time...
415
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:24,137
Let's go with...
Criss Angel?
416
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:26,806
No! Criss Angel is a hack
and an embarrassment,
417
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:29,475
and Criss Angel wasn't
the turn of the 20th century.
418
00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:30,685
It's Howard Thurston.
419
00:13:30,685 --> 00:13:32,145
Oh.
420
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:33,438
Babe, how do you know
so much about magic?
421
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:37,817
My nephew is in a bit
of a magic phase right now.
422
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,319
[ Chuckling ]
He doesn't shut up about it.
423
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:42,655
[ Chuckles ]
He's kind of a doofus.
424
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:45,616
Sounds like your nephew knows
who he is and is fine with it
425
00:13:45,616 --> 00:13:48,453
and, you know, doesn't mind
letting his nerd flag fly.
426
00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:50,580
Yeah. He's a doofus.
427
00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:52,206
Okay, you write whatever
you want to write down.
428
00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:54,042
I'm just-- I'm--
I need a break.
429
00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:55,418
Um...
430
00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:57,962
[ Suspenseful music plays ]
431
00:13:57,962 --> 00:13:59,547
Aah! Oh.
Hello.
432
00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:02,133
You're being too subtle
with Edward.
433
00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:04,218
You need to be
more direct.
434
00:14:04,218 --> 00:14:06,429
Tell him he can't hide
his true self.
435
00:14:06,429 --> 00:14:07,889
Oh, Marlena, come on.
436
00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:10,016
Just stop pushing the drama, okay?
437
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:12,602
This is my life,
not some silly soap opera.
438
00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:16,397
Well, my life isn't
any silly soap opera either,
439
00:14:16,397 --> 00:14:19,150
which is why I hated
what you wrote.
What?
440
00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:21,861
What you referred to as the
"juiciest twist of all"
441
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,280
was one of the most painful
things I've ever been through.
442
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,573
Oh.
443
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:28,326
I spent so many years
in the closet,
444
00:14:28,326 --> 00:14:30,369
trying to live up
to expectations,
445
00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:34,582
and I wasted so much time
denying who I was.
446
00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:36,417
[ Sighs ]
447
00:14:36,417 --> 00:14:38,669
I could've been with my wife
so much sooner
448
00:14:38,669 --> 00:14:41,672
if a friend would have just
told me what I needed to hear,
449
00:14:41,672 --> 00:14:46,719
just someone to encourage
my genuine, authentic self.
450
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:48,429
♪
451
00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:51,474
Pretending to be someone
you're not on the screen
452
00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:52,558
is one thing,
453
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:55,770
but pretending
in your personal life
454
00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:58,106
is just downright debilitating.
455
00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:00,566
Help him.
456
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:02,944
I-- [ Sighs ]
457
00:15:02,944 --> 00:15:05,113
I wouldn't say
he thinks we're friends.
458
00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:07,615
Well, that's a shame,
459
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:09,534
'cause it sure looks
like you are to me.
460
00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:13,496
Yeah?
Yes.
461
00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:16,791
♪
462
00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:18,042
Thanks, Marlena.
463
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:22,171
I'm gonna write you
that obituary you deserve.
464
00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:24,257
Oh, I know you are.
[ Both chuckle ]
465
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,508
Or I'll posses
someone you love.
[ Door opens ]
466
00:15:25,508 --> 00:15:27,176
Oh.
[ Chuckles ]
467
00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:28,594
My life is weird.
468
00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:32,557
Uh, um, excuse me, Edward.
Could we talk privately?
469
00:15:32,557 --> 00:15:34,976
Um, I-I need to talk to you
about the electric bill.
470
00:15:34,976 --> 00:15:36,727
I don't want to talk
about the electric bill.
471
00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:38,146
Yeah, well,
unless we talk about it,
472
00:15:38,146 --> 00:15:39,522
then the power's
gonna get shut off
473
00:15:39,522 --> 00:15:40,940
and we're going to waste
a lot of oat milk.
474
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:41,732
Oat milk doesn't go bad.
475
00:15:41,732 --> 00:15:42,817
Just come with me.
476
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:45,403
[ Smooches ]
477
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:46,404
Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
478
00:15:50,575 --> 00:15:52,201
What?
479
00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:54,036
Look, I, um--
480
00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:55,746
I know you only think of me
as your roommate,
481
00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:58,249
but I think of you
as my friend,
482
00:15:58,249 --> 00:16:00,042
and as your friend,
483
00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:01,627
I'm gonna tell you
what you need to hear.
484
00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:02,753
Mm-hmm.
485
00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:04,338
[ Breathes deeply ]
486
00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:06,841
What you're doing
is not healthy.
487
00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:08,593
Hiding who you are, you're not
just lying to Charlotte--
488
00:16:08,593 --> 00:16:09,594
you're lying to yourself.
489
00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:14,473
Nell, I'm 35 years old,
and I'm tired of being alone.
490
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:17,977
And I can tell
that you like
491
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:20,479
this version of me better, anyway.
492
00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:22,064
I genuinely like
the real you.
493
00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:27,486
You're smart and you're funny
and you're wildly honest,
494
00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:30,156
which can be,
uh, really frustrating,
495
00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:32,491
but it's also
so very refreshing.
496
00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:34,410
Oh.
497
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,370
If you really want to give
this relationship a chance,
498
00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:39,123
you got to show Charlotte
who you really are, okay?
499
00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:40,958
You both deserve that.
500
00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:44,337
♪
501
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:45,755
Okay. I trust you.
502
00:16:45,755 --> 00:16:46,964
♪
503
00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:48,799
Okay.
504
00:16:48,799 --> 00:16:51,677
Also, by the way, I-I did forget
to pay the electric bill.
505
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:52,845
I'll see you inside.
506
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:54,222
♪
507
00:16:54,222 --> 00:16:55,806
It's like living with
a child.
508
00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:57,391
♪
509
00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:59,727
Don't be sad that you're losing,
State School.
510
00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:03,689
I didn't go to a state school.
I went to the Olympics.
511
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:05,441
Oh, let me guess--
dressage?
512
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:06,776
[ Laughs ]
513
00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:07,985
Look at me.
514
00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:10,154
I'm riding a fancy horse.
Oh, fancy.
515
00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:11,447
Stop it.
That's not proper form!
[ Laughter ]
516
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:13,824
I'm sorry, Sam,
but I need to leave.
517
00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:15,993
I am on the verge of becoming
a version of myself
518
00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:17,703
that not a lot of people
like to be around,
519
00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:19,705
and, frankly, I don't really
care for it, either.
520
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,249
No, no, stay.
521
00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:24,293
I am so proud of all the work
that you've done here tonight,
522
00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:26,212
but I don't want to change
completely who you are,
523
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:28,714
because I think
all of us could use
524
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,383
a little cutthroat Lexi
right now.
525
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,051
Mm.
526
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,135
What are you saying?
527
00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:34,262
Let's cut a bitch.
528
00:17:34,262 --> 00:17:36,097
[ Chuckles ]
529
00:17:36,097 --> 00:17:37,765
There we go.
Hold these.
530
00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:41,143
Let's [bleep] up, boys.
531
00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:42,478
Name the state capital--
Boise.
532
00:17:42,478 --> 00:17:45,147
Dover. Phoenix. Little Rock.
Juneau. Jackson.
533
00:17:45,147 --> 00:17:46,357
Topeka. Trenton. Bismarck.
534
00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:47,942
Stop me when you've
heard it, Cricket.
535
00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:49,777
Topeka!
The Golden City.
536
00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:51,070
Giddy up, turds.
537
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,780
Houdini.
Yes!
538
00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:54,365
"Space Invaders."
Yes!
539
00:17:54,365 --> 00:17:55,908
Megatron.
Yes!
540
00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:57,910
"Invader Zim."
Yes!
541
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,328
[ Laughing ]
Oh, my God!
542
00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:00,538
[Bleep]
543
00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:01,956
"Invasion of
the Body Snatchers."
Yes.
544
00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:03,958
Whoo!
The 1978 version.
545
00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:06,752
[ Cheers and applause ]
546
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:10,464
This multi-player video game
takes place in outer space,
547
00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:13,926
and it contains over
600 hours of gameplay.
548
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:16,012
"Star Rim,"
and it actually contains
549
00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:18,973
over 600 hours
of potential gameplay.
550
00:18:18,973 --> 00:18:20,850
The main storyline
can be completed
551
00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:22,643
in as little
as 200 hours,
552
00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:24,145
as seen in the speed run performed
553
00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:28,524
by Underscore IceKing32
on Twitch.
554
00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:30,443
[ Crowd murmuring ]
[ Both snap fingers ]
555
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:33,863
And now it is time to announce
the final scores.
556
00:18:33,863 --> 00:18:37,783
P.H. Deez Nuts
comin' in at a hot 38 points.
557
00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:39,410
[ Crowd ohhs, whistles ]
558
00:18:39,410 --> 00:18:42,288
And then makin' news back there
is The Fun Bunch
559
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,624
with a whopping 46 points.
560
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:45,833
Yes! Oh!
[ Cheers and applause ]
561
00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:49,712
And coming in
at a staggering 62 points,
562
00:18:49,712 --> 00:18:51,297
it's The Roomies!
563
00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:55,134
Yes! Dude!
[ Cheers and applause ]
564
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:58,220
[ Chuckling ] I had no idea
that you knew so much
565
00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:01,974
about... all that stuff
you knew about.
566
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,976
Charlotte, my nephew
isn't a doofus.
567
00:19:05,686 --> 00:19:07,772
I'm a doofus.
568
00:19:07,772 --> 00:19:09,649
If this relationship
is gonna work,
569
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:12,735
I think you need to know
that I'm a video-game-playing,
570
00:19:12,735 --> 00:19:15,112
Rubik's Cube-solving,
action-figure-collecting nerd.
571
00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:17,740
And also, Nell isn't
the one who's particular
572
00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:20,201
about skillet care.
573
00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:21,202
I am.
574
00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:22,995
[ Chuckles ] Yeah.
575
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:25,039
Also, this, um, poncho,
576
00:19:25,039 --> 00:19:28,668
it feels like sandpaper and
I'm gonna take it off forever.
577
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,711
♪
578
00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:31,754
Okay, okay.
579
00:19:31,754 --> 00:19:34,924
[ Sighs deeply ]
580
00:19:34,924 --> 00:19:36,592
And I do magic.
581
00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:40,638
Is this your coaster?
582
00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:42,890
It is now.
583
00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:44,392
There he is.
584
00:19:44,392 --> 00:19:47,103
[ Sighs ] Um...
585
00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:50,773
I am so happy
that we're being honest,
586
00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:53,067
because I have been holding
back some things as well.
587
00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:57,530
Um, Edward, I know you're
an environmental lawyer...
588
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,365
but I hate
these paper straws.
589
00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:01,492
They're completely useless.
[ Scoffs ]
590
00:20:01,492 --> 00:20:04,036
Besides, how much can
one person really do
591
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:05,746
for the environment, anyway?
592
00:20:05,746 --> 00:20:07,915
And does recycling
really matter?
593
00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:09,750
[ Breathes deeply ]
594
00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:10,835
Ah.
595
00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:12,253
Whew. [ Chuckles ]
596
00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:13,671
I'm gonna go get us
some real straws.
597
00:20:13,671 --> 00:20:18,801
♪
598
00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:20,177
I'm gonna have to
tell my parents
599
00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:21,846
I'm sleeping
with a turtle murderer.
600
00:20:21,846 --> 00:20:23,889
♪
601
00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:29,520
[ Pulsing ]
[ Door opens ]
602
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:30,855
[ Gasps ] Hey. How'd it go
with Charlotte?
[ Door closes ]
603
00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:32,940
Charlotte confessed that
the compost bin I got her
604
00:20:32,940 --> 00:20:34,775
is where she keeps
her keys and her wallet.
605
00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:37,445
I confessed that "Hoarders"
gives me night terrors. Mm.
606
00:20:37,445 --> 00:20:39,655
So...
607
00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:41,490
we decided
to take a break. Ohh.
608
00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:43,617
I think I was so focused
on what she wanted,
609
00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:46,912
I didn't really take the time
to consider what I wanted.
610
00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:48,706
What is this?
I thought you should know
611
00:20:48,706 --> 00:20:50,082
that you don't have to hide
who you are around me.
612
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:51,959
There are no rat archers
in "Star Rim,"
613
00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:53,169
but thank you.
614
00:20:53,169 --> 00:20:54,920
You got it.
615
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,505
And just so you know...
[ Clears throat ]
616
00:20:56,505 --> 00:21:00,050
...I'm not going to hide
who I am around you either.
617
00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:02,052
Hmm?
618
00:21:02,052 --> 00:21:04,847
Okay, I'll let you be
a little disgusting troll...
619
00:21:04,847 --> 00:21:06,640
Oh! [ Sighs ]
620
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:08,350
...because
you're my friend.
621
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:10,936
[ Gasps ] You said it.
I'm your friend.
622
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:12,396
I'm your friend?
Yeah.
623
00:21:12,396 --> 00:21:14,565
I'm your friend?! [ Chuckles ]
You're my friend.
624
00:21:14,565 --> 00:21:15,691
I don't like that. Okay.
625
00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:17,193
I don't like that.
No backsies.
626
00:21:17,193 --> 00:21:18,611
[ Gasps ]
627
00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:20,029
Whoops.
628
00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:21,697
I am saying this
as your friend.
629
00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:23,491
Yeah?
You're
a terrible roommate.