1 00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:04,213 [ Upbeat music plays ] 2 00:00:04,213 --> 00:00:05,672 [ Sighing ] 3 00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:10,385 ♪♪ 4 00:00:10,385 --> 00:00:12,054 [ Knocks on door ] 5 00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:13,055 Edward. 6 00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:14,056 [ Gasps ] 7 00:00:14,056 --> 00:00:15,682 Nell: Edward. 8 00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,768 Edward, you’ve been in there forever. 9 00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:20,062 I want my robe! 10 00:00:20,062 --> 00:00:22,022 Or at least the gummy bears in the pocket? 11 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,273 [ Knocking continues ] 12 00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:26,777 Edward. Come on, come on. 13 00:00:26,777 --> 00:00:29,488 [ Mumbling in a deep voice ] 14 00:00:29,488 --> 00:00:32,115 You always say that. [ Mumbling in a deep voice ] 15 00:00:32,115 --> 00:00:34,201 Ah! Forget it, I'll grab my sweater. 16 00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:36,203 ♪♪ 17 00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:38,080 [ Sighs ] 18 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:43,585 ♪♪ 19 00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:46,004 Whoa, that was fast. 20 00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:47,005 Thank you. 21 00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:48,131 Hmm. 22 00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:51,343 You should really watch your sugar intake. 23 00:00:51,343 --> 00:00:53,011 It’s addictive as cocaine. 24 00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:54,763 Some studies say ten times as much. 25 00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:56,640 Oh, come on. Seriously? 26 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,892 Yep. It stimulates the nucleus accumbens in the brain. 27 00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:01,436 No, this cashew chicken was supposed to be my breakfast. 28 00:01:01,436 --> 00:01:03,397 I question your definition of breakfast, then. 29 00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:05,399 I question why you would eat my leftovers 30 00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:07,526 and just leave three cashews at the bottom with a dirty fork. 31 00:01:07,526 --> 00:01:10,696 Firstly, I would never do something that unhygienic. Mm. 32 00:01:10,696 --> 00:01:13,240 And secondly, I have a major problem 33 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,409 with the cashew industry's farming policies, 34 00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:18,704 so I would never take cashews so lightly as to discard them. 35 00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:23,000 Well, someone took my cashews lightly, and it wasn’t me. 36 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,127 Did your secret lover eat my food? 37 00:01:25,127 --> 00:01:27,212 No, we don’t have time to eat, if you catch my drift. 38 00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:28,964 Eww. Maybe you ate it. 39 00:01:28,964 --> 00:01:31,091 Me? You know, sleep eating is more common 40 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:34,136 than you would think, and you are susceptible to it. 41 00:01:34,136 --> 00:01:35,095 Do you remember the time you woke up 42 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,638 and you had knitted part of a scarf? 43 00:01:36,638 --> 00:01:38,932 I do. 44 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,058 I don't even know how to knit. 45 00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:42,144 But you do know how to eat. 46 00:01:42,144 --> 00:01:44,062 Oh, God. 47 00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:47,149 -- Captions by VITAC -- 48 00:01:47,149 --> 00:01:52,154 ♪♪ 49 00:01:52,154 --> 00:01:53,905 It’s upsetting, and it’s misleading. 50 00:01:53,905 --> 00:01:56,116 Come on. Are you guys looking at my Tinder profile again? 51 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,952 No, no, no, no, no. Lexi’s dad has instituted a new 52 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,704 "if it bleeds, it leads" policy 53 00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:02,956 to try to get more eyeballs on the paper. 54 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:06,752 Tina has been tasked with making our headlines "spicier." 55 00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:09,713 Hey, Tina, tell them what you titled my piece 56 00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:11,256 about the panda being born at the zoo. 57 00:02:11,256 --> 00:02:13,842 "Eight-year-old gives birth in public." 58 00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:15,510 Oh, God, I gotta go talk to her before she turns 59 00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:17,596 my Easter edition into a zombie apocalypse. 60 00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:19,806 Mnh. Tina! 61 00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:21,725 Let’s see if you can spice up your next obituary assignment. 62 00:02:21,725 --> 00:02:24,853 Uh-huh? Andrew Michaels, an accountant who died 63 00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:26,688 after falling down the stairs in his home. 64 00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:28,690 Oh. Yeah, not even Tina could make that turd sing. 65 00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:31,109 Oh. Hurtful. 66 00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:32,778 Mm. 67 00:02:32,778 --> 00:02:34,738 You know, I wasn’t merely an accountant. 68 00:02:34,738 --> 00:02:36,740 I was an IRS special agent. 69 00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:38,408 Yeah, that doesn’t bleed or lead. 70 00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:40,327 It was more exciting than you’d think. 71 00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:42,079 I had a gun and everything. 72 00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:44,247 I never used it, but, yeah, I had it. Mm. 73 00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:46,083 I carried a badge -- 74 00:02:46,083 --> 00:02:49,961 Never showed it, but I carried it. 75 00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:52,589 Oh, so you’re like 007. [ Laughs ] Oh. 76 00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:55,092 Just, like, without the cars or the gadgets or the skill 77 00:02:55,092 --> 00:02:57,719 or the muscles or the women. Yeah. 78 00:02:57,719 --> 00:03:01,181 Hey, just because I did my work from behind my desk 79 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:04,684 as an agent didn’t make my job any less harrowing. 80 00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:07,312 In point of fact, my death was no accident -- 81 00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:08,230 [ Whispering ] I was murdered. 82 00:03:08,230 --> 00:03:10,690 What?! [ Gasps ] 83 00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:12,609 ...are you doing at work today? 84 00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:15,112 I thought you were sick. We sent soup. 85 00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:17,572 You should go check. It’s probably at the front door. 86 00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:20,534 ♪♪ 87 00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,536 What do you mean, murdered? 88 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,246 I didn’t fall down my stairs. 89 00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:28,041 I was pushed. [ Gasps ] 90 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:30,627 I caught a glimpse of a shadowy figure above me 91 00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:32,921 on the landing as I fell, 92 00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:35,257 and then everything went black. 93 00:03:35,257 --> 00:03:36,508 Then I was talking to you. Ooh. 94 00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:38,218 Hi. Hi. 95 00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:40,262 Who would want to kill you? [ Scoffs ] 96 00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:42,973 I don’t know. You know, I received a lot of threats. 97 00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:45,684 Yeah. Turns out people don’t like being audited. Mm. 98 00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:49,312 Someone once told me to shove my ass up my own ass. 99 00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:50,856 How would that even work? Oh, don’t overthink it. 100 00:03:50,856 --> 00:03:52,691 Oh, now I’m stuck on it. 101 00:03:52,691 --> 00:03:54,526 I just can’t even picture it, so I’m lucky. 102 00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:57,028 You know what? My editor is obsessed with splashy headlines. 103 00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:59,656 If you’re right, this could land me the front page. 104 00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:01,575 Well, that’s kind of a self-centered take 105 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:02,993 on my potentially violent death, 106 00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:05,412 but whatever gets the job done. 107 00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:07,205 ♪♪ 108 00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:09,583 ♪ Girls night tonight ♪ Oh! 109 00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:11,751 ♪ I don’t have the kids, and I’m really gonna miss them ♪ 110 00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:13,378 ♪ Also gonna drank ♪ 111 00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:15,380 Oh, yeah. I can’t go to girls night tonight. 112 00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,466 ♪ Those are not the words to the song ♪ 113 00:04:17,466 --> 00:04:21,803 Sam, my latest obit subject might have been murdered. 114 00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:24,514 And the more I investigate it, the more I think it’s true. 115 00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:28,310 You are not gonna miss girls night for some murder. 116 00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:30,395 Murder, you say? Yeah, Nell thinks 117 00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,814 that her obituary subject may have been killed. 118 00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:35,609 Oh! I love true crime. Tell me everything. 119 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,360 Oh, it’s just a thought, you know? 120 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,695 Probably not gonna do anything about it. 121 00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:40,989 No big deal, right? Bleh. 122 00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:42,741 Nell, here’s the police report you needed ASAP... Oh. Mnh. 123 00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:44,659 ...for your big deal investigation. 124 00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:45,660 [ Groans ] 125 00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:47,579 Oh, thank you. 126 00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:49,331 There’s pictures of the accident scene in there, 127 00:04:49,331 --> 00:04:52,083 and ever since I became a dad, I cannot handle anything scary. 128 00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:53,126 I know what will toughen you up. 129 00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,461 Phone. 130 00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,213 Dennis, I am assigning you 131 00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:59,090 to listen to a true crime podcast, 132 00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:00,884 in part to try and cure you 133 00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:02,761 of this sudden, strange aversion to violence, 134 00:05:02,761 --> 00:05:05,013 and in part because I am dying 135 00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:07,182 to have someone to discuss it with. 136 00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:09,810 Narrator: Welcome to "Death at the Dairy Farm"... Ah. 137 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,812 ...a grisly tale of blood and milk. 138 00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,980 It's "udderly" terrifying. 139 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,690 Uh, Lexi, I’m gonna just take that police report and skedaddle. 140 00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:18,735 Nell, I am officially joining your investigation. 141 00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:20,612 What? Yeah, it seems like you could really use my help. 142 00:05:20,612 --> 00:05:23,532 You do remember I’m an actual investigative journalist? 143 00:05:23,532 --> 00:05:25,116 Well, I’ve listened to over 4,000 hours 144 00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:26,868 of true crime podcasts, which are very educational. 145 00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:28,495 Well, I went to journalism school. 146 00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:30,830 Education is very educational. 147 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:32,999 Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 148 00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,376 So, I think we’re all losing sight 149 00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:36,336 of what’s really important here, which is... 150 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,171 ♪ Girls night ♪ Girls night? 151 00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:40,215 A night of girls solving a murder? I’m in. 152 00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:42,467 No, like, less ski masks, more face masks. 153 00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:43,844 Uh, you know, on second thought, 154 00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:45,345 he probably just fell. 155 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:46,846 Bummer we’re not gonna be able to use 156 00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:48,807 your murder-solving podcast skills. 157 00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:50,850 Fair enough. Thanks. 158 00:05:52,978 --> 00:05:55,397 [ Film noir music plays ] 159 00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:56,856 [ Whispering ] What is that? 160 00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,651 You’re too hard a worker to give up that easily 161 00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:01,194 on a case. 162 00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:03,113 You have your leads, but you keep your cards 163 00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:04,573 close to your vest. 164 00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:06,324 What is going on with the lighting in here? 165 00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:09,369 You’re too impulsive for careful planning, 166 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,580 so you jot down your notes on whatever you can find -- 167 00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:14,541 an old receipt, parking ticket, gum wrapper. 168 00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:18,670 And judging by your... irregular silhouette, 169 00:06:18,670 --> 00:06:22,257 you’re stuffing that information in your pockets. Oh, hey! 170 00:06:22,257 --> 00:06:24,634 Found it -- on the back of a CVS receipt. 171 00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:26,886 "Andrew may have had IBS." Interesting. 172 00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,722 "Follow up on threatening work emails." 173 00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,098 Good idea. 174 00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:31,683 "Google red flaky rash I have." 175 00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:33,351 Oh. Oh, Nell. 176 00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:35,228 "Meet Andrew’s neighbor at 7:00 at Cricket's 177 00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,439 to see what he saw." Perfect. 178 00:06:37,439 --> 00:06:39,858 Mm. Solid work, Nell. I will see you there. 179 00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:41,943 Okay. 180 00:06:41,943 --> 00:06:44,529 [ Laughing ] I don’t care if you don’t like her. 181 00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:46,948 She’s got Rizzoli’s grit and Isles's face. 182 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:48,158 We need her. 183 00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:53,872 [ Dramatic music plays ] 184 00:06:53,872 --> 00:06:55,040 Thanks for coming to meet us, Paul. 185 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,667 Yeah, well, I-I’m not sure 186 00:06:57,667 --> 00:07:00,670 how much I can help contribute to Andrew’s obituary. 187 00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:03,006 Um, he was always walking around 188 00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:05,133 in thick socks with sandals? 189 00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:08,762 You try living with dry skin. My feet are like hooves. 190 00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,680 That’s okay, we’re just getting some background information. 191 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,807 Do you remember anything from the night that Andrew died? 192 00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:13,975 Lexi, I got this. 193 00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:17,187 Do you remember anything from the night that Andrew died? 194 00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:18,980 I don’t know. I-I didn’t see anything. 195 00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:20,357 Nell, when you called, you mentioned 196 00:07:20,357 --> 00:07:22,442 there was gonna be free wine and cheese. 197 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:24,653 Paul, now you’re speaking my language. 198 00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:26,738 Cheese and wine -- let’s get this party started. 199 00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:28,615 Okay. 200 00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:30,533 What?! 201 00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:31,743 How well did you know Andrew? 202 00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:32,952 Intimately? 203 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,247 It’s a question people ask. 204 00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:39,209 Andrew was kind of a pain in the ass. 205 00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:40,919 No one in the neighborhood really liked him. 206 00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:42,754 No one in the neighborhood really liked the sailboat 207 00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:45,298 in your driveway you’ve been "working on" for seven years. 208 00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:48,301 He was the self-appointed HOA -- 209 00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,387 even had a stupid blog about it. 210 00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:53,682 My blog was the place to go for appropriate fence heights 211 00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:55,642 and holiday decoration limitations. [ Sighs ] 212 00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:59,771 He was up my butt about this really cute Dachshund mailbox 213 00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:02,732 I installed that apparently wasn’t up to postal code. 214 00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:04,734 He’s angry because I audited him. 215 00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:06,111 You audited him? 216 00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:10,323 Uh, so he audited you. 217 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:11,700 How did you know about that? I'm the one 218 00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:13,576 asking the questions here, Paul. 219 00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:15,745 Well, i-i-is any of this important to the obituary? 220 00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:17,288 Yes, it is. Yes, it is. 221 00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:22,001 [ Gasps ] Oh, my God. Is Paul a suspect?! 222 00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:24,629 Oh, Nell, good cop/bad cop him. 223 00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:28,174 So, Paul, you and Mr. Michaels 224 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,468 had a long-standing beef between you. 225 00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:32,262 It wasn’t exactly a beef. 226 00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:34,556 [Mockingly] "Wasn't exactly a beef." 227 00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:36,099 Yeah, it was probably just like a misunderstanding, right? 228 00:08:36,099 --> 00:08:37,934 Just got a little angry. 229 00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:39,477 Well, I-I wouldn’t say I was angry. 230 00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:41,062 Scoff! 231 00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:42,897 Not angry when your neighbor audits you? 232 00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:44,733 I tell you what -- if it were me, I’d want revenge. 233 00:08:44,733 --> 00:08:48,111 Well, I didn’t. I-I just wanted my s-standard deductions. 234 00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:50,071 Tell it to your boat. 235 00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:52,574 You look a little flushed, Paul. Could I get you some water? 236 00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:55,535 Or are you flushed because you’re hiding the truth? 237 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,746 I-I don’t know. This is it! He's gonna break. 238 00:08:57,746 --> 00:09:00,248 I have a flatbread. Ooh, yes! That’s me. 239 00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:02,751 Oh! Oh, I’m so hungry. Yum, yum, yum. 240 00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:04,252 [ Chuckles ] 241 00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:05,670 What? I’m supposed to stay hungry 242 00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:07,338 this entire interrogation? 243 00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:09,132 Interrogation?! I-I thought 244 00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:12,719 this was supposed to be a casual chat with light bites. 245 00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,596 I don’t know what you people are up to, but I’m going home, 246 00:09:14,596 --> 00:09:17,182 calling my lawyer, and I’m gonna make myself a sandwich. 247 00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:18,725 I’m really hungry. I thought I was gonna eat. 248 00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,101 Sam! What?! 249 00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:21,811 We had him on the ropes. Yes. 250 00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:24,522 You scared him away before we could drop the hammer. 251 00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:26,232 You know what we need to do? 252 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:28,443 Let the police handle this while we stay at home... 253 00:09:28,443 --> 00:09:29,527 Lexi and Nell: Stake out! ...and watch Sandra Bullock movies? 254 00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:31,029 Did you guys just say "stakeout"? 255 00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:33,031 Okay. Yeah. No. This has now gone in a direction 256 00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:37,243 I can no longer support, so I’m going to take my wine to go, 257 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,412 and when you are done with this stupid murder, 258 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,998 you can come over and we can all turn up. 259 00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:45,960 Ah, finally! 260 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,588 This is why there’s no "Rizzoli & Isles & Sam." 261 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:49,881 So what do you think -- 262 00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:52,300 you and me, partners in crime? 263 00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:53,510 I actually don’t hate that idea. 264 00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:55,053 Oh. 265 00:09:55,053 --> 00:09:57,013 [ Dramatic music plays ] 266 00:09:57,013 --> 00:09:58,807 Narrator: Sadly, the cows were the only witnesses 267 00:09:58,807 --> 00:10:00,767 to the carnage at the dairy farm. 268 00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:03,436 The killer left behind a blood-soaked barn, 269 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:07,190 littered with a grisly parade of severed torsos. 270 00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,984 To this day, this quiet suburb in California 271 00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:13,029 is faced with two haunting questions -- 272 00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:16,991 who was this maniacal madman, and will he ever be caught? 273 00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:19,327 [Upbeat voice] Thank you guys so much for listening! 274 00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:21,621 And please make sure to follow us. Wait, no. That’s it? 275 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,414 We have an Instagram. We have a Facebook. 276 00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:26,709 Lexi! Lexi, I finished that podcast. 277 00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:28,169 Turns out they didn’t catch the guy. 278 00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:29,379 He’s still out there, huh? 279 00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,464 Lexi? 280 00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,341 [ Dramatic music plays ] 281 00:10:33,341 --> 00:10:35,051 Okay. [ Chuckles ] 282 00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:37,679 [ Humming nervously ] 283 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:38,680 ♪♪ 284 00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:40,140 [ Whimpering ] 285 00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:47,772 ♪♪ 286 00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:49,399 Oh, creepy van. 287 00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:52,110 ♪♪ 288 00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:55,446 [ Whimpers ] Please, I have children. 289 00:10:55,446 --> 00:10:56,948 I... 290 00:10:56,948 --> 00:10:58,700 Oh, that feels so good to say. 291 00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:00,368 [ Metallic clank in distance ] [ Screaming ] 292 00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:02,829 Okay. Come on, Dennis. Come on, come on. 293 00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:07,041 ♪♪ 294 00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:09,043 Dennis! [ Vehicle door slams, engine starts ] 295 00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:11,212 You forgot your phone and your wallet! 296 00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:13,089 [ Tires screech ] 297 00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:16,551 [ Sighs ] Mama's getting Quiznos tonight. 298 00:11:16,551 --> 00:11:18,428 [ Laughs ] [ Beeps ] 299 00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:25,768 ♪♪ 300 00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:28,188 [ Both laugh ] 301 00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:30,064 Look at us, on a real stakeout. 302 00:11:30,064 --> 00:11:32,192 Yeah, I know. 303 00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,902 Check out these crime scene photos. 304 00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:36,654 His body landed in such a strange position. 305 00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:38,156 Yeah. Looks like a Twizzler. 306 00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:39,657 Hmm. 307 00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:43,161 Oh, you use Prix Elevé? Very expensive. 308 00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:45,079 Oh, I didn’t pay for it. 309 00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:46,372 Yeah, the stupid woman that’s sleeping with Edward, 310 00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:49,834 she left it at my place, so mine now! 311 00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:51,628 [ Both laugh ] Sure is. 312 00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:52,962 Yeah, the diamond powder 313 00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:54,422 is really shimmering on your clavicle. 314 00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:55,798 Isn’t it? Yeah. 315 00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:58,593 It feels so soft. Hmm. 316 00:11:58,593 --> 00:12:00,094 You know, I don’t even know who this woman is. 317 00:12:00,094 --> 00:12:02,555 She made him sign a non-disclosure agreement. 318 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,390 What kind of lunatic 319 00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:06,100 makes someone they’re hooking up with sign an NDA? 320 00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:08,937 Oh, well, you know, perhaps as, uh -- 321 00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:11,522 [sniffles] as someone who is completely an outside observer 322 00:12:11,522 --> 00:12:13,149 and has no skin in the game, 323 00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,193 um, she could just be judicious with her dalliances. 324 00:12:15,193 --> 00:12:16,319 Yeah, or perhaps she’s a controlling, 325 00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:17,737 narcissistic monster. 326 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,280 Oh, I don’t think that that’s -- 327 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:20,990 She’s a freak. Right? 328 00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:23,451 She’s a gross, gross lady. Thank you. 329 00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:25,161 Yeah. Great taste in skincare, though. 330 00:12:25,161 --> 00:12:28,414 [ Laughs ] Yes, she is. 331 00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,041 You know, I know we haven’t really gotten along too well 332 00:12:30,041 --> 00:12:32,418 in the past, but, um... 333 00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,337 I’ve been having a really good time tonight. 334 00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:35,755 So have I. 335 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,298 And I know this may shock you, Nell, 336 00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:39,676 but typically, it’s not that easy for me 337 00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:42,887 to connect to other people, so this has been nice. 338 00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:48,101 And actually, Nell, there is, um, 339 00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:50,645 something I need to tell you. 340 00:12:50,645 --> 00:12:52,230 Garbage! No! [ Gasps ] 341 00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:54,274 Oh, trash is a true crime gold mine. 342 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,316 If he leaves that in the bin, you know, 343 00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:57,318 legally, we can take it. 344 00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:59,362 California v. Greenwood, 1988. ...Greenwood, 1988. 345 00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:00,488 Stop it! 346 00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:02,073 Of course. 347 00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:03,408 I listened to a four-part special on that -- 348 00:13:03,408 --> 00:13:05,660 "One Man's Trash Is Another Man's Murder." 349 00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:09,330 ♪♪ 350 00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:11,124 [ Dog barking ] 351 00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,166 [ Car beeps ] 352 00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:13,126 [ Owl hooting ] 353 00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:14,127 [ Sighs ] 354 00:13:15,086 --> 00:13:17,171 I am not a threat. [ Screams ] 355 00:13:17,171 --> 00:13:19,173 Oh! I said I’m not a threat! 356 00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:20,717 What do you keep in there, bricks?! 357 00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:23,594 Dennis, what are you doing lurking outside of my house? 358 00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:26,431 I am not lurking. I’m being followed by a maniac! 359 00:13:26,431 --> 00:13:27,974 I didn’t have my phone, and I couldn’t go home. 360 00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,350 I’d be leading the psycho straight to my kids. 361 00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:31,561 Why would you bring the psycho to my house?! 362 00:13:31,561 --> 00:13:32,979 Get inside right now! 363 00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:36,733 ♪♪ 364 00:13:36,733 --> 00:13:38,401 Come on. 365 00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:40,570 ♪♪ 366 00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:42,155 Clear? Clear. 367 00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:47,118 ♪♪ 368 00:13:47,118 --> 00:13:48,202 -Clear? -Clear. 369 00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:51,330 [ Grunts ] 370 00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:52,999 Okay. Okay. 371 00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,667 No, you, you. You’re the one that has the gloves. 372 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:57,045 These are $1,600 each! What?! 373 00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:59,130 It’s pure mulberry silk. The worms that made these, 374 00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:00,923 they live better lives than we do. 375 00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:03,217 I don’t even know what mulberry is! 376 00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:05,470 [ Cellphone ringing ] 377 00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:07,263 [ Both laughing ] 378 00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:08,931 Sam? 379 00:14:08,931 --> 00:14:11,017 Well, congratulations. You broke Dennis. 380 00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:13,311 I tried to calm him down with a cucumber face mask 381 00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:15,813 and an espresso martini, but it is no use. 382 00:14:15,813 --> 00:14:17,857 I’m just more anxious. 383 00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,108 Yeah, that stupid podcast you made him listen to -- 384 00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:20,068 well, it scared the crap out of him. 385 00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:21,527 Jeez, what a knot. 386 00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:24,739 So please tell him that it is not real. 387 00:14:24,739 --> 00:14:27,658 Lexi: But it did happen. All of it. Recently. 388 00:14:27,658 --> 00:14:29,535 He could be anywhere. 389 00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:31,037 Yeah. I’m not gonna take care of him all alone, 390 00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,872 so get over here. 391 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,707 Okay, Sam. Bye. 392 00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:37,335 God, Dennis was just not built for this. 393 00:14:37,335 --> 00:14:39,712 Not everyone has our grit. [ Gasps ] I got it! 394 00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:41,214 Hey! [ Both scream ] 395 00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:42,882 Are you stealing my garbage? 396 00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,175 [ Both scream ] I peed a little! 397 00:14:44,175 --> 00:14:45,760 Oh, so did I. 398 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,220 Ew. Gross. 399 00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:48,596 [ Both shout ] [ Tires squeal ] 400 00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:50,389 ♪♪ 401 00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:51,224 White women. 402 00:14:57,605 --> 00:15:00,608 Sam: I can’t believe you brought garbage to girls night. 403 00:15:00,608 --> 00:15:02,151 I don’t care what they brought. 404 00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:03,820 The more of us are here, the harder it is 405 00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:05,404 for us to be murdered. Yeah. Okay. 406 00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:07,115 No more espresso martini for you. 407 00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:08,950 Thank you. I can hear colors. 408 00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:11,536 So, what is it exactly that you’re looking for? 409 00:15:11,536 --> 00:15:13,246 Something that connects Paul to Andrew. 410 00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:16,207 I think I found something. It’s herbal supplements, 411 00:15:16,207 --> 00:15:18,376 but this note is from Andrew to Paul. 412 00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:20,128 "Paul, sorry for the audit and the ulcer. 413 00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:22,672 This should help. Best, Andrew." 414 00:15:22,672 --> 00:15:25,007 That bastard just threw away my pills. 415 00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:27,385 If he’s capable of this, he’s capable of anything. 416 00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:28,719 Oh, interesting. 417 00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:30,429 The receipt says that he bought five, 418 00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:32,098 but there’s only one in here, which means... 419 00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:33,808 I kept four bottles for myself. 420 00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:36,352 Our victim kept four bottles for himself. She gets me. 421 00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:38,521 I knew I recognized those. Hm? 422 00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:41,524 Every entry in his blog has something about 423 00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:43,985 picking up after your dog and taking those supplements. 424 00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:46,654 Dog poo is impossible to get out of your Hokas, 425 00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:49,240 and those supplements are a miracle cure for IBS. 426 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:50,408 I’ve been taking them for years. 427 00:15:50,408 --> 00:15:51,993 He’s been taking them for years. 428 00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:53,494 We're really clicking right now. 429 00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:57,456 What’s even in these? Atropine, belladonna. 430 00:15:57,456 --> 00:16:00,376 Belladonna? The FDA has been warning parents for years 431 00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:02,461 not to put it on anything like teething rings 432 00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:03,921 'cause it’s, like, literal poison. 433 00:16:03,921 --> 00:16:05,339 Interesting. Interesting. 434 00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:06,632 Interesting. 435 00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:08,050 ♪♪ 436 00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:09,677 Did I do it? Did I solve it? 437 00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,554 Can we watch "Hope Floats" now? Please? 438 00:16:11,554 --> 00:16:13,806 The side effects of long-term belladonna poisoning 439 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:15,641 are muscle spasms, 440 00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:18,269 blurry vision, dry skin, and dry mouth. 441 00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:21,063 Let’s talk through a theory about what happened. 442 00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:23,274 Roll with me, Nell. Yes. 443 00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:25,860 It’s the night of our victim’s death. 444 00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:27,278 He was found wearing pajamas, 445 00:16:27,278 --> 00:16:28,654 so he had probably just gone to bed. 446 00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:30,448 He got up. He was thirsty. 447 00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:32,533 His trusty herbal supplements give him dry mouth. 448 00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:34,202 But he didn’t want to drink from the bathroom faucet. 449 00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:35,870 Lexi: Because that’s for dogs. He wanted cold water 450 00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:37,288 from the fridge downstairs. 451 00:16:37,288 --> 00:16:39,081 He carefully walks down the hall, 452 00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:41,334 feet freshly greased for bed because of his dry skin. 453 00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,878 His vision is blurry, so he carefully makes his way 454 00:16:43,878 --> 00:16:45,463 to the top of the stairs... 455 00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:47,423 Which is why that oily residue was found up there. 456 00:16:47,423 --> 00:16:50,593 His muscle spasms, which cause him to slip. 457 00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:51,969 Which explains why his body was found 458 00:16:51,969 --> 00:16:53,638 in the Twizzler position. 459 00:16:53,638 --> 00:16:55,473 He poisoned himself and fell down the stairs. 460 00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:57,391 [ Sighs ] 461 00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:59,352 Oh, it was an accident. He wasn’t murdered. 462 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,811 This is so disappointing. 463 00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:02,605 Sure is. 464 00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:05,149 I guess it’s great that he wasn’t brutally killed. 465 00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:07,068 Yeah, I guess. No one cared enough to kill me. 466 00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:08,694 But we did solve it. 467 00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:10,446 That’s the most important thing, right? 468 00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:13,115 Yeah. Yeah, we sure did. 469 00:17:13,115 --> 00:17:14,742 We make a shockingly good team. 470 00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:16,494 We sure do, partner. 471 00:17:16,494 --> 00:17:18,704 Eww, cashews. 472 00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,874 [ Dramatic music plays ] 473 00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:27,755 ♪♪ 474 00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:30,132 Oh, come on. Seriously? 475 00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:31,509 Did your secret lover eat my food? 476 00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,554 Someone in your room, Robe Guy? 477 00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:35,638 Oh, my God. Is your sex friend in there? 478 00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:38,432 Edward: Belongs to my lady friend. 479 00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:40,726 What kind of lunatic 480 00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:43,062 makes somebody they’re hooking up with sign an NDA? 481 00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:45,898 [ Slow-motion ] Eww, cashews. 482 00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,316 ♪♪ 483 00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:50,361 [ Thump, clattering echo ] 484 00:17:50,361 --> 00:17:52,321 ♪♪ 485 00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:53,614 You’ve been sleeping with Edward! 486 00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:55,157 [ Gasps ] 487 00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:56,576 The fancy bra and the skin cream 488 00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:59,078 and the cashews -- that’s you! 489 00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:00,705 Okay, yes. However -- 490 00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:02,623 This has been going on for weeks! 491 00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:04,584 [ Stammers ] And we’ve been hanging out all day, 492 00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,168 and you haven’t said anything? 493 00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:08,421 Oh! Oh, I feel so stupid! 494 00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:11,716 I-I wanted to tell you. I-I just didn’t know what to say. 495 00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:13,676 I-I’m sorry that you’re finding out this way, 496 00:18:13,676 --> 00:18:16,596 but this is a good thing, because now you know it’s me 497 00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,514 who’s with Edward and -- and not some crazy woman. 498 00:18:18,514 --> 00:18:20,224 Oh, sure, because that’s the takeaway. 499 00:18:20,224 --> 00:18:21,851 And now we’re friends, so you can say 500 00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:23,227 everything you wanted to say to Edward’s mystery woman 501 00:18:23,227 --> 00:18:24,353 right to my face. 502 00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:25,855 Just let me have it, partner. 503 00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:28,816 That’s the thing, Lexi. 504 00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:31,777 We’re not [chuckling] partners or friends. 505 00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:33,946 You’re my boss, and I shouldn’t have forgotten that. 506 00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:39,744 ♪♪ 507 00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:41,704 [ Door creaks open ] 508 00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:44,248 [ Sighs lightly ] 509 00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:46,667 Lexi told me what happened. 510 00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:51,005 Oh, how nice of her to share that important information. 511 00:18:51,005 --> 00:18:53,591 I’m sorry. I don’t understand why you’re upset. 512 00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:55,801 Because you’re sleeping with my boss, Edward. 513 00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:59,055 That could get really complicated for me. 514 00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:00,348 And you lied to me about it. 515 00:19:00,348 --> 00:19:01,891 I didn’t lie to you. 516 00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:03,267 When I asked if you wanted to hear 517 00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:05,061 more about my sex life, you said no. 518 00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:07,563 I believe you said "barf." You knew what I meant. 519 00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:11,067 That’s the thing -- no, I don't. I take things literally. 520 00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:13,027 It’s a big part of what works with Lexi and me. 521 00:19:13,027 --> 00:19:16,697 She’s very blunt and spells out everything she wants. 522 00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:19,367 ♪♪ 523 00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:23,079 I just want you to be able to share stuff with me. 524 00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:26,040 You know... the way that friends do. 525 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:29,293 They share secrets and feelings and indoor shoes 526 00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:31,253 so that you can run to the coffee shop. 527 00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:33,089 I thought I saw gravel in the treads. 528 00:19:33,089 --> 00:19:37,093 [ Sighs ] All I’m saying is... 529 00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:40,680 I just want to know that you’re happy 530 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:44,016 and that the person that you’re with makes you happy. 531 00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:48,479 I care about you. 532 00:19:48,479 --> 00:19:50,064 That’s nice. 533 00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:54,110 I care about you, too. 534 00:19:56,696 --> 00:20:00,032 Maybe we could work on communicating 535 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,909 what we need from each other. 536 00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:03,077 Like a friendship contract. 537 00:20:03,077 --> 00:20:05,079 That’s weird and clinical. 538 00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:08,582 And I would love to. 539 00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:09,917 Nice. 540 00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:17,675 Narrator: And what was the 2% Killer planning to do 541 00:20:17,675 --> 00:20:18,259 with a melon baller? Find out in episode nine. 542 00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:19,927 Oh, this is so good. 543 00:20:19,927 --> 00:20:20,928 I bet you I know what he does with the melon baller. 544 00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:22,513 Play the next one. Come on. 545 00:20:22,513 --> 00:20:23,514 No way. We’ve been bingeing this for hours. 546 00:20:23,514 --> 00:20:25,015 I got to send you off, dude. 547 00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:28,352 Fine. I guess my obituary writes itself. 548 00:20:28,352 --> 00:20:30,688 Andrew Michaels was a boring accountant 549 00:20:30,688 --> 00:20:33,732 who worked behind a boring desk and died a boring death. 550 00:20:33,732 --> 00:20:37,153 Andrew, you weren’t just an accountant -- 551 00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:40,072 no, you were an IRS special agent. 552 00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,408 You carried a gun and a badge. 553 00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:44,076 You put away white collar criminals 554 00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:45,619 and saved thousands of people 555 00:20:45,619 --> 00:20:47,288 from being cheated of their life savings. 556 00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:50,833 You weren’t boring, sir. You were a hero. 557 00:20:50,833 --> 00:20:53,043 I did do that, didn’t I? Mm-hmm. 558 00:20:53,043 --> 00:20:56,589 [ Laughs ] Well, I guess I can live without being murdered. Mm. 559 00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:58,674 Thanks, Nell. [ Chuckles lightly ] 560 00:20:58,674 --> 00:21:01,469 Oh, uh, FYI, you can’t claim Milk Duds as a work expenditure. 561 00:21:01,469 --> 00:21:02,720 Oh. Okay, time to go. Yeah? Okay. Bye. 562 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:04,889 Bye. 563 00:21:04,889 --> 00:21:07,475 Phew! Hmm. 564 00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:17,776 It’s very sweet, but does this mean that you’re here? 565 00:21:17,776 --> 00:21:19,987 Lexi: If you’re feeling less angry now, then yes. 566 00:21:19,987 --> 00:21:21,155 Ohh. 567 00:21:21,155 --> 00:21:23,491 ♪♪