1
00:00:05,755 --> 00:00:07,090
Come on in, roomie.
2
00:00:07,924 --> 00:00:09,634
- You're in a good mood.
- Mm-hmm.
3
00:00:09,634 --> 00:00:12,220
Are you doing one of your drugs
and finger painting Groupons again?
4
00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:13,471
It was wine and watercolors.
5
00:00:13,471 --> 00:00:16,391
And, no, I'm making
my first life pie chart.
6
00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:18,184
Found it in an old Oprah Magazine.
7
00:00:18,184 --> 00:00:21,229
Every slice represents
a different aspect of your life.
8
00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:23,398
I've wanted to make one
every year on my birthday,
9
00:00:23,398 --> 00:00:26,151
except this year is the first time
I actually have every slice.
10
00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:28,069
And so it's not a depressing empty circle.
11
00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:30,321
- It's your birthday?
- Yes.
12
00:00:30,321 --> 00:00:31,990
Thank you for remembering.
13
00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:33,491
- So before you ask--
- I wasn't going to.
14
00:00:33,491 --> 00:00:35,285
First up, the friendship slice.
15
00:00:35,285 --> 00:00:37,579
Congratulations,
you're a part of that one.
16
00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:39,414
It's an honor to be part
of your weird pie.
17
00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:41,958
Then the romance slice,
which didn't totally work out with TJ.
18
00:00:41,958 --> 00:00:43,877
But that's because of the family slice,
19
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:47,172
which I'm supes excited about because
I will be freezing my eggs.
20
00:00:47,172 --> 00:00:49,591
It won't be cheap,
but I will narrowly be able to afford it
21
00:00:49,591 --> 00:00:51,426
due to the tiny but mighty work--
22
00:00:51,426 --> 00:00:53,386
- Are you still listening?
- I haven't started.
23
00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:56,556
Nell, I need to talk to you about
something... [sighs] ...in the living room.
24
00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:59,684
Ah. Surprise birthday gift.
25
00:01:00,477 --> 00:01:02,437
Come on, Edward.
Just get on with it.
26
00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:05,648
I'd rather not sit here doing chitchat
when we could be doing what, what.
27
00:01:05,648 --> 00:01:07,609
There's something I need to tell
28
00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:08,693
- both of you.
- Mm-hmm.
29
00:01:08,693 --> 00:01:10,028
- Would you...
- Oh.
30
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:14,491
So I've been going back and forth
for a couple of days on who to tell first.
31
00:01:14,991 --> 00:01:17,535
Nell, even though you have
about as much restraint
32
00:01:17,535 --> 00:01:19,496
- around my snacks as a howler monkey...
- Thank you.
33
00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:21,581
...we have become very close friends.
34
00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:24,834
And, Lexi. My lover.
35
00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:26,753
My muse.
36
00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:29,422
You have awakened parts
of my body I haven't even--
37
00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:31,132
Not on my birthday, yeah?
38
00:01:31,132 --> 00:01:32,217
Thank you.
39
00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:34,511
For those aforementioned reasons,
40
00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,805
I thought I could just tell you
both at the same time.
41
00:01:40,642 --> 00:01:42,560
Duncan is selling the newspaper.
42
00:01:56,157 --> 00:01:57,659
Are you done screaming?
43
00:01:57,659 --> 00:01:59,077
- Wait, that was me?
- Mm-hmm.
44
00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:00,745
- I thought it was you.
- Is she done yelling?
45
00:02:00,745 --> 00:02:03,289
{\an8}Yeah. So wait, what does this mean?
46
00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:06,543
{\an8}I mean, who is he gonna sell it to?
Another owner or a syndicate?
47
00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:09,212
{\an8}I don't know. There was just a bunch
of people and they were wearing suits.
48
00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:11,005
{\an8}And there was paperwork
and there was handshaking
49
00:02:11,005 --> 00:02:12,715
{\an8}and there was grumblings
about newspaper sales.
50
00:02:12,715 --> 00:02:14,926
{\an8}Lexi, you-- you have to talk to your dad.
51
00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:16,427
{\an8}You gotta get him to stop this.
52
00:02:16,427 --> 00:02:19,097
{\an8}Of course. I'll have my lawyer
contact Father's lawyer.
53
00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:20,348
{\an8}That's how we plan Christmas.
54
00:02:20,348 --> 00:02:23,852
{\an8}No, you have to talk to him yourself.
You're-- He's your dad.
55
00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:25,937
{\an8}You gotta just tell him,
"Hey, I don't want you to do this.
56
00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:29,482
{\an8}I don't want you to sell it." You know?
This is important. My pie is on the line.
57
00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:30,859
{\an8}Are you never not hungry?
58
00:02:31,901 --> 00:02:34,320
{\an8}Doesn't matter.
Just put on your most powerful power suit.
59
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,531
{\an8}The pinstripe one.
The one with the shoulders.
60
00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:37,866
{\an8}It makes you look like Lady Capone.
61
00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:41,161
{\an8}Huh, I usually save that one for
depositions or the funerals of my enemies,
62
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,204
{\an8}but I'm on it.
63
00:02:43,204 --> 00:02:45,748
{\an8}All right. This is gonna be fine.
Everything's gonna work out great.
64
00:02:45,748 --> 00:02:47,542
{\an8}We all just need to remain calm.
65
00:02:48,042 --> 00:02:50,503
{\an8}How are we supposed to remain calm?
We are all gonna lose our jobs.
66
00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:51,880
{\an8}Okay, not necessarily.
67
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:54,966
{\an8}That's true. A friend of mine in
San Francisco whose paper was bought out,
68
00:02:54,966 --> 00:02:58,928
{\an8}it actually made more money, created
more jobs and everybody was way happier.
69
00:02:58,928 --> 00:03:00,096
{\an8}- See?
- Yeah.
70
00:03:00,096 --> 00:03:03,641
{\an8}Okay. No! No! I have kids.
71
00:03:03,641 --> 00:03:07,312
{\an8}Look, it hasn't happened yet,
and it might not, okay?
72
00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:09,898
{\an8}Lexi's gonna talk to Duncan
and get him to stop the sale.
73
00:03:10,398 --> 00:03:12,150
{\an8}Lexi should be back anytime now.
74
00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:15,153
Well, see, that's great.
Because Lexi, she gets what she wants.
75
00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:17,113
{\an8}She got the pope to attend her wedding.
76
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,449
{\an8}- He got her a toaster.
- That's cheap.
77
00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:20,992
Mmm.
Yeah.
78
00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:24,746
Oh, and, um, sorry about dry heaving
into your birthday present.
79
00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:27,207
- ♪ Happy birthday ♪
- ♪ Happy birthday ♪
80
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,834
♪ Happy birthday! ♪
81
00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:31,628
We're really bad at harmonizing.
82
00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:34,464
- Yes, we are. Next time.
- Yeah. We were supposed to do rehearsals.
83
00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:37,091
Mmm. The traditional
Scratchers and condoms.
84
00:03:37,091 --> 00:03:38,176
- Yeah.
- Yes.
85
00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:40,345
And then we're gonna go to Cricket's
and we're gonna party.
86
00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:43,056
- Except for you 'cause you can't drink.
- Sober on my birthday.
87
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,058
I just don't like the sound of it.
88
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:49,479
And actually, ladies, before festivities,
we have a paper to put out.
89
00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:52,732
So, uh, Nell, I have
your next obituary assignment.
90
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,317
Donna Hill.
91
00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:56,361
Looks like she was an editor
at this very newspaper.
92
00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:57,737
- Ooh, my girl was feisty.
- Mmm.
93
00:03:57,737 --> 00:04:00,406
Could we just wait a day on Donna?
There's so much going on,
94
00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:02,033
- and it's my birthday.
- And sent.
95
00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:05,245
My birthday was on the day
the Berlin Wall fell.
96
00:04:05,828 --> 00:04:08,748
I downed a hefeweizen and kept on writing.
97
00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:10,375
Ah!
98
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:11,876
What?
99
00:04:13,711 --> 00:04:14,796
Hello, Father.
100
00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:17,632
Ah, look at you
in your little cute power suit.
101
00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:19,175
Like you're Diane Sawyer.
102
00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:21,719
Hey, Olaf, how would I look
with Sawyer shoulders?
103
00:04:21,719 --> 00:04:24,180
Uh, it's come to my attention
that you're selling the paper.
104
00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:25,848
Argh, isn't it wonderful?
105
00:04:25,848 --> 00:04:29,143
I was so worried we'd have to go down
with this sinking ship.
106
00:04:29,143 --> 00:04:32,647
But I was able to knock off
a couple women and children
107
00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:34,732
out of the last lifeboat out of here.
108
00:04:34,732 --> 00:04:36,859
Hey, uh, Olaf, a little looser here, huh?
109
00:04:36,859 --> 00:04:39,237
Let's, uh, let the stooges breathe.
Mm-hmm.
110
00:04:40,196 --> 00:04:43,074
It's just all happening so fast.
111
00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:45,285
Well, you know,
you gotta strike while the iron is hot.
112
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:46,411
I'm just not sure--
113
00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:48,162
I don't want you
to worry, okay?
114
00:04:48,162 --> 00:04:50,873
I got you the paper just so
you'd have something to do,
115
00:04:50,873 --> 00:04:52,792
but I'll make sure you're taken care of.
116
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:54,919
You'll be fine. And you're welcome.
117
00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:58,965
Thank you.
118
00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:03,177
Ow. Okay. Olaf, I'm here for tailoring,
not a vasectomy.
119
00:05:03,177 --> 00:05:05,346
I started as a paperboy.
120
00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:09,642
Yeah, that's right, I said "paperboy."
They didn't have paper girls.
121
00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:13,688
Put my hair under a cap
and a rolled-up sock in my pants.
122
00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:15,815
And I called myself Donny.
123
00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:17,191
Are you taking notes?
124
00:05:17,191 --> 00:05:19,610
I'm sorry, Donna.
It's just a weird day.
125
00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:22,697
Found out that, uh,
they're going to sell the paper.
126
00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:24,532
What?
127
00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:26,284
Oh, come on.
128
00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:28,953
This place is an institution.
129
00:05:28,953 --> 00:05:31,247
I worked here for decades.
130
00:05:31,247 --> 00:05:33,166
From Carter to Obama.
131
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:36,502
From IBM Selectric to Internet porn.
132
00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:40,715
Do you have any idea how many pairs
of nylons I went through here?
133
00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:41,841
Lots?
134
00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:43,760
But don't get them in a bunch, okay?
It might not even happen.
135
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,304
It will if those corporate buzzards
have any say.
136
00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:48,306
They wanna take over print journalism
137
00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:52,685
so they can line their pockets
and pick at the carcass of democracy.
138
00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:55,855
You can't let this happen.
139
00:05:56,939 --> 00:05:59,734
Okay, my bullpen dwellers.
140
00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:01,569
Everybody gather around, huh?
141
00:06:01,569 --> 00:06:04,405
I just want to address
some of the scuttlebutt
142
00:06:04,405 --> 00:06:07,200
that's been kind of swirling around
the office here.
143
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,743
What's happening? Where's Lexi?
144
00:06:08,743 --> 00:06:11,871
It is true, we are selling the paper.
145
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:15,708
But, please, rest assured
that your jobs will be safe.
146
00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:18,336
- Thank God.
- Or they won't be, right?
147
00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:20,671
I don't have a crystal ball, right?
148
00:06:20,671 --> 00:06:23,299
But this gentleman right here,
he would know.
149
00:06:23,299 --> 00:06:25,968
His name is, uh, Quentin Nelson.
150
00:06:25,968 --> 00:06:29,138
And he is
the corporate efficiency specialist
151
00:06:29,138 --> 00:06:35,395
who will be representing the company
who is buying, well, all of you.
152
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,897
So, uh, have fun, huh?
153
00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:45,071
Lexi was supposed to stop this.
154
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:47,407
Okay, let's not panic yet.
Maybe she's got a plan.
155
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,574
Well, I'm gonna find her.
156
00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:49,909
We're not gonna just sit here
157
00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:53,454
while some corporate buzzard
picks at the carcass of democracy.
158
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:58,501
Buzzards are actually quite essential to
the ecosystem and have excellent hearing.
159
00:06:58,501 --> 00:06:59,836
- Yeah.
- Just like me.
160
00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:03,005
Ooh, never tell the buzzards
they're buzzards.
161
00:07:03,005 --> 00:07:05,967
- Buzzards hate that.
- Mm-hmm.
162
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:10,596
Um, hello? What are you doing here?
163
00:07:10,596 --> 00:07:13,558
There's some corporate grim reaper
at the paper right now
164
00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:14,809
who's looking to cut jobs.
165
00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:17,603
Yes, I've heard. That's why
I've been working on something.
166
00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:20,690
Oh, okay. That's great.
You had me worried there for a second.
167
00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:22,984
I should have known
that you had a plan to save us.
168
00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:25,736
Let's just say all the pieces
are coming together.
169
00:07:25,736 --> 00:07:26,821
Hot damn.
170
00:07:27,321 --> 00:07:28,322
This is what you need.
171
00:07:28,322 --> 00:07:32,160
Get a bunch of women in a room
and watch things change.
172
00:07:33,327 --> 00:07:34,704
It's called Woofs and Catters.
173
00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:37,999
It's a board game you play with your pets.
Well, your dogs and cats, never birds.
174
00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:40,001
Maybe we are gonna need men.
175
00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:41,252
Just kidding.
176
00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:43,254
But this lady's a goner.
177
00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:44,839
{\an8}Is this what
you've been up to all morning?
178
00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:47,467
- Yep.
- Yes, and so creative.
179
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,552
It's really impressive artwork, babe.
180
00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:51,304
Thank you.
181
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:53,222
What do I do?
182
00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:57,727
Okay, she's [bleep] up.
183
00:07:59,687 --> 00:08:01,814
Dennis. Dennis.
184
00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:04,233
So I ran into that Quentin guy
in the break room,
185
00:08:04,233 --> 00:08:06,360
and I told him about
how great you are at your job.
186
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:09,280
He is tough, but I think I made
a really good case for you.
187
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,991
- Sammy, that is so sweet.
- No, it's not about sweetness, Dennis.
188
00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:13,493
- Oh.
- It is about saving your ass,
189
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,495
and you're about to go in there
and do the same for me.
190
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,872
Get in there and tell him
how amazing I am, you little bitch.
191
00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:19,707
- Oh. Okay.
- Let's go. We're moving.
192
00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:22,418
Hi. Hi. Yes, I don't think we've met.
193
00:08:22,418 --> 00:08:25,296
Dennis Simbeaux-Jones,
I'm the-- the metro editor.
194
00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:28,174
- Yes, Mr. Simbeaux-Jones.
- Yeah.
195
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,968
I was just adding
Ms. Holkar's comments to your file.
196
00:08:30,968 --> 00:08:35,014
And that is wonderful.
Sam is a incredible editor.
197
00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:38,601
I mean, if anyone has her finger on
the pulse of fashion, it's my girl.
198
00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:40,269
Mmm.
Okay.
199
00:08:41,729 --> 00:08:43,356
Sit down. Keep going.
200
00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:49,278
Um, also, she manages
to keep her work under wraps
201
00:08:49,278 --> 00:08:51,906
despite being
a newly divorced mother of two.
202
00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:52,990
That sounds difficult.
203
00:08:52,990 --> 00:08:57,203
I mean, when life kicks her down,
she just kicks right on back.
204
00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:58,329
Like Popeye.
205
00:08:58,329 --> 00:09:00,122
Except she doesn't eat spinach.
206
00:09:00,122 --> 00:09:01,832
I don't think
I've ever seen her eat spinach,
207
00:09:01,832 --> 00:09:03,626
but I know that she drinks wine.
208
00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:06,587
Are you insinuating
she has a drinking problem?
209
00:09:06,587 --> 00:09:09,090
I mean, sure, does she need
to take the edge off sometimes?
210
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:10,633
Yes. But, I mean, who doesn't?
211
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:11,884
- I don't.
- Me neither.
212
00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:15,263
And I-I-I don't ever drink,
which is why I sleep so well,
213
00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:17,348
but not Sam
because I think she's an insomniac.
214
00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:18,641
And, honestly, I'm just gonna--
215
00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:21,519
Oh, my God, Dennis!
Just grab this on the way out.
216
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:28,609
Nell, do you think
a precisely aimed laser pointer
217
00:09:28,609 --> 00:09:30,444
could convince a cat
to pick up a playing card?
218
00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:32,863
Yeah, yeah. It gets the cat to the card,
but then what?
219
00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:34,490
Also, this is ludicrous.
220
00:09:34,490 --> 00:09:37,577
Lexi, what happened with your dad?
Did you get to talk to him?
221
00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:41,122
You know, when I was eight years old,
222
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:42,582
I desperately wanted a dog.
223
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:45,585
But, of course, Father informed me
that canines aren't indoor creatures.
224
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:46,752
They're just for duck hunting
225
00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:48,629
and delivering brandy
to avalanche survivors.
226
00:09:48,629 --> 00:09:50,381
So instead, he bought me a horse
227
00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:52,508
because at least that could take me
to the Olympics.
228
00:09:52,508 --> 00:09:55,845
You see, my father has this way
of taking away my dreams
229
00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:59,223
but then replacing them with something
else I apparently want just as much.
230
00:09:59,223 --> 00:10:00,725
So you didn't talk him?
231
00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:03,394
Nell, it's okay. I'm going to be fine.
232
00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:05,104
I have a very large savings.
233
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:07,648
And a very rational prototype
for Woofs and Catters.
234
00:10:07,648 --> 00:10:11,152
Oh, I see. So the important thing
is that you're going to land on your feet.
235
00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:12,236
Exactly.
236
00:10:12,236 --> 00:10:16,532
Much like cats, who again are
the target audience for Woofs and Catters.
237
00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:21,871
Well, she's not gonna help
keep the buzzards at bay.
238
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:27,293
It's time for you to put on
your big girl nylons and go save your job.
239
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:29,712
Can you spare some milk, Nell?
240
00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:32,006
How adorable.
241
00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:36,677
When you first asked me to speak to your
niece's business class, I was flattered.
242
00:10:36,677 --> 00:10:40,723
But then I got suspicious
once my GPS led me to a wine bar.
243
00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:42,016
I--
244
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,018
Should've trusted my gut.
245
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:47,355
Well, I was just worried
that if I told you it was my birthday,
246
00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:48,439
you wouldn't come.
247
00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:50,483
And we'd miss out on Quentin,
life of the party.
248
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,693
Hmm. Only if it's an analytics party.
249
00:10:52,693 --> 00:10:55,696
By the way, ain't no party
like an analytics party.
250
00:10:55,696 --> 00:10:57,698
- I'll take your word for it.
- I know what you're doing.
251
00:10:57,698 --> 00:10:58,908
You're trying to butter me up.
252
00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:02,411
Butter? What? [scoffs] No.
253
00:11:02,411 --> 00:11:04,580
Let's get you a drink, Q-dawg. Cricket!
254
00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:07,833
Nicknames create an informal
atmosphere that I find inappropriate.
255
00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:10,461
"Q-dawg." "Q-dawg."
256
00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:12,838
Hello, birthday girl.
257
00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:16,634
Now listen, I want you to forget
all about that dumb work nonsense
258
00:11:16,634 --> 00:11:18,886
and that corporate suit
that's got the stick stuck up--
259
00:11:18,886 --> 00:11:21,347
Cricket. Cricket, uh, this is Quentin.
260
00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:25,101
He is the guy who decides
who gets to keep their job at the paper.
261
00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:26,894
- Isn't that impressive?
- Yes.
262
00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:29,605
Actually, my title is
Corporate Efficiency Specialist,
263
00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:30,940
but I don't like to brag.
264
00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:33,526
Well, you didn't.
But you know what I'm hearing?
265
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,069
This is for you.
266
00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:39,323
Really shouldn't drink at a work function.
267
00:11:39,323 --> 00:11:41,701
Oh. Well, lucky for you,
it's my birthday. Yay.
268
00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:43,244
Get it, Q-dawg.
269
00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:44,537
Q-dawg.
270
00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:48,791
Let me go get you some more wine.
271
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:52,002
Don't worry.
I will talk to Quentin and fix this.
272
00:11:52,002 --> 00:11:53,504
You better, okay?
273
00:11:53,504 --> 00:11:54,755
I need a drink.
274
00:11:54,755 --> 00:11:58,968
Oh. Uh, maybe don't get a drink yet.
He kinda thinks you're an alcoholic.
275
00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:01,220
- You spoke to him for 30 seconds.
- I know.
276
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:02,430
Ugh.
277
00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:06,100
Oh, my God. What is he doing?
278
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:08,853
He is rubbing his hair
and sniffing his hands.
279
00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:09,937
What does that even mean?
280
00:12:10,604 --> 00:12:12,356
I don't know.
Maybe he's talking about your hair
281
00:12:12,356 --> 00:12:13,607
and that it smells like coconuts?
282
00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:17,153
Am I a calculator?
Because all your problems are solved.
283
00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:18,487
Really?
Yes.
284
00:12:18,487 --> 00:12:20,865
There's just a couple little,
teensy-weensy, insignificant details
285
00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:22,575
- you'd wanna know about yourself.
- Great.
286
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,202
You once donated a kidney,
you saved Dolly Parton from a fire,
287
00:12:25,202 --> 00:12:27,538
- and you won Survivor.
- Which season?
288
00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:29,457
- Sixteen?
- I hate 16.
289
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:34,920
All right. [gasps] For my new friend
and broseph in business.
290
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,714
Is this a bribe?
No.
291
00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:39,759
It is simply just
the most expensive flight of wine.
292
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:43,179
And there's more where that came from
'cause I stole my daddy's AmEx.
293
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:44,805
Ah, you made it.
294
00:12:44,805 --> 00:12:47,099
- I did. Happy birthday.
- Thank you.
295
00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:48,601
I bet this wasn't the party you intended.
296
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,561
Well, I didn't think that
my guest of honor
297
00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:54,398
would be the man who might take our jobs,
but all good, you know?
298
00:12:54,398 --> 00:12:57,651
I'm gonna take this hefty glass
of cabernet over there...
299
00:12:57,651 --> 00:12:59,445
- Ooh.
- ...and I'm gonna talk myself up to Quentin.
300
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:02,198
And once I've locked myself in, I'll wave
you over and you can take a crack at him.
301
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:04,366
Okay. But I'm telling him
it's my birthday too.
302
00:13:04,366 --> 00:13:06,285
- Tricky.
- Mmm.
303
00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:09,497
And they said that I'm only legally
allowed to have three cats.
304
00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:11,707
Mason,
your father's here and he looks pissed.
305
00:13:11,707 --> 00:13:13,000
Oh, damn it.
306
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:14,627
I'm so grounded.
307
00:13:16,086 --> 00:13:17,171
- Hey.
- Hi.
308
00:13:17,171 --> 00:13:20,257
That adorable "man-baby"
was so nice to me.
309
00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:23,052
He gave me four glasses of wine,
and I drank them quick.
310
00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:26,263
Okay. Raggedy Ann
loosened the screw for you.
311
00:13:26,263 --> 00:13:28,766
But this guy is wound up so tight.
312
00:13:28,766 --> 00:13:31,560
You're gonna have to be strong
and really sell yourself.
313
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:34,897
Look, uh, I'm just gonna level with you,
my guy.
314
00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:39,151
You're here to evaluate our job, and I'm
here to tell you why the paper needs me.
315
00:13:39,151 --> 00:13:40,778
Yes. Preach.
316
00:13:41,445 --> 00:13:45,950
I am a strong female journalist who
brings important stories to my readers.
317
00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:47,117
Uh-huh. Sing it.
318
00:13:47,117 --> 00:13:50,830
- Stories of famous people, common people.
- Okay, we're losing him.
319
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,665
- You better pivot. Pivot.
- Uh--
320
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,835
I started off as a paperboy.
That's right, you heard me. Paperboy.
321
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:58,921
I had a sock in my pants and some pants
in my shoes and I called myself Bonnie.
322
00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:00,548
Okay. You really butchered that.
323
00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:02,216
I really hear you, my guy,
324
00:14:02,216 --> 00:14:04,552
but after today's assessment
and based on the numbers,
325
00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:07,429
Q-dawg was forced to recommend
that they nuke and pave the place.
326
00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:09,598
- Nuke and pave?
- No, no, no, no, no.
327
00:14:09,598 --> 00:14:11,600
That's where they sell
the paper for parts.
328
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:12,893
Nuke...
329
00:14:12,893 --> 00:14:14,979
...and pave.
330
00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:17,815
Was that really insensitive
or just really good noises?
331
00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:20,401
I don't drink a lot. Oops.
Well, pee's in the pipeline.
332
00:14:20,401 --> 00:14:22,319
Gotta go. Gotta back this thing up.
333
00:14:27,783 --> 00:14:29,743
Go after him. Follow him to the bathroom.
334
00:14:29,743 --> 00:14:32,121
I'm not going to watch a man pee.
335
00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:34,248
You cannot let this go on.
336
00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:36,292
The world needs reporters.
337
00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:39,420
We are the truth,
and we shine a light in the darkness.
338
00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:42,798
- Look, I tried--
- We are the keepers of a free society.
339
00:14:42,798 --> 00:14:44,425
I tried my best, but--
340
00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:47,428
Okay. You might wanna put on
some earphones because you look crazy.
341
00:14:47,428 --> 00:14:50,222
I always look crazy, don't I? I just--
I--
342
00:14:50,222 --> 00:14:51,473
Can't find your earphones?
343
00:14:51,473 --> 00:14:53,559
No, I didn't know you were coming tonight!
344
00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:55,728
Party.
345
00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:01,191
If reporters tell the truth, here's mine:
my job is gone.
346
00:15:01,191 --> 00:15:02,902
I broke up with a perfectly nice guy
over there
347
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:05,237
because I was gonna freeze my eggs,
and now I can't even afford it.
348
00:15:05,237 --> 00:15:06,363
So, you wanna know what?
349
00:15:06,363 --> 00:15:11,118
I don't wanna talk to you anymore
because I'm turning 39 years old
350
00:15:11,118 --> 00:15:13,412
and in my free society,
I get to get hammered on my birthday.
351
00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:15,080
Mmm.
352
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,875
Yeah. That was a great day.
353
00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:19,084
Thank you.
354
00:15:20,544 --> 00:15:22,671
Hey there, buddy.
I thought you were off the sauce.
355
00:15:22,671 --> 00:15:24,256
- Everything okay?
- You know what?
356
00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:26,467
- I don't wanna talk about it.
- I don't wanna hear about it.
357
00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:28,427
- I like your attitude.
- I like your attitude.
358
00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:30,429
- Do you wanna do some shots?
- It is my birthday.
359
00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:31,805
Two shots!
360
00:15:31,805 --> 00:15:32,890
Jinx.
361
00:15:34,224 --> 00:15:36,769
♪ Hey ho, let's go! ♪
362
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,729
♪ They're forming in straight line ♪
363
00:15:41,315 --> 00:15:42,650
Let's go!
364
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:45,736
No!
365
00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:47,571
No.
366
00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:49,740
- No.
- Yeah!
367
00:16:05,547 --> 00:16:06,632
Oh, no.
368
00:16:14,598 --> 00:16:16,976
- Good morning.
- Hello.
369
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,310
So sorry to ask this,
370
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:21,355
but while I muster up the energy
to move any of my limbs...
371
00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:23,899
- Mm-hmm.
- ...what exactly happened last night?
372
00:16:26,276 --> 00:16:29,989
♪ There's a stranger in my bed
There's a pounding in my head ♪
373
00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:33,701
♪ Pink flamingos in the pool ♪
374
00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:38,998
♪ It's a blacked out blur
But I'm pretty sure it ruled ♪
375
00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:42,292
♪ Last Friday night ♪
376
00:16:42,292 --> 00:16:46,088
♪ Yeah, we danced on tabletops
And we took too many shots ♪
377
00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:49,842
♪ Think we kissed
But I forgot last Friday night ♪
378
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:52,344
♪ Yeah, we maxed our credit cards
And got-- ♪
379
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:55,180
Is that Adele?
380
00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:56,932
♪ Last Friday night ♪
381
00:16:56,932 --> 00:16:59,143
♪ Yeah, we danced on tabletops-- ♪
382
00:16:59,143 --> 00:17:00,269
It's my pie.
383
00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:01,979
- Pie.
- Yes.
384
00:17:01,979 --> 00:17:03,814
Oprah came up
with this life goal pie thing.
385
00:17:03,814 --> 00:17:06,275
Sorry, that wasn't a question,
it was a statement. Pie.
386
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:08,652
- We should get pie.
- Yes.
387
00:17:08,652 --> 00:17:11,447
Everyone always hates me at my jobs.
388
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:13,699
Even you called me a corporate buzzard.
389
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:15,367
Oh. Buzzards can be good.
390
00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:16,952
They use the whole carcass, you know?
391
00:17:16,952 --> 00:17:20,622
This terrible job has had me living
out of hotels for the last two years.
392
00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:23,584
I don't even remember what
a full-size shampoo bottle looks like.
393
00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:25,377
Do you even need shampoo?
394
00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:29,089
Could I stay the night here with you
completely clothed while you hold me?
395
00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:31,258
- Uh--
- I can't go back to the DoubleTree
396
00:17:31,258 --> 00:17:33,135
next to the freeway tonight.
397
00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:35,763
♪ But this Friday night ♪
398
00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:40,642
If nothing happened between us,
why do I feel so dirty?
399
00:17:41,351 --> 00:17:42,936
There's still pie in my bed.
400
00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:44,104
- Ah.
- Mmm.
401
00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:46,607
- I should go.
- Great idea.
402
00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:47,691
- Hmm.
- Yeah.
403
00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:54,782
I told you to go after him.
404
00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:56,992
Didn't know you'd go
all the way after him.
405
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:02,039
I didn't sleep with him.
I slept next to his weeping form.
406
00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:08,087
You know, as an editor, it's my job
to push my writers to do their best work.
407
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:11,423
But when a writer
is doubting their strength,
408
00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:14,259
it's my job to boost them up.
409
00:18:14,259 --> 00:18:15,803
Yeah, I'll take a boosting.
410
00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:19,556
Nell, when you get ready
to write an obituary,
411
00:18:20,057 --> 00:18:23,018
do you look at the person's life
in little pieces,
412
00:18:23,018 --> 00:18:24,520
or do you look at the whole story?
413
00:18:25,562 --> 00:18:27,439
- The second one.
- Exactly.
414
00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:30,567
It's a journalist's job
to write the whole story.
415
00:18:30,567 --> 00:18:33,654
Now, if I were gonna write your obituary,
I would say,
416
00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:38,158
"Yes, life keeps kicking Nell Serrano
in the front dumper.
417
00:18:38,158 --> 00:18:41,245
Her career is stalled.
Her love life sucks."
418
00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:42,871
I don't like your literary style.
419
00:18:42,871 --> 00:18:48,669
"But she's strong. She faces things
head-on and keeps moving."
420
00:18:48,669 --> 00:18:52,673
Now, not everyone can say that
about themselves.
421
00:18:57,511 --> 00:19:00,013
{\an8}Hey, you.
Still working on Woofs and Catters?
422
00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:01,098
I've hit a snag.
423
00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:02,975
It turns out dogs can't roll dice.
424
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,268
Can they paw a spinner?
425
00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:06,145
Well, where were you six hours ago?
426
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:08,147
Ah, you don't wanna know.
427
00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:11,275
Hey, Lexi. I've wanted to say I'm sorry.
428
00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:14,486
I shouldn't have pushed you to confront
your dad before you were ready.
429
00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:16,238
No, I'm the one who should apologize.
430
00:19:16,905 --> 00:19:17,990
I've let everyone down.
431
00:19:18,907 --> 00:19:20,826
And it's a shame because I've--
432
00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:24,079
I've grown to like and actually care
about everyone at the paper.
433
00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:25,998
Even Tina with her warm salads
434
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:27,916
- and you with your poor posture.
- Mmm.
435
00:19:27,916 --> 00:19:30,043
Look, if you wanna sit here
436
00:19:30,043 --> 00:19:34,256
and work on Woofs and Catters
for the next month, I'll sit with you.
437
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:35,465
But I--
438
00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:39,928
I don't know. I think that you have
some unresolved feelings
439
00:19:39,928 --> 00:19:43,056
and maybe you need to have
that chat with your dad.
440
00:19:43,056 --> 00:19:45,475
We don't talk about feelings, okay?
441
00:19:45,475 --> 00:19:48,395
In our family,
that's just a sign of being weak.
442
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:50,814
You are the strongest person I know.
443
00:19:50,814 --> 00:19:52,482
Actually, you're somewhat terrifying.
444
00:19:52,482 --> 00:19:54,234
Oh, Nell,
you're just being nice because I'm sad.
445
00:19:54,234 --> 00:19:55,819
No, you scare the crap out of me.
446
00:19:55,819 --> 00:19:57,070
- Really?
- Yeah.
447
00:19:58,238 --> 00:20:00,199
And this is not about me or the job,
448
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,784
but I think you have something to say
to your dad and you should say it
449
00:20:02,784 --> 00:20:03,911
and he should listen.
450
00:20:04,494 --> 00:20:05,704
You deserve that.
451
00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:10,334
Thank you, Nell.
452
00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:12,544
Just one thing:
453
00:20:12,544 --> 00:20:14,463
You're going to wanna monitor Arthur's
bowel movements
454
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:16,381
quite carefully
over the next several days.
455
00:20:16,381 --> 00:20:19,051
I fear he may have ingested
more than a few dice.
456
00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:21,553
In fact, I'm certain of it.
457
00:20:23,847 --> 00:20:25,265
Huh? Arthur?
458
00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:32,898
Hmm.
459
00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:34,858
Any good snacks in there?
460
00:20:34,858 --> 00:20:40,072
You know, like those little cottage cheese
cups you could squeeze your own fruit in?
461
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:41,281
Oh, I love those.
462
00:20:42,282 --> 00:20:44,326
- What are you doing in the break room?
- I don't know.
463
00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:47,162
I just thought
I'd take one last look around.
464
00:20:47,746 --> 00:20:50,666
- Did Lexi talk to you?
- No. I haven't seen her.
465
00:20:52,292 --> 00:20:55,170
You know, Mr. Rhodes...
...I gotta give it to you.
466
00:20:55,170 --> 00:20:58,340
You sell the paper,
you put everybody's job in jeopardy,
467
00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:00,008
and you're not even fazed by it.
468
00:21:00,008 --> 00:21:03,887
To be honest, I don't know how
you live with yourself.
469
00:21:03,887 --> 00:21:06,765
You know, there's one thing
I learned in business, Nell,
470
00:21:06,765 --> 00:21:10,477
and that's that, uh, everything ends.
471
00:21:10,477 --> 00:21:12,187
Huh. Mmm.
472
00:21:12,187 --> 00:21:13,146
Everything.
473
00:21:13,146 --> 00:21:14,606
- Mmm.
- Nell, did you hear?
474
00:21:15,899 --> 00:21:18,193
Mr. Rhodes collapsed.
He's being rushed to the hospital.
475
00:21:22,906 --> 00:21:24,950
Well, I guess it's too late for me
476
00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:27,244
to get one of those
cottage cheese cups.
477
00:21:28,328 --> 00:21:29,329
Oh.
478
00:21:32,374 --> 00:21:34,084
I have my doubts about this too.
479
00:21:34,084 --> 00:21:35,961
There's a lot of places
we'd rather be right now,
480
00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:39,756
but Lexi asked us to test this game out,
so let's keep going.
481
00:21:40,674 --> 00:21:42,175
All right. Kevin, you're up.
482
00:21:43,260 --> 00:21:45,304
Bodhi, couldn't you have
done that before we got here?
483
00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:47,180
Do you see me showering
in the middle of the game?
484
00:21:47,180 --> 00:21:49,057
Kevin, it's your turn, bud.
485
00:21:49,057 --> 00:21:50,517
I'll do it.
486
00:21:50,517 --> 00:21:52,102
Ooh, five spaces.
487
00:21:52,894 --> 00:21:56,648
One woof, two woofs,
three woof, four woof, five woof.
488
00:21:56,648 --> 00:22:00,068
{\an8}Fire Hydrant Lane, which means
you draw a card, which I will do.
489
00:22:00,652 --> 00:22:03,572
{\an8}It says, "Who's a good boy?"
490
00:22:03,572 --> 00:22:07,034
{\an8}I presume that means you
and to give you five kibble snacks.
491
00:22:07,034 --> 00:22:10,454
{\an8}One, two, three, four, five.
492
00:22:10,454 --> 00:22:12,122
{\an8}Here you go, buddy.
Nope, that was for Kevin.
493
00:22:12,122 --> 00:22:14,541
{\an8}This is a barking nightmare.
494
00:22:14,541 --> 00:22:17,919
{\an8}Oh, come on, Bodhi. Don't be like that.
495
00:22:18,628 --> 00:22:19,963
Arthur, you were right
496
00:22:19,963 --> 00:22:21,631
{\an8}to sit this round out.