1 00:00:05,755 --> 00:00:07,090 Come on in, roomie. 2 00:00:07,924 --> 00:00:09,634 - You're in a good mood. - Mm-hmm. 3 00:00:09,634 --> 00:00:12,220 Are you doing one of your drugs and finger painting Groupons again? 4 00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:13,471 It was wine and watercolors. 5 00:00:13,471 --> 00:00:16,391 And, no, I'm making my first life pie chart. 6 00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:18,184 Found it in an old Oprah Magazine. 7 00:00:18,184 --> 00:00:21,229 Every slice represents a different aspect of your life. 8 00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:23,398 I've wanted to make one every year on my birthday, 9 00:00:23,398 --> 00:00:26,151 except this year is the first time I actually have every slice. 10 00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:28,069 And so it's not a depressing empty circle. 11 00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:30,321 - It's your birthday? - Yes. 12 00:00:30,321 --> 00:00:31,990 Thank you for remembering. 13 00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:33,491 - So before you ask-- - I wasn't going to. 14 00:00:33,491 --> 00:00:35,285 First up, the friendship slice. 15 00:00:35,285 --> 00:00:37,579 Congratulations, you're a part of that one. 16 00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:39,414 It's an honor to be part of your weird pie. 17 00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:41,958 Then the romance slice, which didn't totally work out with TJ. 18 00:00:41,958 --> 00:00:43,877 But that's because of the family slice, 19 00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:47,172 which I'm supes excited about because I will be freezing my eggs. 20 00:00:47,172 --> 00:00:49,591 It won't be cheap, but I will narrowly be able to afford it 21 00:00:49,591 --> 00:00:51,426 due to the tiny but mighty work-- 22 00:00:51,426 --> 00:00:53,386 - Are you still listening? - I haven't started. 23 00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:56,556 Nell, I need to talk to you about something... [sighs] ...in the living room. 24 00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:59,684 Ah. Surprise birthday gift. 25 00:01:00,477 --> 00:01:02,437 Come on, Edward. Just get on with it. 26 00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:05,648 I'd rather not sit here doing chitchat when we could be doing what, what. 27 00:01:05,648 --> 00:01:07,609 There's something I need to tell 28 00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:08,693 - both of you. - Mm-hmm. 29 00:01:08,693 --> 00:01:10,028 - Would you... - Oh. 30 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:14,491 So I've been going back and forth for a couple of days on who to tell first. 31 00:01:14,991 --> 00:01:17,535 Nell, even though you have about as much restraint 32 00:01:17,535 --> 00:01:19,496 - around my snacks as a howler monkey... - Thank you. 33 00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:21,581 ...we have become very close friends. 34 00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:24,834 And, Lexi. My lover. 35 00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:26,753 My muse. 36 00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:29,422 You have awakened parts of my body I haven't even-- 37 00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:31,132 Not on my birthday, yeah? 38 00:01:31,132 --> 00:01:32,217 Thank you. 39 00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:34,511 For those aforementioned reasons, 40 00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,805 I thought I could just tell you both at the same time. 41 00:01:40,642 --> 00:01:42,560 Duncan is selling the newspaper. 42 00:01:56,157 --> 00:01:57,659 Are you done screaming? 43 00:01:57,659 --> 00:01:59,077 - Wait, that was me? - Mm-hmm. 44 00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:00,745 - I thought it was you. - Is she done yelling? 45 00:02:00,745 --> 00:02:03,289 {\an8}Yeah. So wait, what does this mean? 46 00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:06,543 {\an8}I mean, who is he gonna sell it to? Another owner or a syndicate? 47 00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:09,212 {\an8}I don't know. There was just a bunch of people and they were wearing suits. 48 00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:11,005 {\an8}And there was paperwork and there was handshaking 49 00:02:11,005 --> 00:02:12,715 {\an8}and there was grumblings about newspaper sales. 50 00:02:12,715 --> 00:02:14,926 {\an8}Lexi, you-- you have to talk to your dad. 51 00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:16,427 {\an8}You gotta get him to stop this. 52 00:02:16,427 --> 00:02:19,097 {\an8}Of course. I'll have my lawyer contact Father's lawyer. 53 00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:20,348 {\an8}That's how we plan Christmas. 54 00:02:20,348 --> 00:02:23,852 {\an8}No, you have to talk to him yourself. You're-- He's your dad. 55 00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:25,937 {\an8}You gotta just tell him, "Hey, I don't want you to do this. 56 00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:29,482 {\an8}I don't want you to sell it." You know? This is important. My pie is on the line. 57 00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:30,859 {\an8}Are you never not hungry? 58 00:02:31,901 --> 00:02:34,320 {\an8}Doesn't matter. Just put on your most powerful power suit. 59 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,531 {\an8}The pinstripe one. The one with the shoulders. 60 00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:37,866 {\an8}It makes you look like Lady Capone. 61 00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:41,161 {\an8}Huh, I usually save that one for depositions or the funerals of my enemies, 62 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,204 {\an8}but I'm on it. 63 00:02:43,204 --> 00:02:45,748 {\an8}All right. This is gonna be fine. Everything's gonna work out great. 64 00:02:45,748 --> 00:02:47,542 {\an8}We all just need to remain calm. 65 00:02:48,042 --> 00:02:50,503 {\an8}How are we supposed to remain calm? We are all gonna lose our jobs. 66 00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:51,880 {\an8}Okay, not necessarily. 67 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:54,966 {\an8}That's true. A friend of mine in San Francisco whose paper was bought out, 68 00:02:54,966 --> 00:02:58,928 {\an8}it actually made more money, created more jobs and everybody was way happier. 69 00:02:58,928 --> 00:03:00,096 {\an8}- See? - Yeah. 70 00:03:00,096 --> 00:03:03,641 {\an8}Okay. No! No! I have kids. 71 00:03:03,641 --> 00:03:07,312 {\an8}Look, it hasn't happened yet, and it might not, okay? 72 00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:09,898 {\an8}Lexi's gonna talk to Duncan and get him to stop the sale. 73 00:03:10,398 --> 00:03:12,150 {\an8}Lexi should be back anytime now. 74 00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:15,153 Well, see, that's great. Because Lexi, she gets what she wants. 75 00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:17,113 {\an8}She got the pope to attend her wedding. 76 00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,449 {\an8}- He got her a toaster. - That's cheap. 77 00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:20,992 Mmm. Yeah. 78 00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:24,746 Oh, and, um, sorry about dry heaving into your birthday present. 79 00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:27,207 - ♪ Happy birthday ♪ - ♪ Happy birthday ♪ 80 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,834 ♪ Happy birthday! ♪ 81 00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:31,628 We're really bad at harmonizing. 82 00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:34,464 - Yes, we are. Next time. - Yeah. We were supposed to do rehearsals. 83 00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:37,091 Mmm. The traditional Scratchers and condoms. 84 00:03:37,091 --> 00:03:38,176 - Yeah. - Yes. 85 00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:40,345 And then we're gonna go to Cricket's and we're gonna party. 86 00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:43,056 - Except for you 'cause you can't drink. - Sober on my birthday. 87 00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,058 I just don't like the sound of it. 88 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:49,479 And actually, ladies, before festivities, we have a paper to put out. 89 00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:52,732 So, uh, Nell, I have your next obituary assignment. 90 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,317 Donna Hill. 91 00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:56,361 Looks like she was an editor at this very newspaper. 92 00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:57,737 - Ooh, my girl was feisty. - Mmm. 93 00:03:57,737 --> 00:04:00,406 Could we just wait a day on Donna? There's so much going on, 94 00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:02,033 - and it's my birthday. - And sent. 95 00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:05,245 My birthday was on the day the Berlin Wall fell. 96 00:04:05,828 --> 00:04:08,748 I downed a hefeweizen and kept on writing. 97 00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:10,375 Ah! 98 00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:11,876 What? 99 00:04:13,711 --> 00:04:14,796 Hello, Father. 100 00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:17,632 Ah, look at you in your little cute power suit. 101 00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:19,175 Like you're Diane Sawyer. 102 00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:21,719 Hey, Olaf, how would I look with Sawyer shoulders? 103 00:04:21,719 --> 00:04:24,180 Uh, it's come to my attention that you're selling the paper. 104 00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:25,848 Argh, isn't it wonderful? 105 00:04:25,848 --> 00:04:29,143 I was so worried we'd have to go down with this sinking ship. 106 00:04:29,143 --> 00:04:32,647 But I was able to knock off a couple women and children 107 00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:34,732 out of the last lifeboat out of here. 108 00:04:34,732 --> 00:04:36,859 Hey, uh, Olaf, a little looser here, huh? 109 00:04:36,859 --> 00:04:39,237 Let's, uh, let the stooges breathe. Mm-hmm. 110 00:04:40,196 --> 00:04:43,074 It's just all happening so fast. 111 00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:45,285 Well, you know, you gotta strike while the iron is hot. 112 00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:46,411 I'm just not sure-- 113 00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:48,162 I don't want you to worry, okay? 114 00:04:48,162 --> 00:04:50,873 I got you the paper just so you'd have something to do, 115 00:04:50,873 --> 00:04:52,792 but I'll make sure you're taken care of. 116 00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:54,919 You'll be fine. And you're welcome. 117 00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:58,965 Thank you. 118 00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:03,177 Ow. Okay. Olaf, I'm here for tailoring, not a vasectomy. 119 00:05:03,177 --> 00:05:05,346 I started as a paperboy. 120 00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:09,642 Yeah, that's right, I said "paperboy." They didn't have paper girls. 121 00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:13,688 Put my hair under a cap and a rolled-up sock in my pants. 122 00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:15,815 And I called myself Donny. 123 00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:17,191 Are you taking notes? 124 00:05:17,191 --> 00:05:19,610 I'm sorry, Donna. It's just a weird day. 125 00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:22,697 Found out that, uh, they're going to sell the paper. 126 00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:24,532 What? 127 00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:26,284 Oh, come on. 128 00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:28,953 This place is an institution. 129 00:05:28,953 --> 00:05:31,247 I worked here for decades. 130 00:05:31,247 --> 00:05:33,166 From Carter to Obama. 131 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:36,502 From IBM Selectric to Internet porn. 132 00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:40,715 Do you have any idea how many pairs of nylons I went through here? 133 00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:41,841 Lots? 134 00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:43,760 But don't get them in a bunch, okay? It might not even happen. 135 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,304 It will if those corporate buzzards have any say. 136 00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:48,306 They wanna take over print journalism 137 00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:52,685 so they can line their pockets and pick at the carcass of democracy. 138 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:55,855 You can't let this happen. 139 00:05:56,939 --> 00:05:59,734 Okay, my bullpen dwellers. 140 00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:01,569 Everybody gather around, huh? 141 00:06:01,569 --> 00:06:04,405 I just want to address some of the scuttlebutt 142 00:06:04,405 --> 00:06:07,200 that's been kind of swirling around the office here. 143 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,743 What's happening? Where's Lexi? 144 00:06:08,743 --> 00:06:11,871 It is true, we are selling the paper. 145 00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:15,708 But, please, rest assured that your jobs will be safe. 146 00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:18,336 - Thank God. - Or they won't be, right? 147 00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:20,671 I don't have a crystal ball, right? 148 00:06:20,671 --> 00:06:23,299 But this gentleman right here, he would know. 149 00:06:23,299 --> 00:06:25,968 His name is, uh, Quentin Nelson. 150 00:06:25,968 --> 00:06:29,138 And he is the corporate efficiency specialist 151 00:06:29,138 --> 00:06:35,395 who will be representing the company who is buying, well, all of you. 152 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,897 So, uh, have fun, huh? 153 00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:45,071 Lexi was supposed to stop this. 154 00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:47,407 Okay, let's not panic yet. Maybe she's got a plan. 155 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,574 Well, I'm gonna find her. 156 00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:49,909 We're not gonna just sit here 157 00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:53,454 while some corporate buzzard picks at the carcass of democracy. 158 00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:58,501 Buzzards are actually quite essential to the ecosystem and have excellent hearing. 159 00:06:58,501 --> 00:06:59,836 - Yeah. - Just like me. 160 00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:03,005 Ooh, never tell the buzzards they're buzzards. 161 00:07:03,005 --> 00:07:05,967 - Buzzards hate that. - Mm-hmm. 162 00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:10,596 Um, hello? What are you doing here? 163 00:07:10,596 --> 00:07:13,558 There's some corporate grim reaper at the paper right now 164 00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:14,809 who's looking to cut jobs. 165 00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:17,603 Yes, I've heard. That's why I've been working on something. 166 00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:20,690 Oh, okay. That's great. You had me worried there for a second. 167 00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:22,984 I should have known that you had a plan to save us. 168 00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:25,736 Let's just say all the pieces are coming together. 169 00:07:25,736 --> 00:07:26,821 Hot damn. 170 00:07:27,321 --> 00:07:28,322 This is what you need. 171 00:07:28,322 --> 00:07:32,160 Get a bunch of women in a room and watch things change. 172 00:07:33,327 --> 00:07:34,704 It's called Woofs and Catters. 173 00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:37,999 It's a board game you play with your pets. Well, your dogs and cats, never birds. 174 00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:40,001 Maybe we are gonna need men. 175 00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:41,252 Just kidding. 176 00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:43,254 But this lady's a goner. 177 00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:44,839 {\an8}Is this what you've been up to all morning? 178 00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:47,467 - Yep. - Yes, and so creative. 179 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,552 It's really impressive artwork, babe. 180 00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:51,304 Thank you. 181 00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:53,222 What do I do? 182 00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:57,727 Okay, she's [bleep] up. 183 00:07:59,687 --> 00:08:01,814 Dennis. Dennis. 184 00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:04,233 So I ran into that Quentin guy in the break room, 185 00:08:04,233 --> 00:08:06,360 and I told him about how great you are at your job. 186 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:09,280 He is tough, but I think I made a really good case for you. 187 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,991 - Sammy, that is so sweet. - No, it's not about sweetness, Dennis. 188 00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:13,493 - Oh. - It is about saving your ass, 189 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,495 and you're about to go in there and do the same for me. 190 00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,872 Get in there and tell him how amazing I am, you little bitch. 191 00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:19,707 - Oh. Okay. - Let's go. We're moving. 192 00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:22,418 Hi. Hi. Yes, I don't think we've met. 193 00:08:22,418 --> 00:08:25,296 Dennis Simbeaux-Jones, I'm the-- the metro editor. 194 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:28,174 - Yes, Mr. Simbeaux-Jones. - Yeah. 195 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,968 I was just adding Ms. Holkar's comments to your file. 196 00:08:30,968 --> 00:08:35,014 And that is wonderful. Sam is a incredible editor. 197 00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:38,601 I mean, if anyone has her finger on the pulse of fashion, it's my girl. 198 00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:40,269 Mmm. Okay. 199 00:08:41,729 --> 00:08:43,356 Sit down. Keep going. 200 00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:49,278 Um, also, she manages to keep her work under wraps 201 00:08:49,278 --> 00:08:51,906 despite being a newly divorced mother of two. 202 00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:52,990 That sounds difficult. 203 00:08:52,990 --> 00:08:57,203 I mean, when life kicks her down, she just kicks right on back. 204 00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:58,329 Like Popeye. 205 00:08:58,329 --> 00:09:00,122 Except she doesn't eat spinach. 206 00:09:00,122 --> 00:09:01,832 I don't think I've ever seen her eat spinach, 207 00:09:01,832 --> 00:09:03,626 but I know that she drinks wine. 208 00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:06,587 Are you insinuating she has a drinking problem? 209 00:09:06,587 --> 00:09:09,090 I mean, sure, does she need to take the edge off sometimes? 210 00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:10,633 Yes. But, I mean, who doesn't? 211 00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:11,884 - I don't. - Me neither. 212 00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:15,263 And I-I-I don't ever drink, which is why I sleep so well, 213 00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:17,348 but not Sam because I think she's an insomniac. 214 00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:18,641 And, honestly, I'm just gonna-- 215 00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:21,519 Oh, my God, Dennis! Just grab this on the way out. 216 00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:28,609 Nell, do you think a precisely aimed laser pointer 217 00:09:28,609 --> 00:09:30,444 could convince a cat to pick up a playing card? 218 00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:32,863 Yeah, yeah. It gets the cat to the card, but then what? 219 00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:34,490 Also, this is ludicrous. 220 00:09:34,490 --> 00:09:37,577 Lexi, what happened with your dad? Did you get to talk to him? 221 00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:41,122 You know, when I was eight years old, 222 00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:42,582 I desperately wanted a dog. 223 00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:45,585 But, of course, Father informed me that canines aren't indoor creatures. 224 00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:46,752 They're just for duck hunting 225 00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:48,629 and delivering brandy to avalanche survivors. 226 00:09:48,629 --> 00:09:50,381 So instead, he bought me a horse 227 00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:52,508 because at least that could take me to the Olympics. 228 00:09:52,508 --> 00:09:55,845 You see, my father has this way of taking away my dreams 229 00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:59,223 but then replacing them with something else I apparently want just as much. 230 00:09:59,223 --> 00:10:00,725 So you didn't talk him? 231 00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:03,394 Nell, it's okay. I'm going to be fine. 232 00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:05,104 I have a very large savings. 233 00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:07,648 And a very rational prototype for Woofs and Catters. 234 00:10:07,648 --> 00:10:11,152 Oh, I see. So the important thing is that you're going to land on your feet. 235 00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:12,236 Exactly. 236 00:10:12,236 --> 00:10:16,532 Much like cats, who again are the target audience for Woofs and Catters. 237 00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:21,871 Well, she's not gonna help keep the buzzards at bay. 238 00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:27,293 It's time for you to put on your big girl nylons and go save your job. 239 00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:29,712 Can you spare some milk, Nell? 240 00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:32,006 How adorable. 241 00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:36,677 When you first asked me to speak to your niece's business class, I was flattered. 242 00:10:36,677 --> 00:10:40,723 But then I got suspicious once my GPS led me to a wine bar. 243 00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:42,016 I-- 244 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,018 Should've trusted my gut. 245 00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:47,355 Well, I was just worried that if I told you it was my birthday, 246 00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:48,439 you wouldn't come. 247 00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:50,483 And we'd miss out on Quentin, life of the party. 248 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,693 Hmm. Only if it's an analytics party. 249 00:10:52,693 --> 00:10:55,696 By the way, ain't no party like an analytics party. 250 00:10:55,696 --> 00:10:57,698 - I'll take your word for it. - I know what you're doing. 251 00:10:57,698 --> 00:10:58,908 You're trying to butter me up. 252 00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:02,411 Butter? What? [scoffs] No. 253 00:11:02,411 --> 00:11:04,580 Let's get you a drink, Q-dawg. Cricket! 254 00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:07,833 Nicknames create an informal atmosphere that I find inappropriate. 255 00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:10,461 "Q-dawg." "Q-dawg." 256 00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:12,838 Hello, birthday girl. 257 00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:16,634 Now listen, I want you to forget all about that dumb work nonsense 258 00:11:16,634 --> 00:11:18,886 and that corporate suit that's got the stick stuck up-- 259 00:11:18,886 --> 00:11:21,347 Cricket. Cricket, uh, this is Quentin. 260 00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:25,101 He is the guy who decides who gets to keep their job at the paper. 261 00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:26,894 - Isn't that impressive? - Yes. 262 00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:29,605 Actually, my title is Corporate Efficiency Specialist, 263 00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:30,940 but I don't like to brag. 264 00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:33,526 Well, you didn't. But you know what I'm hearing? 265 00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,069 This is for you. 266 00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:39,323 Really shouldn't drink at a work function. 267 00:11:39,323 --> 00:11:41,701 Oh. Well, lucky for you, it's my birthday. Yay. 268 00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:43,244 Get it, Q-dawg. 269 00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:44,537 Q-dawg. 270 00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:48,791 Let me go get you some more wine. 271 00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:52,002 Don't worry. I will talk to Quentin and fix this. 272 00:11:52,002 --> 00:11:53,504 You better, okay? 273 00:11:53,504 --> 00:11:54,755 I need a drink. 274 00:11:54,755 --> 00:11:58,968 Oh. Uh, maybe don't get a drink yet. He kinda thinks you're an alcoholic. 275 00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:01,220 - You spoke to him for 30 seconds. - I know. 276 00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:02,430 Ugh. 277 00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:06,100 Oh, my God. What is he doing? 278 00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:08,853 He is rubbing his hair and sniffing his hands. 279 00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:09,937 What does that even mean? 280 00:12:10,604 --> 00:12:12,356 I don't know. Maybe he's talking about your hair 281 00:12:12,356 --> 00:12:13,607 and that it smells like coconuts? 282 00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:17,153 Am I a calculator? Because all your problems are solved. 283 00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:18,487 Really? Yes. 284 00:12:18,487 --> 00:12:20,865 There's just a couple little, teensy-weensy, insignificant details 285 00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:22,575 - you'd wanna know about yourself. - Great. 286 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,202 You once donated a kidney, you saved Dolly Parton from a fire, 287 00:12:25,202 --> 00:12:27,538 - and you won Survivor. - Which season? 288 00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:29,457 - Sixteen? - I hate 16. 289 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:34,920 All right. [gasps] For my new friend and broseph in business. 290 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,714 Is this a bribe? No. 291 00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:39,759 It is simply just the most expensive flight of wine. 292 00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:43,179 And there's more where that came from 'cause I stole my daddy's AmEx. 293 00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:44,805 Ah, you made it. 294 00:12:44,805 --> 00:12:47,099 - I did. Happy birthday. - Thank you. 295 00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:48,601 I bet this wasn't the party you intended. 296 00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,561 Well, I didn't think that my guest of honor 297 00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:54,398 would be the man who might take our jobs, but all good, you know? 298 00:12:54,398 --> 00:12:57,651 I'm gonna take this hefty glass of cabernet over there... 299 00:12:57,651 --> 00:12:59,445 - Ooh. - ...and I'm gonna talk myself up to Quentin. 300 00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:02,198 And once I've locked myself in, I'll wave you over and you can take a crack at him. 301 00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:04,366 Okay. But I'm telling him it's my birthday too. 302 00:13:04,366 --> 00:13:06,285 - Tricky. - Mmm. 303 00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:09,497 And they said that I'm only legally allowed to have three cats. 304 00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:11,707 Mason, your father's here and he looks pissed. 305 00:13:11,707 --> 00:13:13,000 Oh, damn it. 306 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:14,627 I'm so grounded. 307 00:13:16,086 --> 00:13:17,171 - Hey. - Hi. 308 00:13:17,171 --> 00:13:20,257 That adorable "man-baby" was so nice to me. 309 00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:23,052 He gave me four glasses of wine, and I drank them quick. 310 00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:26,263 Okay. Raggedy Ann loosened the screw for you. 311 00:13:26,263 --> 00:13:28,766 But this guy is wound up so tight. 312 00:13:28,766 --> 00:13:31,560 You're gonna have to be strong and really sell yourself. 313 00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:34,897 Look, uh, I'm just gonna level with you, my guy. 314 00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:39,151 You're here to evaluate our job, and I'm here to tell you why the paper needs me. 315 00:13:39,151 --> 00:13:40,778 Yes. Preach. 316 00:13:41,445 --> 00:13:45,950 I am a strong female journalist who brings important stories to my readers. 317 00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:47,117 Uh-huh. Sing it. 318 00:13:47,117 --> 00:13:50,830 - Stories of famous people, common people. - Okay, we're losing him. 319 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,665 - You better pivot. Pivot. - Uh-- 320 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,835 I started off as a paperboy. That's right, you heard me. Paperboy. 321 00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:58,921 I had a sock in my pants and some pants in my shoes and I called myself Bonnie. 322 00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:00,548 Okay. You really butchered that. 323 00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:02,216 I really hear you, my guy, 324 00:14:02,216 --> 00:14:04,552 but after today's assessment and based on the numbers, 325 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:07,429 Q-dawg was forced to recommend that they nuke and pave the place. 326 00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:09,598 - Nuke and pave? - No, no, no, no, no. 327 00:14:09,598 --> 00:14:11,600 That's where they sell the paper for parts. 328 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:12,893 Nuke... 329 00:14:12,893 --> 00:14:14,979 ...and pave. 330 00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:17,815 Was that really insensitive or just really good noises? 331 00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:20,401 I don't drink a lot. Oops. Well, pee's in the pipeline. 332 00:14:20,401 --> 00:14:22,319 Gotta go. Gotta back this thing up. 333 00:14:27,783 --> 00:14:29,743 Go after him. Follow him to the bathroom. 334 00:14:29,743 --> 00:14:32,121 I'm not going to watch a man pee. 335 00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:34,248 You cannot let this go on. 336 00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:36,292 The world needs reporters. 337 00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:39,420 We are the truth, and we shine a light in the darkness. 338 00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:42,798 - Look, I tried-- - We are the keepers of a free society. 339 00:14:42,798 --> 00:14:44,425 I tried my best, but-- 340 00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:47,428 Okay. You might wanna put on some earphones because you look crazy. 341 00:14:47,428 --> 00:14:50,222 I always look crazy, don't I? I just-- I-- 342 00:14:50,222 --> 00:14:51,473 Can't find your earphones? 343 00:14:51,473 --> 00:14:53,559 No, I didn't know you were coming tonight! 344 00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:55,728 Party. 345 00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:01,191 If reporters tell the truth, here's mine: my job is gone. 346 00:15:01,191 --> 00:15:02,902 I broke up with a perfectly nice guy over there 347 00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:05,237 because I was gonna freeze my eggs, and now I can't even afford it. 348 00:15:05,237 --> 00:15:06,363 So, you wanna know what? 349 00:15:06,363 --> 00:15:11,118 I don't wanna talk to you anymore because I'm turning 39 years old 350 00:15:11,118 --> 00:15:13,412 and in my free society, I get to get hammered on my birthday. 351 00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:15,080 Mmm. 352 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,875 Yeah. That was a great day. 353 00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:19,084 Thank you. 354 00:15:20,544 --> 00:15:22,671 Hey there, buddy. I thought you were off the sauce. 355 00:15:22,671 --> 00:15:24,256 - Everything okay? - You know what? 356 00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:26,467 - I don't wanna talk about it. - I don't wanna hear about it. 357 00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:28,427 - I like your attitude. - I like your attitude. 358 00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:30,429 - Do you wanna do some shots? - It is my birthday. 359 00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:31,805 Two shots! 360 00:15:31,805 --> 00:15:32,890 Jinx. 361 00:15:34,224 --> 00:15:36,769 ♪ Hey ho, let's go! ♪ 362 00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,729 ♪ They're forming in straight line ♪ 363 00:15:41,315 --> 00:15:42,650 Let's go! 364 00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:45,736 No! 365 00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:47,571 No. 366 00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:49,740 - No. - Yeah! 367 00:16:05,547 --> 00:16:06,632 Oh, no. 368 00:16:14,598 --> 00:16:16,976 - Good morning. - Hello. 369 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,310 So sorry to ask this, 370 00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:21,355 but while I muster up the energy to move any of my limbs... 371 00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:23,899 - Mm-hmm. - ...what exactly happened last night? 372 00:16:26,276 --> 00:16:29,989 ♪ There's a stranger in my bed There's a pounding in my head ♪ 373 00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:33,701 ♪ Pink flamingos in the pool ♪ 374 00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:38,998 ♪ It's a blacked out blur But I'm pretty sure it ruled ♪ 375 00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:42,292 ♪ Last Friday night ♪ 376 00:16:42,292 --> 00:16:46,088 ♪ Yeah, we danced on tabletops And we took too many shots ♪ 377 00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:49,842 ♪ Think we kissed But I forgot last Friday night ♪ 378 00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:52,344 ♪ Yeah, we maxed our credit cards And got-- ♪ 379 00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:55,180 Is that Adele? 380 00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:56,932 ♪ Last Friday night ♪ 381 00:16:56,932 --> 00:16:59,143 ♪ Yeah, we danced on tabletops-- ♪ 382 00:16:59,143 --> 00:17:00,269 It's my pie. 383 00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:01,979 - Pie. - Yes. 384 00:17:01,979 --> 00:17:03,814 Oprah came up with this life goal pie thing. 385 00:17:03,814 --> 00:17:06,275 Sorry, that wasn't a question, it was a statement. Pie. 386 00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:08,652 - We should get pie. - Yes. 387 00:17:08,652 --> 00:17:11,447 Everyone always hates me at my jobs. 388 00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:13,699 Even you called me a corporate buzzard. 389 00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:15,367 Oh. Buzzards can be good. 390 00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:16,952 They use the whole carcass, you know? 391 00:17:16,952 --> 00:17:20,622 This terrible job has had me living out of hotels for the last two years. 392 00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:23,584 I don't even remember what a full-size shampoo bottle looks like. 393 00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:25,377 Do you even need shampoo? 394 00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:29,089 Could I stay the night here with you completely clothed while you hold me? 395 00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:31,258 - Uh-- - I can't go back to the DoubleTree 396 00:17:31,258 --> 00:17:33,135 next to the freeway tonight. 397 00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:35,763 ♪ But this Friday night ♪ 398 00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:40,642 If nothing happened between us, why do I feel so dirty? 399 00:17:41,351 --> 00:17:42,936 There's still pie in my bed. 400 00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:44,104 - Ah. - Mmm. 401 00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:46,607 - I should go. - Great idea. 402 00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:47,691 - Hmm. - Yeah. 403 00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:54,782 I told you to go after him. 404 00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:56,992 Didn't know you'd go all the way after him. 405 00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:02,039 I didn't sleep with him. I slept next to his weeping form. 406 00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:08,087 You know, as an editor, it's my job to push my writers to do their best work. 407 00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:11,423 But when a writer is doubting their strength, 408 00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:14,259 it's my job to boost them up. 409 00:18:14,259 --> 00:18:15,803 Yeah, I'll take a boosting. 410 00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:19,556 Nell, when you get ready to write an obituary, 411 00:18:20,057 --> 00:18:23,018 do you look at the person's life in little pieces, 412 00:18:23,018 --> 00:18:24,520 or do you look at the whole story? 413 00:18:25,562 --> 00:18:27,439 - The second one. - Exactly. 414 00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:30,567 It's a journalist's job to write the whole story. 415 00:18:30,567 --> 00:18:33,654 Now, if I were gonna write your obituary, I would say, 416 00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:38,158 "Yes, life keeps kicking Nell Serrano in the front dumper. 417 00:18:38,158 --> 00:18:41,245 Her career is stalled. Her love life sucks." 418 00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:42,871 I don't like your literary style. 419 00:18:42,871 --> 00:18:48,669 "But she's strong. She faces things head-on and keeps moving." 420 00:18:48,669 --> 00:18:52,673 Now, not everyone can say that about themselves. 421 00:18:57,511 --> 00:19:00,013 {\an8}Hey, you. Still working on Woofs and Catters? 422 00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:01,098 I've hit a snag. 423 00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:02,975 It turns out dogs can't roll dice. 424 00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,268 Can they paw a spinner? 425 00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:06,145 Well, where were you six hours ago? 426 00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:08,147 Ah, you don't wanna know. 427 00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:11,275 Hey, Lexi. I've wanted to say I'm sorry. 428 00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:14,486 I shouldn't have pushed you to confront your dad before you were ready. 429 00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:16,238 No, I'm the one who should apologize. 430 00:19:16,905 --> 00:19:17,990 I've let everyone down. 431 00:19:18,907 --> 00:19:20,826 And it's a shame because I've-- 432 00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:24,079 I've grown to like and actually care about everyone at the paper. 433 00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:25,998 Even Tina with her warm salads 434 00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:27,916 - and you with your poor posture. - Mmm. 435 00:19:27,916 --> 00:19:30,043 Look, if you wanna sit here 436 00:19:30,043 --> 00:19:34,256 and work on Woofs and Catters for the next month, I'll sit with you. 437 00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:35,465 But I-- 438 00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:39,928 I don't know. I think that you have some unresolved feelings 439 00:19:39,928 --> 00:19:43,056 and maybe you need to have that chat with your dad. 440 00:19:43,056 --> 00:19:45,475 We don't talk about feelings, okay? 441 00:19:45,475 --> 00:19:48,395 In our family, that's just a sign of being weak. 442 00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:50,814 You are the strongest person I know. 443 00:19:50,814 --> 00:19:52,482 Actually, you're somewhat terrifying. 444 00:19:52,482 --> 00:19:54,234 Oh, Nell, you're just being nice because I'm sad. 445 00:19:54,234 --> 00:19:55,819 No, you scare the crap out of me. 446 00:19:55,819 --> 00:19:57,070 - Really? - Yeah. 447 00:19:58,238 --> 00:20:00,199 And this is not about me or the job, 448 00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,784 but I think you have something to say to your dad and you should say it 449 00:20:02,784 --> 00:20:03,911 and he should listen. 450 00:20:04,494 --> 00:20:05,704 You deserve that. 451 00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:10,334 Thank you, Nell. 452 00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:12,544 Just one thing: 453 00:20:12,544 --> 00:20:14,463 You're going to wanna monitor Arthur's bowel movements 454 00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:16,381 quite carefully over the next several days. 455 00:20:16,381 --> 00:20:19,051 I fear he may have ingested more than a few dice. 456 00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:21,553 In fact, I'm certain of it. 457 00:20:23,847 --> 00:20:25,265 Huh? Arthur? 458 00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:32,898 Hmm. 459 00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:34,858 Any good snacks in there? 460 00:20:34,858 --> 00:20:40,072 You know, like those little cottage cheese cups you could squeeze your own fruit in? 461 00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:41,281 Oh, I love those. 462 00:20:42,282 --> 00:20:44,326 - What are you doing in the break room? - I don't know. 463 00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:47,162 I just thought I'd take one last look around. 464 00:20:47,746 --> 00:20:50,666 - Did Lexi talk to you? - No. I haven't seen her. 465 00:20:52,292 --> 00:20:55,170 You know, Mr. Rhodes... ...I gotta give it to you. 466 00:20:55,170 --> 00:20:58,340 You sell the paper, you put everybody's job in jeopardy, 467 00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:00,008 and you're not even fazed by it. 468 00:21:00,008 --> 00:21:03,887 To be honest, I don't know how you live with yourself. 469 00:21:03,887 --> 00:21:06,765 You know, there's one thing I learned in business, Nell, 470 00:21:06,765 --> 00:21:10,477 and that's that, uh, everything ends. 471 00:21:10,477 --> 00:21:12,187 Huh. Mmm. 472 00:21:12,187 --> 00:21:13,146 Everything. 473 00:21:13,146 --> 00:21:14,606 - Mmm. - Nell, did you hear? 474 00:21:15,899 --> 00:21:18,193 Mr. Rhodes collapsed. He's being rushed to the hospital. 475 00:21:22,906 --> 00:21:24,950 Well, I guess it's too late for me 476 00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:27,244 to get one of those cottage cheese cups. 477 00:21:28,328 --> 00:21:29,329 Oh. 478 00:21:32,374 --> 00:21:34,084 I have my doubts about this too. 479 00:21:34,084 --> 00:21:35,961 There's a lot of places we'd rather be right now, 480 00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:39,756 but Lexi asked us to test this game out, so let's keep going. 481 00:21:40,674 --> 00:21:42,175 All right. Kevin, you're up. 482 00:21:43,260 --> 00:21:45,304 Bodhi, couldn't you have done that before we got here? 483 00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:47,180 Do you see me showering in the middle of the game? 484 00:21:47,180 --> 00:21:49,057 Kevin, it's your turn, bud. 485 00:21:49,057 --> 00:21:50,517 I'll do it. 486 00:21:50,517 --> 00:21:52,102 Ooh, five spaces. 487 00:21:52,894 --> 00:21:56,648 One woof, two woofs, three woof, four woof, five woof. 488 00:21:56,648 --> 00:22:00,068 {\an8}Fire Hydrant Lane, which means you draw a card, which I will do. 489 00:22:00,652 --> 00:22:03,572 {\an8}It says, "Who's a good boy?" 490 00:22:03,572 --> 00:22:07,034 {\an8}I presume that means you and to give you five kibble snacks. 491 00:22:07,034 --> 00:22:10,454 {\an8}One, two, three, four, five. 492 00:22:10,454 --> 00:22:12,122 {\an8}Here you go, buddy. Nope, that was for Kevin. 493 00:22:12,122 --> 00:22:14,541 {\an8}This is a barking nightmare. 494 00:22:14,541 --> 00:22:17,919 {\an8}Oh, come on, Bodhi. Don't be like that. 495 00:22:18,628 --> 00:22:19,963 Arthur, you were right 496 00:22:19,963 --> 00:22:21,631 {\an8}to sit this round out.