1
00:00:30,490 --> 00:00:34,327
[audience cheering and applauding]

2
00:01:21,332 --> 00:01:23,918
[audience cheering]

3
00:01:39,475 --> 00:01:40,351
[Dave] All right.

4
00:01:43,229 --> 00:01:45,064
Almost 24 years ago…

5
00:01:46,482 --> 00:01:49,694
it was the last time
I was on the stage in this room.

6
00:01:50,278 --> 00:01:52,905
[audience cheering]

7
00:01:52,989 --> 00:01:55,533
I was taping my first one-hour special.

8
00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:57,410
It was called Killin' Them Softly.

9
00:01:59,996 --> 00:02:03,374
My girlfriend
was sitting in that row, pregnant.

10
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,084
She's now my wife.

11
00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:14,177
The baby that she was carrying,
my first child…

12
00:02:15,261 --> 00:02:17,221
I smoke weed with that nigga now.

13
00:02:25,438 --> 00:02:29,817
And what I remember most
about that night was the pressure.

14
00:02:29,901 --> 00:02:32,361
Before the show,
I had to run out on the avenue

15
00:02:32,445 --> 00:02:34,614
and hand out tickets
to anybody who would take 'em

16
00:02:34,697 --> 00:02:36,908
'cause I couldn't even fill
the fucking room.

17
00:02:37,617 --> 00:02:42,121
And, boy, what a difference
24 short years makes.

18
00:02:49,962 --> 00:02:53,090
And right before that time,
my father had died.

19
00:02:53,174 --> 00:02:55,509
He never lived to see me do it.

20
00:02:56,636 --> 00:02:59,639
And when he died, I was inconsolable.

21
00:03:00,389 --> 00:03:02,475
I thought I'd never smile or laugh again.

22
00:03:03,392 --> 00:03:05,770
And the only thing
that got me out of that space

23
00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:09,440
was a comedian friend of mine,
the late, great Norm MacDonald.

24
00:03:11,150 --> 00:03:13,486
That's right, shout out for Norm.

25
00:03:14,654 --> 00:03:17,239
And what Norm did,
which I'll never forget,

26
00:03:17,323 --> 00:03:19,909
as he knew that I was the biggest
Jim Carrey fan in the world.

27
00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:21,243
I'm not gonna go into it,

28
00:03:21,327 --> 00:03:25,247
but Jim Carrey is talented in a way
that you can't practice or rehearse.

29
00:03:25,331 --> 00:03:28,292
What a God-given talent.
I was fascinated with him.

30
00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:32,213
And Norm knew that. He called me up,
and he goes, "Dave, I'm…"

31
00:03:32,296 --> 00:03:34,715
He says, "I'm doing
a movie with Jim Carrey…"

32
00:03:36,008 --> 00:03:39,679
"Do you want to meet him?"
And I said, "Fuck, yes, I do."

33
00:03:39,762 --> 00:03:44,183
It was the first time I could remember,
since my father died, being excited.

34
00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:48,980
And the movie was called Man on the Moon.
I didn't know any of this.

35
00:03:49,647 --> 00:03:52,483
In this movie, Jim Carrey
was playing another comedian I admired.

36
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:54,193
The late, great Andy Kaufman.

37
00:03:55,528 --> 00:03:59,282
Yes, and Jim Carrey
was so immersed in that role,

38
00:03:59,365 --> 00:04:01,450
that from the moment he woke up,

39
00:04:01,534 --> 00:04:04,537
to the time he went to bed at night,
he would live his life

40
00:04:05,204 --> 00:04:06,956
as Andy Kaufman.

41
00:04:07,039 --> 00:04:07,999
I didn't know that.

42
00:04:08,082 --> 00:04:10,376
When they said, "Cut,"
this nigga was still…

43
00:04:12,169 --> 00:04:13,045
Andy Kaufman.

44
00:04:13,713 --> 00:04:17,800
So much so that everybody
on the crew called him Andy.

45
00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:20,177
I didn't know that.
I just went to meet him.

46
00:04:20,261 --> 00:04:23,889
When he walked into the room
we were to meet, I screamed, "Jim Carrey!"

47
00:04:23,973 --> 00:04:25,516
And everyone said, "No!"

48
00:04:28,477 --> 00:04:30,104
"Call him Andy."

49
00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:32,523
And I didn't understand.

50
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:35,609
He came over and was acting weird.
I didn't know he was acting like Kaufman.

51
00:04:35,693 --> 00:04:39,030
Just like, "Hey, how you doing?"
And I was like, "Hello…

52
00:04:42,158 --> 00:04:42,992
Andy?"

53
00:04:44,869 --> 00:04:45,703
Now…

54
00:04:46,329 --> 00:04:49,290
in hindsight, how fucking lucky am I

55
00:04:49,373 --> 00:04:51,959
that I got to see one
of the greatest artists of my time

56
00:04:52,043 --> 00:04:55,338
immersed in one of
his most challenging processes ever?

57
00:04:55,421 --> 00:04:57,131
Very lucky to have seen that.

58
00:04:58,549 --> 00:04:59,842
But as it was happening…

59
00:05:02,261 --> 00:05:03,471
I was very disappointed.

60
00:05:06,098 --> 00:05:07,975
Because I wanted to meet Jim Carrey,

61
00:05:09,393 --> 00:05:13,939
and I had to pretend
this nigga was Andy Kaufman all afternoon.

62
00:05:15,691 --> 00:05:17,026
It was clearly Jim Carrey.

63
00:05:17,109 --> 00:05:20,029
I could look at him
and I could see he was Jim Carrey.

64
00:05:20,905 --> 00:05:25,743
Anyway, I say all that to say…
that's how trans people make me feel.

65
00:05:39,965 --> 00:05:40,925
Here we go.

66
00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:48,349
Now, if you guys came here
to this show tonight…

67
00:05:52,061 --> 00:05:54,772
thinking that I'm gonna make fun
of those people again,

68
00:05:56,148 --> 00:05:57,858
you've come to the wrong show.

69
00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:01,987
I'm not fucking with those people anymore.

70
00:06:03,155 --> 00:06:04,573
It wasn't worth the trouble.

71
00:06:05,658 --> 00:06:07,243
I ain't saying shit about them.

72
00:06:07,326 --> 00:06:10,496
Maybe three or four times tonight,
but that is it.

73
00:06:14,166 --> 00:06:15,709
Tired of talking about them.

74
00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:19,839
You wanna know
why I'm tired of talking about 'em?

75
00:06:19,922 --> 00:06:24,093
Because these people acted
like I needed them to be funny.

76
00:06:24,176 --> 00:06:25,469
Well, that's ridiculous.

77
00:06:26,554 --> 00:06:28,597
I don't need you.
I've got a whole new angle.

78
00:06:28,681 --> 00:06:30,766
You guys will never see this shit coming.

79
00:06:31,642 --> 00:06:35,229
I ain't doing trans jokes no more.
Know what I'mma do tonight? Tonight…

80
00:06:35,938 --> 00:06:37,898
I'm doing all handicapped jokes.

81
00:06:40,526 --> 00:06:42,903
Well, they're not
as organized as the gays.

82
00:06:44,155 --> 00:06:45,781
And I love punching down.

83
00:06:46,532 --> 00:06:50,911
There's probably a handicap in the back
'cause that's where they make them sit.

84
00:07:00,713 --> 00:07:03,048
"I came here to laugh
at transgender people."

85
00:07:04,133 --> 00:07:06,969
"I didn't know this nigga
was gonna make jokes about us."

86
00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:09,930
"Come on, y'all,
Let's get the fuck up out of here."

87
00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:22,568
Yeah, it's about time
somebody let these handicaps have it.

88
00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:26,447
Nigga met their match tonight. Fuck 'em.

89
00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:29,200
One time I was on Capitol Hill,

90
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,661
and I seen a handicapped congressman.

91
00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,999
-Madison Cawthorn, that's his name.
-[woman] Oh!

92
00:07:42,004 --> 00:07:44,089
He's a Republican from North Carolina.

93
00:07:44,173 --> 00:07:45,716
And he was shocked

94
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:48,177
'cause I saw him and I go,
"Hello, Congressman."

95
00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:50,679
He didn't even know
I knew who he was. He turned…

96
00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:54,850
Then I just walked away.

97
00:07:56,352 --> 00:07:58,854
I wanted him to see me
do something he couldn't do.

98
00:08:01,524 --> 00:08:02,358
I skipped.

99
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,196
That nigga was mad.

100
00:08:15,871 --> 00:08:17,581
He's no longer a congressman.

101
00:08:18,499 --> 00:08:20,334
I don't know if you follow politics.

102
00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:23,379
I'm not trying
to be funny, but he lost his seat.

103
00:08:27,216 --> 00:08:28,717
He ran a bad race.

104
00:08:31,053 --> 00:08:33,138
Oh, buddy, yes, he did.

105
00:08:33,931 --> 00:08:35,307
You know what he did wrong?

106
00:08:35,391 --> 00:08:36,809
He was running for Congress again,

107
00:08:36,892 --> 00:08:38,936
and this motherfucker
tried to be controversial.

108
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:41,981
He was on all them right wing podcast
talking all that shit.

109
00:08:42,064 --> 00:08:46,694
He was like,
"Washington is worse than Hollywood."

110
00:08:46,777 --> 00:08:48,237
I was at home, like, "What?"

111
00:08:49,488 --> 00:08:51,490
He said, "These people are disgusting."

112
00:08:51,574 --> 00:08:54,535
"They have orgies
and sex parties and drug parties."

113
00:08:54,618 --> 00:08:57,580
And I was thinking, "This nigga
sounds like Juicy Smoo-yay."

114
00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:02,626
He's lying.

115
00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:06,755
Now, I don't doubt that they do
this kind of shit in Washington,

116
00:09:06,839 --> 00:09:09,049
but I doubt he's seen it
with his own eyes.

117
00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:14,555
Because who the fuck invites
a paraplegic to an orgy?

118
00:09:15,723 --> 00:09:18,684
So this nigga can roll around
and snitch on everybody?

119
00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:20,644
[mouthing]

120
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,867
I said there's only one reason
you gonna invite him to an orgy.

121
00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:36,452
And you know what that is.

122
00:09:36,535 --> 00:09:38,662
"Have at it, guys, I can't feel anything."

123
00:09:39,622 --> 00:09:41,874
"Let's get this bill passed for America."

124
00:09:41,957 --> 00:09:43,375
"One at a time, folks."

125
00:09:48,547 --> 00:09:49,632
Oh, buddy.

126
00:09:52,301 --> 00:09:53,886
Yep, yep, yep.

127
00:09:55,179 --> 00:09:57,931
The other handicaps are the new people
I punch down on.

128
00:09:58,015 --> 00:09:59,350
To be honest with you,

129
00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:03,812
I've been trying to repair my relationship
with the transgender community.

130
00:10:03,896 --> 00:10:06,774
'Cause I don't want them
to think that I don't like them.

131
00:10:07,691 --> 00:10:10,611
You know how I've been repairing it?
I wrote a play.

132
00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:13,864
I did. 'Cause I know that gays love plays.

133
00:10:16,784 --> 00:10:19,203
It's a very sad play, but it's moving.

134
00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:22,373
It's about a Black transgender woman

135
00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:25,668
whose pronoun is, sadly, nigga.

136
00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:33,676
It's a tear-jerker.

137
00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:38,597
At the end of the play,
she dies of loneliness

138
00:10:38,681 --> 00:10:41,350
'cause white liberals
don't know how to speak to her.

139
00:10:42,685 --> 00:10:43,519
Sad.

140
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:48,232
Speaking of nigga…

141
00:10:49,525 --> 00:10:52,277
I've also been working
on a book, and this is true.

142
00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:56,448
I'm rewriting the American Classic,
Huckleberry Finn,

143
00:10:57,741 --> 00:10:59,284
from Nigger Jim's perspective.

144
00:11:01,286 --> 00:11:03,372
It's called The Adventures of Nigger Jim.

145
00:11:04,623 --> 00:11:05,708
That's how it starts.

146
00:11:05,791 --> 00:11:08,419
Huckleberry Finn walks up
to him and goes, "You're Nigger Jim."

147
00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:10,963
And he's like, "Yo, I just said 'Jim.'"

148
00:11:13,757 --> 00:11:15,592
"What's your name, little buddy?"

149
00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:17,928
"Huckleberry Finn is my name."

150
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:21,723
"What? Huckleberry?
That's your real name?"

151
00:11:21,807 --> 00:11:22,808
"God-given."

152
00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:25,310
[exhales] "You know what?"

153
00:11:26,395 --> 00:11:28,147
"Just call me Nigger Jim, it's fine."

154
00:11:31,942 --> 00:11:35,320
I don't care if you
are Black or White or whatever.

155
00:11:35,404 --> 00:11:38,031
If you ever meet
a white person named Huckleberry,

156
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:40,576
he has less money than you.

157
00:11:42,995 --> 00:11:46,415
That is the white trashiest name
I've ever heard in my fucking life.

158
00:11:46,498 --> 00:11:49,460
If you have a name like Huckleberry,
you're doomed to fail.

159
00:11:51,253 --> 00:11:53,172
If I was in court
and my lawyer came up like,

160
00:11:53,255 --> 00:11:57,676
"I am your attorney, Huckleberry Finn."
I'd be like, "Uh-oh, I'm going to jail."

161
00:12:00,721 --> 00:12:02,473
God forbid I ever go to jail.

162
00:12:03,265 --> 00:12:06,268
But if I do, I hope it's in California.

163
00:12:07,144 --> 00:12:10,230
Soon as the judge sentence me,
I'll be like, "Before you sentence me,

164
00:12:10,314 --> 00:12:11,607
I want the court to know…

165
00:12:12,441 --> 00:12:14,067
I identify as a woman."

166
00:12:16,278 --> 00:12:19,490
"Send me… to a woman's jail."

167
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,828
As soon I get in there,
you know what I'mma be doing.

168
00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:27,915
"Give me your fruit cocktail, bitch,
before I knock your teeth out."

169
00:12:27,998 --> 00:12:30,042
"I'm a girl, just like you, bitch."

170
00:12:31,835 --> 00:12:35,547
"Come here and suck this girl dick I got.
Don't make me explain myself."

171
00:12:56,735 --> 00:12:59,988
You know, I have
a great reputation in show business,

172
00:13:00,072 --> 00:13:04,701
but in comedy,
I'm what's known as a lazy comedian.

173
00:13:04,785 --> 00:13:08,747
Which is crazy 'cause I work all the time,
but that's not why they call me lazy.

174
00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:11,083
They call me lazy
'cause I do shows sometimes…

175
00:13:11,166 --> 00:13:14,711
Twenty thousand people be
in the crowd, and I'll tell a joke,

176
00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:17,130
and they'll all look at me like I'm crazy.

177
00:13:17,214 --> 00:13:20,133
But three or four people
will laugh really hard.

178
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:24,054
And I'll be on stage like,
"Yeah, that's good enough."

179
00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:33,605
Well, this next joke
is one of those jokes that--

180
00:13:35,691 --> 00:13:38,860
You know what I mean?
I like to tell it, but it never does good.

181
00:13:39,570 --> 00:13:41,446
But I'm gonna do it.
Know what I don't do good?

182
00:13:41,530 --> 00:13:44,241
I'm not good at impressions,
but this is an impression.

183
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:46,034
You ready? Okay.

184
00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:48,829
This is not gonna work.

185
00:13:50,289 --> 00:13:51,790
A'ight, this is my impression.

186
00:13:53,125 --> 00:13:54,918
It's my impression… [exhales]

187
00:13:57,713 --> 00:13:59,506
of the dead people on the Titanic.

188
00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:05,387
You didn't let me finish.

189
00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:09,891
This is my impression
of the dead people on the Titanic,

190
00:14:09,975 --> 00:14:12,436
as the submersible
was approaching their ship.

191
00:14:19,234 --> 00:14:21,403
That's good enough.
All right, here it goes.

192
00:14:31,622 --> 00:14:33,290
I… Okay, here it goes.

193
00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:40,505
[trilling voice] Come join us
in our watery grave.

194
00:14:46,678 --> 00:14:48,764
[normal voice] Oh, buddy,
that's funny to me.

195
00:14:48,847 --> 00:14:52,100
Listen, that is a funny way to die.

196
00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:55,604
Twenty years from now,
on my 70th birthday,

197
00:14:55,687 --> 00:14:58,440
I'm gonna take
a submersible to see the submersible.

198
00:15:00,484 --> 00:15:02,194
Hopefully by then it should work.

199
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,115
My wife hates that joke. You know…

200
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:13,330
Do you know there's a strip club
in D.C. called Camelot?

201
00:15:14,498 --> 00:15:16,208
[audience whooping]

202
00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:19,044
-Is that still open?
-[audience] Yes!

203
00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:21,922
I know what I'm doing
after the show. I gotta tell you…

204
00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:25,217
the other day, my wife called me creepy.

205
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:28,804
You know, I frequent strip clubs.
It's something I like to do.

206
00:15:28,887 --> 00:15:33,809
And my wife said I was creepy
'cause I go to strip clubs by myself.

207
00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:36,269
Is that creepy?

208
00:15:38,313 --> 00:15:41,650
I think that's better
than going with the fellas.

209
00:15:42,818 --> 00:15:43,819
That's creepy to me.

210
00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:45,737
"Hey, let's all go to the strip club

211
00:15:45,821 --> 00:15:48,573
and get our dicks hard together
as a group of friends."

212
00:15:50,909 --> 00:15:53,120
"Drive home in a quiet car
and not talk about

213
00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:55,205
any of the things we've seen or done."

214
00:15:56,331 --> 00:15:59,042
No, nigga, I go by myself.

215
00:16:00,836 --> 00:16:03,880
But my wife doesn't understand
why I go to the strip club.

216
00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:05,590
It has nothing to do with sex.

217
00:16:05,674 --> 00:16:08,885
I need a pinch of sexual energy
in the room to relax,

218
00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:10,721
but it's more about being out.

219
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:12,639
I like the music.

220
00:16:15,017 --> 00:16:16,977
A few naked chicks
in there makes me feel good,

221
00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:19,479
but I'm not trying
to socialize or meet anybody.

222
00:16:19,563 --> 00:16:22,190
Sometimes I go to a strip club
and I bring a book.

223
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:27,195
I do, and I sit right by the stage
'cause the reading light is better.

224
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:33,035
[mouthing]

225
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:44,921
One time I went to a strip club,
and this is weird,

226
00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:46,173
I don't know why…

227
00:16:46,923 --> 00:16:49,926
The stripper, for some reason,
told me her real name.

228
00:16:51,470 --> 00:16:52,721
I know. So I left.

229
00:16:54,556 --> 00:16:58,060
She's like, "Where are you going?"
I was like, "Good night, Deborah."

230
00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:07,736
God bless her,
but my wife is mistaken about my life.

231
00:17:08,403 --> 00:17:10,614
She told me once she thinks my job is fun.

232
00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:14,117
My job is a job.

233
00:17:14,910 --> 00:17:15,952
I'm fun.

234
00:17:18,789 --> 00:17:20,457
It's too dangerous, man.

235
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:23,043
You know, all last year…

236
00:17:24,586 --> 00:17:28,256
I was touring with,
arguably one of the greatest,

237
00:17:28,340 --> 00:17:31,802
if not the greatest living comedian,
Chris Rock.

238
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:33,887
Me and him toured all year last year.

239
00:17:37,933 --> 00:17:39,726
And right before that tour started,

240
00:17:41,603 --> 00:17:45,774
Chris was involved in what we Blacks
might even consider a goddamn 9/11.

241
00:17:49,861 --> 00:17:55,075
Chris got slapped in the face
at the Oscars… by Will Smith,

242
00:17:55,158 --> 00:17:57,786
which was one of
the craziest things I'd ever seen.

243
00:17:57,869 --> 00:18:01,623
In fact, if you watch it live
on television, like I did,

244
00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:04,042
when it happened, I thought it was fake.

245
00:18:05,627 --> 00:18:07,212
I did, and I wasn't sure.

246
00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:09,798
So, I waited 'cause unlike you,
I know Chris.

247
00:18:09,881 --> 00:18:11,716
I waited 30, 40 minutes.

248
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,427
As long as it'll take him
to get to another party.

249
00:18:14,511 --> 00:18:17,430
And I called him on FaceTime
and he picked up.

250
00:18:18,807 --> 00:18:20,308
Soon as he picked up, he said,

251
00:18:20,392 --> 00:18:22,894
"Yous the only nigga
I'd answer the phone for."

252
00:18:24,104 --> 00:18:25,564
Apparently, Obama and Oprah,

253
00:18:25,689 --> 00:18:28,692
everybody called this nigga
to see if everything's all right.

254
00:18:33,155 --> 00:18:35,907
And I thought it was fake.
I didn't know. So I asked.

255
00:18:35,991 --> 00:18:38,410
I go, "Well, you know." He said, "What?"

256
00:18:38,493 --> 00:18:40,162
I said, "Did it hurt?"

257
00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:44,291
He said, "Yes, nigga, it hurt."

258
00:18:46,585 --> 00:18:48,420
And then I knew that it was real.

259
00:18:48,503 --> 00:18:51,590
And then, and only then, was I offended.

260
00:18:52,883 --> 00:18:56,094
I wasn't just offended he got slapped.
That was only half of it.

261
00:18:56,178 --> 00:18:58,013
The offensive part
was after he slapped him,

262
00:18:58,096 --> 00:19:00,807
Will just sat down
and enjoyed the rest of his evening.

263
00:19:00,891 --> 00:19:02,058
It was crazy. He was…

264
00:19:03,852 --> 00:19:05,020
[mouthing] "Thank you."

265
00:19:08,023 --> 00:19:09,858
What the fuck is this?

266
00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:16,114
And then all year we was touring,
and I couldn't wait to see

267
00:19:16,198 --> 00:19:19,367
what he was going to say
in his special about this slap.

268
00:19:19,451 --> 00:19:21,953
I told him all year,
but the night he taped his special--

269
00:19:22,037 --> 00:19:23,872
Chris is one of these guys who's crafty.

270
00:19:23,955 --> 00:19:26,166
You never know
what he's gonna say until he says it.

271
00:19:26,249 --> 00:19:28,043
I went to see him tape his special.

272
00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:30,128
He taped it up the street, in Baltimore.

273
00:19:30,212 --> 00:19:36,426
Now, you guys are from D.C.,
so you know about Baltimore?

274
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,473
We all know that through the years,

275
00:19:41,556 --> 00:19:44,893
D.C. has been through
some very, very tough times.

276
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:48,939
Sadly, Baltimore
is still in a very tough time.

277
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:56,321
Not everybody in the world really
can understand the depth of Baltimore.

278
00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:58,907
Baltimore is so desperate that…

279
00:20:01,201 --> 00:20:05,997
Tupac and his mother moved from Baltimore
to Oakland for a better life.

280
00:20:15,006 --> 00:20:18,051
And Chris Rock went so hard on the paint.

281
00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:21,930
And I can't believe he did this.
He shocked a Baltimore crowd.

282
00:20:22,013 --> 00:20:24,683
I didn't know that was possible.
I started doing comedy here.

283
00:20:24,766 --> 00:20:27,602
Shocked 'em. And you know
what he said that got 'em?

284
00:20:27,686 --> 00:20:30,522
He looked at the crowd--
I didn't expect him to say this.

285
00:20:30,605 --> 00:20:33,275
He looked the crowds.
All Black. Baltimore Black.

286
00:20:38,697 --> 00:20:40,573
Even if you rich and Black in Baltimore,

287
00:20:40,657 --> 00:20:43,243
you know them niggas
is traumatized about something.

288
00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:49,124
Chris shocked them. This is what he said.
He went to that crowd. He said…

289
00:20:49,207 --> 00:20:55,463
"I refuse to be a victim."
The crowd said… [gasps]

290
00:20:57,132 --> 00:21:00,719
And I was backstage looking like,
"Nigga watch the tape."

291
00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:15,650
I know it's fucked up,
but I tell you the truth,

292
00:21:15,734 --> 00:21:19,029
you know, everything's funny.

293
00:21:19,112 --> 00:21:21,406
Everything's funny 'til it happens to you.

294
00:21:22,824 --> 00:21:25,535
Three months. A mere three months

295
00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:28,371
after that terrible attack
that Chris Rock endured…

296
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,250
I was on stage at the Hollywood Bowl.

297
00:21:33,376 --> 00:21:34,377
And a lunatic…

298
00:21:36,379 --> 00:21:38,423
jumped out of the crowd and attacked me.

299
00:21:38,506 --> 00:21:42,010
I got to tell you, if it happens to you,
you don't know what happened.

300
00:21:42,093 --> 00:21:43,303
It was like slow motion.

301
00:21:43,386 --> 00:21:45,472
I don't know this nigga…
I just looked and said,

302
00:21:45,555 --> 00:21:48,183
"Oh, my God. I'm being attacked."

303
00:21:49,392 --> 00:21:53,730
And this motherfucker was ragged.
He jumped me like, "Aah!"

304
00:21:55,857 --> 00:21:57,108
I'm old, but I'm fast.

305
00:21:57,192 --> 00:21:59,527
I caught this motherfucker's head
with my hand

306
00:21:59,611 --> 00:22:01,738
and pulled his hoodie over his eyes.

307
00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:07,369
I can still feel his head in my hand.

308
00:22:08,578 --> 00:22:09,829
It was spongy.

309
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:13,666
He had been growing dreadlocks.

310
00:22:14,501 --> 00:22:16,961
Not the beautiful dreads
that Rastafarians grow.

311
00:22:17,045 --> 00:22:20,173
These were accidental
L.A. homeless dreads.

312
00:22:20,882 --> 00:22:24,386
This shit had leaves and sticks
and bottle caps and shit in it.

313
00:22:24,469 --> 00:22:25,637
Some kind of grease.

314
00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:27,555
I was like, "Ugh!" Like this.

315
00:22:27,639 --> 00:22:29,265
And then I fell down.

316
00:22:29,349 --> 00:22:31,518
He knocked me all the way on the ground.

317
00:22:32,227 --> 00:22:34,145
I was like,
"Man, this is a bad situation."

318
00:22:34,229 --> 00:22:36,606
"I don't know if I'm going to die
or what's gonna happen."

319
00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:39,067
But in that moment of vulnerability,

320
00:22:39,150 --> 00:22:42,654
you know what occurred to me that it never
occurred to me before in my life?

321
00:22:42,737 --> 00:22:45,448
In that moment,
it occurred to me

322
00:22:46,908 --> 00:22:48,368
that bodyguards…

323
00:22:50,161 --> 00:22:54,833
should not wear dress shoes to work!

324
00:22:54,916 --> 00:22:55,834
Travis!

325
00:22:58,002 --> 00:23:00,421
This nigga, Travis,
came out slipping and sliding

326
00:23:00,505 --> 00:23:04,175
in some kind of beautiful loafer
and fell flat on the back.

327
00:23:04,259 --> 00:23:07,929
I said, "Oh, my God.
Now both of us are down."

328
00:23:08,012 --> 00:23:09,889
"I gotta handle this shit myself."

329
00:23:09,973 --> 00:23:13,434
I popped right back… And the kid
that knocked me down, he popped up.

330
00:23:13,518 --> 00:23:18,314
And we looked at each other and realized,
same time, I was bigger than him.

331
00:23:19,524 --> 00:23:21,609
And that motherfucker took off running.

332
00:23:21,693 --> 00:23:24,237
I started to chase him,
and I said, "Eh, fuck him."

333
00:23:25,155 --> 00:23:26,906
I picked the microphone up.

334
00:23:27,657 --> 00:23:29,784
Said, "I'm gonna finish this show now."

335
00:23:30,910 --> 00:23:31,911
That's right.

336
00:23:38,168 --> 00:23:42,547
For three months before that,
I had been making fun of Chris Rock.

337
00:23:43,464 --> 00:23:45,383
And people would ask me all the time.

338
00:23:45,466 --> 00:23:48,219
They say, "Dave, what would you do
if you were Chris Rock

339
00:23:48,303 --> 00:23:50,513
and Will Smith slapped you in the face?"

340
00:23:50,597 --> 00:23:54,934
And to this day, the answer is the same.
"I don't know what I would have done."

341
00:23:55,018 --> 00:23:57,437
I've never been
in a situation that extreme.

342
00:23:58,521 --> 00:24:02,317
But I do know now
what Will Smith would not have done.

343
00:24:03,067 --> 00:24:06,279
And that is,
enjoy the rest of his evening.

344
00:24:10,658 --> 00:24:12,160
Man, listen.

345
00:24:14,078 --> 00:24:16,873
We gave that kid a good wallop.
We was whooping his ass.

346
00:24:16,956 --> 00:24:19,876
Not "we." I was on stage
trying to think of a joke to tell,

347
00:24:19,959 --> 00:24:23,630
but they was beating this nigga up
right behind me. Everybody could see it.

348
00:24:24,672 --> 00:24:25,840
Everybody could see it.

349
00:24:25,924 --> 00:24:28,593
I'm sitting up there
trying to think of what to say.

350
00:24:28,676 --> 00:24:32,472
I'm tongue tied. Me, of all people,
can't think of anything to say.

351
00:24:32,555 --> 00:24:33,640
Look at my karma.

352
00:24:33,723 --> 00:24:35,767
That moment,
of all the people in the world,

353
00:24:35,850 --> 00:24:38,603
Chris Rock walks from backstage.

354
00:24:38,686 --> 00:24:42,607
Walks up to me
in front of 20,000 people,

355
00:24:43,483 --> 00:24:46,945
grabs the mic out of my hands
and looks at the crowd and goes,

356
00:24:47,987 --> 00:24:49,489
"Was that Will Smith?"

357
00:24:53,034 --> 00:24:56,955
Man, motherfuckers
fell out of their chairs, laughing.

358
00:24:59,499 --> 00:25:01,501
I was standing there looking stupid.

359
00:25:02,543 --> 00:25:03,753
I was fucking furious.

360
00:25:03,836 --> 00:25:07,340
'Cause I'm thinking in my mind,
"Nigga, this is my attack."

361
00:25:09,676 --> 00:25:13,221
"You got attacked three months ago.
Now you have jokes?"

362
00:25:15,139 --> 00:25:18,351
So, I snatched the mic back from Chris
and tried to get one off,

363
00:25:18,434 --> 00:25:20,603
but my shit did not go good at all.

364
00:25:20,687 --> 00:25:23,064
I didn't know-- I was like,
"It was a trans man."

365
00:25:23,147 --> 00:25:24,732
And the crowd was like…

366
00:25:25,525 --> 00:25:29,612
"Boo. This is L.A.,
we like trans people. Boo."

367
00:25:31,114 --> 00:25:32,782
I know, I felt so bad.

368
00:25:33,700 --> 00:25:35,285
I felt so bad.

369
00:25:36,577 --> 00:25:38,162
But I know why he did it.

370
00:25:38,746 --> 00:25:43,042
You'd have to be there to understand,
but, man, when that guy tackled me,

371
00:25:43,126 --> 00:25:46,087
it was like a movie or something.

372
00:25:46,170 --> 00:25:47,630
You gotta picture this.

373
00:25:47,714 --> 00:25:49,382
Picture a famous person you like.

374
00:25:49,465 --> 00:25:52,844
Every famous person
you could imagine was at that show.

375
00:25:52,927 --> 00:25:56,347
It was, like, the biggest night
that Hollywood had ever seen.

376
00:25:57,390 --> 00:26:01,185
And when that guy tackled me,
he cleared the bleachers.

377
00:26:01,769 --> 00:26:04,689
I had to watch the tape afterwards
to know this happened,

378
00:26:04,772 --> 00:26:06,274
but as soon as he tackled me,

379
00:26:06,357 --> 00:26:10,153
Jamie Foxx was the first motherfucker
that jumped out of the crowd.

380
00:26:10,236 --> 00:26:13,906
He was wearing a white cowboy hat,
like, he knew this was going to happen.

381
00:26:15,950 --> 00:26:18,411
Never seen this nigga
in a cowboy hat before.

382
00:26:19,746 --> 00:26:21,873
And Jamie started chasing
that motherfucker

383
00:26:21,956 --> 00:26:23,416
around like Any Given Sunday.

384
00:26:23,499 --> 00:26:27,587
And that kid was fast.
His shit was juking and shaking.

385
00:26:27,670 --> 00:26:30,423
And it broke Jamie's ankles,
and he just kept running.

386
00:26:30,506 --> 00:26:33,551
Then Jon Stewart, from the Daily Show,
ran from backstage

387
00:26:33,634 --> 00:26:36,804
and jumped at this motherfucker
like Super Jew. He was, like…

388
00:26:40,933 --> 00:26:44,645
The kid's seen Jon coming, so he jumped
back and Jon went flying that way.

389
00:26:44,729 --> 00:26:48,399
This kid was fast. Then he turned around,
he sees the emergency exit,

390
00:26:48,483 --> 00:26:50,610
he starts running for the emergency exit.

391
00:26:50,693 --> 00:26:52,653
Just before he got to the door,

392
00:26:53,488 --> 00:26:56,407
motherfucking Puff Daddy
from Bad Boy Records

393
00:26:56,491 --> 00:26:59,243
jumped in front of the door.
That nigga was like, "Eh-eh, eh-eh."

394
00:27:04,123 --> 00:27:05,124
Boy…

395
00:27:07,043 --> 00:27:08,586
Puffy got that motherfucker.

396
00:27:09,754 --> 00:27:11,172
Then every celebrity ran out

397
00:27:11,255 --> 00:27:13,466
'cause every celebrity
saw themselves in me,

398
00:27:13,549 --> 00:27:16,052
and they started beating
the fuck out of that kid.

399
00:27:16,803 --> 00:27:20,306
And I know Chris was backstage
looking like, "Nobody helped me."

400
00:27:25,228 --> 00:27:29,607
♪ Everybody Hates Chris! ♪

401
00:27:43,079 --> 00:27:46,040
Look, it was way more intense
than what you guys might have read.

402
00:27:46,124 --> 00:27:47,583
I don't know what you read,

403
00:27:49,252 --> 00:27:51,295
but the kid,
while we was beating on him,

404
00:27:51,379 --> 00:27:55,258
reached in his waistband,
pulled out 22-caliber pistol.

405
00:27:55,341 --> 00:27:56,634
That shit was mayhem.

406
00:27:56,717 --> 00:28:01,389
Everybody started screaming,
"Oh, my God, he's got a gun."

407
00:28:01,472 --> 00:28:04,600
And then I got scared.
I was in the back, but I was scared.

408
00:28:04,684 --> 00:28:07,520
'Cause I knew that everybody
that was with me, was armed.

409
00:28:08,229 --> 00:28:13,609
Yes, if they had shot and killed this kid
on stage at the Hollywood Bowl…

410
00:28:13,693 --> 00:28:15,945
like I pay you to do, Travis…

411
00:28:25,079 --> 00:28:26,122
But Travis G-ed up.

412
00:28:26,205 --> 00:28:28,332
Travis wrestled the gun
out of the kid's hand.

413
00:28:28,416 --> 00:28:31,961
Then he took it like this and tried
to chamber the round and he couldn't.

414
00:28:32,044 --> 00:28:34,505
So he pulled the trigger
and it wasn't a gun.

415
00:28:34,589 --> 00:28:36,674
A knife blade popped out of the front.

416
00:28:36,757 --> 00:28:38,759
I guess this kid was going to stab me.

417
00:28:38,843 --> 00:28:40,052
That's some scary shit.

418
00:28:40,136 --> 00:28:42,722
So the next night,
even though I didn't have a show,

419
00:28:42,805 --> 00:28:45,808
I said, "I got to get back on stage."
I went and did a show.

420
00:28:47,018 --> 00:28:51,230
And someone in the audience screamed out,
"Dave, what happened with the attack?"

421
00:28:52,398 --> 00:28:55,109
And I didn't know
there was a journalist in the room.

422
00:28:56,444 --> 00:29:01,657
All I said was that this nigga
had a knife that identified as a gun.

423
00:29:05,745 --> 00:29:08,539
I got six more weeks
of bad press for that joke.

424
00:29:08,623 --> 00:29:11,459
I didn't even do nothing to this nigga.
That's not right.

425
00:29:11,542 --> 00:29:12,835
That was not right.

426
00:29:16,339 --> 00:29:18,508
And then the New York Post
went to the jail

427
00:29:18,591 --> 00:29:21,469
and interviewed my attacker
like he was some kind of hero.

428
00:29:22,804 --> 00:29:24,180
And I read that interview.

429
00:29:24,263 --> 00:29:27,099
It turns out
the entire attack was my fault.

430
00:29:28,142 --> 00:29:29,727
Yes, I triggered him.

431
00:29:29,811 --> 00:29:30,895
I didn't mean to.

432
00:29:32,396 --> 00:29:34,273
I had done jokes about the homeless.

433
00:29:34,982 --> 00:29:38,319
It turns out… this young man
was homeless.

434
00:29:38,402 --> 00:29:40,863
And, I mean, there's no way
I could've known this.

435
00:29:40,947 --> 00:29:41,989
But I will say…

436
00:29:44,492 --> 00:29:47,954
for a homeless guy,
this nigga had incredible seats.

437
00:29:57,755 --> 00:30:03,052
Oh, and they said I triggered them
because I had done LBGTQ jokes.

438
00:30:03,135 --> 00:30:05,513
And it turns out this fellow was a B.

439
00:30:09,058 --> 00:30:11,394
That was the headline
in the article that said,

440
00:30:11,477 --> 00:30:14,856
"Dave Chappelle's alleged attacker
is bisexual."

441
00:30:14,939 --> 00:30:17,316
I said, "alleged attacker"?

442
00:30:18,776 --> 00:30:22,363
This motherfucker definitely attacked me.
I'll show you the tape.

443
00:30:22,446 --> 00:30:24,532
He's allegedly bisexual.

444
00:30:26,242 --> 00:30:30,538
I'll need to see him suck somebody's dick
before I believe the rest of this article.

445
00:30:34,333 --> 00:30:36,419
I read that shit in the paper.
I was horrified.

446
00:30:36,502 --> 00:30:39,255
I was like, "Bisexual?
I could have been raped."

447
00:30:48,306 --> 00:30:50,558
No. You know what, though?

448
00:30:50,641 --> 00:30:52,518
It's not funny because…

449
00:30:54,478 --> 00:30:56,480
Because after all that madness ensued,

450
00:30:58,608 --> 00:31:00,109
I went to the hotel room.

451
00:31:00,902 --> 00:31:04,906
I was by myself, and I opened the door,
and my wife was in there alone.

452
00:31:04,989 --> 00:31:07,658
She was sobbing. Like sobbing.

453
00:31:07,742 --> 00:31:11,412
I said, "My God, what's wrong with you?
Bitch, did you get attacked, too?"

454
00:31:16,918 --> 00:31:18,210
And she's crying.

455
00:31:18,294 --> 00:31:21,047
She said, "Oh, my God, Dave."

456
00:31:21,964 --> 00:31:24,634
She said, "If you had died tonight…

457
00:31:28,220 --> 00:31:30,097
me and the kids would have nothing."

458
00:31:38,230 --> 00:31:39,774
Then I knew it was serious.

459
00:31:39,857 --> 00:31:41,734
So I sat down on the bed next to her.

460
00:31:41,817 --> 00:31:44,070
I reached in my pocket,
I pulled some keys out

461
00:31:44,153 --> 00:31:45,696
that she'd never seen before.

462
00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:48,199
She's like, "Oh!"

463
00:31:48,282 --> 00:31:49,992
"What are those keys?"

464
00:31:50,076 --> 00:31:52,453
And I gently placed them in her hands.

465
00:31:53,245 --> 00:31:57,875
I said, "Sweetheart, those are
the keys to my safe deposit box."

466
00:31:59,126 --> 00:32:02,713
"God forbid anything ever happen to me."

467
00:32:02,797 --> 00:32:05,633
"But if it does,
don't even worry about it."

468
00:32:05,716 --> 00:32:08,844
"You and the kids
have everything you need in that box."

469
00:32:08,928 --> 00:32:10,554
"I've already taken care of it."

470
00:32:11,347 --> 00:32:13,516
And she was looking at them keys.

471
00:32:13,599 --> 00:32:17,812
And I could see her mind realize
what we were actually talking about.

472
00:32:18,688 --> 00:32:21,399
And then she just started crying harder.

473
00:32:21,482 --> 00:32:24,568
And to be honest with you,
that made me cry a little bit, too.

474
00:32:25,319 --> 00:32:27,405
And we hugged each other real tight.

475
00:32:34,412 --> 00:32:37,707
Do you know this bitch looked in the box
while I'm alive and well?

476
00:32:41,836 --> 00:32:43,337
Who does that?

477
00:32:44,630 --> 00:32:45,840
Oh, my God.

478
00:32:46,632 --> 00:32:47,967
And then she was mad at me.

479
00:32:48,050 --> 00:32:51,429
She said, "Goddamn it, David.
I opened that box." I said, "You did?"

480
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:55,683
She said, "Yes, I did,
and there was nothing in there."

481
00:33:00,521 --> 00:33:02,064
I said, "Nothing?"

482
00:33:06,152 --> 00:33:08,571
She said,
"Nothing except your stupid joke book."

483
00:33:08,654 --> 00:33:10,990
I was like, "Phew."

484
00:33:12,033 --> 00:33:13,534
I said, "Well, sweetie, look."

485
00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:16,704
"If you tell those jokes
exactly how they're written,

486
00:33:16,787 --> 00:33:18,539
you and the kids should be fine."

487
00:33:19,874 --> 00:33:21,292
"They're really good jokes."

488
00:33:29,175 --> 00:33:31,343
She's like,
"Good jokes? What is this shit?"

489
00:33:31,427 --> 00:33:33,471
"'Come join me in my watery grave.'"

490
00:33:33,554 --> 00:33:35,139
No. You gotta roll your throat.

491
00:33:35,222 --> 00:33:39,560
[trilling voice]
Come join me in my watery grave.

492
00:33:47,777 --> 00:33:48,944
Oh, boy.

493
00:33:49,904 --> 00:33:50,905
Oh, boy.

494
00:33:52,573 --> 00:33:54,241
I have been married a long time.

495
00:33:55,409 --> 00:33:59,830
I have. You know, I talk a lot of shit
about my wife, but I love her very much.

496
00:33:59,914 --> 00:34:02,875
In fact, you know,
you guys wouldn't believe this about me.

497
00:34:02,958 --> 00:34:04,585
I'm a jealous husband.

498
00:34:06,420 --> 00:34:07,296
It's true.

499
00:34:08,047 --> 00:34:11,425
Let me tell you something. One time
I thought my wife was cheating on me.

500
00:34:11,509 --> 00:34:13,010
Yes, nigga. Yes.

501
00:34:15,554 --> 00:34:18,432
That was one of
the worst days of my fucking life.

502
00:34:18,516 --> 00:34:19,725
I couldn't take it.

503
00:34:19,809 --> 00:34:22,686
And I'm embarrassed about it now,
but I can talk about it.

504
00:34:23,354 --> 00:34:24,855
You know what I did?

505
00:34:24,939 --> 00:34:27,483
It's fucked up.
But I did do this. I waited.

506
00:34:28,442 --> 00:34:30,444
I waited for her to fall asleep.

507
00:34:31,445 --> 00:34:33,155
And I waited a long time.

508
00:34:34,740 --> 00:34:35,699
She's Asian.

509
00:34:35,783 --> 00:34:38,911
I couldn't tell if she was asleep or not.
I was looking at her…

510
00:34:50,172 --> 00:34:52,967
And when I was sure she was asleep,
you know what I did?

511
00:34:53,592 --> 00:34:54,969
I stole the iPhone.

512
00:34:55,636 --> 00:34:58,013
Took it downstairs,
started trying out passwords

513
00:34:58,097 --> 00:34:59,390
to see if I could open it.

514
00:34:59,473 --> 00:35:00,891
I couldn't figure out the password.

515
00:35:00,975 --> 00:35:04,061
Then I remembered, it's an iPhone.
This shit has facial recognition.

516
00:35:04,145 --> 00:35:05,146
I was just like…

517
00:35:09,525 --> 00:35:11,152
And that shit opened right up.

518
00:35:23,164 --> 00:35:26,083
And I saw a text message in there
from a fellow named Earl.

519
00:35:26,167 --> 00:35:27,793
I don't know anybody named Earl.

520
00:35:28,669 --> 00:35:30,546
I woke her up out of her sleep.

521
00:35:30,629 --> 00:35:33,507
I said, "Wake the fuck up!
Who the fuck is Earl?"

522
00:35:33,591 --> 00:35:36,844
She said, "What are you talking about?"
"Don't you play dumb with me, bitch!"

523
00:35:36,927 --> 00:35:39,430
"I done open your phone. Who is Earl?"

524
00:35:39,513 --> 00:35:42,099
She's like, "Oh, my God, David."

525
00:35:43,267 --> 00:35:45,644
"That's gay Earl from the hair salon."

526
00:35:45,728 --> 00:35:47,479
I said, "Word. What am I, a dummy?"

527
00:35:47,563 --> 00:35:49,815
"How am I supposed
to know this nigga is gay?"

528
00:35:50,691 --> 00:35:55,112
And she was calm. She said,
"Read his texts and look at his pictures."

529
00:35:55,946 --> 00:35:57,573
I started reading them texts.

530
00:35:58,240 --> 00:35:59,325
Hmm.

531
00:36:01,202 --> 00:36:04,038
"This fellow sure
does spell girl with a 'u' a lot."

532
00:36:07,875 --> 00:36:11,378
And I switched over and looked
at his pictures and I couldn't believe it.

533
00:36:11,462 --> 00:36:15,174
This fellow looked gay in still pictures.
His mouth was open in every shot.

534
00:36:20,638 --> 00:36:22,765
And then I knew she was telling the truth.

535
00:36:24,058 --> 00:36:25,434
And then I felt, like, dumb.

536
00:36:25,517 --> 00:36:26,977
I said, "I'm sorry."

537
00:36:27,728 --> 00:36:28,938
"I'm sorry. Okay?"

538
00:36:29,021 --> 00:36:30,940
"I'm sorry. Here. Take your phone."

539
00:36:31,023 --> 00:36:34,360
"I'm sorry. Just go back to sleep.
I am sorry. I just…"

540
00:36:34,443 --> 00:36:36,070
"I guess I've just been insecure

541
00:36:36,153 --> 00:36:39,073
'cause of all this cheating
I've been doing. Good night."

542
00:36:43,452 --> 00:36:46,372
She didn't let me leave.
Said, "Since you wanna wake a bitch up…"

543
00:36:46,455 --> 00:36:48,791
Then she pulled my phone
from under her pillow.

544
00:36:48,874 --> 00:36:50,626
I said, "What the fuck?"

545
00:36:52,002 --> 00:36:54,255
She said,
"Who is this bitch in this picture?"

546
00:36:54,338 --> 00:36:56,090
I said, "How'd you open that phone?"

547
00:36:56,173 --> 00:36:58,342
She said, "Easy. All I had
to do was mash my nose

548
00:36:58,425 --> 00:37:01,845
and go like this, and it opened right up."
I said, "What the fuck?"

549
00:37:05,641 --> 00:37:08,978
She said, "Who is this bitch?"
I said, "Give me that."

550
00:37:10,980 --> 00:37:14,108
"Girl, relax. That ain't no bitch.
This is my friend."

551
00:37:14,191 --> 00:37:15,317
"Deborah."

552
00:37:20,864 --> 00:37:23,742
I'm gonna close the night
with a long story. Do you mind?

553
00:37:29,665 --> 00:37:32,543
All right. It's a long one.
So pretend that I've finished.

554
00:37:32,626 --> 00:37:34,920
'Cause I gotta go get
a cigarette. All right?

555
00:37:35,004 --> 00:37:37,631
I'm not done, but just act like it.

556
00:37:37,715 --> 00:37:39,717
I'd prefer standing ovations
since we're acting.

557
00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:41,427
Thank you very much. Good night.

558
00:38:11,081 --> 00:38:13,667
Thanks for not giving me
a standing O, motherfuckers.

559
00:38:13,751 --> 00:38:14,877
This is the worst.

560
00:38:16,086 --> 00:38:18,839
It's all right. I just wanted to smoke.

561
00:38:21,008 --> 00:38:22,301
You like that, don't you?

562
00:38:28,849 --> 00:38:30,309
Okay.

563
00:38:30,392 --> 00:38:34,146
Before I did Killin' Them Softly,
when I was 22,

564
00:38:35,314 --> 00:38:38,859
HBO gave me the biggest opportunity
of my life at that time.

565
00:38:38,942 --> 00:38:40,569
They gave me a half-hour special,

566
00:38:40,652 --> 00:38:43,280
but this shit was not like a special,
you know what I mean?

567
00:38:43,364 --> 00:38:44,698
It was like, generic.

568
00:38:44,782 --> 00:38:47,701
It didn't even have a title.
It just says "Dave Chappelle."

569
00:38:48,869 --> 00:38:54,583
And I shot it in San Francisco,
at a place called Broadway Studios,

570
00:38:54,666 --> 00:38:57,294
which is on the second floor
of a building.

571
00:38:57,378 --> 00:39:00,881
And beneath Broadway Studios
is a nightclub.

572
00:39:02,132 --> 00:39:04,885
And the special
was only supposed to be 30 minutes.

573
00:39:05,844 --> 00:39:09,306
And I got ready. I practiced.
I did all the shit I was supposed to do.

574
00:39:10,099 --> 00:39:13,977
And the night that I taped,
20 minutes into my 30-minute set,

575
00:39:15,521 --> 00:39:17,064
I'll never forget this music.

576
00:39:17,731 --> 00:39:21,318
Music started blasting
from the nightclub underneath.

577
00:39:21,402 --> 00:39:26,407
You could hear it real loud and it fucked
my whole show up, and I was devastated.

578
00:39:27,324 --> 00:39:28,617
I was a young man.

579
00:39:29,660 --> 00:39:32,162
I really believed in what I was doing.

580
00:39:32,246 --> 00:39:34,706
And I thought
that my dream had been killed.

581
00:39:35,457 --> 00:39:37,835
So when I got off stage,
I ran down the steps

582
00:39:37,918 --> 00:39:42,172
to the alley behind Broadway Studios,
where the control trucks are parked,

583
00:39:42,256 --> 00:39:45,050
and I kicked that motherfucking door open.

584
00:39:45,134 --> 00:39:47,553
And I started yelling
at all the producers.

585
00:39:47,636 --> 00:39:50,973
I was nobody in show business.
Just a guy that believed in myself.

586
00:39:51,056 --> 00:39:53,517
I said, "Man, you fucked everything up."

587
00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:56,228
"That fucking music.
What the fuck were you thinking?"

588
00:39:56,311 --> 00:39:58,522
And there was a guy
who was a big-time producer.

589
00:39:58,605 --> 00:39:59,857
I ain't saying no names.

590
00:39:59,940 --> 00:40:03,861
He stood up and he said,
"Hey, kid, sit the fuck down."

591
00:40:04,820 --> 00:40:06,989
He said, "We didn't ruin anything."

592
00:40:07,072 --> 00:40:09,241
He said, "We made
a deal with that nightclub

593
00:40:09,324 --> 00:40:12,161
to not play music,
and they didn't honor the deal."

594
00:40:12,244 --> 00:40:15,497
And I said, "Who didn't honor the deal?"

595
00:40:15,581 --> 00:40:17,207
And he pointed to a guy.

596
00:40:17,916 --> 00:40:20,419
I'll never forget it.
It was an old white man

597
00:40:20,502 --> 00:40:22,546
sitting in a Ford Taurus by himself.

598
00:40:24,256 --> 00:40:26,133
And he said, "That guy right there."

599
00:40:26,216 --> 00:40:28,343
I didn't waste no time
or ask no questions.

600
00:40:28,427 --> 00:40:31,054
I went to that Ford Taurus
and I beat on that window,

601
00:40:31,138 --> 00:40:33,932
I said, "Open the door, motherfucker.
I want to talk to you."

602
00:40:34,016 --> 00:40:38,312
That old man looked at me for one second
and wisely drove the fuck off.

603
00:40:40,814 --> 00:40:44,067
And left me in the alley
cussing at anybody who would listen.

604
00:40:45,611 --> 00:40:49,406
And two minutes later,
literally 120 seconds later,

605
00:40:49,490 --> 00:40:51,575
it couldn't have been any more than that,

606
00:40:51,658 --> 00:40:54,995
the doors of the kitchen
in the alley of that nightclub

607
00:40:55,078 --> 00:40:57,706
underneath Broadway Studios swung open.

608
00:40:57,789 --> 00:41:01,835
And that old man was standing there,
that same old man with reinforcements.

609
00:41:01,919 --> 00:41:04,796
He had two big goons with him,
and he looked at me…

610
00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:06,381
He was calm as a cucumber.

611
00:41:06,465 --> 00:41:08,175
He said, "You, come here."

612
00:41:09,134 --> 00:41:10,511
"I want to talk to you."

613
00:41:11,512 --> 00:41:13,931
I didn't know anything
about streets at this age.

614
00:41:14,598 --> 00:41:18,560
But I found out later in my life
that these men were Russian mobsters.

615
00:41:19,478 --> 00:41:21,939
I don't know what you guys know
about the Russian mob,

616
00:41:22,022 --> 00:41:25,108
but these are the niggas
that killed Denzel in Training Day.

617
00:41:30,822 --> 00:41:33,033
All the producers knew
what I was up against.

618
00:41:33,116 --> 00:41:35,869
They said, "Dave, do not go in there."

619
00:41:35,953 --> 00:41:37,204
And I said, "Fuck y'all."

620
00:41:37,287 --> 00:41:40,999
And I walked right into that kitchen
and they closed the doors behind me,

621
00:41:41,083 --> 00:41:43,794
and it got the dark
as fuck in there, and I knew.

622
00:41:43,877 --> 00:41:47,798
I'm not dumb.
I knew I was in a bad situation.

623
00:41:47,881 --> 00:41:49,258
But you have to understand,

624
00:41:49,341 --> 00:41:52,636
I believed in what I was doing,
and I didn't give a fuck.

625
00:41:52,719 --> 00:41:55,055
Just kept cussing at these motherfuckers.

626
00:41:55,138 --> 00:41:57,140
Tell them how they ruined my life.

627
00:41:57,224 --> 00:42:01,395
And that old man couldn't believe
that I was talking all of this shit.

628
00:42:02,729 --> 00:42:05,357
And as soon as I took a breath,
he stopped me gently.

629
00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:07,276
He said, "Hey, kid, listen."

630
00:42:08,485 --> 00:42:10,153
"Your friends lied to you."

631
00:42:11,321 --> 00:42:12,906
He said. "We made a deal."

632
00:42:13,615 --> 00:42:16,326
"But your friends never paid me."

633
00:42:17,411 --> 00:42:21,164
And when he said that,
I realized I was locked in a kitchen.

634
00:42:26,211 --> 00:42:30,007
I realized he was telling the truth,
which would make me wrong.

635
00:42:30,090 --> 00:42:34,303
And the moment, the very moment
that I realized I was wrong,

636
00:42:34,386 --> 00:42:37,139
for the first time, I was afraid.

637
00:42:38,098 --> 00:42:42,936
You see, it's a funny thing
if you believe you're absolutely right.

638
00:42:43,854 --> 00:42:47,524
You can get drunk off
the feeling of how right you are.

639
00:42:47,608 --> 00:42:49,359
That's why gay people are so mean.

640
00:43:02,664 --> 00:43:03,832
But I didn't buckle.

641
00:43:03,915 --> 00:43:06,126
You guys would've been very proud of me.

642
00:43:06,209 --> 00:43:08,003
I was scared, but I didn't buckle.

643
00:43:08,086 --> 00:43:11,173
I said, "Well, then, sir,
I owe you an apology."

644
00:43:11,923 --> 00:43:15,302
"But I believe that no matter what reason
that music was playing,

645
00:43:15,385 --> 00:43:16,762
it ruined my life."

646
00:43:17,804 --> 00:43:21,683
And that old man looked at me
with sympathy in his eyes.

647
00:43:22,476 --> 00:43:26,813
And he walked over to me
and he gently placed his hand on my cheek.

648
00:43:26,897 --> 00:43:31,234
Which I gotta tell you,
it is a very emasculating thing to do.

649
00:43:32,319 --> 00:43:35,781
I was standing there looking
at this nigga's hand on my cheek, like…

650
00:43:41,953 --> 00:43:46,166
And he said, "You are a real man."

651
00:43:46,958 --> 00:43:48,627
And he tapped me on my cheek.

652
00:43:49,670 --> 00:43:50,837
Real soft.

653
00:43:52,172 --> 00:43:55,092
And just like that,
the doors open back up.

654
00:43:55,801 --> 00:43:58,261
The light from the alley
flooded into the kitchen,

655
00:43:58,345 --> 00:44:00,347
and I just walked out alive.

656
00:44:00,430 --> 00:44:03,558
I lived to fight… another day.

657
00:44:04,518 --> 00:44:06,019
And in that moment,

658
00:44:06,103 --> 00:44:08,772
I learned one of the most
valuable lessons of my life,

659
00:44:08,855 --> 00:44:10,857
and I have to share it with you.

660
00:44:10,941 --> 00:44:12,275
And that lesson is this.

661
00:44:13,110 --> 00:44:17,572
In your life, at any given moment,

662
00:44:17,656 --> 00:44:22,119
the strongest dream
in that moment wins that moment.

663
00:44:22,202 --> 00:44:26,373
I am a very powerful dreamer.

664
00:44:27,374 --> 00:44:29,251
Yeah, I'm not lying.

665
00:44:33,880 --> 00:44:37,342
I dreamed tonight, this very night,

666
00:44:37,426 --> 00:44:39,553
as a 14-year-old boy,

667
00:44:39,636 --> 00:44:43,223
and I am living it as a 50-year-old man.

668
00:44:43,306 --> 00:44:46,601
My dreams are very strong.

669
00:44:48,770 --> 00:44:51,106
Today, I walked all around Washington.

670
00:44:51,189 --> 00:44:53,316
I used to be poor in this city,

671
00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:56,903
and all day, people just said,
"Hey, Dave. Hey, Dave."

672
00:44:56,987 --> 00:45:01,116
Like they knew me personally,
and I felt like I knew them.

673
00:45:01,199 --> 00:45:05,328
And I say to myself,
"My God, Dave, what a powerful dream."

674
00:45:06,163 --> 00:45:07,873
But then, sometimes…

675
00:45:10,709 --> 00:45:14,463
Sometimes… I feel regular.

676
00:45:15,922 --> 00:45:17,841
I just feel like myself.

677
00:45:17,924 --> 00:45:21,595
Maybe I'll smoke some weed
and be at some nightclub and feel shy.

678
00:45:22,929 --> 00:45:26,766
But I'll look across the nightclub,
see some guy that no one's ever heard of.

679
00:45:26,850 --> 00:45:29,769
But this nigga worked all week
and got bottle service,

680
00:45:29,853 --> 00:45:34,149
and this bitch is bringing
Moët and sparklers to 'em.

681
00:45:35,108 --> 00:45:36,985
I picture, in my mind, he's Persian.

682
00:45:37,068 --> 00:45:39,905
He's doing some kind
of weird Persian dance.

683
00:45:39,988 --> 00:45:42,699
He got six bitches at his table
because he got so much liquor.

684
00:45:42,782 --> 00:45:46,203
And they all just saying,
"Go Cena! Go Cena!"

685
00:45:46,286 --> 00:45:49,247
And I was looking across
the room like, "Oh, my God."

686
00:45:49,956 --> 00:45:51,791
"I'm in that guy's dream."

687
00:45:52,751 --> 00:45:56,254
I can hear him telling his friends.
"Hey, how was the club last night?"

688
00:45:56,338 --> 00:45:58,673
"That shit was fantastic.
I had bottle service."

689
00:45:58,757 --> 00:46:02,469
"I seen Dave Chappelle across the club,
looking at me like, 'Who is that?'"

690
00:46:05,472 --> 00:46:08,308
And that's the trick to life.

691
00:46:08,975 --> 00:46:14,314
You have to be wise enough to know
when you were living in your dream.

692
00:46:14,397 --> 00:46:19,110
And you have to be humble enough
to accept when you're in someone else's.

693
00:46:21,404 --> 00:46:22,489
That's why…

694
00:46:23,823 --> 00:46:28,370
That's why I don't judge
between Will Smith, and Chris Rock.

695
00:46:29,120 --> 00:46:31,414
Because you guys
look at them as big ideas,

696
00:46:31,498 --> 00:46:34,918
but I look at them as fellow dreamers.

697
00:46:35,669 --> 00:46:40,340
I can't judge between them
because I see myself in both of them.

698
00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:42,592
I am Will Smith.

699
00:46:42,676 --> 00:46:45,512
I am the man that cannot take it anymore

700
00:46:45,595 --> 00:46:48,098
and will slap the shit
out of the next person

701
00:46:48,181 --> 00:46:51,476
that says a cross word to me
or somebody that I love.

702
00:46:52,269 --> 00:46:53,562
And I am Chris Rock.

703
00:46:54,187 --> 00:46:57,983
I am the man that can get slapped
in front of the whole world

704
00:46:58,692 --> 00:47:02,612
and keep my composure
so I don't fuck anything up.

705
00:47:03,947 --> 00:47:09,244
That… is what… men do.

706
00:47:10,537 --> 00:47:12,622
Men make boundaries.

707
00:47:12,706 --> 00:47:14,708
Men enforce boundaries.

708
00:47:14,791 --> 00:47:17,335
And men tests boundaries.

709
00:47:17,419 --> 00:47:20,589
And no man test more boundaries

710
00:47:20,672 --> 00:47:21,798
than a trans man.

711
00:47:35,353 --> 00:47:39,149
When I see a fellow dreamer,
I give them my utmost respect,

712
00:47:39,232 --> 00:47:41,776
even if I don't understand
what their dream is.

713
00:47:41,860 --> 00:47:44,154
I know a dreamer when I see one.

714
00:47:44,237 --> 00:47:47,490
And I've met
many powerful dreamers in my life.

715
00:47:47,574 --> 00:47:48,992
None more powerful

716
00:47:50,785 --> 00:47:53,580
than a man who calls himself…

717
00:47:55,457 --> 00:47:56,750
Lil Nas X.

718
00:48:01,004 --> 00:48:04,674
I met this nigga at a party.
I had no idea who he was.

719
00:48:04,758 --> 00:48:08,345
But the minute he walked in that party,
I knew I was in his dream.

720
00:48:10,972 --> 00:48:13,141
Everybody in the party
was another dreamer.

721
00:48:13,224 --> 00:48:14,225
Everyone was famous.

722
00:48:14,309 --> 00:48:15,810
But when that nigga walked in,

723
00:48:15,894 --> 00:48:18,229
he was dressed like C-3PO.
He was shining.

724
00:48:22,776 --> 00:48:26,196
And everyone was like, "Oh, my God,
there he is. That's Lil Nas X!"

725
00:48:26,279 --> 00:48:28,156
I didn't know who he was.
For some reason,

726
00:48:28,239 --> 00:48:30,950
out of all of them dreamers,
he walked right up to me.

727
00:48:34,621 --> 00:48:37,499
And he said,
"I tried to get you in my video."

728
00:48:37,582 --> 00:48:40,794
I didn't know what the fuck
he was talking about. I said, "What?"

729
00:48:41,920 --> 00:48:43,296
"What video?"

730
00:48:43,380 --> 00:48:45,173
And he was just looking at me like…

731
00:48:46,466 --> 00:48:48,802
"You know what video," and walked away.

732
00:48:51,721 --> 00:48:54,933
And I watched him walk away.
I said, "Man." I said…

733
00:48:55,767 --> 00:48:58,269
"This nigga's having
a very powerful dream."

734
00:49:03,400 --> 00:49:04,984
You know what it reminded me of?

735
00:49:05,068 --> 00:49:07,070
It remind me
of when we was in grade school.

736
00:49:07,153 --> 00:49:10,198
Remember, the teacher would ask everybody
what they want to be.

737
00:49:10,281 --> 00:49:13,910
"Timmy. Timmy, what do you
want to be when you grow up?"

738
00:49:14,661 --> 00:49:16,079
Timmy acted like he had an idea.

739
00:49:16,162 --> 00:49:18,915
He'd stand up and he'd say,
"I want to be a fireman."

740
00:49:18,998 --> 00:49:22,961
And the teacher would say,
"Timmy, that is a beautiful dream."

741
00:49:23,044 --> 00:49:24,838
But Timmy didn't mean it.

742
00:49:24,921 --> 00:49:26,756
Timmy said he wanted to be a fireman

743
00:49:26,840 --> 00:49:29,384
because deep down,
Timmy is attracted to fire.

744
00:49:32,887 --> 00:49:36,683
And by the time he's 14 years old,
this nigga is a full-blown pyromaniac,

745
00:49:36,766 --> 00:49:39,686
playing with kerosene and matches
like a goddamn expert.

746
00:49:39,769 --> 00:49:43,440
Then one night he goes downtown
with his buddies fucking around with fire,

747
00:49:43,523 --> 00:49:44,941
burns a warehouse down.

748
00:49:45,024 --> 00:49:47,193
He doesn't know it,
but there's 13 migrant workers

749
00:49:47,277 --> 00:49:48,945
from El Salvador in that motherfucker.

750
00:49:49,028 --> 00:49:51,364
They get trapped
and then they die in the fire.

751
00:49:51,448 --> 00:49:52,532
Isn't that a tragedy?

752
00:49:53,950 --> 00:49:55,243
Well, it was an accident.

753
00:49:56,619 --> 00:49:59,831
He's only 14 years old. But he's Black.

754
00:49:59,914 --> 00:50:02,125
So they try him as an adult.

755
00:50:02,208 --> 00:50:04,836
Timmy ends up spending
the rest of his life in jail.

756
00:50:04,919 --> 00:50:06,963
Dream deferred.
[mimics buzzer sound]

757
00:50:14,721 --> 00:50:16,139
"What about you, Billy?"

758
00:50:16,222 --> 00:50:19,142
"Billy? Billy, What do you
want to be when you grow up?"

759
00:50:19,225 --> 00:50:20,977
Billy stands up and he says,

760
00:50:21,060 --> 00:50:25,148
"I want to be president
of the United States."

761
00:50:25,231 --> 00:50:27,567
And the teacher says, "Oh, my God, Billy."

762
00:50:27,650 --> 00:50:31,279
"Billy, that is a wonderful dream."

763
00:50:32,489 --> 00:50:34,032
And Billy means that shit.

764
00:50:34,657 --> 00:50:36,451
Billy does everything right.

765
00:50:36,534 --> 00:50:39,913
That motherfucker gets his grades up,
he joins student government.

766
00:50:39,996 --> 00:50:41,831
He even does extracurricular activities

767
00:50:41,915 --> 00:50:44,334
like show choir
just to make his resume look good.

768
00:50:44,417 --> 00:50:46,336
He's on track to be president.

769
00:50:46,419 --> 00:50:48,630
But junior year, he wipes.

770
00:50:48,713 --> 00:50:51,090
When he's 16,
he gets his girlfriend pregnant,

771
00:50:51,966 --> 00:50:54,594
and has to drop out of high school
to make ends meet.

772
00:50:55,637 --> 00:50:58,807
But lucky for him,
the local Walmart's hiring.

773
00:51:00,850 --> 00:51:02,393
By the time he's 20 years old,

774
00:51:02,477 --> 00:51:05,063
this motherfucker makes
assistant manager at Walmart.

775
00:51:05,146 --> 00:51:07,023
He's the youngest one in the district.

776
00:51:07,106 --> 00:51:10,235
He says, "Oh, my God,
if I can keep this up for four more years,

777
00:51:10,318 --> 00:51:12,028
I could be a manager."

778
00:51:12,111 --> 00:51:14,781
"If I can keep this up
for six more years after that,

779
00:51:14,864 --> 00:51:16,741
I could even be a regional manager

780
00:51:16,825 --> 00:51:20,119
and have as many
as three Walmarts under my control."

781
00:51:21,496 --> 00:51:24,833
And he's a big-picture guy.
He sees where this path is going.

782
00:51:25,542 --> 00:51:26,751
So he kills himself.

783
00:51:31,840 --> 00:51:33,341
[mimics buzzer sound]

784
00:51:40,932 --> 00:51:42,308
"What about you?"

785
00:51:42,892 --> 00:51:45,019
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

786
00:51:45,937 --> 00:51:47,480
"I don't wanna say."

787
00:51:48,314 --> 00:51:50,942
"Because I don't want
the other kids to laugh at me."

788
00:51:51,818 --> 00:51:53,653
"Who cares if they laugh?"

789
00:51:53,736 --> 00:51:55,363
"Your dream is yours."

790
00:51:56,573 --> 00:51:58,825
"Own your dreams so they can come true."

791
00:51:58,908 --> 00:52:01,077
"Say it loud and proud."

792
00:52:01,160 --> 00:52:03,580
"What do you want to be when you grow up,

793
00:52:03,663 --> 00:52:05,039
Lil Nas X?"

794
00:52:08,042 --> 00:52:10,503
That nigga stood up
in front of the whole class.

795
00:52:11,838 --> 00:52:14,340
"I want to be
the gayest nigga that ever lived."

796
00:52:15,925 --> 00:52:17,260
"I want to do a music video,

797
00:52:17,343 --> 00:52:20,430
slide down a stripper pole,
all the way to the depths of hell,

798
00:52:20,513 --> 00:52:23,683
and suck the devil's dick
at ten o'clock on BET

799
00:52:23,766 --> 00:52:26,060
while all the kids
are awake and can see me."

800
00:52:29,856 --> 00:52:32,525
Shockingly, that was
the only dream that worked out.

801
00:52:43,494 --> 00:52:45,246
That's why I'm here.

802
00:52:45,872 --> 00:52:47,206
Tonight.

803
00:52:47,290 --> 00:52:50,752
In the city
where I built the dreams that I live.

804
00:52:50,835 --> 00:52:54,297
'Cause I wanted
to tell you all that they came true.

805
00:52:54,380 --> 00:52:59,093
And I wanted to thank you all
for making the man that I am today.

806
00:53:04,182 --> 00:53:07,435
Yes, I am living a very powerful dream.

807
00:53:07,518 --> 00:53:11,773
Every time I come to this city
and I stand in front of you,

808
00:53:11,856 --> 00:53:16,194
I realize that, "My God, man,
this is not my dream at all."

809
00:53:16,277 --> 00:53:20,531
"It's yours,
and I am honored to be in it."

810
00:53:20,615 --> 00:53:23,409
Thank you very much, Washington D.C.

811
00:53:23,493 --> 00:53:25,328
I'll see you next time.

812
00:53:33,670 --> 00:53:36,130
♪ Well, you can tell everybody ♪

813
00:53:36,214 --> 00:53:39,092
♪ Yeah, you can tell everybody ♪

814
00:53:39,175 --> 00:53:41,928
♪ Go ahead and tell everybody ♪

815
00:53:42,011 --> 00:53:44,847
♪ I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man ♪

816
00:53:44,931 --> 00:53:47,976
♪ I believe every lie that I ever told ♪

817
00:53:48,059 --> 00:53:50,812
♪ Paid for every heart that I ever stole ♪

818
00:53:50,895 --> 00:53:53,272
♪ I played my cards and I didn't fold ♪

819
00:53:53,356 --> 00:53:56,275
♪ Well, it ain't that hard
If you got soul ♪

820
00:53:56,359 --> 00:53:58,403
♪ This is my world ♪

821
00:53:58,486 --> 00:54:01,239
♪ Somewhere I heard that life is a test ♪

822
00:54:01,322 --> 00:54:04,033
♪ I been through the worst
But I still give my best ♪

823
00:54:04,117 --> 00:54:06,869
♪ God made my mold
Different from the rest ♪

824
00:54:06,953 --> 00:54:10,331
♪ Then he broke that mold
So I know I'm blessed ♪

825
00:54:10,415 --> 00:54:12,500
♪ This is my world ♪

826
00:54:12,583 --> 00:54:15,294
♪ Stand up now and face the sun ♪

827
00:54:15,378 --> 00:54:17,922
♪ Won't hide my tail or turn and run ♪

828
00:54:18,006 --> 00:54:20,758
♪ It's time to do what must be done ♪

829
00:54:20,842 --> 00:54:23,678
♪ Be a king when kingdom comes ♪

830
00:54:23,761 --> 00:54:26,347
♪ Well, you can tell everybody ♪

831
00:54:26,431 --> 00:54:29,308
♪ Yeah, you can tell everybody ♪

832
00:54:29,392 --> 00:54:32,103
♪ Go ahead and tell everybody ♪

833
00:54:32,186 --> 00:54:35,189
♪ I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man ♪

834
00:54:35,273 --> 00:54:37,608
♪ Well, you can tell everybody ♪

835
00:54:37,692 --> 00:54:40,403
♪ Yeah, you can tell everybody ♪

836
00:54:40,486 --> 00:54:43,281
♪ Go ahead and tell everybody ♪

837
00:54:43,364 --> 00:54:45,867
♪ I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man ♪

838
00:54:45,950 --> 00:54:48,536
♪ Yes I am, yes I am, yes I am ♪

839
00:54:48,619 --> 00:54:51,622
♪ I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man ♪

840
00:54:51,706 --> 00:54:54,375
♪ I got all the answers
To your questions ♪

841
00:54:54,459 --> 00:54:57,170
♪ I'll be the teacher
You can be the lesson ♪

842
00:54:57,253 --> 00:54:59,964
♪ I'll be the preacher
You be the confession ♪

843
00:55:00,048 --> 00:55:03,384
♪ I'll be the quick relief
To all your stressin' ♪

844
00:55:03,468 --> 00:55:05,511
♪ This is my world ♪

845
00:55:05,595 --> 00:55:08,306
♪ It's a thin line between love and hate ♪

846
00:55:08,389 --> 00:55:11,267
♪ Is you really real
Or is you really fake? ♪

847
00:55:11,350 --> 00:55:13,853
♪ I'm a soldier standing on my feet ♪

848
00:55:13,936 --> 00:55:17,482
♪ No surrender and I won't retreat ♪

849
00:55:17,565 --> 00:55:19,442
♪ This is my world ♪

850
00:55:19,525 --> 00:55:22,236
♪ Stand up now and face the sun ♪

851
00:55:22,320 --> 00:55:25,073
♪ Won't hide my tail
Or turn and run ♪

852
00:55:25,156 --> 00:55:27,784
♪ It's time to do what must be done ♪

853
00:55:27,867 --> 00:55:33,414
♪ And be a king when kingdom comes ♪

854
00:55:33,498 --> 00:55:36,167
♪ Well, you can tell everybody ♪

855
00:55:36,250 --> 00:55:39,003
♪ Yeah, you can tell everybody ♪

856
00:55:39,087 --> 00:55:41,798
♪ Go ahead and tell everybody ♪

857
00:55:41,881 --> 00:55:44,550
♪ I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man ♪

858
00:55:44,634 --> 00:55:47,386
♪ Well, you can tell everybody ♪

859
00:55:47,470 --> 00:55:50,139
♪ Yeah, you can tell everybody ♪

860
00:55:50,223 --> 00:55:52,975
♪ Go ahead and tell everybody ♪

861
00:55:53,059 --> 00:55:55,770
♪ I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man ♪

862
00:55:55,853 --> 00:55:58,564
♪ Well, you can tell everybody ♪

863
00:55:58,648 --> 00:56:01,400
♪ Yeah, you can tell everybody ♪

864
00:56:01,484 --> 00:56:04,112
♪ Go ahead and tell everybody ♪

865
00:56:04,195 --> 00:56:06,781
♪ I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man ♪

866
00:56:06,864 --> 00:56:09,659
♪ Well, you can tell everybody ♪

867
00:56:09,742 --> 00:56:12,495
♪ Yeah, you can tell everybody ♪

868
00:56:12,578 --> 00:56:15,248
♪ Go ahead and tell everybody ♪

869
00:56:15,331 --> 00:56:18,251
♪ I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man ♪

870
00:56:18,334 --> 00:56:21,087
♪ Yes I am, yes I am, yes I am ♪

871
00:56:21,170 --> 00:56:25,091
♪ I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man ♪

872
00:56:34,767 --> 00:56:40,523
[announcer] This is protected
by the red, the black and the green

873
00:56:40,606 --> 00:56:43,776
at the crossroad with a key.