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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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This was real important to Mike Epps
to come back to Indianapolis,
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to represent and put his city on the map.
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Get on your feet!
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Put your hands together
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for Mike Epps!
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Hey!
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-What's up, downtown?
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-Yeah!
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-Three-one-seven!
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Where the sexy ladies at?
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Who ain't got no panties on?
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Some guys yelled too when I said,
"Who ain't got no panties on?" over there.
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Better not be over there naked,
nigga, up under them jeans.
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What's up, Naptown!
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Yeah.
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We on the Avenue tonight, y'all.
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We on the Avenue.
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Yeah. The Madame CJ Walker Building, man.
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Yeah, we on the Avenue, man.
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Everybody's mama got lied to
on this street before back in the day.
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This the Ave right here.
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Yeah, we in motherfucking Naptown.
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Yeah. Shut the fuck up. Shit.
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Yeah, man. Everybody's mama got lapped.
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My mama and daddy met on this street
at a club called Place to Play.
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Y'all too young for that, yeah.
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That's-- Yeah, that's where
it was going down
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at the Place to Play, nigga.
The Avenue, nigga.
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Ain't nobody got no COVID in here,
do they? Shit.
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They all on my ass.
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Little fake COVID card motherfuckers.
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Yeah, that COVID is some bullshit, man,
you know.
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Fuckers talking about taking the shot.
I-I don't know what the fuck to do.
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That shit is…
they trying to scare you with the shit.
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"Go ahead and take it.
Got a pill now."
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I went on and got it. I said, "Fuck it."
I went and got the motherfucker. Shit.
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Yeah, I went on and got it.
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When they start talking about
cutting my shit off Netflix,
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I said, "Here! Where you gonna hit it at?
Put it in."
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I said, "Hit me in the ass with it.
Hit me-- Hit me--"
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I thought I had it, I-I did.
I thought I had it.
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I went to the doctor.
He said, "That ain't what I said."
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I said, "What'd you say?"
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He said, "I told you, you tested positive
for cocaine on the 19th."
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I said, "I didn't hear you.
Didn't hear what you said."
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"All I heard was 19."
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See, niggas don't wanna take the shot.
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The best way to get niggas
to take that shot is put it in flavors.
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"That motherfucker pi--
that-that pineapple Moderna, nigga!"
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"Shit!"
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"That watermelon Pfizer!"
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"Nigga, yeah. I'm on my ninth shot, man."
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"You know they got the mango
coming down next month, man."
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We got the Mayor Hogsett in the house.
Y'all, give it up for Mayor Hogsett!
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-Mayor Hogsett!
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Me and him was drinking all day today.
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That's what I like about him.
He don't give a fuck.
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He be on the commercials lit as hell.
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"Get another drink
and go deal with these idiots."
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Mayor Hogsett, y'all.
Give him a round of applause.
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We got a lot of great people in the house.
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André Carson, y'all.
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André Carson! André Carson!
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From the hood, from the hood!
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You hear me.
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Yeah, man.
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That's how we doing it in Indiana, shit.
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Yeah, man.
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We got a lot of great people in the house.
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We got the hood mama,
Miss Bimery in the house!
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Give it up for Miss Bimery!
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She done helped all kind of niggas
get out of jail around the neighborhood.
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She one of them Black women,
if the police got you on the car,
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she'll come down there,
"What the fuck did he do?"
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"Get the fuck out of his face."
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"You better not hurt him, motherfucker."
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"We'll be down there to get you, baby."
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Nigga in the backseat,
"Go tell my mama I love her, Miss Bimery."
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We in Indiana, man. This where niggas come
to get white girls at.
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This is where Black men come
and get white girls at in Indiana.
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There be a brother in Brownsburg
with a white girl, "I got a white girl."
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"Yeah, I'm down here in Brownsburg
right now, know what I mean?"
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"Me and my white girl
got us a trailer park, you know."
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"Nigga named Dewayne."
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Yeah. All the brothers in here
with a white girl right now,
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you had your ticket two months ago.
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Them white girls don't play,
"We're gonna enjoy your show."
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"You're enjoy yourself.
We're gonna get your tickets."
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"We're gonna call your friends."
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Black women will buy the ticket
and won't tell you they got it.
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And be punking you
all through the motherfucking house.
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"You still wanna go
to that show, don't you?"
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"Better watch your motherfucking mouth."
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"You won't be going."
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"You can clean the whole garage."
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Hmm.
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You know, if you got COVID-19,
you can eat a stranger out.
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'Cause you ain't gonna smell it
or taste it.
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If a woman's coochie stank,
does that mean the kid's gonna be bad?
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I mean, they did come
from a bad environment.
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Fellas, never date a woman
who don't respect your wife.
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I said that wrong.
I didn't mean to say that.
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Yeah, this is a union, bitch.
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Ladies, you ever just look
at your man sometime and just say,
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"I just let anybody fuck."
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Where the fat vegans at?
Any fat vegans in here tonight?
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Them is some lying motherfuckers,
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them fucking fat vegans.
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"I don't eat that,
I don't eat that, I don't… Uh-uh, uh-uh."
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"Have you read what's in that?
I don't eat that, I don't eat…"
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You eating something, motherfucker.
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I got a cousin. She's 700 lbs.
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She called me crying the other day.
I said, "What's wrong?"
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"They snatching women
in the neighborhood."
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I said, "And what are you worried about?"
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"Ain't gonna snatch nothing around you."
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"You might get forklift
off one these streets."
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Anyway, she been running down the street
where the women been getting snatched.
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She's jogging down the street,
looking in car, trying to get snatched.
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She's looking in the car.
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She running through the park.
She waving at cars.
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'Cause you know how
them big girls, they run real slow.
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The van that been--
that been snatching the women
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rolled past her five fucking times
the other night.
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I told her, "What does that tell you?"
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"They didn't see me."
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I said, "How in the fuck
did they not see-- They seen you."
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How can somebody not see
a-a circle on the corner?
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A big Cheerio standing there
on the corner, and ain't nobody see you.
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Anyway, she got snatched. They ended up…
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I think they snatched her last Thursday
or something like that.
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Yeah, they snatched her.
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I talked to the detective.
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He said, "Mr. Epps, she got in the van."
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Yeah, she got in the van.
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As soon as they stopped, she got in…
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It's a lot of young girls in here
with some old men in here now. I-I…
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Just sprinkled off in here.
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I'll see your AARP card lit up.
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When you see them old men walk
like Mr. Ricky, walk like that.
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He tired of you hiding him.
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You take him to one of them events?
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Not a event, a "e-vent."
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"You gonna stop hiding me.
Shit, I'm ready to be seen."
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She be walking up front.
"Come on, Mr. Ricky. Hurry up."
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Mr. Ricky, "Everybody know
we're together now. You cut the bullshit."
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When Mr. Ricky get mad
and she say the wrong thing
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and he turn around, he gonna say,
"Look, bitch. Let me tell you something."
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He done put that spin on it
like it was a-a-a…
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"Look here, let me tell you something.
Don't you ever in your fucking life!"
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Yeah, well shit.
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I like Indiana 'cause
everybody play basketball out here.
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Everybody can play ball a little bit.
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A little bit, you know.
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We got the Indiana Pacers in the house.
Give it up for the Indiana Pacers!
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-Pacers!
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00:12:21,949 --> 00:12:25,119
Yeah, them my niggas right there,
them Pacers!
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Yeah.
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I tried it, yeah. Everybody in Indiana
thought they was going pro.
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End up going to prison.
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You ought to see them niggas playing ball
in the penitentiaries in Indiana.
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Boy, them niggas is some bad niggas.
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Yeah, real shit.
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And I used to make the team.
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I used to make the team.
168
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:53,647
And then when them report cards come out,
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over with.
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The coach say, "Yeah, man."
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"You might be able to play
that last game we got
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00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:06,577
against Manual coming up."
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Yeah, I used to just shoot the ball.
Coach be mad.
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Everybody be lining up
just cussing motherfuckers out.
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"I don't give a damn.
You need to get back on defense!"
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And when he got to me, he said,
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"You are not Reggie Miller."
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I was like, "Fuck basketball.
I ain't playing this shit."
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Everybody in Indiana can play ball,
and when you see a nigga
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that's pigeon-toed,
that got a booty up high,
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them niggas can dunk right there.
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Nigga that's pigeon-toed, booty up high,
nigga can jump out the ceiling.
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00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:50,788
That's how you do it.
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"Throw the ball up here.
Throw it up here!"
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00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:04,426
One of them pigeon-toed niggas,
"Throw that ball up here. Throw it up!"
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00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:08,138
Jumping out the ceiling!
187
00:14:10,724 --> 00:14:14,061
Shit.
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00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:15,229
Yeah, that's real.
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00:14:15,813 --> 00:14:17,857
I see a lot of white people.
I wanna tell you,
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00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:20,150
y'all are about to be extinct in a minute.
191
00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:27,199
'Cause you're not fucking enough.
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00:14:29,326 --> 00:14:31,412
White people, no, they don't fuck enough.
193
00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:36,959
They only got two kids to a house.
194
00:14:38,335 --> 00:14:40,963
Black people, we fucking.
I don't give a fuck.
195
00:14:41,505 --> 00:14:44,425
You can put us in prison.
We gonna get the guard pregnant.
196
00:14:44,925 --> 00:14:48,345
"Come here. Put your ass
up against the bars."
197
00:14:54,852 --> 00:14:57,563
White people,
they be thinking about their money.
198
00:14:57,646 --> 00:14:59,982
"I can't come in you right now, honey."
199
00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:04,987
"I have to get our stocks and bonds up
before I bust in you."
200
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:11,535
Niggas don't give a fuck.
We don't give a fuck.
201
00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:12,953
We can be poor on welfare.
202
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,876
"Yeah, let's bring this poor baby
in the world."
203
00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:32,723
All the motherfucking women
that's feeding their kids Popeyes chicken,
204
00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:34,892
them niggas is going to the NFL.
205
00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:40,898
You want your baby to go pro?
Eat Popeyes while you pregnant.
206
00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:43,484
He's going pro.
207
00:15:44,526 --> 00:15:48,238
All them NFL players,
their mama and daddy is 5 foot 2.
208
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:52,201
They 6'8", 399 pounds.
209
00:15:52,868 --> 00:15:56,121
Motherfuckers was eating Popeyes
when they was in the stomach.
210
00:15:56,997 --> 00:15:59,249
Big breasts.
211
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,878
Chicken wing, that butter biscuit.
212
00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:07,675
Yeah, that's some good shit right there.
213
00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:10,010
Yeah, I love Indianapolis, man.
This is a…
214
00:16:10,094 --> 00:16:12,137
a good, cold motherfucker right here.
215
00:16:13,555 --> 00:16:15,766
It's good and cold, you know what I mean?
216
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:19,144
Everybody here been to jail at least once.
217
00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:27,987
I got my lawyer in here right now
from 1992.
218
00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:31,532
Where you at, Jeff?
Put your hand up, Jeff Baldwin.
219
00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:34,576
Jeff Baldwin stand up.
220
00:16:38,706 --> 00:16:41,625
You got so many niggas out of prison,
it don't matter.
221
00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:50,175
I was facing 20 to 50 years.
222
00:16:50,259 --> 00:16:52,469
Jeff told me, "It don't look good, Mike."
223
00:16:59,768 --> 00:17:04,440
"It don't look good, Mike.
I'm telling you that right now."
224
00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:06,191
But that's good, man.
225
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:08,610
When you got a real lawyer,
know what I mean?
226
00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:11,655
Not one of them
fake-ass public pretenders.
227
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:17,953
You in jail, and they never been to jail,
and here come some young motherfucker,
228
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:19,830
"Okay, sign your name right here."
229
00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:25,753
"Let's get it over with.
You wanna get out, right?"
230
00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:30,841
Yeah.
231
00:17:30,924 --> 00:17:34,178
Marion County Jail,
that motherfucker right there, shit.
232
00:17:34,928 --> 00:17:36,555
I seen Mike Tyson one time.
233
00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:39,141
I was like, "Mike."
He was like, "Where you from?"
234
00:17:39,224 --> 00:17:40,392
I said, "Indianapolis."
235
00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:42,352
He was like, "Oh shit!"
236
00:17:49,526 --> 00:17:54,031
He was like, "I don't never wanna go
to that motherfucker, right there."
237
00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:01,914
I remember one time I had a girl
come from out of town. She came here.
238
00:18:01,997 --> 00:18:04,041
Got her some White Castles and shit.
239
00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:07,294
She jumped off the plane. "I'm hungry."
240
00:18:07,377 --> 00:18:10,756
"Oh, Indianapolis. I love Naptown."
241
00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:13,258
I took it, "I'm hungry
Let's get some food."
242
00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:14,968
I took her to White Castle.
243
00:18:15,636 --> 00:18:17,971
She was eating them little hamburgers.
She was…
244
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,724
Onion rings.
245
00:18:23,227 --> 00:18:26,188
I called the next morning,
she in the hospital over…
246
00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:32,027
in fucking Wilshire, she over there.
They pumping her stomach.
247
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:37,825
She said,
"What the fuck was in them hamburgers?"
248
00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:44,373
She said, "The doctor said
I almost died last night."
249
00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:51,463
She said, "Fuck that shit."
250
00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:55,217
Yeah, that's some real shit.
251
00:18:55,759 --> 00:18:58,554
I know during the pandemic,
that was some scary shit.
252
00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:01,890
Everybody was stuck in the house.
You go to the fucking grocery store,
253
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,892
everybody looking at each other crazy.
254
00:19:05,894 --> 00:19:07,521
"You ain't got it, do you?"
255
00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:12,985
Walking through the grocery store,
256
00:19:13,068 --> 00:19:15,445
ain't no motherfucking toilet paper,
all soap.
257
00:19:17,614 --> 00:19:20,075
I said, "They--
Yeah, they wiping their ass,
258
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,535
but they ain't washing it."
259
00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:25,914
There's some funky booty niggas
out here somewhere.
260
00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:31,628
That shit was crazier than a motherfucker.
261
00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:35,424
Dr. Fauci on the fucking TV every day
scaring motherfuckers.
262
00:19:35,924 --> 00:19:37,342
"Well, this is the problem."
263
00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:40,470
"I know that in two months
we're gonna be okay, all right?"
264
00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:42,890
Niggas like, "Two months?"
265
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:46,226
People that ain't never
been locked down before,
266
00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:47,895
they was going crazy.
267
00:19:48,478 --> 00:19:52,191
It was just good for everybody
that been to jail. It was like, "Yeah."
268
00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:55,485
"Gonna get my little noodles out,"
you know what I mean.
269
00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:59,698
"My crackers,
gonna make me a slam. Sit back."
270
00:20:04,161 --> 00:20:08,332
"Chop them little beef jerkies down
in there with the cheese and shrimp."
271
00:20:08,832 --> 00:20:10,792
Look at the jail niggas.
They know about that.
272
00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:14,129
They know about
that little jail tray right there.
273
00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:18,550
Yeah, that shit was crazy.
Wasn't nobody having fun but the scammers.
274
00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:23,263
All the PPP loan-thieving motherfuckers,
275
00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:26,099
they was on
Instagram and Facebook like this.
276
00:20:29,186 --> 00:20:31,480
Look at these stealing motherfuckers on--
277
00:20:33,565 --> 00:20:35,734
People that had jobs was praying.
278
00:20:35,817 --> 00:20:37,653
"This too shall pass."
279
00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:42,950
Yeah.
280
00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:47,788
If you stealing fucking money,
you know what I mean, from thin air?
281
00:20:47,871 --> 00:20:48,956
Fuck it. Take it.
282
00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:54,628
Fuck 'em. Take the money. All the money
they ain't took from you. Fuck 'em.
283
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:56,838
Take the fucking money.
284
00:20:58,215 --> 00:21:01,343
Just don't be buying no shoes
and belts and shit with it.
285
00:21:02,844 --> 00:21:04,554
Buy you some land. Buy you some
286
00:21:05,138 --> 00:21:06,807
property and some, yeah…
287
00:21:08,642 --> 00:21:10,477
…with that stolen-ass money.
288
00:21:12,980 --> 00:21:16,400
Buy you some houses
'cause you gonna need it when you get out
289
00:21:16,483 --> 00:21:19,444
'cause you gonna get some time.
They're gonna lock your ass up.
290
00:21:19,528 --> 00:21:20,654
You going to jail.
291
00:21:26,034 --> 00:21:29,162
That's fucked up. You gotta get
your teeth fixed when you stealing.
292
00:21:30,580 --> 00:21:31,957
Anything you doing wrong,
293
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,293
get your teeth fixed
and your health right.
294
00:21:35,002 --> 00:21:37,254
So at least you'd be healthy in there.
295
00:21:39,965 --> 00:21:41,300
Every time you buy a belt,
296
00:21:41,383 --> 00:21:43,885
that tooth you ain't fixed is in the back,
297
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:46,138
shaking his head saying,
298
00:21:46,221 --> 00:21:49,016
"Look at this motherfucker
buying another belt."
299
00:21:50,559 --> 00:21:54,187
"My tooth been back here
smelling like shit for two years."
300
00:21:54,271 --> 00:21:56,815
"And you buying another belt, nigga?"
301
00:22:11,872 --> 00:22:13,081
I decided to sell drugs.
302
00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:16,293
I was the worst drug dealer
you ever seen in your fucking life.
303
00:22:16,793 --> 00:22:17,711
Yeah, you know.
304
00:22:17,794 --> 00:22:20,964
You gotta be a certain type
of motherfucker to sell drugs, you know?
305
00:22:21,631 --> 00:22:22,591
I was just, you know,
306
00:22:22,674 --> 00:22:25,218
I walk up to the car
with my hand like this.
307
00:22:25,969 --> 00:22:29,264
Fuckers just hit my hand and ride off.
308
00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:31,850
Okay, that's the first sign.
Get a fucking job.
309
00:22:36,855 --> 00:22:37,731
You know.
310
00:22:38,857 --> 00:22:41,151
I remember one time,
'cause I had a gift of gab,
311
00:22:41,234 --> 00:22:45,989
I was talking to this drug dealer.
312
00:22:46,073 --> 00:22:49,034
Motherfucker gave me half a kilo.
I was like, "Hey!"
313
00:22:49,993 --> 00:22:51,453
"I'll see you next week."
314
00:22:51,536 --> 00:22:53,205
"Okay, all right, yeah."
315
00:22:54,873 --> 00:22:56,583
I didn't know who to sell it to.
316
00:23:01,004 --> 00:23:03,632
Man, I sat on that man's shit
for two months.
317
00:23:05,175 --> 00:23:07,135
He was looking for me.
318
00:23:08,053 --> 00:23:12,182
That's the worst feeling in the world.
When you owe a drug dealer? Shit.
319
00:23:13,016 --> 00:23:17,104
Everybody in the hood be telling,
"You know Big Tony looking for you, man."
320
00:23:17,896 --> 00:23:21,108
"Yeah, I seen him. Yeah, I know
where he's at. I talked to him."
321
00:23:21,858 --> 00:23:24,486
"You ain't talked to him, nigga.
He looking for you."
322
00:23:27,781 --> 00:23:31,326
And the other drug dealers
be helping him catch you and shit.
323
00:23:32,327 --> 00:23:34,204
You be at Foot Locker buying some shoes.
324
00:23:34,287 --> 00:23:37,124
"Yeah, he up here
buying some Jordans right now."
325
00:23:37,833 --> 00:23:40,335
"With your money, Big Tony."
326
00:23:42,462 --> 00:23:44,506
"Hold him there. Stall him, stall him!"
327
00:23:45,006 --> 00:23:45,966
"Stall him!"
328
00:23:51,555 --> 00:23:54,808
That's the worst feeling
when you owe a big drug dealer some money.
329
00:23:54,891 --> 00:23:58,145
You sitting there shooting dice,
and he walk up. And you like, "Uh."
330
00:23:58,228 --> 00:23:59,855
"Hey, what's up, Big Tony?"
331
00:24:01,314 --> 00:24:02,649
"Uh!"
332
00:24:04,484 --> 00:24:07,696
He like, "What am I gonna say
to this nigga right here?"
333
00:24:15,328 --> 00:24:18,498
I remember I was at this place
called the Epicurean, know what I mean?
334
00:24:18,582 --> 00:24:21,418
It's an old after-hour joint,
right there off Sutherland,
335
00:24:21,501 --> 00:24:23,128
back in the day, in the '90s.
336
00:24:24,004 --> 00:24:26,756
And I used to take my jacket
and put the cocaine down in my jacket,
337
00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:29,217
so when the police checked me,
they didn't find it.
338
00:24:29,301 --> 00:24:31,470
And I'm at the Epicurean shooting dice.
339
00:24:31,553 --> 00:24:34,890
It ain't nothing but old men in there,
old gamblers and shit.
340
00:24:34,973 --> 00:24:37,601
They in there shooting dice.
They got signs on the wall.
341
00:24:37,684 --> 00:24:38,518
"No drugs."
342
00:24:38,602 --> 00:24:39,811
"No guns."
343
00:24:39,895 --> 00:24:41,563
That's all that's in there.
344
00:24:45,317 --> 00:24:47,861
Everything on the wall they say,
"No, don't have it,"
345
00:24:47,944 --> 00:24:49,279
it's in there already.
346
00:24:50,697 --> 00:24:51,740
I'm shooting the dice.
347
00:24:52,616 --> 00:24:55,118
I threw the dice,
and all the dope came out.
348
00:24:58,121 --> 00:25:00,290
All the old men, "Ah!"
349
00:25:02,042 --> 00:25:05,086
One of the old dudes,
"Get your ass outta here. What the hell?!"
350
00:25:07,923 --> 00:25:10,926
When I got outside, he said,
"How much you want for two of them?"
351
00:25:17,599 --> 00:25:18,433
Yeah.
352
00:25:18,517 --> 00:25:20,560
During the pandemic,
I'm telling you, shit,
353
00:25:20,644 --> 00:25:23,980
that motherfucking COVID
shut down everything but child support.
354
00:25:25,649 --> 00:25:29,110
That's the only thing kept rolling,
that child support kept rolling.
355
00:25:32,322 --> 00:25:36,117
When you pay the child support that I pay,
you be mean to your kids.
356
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:39,246
"Shut the fucking door!"
357
00:25:48,004 --> 00:25:51,258
"Dad, got straight As."
"I don't give a fuck!"
358
00:26:00,934 --> 00:26:03,603
That's the only thing that kept rolling
was child support
359
00:26:03,687 --> 00:26:06,147
'cause I called down there.
I called down there.
360
00:26:07,023 --> 00:26:10,569
Yeah, I told the lady,
"Do you see what's going on in the world?"
361
00:26:12,028 --> 00:26:14,447
"You keep sending
fucking child support bills here, bitch."
362
00:26:14,531 --> 00:26:16,616
"Do you see the world's ending?"
363
00:26:22,789 --> 00:26:25,792
She said, "We don't have anything
to do with that, Mr. Epps."
364
00:26:26,376 --> 00:26:28,503
"You better get rich or die trying."
365
00:26:35,677 --> 00:26:37,554
I told her,
"Fuck you. Go get the manager."
366
00:26:37,637 --> 00:26:41,057
"I don't wanna talk to you. You don't own
the fucking child support place."
367
00:26:42,100 --> 00:26:43,101
Yeah, shit.
368
00:26:44,227 --> 00:26:47,939
During the pandemic, I was watching
The Verzus. That was pretty good.
369
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:52,152
Yeah, the best one was
Bobby Brown and-and Keith Sweat.
370
00:26:52,235 --> 00:26:54,821
I thought Bobby Brown was fittin' to die,
but that nigga…
371
00:27:07,542 --> 00:27:09,419
I said,
"They better get a paramedic out there
372
00:27:09,502 --> 00:27:12,422
for this fat ass on the side
of that motherfucking building."
373
00:27:14,758 --> 00:27:17,093
I love Bobby Brown, though.
I love Bobby Brown.
374
00:27:17,802 --> 00:27:19,387
Yeah, yeah, shit.
375
00:27:19,471 --> 00:27:22,557
Keith Sweat came out there
with that little Aladdin jacket on.
376
00:27:26,061 --> 00:27:30,148
He got a permanent hunch in his back
from fucking aunties in the '80s.
377
00:27:32,150 --> 00:27:35,487
He fucked over 300 aunties
in his whole career.
378
00:27:39,824 --> 00:27:42,452
He might've got your auntie.
He was at Faces.
379
00:27:44,329 --> 00:27:47,916
Mike Jones and Tandy,
all them niggas was at Faces.
380
00:27:53,463 --> 00:27:55,924
There's a lot
of young grandmas out here, y'all.
381
00:27:56,007 --> 00:27:59,052
These grandmas nowadays, oh my God.
382
00:28:00,011 --> 00:28:03,098
They ain't… y'all not gonna be like
our grandmas now.
383
00:28:04,891 --> 00:28:05,809
Don't forget.
384
00:28:05,892 --> 00:28:08,395
Our grandmas was listening
to Natalie Cole.
385
00:28:09,729 --> 00:28:11,856
Y'all listening to Megan Thee Stallion.
386
00:28:14,943 --> 00:28:17,862
So you know what kind of grandma
that's gonna be.
387
00:28:19,155 --> 00:28:21,741
"Baby, we was twerking
like a motherfucker."
388
00:28:23,827 --> 00:28:26,788
"I had niggas in my DMs
like a motherfucker."
389
00:28:34,838 --> 00:28:37,674
"Me and Rose went to a Cardi B concert."
390
00:28:37,757 --> 00:28:38,717
"We had a ball."
391
00:28:43,096 --> 00:28:44,597
"Not Rose."
392
00:28:45,682 --> 00:28:48,309
"Me and Laquisha went, though."
393
00:28:52,522 --> 00:28:54,524
"Remember 90-years-old Laquisha."
394
00:28:55,942 --> 00:28:59,821
"Me and Laquisha had a ball, bitch."
395
00:29:08,413 --> 00:29:10,582
Eighty-three-year-old peaches.
396
00:29:15,336 --> 00:29:17,505
Yeah, that's some real shit, man,
you know?
397
00:29:18,590 --> 00:29:20,133
All these beautiful ladies in here.
398
00:29:20,216 --> 00:29:22,844
If you beautiful and you know it,
make some noise.
399
00:29:22,927 --> 00:29:23,762
Come on.
400
00:29:25,388 --> 00:29:28,767
Yeah, where's your confidence at?
Where's your confidence at?
401
00:29:30,643 --> 00:29:33,688
If you beautiful and don't know it,
make some noise.
402
00:29:36,691 --> 00:29:38,693
Okay, one dumb broad right there.
403
00:29:38,777 --> 00:29:39,611
Just…
404
00:29:40,153 --> 00:29:43,239
She had to say something.
I thought she didn't know it.
405
00:29:45,784 --> 00:29:47,619
If you're not beautiful at all…
406
00:29:51,873 --> 00:29:54,250
but your confidence is through the roof,
407
00:29:55,460 --> 00:29:59,380
and guys be trying to sneak and fuck you,
make some noise.
408
00:29:59,464 --> 00:30:00,465
Yeah!
409
00:30:05,428 --> 00:30:07,472
One guy said, "Yeah!"
410
00:30:07,555 --> 00:30:08,932
Yeah!
411
00:30:09,015 --> 00:30:10,350
Shut up, nigga, shit.
412
00:30:13,353 --> 00:30:15,271
'Cause all the girls
that look like Beyoncé,
413
00:30:15,355 --> 00:30:18,066
they got money,
be sitting in the corner just quiet.
414
00:30:19,275 --> 00:30:20,693
Ain't having no fun.
415
00:30:20,777 --> 00:30:24,364
All the bitches that look like
Kirk Franklin, these bitches got bottles.
416
00:30:24,948 --> 00:30:27,742
You got sections
and every motherfucking thing.
417
00:30:36,292 --> 00:30:37,418
Yeah.
418
00:30:38,127 --> 00:30:40,630
It's hard being in show business, man,
you know.
419
00:30:41,422 --> 00:30:44,425
'Cause everybody wants something from you,
you know.
420
00:30:44,509 --> 00:30:47,178
You wanna give it to them,
but you don't have enough.
421
00:30:52,433 --> 00:30:54,143
'Cause that's fucked up, you know.
422
00:30:54,978 --> 00:30:57,564
That's how Black people are.
We be all-- You go to a picnic.
423
00:30:57,647 --> 00:31:00,400
You be famous and shit.
Everybody be happy to see you.
424
00:31:00,483 --> 00:31:03,945
There be one nigga in the corner eating
looking at you like, "Yeah."
425
00:31:16,791 --> 00:31:19,294
What the fuck is wrong
with him over there?
426
00:31:22,213 --> 00:31:24,757
"Yeah, I need to holler shit
for a minute for you."
427
00:31:28,970 --> 00:31:30,096
Yeah.
428
00:31:30,179 --> 00:31:33,141
I be walking in Indianapolis.
This is the only place I can come,
429
00:31:33,224 --> 00:31:35,018
motherfuckers keep it real with me.
430
00:31:35,101 --> 00:31:38,521
Everywhere I go, people be happy
to see me. "Mike Epps, Mike Epps!"
431
00:31:39,606 --> 00:31:41,274
I come to Indianapolis, man,
432
00:31:41,357 --> 00:31:42,191
I--
433
00:31:43,610 --> 00:31:45,904
I'm in the grocery store.
Motherfuckers just walk up.
434
00:31:45,987 --> 00:31:48,656
"You still telling
them corny-ass jokes up there?"
435
00:31:49,574 --> 00:31:53,620
That's why the fuck I don't come back
to the area. You niggas is haters, man.
436
00:31:59,959 --> 00:32:02,545
Yeah, that's some real shit, man,
you know?
437
00:32:02,629 --> 00:32:04,213
Y'all got a lot of nice-looking ladies.
438
00:32:04,297 --> 00:32:07,842
I tell guys all the time,
"Don't fuck a girl with Uggs on."
439
00:32:09,761 --> 00:32:13,222
Girls that wear Uggs are hoes.
One, uh, uh, uh…
440
00:32:13,306 --> 00:32:16,059
Yeah, that lion color Ugg?
441
00:32:16,142 --> 00:32:17,101
That's…
442
00:32:19,270 --> 00:32:20,772
That's a ho right there.
443
00:32:21,856 --> 00:32:23,524
That sable Ugg?
444
00:32:24,859 --> 00:32:26,361
Them is hoes right there.
445
00:32:28,655 --> 00:32:30,823
They'll fuck you in the back of Arby's.
446
00:32:31,866 --> 00:32:32,700
Big roast beef.
447
00:32:50,385 --> 00:32:52,971
I remember I got robbed in Indiana
when I was young.
448
00:32:53,054 --> 00:32:54,639
Niggas put me in the trunk.
449
00:32:56,307 --> 00:32:58,643
They was about to kill me.
I'm telling you.
450
00:33:00,144 --> 00:33:02,522
As soon as they cut the music off,
I was like…
451
00:33:02,605 --> 00:33:05,149
They was like, "What?"
I was like, "Play that again."
452
00:33:05,817 --> 00:33:08,778
They was like,
"You better shut the fuck up back there!"
453
00:33:23,543 --> 00:33:24,836
Bill Cosby's out.
454
00:33:24,919 --> 00:33:25,837
Yeah.
455
00:33:29,340 --> 00:33:31,259
Yeah, see, I wanna be with Bill Cosby.
456
00:33:31,342 --> 00:33:35,638
But I remember he was talking about
brothers wearing their pants sagging.
457
00:33:36,305 --> 00:33:38,683
He really, you know,
he really wasn't with us.
458
00:33:38,766 --> 00:33:40,059
He was, but he wasn't.
459
00:33:41,561 --> 00:33:43,229
But he went down, you know.
460
00:33:43,312 --> 00:33:45,690
And it was all white women
that told on him.
461
00:33:46,607 --> 00:33:48,860
That's what was fucked up,
all white girls.
462
00:33:49,444 --> 00:33:51,404
You seen the interviews they did.
463
00:33:52,196 --> 00:33:55,825
Yeah. A bunch of white girls
told on him and shit.
464
00:33:55,908 --> 00:33:58,703
I just seen him in Atlanta
about, about two weeks ago.
465
00:33:58,786 --> 00:34:00,038
I seen him down there at Macy's.
466
00:34:00,121 --> 00:34:03,583
He was buying some sweaters.
He had some tank tops and shit.
467
00:34:07,670 --> 00:34:11,632
He had a mask. He didn't know I seen him,
but I know his little moves.
468
00:34:12,925 --> 00:34:16,387
Remember from the TV show.
469
00:34:16,471 --> 00:34:18,639
That's how he was turning around in there.
470
00:34:22,769 --> 00:34:24,687
I told my boy, "That's Bill Cosby."
471
00:34:27,273 --> 00:34:29,233
I was just fucking with him.
I walked past quick.
472
00:34:29,317 --> 00:34:32,153
I said, "Where the hoes at?"
He was just, "Hey!"
473
00:34:37,492 --> 00:34:38,826
"Where are the hoes?"
474
00:34:40,703 --> 00:34:43,664
Bill Cosby, he was knocking out
all white women, though.
475
00:34:43,748 --> 00:34:45,041
It was all white girls.
476
00:34:45,124 --> 00:34:48,127
You seen the white girls on the interview.
They told on Bill.
477
00:34:48,211 --> 00:34:51,923
He was knocking out all white girls.
Poor white women, he was knocking 'em--
478
00:34:52,006 --> 00:34:53,966
"Oh, Bill!"
479
00:34:54,050 --> 00:34:57,261
He was…
480
00:35:00,556 --> 00:35:02,642
He tried to knock some Black women out,
481
00:35:02,725 --> 00:35:05,144
but they drink every night.
Tolerance too high.
482
00:35:08,397 --> 00:35:10,650
He put four pills in a Black girl's drink.
483
00:35:10,733 --> 00:35:13,611
She talkin' about, "What?
Something supposed to be wrong with me?"
484
00:35:15,029 --> 00:35:16,489
"You're gonna be dead, bitch,
485
00:35:16,572 --> 00:35:19,325
all the pills I just put
in your motherfucking drink."
486
00:35:29,460 --> 00:35:32,547
They locking all the Black men up,
you know what I mean?
487
00:35:32,630 --> 00:35:33,589
Fucking Weinstein.
488
00:35:33,673 --> 00:35:36,175
He thought he was gonna get off
'cause he was sick.
489
00:35:36,884 --> 00:35:39,595
Every time he come to court,
he couldn't walk. He like this…
490
00:35:43,891 --> 00:35:46,227
They said, "Get on in here. We got a…"
491
00:35:48,563 --> 00:35:51,149
"We got a medical ward in the prison too."
492
00:35:52,316 --> 00:35:54,360
"You going to jail, white boy."
493
00:35:57,947 --> 00:36:01,868
R. Kelly man, damn.
What a singing motherfucker, oh man.
494
00:36:02,410 --> 00:36:04,245
Singing-ass nigga right there.
495
00:36:05,163 --> 00:36:08,082
Who was gonna beat R. Kelly in The Verzus?
496
00:36:08,166 --> 00:36:10,001
Nobody.
497
00:36:12,044 --> 00:36:13,921
No, I'll tell you who would've beat him.
498
00:36:14,005 --> 00:36:14,839
A judge.
499
00:36:20,678 --> 00:36:23,598
A judge would have tore his ass up.
500
00:36:25,975 --> 00:36:27,643
Yeah, that's some real shit.
501
00:36:28,144 --> 00:36:31,772
'Cause I'm from Indiana.
You know how this town can be, right?
502
00:36:31,856 --> 00:36:33,065
But I'm gonna be honest.
503
00:36:33,149 --> 00:36:36,277
I'm so tired of acting like
I don't like white people.
504
00:36:45,536 --> 00:36:48,080
I only do it in front of Black people.
505
00:36:56,214 --> 00:36:59,175
White people, if you heard
some of the shit I said about you
506
00:36:59,258 --> 00:37:01,052
when I was around Black people…
507
00:37:07,308 --> 00:37:13,105
And then I go back to my gated community
and hug my neighbor Bob and his wife Cindy
508
00:37:13,189 --> 00:37:15,149
and tell him, "I love you, Bob."
509
00:37:17,151 --> 00:37:20,696
I'm a fake-ass nigga, y'all.
510
00:37:30,331 --> 00:37:33,793
Soon as Black people get some money,
they don't wanna be around Black people.
511
00:37:34,460 --> 00:37:38,839
"Nuh-uh, get them niggas away from me.
I don't deal with no Black people."
512
00:37:38,923 --> 00:37:39,924
"Fuck that shit."
513
00:37:43,511 --> 00:37:44,762
"Niggas are so dinky."
514
00:37:44,845 --> 00:37:47,473
"Them some niggas?
Get them niggas away from here."
515
00:37:47,556 --> 00:37:49,475
"I don't deal with no niggas."
516
00:37:53,771 --> 00:37:56,565
Yeah, that's some real shit,
man, you know.
517
00:37:58,401 --> 00:37:59,902
See all these young girls in here.
518
00:37:59,986 --> 00:38:04,115
Young girls, y'all need to hang with
nothing but Tina Turners, older women
519
00:38:05,241 --> 00:38:06,158
from Haughville.
520
00:38:06,242 --> 00:38:07,535
Tina Turners and-and
521
00:38:08,202 --> 00:38:09,203
Betty Wrights.
522
00:38:10,162 --> 00:38:12,415
Older women know how
to ask you for something.
523
00:38:12,498 --> 00:38:15,835
Young women don't know how to ask
for no money after they gave you coochie.
524
00:38:15,918 --> 00:38:18,421
Older women know how to ask
for that money.
525
00:38:18,921 --> 00:38:20,756
This how an older woman
ask for some money.
526
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:24,802
"I was wondering, since we spent
a couple hours together,
527
00:38:24,885 --> 00:38:27,263
seemed like you enjoyed yourself."
528
00:38:28,264 --> 00:38:31,100
"If you have it on your heart
to do something nice for me
529
00:38:31,183 --> 00:38:35,855
so I can get my nails and my toes done,
a few other things."
530
00:38:37,064 --> 00:38:40,735
How you gonna tell this motherfucker no
if she done said shit like this?
531
00:38:42,903 --> 00:38:44,905
This is how young girls ask for money.
532
00:38:44,989 --> 00:38:47,700
"You still gonna do
what you said you gonna do, OG?"
533
00:38:52,246 --> 00:38:55,541
"I gotta give you $200
and take an antibiotic?"
534
00:38:55,624 --> 00:38:57,543
"Bitch, don't come back.
I don't give a fuck."
535
00:39:02,798 --> 00:39:04,425
Yeah, that's some real shit.
536
00:39:04,508 --> 00:39:06,469
"Period." That's what young girls say.
537
00:39:07,261 --> 00:39:08,304
"Period."
538
00:39:09,180 --> 00:39:10,556
"Per--"
539
00:39:11,265 --> 00:39:13,851
I can't get with the young audience.
"Period!"
540
00:39:16,145 --> 00:39:18,022
And my kids, they just dance.
541
00:39:18,105 --> 00:39:21,609
I'm talking about these young kids
with these dances and shit.
542
00:39:29,033 --> 00:39:30,951
"Stop fucking moving around me!"
543
00:39:35,456 --> 00:39:36,707
One of my daughters did it like…
544
00:39:36,791 --> 00:39:39,460
I'm like,
"Hey! That ain't no dance, is it?"
545
00:39:39,543 --> 00:39:41,003
"This shit right here?"
546
00:39:43,172 --> 00:39:45,758
That'd got you hit
in your eye back in the day.
547
00:39:46,342 --> 00:39:49,804
Acting like you finna hit a motherfucker.
548
00:39:52,473 --> 00:39:55,184
Yeah, man, I grew up in Indianapolis,
you know what I mean.
549
00:39:55,267 --> 00:39:57,228
Busting fire hydrants and shit.
550
00:39:57,937 --> 00:40:00,314
Going to free lunch programs
551
00:40:00,898 --> 00:40:02,191
at School 48.
552
00:40:03,567 --> 00:40:04,402
Yeah.
553
00:40:06,070 --> 00:40:08,322
The, uh, Diagnostic Center.
554
00:40:13,494 --> 00:40:17,581
I love everything about Indianapolis.
This is a beautiful town right here, man.
555
00:40:20,418 --> 00:40:23,337
This city right here
definitely made me, man.
556
00:40:23,421 --> 00:40:24,880
You know what I mean?
557
00:40:24,964 --> 00:40:25,881
Yeah.
558
00:40:27,425 --> 00:40:30,094
Yeah, this show was dedicated
to my mother and father.
559
00:40:30,177 --> 00:40:32,972
I lost both of them last year,
you know what I mean? So…
560
00:40:34,014 --> 00:40:36,642
They are real Indianapolis natives.
561
00:40:37,143 --> 00:40:38,853
Mary Reed, Tommy Epps.
562
00:40:38,936 --> 00:40:41,689
My father worked at Navistar for 40 years.
563
00:40:47,445 --> 00:40:49,822
Yeah, my mother used to work at Blocks.
564
00:40:51,365 --> 00:40:52,658
Yeah.
565
00:40:52,741 --> 00:40:53,826
You remember Blocks?
566
00:40:53,909 --> 00:40:55,369
Yeah!
567
00:40:55,453 --> 00:40:58,706
-You remember them big Spiegel's catalogs?
-Yeah!
568
00:40:58,789 --> 00:41:01,542
You'd be ordering shit out of there, yeah.
569
00:41:01,625 --> 00:41:04,670
That's good old Indianapolis
right there for you, man.
570
00:41:04,753 --> 00:41:07,173
Sammy Terry. Ooh!
571
00:41:08,048 --> 00:41:12,303
"Good evening and welcome to Sammy Terry."
572
00:41:13,012 --> 00:41:16,056
He used to have me
with my underwear, "Ah!"
573
00:41:16,140 --> 00:41:17,683
"Sammy Terry gonna get you!"
574
00:41:17,766 --> 00:41:22,855
That's how my mother made me go to bed.
"Sammy Terry gonna get you."
575
00:41:22,938 --> 00:41:25,649
Yeah, man.
Everybody don't know about Indianapolis,
576
00:41:25,733 --> 00:41:28,235
but it's more than corn here.
You know what I mean?
577
00:41:32,823 --> 00:41:35,576
Real smart, intelligent,
educated people, man,
578
00:41:35,659 --> 00:41:37,119
and some real good hustlers.
579
00:41:37,203 --> 00:41:38,454
You know what I mean? Yeah.
580
00:41:38,537 --> 00:41:40,706
I learned how to hustle here, you know?
581
00:41:40,789 --> 00:41:42,708
Yeah. 'Cause I used to sell candy,
582
00:41:42,791 --> 00:41:46,212
but I hated going on 30th and Clifton
'cause they'd take the box.
583
00:41:48,964 --> 00:41:51,175
I know everybody in here personally.
584
00:41:54,637 --> 00:41:56,847
So I'm in here. All this
585
00:41:57,681 --> 00:42:00,184
Hollywood shit I'm doing
is for the cameras.
586
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:03,354
Yeah.
587
00:42:04,271 --> 00:42:08,275
My dad, Tommy Epps, he used to hang
at The Grand all the time, you know.
588
00:42:09,109 --> 00:42:11,278
Yeah, he used to hang at The Grand.
That was his spot.
589
00:42:11,362 --> 00:42:12,780
One time I was in jail.
590
00:42:12,863 --> 00:42:14,990
I was in jail,
'cause, you know, I was young.
591
00:42:15,074 --> 00:42:16,617
You know when you young and Black,
592
00:42:16,700 --> 00:42:18,536
you know,
the older guys get out of prison.
593
00:42:18,619 --> 00:42:20,913
They sell prison to you real good,
you know.
594
00:42:21,830 --> 00:42:26,252
"I was up there in Pendleton for two years
and then another three years."
595
00:42:26,335 --> 00:42:29,547
"Then I did five years down in Wabash."
596
00:42:30,756 --> 00:42:34,677
They make it sound good. You like,
"I gotta go. Shit, I gotta go check this."
597
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:36,554
"I gotta check this shit out."
598
00:42:39,598 --> 00:42:40,933
Yeah, I was in jail one time.
599
00:42:41,016 --> 00:42:43,185
I was telling my dad
'cause I ran into an OG.
600
00:42:43,269 --> 00:42:44,395
He was talking good.
601
00:42:44,478 --> 00:42:46,272
He was talking about the white man.
602
00:42:46,355 --> 00:42:49,358
"Yeah, the white man
is the reason why you in here."
603
00:42:50,359 --> 00:42:53,487
I was thinking, I was like,
"No, I did that shit."
604
00:42:55,614 --> 00:42:57,783
He caught me. The white man caught me.
605
00:43:03,914 --> 00:43:04,999
And he was an OG.
606
00:43:05,082 --> 00:43:08,752
He was sitting there telling me
about all this shit, and I called my dad.
607
00:43:08,836 --> 00:43:12,006
I was like,
"Dad, man, I'm in here with a dude."
608
00:43:12,089 --> 00:43:15,884
"He is so smart, this dude. Oh God."
609
00:43:15,968 --> 00:43:17,636
"He is a real OG."
610
00:43:18,512 --> 00:43:21,223
My dad was like, "Yeah, shit."
611
00:43:21,307 --> 00:43:23,976
"He ain't too smart.
He's in there with you."
612
00:43:28,731 --> 00:43:33,402
I was like, "All right, Dad. I gotta go.
They about to cut the phones off. Bye."
613
00:43:35,738 --> 00:43:37,781
Yeah, my dad had a good sense of humor.
614
00:43:37,865 --> 00:43:39,116
One day he called me.
615
00:43:39,199 --> 00:43:41,702
He was talking about some kids
that robbed the bank.
616
00:43:41,785 --> 00:43:45,372
He was like, "Yeah, some motherfuckers
robbed a bank in Indiana and shit."
617
00:43:45,456 --> 00:43:46,832
He said, "Man…"
618
00:43:46,915 --> 00:43:50,294
He said, "The news people asked the kids
'What made you do that?'"
619
00:43:50,377 --> 00:43:52,630
He said,
"One of the kids said, 'Shit, man,
620
00:43:52,713 --> 00:43:54,298
we was watching Heat
621
00:43:54,381 --> 00:43:55,382
and we just said,
622
00:43:55,966 --> 00:43:57,384
we just said, fuck it.'"
623
00:43:59,511 --> 00:44:00,471
My dad said,
624
00:44:00,554 --> 00:44:04,058
"Shit, they must've not watched
the ending of that motherfucker."
625
00:44:06,226 --> 00:44:07,603
Now, they got fucked up!
626
00:44:10,314 --> 00:44:11,315
Yeah, shit.
627
00:44:11,940 --> 00:44:15,152
My mother, she used to go
to them fucking PTA meetings.
628
00:44:16,195 --> 00:44:18,739
Them teachers be lying on you and shit.
629
00:44:20,366 --> 00:44:22,451
You ever see your mother
talking to a teacher
630
00:44:22,534 --> 00:44:24,495
and you just looking at your mother like…
631
00:44:27,623 --> 00:44:29,875
"I'm gonna tear your ass up later on."
632
00:44:32,753 --> 00:44:33,587
Yeah.
633
00:44:34,338 --> 00:44:37,716
My mother used to talk about
she was gonna kick the teacher's ass.
634
00:44:38,217 --> 00:44:40,928
"I'm gonna let that bitch know.
I'm gonna let her have it."
635
00:44:41,428 --> 00:44:44,431
And get up here and be nice.
"Okay, bye-bye, excellent."
636
00:44:45,015 --> 00:44:48,018
"Get your ass in the car!" I'm like,
"What the fuck did she tell you?"
637
00:44:50,646 --> 00:44:51,480
Yeah.
638
00:44:52,356 --> 00:44:55,192
And see, now that I'm grown, man,
I got my life together,
639
00:44:55,275 --> 00:44:57,319
I like admitting shit, you know.
640
00:44:58,904 --> 00:45:00,823
I mean, it ain't quite together.
641
00:45:02,741 --> 00:45:03,575
You know.
642
00:45:04,493 --> 00:45:07,037
But, you know,
I ain't doing what I used to do.
643
00:45:07,538 --> 00:45:08,872
You know what I mean?
644
00:45:10,374 --> 00:45:12,668
To be from Indianapolis,
you know what I mean,
645
00:45:12,751 --> 00:45:15,254
to come up
out of this motherfucker right here?
646
00:45:18,841 --> 00:45:22,302
This is a bad boy right here.
You don't know it 'cause you live here.
647
00:45:22,386 --> 00:45:23,595
You don't go nowhere.
648
00:45:25,431 --> 00:45:29,351
I mean, some of y'all do,
but this is a bad motherfucker right here.
649
00:45:29,852 --> 00:45:30,728
You know.
650
00:45:31,311 --> 00:45:33,981
No-- no high school, uh, diploma.
651
00:45:34,732 --> 00:45:36,900
You know, three felonies.
652
00:45:37,943 --> 00:45:39,111
Food stamps.
653
00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:41,530
Kaboom cereal.
654
00:45:43,449 --> 00:45:44,575
King Vitamin.
655
00:45:45,534 --> 00:45:47,619
How in the fuck did we make it?
656
00:45:49,496 --> 00:45:50,581
You know what I mean?
657
00:45:51,957 --> 00:45:54,293
'Cause the Black man been through
so motherfucking much,
658
00:45:54,376 --> 00:45:56,670
the white, you could just talk about shit,
659
00:45:56,754 --> 00:45:59,256
talk about white people all day,
and they'll say, "I understand."
660
00:45:59,339 --> 00:46:01,341
"I really understand. I get it."
661
00:46:02,092 --> 00:46:03,093
"I understand."
662
00:46:06,889 --> 00:46:11,185
But the Black man is a bad motherfucker
in America. You hear me? You know?
663
00:46:12,311 --> 00:46:14,062
A bad motherfucker.
664
00:46:16,064 --> 00:46:20,068
To start on zero and still win,
you a bad motherfucker.
665
00:46:25,365 --> 00:46:27,367
That's why we need Mayor Hogsett.
666
00:46:28,702 --> 00:46:30,913
Yeah, he like the people,
know what I mean?
667
00:46:30,996 --> 00:46:33,457
We need a-- an abolitionist with us.
668
00:46:38,378 --> 00:46:42,049
We need a white Frederick Douglass
right here in Indianapolis.
669
00:46:45,552 --> 00:46:47,221
"Come on! Hurry up!"
670
00:46:48,096 --> 00:46:50,557
"Here they come! Get out of here!"
671
00:46:57,773 --> 00:47:00,609
My man André Carson,
straight out of the hood.
672
00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:07,241
Got a seat at the-- on the--
at the White House.
673
00:47:07,324 --> 00:47:09,201
That's some good shit right there.
674
00:47:09,284 --> 00:47:14,081
My man Amp Harris,
man been throwing parties and
675
00:47:14,790 --> 00:47:17,084
helping the community forever.
676
00:47:17,167 --> 00:47:20,420
My man "Boom Boom" Mancini,
good brother right there.
677
00:47:20,504 --> 00:47:23,882
Straight out of the community,
straight out of the hood. Mike Jones.
678
00:47:23,966 --> 00:47:26,176
My man Red Slaughter right there.
679
00:47:26,260 --> 00:47:28,679
The Bradley family, you know what I mean?
680
00:47:29,346 --> 00:47:33,267
All my brothers and sisters,
the whole east side, Haughville.
681
00:47:36,979 --> 00:47:41,233
'Cause I know y'all seen my new
Netflix TV show, you know what I mean?
682
00:47:44,152 --> 00:47:46,363
Based out of Indianapolis.
683
00:47:48,490 --> 00:47:52,160
Monty was like, "Yeah, I see you got
you a new show with Tommy Davidson."
684
00:47:52,244 --> 00:47:53,787
I said, "That's Wanda Sykes."
685
00:48:05,966 --> 00:48:08,719
Yeah, 'cause these
little young dudes, man. They… Woof!
686
00:48:09,344 --> 00:48:11,263
Ooh.
687
00:48:11,346 --> 00:48:13,432
They need some help.
That's what they need.
688
00:48:14,141 --> 00:48:15,392
Yeah.
689
00:48:15,475 --> 00:48:18,478
'Cause these little kids
are disrespectful nowadays.
690
00:48:19,229 --> 00:48:20,564
Little motherfuckers.
691
00:48:21,523 --> 00:48:24,776
Like I said, the grandmas is different,
you know what I'm saying?
692
00:48:24,860 --> 00:48:27,905
Yeah, the fucking grandmas is different,
man, shit.
693
00:48:28,572 --> 00:48:31,283
Remember, back in the day,
them grandmas in our neighborhood…
694
00:48:31,366 --> 00:48:34,745
You catch eye contact with an old lady,
she say, "Go to the store for me."
695
00:48:36,413 --> 00:48:40,834
Oh shit. Now you gotta follow
this old-ass lady in the house.
696
00:48:42,127 --> 00:48:43,712
House hot as hell.
697
00:48:46,590 --> 00:48:49,134
"Let me show you. It cost $1.89."
698
00:48:50,552 --> 00:48:53,513
"Come here. I'm gonna show you what it is.
Come on up here."
699
00:48:54,932 --> 00:48:57,976
"Reach up there
and get that out of there right there."
700
00:49:00,979 --> 00:49:03,231
"It's back there by the orange juice."
701
00:49:04,483 --> 00:49:06,693
"And-- and baby, get you something."
702
00:49:07,986 --> 00:49:09,196
"Get you something."
703
00:49:11,907 --> 00:49:15,077
"I'm gonna get me something.
You might not get all your shit."
704
00:49:16,244 --> 00:49:19,206
That's what I do to old ladies around.
I take their money.
705
00:49:23,043 --> 00:49:25,253
Yeah, that's some real shit, man.
706
00:49:25,337 --> 00:49:26,964
But I love telling jokes,
know what I mean?
707
00:49:27,047 --> 00:49:30,217
I can't see myself
doing anything else, you know?
708
00:49:30,842 --> 00:49:34,846
Yeah. These little young dudes
around here, they are scary, you know.
709
00:49:34,930 --> 00:49:38,600
I was at a gas station the other day.
Some young dudes was sitting in the car.
710
00:49:38,684 --> 00:49:40,727
I know they was talking
'cause they was laughing.
711
00:49:40,811 --> 00:49:42,354
I was like, "What the fuck is fun--"
712
00:49:42,437 --> 00:49:44,731
Soon as I walked back,
'cause I have some braids.
713
00:49:44,815 --> 00:49:47,609
Motherfucker was like,
"Tight braid head ass." I was like…
714
00:49:50,404 --> 00:49:53,657
I heard it, but I was like,
"Fuck them motherfuckers."
715
00:49:54,199 --> 00:49:56,034
I just went in the gas station.
716
00:49:57,577 --> 00:50:00,372
Man, I walk out,
and I hear another motherfucker,
717
00:50:00,455 --> 00:50:01,456
"Big short ass."
718
00:50:01,540 --> 00:50:02,624
I said, "Oh hell no."
719
00:50:06,086 --> 00:50:08,171
I walk up to the car, I look down across,
720
00:50:08,255 --> 00:50:10,465
say, "Little motherfucker! Let me tell…"
721
00:50:10,549 --> 00:50:13,677
And when I look,
they had a machine gun in the back seat.
722
00:50:14,469 --> 00:50:17,723
I said, "God bless you, little brother.
Y'all have a good day. Take it easy."
723
00:50:22,144 --> 00:50:24,563
Let me get the fuck away from here, shit.
724
00:50:26,773 --> 00:50:28,525
That was a good thing
Dave Chappelle did.
725
00:50:28,608 --> 00:50:32,112
But I wouldn't advise a motherfucker
that ain't got no money to do it.
726
00:50:34,031 --> 00:50:37,075
Fuck around
and say something about the LGBTQTs.
727
00:50:37,159 --> 00:50:38,452
You better have some money.
728
00:50:41,955 --> 00:50:44,332
Say the wrong shit about them,
them fuckers be outside.
729
00:50:44,416 --> 00:50:45,667
"Fuck Mike Epps!"
730
00:50:45,751 --> 00:50:47,210
"Fuck Mike Epps!"
731
00:50:47,294 --> 00:50:48,837
"Fuck Mike Epps!"
732
00:50:50,422 --> 00:50:51,506
And mean it too.
733
00:51:00,057 --> 00:51:02,559
I tell men all the time, "Hey, man."
734
00:51:03,310 --> 00:51:05,437
"Don't be angry about gay people."
735
00:51:06,021 --> 00:51:09,191
"'Cause if you too angry,
it look like you hiding something."
736
00:51:15,614 --> 00:51:17,532
They don't bother me, no.
737
00:51:17,616 --> 00:51:20,452
I see them all time.
I'll see 'em at the airport…
738
00:51:21,036 --> 00:51:21,870
"Mike Epps!"
739
00:51:21,953 --> 00:51:24,748
I was like, "Calm down.
First of all, calm down."
740
00:51:25,540 --> 00:51:27,918
"Stop making all the goddamn noise
741
00:51:28,919 --> 00:51:30,837
so everybody see us over here."
742
00:51:32,881 --> 00:51:36,551
"I wanna take a picture with you."
I said, "I'm taking a picture, man."
743
00:51:41,223 --> 00:51:43,475
I'm looking around. I was like, "Man."
744
00:51:45,602 --> 00:51:47,896
We finna take the picture.
Everything cool.
745
00:51:47,979 --> 00:51:50,899
Something told me look down, so I looked.
746
00:51:50,982 --> 00:51:52,442
He taking a picture looking.
747
00:51:52,526 --> 00:51:55,403
I said, "No, nigga.
We ain't taking that picture right there."
748
00:51:55,987 --> 00:51:59,407
"With your face looking at me,
nigga, we ain't doing that one."
749
00:52:01,660 --> 00:52:04,121
He finna have me
on Entertainment Tonight, nigga.
750
00:52:15,590 --> 00:52:17,717
I got married again, you know.
751
00:52:17,801 --> 00:52:19,427
I got a new wife, you know.
752
00:52:23,598 --> 00:52:25,934
Hope I don't fuck this one up, you know.
753
00:52:29,479 --> 00:52:32,274
Yeah, man,
being married is a motherfucker, man.
754
00:52:32,357 --> 00:52:33,900
Especially when you're in show business.
755
00:52:34,651 --> 00:52:37,487
'Cause pussy just fall out the sky.
Hey, hey!
756
00:52:47,873 --> 00:52:50,792
You gotta step over.
"Excuse me, pussy. I'm gone."
757
00:52:51,418 --> 00:52:52,627
"Gonna fuck my life up."
758
00:52:56,047 --> 00:52:57,132
I love being Black, man.
759
00:52:57,215 --> 00:53:00,260
If I died and came back, I still wanna
be a nigga. Ain't that something?
760
00:53:05,932 --> 00:53:08,727
Look at the white people.
"You sure you wanna do that again?"
761
00:53:15,358 --> 00:53:16,735
You goddamn right.
762
00:53:18,320 --> 00:53:22,991
It's hard being Black, but it's fair,
'cause when you Black in America,
763
00:53:23,074 --> 00:53:27,120
shit, you know you start off on zero,
you know what I mean?
764
00:53:27,704 --> 00:53:30,540
You don't never start off on ten,
you know.
765
00:53:30,624 --> 00:53:34,294
You need people that started off on ten
to help your zero ass.
766
00:53:36,254 --> 00:53:39,633
You know what I mean?
So, yeah, it's hard being Black.
767
00:53:39,716 --> 00:53:42,010
Black people been through
so motherfucking much that
768
00:53:42,093 --> 00:53:45,722
white people, if you talk about them,
they'll just say, "I understand."
769
00:53:45,805 --> 00:53:47,807
"Go ahead. Go right ahead."
770
00:53:47,891 --> 00:53:50,852
"You guys, it's unfair. Go right ahead."
771
00:53:51,603 --> 00:53:52,812
"I understand."
772
00:53:54,189 --> 00:53:56,483
Yeah, shit.
773
00:53:57,025 --> 00:53:58,276
African-American,
774
00:53:58,360 --> 00:54:02,072
shit, 'cause everybody
got somewhere to go but us.
775
00:54:02,155 --> 00:54:04,616
If the Mexican get mad,
he can go back to Mexico.
776
00:54:05,200 --> 00:54:06,201
If-- if… Yeah.
777
00:54:06,743 --> 00:54:09,412
If the Asian get mad,
he can go back to Asia.
778
00:54:10,372 --> 00:54:12,916
If we get mad, we ain't got
no motherfucking where to go.
779
00:54:14,209 --> 00:54:16,920
I thought it was Africa until I went.
Motherfucker was like,
780
00:54:17,003 --> 00:54:20,090
"You are not one of my real brothers."
781
00:54:20,840 --> 00:54:22,300
I was like, "What?"
782
00:54:22,926 --> 00:54:26,388
"Yes, my brother.
You are not one of my brothers."
783
00:54:27,806 --> 00:54:28,890
"You are very lazy."
784
00:54:28,974 --> 00:54:31,643
"You do not take advantage
of your education."
785
00:54:36,731 --> 00:54:39,651
I said,
"Can you drive this cab a little faster?"
786
00:54:41,861 --> 00:54:44,072
"And get some deodorant immediately…
787
00:54:47,158 --> 00:54:49,953
with your over-educated, underpaid ass."
788
00:54:51,913 --> 00:54:54,124
Everybody think they going to heaven,
and they're not.
789
00:54:56,251 --> 00:54:58,670
God knows your crooked Christian ass.
790
00:55:00,630 --> 00:55:04,676
And if anybody ever left here before you
and went to heaven,
791
00:55:04,759 --> 00:55:07,512
I don't care if it's your mama,
your daddy, brother, sister, cousin…
792
00:55:07,595 --> 00:55:09,472
They went so you could get in.
793
00:55:11,016 --> 00:55:13,810
'Cause you wasn't getting in.
You wasn't invited.
794
00:55:15,937 --> 00:55:17,063
It's who you know.
795
00:55:24,279 --> 00:55:27,198
As soon as you get to heaven, man,
the pearly gates are standing there
796
00:55:27,282 --> 00:55:29,784
and everybody wanna get in.
It's like a club. You can't get in.
797
00:55:29,868 --> 00:55:31,244
Everybody's trying to get in.
798
00:55:32,329 --> 00:55:35,957
The big bodyguards are standing there,
and Jesus come out like a promoter.
799
00:55:36,041 --> 00:55:37,709
He let all the bad bitches in.
800
00:55:37,792 --> 00:55:38,793
"Let her in."
801
00:55:39,294 --> 00:55:42,047
"Them two right there.
Let that girl in right there."
802
00:55:42,130 --> 00:55:43,798
"Let the two girls."
803
00:55:45,133 --> 00:55:46,426
"Oh, I'll text you."
804
00:55:49,095 --> 00:55:49,929
Yeah.
805
00:55:50,847 --> 00:55:52,474
You wasn't going to heaven.
806
00:55:52,557 --> 00:55:54,809
But all them Black ghetto mothers
in heaven,
807
00:55:54,893 --> 00:55:58,605
they've been letting their sons in.
They got a side door up there.
808
00:55:59,773 --> 00:56:03,526
Them Black mothers been lettin' them,
"Come on, baby, come on. Get in here!"
809
00:56:04,110 --> 00:56:05,945
"You smell like weed. Come on!"
810
00:56:07,238 --> 00:56:09,199
"Put the wings on. Put the wings on."
811
00:56:09,282 --> 00:56:10,617
"Zip it up. Flap, flap!"
812
00:56:11,826 --> 00:56:13,286
"Act like you're a angel."
813
00:56:14,579 --> 00:56:17,123
I love y'all, Indianapolis.
God bless y'all.
814
00:56:20,126 --> 00:56:22,504
I'll see you motherfuckers on Netflix.
815
00:56:28,009 --> 00:56:29,511
Naptown!
816
00:56:34,724 --> 00:56:38,520
I need the mayor,
Joe Hogsett, to come to the stage.
817
00:56:47,570 --> 00:56:51,199
I'm proud to declare November 20, 2021
818
00:56:51,950 --> 00:56:54,077
as Mike Epps Day
819
00:56:54,661 --> 00:56:56,788
in the city of Indianapolis!
820
00:56:58,289 --> 00:56:59,999
And last but not least.
821
00:57:00,667 --> 00:57:01,626
I need
822
00:57:01,709 --> 00:57:04,671
Congressman André Carson
to come to the stage.
823
00:57:10,260 --> 00:57:11,970
You will be etched
824
00:57:12,053 --> 00:57:15,890
in the Congressional Record
of the United States Congress forever,
825
00:57:16,808 --> 00:57:19,185
acknowledging your contributions
826
00:57:19,269 --> 00:57:20,562
as a comedian,
827
00:57:20,645 --> 00:57:21,729
producer,
828
00:57:21,813 --> 00:57:23,690
actor, entrepreneur,
829
00:57:23,773 --> 00:57:25,483
and most importantly a Hoosier.
830
00:57:25,567 --> 00:57:26,651
We love you, Mike.
831
00:57:27,902 --> 00:57:31,114
I'm putting you on notice.
We need a street named after Mike Epps.
832
00:57:33,700 --> 00:57:37,078
We got Coach Mike Woodson
in the house tonight!
833
00:57:37,579 --> 00:57:39,080
Mike Woodson!
834
00:57:40,123 --> 00:57:42,375
My man, Woody, right there, man.
835
00:57:43,918 --> 00:57:46,087
Straight out of Indianapolis, yo.
836
00:57:49,799 --> 00:57:51,259
I-I just, I like,
837
00:57:51,342 --> 00:57:53,803
I just wanna thank you, you know.
838
00:57:54,554 --> 00:57:57,307
And thank all my friends and family.
839
00:57:58,016 --> 00:57:59,726
I love you all, man.
840
00:57:59,809 --> 00:58:01,436
Thank you. Uh--
841
00:58:02,937 --> 00:58:04,189
I'm grateful, man.
842
00:58:04,272 --> 00:58:07,817
I'm grateful-- I'm grateful that
I can come back home like this.
843
00:58:07,901 --> 00:58:10,820
Everybody can't come home.
You know what I mean?
844
00:58:11,446 --> 00:58:12,864
So to be able to come home,
845
00:58:12,947 --> 00:58:17,035
this means everything to me, y'all,
and I really appreciate it.
846
00:58:17,118 --> 00:58:20,288
Does anybody have a Backwood out there
that I can…