1
00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:24,816
[electric guitar note plays]
2
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:29,863
[instrumental rock music playing]
3
00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:57,432
[man 1] This is the best part
of my day, every day.
4
00:00:57,974 --> 00:01:02,228
I always wanted to be a dad.
It just took 46 years for it to happen.
5
00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:05,774
When people ask me why,
I tell 'em to fuck off.
6
00:01:06,691 --> 00:01:08,860
Or I just say
I hadn't met the right woman yet.
7
00:01:09,861 --> 00:01:12,113
Ah, there she is. Leah.
8
00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:15,658
Got the second one in the oven,
and she still looks great.
9
00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:17,911
According to her,
the reason I got such a late start
10
00:01:17,994 --> 00:01:20,038
is because I had an unhappy childhood.
11
00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:23,208
But I'm not gonna whine about it.
12
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That's what vegans do.
13
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I'm just gonna make sure
my kids are prepared
14
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:29,255
for whatever this world has to offer.
15
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[boy screaming]
16
00:01:31,549 --> 00:01:32,549
[man 2] Slow down.
17
00:01:33,384 --> 00:01:36,554
[man 1] Unfortunately, I have no idea
what that is anymore.
18
00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:39,182
For some reason,
I can't leave my kid in the car
19
00:01:39,265 --> 00:01:40,975
to run into a convenience store,
20
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but that same store
can sell him food so full of hormones
21
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he'll be able to grow a beard
by the third grade.
22
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But nobody gives a shit
23
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because they're too busy
jerking off to Internet porn.
24
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Buddy.
25
00:01:53,071 --> 00:01:55,323
- What do you say there, Jackie boy?
- [boy screaming]
26
00:01:55,406 --> 00:01:56,991
- Oh, you motherfucking...
- You're up.
27
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Goddamn.
I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch!
28
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[boy continues screaming]
29
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Hey! Give me the stick!
Give me the stick! Give me the stick!
30
00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:08,086
Hey, buddy. What happened? You all right?
31
00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:10,255
Colin pushed me.
32
00:02:10,338 --> 00:02:11,756
Yeah, I know he did.
33
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:14,443
I told you if you play rough,
rough things are gonna happen, right?
34
00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:16,719
- Here, let me see.
- [man 2] Colin, give me the stick!
35
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,514
Ah, that's not so bad.
Just rub some dirt on it, buddy.
36
00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:22,516
There you go.
37
00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:26,062
You might wanna get him checked
or at least put a little Neosporin on it.
38
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,438
That thing could get infected.
39
00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:31,568
- Who are you?
- I'm, uh, Hunter Lewis.
40
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Lisa's husband.
Just moved in across the street.
41
00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:34,487
Thanks for having me.
42
00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:37,251
Oh, yeah? Are you a doctor,
or are you just one of those WebMD guys?
43
00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:39,510
It's just common knowledge.
You wanna keep the cut clean.
44
00:02:39,534 --> 00:02:42,620
Oh, is it? Listen, I'm trying to raise
a little man here, not a fucking pussy.
45
00:02:42,704 --> 00:02:43,955
So I appreciate your concern.
46
00:02:44,038 --> 00:02:46,166
But why don't you just go back
to your hard seltzer
47
00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:49,252
and, you know, go on Twitter and go share
the story where you're the hero?
48
00:02:51,212 --> 00:02:52,212
[Hunter] Okay.
49
00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:54,674
Daddy, you said a bad word.
50
00:02:54,757 --> 00:02:57,510
Yeah, I know I did, buddy.
Sometimes you have to, all right?
51
00:02:57,594 --> 00:03:00,972
Don't tell your mother. She'll kill me.
I love you. Come on. Let's get up.
52
00:03:01,055 --> 00:03:02,891
[man 2] Hang on, Jack! Hang on! Hang on!
53
00:03:02,974 --> 00:03:04,184
[panting]
54
00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:06,311
Colin's got something
he wants to say to you, kid.
55
00:03:06,394 --> 00:03:07,729
But, Dad, he pushed me first...
56
00:03:07,812 --> 00:03:09,898
Hey, no, no, no. I don't care. Okay?
57
00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:12,483
You don't hit somebody with a stick.
We don't hit our friends.
58
00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:15,361
Let's apologize now.
Say you're sorry to Nate. Come on.
59
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[screaming] No!
60
00:03:16,487 --> 00:03:18,757
- [man 2] Hey, come on. Don't cry.
- [screaming continues]
61
00:03:18,781 --> 00:03:20,658
Come on. It's okay, buddy.
Say you're sorry.
62
00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:23,369
I'm just asking you to apologize.
You don't gotta freak out.
63
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:25,580
- Hey, buddy. Ah, shit.
- [screaming] No!
64
00:03:25,663 --> 00:03:28,208
Okay, okay. What is going on?
Why is he screaming?
65
00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:30,731
Because he hit Nate with a stick,
and I told him to apologize.
66
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[fingers snap]
67
00:03:35,673 --> 00:03:39,594
What you're feeling now
is what you're feeling, okay?
68
00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:43,014
Let it out.
69
00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:45,975
[Colin screaming]
70
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,978
- I don't think that...
- [woman 1] I don't need you to think now.
71
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:51,314
You need to respect your son's autonomy
72
00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:53,650
and really let him process
how crossing this boundary
73
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is affecting his ever-evolving moral code.
74
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I want my stick!
75
00:03:58,446 --> 00:04:00,365
[fingers snap] Stick, where is it?
76
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:01,949
It's...
77
00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:06,246
Jack. How's Nate doing in school?
78
00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:09,791
Great, you know. He's comin' along.
Uh, how's your little one doing?
79
00:04:09,874 --> 00:04:12,168
He's great. He's perfect.
80
00:04:15,004 --> 00:04:16,004
Yeah?
81
00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:20,843
Come on, bro. I...
82
00:04:22,553 --> 00:04:23,846
- [Colin] No!
- Hey, hey, hey!
83
00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:24,806
Jesus!
84
00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:27,569
I'm gonna murder you. I swear to God.
Let's go get a drink. Come on.
85
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:31,104
- How fucking sad is that?
- He did it to himself.
86
00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:32,188
[Jack] Yes, he did.
87
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,982
- [Colin] No!
- [Connor] Come on, stop it.
88
00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:37,360
Did you see that? That kid is a maniac.
89
00:04:37,443 --> 00:04:38,569
Yeah, he's a lunatic.
90
00:04:38,653 --> 00:04:40,613
I'm gonna say something to Cara.
It's too much.
91
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:42,198
No, no, no. Don't say anything.
92
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,659
I'm not gonna freak out on her.
I'm just gonna talk to her.
93
00:04:44,742 --> 00:04:48,496
- Like, mom to mom. It's what moms do.
- Mike, should she say something?
94
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:50,748
Three cardinal rules of friendship.
95
00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:53,042
Don't bring up politics.
Don't bring up religion.
96
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,837
And don't try to tell people
how to raise their kids.
97
00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:59,966
Oh, I'm sorry, Mike. I didn't realize
you had your own daytime talk show.
98
00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:03,177
Harvard. Duke.
99
00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:06,139
Girlfriend, ex-wife.
100
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,852
- It's kinda airtight, honey.
- Mmm, kind of. Not really.
101
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:12,854
[chuckles]
102
00:05:12,937 --> 00:05:14,147
What'd she mean by that?
103
00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:16,482
Uh, she's just breaking your balls.
104
00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:18,318
Look, we're happy for you guys.
105
00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:21,279
We're wondering when you're gonna make
an honest woman out of Britney.
106
00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:24,824
I told you. She doesn't wanna get married.
She doesn't wanna have kids.
107
00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:29,037
All she wants to do
is fuck me and go to the gym.
108
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:32,248
Goddamn, Mike.
You found a fucking unicorn.
109
00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:35,335
[Colin screams]
110
00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:37,920
["You've Got Another Thing Comin'"
by Judas Priest playing]
111
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[Jack] What?
112
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,383
It's a team sport.
113
00:05:45,678 --> 00:05:46,678
You okay, buddy?
114
00:05:47,847 --> 00:05:51,434
♪ One life, I'm gonna live it up ♪
115
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♪ I'm takin' flight
I said, I'll never get enough ♪
116
00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:05,740
♪ Stand tall, I'm young and kinda proud... ♪
117
00:06:05,823 --> 00:06:09,243
[Jack] This is the company
my friends and I started 23 years ago.
118
00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:11,454
We make high-end throwback jerseys.
119
00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:13,539
But I got talked into selling the company
120
00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:16,292
so I could afford
to send my son to private school,
121
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where all the kids are dressed
like fucking news anchors.
122
00:06:19,295 --> 00:06:23,049
Goes against everything I believe in,
but I'd do anything for my kid.
123
00:06:23,132 --> 00:06:24,634
Dude, what are you doing?
124
00:06:25,718 --> 00:06:28,179
You look like
you just ran over a dog. Come on.
125
00:06:28,763 --> 00:06:30,223
It's a great fucking day for us.
126
00:06:30,306 --> 00:06:31,307
Is it?
127
00:06:32,975 --> 00:06:35,728
We're about to become
employees of our own company.
128
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:39,399
Jack, selling a business
and the owner staying on
129
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:42,735
is older than discovering
a country that already has people.
130
00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:43,694
There you go.
131
00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:47,240
Not to mention, the time to complain
was before we signed the deal.
132
00:06:47,323 --> 00:06:50,043
- I did complain about it.
- Yeah, but you complain about everything.
133
00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:51,369
[Jack] Oh, I do not.
134
00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:54,831
Relax. It's gonna be great.
135
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:57,583
Well, that's easy for you to say.
You're home free.
136
00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,587
Yeah, that's true.
You got no more child support.
137
00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:01,379
- You got college taken care of.
- Yeah.
138
00:07:01,462 --> 00:07:04,340
What are gonna do now?
Airbnb your kids' rooms, you cheap prick?
139
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:05,859
- [Jack laughs]
- [sarcastic laughter]
140
00:07:05,883 --> 00:07:08,803
Laugh now, motherfuckers, but wait
till you see what I got coming next.
141
00:07:08,886 --> 00:07:10,430
Yeah, we'll see. We'll see.
142
00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:12,682
What's up, party people?
143
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,244
- [Jack] Morning, everyone!
- [woman] Morning, guys.
144
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,102
[woman 2] Morning.
145
00:07:16,185 --> 00:07:18,271
Monica, what's poppin', girl?
146
00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:19,354
Good morning, Connor.
147
00:07:19,897 --> 00:07:23,109
Yo, you happen to check
that new joint from Lil Baby
148
00:07:23,192 --> 00:07:24,444
dropped on Twitter last night?
149
00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:26,529
- [Monica] No.
- What? Boom. Come on. Pound it out.
150
00:07:26,612 --> 00:07:28,114
Ah, it's okay. Thanks.
151
00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:32,160
- Oh God.
- [Mike] There he goes again.
152
00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:34,620
Don't sleep on Lil Baby,
on any of the babies.
153
00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:37,331
I heard Big Baby got something
coming out too. It's gonna be fire.
154
00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:38,249
Big Baby?
155
00:07:38,332 --> 00:07:40,543
[Connor] Yeah, you... you peep him yet?
156
00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:42,503
I don't believe I have, no.
157
00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:44,088
What? He's fleek.
158
00:07:44,172 --> 00:07:47,842
- Oh.
- Yeah, he's on fleek. Flickity-fleek.
159
00:07:47,925 --> 00:07:49,469
- [chuckles]
- [Mike] Connor, come on.
160
00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:52,263
- Aight. Gotta bounce.
- [Monica] Okay.
161
00:07:52,346 --> 00:07:54,056
- One love. One love, girl.
- Okay. Okay.
162
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,349
[Connor] One love, y'all.
163
00:07:58,519 --> 00:08:00,319
You know,
she's never gonna think you're cool.
164
00:08:00,396 --> 00:08:03,024
I am cool, Jack. I'm sorry
that you feel threatened by that.
165
00:08:03,107 --> 00:08:04,747
Oh, I think everybody's threatened by it.
166
00:08:04,775 --> 00:08:07,778
All right, you two, lock it down.
We gotta impress this dude.
167
00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:10,281
Wait. By "this dude,"
168
00:08:10,364 --> 00:08:12,950
you mean the douchebag
half our age we now work for?
169
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:16,096
I don't know, Jack.
If I were you, I'd give him a chance.
170
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:19,290
I hear Aspen has
a real collaborative leadership style.
171
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:21,291
That guy?
172
00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:24,629
He looks like
he's in a musical about janitors.
173
00:08:24,712 --> 00:08:27,131
[Mike] Play nice, Jack.
The new owners love him.
174
00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:30,176
And if we wanna get paid,
we gotta keep our jobs.
175
00:08:30,259 --> 00:08:32,970
Gentlemen. What an honor.
176
00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:33,930
Aspen Bell.
177
00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:35,348
- Mike.
- Uh-huh.
178
00:08:35,431 --> 00:08:38,184
- Hey! Connor.
- Oh! I'm gonna get some of that? Ah!
179
00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:40,478
- Jack. Good.
- Hey, how are you? That's all right.
180
00:08:40,561 --> 00:08:44,023
Okay. Uh, guys.
Yeah, have a seat. Get comfortable.
181
00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:48,903
Wow! The trifecta behind Trifecta.
182
00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:51,739
This is some broad shoulders
to stand on, boys.
183
00:08:51,822 --> 00:08:53,157
Let's get right to it.
184
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:56,827
Look, this is your company, right?
185
00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:57,911
You built it.
186
00:08:58,412 --> 00:09:01,916
And I want you to know that I respect
the shit out of what you've done here.
187
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,293
I mean, come on, throwback jerseys?
188
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:08,089
{\an8}You didn't just start the trend.
You perfected it.
189
00:09:08,172 --> 00:09:10,132
The breathability of this fabric.
190
00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:12,593
Must have been sewn by the gods.
191
00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:15,888
Actually, it was sewn together
by some hardworking women in Koreatown.
192
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:16,972
[Mike clears throat]
193
00:09:17,765 --> 00:09:20,059
But, uh, thank you.
We're, uh, very proud of it.
194
00:09:20,142 --> 00:09:21,018
And you should be.
195
00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:23,896
You should be very proud
of everything that you've done here.
196
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:28,401
And I want you to know
that my door will always be open to you.
197
00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:32,280
But I'm gonna break some eggs
because I'm a disruptor.
198
00:09:32,363 --> 00:09:33,447
It's in my DNA.
199
00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:35,950
What does that mean?
200
00:09:36,033 --> 00:09:37,827
It means that we're gonna pivot.
201
00:09:39,036 --> 00:09:41,747
This company is now a gender-neutral,
carbon-neutral,
202
00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:44,041
21st-century lifestyle apparel brand.
203
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:49,046
And the first step in that is
to liberate everyone born before 1988.
204
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:51,674
[woman] For what? All of us?
205
00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:56,429
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the fuck?
That's, like, half the company.
206
00:09:56,512 --> 00:09:59,056
- [Mike] Calm down, man.
- [Jack] You calm down.
207
00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:02,018
- [man] Let's go.
- Damien's 35? Goddamn, he looks good.
208
00:10:02,518 --> 00:10:05,938
Hey, what happened to two weeks' notice?
You can't just kick 'em out.
209
00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:06,897
Don't touch me.
210
00:10:06,981 --> 00:10:09,317
These people put their hearts and souls
into this business.
211
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:13,863
And we signed them up for Zip Recruiter.
They're gonna have a new job in no time.
212
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:17,450
Look, we are living in an exponential era.
213
00:10:17,533 --> 00:10:18,367
Hmm.
214
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:22,288
Jack, change and growth,
these things happen faster than they did
215
00:10:22,371 --> 00:10:23,831
when you were young.
216
00:10:24,415 --> 00:10:25,291
I mean, look at me.
217
00:10:25,374 --> 00:10:28,210
I'm 28 years old, and I've already worked
for 15 different start-ups.
218
00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:32,423
- Is that something you wanna brag about?
- [Aspen] Absolutely.
219
00:10:32,506 --> 00:10:35,635
Success does not care
about the way that you feel.
220
00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:38,763
I want people to come in here
with a smile on their face,
221
00:10:38,846 --> 00:10:41,849
but I need them
to have Kevlar in their souls.
222
00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:44,268
If that's too much to ask,
223
00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:46,520
then I don't care
how long you've been here.
224
00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:48,856
You're gonna be out the door.
225
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:51,484
Is that a threat?
226
00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:53,903
No, no. It's just transparent leadership.
227
00:10:54,862 --> 00:10:56,322
Look, I care about you.
228
00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:59,784
In fact, there is this woman
I would love for you to go see.
229
00:10:59,867 --> 00:11:03,329
She's an old friend of my mom.
She has had a lot of success
230
00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:10,169
helping people in your situation
to restrain their aggressive tendencies.
231
00:11:12,129 --> 00:11:13,798
You want me to go see a shrink?
232
00:11:13,881 --> 00:11:15,466
I appreciate you.
233
00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:21,180
"I appreciate you." "I appreciate you."
234
00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:24,225
Fucking sociopath hipster douche.
235
00:11:24,308 --> 00:11:26,185
Gonna threaten me
in my own goddamn building?
236
00:11:26,268 --> 00:11:28,729
I'll fucking knock you out,
throw you in a bag of laundry,
237
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:30,815
and they'll never fucking see you again.
238
00:11:31,899 --> 00:11:33,776
- Oh my God!
- [car horn honks]
239
00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:35,444
Come on! I'm gonna be late.
240
00:11:36,612 --> 00:11:38,114
Just fucking sitting there.
241
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:42,993
Oh, look at this fucking asshole.
242
00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:47,540
Fucking 30-year-old man riding a kids' toy
right in the middle of the fucking street!
243
00:11:47,623 --> 00:11:49,291
- [car horn honks]
- Get over!
244
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:53,963
What's he doing now? Is he freestyling?
Is he making a YouTube video?
245
00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:57,800
Oh my God!
How fucking self-involved are you?
246
00:11:57,883 --> 00:11:59,260
[car horn honking]
247
00:11:59,343 --> 00:12:00,344
Share the road!
248
00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:01,554
Hey, I agree!
249
00:12:01,637 --> 00:12:04,765
So, why don't you get up onto
the fucking sidewalk where you belong?
250
00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:09,437
Oh, is that for me?
Oh, you a tough guy now, huh? Huh?
251
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:10,880
- [tires squeal]
- [car horn honks]
252
00:12:10,938 --> 00:12:13,733
Where you going,
you little cocksucker, huh?
253
00:12:18,028 --> 00:12:19,028
What?
254
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:23,200
When was the last time you saw
one of those bastards stop at a stop sign?
255
00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:27,037
Then they get hit and frost the thing
like some unforeseen tragedy happened.
256
00:12:28,247 --> 00:12:29,247
Am I wrong?
257
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:31,040
Yes.
258
00:12:32,793 --> 00:12:33,793
Toxic.
259
00:12:39,967 --> 00:12:42,219
[Jack] Oh, look at this. Of course.
260
00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:43,721
Unbelievable.
261
00:12:43,804 --> 00:12:46,432
500 people come here every day,
and they got 20 fucking spots.
262
00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:48,768
How much money do you have to pay
to get a parking lot?
263
00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:51,604
What does that say?
264
00:12:51,687 --> 00:12:53,981
I'm not reading all that fucking shit.
265
00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:57,026
Eh, fuck it. Be in and out.
266
00:13:02,239 --> 00:13:04,116
So, you are reading
to your kids every night?
267
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:05,451
[woman] Uh, we do 17...
268
00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:07,369
Oh, excuse me. Excuse me, sir?
269
00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:08,287
Yeah?
270
00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:11,665
- You were late for pickup.
- I'm sorry. There was no parking spots.
271
00:13:13,417 --> 00:13:16,587
- Daddy! Daddy!
- Nate! Hey, little buddy.
272
00:13:16,670 --> 00:13:18,798
Ah! What's up?
273
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:20,758
What's up?
274
00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:22,968
- I've missed you, man.
- Me too.
275
00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:24,762
- How was school?
- [Nate] Good.
276
00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:29,058
- You were late for pickup.
- Yeah, I told you I couldn't find a spot.
277
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,685
I'm sorry. We don't accept excuses.
278
00:13:32,269 --> 00:13:34,855
Wasn't an excuse. Just what happened.
279
00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:37,316
Plus, I was only, like,
two minutes late, right, buddy?
280
00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:39,777
- Have you read the school guidebook?
- Yep.
281
00:13:45,866 --> 00:13:46,866
What?
282
00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:49,328
It's a dollar
for every minute you're late.
283
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:50,955
Of course it is.
284
00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:53,081
Okay.
285
00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:58,961
- Here's five bucks. It's all I got.
- Oh, no. The first violation is free.
286
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:03,342
Really? Well, why didn't you tell me that
before I put my kid down?
287
00:14:03,425 --> 00:14:07,346
Well, if you'd actually read the guidebook
instead of just saying you did,
288
00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:09,139
I wouldn't have to tell you anything.
289
00:14:10,599 --> 00:14:13,143
- Is there, like, a problem here, miss?
- Well, actually...
290
00:14:13,227 --> 00:14:14,562
If you have some issue with me,
291
00:14:14,645 --> 00:14:17,022
you take me aside in private,
and you talk to me.
292
00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:19,108
You don't dress me down
in front of my kid.
293
00:14:19,191 --> 00:14:21,318
I'm paying you to educate my son,
not me, okay?
294
00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:24,321
Oh. Well, we here
at Little Hearts and Minds
295
00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:27,241
believe that education
extends into the home.
296
00:14:27,324 --> 00:14:28,826
Oh, do you? Fantastic.
297
00:14:28,909 --> 00:14:32,162
And once again, you'd know that
if you'd picked up the guidebook and...
298
00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:34,874
Jesus Christ!
I read the goddamn fucking guidebook!
299
00:14:34,957 --> 00:14:36,709
All right, you stumpy little cunt?
300
00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:39,461
Wow!
301
00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:42,381
Oh my God.
302
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:47,719
Let's go, Nate.
303
00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:50,431
[Nate] Daddy, what's a cunt?
304
00:14:50,514 --> 00:14:53,517
[Jack] Somebody that gives you shit
for being two seconds late for pickup.
305
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:54,601
How you doing?
306
00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:58,731
Okay, buddy, we're home.
Now what are we gonna do?
307
00:14:58,814 --> 00:15:01,609
[Nate] Forget what happened
and finish my ice cream.
308
00:15:01,692 --> 00:15:02,902
[Jack] That's right.
309
00:15:05,946 --> 00:15:07,448
Hey, buddy, was that good?
310
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:10,659
Ah, you're the best. Here.
Let's get you cleaned up real quick.
311
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:13,621
Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh.
Doop-doop-doop-doop-doop.
312
00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:14,914
Yep, okay, cool.
313
00:15:15,789 --> 00:15:19,084
All right. Nothing but happiness
when we go in there, okay? Awesome.
314
00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:20,294
Mommy!
315
00:15:20,794 --> 00:15:23,380
Well, hey! How are you, buddy?
316
00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:26,425
- Hey, how was your meeting, honey?
- Oh, it was good! How was pickup?
317
00:15:26,508 --> 00:15:28,552
[Jack] Oh, it was great,
smooth, uneventful.
318
00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:31,055
Hey, you wanna go watch Puppy Dog Pals?
319
00:15:31,138 --> 00:15:33,891
- Puppy Dog Pals!
- Puppy Dog Pals. Yay!
320
00:15:33,974 --> 00:15:35,309
[Leah clears throat] Jack.
321
00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:40,189
Uneventful? I just got off the phone
with Doctor Lois Shmieckel-Turner.
322
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:41,774
Oh boy.
323
00:15:41,857 --> 00:15:46,195
What is uneventful about calling
Nate's principal a stumpy "C"?
324
00:15:46,278 --> 00:15:49,782
If you saw the way she was talking to me,
it was a perfectly normal response.
325
00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:52,201
- For who?
- Anyone with a shred of dignity.
326
00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:53,577
[whispers] Keep it down.
327
00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:54,954
[TV playing]
328
00:15:55,537 --> 00:15:57,247
[whispers] Anyone with a shred of dignity.
329
00:15:57,748 --> 00:15:59,708
Okay, she was talking to me
like some deadbeat dad
330
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:02,002
for showing up
a minute and a half late for pickup.
331
00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:04,922
Oh my God!
This has nothing to do with your dignity.
332
00:16:05,005 --> 00:16:08,133
This has everything
to do with our son's academic future.
333
00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:12,179
Do you know how powerful
Doctor Lois Shmieckel-Turner is?
334
00:16:12,763 --> 00:16:14,640
Her kindergarten recommendation
335
00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:16,767
makes or breaks
whether he gets into The Meadows.
336
00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:19,144
Great. So we'll send him
to a different private school.
337
00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:22,022
She writes the recommendation
no matter where he goes.
338
00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:25,192
Great! Then it's public school.
That place wasn't that bad, and it's free.
339
00:16:25,275 --> 00:16:26,944
Are you kidding me?
340
00:16:27,027 --> 00:16:28,320
That place was that bad.
341
00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:29,947
- You admitted that...
- Sh.
342
00:16:30,447 --> 00:16:34,284
[whispers] That one was that bad.
And you said it was that bad. Okay?
343
00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:37,705
We have been over this.
We've looked at all the data.
344
00:16:37,788 --> 00:16:41,041
Oh, Jesus Christ with the fucking data!
Your generation and the data.
345
00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:42,710
- What?
- The data, the data, the data.
346
00:16:42,793 --> 00:16:44,461
Here's some data for you, okay?
347
00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:47,214
Not having your every need catered to
is actually a good thing.
348
00:16:47,297 --> 00:16:48,977
I went to public school.
I turned out fine.
349
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,634
Where you learned to talk to principals?
350
00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:52,886
No, it's where I learned
to stick up for myself.
351
00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:54,763
You need to fix this.
352
00:16:55,472 --> 00:16:57,850
And you need to talk to someone
about your anger.
353
00:16:57,933 --> 00:17:00,102
Oh, Jesus Christ with the fucking therapy.
Here we go.
354
00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:01,997
- Great. Fine. Fine!
- Always with the therapy.
355
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,148
Go ahead, white-knuckle it
through this world.
356
00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:06,525
But tomorrow,
you're gonna go into that school,
357
00:17:06,608 --> 00:17:08,402
and you are going to apologize.
358
00:17:08,485 --> 00:17:12,656
Good, fine. You think I'm afraid of that?
I'll go down there right now.
359
00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:14,449
Great.
360
00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:16,952
She's not the first person
I ever called that word.
361
00:17:18,412 --> 00:17:20,414
[whimsical music playing]
362
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:23,584
Don't worry. I'll smooth it right over.
363
00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:28,714
Jack, Leah. Thanks so much for coming.
364
00:17:28,797 --> 00:17:31,800
Thank you so much
for meeting with us, honestly.
365
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:34,094
Yes. Doctor Shmieckel-Turner,
I... I just wanted to...
366
00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:36,180
Uh, please, call me Doctor L.
367
00:17:36,764 --> 00:17:40,601
- Doctor L, I just wanna say...
- No, no. Save those thoughts.
368
00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:43,353
- [Jack] Oh, okay.
- [Lois] Uh...
369
00:17:44,521 --> 00:17:45,521
Oh.
370
00:17:51,361 --> 00:17:53,113
Oh, wait, wait. Whoa, whoa.
371
00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:55,659
We're gonna do this
in front of the whole school?
372
00:17:55,699 --> 00:17:57,076
- [chuckles nervously]
- Um...
373
00:17:57,785 --> 00:18:01,914
We view this more as a village
than a school.
374
00:18:01,997 --> 00:18:06,376
And we firmly believe
in the practice of restorative justice,
375
00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:08,587
or gacaca.
376
00:18:09,713 --> 00:18:13,801
A common practice in Rwanda
which was especially effective
377
00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:16,512
in the aftermath of their genocide.
378
00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:19,515
And please, join the other parents.
379
00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:21,100
Oh. Okay.
380
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:25,604
Okay. Wow! [chuckles]
381
00:18:26,396 --> 00:18:27,689
That's quite a turnout.
382
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,277
Um... All right, um...
383
00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:34,947
I guess, uh, looking back,
384
00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:37,950
I, uh, let my emotions
get the best of me yesterday,
385
00:18:38,033 --> 00:18:41,954
and, um, I wish I could have chosen
my words a little bit differently.
386
00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:43,037
All right?
387
00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:47,543
And I am sorry that six of you heard this
and then told the other 40.
388
00:18:48,502 --> 00:18:50,796
And, uh, to any of the children
that heard what I said,
389
00:18:50,879 --> 00:18:52,965
it's never okay to say those words, okay?
390
00:18:53,048 --> 00:18:56,093
I... I was very, very wrong. All right?
391
00:18:56,718 --> 00:19:00,013
So that's it. Have a nice morning
and, uh, keep using those paper straws.
392
00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:02,975
I know they get soggy, but they're good
for the turtles, evidently.
393
00:19:03,058 --> 00:19:06,061
- Thank you.
- Okay. No, no. Jack. Jack. Jack.
394
00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:10,732
Yeah. We... we appreciate the words,
395
00:19:11,441 --> 00:19:14,486
but the process of healing
has only just begun.
396
00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:18,448
- Yes, Judy.
- [Judy] Yes, thank you.
397
00:19:18,532 --> 00:19:22,369
Um, I would just like to voice
how incredibly hurt I am.
398
00:19:22,452 --> 00:19:26,498
Mr. Kelly, do you understand
that using the C-word
399
00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:28,750
is like the N-word but for women?
400
00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:34,464
Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
Yeah, I'm... I'm sure... I'm sure it is.
401
00:19:35,048 --> 00:19:36,925
You know, other than
the 400 years of slavery
402
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,677
and continued systemic oppression.
403
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,120
Other than that, I think
you're making a really solid point.
404
00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:44,474
Yes, Mimi.
405
00:19:44,558 --> 00:19:46,643
Even though I wasn't there,
406
00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:51,148
just knowing that language like that
was used in front of the child...
407
00:19:53,483 --> 00:19:55,027
Oh, Jesus Christ.
408
00:19:58,405 --> 00:20:00,032
Please. Brian.
409
00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:05,704
As a parent of a child and someone
with chronically low metabolism,
410
00:20:05,787 --> 00:20:06,788
but loving my body...
411
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:08,832
- Oh. Good for you, Brian.
- Yeah.
412
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:14,546
...your use of the word "stumpy" was
a real trigger to me and my whole family.
413
00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:15,630
[chuckles]
414
00:20:16,381 --> 00:20:17,216
Seriously?
415
00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:18,299
Yes.
416
00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:21,678
Any type of body-shaming just reminds me
417
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:25,140
of what it feels like to be told
that my body ain't good enough.
418
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:26,725
[Jack] Oh, okay. All right.
419
00:20:26,808 --> 00:20:30,062
Well, I understand that,
and I'm sorry I made you feel that way.
420
00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:32,648
And I'd also like to add,
and I think a lot of you would agree,
421
00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:36,735
we do have a major weight problem
in this country. Do we not, you know?
422
00:20:36,818 --> 00:20:38,778
And it doesn't just affect
this man and his child.
423
00:20:38,820 --> 00:20:40,239
I mean, the burden
424
00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:43,075
that out-of-shape people
put on our healthcare system,
425
00:20:43,158 --> 00:20:45,577
not to mention the loved ones
they leave behind is...
426
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:47,454
it's truly, truly heartbreaking.
427
00:20:47,537 --> 00:20:51,208
And I... I think, as a community,
we should be able to talk about it.
428
00:20:51,291 --> 00:20:54,336
Like maybe put a salad bar at drop-off
or something like that.
429
00:20:54,419 --> 00:20:56,505
Oh man! I would love that.
430
00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:57,588
[fingers snap]
431
00:20:59,549 --> 00:21:01,260
All right. Maybe... maybe not now.
432
00:21:02,552 --> 00:21:03,804
Wrap it up. Thank you.
433
00:21:03,887 --> 00:21:05,514
Uh, I'd just like to say
434
00:21:05,597 --> 00:21:07,975
that I am truly sorry
for my actions yesterday.
435
00:21:08,058 --> 00:21:11,436
They have no place in this community.
Okay? All right.
436
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:14,231
I'm sorry. Have a nice morning. Good day.
437
00:21:14,314 --> 00:21:15,649
Eh, eh. Uh...
438
00:21:15,732 --> 00:21:19,569
Okay. Okay, let's all thank Jack.
439
00:21:19,653 --> 00:21:23,407
It's not easy to admit when we are wrong.
440
00:21:24,992 --> 00:21:28,453
This is going to be
a long... a long journey.
441
00:21:29,162 --> 00:21:32,457
But I know we will all
be there to support him.
442
00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:36,128
[applause]
443
00:21:39,965 --> 00:21:42,843
What the fuck?
What does she mean by "long journey"?
444
00:21:42,926 --> 00:21:44,803
The journey's over.
I just apologized to her
445
00:21:44,886 --> 00:21:47,086
and a bunch of weak-kneed people
who weren't even there.
446
00:21:48,015 --> 00:21:51,226
She doesn't write Nate's recommendation
for another three months.
447
00:21:51,935 --> 00:21:53,478
- So?
- So!
448
00:21:54,187 --> 00:21:57,065
You have a long time to prove to her
that you are a good dad.
449
00:21:57,149 --> 00:21:58,525
But why do I need to do that?
450
00:21:58,608 --> 00:22:03,196
Because this recommendation is as much
about Nate as it is about us as parents.
451
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:06,533
Oh, Jesus Christ!
Is it ever over with these people?
452
00:22:06,616 --> 00:22:09,036
I mean, how many fucking hoops
do you have to jump through?
453
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:12,080
I don't know, Jack,
but you created this problem.
454
00:22:12,164 --> 00:22:16,835
So, are you going to man up and solve it,
or am I registering for two pacifiers?
455
00:22:16,918 --> 00:22:18,337
[laughs]
456
00:22:18,420 --> 00:22:20,297
- Well?
- All right.
457
00:22:20,380 --> 00:22:22,924
I will play nice, and I will jump
through all the hoops, okay?
458
00:22:23,008 --> 00:22:25,552
Mm-hmm. Thank you. Have a good day.
459
00:22:37,647 --> 00:22:40,567
Hi, baby.
I grilled up some buffalo steaks,
460
00:22:40,650 --> 00:22:43,153
and there's a Manhattan
waiting for you on the table.
461
00:22:44,404 --> 00:22:46,490
- Goddamn, baby. You look good.
- [chuckles]
462
00:22:49,659 --> 00:22:50,660
[Britney] Follow me.
463
00:22:51,578 --> 00:22:52,938
[Mike] Just what I needed tonight.
464
00:22:52,996 --> 00:22:55,540
Well, I do know
how to take care of my man.
465
00:22:55,624 --> 00:22:57,876
- [Mike chuckles]
- Go on. Sit down.
466
00:22:57,959 --> 00:23:00,087
Have a drink. Get all nice and relaxed.
467
00:23:01,797 --> 00:23:02,923
Why? What happened?
468
00:23:04,758 --> 00:23:05,758
Nothing.
469
00:23:07,260 --> 00:23:08,260
No...
470
00:23:08,762 --> 00:23:10,722
Okay, well,
I do have to tell you something,
471
00:23:10,806 --> 00:23:12,933
but you have to promise to not get mad.
472
00:23:14,476 --> 00:23:17,813
I went to too many years of law school
to agree to something like that.
473
00:23:17,896 --> 00:23:19,106
What's going on?
474
00:23:21,191 --> 00:23:22,234
Well,
475
00:23:23,235 --> 00:23:24,152
I'm late.
476
00:23:24,236 --> 00:23:25,236
[chuckles]
477
00:23:30,450 --> 00:23:32,160
There's no way. That's impossible.
478
00:23:32,911 --> 00:23:35,080
I couldn't believe it either.
479
00:23:44,506 --> 00:23:46,174
I had a vasectomy, and I pull out.
480
00:23:46,258 --> 00:23:49,344
I... I know.
I don't know how it happened, but...
481
00:23:51,346 --> 00:23:52,639
maybe there's a reason.
482
00:23:55,225 --> 00:23:56,225
Pee again.
483
00:23:57,102 --> 00:23:59,396
- What?
- Pee again!
484
00:23:59,479 --> 00:24:00,814
I did. Three times.
485
00:24:00,897 --> 00:24:03,024
Well, it's not mine, so go take a test.
486
00:24:06,111 --> 00:24:07,821
[doo-wop music playing]
487
00:24:12,242 --> 00:24:14,244
[doo-wop music continues]
488
00:24:15,996 --> 00:24:19,207
I mean, look at it this way.
You got really strong sperm.
489
00:24:21,042 --> 00:24:22,127
You should be proud.
490
00:24:23,879 --> 00:24:29,134
Seriously. I mean, guys our age, our cum
is usually, like, asthmatic, you know,
491
00:24:29,217 --> 00:24:32,888
but your shit's, like,
Bruce Willis in Unbreakable, bro.
492
00:24:32,971 --> 00:24:35,724
Yeah. To plow through
a vasectomy with pre-cum.
493
00:24:35,807 --> 00:24:37,434
- I mean, that's unheard of.
- Come on.
494
00:24:37,517 --> 00:24:39,644
That's like some Braveheart-level jizz.
495
00:24:39,728 --> 00:24:41,730
Yeah, dude.
You're like a Black William Wallace.
496
00:24:41,813 --> 00:24:43,482
[shouts] Pre-cum!
497
00:24:44,107 --> 00:24:45,108
Sorry.
498
00:24:45,692 --> 00:24:49,070
Mike, this is gonna be great, okay?
And remember, kids keep you young.
499
00:24:49,154 --> 00:24:50,155
No, they don't.
500
00:24:50,864 --> 00:24:52,240
My kids almost killed me.
501
00:24:52,324 --> 00:24:53,575
[Jack] Oh, come on.
502
00:24:53,658 --> 00:24:55,827
Don't you remember
the beauty of becoming a dad?
503
00:24:55,911 --> 00:24:58,663
The smell of a newborn baby's head.
I mean, it's the best.
504
00:24:58,747 --> 00:25:00,373
They're funny, Mike. They're funny.
505
00:25:00,457 --> 00:25:03,251
They say funny shit.
They think farts are funny.
506
00:25:03,335 --> 00:25:06,171
In the morning, he comes running in.
"Pull my finger. Pull my finger."
507
00:25:06,254 --> 00:25:08,173
- Wet one. It's funny.
- [laughs]
508
00:25:08,256 --> 00:25:09,299
It's adorable.
509
00:25:09,382 --> 00:25:12,135
Another thing, you come home,
they're excited to see you.
510
00:25:12,219 --> 00:25:14,846
How many places do you walk in,
and people just freak out
511
00:25:14,930 --> 00:25:17,015
and start running at you,
screaming your name?
512
00:25:17,098 --> 00:25:18,778
You come home,
you feel like you're famous.
513
00:25:18,808 --> 00:25:20,769
Yeah, exactly.
They don't die after 12 years.
514
00:25:20,852 --> 00:25:21,978
- Exactly.
- Like a dog.
515
00:25:22,979 --> 00:25:23,979
Hopefully.
516
00:25:24,397 --> 00:25:26,709
Mike, this is gonna be great.
We all get to do it together.
517
00:25:26,733 --> 00:25:27,651
Yeah.
518
00:25:27,734 --> 00:25:31,571
Jack, you've aged ten years
since Nate was born.
519
00:25:33,532 --> 00:25:37,369
Connor, I don't know what's up with you
'cause you don't fucking age.
520
00:25:37,994 --> 00:25:40,330
- Thanks, buddy.
- [Mike] It's not a compliment.
521
00:25:40,914 --> 00:25:43,416
I don't know
what kind of Botox shit you're on,
522
00:25:43,500 --> 00:25:45,252
but it's gonna kill you.
523
00:25:45,335 --> 00:25:49,464
All right, dude. Ease up. Okay?
I didn't fucking get you pregnant.
524
00:25:50,090 --> 00:25:53,635
Just... If you don't want the baby,
just get an abortion.
525
00:25:54,135 --> 00:25:55,303
Flush it.
526
00:25:55,929 --> 00:25:58,557
[scoffs] I don't believe in that.
That's some white shit.
527
00:25:58,640 --> 00:25:59,891
- What's that mean?
- What?
528
00:25:59,975 --> 00:26:01,851
I don't know. I'm emotional.
529
00:26:03,979 --> 00:26:07,399
She said she didn't wanna have kids.
530
00:26:08,483 --> 00:26:10,110
What the fuck am I gonna do?
531
00:26:11,653 --> 00:26:13,572
- I'm having a heart attack.
- You're not.
532
00:26:13,655 --> 00:26:16,455
- Can we get some water? Just breathe.
- I'm gonna have a heart attack.
533
00:26:16,491 --> 00:26:20,161
You're not gonna have a heart attack.
You go to the gym.
534
00:26:20,245 --> 00:26:22,205
Nobody has a heart attack
that goes to the gym.
535
00:26:22,706 --> 00:26:25,667
Except... Remember that jogging guy?
He died of a heart attack.
536
00:26:25,750 --> 00:26:27,502
- Oh, yeah. Yeah.
- Remember that guy?
537
00:26:27,586 --> 00:26:29,004
[bell ringing]
538
00:26:29,087 --> 00:26:31,214
[Lois] Good morning, everyone.
539
00:26:31,298 --> 00:26:32,507
Morning, Doctor L.
540
00:26:32,591 --> 00:26:34,009
- Oh!
- [Jack] Hey, buddy.
541
00:26:34,092 --> 00:26:36,011
[kisses] I'll see ya. Have fun. Okay?
542
00:26:37,470 --> 00:26:39,139
Is that for me?
543
00:26:39,222 --> 00:26:42,183
Oh, it's for the whole community.
Yeah, it's an olive tree.
544
00:26:42,267 --> 00:26:45,270
Very drought-friendly.
And an eternal symbol of peace.
545
00:26:45,770 --> 00:26:50,317
I thought it'd be a nice way to cultivate
the kids', uh, social-emotional growth.
546
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:52,652
Something we work on a lot
with Nate at home, you know?
547
00:26:53,653 --> 00:26:55,864
Well, I... I am impressed.
548
00:26:56,364 --> 00:26:59,618
But this tree is incompatible
with our ecosystem.
549
00:27:00,869 --> 00:27:02,454
The insects that it would attract
550
00:27:02,537 --> 00:27:05,248
would be detrimental
to all plant life here.
551
00:27:05,915 --> 00:27:08,168
[Lois laughing]
552
00:27:09,419 --> 00:27:11,296
- This is a funny moment.
- [Jack laughs]
553
00:27:11,379 --> 00:27:13,214
Yeah. You and I are having a...
554
00:27:13,298 --> 00:27:14,841
[laughs] What?
555
00:27:14,924 --> 00:27:19,304
I find it so apropos that you have brought
the plant version of yourself.
556
00:27:21,348 --> 00:27:23,224
Jack, I appreciate the effort.
557
00:27:23,308 --> 00:27:25,935
I know how hard this is for you.
558
00:27:26,811 --> 00:27:30,899
But fortunately, I am here to guide you.
559
00:27:30,982 --> 00:27:35,487
If you're willing to take my advice.
Is that something you'd be open to?
560
00:27:37,614 --> 00:27:40,116
- I need a verbal confirmation.
- Yes.
561
00:27:41,076 --> 00:27:42,077
Walk with me.
562
00:27:43,495 --> 00:27:48,208
As you can see, this is
such a dynamic and whimsical place.
563
00:27:49,751 --> 00:27:53,338
A launching pad
for the next generation of great leaders.
564
00:27:53,922 --> 00:27:54,923
Such as Nate.
565
00:27:56,383 --> 00:28:01,429
But they'll never reach the stratosphere
without enough fuel.
566
00:28:02,847 --> 00:28:04,891
Our annual fundraiser is coming up,
567
00:28:04,974 --> 00:28:07,936
and given your leadership experience
in sales,
568
00:28:08,687 --> 00:28:11,064
I think you might make a great chairman.
569
00:28:11,981 --> 00:28:14,776
- [laughs] Me?
- What do you think?
570
00:28:16,444 --> 00:28:18,655
I think I'm beginning
to see how this school works.
571
00:28:20,657 --> 00:28:22,784
♪ Come on, baby
Let me see you with the lights up... ♪
572
00:28:27,747 --> 00:28:29,833
Let's go. You're fucking getting to ten.
573
00:28:29,916 --> 00:28:30,956
- Let's go!
- Ah! I got it.
574
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:32,210
- Are you a pussy?
- No.
575
00:28:32,293 --> 00:28:33,795
- Are you a pussy?
- You're a pussy.
576
00:28:33,878 --> 00:28:36,256
You're a fucking pussy.
Come on, let's go. Let's go.
577
00:28:36,339 --> 00:28:39,634
Come on. What are you, on your period?
Let's go. Look at me. Look at me.
578
00:28:39,718 --> 00:28:40,969
- Look at me!
- Ah, I'm looking.
579
00:28:41,052 --> 00:28:44,347
That's it. Let's go.
One more. One more. One more.
580
00:28:44,431 --> 00:28:47,809
- Come on! That's all you! That's all you!
- [straining] Fuck!
581
00:28:47,892 --> 00:28:49,811
All right. Let's go. Down. Down.
582
00:28:49,894 --> 00:28:52,439
Up high. Twice. Ah! Fuck Pilates!
583
00:28:53,481 --> 00:28:55,150
- Whoo!
- That was a good set.
584
00:28:55,942 --> 00:28:57,694
[breathing heavily]
585
00:28:57,777 --> 00:28:58,611
[grunts]
586
00:28:58,695 --> 00:29:01,215
- So, you gonna help me with this thing?
- [straining] Fuck, no.
587
00:29:01,281 --> 00:29:04,784
- Come on. It's just a fundraiser meeting.
- I said no.
588
00:29:04,868 --> 00:29:06,708
What about that time
I pretended to be your dad
589
00:29:06,745 --> 00:29:08,945
'cause you were lying to that chick
about your age, huh?
590
00:29:09,581 --> 00:29:11,181
I have no recollection of that incident.
591
00:29:11,249 --> 00:29:13,418
Oh, you don't? You don't?
Isn't that convenient?
592
00:29:13,501 --> 00:29:14,669
Hey, there's Mike.
593
00:29:15,587 --> 00:29:17,732
- [Jack] That Britney's car?
- [Connor] I don't think so.
594
00:29:17,756 --> 00:29:19,924
Look at the plates.
Someone went crazy on CarMax.
595
00:29:20,008 --> 00:29:22,302
You know what? I give you two-to-one
596
00:29:22,385 --> 00:29:24,929
there's no more baby,
and there's no more Britney.
597
00:29:25,013 --> 00:29:26,806
- No. You think so?
- Yeah. Fifty bucks.
598
00:29:26,890 --> 00:29:28,057
Fifty? Hundred.
599
00:29:28,141 --> 00:29:29,392
- Hundred. C-note?
- C-note?
600
00:29:29,476 --> 00:29:31,352
- C-note!
- C-note!
601
00:29:31,436 --> 00:29:32,979
- All right. Be cool.
- All right.
602
00:29:33,646 --> 00:29:34,665
- [Jack] Hey!
- Yo, yo, yo.
603
00:29:34,689 --> 00:29:36,608
- Look who's here. Big Mike!
- What's cracking?
604
00:29:36,691 --> 00:29:39,068
- [Jack] Man, how are you?
- [Connor] What's up, baby?
605
00:29:39,152 --> 00:29:41,237
- You look good.
- You get a new car?
606
00:29:41,321 --> 00:29:44,365
[scoffs] Ford Fusion SEL, fully loaded.
607
00:29:44,449 --> 00:29:46,868
Heated seats, Bluetooth, dual sunroof.
608
00:29:46,951 --> 00:29:50,079
Delivered straight to my door.
You wanna take it for a spin?
609
00:29:50,163 --> 00:29:53,124
Me? Nah, I'm good. I'll just rent one
the next time I go to Tampa.
610
00:29:54,250 --> 00:29:56,628
Hey, so, you and Britney
still having the kid, right?
611
00:29:57,420 --> 00:29:59,631
Yeah, why wouldn't we be?
612
00:29:59,714 --> 00:30:02,554
I don't know. Everything you're doing
is suggesting you took a mulligan.
613
00:30:03,051 --> 00:30:06,721
Why can't I be raising the kid
and have the car of my dreams?
614
00:30:06,805 --> 00:30:09,724
And pick up
a Boyz II Men pinball machine on eBay.
615
00:30:10,517 --> 00:30:12,560
People say it's impossible.
616
00:30:12,644 --> 00:30:16,105
Well, fuck those people
because I'm doing it. Huh?
617
00:30:16,189 --> 00:30:17,189
All right.
618
00:30:18,066 --> 00:30:19,627
- Fuck.
- [Mike] Let's get it in, fellas.
619
00:30:19,651 --> 00:30:21,736
All right. Pay up, or go to the meeting.
620
00:30:21,820 --> 00:30:22,904
Motherfucker.
621
00:30:22,987 --> 00:30:24,197
[laughs]
622
00:30:25,448 --> 00:30:28,034
Okay, I can get the VFW
to give us the space for free.
623
00:30:28,117 --> 00:30:30,662
My buddy Mitch has
a wholesale liquor company.
624
00:30:30,745 --> 00:30:34,249
We get the booze at cost, and that just
leaves the entertainment and the auction.
625
00:30:34,749 --> 00:30:36,042
Uh, but what's the theme?
626
00:30:36,125 --> 00:30:38,545
What's the theme?
You know, everybody takes an Uber.
627
00:30:38,628 --> 00:30:41,005
We all get ripped.
Take a night off from our kids.
628
00:30:41,089 --> 00:30:43,466
You know what? I think she's right.
I think we need a theme.
629
00:30:43,550 --> 00:30:45,802
- Yeah.
- [woman 1] We definitely need a theme.
630
00:30:45,885 --> 00:30:48,680
Last year's theme was
the Puerto Rican Day Parade.
631
00:30:48,763 --> 00:30:51,182
- [woman 2] That was great.
- We had Tito Puente Jr.
632
00:30:51,266 --> 00:30:52,976
How about an '80s-themed party?
633
00:30:53,059 --> 00:30:54,435
[Connor] Now there's an idea.
634
00:30:54,519 --> 00:30:56,580
- I fucking love the '80s.
- Fucking '80s are the best.
635
00:30:56,604 --> 00:30:58,940
Tank tops, T-tops, and blow, baby.
636
00:30:59,023 --> 00:31:01,442
Finger-banging for days. Miami Vice!
637
00:31:01,526 --> 00:31:04,946
That's what started that whole thing,
sport coats with the T-shirt underneath.
638
00:31:05,029 --> 00:31:08,116
Yeah. No socks. Remember?
You fold over the pant, roll it up.
639
00:31:08,199 --> 00:31:09,909
- No... Yeah.
- Boom. Hummer.
640
00:31:09,993 --> 00:31:12,203
Are we reliving your childhood
or planning a party?
641
00:31:12,287 --> 00:31:13,538
I'm always down for a party.
642
00:31:13,621 --> 00:31:14,873
- I am too.
- [Connor] Right?
643
00:31:15,623 --> 00:31:19,335
How about "We Are the World"?
That's an interesting song. Right?
644
00:31:19,419 --> 00:31:21,254
And, you know, it's inclusive.
645
00:31:21,796 --> 00:31:24,966
Deals with Africa.
We got a lot of Black kids in the school.
646
00:31:26,175 --> 00:31:31,222
Uh... Wha... I... I mean,
I guess it is kind of inclusive.
647
00:31:31,306 --> 00:31:34,893
Inclusive adjacent, but some of us
weren't even born in the '80s.
648
00:31:34,976 --> 00:31:37,854
So I just think that, like,
why would we be looking backwards?
649
00:31:37,937 --> 00:31:41,024
You know? Like, our whole vibe here
at this school and this whole community
650
00:31:41,107 --> 00:31:44,777
is... is looking forward,
and I just don't think it really lines up.
651
00:31:44,861 --> 00:31:47,822
I've got it.
What about the United States of Gender?
652
00:31:47,906 --> 00:31:50,783
- There it is. Oh my God. I love that!
- I know. I love it.
653
00:31:50,867 --> 00:31:53,870
We could have an entirely trans waitstaff.
It'd be great!
654
00:31:53,953 --> 00:31:57,057
Okay. Wait, guys. There's gonna be a lot
of different people here at this party.
655
00:31:57,081 --> 00:32:00,043
Maybe we should try to keep it
a little more mainstream.
656
00:32:00,126 --> 00:32:02,086
Hmm. Define mainstream.
657
00:32:02,170 --> 00:32:05,632
I don't know, like, you know,
not turn it into, like, a tranny bar.
658
00:32:05,715 --> 00:32:08,885
- Oh my God!
- Tranny? You cannot say that word!
659
00:32:08,968 --> 00:32:10,821
- What are you supposed to say?
- [clears throat]
660
00:32:10,845 --> 00:32:11,845
[all] Trans!
661
00:32:11,888 --> 00:32:16,434
Oh, all right. Well, I was close.
Trans, tranny. It's like Mike, Mikey.
662
00:32:16,517 --> 00:32:17,352
Mikey!
663
00:32:17,435 --> 00:32:21,272
Yeah. [laughs] I mean, people call me
a ginger. I don't give a fuck.
664
00:32:22,899 --> 00:32:24,817
I didn't mean anything by it.
All right. Trans.
665
00:32:24,901 --> 00:32:28,529
I think if we could just peer through
the fog of Jack's antiquated logic,
666
00:32:28,613 --> 00:32:31,133
we'll all realize that Jack's trying
to bring us together, okay?
667
00:32:31,157 --> 00:32:34,786
He's trying to move us forward,
not polarize us, okay?
668
00:32:34,869 --> 00:32:36,120
Can I just... Can I just...
669
00:32:36,204 --> 00:32:38,206
Is there a reason we always have
670
00:32:38,289 --> 00:32:41,626
two white men dominating
the discussion in this room?
671
00:32:43,544 --> 00:32:45,129
Was that directed at us?
672
00:32:45,213 --> 00:32:47,632
'Cause if I'm not mistaken,
you're also a white male, buddy.
673
00:32:47,715 --> 00:32:51,302
Why don't you consult the results
of my 23andMe test?
674
00:32:51,386 --> 00:32:54,180
Because the 3% of my lineage
that is Sri Lankan
675
00:32:54,263 --> 00:32:57,183
is really not appreciating
your tone in this moment.
676
00:32:57,266 --> 00:32:59,185
So I'm gonna need you
to check your privilege.
677
00:32:59,268 --> 00:33:01,497
- Check my privilege?
- That's right. Check your privilege.
678
00:33:01,521 --> 00:33:04,524
Okay. Uh, why don't we concentrate
on the silent auction?
679
00:33:05,566 --> 00:33:06,734
That's not a white guy?
680
00:33:07,443 --> 00:33:08,444
I'm confused.
681
00:33:09,612 --> 00:33:11,114
[hip-hop music playing]
682
00:33:18,413 --> 00:33:22,917
Oh my God! Look at this place.
It just gets more depressing every day.
683
00:33:25,753 --> 00:33:27,338
What up, party people?
684
00:33:28,464 --> 00:33:30,216
[both laughing]
685
00:33:32,427 --> 00:33:34,637
Ah! What up, fam?
686
00:33:35,138 --> 00:33:39,267
Yo, y'all check out that TikTok video
of the couple exchanging clothes?
687
00:33:39,350 --> 00:33:40,476
What?
688
00:33:41,519 --> 00:33:44,188
Uh, no, I'm not actually on TikTok, man.
689
00:33:44,272 --> 00:33:46,691
What? What are you on an Android phone?
690
00:33:47,358 --> 00:33:50,194
- Yeah. As a matter of fact, I am.
- Yeah. Me too.
691
00:33:50,278 --> 00:33:52,447
It's open-source software.
Fully customizable.
692
00:33:52,530 --> 00:33:54,991
- Yes! Yes!
- Right? That's what I'm talking about.
693
00:33:56,075 --> 00:33:57,075
Fuck.
694
00:33:57,493 --> 00:34:01,247
Yo. Did you feel that earthquake
this morning? You feel that?
695
00:34:02,832 --> 00:34:03,832
Don't worry.
696
00:34:04,792 --> 00:34:06,085
It's just my thoughts.
697
00:34:06,753 --> 00:34:08,004
[inaudible speech]
698
00:34:08,796 --> 00:34:09,839
Fame.
699
00:34:10,923 --> 00:34:13,301
It was once only
the provenance of the talented.
700
00:34:14,302 --> 00:34:16,137
But now we are living in an era
701
00:34:16,220 --> 00:34:19,766
in which everyone believes
that they deserve to be famous.
702
00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:26,272
The fame bubble is big, my friends.
And it's about to burst.
703
00:34:26,355 --> 00:34:28,357
You can already see the cracks.
704
00:34:28,441 --> 00:34:31,277
Celebrities announcing they're taking
a break from social media
705
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:34,864
by taking a selfie
and posting it to social media.
706
00:34:34,947 --> 00:34:36,032
It's insane.
707
00:34:36,115 --> 00:34:39,660
And we are going to make
an insane amount of money
708
00:34:40,703 --> 00:34:44,373
by making not wanting fame the new fame.
709
00:34:45,041 --> 00:34:47,251
We're gonna find a brand ambassador.
710
00:34:47,335 --> 00:34:51,255
Someone who earnestly does not crave fame.
711
00:34:52,215 --> 00:34:55,426
Introducing Ed Cameron.
712
00:34:56,427 --> 00:34:59,430
He is the LeBron James
of not being famous.
713
00:35:00,306 --> 00:35:02,517
Lives on a plot
of alopeciad land in New Mexico.
714
00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:04,268
He is entirely self-sustaining.
715
00:35:04,352 --> 00:35:07,271
And as far as we know,
he's had little to no human contact,
716
00:35:07,355 --> 00:35:09,023
not since the late 1980s.
717
00:35:09,524 --> 00:35:10,775
How did you find him?
718
00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:12,485
Well, it wasn't easy.
719
00:35:12,568 --> 00:35:13,736
But in 1976,
720
00:35:13,820 --> 00:35:17,073
he signed up for a raffle
at a local church.
721
00:35:17,782 --> 00:35:19,659
That information was sold to Mammoth Mart,
722
00:35:19,742 --> 00:35:22,370
who then sold it
to Columbia Record and Tape Club,
723
00:35:22,453 --> 00:35:25,206
who turned right around
and sold it to JPMorgan Chase.
724
00:35:25,289 --> 00:35:28,334
And then they got hacked,
and it ended up on the dark web,
725
00:35:28,417 --> 00:35:29,752
so that was a little harder to...
726
00:35:29,836 --> 00:35:33,589
It's not that important to talk about
how we acquired his personal information.
727
00:35:33,673 --> 00:35:34,507
Doesn't matter.
728
00:35:34,590 --> 00:35:37,135
[Aspen] What matters
is how we're gonna bring him in.
729
00:35:37,635 --> 00:35:39,554
And I got three words for ya.
730
00:35:39,637 --> 00:35:41,806
Jack, Mike, Connor, the founding fathers.
731
00:35:41,889 --> 00:35:42,890
[imitates explosion]
732
00:35:42,974 --> 00:35:44,517
Whoa, whoa! What?
733
00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:46,519
You want all three of us
to go pitch this guy?
734
00:35:46,602 --> 00:35:48,437
Yeah. Yeah, with my boy, Trav.
[tongue clicks]
735
00:35:49,897 --> 00:35:51,190
Why is Travis coming?
736
00:35:51,274 --> 00:35:53,359
Good question, Connor. I appreciate you.
737
00:35:53,442 --> 00:35:56,237
Hey, hey. This guy chose to live
in the middle of nowhere.
738
00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:57,155
[Mike] Yeah.
739
00:35:57,238 --> 00:35:59,991
So, how the hell are we gonna convince him
to become famous?
740
00:36:00,074 --> 00:36:01,534
Ah!
741
00:36:01,617 --> 00:36:02,618
[laughs]
742
00:36:03,578 --> 00:36:04,579
[remote thuds]
743
00:36:04,662 --> 00:36:06,330
Therein lies the work, Jack.
744
00:36:06,956 --> 00:36:11,502
Do you think
that Steve Jobs invented things?
745
00:36:12,128 --> 00:36:13,629
- Yeah. Quite a bit, actually.
- Yeah.
746
00:36:13,713 --> 00:36:14,547
- iPad.
- [Aspen] No.
747
00:36:14,630 --> 00:36:18,843
He said things,
and then other people did them.
748
00:36:19,635 --> 00:36:21,179
So I've said things today,
749
00:36:21,888 --> 00:36:26,100
and I want you to go and do those things.
750
00:36:28,060 --> 00:36:29,187
[apple crunches]
751
00:36:30,146 --> 00:36:32,148
[instrumental rock music playing]
752
00:36:37,445 --> 00:36:39,590
[Mike] Jack, what do you think
we're walkin' into here?
753
00:36:39,614 --> 00:36:42,325
I mean, you think this guy
is even gonna be able to speak English?
754
00:36:42,408 --> 00:36:44,118
[Connor] Yeah.
When did he go off the grid?
755
00:36:44,202 --> 00:36:45,870
Like, 1988.
756
00:36:46,454 --> 00:36:47,872
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
757
00:36:47,955 --> 00:36:49,999
He's probably still jerkin' off
to Samantha Fox.
758
00:36:50,082 --> 00:36:51,082
[Mike laughs]
759
00:36:51,584 --> 00:36:53,127
All right, serious question.
760
00:36:53,211 --> 00:36:57,465
Would you rather
fuck Samantha Fox in her prime,
761
00:36:57,548 --> 00:37:00,801
but she's wearing a Barbara Bush mask?
762
00:37:01,302 --> 00:37:06,432
Or fuck Barbara Bush, circa 1988,
763
00:37:07,183 --> 00:37:10,353
but you get to have Samantha
just lookin' at you,
764
00:37:10,436 --> 00:37:12,605
full eye contact, and she's naked?
765
00:37:12,688 --> 00:37:15,358
- Oh, wow! That's a good one.
- [Connor] Thank you.
766
00:37:15,441 --> 00:37:17,586
- [Jack] You always get the left turn.
- [Connor] Mm-hmm.
767
00:37:17,610 --> 00:37:19,570
I mean, I think
I gotta go with the combo platter.
768
00:37:19,654 --> 00:37:23,574
I mean, Samantha Fox is smokin' hot,
but if I get both of them...
769
00:37:23,658 --> 00:37:25,098
You know, I get to look at Samantha.
770
00:37:25,159 --> 00:37:27,039
And Barbara Bush,
I think she was a clean woman.
771
00:37:27,078 --> 00:37:27,912
- You know?
- Yeah.
772
00:37:27,995 --> 00:37:30,623
And I've never been that close
to that level of power before.
773
00:37:30,706 --> 00:37:32,083
Do it in the Oval Office,
774
00:37:32,166 --> 00:37:34,566
you know, pick up the red phone,
see who's on the other side.
775
00:37:34,627 --> 00:37:36,087
The oval orifice.
776
00:37:36,170 --> 00:37:37,463
[all laughing]
777
00:37:37,546 --> 00:37:39,215
- Yeah, dude!
- See what I did there?
778
00:37:39,298 --> 00:37:42,051
Bunch of guys, right?
Just fuckin' hangin' out.
779
00:37:42,718 --> 00:37:45,930
Trashin' women. Yeah, so cool.
You guys are so dope.
780
00:37:46,013 --> 00:37:47,473
What, are we offending you?
781
00:37:47,556 --> 00:37:49,236
[Travis] No, man, you're not offending me.
782
00:37:49,267 --> 00:37:51,227
I just think this misogynistic behavior
783
00:37:51,310 --> 00:37:54,438
amongst groups of men
is a little, uh, little cliché.
784
00:37:54,522 --> 00:37:56,899
Ah, Jesus Christ.
We got a feminist in the car.
785
00:37:56,983 --> 00:37:59,235
Look, I'm just looking out
for you guys, okay?
786
00:38:00,152 --> 00:38:02,488
No offense,
you're just comin' across a little...
787
00:38:03,739 --> 00:38:05,866
A little old, you know?
A little out of touch.
788
00:38:06,367 --> 00:38:07,535
We try evolving.
789
00:38:07,618 --> 00:38:10,955
Evolving? It's a good idea.
Like your generation, right?
790
00:38:11,038 --> 00:38:13,958
Filmin' yourselves
while you're flippin' over water bottles.
791
00:38:14,041 --> 00:38:15,376
Incredible progress.
792
00:38:15,459 --> 00:38:16,669
If I may interject.
793
00:38:17,336 --> 00:38:22,091
Travis, it sounds like what you're saying
is you feel your generation
794
00:38:22,174 --> 00:38:24,635
is more evolved than our generation.
795
00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:26,095
[Travis laughing]
796
00:38:27,305 --> 00:38:30,433
Oh my God, that was a real question?
Yeah, absolutely. Yes.
797
00:38:31,434 --> 00:38:33,144
Travis, do you like rap music?
798
00:38:33,728 --> 00:38:35,855
I mean, yeah,
I listen to all kinds of music.
799
00:38:36,355 --> 00:38:39,317
You go deep, or you listen
to that mumble rap shit?
800
00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:40,735
No, I go deep.
801
00:38:40,818 --> 00:38:41,986
Really? How deep?
802
00:38:42,069 --> 00:38:47,158
You know, the greats.
Wu-Tang, Biggie, Nas, uh, N.W.A.
803
00:38:47,241 --> 00:38:48,284
N.W.A?
804
00:38:48,784 --> 00:38:51,329
Okay, my man Travis goes way back.
805
00:38:52,663 --> 00:38:55,583
Saw the movie. Bought the soundtrack.
806
00:38:55,666 --> 00:38:57,918
You probably know who Yella Boy is.
807
00:38:58,002 --> 00:38:59,002
Wow!
808
00:38:59,628 --> 00:39:02,631
You like to sing along to them in the car?
809
00:39:02,715 --> 00:39:05,009
Yeah, I rap to them sometimes. Yeah.
810
00:39:05,092 --> 00:39:07,219
What do you do when they drop the N-word?
811
00:39:14,143 --> 00:39:15,770
- [chuckles]
- You keep singing along?
812
00:39:15,853 --> 00:39:17,480
Uh, no, I...
813
00:39:18,147 --> 00:39:19,607
I...
814
00:39:20,232 --> 00:39:21,232
I...
815
00:39:21,567 --> 00:39:22,610
I listen.
816
00:39:22,693 --> 00:39:26,072
- You just listen?
- [Travis] Yeah. I do. I... I listen.
817
00:39:26,155 --> 00:39:29,658
I mean, what, do you got a pause button
in your brain? This is N.W.A.
818
00:39:29,742 --> 00:39:31,952
You're by yourself. Windows are up.
819
00:39:32,828 --> 00:39:35,122
Cruisin' down the highway. You feelin' it!
820
00:39:36,165 --> 00:39:39,085
Are you tellin' me
that you stop your flow?
821
00:39:39,168 --> 00:39:40,937
- I do.
- Bullshit, motherfucker! Nobody could.
822
00:39:40,961 --> 00:39:42,088
It's N.W.A.
823
00:39:42,171 --> 00:39:44,131
- I thought you said you loved them.
- I do.
824
00:39:44,215 --> 00:39:46,092
- Do you love them?
- Yes, I do!
825
00:39:46,175 --> 00:39:48,135
- And you stop your flow?
- No, I say it!
826
00:39:48,677 --> 00:39:49,678
[gasps]
827
00:39:52,598 --> 00:39:56,268
I wanna hear how he says it.
Put on N.W.A "Straight Outta Compton."
828
00:39:56,352 --> 00:39:58,830
Oh, come on, man. I don't wanna do this.
I don't wanna do this.
829
00:39:58,854 --> 00:40:02,358
Why not? You say it when I'm not around,
but you won't say it when I am around.
830
00:40:02,441 --> 00:40:06,320
That makes me feel like you're sayin' it
in a way I wouldn't wanna hear it.
831
00:40:06,904 --> 00:40:10,449
["Straight Outta Compton"
by N.W.A. playing]
832
00:40:11,992 --> 00:40:14,286
I just wanna go on record
as saying I don't wanna do this.
833
00:40:14,370 --> 00:40:15,746
[shouts] Sing the damn song!
834
00:40:15,830 --> 00:40:16,831
Okay.
835
00:40:16,914 --> 00:40:18,874
Just chill out.
836
00:40:18,958 --> 00:40:22,253
♪ Straight outta Compton
Crazy motherfucker named Ice Cube ♪
837
00:40:22,336 --> 00:40:23,336
♪ From the... ♪
838
00:40:24,839 --> 00:40:27,049
♪ When I'm called off, I get a sawed-off ♪
839
00:40:27,133 --> 00:40:29,510
♪ Pull the trigger
And the bodies get hauled off ♪
840
00:40:29,593 --> 00:40:31,679
♪ You too, boy, if ya fuck with me ♪
841
00:40:31,762 --> 00:40:33,848
♪ The police are gonna have to come
And get me ♪
842
00:40:33,931 --> 00:40:36,434
♪ Off yo ass
'Cause that's how I'm goin' out ♪
843
00:40:36,517 --> 00:40:38,894
♪ The punk motherfuckers
That's showin' out... ♪
844
00:40:38,978 --> 00:40:39,979
N... No.
845
00:40:40,062 --> 00:40:42,064
[Jack, Connor laughing]
846
00:40:42,148 --> 00:40:45,609
Fuck! I don't wanna say it, man.
I don't wanna say it.
847
00:40:45,693 --> 00:40:47,903
Good. You shouldn't wanna say it.
848
00:40:48,487 --> 00:40:50,448
But on behalf of Dr. Dre and company,
849
00:40:51,407 --> 00:40:52,867
thank you for buying this shit.
850
00:40:54,326 --> 00:40:55,870
Hey, Mike, for the record,
851
00:40:55,953 --> 00:40:58,789
whenever I listen to hip-hop,
I never say it, bro.
852
00:40:58,873 --> 00:41:00,166
Really? When do you say it?
853
00:41:02,001 --> 00:41:03,043
[Connor] Uh...
854
00:41:03,127 --> 00:41:05,129
- Okay, guys. Come on. It's over.
- Jack! Jack!
855
00:41:05,212 --> 00:41:06,714
- [loud thud]
- [tires squealing]
856
00:41:06,797 --> 00:41:08,466
- [Connor] Oh shit.
- [Jack] Shit.
857
00:41:08,549 --> 00:41:09,550
[engine stops]
858
00:41:09,633 --> 00:41:11,552
- [Travis] Shit, Jack.
- The fuck was that?
859
00:41:11,635 --> 00:41:12,970
[armadillo chittering]
860
00:41:13,512 --> 00:41:15,764
[Mike] I don't know, but it's dead.
861
00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:19,120
- [Western movie music plays]
- [Travis] What's that guy doin'?
862
00:41:28,944 --> 00:41:30,404
Holy shit. I think that's him.
863
00:41:30,488 --> 00:41:31,864
[Connor] Who?
864
00:41:31,947 --> 00:41:33,449
- Ed Cameron.
- [Travis] Nuh-uh.
865
00:41:33,532 --> 00:41:34,950
- You fucking kidding me?
- No.
866
00:41:35,034 --> 00:41:36,785
[Mike] Where you goin'?
Get back in the car.
867
00:41:38,704 --> 00:41:39,704
[Jack] Hi.
868
00:41:40,956 --> 00:41:41,999
How you doing?
869
00:41:46,712 --> 00:41:48,923
Uh, excuse me. I'm sorry.
Was that your armadillo?
870
00:41:53,177 --> 00:41:54,345
It is now.
871
00:41:58,724 --> 00:42:01,769
- The highway provides.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
872
00:42:03,938 --> 00:42:05,940
This, uh, might seem
like a weird question,
873
00:42:06,023 --> 00:42:09,443
but you wouldn't happen to be
Ed Cameron, are you?
874
00:42:11,237 --> 00:42:12,488
Who's askin'?
875
00:42:13,072 --> 00:42:15,199
Oh. Jack Kelly.
876
00:42:19,703 --> 00:42:22,414
Uh, we were just coming up here
to talk to you.
877
00:42:30,589 --> 00:42:32,508
You ain't a bunch of fags, are you?
878
00:42:34,927 --> 00:42:36,554
[indistinct chattering]
879
00:42:36,637 --> 00:42:37,846
Hey, Cara.
880
00:42:37,930 --> 00:42:39,223
- Yeah.
- [Leah] Hey.
881
00:42:39,306 --> 00:42:40,534
- Sorry.
- I'll catch you later.
882
00:42:40,558 --> 00:42:42,017
- Bye, Joanna.
- Sweetie, let's go.
883
00:42:42,101 --> 00:42:44,061
I was hoping
I was gonna run into you today.
884
00:42:44,144 --> 00:42:45,688
How's the second trimester?
885
00:42:45,771 --> 00:42:47,606
You know?
It's harder than it was with Nate.
886
00:42:47,690 --> 00:42:51,193
You know what? I could tell.
You're looking a little peaked.
887
00:42:51,277 --> 00:42:53,362
- You still working out?
- [laughing uncomfortably]
888
00:42:53,445 --> 00:42:54,280
Yeah.
889
00:42:54,363 --> 00:42:57,616
Uh, I was gonna talk to you
about Britney's baby shower.
890
00:42:57,700 --> 00:42:59,860
- [Colin roaring]
- And I was thinking we should... Oh!
891
00:42:59,910 --> 00:43:04,373
Hey, Colin. You have to be careful, okay?
Auntie Leah's got a baby in here.
892
00:43:04,456 --> 00:43:05,833
Hi, baby!
893
00:43:05,916 --> 00:43:09,169
Colin! You are not allowed to do that,
do you understand me?
894
00:43:09,253 --> 00:43:10,963
Hey, hey! He's got a little extra energy.
895
00:43:11,046 --> 00:43:13,799
That doesn't give you the right
to scream at my child.
896
00:43:13,882 --> 00:43:16,385
I was just trying to protect myself.
897
00:43:16,468 --> 00:43:18,348
He's five years old.
He doesn't know any better.
898
00:43:18,387 --> 00:43:20,097
Don't you think he should?
899
00:43:21,223 --> 00:43:23,267
Are you calling me a bad mother?
900
00:43:23,350 --> 00:43:26,895
You could say I think
your parenting techniques are interesting.
901
00:43:26,979 --> 00:43:27,980
[scoffs]
902
00:43:28,063 --> 00:43:31,275
Home birth, no epidural, 4% body fat.
903
00:43:32,109 --> 00:43:33,402
The proof is in the pudding.
904
00:43:33,485 --> 00:43:35,738
Maybe if you occasionally ate
some of that pudding,
905
00:43:35,821 --> 00:43:37,448
you wouldn't have sweat your tits off.
906
00:43:38,741 --> 00:43:40,159
- Yeah.
- [gasps]
907
00:43:41,869 --> 00:43:44,413
I cannot wait to see
the look on Aspen's face
908
00:43:44,496 --> 00:43:47,583
when he congratulates us
for landing that fucking lunatic.
909
00:43:51,170 --> 00:43:53,422
Fucker's gonna give us all bedbugs.
910
00:43:55,591 --> 00:43:57,009
- Hey, Travis.
- Yo.
911
00:43:57,676 --> 00:43:59,887
Holy shit.
They already got him on a T-shirt?
912
00:43:59,970 --> 00:44:02,431
{\an8}Yeah. It's the prototype,
but it's pretty fucking sick, right?
913
00:44:02,514 --> 00:44:05,684
{\an8}So, last night, Aspen goes
to this ayahuasca ceremony,
914
00:44:05,768 --> 00:44:07,603
{\an8}and he gets this, like, crazy vision.
915
00:44:07,686 --> 00:44:10,272
{\an8}Memes, T-shirts, NFTs.
916
00:44:10,356 --> 00:44:12,191
I don't know what any of that means.
917
00:44:13,275 --> 00:44:17,404
I mean, dude's a crazy fucking genius.
This campaign is gonna be fire.
918
00:44:17,488 --> 00:44:18,530
If you say so.
919
00:44:18,614 --> 00:44:20,199
Hey, sorry I'm late.
920
00:44:20,282 --> 00:44:22,701
Hey, Connor. You see
they already got this guy on a T-shirt?
921
00:44:23,661 --> 00:44:24,745
Unbelievable.
922
00:44:27,498 --> 00:44:30,709
- What are you doin' way over there?
- I can sit wherever I want.
923
00:44:31,669 --> 00:44:34,349
- There a reason you're not looking at me?
- I don't know. Is there?
924
00:44:35,923 --> 00:44:37,341
[Aspen] Gentlemen.
925
00:44:37,424 --> 00:44:38,509
[laughs]
926
00:44:39,426 --> 00:44:42,096
You did it.
You guys crushed it. You really did.
927
00:44:42,596 --> 00:44:45,599
I mean, I understand now why
this company has been alive for 23 years.
928
00:44:45,683 --> 00:44:48,769
Yeah, well, guess these old dogs
had a little more bite left in 'em
929
00:44:48,852 --> 00:44:49,852
than you thought.
930
00:44:50,479 --> 00:44:51,313
Yeah.
931
00:44:51,397 --> 00:44:52,481
[laughs]
932
00:44:52,564 --> 00:44:54,900
We're gonna have to talk about
the rental car though.
933
00:44:54,983 --> 00:44:57,736
Ah, just a scratched bumper.
We have insurance.
934
00:44:57,820 --> 00:45:01,448
We have insurance for the car.
We don't have insurance for this.
935
00:45:01,949 --> 00:45:05,327
Hey, let me ask you a question.
Did Caitlyn Jenner keep Bruce's dick?
936
00:45:05,411 --> 00:45:07,371
- [Mike] Like in a jar?
- Where'd you get this?
937
00:45:07,454 --> 00:45:08,997
[Jack] No, like, she still has it.
938
00:45:09,081 --> 00:45:12,418
Like, Caitlyn has tits and a dick,
and is that why you say "they"?
939
00:45:12,501 --> 00:45:16,046
- [Mike] I get what you're saying.
- Look, I'm not saying I'd bang Caitlyn.
940
00:45:16,130 --> 00:45:19,299
But, I mean, tell me that's not
a better person to watch a game with.
941
00:45:19,383 --> 00:45:20,509
That's fucking Bruce Jenner.
942
00:45:20,592 --> 00:45:23,303
I wonder, like, every four years
when the Summer Olympics come up,
943
00:45:23,387 --> 00:45:25,597
who's the first one
to call Caitlyn and be like,
944
00:45:25,681 --> 00:45:30,060
- "You wanna watch the decathlon today?"
- Yeah. [laughs]
945
00:45:30,602 --> 00:45:33,522
[Travis] I feel super fucking bad
for all your wives.
946
00:45:33,605 --> 00:45:35,899
Let me ask you something, Travis.
You ever been married?
947
00:45:35,983 --> 00:45:37,484
- No, I haven't.
- Well, there you go.
948
00:45:37,568 --> 00:45:40,612
Why don't you go up to a Marine now
and tell him what it's like in battle?
949
00:45:40,696 --> 00:45:42,781
Did you set that camera up?
You fucking snitch.
950
00:45:42,865 --> 00:45:44,575
Whoa. No, no, no, no, no, no.
951
00:45:44,658 --> 00:45:48,454
Trav had nothing to do with this, okay?
This came from the rental car company.
952
00:45:48,537 --> 00:45:51,874
They sent it to us in exchange for
all of our users' personal information.
953
00:45:51,957 --> 00:45:53,125
Are you fucking kidding me?
954
00:45:53,208 --> 00:45:54,835
[Aspen] It's an information economy.
955
00:45:54,918 --> 00:45:57,504
They, uh, record everything
for liability and safety, apparently.
956
00:45:57,588 --> 00:46:00,966
Well, you know, once I saw it...
Guys, my hands are tied.
957
00:46:01,592 --> 00:46:02,926
Gonna have to liberate you.
958
00:46:03,010 --> 00:46:06,180
"Liberate" us?
Is he firing us over that bullshit?
959
00:46:06,263 --> 00:46:08,223
It's a bunch of guys
shootin' the shit in a car.
960
00:46:08,307 --> 00:46:09,892
There's no way that's fucking legal.
961
00:46:09,975 --> 00:46:12,269
It is, actually, in New Mexico.
962
00:46:12,352 --> 00:46:13,729
[laughs]
963
00:46:14,980 --> 00:46:17,983
Okay, fine, so we're terminated.
You still gotta pay us.
964
00:46:18,484 --> 00:46:20,194
Actually, we don't.
965
00:46:20,277 --> 00:46:24,740
Because your behavior violated the terms
of your morality clause in your contract.
966
00:46:24,823 --> 00:46:25,908
Morality clause?
967
00:46:26,658 --> 00:46:28,160
What... what's he talkin' about?
968
00:46:28,243 --> 00:46:31,079
So all of your equity has been liquidated,
969
00:46:31,163 --> 00:46:33,415
and it's been returned
to the general fund.
970
00:46:33,499 --> 00:46:34,333
What the fuck?
971
00:46:34,416 --> 00:46:37,211
[Aspen] You have to leave the premises
immediately if you don't mind.
972
00:46:37,294 --> 00:46:39,963
- Let's go.
- Look. The meter maids are back, huh?
973
00:46:40,047 --> 00:46:42,466
You hide behind these guys?
Do all your dirty work?
974
00:46:42,549 --> 00:46:44,009
Yeah, they're good guys.
975
00:46:44,092 --> 00:46:45,511
Un-fuckin'- believable.
976
00:46:45,594 --> 00:46:47,012
120 pounds soakin' wet.
977
00:46:47,095 --> 00:46:48,855
- You fucking piece of shit.
- [exhales] Wow!
978
00:46:50,307 --> 00:46:52,309
- [Aspen] Come on.
- Real nice, man.
979
00:46:52,810 --> 00:46:54,436
- Travis, can you get that?
- Yeah.
980
00:46:56,438 --> 00:46:58,023
Yikes, right? [laughs]
981
00:46:58,565 --> 00:47:01,568
You too, though, Travis. You too.
982
00:47:01,652 --> 00:47:02,652
What?
983
00:47:04,571 --> 00:47:06,716
I didn't condone anything
that was goin' on in the car.
984
00:47:06,740 --> 00:47:07,740
I was being vocally...
985
00:47:07,783 --> 00:47:09,034
♪ And shit ♪
986
00:47:09,117 --> 00:47:10,577
♪ Yeah, yeah... ♪
987
00:47:10,661 --> 00:47:12,454
- Is that my apartment?
- Yeah.
988
00:47:12,538 --> 00:47:13,538
♪ Yeah... ♪
989
00:47:14,665 --> 00:47:16,375
Why... why do you have this, Aspen?
990
00:47:16,458 --> 00:47:18,645
[Aspen] You got a TV with a camera.
Things could happen.
991
00:47:18,669 --> 00:47:19,878
♪ Gold all in my chain ♪
992
00:47:20,462 --> 00:47:22,214
♪ Gold all in my ring ♪
993
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:24,508
♪ Gold all in my watch ♪
994
00:47:25,133 --> 00:47:27,469
♪ Don't believe me, just watch
Nigga, nigga, nigga ♪
995
00:47:27,553 --> 00:47:29,972
♪ Don't believe me, just watch ♪
996
00:47:30,055 --> 00:47:32,933
♪ Don't believe me, just watch
Nigga, nigga, nigga... ♪
997
00:47:33,016 --> 00:47:34,685
- Justin.
- Come on, man!
998
00:47:34,768 --> 00:47:36,937
Oh, Aspen, come on, man.
I was getting hyped, dude.
999
00:47:37,020 --> 00:47:39,690
I was... I was gettin' ready
to start my fuckin' day.
1000
00:47:39,773 --> 00:47:41,859
I was gettin' ready
to start the day, dude!
1001
00:47:42,484 --> 00:47:44,194
What the hell's a morality clause?
1002
00:47:45,195 --> 00:47:47,656
It's a boilerplate clause
in every corporate contract,
1003
00:47:47,739 --> 00:47:50,200
but I've never heard it
used in the context
1004
00:47:50,284 --> 00:47:53,620
of secretly filming someone
in a rental car in a different state.
1005
00:47:53,704 --> 00:47:56,123
Well, why the fuck
would you have us three knuckleheads
1006
00:47:56,206 --> 00:47:58,750
sign a morality clause
when you know how we are?
1007
00:47:58,834 --> 00:48:02,170
Don't you mean how you are?
Motherfucker, let me tell you somethin'.
1008
00:48:02,254 --> 00:48:04,298
If it wasn't this, it'd be somethin' else.
1009
00:48:04,381 --> 00:48:05,799
And now, thanks to you,
1010
00:48:05,883 --> 00:48:07,759
I'm gonna be working until I'm 85!
1011
00:48:07,843 --> 00:48:11,138
Oh, you're not puttin' this on me, Mike.
You're not puttin' this on me, okay?
1012
00:48:11,221 --> 00:48:13,473
For 23 years,
you didn't miss a goddamn thing,
1013
00:48:13,557 --> 00:48:17,477
but you were so hot to trot
to get your loaded Ford fucking Fusion,
1014
00:48:17,561 --> 00:48:18,979
you left us exposed.
1015
00:48:19,605 --> 00:48:21,231
Are you questioning my competency?
1016
00:48:21,315 --> 00:48:22,858
No, I'm questioning your motivation.
1017
00:48:22,941 --> 00:48:25,652
Guys, come on, okay?
We're all in this together.
1018
00:48:26,194 --> 00:48:28,280
[Mike] Not anymore.
I'm done with you, Jack.
1019
00:48:28,363 --> 00:48:29,823
You and your big fuckin' mouth.
1020
00:48:29,907 --> 00:48:31,325
Come on, Mike.
1021
00:48:32,117 --> 00:48:34,703
- [Connor sighs]
- Connor, why aren't you lookin' at me?
1022
00:48:34,786 --> 00:48:36,997
Don't worry about it, okay?
I can look wherever I want.
1023
00:48:37,080 --> 00:48:41,209
- The fuck is goin' on with you?
- Jack, we can't hang out right now, okay?
1024
00:48:41,293 --> 00:48:43,420
Just know that there will come
a time in the future
1025
00:48:43,503 --> 00:48:46,590
when we will be able to hang out again,
but that time is not now, okay?
1026
00:48:46,673 --> 00:48:49,313
- It's just... It's too fuckin' weird.
- [melancholy music playing]
1027
00:48:49,343 --> 00:48:51,178
The fuck are you talkin' about?
1028
00:48:51,261 --> 00:48:52,763
Why don't you ask your wife?
1029
00:48:53,680 --> 00:48:55,366
- [door opens]
- [melancholy music continues]
1030
00:48:55,390 --> 00:48:56,390
[Leah] Hey, babe.
1031
00:48:56,850 --> 00:48:58,894
- [door closes]
- Did you try to fuck Connor?
1032
00:48:59,394 --> 00:49:01,980
- Huh?
- What? What are you talking about?
1033
00:49:02,064 --> 00:49:04,624
How come Connor said you're the reason
me and him can't hang out?
1034
00:49:04,650 --> 00:49:06,818
- I don't...
- Answer me that, Leah. Answer me that.
1035
00:49:06,902 --> 00:49:07,902
Oh my God.
1036
00:49:09,363 --> 00:49:12,366
Okay. So, Cara and I got into
an argument at pickup, okay?
1037
00:49:12,449 --> 00:49:15,118
I said she was a shitty mom
who couldn't parent her kid.
1038
00:49:15,202 --> 00:49:16,662
- Oh!
- Oh.
1039
00:49:16,745 --> 00:49:20,248
- Well, didn't I tell you not to do that?
- Yes, yes. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
1040
00:49:20,332 --> 00:49:22,000
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, but...
1041
00:49:23,126 --> 00:49:26,838
Do you really think
that I would try and fuck Connor?
1042
00:49:26,922 --> 00:49:30,050
- No, that was stupid.
- I mean... Come on, what are you...
1043
00:49:30,133 --> 00:49:32,344
- I'm emotional.
- What's going on?
1044
00:49:32,427 --> 00:49:33,553
I lost my job today.
1045
00:49:34,054 --> 00:49:36,640
- What?
- I lost my job today.
1046
00:49:36,723 --> 00:49:37,808
- What?
- We all did.
1047
00:49:37,891 --> 00:49:40,852
Oh no, honey. Oh no. What happened?
1048
00:49:40,936 --> 00:49:42,187
I don't know. I...
1049
00:49:42,813 --> 00:49:45,649
We said some shit on that road trip,
and it got back to the office.
1050
00:49:47,943 --> 00:49:49,111
What did you say?
1051
00:49:49,611 --> 00:49:54,116
You know, stuff you say in a rental car
when you don't know you're bein' filmed.
1052
00:49:55,409 --> 00:49:56,535
Can I guess?
1053
00:49:57,411 --> 00:49:59,162
I'd appreciate it if you didn't.
1054
00:50:00,497 --> 00:50:01,707
It wasn't that bad.
1055
00:50:03,041 --> 00:50:05,520
Look, the real point is,
you know, I let you and the kids down,
1056
00:50:05,544 --> 00:50:07,421
and now Nate can't go to private school.
1057
00:50:07,504 --> 00:50:09,732
I feel terrible about that.
I'm gonna figure out a way...
1058
00:50:09,756 --> 00:50:12,718
No. You know what?
Nate is gonna go to private school.
1059
00:50:13,385 --> 00:50:17,431
And I don't care if we have four mortgages
on the house and I work every day
1060
00:50:17,514 --> 00:50:20,517
until my water breaks,
but my son is not gonna get left behind
1061
00:50:20,600 --> 00:50:23,603
because his father has
the self-control of a two-year-old.
1062
00:50:24,312 --> 00:50:26,773
It's not self-control.
It's a right-to-privacy issue, but...
1063
00:50:36,992 --> 00:50:39,327
[sentimental music playing]
1064
00:50:39,411 --> 00:50:43,749
[Connor] Dear Jack, these last months
have felt like a fuckin' eternity, man.
1065
00:50:45,042 --> 00:50:46,084
I miss you.
1066
00:50:46,918 --> 00:50:48,336
I miss our brotherhood.
1067
00:50:49,171 --> 00:50:53,967
The fighting for a common goal,
the camaraderie, the ball-breaking,
1068
00:50:54,593 --> 00:50:56,720
even though it was often at my expense.
1069
00:50:56,803 --> 00:50:59,473
[announcer] Jenner into the spin.
Lets it fly.
1070
00:51:00,057 --> 00:51:02,059
{\an8}Bruce Jenner has won gold!
1071
00:51:02,142 --> 00:51:04,770
[howling]
1072
00:51:04,853 --> 00:51:09,691
{\an8}You don't have to know what's going on
to be what's going on.
1073
00:51:09,775 --> 00:51:12,527
{\an8}- [female voice] The Ed Cameron Collection.
- [hawk squawking]
1074
00:51:12,611 --> 00:51:15,489
- [sentimental music playing]
- [Connor] Mike is hanging in there.
1075
00:51:15,572 --> 00:51:17,783
You know, he's got a good job
at a mid-level firm,
1076
00:51:17,866 --> 00:51:21,703
and I think he's really comin' around
to becoming a father again.
1077
00:51:22,579 --> 00:51:26,291
And he seems happy, but...
Well, you know Mike.
1078
00:51:26,374 --> 00:51:27,793
He's not a big talker.
1079
00:51:30,754 --> 00:51:33,090
Being unemployed hasn't been easy.
1080
00:51:34,049 --> 00:51:37,469
But I've been watching
this guy Joel Osteen a lot.
1081
00:51:38,345 --> 00:51:42,015
Man, once you get past all the God shit,
the guy's got a pretty positive message.
1082
00:51:42,099 --> 00:51:44,017
And his hair is bangin'.
1083
00:51:44,684 --> 00:51:46,537
He told the story
of these three sheepherders...
1084
00:51:46,561 --> 00:51:47,561
[Cara coughs]
1085
00:51:52,692 --> 00:51:54,694
[mysterious music playing]
1086
00:52:04,454 --> 00:52:06,123
[sighs] Fuck.
1087
00:52:07,207 --> 00:52:08,207
[sighs]
1088
00:52:09,459 --> 00:52:10,539
[sentimental music playing]
1089
00:52:10,585 --> 00:52:11,585
Dear Jack,
1090
00:52:12,170 --> 00:52:13,713
I miss you, man.
1091
00:52:13,797 --> 00:52:16,258
As you know, I was a neglected child.
1092
00:52:16,758 --> 00:52:19,028
Lot of time with the Legos,
if you know what I mean, and...
1093
00:52:19,052 --> 00:52:20,637
- [door creaks]
- [eerie music plays]
1094
00:52:22,305 --> 00:52:23,306
What are you doing?
1095
00:52:23,807 --> 00:52:25,350
[splutters]
1096
00:52:25,433 --> 00:52:26,643
Nothing. It's just...
1097
00:52:27,227 --> 00:52:28,436
It's... it's...
1098
00:52:29,146 --> 00:52:31,064
Just knockin' off a little haiku. It's...
1099
00:52:31,648 --> 00:52:33,024
[paper burning]
1100
00:52:33,108 --> 00:52:34,276
It's stupid. I...
1101
00:52:37,404 --> 00:52:38,404
[blows]
1102
00:52:38,822 --> 00:52:40,323
Let's go to bed, right, babe?
1103
00:52:40,949 --> 00:52:42,033
I'm so tired.
1104
00:52:42,534 --> 00:52:43,952
Uh... It's...
1105
00:52:45,036 --> 00:52:47,038
[jazz music playing]
1106
00:52:48,165 --> 00:52:50,167
[indistinct chattering]
1107
00:52:53,795 --> 00:52:54,796
[bartender] Here you are.
1108
00:52:54,880 --> 00:52:56,006
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
1109
00:52:57,257 --> 00:52:58,675
- [woman] Jack!
- Hey.
1110
00:52:58,758 --> 00:53:01,511
I mean, great party.
Everybody seems to be having a blast.
1111
00:53:01,595 --> 00:53:03,930
- Oh, thank you.
- [man] I have to commend you.
1112
00:53:04,014 --> 00:53:06,683
Having the foresight to see
that any party theme decided upon
1113
00:53:06,766 --> 00:53:09,769
by a predominantly white committee
would be inherently biased...
1114
00:53:10,270 --> 00:53:12,856
Well, your growth
really makes my heart smile.
1115
00:53:12,939 --> 00:53:15,442
Oh, well,
I was just listenin' to the group.
1116
00:53:15,525 --> 00:53:16,443
[laughs]
1117
00:53:16,526 --> 00:53:19,529
Hey, who knew throwin' a party celebratin'
white people not hurtin' anyone
1118
00:53:19,613 --> 00:53:20,906
would actually be a big hit?
1119
00:53:21,489 --> 00:53:25,493
I'm a little surprised too.
Congratulations, Jack.
1120
00:53:25,577 --> 00:53:27,495
Oh, thank you, Doctor L.
1121
00:53:27,579 --> 00:53:30,248
But remember,
the real metric for the party
1122
00:53:30,332 --> 00:53:32,167
is what it does for the children.
1123
00:53:34,836 --> 00:53:35,836
Good luck.
1124
00:53:37,088 --> 00:53:38,088
Thank you.
1125
00:53:39,049 --> 00:53:40,049
Godspeed.
1126
00:53:42,886 --> 00:53:45,096
Hey, hey. You know what?
Don't worry about her.
1127
00:53:45,180 --> 00:53:47,390
Yeah, you're right.
This next item is gonna sell itself.
1128
00:53:47,474 --> 00:53:50,769
If it doesn't, we can always auction off
some of our dumb jewelry.
1129
00:53:50,852 --> 00:53:52,771
Listen, you just need to focus, okay?
1130
00:53:52,854 --> 00:53:54,314
- Right. Right.
- Think about Nate.
1131
00:53:54,397 --> 00:53:56,107
You know, turn on that charm
1132
00:53:56,191 --> 00:53:58,735
I so deeply regret
falling in love with every day.
1133
00:53:58,818 --> 00:53:59,653
[chuckles]
1134
00:53:59,736 --> 00:54:01,839
You're gonna bring it home,
like you always do, right?
1135
00:54:01,863 --> 00:54:04,950
- Right. Right. All right.
- Oh, uh, Connor gave me a note.
1136
00:54:05,033 --> 00:54:08,828
Actually, he gave someone else a note
to give to me to give to you.
1137
00:54:08,912 --> 00:54:09,912
I don't know.
1138
00:54:10,538 --> 00:54:12,290
You're gonna be great. I know it.
1139
00:54:12,374 --> 00:54:14,042
- I love you.
- Thank you. Thank you.
1140
00:54:14,751 --> 00:54:18,964
[Connor] Dear Jack, this situation sucks.
But I'm here for you, bro.
1141
00:54:19,047 --> 00:54:22,509
I'd write more, but these gummies
are starting to kick in.
1142
00:54:22,592 --> 00:54:24,636
[sentimental music playing]
1143
00:54:26,179 --> 00:54:27,806
[sentimental music fades]
1144
00:54:27,889 --> 00:54:30,100
- [Cara] What are you doing?
- [pop music playing]
1145
00:54:30,183 --> 00:54:34,145
Doin' this, girl. Ah, remember that?
The old days? What? Girls.
1146
00:54:34,229 --> 00:54:35,229
Oh!
1147
00:54:36,690 --> 00:54:38,692
[pop music fades]
1148
00:54:42,779 --> 00:54:46,116
All right, ladies and gentlemen.
Uh, just a little quick reminder.
1149
00:54:46,199 --> 00:54:49,786
There's only 45 minutes left
in our silent auction.
1150
00:54:49,869 --> 00:54:53,081
That's still plenty of time
to bid on some incredible items,
1151
00:54:53,164 --> 00:54:56,835
including artwork
created by your own children
1152
00:54:56,918 --> 00:54:58,837
to raise money for the school.
1153
00:54:58,920 --> 00:55:00,297
[crowd cheering]
1154
00:55:00,380 --> 00:55:03,633
It's not child labor
if it's for a good cause. Am I right?
1155
00:55:03,717 --> 00:55:04,592
[crowd laughs]
1156
00:55:04,676 --> 00:55:06,678
All right. Now, if we look
at the Doctor L-O-Meter,
1157
00:55:06,761 --> 00:55:09,848
we are inching towards
our goal of $30,000,
1158
00:55:09,931 --> 00:55:12,684
which brings us to the live auction.
1159
00:55:12,767 --> 00:55:16,313
The next item we have up for bids
is something very special.
1160
00:55:16,396 --> 00:55:17,996
I know what you're thinking to yourself.
1161
00:55:18,023 --> 00:55:21,943
You're thinking, "Jack, how the heck
are you gonna top two floor seats
1162
00:55:22,027 --> 00:55:23,778
to see Adele at The Forum?"
1163
00:55:23,862 --> 00:55:25,864
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
1164
00:55:25,947 --> 00:55:27,627
you better have
those paddles in your hands
1165
00:55:27,699 --> 00:55:28,939
'cause I'ma tell you something.
1166
00:55:28,992 --> 00:55:31,953
We are about ready to bid...
Get ready for this.
1167
00:55:32,037 --> 00:55:35,707
We're about ready to bid
on two hours of uninterrupted,
1168
00:55:35,790 --> 00:55:38,501
one-on-one time with the one and only
1169
00:55:38,585 --> 00:55:42,839
Doctor Lois Shmieckel-Turner!
1170
00:55:42,922 --> 00:55:45,675
- [crowd cheering]
- Yes, there she is!
1171
00:55:45,759 --> 00:55:50,972
Two hours to glean
an entire lifetime of parental knowledge
1172
00:55:51,056 --> 00:55:54,392
from one of
Southern California's leading educators.
1173
00:55:54,476 --> 00:55:55,977
Now, this is crazy to me.
1174
00:55:56,061 --> 00:55:58,063
They told me
to start this bidding at $1,500.
1175
00:55:58,146 --> 00:56:00,226
But I don't know what it is.
I don't know what it is.
1176
00:56:00,273 --> 00:56:03,026
Old Jackie boy is feeling
a little bit crazy tonight.
1177
00:56:03,109 --> 00:56:07,280
I don't know, but since I'm having
so much fun at this "no theme" theme event
1178
00:56:07,364 --> 00:56:09,282
that I'm gonna
get a little crazy here, people.
1179
00:56:09,366 --> 00:56:11,785
I'm not starting
the biddin' off at $1,500.
1180
00:56:11,868 --> 00:56:15,080
I'm gonna start it off at $2,000, huh?!
1181
00:56:15,163 --> 00:56:18,875
Yeah! So, who's gonna
have fun with me, huh? All right.
1182
00:56:18,958 --> 00:56:23,338
Do I hear $2,100? Who's got 21?
I got $2,100 right there.
1183
00:56:23,421 --> 00:56:28,051
$2,100. Do I hear 22? 22! Who's got 22?
1184
00:56:28,134 --> 00:56:33,890
Brian Dodson! Big Brian.
Not body-shaming. You look fantastic.
1185
00:56:33,973 --> 00:56:37,060
My God! Ladies, look at this guy.
I know he's married, but you know,
1186
00:56:37,143 --> 00:56:38,895
little side glance won't hurt you.
1187
00:56:38,978 --> 00:56:41,272
Do I hear 23? Who's got 23?
1188
00:56:41,356 --> 00:56:45,151
Joanna Wilkerson, who needs a nanny
who's also a personal assistant,
1189
00:56:45,235 --> 00:56:46,528
if you can help out.
1190
00:56:46,611 --> 00:56:49,781
All right, 24. I need 24.
Who's got 24? 24?
1191
00:56:49,864 --> 00:56:52,409
Brian Dodson! Back to Big Brian.
1192
00:56:52,992 --> 00:56:55,578
Oh my God!
We've got a dogfight going on here.
1193
00:56:55,662 --> 00:56:57,372
And I'm jumping right in the middle of it.
1194
00:56:57,455 --> 00:57:01,543
I'm not going $2,500.
I'm not going 26, 27, 28.
1195
00:57:01,626 --> 00:57:04,087
I'm taking the elevator up
to the penthouse.
1196
00:57:04,170 --> 00:57:06,172
I'm going $3,000!
1197
00:57:06,256 --> 00:57:09,008
[crowd cheering]
1198
00:57:09,092 --> 00:57:10,135
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
1199
00:57:10,218 --> 00:57:13,304
$3,000, baby! Who's coming with me?
1200
00:57:13,388 --> 00:57:16,724
Who's going $3,200?
Let me hear $3,200.32.
1201
00:57:16,808 --> 00:57:20,353
Thirty-two. Great number. OJ Simpson.
OJ Simpson scaring the white people.
1202
00:57:20,437 --> 00:57:23,773
All right. Marcus Allen.
Who's going $3,200? Come on.
1203
00:57:23,857 --> 00:57:25,233
[silence]
1204
00:57:25,316 --> 00:57:29,028
All right. Old Jack, you got
a little too crazy. How about $3,100?
1205
00:57:29,112 --> 00:57:31,739
$3,100. Who's got $3,100, huh?
1206
00:57:32,323 --> 00:57:33,533
[silence]
1207
00:57:34,242 --> 00:57:35,160
$3,100?
1208
00:57:35,243 --> 00:57:36,494
[silence]
1209
00:57:37,287 --> 00:57:40,248
All right. Come on, people.
I saw a lot of Teslas in the parking lot.
1210
00:57:40,331 --> 00:57:41,583
[silence]
1211
00:57:41,666 --> 00:57:44,085
Just 'cause your car's quiet
doesn't mean you have to be.
1212
00:57:44,169 --> 00:57:45,628
- $3,100.
- [silence]
1213
00:57:46,296 --> 00:57:49,674
Really? You're gonna let me
walk with this for $3,000?
1214
00:57:49,757 --> 00:57:52,552
'Cause I'll tell you right now.
I'll take it. I will take it.
1215
00:57:52,635 --> 00:57:56,264
$3,000? $3,000 going once.
$3,000 going twice.
1216
00:57:56,347 --> 00:57:57,348
[silence]
1217
00:57:57,432 --> 00:58:00,101
$3,000? Final time!
1218
00:58:00,185 --> 00:58:02,937
- [silence]
- Sold to Jack Kelly!
1219
00:58:03,021 --> 00:58:05,064
[crowd cheering]
1220
00:58:08,651 --> 00:58:10,528
I'm gonna fucking kill myself.
1221
00:58:11,571 --> 00:58:13,573
- Hey! Old Jackie!
- [crowd cheering]
1222
00:58:14,324 --> 00:58:15,408
Yeah! Jack Kelly!
1223
00:58:16,326 --> 00:58:17,619
[cheering continues]
1224
00:58:19,370 --> 00:58:22,040
All right. That concludes
this portion of the auction.
1225
00:58:22,123 --> 00:58:24,417
We only have a few more items left to bid.
1226
00:58:24,501 --> 00:58:27,337
Please hold onto those paddles.
We're gonna get to our goal, all right?
1227
00:58:27,420 --> 00:58:29,180
Have a good time.
Keep drinking those drinks.
1228
00:58:29,214 --> 00:58:31,591
I'll be back in a few moments
for the last few items.
1229
00:58:31,674 --> 00:58:33,218
All right. Enjoy yourselves.
1230
00:58:33,927 --> 00:58:35,929
[pop music playing]
1231
00:58:43,394 --> 00:58:44,395
[groans]
1232
00:58:48,691 --> 00:58:49,692
[Lois] Jack.
1233
00:58:50,610 --> 00:58:53,446
I must thank you
for your generous donation.
1234
00:58:54,197 --> 00:58:58,618
And I'm also quite frankly surprised
you'd want to spend two hours with me.
1235
00:58:58,701 --> 00:59:00,036
[chuckles]
1236
00:59:00,119 --> 00:59:02,080
Yeah. Well, I guess
I'm full of surprises, huh?
1237
00:59:02,163 --> 00:59:03,331
[Lois] Yes. Yes, you are,
1238
00:59:03,414 --> 00:59:07,126
considering I heard
that you lost your job and your company.
1239
00:59:09,212 --> 00:59:12,131
How are you and your family
handling this setback?
1240
00:59:13,216 --> 00:59:14,050
Just fine.
1241
00:59:14,133 --> 00:59:16,511
Because we have tons of literature
that will help you
1242
00:59:16,594 --> 00:59:19,180
through what I know
must be a very trying time.
1243
00:59:19,264 --> 00:59:20,765
Hey, listen, Doctor L,
1244
00:59:21,349 --> 00:59:23,017
you can drop the act, okay?
1245
00:59:23,101 --> 00:59:24,310
Just drop the act.
1246
00:59:24,394 --> 00:59:25,812
All right, you got my money.
1247
00:59:25,895 --> 00:59:28,147
So now I guess my kid gets
a good recommendation,
1248
00:59:28,231 --> 00:59:29,440
and everything's fine.
1249
00:59:30,024 --> 00:59:33,027
Jack, I hope you aren't insinuating
that your financial commitment
1250
00:59:33,111 --> 00:59:36,864
is going to buy
your child a recommendation.
1251
00:59:36,948 --> 00:59:39,200
Oh, I would never do that. No.
1252
00:59:40,910 --> 00:59:44,581
You know, Jack,
I don't fault you for the way you are.
1253
00:59:45,248 --> 00:59:48,001
You're just blinded
by a lifetime of privilege.
1254
00:59:49,919 --> 00:59:52,422
If I was privileged,
I don't think I'd have to spend two hours
1255
00:59:52,505 --> 00:59:54,424
pretending I wanted to talk to you,
now would I?
1256
00:59:54,507 --> 00:59:55,507
Excuse me?
1257
00:59:55,550 --> 00:59:56,550
You heard me.
1258
00:59:57,218 --> 00:59:58,761
- [Lois] I guess I did.
- [Jack] Good.
1259
00:59:58,845 --> 01:00:01,740
I will take that into consideration
when I write up Nate's recommendation.
1260
01:00:01,764 --> 01:00:05,435
Oh, I bet you will. I bet you will, huh?
That's how you operate?
1261
01:00:05,518 --> 01:00:08,605
Fuck over an innocent child
'cause you have petty bullshit with me?
1262
01:00:08,688 --> 01:00:11,983
Hey. You two already started talking.
1263
01:00:12,066 --> 01:00:13,066
I, uh...
1264
01:00:14,152 --> 01:00:16,946
I hope that doesn't count
against our two hours.
1265
01:00:17,030 --> 01:00:18,281
Hello, Mrs. Kelly.
1266
01:00:20,074 --> 01:00:21,200
Good night, Jack.
1267
01:00:26,039 --> 01:00:27,457
What did you say to her?
1268
01:00:27,957 --> 01:00:31,961
I didn't do anything. She came over here.
She started twisting the knife, Leah.
1269
01:00:32,045 --> 01:00:34,297
What did you say to her?
1270
01:00:34,380 --> 01:00:36,090
Of course. Of course. What did I say?
1271
01:00:36,174 --> 01:00:39,969
What did Jack say?
Can you ever be in my corner, Leah, huh?
1272
01:00:40,053 --> 01:00:41,929
I just dropped three grand
that we don't have
1273
01:00:42,013 --> 01:00:44,807
to spend two hours
with that fucking egomaniac.
1274
01:00:44,891 --> 01:00:47,018
And you come over with,
"What did Jack say?"
1275
01:00:47,101 --> 01:00:49,646
You know what I said? I said
what everybody is already thinking
1276
01:00:49,729 --> 01:00:51,981
but doesn't have the fucking balls to say.
1277
01:00:54,859 --> 01:00:57,070
Oh, great. Great.
Now you're gonna cry, right?
1278
01:00:57,153 --> 01:00:58,821
- Yeah. Great.
- [sniffles]
1279
01:01:00,406 --> 01:01:01,491
You're an asshole.
1280
01:01:02,492 --> 01:01:05,495
Oh, I'm an asshole?
Then why did I do all of this, huh?
1281
01:01:06,245 --> 01:01:09,666
What, you're mad? What?
What, Leah? 'Cause I'm honest? Huh?
1282
01:01:09,749 --> 01:01:11,626
- Huh, Leah?
- [door slams in distance]
1283
01:01:13,378 --> 01:01:15,505
What the fuck
are you guys looking at, huh?
1284
01:01:16,381 --> 01:01:17,965
Yeah, I could be like you guys.
1285
01:01:18,716 --> 01:01:20,635
Pretending to care. You guys don't care.
1286
01:01:20,718 --> 01:01:23,221
All you're trying to do
is not get in trouble.
1287
01:01:23,304 --> 01:01:25,973
That's what the fuck is wrong
with your whole generation.
1288
01:01:26,474 --> 01:01:27,600
[woman] Okay, boomer.
1289
01:01:27,684 --> 01:01:29,060
Generation X!
1290
01:01:30,061 --> 01:01:31,061
[man] Slacker.
1291
01:01:33,356 --> 01:01:35,566
[melancholy music playing]
1292
01:01:40,530 --> 01:01:41,530
[Jack] Here you go.
1293
01:01:58,005 --> 01:01:59,424
[keys jingling]
1294
01:02:01,050 --> 01:02:03,052
[melancholy music continues]
1295
01:02:06,139 --> 01:02:07,515
Oh, Jesus Christ!
1296
01:02:08,599 --> 01:02:09,599
Leah.
1297
01:02:10,476 --> 01:02:11,476
Leah!
1298
01:02:13,396 --> 01:02:14,689
Leah, open the door.
1299
01:02:15,606 --> 01:02:16,606
[teeth click]
1300
01:02:19,110 --> 01:02:20,111
[doorbell rings]
1301
01:02:21,112 --> 01:02:22,112
Leah.
1302
01:02:23,156 --> 01:02:24,907
Leah, come on. Open the door.
1303
01:02:26,200 --> 01:02:27,535
I know you can hear me.
1304
01:02:31,247 --> 01:02:32,331
Oh, Jesus Christ!
1305
01:02:38,045 --> 01:02:39,045
I'll fix that.
1306
01:02:41,799 --> 01:02:43,843
What the fuck is wrong with you?
1307
01:02:43,926 --> 01:02:45,928
What the fuck's wrong with me?
You locked me out.
1308
01:02:46,012 --> 01:02:48,139
I know I did.
So, what are you doing standing here?
1309
01:02:48,723 --> 01:02:49,723
'Cause I live here.
1310
01:02:49,766 --> 01:02:53,895
Oh, Jack. I need you
to not be in this house right now.
1311
01:02:53,978 --> 01:02:56,314
All right, fine, whatever.
I'll sleep on the couch.
1312
01:02:56,397 --> 01:03:00,026
No. I have had it.
I have had it with your outbursts.
1313
01:03:00,109 --> 01:03:06,282
I have had it with your... your inability
to understand your level of anger
1314
01:03:06,365 --> 01:03:08,618
and the negative effect
it's having on our family.
1315
01:03:08,701 --> 01:03:11,871
Okay, I'm sorry.
I got a little sideways tonight. I just...
1316
01:03:11,954 --> 01:03:14,540
No. No. No.
1317
01:03:14,624 --> 01:03:18,503
You don't get to keep doing this
over and over and over again, okay,
1318
01:03:18,586 --> 01:03:22,882
and just thinking that an apology
makes it okay, because it doesn't, okay?
1319
01:03:23,424 --> 01:03:27,595
You fucking humiliated me tonight.
And you humiliated your son.
1320
01:03:27,678 --> 01:03:30,932
And I am past arguing about it with you!
1321
01:03:34,936 --> 01:03:36,229
What... what are you saying?
1322
01:03:36,813 --> 01:03:38,773
I just need you to leave, Jack.
1323
01:03:39,315 --> 01:03:42,401
Because right now, I don't know
if I even wanna raise my kids with you.
1324
01:03:42,485 --> 01:03:44,111
- Okay?
- Oh, Jesus! Really?
1325
01:03:44,195 --> 01:03:45,988
- Yes!
- You're gonna take it to that level?
1326
01:03:46,072 --> 01:03:48,825
Yes, I'm going
to take it to that fucking level, Jack!
1327
01:03:48,908 --> 01:03:50,761
- Because of that bullshit down there!
- Exactly!
1328
01:03:50,785 --> 01:03:52,825
[Jack] That I told you was gonna happen!
I told you!
1329
01:03:52,870 --> 01:03:55,665
And I'm down there dancing
like a fucking show pony!
1330
01:03:55,748 --> 01:03:57,083
Pack your bag!
1331
01:04:01,003 --> 01:04:03,422
- Oh, honey. I'm sorry.
- Hey, buddy.
1332
01:04:04,841 --> 01:04:08,135
Oh. Come here. Did we wake you up?
1333
01:04:08,970 --> 01:04:11,514
Mommy, why is Daddy leaving?
1334
01:04:13,891 --> 01:04:16,227
Daddy's got a lot of work
he's gotta do, buddy.
1335
01:04:18,521 --> 01:04:20,731
When are you gonna be done, Daddy?
1336
01:04:22,525 --> 01:04:25,403
Um, yeah, I... I don't know, buddy.
1337
01:04:25,486 --> 01:04:27,655
[somber music playing]
1338
01:04:29,615 --> 01:04:31,784
Hey. Let's get you back to bed, okay?
1339
01:04:32,285 --> 01:04:33,285
Okay.
1340
01:04:42,712 --> 01:04:44,714
[somber music continues]
1341
01:04:58,144 --> 01:04:59,228
Oh shit.
1342
01:05:08,696 --> 01:05:10,698
[woman belching]
1343
01:05:16,203 --> 01:05:17,705
I said no onions.
1344
01:05:17,788 --> 01:05:18,789
[laughs]
1345
01:05:23,044 --> 01:05:24,837
[man] Oh, excuse me, sir.
1346
01:05:26,422 --> 01:05:27,798
You can't smoke out here.
1347
01:05:30,885 --> 01:05:32,011
Well, what are you doing?
1348
01:05:33,930 --> 01:05:35,556
Uh, I'm... I'm vaping.
1349
01:05:35,640 --> 01:05:37,016
What's the difference?
1350
01:05:37,683 --> 01:05:41,312
The difference is people can't smell
what I'm doing from ten blocks away.
1351
01:05:41,395 --> 01:05:44,565
All right. Well, I can see
what you're doing. It's called smoking.
1352
01:05:44,649 --> 01:05:47,369
So, till you put yours out,
I'm not putting mine out. How about that?
1353
01:05:48,986 --> 01:05:51,697
I don't mean to pull rank here,
but this is my hotel.
1354
01:05:51,781 --> 01:05:52,781
Motel.
1355
01:05:53,282 --> 01:05:54,825
- What?
- It's a motel.
1356
01:05:54,909 --> 01:05:58,663
Open courtyard. A serial killer
can walk right up to my door, man.
1357
01:05:58,746 --> 01:06:01,290
If this was a hotel,
he'd have to go through a lobby first.
1358
01:06:02,500 --> 01:06:05,503
It's a motel. So, why don't you
get off your high horse, huh?
1359
01:06:07,296 --> 01:06:08,631
Hey, quick question.
1360
01:06:09,173 --> 01:06:11,968
Uh, what the fuck is your problem?
1361
01:06:12,051 --> 01:06:14,679
What's my problem?
My problem is I live in a world
1362
01:06:14,762 --> 01:06:18,099
where a guy who's smoking
is telling me I can't smoke, all right?
1363
01:06:18,182 --> 01:06:19,976
That, in a nutshell, is my problem.
1364
01:06:20,059 --> 01:06:22,520
Well, in a nutshell, it's not smoking.
1365
01:06:22,603 --> 01:06:24,313
What makes it smoking, buddy,
1366
01:06:24,397 --> 01:06:27,900
is the fucking smoke
coming out of your mouth, all right?
1367
01:06:27,984 --> 01:06:31,278
So, get out of my fucking face
before I throw you in that fucking pool?
1368
01:06:31,362 --> 01:06:32,947
I don't respond to hyperbole!
1369
01:06:33,030 --> 01:06:36,617
- Good. I don't know what that means.
- If you want an ass-kicking, keep talking.
1370
01:06:36,701 --> 01:06:38,828
Oh! "Hyperbole"! I got big hotel words.
1371
01:06:38,911 --> 01:06:41,914
Ladies, ladies, whoa.
What are we doing here?
1372
01:06:41,998 --> 01:06:44,625
It's a nice day. Relax. Take in the view.
1373
01:06:45,209 --> 01:06:46,877
Sweetheart, mind if I ask you a question?
1374
01:06:47,628 --> 01:06:48,671
Yeah, what's that?
1375
01:06:48,754 --> 01:06:50,715
Do you think vaping is smoking?
1376
01:06:50,798 --> 01:06:53,926
Oh, absolutely, yeah.
And it's ruining this country.
1377
01:06:54,010 --> 01:06:56,971
Thank you. Thank you.
There. I rest my case.
1378
01:06:57,054 --> 01:06:59,181
Yeah, and so are those fucking immigrants.
1379
01:07:01,892 --> 01:07:04,270
I mean, how many more
can we let in? [laughs]
1380
01:07:06,230 --> 01:07:10,151
[woman farting]
1381
01:07:10,234 --> 01:07:11,652
Well, that made some room.
1382
01:07:14,363 --> 01:07:16,043
[Britney] I'm excited
for this baby shower.
1383
01:07:16,073 --> 01:07:18,159
Aren't you glad Leah suggested we do coed?
1384
01:07:18,242 --> 01:07:20,494
- We're gonna have fun, right?
- Definitely.
1385
01:07:23,706 --> 01:07:24,706
Baby, look at me.
1386
01:07:26,500 --> 01:07:28,502
I know you're scared, okay? So am I.
1387
01:07:29,378 --> 01:07:31,297
But I can't live in fear anymore.
1388
01:07:31,380 --> 01:07:33,758
I need you to know what I need,
or this isn't gonna work.
1389
01:07:33,841 --> 01:07:35,259
[ethereal music playing]
1390
01:07:35,342 --> 01:07:40,473
I want us to be official.
And not just for the baby but for us.
1391
01:07:40,556 --> 01:07:42,058
[ethereal music intensifies]
1392
01:07:42,141 --> 01:07:45,227
I love you, Mike.
And I want us to get married.
1393
01:07:46,771 --> 01:07:49,982
[echoing] And I know you may need
some time to process this, and...
1394
01:07:50,066 --> 01:07:51,066
Okay.
1395
01:07:51,859 --> 01:07:52,859
Okay?
1396
01:07:54,028 --> 01:07:55,028
Yep.
1397
01:07:56,739 --> 01:08:00,284
Well, can you fucking hug me
or something? Damn!
1398
01:08:07,875 --> 01:08:08,793
Where are you going?
1399
01:08:08,876 --> 01:08:11,962
[Mike] Nowhere.
I'm just gonna go register to vote.
1400
01:08:12,546 --> 01:08:13,589
[door closes]
1401
01:08:14,715 --> 01:08:15,716
[scoffs]
1402
01:08:17,093 --> 01:08:19,095
[melancholy music playing]
1403
01:08:28,187 --> 01:08:29,939
- [phone line ringing]
- [phone line clicks]
1404
01:08:30,022 --> 01:08:33,526
[Nate] Hi! You've reached my mom.
She's not here.
1405
01:08:34,235 --> 01:08:36,862
- [Leah] Tell 'em to leave a message.
- [Nate] Leave a message.
1406
01:08:36,946 --> 01:08:38,572
- [phone line clicks]
- [busy signal]
1407
01:08:43,202 --> 01:08:45,204
[all laughing]
1408
01:08:47,915 --> 01:08:49,917
[melancholy music continues]
1409
01:08:56,882 --> 01:08:58,884
- [waitress] From pastrami with love.
- Yeah.
1410
01:08:58,968 --> 01:09:02,096
[waitress] Fries extra crispy.
Oreo cookie shake.
1411
01:09:02,680 --> 01:09:04,348
- And a root beer.
- Thank you.
1412
01:09:05,933 --> 01:09:07,935
[melancholy music continues]
1413
01:09:16,986 --> 01:09:18,320
[music fades]
1414
01:09:25,161 --> 01:09:26,537
You sure you wanna do this?
1415
01:09:27,621 --> 01:09:29,039
There's nothing else to do.
1416
01:09:30,499 --> 01:09:31,792
[snorting]
1417
01:09:32,960 --> 01:09:35,880
- Oh God. I miss coke.
- Where the fuck did you get that?
1418
01:09:35,963 --> 01:09:38,007
Don't worry about that, Jackie boy.
I know a guy.
1419
01:09:38,090 --> 01:09:42,178
[snorts] Now let's go
set this neon town on fire!
1420
01:09:42,261 --> 01:09:44,930
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, huh?
1421
01:09:45,014 --> 01:09:47,641
Okay, all right.
We're still in Pomona, so pace yourself.
1422
01:09:47,725 --> 01:09:49,935
You fucking pace yourself, okay?
I got about 90 minutes
1423
01:09:50,019 --> 01:09:52,688
before my wife gets home
and notices my sister watching the kids.
1424
01:09:52,771 --> 01:09:56,567
So, you know, this might be
the coke talking, but I don't give a fuck.
1425
01:09:56,650 --> 01:09:57,484
[chuckles]
1426
01:09:57,568 --> 01:10:00,154
- My man Mikey here is getting married.
- [thud]
1427
01:10:00,237 --> 01:10:01,572
[snorts] What was that?
1428
01:10:02,156 --> 01:10:03,949
It's just us in here, right?
1429
01:10:04,033 --> 01:10:05,868
Yeah, yeah. We're cool. Just relax, man.
1430
01:10:05,951 --> 01:10:09,038
- It was a bump in the road. Just the road!
- Whoa! Sh! Sh! Sh!
1431
01:10:10,247 --> 01:10:11,707
[snorts] Okay. I'm good.
1432
01:10:12,208 --> 01:10:14,460
- [Connor sniffs]
- You're watching him this time.
1433
01:10:14,543 --> 01:10:17,046
Whoo! Whoo!
1434
01:10:17,129 --> 01:10:19,757
["Eye of the Tiger" by Paul Anka playing]
1435
01:10:21,842 --> 01:10:23,594
♪ Face to face ♪
1436
01:10:23,677 --> 01:10:25,054
♪ Out in the night ♪
1437
01:10:26,055 --> 01:10:28,557
♪ Hangin' tough, stayin' hungry... ♪
1438
01:10:30,517 --> 01:10:32,728
[snorts, groans]
1439
01:10:33,520 --> 01:10:35,689
♪ It's the dream of the fight ♪
1440
01:10:35,773 --> 01:10:40,319
♪ Watching us all in the eye ♪
1441
01:10:40,819 --> 01:10:43,030
♪ Of the tiger... ♪
1442
01:10:44,365 --> 01:10:45,366
Whoo!
1443
01:10:45,449 --> 01:10:50,079
♪ The eye of the tiger ♪
1444
01:10:50,162 --> 01:10:51,580
[Jack] Guys, my foot went numb.
1445
01:10:51,664 --> 01:10:53,424
[Connor] Dude, I can drive.
Want me to drive?
1446
01:10:53,457 --> 01:10:54,667
[Jack] No fucking way.
1447
01:10:56,877 --> 01:10:57,962
[Jack groans]
1448
01:10:58,629 --> 01:11:01,006
All right, man.
Once this sciatica acts up...
1449
01:11:01,090 --> 01:11:03,676
- You sure you all right with this?
- Yeah, it's fine.
1450
01:11:06,971 --> 01:11:08,097
I'm feeling lucky.
1451
01:11:08,180 --> 01:11:10,432
["Lady Love" by Lou Rawls playing]
1452
01:11:11,058 --> 01:11:12,058
Ah!
1453
01:11:12,643 --> 01:11:13,769
♪ Lady love ♪
1454
01:11:15,271 --> 01:11:16,814
♪ Your love is peaceful... ♪
1455
01:11:16,897 --> 01:11:17,897
[Jack] Yeah, fuck Vegas.
1456
01:11:18,607 --> 01:11:21,777
Those casinos are all owned
by the people who started Halliburton.
1457
01:11:22,486 --> 01:11:24,238
Look at this place. This place is great.
1458
01:11:24,321 --> 01:11:27,449
If I'm gonna lose money, I'd rather do it
in a Native American casino.
1459
01:11:27,533 --> 01:11:29,368
I like it. Yeah! Monetary justice.
1460
01:11:29,451 --> 01:11:31,912
Goddamn, this coke is not good.
I gotta take a shit.
1461
01:11:31,996 --> 01:11:35,541
- Uh, I'll meet you at the sportsbook?
- Sportsbook. All right. I'll see you.
1462
01:11:37,376 --> 01:11:38,669
Hey, where the hell's Mike?
1463
01:11:44,842 --> 01:11:46,343
[Leah] Britney? It's me.
1464
01:11:50,472 --> 01:11:51,473
[pensive music playing]
1465
01:11:51,557 --> 01:11:52,557
Cara.
1466
01:11:52,933 --> 01:11:54,393
Don't look so surprised.
1467
01:11:54,476 --> 01:11:56,687
Britney and I are
actually incredibly close.
1468
01:11:57,229 --> 01:12:00,858
It's not like that kind of thing where
we have to talk every day to reinforce it.
1469
01:12:00,941 --> 01:12:03,360
Right. Uh, sure.
1470
01:12:03,444 --> 01:12:07,823
Um, listen, I'm really sorry
that I criticized your parenting.
1471
01:12:07,906 --> 01:12:10,075
- That was a total overstep.
- Hmm.
1472
01:12:10,159 --> 01:12:14,163
So, uh, you know, can we just move on?
1473
01:12:14,246 --> 01:12:17,708
Oh, I did already. I assumed you had too.
1474
01:12:19,626 --> 01:12:20,626
I just did.
1475
01:12:21,045 --> 01:12:23,464
Well, come in, come in
because Britney really needs us.
1476
01:12:23,547 --> 01:12:24,547
[Leah] Right.
1477
01:12:25,591 --> 01:12:27,885
Oh no!
1478
01:12:27,968 --> 01:12:29,968
- [dealer] No more bets.
- [Jack] Hey, there he is.
1479
01:12:30,512 --> 01:12:32,348
Easy, big fella. What are we doing here?
1480
01:12:32,431 --> 01:12:35,142
Donnie, change me out for five grand.
1481
01:12:35,225 --> 01:12:38,187
Oh, no, no, no, no. No.
What are you doing? What are you doing?
1482
01:12:38,270 --> 01:12:40,189
It's okay. I'm due.
1483
01:12:40,814 --> 01:12:43,233
Mike, you've gambled,
like, four times in your life, okay?
1484
01:12:43,317 --> 01:12:44,735
How the fuck are you due?
1485
01:12:45,235 --> 01:12:46,278
All right, Jack.
1486
01:12:47,071 --> 01:12:48,447
I'm a conservative man.
1487
01:12:49,323 --> 01:12:52,743
I drive a four-door sedan
with seven airbags.
1488
01:12:53,243 --> 01:12:54,411
I got a vasectomy.
1489
01:12:55,204 --> 01:12:56,204
Guess what?
1490
01:12:57,081 --> 01:12:58,332
She got pregnant anyway.
1491
01:12:59,124 --> 01:13:03,253
Then I lost my job,
my company, my retirement,
1492
01:13:03,337 --> 01:13:06,382
all because I decided
to exercise free speech
1493
01:13:06,465 --> 01:13:09,176
in the back of a goddamn rental car!
1494
01:13:09,259 --> 01:13:13,013
So, yeah, Jack. I think I'm fucking due!
1495
01:13:13,097 --> 01:13:14,306
Okay, okay. Sorry.
1496
01:13:15,432 --> 01:13:19,186
But look. Look around the casino, Mike.
Everybody here thinks they're due.
1497
01:13:20,562 --> 01:13:24,233
Look at that poor lady.
She looks like she's scuba diving.
1498
01:13:25,609 --> 01:13:28,278
Hey. Is that Aspen Bell?
1499
01:13:31,448 --> 01:13:32,741
No fucking way.
1500
01:13:35,994 --> 01:13:37,246
Holy shit. That is him.
1501
01:13:37,746 --> 01:13:39,665
- Told you my luck's changing.
- Let's go.
1502
01:13:39,748 --> 01:13:42,042
["Root Down" by Beastie Boys playing]
1503
01:13:50,551 --> 01:13:51,552
♪ Yeah ♪
1504
01:13:53,554 --> 01:13:55,889
♪ I kick it root down
I put my root down ♪
1505
01:13:55,973 --> 01:13:58,517
♪ I kick it root down
I put my root down ♪
1506
01:13:58,600 --> 01:14:00,954
- ♪ So, how we gonna kick it? ♪
- ♪ Gonna kick it root down ♪
1507
01:14:00,978 --> 01:14:03,415
- ♪ Yeah, how you wanna kick it? ♪
- ♪ Gonna kick it root down ♪
1508
01:14:03,439 --> 01:14:05,792
- ♪ So, how you gonna kick it? ♪
- ♪ Gonna kick it root down ♪
1509
01:14:05,816 --> 01:14:08,235
♪ Gonna break it on down
Gonna kick it root down ♪
1510
01:14:08,318 --> 01:14:09,478
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Oh shit!
1511
01:14:09,528 --> 01:14:10,654
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
1512
01:14:10,737 --> 01:14:11,822
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
1513
01:14:14,825 --> 01:14:16,368
- Hey!
- Hey, man! What's up?
1514
01:14:16,452 --> 01:14:17,661
Oh fuck! What the fuck?
1515
01:14:17,744 --> 01:14:18,662
Yeah, motherfucker!
1516
01:14:18,745 --> 01:14:20,956
Look at us when we're talking,
corporate piece of shit!
1517
01:14:21,039 --> 01:14:23,500
You fucked with the wrong dads, ese.
1518
01:14:23,584 --> 01:14:26,563
What, are you here pissing away the money
you made off the company we built?
1519
01:14:26,587 --> 01:14:28,088
Did you book a suite, motherfucker?
1520
01:14:28,172 --> 01:14:30,841
No, no, no, no. Guys, I'm...
I'm here for sensitivity training.
1521
01:14:30,924 --> 01:14:33,510
You should be.
'Cause you're a fucking dick!
1522
01:14:33,594 --> 01:14:36,180
Wait a second. Wait a second.
Sensitivity training? What's that?
1523
01:14:37,931 --> 01:14:41,131
Did you guys know that Native Americans
take offense to the term "spirit animal"?
1524
01:14:42,144 --> 01:14:44,784
Wait. Did you get in trouble
for selling those Ed Cameron T-shirts?
1525
01:14:46,231 --> 01:14:48,317
Suspended indefinitely, actually.
1526
01:14:48,400 --> 01:14:51,278
- I think that's millennial for "fired."
- [all laughing]
1527
01:14:51,361 --> 01:14:53,041
That's what happens to punk motherfuckers!
1528
01:14:53,071 --> 01:14:54,071
How ironic!
1529
01:14:54,114 --> 01:14:56,366
Yeah, how'd it feel to get fired
for absolutely nothing?
1530
01:14:56,450 --> 01:14:57,451
"I appreciate you!"
1531
01:14:57,534 --> 01:14:59,661
- [Aspen crying]
- Oh boy. Oh my God!
1532
01:14:59,745 --> 01:15:01,225
- What's happening?
- [Mike] Oh Jesus!
1533
01:15:01,914 --> 01:15:03,957
[Aspen] Fucking Twitter.
They fucking posted me.
1534
01:15:04,041 --> 01:15:04,917
All right, relax.
1535
01:15:05,000 --> 01:15:07,211
They fucking put
my home address on Reddit.
1536
01:15:07,920 --> 01:15:09,379
And my girlfriend left me.
1537
01:15:10,380 --> 01:15:12,841
[Aspen sobbing]
1538
01:15:14,009 --> 01:15:16,929
[Britney] Yeah, but you didn't see
the look on his face.
1539
01:15:17,513 --> 01:15:19,932
I don't think he wants
to be with me anymore.
1540
01:15:20,015 --> 01:15:21,850
Trust me. He does.
1541
01:15:21,934 --> 01:15:23,018
How do you know?
1542
01:15:23,101 --> 01:15:25,354
Because Connor has that look
on his face all the time.
1543
01:15:25,437 --> 01:15:26,730
It means nothing.
1544
01:15:26,813 --> 01:15:29,233
- It has to mean something.
- This is what it means.
1545
01:15:29,733 --> 01:15:32,819
It means they need us.
They know it. It bothers them.
1546
01:15:34,571 --> 01:15:35,572
Oh please.
1547
01:15:36,198 --> 01:15:38,534
Do not look to me for advice, okay?
1548
01:15:38,617 --> 01:15:40,661
I married an absolute lunatic.
1549
01:15:41,787 --> 01:15:45,165
Do you know that he tried to fight
an entire row of college kids
1550
01:15:45,249 --> 01:15:47,876
at the ArcLight Cinema on our second date?
1551
01:15:48,752 --> 01:15:50,837
And it worked. It totally charmed me.
1552
01:15:50,921 --> 01:15:52,172
I let him touch my boobs.
1553
01:15:52,256 --> 01:15:53,256
[both chuckle]
1554
01:15:53,840 --> 01:15:58,679
I guess I was hoping
for something more, but Cara's right.
1555
01:15:58,762 --> 01:16:00,389
I think, when it comes to guys,
1556
01:16:01,557 --> 01:16:03,308
there's just not a lot of layers.
1557
01:16:04,101 --> 01:16:07,020
So, anyway, what I'm trying to say is
1558
01:16:08,105 --> 01:16:10,649
it's one of the only things in life
that lives up to the hype.
1559
01:16:11,149 --> 01:16:14,027
I mean, nothing you're gonna achieve
in your career can even touch it,
1560
01:16:14,111 --> 01:16:17,823
so if you feel that way about Hannah,
you should go and tell her.
1561
01:16:17,906 --> 01:16:22,286
'Cause the only thing that matters in life
is if you love someone and they love you.
1562
01:16:22,369 --> 01:16:24,788
That's all that matters.
That and your kids.
1563
01:16:26,957 --> 01:16:29,001
Jesus Christ!
Look at the fucking ass on her.
1564
01:16:29,084 --> 01:16:30,294
[Aspen] Oh my God! Yeah.
1565
01:16:30,377 --> 01:16:33,463
[DJ] All right! Let's get
those Tuesday night dollars coming.
1566
01:16:33,547 --> 01:16:35,173
- Come with me.
- [dance music playing]
1567
01:16:35,257 --> 01:16:36,800
Oh, no, thank you. I'm... I'm good.
1568
01:16:36,883 --> 01:16:40,512
That's not what your friend told me.
He paid for two dances.
1569
01:16:40,596 --> 01:16:43,432
What happens in Vegas
stays in Vegas, baby!
1570
01:16:43,515 --> 01:16:45,309
We're in Palm Desert, buddy!
1571
01:16:45,392 --> 01:16:47,644
Your mother's in Palm Desert, you pussy!
1572
01:16:47,728 --> 01:16:50,522
Yeah! "Your mother's
in Palm Desert, you pussy!"
1573
01:16:50,606 --> 01:16:52,858
[laughs] My man! We're not friends.
1574
01:16:53,525 --> 01:16:54,525
[dancer] Come on.
1575
01:16:56,445 --> 01:16:58,530
Hey, you're on deck, haircut!
1576
01:17:00,324 --> 01:17:03,827
I need you to bring that energy way down.
1577
01:17:04,453 --> 01:17:07,456
It's okay. Really.
He's cool. He's cool, Randy.
1578
01:17:07,539 --> 01:17:09,708
Yeah, it's okay, Randy. I'm cool.
1579
01:17:10,334 --> 01:17:11,335
Give me some.
1580
01:17:11,960 --> 01:17:13,211
Pound it out!
1581
01:17:13,754 --> 01:17:14,754
Randy!
1582
01:17:15,339 --> 01:17:16,923
[dancer 2] Aw, I'm sorry about that.
1583
01:17:17,466 --> 01:17:20,510
Oh, that's okay. I mean, if I were him,
I'd be intimidated by me too.
1584
01:17:20,594 --> 01:17:23,847
Oh, yeah. You are in great shape.
1585
01:17:23,930 --> 01:17:26,600
Oh, yeah? Thank you very much.
I work hard at it.
1586
01:17:26,683 --> 01:17:28,769
You're in great shape too.
You have awesome skin.
1587
01:17:28,852 --> 01:17:30,604
[chuckles] Thank you.
1588
01:17:30,687 --> 01:17:31,563
How old are you?
1589
01:17:31,647 --> 01:17:33,482
Aw, I can't tell you that.
1590
01:17:34,650 --> 01:17:36,026
How old do you think I am?
1591
01:17:36,526 --> 01:17:37,819
[dance music continues]
1592
01:17:37,903 --> 01:17:39,363
- Forty-nine.
- What?
1593
01:17:41,198 --> 01:17:42,282
How do you know that?
1594
01:17:43,367 --> 01:17:44,451
The neck.
1595
01:17:46,870 --> 01:17:49,581
[DJ] Tyler "Blam," up on the main stage.
1596
01:17:50,582 --> 01:17:51,958
[dance music continues]
1597
01:17:52,042 --> 01:17:53,418
How you doing?
1598
01:17:53,502 --> 01:17:56,588
I think I had a nervous breakdown earlier,
1599
01:17:56,672 --> 01:17:59,049
but I'm cool now.
1600
01:17:59,132 --> 01:18:01,176
Aw, that's hella scary.
1601
01:18:01,927 --> 01:18:04,179
Well, don't worry, Daddy.
1602
01:18:04,888 --> 01:18:06,264
Just don't call me "Daddy."
1603
01:18:07,516 --> 01:18:09,935
- What do you want me to call you?
- Call me Mike.
1604
01:18:10,435 --> 01:18:11,978
That's no fun.
1605
01:18:13,146 --> 01:18:16,358
I'm gonna call you Hella Mike.
1606
01:18:18,151 --> 01:18:21,029
Mmm. Hella Mike.
1607
01:18:22,572 --> 01:18:24,324
[hip-hop music playing]
1608
01:18:27,285 --> 01:18:28,537
Fuck this place, man.
1609
01:18:29,454 --> 01:18:31,248
I don't look 49. Do I look 49?
1610
01:18:32,249 --> 01:18:33,250
Forty-seven.
1611
01:18:33,333 --> 01:18:34,668
Man, fuck you!
1612
01:18:35,961 --> 01:18:39,256
See that guy over there?
That's a 49-year-old man.
1613
01:18:42,467 --> 01:18:43,677
Let me tell you something.
1614
01:18:43,760 --> 01:18:46,430
You have no idea
how awesome I was at your age.
1615
01:18:46,513 --> 01:18:48,849
I was dating two chicks at the same time,
1616
01:18:48,932 --> 01:18:52,436
both of them named Amy,
and they knew about each other.
1617
01:18:52,519 --> 01:18:54,813
And they loved it. Happy to share me.
1618
01:18:54,896 --> 01:18:57,065
I used to hang out with my boys
whenever I wanted, man.
1619
01:18:57,149 --> 01:19:00,777
I could eat whatever I wanted,
crush Rolling Rocks all day,
1620
01:19:00,861 --> 01:19:02,988
slept until I wasn't tired anymore.
1621
01:19:03,071 --> 01:19:07,159
One time, Julio Iglesias
came up to me in an airport,
1622
01:19:07,242 --> 01:19:09,411
dead certain I was his son, Enrique.
1623
01:19:09,494 --> 01:19:12,038
The fucking kind of vibe
I was putting out, bro!
1624
01:19:12,122 --> 01:19:14,916
And it was effortless.
It was fucking effortless.
1625
01:19:16,042 --> 01:19:17,669
[laughs] That's ridiculous.
1626
01:19:19,796 --> 01:19:21,339
I was ridiculous.
1627
01:19:23,216 --> 01:19:25,343
[DJ] Throw those dollars, guys. Come on.
1628
01:19:25,427 --> 01:19:28,346
♪ Uh, I'm Hella Mike!
That's what I like! ♪
1629
01:19:28,430 --> 01:19:30,766
♪ I'm Hella Mike! That's what I like, uh ♪
1630
01:19:32,058 --> 01:19:33,101
I don't know.
1631
01:19:34,644 --> 01:19:36,813
I have faced a lot of stuff in my life.
1632
01:19:38,064 --> 01:19:41,777
The fear of losing my family is worse
than anything I've ever faced before.
1633
01:19:45,447 --> 01:19:48,700
My brain just keeps playing out
this scenario about what could happen.
1634
01:19:49,284 --> 01:19:51,453
You know, seeing my kid
every other weekend.
1635
01:19:52,454 --> 01:19:55,040
My wife's gonna be married
to some fucking orthopedist.
1636
01:19:55,540 --> 01:19:57,042
Levelheaded cocksucker.
1637
01:19:57,834 --> 01:19:59,836
[hip-hop music continues]
1638
01:20:01,880 --> 01:20:04,800
Yeah, I don't know. Maybe Leah's right.
1639
01:20:06,051 --> 01:20:07,886
Maybe I'm not cut out for this shit.
1640
01:20:08,762 --> 01:20:10,680
I mean, I love being a dad and everything.
1641
01:20:12,516 --> 01:20:14,309
Holy shit, that's her. Shut the fuck up!
1642
01:20:15,644 --> 01:20:19,064
Leah, hey, hi! Listen, I am so sorry
for everything that I said.
1643
01:20:20,232 --> 01:20:21,232
What?
1644
01:20:23,235 --> 01:20:24,486
Wait, who is this?
1645
01:20:24,569 --> 01:20:26,780
- Ha! Uh! Ooh! Uh! Uh!
- [girls exclaim]
1646
01:20:26,863 --> 01:20:29,741
Mike! Mike! Mike! Britney called.
1647
01:20:31,535 --> 01:20:32,619
Leah's in labor.
1648
01:20:33,537 --> 01:20:35,455
Thank God!
Man, you scared the shit out of me.
1649
01:20:35,539 --> 01:20:36,665
[laughs]
1650
01:20:36,748 --> 01:20:38,625
- Congratulations!
- Thank you.
1651
01:20:38,708 --> 01:20:43,171
Ladies, my man Jack here
is about to become a father again.
1652
01:20:43,255 --> 01:20:44,256
[gasps]
1653
01:20:44,339 --> 01:20:46,758
- That's so amazing!
- Oh, thank you.
1654
01:20:47,634 --> 01:20:49,386
You're gonna be such a great dad.
1655
01:20:49,469 --> 01:20:50,971
I appreciate that.
1656
01:20:51,054 --> 01:20:53,254
- I'm so happy for you, man.
- [Jack] Oh, thanks, buddy.
1657
01:20:53,306 --> 01:20:55,475
She's a couple of weeks early,
so I'm freaking out.
1658
01:20:55,559 --> 01:20:58,520
- Let's get the fuck out of here.
- You go ahead. I'm good.
1659
01:20:58,603 --> 01:21:00,313
The fuck are you talking about?
1660
01:21:02,065 --> 01:21:03,191
I'm not going back.
1661
01:21:04,609 --> 01:21:07,070
This is me now. Hella Mike!
1662
01:21:07,153 --> 01:21:09,781
- Whoo!
- Hella Mike? Who the fuck is Hella Mike?
1663
01:21:09,865 --> 01:21:12,200
- [laughing]
- Hella Mike? Mike, you're hella hammered.
1664
01:21:12,284 --> 01:21:13,493
Uh! Uh!
1665
01:21:13,577 --> 01:21:16,496
Mike, there's a situation back home
that you can and will deal with
1666
01:21:16,580 --> 01:21:18,081
because you're a fucking man.
1667
01:21:18,164 --> 01:21:19,484
Look at me. You're a fucking man.
1668
01:21:20,750 --> 01:21:21,835
Mike, come on.
1669
01:21:26,548 --> 01:21:28,049
You're absolutely right, Jack.
1670
01:21:28,842 --> 01:21:31,094
[sighs] I love you, man.
1671
01:21:31,928 --> 01:21:33,221
I love you too, man.
1672
01:21:33,305 --> 01:21:34,431
[both] Aw!
1673
01:21:34,514 --> 01:21:36,516
[hip-hop music continues]
1674
01:21:37,142 --> 01:21:38,018
[Aspen] Hey, man.
1675
01:21:38,101 --> 01:21:42,314
Uh, that's your third gimlet
in, like, five minutes. Are you okay?
1676
01:21:42,856 --> 01:21:46,026
"Hey, man." Let me tell you something.
1677
01:21:47,152 --> 01:21:48,945
Don't ever count another man's drinks.
1678
01:21:51,698 --> 01:21:52,949
And one more thing.
1679
01:21:55,076 --> 01:21:56,745
Don't ever get fucking married.
1680
01:21:59,539 --> 01:22:00,707
[chuckles]
1681
01:22:01,833 --> 01:22:02,833
[gulps]
1682
01:22:03,668 --> 01:22:05,337
- [choking]
- [Aspen] Connor?
1683
01:22:05,420 --> 01:22:07,088
Connor, what the fuck? Are you okay?
1684
01:22:07,172 --> 01:22:08,423
[choking]
1685
01:22:08,506 --> 01:22:11,217
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do I do?
What the fuck? Oh fuck!
1686
01:22:11,301 --> 01:22:12,301
[Connor grunts]
1687
01:22:12,928 --> 01:22:14,471
[indistinct DJ announcement]
1688
01:22:14,554 --> 01:22:15,388
[Aspen] Shit!
1689
01:22:15,472 --> 01:22:18,350
- Hey! I told you to fucking relax!
- [Aspen] Wait!
1690
01:22:18,433 --> 01:22:19,935
- Oh shit!
- [man] What the fuck, man?
1691
01:22:20,518 --> 01:22:21,937
[Aspen] He's choking! He's choking!
1692
01:22:22,020 --> 01:22:23,664
- [Mike] Oh shit!
- [Jack] Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1693
01:22:23,688 --> 01:22:25,398
- Relax! Relax!
- [Mike] He's with us.
1694
01:22:25,482 --> 01:22:27,150
- [Mike] Shit!
- [Jack grunts]
1695
01:22:27,233 --> 01:22:28,860
I'm not with them! I'm not with them!
1696
01:22:28,944 --> 01:22:30,195
[both grunt]
1697
01:22:30,278 --> 01:22:31,905
[DJ] Whoa! Barbara!
1698
01:22:31,988 --> 01:22:33,865
[groaning, choking]
1699
01:22:33,949 --> 01:22:35,869
- [Jack, muffled] My wife is in labor!
- [growls]
1700
01:22:35,909 --> 01:22:37,077
Get off!
1701
01:22:37,661 --> 01:22:40,830
- Hey, congrats on becoming a father.
- [muffled] Where the fuck are you going?
1702
01:22:41,331 --> 01:22:43,249
[screaming]
1703
01:22:43,917 --> 01:22:45,669
[DJ] Ladies are still dancing.
1704
01:22:45,752 --> 01:22:46,836
[Jack] Connor!
1705
01:22:46,920 --> 01:22:48,505
[DJ] Don't mind that skirmish.
1706
01:22:48,588 --> 01:22:51,758
I'm not with them! I'm not with them!
Tell them I'm not with you guys!
1707
01:22:52,384 --> 01:22:54,552
- You okay, buddy?
- [gasps, grunts]
1708
01:22:55,845 --> 01:22:57,740
- [Jack] You all right, buddy?
- [gasps] I'm back!
1709
01:22:57,764 --> 01:23:00,141
- [grunts]
- [Jack] Connor! Oh shit!
1710
01:23:00,225 --> 01:23:02,602
[both groaning]
1711
01:23:02,686 --> 01:23:04,229
[Aspen] Hey! Hey!
1712
01:23:04,312 --> 01:23:07,774
Yeah, that's right!
TikTok LIVE, motherfuckers!
1713
01:23:07,857 --> 01:23:12,737
Documenting your use of excessive force
on these poor, defenseless dads.
1714
01:23:12,821 --> 01:23:14,197
Get that fucking camera!
1715
01:23:14,280 --> 01:23:16,700
Guys, guys, run! Run!
1716
01:23:16,783 --> 01:23:20,745
Fuck! Shit! Oh God!
I am an innocent bystander here!
1717
01:23:20,829 --> 01:23:22,205
[Connor] We gotta go, Mike!
1718
01:23:22,288 --> 01:23:23,289
[panting]
1719
01:23:23,373 --> 01:23:25,750
Oh no! Please let me go!
Don't touch me! I gotta pee!
1720
01:23:25,834 --> 01:23:28,712
[DJ] That's Arabella on stage two.
1721
01:23:30,672 --> 01:23:32,382
[music fades]
1722
01:23:35,468 --> 01:23:38,388
Guys, I'm too hammered.
Can either one of you drive?
1723
01:23:42,976 --> 01:23:43,976
Oh fuck.
1724
01:23:46,021 --> 01:23:47,105
[car horn honking]
1725
01:23:47,772 --> 01:23:50,191
[car horn blaring]
1726
01:23:51,067 --> 01:23:54,362
- [Jack] All right.
- One of you guys better be Connor!
1727
01:23:54,863 --> 01:23:56,698
- You Richie?
- How'd you know my name?
1728
01:23:56,781 --> 01:23:59,576
- Oh, they say it on the phone.
- [Connor] The picture's different.
1729
01:23:59,659 --> 01:24:02,078
Do you mind if we move those golf clubs
out of the back seat?
1730
01:24:02,162 --> 01:24:03,246
Yeah, I mind.
1731
01:24:04,330 --> 01:24:05,330
Why?
1732
01:24:05,665 --> 01:24:09,502
Because they're a full set of Lee Trevino.
1733
01:24:09,586 --> 01:24:11,046
Wooden heads.
1734
01:24:11,129 --> 01:24:15,717
So you're gonna shut the fuck up,
sit up here in the front seat,
1735
01:24:15,800 --> 01:24:18,303
and stop being such a fucking Mary.
1736
01:24:18,386 --> 01:24:19,554
[Mike] Are you fucking happy?
1737
01:24:19,637 --> 01:24:21,765
[Connor] That's good enough for me.
Let's go.
1738
01:24:25,894 --> 01:24:28,855
Jesus! Now, let me see
where you guys are sending us.
1739
01:24:29,397 --> 01:24:33,568
Um... Oh, for Chrissake! Memorial Hospital?
1740
01:24:33,651 --> 01:24:36,488
That's downtown LA. It's 100 miles, bud.
1741
01:24:36,571 --> 01:24:39,008
Yeah. Yeah, my wife's in labor.
She's having a baby. Let's go!
1742
01:24:39,032 --> 01:24:40,450
Wait a second. How old are you?
1743
01:24:41,034 --> 01:24:42,118
Fifty-one.
1744
01:24:42,202 --> 01:24:44,370
You still can fire a shot.
1745
01:24:44,871 --> 01:24:47,332
=That's very cool. I like that.
- [Jack] Thank you.
1746
01:24:47,916 --> 01:24:49,626
Dude, what rideshare did you call?
1747
01:24:49,709 --> 01:24:52,504
- I could call another driver.
- I speak English.
1748
01:24:53,755 --> 01:24:56,716
♪ Splish splash, I was takin' a bath ♪
1749
01:24:56,800 --> 01:24:58,885
♪ 'Long about a Saturday night ♪
1750
01:25:00,512 --> 01:25:03,098
♪ Rub dub, just relaxing in the tub ♪
1751
01:25:03,598 --> 01:25:05,600
♪ Thinkin' everything was all right ♪
1752
01:25:06,518 --> 01:25:09,854
♪ Then, I stepped out the tub
Put my feet on the floor ♪
1753
01:25:10,480 --> 01:25:13,316
♪ Wrapped my towel around me
I opened the door ♪
1754
01:25:13,399 --> 01:25:16,986
♪ And then a splish splash
I jumped back in the bath ♪
1755
01:25:17,070 --> 01:25:20,198
♪ How was I to know
There was a party going on? ♪
1756
01:25:20,949 --> 01:25:25,995
♪ Bing bang, I saw the whole gang
Dancing on my living room rug ♪
1757
01:25:27,413 --> 01:25:29,666
♪ Flip flop, they was doing the bop... ♪
1758
01:25:29,749 --> 01:25:32,043
Goddamn it, you fucking whore!
1759
01:25:32,127 --> 01:25:33,253
[car horn honking]
1760
01:25:34,254 --> 01:25:37,090
[Richie] Ugh! What a fucking sewer.
1761
01:25:37,173 --> 01:25:39,634
That's why I left this goddamn city.
1762
01:25:39,717 --> 01:25:44,347
Every blond-headed dipshit with a dream
has to come all the way down here,
1763
01:25:44,430 --> 01:25:49,978
suck dick to host
a fucking game show. [laughing]
1764
01:25:50,603 --> 01:25:52,522
Richie, I'm gonna miss
the birth of my kid.
1765
01:25:52,605 --> 01:25:53,940
Oh, who gives a shit, bud?
1766
01:25:54,774 --> 01:25:57,360
You know where I was
when my rotten kid was born?
1767
01:25:57,443 --> 01:25:59,112
I was down the street in a bar.
1768
01:25:59,779 --> 01:26:03,366
Having a beer, eating fried clams,
'cause that's the way it went then.
1769
01:26:03,449 --> 01:26:05,034
- [car horn honking]
- [man] Let's go!
1770
01:26:05,118 --> 01:26:08,121
Richie, can we make
a fucking U-turn or something here?
1771
01:26:08,204 --> 01:26:11,791
I've been trying to make U-turns
since I was 36 years old, bud.
1772
01:26:11,875 --> 01:26:12,917
Can't be done!
1773
01:26:14,002 --> 01:26:16,921
I'll tell you, the biggest mistake
I ever made in my life was...
1774
01:26:17,005 --> 01:26:20,425
- [thud]
- You fudge-packing asshole!
1775
01:26:20,508 --> 01:26:24,804
Oh fuck, it's a parade!
Please go right ahead!
1776
01:26:26,514 --> 01:26:32,979
When is the last time you ever saw
one of those bastards obey a stop sign?
1777
01:26:33,062 --> 01:26:34,898
[pensive music playing]
1778
01:26:43,406 --> 01:26:44,741
Where are you going? Wait.
1779
01:26:44,824 --> 01:26:46,826
- Hey, Jack! What are you do...
- Jack. Jack.
1780
01:26:46,910 --> 01:26:50,330
- Fuck. Zero stars, Richie. Zero stars!
- [car horn honking]
1781
01:26:51,331 --> 01:26:53,416
Go dodge a draft, asshole!
1782
01:26:55,376 --> 01:26:57,921
Oh, that's a good idea.
That's a good idea, Jack.
1783
01:26:58,004 --> 01:26:59,881
- What do I do?
- Just take the picture.
1784
01:26:59,964 --> 01:27:01,804
- I took the picture. Am I good?
- You're good.
1785
01:27:01,883 --> 01:27:03,283
What are they? How do I work these?
1786
01:27:03,343 --> 01:27:06,596
[Connor] It's like a fucking skateboard.
Just push it. Go! It's electric!
1787
01:27:07,180 --> 01:27:08,389
- Get on.
- It's not going!
1788
01:27:08,473 --> 01:27:09,390
[Connor] Hit the thing!
1789
01:27:09,474 --> 01:27:10,892
- What thing?
- Hit the thing!
1790
01:27:10,975 --> 01:27:12,393
I got it! I got it! I got it!
1791
01:27:12,477 --> 01:27:13,770
Come on. Let's go!
1792
01:27:13,853 --> 01:27:15,664
- You know I got a flip phone?
- What the fuck?
1793
01:27:15,688 --> 01:27:17,690
What? I don't want
motherfuckers tracking me!
1794
01:27:17,774 --> 01:27:21,236
Man, nobody gives a shit where you are.
Get on! Come on! Come on!
1795
01:27:22,403 --> 01:27:23,696
Oh shit!
1796
01:27:24,239 --> 01:27:25,156
Easy!
1797
01:27:25,240 --> 01:27:26,574
- All right!
- [Connor] Christ!
1798
01:27:26,658 --> 01:27:30,245
Whoo! These things are awesome.
These fucking things are awesome!
1799
01:27:30,328 --> 01:27:32,372
[upbeat instrumental music playing]
1800
01:27:32,455 --> 01:27:33,331
[car horn honks]
1801
01:27:33,414 --> 01:27:34,666
Share the road!
1802
01:27:35,208 --> 01:27:37,043
- We're gonna lead! [laughs]
- Whoa! Whoa!
1803
01:27:37,126 --> 01:27:38,503
Whoo!
1804
01:27:38,586 --> 01:27:39,712
Whoo!
1805
01:27:39,796 --> 01:27:41,798
[upbeat instrumental music continues]
1806
01:27:50,682 --> 01:27:51,683
Go, go, go!
1807
01:27:55,937 --> 01:27:57,522
Maternity? Maternity?
1808
01:27:58,273 --> 01:27:59,273
Thank you.
1809
01:28:02,235 --> 01:28:03,235
Jack?
1810
01:28:04,988 --> 01:28:06,197
That's a good move.
1811
01:28:06,281 --> 01:28:08,116
[music fades]
1812
01:28:10,743 --> 01:28:11,743
I missed it?
1813
01:28:16,624 --> 01:28:19,419
I fucking missed it. I missed it.
1814
01:28:20,295 --> 01:28:22,088
Daddy!
1815
01:28:24,882 --> 01:28:26,050
Hey, buddy, how are you?
1816
01:28:26,134 --> 01:28:28,553
Daddy, I have a baby sister.
1817
01:28:29,429 --> 01:28:30,429
Yes, you do.
1818
01:28:30,972 --> 01:28:32,307
- [sobs]
- Are you crying?
1819
01:28:35,643 --> 01:28:37,145
[sobs] A little bit.
1820
01:28:37,770 --> 01:28:38,770
A little bit.
1821
01:28:39,522 --> 01:28:40,522
Why?
1822
01:28:40,565 --> 01:28:44,694
[sniffles] 'Cause I messed up, buddy.
I messed up. I messed up.
1823
01:28:46,779 --> 01:28:48,906
It's okay. Rub some dirt on it.
1824
01:28:50,074 --> 01:28:51,117
[chuckles]
1825
01:28:51,200 --> 01:28:54,579
Yeah, rub some dirt on it, right?
[sniffles] You're the best, buddy.
1826
01:28:55,330 --> 01:28:56,956
No, you're the best.
1827
01:28:57,040 --> 01:28:59,709
[tender music playing]
1828
01:29:01,294 --> 01:29:05,214
Jack, you wanna pull yourself together
and come meet your daughter?
1829
01:29:05,798 --> 01:29:06,798
Yeah.
1830
01:29:13,222 --> 01:29:15,141
- Hey, I got you these.
- [baby cries]
1831
01:29:18,478 --> 01:29:19,520
She's beautiful.
1832
01:29:20,688 --> 01:29:21,773
Here. Here, princess.
1833
01:29:21,856 --> 01:29:24,901
Just a second.
No skin-to-skin with the glitter.
1834
01:29:25,485 --> 01:29:26,819
Oh. Yeah, right.
1835
01:29:27,737 --> 01:29:29,577
Listen, Leah, I know
you're super pissed at me.
1836
01:29:29,614 --> 01:29:31,616
- And you have every right to be.
- [tape tearing]
1837
01:29:32,533 --> 01:29:34,702
Okay, but I want you to know
I love you to death.
1838
01:29:36,662 --> 01:29:40,792
And I'm so sorry I let things
get the way they did between us.
1839
01:29:41,417 --> 01:29:42,251
[sniffles]
1840
01:29:42,335 --> 01:29:46,005
I know I have a lot of work to do,
but I want you to know
1841
01:29:46,589 --> 01:29:48,633
I'm not gonna spread
my anger onto these kids,
1842
01:29:48,716 --> 01:29:50,676
and you're not gonna have
to deal with it anymore.
1843
01:29:50,760 --> 01:29:53,137
[tender music continues]
1844
01:29:53,221 --> 01:29:55,098
I'm going to get help, all right?
1845
01:29:57,183 --> 01:29:59,060
I'm seeking help from a professional.
1846
01:30:00,770 --> 01:30:04,273
And you came
to this realization at a strip club?
1847
01:30:06,651 --> 01:30:07,651
Yeah.
1848
01:30:08,736 --> 01:30:09,737
Yes, I did.
1849
01:30:12,490 --> 01:30:14,659
Probably another reason
I need to go to therapy.
1850
01:30:15,243 --> 01:30:16,494
- [sniffles]
- [nurse] Hmm.
1851
01:30:25,586 --> 01:30:27,906
For what it's worth,
I got my first appointment on Tuesday.
1852
01:30:32,844 --> 01:30:35,388
You're really lucky
we make beautiful babies.
1853
01:30:35,471 --> 01:30:36,514
[chuckles]
1854
01:30:37,223 --> 01:30:38,850
Yeah. Can I see her?
1855
01:30:39,517 --> 01:30:40,601
- Yeah.
- Okay.
1856
01:30:43,688 --> 01:30:46,482
- Meet your daddy.
- Hey, princess. Hey.
1857
01:30:47,108 --> 01:30:48,276
[baby coos]
1858
01:30:50,319 --> 01:30:53,030
Am I gonna have to move
the Kleenex to your side of the bed?
1859
01:30:53,114 --> 01:30:55,074
[chuckles] Yeah, probably.
1860
01:30:56,534 --> 01:30:57,534
Huh?
1861
01:30:57,577 --> 01:30:58,953
Look at those eyes.
1862
01:31:04,000 --> 01:31:06,085
Hey. Oh my God.
1863
01:31:08,212 --> 01:31:10,548
She's beautiful. Look at you.
1864
01:31:11,299 --> 01:31:12,967
What are we gonna call her?
1865
01:31:13,050 --> 01:31:15,303
- I was thinking...
- [Cara] Where's your fucking ring?
1866
01:31:15,386 --> 01:31:19,265
Oh yeah. It's probably somewhere,
like, in my lower intestine.
1867
01:31:19,348 --> 01:31:21,476
Your wedding ring
is inside your body right now?
1868
01:31:21,559 --> 01:31:23,394
- It's metal. It'll pass.
- [Connor] Yeah.
1869
01:31:23,478 --> 01:31:25,396
What the fuck, Connor?
1870
01:31:25,480 --> 01:31:29,108
Okay, okay, okay. Let's take that outside.
1871
01:31:29,192 --> 01:31:33,696
In fact, anyone who is not
an immediate member of the family, out.
1872
01:31:34,864 --> 01:31:35,864
[Mike] Here we go.
1873
01:31:37,325 --> 01:31:38,951
You guys made a beautiful baby.
1874
01:31:39,535 --> 01:31:40,703
Thank you, Mike.
1875
01:31:40,786 --> 01:31:41,913
So...
1876
01:31:43,831 --> 01:31:46,751
Is there anything you wanna tell me
about your little trip?
1877
01:31:48,336 --> 01:31:49,754
Nope. [inhales deeply]
1878
01:31:49,837 --> 01:31:51,214
I'm good. [exhales]
1879
01:31:52,340 --> 01:31:53,716
No more Hella Mike.
1880
01:31:55,927 --> 01:31:56,969
Who's Hella Mike?
1881
01:31:57,845 --> 01:31:59,138
I don't really know.
1882
01:32:00,515 --> 01:32:04,727
But I do know that he made some decisions
over the last 17 hours,
1883
01:32:04,810 --> 01:32:07,063
and I don't like how things turned out.
1884
01:32:07,813 --> 01:32:09,899
But just know that I love you and...
1885
01:32:10,691 --> 01:32:14,445
I mean, you know, there's a lot
of crazy shit going on in the news.
1886
01:32:15,196 --> 01:32:19,408
And it's not just the booze talking,
but I just fucking...
1887
01:32:21,619 --> 01:32:22,954
[Mike sighs]
1888
01:32:24,830 --> 01:32:25,830
Britney,
1889
01:32:26,457 --> 01:32:29,043
would you do me the honor
of becoming my bride?
1890
01:32:30,503 --> 01:32:33,506
Michael Jahim Richards.
1891
01:32:33,589 --> 01:32:36,926
I am not answering that question
in the middle of a hospital!
1892
01:32:37,635 --> 01:32:39,345
- [Mike] My bad.
- Get up! Jesus!
1893
01:32:39,428 --> 01:32:43,099
Get up! Come on! Take a shower!
Buy a ring! Show some effort!
1894
01:32:43,182 --> 01:32:45,393
At least take me
to Tony Roma's or something.
1895
01:32:47,645 --> 01:32:49,063
How about Ruth's Chris?
1896
01:32:51,190 --> 01:32:53,442
I mean, I do love Ruth's Chris.
1897
01:32:59,198 --> 01:33:02,952
- I'm just so sick of your fucking excuses.
- What? It's not an excuse, Cara.
1898
01:33:03,035 --> 01:33:06,956
I'm in actual fucking pain,
which is something you can't relate to
1899
01:33:07,039 --> 01:33:10,334
because you block it out
with your cold, reptilian mindset.
1900
01:33:12,795 --> 01:33:14,130
You think I'm cold?
1901
01:33:14,630 --> 01:33:16,340
Babe, when you open your legs,
1902
01:33:16,424 --> 01:33:18,759
I can actually hear
the East German National Anthem.
1903
01:33:18,843 --> 01:33:20,845
Ah! [chuckles]
1904
01:33:21,345 --> 01:33:23,222
Finally, a little fucking emotion!
1905
01:33:26,434 --> 01:33:29,186
Are you trying to tell me
you don't wanna be with me anymore?
1906
01:33:30,104 --> 01:33:31,814
No. No, babe.
1907
01:33:32,648 --> 01:33:36,360
I'm just telling you that I don't wanna
live my life this way anymore.
1908
01:33:36,902 --> 01:33:39,030
I would like to be less afraid of you.
1909
01:33:40,239 --> 01:33:43,409
You know, and maybe not have
every minute of my life scheduled.
1910
01:33:44,076 --> 01:33:47,246
I would also like to eat carbohydrates
every once in a while.
1911
01:33:47,330 --> 01:33:48,497
And speakin' of,
1912
01:33:49,123 --> 01:33:51,751
would an occasional blow job
fuckin' kill you?
1913
01:33:52,418 --> 01:33:53,418
No cap.
1914
01:33:57,673 --> 01:33:58,883
[gasps]
1915
01:33:59,842 --> 01:34:01,135
Did you fuckin' see that?
1916
01:34:01,969 --> 01:34:04,013
No cap! No cap! That means...
1917
01:34:04,639 --> 01:34:05,723
that means that's true!
1918
01:34:05,806 --> 01:34:07,099
Okay. Okay, Connor.
1919
01:34:07,183 --> 01:34:09,685
- No cap! No cap!
- [celebratory music playing]
1920
01:34:10,561 --> 01:34:12,313
For the record, it mean "no lie."
1921
01:34:12,396 --> 01:34:13,481
That's what I meant!
1922
01:34:14,523 --> 01:34:15,983
That's what I meant!
1923
01:34:16,609 --> 01:34:17,526
[music stops]
1924
01:34:17,610 --> 01:34:18,444
Oh fuck.
1925
01:34:18,527 --> 01:34:20,529
[instrumental rock music playing]
1926
01:34:22,406 --> 01:34:26,118
[Jack] This is the best part
of my day, every day. Still.
1927
01:34:26,827 --> 01:34:28,162
And things are better now.
1928
01:34:28,245 --> 01:34:30,539
We sent Nate to the local public school
1929
01:34:30,623 --> 01:34:34,293
and threw a ripper down at the VFW
that raised a shitload of money for it.
1930
01:34:34,377 --> 01:34:35,503
[cheering]
1931
01:34:35,586 --> 01:34:38,506
[Jack] I'm sure some of the programs
aren't at the private school level,
1932
01:34:38,589 --> 01:34:40,341
but they still play tackle football,
1933
01:34:40,424 --> 01:34:43,344
and you can pick your kids up
whenever the fuck you get there.
1934
01:34:44,553 --> 01:34:46,931
We never did get
our two hours with Doctor Lois.
1935
01:34:47,473 --> 01:34:50,184
Turns out she was embezzling
all that money we raised for the school
1936
01:34:50,267 --> 01:34:51,852
to keep her creditors at bay.
1937
01:34:52,436 --> 01:34:54,438
{\an8}But at the end of the day,
she's a white woman,
1938
01:34:54,522 --> 01:34:55,940
{\an8}so she's not going to jail.
1939
01:34:56,440 --> 01:34:57,900
{\an8}She'll probably get a book deal.
1940
01:34:58,401 --> 01:35:02,071
{\an8}Meanwhile, that crazy Ed Cameron
finally figured himself out.
1941
01:35:02,154 --> 01:35:03,406
{\an8}He came out of the closet
1942
01:35:03,489 --> 01:35:06,325
{\an8}and ended up marrying
the cute old guy from Judas Priest.
1943
01:35:07,785 --> 01:35:10,371
{\an8}Mike sued the owners of Trifecta
for age discrimination,
1944
01:35:10,454 --> 01:35:12,248
{\an8}and we got some of our equity back.
1945
01:35:13,499 --> 01:35:15,167
Connor blew his share on a neck lift.
1946
01:35:15,918 --> 01:35:16,836
Nice!
1947
01:35:16,919 --> 01:35:20,005
[Jack] Life is good.
And I've been in therapy, doin' the work.
1948
01:35:21,048 --> 01:35:23,384
Leah says she's seen a noticeable change.
1949
01:35:23,884 --> 01:35:26,387
I don't let things get to me
the way they used to.
1950
01:35:26,470 --> 01:35:27,722
[man] Excuse me. Sir.
1951
01:35:28,723 --> 01:35:30,099
You really think that's smart?
1952
01:35:30,182 --> 01:35:32,935
Throwin' a ball around like that
with a baby strapped to your chest?
1953
01:35:39,483 --> 01:35:41,193
You know what?
I didn't even think of that.
1954
01:35:41,277 --> 01:35:43,320
Thank you for that information.
I appreciate it.
1955
01:35:44,071 --> 01:35:45,781
Yeah, absolutely.
1956
01:35:48,993 --> 01:35:50,161
[Jack] Have a nice day.
1957
01:35:51,996 --> 01:35:53,038
Fuckin' asshole.
1958
01:35:53,789 --> 01:35:56,208
["Apeman" by The Kinks playing]
1959
01:36:01,964 --> 01:36:03,591
♪ I think I'm sophisticated... ♪
1960
01:36:03,674 --> 01:36:05,760
[Jack] Come on, buddy. Nice throw.
1961
01:36:05,843 --> 01:36:07,845
- [loud thud]
- [music stops]
1962
01:36:09,513 --> 01:36:11,891
Holy shit. You all right, buddy?
1963
01:36:12,475 --> 01:36:14,310
["Apeman" resumes playing]
1964
01:36:15,060 --> 01:36:16,187
[Jack] Just walk it off.
1965
01:36:22,193 --> 01:36:23,861
♪ I think I'm sophisticated ♪
1966
01:36:23,944 --> 01:36:26,864
♪ 'Cause I'm living my life
Like a good homosapien... ♪
1967
01:36:26,947 --> 01:36:30,326
[Jack] All right, let's try to get
ten in a row here. That was crazy, huh?
1968
01:36:30,409 --> 01:36:31,869
♪ Everybody's multiplying ♪
1969
01:36:31,952 --> 01:36:34,205
♪ And they're walking round
Like flies, man... ♪
1970
01:36:36,165 --> 01:36:38,501
[Jack] Nice throw!
Nice throw! There you go.
1971
01:36:38,584 --> 01:36:40,878
♪ Sitting in their cages
In the zoo, man... ♪
1972
01:36:40,961 --> 01:36:42,546
[Jack] Another nice throw. Right here.
1973
01:36:43,422 --> 01:36:45,174
Gets the ball over to first base!
1974
01:36:45,257 --> 01:36:47,134
♪ I am an apeman ♪
1975
01:36:47,718 --> 01:36:50,888
♪ I think I'm so educated
And I'm so civilized ♪
1976
01:36:50,971 --> 01:36:53,140
♪ 'Cause I'm a strict vegetarian ♪
1977
01:36:54,141 --> 01:36:57,353
♪ But with the over-population
And inflation and starvation ♪
1978
01:36:57,436 --> 01:36:59,772
♪ And the crazy politicians ♪
1979
01:37:00,815 --> 01:37:03,984
♪ I don't feel safe in this world
No more ♪
1980
01:37:04,068 --> 01:37:07,071
♪ I don't want to die in a nuclear war ♪
1981
01:37:07,154 --> 01:37:10,282
♪ I want to sail away to a distant shore ♪
1982
01:37:10,366 --> 01:37:12,409
♪ And make like an apeman ♪
1983
01:37:13,661 --> 01:37:17,873
♪ I'm an apeman, I'm an ape apeman
No, I'm an apeman ♪
1984
01:37:19,625 --> 01:37:22,670
♪ I'm a King Kong man, I'm a voodoo man ♪
1985
01:37:22,753 --> 01:37:24,338
♪ No, I'm an apeman ♪
1986
01:37:26,048 --> 01:37:29,426
♪ 'Cause compared to the sun
That sits in the sky ♪
1987
01:37:29,510 --> 01:37:32,555
♪ Compared to the clouds as they roll by ♪
1988
01:37:32,638 --> 01:37:36,016
♪ Compared to the bugs
And the spiders and flies ♪
1989
01:37:36,100 --> 01:37:38,018
♪ I am an apeman ♪
1990
01:37:43,732 --> 01:37:45,651
[music fades]
1991
01:37:47,236 --> 01:37:48,988
[Bill Burr] Oh, Jesus.
1992
01:37:50,656 --> 01:37:52,616
[instrumental rock music playing]
1993
01:40:10,504 --> 01:40:12,506
[instrumental rock music fades]
1994
01:40:13,966 --> 01:40:15,968
[instrumental ethereal music playing]
1995
01:42:04,993 --> 01:42:06,745
[instrumental ethereal music fades]