1
00:00:22,857 --> 00:00:24,859
[electric guitar note plays]
2
00:00:28,071 --> 00:00:29,906
[instrumental rock music playing]
3
00:00:54,639 --> 00:00:57,475
[man 1] This is the best part
of my day, every day.
4
00:00:58,017 --> 00:01:02,271
I always wanted to be a dad.
It just took 46 years for it to happen.
5
00:01:02,897 --> 00:01:05,817
When people ask me why,
I tell 'em to fuck off.
6
00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:08,903
Or I just say
I hadn't met the right woman yet.
7
00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:12,156
Ah, there she is. Leah.
8
00:01:12,698 --> 00:01:15,701
Got the second one in the oven,
and she still looks great.
9
00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:17,954
According to her,
the reason I got such a late start
10
00:01:17,954 --> 00:01:20,081
is because I had an unhappy childhood.
11
00:01:21,499 --> 00:01:23,251
But I'm not gonna whine about it.
12
00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:24,669
That's what vegans do.
13
00:01:25,253 --> 00:01:27,004
I'm just gonna make sure
my kids are prepared
14
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for whatever this world has to offer.
15
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[boy screaming]
16
00:01:31,509 --> 00:01:32,510
[man 2] Slow down.
17
00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:36,597
[man 1] Unfortunately, I have no idea
what that is anymore.
18
00:01:37,098 --> 00:01:39,225
For some reason,
I can't leave my kid in the car
19
00:01:39,225 --> 00:01:41,018
to run into a convenience store,
20
00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:44,230
but that same store
can sell him food so full of hormones
21
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he'll be able to grow a beard
by the third grade.
22
00:01:47,942 --> 00:01:48,985
But nobody gives a shit
23
00:01:48,985 --> 00:01:51,529
because they're too busy
jerking off to Internet porn.
24
00:01:52,113 --> 00:01:53,030
Buddy.
25
00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:55,366
- What do you say there, Jackie boy?
- [boy screaming]
26
00:01:55,366 --> 00:01:57,034
- Oh, you motherfucking--
- You're up.
27
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Goddamn.
I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch!
28
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[boy continues screaming]
29
00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:03,291
Hey! Give me the stick!
Give me the stick! Give me the stick!
30
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:08,129
Hey, buddy. What happened? You all right?
31
00:02:08,129 --> 00:02:10,298
Colin pushed me.
32
00:02:10,298 --> 00:02:11,799
Yeah, I know he did.
33
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:14,427
I told you if you play rough,
rough things are gonna happen, right?
34
00:02:14,427 --> 00:02:16,762
- Here, let me see.
- [man 2] Colin, give me the stick!
35
00:02:16,762 --> 00:02:19,557
Ah, that's not so bad.
Just rub some dirt on it, buddy.
36
00:02:21,559 --> 00:02:22,518
There you go.
37
00:02:23,144 --> 00:02:26,105
You might wanna get him checked
or at least put a little Neosporin on it.
38
00:02:26,105 --> 00:02:27,481
That thing could get infected.
39
00:02:29,442 --> 00:02:31,611
- Who are you?
- I'm, uh, Hunter Lewis.
40
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Lisa's husband.
Just moved in across the street.
41
00:02:33,529 --> 00:02:34,530
Thanks for having me.
42
00:02:34,530 --> 00:02:37,241
Oh, yeah? Are you a doctor,
or are you just one of those WebMD guys?
43
00:02:37,241 --> 00:02:39,493
It's just common knowledge.
You wanna keep the cut clean.
44
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:42,663
Oh, is it? Listen, I'm trying to raise
a little man here, not a fucking pussy.
45
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:43,998
So I appreciate your concern.
46
00:02:43,998 --> 00:02:46,209
But why don't you just go back
to your hard seltzer
47
00:02:46,209 --> 00:02:49,295
and, you know, go on Twitter and go share
the story where you're the hero?
48
00:02:51,255 --> 00:02:52,215
[Hunter] Okay.
49
00:02:52,715 --> 00:02:54,717
Daddy, you said a bad word.
50
00:02:54,717 --> 00:02:57,553
Yeah, I know I did, buddy.
Sometimes you have to, all right?
51
00:02:57,553 --> 00:03:01,015
Don't tell your mother. She'll kill me.
I love you. Come on. Let's get up.
52
00:03:01,015 --> 00:03:02,934
[man 2] Hang on, Jack! Hang on! Hang on!
53
00:03:02,934 --> 00:03:04,227
[panting]
54
00:03:04,227 --> 00:03:06,354
Colin's got something
he wants to say to you, kid.
55
00:03:06,354 --> 00:03:07,772
But, Dad, he pushed me first--
56
00:03:07,772 --> 00:03:09,941
Hey, no, no, no. I don't care. Okay?
57
00:03:09,941 --> 00:03:12,526
You don't hit somebody with a stick.
We don't hit our friends.
58
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:15,404
Let's apologize now.
Say you're sorry to Nate. Come on.
59
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[screaming] No!
60
00:03:16,447 --> 00:03:18,741
- [man 2] Hey, come on. Don't cry.
- [screaming continues]
61
00:03:18,741 --> 00:03:20,701
Come on. It's okay, buddy.
Say you're sorry.
62
00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:23,412
I'm just asking you to apologize.
You don't gotta freak out.
63
00:03:23,412 --> 00:03:25,623
- Hey, buddy. Ah, shit.
- [screaming] No!
64
00:03:25,623 --> 00:03:28,251
Okay, okay. What is going on?
Why is he screaming?
65
00:03:28,251 --> 00:03:30,753
Because he hit Nate with a stick,
and I told him to apologize.
66
00:03:30,753 --> 00:03:31,796
[fingers snap]
67
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:39,637
What you're feeling now
is what you're feeling, okay?
68
00:03:41,764 --> 00:03:43,057
Let it out.
69
00:03:44,058 --> 00:03:46,018
[Colin screaming]
70
00:03:46,018 --> 00:03:49,021
- I don't think that--
- [woman 1] I don't need you to think now.
71
00:03:49,021 --> 00:03:51,357
You need to respect your son's autonomy
72
00:03:51,357 --> 00:03:53,693
and really let him process
how crossing this boundary
73
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is affecting his ever-evolving moral code.
74
00:03:56,821 --> 00:03:58,406
I want my stick!
75
00:03:58,406 --> 00:04:00,408
[fingers snap] Stick, where is it?
76
00:04:00,992 --> 00:04:01,909
It's...
77
00:04:03,703 --> 00:04:06,289
Jack. How's Nate doing in school?
78
00:04:06,289 --> 00:04:09,834
Great, you know. He's comin' along.
Uh, how's your little one doing?
79
00:04:09,834 --> 00:04:12,211
He's great. He's perfect.
80
00:04:15,047 --> 00:04:15,923
Yeah?
81
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:20,886
Come on, bro. I...
82
00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:23,889
- [Colin] No!
- Hey, hey, hey!
83
00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:24,849
Jesus!
84
00:04:24,849 --> 00:04:27,518
I'm gonna murder you. I swear to God.
Let's go get a drink. Come on.
85
00:04:28,144 --> 00:04:31,147
- How fucking sad is that?
- He did it to himself.
86
00:04:31,147 --> 00:04:32,231
[Jack] Yes, he did.
87
00:04:32,231 --> 00:04:34,025
- [Colin] No!
- [Connor] Come on, stop it.
88
00:04:34,025 --> 00:04:37,403
Did you see that? That kid is a maniac.
89
00:04:37,403 --> 00:04:38,612
Yeah, he's a lunatic.
90
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,656
I'm gonna say something to Cara.
It's too much.
91
00:04:40,656 --> 00:04:42,241
No, no, no. Don't say anything.
92
00:04:42,241 --> 00:04:44,702
I'm not gonna freak out on her.
I'm just gonna talk to her.
93
00:04:44,702 --> 00:04:48,539
- Like, mom to mom. It's what moms do.
- Mike, should she say something?
94
00:04:49,123 --> 00:04:50,791
Three cardinal rules of friendship.
95
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:53,085
Don't bring up politics.
Don't bring up religion.
96
00:04:53,085 --> 00:04:55,880
And don't try to tell people
how to raise their kids.
97
00:04:56,464 --> 00:05:00,009
Oh, I'm sorry, Mike. I didn't realize
you had your own daytime talk show.
98
00:05:01,469 --> 00:05:03,220
Harvard. Duke.
99
00:05:03,721 --> 00:05:06,182
Girlfriend, ex-wife.
100
00:05:08,184 --> 00:05:10,895
- It's kinda airtight, honey.
- Mmm, kind of. Not really.
101
00:05:12,063 --> 00:05:12,897
[chuckles]
102
00:05:12,897 --> 00:05:14,190
What'd she mean by that?
103
00:05:14,899 --> 00:05:16,525
Uh, she's just breaking your balls.
104
00:05:16,525 --> 00:05:18,361
Look, we're happy for you guys.
105
00:05:18,361 --> 00:05:21,322
We're wondering when you're gonna make
an honest woman out of Britney.
106
00:05:21,322 --> 00:05:24,867
I told you. She doesn't wanna get married.
She doesn't wanna have kids.
107
00:05:25,451 --> 00:05:29,080
All she wants to do
is fuck me and go to the gym.
108
00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:32,291
Goddamn, Mike.
You found a fucking unicorn.
109
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:35,378
[Colin screams]
110
00:05:35,378 --> 00:05:37,963
["You've Got Another Thing Comin'"
by Judas Priest playing]
111
00:05:39,173 --> 00:05:40,049
[Jack] What?
112
00:05:41,217 --> 00:05:42,426
It's a team sport.
113
00:05:45,721 --> 00:05:46,597
You okay, buddy?
114
00:05:47,890 --> 00:05:51,477
♪ One life, I'm gonna live it up ♪
115
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:58,651
♪ I'm takin' flight
I said, I'll never get enough ♪
116
00:06:01,779 --> 00:06:05,783
♪ Stand tall, I'm young and kinda proud... ♪
117
00:06:05,783 --> 00:06:09,286
[Jack] This is the company
my friends and I started 23 years ago.
118
00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:11,497
We make high-end throwback jerseys.
119
00:06:11,497 --> 00:06:13,582
But I got talked into selling the company
120
00:06:13,582 --> 00:06:16,335
so I could afford
to send my son to private school,
121
00:06:16,335 --> 00:06:18,838
where all the kids are dressed
like fucking news anchors.
122
00:06:19,338 --> 00:06:23,092
Goes against everything I believe in,
but I'd do anything for my kid.
123
00:06:23,092 --> 00:06:24,677
Dude, what are you doing?
124
00:06:25,761 --> 00:06:28,222
You look like
you just ran over a dog. Come on.
125
00:06:28,806 --> 00:06:30,266
It's a great fucking day for us.
126
00:06:30,266 --> 00:06:31,350
Is it?
127
00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:35,771
We're about to become
employees of our own company.
128
00:06:35,771 --> 00:06:39,442
Jack, selling a business
and the owner staying on
129
00:06:39,442 --> 00:06:42,778
is older than discovering
a country that already has people.
130
00:06:42,778 --> 00:06:43,737
There you go.
131
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:47,283
Not to mention, the time to complain
was before we signed the deal.
132
00:06:47,283 --> 00:06:50,077
- I did complain about it.
- Yeah, but you complain about everything.
133
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:51,412
[Jack] Oh, I do not.
134
00:06:52,538 --> 00:06:54,874
Relax. It's gonna be great.
135
00:06:54,874 --> 00:06:57,626
Well, that's easy for you to say.
You're home free.
136
00:06:57,626 --> 00:06:59,628
Yeah, that's true.
You got no more child support.
137
00:06:59,628 --> 00:07:01,422
- You got college taken care of.
- Yeah.
138
00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:04,383
What are gonna do now?
Airbnb your kids' rooms, you cheap prick?
139
00:07:04,383 --> 00:07:05,843
- [Jack laughs]
- [sarcastic laughter]
140
00:07:05,843 --> 00:07:08,846
Laugh now, motherfuckers, but wait
till you see what I got coming next.
141
00:07:08,846 --> 00:07:10,473
Yeah, we'll see. We'll see.
142
00:07:11,223 --> 00:07:12,725
What's up, party people?
143
00:07:13,309 --> 00:07:15,227
- [Jack] Morning, everyone!
- [woman] Morning, guys.
144
00:07:15,227 --> 00:07:16,145
[woman 2] Morning.
145
00:07:16,145 --> 00:07:18,314
Monica, what's poppin', girl?
146
00:07:18,314 --> 00:07:19,356
Good morning, Connor.
147
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:23,152
Yo, you happen to check
that new joint from Lil Baby
148
00:07:23,152 --> 00:07:24,487
dropped on Twitter last night?
149
00:07:24,487 --> 00:07:26,572
- [Monica] No.
- What? Boom. Come on. Pound it out.
150
00:07:26,572 --> 00:07:28,157
Ah, it's okay. Thanks.
151
00:07:29,909 --> 00:07:32,203
- Oh God.
- [Mike] There he goes again.
152
00:07:32,203 --> 00:07:34,663
Don't sleep on Lil Baby,
on any of the babies.
153
00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:37,374
I heard Big Baby got something
coming out too. It's gonna be fire.
154
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:38,292
Big Baby?
155
00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:40,586
[Connor] Yeah, you... you peep him yet?
156
00:07:41,212 --> 00:07:42,546
I don't believe I have, no.
157
00:07:42,546 --> 00:07:44,131
What? He's fleek.
158
00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:47,885
- Oh.
- Yeah, he's on fleek. Flickity-fleek.
159
00:07:47,885 --> 00:07:49,512
- [chuckles]
- [Mike] Connor, come on.
160
00:07:49,512 --> 00:07:52,306
- Aight. Gotta bounce.
- [Monica] Okay.
161
00:07:52,306 --> 00:07:54,099
- One love. One love, girl.
- Okay. Okay.
162
00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:55,392
[Connor] One love, y'all.
163
00:07:58,562 --> 00:08:00,356
You know,
she's never gonna think you're cool.
164
00:08:00,356 --> 00:08:03,067
I am cool, Jack. I'm sorry
that you feel threatened by that.
165
00:08:03,067 --> 00:08:04,735
Oh, I think everybody's threatened by it.
166
00:08:04,735 --> 00:08:07,821
All right, you two, lock it down.
We gotta impress this dude.
167
00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:10,324
Wait. By "this dude,"
168
00:08:10,324 --> 00:08:12,993
you mean the douchebag
half our age we now work for?
169
00:08:13,911 --> 00:08:16,080
I don't know, Jack.
If I were you, I'd give him a chance.
170
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:19,333
I hear Aspen has
a real collaborative leadership style.
171
00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:21,168
That guy?
172
00:08:22,253 --> 00:08:24,672
He looks like
he's in a musical about janitors.
173
00:08:24,672 --> 00:08:27,174
[Mike] Play nice, Jack.
The new owners love him.
174
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:30,219
And if we wanna get paid,
we gotta keep our jobs.
175
00:08:30,219 --> 00:08:33,013
Gentlemen. What an honor.
176
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:33,973
Aspen Bell.
177
00:08:33,973 --> 00:08:35,391
- Mike.
- Uh-huh.
178
00:08:35,391 --> 00:08:38,227
- Hey! Connor.
- Oh! I'm gonna get some of that? Ah!
179
00:08:38,227 --> 00:08:40,521
- Jack. Good.
- Hey, how are you? That's all right.
180
00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:44,066
Okay. Uh, guys.
Yeah, have a seat. Get comfortable.
181
00:08:44,984 --> 00:08:48,946
Wow! The trifecta behind Trifecta.
182
00:08:49,822 --> 00:08:51,782
This is some broad shoulders
to stand on, boys.
183
00:08:51,782 --> 00:08:53,200
Let's get right to it.
184
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:56,870
Look, this is your company, right?
185
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:57,871
You built it.
186
00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:01,959
And I want you to know that I respect
the shit out of what you've done here.
187
00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:04,336
I mean, come on, throwback jerseys?
188
00:09:04,336 --> 00:09:08,132
{\an8}You didn't just start the trend.
You perfected it.
189
00:09:08,132 --> 00:09:10,175
The breathability of this fabric.
190
00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:12,636
Must have been sewn by the gods.
191
00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:15,931
Actually, it was sewn together
by some hardworking women in Koreatown.
192
00:09:15,931 --> 00:09:16,974
[Mike clears throat]
193
00:09:17,808 --> 00:09:20,102
But, uh, thank you.
We're, uh, very proud of it.
194
00:09:20,102 --> 00:09:21,061
And you should be.
195
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,939
You should be very proud
of everything that you've done here.
196
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:28,444
And I want you to know
that my door will always be open to you.
197
00:09:28,444 --> 00:09:32,323
But I'm gonna break some eggs
because I'm a disruptor.
198
00:09:32,323 --> 00:09:33,490
It's in my DNA.
199
00:09:34,992 --> 00:09:35,993
What does that mean?
200
00:09:35,993 --> 00:09:37,870
It means that we're gonna pivot.
201
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:41,790
This company is now a gender-neutral,
carbon-neutral,
202
00:09:41,790 --> 00:09:44,084
21st-century lifestyle apparel brand.
203
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:49,089
And the first step in that is
to liberate everyone born before 1988.
204
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:51,717
[woman] For what? All of us?
205
00:09:53,135 --> 00:09:56,472
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the fuck?
That's, like, half the company.
206
00:09:56,472 --> 00:09:59,099
- [Mike] Calm down, man.
- [Jack] You calm down.
207
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:02,061
- [man] Let's go.
- Damien's 35? Goddamn, he looks good.
208
00:10:02,561 --> 00:10:05,981
Hey, what happened to two weeks' notice?
You can't just kick 'em out.
209
00:10:05,981 --> 00:10:06,940
Don't touch me.
210
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,360
These people put their hearts and souls
into this business.
211
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:13,906
And we signed them up for Zip Recruiter.
They're gonna have a new job in no time.
212
00:10:13,906 --> 00:10:17,493
Look, we are living in an exponential era.
213
00:10:17,493 --> 00:10:18,410
Hmm.
214
00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:22,331
Jack, change and growth,
these things happen faster than they did
215
00:10:22,331 --> 00:10:23,874
when you were young.
216
00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:25,334
I mean, look at me.
217
00:10:25,334 --> 00:10:28,253
I'm 28 years old, and I've already worked
for 15 different start-ups.
218
00:10:29,755 --> 00:10:32,466
- Is that something you wanna brag about?
- [Aspen] Absolutely.
219
00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:35,678
Success does not care
about the way that you feel.
220
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:38,806
I want people to come in here
with a smile on their face,
221
00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:41,892
but I need them
to have Kevlar in their souls.
222
00:10:42,935 --> 00:10:44,311
If that's too much to ask,
223
00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:46,563
then I don't care
how long you've been here.
224
00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:48,899
You're gonna be out the door.
225
00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:51,527
Is that a threat?
226
00:10:51,527 --> 00:10:53,946
No, no. It's just transparent leadership.
227
00:10:54,905 --> 00:10:56,365
Look, I care about you.
228
00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:59,827
In fact, there is this woman
I would love for you to go see.
229
00:10:59,827 --> 00:11:03,372
She's an old friend of my mom.
She has had a lot of success
230
00:11:03,956 --> 00:11:10,212
helping people in your situation
to restrain their aggressive tendencies.
231
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,841
You want me to go see a shrink?
232
00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:15,509
I appreciate you.
233
00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:21,223
"I appreciate you." "I appreciate you."
234
00:11:21,807 --> 00:11:24,268
Fucking sociopath hipster douche.
235
00:11:24,268 --> 00:11:26,228
Gonna threaten me
in my own goddamn building?
236
00:11:26,228 --> 00:11:28,772
I'll fucking knock you out,
throw you in a bag of laundry,
237
00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:30,858
and they'll never fucking see you again.
238
00:11:31,942 --> 00:11:33,819
- Oh my God!
- [car horn honks]
239
00:11:33,819 --> 00:11:35,487
Come on! I'm gonna be late.
240
00:11:36,655 --> 00:11:38,157
Just fucking sitting there.
241
00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:43,036
Oh, look at this fucking asshole.
242
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:47,583
Fucking 30-year-old man riding a kids' toy
right in the middle of the fucking street!
243
00:11:47,583 --> 00:11:49,334
- [car horn honks]
- Get over!
244
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:54,006
What's he doing now? Is he freestyling?
Is he making a YouTube video?
245
00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:57,843
Oh my God!
How fucking self-involved are you?
246
00:11:57,843 --> 00:11:59,303
[car horn honking]
247
00:11:59,303 --> 00:12:00,387
Share the road!
248
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:01,597
Hey, I agree!
249
00:12:01,597 --> 00:12:04,808
So, why don't you get up onto
the fucking sidewalk where you belong?
250
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:09,480
Oh, is that for me?
Oh, you a tough guy now, huh? Huh?
251
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:10,898
- [tires squeal]
- [car horn honks]
252
00:12:10,898 --> 00:12:13,776
Where you going,
you little cocksucker, huh?
253
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:18,947
What?
254
00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:23,243
When was the last time you saw
one of those bastards stop at a stop sign?
255
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:27,080
Then they get hit and frost the thing
like some unforeseen tragedy happened.
256
00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:29,166
Am I wrong?
257
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,043
Yes.
258
00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:33,754
Toxic.
259
00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:42,262
[Jack] Oh, look at this. Of course.
260
00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:43,764
Unbelievable.
261
00:12:43,764 --> 00:12:46,475
500 people come here every day,
and they got 20 fucking spots.
262
00:12:46,475 --> 00:12:48,811
How much money do you have to pay
to get a parking lot?
263
00:12:50,354 --> 00:12:51,647
What does that say?
264
00:12:51,647 --> 00:12:54,024
I'm not reading all that fucking shit.
265
00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:57,069
Eh, fuck it. Be in and out.
266
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:04,159
So, you are reading
to your kids every night?
267
00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:05,494
[woman] Uh, we do 17--
268
00:13:05,494 --> 00:13:07,412
Oh, excuse me. Excuse me, sir?
269
00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:08,330
Yeah?
270
00:13:08,330 --> 00:13:11,708
- You were late for pickup.
- I'm sorry. There was no parking spots.
271
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:16,630
- Daddy! Daddy!
- Nate! Hey, little buddy.
272
00:13:16,630 --> 00:13:18,841
Ah! What's up?
273
00:13:19,508 --> 00:13:20,801
What's up?
274
00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:23,011
- I've missed you, man.
- Me too.
275
00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:24,805
- How was school?
- [Nate] Good.
276
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:29,101
- You were late for pickup.
- Yeah, I told you I couldn't find a spot.
277
00:13:29,852 --> 00:13:31,728
I'm sorry. We don't accept excuses.
278
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:34,898
Wasn't an excuse. Just what happened.
279
00:13:34,898 --> 00:13:37,359
Plus, I was only, like,
two minutes late, right, buddy?
280
00:13:37,359 --> 00:13:39,820
- Have you read the school guidebook?
- Yep.
281
00:13:45,909 --> 00:13:46,743
What?
282
00:13:47,244 --> 00:13:49,371
It's a dollar
for every minute you're late.
283
00:13:49,955 --> 00:13:50,998
Of course it is.
284
00:13:52,124 --> 00:13:53,041
Okay.
285
00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:58,839
- Here's five bucks. It's all I got.
- Oh, no. The first violation is free.
286
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:03,385
Really? Well, why didn't you tell me that
before I put my kid down?
287
00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:07,389
Well, if you'd actually read the guidebook
instead of just saying you did,
288
00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:09,182
I wouldn't have to tell you anything.
289
00:14:10,642 --> 00:14:13,186
- Is there, like, a problem here, miss?
- Well, actually--
290
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:14,605
If you have some issue with me,
291
00:14:14,605 --> 00:14:17,065
you take me aside in private,
and you talk to me.
292
00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:19,151
You don't dress me down
in front of my kid.
293
00:14:19,151 --> 00:14:21,361
I'm paying you to educate my son,
not me, okay?
294
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:24,364
Oh. Well, we here
at Little Hearts and Minds
295
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:27,284
believe that education
extends into the home.
296
00:14:27,284 --> 00:14:28,869
Oh, do you? Fantastic.
297
00:14:28,869 --> 00:14:32,205
And once again, you'd know that
if you'd picked up the guidebook and--
298
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:34,917
Jesus Christ!
I read the goddamn fucking guidebook!
299
00:14:34,917 --> 00:14:36,752
All right, you stumpy little cunt?
300
00:14:38,253 --> 00:14:39,504
Wow!
301
00:14:41,256 --> 00:14:42,424
Oh my God.
302
00:14:46,762 --> 00:14:47,596
Let's go, Nate.
303
00:14:48,639 --> 00:14:50,474
[Nate] Daddy, what's a cunt?
304
00:14:50,474 --> 00:14:53,560
[Jack] Somebody that gives you shit
for being two seconds late for pickup.
305
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:54,478
How you doing?
306
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,774
Okay, buddy, we're home.
Now what are we gonna do?
307
00:14:58,774 --> 00:15:01,652
[Nate] Forget what happened
and finish my ice cream.
308
00:15:01,652 --> 00:15:02,945
[Jack] That's right.
309
00:15:05,989 --> 00:15:07,491
Hey, buddy, was that good?
310
00:15:08,033 --> 00:15:10,702
Ah, you're the best. Here.
Let's get you cleaned up real quick.
311
00:15:10,702 --> 00:15:13,664
Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh.
Doop-doop-doop-doop-doop.
312
00:15:13,664 --> 00:15:14,957
Yep, okay, cool.
313
00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:19,127
All right. Nothing but happiness
when we go in there, okay? Awesome.
314
00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:20,337
Mommy!
315
00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:23,423
Well, hey! How are you, buddy?
316
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:26,468
- Hey, how was your meeting, honey?
- Oh, it was good! How was pickup?
317
00:15:26,468 --> 00:15:28,595
[Jack] Oh, it was great,
smooth, uneventful.
318
00:15:29,096 --> 00:15:31,098
Hey, you wanna go watch Puppy Dog Pals?
319
00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:33,934
- Puppy Dog Pals!
- Puppy Dog Pals. Yay!
320
00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:35,352
[Leah clears throat] Jack.
321
00:15:36,478 --> 00:15:40,232
Uneventful? I just got off the phone
with Doctor Lois Shmieckel-Turner.
322
00:15:40,983 --> 00:15:41,817
Oh boy.
323
00:15:41,817 --> 00:15:46,238
What is uneventful about calling
Nate's principal a stumpy "C"?
324
00:15:46,238 --> 00:15:49,825
If you saw the way she was talking to me,
it was a perfectly normal response.
325
00:15:49,825 --> 00:15:52,244
- For who?
- Anyone with a shred of dignity.
326
00:15:52,244 --> 00:15:53,620
[whispers] Keep it down.
327
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:54,997
[TV playing]
328
00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:57,290
[whispers] Anyone with a shred of dignity.
329
00:15:57,791 --> 00:15:59,751
Okay, she was talking to me
like some deadbeat dad
330
00:15:59,751 --> 00:16:02,045
for showing up
a minute and a half late for pickup.
331
00:16:02,045 --> 00:16:04,965
Oh my God!
This has nothing to do with your dignity.
332
00:16:04,965 --> 00:16:08,176
This has everything
to do with our son's academic future.
333
00:16:08,176 --> 00:16:12,222
Do you know how powerful
Doctor Lois Shmieckel-Turner is?
334
00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:14,683
Her kindergarten recommendation
335
00:16:14,683 --> 00:16:16,810
makes or breaks
whether he gets into The Meadows.
336
00:16:16,810 --> 00:16:19,187
Great. So we'll send him
to a different private school.
337
00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:22,065
She writes the recommendation
no matter where he goes.
338
00:16:22,065 --> 00:16:25,235
Great! Then it's public school.
That place wasn't that bad, and it's free.
339
00:16:25,235 --> 00:16:26,987
Are you kidding me?
340
00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:28,363
That place was that bad.
341
00:16:28,363 --> 00:16:29,990
- You admitted that--
- Sh.
342
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:34,327
[whispers] That one was that bad.
And you said it was that bad. Okay?
343
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:37,748
We have been over this.
We've looked at all the data.
344
00:16:37,748 --> 00:16:41,084
Oh, Jesus Christ with the fucking data!
Your generation and the data.
345
00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:42,753
- What?
- The data, the data, the data.
346
00:16:42,753 --> 00:16:44,504
Here's some data for you, okay?
347
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:47,257
Not having your every need catered to
is actually a good thing.
348
00:16:47,257 --> 00:16:48,967
I went to public school.
I turned out fine.
349
00:16:48,967 --> 00:16:50,677
Where you learned to talk to principals?
350
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:52,929
No, it's where I learned
to stick up for myself.
351
00:16:52,929 --> 00:16:54,806
You need to fix this.
352
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,893
And you need to talk to someone
about your anger.
353
00:16:57,893 --> 00:17:00,145
Oh, Jesus Christ with the fucking therapy.
Here we go.
354
00:17:00,145 --> 00:17:01,980
- Great. Fine. Fine!
- Always with the therapy.
355
00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:04,191
Go ahead, white-knuckle it
through this world.
356
00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:06,568
But tomorrow,
you're gonna go into that school,
357
00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:08,445
and you are going to apologize.
358
00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:12,699
Good, fine. You think I'm afraid of that?
I'll go down there right now.
359
00:17:13,492 --> 00:17:14,367
Great.
360
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:16,995
She's not the first person
I ever called that word.
361
00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:20,457
[whimsical music playing]
362
00:17:21,333 --> 00:17:23,627
Don't worry. I'll smooth it right over.
363
00:17:25,629 --> 00:17:28,757
Jack, Leah. Thanks so much for coming.
364
00:17:28,757 --> 00:17:31,843
Thank you so much
for meeting with us, honestly.
365
00:17:31,843 --> 00:17:34,137
Yes. Doctor Shmieckel-Turner,
I... I just wanted to--
366
00:17:34,137 --> 00:17:36,223
Uh, please, call me Doctor L.
367
00:17:36,807 --> 00:17:40,644
- Doctor L, I just wanna say--
- No, no. Save those thoughts.
368
00:17:42,020 --> 00:17:43,396
- [Jack] Oh, okay.
- [Lois] Uh...
369
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:45,482
Oh.
370
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:53,156
Oh, wait, wait. Whoa, whoa.
371
00:17:53,782 --> 00:17:55,659
We're gonna do this
in front of the whole school?
372
00:17:55,659 --> 00:17:57,119
- [chuckles nervously]
- Um...
373
00:17:57,828 --> 00:18:01,957
We view this more as a village
than a school.
374
00:18:01,957 --> 00:18:06,419
And we firmly believe
in the practice of restorative justice,
375
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:08,630
or gacaca.
376
00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:13,844
A common practice in Rwanda
which was especially effective
377
00:18:13,844 --> 00:18:16,555
in the aftermath of their genocide.
378
00:18:17,472 --> 00:18:19,558
And please, join the other parents.
379
00:18:19,558 --> 00:18:21,143
Oh. Okay.
380
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,647
Okay. Wow! [chuckles]
381
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:27,732
That's quite a turnout.
382
00:18:30,402 --> 00:18:32,320
Um... All right, um...
383
00:18:33,655 --> 00:18:34,990
I guess, uh, looking back,
384
00:18:34,990 --> 00:18:37,993
I, uh, let my emotions
get the best of me yesterday,
385
00:18:37,993 --> 00:18:41,997
and, um, I wish I could have chosen
my words a little bit differently.
386
00:18:41,997 --> 00:18:42,956
All right?
387
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:47,586
And I am sorry that six of you heard this
and then told the other 40.
388
00:18:48,545 --> 00:18:50,839
And, uh, to any of the children
that heard what I said,
389
00:18:50,839 --> 00:18:53,008
it's never okay to say those words, okay?
390
00:18:53,008 --> 00:18:56,136
I... I was very, very wrong. All right?
391
00:18:56,761 --> 00:19:00,056
So that's it. Have a nice morning
and, uh, keep using those paper straws.
392
00:19:00,056 --> 00:19:03,018
I know they get soggy, but they're good
for the turtles, evidently.
393
00:19:03,018 --> 00:19:06,104
- Thank you.
- Okay. No, no. Jack. Jack. Jack.
394
00:19:07,898 --> 00:19:10,775
Yeah. We... we appreciate the words,
395
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:14,529
but the process of healing
has only just begun.
396
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,491
- Yes, Judy.
- [Judy] Yes, thank you.
397
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:22,412
Um, I would just like to voice
how incredibly hurt I am.
398
00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:26,541
Mr. Kelly, do you understand
that using the C-word
399
00:19:26,541 --> 00:19:28,793
is like the N-word but for women?
400
00:19:31,296 --> 00:19:34,507
Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
Yeah, I'm... I'm sure... I'm sure it is.
401
00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:36,968
You know, other than
the 400 years of slavery
402
00:19:36,968 --> 00:19:38,720
and continued systemic oppression.
403
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:41,097
Other than that, I think
you're making a really solid point.
404
00:19:42,933 --> 00:19:44,517
Yes, Mimi.
405
00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:46,686
Even though I wasn't there,
406
00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:51,191
just knowing that language like that
was used in front of the child--
407
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:55,070
Oh, Jesus Christ.
408
00:19:58,448 --> 00:20:00,075
Please. Brian.
409
00:20:01,576 --> 00:20:05,747
As a parent of a child and someone
with chronically low metabolism,
410
00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:06,831
but loving my body...
411
00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:08,875
- Oh. Good for you, Brian.
- Yeah.
412
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:14,589
...your use of the word "stumpy" was
a real trigger to me and my whole family.
413
00:20:14,589 --> 00:20:15,590
[chuckles]
414
00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:17,259
Seriously?
415
00:20:17,259 --> 00:20:18,176
Yes.
416
00:20:18,802 --> 00:20:21,721
Any type of body-shaming just reminds me
417
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:25,183
of what it feels like to be told
that my body ain't good enough.
418
00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:26,768
[Jack] Oh, okay. All right.
419
00:20:26,768 --> 00:20:30,105
Well, I understand that,
and I'm sorry I made you feel that way.
420
00:20:30,105 --> 00:20:32,691
And I'd also like to add,
and I think a lot of you would agree,
421
00:20:32,691 --> 00:20:36,778
we do have a major weight problem
in this country. Do we not, you know?
422
00:20:36,778 --> 00:20:38,780
And it doesn't just affect
this man and his child.
423
00:20:38,780 --> 00:20:40,282
I mean, the burden
424
00:20:40,282 --> 00:20:43,118
that out-of-shape people
put on our healthcare system,
425
00:20:43,118 --> 00:20:45,620
not to mention the loved ones
they leave behind is...
426
00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:47,497
it's truly, truly heartbreaking.
427
00:20:47,497 --> 00:20:51,251
And I... I think, as a community,
we should be able to talk about it.
428
00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:54,379
Like maybe put a salad bar at drop-off
or something like that.
429
00:20:54,379 --> 00:20:56,548
Oh man! I would love that.
430
00:20:56,548 --> 00:20:57,465
[fingers snap]
431
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:01,303
All right. Maybe... maybe not now.
432
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:03,847
Wrap it up. Thank you.
433
00:21:03,847 --> 00:21:05,557
Uh, I'd just like to say
434
00:21:05,557 --> 00:21:08,018
that I am truly sorry
for my actions yesterday.
435
00:21:08,018 --> 00:21:11,479
They have no place in this community.
Okay? All right.
436
00:21:11,479 --> 00:21:14,274
I'm sorry. Have a nice morning. Good day.
437
00:21:14,274 --> 00:21:15,692
Eh, eh. Uh...
438
00:21:15,692 --> 00:21:19,612
Okay. Okay, let's all thank Jack.
439
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:23,450
It's not easy to admit when we are wrong.
440
00:21:25,035 --> 00:21:28,496
This is going to be
a long... a long journey.
441
00:21:29,205 --> 00:21:32,500
But I know we will all
be there to support him.
442
00:21:34,169 --> 00:21:36,171
[applause]
443
00:21:40,008 --> 00:21:42,886
What the fuck?
What does she mean by "long journey"?
444
00:21:42,886 --> 00:21:44,846
The journey's over.
I just apologized to her
445
00:21:44,846 --> 00:21:47,098
and a bunch of weak-kneed people
who weren't even there.
446
00:21:48,058 --> 00:21:51,269
She doesn't write Nate's recommendation
for another three months.
447
00:21:51,978 --> 00:21:53,521
- So?
- So!
448
00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:57,108
You have a long time to prove to her
that you are a good dad.
449
00:21:57,108 --> 00:21:58,568
But why do I need to do that?
450
00:21:58,568 --> 00:22:03,239
Because this recommendation is as much
about Nate as it is about us as parents.
451
00:22:03,239 --> 00:22:06,576
Oh, Jesus Christ!
Is it ever over with these people?
452
00:22:06,576 --> 00:22:09,079
I mean, how many fucking hoops
do you have to jump through?
453
00:22:09,079 --> 00:22:12,123
I don't know, Jack,
but you created this problem.
454
00:22:12,123 --> 00:22:16,878
So, are you going to man up and solve it,
or am I registering for two pacifiers?
455
00:22:16,878 --> 00:22:18,380
[laughs]
456
00:22:18,380 --> 00:22:20,340
- Well?
- All right.
457
00:22:20,340 --> 00:22:22,967
I will play nice, and I will jump
through all the hoops, okay?
458
00:22:22,967 --> 00:22:25,595
Mm-hmm. Thank you. Have a good day.
459
00:22:37,690 --> 00:22:40,610
Hi, baby.
I grilled up some buffalo steaks,
460
00:22:40,610 --> 00:22:43,196
and there's a Manhattan
waiting for you on the table.
461
00:22:44,447 --> 00:22:46,533
- Goddamn, baby. You look good.
- [chuckles]
462
00:22:49,702 --> 00:22:50,703
[Britney] Follow me.
463
00:22:51,621 --> 00:22:52,956
[Mike] Just what I needed tonight.
464
00:22:52,956 --> 00:22:55,583
Well, I do know
how to take care of my man.
465
00:22:55,583 --> 00:22:57,919
- [Mike chuckles]
- Go on. Sit down.
466
00:22:57,919 --> 00:23:00,130
Have a drink. Get all nice and relaxed.
467
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:02,966
Why? What happened?
468
00:23:04,801 --> 00:23:05,635
Nothing.
469
00:23:07,303 --> 00:23:08,138
No--
470
00:23:08,805 --> 00:23:10,765
Okay, well,
I do have to tell you something,
471
00:23:10,765 --> 00:23:12,976
but you have to promise to not get mad.
472
00:23:14,519 --> 00:23:17,856
I went to too many years of law school
to agree to something like that.
473
00:23:17,856 --> 00:23:19,149
What's going on?
474
00:23:21,234 --> 00:23:22,277
Well,
475
00:23:23,278 --> 00:23:24,195
I'm late.
476
00:23:24,195 --> 00:23:25,238
[chuckles]
477
00:23:30,493 --> 00:23:32,203
There's no way. That's impossible.
478
00:23:32,954 --> 00:23:35,123
I couldn't believe it either.
479
00:23:44,549 --> 00:23:46,217
I had a vasectomy, and I pull out.
480
00:23:46,217 --> 00:23:49,387
I... I know.
I don't know how it happened, but...
481
00:23:51,389 --> 00:23:52,682
maybe there's a reason.
482
00:23:55,268 --> 00:23:56,102
Pee again.
483
00:23:57,145 --> 00:23:59,439
- What?
- Pee again!
484
00:23:59,439 --> 00:24:00,857
I did. Three times.
485
00:24:00,857 --> 00:24:03,067
Well, it's not mine, so go take a test.
486
00:24:06,154 --> 00:24:07,864
[doo-wop music playing]
487
00:24:12,285 --> 00:24:14,287
[doo-wop music continues]
488
00:24:16,039 --> 00:24:19,250
I mean, look at it this way.
You got really strong sperm.
489
00:24:21,085 --> 00:24:22,170
You should be proud.
490
00:24:23,922 --> 00:24:29,177
Seriously. I mean, guys our age, our cum
is usually, like, asthmatic, you know,
491
00:24:29,177 --> 00:24:32,931
but your shit's, like,
Bruce Willis in Unbreakable, bro.
492
00:24:32,931 --> 00:24:35,767
Yeah. To plow through
a vasectomy with pre-cum.
493
00:24:35,767 --> 00:24:37,477
- I mean, that's unheard of.
- Come on.
494
00:24:37,477 --> 00:24:39,687
That's like some Braveheart- level jizz.
495
00:24:39,687 --> 00:24:41,773
Yeah, dude.
You're like a Black William Wallace.
496
00:24:41,773 --> 00:24:43,525
[shouts] Pre-cum!
497
00:24:44,150 --> 00:24:45,151
Sorry.
498
00:24:45,735 --> 00:24:49,113
Mike, this is gonna be great, okay?
And remember, kids keep you young.
499
00:24:49,113 --> 00:24:50,198
No, they don't.
500
00:24:50,907 --> 00:24:52,283
My kids almost killed me.
501
00:24:52,283 --> 00:24:53,618
[Jack] Oh, come on.
502
00:24:53,618 --> 00:24:55,870
Don't you remember
the beauty of becoming a dad?
503
00:24:55,870 --> 00:24:58,706
The smell of a newborn baby's head.
I mean, it's the best.
504
00:24:58,706 --> 00:25:00,416
They're funny, Mike. They're funny.
505
00:25:00,416 --> 00:25:03,294
They say funny shit.
They think farts are funny.
506
00:25:03,294 --> 00:25:06,214
In the morning, he comes running in.
"Pull my finger. Pull my finger."
507
00:25:06,214 --> 00:25:08,216
- Wet one. It's funny.
- [laughs]
508
00:25:08,216 --> 00:25:09,342
It's adorable.
509
00:25:09,342 --> 00:25:12,178
Another thing, you come home,
they're excited to see you.
510
00:25:12,178 --> 00:25:14,889
How many places do you walk in,
and people just freak out
511
00:25:14,889 --> 00:25:17,058
and start running at you,
screaming your name?
512
00:25:17,058 --> 00:25:18,768
You come home,
you feel like you're famous.
513
00:25:18,768 --> 00:25:20,812
Yeah, exactly.
They don't die after 12 years.
514
00:25:20,812 --> 00:25:22,021
- Exactly.
- Like a dog.
515
00:25:23,022 --> 00:25:23,856
Hopefully.
516
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,693
Mike, this is gonna be great.
We all get to do it together.
517
00:25:26,693 --> 00:25:27,694
Yeah.
518
00:25:27,694 --> 00:25:31,614
Jack, you've aged ten years
since Nate was born.
519
00:25:33,575 --> 00:25:37,412
Connor, I don't know what's up with you
'cause you don't fucking age.
520
00:25:38,037 --> 00:25:40,373
- Thanks, buddy.
- [Mike] It's not a compliment.
521
00:25:40,957 --> 00:25:43,459
I don't know
what kind of Botox shit you're on,
522
00:25:43,459 --> 00:25:45,295
but it's gonna kill you.
523
00:25:45,295 --> 00:25:49,507
All right, dude. Ease up. Okay?
I didn't fucking get you pregnant.
524
00:25:50,133 --> 00:25:53,678
Just... If you don't want the baby,
just get an abortion.
525
00:25:54,178 --> 00:25:55,346
Flush it.
526
00:25:55,972 --> 00:25:58,600
[scoffs] I don't believe in that.
That's some white shit.
527
00:25:58,600 --> 00:25:59,934
- What's that mean?
- What?
528
00:25:59,934 --> 00:26:01,894
I don't know. I'm emotional.
529
00:26:04,022 --> 00:26:07,442
She said she didn't wanna have kids.
530
00:26:08,526 --> 00:26:10,153
What the fuck am I gonna do?
531
00:26:11,696 --> 00:26:13,615
- I'm having a heart attack.
- You're not.
532
00:26:13,615 --> 00:26:16,451
- Can we get some water? Just breathe.
- I'm gonna have a heart attack.
533
00:26:16,451 --> 00:26:20,204
You're not gonna have a heart attack.
You go to the gym.
534
00:26:20,204 --> 00:26:22,248
Nobody has a heart attack
that goes to the gym.
535
00:26:22,749 --> 00:26:25,710
Except... Remember that jogging guy?
He died of a heart attack.
536
00:26:25,710 --> 00:26:27,545
- Oh, yeah. Yeah.
- Remember that guy?
537
00:26:27,545 --> 00:26:29,047
[bell ringing]
538
00:26:29,047 --> 00:26:31,257
[Lois] Good morning, everyone.
539
00:26:31,257 --> 00:26:32,550
Morning, Doctor L.
540
00:26:32,550 --> 00:26:34,052
- Oh!
- [Jack] Hey, buddy.
541
00:26:34,052 --> 00:26:36,054
[kisses] I'll see ya. Have fun. Okay?
542
00:26:37,513 --> 00:26:39,182
Is that for me?
543
00:26:39,182 --> 00:26:42,226
Oh, it's for the whole community.
Yeah, it's an olive tree.
544
00:26:42,226 --> 00:26:45,313
Very drought-friendly.
And an eternal symbol of peace.
545
00:26:45,813 --> 00:26:50,360
I thought it'd be a nice way to cultivate
the kids', uh, social-emotional growth.
546
00:26:50,360 --> 00:26:52,695
Something we work on a lot
with Nate at home, you know?
547
00:26:53,696 --> 00:26:55,907
Well, I... I am impressed.
548
00:26:56,407 --> 00:26:59,661
But this tree is incompatible
with our ecosystem.
549
00:27:00,912 --> 00:27:02,497
The insects that it would attract
550
00:27:02,497 --> 00:27:05,291
would be detrimental
to all plant life here.
551
00:27:05,958 --> 00:27:08,211
[Lois laughing]
552
00:27:09,462 --> 00:27:11,339
- This is a funny moment.
- [Jack laughs]
553
00:27:11,339 --> 00:27:13,257
Yeah. You and I are having a--
554
00:27:13,257 --> 00:27:14,884
[laughs] What?
555
00:27:14,884 --> 00:27:19,347
I find it so apropos that you have brought
the plant version of yourself.
556
00:27:21,391 --> 00:27:23,267
Jack, I appreciate the effort.
557
00:27:23,267 --> 00:27:25,978
I know how hard this is for you.
558
00:27:26,854 --> 00:27:30,942
But fortunately, I am here to guide you.
559
00:27:30,942 --> 00:27:35,530
If you're willing to take my advice.
Is that something you'd be open to?
560
00:27:37,657 --> 00:27:40,159
- I need a verbal confirmation.
- Yes.
561
00:27:41,119 --> 00:27:42,120
Walk with me.
562
00:27:43,538 --> 00:27:48,251
As you can see, this is
such a dynamic and whimsical place.
563
00:27:49,794 --> 00:27:53,381
A launching pad
for the next generation of great leaders.
564
00:27:53,965 --> 00:27:54,966
Such as Nate.
565
00:27:56,426 --> 00:28:01,472
But they'll never reach the stratosphere
without enough fuel.
566
00:28:02,890 --> 00:28:04,934
Our annual fundraiser is coming up,
567
00:28:04,934 --> 00:28:07,979
and given your leadership experience
in sales,
568
00:28:08,730 --> 00:28:11,107
I think you might make a great chairman.
569
00:28:12,024 --> 00:28:14,819
- [laughs] Me?
- What do you think?
570
00:28:16,487 --> 00:28:18,698
I think I'm beginning
to see how this school works.
571
00:28:20,700 --> 00:28:22,827
♪ Come on, baby
Let me see you with the lights up... ♪
572
00:28:27,790 --> 00:28:29,876
Let's go. You're fucking getting to ten.
573
00:28:29,876 --> 00:28:30,960
- Let's go!
- Ah! I got it.
574
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:32,253
- Are you a pussy?
- No.
575
00:28:32,253 --> 00:28:33,838
- Are you a pussy?
- You're a pussy.
576
00:28:33,838 --> 00:28:36,299
You're a fucking pussy.
Come on, let's go. Let's go.
577
00:28:36,299 --> 00:28:39,677
Come on. What are you, on your period?
Let's go. Look at me. Look at me.
578
00:28:39,677 --> 00:28:41,012
- Look at me!
- Ah, I'm looking.
579
00:28:41,012 --> 00:28:44,390
That's it. Let's go.
One more. One more. One more.
580
00:28:44,390 --> 00:28:47,852
- Come on! That's all you! That's all you!
- [straining] Fuck!
581
00:28:47,852 --> 00:28:49,854
All right. Let's go. Down. Down.
582
00:28:49,854 --> 00:28:52,482
Up high. Twice. Ah! Fuck Pilates!
583
00:28:53,524 --> 00:28:55,193
- Whoo!
- That was a good set.
584
00:28:55,985 --> 00:28:57,737
[breathing heavily]
585
00:28:57,737 --> 00:28:58,654
[grunts]
586
00:28:58,654 --> 00:29:01,240
- So, you gonna help me with this thing?
- [straining] Fuck, no.
587
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:04,827
- Come on. It's just a fundraiser meeting.
- I said no.
588
00:29:04,827 --> 00:29:06,704
What about that time
I pretended to be your dad
589
00:29:06,704 --> 00:29:08,915
'cause you were lying to that chick
about your age, huh?
590
00:29:09,624 --> 00:29:11,209
I have no recollection of that incident.
591
00:29:11,209 --> 00:29:13,461
Oh, you don't? You don't?
Isn't that convenient?
592
00:29:13,461 --> 00:29:14,712
Hey, there's Mike.
593
00:29:15,630 --> 00:29:17,715
- [Jack] That Britney's car?
- [Connor] I don't think so.
594
00:29:17,715 --> 00:29:19,967
Look at the plates.
Someone went crazy on CarMax.
595
00:29:19,967 --> 00:29:22,345
You know what? I give you two-to-one
596
00:29:22,345 --> 00:29:24,972
there's no more baby,
and there's no more Britney.
597
00:29:24,972 --> 00:29:26,849
- No. You think so?
- Yeah. Fifty bucks.
598
00:29:26,849 --> 00:29:28,100
Fifty? Hundred.
599
00:29:28,100 --> 00:29:29,435
- Hundred. C-note?
- C-note?
600
00:29:29,435 --> 00:29:31,395
- C-note!
- C-note!
601
00:29:31,395 --> 00:29:33,022
- All right. Be cool.
- All right.
602
00:29:33,689 --> 00:29:34,649
- [Jack] Hey!
- Yo, yo, yo.
603
00:29:34,649 --> 00:29:36,651
- Look who's here. Big Mike!
- What's cracking?
604
00:29:36,651 --> 00:29:39,111
- [Jack] Man, how are you?
- [Connor] What's up, baby?
605
00:29:39,111 --> 00:29:41,280
- You look good.
- You get a new car?
606
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:44,408
[scoffs] Ford Fusion SEL, fully loaded.
607
00:29:44,408 --> 00:29:46,911
Heated seats, Bluetooth, dual sunroof.
608
00:29:46,911 --> 00:29:50,122
Delivered straight to my door.
You wanna take it for a spin?
609
00:29:50,122 --> 00:29:53,167
Me? Nah, I'm good. I'll just rent one
the next time I go to Tampa.
610
00:29:54,293 --> 00:29:56,671
Hey, so, you and Britney
still having the kid, right?
611
00:29:57,463 --> 00:29:59,674
Yeah, why wouldn't we be?
612
00:29:59,674 --> 00:30:02,593
I don't know. Everything you're doing
is suggesting you took a mulligan.
613
00:30:03,094 --> 00:30:06,764
Why can't I be raising the kid
and have the car of my dreams?
614
00:30:06,764 --> 00:30:09,767
And pick up
a Boyz II Men pinball machine on eBay.
615
00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:12,603
People say it's impossible.
616
00:30:12,603 --> 00:30:16,148
Well, fuck those people
because I'm doing it. Huh?
617
00:30:16,148 --> 00:30:17,108
All right.
618
00:30:18,109 --> 00:30:19,610
- Fuck.
- [Mike] Let's get it in, fellas.
619
00:30:19,610 --> 00:30:21,779
All right. Pay up, or go to the meeting.
620
00:30:21,779 --> 00:30:22,947
Motherfucker.
621
00:30:22,947 --> 00:30:24,240
[laughs]
622
00:30:25,491 --> 00:30:28,077
Okay, I can get the VFW
to give us the space for free.
623
00:30:28,077 --> 00:30:30,705
My buddy Mitch has
a wholesale liquor company.
624
00:30:30,705 --> 00:30:34,292
We get the booze at cost, and that just
leaves the entertainment and the auction.
625
00:30:34,792 --> 00:30:36,085
Uh, but what's the theme?
626
00:30:36,085 --> 00:30:38,588
What's the theme?
You know, everybody takes an Uber.
627
00:30:38,588 --> 00:30:41,048
We all get ripped.
Take a night off from our kids.
628
00:30:41,048 --> 00:30:43,509
You know what? I think she's right.
I think we need a theme.
629
00:30:43,509 --> 00:30:45,845
- Yeah.
- [woman 1] We definitely need a theme.
630
00:30:45,845 --> 00:30:48,723
Last year's theme was
the Puerto Rican Day Parade.
631
00:30:48,723 --> 00:30:51,225
- [woman 2] That was great.
- We had Tito Puente Jr.
632
00:30:51,225 --> 00:30:53,019
How about an '80s-themed party?
633
00:30:53,019 --> 00:30:54,478
[Connor] Now there's an idea.
634
00:30:54,478 --> 00:30:56,564
- I fucking love the '80s.
- Fucking '80s are the best.
635
00:30:56,564 --> 00:30:58,983
Tank tops, T-tops, and blow, baby.
636
00:30:58,983 --> 00:31:01,485
Finger-banging for days. Miami Vice!
637
00:31:01,485 --> 00:31:04,989
That's what started that whole thing,
sport coats with the T-shirt underneath.
638
00:31:04,989 --> 00:31:08,159
Yeah. No socks. Remember?
You fold over the pant, roll it up.
639
00:31:08,159 --> 00:31:09,952
- No... Yeah.
- Boom. Hummer.
640
00:31:09,952 --> 00:31:12,246
Are we reliving your childhood
or planning a party?
641
00:31:12,246 --> 00:31:13,581
I'm always down for a party.
642
00:31:13,581 --> 00:31:14,916
- I am too.
- [Connor] Right?
643
00:31:15,666 --> 00:31:19,378
How about "We Are the World"?
That's an interesting song. Right?
644
00:31:19,378 --> 00:31:21,297
And, you know, it's inclusive.
645
00:31:21,839 --> 00:31:25,009
Deals with Africa.
We got a lot of Black kids in the school.
646
00:31:26,218 --> 00:31:31,265
Uh-- Wha-- I... I mean,
I guess it is kind of inclusive.
647
00:31:31,265 --> 00:31:34,936
Inclusive adjacent, but some of us
weren't even born in the '80s.
648
00:31:34,936 --> 00:31:37,897
So I just think that, like,
why would we be looking backwards?
649
00:31:37,897 --> 00:31:41,067
You know? Like, our whole vibe here
at this school and this whole community
650
00:31:41,067 --> 00:31:44,820
is... is looking forward,
and I just don't think it really lines up.
651
00:31:44,820 --> 00:31:47,865
I've got it.
What about the United States of Gender?
652
00:31:47,865 --> 00:31:50,826
- There it is. Oh my God. I love that!
- I know. I love it.
653
00:31:50,826 --> 00:31:53,913
We could have an entirely trans waitstaff.
It'd be great!
654
00:31:53,913 --> 00:31:57,041
Okay. Wait, guys. There's gonna be a lot
of different people here at this party.
655
00:31:57,041 --> 00:32:00,086
Maybe we should try to keep it
a little more mainstream.
656
00:32:00,086 --> 00:32:02,129
Hmm. Define mainstream.
657
00:32:02,129 --> 00:32:05,675
I don't know, like, you know,
not turn it into, like, a tranny bar.
658
00:32:05,675 --> 00:32:08,928
- Oh my God!
- Tranny? You cannot say that word!
659
00:32:08,928 --> 00:32:10,805
- What are you supposed to say?
- [clears throat]
660
00:32:10,805 --> 00:32:11,847
[all] Trans!
661
00:32:11,847 --> 00:32:16,477
Oh, all right. Well, I was close.
Trans, tranny. It's like Mike, Mikey.
662
00:32:16,477 --> 00:32:17,395
Mikey!
663
00:32:17,395 --> 00:32:21,315
Yeah. [laughs] I mean, people call me
a ginger. I don't give a fuck.
664
00:32:22,942 --> 00:32:24,860
I didn't mean anything by it.
All right. Trans.
665
00:32:24,860 --> 00:32:28,572
I think if we could just peer through
the fog of Jack's antiquated logic,
666
00:32:28,572 --> 00:32:31,117
we'll all realize that Jack's trying
to bring us together, okay?
667
00:32:31,117 --> 00:32:34,829
He's trying to move us forward,
not polarize us, okay?
668
00:32:34,829 --> 00:32:36,163
Can I just... Can I just...
669
00:32:36,163 --> 00:32:38,249
Is there a reason we always have
670
00:32:38,249 --> 00:32:41,669
two white men dominating
the discussion in this room?
671
00:32:43,587 --> 00:32:45,172
Was that directed at us?
672
00:32:45,172 --> 00:32:47,675
'Cause if I'm not mistaken,
you're also a white male, buddy.
673
00:32:47,675 --> 00:32:51,345
Why don't you consult the results
of my 23andMe test?
674
00:32:51,345 --> 00:32:54,223
Because the 3% of my lineage
that is Sri Lankan
675
00:32:54,223 --> 00:32:57,226
is really not appreciating
your tone in this moment.
676
00:32:57,226 --> 00:32:59,228
So I'm gonna need you
to check your privilege.
677
00:32:59,228 --> 00:33:01,480
- Check my privilege?
- That's right. Check your privilege.
678
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:04,567
Okay. Uh, why don't we concentrate
on the silent auction?
679
00:33:05,609 --> 00:33:06,777
That's not a white guy?
680
00:33:07,486 --> 00:33:08,487
I'm confused.
681
00:33:09,655 --> 00:33:11,157
[hip-hop music playing]
682
00:33:18,456 --> 00:33:22,960
Oh my God! Look at this place.
It just gets more depressing every day.
683
00:33:25,796 --> 00:33:27,381
What up, party people?
684
00:33:28,507 --> 00:33:30,259
[both laughing]
685
00:33:32,470 --> 00:33:34,680
Ah! What up, fam?
686
00:33:35,181 --> 00:33:39,310
Yo, y'all check out that TikTok video
of the couple exchanging clothes?
687
00:33:39,310 --> 00:33:40,519
What?
688
00:33:41,562 --> 00:33:44,231
Uh, no, I'm not actually on TikTok, man.
689
00:33:44,231 --> 00:33:46,734
What? What are you on an Android phone?
690
00:33:47,401 --> 00:33:50,237
- Yeah. As a matter of fact, I am.
- Yeah. Me too.
691
00:33:50,237 --> 00:33:52,490
It's open-source software.
Fully customizable.
692
00:33:52,490 --> 00:33:55,034
- Yes! Yes!
- Right? That's what I'm talking about.
693
00:33:56,118 --> 00:33:56,952
Fuck.
694
00:33:57,536 --> 00:34:01,290
Yo. Did you feel that earthquake
this morning? You feel that?
695
00:34:02,875 --> 00:34:03,709
Don't worry.
696
00:34:04,835 --> 00:34:06,128
It's just my thoughts.
697
00:34:06,796 --> 00:34:08,047
[inaudible speech]
698
00:34:08,839 --> 00:34:09,882
Fame.
699
00:34:10,966 --> 00:34:13,344
It was once only
the provenance of the talented.
700
00:34:14,345 --> 00:34:16,180
But now we are living in an era
701
00:34:16,180 --> 00:34:19,809
in which everyone believes
that they deserve to be famous.
702
00:34:22,603 --> 00:34:26,315
The fame bubble is big, my friends.
And it's about to burst.
703
00:34:26,315 --> 00:34:28,400
You can already see the cracks.
704
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:31,320
Celebrities announcing they're taking
a break from social media
705
00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:34,907
by taking a selfie
and posting it to social media.
706
00:34:34,907 --> 00:34:36,075
It's insane.
707
00:34:36,075 --> 00:34:39,703
And we are going to make
an insane amount of money
708
00:34:40,746 --> 00:34:44,416
by making not wanting fame the new fame.
709
00:34:45,084 --> 00:34:47,294
We're gonna find a brand ambassador.
710
00:34:47,294 --> 00:34:51,298
Someone who earnestly does not crave fame.
711
00:34:52,258 --> 00:34:55,469
Introducing Ed Cameron.
712
00:34:56,470 --> 00:34:59,473
He is the LeBron James
of not being famous.
713
00:35:00,349 --> 00:35:02,560
Lives on a plot
of alopeciad land in New Mexico.
714
00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:04,311
He is entirely self-sustaining.
715
00:35:04,311 --> 00:35:07,314
And as far as we know,
he's had little to no human contact,
716
00:35:07,314 --> 00:35:09,066
not since the late 1980s.
717
00:35:09,567 --> 00:35:10,818
How did you find him?
718
00:35:11,443 --> 00:35:12,528
Well, it wasn't easy.
719
00:35:12,528 --> 00:35:13,779
But in 1976,
720
00:35:13,779 --> 00:35:17,116
he signed up for a raffle
at a local church.
721
00:35:17,825 --> 00:35:19,702
That information was sold to Mammoth Mart,
722
00:35:19,702 --> 00:35:22,413
who then sold it
to Columbia Record and Tape Club,
723
00:35:22,413 --> 00:35:25,249
who turned right around
and sold it to JPMorgan Chase.
724
00:35:25,249 --> 00:35:28,377
And then they got hacked,
and it ended up on the dark web,
725
00:35:28,377 --> 00:35:29,795
so that was a little harder to--
726
00:35:29,795 --> 00:35:33,632
It's not that important to talk about
how we acquired his personal information.
727
00:35:33,632 --> 00:35:34,550
Doesn't matter.
728
00:35:34,550 --> 00:35:37,178
[Aspen] What matters
is how we're gonna bring him in.
729
00:35:37,678 --> 00:35:39,597
And I got three words for ya.
730
00:35:39,597 --> 00:35:41,849
Jack, Mike, Connor, the founding fathers.
731
00:35:41,849 --> 00:35:42,933
[imitates explosion]
732
00:35:42,933 --> 00:35:44,560
Whoa, whoa! What?
733
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:46,562
You want all three of us
to go pitch this guy?
734
00:35:46,562 --> 00:35:48,480
Yeah. Yeah, with my boy, Trav.
[tongue clicks]
735
00:35:49,940 --> 00:35:51,233
Why is Travis coming?
736
00:35:51,233 --> 00:35:53,402
Good question, Connor. I appreciate you.
737
00:35:53,402 --> 00:35:56,280
Hey, hey. This guy chose to live
in the middle of nowhere.
738
00:35:56,280 --> 00:35:57,198
[Mike] Yeah.
739
00:35:57,198 --> 00:36:00,034
So, how the hell are we gonna convince him
to become famous?
740
00:36:00,034 --> 00:36:01,577
Ah!
741
00:36:01,577 --> 00:36:02,661
[laughs]
742
00:36:03,621 --> 00:36:04,622
[remote thuds]
743
00:36:04,622 --> 00:36:06,373
Therein lies the work, Jack.
744
00:36:06,999 --> 00:36:11,545
Do you think
that Steve Jobs invented things?
745
00:36:12,171 --> 00:36:13,672
- Yeah. Quite a bit, actually.
- Yeah.
746
00:36:13,672 --> 00:36:14,590
- iPad.
- [Aspen] No.
747
00:36:14,590 --> 00:36:18,886
He said things,
and then other people did them.
748
00:36:19,678 --> 00:36:21,222
So I've said things today,
749
00:36:21,931 --> 00:36:26,143
and I want you to go and do those things.
750
00:36:28,103 --> 00:36:29,230
[apple crunches]
751
00:36:30,189 --> 00:36:32,191
[instrumental rock music playing]
752
00:36:37,488 --> 00:36:39,573
[Mike] Jack, what do you think
we're walkin' into here?
753
00:36:39,573 --> 00:36:42,368
I mean, you think this guy
is even gonna be able to speak English?
754
00:36:42,368 --> 00:36:44,161
[Connor] Yeah.
When did he go off the grid?
755
00:36:44,161 --> 00:36:45,913
Like, 1988.
756
00:36:46,497 --> 00:36:47,915
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
757
00:36:47,915 --> 00:36:50,042
He's probably still jerkin' off
to Samantha Fox.
758
00:36:50,042 --> 00:36:51,001
[Mike laughs]
759
00:36:51,627 --> 00:36:53,170
All right, serious question.
760
00:36:53,170 --> 00:36:57,508
Would you rather
fuck Samantha Fox in her prime,
761
00:36:57,508 --> 00:37:00,844
but she's wearing a Barbara Bush mask?
762
00:37:01,345 --> 00:37:06,475
Or fuck Barbara Bush, circa 1988,
763
00:37:07,226 --> 00:37:10,396
but you get to have Samantha
just lookin' at you,
764
00:37:10,396 --> 00:37:12,648
full eye contact, and she's naked?
765
00:37:12,648 --> 00:37:15,401
- Oh, wow! That's a good one.
- [Connor] Thank you.
766
00:37:15,401 --> 00:37:17,569
- [Jack] You always get the left turn.
- [Connor] Mm-hmm.
767
00:37:17,569 --> 00:37:19,613
I mean, I think
I gotta go with the combo platter.
768
00:37:19,613 --> 00:37:23,617
I mean, Samantha Fox is smokin' hot,
but if I get both of them...
769
00:37:23,617 --> 00:37:25,119
You know, I get to look at Samantha.
770
00:37:25,119 --> 00:37:27,037
And Barbara Bush,
I think she was a clean woman.
771
00:37:27,037 --> 00:37:27,955
- You know?
- Yeah.
772
00:37:27,955 --> 00:37:30,666
And I've never been that close
to that level of power before.
773
00:37:30,666 --> 00:37:32,126
Do it in the Oval Office,
774
00:37:32,126 --> 00:37:34,586
you know, pick up the red phone,
see who's on the other side.
775
00:37:34,586 --> 00:37:36,130
The oval orifice.
776
00:37:36,130 --> 00:37:37,506
[all laughing]
777
00:37:37,506 --> 00:37:39,258
- Yeah, dude!
- See what I did there?
778
00:37:39,258 --> 00:37:42,094
Bunch of guys, right?
Just fuckin' hangin' out.
779
00:37:42,761 --> 00:37:45,973
Trashin' women. Yeah, so cool.
You guys are so dope.
780
00:37:45,973 --> 00:37:47,516
What, are we offending you?
781
00:37:47,516 --> 00:37:49,226
[Travis] No, man, you're not offending me.
782
00:37:49,226 --> 00:37:51,270
I just think this misogynistic behavior
783
00:37:51,270 --> 00:37:54,481
amongst groups of men
is a little, uh, little cliché.
784
00:37:54,481 --> 00:37:56,942
Ah, Jesus Christ.
We got a feminist in the car.
785
00:37:56,942 --> 00:37:59,278
Look, I'm just looking out
for you guys, okay?
786
00:38:00,195 --> 00:38:02,531
No offense,
you're just comin' across a little...
787
00:38:03,782 --> 00:38:05,909
A little old, you know?
A little out of touch.
788
00:38:06,410 --> 00:38:07,578
We try evolving.
789
00:38:07,578 --> 00:38:10,998
Evolving? It's a good idea.
Like your generation, right?
790
00:38:10,998 --> 00:38:14,001
Filmin' yourselves
while you're flippin' over water bottles.
791
00:38:14,001 --> 00:38:15,419
Incredible progress.
792
00:38:15,419 --> 00:38:16,712
If I may interject.
793
00:38:17,379 --> 00:38:22,134
Travis, it sounds like what you're saying
is you feel your generation
794
00:38:22,134 --> 00:38:24,678
is more evolved than our generation.
795
00:38:24,678 --> 00:38:26,138
[Travis laughing]
796
00:38:27,348 --> 00:38:30,476
Oh my God, that was a real question?
Yeah, absolutely. Yes.
797
00:38:31,477 --> 00:38:33,187
Travis, do you like rap music?
798
00:38:33,771 --> 00:38:35,898
I mean, yeah,
I listen to all kinds of music.
799
00:38:36,398 --> 00:38:39,360
You go deep, or you listen
to that mumble rap shit?
800
00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:40,778
No, I go deep.
801
00:38:40,778 --> 00:38:42,029
Really? How deep?
802
00:38:42,029 --> 00:38:47,201
You know, the greats.
Wu-Tang, Biggie, Nas, uh, N.W.A.
803
00:38:47,201 --> 00:38:48,327
N.W.A?
804
00:38:48,827 --> 00:38:51,372
Okay, my man Travis goes way back.
805
00:38:52,706 --> 00:38:55,626
Saw the movie. Bought the soundtrack.
806
00:38:55,626 --> 00:38:57,961
You probably know who Yella Boy is.
807
00:38:57,961 --> 00:38:59,004
Wow!
808
00:38:59,671 --> 00:39:02,674
You like to sing along to them in the car?
809
00:39:02,674 --> 00:39:05,052
Yeah, I rap to them sometimes. Yeah.
810
00:39:05,052 --> 00:39:07,262
What do you do when they drop the N-word?
811
00:39:14,186 --> 00:39:15,813
- [chuckles]
- You keep singing along?
812
00:39:15,813 --> 00:39:17,523
Uh, no, I...
813
00:39:18,190 --> 00:39:19,650
I...
814
00:39:20,275 --> 00:39:21,110
I...
815
00:39:21,610 --> 00:39:22,653
I listen.
816
00:39:22,653 --> 00:39:26,115
- You just listen?
- [Travis] Yeah. I do. I... I listen.
817
00:39:26,115 --> 00:39:29,701
I mean, what, do you got a pause button
in your brain? This is N.W.A.
818
00:39:29,701 --> 00:39:31,995
You're by yourself. Windows are up.
819
00:39:32,871 --> 00:39:35,165
Cruisin' down the highway. You feelin' it!
820
00:39:36,208 --> 00:39:39,128
Are you tellin' me
that you stop your flow?
821
00:39:39,128 --> 00:39:40,921
- I do.
- Bullshit, motherfucker! Nobody could.
822
00:39:40,921 --> 00:39:42,131
It's N.W.A.
823
00:39:42,131 --> 00:39:44,174
- I thought you said you loved them.
- I do.
824
00:39:44,174 --> 00:39:46,135
- Do you love them?
- Yes, I do!
825
00:39:46,135 --> 00:39:48,178
- And you stop your flow?
- No, I say it!
826
00:39:48,720 --> 00:39:49,721
[gasps]
827
00:39:52,641 --> 00:39:56,311
I wanna hear how he says it.
Put on N.W.A "Straight Outta Compton."
828
00:39:56,311 --> 00:39:58,814
Oh, come on, man. I don't wanna do this.
I don't wanna do this.
829
00:39:58,814 --> 00:40:02,401
Why not? You say it when I'm not around,
but you won't say it when I am around.
830
00:40:02,401 --> 00:40:06,363
That makes me feel like you're sayin' it
in a way I wouldn't wanna hear it.
831
00:40:06,947 --> 00:40:10,492
["Straight Outta Compton"
by N.W.A. playing]
832
00:40:12,035 --> 00:40:14,329
I just wanna go on record
as saying I don't wanna do this.
833
00:40:14,329 --> 00:40:15,789
[shouts] Sing the damn song!
834
00:40:15,789 --> 00:40:16,874
Okay.
835
00:40:16,874 --> 00:40:18,917
Just chill out.
836
00:40:18,917 --> 00:40:22,296
♪ Straight outta Compton
Crazy motherfucker named Ice Cube ♪
837
00:40:22,296 --> 00:40:23,338
♪ From the... ♪
838
00:40:24,882 --> 00:40:27,092
♪ When I'm called off, I get a sawed-off ♪
839
00:40:27,092 --> 00:40:29,553
♪ Pull the trigger
And the bodies get hauled off ♪
840
00:40:29,553 --> 00:40:31,722
♪ You too, boy, if ya fuck with me ♪
841
00:40:31,722 --> 00:40:33,891
♪ The police are gonna have to come
And get me ♪
842
00:40:33,891 --> 00:40:36,477
♪ Off yo ass
'Cause that's how I'm goin' out ♪
843
00:40:36,477 --> 00:40:38,937
♪ The punk motherfuckers
That's showin' out... ♪
844
00:40:38,937 --> 00:40:40,022
N-- No.
845
00:40:40,022 --> 00:40:42,107
[Jack, Connor laughing]
846
00:40:42,107 --> 00:40:45,652
Fuck! I don't wanna say it, man.
I don't wanna say it.
847
00:40:45,652 --> 00:40:47,946
Good. You shouldn't wanna say it.
848
00:40:48,530 --> 00:40:50,491
But on behalf of Dr. Dre and company,
849
00:40:51,450 --> 00:40:52,910
thank you for buying this shit.
850
00:40:54,369 --> 00:40:55,913
Hey, Mike, for the record,
851
00:40:55,913 --> 00:40:58,832
whenever I listen to hip-hop,
I never say it, bro.
852
00:40:58,832 --> 00:41:00,209
Really? When do you say it?
853
00:41:02,044 --> 00:41:03,086
[Connor] Uh...
854
00:41:03,086 --> 00:41:05,172
- Okay, guys. Come on. It's over.
- Jack! Jack!
855
00:41:05,172 --> 00:41:06,757
- [loud thud]
- [tires squealing]
856
00:41:06,757 --> 00:41:08,509
- [Connor] Oh shit.
- [Jack] Shit.
857
00:41:08,509 --> 00:41:09,593
[engine stops]
858
00:41:09,593 --> 00:41:11,595
- [Travis] Shit, Jack.
- The fuck was that?
859
00:41:11,595 --> 00:41:13,013
[armadillo chittering]
860
00:41:13,555 --> 00:41:15,807
[Mike] I don't know, but it's dead.
861
00:41:16,683 --> 00:41:19,019
- [Western movie music plays]
- [Travis] What's that guy doin'?
862
00:41:28,987 --> 00:41:30,447
Holy shit. I think that's him.
863
00:41:30,447 --> 00:41:31,907
[Connor] Who?
864
00:41:31,907 --> 00:41:33,492
- Ed Cameron.
- [Travis] Nuh-uh.
865
00:41:33,492 --> 00:41:34,993
- You fucking kidding me?
- No.
866
00:41:34,993 --> 00:41:36,828
[Mike] Where you goin'?
Get back in the car.
867
00:41:38,747 --> 00:41:39,665
[Jack] Hi.
868
00:41:40,999 --> 00:41:42,042
How you doing?
869
00:41:46,755 --> 00:41:48,966
Uh, excuse me. I'm sorry.
Was that your armadillo?
870
00:41:53,220 --> 00:41:54,388
It is now.
871
00:41:58,767 --> 00:42:01,812
- The highway provides.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
872
00:42:03,981 --> 00:42:05,983
This, uh, might seem
like a weird question,
873
00:42:05,983 --> 00:42:09,486
but you wouldn't happen to be
Ed Cameron, are you?
874
00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:12,531
Who's askin'?
875
00:42:13,115 --> 00:42:15,242
Oh. Jack Kelly.
876
00:42:19,746 --> 00:42:22,457
Uh, we were just coming up here
to talk to you.
877
00:42:30,632 --> 00:42:32,551
You ain't a bunch of fags, are you?
878
00:42:34,970 --> 00:42:36,597
[indistinct chattering]
879
00:42:36,597 --> 00:42:37,889
Hey, Cara.
880
00:42:37,889 --> 00:42:39,266
- Yeah.
- [Leah] Hey.
881
00:42:39,266 --> 00:42:40,517
- Sorry.
- I'll catch you later.
882
00:42:40,517 --> 00:42:42,060
- Bye, Joanna.
- Sweetie, let's go.
883
00:42:42,060 --> 00:42:44,104
I was hoping
I was gonna run into you today.
884
00:42:44,104 --> 00:42:45,731
How's the second trimester?
885
00:42:45,731 --> 00:42:47,649
You know?
It's harder than it was with Nate.
886
00:42:47,649 --> 00:42:51,236
You know what? I could tell.
You're looking a little peaked.
887
00:42:51,236 --> 00:42:53,405
- You still working out?
- [laughing uncomfortably]
888
00:42:53,405 --> 00:42:54,323
Yeah.
889
00:42:54,323 --> 00:42:57,659
Uh, I was gonna talk to you
about Britney's baby shower.
890
00:42:57,659 --> 00:42:59,870
- [Colin roaring]
- And I was thinking we should-- Oh!
891
00:42:59,870 --> 00:43:04,416
Hey, Colin. You have to be careful, okay?
Auntie Leah's got a baby in here.
892
00:43:04,416 --> 00:43:05,876
Hi, baby!
893
00:43:05,876 --> 00:43:09,212
Colin! You are not allowed to do that,
do you understand me?
894
00:43:09,212 --> 00:43:11,006
Hey, hey! He's got a little extra energy.
895
00:43:11,006 --> 00:43:13,842
That doesn't give you the right
to scream at my child.
896
00:43:13,842 --> 00:43:16,428
I was just trying to protect myself.
897
00:43:16,428 --> 00:43:18,347
He's five years old.
He doesn't know any better.
898
00:43:18,347 --> 00:43:20,140
Don't you think he should?
899
00:43:21,266 --> 00:43:23,310
Are you calling me a bad mother?
900
00:43:23,310 --> 00:43:26,938
You could say I think
your parenting techniques are interesting.
901
00:43:26,938 --> 00:43:28,023
[scoffs]
902
00:43:28,023 --> 00:43:31,318
Home birth, no epidural, 4% body fat.
903
00:43:32,152 --> 00:43:33,445
The proof is in the pudding.
904
00:43:33,445 --> 00:43:35,781
Maybe if you occasionally ate
some of that pudding,
905
00:43:35,781 --> 00:43:37,491
you wouldn't have sweat your tits off.
906
00:43:38,784 --> 00:43:40,202
- Yeah.
- [gasps]
907
00:43:41,912 --> 00:43:44,456
I cannot wait to see
the look on Aspen's face
908
00:43:44,456 --> 00:43:47,626
when he congratulates us
for landing that fucking lunatic.
909
00:43:51,213 --> 00:43:53,465
Fucker's gonna give us all bedbugs.
910
00:43:55,634 --> 00:43:57,052
- Hey, Travis.
- Yo.
911
00:43:57,719 --> 00:43:59,930
Holy shit.
They already got him on a T-shirt?
912
00:43:59,930 --> 00:44:02,474
{\an8}Yeah. It's the prototype,
but it's pretty fucking sick, right?
913
00:44:02,474 --> 00:44:05,727
{\an8}So, last night, Aspen goes
to this ayahuasca ceremony,
914
00:44:05,727 --> 00:44:07,646
{\an8}and he gets this, like, crazy vision.
915
00:44:07,646 --> 00:44:10,315
{\an8}Memes, T-shirts, NFTs.
916
00:44:10,315 --> 00:44:12,234
I don't know what any of that means.
917
00:44:13,318 --> 00:44:17,447
I mean, dude's a crazy fucking genius.
This campaign is gonna be fire.
918
00:44:17,447 --> 00:44:18,573
If you say so.
919
00:44:18,573 --> 00:44:20,242
Hey, sorry I'm late.
920
00:44:20,242 --> 00:44:22,744
Hey, Connor. You see
they already got this guy on a T-shirt?
921
00:44:23,704 --> 00:44:24,788
Unbelievable.
922
00:44:27,541 --> 00:44:30,752
- What are you doin' way over there?
- I can sit wherever I want.
923
00:44:31,712 --> 00:44:34,381
- There a reason you're not looking at me?
- I don't know. Is there?
924
00:44:35,966 --> 00:44:37,384
[Aspen] Gentlemen.
925
00:44:37,384 --> 00:44:38,552
[laughs]
926
00:44:39,469 --> 00:44:42,139
You did it.
You guys crushed it. You really did.
927
00:44:42,639 --> 00:44:45,642
I mean, I understand now why
this company has been alive for 23 years.
928
00:44:45,642 --> 00:44:48,812
Yeah, well, guess these old dogs
had a little more bite left in 'em
929
00:44:48,812 --> 00:44:49,730
than you thought.
930
00:44:50,522 --> 00:44:51,356
Yeah.
931
00:44:51,356 --> 00:44:52,524
[laughs]
932
00:44:52,524 --> 00:44:54,943
We're gonna have to talk about
the rental car though.
933
00:44:54,943 --> 00:44:57,779
Ah, just a scratched bumper.
We have insurance.
934
00:44:57,779 --> 00:45:01,491
We have insurance for the car.
We don't have insurance for this.
935
00:45:01,992 --> 00:45:05,370
Hey, let me ask you a question.
Did Caitlyn Jenner keep Bruce's dick?
936
00:45:05,370 --> 00:45:07,414
- [Mike] Like in a jar?
- Where'd you get this?
937
00:45:07,414 --> 00:45:09,040
[Jack] No, like, she still has it.
938
00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:12,461
Like, Caitlyn has tits and a dick,
and is that why you say "they"?
939
00:45:12,461 --> 00:45:16,089
- [Mike] I get what you're saying.
- Look, I'm not saying I'd bang Caitlyn.
940
00:45:16,089 --> 00:45:19,342
But, I mean, tell me that's not
a better person to watch a game with.
941
00:45:19,342 --> 00:45:20,552
That's fucking Bruce Jenner.
942
00:45:20,552 --> 00:45:23,346
I wonder, like, every four years
when the Summer Olympics come up,
943
00:45:23,346 --> 00:45:25,640
who's the first one
to call Caitlyn and be like,
944
00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:30,103
-"You wanna watch the decathlon today?"
- Yeah. [laughs]
945
00:45:30,645 --> 00:45:33,565
[Travis] I feel super fucking bad
for all your wives.
946
00:45:33,565 --> 00:45:35,942
Let me ask you something, Travis.
You ever been married?
947
00:45:35,942 --> 00:45:37,527
- No, I haven't.
- Well, there you go.
948
00:45:37,527 --> 00:45:40,655
Why don't you go up to a Marine now
and tell him what it's like in battle?
949
00:45:40,655 --> 00:45:42,824
Did you set that camera up?
You fucking snitch.
950
00:45:42,824 --> 00:45:44,618
Whoa. No, no, no, no, no, no.
951
00:45:44,618 --> 00:45:48,497
Trav had nothing to do with this, okay?
This came from the rental car company.
952
00:45:48,497 --> 00:45:51,917
They sent it to us in exchange for
all of our users' personal information.
953
00:45:51,917 --> 00:45:53,168
Are you fucking kidding me?
954
00:45:53,168 --> 00:45:54,878
[Aspen] It's an information economy.
955
00:45:54,878 --> 00:45:57,547
They, uh, record everything
for liability and safety, apparently.
956
00:45:57,547 --> 00:46:01,009
Well, you know, once I saw it...
Guys, my hands are tied.
957
00:46:01,635 --> 00:46:02,969
Gonna have to liberate you.
958
00:46:02,969 --> 00:46:06,223
"Liberate" us?
Is he firing us over that bullshit?
959
00:46:06,223 --> 00:46:08,266
It's a bunch of guys
shootin' the shit in a car.
960
00:46:08,266 --> 00:46:09,935
There's no way that's fucking legal.
961
00:46:09,935 --> 00:46:12,312
It is, actually, in New Mexico.
962
00:46:12,312 --> 00:46:13,772
[laughs]
963
00:46:15,023 --> 00:46:18,026
Okay, fine, so we're terminated.
You still gotta pay us.
964
00:46:18,527 --> 00:46:20,237
Actually, we don't.
965
00:46:20,237 --> 00:46:24,783
Because your behavior violated the terms
of your morality clause in your contract.
966
00:46:24,783 --> 00:46:25,951
Morality clause?
967
00:46:26,701 --> 00:46:28,203
What... what's he talkin' about?
968
00:46:28,203 --> 00:46:31,122
So all of your equity has been liquidated,
969
00:46:31,122 --> 00:46:33,458
and it's been returned
to the general fund.
970
00:46:33,458 --> 00:46:34,376
What the fuck?
971
00:46:34,376 --> 00:46:37,254
[Aspen] You have to leave the premises
immediately if you don't mind.
972
00:46:37,254 --> 00:46:40,006
- Let's go.
- Look. The meter maids are back, huh?
973
00:46:40,006 --> 00:46:42,509
You hide behind these guys?
Do all your dirty work?
974
00:46:42,509 --> 00:46:44,052
Yeah, they're good guys.
975
00:46:44,052 --> 00:46:45,554
Un-fuckin'-believable.
976
00:46:45,554 --> 00:46:47,055
120 pounds soakin' wet.
977
00:46:47,055 --> 00:46:48,765
- You fucking piece of shit.
- [exhales] Wow!
978
00:46:50,350 --> 00:46:52,352
- [Aspen] Come on.
- Real nice, man.
979
00:46:52,853 --> 00:46:54,479
- Travis, can you get that?
- Yeah.
980
00:46:56,481 --> 00:46:58,066
Yikes, right? [laughs]
981
00:46:58,608 --> 00:47:01,611
You too, though, Travis. You too.
982
00:47:01,611 --> 00:47:02,612
What?
983
00:47:04,614 --> 00:47:06,700
I didn't condone anything
that was goin' on in the car.
984
00:47:06,700 --> 00:47:07,742
I was being vocally--
985
00:47:07,742 --> 00:47:09,077
♪ And shit ♪
986
00:47:09,077 --> 00:47:10,620
♪ Yeah, yeah... ♪
987
00:47:10,620 --> 00:47:12,497
- Is that my apartment?
- Yeah.
988
00:47:12,497 --> 00:47:13,498
♪ Yeah... ♪
989
00:47:14,708 --> 00:47:16,418
Why... why do you have this, Aspen?
990
00:47:16,418 --> 00:47:18,628
[Aspen] You got a TV with a camera.
Things could happen.
991
00:47:18,628 --> 00:47:19,921
♪ Gold all in my chain ♪
992
00:47:20,505 --> 00:47:22,257
♪ Gold all in my ring ♪
993
00:47:22,883 --> 00:47:24,551
♪ Gold all in my watch ♪
994
00:47:25,176 --> 00:47:27,512
♪ Don't believe me, just watch
Nigga, nigga, nigga ♪
995
00:47:27,512 --> 00:47:30,015
♪ Don't believe me, just watch ♪
996
00:47:30,015 --> 00:47:32,976
♪ Don't believe me, just watch
Nigga, nigga, nigga... ♪
997
00:47:32,976 --> 00:47:34,728
- Justin.
- Come on, man!
998
00:47:34,728 --> 00:47:36,980
Oh, Aspen, come on, man.
I was getting hyped, dude.
999
00:47:36,980 --> 00:47:39,733
I was... I was gettin' ready
to start my fuckin' day.
1000
00:47:39,733 --> 00:47:41,902
I was gettin' ready
to start the day, dude!
1001
00:47:42,527 --> 00:47:44,237
What the hell's a morality clause?
1002
00:47:45,238 --> 00:47:47,699
It's a boilerplate clause
in every corporate contract,
1003
00:47:47,699 --> 00:47:50,243
but I've never heard it
used in the context
1004
00:47:50,243 --> 00:47:53,663
of secretly filming someone
in a rental car in a different state.
1005
00:47:53,663 --> 00:47:56,166
Well, why the fuck
would you have us three knuckleheads
1006
00:47:56,166 --> 00:47:58,793
sign a morality clause
when you know how we are?
1007
00:47:58,793 --> 00:48:02,213
Don't you mean how you are?
Motherfucker, let me tell you somethin'.
1008
00:48:02,213 --> 00:48:04,341
If it wasn't this, it'd be somethin' else.
1009
00:48:04,341 --> 00:48:05,842
And now, thanks to you,
1010
00:48:05,842 --> 00:48:07,802
I'm gonna be working until I'm 85!
1011
00:48:07,802 --> 00:48:11,181
Oh, you're not puttin' this on me, Mike.
You're not puttin' this on me, okay?
1012
00:48:11,181 --> 00:48:13,516
For 23 years,
you didn't miss a goddamn thing,
1013
00:48:13,516 --> 00:48:17,520
but you were so hot to trot
to get your loaded Ford fucking Fusion,
1014
00:48:17,520 --> 00:48:19,022
you left us exposed.
1015
00:48:19,648 --> 00:48:21,274
Are you questioning my competency?
1016
00:48:21,274 --> 00:48:22,901
No, I'm questioning your motivation.
1017
00:48:22,901 --> 00:48:25,695
Guys, come on, okay?
We're all in this together.
1018
00:48:26,237 --> 00:48:28,323
[Mike] Not anymore.
I'm done with you, Jack.
1019
00:48:28,323 --> 00:48:29,866
You and your big fuckin' mouth.
1020
00:48:29,866 --> 00:48:31,368
Come on, Mike.
1021
00:48:32,160 --> 00:48:34,746
- [Connor sighs]
- Connor, why aren't you lookin' at me?
1022
00:48:34,746 --> 00:48:37,040
Don't worry about it, okay?
I can look wherever I want.
1023
00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:41,252
- The fuck is goin' on with you?
- Jack, we can't hang out right now, okay?
1024
00:48:41,252 --> 00:48:43,463
Just know that there will come
a time in the future
1025
00:48:43,463 --> 00:48:46,633
when we will be able to hang out again,
but that time is not now, okay?
1026
00:48:46,633 --> 00:48:49,302
- It's just... It's too fuckin' weird.
- [melancholy music playing]
1027
00:48:49,302 --> 00:48:51,221
The fuck are you talkin' about?
1028
00:48:51,221 --> 00:48:52,806
Why don't you ask your wife?
1029
00:48:53,723 --> 00:48:55,350
- [door opens]
- [melancholy music continues]
1030
00:48:55,350 --> 00:48:56,393
[Leah] Hey, babe.
1031
00:48:56,893 --> 00:48:58,937
- [door closes]
- Did you try to fuck Connor?
1032
00:48:59,437 --> 00:49:02,023
- Huh?
- What? What are you talking about?
1033
00:49:02,023 --> 00:49:04,609
How come Connor said you're the reason
me and him can't hang out?
1034
00:49:04,609 --> 00:49:06,861
- I don't--
- Answer me that, Leah. Answer me that.
1035
00:49:06,861 --> 00:49:07,904
Oh my God.
1036
00:49:09,406 --> 00:49:12,409
Okay. So, Cara and I got into
an argument at pickup, okay?
1037
00:49:12,409 --> 00:49:15,161
I said she was a shitty mom
who couldn't parent her kid.
1038
00:49:15,161 --> 00:49:16,705
- Oh!
- Oh.
1039
00:49:16,705 --> 00:49:20,291
- Well, didn't I tell you not to do that?
- Yes, yes. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
1040
00:49:20,291 --> 00:49:22,043
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, but...
1041
00:49:23,169 --> 00:49:26,881
Do you really think
that I would try and fuck Connor?
1042
00:49:26,881 --> 00:49:30,093
- No, that was stupid.
- I mean... Come on, what are you--
1043
00:49:30,093 --> 00:49:32,387
- I'm emotional.
- What's going on?
1044
00:49:32,387 --> 00:49:33,596
I lost my job today.
1045
00:49:34,097 --> 00:49:36,683
- What?
- I lost my job today.
1046
00:49:36,683 --> 00:49:37,851
- What?
- We all did.
1047
00:49:37,851 --> 00:49:40,895
Oh no, honey. Oh no. What happened?
1048
00:49:40,895 --> 00:49:42,230
I don't know. I...
1049
00:49:42,856 --> 00:49:45,692
We said some shit on that road trip,
and it got back to the office.
1050
00:49:47,986 --> 00:49:49,154
What did you say?
1051
00:49:49,654 --> 00:49:54,159
You know, stuff you say in a rental car
when you don't know you're bein' filmed.
1052
00:49:55,452 --> 00:49:56,578
Can I guess?
1053
00:49:57,454 --> 00:49:59,205
I'd appreciate it if you didn't.
1054
00:50:00,540 --> 00:50:01,750
It wasn't that bad.
1055
00:50:03,084 --> 00:50:05,503
Look, the real point is,
you know, I let you and the kids down,
1056
00:50:05,503 --> 00:50:07,464
and now Nate can't go to private school.
1057
00:50:07,464 --> 00:50:09,716
I feel terrible about that.
I'm gonna figure out a way--
1058
00:50:09,716 --> 00:50:12,761
No. You know what?
Nate is gonna go to private school.
1059
00:50:13,428 --> 00:50:17,474
And I don't care if we have four mortgages
on the house and I work every day
1060
00:50:17,474 --> 00:50:20,560
until my water breaks,
but my son is not gonna get left behind
1061
00:50:20,560 --> 00:50:23,646
because his father has
the self-control of a two-year-old.
1062
00:50:24,355 --> 00:50:26,816
It's not self-control.
It's a right-to-privacy issue, but...
1063
00:50:37,035 --> 00:50:39,370
[sentimental music playing]
1064
00:50:39,370 --> 00:50:43,792
[Connor] Dear Jack, these last months
have felt like a fuckin' eternity, man.
1065
00:50:45,085 --> 00:50:46,127
I miss you.
1066
00:50:46,961 --> 00:50:48,379
I miss our brotherhood.
1067
00:50:49,214 --> 00:50:54,010
The fighting for a common goal,
the camaraderie, the ball-breaking,
1068
00:50:54,636 --> 00:50:56,763
even though it was often at my expense.
1069
00:50:56,763 --> 00:50:59,516
[announcer] Jenner into the spin.
Lets it fly.
1070
00:51:00,100 --> 00:51:02,102
{\an8}Bruce Jenner has won gold!
1071
00:51:02,102 --> 00:51:04,813
[howling]
1072
00:51:04,813 --> 00:51:09,734
{\an8}You don't have to know what's going on
to be what's going on.
1073
00:51:09,734 --> 00:51:12,570
{\an8}- [female voice] The Ed Cameron Collection.
- [hawk squawking]
1074
00:51:12,570 --> 00:51:15,532
- [sentimental music playing]
- [Connor] Mike is hanging in there.
1075
00:51:15,532 --> 00:51:17,826
You know, he's got a good job
at a mid-level firm,
1076
00:51:17,826 --> 00:51:21,746
and I think he's really comin' around
to becoming a father again.
1077
00:51:22,622 --> 00:51:26,334
And he seems happy, but...
Well, you know Mike.
1078
00:51:26,334 --> 00:51:27,836
He's not a big talker.
1079
00:51:30,797 --> 00:51:33,133
Being unemployed hasn't been easy.
1080
00:51:34,092 --> 00:51:37,512
But I've been watching
this guy Joel Osteen a lot.
1081
00:51:38,388 --> 00:51:42,058
Man, once you get past all the God shit,
the guy's got a pretty positive message.
1082
00:51:42,058 --> 00:51:44,060
And his hair is bangin'.
1083
00:51:44,727 --> 00:51:46,521
He told the story
of these three sheepherders--
1084
00:51:46,521 --> 00:51:47,522
[Cara coughs]
1085
00:51:52,735 --> 00:51:54,737
[mysterious music playing]
1086
00:52:04,497 --> 00:52:06,166
[sighs] Fuck.
1087
00:52:07,250 --> 00:52:08,168
[sighs]
1088
00:52:09,502 --> 00:52:10,545
[sentimental music playing]
1089
00:52:10,545 --> 00:52:11,504
Dear Jack,
1090
00:52:12,213 --> 00:52:13,756
I miss you, man.
1091
00:52:13,756 --> 00:52:16,301
As you know, I was a neglected child.
1092
00:52:16,801 --> 00:52:19,012
Lot of time with the Legos,
if you know what I mean, and--
1093
00:52:19,012 --> 00:52:20,680
- [door creaks]
- [eerie music plays]
1094
00:52:22,348 --> 00:52:23,349
What are you doing?
1095
00:52:23,850 --> 00:52:25,393
[splutters]
1096
00:52:25,393 --> 00:52:26,686
Nothing. It's just...
1097
00:52:27,270 --> 00:52:28,479
It's... it's...
1098
00:52:29,189 --> 00:52:31,107
Just knockin' off a little haiku. It's...
1099
00:52:31,691 --> 00:52:33,067
[paper burning]
1100
00:52:33,067 --> 00:52:34,319
It's stupid. I...
1101
00:52:37,447 --> 00:52:38,323
[blows]
1102
00:52:38,865 --> 00:52:40,366
Let's go to bed, right, babe?
1103
00:52:40,992 --> 00:52:42,076
I'm so tired.
1104
00:52:42,577 --> 00:52:43,995
Uh... It's...
1105
00:52:45,079 --> 00:52:47,081
[jazz music playing]
1106
00:52:48,208 --> 00:52:50,210
[indistinct chattering]
1107
00:52:53,838 --> 00:52:54,839
[bartender] Here you are.
1108
00:52:54,839 --> 00:52:56,049
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
1109
00:52:57,300 --> 00:52:58,718
- [woman] Jack!
- Hey.
1110
00:52:58,718 --> 00:53:01,554
I mean, great party.
Everybody seems to be having a blast.
1111
00:53:01,554 --> 00:53:03,973
- Oh, thank you.
- [man] I have to commend you.
1112
00:53:03,973 --> 00:53:06,726
Having the foresight to see
that any party theme decided upon
1113
00:53:06,726 --> 00:53:09,812
by a predominantly white committee
would be inherently biased...
1114
00:53:10,313 --> 00:53:12,899
Well, your growth
really makes my heart smile.
1115
00:53:12,899 --> 00:53:15,485
Oh, well,
I was just listenin' to the group.
1116
00:53:15,485 --> 00:53:16,486
[laughs]
1117
00:53:16,486 --> 00:53:19,572
Hey, who knew throwin' a party celebratin'
white people not hurtin' anyone
1118
00:53:19,572 --> 00:53:20,949
would actually be a big hit?
1119
00:53:21,532 --> 00:53:25,536
I'm a little surprised too.
Congratulations, Jack.
1120
00:53:25,536 --> 00:53:27,538
Oh, thank you, Doctor L.
1121
00:53:27,538 --> 00:53:30,291
But remember,
the real metric for the party
1122
00:53:30,291 --> 00:53:32,210
is what it does for the children.
1123
00:53:34,879 --> 00:53:35,838
Good luck.
1124
00:53:37,131 --> 00:53:38,091
Thank you.
1125
00:53:39,092 --> 00:53:40,009
Godspeed.
1126
00:53:42,929 --> 00:53:45,139
Hey, hey. You know what?
Don't worry about her.
1127
00:53:45,139 --> 00:53:47,433
Yeah, you're right.
This next item is gonna sell itself.
1128
00:53:47,433 --> 00:53:50,812
If it doesn't, we can always auction off
some of our dumb jewelry.
1129
00:53:50,812 --> 00:53:52,814
Listen, you just need to focus, okay?
1130
00:53:52,814 --> 00:53:54,357
- Right. Right.
- Think about Nate.
1131
00:53:54,357 --> 00:53:56,150
You know, turn on that charm
1132
00:53:56,150 --> 00:53:58,778
I so deeply regret
falling in love with every day.
1133
00:53:58,778 --> 00:53:59,696
[chuckles]
1134
00:53:59,696 --> 00:54:01,823
You're gonna bring it home,
like you always do, right?
1135
00:54:01,823 --> 00:54:04,993
- Right. Right. All right.
- Oh, uh, Connor gave me a note.
1136
00:54:04,993 --> 00:54:08,871
Actually, he gave someone else a note
to give to me to give to you.
1137
00:54:08,871 --> 00:54:09,831
I don't know.
1138
00:54:10,581 --> 00:54:12,333
You're gonna be great. I know it.
1139
00:54:12,333 --> 00:54:14,085
- I love you.
- Thank you. Thank you.
1140
00:54:14,794 --> 00:54:19,007
[Connor] Dear Jack, this situation sucks.
But I'm here for you, bro.
1141
00:54:19,007 --> 00:54:22,552
I'd write more, but these gummies
are starting to kick in.
1142
00:54:22,552 --> 00:54:24,679
[sentimental music playing]
1143
00:54:26,222 --> 00:54:27,849
[sentimental music fades]
1144
00:54:27,849 --> 00:54:30,143
- [Cara] What are you doing?
- [pop music playing]
1145
00:54:30,143 --> 00:54:34,188
Doin' this, girl. Ah, remember that?
The old days? What? Girls.
1146
00:54:34,188 --> 00:54:35,106
Oh!
1147
00:54:36,733 --> 00:54:38,735
[pop music fades]
1148
00:54:42,822 --> 00:54:46,159
All right, ladies and gentlemen.
Uh, just a little quick reminder.
1149
00:54:46,159 --> 00:54:49,829
There's only 45 minutes left
in our silent auction.
1150
00:54:49,829 --> 00:54:53,124
That's still plenty of time
to bid on some incredible items,
1151
00:54:53,124 --> 00:54:56,878
including artwork
created by your own children
1152
00:54:56,878 --> 00:54:58,880
to raise money for the school.
1153
00:54:58,880 --> 00:55:00,340
[crowd cheering]
1154
00:55:00,340 --> 00:55:03,676
It's not child labor
if it's for a good cause. Am I right?
1155
00:55:03,676 --> 00:55:04,635
[crowd laughs]
1156
00:55:04,635 --> 00:55:06,721
All right. Now, if we look
at the Doctor L-O-Meter,
1157
00:55:06,721 --> 00:55:09,891
we are inching towards
our goal of $30,000,
1158
00:55:09,891 --> 00:55:12,727
which brings us to the live auction.
1159
00:55:12,727 --> 00:55:16,356
The next item we have up for bids
is something very special.
1160
00:55:16,356 --> 00:55:17,982
I know what you're thinking to yourself.
1161
00:55:17,982 --> 00:55:21,986
You're thinking, "Jack, how the heck
are you gonna top two floor seats
1162
00:55:21,986 --> 00:55:23,821
to see Adele at The Forum?"
1163
00:55:23,821 --> 00:55:25,907
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
1164
00:55:25,907 --> 00:55:27,658
you better have
those paddles in your hands
1165
00:55:27,658 --> 00:55:28,951
'cause I'ma tell you something.
1166
00:55:28,951 --> 00:55:31,996
We are about ready to bid...
Get ready for this.
1167
00:55:31,996 --> 00:55:35,750
We're about ready to bid
on two hours of uninterrupted,
1168
00:55:35,750 --> 00:55:38,544
one-on-one time with the one and only
1169
00:55:38,544 --> 00:55:42,882
Doctor Lois Shmieckel-Turner!
1170
00:55:42,882 --> 00:55:45,718
- [crowd cheering]
- Yes, there she is!
1171
00:55:45,718 --> 00:55:51,015
Two hours to glean
an entire lifetime of parental knowledge
1172
00:55:51,015 --> 00:55:54,435
from one of
Southern California's leading educators.
1173
00:55:54,435 --> 00:55:56,020
Now, this is crazy to me.
1174
00:55:56,020 --> 00:55:58,106
They told me
to start this bidding at $1,500.
1175
00:55:58,106 --> 00:56:00,233
But I don't know what it is.
I don't know what it is.
1176
00:56:00,233 --> 00:56:03,069
Old Jackie boy is feeling
a little bit crazy tonight.
1177
00:56:03,069 --> 00:56:07,323
I don't know, but since I'm having
so much fun at this "no theme" theme event
1178
00:56:07,323 --> 00:56:09,325
that I'm gonna
get a little crazy here, people.
1179
00:56:09,325 --> 00:56:11,828
I'm not starting
the biddin' off at $1,500.
1180
00:56:11,828 --> 00:56:15,123
I'm gonna start it off at $2,000, huh?!
1181
00:56:15,123 --> 00:56:18,918
Yeah! So, who's gonna
have fun with me, huh? All right.
1182
00:56:18,918 --> 00:56:23,381
Do I hear $2,100? Who's got 21?
I got $2,100 right there.
1183
00:56:23,381 --> 00:56:28,094
$2,100. Do I hear 22? 22! Who's got 22?
1184
00:56:28,094 --> 00:56:33,933
Brian Dodson! Big Brian.
Not body-shaming. You look fantastic.
1185
00:56:33,933 --> 00:56:37,103
My God! Ladies, look at this guy.
I know he's married, but you know,
1186
00:56:37,103 --> 00:56:38,938
little side glance won't hurt you.
1187
00:56:38,938 --> 00:56:41,315
Do I hear 23? Who's got 23?
1188
00:56:41,315 --> 00:56:45,194
Joanna Wilkerson, who needs a nanny
who's also a personal assistant,
1189
00:56:45,194 --> 00:56:46,571
if you can help out.
1190
00:56:46,571 --> 00:56:49,824
All right, 24. I need 24.
Who's got 24? 24?
1191
00:56:49,824 --> 00:56:52,452
Brian Dodson! Back to Big Brian.
1192
00:56:53,035 --> 00:56:55,621
Oh my God!
We've got a dogfight going on here.
1193
00:56:55,621 --> 00:56:57,415
And I'm jumping right in the middle of it.
1194
00:56:57,415 --> 00:57:01,586
I'm not going $2,500.
I'm not going 26, 27, 28.
1195
00:57:01,586 --> 00:57:04,130
I'm taking the elevator up
to the penthouse.
1196
00:57:04,130 --> 00:57:06,215
I'm going $3,000!
1197
00:57:06,215 --> 00:57:09,051
[crowd cheering]
1198
00:57:09,051 --> 00:57:10,178
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
1199
00:57:10,178 --> 00:57:13,347
$3,000, baby! Who's coming with me?
1200
00:57:13,347 --> 00:57:16,767
Who's going $3,200?
Let me hear $3,200. 32.
1201
00:57:16,767 --> 00:57:20,396
Thirty-two. Great number. OJ Simpson.
OJ Simpson scaring the white people.
1202
00:57:20,396 --> 00:57:23,816
All right. Marcus Allen.
Who's going $3,200? Come on.
1203
00:57:23,816 --> 00:57:25,276
[silence]
1204
00:57:25,276 --> 00:57:29,071
All right. Old Jack, you got
a little too crazy. How about $3,100?
1205
00:57:29,071 --> 00:57:31,782
$3,100. Who's got $3,100, huh?
1206
00:57:32,366 --> 00:57:33,576
[silence]
1207
00:57:34,285 --> 00:57:35,203
$3,100?
1208
00:57:35,203 --> 00:57:36,537
[silence]
1209
00:57:37,330 --> 00:57:40,291
All right. Come on, people.
I saw a lot of Teslas in the parking lot.
1210
00:57:40,291 --> 00:57:41,626
[silence]
1211
00:57:41,626 --> 00:57:44,128
Just 'cause your car's quiet
doesn't mean you have to be.
1212
00:57:44,128 --> 00:57:45,671
- $3,100.
- [silence]
1213
00:57:46,339 --> 00:57:49,717
Really? You're gonna let me
walk with this for $3,000?
1214
00:57:49,717 --> 00:57:52,595
'Cause I'll tell you right now.
I'll take it. I will take it.
1215
00:57:52,595 --> 00:57:56,307
$3,000? $3,000 going once.
$3,000 going twice.
1216
00:57:56,307 --> 00:57:57,391
[silence]
1217
00:57:57,391 --> 00:58:00,144
$3,000? Final time!
1218
00:58:00,144 --> 00:58:02,980
- [silence]
- Sold to Jack Kelly!
1219
00:58:02,980 --> 00:58:05,107
[crowd cheering]
1220
00:58:08,694 --> 00:58:10,571
I'm gonna fucking kill myself.
1221
00:58:11,614 --> 00:58:13,616
- Hey! Old Jackie!
- [crowd cheering]
1222
00:58:14,367 --> 00:58:15,451
Yeah! Jack Kelly!
1223
00:58:16,369 --> 00:58:17,662
[cheering continues]
1224
00:58:19,413 --> 00:58:22,083
All right. That concludes
this portion of the auction.
1225
00:58:22,083 --> 00:58:24,460
We only have a few more items left to bid.
1226
00:58:24,460 --> 00:58:27,380
Please hold onto those paddles.
We're gonna get to our goal, all right?
1227
00:58:27,380 --> 00:58:29,173
Have a good time.
Keep drinking those drinks.
1228
00:58:29,173 --> 00:58:31,634
I'll be back in a few moments
for the last few items.
1229
00:58:31,634 --> 00:58:33,261
All right. Enjoy yourselves.
1230
00:58:33,970 --> 00:58:35,972
[pop music playing]
1231
00:58:43,437 --> 00:58:44,438
[groans]
1232
00:58:48,734 --> 00:58:49,735
[Lois] Jack.
1233
00:58:50,653 --> 00:58:53,489
I must thank you
for your generous donation.
1234
00:58:54,240 --> 00:58:58,661
And I'm also quite frankly surprised
you'd want to spend two hours with me.
1235
00:58:58,661 --> 00:59:00,079
[chuckles]
1236
00:59:00,079 --> 00:59:02,123
Yeah. Well, I guess
I'm full of surprises, huh?
1237
00:59:02,123 --> 00:59:03,374
[Lois] Yes. Yes, you are,
1238
00:59:03,374 --> 00:59:07,169
considering I heard
that you lost your job and your company.
1239
00:59:09,255 --> 00:59:12,174
How are you and your family
handling this setback?
1240
00:59:13,259 --> 00:59:14,093
Just fine.
1241
00:59:14,093 --> 00:59:16,554
Because we have tons of literature
that will help you
1242
00:59:16,554 --> 00:59:19,223
through what I know
must be a very trying time.
1243
00:59:19,223 --> 00:59:20,808
Hey, listen, Doctor L,
1244
00:59:21,392 --> 00:59:23,060
you can drop the act, okay?
1245
00:59:23,060 --> 00:59:24,353
Just drop the act.
1246
00:59:24,353 --> 00:59:25,855
All right, you got my money.
1247
00:59:25,855 --> 00:59:28,190
So now I guess my kid gets
a good recommendation,
1248
00:59:28,190 --> 00:59:29,483
and everything's fine.
1249
00:59:30,067 --> 00:59:33,070
Jack, I hope you aren't insinuating
that your financial commitment
1250
00:59:33,070 --> 00:59:36,907
is going to buy
your child a recommendation.
1251
00:59:36,907 --> 00:59:39,243
Oh, I would never do that. No.
1252
00:59:40,953 --> 00:59:44,624
You know, Jack,
I don't fault you for the way you are.
1253
00:59:45,291 --> 00:59:48,044
You're just blinded
by a lifetime of privilege.
1254
00:59:49,962 --> 00:59:52,465
If I was privileged,
I don't think I'd have to spend two hours
1255
00:59:52,465 --> 00:59:54,467
pretending I wanted to talk to you,
now would I?
1256
00:59:54,467 --> 00:59:55,509
Excuse me?
1257
00:59:55,509 --> 00:59:56,552
You heard me.
1258
00:59:57,261 --> 00:59:58,804
- [Lois] I guess I did.
- [Jack] Good.
1259
00:59:58,804 --> 01:00:01,724
I will take that into consideration
when I write up Nate's recommendation.
1260
01:00:01,724 --> 01:00:05,478
Oh, I bet you will. I bet you will, huh?
That's how you operate?
1261
01:00:05,478 --> 01:00:08,648
Fuck over an innocent child
'cause you have petty bullshit with me?
1262
01:00:08,648 --> 01:00:12,026
Hey. You two already started talking.
1263
01:00:12,026 --> 01:00:13,069
I, uh...
1264
01:00:14,195 --> 01:00:16,989
I hope that doesn't count
against our two hours.
1265
01:00:16,989 --> 01:00:18,324
Hello, Mrs. Kelly.
1266
01:00:20,117 --> 01:00:21,243
Good night, Jack.
1267
01:00:26,082 --> 01:00:27,500
What did you say to her?
1268
01:00:28,000 --> 01:00:32,004
I didn't do anything. She came over here.
She started twisting the knife, Leah.
1269
01:00:32,004 --> 01:00:34,340
What did you say to her?
1270
01:00:34,340 --> 01:00:36,133
Of course. Of course. What did I say?
1271
01:00:36,133 --> 01:00:40,012
What did Jack say?
Can you ever be in my corner, Leah, huh?
1272
01:00:40,012 --> 01:00:41,972
I just dropped three grand
that we don't have
1273
01:00:41,972 --> 01:00:44,850
to spend two hours
with that fucking egomaniac.
1274
01:00:44,850 --> 01:00:47,061
And you come over with,
"What did Jack say?"
1275
01:00:47,061 --> 01:00:49,689
You know what I said? I said
what everybody is already thinking
1276
01:00:49,689 --> 01:00:52,024
but doesn't have the fucking balls to say.
1277
01:00:54,902 --> 01:00:57,113
Oh, great. Great.
Now you're gonna cry, right?
1278
01:00:57,113 --> 01:00:58,864
- Yeah. Great.
- [sniffles]
1279
01:01:00,449 --> 01:01:01,534
You're an asshole.
1280
01:01:02,535 --> 01:01:05,538
Oh, I'm an asshole?
Then why did I do all of this, huh?
1281
01:01:06,288 --> 01:01:09,709
What, you're mad? What?
What, Leah? 'Cause I'm honest? Huh?
1282
01:01:09,709 --> 01:01:11,669
- Huh, Leah?
- [door slams in distance]
1283
01:01:13,421 --> 01:01:15,548
What the fuck
are you guys looking at, huh?
1284
01:01:16,424 --> 01:01:18,008
Yeah, I could be like you guys.
1285
01:01:18,759 --> 01:01:20,678
Pretending to care. You guys don't care.
1286
01:01:20,678 --> 01:01:23,264
All you're trying to do
is not get in trouble.
1287
01:01:23,264 --> 01:01:26,016
That's what the fuck is wrong
with your whole generation.
1288
01:01:26,517 --> 01:01:27,643
[woman] Okay, boomer.
1289
01:01:27,643 --> 01:01:29,103
Generation X!
1290
01:01:30,104 --> 01:01:30,938
[man] Slacker.
1291
01:01:33,399 --> 01:01:35,609
[melancholy music playing]
1292
01:01:40,573 --> 01:01:41,532
[Jack] Here you go.
1293
01:01:58,048 --> 01:01:59,467
[keys jingling]
1294
01:02:01,093 --> 01:02:03,095
[melancholy music continues]
1295
01:02:06,182 --> 01:02:07,558
Oh, Jesus Christ!
1296
01:02:08,642 --> 01:02:09,602
Leah.
1297
01:02:10,519 --> 01:02:11,479
Leah!
1298
01:02:13,439 --> 01:02:14,732
Leah, open the door.
1299
01:02:15,649 --> 01:02:16,525
[teeth click]
1300
01:02:19,153 --> 01:02:20,154
[doorbell rings]
1301
01:02:21,155 --> 01:02:22,031
Leah.
1302
01:02:23,199 --> 01:02:24,950
Leah, come on. Open the door.
1303
01:02:26,243 --> 01:02:27,578
I know you can hear me.
1304
01:02:31,290 --> 01:02:32,374
Oh, Jesus Christ!
1305
01:02:38,088 --> 01:02:38,923
I'll fix that.
1306
01:02:41,842 --> 01:02:43,886
What the fuck is wrong with you?
1307
01:02:43,886 --> 01:02:45,971
What the fuck's wrong with me?
You locked me out.
1308
01:02:45,971 --> 01:02:48,182
I know I did.
So, what are you doing standing here?
1309
01:02:48,766 --> 01:02:49,725
'Cause I live here.
1310
01:02:49,725 --> 01:02:53,938
Oh, Jack. I need you
to not be in this house right now.
1311
01:02:53,938 --> 01:02:56,357
All right, fine, whatever.
I'll sleep on the couch.
1312
01:02:56,357 --> 01:03:00,069
No. I have had it.
I have had it with your outbursts.
1313
01:03:00,069 --> 01:03:06,325
I have had it with your... your inability
to understand your level of anger
1314
01:03:06,325 --> 01:03:08,661
and the negative effect
it's having on our family.
1315
01:03:08,661 --> 01:03:11,914
Okay, I'm sorry.
I got a little sideways tonight. I just--
1316
01:03:11,914 --> 01:03:14,583
No. No. No.
1317
01:03:14,583 --> 01:03:18,546
You don't get to keep doing this
over and over and over again, okay,
1318
01:03:18,546 --> 01:03:22,925
and just thinking that an apology
makes it okay, because it doesn't, okay?
1319
01:03:23,467 --> 01:03:27,638
You fucking humiliated me tonight.
And you humiliated your son.
1320
01:03:27,638 --> 01:03:30,975
And I am past arguing about it with you!
1321
01:03:34,979 --> 01:03:36,272
What... what are you saying?
1322
01:03:36,856 --> 01:03:38,816
I just need you to leave, Jack.
1323
01:03:39,358 --> 01:03:42,444
Because right now, I don't know
if I even wanna raise my kids with you.
1324
01:03:42,444 --> 01:03:44,154
- Okay?
- Oh, Jesus! Really?
1325
01:03:44,154 --> 01:03:46,031
- Yes!
- You're gonna take it to that level?
1326
01:03:46,031 --> 01:03:48,868
Yes, I'm going
to take it to that fucking level, Jack!
1327
01:03:48,868 --> 01:03:50,744
- Because of that bullshit down there!
- Exactly!
1328
01:03:50,744 --> 01:03:52,830
[Jack] That I told you was gonna happen!
I told you!
1329
01:03:52,830 --> 01:03:55,708
And I'm down there dancing
like a fucking show pony!
1330
01:03:55,708 --> 01:03:57,126
Pack your bag!
1331
01:04:01,046 --> 01:04:03,465
- Oh, honey. I'm sorry.
- Hey, buddy.
1332
01:04:04,884 --> 01:04:08,178
Oh. Come here. Did we wake you up?
1333
01:04:09,013 --> 01:04:11,557
Mommy, why is Daddy leaving?
1334
01:04:13,934 --> 01:04:16,270
Daddy's got a lot of work
he's gotta do, buddy.
1335
01:04:18,564 --> 01:04:20,774
When are you gonna be done, Daddy?
1336
01:04:22,568 --> 01:04:25,446
Um, yeah, I... I don't know, buddy.
1337
01:04:25,446 --> 01:04:27,698
[somber music playing]
1338
01:04:29,658 --> 01:04:31,827
Hey. Let's get you back to bed, okay?
1339
01:04:32,328 --> 01:04:33,287
Okay.
1340
01:04:42,755 --> 01:04:44,757
[somber music continues]
1341
01:04:58,187 --> 01:04:59,271
Oh shit.
1342
01:05:08,739 --> 01:05:10,741
[woman belching]
1343
01:05:16,246 --> 01:05:17,748
I said no onions.
1344
01:05:17,748 --> 01:05:18,832
[laughs]
1345
01:05:23,087 --> 01:05:24,880
[man] Oh, excuse me, sir.
1346
01:05:26,465 --> 01:05:27,841
You can't smoke out here.
1347
01:05:30,928 --> 01:05:32,054
Well, what are you doing?
1348
01:05:33,973 --> 01:05:35,599
Uh, I'm... I'm vaping.
1349
01:05:35,599 --> 01:05:37,059
What's the difference?
1350
01:05:37,726 --> 01:05:41,355
The difference is people can't smell
what I'm doing from ten blocks away.
1351
01:05:41,355 --> 01:05:44,608
All right. Well, I can see
what you're doing. It's called smoking.
1352
01:05:44,608 --> 01:05:47,319
So, till you put yours out,
I'm not putting mine out. How about that?
1353
01:05:49,029 --> 01:05:51,740
I don't mean to pull rank here,
but this is my hotel.
1354
01:05:51,740 --> 01:05:52,783
Motel.
1355
01:05:53,325 --> 01:05:54,868
- What?
- It's a motel.
1356
01:05:54,868 --> 01:05:58,706
Open courtyard. A serial killer
can walk right up to my door, man.
1357
01:05:58,706 --> 01:06:01,333
If this was a hotel,
he'd have to go through a lobby first.
1358
01:06:02,543 --> 01:06:05,546
It's a motel. So, why don't you
get off your high horse, huh?
1359
01:06:07,339 --> 01:06:08,674
Hey, quick question.
1360
01:06:09,216 --> 01:06:12,011
Uh, what the fuck is your problem?
1361
01:06:12,011 --> 01:06:14,722
What's my problem?
My problem is I live in a world
1362
01:06:14,722 --> 01:06:18,142
where a guy who's smoking
is telling me I can't smoke, all right?
1363
01:06:18,142 --> 01:06:20,019
That, in a nutshell, is my problem.
1364
01:06:20,019 --> 01:06:22,563
Well, in a nutshell, it's not smoking.
1365
01:06:22,563 --> 01:06:24,356
What makes it smoking, buddy,
1366
01:06:24,356 --> 01:06:27,943
is the fucking smoke
coming out of your mouth, all right?
1367
01:06:27,943 --> 01:06:31,321
So, get out of my fucking face
before I throw you in that fucking pool?
1368
01:06:31,321 --> 01:06:32,990
I don't respond to hyperbole!
1369
01:06:32,990 --> 01:06:36,660
- Good. I don't know what that means.
- If you want an ass-kicking, keep talking.
1370
01:06:36,660 --> 01:06:38,871
Oh! "Hyperbole"! I got big hotel words.
1371
01:06:38,871 --> 01:06:41,957
Ladies, ladies, whoa.
What are we doing here?
1372
01:06:41,957 --> 01:06:44,668
It's a nice day. Relax. Take in the view.
1373
01:06:45,252 --> 01:06:46,920
Sweetheart, mind if I ask you a question?
1374
01:06:47,671 --> 01:06:48,714
Yeah, what's that?
1375
01:06:48,714 --> 01:06:50,758
Do you think vaping is smoking?
1376
01:06:50,758 --> 01:06:53,969
Oh, absolutely, yeah.
And it's ruining this country.
1377
01:06:53,969 --> 01:06:57,014
Thank you. Thank you.
There. I rest my case.
1378
01:06:57,014 --> 01:06:59,224
Yeah, and so are those fucking immigrants.
1379
01:07:01,935 --> 01:07:04,313
I mean, how many more
can we let in? [laughs]
1380
01:07:06,273 --> 01:07:10,194
[woman farting]
1381
01:07:10,194 --> 01:07:11,695
Well, that made some room.
1382
01:07:14,406 --> 01:07:16,033
[Britney] I'm excited
for this baby shower.
1383
01:07:16,033 --> 01:07:18,202
Aren't you glad Leah suggested we do coed?
1384
01:07:18,202 --> 01:07:20,537
- We're gonna have fun, right?
- Definitely.
1385
01:07:23,749 --> 01:07:24,625
Baby, look at me.
1386
01:07:26,543 --> 01:07:28,545
I know you're scared, okay? So am I.
1387
01:07:29,421 --> 01:07:31,340
But I can't live in fear anymore.
1388
01:07:31,340 --> 01:07:33,801
I need you to know what I need,
or this isn't gonna work.
1389
01:07:33,801 --> 01:07:35,302
[ethereal music playing]
1390
01:07:35,302 --> 01:07:40,516
I want us to be official.
And not just for the baby but for us.
1391
01:07:40,516 --> 01:07:42,101
[ethereal music intensifies]
1392
01:07:42,101 --> 01:07:45,270
I love you, Mike.
And I want us to get married.
1393
01:07:46,814 --> 01:07:50,025
[echoing] And I know you may need
some time to process this, and...
1394
01:07:50,025 --> 01:07:50,984
Okay.
1395
01:07:51,902 --> 01:07:52,736
Okay?
1396
01:07:54,071 --> 01:07:54,905
Yep.
1397
01:07:56,782 --> 01:08:00,327
Well, can you fucking hug me
or something? Damn!
1398
01:08:07,918 --> 01:08:08,836
Where are you going?
1399
01:08:08,836 --> 01:08:12,005
[Mike] Nowhere.
I'm just gonna go register to vote.
1400
01:08:12,589 --> 01:08:13,632
[door closes]
1401
01:08:14,758 --> 01:08:15,759
[scoffs]
1402
01:08:17,136 --> 01:08:19,138
[melancholy music playing]
1403
01:08:28,230 --> 01:08:29,982
- [phone line ringing]
- [phone line clicks]
1404
01:08:29,982 --> 01:08:33,569
[Nate] Hi! You've reached my mom.
She's not here.
1405
01:08:34,278 --> 01:08:36,905
- [Leah] Tell 'em to leave a message.
- [Nate] Leave a message.
1406
01:08:36,905 --> 01:08:38,615
- [phone line clicks]
- [busy signal]
1407
01:08:43,245 --> 01:08:45,247
[all laughing]
1408
01:08:47,958 --> 01:08:49,960
[melancholy music continues]
1409
01:08:56,925 --> 01:08:58,927
- [waitress] From pastrami with love.
- Yeah.
1410
01:08:58,927 --> 01:09:02,139
[waitress] Fries extra crispy.
Oreo cookie shake.
1411
01:09:02,723 --> 01:09:04,391
- And a root beer.
- Thank you.
1412
01:09:05,976 --> 01:09:07,978
[melancholy music continues]
1413
01:09:17,029 --> 01:09:18,363
[music fades]
1414
01:09:25,204 --> 01:09:26,580
You sure you wanna do this?
1415
01:09:27,664 --> 01:09:29,082
There's nothing else to do.
1416
01:09:30,542 --> 01:09:31,835
[snorting]
1417
01:09:33,003 --> 01:09:35,923
- Oh God. I miss coke.
- Where the fuck did you get that?
1418
01:09:35,923 --> 01:09:38,050
Don't worry about that, Jackie boy.
I know a guy.
1419
01:09:38,050 --> 01:09:42,221
[snorts] Now let's go
set this neon town on fire!
1420
01:09:42,221 --> 01:09:44,973
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, huh?
1421
01:09:44,973 --> 01:09:47,684
Okay, all right.
We're still in Pomona, so pace yourself.
1422
01:09:47,684 --> 01:09:49,978
You fucking pace yourself, okay?
I got about 90 minutes
1423
01:09:49,978 --> 01:09:52,731
before my wife gets home
and notices my sister watching the kids.
1424
01:09:52,731 --> 01:09:56,610
So, you know, this might be
the coke talking, but I don't give a fuck.
1425
01:09:56,610 --> 01:09:57,527
[chuckles]
1426
01:09:57,527 --> 01:10:00,197
- My man Mikey here is getting married.
- [thud]
1427
01:10:00,197 --> 01:10:01,615
[snorts] What was that?
1428
01:10:02,199 --> 01:10:03,992
It's just us in here, right?
1429
01:10:03,992 --> 01:10:05,911
Yeah, yeah. We're cool. Just relax, man.
1430
01:10:05,911 --> 01:10:09,081
- It was a bump in the road. Just the road!
- Whoa! Sh! Sh! Sh!
1431
01:10:10,290 --> 01:10:11,750
[snorts] Okay. I'm good.
1432
01:10:12,251 --> 01:10:14,503
- [Connor sniffs]
- You're watching him this time.
1433
01:10:14,503 --> 01:10:17,089
Whoo! Whoo!
1434
01:10:17,089 --> 01:10:19,800
["Eye of the Tiger" by Paul Anka playing]
1435
01:10:21,885 --> 01:10:23,637
♪ Face to face ♪
1436
01:10:23,637 --> 01:10:25,097
♪ Out in the night ♪
1437
01:10:26,098 --> 01:10:28,600
♪ Hangin' tough, stayin' hungry... ♪
1438
01:10:30,560 --> 01:10:32,771
[snorts, groans]
1439
01:10:33,563 --> 01:10:35,732
♪ It's the dream of the fight ♪
1440
01:10:35,732 --> 01:10:40,362
♪ Watching us all in the eye ♪
1441
01:10:40,862 --> 01:10:43,073
♪ Of the tiger... ♪
1442
01:10:44,408 --> 01:10:45,409
Whoo!
1443
01:10:45,409 --> 01:10:50,122
♪ The eye of the tiger ♪
1444
01:10:50,122 --> 01:10:51,623
[Jack] Guys, my foot went numb.
1445
01:10:51,623 --> 01:10:53,417
[Connor] Dude, I can drive.
Want me to drive?
1446
01:10:53,417 --> 01:10:54,710
[Jack] No fucking way.
1447
01:10:56,920 --> 01:10:58,005
[Jack groans]
1448
01:10:58,672 --> 01:11:01,049
All right, man.
Once this sciatica acts up...
1449
01:11:01,049 --> 01:11:03,719
- You sure you all right with this?
- Yeah, it's fine.
1450
01:11:07,014 --> 01:11:08,140
I'm feeling lucky.
1451
01:11:08,140 --> 01:11:10,475
["Lady Love" by Lou Rawls playing]
1452
01:11:11,101 --> 01:11:12,019
Ah!
1453
01:11:12,686 --> 01:11:13,812
♪ Lady love ♪
1454
01:11:15,314 --> 01:11:16,857
♪ Your love is peaceful... ♪
1455
01:11:16,857 --> 01:11:17,899
[Jack] Yeah, fuck Vegas.
1456
01:11:18,650 --> 01:11:21,820
Those casinos are all owned
by the people who started Halliburton.
1457
01:11:22,529 --> 01:11:24,281
Look at this place. This place is great.
1458
01:11:24,281 --> 01:11:27,492
If I'm gonna lose money, I'd rather do it
in a Native American casino.
1459
01:11:27,492 --> 01:11:29,411
I like it. Yeah! Monetary justice.
1460
01:11:29,411 --> 01:11:31,955
Goddamn, this coke is not good.
I gotta take a shit.
1461
01:11:31,955 --> 01:11:35,584
- Uh, I'll meet you at the sportsbook?
- Sportsbook. All right. I'll see you.
1462
01:11:37,419 --> 01:11:38,712
Hey, where the hell's Mike?
1463
01:11:44,885 --> 01:11:46,386
[Leah] Britney? It's me.
1464
01:11:50,515 --> 01:11:51,516
[pensive music playing]
1465
01:11:51,516 --> 01:11:52,434
Cara.
1466
01:11:52,976 --> 01:11:54,436
Don't look so surprised.
1467
01:11:54,436 --> 01:11:56,730
Britney and I are
actually incredibly close.
1468
01:11:57,272 --> 01:12:00,901
It's not like that kind of thing where
we have to talk every day to reinforce it.
1469
01:12:00,901 --> 01:12:03,403
Right. Uh, sure.
1470
01:12:03,403 --> 01:12:07,866
Um, listen, I'm really sorry
that I criticized your parenting.
1471
01:12:07,866 --> 01:12:10,118
- That was a total overstep.
- Hmm.
1472
01:12:10,118 --> 01:12:14,206
So, uh, you know, can we just move on?
1473
01:12:14,206 --> 01:12:17,751
Oh, I did already. I assumed you had too.
1474
01:12:19,669 --> 01:12:20,504
I just did.
1475
01:12:21,088 --> 01:12:23,507
Well, come in, come in
because Britney really needs us.
1476
01:12:23,507 --> 01:12:24,424
[Leah] Right.
1477
01:12:25,634 --> 01:12:27,928
Oh no!
1478
01:12:27,928 --> 01:12:29,888
- [dealer] No more bets.
- [Jack] Hey, there he is.
1479
01:12:30,555 --> 01:12:32,391
Easy, big fella. What are we doing here?
1480
01:12:32,391 --> 01:12:35,185
Donnie, change me out for five grand.
1481
01:12:35,185 --> 01:12:38,230
Oh, no, no, no, no. No.
What are you doing? What are you doing?
1482
01:12:38,230 --> 01:12:40,232
It's okay. I'm due.
1483
01:12:40,857 --> 01:12:43,276
Mike, you've gambled,
like, four times in your life, okay?
1484
01:12:43,276 --> 01:12:44,778
How the fuck are you due?
1485
01:12:45,278 --> 01:12:46,321
All right, Jack.
1486
01:12:47,114 --> 01:12:48,490
I'm a conservative man.
1487
01:12:49,366 --> 01:12:52,786
I drive a four-door sedan
with seven airbags.
1488
01:12:53,286 --> 01:12:54,454
I got a vasectomy.
1489
01:12:55,247 --> 01:12:56,164
Guess what?
1490
01:12:57,124 --> 01:12:58,375
She got pregnant anyway.
1491
01:12:59,167 --> 01:13:03,296
Then I lost my job,
my company, my retirement,
1492
01:13:03,296 --> 01:13:06,425
all because I decided
to exercise free speech
1493
01:13:06,425 --> 01:13:09,219
in the back of a goddamn rental car!
1494
01:13:09,219 --> 01:13:13,056
So, yeah, Jack. I think I'm fucking due!
1495
01:13:13,056 --> 01:13:14,349
Okay, okay. Sorry.
1496
01:13:15,475 --> 01:13:19,229
But look. Look around the casino, Mike.
Everybody here thinks they're due.
1497
01:13:20,605 --> 01:13:24,276
Look at that poor lady.
She looks like she's scuba diving.
1498
01:13:25,652 --> 01:13:28,321
Hey. Is that Aspen Bell?
1499
01:13:31,491 --> 01:13:32,784
No fucking way.
1500
01:13:36,037 --> 01:13:37,289
Holy shit. That is him.
1501
01:13:37,789 --> 01:13:39,708
- Told you my luck's changing.
- Let's go.
1502
01:13:39,708 --> 01:13:42,085
["Root Down" by Beastie Boys playing]
1503
01:13:50,594 --> 01:13:51,595
♪ Yeah ♪
1504
01:13:53,597 --> 01:13:58,560
♪ I kick it root down
I put my root down ♪
1505
01:13:58,560 --> 01:14:00,937
- ♪ So, how we gonna kick it? ♪
- ♪ Gonna kick it root down ♪
1506
01:14:00,937 --> 01:14:03,398
- ♪ Yeah, how you wanna kick it? ♪
- ♪ Gonna kick it root down ♪
1507
01:14:03,398 --> 01:14:05,775
- ♪ So, how you gonna kick it? ♪
- ♪ Gonna kick it root down ♪
1508
01:14:05,775 --> 01:14:08,278
♪ Gonna break it on down
Gonna kick it root down ♪
1509
01:14:08,278 --> 01:14:09,488
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Oh shit!
1510
01:14:09,488 --> 01:14:11,865
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
1511
01:14:14,868 --> 01:14:16,411
- Hey!
- Hey, man! What's up?
1512
01:14:16,411 --> 01:14:17,704
Oh fuck! What the fuck?
1513
01:14:17,704 --> 01:14:18,705
Yeah, motherfucker!
1514
01:14:18,705 --> 01:14:20,999
Look at us when we're talking,
corporate piece of shit!
1515
01:14:20,999 --> 01:14:23,543
You fucked with the wrong dads, ese.
1516
01:14:23,543 --> 01:14:26,546
What, are you here pissing away the money
you made off the company we built?
1517
01:14:26,546 --> 01:14:28,131
Did you book a suite, motherfucker?
1518
01:14:28,131 --> 01:14:30,884
No, no, no, no. Guys, I'm...
I'm here for sensitivity training.
1519
01:14:30,884 --> 01:14:33,553
You should be.
'Cause you're a fucking dick!
1520
01:14:33,553 --> 01:14:36,223
Wait a second. Wait a second.
Sensitivity training? What's that?
1521
01:14:37,974 --> 01:14:41,144
Did you guys know that Native Americans
take offense to the term "spirit animal"?
1522
01:14:42,187 --> 01:14:44,731
Wait. Did you get in trouble
for selling those Ed Cameron T-shirts?
1523
01:14:46,274 --> 01:14:48,360
Suspended indefinitely, actually.
1524
01:14:48,360 --> 01:14:51,321
- I think that's millennial for "fired."
- [all laughing]
1525
01:14:51,321 --> 01:14:53,031
That's what happens to punk motherfuckers!
1526
01:14:53,031 --> 01:14:54,074
How ironic!
1527
01:14:54,074 --> 01:14:56,409
Yeah, how'd it feel to get fired
for absolutely nothing?
1528
01:14:56,409 --> 01:14:57,494
"I appreciate you!"
1529
01:14:57,494 --> 01:14:59,704
- [Aspen crying]
- Oh boy. Oh my God!
1530
01:14:59,704 --> 01:15:01,206
- What's happening?
- [Mike] Oh Jesus!
1531
01:15:01,957 --> 01:15:04,000
[Aspen] Fucking Twitter.
They fucking posted me.
1532
01:15:04,000 --> 01:15:04,960
All right, relax.
1533
01:15:04,960 --> 01:15:07,254
They fucking put
my home address on Reddit.
1534
01:15:07,963 --> 01:15:09,422
And my girlfriend left me.
1535
01:15:10,423 --> 01:15:12,884
[Aspen sobbing]
1536
01:15:14,052 --> 01:15:16,972
[Britney] Yeah, but you didn't see
the look on his face.
1537
01:15:17,556 --> 01:15:19,975
I don't think he wants
to be with me anymore.
1538
01:15:19,975 --> 01:15:21,893
Trust me. He does.
1539
01:15:21,893 --> 01:15:23,061
How do you know?
1540
01:15:23,061 --> 01:15:25,397
Because Connor has that look
on his face all the time.
1541
01:15:25,397 --> 01:15:26,773
It means nothing.
1542
01:15:26,773 --> 01:15:29,276
- It has to mean something.
- This is what it means.
1543
01:15:29,776 --> 01:15:32,862
It means they need us.
They know it. It bothers them.
1544
01:15:34,614 --> 01:15:35,615
Oh please.
1545
01:15:36,241 --> 01:15:38,577
Do not look to me for advice, okay?
1546
01:15:38,577 --> 01:15:40,704
I married an absolute lunatic.
1547
01:15:41,830 --> 01:15:45,208
Do you know that he tried to fight
an entire row of college kids
1548
01:15:45,208 --> 01:15:47,919
at the ArcLight Cinema on our second date?
1549
01:15:48,795 --> 01:15:50,880
And it worked. It totally charmed me.
1550
01:15:50,880 --> 01:15:52,215
I let him touch my boobs.
1551
01:15:52,215 --> 01:15:53,216
[both chuckle]
1552
01:15:53,883 --> 01:15:58,722
I guess I was hoping
for something more, but Cara's right.
1553
01:15:58,722 --> 01:16:00,432
I think, when it comes to guys,
1554
01:16:01,600 --> 01:16:03,351
there's just not a lot of layers.
1555
01:16:04,144 --> 01:16:07,063
So, anyway, what I'm trying to say is
1556
01:16:08,148 --> 01:16:10,692
it's one of the only things in life
that lives up to the hype.
1557
01:16:11,192 --> 01:16:14,070
I mean, nothing you're gonna achieve
in your career can even touch it,
1558
01:16:14,070 --> 01:16:17,866
so if you feel that way about Hannah,
you should go and tell her.
1559
01:16:17,866 --> 01:16:22,329
'Cause the only thing that matters in life
is if you love someone and they love you.
1560
01:16:22,329 --> 01:16:24,831
That's all that matters.
That and your kids.
1561
01:16:27,000 --> 01:16:29,044
Jesus Christ!
Look at the fucking ass on her.
1562
01:16:29,044 --> 01:16:30,337
[Aspen] Oh my God! Yeah.
1563
01:16:30,337 --> 01:16:33,506
[DJ] All right! Let's get
those Tuesday night dollars coming.
1564
01:16:33,506 --> 01:16:35,216
- Come with me.
- [dance music playing]
1565
01:16:35,216 --> 01:16:36,843
Oh, no, thank you. I'm... I'm good.
1566
01:16:36,843 --> 01:16:40,555
That's not what your friend told me.
He paid for two dances.
1567
01:16:40,555 --> 01:16:43,475
What happens in Vegas
stays in Vegas, baby!
1568
01:16:43,475 --> 01:16:45,352
We're in Palm Desert, buddy!
1569
01:16:45,352 --> 01:16:47,687
Your mother's in Palm Desert, you pussy!
1570
01:16:47,687 --> 01:16:50,565
Yeah! "Your mother's
in Palm Desert, you pussy!"
1571
01:16:50,565 --> 01:16:52,901
[laughs] My man! We're not friends.
1572
01:16:53,568 --> 01:16:54,444
[dancer] Come on.
1573
01:16:56,488 --> 01:16:58,573
Hey, you're on deck, haircut!
1574
01:17:00,367 --> 01:17:03,870
I need you to bring that energy way down.
1575
01:17:04,496 --> 01:17:07,499
It's okay. Really.
He's cool. He's cool, Randy.
1576
01:17:07,499 --> 01:17:09,751
Yeah, it's okay, Randy. I'm cool.
1577
01:17:10,377 --> 01:17:11,378
Give me some.
1578
01:17:12,003 --> 01:17:13,254
Pound it out!
1579
01:17:13,797 --> 01:17:14,756
Randy!
1580
01:17:15,382 --> 01:17:16,966
[dancer 2] Aw, I'm sorry about that.
1581
01:17:17,509 --> 01:17:20,553
Oh, that's okay. I mean, if I were him,
I'd be intimidated by me too.
1582
01:17:20,553 --> 01:17:23,890
Oh, yeah. You are in great shape.
1583
01:17:23,890 --> 01:17:26,643
Oh, yeah? Thank you very much.
I work hard at it.
1584
01:17:26,643 --> 01:17:28,812
You're in great shape too.
You have awesome skin.
1585
01:17:28,812 --> 01:17:30,647
[chuckles] Thank you.
1586
01:17:30,647 --> 01:17:31,606
How old are you?
1587
01:17:31,606 --> 01:17:33,525
Aw, I can't tell you that.
1588
01:17:34,693 --> 01:17:36,069
How old do you think I am?
1589
01:17:36,569 --> 01:17:37,862
[dance music continues]
1590
01:17:37,862 --> 01:17:39,406
- Forty-nine.
- What?
1591
01:17:41,241 --> 01:17:42,325
How do you know that?
1592
01:17:43,410 --> 01:17:44,494
The neck.
1593
01:17:46,913 --> 01:17:49,624
[DJ] Tyler "Blam," up on the main stage.
1594
01:17:50,625 --> 01:17:52,001
[dance music continues]
1595
01:17:52,001 --> 01:17:53,461
How you doing?
1596
01:17:53,461 --> 01:17:56,631
I think I had a nervous breakdown earlier,
1597
01:17:56,631 --> 01:17:59,092
but I'm cool now.
1598
01:17:59,092 --> 01:18:01,219
Aw, that's hella scary.
1599
01:18:01,970 --> 01:18:04,222
Well, don't worry, Daddy.
1600
01:18:04,931 --> 01:18:06,307
Just don't call me "Daddy."
1601
01:18:07,559 --> 01:18:09,978
- What do you want me to call you?
- Call me Mike.
1602
01:18:10,478 --> 01:18:12,021
That's no fun.
1603
01:18:13,189 --> 01:18:16,401
I'm gonna call you Hella Mike.
1604
01:18:18,194 --> 01:18:21,072
Mmm. Hella Mike.
1605
01:18:22,615 --> 01:18:24,367
[hip-hop music playing]
1606
01:18:27,328 --> 01:18:28,580
Fuck this place, man.
1607
01:18:29,497 --> 01:18:31,291
I don't look 49. Do I look 49?
1608
01:18:32,292 --> 01:18:33,293
Forty-seven.
1609
01:18:33,293 --> 01:18:34,711
Man, fuck you!
1610
01:18:36,004 --> 01:18:39,299
See that guy over there?
That's a 49-year-old man.
1611
01:18:42,510 --> 01:18:43,720
Let me tell you something.
1612
01:18:43,720 --> 01:18:46,473
You have no idea
how awesome I was at your age.
1613
01:18:46,473 --> 01:18:48,892
I was dating two chicks at the same time,
1614
01:18:48,892 --> 01:18:52,479
both of them named Amy,
and they knew about each other.
1615
01:18:52,479 --> 01:18:54,856
And they loved it. Happy to share me.
1616
01:18:54,856 --> 01:18:57,108
I used to hang out with my boys
whenever I wanted, man.
1617
01:18:57,108 --> 01:19:00,820
I could eat whatever I wanted,
crush Rolling Rocks all day,
1618
01:19:00,820 --> 01:19:03,031
slept until I wasn't tired anymore.
1619
01:19:03,031 --> 01:19:07,202
One time, Julio Iglesias
came up to me in an airport,
1620
01:19:07,202 --> 01:19:09,454
dead certain I was his son, Enrique.
1621
01:19:09,454 --> 01:19:12,081
The fucking kind of vibe
I was putting out, bro!
1622
01:19:12,081 --> 01:19:14,959
And it was effortless.
It was fucking effortless.
1623
01:19:16,085 --> 01:19:17,712
[laughs] That's ridiculous.
1624
01:19:19,839 --> 01:19:21,382
I was ridiculous.
1625
01:19:23,259 --> 01:19:25,386
[DJ] Throw those dollars, guys. Come on.
1626
01:19:25,386 --> 01:19:28,389
♪ Uh, I'm Hella Mike!
That's what I like! ♪
1627
01:19:28,389 --> 01:19:30,809
♪ I'm Hella Mike! That's what I like, uh ♪
1628
01:19:32,101 --> 01:19:33,144
I don't know.
1629
01:19:34,687 --> 01:19:36,856
I have faced a lot of stuff in my life.
1630
01:19:38,107 --> 01:19:41,820
The fear of losing my family is worse
than anything I've ever faced before.
1631
01:19:45,490 --> 01:19:48,743
My brain just keeps playing out
this scenario about what could happen.
1632
01:19:49,327 --> 01:19:51,496
You know, seeing my kid
every other weekend.
1633
01:19:52,497 --> 01:19:55,083
My wife's gonna be married
to some fucking orthopedist.
1634
01:19:55,583 --> 01:19:57,085
Levelheaded cocksucker.
1635
01:19:57,877 --> 01:19:59,879
[hip-hop music continues]
1636
01:20:01,923 --> 01:20:04,843
Yeah, I don't know. Maybe Leah's right.
1637
01:20:06,094 --> 01:20:07,929
Maybe I'm not cut out for this shit.
1638
01:20:08,805 --> 01:20:10,723
I mean, I love being a dad and everything.
1639
01:20:12,559 --> 01:20:14,352
Holy shit, that's her. Shut the fuck up!
1640
01:20:15,687 --> 01:20:19,107
Leah, hey, hi! Listen, I am so sorry
for everything that I said.
1641
01:20:20,275 --> 01:20:21,234
What?
1642
01:20:23,278 --> 01:20:24,529
Wait, who is this?
1643
01:20:24,529 --> 01:20:26,823
- Ha! Uh! Ooh! Uh! Uh!
- [girls exclaim]
1644
01:20:26,823 --> 01:20:29,784
Mike! Mike! Mike! Britney called.
1645
01:20:31,578 --> 01:20:32,662
Leah's in labor.
1646
01:20:33,580 --> 01:20:35,498
Thank God!
Man, you scared the shit out of me.
1647
01:20:35,498 --> 01:20:36,708
[laughs]
1648
01:20:36,708 --> 01:20:38,668
- Congratulations!
- Thank you.
1649
01:20:38,668 --> 01:20:43,214
Ladies, my man Jack here
is about to become a father again.
1650
01:20:43,214 --> 01:20:44,299
[gasps]
1651
01:20:44,299 --> 01:20:46,801
- That's so amazing!
- Oh, thank you.
1652
01:20:47,677 --> 01:20:49,429
You're gonna be such a great dad.
1653
01:20:49,429 --> 01:20:51,014
I appreciate that.
1654
01:20:51,014 --> 01:20:53,266
- I'm so happy for you, man.
- [Jack] Oh, thanks, buddy.
1655
01:20:53,266 --> 01:20:55,518
She's a couple of weeks early,
so I'm freaking out.
1656
01:20:55,518 --> 01:20:58,563
- Let's get the fuck out of here.
- You go ahead. I'm good.
1657
01:20:58,563 --> 01:21:00,356
The fuck are you talking about?
1658
01:21:02,108 --> 01:21:03,234
I'm not going back.
1659
01:21:04,652 --> 01:21:07,113
This is me now. Hella Mike!
1660
01:21:07,113 --> 01:21:09,824
- Whoo!
- Hella Mike? Who the fuck is Hella Mike?
1661
01:21:09,824 --> 01:21:12,243
- [laughing]
- Hella Mike? Mike, you're hella hammered.
1662
01:21:12,243 --> 01:21:13,536
Uh! Uh!
1663
01:21:13,536 --> 01:21:16,539
Mike, there's a situation back home
that you can and will deal with
1664
01:21:16,539 --> 01:21:18,124
because you're a fucking man.
1665
01:21:18,124 --> 01:21:19,500
Look at me. You're a fucking man.
1666
01:21:20,793 --> 01:21:21,878
Mike, come on.
1667
01:21:26,591 --> 01:21:28,092
You're absolutely right, Jack.
1668
01:21:28,885 --> 01:21:31,137
[sighs] I love you, man.
1669
01:21:31,971 --> 01:21:33,264
I love you too, man.
1670
01:21:33,264 --> 01:21:34,474
[both] Aw!
1671
01:21:34,474 --> 01:21:36,559
[hip-hop music continues]
1672
01:21:37,185 --> 01:21:38,061
[Aspen] Hey, man.
1673
01:21:38,061 --> 01:21:42,357
Uh, that's your third gimlet
in, like, five minutes. Are you okay?
1674
01:21:42,899 --> 01:21:46,069
"Hey, man." Let me tell you something.
1675
01:21:47,195 --> 01:21:48,988
Don't ever count another man's drinks.
1676
01:21:51,741 --> 01:21:52,992
And one more thing.
1677
01:21:55,119 --> 01:21:56,788
Don't ever get fucking married.
1678
01:21:59,582 --> 01:22:00,750
[chuckles]
1679
01:22:01,876 --> 01:22:02,835
[gulps]
1680
01:22:03,711 --> 01:22:05,380
- [choking]
- [Aspen] Connor?
1681
01:22:05,380 --> 01:22:07,131
Connor, what the fuck? Are you okay?
1682
01:22:07,131 --> 01:22:08,466
[choking]
1683
01:22:08,466 --> 01:22:11,260
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do I do?
What the fuck? Oh fuck!
1684
01:22:11,260 --> 01:22:12,303
[Connor grunts]
1685
01:22:12,971 --> 01:22:14,514
[indistinct DJ announcement]
1686
01:22:14,514 --> 01:22:15,431
[Aspen] Shit!
1687
01:22:15,431 --> 01:22:18,393
- Hey! I told you to fucking relax!
- [Aspen] Wait!
1688
01:22:18,393 --> 01:22:19,978
- Oh shit!
- [man] What the fuck, man?
1689
01:22:20,561 --> 01:22:21,980
[Aspen] He's choking! He's choking!
1690
01:22:21,980 --> 01:22:23,648
- [Mike] Oh shit!
- [Jack] Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1691
01:22:23,648 --> 01:22:25,441
- Relax! Relax!
- [Mike] He's with us.
1692
01:22:25,441 --> 01:22:27,193
- [Mike] Shit!
- [Jack grunts]
1693
01:22:27,193 --> 01:22:28,903
I'm not with them! I'm not with them!
1694
01:22:28,903 --> 01:22:30,238
[both grunt]
1695
01:22:30,238 --> 01:22:31,948
[DJ] Whoa! Barbara!
1696
01:22:31,948 --> 01:22:33,908
[groaning, choking]
1697
01:22:33,908 --> 01:22:35,868
- [Jack, muffled] My wife is in labor!
- [growls]
1698
01:22:35,868 --> 01:22:37,120
Get off!
1699
01:22:37,704 --> 01:22:40,873
- Hey, congrats on becoming a father.
- [muffled] Where the fuck are you going?
1700
01:22:41,374 --> 01:22:43,292
[screaming]
1701
01:22:43,960 --> 01:22:45,712
[DJ] Ladies are still dancing.
1702
01:22:45,712 --> 01:22:46,879
[Jack] Connor!
1703
01:22:46,879 --> 01:22:48,548
[DJ] Don't mind that skirmish.
1704
01:22:48,548 --> 01:22:51,801
I'm not with them! I'm not with them!
Tell them I'm not with you guys!
1705
01:22:52,427 --> 01:22:54,595
- You okay, buddy?
- [gasps, grunts]
1706
01:22:55,888 --> 01:22:57,724
- [Jack] You all right, buddy?
- [gasps] I'm back!
1707
01:22:57,724 --> 01:23:00,184
- [grunts]
- [Jack] Connor! Oh shit!
1708
01:23:00,184 --> 01:23:02,645
[both groaning]
1709
01:23:02,645 --> 01:23:04,272
[Aspen] Hey! Hey!
1710
01:23:04,272 --> 01:23:07,817
Yeah, that's right!
TikTok LIVE, motherfuckers!
1711
01:23:07,817 --> 01:23:12,780
Documenting your use of excessive force
on these poor, defenseless dads.
1712
01:23:12,780 --> 01:23:14,240
Get that fucking camera!
1713
01:23:14,240 --> 01:23:16,743
Guys, guys, run! Run!
1714
01:23:16,743 --> 01:23:20,788
Fuck! Shit! Oh God!
I am an innocent bystander here!
1715
01:23:20,788 --> 01:23:22,248
[Connor] We gotta go, Mike!
1716
01:23:22,248 --> 01:23:23,332
[panting]
1717
01:23:23,332 --> 01:23:25,793
Oh no! Please let me go!
Don't touch me! I gotta pee!
1718
01:23:25,793 --> 01:23:28,755
[DJ] That's Arabella on stage two.
1719
01:23:30,715 --> 01:23:32,425
[music fades]
1720
01:23:35,511 --> 01:23:38,431
Guys, I'm too hammered.
Can either one of you drive?
1721
01:23:43,019 --> 01:23:43,936
Oh fuck.
1722
01:23:46,064 --> 01:23:47,148
[car horn honking]
1723
01:23:47,815 --> 01:23:50,234
[car horn blaring]
1724
01:23:51,110 --> 01:23:54,405
- [Jack] All right.
- One of you guys better be Connor!
1725
01:23:54,906 --> 01:23:56,741
- You Richie?
- How'd you know my name?
1726
01:23:56,741 --> 01:23:59,619
- Oh, they say it on the phone.
- [Connor] The picture's different.
1727
01:23:59,619 --> 01:24:02,121
Do you mind if we move those golf clubs
out of the back seat?
1728
01:24:02,121 --> 01:24:03,289
Yeah, I mind.
1729
01:24:04,373 --> 01:24:05,208
Why?
1730
01:24:05,708 --> 01:24:09,545
Because they're a full set of Lee Trevino.
1731
01:24:09,545 --> 01:24:11,089
Wooden heads.
1732
01:24:11,089 --> 01:24:15,760
So you're gonna shut the fuck up,
sit up here in the front seat,
1733
01:24:15,760 --> 01:24:18,346
and stop being such a fucking Mary.
1734
01:24:18,346 --> 01:24:19,597
[Mike] Are you fucking happy?
1735
01:24:19,597 --> 01:24:21,808
[Connor] That's good enough for me.
Let's go.
1736
01:24:25,937 --> 01:24:28,898
Jesus! Now, let me see
where you guys are sending us.
1737
01:24:29,440 --> 01:24:33,611
Um... Oh, for Chrissake! Memorial Hospital?
1738
01:24:33,611 --> 01:24:36,531
That's downtown LA. It's 100 miles, bud.
1739
01:24:36,531 --> 01:24:38,991
Yeah. Yeah, my wife's in labor.
She's having a baby. Let's go!
1740
01:24:38,991 --> 01:24:40,493
Wait a second. How old are you?
1741
01:24:41,077 --> 01:24:42,161
Fifty-one.
1742
01:24:42,161 --> 01:24:44,413
You still can fire a shot.
1743
01:24:44,914 --> 01:24:47,375
=That's very cool. I like that.
- [Jack] Thank you.
1744
01:24:47,959 --> 01:24:49,669
Dude, what rideshare did you call?
1745
01:24:49,669 --> 01:24:52,547
- I could call another driver.
- I speak English.
1746
01:24:53,798 --> 01:24:56,759
♪ Splish splash, I was takin' a bath ♪
1747
01:24:56,759 --> 01:24:58,928
♪ 'Long about a Saturday night ♪
1748
01:25:00,555 --> 01:25:03,141
♪ Rub dub, just relaxing in the tub ♪
1749
01:25:03,641 --> 01:25:05,643
♪ Thinkin' everything was all right ♪
1750
01:25:06,561 --> 01:25:09,897
♪ Then, I stepped out the tub
Put my feet on the floor ♪
1751
01:25:10,523 --> 01:25:13,359
♪ Wrapped my towel around me
I opened the door ♪
1752
01:25:13,359 --> 01:25:17,029
♪ And then a splish splash
I jumped back in the bath ♪
1753
01:25:17,029 --> 01:25:20,241
♪ How was I to know
There was a party going on? ♪
1754
01:25:20,992 --> 01:25:26,038
♪ Bing bang, I saw the whole gang
Dancing on my living room rug ♪
1755
01:25:27,456 --> 01:25:29,709
♪ Flip flop, they was doing the bop... ♪
1756
01:25:29,709 --> 01:25:32,086
Goddamn it, you fucking whore!
1757
01:25:32,086 --> 01:25:33,296
[car horn honking]
1758
01:25:34,297 --> 01:25:37,133
[Richie] Ugh! What a fucking sewer.
1759
01:25:37,133 --> 01:25:39,677
That's why I left this goddamn city.
1760
01:25:39,677 --> 01:25:44,390
Every blond-headed dipshit with a dream
has to come all the way down here,
1761
01:25:44,390 --> 01:25:50,021
suck dick to host
a fucking game show. [laughing]
1762
01:25:50,646 --> 01:25:52,565
Richie, I'm gonna miss
the birth of my kid.
1763
01:25:52,565 --> 01:25:53,983
Oh, who gives a shit, bud?
1764
01:25:54,817 --> 01:25:57,403
You know where I was
when my rotten kid was born?
1765
01:25:57,403 --> 01:25:59,155
I was down the street in a bar.
1766
01:25:59,822 --> 01:26:03,409
Having a beer, eating fried clams,
'cause that's the way it went then.
1767
01:26:03,409 --> 01:26:05,077
- [car horn honking]
- [man] Let's go!
1768
01:26:05,077 --> 01:26:08,164
Richie, can we make
a fucking U-turn or something here?
1769
01:26:08,164 --> 01:26:11,834
I've been trying to make U-turns
since I was 36 years old, bud.
1770
01:26:11,834 --> 01:26:12,960
Can't be done!
1771
01:26:14,045 --> 01:26:16,964
I'll tell you, the biggest mistake
I ever made in my life was--
1772
01:26:16,964 --> 01:26:20,468
- [thud]
- You fudge-packing asshole!
1773
01:26:20,468 --> 01:26:24,847
Oh fuck, it's a parade!
Please go right ahead!
1774
01:26:26,557 --> 01:26:33,022
When is the last time you ever saw
one of those bastards obey a stop sign?
1775
01:26:33,022 --> 01:26:34,941
[pensive music playing]
1776
01:26:43,449 --> 01:26:44,784
Where are you going? Wait.
1777
01:26:44,784 --> 01:26:46,869
- Hey, Jack! What are you do--
- Jack. Jack.
1778
01:26:46,869 --> 01:26:50,373
- Fuck. Zero stars, Richie. Zero stars!
- [car horn honking]
1779
01:26:51,374 --> 01:26:53,459
Go dodge a draft, asshole!
1780
01:26:55,419 --> 01:26:57,964
Oh, that's a good idea.
That's a good idea, Jack.
1781
01:26:57,964 --> 01:26:59,924
- What do I do?
- Just take the picture.
1782
01:26:59,924 --> 01:27:01,842
- I took the picture. Am I good?
- You're good.
1783
01:27:01,842 --> 01:27:03,302
What are they? How do I work these?
1784
01:27:03,302 --> 01:27:06,639
[Connor] It's like a fucking skateboard.
Just push it. Go! It's electric!
1785
01:27:07,223 --> 01:27:08,432
- Get on.
- It's not going!
1786
01:27:08,432 --> 01:27:09,433
[Connor] Hit the thing!
1787
01:27:09,433 --> 01:27:10,935
- What thing?
- Hit the thing!
1788
01:27:10,935 --> 01:27:12,436
I got it! I got it! I got it!
1789
01:27:12,436 --> 01:27:13,813
Come on. Let's go!
1790
01:27:13,813 --> 01:27:15,648
- You know I got a flip phone?
- What the fuck?
1791
01:27:15,648 --> 01:27:17,733
What? I don't want
motherfuckers tracking me!
1792
01:27:17,733 --> 01:27:21,279
Man, nobody gives a shit where you are.
Get on! Come on! Come on!
1793
01:27:22,446 --> 01:27:23,739
Oh shit!
1794
01:27:24,282 --> 01:27:25,199
Easy!
1795
01:27:25,199 --> 01:27:26,617
- All right!
- [Connor] Christ!
1796
01:27:26,617 --> 01:27:30,288
Whoo! These things are awesome.
These fucking things are awesome!
1797
01:27:30,288 --> 01:27:32,415
[upbeat instrumental music playing]
1798
01:27:32,415 --> 01:27:33,374
[car horn honks]
1799
01:27:33,374 --> 01:27:34,709
Share the road!
1800
01:27:35,251 --> 01:27:37,086
- We're gonna lead! [laughs]
- Whoa! Whoa!
1801
01:27:37,086 --> 01:27:39,755
Whoo!
1802
01:27:39,755 --> 01:27:41,841
[upbeat instrumental music continues]
1803
01:27:50,725 --> 01:27:51,726
Go, go, go!
1804
01:27:55,980 --> 01:27:57,565
Maternity? Maternity?
1805
01:27:58,316 --> 01:27:59,191
Thank you.
1806
01:28:02,278 --> 01:28:03,154
Jack?
1807
01:28:05,031 --> 01:28:06,240
That's a good move.
1808
01:28:06,240 --> 01:28:08,159
[music fades]
1809
01:28:10,786 --> 01:28:11,620
I missed it?
1810
01:28:16,667 --> 01:28:19,462
I fucking missed it. I missed it.
1811
01:28:20,338 --> 01:28:22,131
Daddy!
1812
01:28:24,925 --> 01:28:26,093
Hey, buddy, how are you?
1813
01:28:26,093 --> 01:28:28,596
Daddy, I have a baby sister.
1814
01:28:29,472 --> 01:28:30,431
Yes, you do.
1815
01:28:31,015 --> 01:28:32,350
- [sobs]
- Are you crying?
1816
01:28:35,686 --> 01:28:37,188
[sobs] A little bit.
1817
01:28:37,813 --> 01:28:38,731
A little bit.
1818
01:28:39,565 --> 01:28:40,524
Why?
1819
01:28:40,524 --> 01:28:44,737
[sniffles] 'Cause I messed up, buddy.
I messed up. I messed up.
1820
01:28:46,822 --> 01:28:48,949
It's okay. Rub some dirt on it.
1821
01:28:50,117 --> 01:28:51,160
[chuckles]
1822
01:28:51,160 --> 01:28:54,622
Yeah, rub some dirt on it, right?
[sniffles] You're the best, buddy.
1823
01:28:55,373 --> 01:28:56,999
No, you're the best.
1824
01:28:56,999 --> 01:28:59,752
[tender music playing]
1825
01:29:01,337 --> 01:29:05,257
Jack, you wanna pull yourself together
and come meet your daughter?
1826
01:29:05,841 --> 01:29:06,759
Yeah.
1827
01:29:13,265 --> 01:29:15,184
- Hey, I got you these.
- [baby cries]
1828
01:29:18,521 --> 01:29:19,563
She's beautiful.
1829
01:29:20,731 --> 01:29:21,816
Here. Here, princess.
1830
01:29:21,816 --> 01:29:24,944
Just a second.
No skin-to-skin with the glitter.
1831
01:29:25,528 --> 01:29:26,862
Oh. Yeah, right.
1832
01:29:27,780 --> 01:29:29,573
Listen, Leah, I know
you're super pissed at me.
1833
01:29:29,573 --> 01:29:31,659
- And you have every right to be.
- [tape tearing]
1834
01:29:32,576 --> 01:29:34,745
Okay, but I want you to know
I love you to death.
1835
01:29:36,705 --> 01:29:40,835
And I'm so sorry I let things
get the way they did between us.
1836
01:29:41,460 --> 01:29:42,294
[sniffles]
1837
01:29:42,294 --> 01:29:46,048
I know I have a lot of work to do,
but I want you to know
1838
01:29:46,632 --> 01:29:48,676
I'm not gonna spread
my anger onto these kids,
1839
01:29:48,676 --> 01:29:50,719
and you're not gonna have
to deal with it anymore.
1840
01:29:50,719 --> 01:29:53,180
[tender music continues]
1841
01:29:53,180 --> 01:29:55,141
I'm going to get help, all right?
1842
01:29:57,226 --> 01:29:59,103
I'm seeking help from a professional.
1843
01:30:00,813 --> 01:30:04,316
And you came
to this realization at a strip club?
1844
01:30:06,694 --> 01:30:07,570
Yeah.
1845
01:30:08,779 --> 01:30:09,780
Yes, I did.
1846
01:30:12,533 --> 01:30:14,702
Probably another reason
I need to go to therapy.
1847
01:30:15,286 --> 01:30:16,537
- [sniffles]
- [nurse] Hmm.
1848
01:30:25,629 --> 01:30:27,882
For what it's worth,
I got my first appointment on Tuesday.
1849
01:30:32,887 --> 01:30:35,431
You're really lucky
we make beautiful babies.
1850
01:30:35,431 --> 01:30:36,557
[chuckles]
1851
01:30:37,266 --> 01:30:38,893
Yeah. Can I see her?
1852
01:30:39,560 --> 01:30:40,644
- Yeah.
- Okay.
1853
01:30:43,731 --> 01:30:46,525
- Meet your daddy.
- Hey, princess. Hey.
1854
01:30:47,151 --> 01:30:48,319
[baby coos]
1855
01:30:50,362 --> 01:30:53,073
Am I gonna have to move
the Kleenex to your side of the bed?
1856
01:30:53,073 --> 01:30:55,117
[chuckles] Yeah, probably.
1857
01:30:56,577 --> 01:30:57,536
Huh?
1858
01:30:57,536 --> 01:30:58,996
Look at those eyes.
1859
01:31:04,043 --> 01:31:06,128
Hey. Oh my God.
1860
01:31:08,255 --> 01:31:10,591
She's beautiful. Look at you.
1861
01:31:11,342 --> 01:31:13,010
What are we gonna call her?
1862
01:31:13,010 --> 01:31:15,346
- I was thinking--
- [Cara] Where's your fucking ring?
1863
01:31:15,346 --> 01:31:19,308
Oh yeah. It's probably somewhere,
like, in my lower intestine.
1864
01:31:19,308 --> 01:31:21,519
Your wedding ring
is inside your body right now?
1865
01:31:21,519 --> 01:31:23,437
- It's metal. It'll pass.
- [Connor] Yeah.
1866
01:31:23,437 --> 01:31:25,439
What the fuck, Connor?
1867
01:31:25,439 --> 01:31:29,151
Okay, okay, okay. Let's take that outside.
1868
01:31:29,151 --> 01:31:33,739
In fact, anyone who is not
an immediate member of the family, out.
1869
01:31:34,907 --> 01:31:35,866
[Mike] Here we go.
1870
01:31:37,368 --> 01:31:38,994
You guys made a beautiful baby.
1871
01:31:39,578 --> 01:31:40,746
Thank you, Mike.
1872
01:31:40,746 --> 01:31:41,956
So...
1873
01:31:43,874 --> 01:31:46,794
Is there anything you wanna tell me
about your little trip?
1874
01:31:48,379 --> 01:31:49,797
Nope. [inhales deeply]
1875
01:31:49,797 --> 01:31:51,257
I'm good. [exhales]
1876
01:31:52,383 --> 01:31:53,759
No more Hella Mike.
1877
01:31:55,970 --> 01:31:57,012
Who's Hella Mike?
1878
01:31:57,888 --> 01:31:59,181
I don't really know.
1879
01:32:00,558 --> 01:32:04,770
But I do know that he made some decisions
over the last 17 hours,
1880
01:32:04,770 --> 01:32:07,106
and I don't like how things turned out.
1881
01:32:07,856 --> 01:32:09,942
But just know that I love you and...
1882
01:32:10,734 --> 01:32:14,488
I mean, you know, there's a lot
of crazy shit going on in the news.
1883
01:32:15,239 --> 01:32:19,451
And it's not just the booze talking,
but I just fucking...
1884
01:32:21,662 --> 01:32:22,997
[Mike sighs]
1885
01:32:24,873 --> 01:32:25,791
Britney,
1886
01:32:26,500 --> 01:32:29,086
would you do me the honor
of becoming my bride?
1887
01:32:30,546 --> 01:32:33,549
Michael Jahim Richards.
1888
01:32:33,549 --> 01:32:36,969
I am not answering that question
in the middle of a hospital!
1889
01:32:37,678 --> 01:32:39,388
- [Mike] My bad.
- Get up! Jesus!
1890
01:32:39,388 --> 01:32:43,142
Get up! Come on! Take a shower!
Buy a ring! Show some effort!
1891
01:32:43,142 --> 01:32:45,436
At least take me
to Tony Roma's or something.
1892
01:32:47,688 --> 01:32:49,106
How about Ruth's Chris?
1893
01:32:51,233 --> 01:32:53,485
I mean, I do love Ruth's Chris.
1894
01:32:59,241 --> 01:33:02,995
- I'm just so sick of your fucking excuses.
- What? It's not an excuse, Cara.
1895
01:33:02,995 --> 01:33:06,999
I'm in actual fucking pain,
which is something you can't relate to
1896
01:33:06,999 --> 01:33:10,377
because you block it out
with your cold, reptilian mindset.
1897
01:33:12,838 --> 01:33:14,173
You think I'm cold?
1898
01:33:14,673 --> 01:33:16,383
Babe, when you open your legs,
1899
01:33:16,383 --> 01:33:18,802
I can actually hear
the East German National Anthem.
1900
01:33:18,802 --> 01:33:20,888
Ah! [chuckles]
1901
01:33:21,388 --> 01:33:23,265
Finally, a little fucking emotion!
1902
01:33:26,477 --> 01:33:29,229
Are you trying to tell me
you don't wanna be with me anymore?
1903
01:33:30,147 --> 01:33:31,857
No. No, babe.
1904
01:33:32,691 --> 01:33:36,403
I'm just telling you that I don't wanna
live my life this way anymore.
1905
01:33:36,945 --> 01:33:39,073
I would like to be less afraid of you.
1906
01:33:40,282 --> 01:33:43,452
You know, and maybe not have
every minute of my life scheduled.
1907
01:33:44,119 --> 01:33:47,289
I would also like to eat carbohydrates
every once in a while.
1908
01:33:47,289 --> 01:33:48,540
And speakin' of,
1909
01:33:49,166 --> 01:33:51,794
would an occasional blow job
fuckin' kill you?
1910
01:33:52,461 --> 01:33:53,337
No cap.
1911
01:33:57,716 --> 01:33:58,926
[gasps]
1912
01:33:59,885 --> 01:34:01,178
Did you fuckin' see that?
1913
01:34:02,012 --> 01:34:04,056
No cap! No cap! That means...
1914
01:34:04,682 --> 01:34:05,766
that means that's true!
1915
01:34:05,766 --> 01:34:07,142
Okay. Okay, Connor.
1916
01:34:07,142 --> 01:34:09,728
- No cap! No cap!
- [celebratory music playing]
1917
01:34:10,604 --> 01:34:12,356
For the record, it mean "no lie."
1918
01:34:12,356 --> 01:34:13,524
That's what I meant!
1919
01:34:14,566 --> 01:34:16,026
That's what I meant!
1920
01:34:16,652 --> 01:34:17,569
[music stops]
1921
01:34:17,569 --> 01:34:18,487
Oh fuck.
1922
01:34:18,487 --> 01:34:20,572
[instrumental rock music playing]
1923
01:34:22,449 --> 01:34:26,161
[Jack] This is the best part
of my day, every day. Still.
1924
01:34:26,870 --> 01:34:28,205
And things are better now.
1925
01:34:28,205 --> 01:34:30,582
We sent Nate to the local public school
1926
01:34:30,582 --> 01:34:34,336
and threw a ripper down at the VFW
that raised a shitload of money for it.
1927
01:34:34,336 --> 01:34:35,546
[cheering]
1928
01:34:35,546 --> 01:34:38,549
[Jack] I'm sure some of the programs
aren't at the private school level,
1929
01:34:38,549 --> 01:34:40,384
but they still play tackle football,
1930
01:34:40,384 --> 01:34:43,387
and you can pick your kids up
whenever the fuck you get there.
1931
01:34:44,596 --> 01:34:46,974
We never did get
our two hours with Doctor Lois.
1932
01:34:47,516 --> 01:34:50,227
Turns out she was embezzling
all that money we raised for the school
1933
01:34:50,227 --> 01:34:51,895
to keep her creditors at bay.
1934
01:34:52,479 --> 01:34:54,481
{\an8}But at the end of the day,
she's a white woman,
1935
01:34:54,481 --> 01:34:55,983
{\an8}so she's not going to jail.
1936
01:34:56,483 --> 01:34:57,943
{\an8}She'll probably get a book deal.
1937
01:34:58,444 --> 01:35:02,114
{\an8}Meanwhile, that crazy Ed Cameron
finally figured himself out.
1938
01:35:02,114 --> 01:35:03,449
{\an8}He came out of the closet
1939
01:35:03,449 --> 01:35:06,368
{\an8}and ended up marrying
the cute old guy from Judas Priest.
1940
01:35:07,828 --> 01:35:10,414
{\an8}Mike sued the owners of Trifecta
for age discrimination,
1941
01:35:10,414 --> 01:35:12,291
{\an8}and we got some of our equity back.
1942
01:35:13,542 --> 01:35:15,210
Connor blew his share on a neck lift.
1943
01:35:15,961 --> 01:35:16,879
Nice!
1944
01:35:16,879 --> 01:35:20,048
[Jack] Life is good.
And I've been in therapy, doin' the work.
1945
01:35:21,091 --> 01:35:23,427
Leah says she's seen a noticeable change.
1946
01:35:23,927 --> 01:35:26,430
I don't let things get to me
the way they used to.
1947
01:35:26,430 --> 01:35:27,765
[man] Excuse me. Sir.
1948
01:35:28,766 --> 01:35:30,142
You really think that's smart?
1949
01:35:30,142 --> 01:35:32,978
Throwin' a ball around like that
with a baby strapped to your chest?
1950
01:35:39,526 --> 01:35:41,236
You know what?
I didn't even think of that.
1951
01:35:41,236 --> 01:35:43,363
Thank you for that information.
I appreciate it.
1952
01:35:44,114 --> 01:35:45,824
Yeah, absolutely.
1953
01:35:49,036 --> 01:35:50,204
[Jack] Have a nice day.
1954
01:35:52,039 --> 01:35:53,081
Fuckin' asshole.
1955
01:35:53,832 --> 01:35:56,251
["Apeman" by The Kinks playing]
1956
01:36:02,007 --> 01:36:03,634
♪ I think I'm sophisticated... ♪
1957
01:36:03,634 --> 01:36:05,803
[Jack] Come on, buddy. Nice throw.
1958
01:36:05,803 --> 01:36:07,888
- [loud thud]
- [music stops]
1959
01:36:09,556 --> 01:36:11,934
Holy shit. You all right, buddy?
1960
01:36:12,518 --> 01:36:14,353
["Apeman" resumes playing]
1961
01:36:15,103 --> 01:36:16,230
[Jack] Just walk it off.
1962
01:36:22,236 --> 01:36:23,904
♪ I think I'm sophisticated ♪
1963
01:36:23,904 --> 01:36:26,907
♪ 'Cause I'm living my life
Like a good homosapien... ♪
1964
01:36:26,907 --> 01:36:30,369
[Jack] All right, let's try to get
ten in a row here. That was crazy, huh?
1965
01:36:30,369 --> 01:36:31,912
♪ Everybody's multiplying ♪
1966
01:36:31,912 --> 01:36:34,248
♪ And they're walking round
Like flies, man... ♪
1967
01:36:36,208 --> 01:36:38,544
[Jack] Nice throw!
Nice throw! There you go.
1968
01:36:38,544 --> 01:36:40,921
♪ Sitting in their cages
In the zoo, man... ♪
1969
01:36:40,921 --> 01:36:42,589
[Jack] Another nice throw. Right here.
1970
01:36:43,465 --> 01:36:45,217
Gets the ball over to first base!
1971
01:36:45,217 --> 01:36:47,177
♪ I am an apeman ♪
1972
01:36:47,761 --> 01:36:50,931
♪ I think I'm so educated
And I'm so civilized ♪
1973
01:36:50,931 --> 01:36:53,183
♪ 'Cause I'm a strict vegetarian ♪
1974
01:36:54,184 --> 01:36:57,396
♪ But with the over-population
And inflation and starvation ♪
1975
01:36:57,396 --> 01:36:59,815
♪ And the crazy politicians ♪
1976
01:37:00,858 --> 01:37:04,027
♪ I don't feel safe in this world
No more ♪
1977
01:37:04,027 --> 01:37:07,114
♪ I don't want to die in a nuclear war ♪
1978
01:37:07,114 --> 01:37:10,325
♪ I want to sail away to a distant shore ♪
1979
01:37:10,325 --> 01:37:12,452
♪ And make like an apeman ♪
1980
01:37:13,704 --> 01:37:17,916
♪ I'm an apeman, I'm an ape apeman
No, I'm an apeman ♪
1981
01:37:19,668 --> 01:37:22,713
♪ I'm a King Kong man, I'm a voodoo man ♪
1982
01:37:22,713 --> 01:37:24,381
♪ No, I'm an apeman ♪
1983
01:37:26,091 --> 01:37:29,469
♪ 'Cause compared to the sun
That sits in the sky ♪
1984
01:37:29,469 --> 01:37:32,598
♪ Compared to the clouds as they roll by ♪
1985
01:37:32,598 --> 01:37:36,059
♪ Compared to the bugs
And the spiders and flies ♪
1986
01:37:36,059 --> 01:37:38,061
♪ I am an apeman ♪
1987
01:37:43,775 --> 01:37:45,694
[music fades]
1988
01:37:47,279 --> 01:37:49,031
[Bill Burr] Oh, Jesus.
1989
01:37:50,699 --> 01:37:52,659
[instrumental rock music playing]
1990
01:40:10,547 --> 01:40:12,549
[instrumental rock music fades]
1991
01:40:14,009 --> 01:40:16,011
[instrumental ethereal music playing]
1992
01:42:05,036 --> 01:42:06,788
[instrumental ethereal music fades]