1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
YTS.MX
2
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
3
00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:57,432
This is the best part
of my day, every day.
4
00:00:57,974 --> 00:01:02,228
I always wanted to be a dad.
It just took 46 years for it to happen.
5
00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:05,774
When people ask me why,
I tell 'em to fuck off.
6
00:01:06,691 --> 00:01:08,860
Or I just say
I hadn't met the right woman yet.
7
00:01:09,861 --> 00:01:12,113
Ah, there she is. Leah.
8
00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:15,658
Got the second one in the oven,
and she still looks great.
9
00:01:15,658 --> 00:01:17,911
According to her,
the reason I got such a late start
10
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:20,038
is because I had an unhappy childhood.
11
00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:23,208
But I'm not gonna whine about it.
12
00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:24,626
That's what vegans do.
13
00:01:25,210 --> 00:01:26,961
I'm just gonna make sure
my kids are prepared
14
00:01:26,961 --> 00:01:29,255
for whatever this world has to offer.
15
00:01:31,466 --> 00:01:32,467
Slow down.
16
00:01:33,384 --> 00:01:36,554
Unfortunately, I have no idea
what that is anymore.
17
00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:39,182
For some reason,
I can't leave my kid in the car
18
00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:40,975
to run into a convenience store,
19
00:01:40,975 --> 00:01:44,187
but that same store
can sell him food so full of hormones
20
00:01:44,187 --> 00:01:46,523
he'll be able to grow a beard
by the third grade.
21
00:01:47,899 --> 00:01:48,942
But nobody gives a shit
22
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:51,486
because they're too busy
jerking off to Internet porn.
23
00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:52,987
Buddy.
24
00:01:52,987 --> 00:01:55,323
- What do you say there, Jackie boy?
25
00:01:55,323 --> 00:01:56,991
- Oh, you motherfucking--
- You're up.
26
00:01:56,991 --> 00:01:58,743
Goddamn.
I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch!
27
00:01:59,911 --> 00:02:03,248
Hey! Give me the stick!
Give me the stick! Give me the stick!
28
00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:08,086
Hey, buddy. What happened? You all right?
29
00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:10,255
Colin pushed me.
30
00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:11,756
Yeah, I know he did.
31
00:02:11,756 --> 00:02:14,384
I told you if you play rough,
rough things are gonna happen, right?
32
00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:16,719
- Here, let me see.
- Colin, give me the stick!
33
00:02:16,719 --> 00:02:19,514
Ah, that's not so bad.
Just rub some dirt on it, buddy.
34
00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:22,475
There you go.
35
00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:26,062
You might wanna get him checked
or at least put a little Neosporin on it.
36
00:02:26,062 --> 00:02:27,438
That thing could get infected.
37
00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:31,568
- Who are you?
- I'm, uh, Hunter Lewis.
38
00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:33,486
Lisa's husband.
Just moved in across the street.
39
00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:34,487
Thanks for having me.
40
00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:37,198
Oh, yeah? Are you a doctor,
or are you just one of those WebMD guys?
41
00:02:37,198 --> 00:02:39,450
It's just common knowledge.
You wanna keep the cut clean.
42
00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:42,620
Oh, is it? Listen, I'm trying to raise
a little man here, not a fucking pussy.
43
00:02:42,620 --> 00:02:43,955
So I appreciate your concern.
44
00:02:43,955 --> 00:02:46,166
But why don't you just go back
to your hard seltzer
45
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:49,252
and, you know, go on Twitter and go share
the story where you're the hero?
46
00:02:51,212 --> 00:02:52,172
Okay.
47
00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:54,674
Daddy, you said a bad word.
48
00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:57,510
Yeah, I know I did, buddy.
Sometimes you have to, all right?
49
00:02:57,510 --> 00:03:00,972
Don't tell your mother. She'll kill me.
I love you. Come on. Let's get up.
50
00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:02,891
Hang on, Jack! Hang on! Hang on!
51
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,311
Colin's got something
he wants to say to you, kid.
52
00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:07,729
But, Dad, he pushed me first--
53
00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:09,898
Hey, no, no, no. I don't care. Okay?
54
00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:12,483
You don't hit somebody with a stick.
We don't hit our friends.
55
00:03:12,483 --> 00:03:15,361
Let's apologize now.
Say you're sorry to Nate. Come on.
56
00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:16,404
No!
57
00:03:16,404 --> 00:03:18,698
- Hey, come on. Don't cry.
58
00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:20,658
Come on. It's okay, buddy.
Say you're sorry.
59
00:03:20,658 --> 00:03:23,369
I'm just asking you to apologize.
You don't gotta freak out.
60
00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:25,580
- Hey, buddy. Ah, shit.
- No!
61
00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:28,208
Okay, okay. What is going on?
Why is he screaming?
62
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,710
Because he hit Nate with a stick,
and I told him to apologize.
63
00:03:35,673 --> 00:03:39,594
What you're feeling now
is what you're feeling, okay?
64
00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:43,014
Let it out.
65
00:03:45,975 --> 00:03:48,978
- I don't think that--
- I don't need you to think now.
66
00:03:48,978 --> 00:03:51,314
You need to respect your son's autonomy
67
00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:53,650
and really let him process
how crossing this boundary
68
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:56,152
is affecting his ever-evolving moral code.
69
00:03:56,778 --> 00:03:58,363
I want my stick!
70
00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:00,365
Stick, where is it?
71
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:01,866
It's...
72
00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:06,246
Jack. How's Nate doing in school?
73
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:09,791
Great, you know. He's comin' along.
Uh, how's your little one doing?
74
00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:12,168
He's great. He's perfect.
75
00:04:15,004 --> 00:04:15,880
Yeah?
76
00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:20,843
Come on, bro. I...
77
00:04:22,553 --> 00:04:23,846
- No!
- Hey, hey, hey!
78
00:04:23,846 --> 00:04:24,806
Jesus!
79
00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:27,475
I'm gonna murder you. I swear to God.
Let's go get a drink. Come on.
80
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:31,104
- How fucking sad is that?
- He did it to himself.
81
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,188
Yes, he did.
82
00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:33,982
- No!
- Come on, stop it.
83
00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:37,360
Did you see that? That kid is a maniac.
84
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,569
Yeah, he's a lunatic.
85
00:04:38,569 --> 00:04:40,613
I'm gonna say something to Cara.
It's too much.
86
00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:42,198
No, no, no. Don't say anything.
87
00:04:42,198 --> 00:04:44,659
I'm not gonna freak out on her.
I'm just gonna talk to her.
88
00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:48,496
- Like, mom to mom. It's what moms do.
- Mike, should she say something?
89
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:50,748
Three cardinal rules of friendship.
90
00:04:50,748 --> 00:04:53,042
Don't bring up politics.
Don't bring up religion.
91
00:04:53,042 --> 00:04:55,837
And don't try to tell people
how to raise their kids.
92
00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:59,966
Oh, I'm sorry, Mike. I didn't realize
you had your own daytime talk show.
93
00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:03,177
Harvard. Duke.
94
00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:06,139
Girlfriend, ex-wife.
95
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,852
- It's kinda airtight, honey.
- Mmm, kind of. Not really.
96
00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:14,147
What'd she mean by that?
97
00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:16,482
Uh, she's just breaking your balls.
98
00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:18,318
Look, we're happy for you guys.
99
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:21,279
We're wondering when you're gonna make
an honest woman out of Britney.
100
00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:24,824
I told you. She doesn't wanna get married.
She doesn't wanna have kids.
101
00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:29,037
All she wants to do
is fuck me and go to the gym.
102
00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:32,248
Goddamn, Mike.
You found a fucking unicorn.
103
00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:40,006
What?
104
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,383
It's a team sport.
105
00:05:45,678 --> 00:05:46,554
You okay, buddy?
106
00:05:47,847 --> 00:05:51,434
♪ One life, I'm gonna live it up ♪
107
00:05:54,645 --> 00:05:58,608
♪ I'm takin' flight
I said, I'll never get enough ♪
108
00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:05,740
♪ Stand tall, I'm young and kinda proud... ♪
109
00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:09,243
This is the company
my friends and I started 23 years ago.
110
00:06:09,243 --> 00:06:11,454
We make high-end throwback jerseys.
111
00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:13,539
But I got talked into selling the company
112
00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:16,292
so I could afford
to send my son to private school,
113
00:06:16,292 --> 00:06:18,795
where all the kids are dressed
like fucking news anchors.
114
00:06:19,295 --> 00:06:23,049
Goes against everything I believe in,
but I'd do anything for my kid.
115
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:24,634
Dude, what are you doing?
116
00:06:25,718 --> 00:06:28,179
You look like
you just ran over a dog. Come on.
117
00:06:28,763 --> 00:06:30,223
It's a great fucking day for us.
118
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:31,307
Is it?
119
00:06:32,975 --> 00:06:35,728
We're about to become
employees of our own company.
120
00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:39,399
Jack, selling a business
and the owner staying on
121
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:42,735
is older than discovering
a country that already has people.
122
00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:43,694
There you go.
123
00:06:43,694 --> 00:06:47,240
Not to mention, the time to complain
was before we signed the deal.
124
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:50,034
- I did complain about it.
- Yeah, but you complain about everything.
125
00:06:50,034 --> 00:06:51,369
Oh, I do not.
126
00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:54,831
Relax. It's gonna be great.
127
00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:57,583
Well, that's easy for you to say.
You're home free.
128
00:06:57,583 --> 00:06:59,585
Yeah, that's true.
You got no more child support.
129
00:06:59,585 --> 00:07:01,379
- You got college taken care of.
- Yeah.
130
00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:04,340
What are gonna do now?
Airbnb your kids' rooms, you cheap prick?
131
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,803
Laugh now, motherfuckers, but wait
till you see what I got coming next.
132
00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:10,430
Yeah, we'll see. We'll see.
133
00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:12,682
What's up, party people?
134
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,184
- Morning, everyone!
- Morning, guys.
135
00:07:15,184 --> 00:07:16,102
Morning.
136
00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:18,271
Monica, what's poppin', girl?
137
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:19,313
Good morning, Connor.
138
00:07:19,897 --> 00:07:23,109
Yo, you happen to check
that new joint from Lil Baby
139
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,444
dropped on Twitter last night?
140
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,529
- No.
- What? Boom. Come on. Pound it out.
141
00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:28,114
Ah, it's okay. Thanks.
142
00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:32,160
- Oh God.
- There he goes again.
143
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,620
Don't sleep on Lil Baby,
on any of the babies.
144
00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:37,331
I heard Big Baby got something
coming out too. It's gonna be fire.
145
00:07:37,331 --> 00:07:38,249
Big Baby?
146
00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:40,543
Yeah, you... you peep him yet?
147
00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:42,503
I don't believe I have, no.
148
00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:44,088
What? He's fleek.
149
00:07:44,088 --> 00:07:47,842
- Oh.
- Yeah, he's on fleek. Flickity-fleek.
150
00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:49,469
- Connor, come on.
151
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:52,263
- Aight. Gotta bounce.
- Okay.
152
00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:54,056
- One love. One love, girl.
- Okay. Okay.
153
00:07:54,056 --> 00:07:55,349
One love, y'all.
154
00:07:58,519 --> 00:08:00,313
You know,
she's never gonna think you're cool.
155
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:03,024
I am cool, Jack. I'm sorry
that you feel threatened by that.
156
00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:04,692
Oh, I think everybody's threatened by it.
157
00:08:04,692 --> 00:08:07,778
All right, you two, lock it down.
We gotta impress this dude.
158
00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:10,281
Wait. By "this dude,"
159
00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:12,950
you mean the douchebag
half our age we now work for?
160
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:16,037
I don't know, Jack.
If I were you, I'd give him a chance.
161
00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:19,290
I hear Aspen has
a real collaborative leadership style.
162
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:21,125
That guy?
163
00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:24,629
He looks like
he's in a musical about janitors.
164
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:27,131
Play nice, Jack.
The new owners love him.
165
00:08:27,131 --> 00:08:30,176
And if we wanna get paid,
we gotta keep our jobs.
166
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:32,970
Gentlemen. What an honor.
167
00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:33,930
Aspen Bell.
168
00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:35,348
- Mike.
- Uh-huh.
169
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:38,184
- Hey! Connor.
- Oh! I'm gonna get some of that? Ah!
170
00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:40,478
- Jack. Good.
- Hey, how are you? That's all right.
171
00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:44,023
Okay. Uh, guys.
Yeah, have a seat. Get comfortable.
172
00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:48,903
Wow! The trifecta behind Trifecta.
173
00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:51,739
This is some broad shoulders
to stand on, boys.
174
00:08:51,739 --> 00:08:53,157
Let's get right to it.
175
00:08:53,157 --> 00:08:56,827
Look, this is your company, right?
176
00:08:56,827 --> 00:08:57,828
You built it.
177
00:08:58,412 --> 00:09:01,916
And I want you to know that I respect
the shit out of what you've done here.
178
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,293
I mean, come on, throwback jerseys?
179
00:09:04,293 --> 00:09:08,089
{\an8}You didn't just start the trend.
You perfected it.
180
00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:10,132
The breathability of this fabric.
181
00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:12,593
Must have been sewn by the gods.
182
00:09:12,593 --> 00:09:15,888
Actually, it was sewn together
by some hardworking women in Koreatown.
183
00:09:17,765 --> 00:09:20,059
But, uh, thank you.
We're, uh, very proud of it.
184
00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:21,018
And you should be.
185
00:09:21,018 --> 00:09:23,896
You should be very proud
of everything that you've done here.
186
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:28,401
And I want you to know
that my door will always be open to you.
187
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:32,280
But I'm gonna break some eggs
because I'm a disruptor.
188
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:33,447
It's in my DNA.
189
00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:35,950
What does that mean?
190
00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:37,827
It means that we're gonna pivot.
191
00:09:39,036 --> 00:09:41,747
This company is now a gender-neutral,
carbon-neutral,
192
00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:44,041
21st-century lifestyle apparel brand.
193
00:09:44,041 --> 00:09:49,046
And the first step in that is
to liberate everyone born before 1988.
194
00:09:49,046 --> 00:09:51,674
For what? All of us?
195
00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:56,429
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the fuck?
That's, like, half the company.
196
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:59,056
- Calm down, man.
- You calm down.
197
00:09:59,056 --> 00:10:02,018
- Let's go.
- Damien's 35? Goddamn, he looks good.
198
00:10:02,518 --> 00:10:05,938
Hey, what happened to two weeks' notice?
You can't just kick 'em out.
199
00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:06,897
Don't touch me.
200
00:10:06,897 --> 00:10:09,317
These people put their hearts and souls
into this business.
201
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:13,863
And we signed them up for Zip Recruiter.
They're gonna have a new job in no time.
202
00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:17,450
Look, we are living in an exponential era.
203
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:18,367
Hmm.
204
00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:22,288
Jack, change and growth,
these things happen faster than they did
205
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:23,831
when you were young.
206
00:10:24,415 --> 00:10:25,291
I mean, look at me.
207
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:28,210
I'm 28 years old, and I've already worked
for 15 different start-ups.
208
00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:32,423
- Is that something you wanna brag about?
- Absolutely.
209
00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:35,635
Success does not care
about the way that you feel.
210
00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:38,763
I want people to come in here
with a smile on their face,
211
00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:41,849
but I need them
to have Kevlar in their souls.
212
00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:44,268
If that's too much to ask,
213
00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:46,520
then I don't care
how long you've been here.
214
00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:48,856
You're gonna be out the door.
215
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:51,484
Is that a threat?
216
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,903
No, no. It's just transparent leadership.
217
00:10:54,862 --> 00:10:56,322
Look, I care about you.
218
00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:59,784
In fact, there is this woman
I would love for you to go see.
219
00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:03,329
She's an old friend of my mom.
She has had a lot of success
220
00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:10,169
helping people in your situation
to restrain their aggressive tendencies.
221
00:11:12,129 --> 00:11:13,798
You want me to go see a shrink?
222
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:15,466
I appreciate you.
223
00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:21,180
"I appreciate you." "I appreciate you."
224
00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:24,225
Fucking sociopath hipster douche.
225
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:26,185
Gonna threaten me
in my own goddamn building?
226
00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:28,729
I'll fucking knock you out,
throw you in a bag of laundry,
227
00:11:28,729 --> 00:11:30,815
and they'll never fucking see you again.
228
00:11:31,899 --> 00:11:33,776
- Oh my God!
229
00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:35,444
Come on! I'm gonna be late.
230
00:11:36,612 --> 00:11:38,114
Just fucking sitting there.
231
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:42,993
Oh, look at this fucking asshole.
232
00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:47,540
Fucking 30-year-old man riding a kids' toy
right in the middle of the fucking street!
233
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,291
- Get over!
234
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:53,963
What's he doing now? Is he freestyling?
Is he making a YouTube video?
235
00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:57,800
Oh my God!
How fucking self-involved are you?
236
00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:00,344
Share the road!
237
00:12:00,344 --> 00:12:01,554
Hey, I agree!
238
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:04,765
So, why don't you get up onto
the fucking sidewalk where you belong?
239
00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:09,437
Oh, is that for me?
Oh, you a tough guy now, huh? Huh?
240
00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:13,733
Where you going,
you little cocksucker, huh?
241
00:12:18,028 --> 00:12:18,904
What?
242
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:23,200
When was the last time you saw
one of those bastards stop at a stop sign?
243
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:27,037
Then they get hit and frost the thing
like some unforeseen tragedy happened.
244
00:12:28,247 --> 00:12:29,123
Am I wrong?
245
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:31,000
Yes.
246
00:12:32,793 --> 00:12:33,711
Toxic.
247
00:12:39,967 --> 00:12:42,219
Oh, look at this. Of course.
248
00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:43,721
Unbelievable.
249
00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:46,432
500 people come here every day,
and they got 20 fucking spots.
250
00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:48,768
How much money do you have to pay
to get a parking lot?
251
00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:51,604
What does that say?
252
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,981
I'm not reading all that fucking shit.
253
00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:57,026
Eh, fuck it. Be in and out.
254
00:13:02,239 --> 00:13:04,116
So, you are reading
to your kids every night?
255
00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:05,451
Uh, we do 17--
256
00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:07,369
Oh, excuse me. Excuse me, sir?
257
00:13:07,369 --> 00:13:08,287
Yeah?
258
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:11,665
- You were late for pickup.
- I'm sorry. There was no parking spots.
259
00:13:13,417 --> 00:13:16,587
- Daddy! Daddy!
- Nate! Hey, little buddy.
260
00:13:16,587 --> 00:13:18,798
Ah! What's up?
261
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:20,758
What's up?
262
00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:22,968
- I've missed you, man.
- Me too.
263
00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:24,762
- How was school?
- Good.
264
00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:29,058
- You were late for pickup.
- Yeah, I told you I couldn't find a spot.
265
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,685
I'm sorry. We don't accept excuses.
266
00:13:32,269 --> 00:13:34,855
Wasn't an excuse. Just what happened.
267
00:13:34,855 --> 00:13:37,316
Plus, I was only, like,
two minutes late, right, buddy?
268
00:13:37,316 --> 00:13:39,777
- Have you read the school guidebook?
- Yep.
269
00:13:45,866 --> 00:13:46,700
What?
270
00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:49,328
It's a dollar
for every minute you're late.
271
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:50,955
Of course it is.
272
00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:52,998
Okay.
273
00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:58,796
- Here's five bucks. It's all I got.
- Oh, no. The first violation is free.
274
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:03,342
Really? Well, why didn't you tell me that
before I put my kid down?
275
00:14:03,342 --> 00:14:07,346
Well, if you'd actually read the guidebook
instead of just saying you did,
276
00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:09,139
I wouldn't have to tell you anything.
277
00:14:10,599 --> 00:14:13,143
- Is there, like, a problem here, miss?
- Well, actually--
278
00:14:13,143 --> 00:14:14,562
If you have some issue with me,
279
00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:17,022
you take me aside in private,
and you talk to me.
280
00:14:17,022 --> 00:14:19,108
You don't dress me down
in front of my kid.
281
00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:21,318
I'm paying you to educate my son,
not me, okay?
282
00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:24,321
Oh. Well, we here
at Little Hearts and Minds
283
00:14:24,321 --> 00:14:27,241
believe that education
extends into the home.
284
00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:28,826
Oh, do you? Fantastic.
285
00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:32,162
And once again, you'd know that
if you'd picked up the guidebook and--
286
00:14:32,162 --> 00:14:34,874
Jesus Christ!
I read the goddamn fucking guidebook!
287
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,709
All right, you stumpy little cunt?
288
00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:39,461
Wow!
289
00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:42,381
Oh my God.
290
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:47,553
Let's go, Nate.
291
00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:50,431
Daddy, what's a cunt?
292
00:14:50,431 --> 00:14:53,517
Somebody that gives you shit
for being two seconds late for pickup.
293
00:14:53,517 --> 00:14:54,435
How you doing?
294
00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:58,731
Okay, buddy, we're home.
Now what are we gonna do?
295
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:01,609
Forget what happened
and finish my ice cream.
296
00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:02,902
That's right.
297
00:15:05,946 --> 00:15:07,448
Hey, buddy, was that good?
298
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:10,659
Ah, you're the best. Here.
Let's get you cleaned up real quick.
299
00:15:10,659 --> 00:15:13,621
Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh.
Doop-doop-doop-doop-doop.
300
00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:14,914
Yep, okay, cool.
301
00:15:15,789 --> 00:15:19,084
All right. Nothing but happiness
when we go in there, okay? Awesome.
302
00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:20,294
Mommy!
303
00:15:20,794 --> 00:15:23,380
Well, hey! How are you, buddy?
304
00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:26,425
- Hey, how was your meeting, honey?
- Oh, it was good! How was pickup?
305
00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:28,552
Oh, it was great,
smooth, uneventful.
306
00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:31,055
Hey, you wanna go watch Puppy Dog Pals?
307
00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:33,891
- Puppy Dog Pals!
- Puppy Dog Pals. Yay!
308
00:15:33,891 --> 00:15:35,309
Jack.
309
00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:40,189
Uneventful? I just got off the phone
with Doctor Lois Shmieckel-Turner.
310
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:41,774
Oh boy.
311
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:46,195
What is uneventful about calling
Nate's principal a stumpy "C"?
312
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:49,782
If you saw the way she was talking to me,
it was a perfectly normal response.
313
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:52,201
- For who?
- Anyone with a shred of dignity.
314
00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:53,577
Keep it down.
315
00:15:55,537 --> 00:15:57,247
Anyone with a shred of dignity.
316
00:15:57,748 --> 00:15:59,708
Okay, she was talking to me
like some deadbeat dad
317
00:15:59,708 --> 00:16:02,002
for showing up
a minute and a half late for pickup.
318
00:16:02,002 --> 00:16:04,922
Oh my God!
This has nothing to do with your dignity.
319
00:16:04,922 --> 00:16:08,133
This has everything
to do with our son's academic future.
320
00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:12,179
Do you know how powerful
Doctor Lois Shmieckel-Turner is?
321
00:16:12,763 --> 00:16:14,640
Her kindergarten recommendation
322
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,767
makes or breaks
whether he gets into The Meadows.
323
00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:19,144
Great. So we'll send him
to a different private school.
324
00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:22,022
She writes the recommendation
no matter where he goes.
325
00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:25,192
Great! Then it's public school.
That place wasn't that bad, and it's free.
326
00:16:25,192 --> 00:16:26,944
Are you kidding me?
327
00:16:26,944 --> 00:16:28,320
That place was that bad.
328
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:29,947
- You admitted that--
- Sh.
329
00:16:30,447 --> 00:16:34,284
That one was that bad.
And you said it was that bad. Okay?
330
00:16:34,284 --> 00:16:37,705
We have been over this.
We've looked at all the data.
331
00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:41,041
Oh, Jesus Christ with the fucking data!
Your generation and the data.
332
00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:42,710
- What?
- The data, the data, the data.
333
00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:44,461
Here's some data for you, okay?
334
00:16:44,461 --> 00:16:47,214
Not having your every need catered to
is actually a good thing.
335
00:16:47,214 --> 00:16:48,924
I went to public school.
I turned out fine.
336
00:16:48,924 --> 00:16:50,634
Where you learned to talk to principals?
337
00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:52,886
No, it's where I learned
to stick up for myself.
338
00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:54,763
You need to fix this.
339
00:16:55,472 --> 00:16:57,850
And you need to talk to someone
about your anger.
340
00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:00,102
Oh, Jesus Christ with the fucking therapy.
Here we go.
341
00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:01,937
- Great. Fine. Fine!
- Always with the therapy.
342
00:17:01,937 --> 00:17:04,148
Go ahead, white-knuckle it
through this world.
343
00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:06,525
But tomorrow,
you're gonna go into that school,
344
00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:08,402
and you are going to apologize.
345
00:17:08,402 --> 00:17:12,656
Good, fine. You think I'm afraid of that?
I'll go down there right now.
346
00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:14,324
Great.
347
00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:16,952
She's not the first person
I ever called that word.
348
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:23,584
Don't worry. I'll smooth it right over.
349
00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:28,714
Jack, Leah. Thanks so much for coming.
350
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:31,800
Thank you so much
for meeting with us, honestly.
351
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,094
Yes. Doctor Shmieckel-Turner,
I... I just wanted to--
352
00:17:34,094 --> 00:17:36,180
Uh, please, call me Doctor L.
353
00:17:36,764 --> 00:17:40,601
- Doctor L, I just wanna say--
- No, no. Save those thoughts.
354
00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:43,353
- Oh, okay.
- Uh...
355
00:17:44,521 --> 00:17:45,439
Oh.
356
00:17:51,361 --> 00:17:53,113
Oh, wait, wait. Whoa, whoa.
357
00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:55,616
We're gonna do this
in front of the whole school?
358
00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:57,076
- Um...
359
00:17:57,785 --> 00:18:01,914
We view this more as a village
than a school.
360
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:06,376
And we firmly believe
in the practice of restorative justice,
361
00:18:06,376 --> 00:18:08,587
or gacaca.
362
00:18:09,713 --> 00:18:13,801
A common practice in Rwanda
which was especially effective
363
00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:16,512
in the aftermath of their genocide.
364
00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:19,515
And please, join the other parents.
365
00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:21,100
Oh. Okay.
366
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:25,604
Okay. Wow!
367
00:18:26,396 --> 00:18:27,689
That's quite a turnout.
368
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,277
Um... All right, um...
369
00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:34,947
I guess, uh, looking back,
370
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:37,950
I, uh, let my emotions
get the best of me yesterday,
371
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:41,954
and, um, I wish I could have chosen
my words a little bit differently.
372
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:42,913
All right?
373
00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:47,543
And I am sorry that six of you heard this
and then told the other 40.
374
00:18:48,502 --> 00:18:50,796
And, uh, to any of the children
that heard what I said,
375
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:52,965
it's never okay to say those words, okay?
376
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:56,093
I... I was very, very wrong. All right?
377
00:18:56,718 --> 00:19:00,013
So that's it. Have a nice morning
and, uh, keep using those paper straws.
378
00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:02,975
I know they get soggy, but they're good
for the turtles, evidently.
379
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:06,061
- Thank you.
- Okay. No, no. Jack. Jack. Jack.
380
00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:10,732
Yeah. We... we appreciate the words,
381
00:19:11,441 --> 00:19:14,486
but the process of healing
has only just begun.
382
00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:18,448
- Yes, Judy.
- Yes, thank you.
383
00:19:18,448 --> 00:19:22,369
Um, I would just like to voice
how incredibly hurt I am.
384
00:19:22,369 --> 00:19:26,498
Mr. Kelly, do you understand
that using the C-word
385
00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:28,750
is like the N-word but for women?
386
00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:34,464
Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
Yeah, I'm... I'm sure... I'm sure it is.
387
00:19:35,048 --> 00:19:36,925
You know, other than
the 400 years of slavery
388
00:19:36,925 --> 00:19:38,677
and continued systemic oppression.
389
00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:41,054
Other than that, I think
you're making a really solid point.
390
00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:44,474
Yes, Mimi.
391
00:19:44,474 --> 00:19:46,643
Even though I wasn't there,
392
00:19:46,643 --> 00:19:51,148
just knowing that language like that
was used in front of the child--
393
00:19:53,483 --> 00:19:55,027
Oh, Jesus Christ.
394
00:19:58,405 --> 00:20:00,032
Please. Brian.
395
00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:05,704
As a parent of a child and someone
with chronically low metabolism,
396
00:20:05,704 --> 00:20:06,788
but loving my body...
397
00:20:06,788 --> 00:20:08,832
- Oh. Good for you, Brian.
- Yeah.
398
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:14,546
...your use of the word "stumpy" was
a real trigger to me and my whole family.
399
00:20:16,381 --> 00:20:17,216
Seriously?
400
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:18,133
Yes.
401
00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:21,678
Any type of body-shaming just reminds me
402
00:20:21,678 --> 00:20:25,140
of what it feels like to be told
that my body ain't good enough.
403
00:20:25,140 --> 00:20:26,725
Oh, okay. All right.
404
00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:30,062
Well, I understand that,
and I'm sorry I made you feel that way.
405
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:32,648
And I'd also like to add,
and I think a lot of you would agree,
406
00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:36,735
we do have a major weight problem
in this country. Do we not, you know?
407
00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:38,737
And it doesn't just affect
this man and his child.
408
00:20:38,737 --> 00:20:40,239
I mean, the burden
409
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:43,075
that out-of-shape people
put on our healthcare system,
410
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:45,577
not to mention the loved ones
they leave behind is...
411
00:20:45,577 --> 00:20:47,454
it's truly, truly heartbreaking.
412
00:20:47,454 --> 00:20:51,208
And I... I think, as a community,
we should be able to talk about it.
413
00:20:51,208 --> 00:20:54,336
Like maybe put a salad bar at drop-off
or something like that.
414
00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:56,505
Oh man! I would love that.
415
00:20:59,549 --> 00:21:01,260
All right. Maybe... maybe not now.
416
00:21:02,552 --> 00:21:03,804
Wrap it up. Thank you.
417
00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:05,514
Uh, I'd just like to say
418
00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:07,975
that I am truly sorry
for my actions yesterday.
419
00:21:07,975 --> 00:21:11,436
They have no place in this community.
Okay? All right.
420
00:21:11,436 --> 00:21:14,231
I'm sorry. Have a nice morning. Good day.
421
00:21:14,231 --> 00:21:15,649
Eh, eh. Uh...
422
00:21:15,649 --> 00:21:19,569
Okay. Okay, let's all thank Jack.
423
00:21:19,569 --> 00:21:23,407
It's not easy to admit when we are wrong.
424
00:21:24,992 --> 00:21:28,453
This is going to be
a long... a long journey.
425
00:21:29,162 --> 00:21:32,457
But I know we will all
be there to support him.
426
00:21:39,965 --> 00:21:42,843
What the fuck?
What does she mean by "long journey"?
427
00:21:42,843 --> 00:21:44,803
The journey's over.
I just apologized to her
428
00:21:44,803 --> 00:21:47,055
and a bunch of weak-kneed people
who weren't even there.
429
00:21:48,015 --> 00:21:51,226
She doesn't write Nate's recommendation
for another three months.
430
00:21:51,935 --> 00:21:53,478
- So?
- So!
431
00:21:54,187 --> 00:21:57,065
You have a long time to prove to her
that you are a good dad.
432
00:21:57,065 --> 00:21:58,525
But why do I need to do that?
433
00:21:58,525 --> 00:22:03,196
Because this recommendation is as much
about Nate as it is about us as parents.
434
00:22:03,196 --> 00:22:06,533
Oh, Jesus Christ!
Is it ever over with these people?
435
00:22:06,533 --> 00:22:09,036
I mean, how many fucking hoops
do you have to jump through?
436
00:22:09,036 --> 00:22:12,080
I don't know, Jack,
but you created this problem.
437
00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:16,835
So, are you going to man up and solve it,
or am I registering for two pacifiers?
438
00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:20,297
- Well?
- All right.
439
00:22:20,297 --> 00:22:22,924
I will play nice, and I will jump
through all the hoops, okay?
440
00:22:22,924 --> 00:22:25,552
Mm-hmm. Thank you. Have a good day.
441
00:22:37,647 --> 00:22:40,567
Hi, baby.
I grilled up some buffalo steaks,
442
00:22:40,567 --> 00:22:43,153
and there's a Manhattan
waiting for you on the table.
443
00:22:44,404 --> 00:22:46,490
- Goddamn, baby. You look good.
444
00:22:49,659 --> 00:22:50,660
Follow me.
445
00:22:51,578 --> 00:22:52,913
Just what I needed tonight.
446
00:22:52,913 --> 00:22:55,540
Well, I do know
how to take care of my man.
447
00:22:55,540 --> 00:22:57,876
- Go on. Sit down.
448
00:22:57,876 --> 00:23:00,087
Have a drink. Get all nice and relaxed.
449
00:23:01,797 --> 00:23:02,923
Why? What happened?
450
00:23:04,758 --> 00:23:05,592
Nothing.
451
00:23:07,260 --> 00:23:08,095
No--
452
00:23:08,762 --> 00:23:10,722
Okay, well,
I do have to tell you something,
453
00:23:10,722 --> 00:23:12,933
but you have to promise to not get mad.
454
00:23:14,476 --> 00:23:17,813
I went to too many years of law school
to agree to something like that.
455
00:23:17,813 --> 00:23:19,106
What's going on?
456
00:23:21,191 --> 00:23:22,234
Well,
457
00:23:23,235 --> 00:23:24,152
I'm late.
458
00:23:30,450 --> 00:23:32,160
There's no way. That's impossible.
459
00:23:32,911 --> 00:23:35,080
I couldn't believe it either.
460
00:23:44,506 --> 00:23:46,174
I had a vasectomy, and I pull out.
461
00:23:46,174 --> 00:23:49,344
I... I know.
I don't know how it happened, but...
462
00:23:51,346 --> 00:23:52,639
maybe there's a reason.
463
00:23:55,225 --> 00:23:56,059
Pee again.
464
00:23:57,102 --> 00:23:59,396
- What?
- Pee again!
465
00:23:59,396 --> 00:24:00,814
I did. Three times.
466
00:24:00,814 --> 00:24:03,024
Well, it's not mine, so go take a test.
467
00:24:15,996 --> 00:24:19,207
I mean, look at it this way.
You got really strong sperm.
468
00:24:21,042 --> 00:24:22,127
You should be proud.
469
00:24:23,879 --> 00:24:29,134
Seriously. I mean, guys our age, our cum
is usually, like, asthmatic, you know,
470
00:24:29,134 --> 00:24:32,888
but your shit's, like,
Bruce Willis in Unbreakable, bro.
471
00:24:32,888 --> 00:24:35,724
Yeah. To plow through
a vasectomy with pre-cum.
472
00:24:35,724 --> 00:24:37,434
- I mean, that's unheard of.
- Come on.
473
00:24:37,434 --> 00:24:39,644
That's like some Braveheart- level jizz.
474
00:24:39,644 --> 00:24:41,730
Yeah, dude.
You're like a Black William Wallace.
475
00:24:41,730 --> 00:24:43,482
Pre-cum!
476
00:24:44,107 --> 00:24:45,108
Sorry.
477
00:24:45,692 --> 00:24:49,070
Mike, this is gonna be great, okay?
And remember, kids keep you young.
478
00:24:49,070 --> 00:24:50,155
No, they don't.
479
00:24:50,864 --> 00:24:52,240
My kids almost killed me.
480
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:53,575
Oh, come on.
481
00:24:53,575 --> 00:24:55,827
Don't you remember
the beauty of becoming a dad?
482
00:24:55,827 --> 00:24:58,663
The smell of a newborn baby's head.
I mean, it's the best.
483
00:24:58,663 --> 00:25:00,373
They're funny, Mike. They're funny.
484
00:25:00,373 --> 00:25:03,251
They say funny shit.
They think farts are funny.
485
00:25:03,251 --> 00:25:06,171
In the morning, he comes running in.
"Pull my finger. Pull my finger."
486
00:25:06,171 --> 00:25:08,173
- Wet one. It's funny.
487
00:25:08,173 --> 00:25:09,299
It's adorable.
488
00:25:09,299 --> 00:25:12,135
Another thing, you come home,
they're excited to see you.
489
00:25:12,135 --> 00:25:14,846
How many places do you walk in,
and people just freak out
490
00:25:14,846 --> 00:25:17,015
and start running at you,
screaming your name?
491
00:25:17,015 --> 00:25:18,725
You come home,
you feel like you're famous.
492
00:25:18,725 --> 00:25:20,769
Yeah, exactly.
They don't die after 12 years.
493
00:25:20,769 --> 00:25:21,978
- Exactly.
- Like a dog.
494
00:25:22,979 --> 00:25:23,813
Hopefully.
495
00:25:24,397 --> 00:25:26,650
Mike, this is gonna be great.
We all get to do it together.
496
00:25:26,650 --> 00:25:27,651
Yeah.
497
00:25:27,651 --> 00:25:31,571
Jack, you've aged ten years
since Nate was born.
498
00:25:33,532 --> 00:25:37,369
Connor, I don't know what's up with you
'cause you don't fucking age.
499
00:25:37,994 --> 00:25:40,330
- Thanks, buddy.
- It's not a compliment.
500
00:25:40,914 --> 00:25:43,416
I don't know
what kind of Botox shit you're on,
501
00:25:43,416 --> 00:25:45,252
but it's gonna kill you.
502
00:25:45,252 --> 00:25:49,464
All right, dude. Ease up. Okay?
I didn't fucking get you pregnant.
503
00:25:50,090 --> 00:25:53,635
Just... If you don't want the baby,
just get an abortion.
504
00:25:54,135 --> 00:25:55,303
Flush it.
505
00:25:55,929 --> 00:25:58,557
I don't believe in that.
That's some white shit.
506
00:25:58,557 --> 00:25:59,891
- What's that mean?
- What?
507
00:25:59,891 --> 00:26:01,851
I don't know. I'm emotional.
508
00:26:03,979 --> 00:26:07,399
She said she didn't wanna have kids.
509
00:26:08,483 --> 00:26:10,110
What the fuck am I gonna do?
510
00:26:11,653 --> 00:26:13,572
- I'm having a heart attack.
- You're not.
511
00:26:13,572 --> 00:26:16,408
- Can we get some water? Just breathe.
- I'm gonna have a heart attack.
512
00:26:16,408 --> 00:26:20,161
You're not gonna have a heart attack.
You go to the gym.
513
00:26:20,161 --> 00:26:22,205
Nobody has a heart attack
that goes to the gym.
514
00:26:22,706 --> 00:26:25,667
Except... Remember that jogging guy?
He died of a heart attack.
515
00:26:25,667 --> 00:26:27,502
- Oh, yeah. Yeah.
- Remember that guy?
516
00:26:29,004 --> 00:26:31,214
Good morning, everyone.
517
00:26:31,214 --> 00:26:32,507
Morning, Doctor L.
518
00:26:32,507 --> 00:26:34,009
- Oh!
- Hey, buddy.
519
00:26:34,009 --> 00:26:36,011
I'll see ya. Have fun. Okay?
520
00:26:37,470 --> 00:26:39,139
Is that for me?
521
00:26:39,139 --> 00:26:42,183
Oh, it's for the whole community.
Yeah, it's an olive tree.
522
00:26:42,183 --> 00:26:45,270
Very drought-friendly.
And an eternal symbol of peace.
523
00:26:45,770 --> 00:26:50,317
I thought it'd be a nice way to cultivate
the kids', uh, social-emotional growth.
524
00:26:50,317 --> 00:26:52,652
Something we work on a lot
with Nate at home, you know?
525
00:26:53,653 --> 00:26:55,864
Well, I... I am impressed.
526
00:26:56,364 --> 00:26:59,618
But this tree is incompatible
with our ecosystem.
527
00:27:00,869 --> 00:27:02,454
The insects that it would attract
528
00:27:02,454 --> 00:27:05,248
would be detrimental
to all plant life here.
529
00:27:09,419 --> 00:27:11,296
- This is a funny moment.
530
00:27:11,296 --> 00:27:13,214
Yeah. You and I are having a--
531
00:27:13,214 --> 00:27:14,841
What?
532
00:27:14,841 --> 00:27:19,304
I find it so apropos that you have brought
the plant version of yourself.
533
00:27:21,348 --> 00:27:23,224
Jack, I appreciate the effort.
534
00:27:23,224 --> 00:27:25,935
I know how hard this is for you.
535
00:27:26,811 --> 00:27:30,899
But fortunately, I am here to guide you.
536
00:27:30,899 --> 00:27:35,487
If you're willing to take my advice.
Is that something you'd be open to?
537
00:27:37,614 --> 00:27:40,116
- I need a verbal confirmation.
- Yes.
538
00:27:41,076 --> 00:27:42,077
Walk with me.
539
00:27:43,495 --> 00:27:48,208
As you can see, this is
such a dynamic and whimsical place.
540
00:27:49,751 --> 00:27:53,338
A launching pad
for the next generation of great leaders.
541
00:27:53,922 --> 00:27:54,923
Such as Nate.
542
00:27:56,383 --> 00:28:01,429
But they'll never reach the stratosphere
without enough fuel.
543
00:28:02,847 --> 00:28:04,891
Our annual fundraiser is coming up,
544
00:28:04,891 --> 00:28:07,936
and given your leadership experience
in sales,
545
00:28:08,687 --> 00:28:11,064
I think you might make a great chairman.
546
00:28:11,981 --> 00:28:14,776
- Me?
- What do you think?
547
00:28:16,444 --> 00:28:18,655
I think I'm beginning
to see how this school works.
548
00:28:20,657 --> 00:28:22,784
♪ Come on, baby
Let me see you with the lights up... ♪
549
00:28:27,747 --> 00:28:29,833
Let's go. You're fucking getting to ten.
550
00:28:29,833 --> 00:28:30,917
- Let's go!
- Ah! I got it.
551
00:28:30,917 --> 00:28:32,210
- Are you a pussy?
- No.
552
00:28:32,210 --> 00:28:33,795
- Are you a pussy?
- You're a pussy.
553
00:28:33,795 --> 00:28:36,256
You're a fucking pussy.
Come on, let's go. Let's go.
554
00:28:36,256 --> 00:28:39,634
Come on. What are you, on your period?
Let's go. Look at me. Look at me.
555
00:28:39,634 --> 00:28:40,969
- Look at me!
- Ah, I'm looking.
556
00:28:40,969 --> 00:28:44,347
That's it. Let's go.
One more. One more. One more.
557
00:28:44,347 --> 00:28:47,809
- Come on! That's all you! That's all you!
- Fuck!
558
00:28:47,809 --> 00:28:49,811
All right. Let's go. Down. Down.
559
00:28:49,811 --> 00:28:52,439
Up high. Twice. Ah! Fuck Pilates!
560
00:28:53,481 --> 00:28:55,150
- Whoo!
- That was a good set.
561
00:28:58,611 --> 00:29:01,197
- So, you gonna help me with this thing?
- Fuck, no.
562
00:29:01,197 --> 00:29:04,784
- Come on. It's just a fundraiser meeting.
- I said no.
563
00:29:04,784 --> 00:29:06,661
What about that time
I pretended to be your dad
564
00:29:06,661 --> 00:29:08,872
'cause you were lying to that chick
about your age, huh?
565
00:29:09,581 --> 00:29:11,166
I have no recollection of that incident.
566
00:29:11,166 --> 00:29:13,418
Oh, you don't? You don't?
Isn't that convenient?
567
00:29:13,418 --> 00:29:14,669
Hey, there's Mike.
568
00:29:15,587 --> 00:29:17,672
- That Britney's car?
- I don't think so.
569
00:29:17,672 --> 00:29:19,924
Look at the plates.
Someone went crazy on CarMax.
570
00:29:19,924 --> 00:29:22,302
You know what? I give you two-to-one
571
00:29:22,302 --> 00:29:24,929
there's no more baby,
and there's no more Britney.
572
00:29:24,929 --> 00:29:26,806
- No. You think so?
- Yeah. Fifty bucks.
573
00:29:26,806 --> 00:29:28,057
Fifty? Hundred.
574
00:29:28,057 --> 00:29:29,392
- Hundred. C-note?
- C-note?
575
00:29:29,392 --> 00:29:31,352
- C-note!
- C-note!
576
00:29:31,352 --> 00:29:32,979
- All right. Be cool.
- All right.
577
00:29:33,646 --> 00:29:34,606
- Hey!
- Yo, yo, yo.
578
00:29:34,606 --> 00:29:36,608
- Look who's here. Big Mike!
- What's cracking?
579
00:29:36,608 --> 00:29:39,068
- Man, how are you?
- What's up, baby?
580
00:29:39,068 --> 00:29:41,237
- You look good.
- You get a new car?
581
00:29:41,237 --> 00:29:44,365
Ford Fusion SEL, fully loaded.
582
00:29:44,365 --> 00:29:46,868
Heated seats, Bluetooth, dual sunroof.
583
00:29:46,868 --> 00:29:50,079
Delivered straight to my door.
You wanna take it for a spin?
584
00:29:50,079 --> 00:29:53,124
Me? Nah, I'm good. I'll just rent one
the next time I go to Tampa.
585
00:29:54,250 --> 00:29:56,628
Hey, so, you and Britney
still having the kid, right?
586
00:29:57,420 --> 00:29:59,631
Yeah, why wouldn't we be?
587
00:29:59,631 --> 00:30:02,550
I don't know. Everything you're doing
is suggesting you took a mulligan.
588
00:30:03,051 --> 00:30:06,721
Why can't I be raising the kid
and have the car of my dreams?
589
00:30:06,721 --> 00:30:09,724
And pick up
a Boyz II Men pinball machine on eBay.
590
00:30:10,517 --> 00:30:12,560
People say it's impossible.
591
00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:16,105
Well, fuck those people
because I'm doing it. Huh?
592
00:30:16,105 --> 00:30:17,065
All right.
593
00:30:18,066 --> 00:30:19,567
- Fuck.
- Let's get it in, fellas.
594
00:30:19,567 --> 00:30:21,736
All right. Pay up, or go to the meeting.
595
00:30:21,736 --> 00:30:22,904
Motherfucker.
596
00:30:25,448 --> 00:30:28,034
Okay, I can get the VFW
to give us the space for free.
597
00:30:28,034 --> 00:30:30,662
My buddy Mitch has
a wholesale liquor company.
598
00:30:30,662 --> 00:30:34,249
We get the booze at cost, and that just
leaves the entertainment and the auction.
599
00:30:34,749 --> 00:30:36,042
Uh, but what's the theme?
600
00:30:36,042 --> 00:30:38,545
What's the theme?
You know, everybody takes an Uber.
601
00:30:38,545 --> 00:30:41,005
We all get ripped.
Take a night off from our kids.
602
00:30:41,005 --> 00:30:43,466
You know what? I think she's right.
I think we need a theme.
603
00:30:43,466 --> 00:30:45,802
- Yeah.
- We definitely need a theme.
604
00:30:45,802 --> 00:30:48,680
Last year's theme was
the Puerto Rican Day Parade.
605
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:51,182
- That was great.
- We had Tito Puente Jr.
606
00:30:51,182 --> 00:30:52,976
How about an '80s-themed party?
607
00:30:52,976 --> 00:30:54,435
Now there's an idea.
608
00:30:54,435 --> 00:30:56,521
- I fucking love the '80s.
- Fucking '80s are the best.
609
00:30:56,521 --> 00:30:58,940
Tank tops, T-tops, and blow, baby.
610
00:30:58,940 --> 00:31:01,442
Finger-banging for days. Miami Vice!
611
00:31:01,442 --> 00:31:04,946
That's what started that whole thing,
sport coats with the T-shirt underneath.
612
00:31:04,946 --> 00:31:08,116
Yeah. No socks. Remember?
You fold over the pant, roll it up.
613
00:31:08,116 --> 00:31:09,909
- No... Yeah.
- Boom. Hummer.
614
00:31:09,909 --> 00:31:12,203
Are we reliving your childhood
or planning a party?
615
00:31:12,203 --> 00:31:13,538
I'm always down for a party.
616
00:31:13,538 --> 00:31:14,873
- I am too.
- Right?
617
00:31:15,623 --> 00:31:19,335
How about "We Are the World"?
That's an interesting song. Right?
618
00:31:19,335 --> 00:31:21,254
And, you know, it's inclusive.
619
00:31:21,796 --> 00:31:24,966
Deals with Africa.
We got a lot of Black kids in the school.
620
00:31:26,175 --> 00:31:31,222
Uh-- Wha-- I... I mean,
I guess it is kind of inclusive.
621
00:31:31,222 --> 00:31:34,893
Inclusive adjacent, but some of us
weren't even born in the '80s.
622
00:31:34,893 --> 00:31:37,854
So I just think that, like,
why would we be looking backwards?
623
00:31:37,854 --> 00:31:41,024
You know? Like, our whole vibe here
at this school and this whole community
624
00:31:41,024 --> 00:31:44,777
is... is looking forward,
and I just don't think it really lines up.
625
00:31:44,777 --> 00:31:47,822
I've got it.
What about the United States of Gender?
626
00:31:47,822 --> 00:31:50,783
- There it is. Oh my God. I love that!
- I know. I love it.
627
00:31:50,783 --> 00:31:53,870
We could have an entirely trans waitstaff.
It'd be great!
628
00:31:53,870 --> 00:31:56,998
Okay. Wait, guys. There's gonna be a lot
of different people here at this party.
629
00:31:56,998 --> 00:32:00,043
Maybe we should try to keep it
a little more mainstream.
630
00:32:00,043 --> 00:32:02,086
Hmm. Define mainstream.
631
00:32:02,086 --> 00:32:05,632
I don't know, like, you know,
not turn it into, like, a tranny bar.
632
00:32:05,632 --> 00:32:08,885
- Oh my God!
- Tranny? You cannot say that word!
633
00:32:08,885 --> 00:32:10,762
- What are you supposed to say?
634
00:32:10,762 --> 00:32:11,804
Trans!
635
00:32:11,804 --> 00:32:16,434
Oh, all right. Well, I was close.
Trans, tranny. It's like Mike, Mikey.
636
00:32:16,434 --> 00:32:17,352
Mikey!
637
00:32:17,352 --> 00:32:21,272
Yeah. [laughs] I mean, people call me
a ginger. I don't give a fuck.
638
00:32:22,899 --> 00:32:24,817
I didn't mean anything by it.
All right. Trans.
639
00:32:24,817 --> 00:32:28,529
I think if we could just peer through
the fog of Jack's antiquated logic,
640
00:32:28,529 --> 00:32:31,074
we'll all realize that Jack's trying
to bring us together, okay?
641
00:32:31,074 --> 00:32:34,786
He's trying to move us forward,
not polarize us, okay?
642
00:32:34,786 --> 00:32:36,120
Can I just... Can I just...
643
00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:38,206
Is there a reason we always have
644
00:32:38,206 --> 00:32:41,626
two white men dominating
the discussion in this room?
645
00:32:43,544 --> 00:32:45,129
Was that directed at us?
646
00:32:45,129 --> 00:32:47,632
'Cause if I'm not mistaken,
you're also a white male, buddy.
647
00:32:47,632 --> 00:32:51,302
Why don't you consult the results
of my 23andMe test?
648
00:32:51,302 --> 00:32:54,180
Because the 3% of my lineage
that is Sri Lankan
649
00:32:54,180 --> 00:32:57,183
is really not appreciating
your tone in this moment.
650
00:32:57,183 --> 00:32:59,185
So I'm gonna need you
to check your privilege.
651
00:32:59,185 --> 00:33:01,437
- Check my privilege?
- That's right. Check your privilege.
652
00:33:01,437 --> 00:33:04,524
Okay. Uh, why don't we concentrate
on the silent auction?
653
00:33:05,566 --> 00:33:06,734
That's not a white guy?
654
00:33:07,443 --> 00:33:08,444
I'm confused.
655
00:33:18,413 --> 00:33:22,917
Oh my God! Look at this place.
It just gets more depressing every day.
656
00:33:25,753 --> 00:33:27,338
What up, party people?
657
00:33:32,427 --> 00:33:34,637
Ah! What up, fam?
658
00:33:35,138 --> 00:33:39,267
Yo, y'all check out that TikTok video
of the couple exchanging clothes?
659
00:33:39,267 --> 00:33:40,476
What?
660
00:33:41,519 --> 00:33:44,188
Uh, no, I'm not actually on TikTok, man.
661
00:33:44,188 --> 00:33:46,691
What? What are you on an Android phone?
662
00:33:47,358 --> 00:33:50,194
- Yeah. As a matter of fact, I am.
- Yeah. Me too.
663
00:33:50,194 --> 00:33:52,447
It's open-source software.
Fully customizable.
664
00:33:52,447 --> 00:33:54,991
- Yes! Yes!
- Right? That's what I'm talking about.
665
00:33:56,075 --> 00:33:56,909
Fuck.
666
00:33:57,493 --> 00:34:01,247
Yo. Did you feel that earthquake
this morning? You feel that?
667
00:34:02,832 --> 00:34:03,666
Don't worry.
668
00:34:04,792 --> 00:34:06,085
It's just my thoughts.
669
00:34:08,796 --> 00:34:09,839
Fame.
670
00:34:10,923 --> 00:34:13,301
It was once only
the provenance of the talented.
671
00:34:14,302 --> 00:34:16,137
But now we are living in an era
672
00:34:16,137 --> 00:34:19,766
in which everyone believes
that they deserve to be famous.
673
00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:26,272
The fame bubble is big, my friends.
And it's about to burst.
674
00:34:26,272 --> 00:34:28,357
You can already see the cracks.
675
00:34:28,357 --> 00:34:31,277
Celebrities announcing they're taking
a break from social media
676
00:34:31,277 --> 00:34:34,864
by taking a selfie
and posting it to social media.
677
00:34:34,864 --> 00:34:36,032
It's insane.
678
00:34:36,032 --> 00:34:39,660
And we are going to make
an insane amount of money
679
00:34:40,703 --> 00:34:44,373
by making not wanting fame the new fame.
680
00:34:45,041 --> 00:34:47,251
We're gonna find a brand ambassador.
681
00:34:47,251 --> 00:34:51,255
Someone who earnestly does not crave fame.
682
00:34:52,215 --> 00:34:55,426
Introducing Ed Cameron.
683
00:34:56,427 --> 00:34:59,430
He is the LeBron James
of not being famous.
684
00:35:00,306 --> 00:35:02,517
Lives on a plot
of alopeciad land in New Mexico.
685
00:35:02,517 --> 00:35:04,268
He is entirely self-sustaining.
686
00:35:04,268 --> 00:35:07,271
And as far as we know,
he's had little to no human contact,
687
00:35:07,271 --> 00:35:09,023
not since the late 1980s.
688
00:35:09,524 --> 00:35:10,775
How did you find him?
689
00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:12,485
Well, it wasn't easy.
690
00:35:12,485 --> 00:35:13,736
But in 1976,
691
00:35:13,736 --> 00:35:17,073
he signed up for a raffle
at a local church.
692
00:35:17,782 --> 00:35:19,659
That information was sold to Mammoth Mart,
693
00:35:19,659 --> 00:35:22,370
who then sold it
to Columbia Record and Tape Club,
694
00:35:22,370 --> 00:35:25,206
who turned right around
and sold it to JPMorgan Chase.
695
00:35:25,206 --> 00:35:28,334
And then they got hacked,
and it ended up on the dark web,
696
00:35:28,334 --> 00:35:29,752
so that was a little harder to--
697
00:35:29,752 --> 00:35:33,589
It's not that important to talk about
how we acquired his personal information.
698
00:35:33,589 --> 00:35:34,507
Doesn't matter.
699
00:35:34,507 --> 00:35:37,135
What matters
is how we're gonna bring him in.
700
00:35:37,635 --> 00:35:39,554
And I got three words for ya.
701
00:35:39,554 --> 00:35:41,806
Jack, Mike, Connor, the founding fathers.
702
00:35:42,890 --> 00:35:44,517
Whoa, whoa! What?
703
00:35:44,517 --> 00:35:46,519
You want all three of us
to go pitch this guy?
704
00:35:46,519 --> 00:35:48,437
Yeah. Yeah, with my boy, Trav.
705
00:35:49,897 --> 00:35:51,190
Why is Travis coming?
706
00:35:51,190 --> 00:35:53,359
Good question, Connor. I appreciate you.
707
00:35:53,359 --> 00:35:56,237
Hey, hey. This guy chose to live
in the middle of nowhere.
708
00:35:56,237 --> 00:35:57,155
Yeah.
709
00:35:57,155 --> 00:35:59,991
So, how the hell are we gonna convince him
to become famous?
710
00:35:59,991 --> 00:36:01,534
Ah!
711
00:36:04,579 --> 00:36:06,330
Therein lies the work, Jack.
712
00:36:06,956 --> 00:36:11,502
Do you think
that Steve Jobs invented things?
713
00:36:12,128 --> 00:36:13,629
- Yeah. Quite a bit, actually.
- Yeah.
714
00:36:13,629 --> 00:36:14,547
- iPad.
- No.
715
00:36:14,547 --> 00:36:18,843
He said things,
and then other people did them.
716
00:36:19,635 --> 00:36:21,179
So I've said things today,
717
00:36:21,888 --> 00:36:26,100
and I want you to go and do those things.
718
00:36:37,445 --> 00:36:39,530
Jack, what do you think
we're walkin' into here?
719
00:36:39,530 --> 00:36:42,325
I mean, you think this guy
is even gonna be able to speak English?
720
00:36:42,325 --> 00:36:44,118
Yeah.
When did he go off the grid?
721
00:36:44,118 --> 00:36:45,870
Like, 1988.
722
00:36:46,454 --> 00:36:47,872
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
723
00:36:47,872 --> 00:36:49,999
He's probably still jerkin' off
to Samantha Fox.
724
00:36:51,584 --> 00:36:53,127
All right, serious question.
725
00:36:53,127 --> 00:36:57,465
Would you rather
fuck Samantha Fox in her prime,
726
00:36:57,465 --> 00:37:00,801
but she's wearing a Barbara Bush mask?
727
00:37:01,302 --> 00:37:06,432
Or fuck Barbara Bush, circa 1988,
728
00:37:07,183 --> 00:37:10,353
but you get to have Samantha
just lookin' at you,
729
00:37:10,353 --> 00:37:12,605
full eye contact, and she's naked?
730
00:37:12,605 --> 00:37:15,358
- Oh, wow! That's a good one.
- Thank you.
731
00:37:15,358 --> 00:37:17,526
- You always get the left turn.
- Mm-hmm.
732
00:37:17,526 --> 00:37:19,570
I mean, I think
I gotta go with the combo platter.
733
00:37:19,570 --> 00:37:23,574
I mean, Samantha Fox is smokin' hot,
but if I get both of them...
734
00:37:23,574 --> 00:37:25,076
You know, I get to look at Samantha.
735
00:37:25,076 --> 00:37:26,994
And Barbara Bush,
I think she was a clean woman.
736
00:37:26,994 --> 00:37:27,912
- You know?
- Yeah.
737
00:37:27,912 --> 00:37:30,623
And I've never been that close
to that level of power before.
738
00:37:30,623 --> 00:37:32,083
Do it in the Oval Office,
739
00:37:32,083 --> 00:37:34,543
you know, pick up the red phone,
see who's on the other side.
740
00:37:34,543 --> 00:37:36,087
The oval orifice.
741
00:37:37,463 --> 00:37:39,215
- Yeah, dude!
- See what I did there?
742
00:37:39,215 --> 00:37:42,051
Bunch of guys, right?
Just fuckin' hangin' out.
743
00:37:42,718 --> 00:37:45,930
Trashin' women. Yeah, so cool.
You guys are so dope.
744
00:37:45,930 --> 00:37:47,473
What, are we offending you?
745
00:37:47,473 --> 00:37:49,183
No, man, you're not offending me.
746
00:37:49,183 --> 00:37:51,227
I just think this misogynistic behavior
747
00:37:51,227 --> 00:37:54,438
amongst groups of men
is a little, uh, little cliché.
748
00:37:54,438 --> 00:37:56,899
Ah, Jesus Christ.
We got a feminist in the car.
749
00:37:56,899 --> 00:37:59,235
Look, I'm just looking out
for you guys, okay?
750
00:38:00,152 --> 00:38:02,488
No offense,
you're just comin' across a little...
751
00:38:03,739 --> 00:38:05,866
A little old, you know?
A little out of touch.
752
00:38:06,367 --> 00:38:07,535
We try evolving.
753
00:38:07,535 --> 00:38:10,955
Evolving? It's a good idea.
Like your generation, right?
754
00:38:10,955 --> 00:38:13,958
Filmin' yourselves
while you're flippin' over water bottles.
755
00:38:13,958 --> 00:38:15,376
Incredible progress.
756
00:38:15,376 --> 00:38:16,669
If I may interject.
757
00:38:17,336 --> 00:38:22,091
Travis, it sounds like what you're saying
is you feel your generation
758
00:38:22,091 --> 00:38:24,635
is more evolved than our generation.
759
00:38:27,305 --> 00:38:30,433
Oh my God, that was a real question?
Yeah, absolutely. Yes.
760
00:38:31,434 --> 00:38:33,144
Travis, do you like rap music?
761
00:38:33,728 --> 00:38:35,855
I mean, yeah,
I listen to all kinds of music.
762
00:38:36,355 --> 00:38:39,317
You go deep, or you listen
to that mumble rap shit?
763
00:38:39,317 --> 00:38:40,735
No, I go deep.
764
00:38:40,735 --> 00:38:41,986
Really? How deep?
765
00:38:41,986 --> 00:38:47,158
You know, the greats.
Wu-Tang, Biggie, Nas, uh, N.W.A.
766
00:38:47,158 --> 00:38:48,284
N.W.A?
767
00:38:48,784 --> 00:38:51,329
Okay, my man Travis goes way back.
768
00:38:52,663 --> 00:38:55,583
Saw the movie. Bought the soundtrack.
769
00:38:55,583 --> 00:38:57,918
You probably know who Yella Boy is.
770
00:38:57,918 --> 00:38:58,961
Wow!
771
00:38:59,628 --> 00:39:02,631
You like to sing along to them in the car?
772
00:39:02,631 --> 00:39:05,009
Yeah, I rap to them sometimes. Yeah.
773
00:39:05,009 --> 00:39:07,219
What do you do when they drop the N-word?
774
00:39:14,143 --> 00:39:15,770
- You keep singing along?
775
00:39:15,770 --> 00:39:17,480
Uh, no, I...
776
00:39:18,147 --> 00:39:19,607
I...
777
00:39:20,232 --> 00:39:21,067
I...
778
00:39:21,567 --> 00:39:22,610
I listen.
779
00:39:22,610 --> 00:39:26,072
- You just listen?
- Yeah. I do. I... I listen.
780
00:39:26,072 --> 00:39:29,658
I mean, what, do you got a pause button
in your brain? This is N.W.A.
781
00:39:29,658 --> 00:39:31,952
You're by yourself. Windows are up.
782
00:39:32,828 --> 00:39:35,122
Cruisin' down the highway. You feelin' it!
783
00:39:36,165 --> 00:39:39,085
Are you tellin' me
that you stop your flow?
784
00:39:39,085 --> 00:39:40,878
- I do.
- Bullshit, motherfucker! Nobody could.
785
00:39:40,878 --> 00:39:42,088
It's N.W.A.
786
00:39:42,088 --> 00:39:44,131
- I thought you said you loved them.
- I do.
787
00:39:44,131 --> 00:39:46,092
- Do you love them?
- Yes, I do!
788
00:39:46,092 --> 00:39:48,135
- And you stop your flow?
- No, I say it!
789
00:39:52,598 --> 00:39:56,268
I wanna hear how he says it.
Put on N.W.A "Straight Outta Compton."
790
00:39:56,268 --> 00:39:58,771
Oh, come on, man. I don't wanna do this.
I don't wanna do this.
791
00:39:58,771 --> 00:40:02,358
Why not? You say it when I'm not around,
but you won't say it when I am around.
792
00:40:02,358 --> 00:40:06,320
That makes me feel like you're sayin' it
in a way I wouldn't wanna hear it.
793
00:40:11,992 --> 00:40:14,286
I just wanna go on record
as saying I don't wanna do this.
794
00:40:14,286 --> 00:40:15,746
Sing the damn song!
795
00:40:15,746 --> 00:40:16,831
Okay.
796
00:40:16,831 --> 00:40:18,874
Just chill out.
797
00:40:18,874 --> 00:40:22,253
♪ Straight outta Compton
Crazy motherfucker named Ice Cube ♪
798
00:40:22,253 --> 00:40:23,295
♪ From the... ♪
799
00:40:24,839 --> 00:40:27,049
♪ When I'm called off, I get a sawed-off ♪
800
00:40:27,049 --> 00:40:29,510
♪ Pull the trigger
And the bodies get hauled off ♪
801
00:40:29,510 --> 00:40:31,679
♪ You too, boy, if ya fuck with me ♪
802
00:40:31,679 --> 00:40:33,848
♪ The police are gonna have to come
And get me ♪
803
00:40:33,848 --> 00:40:36,434
♪ Off yo ass
'Cause that's how I'm goin' out ♪
804
00:40:36,434 --> 00:40:38,894
♪ The punk motherfuckers
That's showin' out... ♪
805
00:40:38,894 --> 00:40:39,979
N-- No.
806
00:40:42,064 --> 00:40:45,609
Fuck! I don't wanna say it, man.
I don't wanna say it.
807
00:40:45,609 --> 00:40:47,903
Good. You shouldn't wanna say it.
808
00:40:48,487 --> 00:40:50,448
But on behalf of Dr. Dre and company,
809
00:40:51,407 --> 00:40:52,867
thank you for buying this shit.
810
00:40:54,326 --> 00:40:55,870
Hey, Mike, for the record,
811
00:40:55,870 --> 00:40:58,789
whenever I listen to hip-hop,
I never say it, bro.
812
00:40:58,789 --> 00:41:00,166
Really? When do you say it?
813
00:41:02,001 --> 00:41:03,043
Uh...
814
00:41:03,043 --> 00:41:05,129
- Okay, guys. Come on. It's over.
- Jack! Jack!
815
00:41:06,714 --> 00:41:08,466
- Oh shit.
- Shit.
816
00:41:09,550 --> 00:41:11,552
- Shit, Jack.
- The fuck was that?
817
00:41:13,512 --> 00:41:15,764
I don't know, but it's dead.
818
00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:18,976
- What's that guy doin'?
819
00:41:28,944 --> 00:41:30,404
Holy shit. I think that's him.
820
00:41:30,404 --> 00:41:31,864
Who?
821
00:41:31,864 --> 00:41:33,449
- Ed Cameron.
- Nuh-uh.
822
00:41:33,449 --> 00:41:34,950
- You fucking kidding me?
- No.
823
00:41:34,950 --> 00:41:36,785
Where you goin'?
Get back in the car.
824
00:41:38,704 --> 00:41:39,622
Hi.
825
00:41:40,956 --> 00:41:41,999
How you doing?
826
00:41:46,712 --> 00:41:48,923
Uh, excuse me. I'm sorry.
Was that your armadillo?
827
00:41:53,177 --> 00:41:54,345
It is now.
828
00:41:58,724 --> 00:42:01,769
- The highway provides.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
829
00:42:03,938 --> 00:42:05,940
This, uh, might seem
like a weird question,
830
00:42:05,940 --> 00:42:09,443
but you wouldn't happen to be
Ed Cameron, are you?
831
00:42:11,237 --> 00:42:12,488
Who's askin'?
832
00:42:13,072 --> 00:42:15,199
Oh. Jack Kelly.
833
00:42:19,703 --> 00:42:22,414
Uh, we were just coming up here
to talk to you.
834
00:42:30,589 --> 00:42:32,508
You ain't a bunch of fags, are you?
835
00:42:36,554 --> 00:42:37,846
Hey, Cara.
836
00:42:37,846 --> 00:42:39,223
- Yeah.
- Hey.
837
00:42:39,223 --> 00:42:40,474
- Sorry.
- I'll catch you later.
838
00:42:40,474 --> 00:42:42,017
- Bye, Joanna.
- Sweetie, let's go.
839
00:42:42,017 --> 00:42:44,061
I was hoping
I was gonna run into you today.
840
00:42:44,061 --> 00:42:45,688
How's the second trimester?
841
00:42:45,688 --> 00:42:47,606
You know?
It's harder than it was with Nate.
842
00:42:47,606 --> 00:42:51,193
You know what? I could tell.
You're looking a little peaked.
843
00:42:51,193 --> 00:42:53,362
- You still working out?
844
00:42:53,362 --> 00:42:54,280
Yeah.
845
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:57,616
Uh, I was gonna talk to you
about Britney's baby shower.
846
00:42:57,616 --> 00:42:59,827
- And I was thinking we should-- Oh!
847
00:42:59,827 --> 00:43:04,373
Hey, Colin. You have to be careful, okay?
Auntie Leah's got a baby in here.
848
00:43:04,373 --> 00:43:05,833
Hi, baby!
849
00:43:05,833 --> 00:43:09,169
Colin! You are not allowed to do that,
do you understand me?
850
00:43:09,169 --> 00:43:10,963
Hey, hey! He's got a little extra energy.
851
00:43:10,963 --> 00:43:13,799
That doesn't give you the right
to scream at my child.
852
00:43:13,799 --> 00:43:16,385
I was just trying to protect myself.
853
00:43:16,385 --> 00:43:18,304
He's five years old.
He doesn't know any better.
854
00:43:18,304 --> 00:43:20,097
Don't you think he should?
855
00:43:21,223 --> 00:43:23,267
Are you calling me a bad mother?
856
00:43:23,267 --> 00:43:26,895
You could say I think
your parenting techniques are interesting.
857
00:43:27,980 --> 00:43:31,275
Home birth, no epidural, 4% body fat.
858
00:43:32,109 --> 00:43:33,402
The proof is in the pudding.
859
00:43:33,402 --> 00:43:35,738
Maybe if you occasionally ate
some of that pudding,
860
00:43:35,738 --> 00:43:37,448
you wouldn't have sweat your tits off.
861
00:43:38,741 --> 00:43:40,159
- Yeah.
862
00:43:41,869 --> 00:43:44,413
I cannot wait to see
the look on Aspen's face
863
00:43:44,413 --> 00:43:47,583
when he congratulates us
for landing that fucking lunatic.
864
00:43:51,170 --> 00:43:53,422
Fucker's gonna give us all bedbugs.
865
00:43:55,591 --> 00:43:57,009
- Hey, Travis.
- Yo.
866
00:43:57,676 --> 00:43:59,887
Holy shit.
They already got him on a T-shirt?
867
00:43:59,887 --> 00:44:02,431
{\an8}Yeah. It's the prototype,
but it's pretty fucking sick, right?
868
00:44:02,431 --> 00:44:05,684
{\an8}So, last night, Aspen goes
to this ayahuasca ceremony,
869
00:44:05,684 --> 00:44:07,603
{\an8}and he gets this, like, crazy vision.
870
00:44:07,603 --> 00:44:10,272
{\an8}Memes, T-shirts, NFTs.
871
00:44:10,272 --> 00:44:12,191
I don't know what any of that means.
872
00:44:13,275 --> 00:44:17,404
I mean, dude's a crazy fucking genius.
This campaign is gonna be fire.
873
00:44:17,404 --> 00:44:18,530
If you say so.
874
00:44:18,530 --> 00:44:20,199
Hey, sorry I'm late.
875
00:44:20,199 --> 00:44:22,701
Hey, Connor. You see
they already got this guy on a T-shirt?
876
00:44:23,661 --> 00:44:24,745
Unbelievable.
877
00:44:27,498 --> 00:44:30,709
- What are you doin' way over there?
- I can sit wherever I want.
878
00:44:31,669 --> 00:44:34,338
- There a reason you're not looking at me?
- I don't know. Is there?
879
00:44:35,923 --> 00:44:37,341
Gentlemen.
880
00:44:39,426 --> 00:44:42,096
You did it.
You guys crushed it. You really did.
881
00:44:42,596 --> 00:44:45,599
I mean, I understand now why
this company has been alive for 23 years.
882
00:44:45,599 --> 00:44:48,769
Yeah, well, guess these old dogs
had a little more bite left in 'em
883
00:44:48,769 --> 00:44:49,687
than you thought.
884
00:44:50,479 --> 00:44:51,313
Yeah.
885
00:44:52,481 --> 00:44:54,900
We're gonna have to talk about
the rental car though.
886
00:44:54,900 --> 00:44:57,736
Ah, just a scratched bumper.
We have insurance.
887
00:44:57,736 --> 00:45:01,448
We have insurance for the car.
We don't have insurance for this.
888
00:45:01,949 --> 00:45:05,327
Hey, let me ask you a question.
Did Caitlyn Jenner keep Bruce's dick?
889
00:45:05,327 --> 00:45:07,371
- Like in a jar?
- Where'd you get this?
890
00:45:07,371 --> 00:45:08,997
No, like, she still has it.
891
00:45:08,997 --> 00:45:12,418
Like, Caitlyn has tits and a dick,
and is that why you say "they"?
892
00:45:12,418 --> 00:45:16,046
- I get what you're saying.
- Look, I'm not saying I'd bang Caitlyn.
893
00:45:16,046 --> 00:45:19,299
But, I mean, tell me that's not
a better person to watch a game with.
894
00:45:19,299 --> 00:45:20,509
That's fucking Bruce Jenner.
895
00:45:20,509 --> 00:45:23,303
I wonder, like, every four years
when the Summer Olympics come up,
896
00:45:23,303 --> 00:45:25,597
who's the first one
to call Caitlyn and be like,
897
00:45:25,597 --> 00:45:30,060
-"You wanna watch the decathlon today?"
- Yeah.
898
00:45:30,602 --> 00:45:33,522
I feel super fucking bad
for all your wives.
899
00:45:33,522 --> 00:45:35,899
Let me ask you something, Travis.
You ever been married?
900
00:45:35,899 --> 00:45:37,484
- No, I haven't.
- Well, there you go.
901
00:45:37,484 --> 00:45:40,612
Why don't you go up to a Marine now
and tell him what it's like in battle?
902
00:45:40,612 --> 00:45:42,781
Did you set that camera up?
You fucking snitch.
903
00:45:42,781 --> 00:45:44,575
Whoa. No, no, no, no, no, no.
904
00:45:44,575 --> 00:45:48,454
Trav had nothing to do with this, okay?
This came from the rental car company.
905
00:45:48,454 --> 00:45:51,874
They sent it to us in exchange for
all of our users' personal information.
906
00:45:51,874 --> 00:45:53,125
Are you fucking kidding me?
907
00:45:53,125 --> 00:45:54,835
It's an information economy.
908
00:45:54,835 --> 00:45:57,504
They, uh, record everything
for liability and safety, apparently.
909
00:45:57,504 --> 00:46:00,966
Well, you know, once I saw it...
Guys, my hands are tied.
910
00:46:01,592 --> 00:46:02,926
Gonna have to liberate you.
911
00:46:02,926 --> 00:46:06,180
"Liberate" us?
Is he firing us over that bullshit?
912
00:46:06,180 --> 00:46:08,223
It's a bunch of guys
shootin' the shit in a car.
913
00:46:08,223 --> 00:46:09,892
There's no way that's fucking legal.
914
00:46:09,892 --> 00:46:12,269
It is, actually, in New Mexico.
915
00:46:14,980 --> 00:46:17,983
Okay, fine, so we're terminated.
You still gotta pay us.
916
00:46:18,484 --> 00:46:20,194
Actually, we don't.
917
00:46:20,194 --> 00:46:24,740
Because your behavior violated the terms
of your morality clause in your contract.
918
00:46:24,740 --> 00:46:25,908
Morality clause?
919
00:46:26,658 --> 00:46:28,160
What... what's he talkin' about?
920
00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:31,079
So all of your equity has been liquidated,
921
00:46:31,079 --> 00:46:33,415
and it's been returned
to the general fund.
922
00:46:33,415 --> 00:46:34,333
What the fuck?
923
00:46:34,333 --> 00:46:37,211
You have to leave the premises
immediately if you don't mind.
924
00:46:37,211 --> 00:46:39,963
- Let's go.
- Look. The meter maids are back, huh?
925
00:46:39,963 --> 00:46:42,466
You hide behind these guys?
Do all your dirty work?
926
00:46:42,466 --> 00:46:44,009
Yeah, they're good guys.
927
00:46:44,009 --> 00:46:45,511
Un-fuckin'-believable.
928
00:46:45,511 --> 00:46:47,012
120 pounds soakin' wet.
929
00:46:47,012 --> 00:46:48,722
- You fucking piece of shit.
- Wow!
930
00:46:50,307 --> 00:46:52,309
- Come on.
- Real nice, man.
931
00:46:52,810 --> 00:46:54,436
- Travis, can you get that?
- Yeah.
932
00:46:56,438 --> 00:46:58,023
Yikes, right?
933
00:46:58,565 --> 00:47:01,568
You too, though, Travis. You too.
934
00:47:01,568 --> 00:47:02,569
What?
935
00:47:04,571 --> 00:47:06,657
I didn't condone anything
that was goin' on in the car.
936
00:47:06,657 --> 00:47:07,699
I was being vocally--
937
00:47:07,699 --> 00:47:09,034
♪ And shit ♪
938
00:47:09,034 --> 00:47:10,577
♪ Yeah, yeah... ♪
939
00:47:10,577 --> 00:47:12,454
- Is that my apartment?
- Yeah.
940
00:47:12,454 --> 00:47:13,455
♪ Yeah... ♪
941
00:47:14,665 --> 00:47:16,375
Why... why do you have this, Aspen?
942
00:47:16,375 --> 00:47:18,585
You got a TV with a camera.
Things could happen.
943
00:47:18,585 --> 00:47:19,878
♪ Gold all in my chain ♪
944
00:47:20,462 --> 00:47:22,214
♪ Gold all in my ring ♪
945
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:24,508
♪ Gold all in my watch ♪
946
00:47:25,133 --> 00:47:27,469
♪ Don't believe me, just watch
Nigga, nigga, nigga ♪
947
00:47:27,469 --> 00:47:29,972
♪ Don't believe me, just watch ♪
948
00:47:29,972 --> 00:47:32,933
♪ Don't believe me, just watch
Nigga, nigga, nigga... ♪
949
00:47:32,933 --> 00:47:34,685
- Justin.
- Come on, man!
950
00:47:34,685 --> 00:47:36,937
Oh, Aspen, come on, man.
I was getting hyped, dude.
951
00:47:36,937 --> 00:47:39,690
I was... I was gettin' ready
to start my fuckin' day.
952
00:47:39,690 --> 00:47:41,859
I was gettin' ready
to start the day, dude!
953
00:47:42,484 --> 00:47:44,194
What the hell's a morality clause?
954
00:47:45,195 --> 00:47:47,656
It's a boilerplate clause
in every corporate contract,
955
00:47:47,656 --> 00:47:50,200
but I've never heard it
used in the context
956
00:47:50,200 --> 00:47:53,620
of secretly filming someone
in a rental car in a different state.
957
00:47:53,620 --> 00:47:56,123
Well, why the fuck
would you have us three knuckleheads
958
00:47:56,123 --> 00:47:58,750
sign a morality clause
when you know how we are?
959
00:47:58,750 --> 00:48:02,170
Don't you mean how you are?
Motherfucker, let me tell you somethin'.
960
00:48:02,170 --> 00:48:04,298
If it wasn't this, it'd be somethin' else.
961
00:48:04,298 --> 00:48:05,799
And now, thanks to you,
962
00:48:05,799 --> 00:48:07,759
I'm gonna be working until I'm 85!
963
00:48:07,759 --> 00:48:11,138
Oh, you're not puttin' this on me, Mike.
You're not puttin' this on me, okay?
964
00:48:11,138 --> 00:48:13,473
For 23 years,
you didn't miss a goddamn thing,
965
00:48:13,473 --> 00:48:17,477
but you were so hot to trot
to get your loaded Ford fucking Fusion,
966
00:48:17,477 --> 00:48:18,979
you left us exposed.
967
00:48:19,605 --> 00:48:21,231
Are you questioning my competency?
968
00:48:21,231 --> 00:48:22,858
No, I'm questioning your motivation.
969
00:48:22,858 --> 00:48:25,652
Guys, come on, okay?
We're all in this together.
970
00:48:26,194 --> 00:48:28,280
Not anymore.
I'm done with you, Jack.
971
00:48:28,280 --> 00:48:29,823
You and your big fuckin' mouth.
972
00:48:29,823 --> 00:48:31,325
Come on, Mike.
973
00:48:32,117 --> 00:48:34,703
- Connor, why aren't you lookin' at me?
974
00:48:34,703 --> 00:48:36,997
Don't worry about it, okay?
I can look wherever I want.
975
00:48:36,997 --> 00:48:41,209
- The fuck is goin' on with you?
- Jack, we can't hang out right now, okay?
976
00:48:41,209 --> 00:48:43,420
Just know that there will come
a time in the future
977
00:48:43,420 --> 00:48:46,590
when we will be able to hang out again,
but that time is not now, okay?
978
00:48:46,590 --> 00:48:49,259
- It's just... It's too fuckin' weird.
979
00:48:49,259 --> 00:48:51,178
The fuck are you talkin' about?
980
00:48:51,178 --> 00:48:52,763
Why don't you ask your wife?
981
00:48:55,307 --> 00:48:56,350
Hey, babe.
982
00:48:56,850 --> 00:48:58,894
- Did you try to fuck Connor?
983
00:48:59,394 --> 00:49:01,980
- Huh?
- What? What are you talking about?
984
00:49:01,980 --> 00:49:04,566
How come Connor said you're the reason
me and him can't hang out?
985
00:49:04,566 --> 00:49:06,818
- I don't--
- Answer me that, Leah. Answer me that.
986
00:49:06,818 --> 00:49:07,861
Oh my God.
987
00:49:09,363 --> 00:49:12,366
Okay. So, Cara and I got into
an argument at pickup, okay?
988
00:49:12,366 --> 00:49:15,118
I said she was a shitty mom
who couldn't parent her kid.
989
00:49:15,118 --> 00:49:16,662
- Oh!
- Oh.
990
00:49:16,662 --> 00:49:20,248
- Well, didn't I tell you not to do that?
- Yes, yes. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
991
00:49:20,248 --> 00:49:22,000
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, but...
992
00:49:23,126 --> 00:49:26,838
Do you really think
that I would try and fuck Connor?
993
00:49:26,838 --> 00:49:30,050
- No, that was stupid.
- I mean... Come on, what are you--
994
00:49:30,050 --> 00:49:32,344
- I'm emotional.
- What's going on?
995
00:49:32,344 --> 00:49:33,553
I lost my job today.
996
00:49:34,054 --> 00:49:36,640
- What?
- I lost my job today.
997
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:37,808
- What?
- We all did.
998
00:49:37,808 --> 00:49:40,852
Oh no, honey. Oh no. What happened?
999
00:49:40,852 --> 00:49:42,187
I don't know. I...
1000
00:49:42,813 --> 00:49:45,649
We said some shit on that road trip,
and it got back to the office.
1001
00:49:47,943 --> 00:49:49,111
What did you say?
1002
00:49:49,611 --> 00:49:54,116
You know, stuff you say in a rental car
when you don't know you're bein' filmed.
1003
00:49:55,409 --> 00:49:56,535
Can I guess?
1004
00:49:57,411 --> 00:49:59,162
I'd appreciate it if you didn't.
1005
00:50:00,497 --> 00:50:01,707
It wasn't that bad.
1006
00:50:03,041 --> 00:50:05,460
Look, the real point is,
you know, I let you and the kids down,
1007
00:50:05,460 --> 00:50:07,421
and now Nate can't go to private school.
1008
00:50:07,421 --> 00:50:09,673
I feel terrible about that.
I'm gonna figure out a way--
1009
00:50:09,673 --> 00:50:12,718
No. You know what?
Nate is gonna go to private school.
1010
00:50:13,385 --> 00:50:17,431
And I don't care if we have four mortgages
on the house and I work every day
1011
00:50:17,431 --> 00:50:20,517
until my water breaks,
but my son is not gonna get left behind
1012
00:50:20,517 --> 00:50:23,603
because his father has
the self-control of a two-year-old.
1013
00:50:24,312 --> 00:50:26,773
It's not self-control.
It's a right-to-privacy issue, but...
1014
00:50:39,327 --> 00:50:43,749
Dear Jack, these last months
have felt like a fuckin' eternity, man.
1015
00:50:45,042 --> 00:50:46,084
I miss you.
1016
00:50:46,918 --> 00:50:48,336
I miss our brotherhood.
1017
00:50:49,171 --> 00:50:53,967
The fighting for a common goal,
the camaraderie, the ball-breaking,
1018
00:50:54,593 --> 00:50:56,720
even though it was often at my expense.
1019
00:50:56,720 --> 00:50:59,473
Jenner into the spin.
Lets it fly.
1020
00:51:00,057 --> 00:51:02,059
{\an8}Bruce Jenner has won gold!
1021
00:51:04,770 --> 00:51:09,691
{\an8}You don't have to know what's going on
to be what's going on.
1022
00:51:09,691 --> 00:51:12,527
{\an8}- The Ed Cameron Collection.
1023
00:51:12,527 --> 00:51:15,489
- Mike is hanging in there.
1024
00:51:15,489 --> 00:51:17,783
You know, he's got a good job
at a mid-level firm,
1025
00:51:17,783 --> 00:51:21,703
and I think he's really comin' around
to becoming a father again.
1026
00:51:22,579 --> 00:51:26,291
And he seems happy, but...
Well, you know Mike.
1027
00:51:26,291 --> 00:51:27,793
He's not a big talker.
1028
00:51:30,754 --> 00:51:33,090
Being unemployed hasn't been easy.
1029
00:51:34,049 --> 00:51:37,469
But I've been watching
this guy Joel Osteen a lot.
1030
00:51:38,345 --> 00:51:42,015
Man, once you get past all the God shit,
the guy's got a pretty positive message.
1031
00:51:42,015 --> 00:51:44,017
And his hair is bangin'.
1032
00:51:44,684 --> 00:51:46,478
He told the story
of these three sheepherders--
1033
00:52:04,454 --> 00:52:06,123
Fuck.
1034
00:52:10,502 --> 00:52:11,461
Dear Jack,
1035
00:52:12,170 --> 00:52:13,713
I miss you, man.
1036
00:52:13,713 --> 00:52:16,258
As you know, I was a neglected child.
1037
00:52:16,758 --> 00:52:18,969
Lot of time with the Legos,
if you know what I mean, and--
1038
00:52:22,305 --> 00:52:23,306
What are you doing?
1039
00:52:25,350 --> 00:52:26,643
Nothing. It's just...
1040
00:52:27,227 --> 00:52:28,436
It's... it's...
1041
00:52:29,146 --> 00:52:31,064
Just knockin' off a little haiku. It's...
1042
00:52:33,024 --> 00:52:34,276
It's stupid. I...
1043
00:52:38,822 --> 00:52:40,323
Let's go to bed, right, babe?
1044
00:52:40,949 --> 00:52:42,033
I'm so tired.
1045
00:52:42,534 --> 00:52:43,952
Uh... It's...
1046
00:52:53,795 --> 00:52:54,796
Here you are.
1047
00:52:54,796 --> 00:52:56,006
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
1048
00:52:57,257 --> 00:52:58,675
- Jack!
- Hey.
1049
00:52:58,675 --> 00:53:01,511
I mean, great party.
Everybody seems to be having a blast.
1050
00:53:01,511 --> 00:53:03,930
- Oh, thank you.
- I have to commend you.
1051
00:53:03,930 --> 00:53:06,683
Having the foresight to see
that any party theme decided upon
1052
00:53:06,683 --> 00:53:09,769
by a predominantly white committee
would be inherently biased...
1053
00:53:10,270 --> 00:53:12,856
Well, your growth
really makes my heart smile.
1054
00:53:12,856 --> 00:53:15,442
Oh, well,
I was just listenin' to the group.
1055
00:53:16,443 --> 00:53:19,529
Hey, who knew throwin' a party celebratin'
white people not hurtin' anyone
1056
00:53:19,529 --> 00:53:20,906
would actually be a big hit?
1057
00:53:21,489 --> 00:53:25,493
I'm a little surprised too.
Congratulations, Jack.
1058
00:53:25,493 --> 00:53:27,495
Oh, thank you, Doctor L.
1059
00:53:27,495 --> 00:53:30,248
But remember,
the real metric for the party
1060
00:53:30,248 --> 00:53:32,167
is what it does for the children.
1061
00:53:34,836 --> 00:53:35,795
Good luck.
1062
00:53:37,088 --> 00:53:38,048
Thank you.
1063
00:53:39,049 --> 00:53:39,966
Godspeed.
1064
00:53:42,886 --> 00:53:45,096
Hey, hey. You know what?
Don't worry about her.
1065
00:53:45,096 --> 00:53:47,390
Yeah, you're right.
This next item is gonna sell itself.
1066
00:53:47,390 --> 00:53:50,769
If it doesn't, we can always auction off
some of our dumb jewelry.
1067
00:53:50,769 --> 00:53:52,771
Listen, you just need to focus, okay?
1068
00:53:52,771 --> 00:53:54,314
- Right. Right.
- Think about Nate.
1069
00:53:54,314 --> 00:53:56,107
You know, turn on that charm
1070
00:53:56,107 --> 00:53:58,735
I so deeply regret
falling in love with every day.
1071
00:53:59,653 --> 00:54:01,780
You're gonna bring it home,
like you always do, right?
1072
00:54:01,780 --> 00:54:04,950
- Right. Right. All right.
- Oh, uh, Connor gave me a note.
1073
00:54:04,950 --> 00:54:08,828
Actually, he gave someone else a note
to give to me to give to you.
1074
00:54:08,828 --> 00:54:09,788
I don't know.
1075
00:54:10,538 --> 00:54:12,290
You're gonna be great. I know it.
1076
00:54:12,290 --> 00:54:14,042
- I love you.
- Thank you. Thank you.
1077
00:54:14,751 --> 00:54:18,964
Dear Jack, this situation sucks.
But I'm here for you, bro.
1078
00:54:18,964 --> 00:54:22,509
I'd write more, but these gummies
are starting to kick in.
1079
00:54:27,806 --> 00:54:30,100
- What are you doing?
1080
00:54:30,100 --> 00:54:34,145
Doin' this, girl. Ah, remember that?
The old days? What? Girls.
1081
00:54:34,145 --> 00:54:35,063
Oh!
1082
00:54:42,779 --> 00:54:46,116
All right, ladies and gentlemen.
Uh, just a little quick reminder.
1083
00:54:46,116 --> 00:54:49,786
There's only 45 minutes left
in our silent auction.
1084
00:54:49,786 --> 00:54:53,081
That's still plenty of time
to bid on some incredible items,
1085
00:54:53,081 --> 00:54:56,835
including artwork
created by your own children
1086
00:54:56,835 --> 00:54:58,837
to raise money for the school.
1087
00:55:00,297 --> 00:55:03,633
It's not child labor
if it's for a good cause. Am I right?
1088
00:55:04,592 --> 00:55:06,678
All right. Now, if we look
at the Doctor L-O-Meter,
1089
00:55:06,678 --> 00:55:09,848
we are inching towards
our goal of $30,000,
1090
00:55:09,848 --> 00:55:12,684
which brings us to the live auction.
1091
00:55:12,684 --> 00:55:16,313
The next item we have up for bids
is something very special.
1092
00:55:16,313 --> 00:55:17,939
I know what you're thinking to yourself.
1093
00:55:17,939 --> 00:55:21,943
You're thinking, "Jack, how the heck
are you gonna top two floor seats
1094
00:55:21,943 --> 00:55:23,778
to see Adele at The Forum?"
1095
00:55:23,778 --> 00:55:25,864
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
1096
00:55:25,864 --> 00:55:27,615
you better have
those paddles in your hands
1097
00:55:27,615 --> 00:55:28,908
'cause I'ma tell you something.
1098
00:55:28,908 --> 00:55:31,953
We are about ready to bid...
Get ready for this.
1099
00:55:31,953 --> 00:55:35,707
We're about ready to bid
on two hours of uninterrupted,
1100
00:55:35,707 --> 00:55:38,501
one-on-one time with the one and only
1101
00:55:38,501 --> 00:55:42,839
Doctor Lois Shmieckel-Turner!
1102
00:55:42,839 --> 00:55:45,675
- Yes, there she is!
1103
00:55:45,675 --> 00:55:50,972
Two hours to glean
an entire lifetime of parental knowledge
1104
00:55:50,972 --> 00:55:54,392
from one of
Southern California's leading educators.
1105
00:55:54,392 --> 00:55:55,977
Now, this is crazy to me.
1106
00:55:55,977 --> 00:55:58,063
They told me
to start this bidding at $1,500.
1107
00:55:58,063 --> 00:56:00,190
But I don't know what it is.
I don't know what it is.
1108
00:56:00,190 --> 00:56:03,026
Old Jackie boy is feeling
a little bit crazy tonight.
1109
00:56:03,026 --> 00:56:07,280
I don't know, but since I'm having
so much fun at this "no theme" theme event
1110
00:56:07,280 --> 00:56:09,282
that I'm gonna
get a little crazy here, people.
1111
00:56:09,282 --> 00:56:11,785
I'm not starting
the biddin' off at $1,500.
1112
00:56:11,785 --> 00:56:15,080
I'm gonna start it off at $2,000, huh?!
1113
00:56:15,080 --> 00:56:18,875
Yeah! So, who's gonna
have fun with me, huh? All right.
1114
00:56:18,875 --> 00:56:23,338
Do I hear $2,100? Who's got 21?
I got $2,100 right there.
1115
00:56:23,338 --> 00:56:28,051
$2,100. Do I hear 22? 22! Who's got 22?
1116
00:56:28,051 --> 00:56:33,890
Brian Dodson! Big Brian.
Not body-shaming. You look fantastic.
1117
00:56:33,890 --> 00:56:37,060
My God! Ladies, look at this guy.
I know he's married, but you know,
1118
00:56:37,060 --> 00:56:38,895
little side glance won't hurt you.
1119
00:56:38,895 --> 00:56:41,272
Do I hear 23? Who's got 23?
1120
00:56:41,272 --> 00:56:45,151
Joanna Wilkerson, who needs a nanny
who's also a personal assistant,
1121
00:56:45,151 --> 00:56:46,528
if you can help out.
1122
00:56:46,528 --> 00:56:49,781
All right, 24. I need 24.
Who's got 24? 24?
1123
00:56:49,781 --> 00:56:52,409
Brian Dodson! Back to Big Brian.
1124
00:56:52,992 --> 00:56:55,578
Oh my God!
We've got a dogfight going on here.
1125
00:56:55,578 --> 00:56:57,372
And I'm jumping right in the middle of it.
1126
00:56:57,372 --> 00:57:01,543
I'm not going $2,500.
I'm not going 26, 27, 28.
1127
00:57:01,543 --> 00:57:04,087
I'm taking the elevator up
to the penthouse.
1128
00:57:04,087 --> 00:57:06,172
I'm going $3,000!
1129
00:57:09,008 --> 00:57:10,135
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
1130
00:57:10,135 --> 00:57:13,304
$3,000, baby! Who's coming with me?
1131
00:57:13,304 --> 00:57:16,724
Who's going $3,200?
Let me hear $3,200. 32.
1132
00:57:16,724 --> 00:57:20,353
Thirty-two. Great number. OJ Simpson.
OJ Simpson scaring the white people.
1133
00:57:20,353 --> 00:57:23,773
All right. Marcus Allen.
Who's going $3,200? Come on.
1134
00:57:25,233 --> 00:57:29,028
All right. Old Jack, you got
a little too crazy. How about $3,100?
1135
00:57:29,028 --> 00:57:31,739
$3,100. Who's got $3,100, huh?
1136
00:57:34,242 --> 00:57:35,160
$3,100?
1137
00:57:37,287 --> 00:57:40,248
All right. Come on, people.
I saw a lot of Teslas in the parking lot.
1138
00:57:41,583 --> 00:57:44,085
Just 'cause your car's quiet
doesn't mean you have to be.
1139
00:57:44,085 --> 00:57:45,628
- $3,100.
1140
00:57:46,296 --> 00:57:49,674
Really? You're gonna let me
walk with this for $3,000?
1141
00:57:49,674 --> 00:57:52,552
'Cause I'll tell you right now.
I'll take it. I will take it.
1142
00:57:52,552 --> 00:57:56,264
$3,000? $3,000 going once.
$3,000 going twice.
1143
00:57:57,348 --> 00:58:00,101
$3,000? Final time!
1144
00:58:00,101 --> 00:58:02,937
- Sold to Jack Kelly!
1145
00:58:08,651 --> 00:58:10,528
I'm gonna fucking kill myself.
1146
00:58:11,571 --> 00:58:13,573
- Hey! Old Jackie!
1147
00:58:14,324 --> 00:58:15,408
Yeah! Jack Kelly!
1148
00:58:19,370 --> 00:58:22,040
All right. That concludes
this portion of the auction.
1149
00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:24,417
We only have a few more items left to bid.
1150
00:58:24,417 --> 00:58:27,337
Please hold onto those paddles.
We're gonna get to our goal, all right?
1151
00:58:27,337 --> 00:58:29,130
Have a good time.
Keep drinking those drinks.
1152
00:58:29,130 --> 00:58:31,591
I'll be back in a few moments
for the last few items.
1153
00:58:31,591 --> 00:58:33,218
All right. Enjoy yourselves.
1154
00:58:48,691 --> 00:58:49,692
Jack.
1155
00:58:50,610 --> 00:58:53,446
I must thank you
for your generous donation.
1156
00:58:54,197 --> 00:58:58,618
And I'm also quite frankly surprised
you'd want to spend two hours with me.
1157
00:59:00,036 --> 00:59:02,080
Yeah. Well, I guess
I'm full of surprises, huh?
1158
00:59:02,080 --> 00:59:03,331
Yes. Yes, you are,
1159
00:59:03,331 --> 00:59:07,126
considering I heard
that you lost your job and your company.
1160
00:59:09,212 --> 00:59:12,131
How are you and your family
handling this setback?
1161
00:59:13,216 --> 00:59:14,050
Just fine.
1162
00:59:14,050 --> 00:59:16,511
Because we have tons of literature
that will help you
1163
00:59:16,511 --> 00:59:19,180
through what I know
must be a very trying time.
1164
00:59:19,180 --> 00:59:20,765
Hey, listen, Doctor L,
1165
00:59:21,349 --> 00:59:23,017
you can drop the act, okay?
1166
00:59:23,017 --> 00:59:24,310
Just drop the act.
1167
00:59:24,310 --> 00:59:25,812
All right, you got my money.
1168
00:59:25,812 --> 00:59:28,147
So now I guess my kid gets
a good recommendation,
1169
00:59:28,147 --> 00:59:29,440
and everything's fine.
1170
00:59:30,024 --> 00:59:33,027
Jack, I hope you aren't insinuating
that your financial commitment
1171
00:59:33,027 --> 00:59:36,864
is going to buy
your child a recommendation.
1172
00:59:36,864 --> 00:59:39,200
Oh, I would never do that. No.
1173
00:59:40,910 --> 00:59:44,581
You know, Jack,
I don't fault you for the way you are.
1174
00:59:45,248 --> 00:59:48,001
You're just blinded
by a lifetime of privilege.
1175
00:59:49,919 --> 00:59:52,422
If I was privileged,
I don't think I'd have to spend two hours
1176
00:59:52,422 --> 00:59:54,424
pretending I wanted to talk to you,
now would I?
1177
00:59:54,424 --> 00:59:55,466
Excuse me?
1178
00:59:55,466 --> 00:59:56,509
You heard me.
1179
00:59:57,218 --> 00:59:58,761
- I guess I did.
- Good.
1180
00:59:58,761 --> 01:00:01,681
I will take that into consideration
when I write up Nate's recommendation.
1181
01:00:01,681 --> 01:00:05,435
Oh, I bet you will. I bet you will, huh?
That's how you operate?
1182
01:00:05,435 --> 01:00:08,605
Fuck over an innocent child
'cause you have petty bullshit with me?
1183
01:00:08,605 --> 01:00:11,983
Hey. You two already started talking.
1184
01:00:11,983 --> 01:00:13,026
I, uh...
1185
01:00:14,152 --> 01:00:16,946
I hope that doesn't count
against our two hours.
1186
01:00:16,946 --> 01:00:18,281
Hello, Mrs. Kelly.
1187
01:00:20,074 --> 01:00:21,200
Good night, Jack.
1188
01:00:26,039 --> 01:00:27,457
What did you say to her?
1189
01:00:27,957 --> 01:00:31,961
I didn't do anything. She came over here.
She started twisting the knife, Leah.
1190
01:00:31,961 --> 01:00:34,297
What did you say to her?
1191
01:00:34,297 --> 01:00:36,090
Of course. Of course. What did I say?
1192
01:00:36,090 --> 01:00:39,969
What did Jack say?
Can you ever be in my corner, Leah, huh?
1193
01:00:39,969 --> 01:00:41,929
I just dropped three grand
that we don't have
1194
01:00:41,929 --> 01:00:44,807
to spend two hours
with that fucking egomaniac.
1195
01:00:44,807 --> 01:00:47,018
And you come over with,
"What did Jack say?"
1196
01:00:47,018 --> 01:00:49,646
You know what I said? I said
what everybody is already thinking
1197
01:00:49,646 --> 01:00:51,981
but doesn't have the fucking balls to say.
1198
01:00:54,859 --> 01:00:57,070
Oh, great. Great.
Now you're gonna cry, right?
1199
01:00:57,070 --> 01:00:58,821
- Yeah. Great.
1200
01:01:00,406 --> 01:01:01,491
You're an asshole.
1201
01:01:02,492 --> 01:01:05,495
Oh, I'm an asshole?
Then why did I do all of this, huh?
1202
01:01:06,245 --> 01:01:09,666
What, you're mad? What?
What, Leah? 'Cause I'm honest? Huh?
1203
01:01:09,666 --> 01:01:11,626
- Huh, Leah?
1204
01:01:13,378 --> 01:01:15,505
What the fuck
are you guys looking at, huh?
1205
01:01:16,381 --> 01:01:17,965
Yeah, I could be like you guys.
1206
01:01:18,716 --> 01:01:20,635
Pretending to care. You guys don't care.
1207
01:01:20,635 --> 01:01:23,221
All you're trying to do
is not get in trouble.
1208
01:01:23,221 --> 01:01:25,973
That's what the fuck is wrong
with your whole generation.
1209
01:01:26,474 --> 01:01:27,600
Okay, boomer.
1210
01:01:27,600 --> 01:01:29,060
Generation X!
1211
01:01:30,061 --> 01:01:30,895
Slacker.
1212
01:01:40,530 --> 01:01:41,489
Here you go.
1213
01:02:06,139 --> 01:02:07,515
Oh, Jesus Christ!
1214
01:02:08,599 --> 01:02:09,559
Leah.
1215
01:02:10,476 --> 01:02:11,436
Leah!
1216
01:02:13,396 --> 01:02:14,689
Leah, open the door.
1217
01:02:21,112 --> 01:02:21,988
Leah.
1218
01:02:23,156 --> 01:02:24,907
Leah, come on. Open the door.
1219
01:02:26,200 --> 01:02:27,535
I know you can hear me.
1220
01:02:31,247 --> 01:02:32,331
Oh, Jesus Christ!
1221
01:02:38,045 --> 01:02:38,880
I'll fix that.
1222
01:02:41,799 --> 01:02:43,843
What the fuck is wrong with you?
1223
01:02:43,843 --> 01:02:45,928
What the fuck's wrong with me?
You locked me out.
1224
01:02:45,928 --> 01:02:48,139
I know I did.
So, what are you doing standing here?
1225
01:02:48,723 --> 01:02:49,682
'Cause I live here.
1226
01:02:49,682 --> 01:02:53,895
Oh, Jack. I need you
to not be in this house right now.
1227
01:02:53,895 --> 01:02:56,314
All right, fine, whatever.
I'll sleep on the couch.
1228
01:02:56,314 --> 01:03:00,026
No. I have had it.
I have had it with your outbursts.
1229
01:03:00,026 --> 01:03:06,282
I have had it with your... your inability
to understand your level of anger
1230
01:03:06,282 --> 01:03:08,618
and the negative effect
it's having on our family.
1231
01:03:08,618 --> 01:03:11,871
Okay, I'm sorry.
I got a little sideways tonight. I just--
1232
01:03:11,871 --> 01:03:14,540
No. No. No.
1233
01:03:14,540 --> 01:03:18,503
You don't get to keep doing this
over and over and over again, okay,
1234
01:03:18,503 --> 01:03:22,882
and just thinking that an apology
makes it okay, because it doesn't, okay?
1235
01:03:23,424 --> 01:03:27,595
You fucking humiliated me tonight.
And you humiliated your son.
1236
01:03:27,595 --> 01:03:30,932
And I am past arguing about it with you!
1237
01:03:34,936 --> 01:03:36,229
What... what are you saying?
1238
01:03:36,813 --> 01:03:38,773
I just need you to leave, Jack.
1239
01:03:39,315 --> 01:03:42,401
Because right now, I don't know
if I even wanna raise my kids with you.
1240
01:03:42,401 --> 01:03:44,111
- Okay?
- Oh, Jesus! Really?
1241
01:03:44,111 --> 01:03:45,988
- Yes!
- You're gonna take it to that level?
1242
01:03:45,988 --> 01:03:48,825
Yes, I'm going
to take it to that fucking level, Jack!
1243
01:03:48,825 --> 01:03:50,701
- Because of that bullshit down there!
- Exactly!
1244
01:03:50,701 --> 01:03:52,787
That I told you was gonna happen!
I told you!
1245
01:03:52,787 --> 01:03:55,665
And I'm down there dancing
like a fucking show pony!
1246
01:03:55,665 --> 01:03:57,083
Pack your bag!
1247
01:04:01,003 --> 01:04:03,422
- Oh, honey. I'm sorry.
- Hey, buddy.
1248
01:04:04,841 --> 01:04:08,135
Oh. Come here. Did we wake you up?
1249
01:04:08,970 --> 01:04:11,514
Mommy, why is Daddy leaving?
1250
01:04:13,891 --> 01:04:16,227
Daddy's got a lot of work
he's gotta do, buddy.
1251
01:04:18,521 --> 01:04:20,731
When are you gonna be done, Daddy?
1252
01:04:22,525 --> 01:04:25,403
Um, yeah, I... I don't know, buddy.
1253
01:04:29,615 --> 01:04:31,784
Hey. Let's get you back to bed, okay?
1254
01:04:32,285 --> 01:04:33,244
Okay.
1255
01:04:58,144 --> 01:04:59,228
Oh shit.
1256
01:05:16,203 --> 01:05:17,705
I said no onions.
1257
01:05:23,044 --> 01:05:24,837
Oh, excuse me, sir.
1258
01:05:26,422 --> 01:05:27,798
You can't smoke out here.
1259
01:05:30,885 --> 01:05:32,011
Well, what are you doing?
1260
01:05:33,930 --> 01:05:35,556
Uh, I'm... I'm vaping.
1261
01:05:35,556 --> 01:05:37,016
What's the difference?
1262
01:05:37,683 --> 01:05:41,312
The difference is people can't smell
what I'm doing from ten blocks away.
1263
01:05:41,312 --> 01:05:44,565
All right. Well, I can see
what you're doing. It's called smoking.
1264
01:05:44,565 --> 01:05:47,276
So, till you put yours out,
I'm not putting mine out. How about that?
1265
01:05:48,986 --> 01:05:51,697
I don't mean to pull rank here,
but this is my hotel.
1266
01:05:51,697 --> 01:05:52,740
Motel.
1267
01:05:53,282 --> 01:05:54,825
- What?
- It's a motel.
1268
01:05:54,825 --> 01:05:58,663
Open courtyard. A serial killer
can walk right up to my door, man.
1269
01:05:58,663 --> 01:06:01,290
If this was a hotel,
he'd have to go through a lobby first.
1270
01:06:02,500 --> 01:06:05,503
It's a motel. So, why don't you
get off your high horse, huh?
1271
01:06:07,296 --> 01:06:08,631
Hey, quick question.
1272
01:06:09,173 --> 01:06:11,968
Uh, what the fuck is your problem?
1273
01:06:11,968 --> 01:06:14,679
What's my problem?
My problem is I live in a world
1274
01:06:14,679 --> 01:06:18,099
where a guy who's smoking
is telling me I can't smoke, all right?
1275
01:06:18,099 --> 01:06:19,976
That, in a nutshell, is my problem.
1276
01:06:19,976 --> 01:06:22,520
Well, in a nutshell, it's not smoking.
1277
01:06:22,520 --> 01:06:24,313
What makes it smoking, buddy,
1278
01:06:24,313 --> 01:06:27,900
is the fucking smoke
coming out of your mouth, all right?
1279
01:06:27,900 --> 01:06:31,278
So, get out of my fucking face
before I throw you in that fucking pool?
1280
01:06:31,278 --> 01:06:32,947
I don't respond to hyperbole!
1281
01:06:32,947 --> 01:06:36,617
- Good. I don't know what that means.
- If you want an ass-kicking, keep talking.
1282
01:06:36,617 --> 01:06:38,828
Oh! "Hyperbole"! I got big hotel words.
1283
01:06:38,828 --> 01:06:41,914
Ladies, ladies, whoa.
What are we doing here?
1284
01:06:41,914 --> 01:06:44,625
It's a nice day. Relax. Take in the view.
1285
01:06:45,209 --> 01:06:46,877
Sweetheart, mind if I ask you a question?
1286
01:06:47,628 --> 01:06:48,671
Yeah, what's that?
1287
01:06:48,671 --> 01:06:50,715
Do you think vaping is smoking?
1288
01:06:50,715 --> 01:06:53,926
Oh, absolutely, yeah.
And it's ruining this country.
1289
01:06:53,926 --> 01:06:56,971
Thank you. Thank you.
There. I rest my case.
1290
01:06:56,971 --> 01:06:59,181
Yeah, and so are those fucking immigrants.
1291
01:07:01,892 --> 01:07:04,270
I mean, how many more
can we let in?
1292
01:07:10,151 --> 01:07:11,652
Well, that made some room.
1293
01:07:14,363 --> 01:07:15,990
I'm excited
for this baby shower.
1294
01:07:15,990 --> 01:07:18,159
Aren't you glad Leah suggested we do coed?
1295
01:07:18,159 --> 01:07:20,494
- We're gonna have fun, right?
- Definitely.
1296
01:07:23,706 --> 01:07:24,582
Baby, look at me.
1297
01:07:26,500 --> 01:07:28,502
I know you're scared, okay? So am I.
1298
01:07:29,378 --> 01:07:31,297
But I can't live in fear anymore.
1299
01:07:31,297 --> 01:07:33,758
I need you to know what I need,
or this isn't gonna work.
1300
01:07:35,259 --> 01:07:40,473
I want us to be official.
And not just for the baby but for us.
1301
01:07:42,058 --> 01:07:45,227
I love you, Mike.
And I want us to get married.
1302
01:07:46,771 --> 01:07:49,982
And I know you may need
some time to process this, and...
1303
01:07:49,982 --> 01:07:50,941
Okay.
1304
01:07:51,859 --> 01:07:52,693
Okay?
1305
01:07:54,028 --> 01:07:54,862
Yep.
1306
01:07:56,739 --> 01:08:00,284
Well, can you fucking hug me
or something? Damn!
1307
01:08:07,875 --> 01:08:08,793
Where are you going?
1308
01:08:08,793 --> 01:08:11,962
Nowhere.
I'm just gonna go register to vote.
1309
01:08:29,939 --> 01:08:33,526
Hi! You've reached my mom.
She's not here.
1310
01:08:34,235 --> 01:08:36,862
- Tell 'em to leave a message.
- Leave a message.
1311
01:08:56,882 --> 01:08:58,884
- From pastrami with love.
- Yeah.
1312
01:08:58,884 --> 01:09:02,096
Fries extra crispy.
Oreo cookie shake.
1313
01:09:02,680 --> 01:09:04,348
- And a root beer.
- Thank you.
1314
01:09:25,161 --> 01:09:26,537
You sure you wanna do this?
1315
01:09:27,621 --> 01:09:29,039
There's nothing else to do.
1316
01:09:32,960 --> 01:09:35,880
- Oh God. I miss coke.
- Where the fuck did you get that?
1317
01:09:35,880 --> 01:09:38,007
Don't worry about that, Jackie boy.
I know a guy.
1318
01:09:38,007 --> 01:09:42,178
Now let's go
set this neon town on fire!
1319
01:09:42,178 --> 01:09:44,930
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, huh?
1320
01:09:44,930 --> 01:09:47,641
Okay, all right.
We're still in Pomona, so pace yourself.
1321
01:09:47,641 --> 01:09:49,935
You fucking pace yourself, okay?
I got about 90 minutes
1322
01:09:49,935 --> 01:09:52,688
before my wife gets home
and notices my sister watching the kids.
1323
01:09:52,688 --> 01:09:56,567
So, you know, this might be
the coke talking, but I don't give a fuck.
1324
01:09:57,484 --> 01:10:00,154
- My man Mikey here is getting married.
1325
01:10:00,154 --> 01:10:01,572
What was that?
1326
01:10:02,156 --> 01:10:03,949
It's just us in here, right?
1327
01:10:03,949 --> 01:10:05,868
Yeah, yeah. We're cool. Just relax, man.
1328
01:10:05,868 --> 01:10:09,038
- It was a bump in the road. Just the road!
- Whoa! Sh! Sh! Sh!
1329
01:10:10,247 --> 01:10:11,707
Okay. I'm good.
1330
01:10:12,208 --> 01:10:14,460
- You're watching him this time.
1331
01:10:14,460 --> 01:10:17,046
Whoo! Whoo!
1332
01:10:21,842 --> 01:10:23,594
♪ Face to face ♪
1333
01:10:23,594 --> 01:10:25,054
♪ Out in the night ♪
1334
01:10:26,055 --> 01:10:28,557
♪ Hangin' tough, stayin' hungry... ♪
1335
01:10:33,520 --> 01:10:35,689
♪ It's the dream of the fight ♪
1336
01:10:35,689 --> 01:10:40,319
♪ Watching us all in the eye ♪
1337
01:10:40,819 --> 01:10:43,030
♪ Of the tiger... ♪
1338
01:10:44,365 --> 01:10:45,366
Whoo!
1339
01:10:45,366 --> 01:10:50,079
♪ The eye of the tiger ♪
1340
01:10:50,079 --> 01:10:51,580
Guys, my foot went numb.
1341
01:10:51,580 --> 01:10:53,374
Dude, I can drive.
Want me to drive?
1342
01:10:53,374 --> 01:10:54,667
No fucking way.
1343
01:10:58,629 --> 01:11:01,006
All right, man.
Once this sciatica acts up...
1344
01:11:01,006 --> 01:11:03,676
- You sure you all right with this?
- Yeah, it's fine.
1345
01:11:06,971 --> 01:11:08,097
I'm feeling lucky.
1346
01:11:11,058 --> 01:11:11,976
Ah!
1347
01:11:12,643 --> 01:11:13,769
♪ Lady love ♪
1348
01:11:15,271 --> 01:11:16,814
♪ Your love is peaceful... ♪
1349
01:11:16,814 --> 01:11:17,856
Yeah, fuck Vegas.
1350
01:11:18,607 --> 01:11:21,777
Those casinos are all owned
by the people who started Halliburton.
1351
01:11:22,486 --> 01:11:24,238
Look at this place. This place is great.
1352
01:11:24,238 --> 01:11:27,449
If I'm gonna lose money, I'd rather do it
in a Native American casino.
1353
01:11:27,449 --> 01:11:29,368
I like it. Yeah! Monetary justice.
1354
01:11:29,368 --> 01:11:31,912
Goddamn, this coke is not good.
I gotta take a shit.
1355
01:11:31,912 --> 01:11:35,541
- Uh, I'll meet you at the sportsbook?
- Sportsbook. All right. I'll see you.
1356
01:11:37,376 --> 01:11:38,669
Hey, where the hell's Mike?
1357
01:11:44,842 --> 01:11:46,343
Britney? It's me.
1358
01:11:51,473 --> 01:11:52,391
Cara.
1359
01:11:52,933 --> 01:11:54,393
Don't look so surprised.
1360
01:11:54,393 --> 01:11:56,687
Britney and I are
actually incredibly close.
1361
01:11:57,229 --> 01:12:00,858
It's not like that kind of thing where
we have to talk every day to reinforce it.
1362
01:12:00,858 --> 01:12:03,360
Right. Uh, sure.
1363
01:12:03,360 --> 01:12:07,823
Um, listen, I'm really sorry
that I criticized your parenting.
1364
01:12:07,823 --> 01:12:10,075
- That was a total overstep.
- Hmm.
1365
01:12:10,075 --> 01:12:14,163
So, uh, you know, can we just move on?
1366
01:12:14,163 --> 01:12:17,708
Oh, I did already. I assumed you had too.
1367
01:12:19,626 --> 01:12:20,461
I just did.
1368
01:12:21,045 --> 01:12:23,464
Well, come in, come in
because Britney really needs us.
1369
01:12:23,464 --> 01:12:24,381
Right.
1370
01:12:25,591 --> 01:12:27,885
Oh no!
1371
01:12:27,885 --> 01:12:29,845
- No more bets.
- Hey, there he is.
1372
01:12:30,512 --> 01:12:32,348
Easy, big fella. What are we doing here?
1373
01:12:32,348 --> 01:12:35,142
Donnie, change me out for five grand.
1374
01:12:35,142 --> 01:12:38,187
Oh, no, no, no, no. No.
What are you doing? What are you doing?
1375
01:12:38,187 --> 01:12:40,189
It's okay. I'm due.
1376
01:12:40,814 --> 01:12:43,233
Mike, you've gambled,
like, four times in your life, okay?
1377
01:12:43,233 --> 01:12:44,735
How the fuck are you due?
1378
01:12:45,235 --> 01:12:46,278
All right, Jack.
1379
01:12:47,071 --> 01:12:48,447
I'm a conservative man.
1380
01:12:49,323 --> 01:12:52,743
I drive a four-door sedan
with seven airbags.
1381
01:12:53,243 --> 01:12:54,411
I got a vasectomy.
1382
01:12:55,204 --> 01:12:56,121
Guess what?
1383
01:12:57,081 --> 01:12:58,332
She got pregnant anyway.
1384
01:12:59,124 --> 01:13:03,253
Then I lost my job,
my company, my retirement,
1385
01:13:03,253 --> 01:13:06,382
all because I decided
to exercise free speech
1386
01:13:06,382 --> 01:13:09,176
in the back of a goddamn rental car!
1387
01:13:09,176 --> 01:13:13,013
So, yeah, Jack. I think I'm fucking due!
1388
01:13:13,013 --> 01:13:14,306
Okay, okay. Sorry.
1389
01:13:15,432 --> 01:13:19,186
But look. Look around the casino, Mike.
Everybody here thinks they're due.
1390
01:13:20,562 --> 01:13:24,233
Look at that poor lady.
She looks like she's scuba diving.
1391
01:13:25,609 --> 01:13:28,278
Hey. Is that Aspen Bell?
1392
01:13:31,448 --> 01:13:32,741
No fucking way.
1393
01:13:35,994 --> 01:13:37,246
Holy shit. That is him.
1394
01:13:37,746 --> 01:13:39,665
- Told you my luck's changing.
- Let's go.
1395
01:13:50,551 --> 01:13:51,552
♪ Yeah ♪
1396
01:13:53,554 --> 01:13:58,517
♪ I kick it root down
I put my root down ♪
1397
01:13:58,517 --> 01:14:00,894
- ♪ So, how we gonna kick it? ♪
- ♪ Gonna kick it root down ♪
1398
01:14:00,894 --> 01:14:03,355
- ♪ Yeah, how you wanna kick it? ♪
- ♪ Gonna kick it root down ♪
1399
01:14:03,355 --> 01:14:05,732
- ♪ So, how you gonna kick it? ♪
- ♪ Gonna kick it root down ♪
1400
01:14:05,732 --> 01:14:08,235
♪ Gonna break it on down
Gonna kick it root down ♪
1401
01:14:08,235 --> 01:14:09,445
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Oh shit!
1402
01:14:09,445 --> 01:14:11,822
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
1403
01:14:14,825 --> 01:14:16,368
- Hey!
- Hey, man! What's up?
1404
01:14:16,368 --> 01:14:17,661
Oh fuck! What the fuck?
1405
01:14:17,661 --> 01:14:18,662
Yeah, motherfucker!
1406
01:14:18,662 --> 01:14:20,956
Look at us when we're talking,
corporate piece of shit!
1407
01:14:20,956 --> 01:14:23,500
You fucked with the wrong dads, ese.
1408
01:14:23,500 --> 01:14:26,503
What, are you here pissing away the money
you made off the company we built?
1409
01:14:26,503 --> 01:14:28,088
Did you book a suite, motherfucker?
1410
01:14:28,088 --> 01:14:30,841
No, no, no, no. Guys, I'm...
I'm here for sensitivity training.
1411
01:14:30,841 --> 01:14:33,510
You should be.
'Cause you're a fucking dick!
1412
01:14:33,510 --> 01:14:36,180
Wait a second. Wait a second.
Sensitivity training? What's that?
1413
01:14:37,931 --> 01:14:41,101
Did you guys know that Native Americans
take offense to the term "spirit animal"?
1414
01:14:42,144 --> 01:14:44,688
Wait. Did you get in trouble
for selling those Ed Cameron T-shirts?
1415
01:14:46,231 --> 01:14:48,317
Suspended indefinitely, actually.
1416
01:14:48,317 --> 01:14:51,278
- I think that's millennial for "fired."
1417
01:14:51,278 --> 01:14:52,988
That's what happens to punk motherfuckers!
1418
01:14:52,988 --> 01:14:54,031
How ironic!
1419
01:14:54,031 --> 01:14:56,366
Yeah, how'd it feel to get fired
for absolutely nothing?
1420
01:14:56,366 --> 01:14:57,451
"I appreciate you!"
1421
01:14:57,451 --> 01:14:59,661
- Oh boy. Oh my God!
1422
01:14:59,661 --> 01:15:01,163
- What's happening?
- Oh Jesus!
1423
01:15:01,914 --> 01:15:03,957
Fucking Twitter.
They fucking posted me.
1424
01:15:03,957 --> 01:15:04,917
All right, relax.
1425
01:15:04,917 --> 01:15:07,211
They fucking put
my home address on Reddit.
1426
01:15:07,920 --> 01:15:09,379
And my girlfriend left me.
1427
01:15:14,009 --> 01:15:16,929
Yeah, but you didn't see
the look on his face.
1428
01:15:17,513 --> 01:15:19,932
I don't think he wants
to be with me anymore.
1429
01:15:19,932 --> 01:15:21,850
Trust me. He does.
1430
01:15:21,850 --> 01:15:23,018
How do you know?
1431
01:15:23,018 --> 01:15:25,354
Because Connor has that look
on his face all the time.
1432
01:15:25,354 --> 01:15:26,730
It means nothing.
1433
01:15:26,730 --> 01:15:29,233
- It has to mean something.
- This is what it means.
1434
01:15:29,733 --> 01:15:32,819
It means they need us.
They know it. It bothers them.
1435
01:15:34,571 --> 01:15:35,572
Oh please.
1436
01:15:36,198 --> 01:15:38,534
Do not look to me for advice, okay?
1437
01:15:38,534 --> 01:15:40,661
I married an absolute lunatic.
1438
01:15:41,787 --> 01:15:45,165
Do you know that he tried to fight
an entire row of college kids
1439
01:15:45,165 --> 01:15:47,876
at the ArcLight Cinema on our second date?
1440
01:15:48,752 --> 01:15:50,837
And it worked. It totally charmed me.
1441
01:15:50,837 --> 01:15:52,172
I let him touch my boobs.
1442
01:15:53,840 --> 01:15:58,679
I guess I was hoping
for something more, but Cara's right.
1443
01:15:58,679 --> 01:16:00,389
I think, when it comes to guys,
1444
01:16:01,557 --> 01:16:03,308
there's just not a lot of layers.
1445
01:16:04,101 --> 01:16:07,020
So, anyway, what I'm trying to say is
1446
01:16:08,105 --> 01:16:10,649
it's one of the only things in life
that lives up to the hype.
1447
01:16:11,149 --> 01:16:14,027
I mean, nothing you're gonna achieve
in your career can even touch it,
1448
01:16:14,027 --> 01:16:17,823
so if you feel that way about Hannah,
you should go and tell her.
1449
01:16:17,823 --> 01:16:22,286
'Cause the only thing that matters in life
is if you love someone and they love you.
1450
01:16:22,286 --> 01:16:24,788
That's all that matters.
That and your kids.
1451
01:16:26,957 --> 01:16:29,001
Jesus Christ!
Look at the fucking ass on her.
1452
01:16:29,001 --> 01:16:30,294
Oh my God! Yeah.
1453
01:16:30,294 --> 01:16:33,463
All right! Let's get
those Tuesday night dollars coming.
1454
01:16:33,463 --> 01:16:35,173
- Come with me.
1455
01:16:35,173 --> 01:16:36,800
Oh, no, thank you. I'm... I'm good.
1456
01:16:36,800 --> 01:16:40,512
That's not what your friend told me.
He paid for two dances.
1457
01:16:40,512 --> 01:16:43,432
What happens in Vegas
stays in Vegas, baby!
1458
01:16:43,432 --> 01:16:45,309
We're in Palm Desert, buddy!
1459
01:16:45,309 --> 01:16:47,644
Your mother's in Palm Desert, you pussy!
1460
01:16:47,644 --> 01:16:50,522
Yeah! "Your mother's
in Palm Desert, you pussy!"
1461
01:16:50,522 --> 01:16:52,858
My man! We're not friends.
1462
01:16:53,525 --> 01:16:54,401
Come on.
1463
01:16:56,445 --> 01:16:58,530
Hey, you're on deck, haircut!
1464
01:17:00,324 --> 01:17:03,827
I need you to bring that energy way down.
1465
01:17:04,453 --> 01:17:07,456
It's okay. Really.
He's cool. He's cool, Randy.
1466
01:17:07,456 --> 01:17:09,708
Yeah, it's okay, Randy. I'm cool.
1467
01:17:10,334 --> 01:17:11,335
Give me some.
1468
01:17:11,960 --> 01:17:13,211
Pound it out!
1469
01:17:13,754 --> 01:17:14,713
Randy!
1470
01:17:15,339 --> 01:17:16,923
Aw, I'm sorry about that.
1471
01:17:17,466 --> 01:17:20,510
Oh, that's okay. I mean, if I were him,
I'd be intimidated by me too.
1472
01:17:20,510 --> 01:17:23,847
Oh, yeah. You are in great shape.
1473
01:17:23,847 --> 01:17:26,600
Oh, yeah? Thank you very much.
I work hard at it.
1474
01:17:26,600 --> 01:17:28,769
You're in great shape too.
You have awesome skin.
1475
01:17:28,769 --> 01:17:30,604
Thank you.
1476
01:17:30,604 --> 01:17:31,563
How old are you?
1477
01:17:31,563 --> 01:17:33,482
Aw, I can't tell you that.
1478
01:17:34,650 --> 01:17:36,026
How old do you think I am?
1479
01:17:37,819 --> 01:17:39,363
- Forty-nine.
- What?
1480
01:17:41,198 --> 01:17:42,282
How do you know that?
1481
01:17:43,367 --> 01:17:44,451
The neck.
1482
01:17:46,870 --> 01:17:49,581
Tyler "Blam," up on the main stage.
1483
01:17:51,958 --> 01:17:53,418
How you doing?
1484
01:17:53,418 --> 01:17:56,588
I think I had a nervous breakdown earlier,
1485
01:17:56,588 --> 01:17:59,049
but I'm cool now.
1486
01:17:59,049 --> 01:18:01,176
Aw, that's hella scary.
1487
01:18:01,927 --> 01:18:04,179
Well, don't worry, Daddy.
1488
01:18:04,888 --> 01:18:06,264
Just don't call me "Daddy."
1489
01:18:07,516 --> 01:18:09,935
- What do you want me to call you?
- Call me Mike.
1490
01:18:10,435 --> 01:18:11,978
That's no fun.
1491
01:18:13,146 --> 01:18:16,358
I'm gonna call you Hella Mike.
1492
01:18:18,151 --> 01:18:21,029
Mmm. Hella Mike.
1493
01:18:27,285 --> 01:18:28,537
Fuck this place, man.
1494
01:18:29,454 --> 01:18:31,248
I don't look 49. Do I look 49?
1495
01:18:32,249 --> 01:18:33,250
Forty-seven.
1496
01:18:33,250 --> 01:18:34,668
Man, fuck you!
1497
01:18:35,961 --> 01:18:39,256
See that guy over there?
That's a 49-year-old man.
1498
01:18:42,467 --> 01:18:43,677
Let me tell you something.
1499
01:18:43,677 --> 01:18:46,430
You have no idea
how awesome I was at your age.
1500
01:18:46,430 --> 01:18:48,849
I was dating two chicks at the same time,
1501
01:18:48,849 --> 01:18:52,436
both of them named Amy,
and they knew about each other.
1502
01:18:52,436 --> 01:18:54,813
And they loved it. Happy to share me.
1503
01:18:54,813 --> 01:18:57,065
I used to hang out with my boys
whenever I wanted, man.
1504
01:18:57,065 --> 01:19:00,777
I could eat whatever I wanted,
crush Rolling Rocks all day,
1505
01:19:00,777 --> 01:19:02,988
slept until I wasn't tired anymore.
1506
01:19:02,988 --> 01:19:07,159
One time, Julio Iglesias
came up to me in an airport,
1507
01:19:07,159 --> 01:19:09,411
dead certain I was his son, Enrique.
1508
01:19:09,411 --> 01:19:12,038
The fucking kind of vibe
I was putting out, bro!
1509
01:19:12,038 --> 01:19:14,916
And it was effortless.
It was fucking effortless.
1510
01:19:16,042 --> 01:19:17,669
That's ridiculous.
1511
01:19:19,796 --> 01:19:21,339
I was ridiculous.
1512
01:19:23,216 --> 01:19:25,343
Throw those dollars, guys. Come on.
1513
01:19:25,343 --> 01:19:28,346
♪ Uh, I'm Hella Mike!
That's what I like! ♪
1514
01:19:28,346 --> 01:19:30,766
♪ I'm Hella Mike! That's what I like, uh ♪
1515
01:19:32,058 --> 01:19:33,101
I don't know.
1516
01:19:34,644 --> 01:19:36,813
I have faced a lot of stuff in my life.
1517
01:19:38,064 --> 01:19:41,777
The fear of losing my family is worse
than anything I've ever faced before.
1518
01:19:45,447 --> 01:19:48,700
My brain just keeps playing out
this scenario about what could happen.
1519
01:19:49,284 --> 01:19:51,453
You know, seeing my kid
every other weekend.
1520
01:19:52,454 --> 01:19:55,040
My wife's gonna be married
to some fucking orthopedist.
1521
01:19:55,540 --> 01:19:57,042
Levelheaded cocksucker.
1522
01:20:01,880 --> 01:20:04,800
Yeah, I don't know. Maybe Leah's right.
1523
01:20:06,051 --> 01:20:07,886
Maybe I'm not cut out for this shit.
1524
01:20:08,762 --> 01:20:10,680
I mean, I love being a dad and everything.
1525
01:20:12,516 --> 01:20:14,309
Holy shit, that's her. Shut the fuck up!
1526
01:20:15,644 --> 01:20:19,064
Leah, hey, hi! Listen, I am so sorry
for everything that I said.
1527
01:20:20,232 --> 01:20:21,191
What?
1528
01:20:23,235 --> 01:20:24,486
Wait, who is this?
1529
01:20:24,486 --> 01:20:26,780
- Ha! Uh! Ooh! Uh! Uh!
1530
01:20:26,780 --> 01:20:29,741
Mike! Mike! Mike! Britney called.
1531
01:20:31,535 --> 01:20:32,619
Leah's in labor.
1532
01:20:33,537 --> 01:20:35,455
Thank God!
Man, you scared the shit out of me.
1533
01:20:36,665 --> 01:20:38,625
- Congratulations!
- Thank you.
1534
01:20:38,625 --> 01:20:43,171
Ladies, my man Jack here
is about to become a father again.
1535
01:20:44,256 --> 01:20:46,758
- That's so amazing!
- Oh, thank you.
1536
01:20:47,634 --> 01:20:49,386
You're gonna be such a great dad.
1537
01:20:49,386 --> 01:20:50,971
I appreciate that.
1538
01:20:50,971 --> 01:20:53,223
- I'm so happy for you, man.
- Oh, thanks, buddy.
1539
01:20:53,223 --> 01:20:55,475
She's a couple of weeks early,
so I'm freaking out.
1540
01:20:55,475 --> 01:20:58,520
- Let's get the fuck out of here.
- You go ahead. I'm good.
1541
01:20:58,520 --> 01:21:00,313
The fuck are you talking about?
1542
01:21:02,065 --> 01:21:03,191
I'm not going back.
1543
01:21:04,609 --> 01:21:07,070
This is me now. Hella Mike!
1544
01:21:07,070 --> 01:21:09,781
- Whoo!
- Hella Mike? Who the fuck is Hella Mike?
1545
01:21:09,781 --> 01:21:12,200
- Hella Mike? Mike, you're hella hammered.
1546
01:21:12,200 --> 01:21:13,493
Uh! Uh!
1547
01:21:13,493 --> 01:21:16,496
Mike, there's a situation back home
that you can and will deal with
1548
01:21:16,496 --> 01:21:18,081
because you're a fucking man.
1549
01:21:18,081 --> 01:21:19,457
Look at me. You're a fucking man.
1550
01:21:20,750 --> 01:21:21,835
Mike, come on.
1551
01:21:26,548 --> 01:21:28,049
You're absolutely right, Jack.
1552
01:21:28,842 --> 01:21:31,094
I love you, man.
1553
01:21:31,928 --> 01:21:33,221
I love you too, man.
1554
01:21:33,221 --> 01:21:34,431
Aw!
1555
01:21:37,142 --> 01:21:38,018
Hey, man.
1556
01:21:38,018 --> 01:21:42,314
Uh, that's your third gimlet
in, like, five minutes. Are you okay?
1557
01:21:42,856 --> 01:21:46,026
"Hey, man." Let me tell you something.
1558
01:21:47,152 --> 01:21:48,945
Don't ever count another man's drinks.
1559
01:21:51,698 --> 01:21:52,949
And one more thing.
1560
01:21:55,076 --> 01:21:56,745
Don't ever get fucking married.
1561
01:22:03,668 --> 01:22:05,337
- Connor?
1562
01:22:05,337 --> 01:22:07,088
Connor, what the fuck? Are you okay?
1563
01:22:08,423 --> 01:22:11,217
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do I do?
What the fuck? Oh fuck!
1564
01:22:14,471 --> 01:22:15,388
Shit!
1565
01:22:15,388 --> 01:22:18,350
- Hey! I told you to fucking relax!
- Wait!
1566
01:22:18,350 --> 01:22:19,935
- Oh shit!
- What the fuck, man?
1567
01:22:20,518 --> 01:22:21,937
He's choking! He's choking!
1568
01:22:21,937 --> 01:22:23,605
- Oh shit!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1569
01:22:23,605 --> 01:22:25,398
- Relax! Relax!
- He's with us.
1570
01:22:25,398 --> 01:22:27,150
- Shit!
1571
01:22:27,150 --> 01:22:28,860
I'm not with them! I'm not with them!
1572
01:22:30,195 --> 01:22:31,905
Whoa! Barbara!
1573
01:22:33,865 --> 01:22:35,825
- My wife is in labor!
1574
01:22:35,825 --> 01:22:37,077
Get off!
1575
01:22:37,661 --> 01:22:40,830
- Hey, congrats on becoming a father.
- Where the fuck are you going?
1576
01:22:43,917 --> 01:22:45,669
Ladies are still dancing.
1577
01:22:45,669 --> 01:22:46,836
Connor!
1578
01:22:46,836 --> 01:22:48,505
Don't mind that skirmish.
1579
01:22:48,505 --> 01:22:51,758
I'm not with them! I'm not with them!
Tell them I'm not with you guys!
1580
01:22:52,384 --> 01:22:54,552
- You okay, buddy?
1581
01:22:55,845 --> 01:22:57,681
- You all right, buddy?
- I'm back!
1582
01:22:57,681 --> 01:23:00,141
- Connor! Oh shit!
1583
01:23:02,602 --> 01:23:04,229
Hey! Hey!
1584
01:23:04,229 --> 01:23:07,774
Yeah, that's right!
TikTok LIVE, motherfuckers!
1585
01:23:07,774 --> 01:23:12,737
Documenting your use of excessive force
on these poor, defenseless dads.
1586
01:23:12,737 --> 01:23:14,197
Get that fucking camera!
1587
01:23:14,197 --> 01:23:16,700
Guys, guys, run! Run!
1588
01:23:16,700 --> 01:23:20,745
Fuck! Shit! Oh God!
I am an innocent bystander here!
1589
01:23:20,745 --> 01:23:22,205
We gotta go, Mike!
1590
01:23:23,289 --> 01:23:25,750
Oh no! Please let me go!
Don't touch me! I gotta pee!
1591
01:23:25,750 --> 01:23:28,712
That's Arabella on stage two.
1592
01:23:35,468 --> 01:23:38,388
Guys, I'm too hammered.
Can either one of you drive?
1593
01:23:42,976 --> 01:23:43,893
Oh fuck.
1594
01:23:51,067 --> 01:23:54,362
- All right.
- One of you guys better be Connor!
1595
01:23:54,863 --> 01:23:56,698
- You Richie?
- How'd you know my name?
1596
01:23:56,698 --> 01:23:59,576
- Oh, they say it on the phone.
- The picture's different.
1597
01:23:59,576 --> 01:24:02,078
Do you mind if we move those golf clubs
out of the back seat?
1598
01:24:02,078 --> 01:24:03,246
Yeah, I mind.
1599
01:24:04,330 --> 01:24:05,165
Why?
1600
01:24:05,665 --> 01:24:09,502
Because they're a full set of Lee Trevino.
1601
01:24:09,502 --> 01:24:11,046
Wooden heads.
1602
01:24:11,046 --> 01:24:15,717
So you're gonna shut the fuck up,
sit up here in the front seat,
1603
01:24:15,717 --> 01:24:18,303
and stop being such a fucking Mary.
1604
01:24:18,303 --> 01:24:19,554
Are you fucking happy?
1605
01:24:19,554 --> 01:24:21,765
That's good enough for me.
Let's go.
1606
01:24:25,894 --> 01:24:28,855
Jesus! Now, let me see
where you guys are sending us.
1607
01:24:29,397 --> 01:24:33,568
Um... Oh, for Chrissake! Memorial Hospital?
1608
01:24:33,568 --> 01:24:36,488
That's downtown LA. It's 100 miles, bud.
1609
01:24:36,488 --> 01:24:38,948
Yeah. Yeah, my wife's in labor.
She's having a baby. Let's go!
1610
01:24:38,948 --> 01:24:40,450
Wait a second. How old are you?
1611
01:24:41,034 --> 01:24:42,118
Fifty-one.
1612
01:24:42,118 --> 01:24:44,370
You still can fire a shot.
1613
01:24:44,871 --> 01:24:47,332
=That's very cool. I like that.
- Thank you.
1614
01:24:47,916 --> 01:24:49,626
Dude, what rideshare did you call?
1615
01:24:49,626 --> 01:24:52,504
- I could call another driver.
- I speak English.
1616
01:24:53,755 --> 01:24:56,716
♪ Splish splash, I was takin' a bath ♪
1617
01:24:56,716 --> 01:24:58,885
♪ 'Long about a Saturday night ♪
1618
01:25:00,512 --> 01:25:03,098
♪ Rub dub, just relaxing in the tub ♪
1619
01:25:03,598 --> 01:25:05,600
♪ Thinkin' everything was all right ♪
1620
01:25:06,518 --> 01:25:09,854
♪ Then, I stepped out the tub
Put my feet on the floor ♪
1621
01:25:10,480 --> 01:25:13,316
♪ Wrapped my towel around me
I opened the door ♪
1622
01:25:13,316 --> 01:25:16,986
♪ And then a splish splash
I jumped back in the bath ♪
1623
01:25:16,986 --> 01:25:20,198
♪ How was I to know
There was a party going on? ♪
1624
01:25:20,949 --> 01:25:25,995
♪ Bing bang, I saw the whole gang
Dancing on my living room rug ♪
1625
01:25:27,413 --> 01:25:29,666
♪ Flip flop, they was doing the bop... ♪
1626
01:25:29,666 --> 01:25:32,043
Goddamn it, you fucking whore!
1627
01:25:34,254 --> 01:25:37,090
Ugh! What a fucking sewer.
1628
01:25:37,090 --> 01:25:39,634
That's why I left this goddamn city.
1629
01:25:39,634 --> 01:25:44,347
Every blond-headed dipshit with a dream
has to come all the way down here,
1630
01:25:44,347 --> 01:25:49,978
suck dick to host
a fucking game show.
1631
01:25:50,603 --> 01:25:52,522
Richie, I'm gonna miss
the birth of my kid.
1632
01:25:52,522 --> 01:25:53,940
Oh, who gives a shit, bud?
1633
01:25:54,774 --> 01:25:57,360
You know where I was
when my rotten kid was born?
1634
01:25:57,360 --> 01:25:59,112
I was down the street in a bar.
1635
01:25:59,779 --> 01:26:03,366
Having a beer, eating fried clams,
'cause that's the way it went then.
1636
01:26:03,366 --> 01:26:05,034
- Let's go!
1637
01:26:05,034 --> 01:26:08,121
Richie, can we make
a fucking U-turn or something here?
1638
01:26:08,121 --> 01:26:11,791
I've been trying to make U-turns
since I was 36 years old, bud.
1639
01:26:11,791 --> 01:26:12,917
Can't be done!
1640
01:26:14,002 --> 01:26:16,921
I'll tell you, the biggest mistake
I ever made in my life was--
1641
01:26:16,921 --> 01:26:20,425
- You fudge-packing asshole!
1642
01:26:20,425 --> 01:26:24,804
Oh fuck, it's a parade!
Please go right ahead!
1643
01:26:26,514 --> 01:26:32,979
When is the last time you ever saw
one of those bastards obey a stop sign?
1644
01:26:43,406 --> 01:26:44,741
Where are you going? Wait.
1645
01:26:44,741 --> 01:26:46,826
- Hey, Jack! What are you do--
- Jack. Jack.
1646
01:26:46,826 --> 01:26:50,330
- Fuck. Zero stars, Richie. Zero stars!
1647
01:26:51,331 --> 01:26:53,416
Go dodge a draft, asshole!
1648
01:26:55,376 --> 01:26:57,921
Oh, that's a good idea.
That's a good idea, Jack.
1649
01:26:57,921 --> 01:26:59,881
- What do I do?
- Just take the picture.
1650
01:26:59,881 --> 01:27:01,799
- I took the picture. Am I good?
- You're good.
1651
01:27:01,799 --> 01:27:03,259
What are they? How do I work these?
1652
01:27:03,259 --> 01:27:06,596
It's like a fucking skateboard.
Just push it. Go! It's electric!
1653
01:27:07,180 --> 01:27:08,389
- Get on.
- It's not going!
1654
01:27:08,389 --> 01:27:09,390
Hit the thing!
1655
01:27:09,390 --> 01:27:10,892
- What thing?
- Hit the thing!
1656
01:27:10,892 --> 01:27:12,393
I got it! I got it! I got it!
1657
01:27:12,393 --> 01:27:13,770
Come on. Let's go!
1658
01:27:13,770 --> 01:27:15,605
- You know I got a flip phone?
- What the fuck?
1659
01:27:15,605 --> 01:27:17,690
What? I don't want
motherfuckers tracking me!
1660
01:27:17,690 --> 01:27:21,236
Man, nobody gives a shit where you are.
Get on! Come on! Come on!
1661
01:27:22,403 --> 01:27:23,696
Oh shit!
1662
01:27:24,239 --> 01:27:25,156
Easy!
1663
01:27:25,156 --> 01:27:26,574
- All right!
- Christ!
1664
01:27:26,574 --> 01:27:30,245
Whoo! These things are awesome.
These fucking things are awesome!
1665
01:27:33,331 --> 01:27:34,666
Share the road!
1666
01:27:35,208 --> 01:27:37,043
- We're gonna lead!
- Whoa! Whoa!
1667
01:27:37,043 --> 01:27:39,712
Whoo!
1668
01:27:50,682 --> 01:27:51,683
Go, go, go!
1669
01:27:55,937 --> 01:27:57,522
Maternity? Maternity?
1670
01:27:58,273 --> 01:27:59,148
Thank you.
1671
01:28:02,235 --> 01:28:03,111
Jack?
1672
01:28:04,988 --> 01:28:06,197
That's a good move.
1673
01:28:10,743 --> 01:28:11,577
I missed it?
1674
01:28:16,624 --> 01:28:19,419
I fucking missed it. I missed it.
1675
01:28:20,295 --> 01:28:22,088
Daddy!
1676
01:28:24,882 --> 01:28:26,050
Hey, buddy, how are you?
1677
01:28:26,050 --> 01:28:28,553
Daddy, I have a baby sister.
1678
01:28:29,429 --> 01:28:30,388
Yes, you do.
1679
01:28:30,972 --> 01:28:32,307
- Are you crying?
1680
01:28:35,643 --> 01:28:37,145
A little bit.
1681
01:28:37,770 --> 01:28:38,688
A little bit.
1682
01:28:39,522 --> 01:28:40,481
Why?
1683
01:28:40,481 --> 01:28:44,694
'Cause I messed up, buddy.
I messed up. I messed up.
1684
01:28:46,779 --> 01:28:48,906
It's okay. Rub some dirt on it.
1685
01:28:51,117 --> 01:28:54,579
Yeah, rub some dirt on it, right?
You're the best, buddy.
1686
01:28:55,330 --> 01:28:56,956
No, you're the best.
1687
01:29:01,294 --> 01:29:05,214
Jack, you wanna pull yourself together
and come meet your daughter?
1688
01:29:05,798 --> 01:29:06,716
Yeah.
1689
01:29:13,222 --> 01:29:15,141
- Hey, I got you these.
1690
01:29:18,478 --> 01:29:19,520
She's beautiful.
1691
01:29:20,688 --> 01:29:21,773
Here. Here, princess.
1692
01:29:21,773 --> 01:29:24,901
Just a second.
No skin-to-skin with the glitter.
1693
01:29:25,485 --> 01:29:26,819
Oh. Yeah, right.
1694
01:29:27,737 --> 01:29:29,530
Listen, Leah, I know
you're super pissed at me.
1695
01:29:29,530 --> 01:29:31,616
- And you have every right to be.
1696
01:29:32,533 --> 01:29:34,702
Okay, but I want you to know
I love you to death.
1697
01:29:36,662 --> 01:29:40,792
And I'm so sorry I let things
get the way they did between us.
1698
01:29:42,251 --> 01:29:46,005
I know I have a lot of work to do,
but I want you to know
1699
01:29:46,589 --> 01:29:48,633
I'm not gonna spread
my anger onto these kids,
1700
01:29:48,633 --> 01:29:50,676
and you're not gonna have
to deal with it anymore.
1701
01:29:53,137 --> 01:29:55,098
I'm going to get help, all right?
1702
01:29:57,183 --> 01:29:59,060
I'm seeking help from a professional.
1703
01:30:00,770 --> 01:30:04,273
And you came
to this realization at a strip club?
1704
01:30:06,651 --> 01:30:07,527
Yeah.
1705
01:30:08,736 --> 01:30:09,737
Yes, I did.
1706
01:30:12,490 --> 01:30:14,659
Probably another reason
I need to go to therapy.
1707
01:30:15,243 --> 01:30:16,494
- Hmm.
1708
01:30:25,586 --> 01:30:27,839
For what it's worth,
I got my first appointment on Tuesday.
1709
01:30:32,844 --> 01:30:35,388
You're really lucky
we make beautiful babies.
1710
01:30:37,223 --> 01:30:38,850
Yeah. Can I see her?
1711
01:30:39,517 --> 01:30:40,601
- Yeah.
- Okay.
1712
01:30:43,688 --> 01:30:46,482
- Meet your daddy.
- Hey, princess. Hey.
1713
01:30:50,319 --> 01:30:53,030
Am I gonna have to move
the Kleenex to your side of the bed?
1714
01:30:53,030 --> 01:30:55,074
Yeah, probably.
1715
01:30:56,534 --> 01:30:57,493
Huh?
1716
01:30:57,493 --> 01:30:58,953
Look at those eyes.
1717
01:31:04,000 --> 01:31:06,085
Hey. Oh my God.
1718
01:31:08,212 --> 01:31:10,548
She's beautiful. Look at you.
1719
01:31:11,299 --> 01:31:12,967
What are we gonna call her?
1720
01:31:12,967 --> 01:31:15,303
- I was thinking--
- Where's your fucking ring?
1721
01:31:15,303 --> 01:31:19,265
Oh yeah. It's probably somewhere,
like, in my lower intestine.
1722
01:31:19,265 --> 01:31:21,476
Your wedding ring
is inside your body right now?
1723
01:31:21,476 --> 01:31:23,394
- It's metal. It'll pass.
- Yeah.
1724
01:31:23,394 --> 01:31:25,396
What the fuck, Connor?
1725
01:31:25,396 --> 01:31:29,108
Okay, okay, okay. Let's take that outside.
1726
01:31:29,108 --> 01:31:33,696
In fact, anyone who is not
an immediate member of the family, out.
1727
01:31:34,864 --> 01:31:35,823
Here we go.
1728
01:31:37,325 --> 01:31:38,951
You guys made a beautiful baby.
1729
01:31:39,535 --> 01:31:40,703
Thank you, Mike.
1730
01:31:40,703 --> 01:31:41,913
So...
1731
01:31:43,831 --> 01:31:46,751
Is there anything you wanna tell me
about your little trip?
1732
01:31:48,336 --> 01:31:49,754
Nope.
1733
01:31:49,754 --> 01:31:51,214
I'm good.
1734
01:31:52,340 --> 01:31:53,716
No more Hella Mike.
1735
01:31:55,927 --> 01:31:56,969
Who's Hella Mike?
1736
01:31:57,845 --> 01:31:59,138
I don't really know.
1737
01:32:00,515 --> 01:32:04,727
But I do know that he made some decisions
over the last 17 hours,
1738
01:32:04,727 --> 01:32:07,063
and I don't like how things turned out.
1739
01:32:07,813 --> 01:32:09,899
But just know that I love you and...
1740
01:32:10,691 --> 01:32:14,445
I mean, you know, there's a lot
of crazy shit going on in the news.
1741
01:32:15,196 --> 01:32:19,408
And it's not just the booze talking,
but I just fucking...
1742
01:32:24,830 --> 01:32:25,748
Britney,
1743
01:32:26,457 --> 01:32:29,043
would you do me the honor
of becoming my bride?
1744
01:32:30,503 --> 01:32:33,506
Michael Jahim Richards.
1745
01:32:33,506 --> 01:32:36,926
I am not answering that question
in the middle of a hospital!
1746
01:32:37,635 --> 01:32:39,345
- My bad.
- Get up! Jesus!
1747
01:32:39,345 --> 01:32:43,099
Get up! Come on! Take a shower!
Buy a ring! Show some effort!
1748
01:32:43,099 --> 01:32:45,393
At least take me
to Tony Roma's or something.
1749
01:32:47,645 --> 01:32:49,063
How about Ruth's Chris?
1750
01:32:51,190 --> 01:32:53,442
I mean, I do love Ruth's Chris.
1751
01:32:59,198 --> 01:33:02,952
- I'm just so sick of your fucking excuses.
- What? It's not an excuse, Cara.
1752
01:33:02,952 --> 01:33:06,956
I'm in actual fucking pain,
which is something you can't relate to
1753
01:33:06,956 --> 01:33:10,334
because you block it out
with your cold, reptilian mindset.
1754
01:33:12,795 --> 01:33:14,130
You think I'm cold?
1755
01:33:14,630 --> 01:33:16,340
Babe, when you open your legs,
1756
01:33:16,340 --> 01:33:18,759
I can actually hear
the East German National Anthem.
1757
01:33:18,759 --> 01:33:20,845
Ah!
1758
01:33:21,345 --> 01:33:23,222
Finally, a little fucking emotion!
1759
01:33:26,434 --> 01:33:29,186
Are you trying to tell me
you don't wanna be with me anymore?
1760
01:33:30,104 --> 01:33:31,814
No. No, babe.
1761
01:33:32,648 --> 01:33:36,360
I'm just telling you that I don't wanna
live my life this way anymore.
1762
01:33:36,902 --> 01:33:39,030
I would like to be less afraid of you.
1763
01:33:40,239 --> 01:33:43,409
You know, and maybe not have
every minute of my life scheduled.
1764
01:33:44,076 --> 01:33:47,246
I would also like to eat carbohydrates
every once in a while.
1765
01:33:47,246 --> 01:33:48,497
And speakin' of,
1766
01:33:49,123 --> 01:33:51,751
would an occasional blow job
fuckin' kill you?
1767
01:33:52,418 --> 01:33:53,294
No cap.
1768
01:33:59,842 --> 01:34:01,135
Did you fuckin' see that?
1769
01:34:01,969 --> 01:34:04,013
No cap! No cap! That means...
1770
01:34:04,639 --> 01:34:05,723
that means that's true!
1771
01:34:05,723 --> 01:34:07,099
Okay. Okay, Connor.
1772
01:34:07,099 --> 01:34:09,685
- No cap! No cap!
1773
01:34:10,561 --> 01:34:12,313
For the record, it mean "no lie."
1774
01:34:12,313 --> 01:34:13,481
That's what I meant!
1775
01:34:14,523 --> 01:34:15,983
That's what I meant!
1776
01:34:17,526 --> 01:34:18,444
Oh fuck.
1777
01:34:22,406 --> 01:34:26,118
This is the best part
of my day, every day. Still.
1778
01:34:26,827 --> 01:34:28,162
And things are better now.
1779
01:34:28,162 --> 01:34:30,539
We sent Nate to the local public school
1780
01:34:30,539 --> 01:34:34,293
and threw a ripper down at the VFW
that raised a shitload of money for it.
1781
01:34:35,503 --> 01:34:38,506
I'm sure some of the programs
aren't at the private school level,
1782
01:34:38,506 --> 01:34:40,341
but they still play tackle football,
1783
01:34:40,341 --> 01:34:43,344
and you can pick your kids up
whenever the fuck you get there.
1784
01:34:44,553 --> 01:34:46,931
We never did get
our two hours with Doctor Lois.
1785
01:34:47,473 --> 01:34:50,184
Turns out she was embezzling
all that money we raised for the school
1786
01:34:50,184 --> 01:34:51,852
to keep her creditors at bay.
1787
01:34:52,436 --> 01:34:54,438
{\an8}But at the end of the day,
she's a white woman,
1788
01:34:54,438 --> 01:34:55,940
{\an8}so she's not going to jail.
1789
01:34:56,440 --> 01:34:57,900
{\an8}She'll probably get a book deal.
1790
01:34:58,401 --> 01:35:02,071
{\an8}Meanwhile, that crazy Ed Cameron
finally figured himself out.
1791
01:35:02,071 --> 01:35:03,406
{\an8}He came out of the closet
1792
01:35:03,406 --> 01:35:06,325
{\an8}and ended up marrying
the cute old guy from Judas Priest.
1793
01:35:07,785 --> 01:35:10,371
{\an8}Mike sued the owners of Trifecta
for age discrimination,
1794
01:35:10,371 --> 01:35:12,248
{\an8}and we got some of our equity back.
1795
01:35:13,499 --> 01:35:15,167
Connor blew his share on a neck lift.
1796
01:35:15,918 --> 01:35:16,836
Nice!
1797
01:35:16,836 --> 01:35:20,005
Life is good.
And I've been in therapy, doin' the work.
1798
01:35:21,048 --> 01:35:23,384
Leah says she's seen a noticeable change.
1799
01:35:23,884 --> 01:35:26,387
I don't let things get to me
the way they used to.
1800
01:35:26,387 --> 01:35:27,722
Excuse me. Sir.
1801
01:35:28,723 --> 01:35:30,099
You really think that's smart?
1802
01:35:30,099 --> 01:35:32,935
Throwin' a ball around like that
with a baby strapped to your chest?
1803
01:35:39,483 --> 01:35:41,193
You know what?
I didn't even think of that.
1804
01:35:41,193 --> 01:35:43,320
Thank you for that information.
I appreciate it.
1805
01:35:44,071 --> 01:35:45,781
Yeah, absolutely.
1806
01:35:48,993 --> 01:35:50,161
Have a nice day.
1807
01:35:51,996 --> 01:35:53,038
Fuckin' asshole.
1808
01:36:01,964 --> 01:36:03,591
♪ I think I'm sophisticated... ♪
1809
01:36:03,591 --> 01:36:05,760
Come on, buddy. Nice throw.
1810
01:36:09,513 --> 01:36:11,891
Holy shit. You all right, buddy?
1811
01:36:15,060 --> 01:36:16,187
Just walk it off.
1812
01:36:22,193 --> 01:36:23,861
♪ I think I'm sophisticated ♪
1813
01:36:23,861 --> 01:36:26,864
♪ 'Cause I'm living my life
Like a good homosapien... ♪
1814
01:36:26,864 --> 01:36:30,326
All right, let's try to get
ten in a row here. That was crazy, huh?
1815
01:36:30,326 --> 01:36:31,869
♪ Everybody's multiplying ♪
1816
01:36:31,869 --> 01:36:34,205
♪ And they're walking round
Like flies, man... ♪
1817
01:36:36,165 --> 01:36:38,501
Nice throw!
Nice throw! There you go.
1818
01:36:38,501 --> 01:36:40,878
♪ Sitting in their cages
In the zoo, man... ♪
1819
01:36:40,878 --> 01:36:42,546
Another nice throw. Right here.
1820
01:36:43,422 --> 01:36:45,174
Gets the ball over to first base!
1821
01:36:45,174 --> 01:36:47,134
♪ I am an apeman ♪
1822
01:36:47,718 --> 01:36:50,888
♪ I think I'm so educated
And I'm so civilized ♪
1823
01:36:50,888 --> 01:36:53,140
♪ 'Cause I'm a strict vegetarian ♪
1824
01:36:54,141 --> 01:36:57,353
♪ But with the over-population
And inflation and starvation ♪
1825
01:36:57,353 --> 01:36:59,772
♪ And the crazy politicians ♪
1826
01:37:00,815 --> 01:37:03,984
♪ I don't feel safe in this world
No more ♪
1827
01:37:03,984 --> 01:37:07,071
♪ I don't want to die in a nuclear war ♪
1828
01:37:07,071 --> 01:37:10,282
♪ I want to sail away to a distant shore ♪
1829
01:37:10,282 --> 01:37:12,409
♪ And make like an apeman ♪
1830
01:37:13,661 --> 01:37:17,873
♪ I'm an apeman, I'm an ape apeman
No, I'm an apeman ♪
1831
01:37:19,625 --> 01:37:22,670
♪ I'm a King Kong man, I'm a voodoo man ♪
1832
01:37:22,670 --> 01:37:24,338
♪ No, I'm an apeman ♪
1833
01:37:26,048 --> 01:37:29,426
♪ 'Cause compared to the sun
That sits in the sky ♪
1834
01:37:29,426 --> 01:37:32,555
♪ Compared to the clouds as they roll by ♪
1835
01:37:32,555 --> 01:37:36,016
♪ Compared to the bugs
And the spiders and flies ♪
1836
01:37:36,016 --> 01:37:38,018
♪ I am an apeman ♪
1837
01:37:47,236 --> 01:37:48,988
Oh, Jesus.