Uh!
Thank God.
What the fuck!
Yeah, shit can get pretty crazy here.
I hoped at a lesbian bar
I wouldn't have to deal with fights,
but you'd be surprised how many brawls
- I've had to break up. - Huh!
I'm Sandy.
Mae.
Okay, let's get you up.
- Oh, careful. - No, I can do it.
- It's okay. I got you. - Oh, no. I got it.
Please, I'm good. I'm... I'm really okay.
Yeah, I'm just gonna,
I'm just gonna go back to my, uh...
I don't have any of my...
You should probably put some ice on that.
[light club music playing]
[Sandy] It's sort of a tragic tale.
They met here. Love at first sight, all that.
Fucked in the bathroom.
Wow.
Moved in together a week later.
- That's fast. - Everything was pretty cherry.
They had this, like, epic psychosexual connection.
Neither was a top or bottom,
just this fervent mutuality
based on respect and admiration.
But...
in the end, it just proved to be too much.
What did?
Having the same name.
Plus, Lisa M. was a narcoleptic.
Must have been thirsty.
So, why I haven't seen you around here before?
Uh... [chuckles] I wish I could answer that.
You're not from here?
You could say that.
Where are you from?
Uh, another dimension.
[chuckles] Same.
- Really? - Yeah.
Think my whole life I've felt like that.
No matter where I was, I never really belonged.
Right.
And my dad was a pastor, so me coming out
didn't go over super well.
You okay?
Oh.
Yeah, I, um, took a pill of drugs.
What kind of pill of drugs?
Um, MDMA.
Okay. Well, shit.
Yeah. I would offer you some, but I don't have...
- No, no. - ...any [indistinct].
[laughs]
I'm good. I'm seven years sober.
- Oh, shit. - Yeah.
I'm sorry.
No, that's good.
I don't usually, um, do... do like...
- Right. - Or I guess,
actually in this world, I do.
Wow, that sounded insane.
Um, what I'm trying to say is, um...
that I get it.
Like, I get wanting to be like actually present...
because I... I've never felt that I could be. [chuckles]
Like, I've always just felt like, um, you know,
like an outsider looking in.
[sighs] But now...
[chuckles]
it's like I'm in like those, um, weird shoes
they make you wear in spin class.
You know, like, I'm like, clicked in.
And it all just suddenly doesn't feel
quite so overwhelming or, like...
[sighs]
defeating, you know. I guess.
Just sort of dissipates
and you can get out of your own way
or, like, step behind the thing that's been chasing you
and just let it run.
[chuckles]
Just the relief
that it's not yours anymore to carry.
Sorry. [chuckles]
Ooh, sorry.
Here I am making a case for drugs. [laughs]
Hey, no... no judgment here.
So you are sober and you own a bar.
Yep. Define masochist.
Right now?
You just did.
Oh. I get it.
So, what was your life like in the other dimension?
Oh, um...
I was, um, married to a man.
- Twist. - [chuckles]
Yeah. We met in college.
He was, uh,
[inhales deeply] kind of all I ever knew.
I mean, certainly the only real family I ever had.
I think eventually I became so, um...
like borderless.
I took for granted how maybe, um...
sacred it actually was.
It's an interesting word, sacred.
My dad used it a lot, especially when he talked about love.
I don't know. I think sex is a sacred act.
Love is just this...
elusive idea...
we're all just grasping at something
none of us know how to define.
We spend most of our lives... worried about
what they're supposed to look like that we...
miss living altogether.
[upbeat music playing]
[moans]
I've never done this before.
What?
I've never done this before.
Me neither.
[Mae moans]
Fuck.
[moaning]
Oh!
- [snoring] - [music stops]
[mumbling]
No!
Oh.
[pants]
Oh, where's my shirt?
Where's my shirt? Where's my shirt?
Gonna be fucked.
Oh, fuck you. Where's my fucking shirt?
Oh, my God!
[sighs] Oh, God.
[sighs]
Um...
Shit, what was her name?
Uh...
"Sandy."
Oh.
Hey. Come on, we gotta hustle.
You grab the cake out of the fridge.
Come on, rascal, let's go. Let's get your shoes on.
Honestly. You're not gonna say Happy B-I-R-T-H-D-A-Y?
Happy, uh, birthday.
Thanks, Mommy.
Okay, let's go, let's go, let's go.
Um, do we have... Oh, here it is.
And the princes didn't even want that princess.
- They went back to the castle. - [Sandy] Mm-hmm.
Right, Mommy Mae?
Huh? Uh, yeah. [clears throat]
[muted chatter]
[phone ringing]
- Gina. - Mae Day. [chuckles] Listen.
I'm sorry, babe, I'm not gonna make it to this party.
- Gina, please. - I know.
I love you. I love Sandy even.
Okay. She's just a little young for me
to really know how cool she is.
- Gina, listen to me. - Please don't be mad.
I got three new dogs added to my route
and two of them have epic diarrhea.
Also, I had the worst date last night.
Listen to this.
So, we're in bed and suddenly I see the dude I'm fucking
standing in the doorway,
but I'm certain he's also on top of me.
So, I'm like, did I take a hallucinogen
I'm not aware of?
Because, you know, remember that time
I drank that boba tea and it had mushrooms in it?
So anyway, I'm straight up tweaking.
I'm full-on freaking out, screaming,
one of my twists on the floor.
Turns out, dude has a twin.
[softly] Okay, okay, Gina. I need you to come here.
Did you hear a word I just said?
Yes, but I need to talk to you about something
that's more important. Okay, so please can you,
can you please just come here now?
Babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, babe.
I am literally the most sorry...
[dogs whining]
...but I truly gotta run.
- These bowels are tragic. - Gina?
Love you. Mean it.
God! Duh!
You hungry? I can make you a plate.
I, um, I'm okay.
[woman] Hey, what's good?
Yes.
Hi, beauty.
Mae, it was so fun.
Thank you for having us.
Well, this is cute as hell.
Thanks. The theme is Frozen.
- Oh. - Oh, not the movie.
The number of embryos this crowd has on ice.
[Sarah laughs]
Always coming hot with the lols.
Hi, it's my birthday.
That's right, sweetie.
It means we have...
[gasps] Thank you.
[woman] You're welcome.
Oh, Eva, wait till after the cake.
- This party is fire. - It's all Mae.
I don't expect anything less.
Tell them about the cake.
She baked it herself.
- It has seven layers. - Layers.
Each one is a different color.
And she watched a YouTube video
to know how to make the weird designs
with the frosting.
Oh, and then she made the candles.
So, took her like a full week.
- You're mom of the year. - Mom of the century.
It's like you were born to be a mom.
- How do you do it? - You just love it?
Um, yeah.
Yeah, I do. I just, uh, love it.
What do you love most about it?
'Cause Sarah, she's on the fence.
- No, I'm not. - Okay, no. You know what I mean.
Um, I just, just, um...
you... stepping outside myself
and, um, putting my attention somewhere else...
and just, uh...
loving someone so unconditionally, I guess.
[pleasant music playing]
- [Sarah] Oh. Uh-oh! - [Sandy gasps]
- Yes. - [Sarah] Time out.
[cheerful music playing]
♪ Ah, he likes Bread and butter ♪
♪ Ah, he likes toast and jam ♪
♪ Ah, that's what His baby feeds him ♪
♪ Ah, he's her loving man ♪
♪ Well, I like Bread and butter ♪
♪ I like toast and jam ♪
♪ That's what baby feeds me ♪
♪ I'm her loving man ♪
I hate this!
I don't wanna do it. I don't wanna do it.
I don't wanna.
He just gets upset when we're not paying attention.
Grow up!
[cries]
[Sandy] Oh, my God. Eva!
Seriously, Mae? I could use some help over here.
I am so sorry.
Eva, you owe Sammy an apology.
[Sammy cries]
Uh, E-Eva.
I mean, this is classic Sammy, like he makes it about him.
It's my party. I'm having a good time.
Mae?
[Sammy cries]
Hey, why... why don't we do the cake?
- We're gonna go. - No. No, no.
I want cake!
Now look what you've done.
I hate you, Mom!
Cake!
Well, looks like we don't have a choice, so...
Get the cake.
Okay.
Uh, where are the candles?
I can do it.
You're ruining the cake.
No, you're ruining the cake.
I hate my moms, too!
I hate my moms!
[children] I hate my moms!
I hate my moms!
[both singing] Happy birthday to you.
I hate my moms! I hate my moms!
[singing] Happy birthday to you.
I hate my moms!
Happy birthday, dear Eva.
I hate my moms!
- [blows] - [child] I hate my moms!
Hey. Who-who-who wants cake?
"And pop! Out of the egg
came a tiny and very hungry caterpillar.
He started to look for some food.
On Monday, he ate through one apple.
- But he was still hungry." - No.
Eva, it's bedtime.
And we're letting you sleep in Mommy and Mommy's bed
because it's a special occasion,
and because Mommy Mae doesn't have any boundaries
and we've created a terrible habit
that at this point seems inescapable.
So, let's read together, okay?
I want Mommy to read to me.
I'm your mommy, too.
[Eva] Mommy Mae.
Yeah, it-it's okay.
You can let Sandy or, uh, you know, Mo-Mommy Sandy
or whatever do it.
- No. - [Sandy sighs]
Okay, wh-what if, um, what if we both read to you?
No, only you.
That's fine.
Good night.
Hey, uh...
Okay.
"On Tuesday, he ate through two pears,
but he was still hungry.
On Wednesday, he ate through three plums,
but he was still hungry.
On Thursday,
he ate through four strawberries...
but he was still hungry."
[exhales deeply]
What do you want to watch?
Uh, I don't care. You can pick.
You say that every time and then anything I pick
you don't want to watch.
Uh, just, okay. Go to romantic comedies.
[Sandy sighs]
Hey, um...
I'm struggling.
Struggling with what, babe?
Uh, never mind.
- [Sandy] Eva! - [Eva] No!
[Sandy] Eva, what is going on in your head? Come on.
[Eva] I don't want to go with you!
[Sandy] Well, you have to.
[Eva] No, no, no. I don't want to go with you!
[Sandy] You have to.
[Eva] But I don't want to go with you.
[Sandy] Well, you have to.
- No, no, no, no! - Yes, you have to.
- No! - But you have to.
No!
- Okay. - No, no!
Yes!
Tell her.
Tell her what?
That tantrums are for little boys like Sammy,
not five-year-old women, right?
Right. Yeah, that-that... that is true.
[Sandy] Okay, let's go. Let's get out the door.
I don't want to go with you. I want to go with Mommy Mae.
What the fuck is this?
I tru... truly, I do not know.
It's like she just never wants me anymore.
I'm sure it's just a phase.
Did you tell her?
Tell her...
That you C-A-R-R-I-E-D?
Honestly, the spelling thing doesn't really work
when it's, like, a longer word.
[Sandy] Oh, my God, "carried."
- That you carried. - [Mae] Oh!
I--
Just because I didn't breastfeed
doesn't make me less of a mother, you know.
- Yeah, I know that. - You take her.
Take her wh-where?
To school. What do you mean where?
Right. Yeah. Um, it's just I'm not totally, uh...
- I'll do it. - What's wrong with you?
I-I'm gonna take her to...
- School. - S-C-H-O-O-L.
Eva, Mommy Mae is going to take you to school.
Um, do you remember which way we walk?
[Eva] Yeah.
Oh, thank God.
Down this road to where the unicorns live.
Oh, Jesus. Okay.
Mommy, what are you doing?
- Mommy? - Eva, not now.
Just give me a...
[muttering]
[grunts]
Mommy? Mommy, are you okay?
No!
Sorry.
Hey, I'm sorry.
It's okay.
No fucking way.
[somber music playing]
[school bell ringing]
♪ Now let it go ♪
Hi.
Um, is Elijah here?
No.
He'll be back in like an hour or so.
Um, and you are?
I'm his wife.
Come in.
We've been expecting you.
♪ Misery mother Give me a sign ♪
♪ Where'd she go? ♪
♪ But she can't ♪
♪ Escape the sands of time ♪