1 00:00:07,215 --> 00:00:08,508 (SIREN WAILING) 2 00:00:08,591 --> 00:00:10,802 COSTELLO JONES: Thing is, bubs, if you live an interesting life, 3 00:00:10,885 --> 00:00:12,971 people always gonna be chasin' after you. 4 00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:14,806 IRIS JONES: Just don't lose your shit, Mommy. 5 00:00:14,889 --> 00:00:16,057 COSTELLO: Oy! Language. 6 00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:18,184 Do I look like someone who's about to lose their shit? 7 00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:19,728 -IRIS: Yeah, you do. -(KNOCKING ON DOOR) 8 00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,398 (KNOCK ON DOOR) 9 00:00:23,481 --> 00:00:25,233 BAILIFF: Can you open up, please? 10 00:00:25,316 --> 00:00:27,444 IRIS: Do they think we're gangsters or something? 11 00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:30,029 BAILIFF: Costello Jones, we know that you're in there. 12 00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:32,490 (BANGING ON DOOR) 13 00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:34,659 BAILIFF: Costello Jones, you owe the landlord 14 00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:39,914 2,997 pounds and 98 pence! 15 00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:43,251 Come on, Costello. Don't make me get the drill out. 16 00:00:43,334 --> 00:00:45,128 (BANGING ON DOOR) 17 00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:46,421 COSTELLO: Fucking early, aren't we? 18 00:00:46,504 --> 00:00:48,298 Should be illegal to ruin someone's life 19 00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:50,383 before nine a.m. Pricks! 20 00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,093 IRIS: Ugh, Mom, you lost your shit. 21 00:00:52,177 --> 00:00:54,262 BAILIFF: All right, she's had her chance, mate, let's go. 22 00:00:54,345 --> 00:00:56,014 -Call Selby. -(HAND DRILL WHIRRING) 23 00:00:56,097 --> 00:00:57,599 COSTELLO: He's looking after his sick mom. 24 00:00:57,682 --> 00:01:00,059 -IRIS: Aunty G? -Oh, she's supposed to be here. Laptop, laptop. 25 00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:02,645 I'll look after your writing. They can't catch me. 26 00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:04,147 Thank you, bubs. 27 00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:07,275 (HAND DRILL WHIRRING) 28 00:01:07,358 --> 00:01:09,068 COSTELLO: Right, pass me Barrymore. 29 00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:12,781 (GROANS) 30 00:01:13,948 --> 00:01:15,200 What are you listening to? 31 00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:17,952 -Good choice. -(CHUCKLES) 32 00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:19,871 ♪ ("SOUL NO. 5" BY CAROLINE ROSE PLAYING) ♪ 33 00:01:19,954 --> 00:01:21,414 (COSTELLO EXHALES) 34 00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:24,709 ♪ I do a hair flip I strut my stuff... ♪ 35 00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:28,171 Relax chaps, you'll be wanking yourself silly to this later. 36 00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:29,422 ♪ I don't have a job ♪ 37 00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:30,548 COSTELLO: Thank you. 38 00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:32,258 ♪ But I got a lot of time Baby, show me... ♪ 39 00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:34,928 COSTELLO: Poverty porn at its finest! 40 00:01:38,097 --> 00:01:40,934 ♪ Bang, bang and away she goes ♪ 41 00:01:44,103 --> 00:01:46,606 ♪ Souped up And I'm ready to go ♪ 42 00:01:46,689 --> 00:01:48,149 ♪ I got soul ♪ 43 00:01:49,734 --> 00:01:51,402 ♪ I got soul ♪ 44 00:01:52,987 --> 00:01:55,698 ♪ I got soul ♪ 45 00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:00,954 ♪ (SONG ENDS ABRUPTLY) ♪ 46 00:02:02,497 --> 00:02:04,499 (WATER TRICKLING) 47 00:02:04,582 --> 00:02:06,751 FLORIAN SELBY: Here you are, Mason. Books. 48 00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:08,461 Get yourself an education. 49 00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:10,296 Giving it the biggun now, are you? 50 00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:13,424 Truth is, Selby, we both know you cried every night. 51 00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:16,344 Well, they locked me in a cage and they called me savage, 52 00:02:16,427 --> 00:02:18,137 doesn't mean that I have to be one 53 00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:19,389 all the fucking time. 54 00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:21,432 MASON: Ah, don't forget, if it weren't for me, 55 00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:23,184 -you'd have no asshole left. -Hmm... 56 00:02:31,025 --> 00:02:33,570 Put the money in my old lady's account every Friday. 57 00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:35,822 When I'm out, we'll settle the balance. 58 00:02:36,698 --> 00:02:38,658 Don't make me come looking for you. 59 00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:41,452 -Goodbye, Mason. -♪ (SONG RESUMES) ♪ 60 00:02:41,536 --> 00:02:44,247 ♪ Souped up And I'm ready to go ♪ 61 00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:46,708 ♪ I got soul ♪ 62 00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:49,335 -♪ I got soul... ♪ -(INMATE 1 WHISTLES) 63 00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:50,879 (INMATES JEERING) 64 00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:52,422 SELBY: I'd say it's been a pleasure. 65 00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:54,299 But it's been a living hell. 66 00:02:54,382 --> 00:02:55,633 INMATE 2: You're the best bum boy 67 00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:58,386 -in the world, Selby! -INMATE 3: Bye then, darling! 68 00:02:58,469 --> 00:03:00,346 Enjoy your incarceration, boys. 69 00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:02,640 -INMATE 3: See you later, bub. -I'm onto better things. 70 00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,350 INMATE 4: Yeah, fuck off back to Eton. 71 00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:07,604 ♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪ 72 00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:10,732 Service wash, please, mate. I'll collect tomorrow. 73 00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:18,406 Oy! I told you last time. 74 00:03:18,489 --> 00:03:21,034 This isn't the Big Yellow Self-Storage Company. 75 00:03:21,117 --> 00:03:24,120 Come on, Shady, look after my stuff. 76 00:03:24,203 --> 00:03:26,205 -(SIGHS) Please, please. -Please. 77 00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:27,415 Tomorrow morning, 78 00:03:27,498 --> 00:03:29,959 -or they go in the bin. -Thank you. Thank you. 79 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,711 Come on, we're going to be late for school. 80 00:03:31,794 --> 00:03:33,546 -♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -IRIS: Thanks. 81 00:03:34,964 --> 00:03:37,592 -I thought we had no money. -Just follow me. 82 00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:42,347 Ah, Cheyne Walk please, driver. 83 00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:45,183 (CELLPHONE CHIMES) 84 00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:55,318 -SELBY: Allegra! -(DOOR CLOSES) 85 00:03:57,779 --> 00:03:58,905 I'm back! 86 00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:11,459 See that house? 87 00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:14,170 Bet that one has a swimming pool. 88 00:04:14,253 --> 00:04:16,464 Oh, and three French bulldogs. 89 00:04:16,547 --> 00:04:19,092 Mm. With a personal puppy trainer. 90 00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:20,760 (CHUCKLES) Yeah. 91 00:04:20,843 --> 00:04:26,933 And a grand piano, you know, like a-- a big, white, glorious, 92 00:04:27,016 --> 00:04:29,143 -gay one. -(CHUCKLES) 93 00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:30,979 You know, like Elton John would play. 94 00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:34,816 -Oh, definitely. -Can I have piano lessons soon? 95 00:04:34,899 --> 00:04:38,152 I promise you, once we're sorted, 96 00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:39,904 I'll get you some piano lessons. 97 00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:48,204 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 98 00:04:57,588 --> 00:04:59,549 Are you feeling sick? 99 00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:03,052 I reckon you're gonna vomit. 100 00:05:06,305 --> 00:05:08,224 Oh, darling, are you all right? 101 00:05:08,766 --> 00:05:10,643 (GROANS) 102 00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:13,104 Um, excuse me, driver, I'm so sorry, 103 00:05:13,187 --> 00:05:15,398 do you think we can pull over? I think she's going to be sick. 104 00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:17,734 CABBIE: Oh, sure, yeah, I'll-- I'll pull over here. 105 00:05:19,777 --> 00:05:21,821 -COSTELLO: Ugh, I'm so sorry. -(DOOR OPENS) 106 00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:23,781 Are you going to be sick? 107 00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:25,366 -All right, get ready to run. -I got it. I got it. 108 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:26,743 COSTELLO: It's a twatty thing to do. 109 00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:28,995 -Run! I'm not usually a prick. -Hey! Oy! 110 00:05:29,078 --> 00:05:30,538 What the fuck are you doing? Get back here! 111 00:05:30,621 --> 00:05:33,708 -I promise. Well, sometimes I am. -CABBIE: You cheating cow! 112 00:05:33,791 --> 00:05:37,795 -(GIGGLES) -(LAUGHS) Oh, God. 113 00:05:41,674 --> 00:05:44,052 (COSTELLO PANTS) 114 00:05:44,135 --> 00:05:47,430 -Right, love you. -IRIS: Love you. 115 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:52,226 -Don't die, I need you. -You think I'd really die 116 00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:53,770 and leave you all alone in the world? 117 00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:56,189 -Never. Never, never. -(CHUCKLES) 118 00:05:57,732 --> 00:05:59,358 IRIS: All right. 119 00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:01,986 -We'll be all right. -How do you know? 120 00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:03,529 COSTELLO: Well, as you know, 121 00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:05,907 I'm very connected to the spirits, 122 00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:08,242 and an old ghost is saying 123 00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:11,662 that at five p.m., we'll have a safe place to stay. 124 00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:13,414 -All right. -All right. 125 00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:16,125 -(SCHOOL BELL RINGING) -We will, though. Love you. 126 00:06:19,295 --> 00:06:23,341 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 127 00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:26,469 (CELL PHONE CHIMING) 128 00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:34,435 ♪ (GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 129 00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:38,815 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 130 00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:40,525 COSTELLO: Gloria! 131 00:06:44,445 --> 00:06:48,449 (LINE TRILLING) 132 00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:49,909 GLORIA: (OVER VOICE MAIL) This is Gloria. 133 00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:52,662 I don't listen to voicemails. Text me, twat. 134 00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:55,414 (CELL PHONE BUZZES) 135 00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:02,171 (EXHALES DEEPLY) Silly fucking bitch. 136 00:07:04,048 --> 00:07:05,258 LENNY: Young lady. 137 00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:09,303 Young lady! What is your name? 138 00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:11,180 -Do you even know? -Gloria. 139 00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:13,850 -My name's Gloria. -Gloria? 140 00:07:16,018 --> 00:07:20,189 I know you, Lenny, you old wanker. 141 00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:22,191 You're Costello's friend. 142 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,777 Uh-huh. (GASPS) Fuck. 143 00:07:28,072 --> 00:07:30,783 Oh, my phone! Where am I? 144 00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:33,619 LENNY: You're in the West End of London. 145 00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:38,124 -Theatreland, W1. -I'm in so much trouble. 146 00:07:38,207 --> 00:07:39,500 (GROANS) 147 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,922 -Can I borrow your coat? -Yeah. 148 00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:48,217 (EXHALES SHARPLY) 149 00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:51,554 Come on, let's get you another drink, 150 00:07:52,388 --> 00:07:54,056 before the blues set in. 151 00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,474 (SIGHS DEEPLY) 152 00:07:56,559 --> 00:08:03,232 ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 153 00:08:05,776 --> 00:08:09,030 -(INDISTINCT CHATTER) -(HUMS) 154 00:08:10,489 --> 00:08:13,910 (CLEARS THROAT, SHUSHES) 155 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:17,747 I missed you, did you miss me? 156 00:08:18,956 --> 00:08:20,541 Yeah. 157 00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:22,585 So, is your mom better now? 158 00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:26,589 Much. Much better. 159 00:08:26,672 --> 00:08:29,217 Oh! I think you, uh, dropped something. 160 00:08:30,968 --> 00:08:32,303 You haven't seen me. 161 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,223 -Thanks. -Okay. 162 00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:37,850 I better go. Before I'm mistaken for a nonce. 163 00:08:45,149 --> 00:08:47,026 Ooh, posh crisps. 164 00:08:47,109 --> 00:08:48,903 Who do you think you are, the fucking Queen? 165 00:08:48,986 --> 00:08:51,781 And ten pounds cashback, please. 166 00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:53,783 NIKKI: All right. 167 00:08:53,866 --> 00:08:56,577 Heard you got kicked out this morning. 168 00:08:56,661 --> 00:08:59,121 Why not try paying your rent like the rest of us. 169 00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,457 Got no shame, you. 170 00:09:01,540 --> 00:09:03,167 Oh, do shut up, Nikki. 171 00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:05,795 -Yeah, card declined. -(EXHALES DEEPLY) 172 00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:08,089 Why don't you just get yourself a council place? 173 00:09:08,172 --> 00:09:09,966 Oh, yeah, 'cause they're giving them away, aren't they? 174 00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:12,301 -Well, they are. If you're foreign. -BRETT: True. 175 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:15,263 NIKKI: (CHUCKLES) He knows what I'm talking about. 176 00:09:15,346 --> 00:09:17,515 Her and her kid got evicted this morning. 177 00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:19,475 Can you try the card again, please? 178 00:09:19,558 --> 00:09:21,560 -NIKKI: All right. -BRETT: I feel for you, girl. 179 00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,938 I was raised by a single mom myself. 180 00:09:24,021 --> 00:09:25,523 It's tough out there. 181 00:09:25,606 --> 00:09:27,191 (CARD MACHINE BEEPING) 182 00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:34,282 (CARD MACHINE BEEPS) 183 00:09:34,365 --> 00:09:35,658 Declined. 184 00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:40,246 Two quid, darling. 185 00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:44,041 Oh, darling, can you check the milks over there? 186 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,461 All right, girl. Um, I can help. 187 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:49,839 I've got a studio flat on the Millbank Estate. 188 00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:51,424 I mean, it ain't a palace or nothing. 189 00:09:51,507 --> 00:09:52,717 When's it available? 190 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,011 Now. You know, like, straightaway. 191 00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:58,222 Uh, 11 Carbridge Gardens, there's no deposit. 192 00:09:58,306 --> 00:09:59,557 What's the rent? 193 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,893 Come and see it. Then we can talk terms and conditions. 194 00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:04,353 Terms and conditions... 195 00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,981 Oh, rent, whatever. I keep it caszh. 196 00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,320 My treat. Enjoy. 197 00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:22,496 ♪ (GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 198 00:10:27,668 --> 00:10:29,086 -COSTELLO: Hiya. -Hi. 199 00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:32,882 KONSTANTIN: You take your pussy out and dance 200 00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:34,550 Tuesday and Thursday, and that's it. 201 00:10:34,633 --> 00:10:35,843 I don't want to see up your ass. 202 00:10:35,926 --> 00:10:37,720 Please, Konstantin, I really need the money. 203 00:10:37,803 --> 00:10:39,722 Last week, you were a no-show. 204 00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:42,099 You left me a girl down, remember? 205 00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:43,893 Lolly, can I take your shift today? 206 00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:46,729 No, sorry. Can't you work on psychic webcam? 207 00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:49,482 -(LAUGHS) -Please, Konstantin. You know how hard I work. 208 00:10:49,565 --> 00:10:52,401 Listen, don't shit in my mouth and tell me it's a Big Mac. 209 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,527 (SIGHS) 210 00:10:55,613 --> 00:11:00,701 ♪ (GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 211 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:14,298 Well, well, the bitch is back. 212 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:16,092 Where are you? 213 00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:19,678 (CLIENT PANTS, MOANS) 214 00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:22,932 (SELBY GRUNTS, PANTS) 215 00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:28,437 -(CLIENT MOANS) -(SELBY GAGS) 216 00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:33,859 (TOILET FLUSHES) 217 00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:42,660 Sucking off old men, are we? 218 00:11:43,744 --> 00:11:46,247 Times must be tough. 219 00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:51,043 God, he's the spit of our old English professor. 220 00:11:54,463 --> 00:11:57,591 He said he was a six-foot-two barista from Fitzrovia. 221 00:11:57,675 --> 00:12:00,803 (CHUCKLES) God, I've missed you. 222 00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:02,471 Well, life's shit without me, isn't it? 223 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:05,808 I mean, things still happen, they're just not as exciting. 224 00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:07,601 (SIREN WAILING) 225 00:12:10,604 --> 00:12:11,856 (EXHALES DEEPLY) 226 00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:16,444 How was it inside? 227 00:12:16,527 --> 00:12:18,863 Hmm. Don't pretend to care. 228 00:12:19,655 --> 00:12:20,656 Cheers. 229 00:12:20,739 --> 00:12:22,158 SELBY: But, since you asked, exhausting. 230 00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:23,659 Oh, who'd have thought, three meals a day 231 00:12:23,742 --> 00:12:26,120 and all the cock you can eat could become tiresome. 232 00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:29,957 -How's the writing going? -Great. Well, all right. 233 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:31,459 Good. Just a shame you couldn't write me 234 00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:33,919 a fucking letter, isn't it? I was only there a year. 235 00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:37,798 Well, consider it punishment for fucking up my life. 236 00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:40,759 And anyway, you went fully fucking mental. 237 00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:42,928 You almost beat that bloke to death. 238 00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:49,351 Does that mean we're not best friends anymore? 239 00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:55,316 Mm. 240 00:12:59,695 --> 00:13:00,946 Suppose you need money. 241 00:13:02,406 --> 00:13:05,701 -Can you lend me some? -You mean give? 242 00:13:09,788 --> 00:13:12,541 Well, Allegra stopped my allowance when I was inside, 243 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:15,669 so until that's reinstated, I don't have much... 244 00:13:15,753 --> 00:13:17,129 Oh, Allegra. 245 00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:19,131 So, we're living back with Mommy, are we? 246 00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:20,633 What are you, like, five? 247 00:13:20,716 --> 00:13:23,719 Well, at least my mommy loves me. There you are. 248 00:13:23,802 --> 00:13:26,931 Come on, she tolerates you. Thank you. 249 00:13:27,014 --> 00:13:29,308 SELBY: Oh, too slow! Go on then, take it. 250 00:13:29,391 --> 00:13:30,684 -Thank you. -SELBY: Oh, sorry! 251 00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:32,311 No, no, no. Go on, take it. I'm serious, I'm serious. 252 00:13:32,394 --> 00:13:34,396 (LAUGHING) Oh, sorry! Just take it. 253 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,691 -Just fucking take it. -Come on, stop being an asshole! 254 00:13:37,775 --> 00:13:41,237 (LAUGHS) Oh, God, and they say I'm the violent one. 255 00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:43,781 By the way, how are your family? 256 00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:45,783 -Still dead. -Mm. 257 00:13:45,866 --> 00:13:49,370 They're just still very much walking around, aren't they? 258 00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:52,206 You know it's customary to bury the dead, don't you? 259 00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:56,752 Stay away from me and Iris. 260 00:13:56,835 --> 00:14:00,381 SELBY: Oh, but then everything would be so dull, darling. 261 00:14:01,298 --> 00:14:06,178 ♪ (GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 262 00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:07,263 Selby? 263 00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:08,806 (DOOR CREAKS) 264 00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:23,028 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 265 00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:27,116 Then the bathroom's in here. 266 00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:29,994 Uh, shower and toilet, sink and that. 267 00:14:30,077 --> 00:14:31,745 I haven't got a bath, unfortunately. 268 00:14:33,497 --> 00:14:34,623 Yeah. 269 00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,126 So, we could move in today? 270 00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:39,295 Yeah, of course. Of course, yeah. 271 00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:41,839 Yeah, but I-- I sleep here. 272 00:14:41,922 --> 00:14:44,174 Uh, this is where you and the little one will live. 273 00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:51,140 (BULB BUZZING) 274 00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:52,808 It's a cupboard. 275 00:14:52,891 --> 00:14:54,518 Yeah, you can put some fairy lights up 276 00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:56,395 and that makes it proper little cozy. 277 00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:58,731 Last mommy I helped out stayed two years. 278 00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:02,776 -What's the catch? -Oh, no. 279 00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:05,112 Listen, girl, I ain't gonna make you sign no contract. 280 00:15:05,195 --> 00:15:07,698 Rent free. Room's yours if you need it, 281 00:15:07,781 --> 00:15:09,742 just do a bit of cleaning for me. 282 00:15:13,829 --> 00:15:14,830 Okay. 283 00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:17,625 I'll let you know. 284 00:15:20,544 --> 00:15:22,004 -Thanks. -All right. 285 00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:23,839 -Bye. -Okay. All right. 286 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:33,641 ♪ (MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 287 00:15:41,940 --> 00:15:43,776 ANSWERPHONE: Welcome to the London and Southeast 288 00:15:43,859 --> 00:15:45,069 Homelessness Helpline, 289 00:15:45,152 --> 00:15:47,363 all our call operators are busy right now. 290 00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:49,740 If you are homeless or about to be made homeless, 291 00:15:49,823 --> 00:15:52,242 please register on our website at-- 292 00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:55,454 -(KNOCKING ON DOOR) -COSTELLO: Gloria? 293 00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:58,749 (SIGHS) Where the hell is she? 294 00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:04,630 IRIS: I thought the spirits were gonna find us a place by five. 295 00:16:04,713 --> 00:16:07,007 COSTELLO: Yeah, well, that's the problem with spirits, 296 00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:09,134 they're as unreliable as the rest of us. 297 00:16:09,885 --> 00:16:16,517 ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 298 00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:28,946 ♪ (MUSIC FADES INTO BACKGROUND) ♪ 299 00:16:29,029 --> 00:16:31,532 Now, I told you before, never get between a man 300 00:16:31,615 --> 00:16:33,617 and his mahjong. 301 00:16:37,454 --> 00:16:42,126 ♪ (GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 302 00:16:52,344 --> 00:16:53,512 You can't stay here. 303 00:16:56,515 --> 00:16:58,517 I'm waiting for my washing. 304 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:01,603 Unmanned between nine and six. Ain't safe. 305 00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:06,358 You can get a B&B for, like, 40 quid, you know. 306 00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:09,862 Yeah, why didn't I think of that? Come on, bubba. 307 00:17:24,835 --> 00:17:28,255 You can't, it's Aunty G's. Mommy! (GROANS) 308 00:17:28,338 --> 00:17:30,841 Okay. Aunty G won't mind. 309 00:17:30,924 --> 00:17:32,301 Out the way. 310 00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:35,679 Okay. 311 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,358 (COSTELLO GROANS) 312 00:17:48,984 --> 00:17:50,360 -You in? -IRIS: Yeah. 313 00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:51,361 COSTELLO: Come on. (GRUNTS) 314 00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:53,071 This will be all right for a bit. 315 00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:55,324 -IRIS: Hmm. -COSTELLO: Aunty G will be back soon. 316 00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:57,493 (SIGHS) 317 00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:01,205 You got any homework? 318 00:18:01,288 --> 00:18:03,707 -IRIS: Yeah. -COSTELLO: Let's crack on then. 319 00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:07,753 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 320 00:18:08,337 --> 00:18:09,463 Mahjong! 321 00:18:09,546 --> 00:18:11,006 (PLAYERS GROANING) 322 00:18:11,089 --> 00:18:14,718 (IN MANDARIN) 323 00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:20,182 (IN ENGLISH) Up the stakes? 324 00:18:22,601 --> 00:18:24,520 It hasn't been the same here without you. 325 00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:26,980 Too fucking right. 326 00:18:31,568 --> 00:18:34,947 I'm tired and a bit scared. Can you call Selby? 327 00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:39,117 I told you Selby is with his sick mommy. 328 00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:42,454 No. She's better now. He came to school. 329 00:18:47,751 --> 00:18:49,711 He asked me not to tell you. 330 00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:56,426 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 331 00:19:00,138 --> 00:19:03,684 COSTELLO: One number two, two fours, four fives, 332 00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:06,979 -a seven. How much is a nine? -Fiver. 333 00:19:07,604 --> 00:19:08,772 Another number seven. 334 00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:10,190 I thought you had no money. 335 00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:12,109 I mean, no wonder if you're spunking it all 336 00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:13,569 on scratch cards. 337 00:19:13,652 --> 00:19:15,445 All right, I need 40 quid for a B&B. 338 00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:17,239 What else am I supposed to fucking do? 339 00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:19,950 (COINS CLATTERING) 340 00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:31,169 COSTELLO: Thank you, Nikki, that's really kind, thank you. 341 00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:34,548 No, no, don't fuss. Have 'em. They're disgusting. 342 00:19:37,551 --> 00:19:39,761 We won. A tenner! 343 00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:41,013 -Ooh! -Ah. 344 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:44,308 -Ah, ten quid! -Right. 345 00:19:44,391 --> 00:19:47,394 That means we've got 20 quid, we go again. 346 00:19:47,477 --> 00:19:48,604 Four nines. 347 00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:51,315 One of these babies is gonna land us in the Ritz. 348 00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:55,861 Sweet dreams, bubba. 349 00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:59,781 (TUBE LIGHT BUZZING) 350 00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:06,204 (DOOR CLOSES) 351 00:20:08,957 --> 00:20:14,171 -Sorry for, um, calling so late. -Of course, happy to help. 352 00:20:15,547 --> 00:20:19,092 Just for the one night, though. Thank you, Brett. 353 00:20:19,176 --> 00:20:20,218 BRETT: Yeah. 354 00:20:27,434 --> 00:20:29,353 Sure you don't want anything stronger? 355 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:32,022 Oh, no. 356 00:20:43,825 --> 00:20:44,993 Here, put this on. 357 00:20:47,704 --> 00:20:49,414 Terms and conditions apply. 358 00:21:02,928 --> 00:21:04,346 Just this, nothing else? 359 00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:05,931 Yeah 'course, I'm not a pervert. 360 00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:09,434 You do a good fucking impression of one. 361 00:21:13,438 --> 00:21:14,439 (DOOR SLAMS) 362 00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:20,112 (PANTS) 363 00:21:21,321 --> 00:21:22,322 (SIGHS) 364 00:21:27,828 --> 00:21:29,579 BRETT: Here, the last mommy here, 365 00:21:29,663 --> 00:21:30,872 she had an eating disorder, 366 00:21:30,956 --> 00:21:34,084 so the nighty might be a bit tight-y. 367 00:21:35,627 --> 00:21:36,878 Hurry up. 368 00:21:37,504 --> 00:21:40,549 (PANTS) 369 00:21:47,681 --> 00:21:49,975 BRETT: Here, come on. I need to see you. 370 00:21:52,853 --> 00:21:56,189 Oh, it's lovely. 371 00:21:56,273 --> 00:22:00,193 Just like one of those wrestlers from the 90s. I like that a lot. 372 00:22:01,194 --> 00:22:02,279 Oh. 373 00:22:04,823 --> 00:22:06,533 All right, don't worry. You're not fat or nothing. 374 00:22:06,616 --> 00:22:09,202 You just got a food bank body, that's all. 375 00:22:09,286 --> 00:22:10,579 What the fuck's that? 376 00:22:11,455 --> 00:22:12,497 BRETT: You know... 377 00:22:13,498 --> 00:22:15,500 lots of carbs. (CHUCKLES) 378 00:22:22,841 --> 00:22:25,177 I prefer kissing over penetration. 379 00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:37,689 W-- What's wrong with it? What's wrong with it? 380 00:22:38,607 --> 00:22:40,776 Right, nothing comes for free, babe. 381 00:22:40,859 --> 00:22:45,697 -(LINE TRILLING) -(COSTELLO PANTS) 382 00:22:45,781 --> 00:22:48,909 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 383 00:22:48,992 --> 00:22:50,535 COSTELLO: (OVER VOICE MAIL) Oh, uh, hi, Selby, 384 00:22:50,619 --> 00:22:53,789 I've somehow found myself trapped in a pervert's cupboard. 385 00:22:53,872 --> 00:22:57,042 Can you come get us? We're on the Millbank Estate, 386 00:22:57,125 --> 00:23:01,588 11 Carbridge Gardens. And hurry. Please. 387 00:23:03,548 --> 00:23:06,927 Now that-- That's Mahjong, motherfuckers. 388 00:23:07,010 --> 00:23:09,638 (CROWD CHEER, APPLAUD) 389 00:23:22,901 --> 00:23:23,944 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 390 00:23:24,027 --> 00:23:26,113 BRETT: You're gonna have to come out some time. 391 00:23:27,114 --> 00:23:32,869 -(DOORBELL RINGS) -(KNOCKING ON DOOR) 392 00:23:43,630 --> 00:23:44,673 (BRETT GROANS) 393 00:23:45,924 --> 00:23:46,883 Hello, darling. 394 00:23:46,967 --> 00:23:49,344 He prefers kissing over penetration. 395 00:23:49,427 --> 00:23:50,846 Ooh, does he? 396 00:23:51,847 --> 00:23:53,807 Me, too. 397 00:23:53,890 --> 00:23:56,768 -You entitled little bitch. -SELBY: Get Iris. 398 00:23:56,852 --> 00:23:59,813 -(COUGHS) -Hello. 399 00:23:59,896 --> 00:24:01,648 Hello, hello, hello. 400 00:24:01,731 --> 00:24:06,570 (BRETT GROANS, COUGHS) 401 00:24:09,739 --> 00:24:11,908 -(PANTS) -(BRETT GROANS, COUGHS) 402 00:24:14,202 --> 00:24:15,203 C'mon. 403 00:24:18,540 --> 00:24:19,708 The fuck were you thinking? 404 00:24:19,791 --> 00:24:21,835 COSTELLO: We had nowhere else to go! 405 00:24:21,918 --> 00:24:24,212 -(INHALES DEEPLY) -No. 406 00:24:24,296 --> 00:24:28,758 Or you'll end up back in prison with the butch boys. 407 00:24:30,218 --> 00:24:32,721 (EXHALES SHARPLY, PANTS) 408 00:24:33,305 --> 00:24:34,472 Ah. 409 00:24:36,057 --> 00:24:39,769 ♪ (GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 410 00:24:41,605 --> 00:24:42,939 Enough of this shit show. 411 00:24:44,608 --> 00:24:46,276 Hello, beauty. 412 00:24:46,943 --> 00:24:48,612 Okay, we're off. C'mon. 413 00:24:49,654 --> 00:24:50,947 I need to close your eyes 414 00:24:51,031 --> 00:24:53,408 until you feel the fresh air on your cheeks, okay? 415 00:24:53,825 --> 00:24:54,868 Yeah. 416 00:24:58,455 --> 00:25:00,582 (BRETT GROANS) 417 00:25:07,589 --> 00:25:09,299 "Fucking entitled"? 418 00:25:13,553 --> 00:25:15,597 (BANGING ON DOOR) 419 00:25:24,397 --> 00:25:25,732 How much do you owe the landlord? 420 00:25:26,524 --> 00:25:27,609 COSTELLO: Three grand. 421 00:25:27,692 --> 00:25:29,819 (BANGING CONTINUES) 422 00:25:33,365 --> 00:25:34,532 (PANTS) 423 00:25:35,659 --> 00:25:37,911 IRIS: Whoa! Mom, it's empty. 424 00:25:37,994 --> 00:25:39,246 Sort it tomorrow. 425 00:25:56,763 --> 00:25:59,015 Give me your phone, I'm putting a tracker on it. 426 00:26:04,562 --> 00:26:08,275 Iris, come say goodbye to Selby, he's leaving. 427 00:26:09,776 --> 00:26:10,944 Love you, Costello. 428 00:26:12,404 --> 00:26:15,323 And I love you too, Selby. Now fuck off and die. 429 00:26:15,407 --> 00:26:19,077 (CHUCKLES) I can't do that, can I? Okay, bye-bye. 430 00:26:23,373 --> 00:26:24,749 (IN COCKNEY ACCENT) We're family. 431 00:26:36,886 --> 00:26:38,888 ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ 432 00:26:38,972 --> 00:26:41,975 -You okay? -Yeah. 433 00:26:42,058 --> 00:26:44,686 I bet that house we saw this morning 434 00:26:44,769 --> 00:26:48,148 -has got a king-size bed. -And goose down duvets. 435 00:26:48,231 --> 00:26:52,193 -And like 200 Le Creuset pans. -(CHUCKLES) Yeah. 436 00:26:55,155 --> 00:26:56,406 (CELL PHONE BUZZING) 437 00:27:01,161 --> 00:27:02,954 (CHIMES) 438 00:27:03,371 --> 00:27:04,372 Oh, wow. 439 00:27:06,082 --> 00:27:07,459 A hundred days. 440 00:27:07,542 --> 00:27:10,712 -COSTELLO: Hundred days. -Does it feel like it? 441 00:27:10,795 --> 00:27:13,798 -Yes. (CHUCKLES) -(IRIS CHUCKLES) 442 00:27:13,882 --> 00:27:16,509 And I'll be your little reminder every time. 443 00:27:16,593 --> 00:27:18,470 -To not drink-- -To not drink wine. 444 00:27:18,553 --> 00:27:19,888 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 445 00:27:20,972 --> 00:27:22,724 I'm really proud of you, Mommy. 446 00:27:27,562 --> 00:27:29,522 (BANGING ON DOOR) 447 00:27:29,606 --> 00:27:31,441 POLICE OFFICER 1: Can you open the door, please? 448 00:27:32,484 --> 00:27:34,194 POLICE OFFICER 2: Costello! Costello Jones. 449 00:27:34,277 --> 00:27:35,570 (BANGING ON DOOR) 450 00:27:35,653 --> 00:27:37,530 POLICE OFFICER 2: Look, we know you're in there. 451 00:27:37,614 --> 00:27:40,992 (INDISTINCT POLICE RADIO CHATTER) 452 00:27:41,076 --> 00:27:42,702 COSTELLO: What the fuck are you looking at? 453 00:27:42,786 --> 00:27:45,705 ♪ ("STOLE MY PUSH BIKE" BY AMYL AND THE SNIFFERS PLAYING) ♪ 454 00:27:45,789 --> 00:27:48,333 ♪ Someone stole my push bike And I want it back ♪ 455 00:27:48,416 --> 00:27:51,252 ♪ I said! You stole my push bike I want it back ♪ 456 00:27:51,336 --> 00:27:52,379 ♪ I want it back ♪ 457 00:27:54,756 --> 00:27:57,425 ♪ Someone stole my push bike I think it's you ♪ 458 00:27:57,509 --> 00:28:00,804 ♪ So I come in the house Well, I'm coming for you ♪ 459 00:28:00,887 --> 00:28:03,431 ♪ Someone stole my push bike I think it's you ♪ 460 00:28:03,515 --> 00:28:04,682 ♪ I think it's you ♪ 461 00:28:05,350 --> 00:28:06,434 ♪ You! ♪ 462 00:28:13,316 --> 00:28:14,692 ♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪