1 00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:12,095 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 2 00:00:19,602 --> 00:00:21,438 -Sold my book. -Oh. 3 00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:23,732 Discovered on a Bloomsbury slush pile 4 00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:26,151 by some dickhead called Barnaby. 5 00:00:26,234 --> 00:00:29,738 -Barnabys are the worst. -Mm. He's my new editor. 6 00:00:29,821 --> 00:00:32,907 Got in touch after that pashmina video went viral. 7 00:00:32,991 --> 00:00:35,744 I believe Salinger was discovered the same way. 8 00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:40,123 COSTELLO JONES: All I did was shout at some posh bitch. 9 00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:42,667 -(CHUCKLES) -COSTELLO: Now everyone thinks 10 00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:45,462 I'm the Joan of Arc of the council estate. 11 00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:48,757 -You deserve this.. -Hmm. Still potless. 12 00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:52,135 Council are sending us to Somerset. 13 00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:54,846 -Tell 'em to fuck off. -COSTELLO: Yeah, I did. 14 00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:56,723 They can't force you out. 15 00:00:59,267 --> 00:01:00,310 If I don't take it, 16 00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:02,395 then we're intentionally homeless. 17 00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:06,024 Oh, Lenny, I am gonna miss you, 18 00:01:06,107 --> 00:01:07,859 my favorite pervert. 19 00:01:10,111 --> 00:01:13,114 But we'll be back next spring when the book's out. 20 00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:18,203 I bet you can't believe it's really happening. 21 00:01:21,706 --> 00:01:25,084 Ugh! Been burned by posh pricks before. 22 00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:29,005 I won't believe it's real until it's on sale in Foyles. 23 00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:34,093 And when it is out, 24 00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:36,387 I'm gonna ride the tube day and night 25 00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:38,264 until I find someone who's reading it. 26 00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:41,601 Because that's how you know you've really made it. 27 00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:46,147 And I'm gonna go up to them, 28 00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:49,359 pull the book down and say, "I wrote that, I did." 29 00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:51,820 They are going to think that you're mad. 30 00:01:51,903 --> 00:01:53,696 Be a great fucking day. 31 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:56,282 Back in the city because of my book. 32 00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:02,580 You know, Barnaby reckons it's gonna be big. 33 00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:04,499 -Bigger than Dickens? -COSTELLO: Yeah. 34 00:02:04,582 --> 00:02:06,918 Basically Oliver Twist, but with big tits. 35 00:02:13,716 --> 00:02:14,843 You're a real artist. 36 00:02:17,595 --> 00:02:21,599 All you can ask for in life is one moment of perfection. 37 00:02:23,351 --> 00:02:26,980 Because it-- it doesn't last. It's not meant to. 38 00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:29,566 Remember that. 39 00:02:31,943 --> 00:02:33,111 -Mom. -Hmm? 40 00:02:33,194 --> 00:02:35,155 -Lenny, go. Run, run, run. -♪ (JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 41 00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:36,739 Just like real life, you get what you want 42 00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:39,367 -then someone comes to ruin it. -SECURITY GUARD: Hey, excuse me? 43 00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:43,538 Who the hell do you think you are? Hey! Excuse me? 44 00:02:45,456 --> 00:02:47,250 ♪ (JAZZ MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 45 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:52,088 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 46 00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:54,549 So you got my letter then. 47 00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:06,811 (SIGHS) 48 00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,397 (IN MANDARIN) 49 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:10,899 (IN MANDARIN) 50 00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:13,484 (IN ENGLISH) Mm, Broadband's slow. 51 00:03:13,568 --> 00:03:14,944 Food's microwaved. 52 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:17,155 And the only other homosexual has had a cold sore 53 00:03:17,238 --> 00:03:19,782 for the last two weeks, so it's not ideal. 54 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:21,200 FEN: (IN ENGLISH) Here's your shit. 55 00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:23,369 You look good. 56 00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:25,580 (IN MANDARIN) 57 00:03:25,663 --> 00:03:28,041 (IN MANDARIN) 58 00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:31,169 (IN ENGLISH) Still got a way to go. 59 00:03:39,093 --> 00:03:41,304 FLORIAN SELBY: "Fiscus Publishing signs new novel 60 00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:43,973 from authentic, working class, 61 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,768 -single mom." -(FEN CHUCKLES) 62 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:48,728 She'll hate that. 63 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,526 Well, she no longer needs me then. 64 00:03:57,195 --> 00:03:59,656 Won't be long before the money's rolling in. 65 00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:06,621 Come on then, you ever fucked in an asylum? 66 00:04:06,704 --> 00:04:09,540 ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 67 00:04:12,293 --> 00:04:13,336 (COSTELLO SIGHS) 68 00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:15,380 They've sent us straight to hell. 69 00:04:15,463 --> 00:04:17,006 GLORIA: Be grateful you got a place. 70 00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:19,008 Where are all the people? 71 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,635 It's in the middle of nowhere. 72 00:04:20,718 --> 00:04:23,012 Lots of people come out to the countryside 73 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:24,681 -to finish their book. -Yeah. 74 00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:28,101 Rich ones, retreating to daddy's holiday cottage. 75 00:04:28,184 --> 00:04:30,103 -(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY) -It's pretty peaceful, though. 76 00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:33,856 It means we can be wild. 77 00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:35,400 -Whoo! -COSTELLO: All right. 78 00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:37,527 -All right. -GLORIA: Whoo! 79 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:40,655 -Oh. (CHUCKLES) Stop it. -(CHUCKLES) 80 00:04:40,738 --> 00:04:44,867 (GROANS) I don't wanna live in peace. 81 00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:46,786 I want to shout at people who don't know 82 00:04:46,869 --> 00:04:48,538 how to use escalators correctly. 83 00:04:48,621 --> 00:04:50,081 Watch this bend, watch this bend. 84 00:04:50,164 --> 00:04:52,250 COSTELLO: Okay, stop it. I don't wanna die here, 85 00:04:52,333 --> 00:04:53,668 I wanna die in the city. 86 00:04:53,751 --> 00:04:55,545 One more, just to upset Mom. You ready? 87 00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:58,548 -Don't stop, Auntie G. -GLORIA: Whoo! 88 00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:00,383 -No, God! It's the police! -GLORIA: What? What? 89 00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:02,093 -Brilliant. Oh, great. -(POLICE SIREN WAILING) 90 00:05:02,176 --> 00:05:04,595 COSTELLO: Are they following us? Yeah, they're following us. 91 00:05:04,679 --> 00:05:08,057 -IRIS JONES: Oh, it'll be-- It will be fine. -Fantastic. Well done. 92 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,727 -OFFICER: You're over the limit. -(GLORIA GROANS) 93 00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:12,478 -How many have you had? -Only a couple last night. 94 00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:14,897 -Oh, fuck! -(INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER POLICE RADIO) 95 00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,025 -Am I being arrested? -Mm-hmm. 96 00:05:17,108 --> 00:05:18,484 -Oh! -Where are you taking her? 97 00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:20,361 -OFFICER: Minehead. -I'm sorry. 98 00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:22,030 No! What the fuck is wrong with you? 99 00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:24,532 Yeah, all right, calm down or I'll arrest you too. 100 00:05:24,615 --> 00:05:28,077 -(CHUCKLES) Sorry, what for? -Public nuisance. 101 00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:33,249 There is no public. Where the fuck is the public? 102 00:05:33,332 --> 00:05:35,418 We're in the middle of fucking nowhere! 103 00:05:36,419 --> 00:05:37,503 Last warning. 104 00:05:40,339 --> 00:05:44,510 -Will Auntie G be all right? -She'll always be all right. 105 00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:46,554 She's got a family to bail her out. 106 00:05:49,307 --> 00:05:52,226 I promise you, I will write us out of here. 107 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:57,273 First hardcover, then paperback... 108 00:05:58,399 --> 00:06:01,235 Audible, Sunday Times bestseller, 109 00:06:01,819 --> 00:06:03,529 Man Booker, 110 00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:05,364 and then Richard and Judy's Book Club. 111 00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:07,325 (CHUCKLES) 112 00:06:07,408 --> 00:06:09,952 Then I'll sell the TV rights to the highest bidder. 113 00:06:10,953 --> 00:06:12,080 I'll write the adaptation 114 00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:13,706 because that's where the real money is. 115 00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:17,085 -We'll be all right. -Yeah, but can we live... 116 00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:20,630 in a place with high ceilings in Belsize Park? 117 00:06:22,131 --> 00:06:25,134 -Yeah, sure. -(HOOVES CLACKING) 118 00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:30,765 -What the hell? -(HORSES NEIGHING) 119 00:06:30,848 --> 00:06:31,974 Oh, God. 120 00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:37,438 And it's back... 121 00:06:39,273 --> 00:06:41,275 thanks to you. (SIGHS) 122 00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:44,529 Glad to hear. Though, can't take all the credit. 123 00:06:45,321 --> 00:06:47,115 Costello no longer needs me... 124 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:52,078 which made me feel worthless... 125 00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:56,707 so I fucked Fen. 126 00:06:56,791 --> 00:07:00,962 Did you know, Kenneth, I had my first buggering... 127 00:07:02,046 --> 00:07:05,591 and my first heartbreak on the same day? 128 00:07:07,009 --> 00:07:09,720 We had fagging at boarding school. 129 00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:14,016 It's where a young boy acts as a servant 130 00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:15,852 -for one of the older boys. -(EXHALES SHARPLY) 131 00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:18,187 Sounds totally normal. 132 00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:19,480 I mean, I enjoyed it. 133 00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:24,235 Bed hopping in dorms, mutual masturbation. 134 00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:27,071 Meaningless, functional. 135 00:07:28,739 --> 00:07:30,241 I mean, all powerful men do it. 136 00:07:30,324 --> 00:07:33,578 -Do you honestly believe that? -Yes, Kenneth, I do. 137 00:07:33,661 --> 00:07:35,079 You take a dry cock in your asshole, 138 00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:37,540 you can definitely take a grilling from Andrew Neil. 139 00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:39,208 (INHALES DEEPLY) What was his name? 140 00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:42,086 The boy who took your virginity. 141 00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:45,381 Oliver. Straightened out now, of course. 142 00:07:45,464 --> 00:07:47,925 Married, kids, member of parliament. 143 00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:49,427 How did he break your heart? 144 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,013 Oh, no. He didn't break anything. 145 00:07:52,096 --> 00:07:55,892 But, um, ten minutes after we'd finished, 146 00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:58,519 my Housemaster requested a chat. 147 00:08:00,479 --> 00:08:01,480 (SIGHS) 148 00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:05,193 My father had made 149 00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:07,695 yet another attempt on his life. 150 00:08:13,784 --> 00:08:15,661 And this time, he'd succeeded. 151 00:08:23,127 --> 00:08:25,046 And that was both... 152 00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:31,177 the horniest and the saddest day of my life. 153 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,059 (INHALES) Do you want to play a game? 154 00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:41,604 Good. Need to teach you the rules first. 155 00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:45,024 FERRYMAN: Uber won't touch the place. 156 00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:48,611 No Deliveroo, no Ocado, not even Aldi. 157 00:08:48,694 --> 00:08:51,989 None of them can handle Sunset Park. 158 00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:54,242 Thank you so much for this, this is so kind. 159 00:08:54,325 --> 00:08:56,285 Yeah, well, it's a pound each for the ride. 160 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,746 Fifteen to deliver the junk to your door. 161 00:08:58,829 --> 00:09:02,750 Okay. Um. (SCOFFS) Can I pay you later? 162 00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:04,961 Are you working? 163 00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:06,712 I got an interview with a debt collector 164 00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:07,880 on the estate. 165 00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:10,633 Go on, then. I'll risk it. In you get. 166 00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:15,012 You're going to enjoy Sunset Park. 167 00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:17,682 Only pedo-free estate in the country. 168 00:09:17,765 --> 00:09:18,808 What's a pedo? 169 00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:21,519 FERRYMAN: You'd know if you met one. 170 00:09:22,103 --> 00:09:22,979 Right! 171 00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:24,230 -What's a pedo? -Don't ask. 172 00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:25,773 -FERRYMAN: Off into the sunset. -Okay. 173 00:09:25,856 --> 00:09:28,192 (HORSES NEIGH) 174 00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:34,949 Four players. North, south, east, west. That's it. 175 00:09:35,032 --> 00:09:38,119 I just think you and Costello seem unlikely friends. 176 00:09:38,202 --> 00:09:41,539 And then we build the wall. 177 00:09:41,622 --> 00:09:43,874 That depends on your view of the world, doesn't it? 178 00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:45,835 I tend to think you meet a better class of person 179 00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:47,295 in the gutter than in the drawing room. 180 00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:50,715 Why is that? Does it make you feel powerful? 181 00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:53,009 No. 182 00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:55,845 You have money, you can leave any time. 183 00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:58,222 Costello can't, Iris can't. 184 00:09:58,306 --> 00:10:00,016 How many times have you left Iris now? 185 00:10:00,099 --> 00:10:04,353 I didn't choose to leave. I love Iris. 186 00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,355 Yet you sabotage your relationship with her 187 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:10,401 before she has a chance to reject you. It's what you do. 188 00:10:11,485 --> 00:10:15,197 (GROANS) 189 00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:17,325 -(GRUNTS) -You're wrong. You're wrong. 190 00:10:17,408 --> 00:10:18,784 You know nothing about me. 191 00:10:20,536 --> 00:10:23,080 I know you're a privileged little shit. 192 00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:25,750 Oh, God! All I wanna do now is kiss you. 193 00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:27,501 Knock that shit off! 194 00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:28,711 Have I broken you, Kenneth? 195 00:10:29,378 --> 00:10:31,339 Not even close. 196 00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:33,549 Your game has rules, and so does mine. 197 00:10:33,632 --> 00:10:35,634 You don't do that in here. 198 00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:38,721 (SIGHS) 199 00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:44,810 Yes. (PANTS) 200 00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:49,482 Well, I didn't smash your face in. That's... 201 00:10:51,108 --> 00:10:53,402 I mean, that's gotta be growth. 202 00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:56,781 Do you want me to leave? 203 00:10:58,074 --> 00:10:59,700 Sit the fuck down. 204 00:11:01,535 --> 00:11:02,787 We haven't even started yet. 205 00:11:08,292 --> 00:11:12,880 ♪ (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 206 00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:19,387 FERRYMAN: Here we are, ladies. Sunset Park. 207 00:11:20,304 --> 00:11:22,098 And you're welcome to it. 208 00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:31,399 ♪ (MELLOW MUSIC FADES) ♪ 209 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:33,776 FERRYMAN: Whoa! 210 00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:40,157 (SIGHS) Right, this is you up yonder. 211 00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,035 Last woman there died. 212 00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:45,413 -Brilliant. -(CART DOOR OPENING) 213 00:11:46,163 --> 00:11:47,581 (GROANS) 214 00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:49,708 Are you all land-lined up, then? 215 00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:52,378 Place is a dead zone. 216 00:11:52,461 --> 00:11:57,842 -No TV signal. You're off-grid. -Check your mobile. No signal. 217 00:11:58,467 --> 00:11:59,802 Fucking hell. 218 00:12:05,224 --> 00:12:09,270 GREY: Hey, kiddo. More newbies. Show them 107. 219 00:12:12,022 --> 00:12:14,567 My name's Tennessee. Welcome to hell. 220 00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:17,319 -It ain't so bad. -Hi, I'm Iris. 221 00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:23,534 (DOOR CLOSES) 222 00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:38,466 (EXHALES) 223 00:12:43,387 --> 00:12:46,432 -It's all right, isn't it? -Mm-hmm. 224 00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:51,020 SIMON: Sit yourself down. Get comfy. 225 00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:54,064 So, why do you want to be a debt collector then? 226 00:12:54,148 --> 00:12:57,151 -Honestly? Desperate. -(SIMON CHUCKLES) 227 00:12:57,234 --> 00:12:58,694 You've come to the right place. 228 00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:02,656 What about, um, other hustles? 229 00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:06,327 Most people these days, you know, got hustles. 230 00:13:06,410 --> 00:13:08,954 -In between hustles. -All right. 231 00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:11,874 Well, I googled you. Nothing pervy. 232 00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:14,084 Saw your working-class hero speech. 233 00:13:14,168 --> 00:13:16,629 I thought of I was watching a fucking Ken Loach film. 234 00:13:16,712 --> 00:13:17,922 What about, um... 235 00:13:19,548 --> 00:13:21,091 this Battered Bitches thing? 236 00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:25,179 (INHALES) Yeah, that hasn't, um, aged well. 237 00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:29,058 Internet says you're a bit of a dick, darling. 238 00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:32,144 Are you bit of a dick? 239 00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:35,022 Yeah. Sometimes. 240 00:13:35,105 --> 00:13:37,149 "Sometimes." That's honest. 241 00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:39,193 Got a criminal record? 242 00:13:39,276 --> 00:13:42,238 -Couple of cautions. -What? Theft, drugs? 243 00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:44,365 Assault, criminal damage. 244 00:13:44,448 --> 00:13:46,534 Could come in handy around here. 245 00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:50,579 Hmm. You look strong. Like a big tree. 246 00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:54,542 You're trouble, but I like it, so start tomorrow. 247 00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:57,419 -I've got the job? -Oh, yeah. There's your clobber. 248 00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:58,796 COSTELLO: All right, thanks. 249 00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:03,801 -So, is this your mom's salon? -I'll see you tomorrow then, yeah? 250 00:14:03,884 --> 00:14:05,261 -Nine o'clock. -Oh. 251 00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:10,849 ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 252 00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:13,018 IRIS: Hello. 253 00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:15,896 TENNESSEE: One hundred and four, that's me and my nana. 254 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,191 One hundred and eight is Ferryman. 255 00:14:23,487 --> 00:14:25,030 Spice Boy lives there. 256 00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:27,908 And Tony the murderer, he lives there. 257 00:14:29,368 --> 00:14:31,412 Oh, don't worry. He's never killed no one. 258 00:14:31,495 --> 00:14:34,415 He's just a plumber and a terrific karaoke singer. 259 00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:36,292 I'm making a film about him. 260 00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:38,377 (SIGHS) You're a weirdo, Tennessee, 261 00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:40,379 but luckily, I like weirdos a lot. 262 00:14:40,879 --> 00:14:43,132 Aye, thanks. 263 00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:47,261 And apparently, Larry David lives in number 98, 264 00:14:47,344 --> 00:14:48,721 but I don't think it's him. 265 00:14:48,804 --> 00:14:51,849 I just think it's a bald man who shouts at people. 266 00:14:51,932 --> 00:14:56,520 -Who's Larry David? -Absolute lunatic. Google him. 267 00:14:58,522 --> 00:15:00,065 SIMON: You got a fellow then? 268 00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:02,234 (SCOFFS) Inappropriate. 269 00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:05,237 Not really, I was just sayin'. I'll take you out some time. 270 00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:07,948 What makes you think I'd go out with you? 271 00:15:08,032 --> 00:15:10,242 You got a mirror in your house? 272 00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:13,078 Yeah. Got three actually, darling. 273 00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:14,997 One of them, lovely antique. 274 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,916 Ah, well you might wanna take a look in it sometime. 275 00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:20,628 Pretty sure I'm a few rungs above you 276 00:15:20,711 --> 00:15:22,838 on the fuck ladder, mate. 277 00:15:22,921 --> 00:15:25,215 You miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take. 278 00:15:25,841 --> 00:15:27,718 I had to take mine. 279 00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:30,054 See, you gotta do something every day that scares you. 280 00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:32,473 Today, it was asking you out. 281 00:15:32,556 --> 00:15:34,933 Tomorrow I'm booked in at jujitsu. 282 00:15:36,977 --> 00:15:38,812 It's important to keep your mind busy, 283 00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:41,148 when everyday you've gotta look the worst of humanity 284 00:15:41,231 --> 00:15:42,399 in the eye. 285 00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:45,653 -Yes? -You got the money or what? 286 00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:47,404 I told you, I-- I have nothing. 287 00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:49,448 I can't even-- even top-up the meter. 288 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,243 Yeah, well, you can't hide away forever. 289 00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:54,995 The more time I spend coming back here, 290 00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:56,288 the worse it's gonna get for you. 291 00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:57,998 So get it sorted. 292 00:15:58,082 --> 00:15:59,667 All right, you can do the next one. 293 00:16:09,718 --> 00:16:12,346 Oh, I can't do this, Simon. 294 00:16:12,429 --> 00:16:13,639 Eh? 295 00:16:13,722 --> 00:16:15,224 (SIGHS) It ain't for me. 296 00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:16,725 I thought you were desperate. 297 00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:18,811 Look, if it's not you knocking on her door, 298 00:16:18,894 --> 00:16:20,688 it'll be someone else knocking on yours. 299 00:16:22,064 --> 00:16:23,857 Yeah, well, they're not knocking today. 300 00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:30,322 (SIGHS) Don't worry, love, 301 00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:32,658 I'm not a debt collector anymore. 302 00:16:35,327 --> 00:16:36,412 If you need leccy, 303 00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:39,206 we can pop to the Londis and I can top you up, yeah? 304 00:16:39,289 --> 00:16:41,709 And I'll just wait here. 305 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:48,841 (VAN ENGINE REVS) 306 00:16:48,924 --> 00:16:52,386 GREY: Big spender. Cornettos are cheaper. 307 00:16:52,469 --> 00:16:54,930 Don't do Cornettos no more. 308 00:16:55,013 --> 00:16:58,851 About to be a published author, I only eat fucking Magnums now. 309 00:17:00,769 --> 00:17:02,020 What's the book about? 310 00:17:03,230 --> 00:17:04,314 Four webcammers, 311 00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:06,734 living in a battered woman's refuge, 312 00:17:06,817 --> 00:17:09,028 undertake a jewelry heist. 313 00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:11,572 Guess what it's called? Diamond Beavers. 314 00:17:12,948 --> 00:17:14,575 Autobiographical? 315 00:17:14,658 --> 00:17:17,327 No. Who do you think I am, Grey? 316 00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:20,748 All sorts around here. So, it's fictional? 317 00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:25,043 Yeah, I'm a satirist. Just because I'm not posh, 318 00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:27,463 everybody takes what I say literally. 319 00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:30,924 No, but some of it is true, we did live in a refuge. 320 00:17:31,842 --> 00:17:32,968 According to the internet, 321 00:17:33,051 --> 00:17:35,804 women like me must only speak the truth. 322 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:38,974 The internet's not a real place, is it? 323 00:17:39,057 --> 00:17:40,476 COSTELLO: Feels real. 324 00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:42,811 For cunts and cry babies. 325 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:48,233 Now tell me it's not worth paying a bit extra 326 00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:49,485 for your ice cream. 327 00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:51,361 (CHUCKLES) 328 00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:54,990 GREY: I remember my first weeks out here. 329 00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:58,243 Lonely, eh? 330 00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:00,913 Feels like I'm living on the moon. 331 00:18:00,996 --> 00:18:02,915 Well, you're welcome 'round ours. 332 00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:06,210 Can I use your internet? 333 00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:10,464 I've got to send some new chapters to my editor. 334 00:18:11,256 --> 00:18:14,301 -Uh-huh. -COSTELLO: Thank you. 335 00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:16,678 IRIS: Oh, so you've forgiven her now, have you? 336 00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:19,097 COSTELLO: Yeah. I miss her. Don't you? 337 00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:22,184 -IRIS: Yeah. Can I talk to her? -COSTELLO: Yeah. 338 00:18:22,267 --> 00:18:23,936 -(BABY CRYING) -(INDISTINCT CHATTER) 339 00:18:24,019 --> 00:18:28,482 -(CELLPHONE RINGS) -COSTELLO: Gloria? It's me. 340 00:18:28,565 --> 00:18:31,443 (SIGHS) I thought you were Sky. 341 00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:34,154 -He's still calling you? -Miss you, Auntie G. 342 00:18:34,238 --> 00:18:37,074 Oh, Iris. I miss you, baby. 343 00:18:37,157 --> 00:18:39,618 -Are you pissed off at me? -No. Not anymore. 344 00:18:39,701 --> 00:18:42,079 Dad's basically got me on house arrest. 345 00:18:42,162 --> 00:18:44,331 How's you? And the baby? 346 00:18:44,414 --> 00:18:46,792 GLORIA: I wasn't trying to harm it, you know? 347 00:18:46,875 --> 00:18:50,587 I was just so scared. Still am. 348 00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:53,590 Anyway, I've had a scan. She's good. 349 00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:56,969 -Wait, she's good? -(CHUCKLES) 350 00:18:57,052 --> 00:18:59,513 -It's a girl. -Call her Iris. (CHUCKLES) 351 00:18:59,596 --> 00:19:00,722 I don't know what to call her, 352 00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:02,683 but I'll see what her face suits, innit? 353 00:19:02,766 --> 00:19:03,851 What's it like up there? 354 00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:06,562 Hmm. Reckon I can get some good stories 355 00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:08,939 -out of this place. -Can I talk to her? 356 00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:12,818 Wait. Come visit. 357 00:19:12,901 --> 00:19:14,486 I can't drive, can I? 358 00:19:16,613 --> 00:19:18,574 -You okay? -Mm-hmm. 359 00:19:18,657 --> 00:19:21,159 GLORIA: Your pashmina video keeps coming up on my feed. 360 00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:22,411 It's huge. 361 00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:25,330 I can't believe someone posted the Battered Bitches video. 362 00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:27,708 Don't read the comments. 363 00:19:27,791 --> 00:19:30,586 Bunch of masturbators and bedroom activists. 364 00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:33,172 Those mental bitches, they're on a witch hunt. 365 00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:34,423 You need to deal with them 366 00:19:34,506 --> 00:19:36,717 like you did Stacey Backshaw in the London Dungeon. 367 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:37,926 I'd love to. 368 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:41,430 -Can I talk to her now? -Iris wants to talk to you. 369 00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:42,639 (IRIS CLEARS THROAT) 370 00:19:43,932 --> 00:19:45,642 Okay, G. So... 371 00:19:45,726 --> 00:19:48,562 will I be its aunt or its cousin? 372 00:19:48,645 --> 00:19:54,067 And can I babysit? Oh, and everybody here is a freak. 373 00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:55,652 GLORIA: Perfect for you then. 374 00:19:56,778 --> 00:20:00,490 ♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 375 00:20:12,419 --> 00:20:14,922 -(KNOCKING ON DOOR) -TENNESSEE: Come in. 376 00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:19,843 -Hey. -♪ (SOMBER MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 377 00:20:21,261 --> 00:20:24,139 -My nana's at bingo. -IRIS: Wow. 378 00:20:24,222 --> 00:20:27,601 (SIGHS) She used to work in a place called The Video Shop. 379 00:20:27,684 --> 00:20:29,561 You go in, choose a film, 380 00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:32,481 borrow it for one night only and then take it back. 381 00:20:33,565 --> 00:20:36,735 Crazy. What, so you couldn't keep it? 382 00:20:36,818 --> 00:20:39,947 TENNESSEE: Yeah, people were savages in the '90s. 383 00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:45,285 IRIS: So is this one of those videos playing now? 384 00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:47,287 TENNESSEE: Uh-huh. It's by my favorite director, 385 00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:51,500 Dario Argento. The maestro of blood and boobs. 386 00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:53,377 -IRIS: Can we watch it? -TENNESSEE: Yeah. 387 00:20:53,460 --> 00:20:56,380 If you're into the hellish side of life, you'll love it. 388 00:20:59,132 --> 00:21:00,342 (SIGHS) 389 00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:06,306 You write shit about me online, but I tell stories, 390 00:21:06,390 --> 00:21:08,392 so here's a fucking story for you. 391 00:21:09,017 --> 00:21:10,852 Uh-- It's 1999, 392 00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:13,480 everybody thinks the world's about to end. 393 00:21:13,563 --> 00:21:15,816 Bruce Willis is busy seeing dead people, 394 00:21:15,899 --> 00:21:18,276 and I'm 13, yet to be kissed. 395 00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:19,736 -Gross. -I'm a freak. 396 00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:22,197 Well, that's what Stacey Backshaw calls me. 397 00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:24,908 She also calls me Fatty Fishy Fanny. 398 00:21:24,992 --> 00:21:28,286 She was in my year. That sort of girl that peaks at 15. 399 00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:31,331 So anyway, I'm on the 176 bus, 400 00:21:31,415 --> 00:21:33,333 heading towards Tottenham Court Road. 401 00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:37,713 And Stacey is sat next to me, and she says... 402 00:21:39,006 --> 00:21:41,091 "Marty Castle thinks you're proper fit." 403 00:21:42,175 --> 00:21:43,468 And then she says, 404 00:21:43,552 --> 00:21:45,387 "He wants to meet you after school. 405 00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:48,223 Outside the Imperial War Museum, 406 00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:50,225 and he wants to kiss you by the big guns." 407 00:21:50,308 --> 00:21:53,687 Now this kid, Marty, I mean he was proper fit, like-- 408 00:21:53,770 --> 00:21:56,189 like the David Beckham of Walworth Road. 409 00:21:56,273 --> 00:22:00,277 So anyway, cut to me, standing by the big guns, 410 00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:03,655 and Marty Castle's face is close to mine. 411 00:22:04,448 --> 00:22:06,950 And as he moves in for a kiss, 412 00:22:07,034 --> 00:22:12,581 he shouts and says, "I don't kiss big pigs." 413 00:22:19,296 --> 00:22:23,925 And I turn around, and, um, Stacey, 414 00:22:24,009 --> 00:22:29,139 and the rest of the 176 bus are laughing at me. 415 00:22:30,182 --> 00:22:32,100 And I feel like a fucking fool. 416 00:22:34,603 --> 00:22:37,898 That's what you lot are. Stacey Backshaws. 417 00:22:37,981 --> 00:22:40,442 And you know what? I took care of her. 418 00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:43,070 I, uh, actually beat the shit out of her 419 00:22:43,153 --> 00:22:44,237 at London Dungeons. 420 00:22:44,321 --> 00:22:46,531 (WHISPERS) Oh, my God. She's doing a Britney. 421 00:22:46,615 --> 00:22:48,700 And I'm gonna say this, uh, because I can, 422 00:22:48,784 --> 00:22:50,744 because I did live in a woman's refuge. 423 00:22:50,827 --> 00:22:53,789 Uh, a lot of you bitches need a proper beating. 424 00:22:53,872 --> 00:22:55,415 And I would love to dish that out. 425 00:22:55,499 --> 00:22:58,210 (WHISPERS) She is doing a Britney. I love her. 426 00:22:58,293 --> 00:23:01,797 Anyway, huns, you do you. I'm gonna carry on writing 427 00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:03,298 and telling my stories. 428 00:23:03,381 --> 00:23:06,843 And just so you know, I see you. Cunts! 429 00:23:16,478 --> 00:23:21,274 (CELLPHONE BUZZING) 430 00:23:21,358 --> 00:23:24,111 Barnaby? Hello? 431 00:23:24,194 --> 00:23:26,571 -BARNABY: Can you hear me? -Yeah. 432 00:23:26,655 --> 00:23:28,198 You're about to fuck me, aren't you? 433 00:23:28,281 --> 00:23:29,866 I know when someone's gonna fuck me, 434 00:23:29,950 --> 00:23:31,076 'cause my mom fucked me 435 00:23:31,159 --> 00:23:32,744 and not just in the Phillip Larkin way. 436 00:23:32,828 --> 00:23:36,289 BARNABY: Look. (SIGHS) We've got a-- a situation. 437 00:23:36,373 --> 00:23:40,502 You're a very talented writer, but my hand's been forced. 438 00:23:40,585 --> 00:23:43,839 We need a voice who represents the working class. 439 00:23:43,922 --> 00:23:46,508 With so much doubt surrounding your authenticity, 440 00:23:46,591 --> 00:23:49,052 there's no way we can publish Diamond Beavers. 441 00:23:49,136 --> 00:23:51,012 Please don't take this away from me. 442 00:23:51,096 --> 00:23:53,473 BARNABY: Costello, you've brought this on yourself. 443 00:23:53,557 --> 00:23:56,977 -I tried to help you. -I've got nothing else. 444 00:23:58,979 --> 00:24:03,150 Is there something I can say for you to stop doing this? 445 00:24:03,233 --> 00:24:05,193 BARNABY: First, you do Battered Bitches, 446 00:24:05,277 --> 00:24:06,403 then you offer to dish out 447 00:24:06,486 --> 00:24:08,280 a beating to those critical of you. 448 00:24:08,363 --> 00:24:09,489 (SIGHS) It's just... 449 00:24:09,573 --> 00:24:13,535 (SIGHS) It's kind of not how authors behave. 450 00:24:13,618 --> 00:24:15,829 I thought you wanted authentic working class, 451 00:24:15,912 --> 00:24:17,956 -I guess not. -BARNABY: I'm sorry. 452 00:24:18,039 --> 00:24:21,710 ♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 453 00:25:59,057 --> 00:26:01,017 -Can I use your landline? -Aye. 454 00:26:06,856 --> 00:26:08,733 ♪ (SOMBER MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 455 00:26:09,401 --> 00:26:10,485 Takes a while. 456 00:26:13,905 --> 00:26:15,156 REPORTER OVER TV: Today, we've come 457 00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:17,784 to one of the Peak District's most popular auctions, 458 00:26:17,867 --> 00:26:20,412 -many bargains to be had. -(CELLPHONE RINGING) 459 00:26:20,495 --> 00:26:23,790 (REPORTER OVER TV SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) 460 00:26:25,709 --> 00:26:27,168 (TV STOPS) 461 00:26:27,252 --> 00:26:29,754 (CELLPHONE RINGING) 462 00:26:31,756 --> 00:26:34,843 -Yes, hello. -(WHISPERS) Selby, it's me. 463 00:26:34,926 --> 00:26:37,637 ♪ ("PRINCE OF TEARS" BY BAXTER DURY PLAYING) ♪ 464 00:26:37,721 --> 00:26:39,848 (WHISPERS) Uh, why you whispering? 465 00:26:39,931 --> 00:26:41,850 (SPEAKS NORMALLY) I don't know. 466 00:26:41,933 --> 00:26:44,311 -(SPEAKS NORMALLY) You okay? -IRIS: Yeah, it's weird here. 467 00:26:44,394 --> 00:26:46,980 I mean, it's all right. Yeah, it's good actually. 468 00:26:47,939 --> 00:26:49,733 Mom's lost the book deal. 469 00:26:49,816 --> 00:26:52,152 She's drinking, she's talking to the internet. 470 00:26:52,777 --> 00:26:53,862 Can you visit? 471 00:26:56,156 --> 00:26:57,949 Yes. Where are you? 472 00:26:58,033 --> 00:26:59,451 Somerset. I've gotta go. 473 00:26:59,909 --> 00:27:01,161 GREY: I'm home. 474 00:27:01,578 --> 00:27:04,164 Iris? Iris? 475 00:27:04,247 --> 00:27:06,499 GREY: Oh, hi Iris. Are you staying for tea? 476 00:27:06,583 --> 00:27:08,626 Where's your mom? 477 00:27:08,710 --> 00:27:12,005 ♪ Prince of tears Prince of tears ♪ 478 00:27:12,088 --> 00:27:15,508 ♪ No one's gonna love you More than us ♪ 479 00:27:15,592 --> 00:27:17,844 ♪ Everybody loves to say... ♪ 480 00:27:17,927 --> 00:27:20,805 FERRYMAN: Oh, a beer. There you go and a loaf of bread. 481 00:27:20,889 --> 00:27:22,640 Four pounds, got it? 482 00:27:22,724 --> 00:27:24,768 All right. And what about you, flower? 483 00:27:24,851 --> 00:27:26,269 -Have you got any red? -FERRYMAN: Any red? 484 00:27:26,353 --> 00:27:28,021 I've got all the red in the world. 485 00:27:28,104 --> 00:27:30,023 -Yeah, I'll get two bottles. -Two, is it? 486 00:27:30,899 --> 00:27:33,151 That'll be five pounds each. 487 00:27:33,234 --> 00:27:35,028 -Cheers! -FERRYMAN: Thanks a lot, love. 488 00:27:35,904 --> 00:27:37,364 Uh, what about you guys? 489 00:27:37,447 --> 00:27:38,948 ♪ Prince of tears Prince of tears ♪ 490 00:27:39,032 --> 00:27:42,410 ♪ No one's gonna love you More than us ♪ 491 00:27:42,494 --> 00:27:45,830 ♪ Prince of tears Prince of tears ♪ 492 00:27:45,914 --> 00:27:49,125 ♪ No one's gonna love you More than us ♪ 493 00:27:49,876 --> 00:27:51,669 ♪ And the prince of tears ♪ 494 00:27:52,629 --> 00:27:54,047 ♪ Wiped his eyes ♪ 495 00:27:56,383 --> 00:27:58,468 ♪ And looked At everything he owned ♪ 496 00:27:59,219 --> 00:28:00,470 ♪ And smiled ♪ 497 00:28:02,764 --> 00:28:07,811 ♪ Everybody loves to say Goodbye ♪ 498 00:28:09,521 --> 00:28:15,026 ♪ Everybody loves to say Goodbye ♪ 499 00:28:16,486 --> 00:28:21,157 ♪ Everybody loves to say Goodbye ♪ 500 00:28:21,241 --> 00:28:22,409 ♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪