1 00:00:06,283 --> 00:00:07,576 (SIREN WAILING) 2 00:00:07,576 --> 00:00:09,870 COSTELLO JONES: Thing is, bubs, if you live an interesting life, 3 00:00:09,870 --> 00:00:12,039 people always gonna be chasin' after you. 4 00:00:12,039 --> 00:00:13,874 IRIS JONES: Just don't lose your shit, Mommy. 5 00:00:13,874 --> 00:00:15,125 COSTELLO: Oy! Language. 6 00:00:15,125 --> 00:00:17,252 Do I look like someone who's about to lose their shit? 7 00:00:17,252 --> 00:00:18,796 - IRIS: Yeah, you do. - (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 8 00:00:21,048 --> 00:00:22,466 (KNOCK ON DOOR) 9 00:00:22,466 --> 00:00:24,301 BAILIFF: Can you open up, please? 10 00:00:24,301 --> 00:00:26,512 IRIS: Do they think we're gangsters or something? 11 00:00:26,512 --> 00:00:29,097 BAILIFF: Costello Jones, we know that you're in there. 12 00:00:29,097 --> 00:00:31,558 (BANGING ON DOOR) 13 00:00:31,558 --> 00:00:33,727 BAILIFF: Costello Jones, you owe the landlord 14 00:00:33,727 --> 00:00:38,982 2,997 pounds and 98 pence! 15 00:00:38,982 --> 00:00:42,319 Come on, Costello. Don't make me get the drill out. 16 00:00:42,319 --> 00:00:44,196 (BANGING ON DOOR) 17 00:00:44,196 --> 00:00:45,489 COSTELLO: Fucking early, aren't we? 18 00:00:45,489 --> 00:00:47,366 Should be illegal to ruin someone's life 19 00:00:47,366 --> 00:00:49,451 before nine a.m. Pricks! 20 00:00:49,451 --> 00:00:51,161 IRIS: Ugh, Mom, you lost your shit. 21 00:00:51,161 --> 00:00:53,330 BAILIFF: All right, she's had her chance, mate, let's go. 22 00:00:53,330 --> 00:00:55,082 - Call Selby. - (HAND DRILL WHIRRING) 23 00:00:55,082 --> 00:00:56,667 COSTELLO: He's looking after his sick mom. 24 00:00:56,667 --> 00:00:59,127 - IRIS: Aunty G? - Oh, she's supposed to be here. Laptop, laptop. 25 00:00:59,127 --> 00:01:01,713 I'll look after your writing. They can't catch me. 26 00:01:01,713 --> 00:01:03,215 Thank you, bubs. 27 00:01:03,215 --> 00:01:06,343 (HAND DRILL WHIRRING) 28 00:01:06,343 --> 00:01:08,136 COSTELLO: Right, pass me Barrymore. 29 00:01:10,848 --> 00:01:11,849 (GROANS) 30 00:01:13,016 --> 00:01:14,268 What are you listening to? 31 00:01:15,269 --> 00:01:17,020 - Good choice. - (CHUCKLES) 32 00:01:17,020 --> 00:01:18,939 ♪ ("SOUL NO. 5" BY CAROLINE ROSE PLAYING) ♪ 33 00:01:18,939 --> 00:01:20,482 (COSTELLO EXHALES) 34 00:01:20,482 --> 00:01:23,777 ♪ I do a hair flip I strut my stuff... ♪ 35 00:01:23,777 --> 00:01:27,239 Relax chaps, you'll be wanking yourself silly to this later. 36 00:01:27,239 --> 00:01:28,490 ♪ I don't have a job ♪ 37 00:01:28,490 --> 00:01:29,616 COSTELLO: Thank you. 38 00:01:29,616 --> 00:01:31,326 ♪ But I got a lot of time Baby, show me... ♪ 39 00:01:31,326 --> 00:01:33,996 COSTELLO: Poverty porn at its finest! 40 00:01:37,165 --> 00:01:40,002 ♪ Bang, bang and away she goes ♪ 41 00:01:43,171 --> 00:01:45,674 ♪ Souped up And I'm ready to go ♪ 42 00:01:45,674 --> 00:01:47,217 ♪ I got soul ♪ 43 00:01:48,802 --> 00:01:50,470 ♪ I got soul ♪ 44 00:01:52,055 --> 00:01:54,766 ♪ I got soul ♪ 45 00:01:58,312 --> 00:02:00,022 ♪ (SONG ENDS ABRUPTLY) ♪ 46 00:02:01,565 --> 00:02:03,567 (WATER TRICKLING) 47 00:02:03,567 --> 00:02:05,819 FLORIAN SELBY: Here you are, Mason. Books. 48 00:02:05,819 --> 00:02:07,529 Get yourself an education. 49 00:02:07,529 --> 00:02:09,364 Giving it the biggun now, are you? 50 00:02:09,364 --> 00:02:12,492 Truth is, Selby, we both know you cried every night. 51 00:02:12,492 --> 00:02:15,412 Well, they locked me in a cage and they called me savage, 52 00:02:15,412 --> 00:02:17,205 doesn't mean that I have to be one 53 00:02:17,205 --> 00:02:18,457 all the fucking time. 54 00:02:18,457 --> 00:02:20,500 MASON: Ah, don't forget, if it weren't for me, 55 00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:22,252 - you'd have no asshole left. - Hmm... 56 00:02:30,093 --> 00:02:32,638 Put the money in my old lady's account every Friday. 57 00:02:32,638 --> 00:02:34,890 When I'm out, we'll settle the balance. 58 00:02:35,766 --> 00:02:37,726 Don't make me come looking for you. 59 00:02:39,186 --> 00:02:40,520 - Goodbye, Mason. - ♪ (SONG RESUMES) ♪ 60 00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:43,315 ♪ Souped up And I'm ready to go ♪ 61 00:02:43,315 --> 00:02:45,776 ♪ I got soul ♪ 62 00:02:45,776 --> 00:02:48,403 -♪ I got soul... ♪ - (INMATE 1 WHISTLES) 63 00:02:48,403 --> 00:02:49,947 (INMATES JEERING) 64 00:02:49,947 --> 00:02:51,490 SELBY: I'd say it's been a pleasure. 65 00:02:51,490 --> 00:02:53,367 But it's been a living hell. 66 00:02:53,367 --> 00:02:54,701 INMATE 2: You're the best bum boy 67 00:02:54,701 --> 00:02:57,454 - in the world, Selby! - INMATE 3: Bye then, darling! 68 00:02:57,454 --> 00:02:59,414 Enjoy your incarceration, boys. 69 00:02:59,414 --> 00:03:01,708 - INMATE 3: See you later, bub. - I'm onto better things. 70 00:03:01,708 --> 00:03:03,418 INMATE 4: Yeah, fuck off back to Eton. 71 00:03:05,045 --> 00:03:06,672 ♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪ 72 00:03:06,672 --> 00:03:09,800 Service wash, please, mate. I'll collect tomorrow. 73 00:03:14,429 --> 00:03:17,474 Oy! I told you last time. 74 00:03:17,474 --> 00:03:20,102 This isn't the Big Yellow Self-Storage Company. 75 00:03:20,102 --> 00:03:23,188 Come on, Shady, look after my stuff. 76 00:03:23,188 --> 00:03:25,273 - (SIGHS) Please, please. - Please. 77 00:03:25,273 --> 00:03:26,483 Tomorrow morning, 78 00:03:26,483 --> 00:03:29,027 - or they go in the bin. - Thank you. Thank you. 79 00:03:29,027 --> 00:03:30,779 Come on, we're going to be late for school. 80 00:03:30,779 --> 00:03:32,614 - ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ - IRIS: Thanks. 81 00:03:34,032 --> 00:03:36,660 - I thought we had no money. - Just follow me. 82 00:03:39,121 --> 00:03:41,415 Ah, Cheyne Walk please, driver. 83 00:03:42,958 --> 00:03:44,251 (CELLPHONE CHIMES) 84 00:03:53,093 --> 00:03:54,386 - SELBY: Allegra! - (DOOR CLOSES) 85 00:03:56,847 --> 00:03:57,973 I'm back! 86 00:04:09,484 --> 00:04:10,527 See that house? 87 00:04:10,527 --> 00:04:13,238 Bet that one has a swimming pool. 88 00:04:13,238 --> 00:04:15,532 Oh, and three French bulldogs. 89 00:04:15,532 --> 00:04:18,160 Mm. With a personal puppy trainer. 90 00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:19,828 (CHUCKLES) Yeah. 91 00:04:19,828 --> 00:04:26,001 And a grand piano, you know, like a-- a big, white, glorious, 92 00:04:26,001 --> 00:04:28,211 - gay one. - (CHUCKLES) 93 00:04:28,211 --> 00:04:30,047 You know, like Elton John would play. 94 00:04:30,047 --> 00:04:33,884 - Oh, definitely. - Can I have piano lessons soon? 95 00:04:33,884 --> 00:04:37,220 I promise you, once we're sorted, 96 00:04:37,220 --> 00:04:38,972 I'll get you some piano lessons. 97 00:04:45,604 --> 00:04:47,272 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 98 00:04:56,656 --> 00:04:58,617 Are you feeling sick? 99 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:02,120 I reckon you're gonna vomit. 100 00:05:05,373 --> 00:05:07,292 Oh, darling, are you all right? 101 00:05:07,834 --> 00:05:09,711 (GROANS) 102 00:05:09,711 --> 00:05:12,172 Um, excuse me, driver, I'm so sorry, 103 00:05:12,172 --> 00:05:14,466 do you think we can pull over? I think she's going to be sick. 104 00:05:14,466 --> 00:05:16,802 CABBIE: Oh, sure, yeah, I'll-- I'll pull over here. 105 00:05:18,845 --> 00:05:20,889 - COSTELLO: Ugh, I'm so sorry. - (DOOR OPENS) 106 00:05:21,765 --> 00:05:22,849 Are you going to be sick? 107 00:05:22,849 --> 00:05:24,434 - All right, get ready to run. - I got it. I got it. 108 00:05:24,434 --> 00:05:25,811 COSTELLO: It's a twatty thing to do. 109 00:05:25,811 --> 00:05:28,063 - Run! I'm not usually a prick. - Hey! Oy! 110 00:05:28,063 --> 00:05:29,606 What the fuck are you doing? Get back here! 111 00:05:29,606 --> 00:05:32,776 - I promise. Well, sometimes I am. - CABBIE: You cheating cow! 112 00:05:32,776 --> 00:05:36,863 - (GIGGLES) - (LAUGHS) Oh, God. 113 00:05:40,742 --> 00:05:43,120 (COSTELLO PANTS) 114 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:46,498 - Right, love you. - IRIS: Love you. 115 00:05:48,250 --> 00:05:51,294 - Don't die, I need you. - You think I'd really die 116 00:05:51,294 --> 00:05:52,838 and leave you all alone in the world? 117 00:05:52,838 --> 00:05:55,257 - Never. Never, never. - (CHUCKLES) 118 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:58,426 IRIS: All right. 119 00:05:58,426 --> 00:06:01,054 - We'll be all right. - How do you know? 120 00:06:01,054 --> 00:06:02,597 COSTELLO: Well, as you know, 121 00:06:02,597 --> 00:06:04,975 I'm very connected to the spirits, 122 00:06:04,975 --> 00:06:07,310 and an old ghost is saying 123 00:06:07,310 --> 00:06:10,730 that at five p.m., we'll have a safe place to stay. 124 00:06:10,730 --> 00:06:12,482 - All right. - All right. 125 00:06:12,482 --> 00:06:15,193 - (SCHOOL BELL RINGING) - We will, though. Love you. 126 00:06:18,363 --> 00:06:22,409 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 127 00:06:24,161 --> 00:06:25,537 (CELL PHONE CHIMING) 128 00:06:27,247 --> 00:06:33,503 ♪ (GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 129 00:06:36,798 --> 00:06:37,883 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 130 00:06:38,550 --> 00:06:39,593 COSTELLO: Gloria! 131 00:06:43,513 --> 00:06:47,517 (LINE TRILLING) 132 00:06:47,517 --> 00:06:48,977 GLORIA: (OVER VOICE MAIL) This is Gloria. 133 00:06:48,977 --> 00:06:51,730 I don't listen to voicemails. Text me, twat. 134 00:06:53,190 --> 00:06:54,482 (CELL PHONE BUZZES) 135 00:06:58,737 --> 00:07:01,239 (EXHALES DEEPLY) Silly fucking bitch. 136 00:07:03,116 --> 00:07:04,326 LENNY: Young lady. 137 00:07:05,535 --> 00:07:08,371 Young lady! What is your name? 138 00:07:08,371 --> 00:07:10,248 - Do you even know? - Gloria. 139 00:07:10,248 --> 00:07:12,918 - My name's Gloria. - Gloria? 140 00:07:15,086 --> 00:07:19,257 I know you, Lenny, you old wanker. 141 00:07:19,257 --> 00:07:21,259 You're Costello's friend. 142 00:07:21,259 --> 00:07:23,845 Uh-huh. (GASPS) Fuck. 143 00:07:27,140 --> 00:07:29,851 Oh, my phone! Where am I? 144 00:07:29,851 --> 00:07:32,687 LENNY: You're in the West End of London. 145 00:07:32,687 --> 00:07:37,192 - Theatreland, W1. - I'm in so much trouble. 146 00:07:37,192 --> 00:07:38,568 (GROANS) 147 00:07:41,363 --> 00:07:43,990 - Can I borrow your coat? - Yeah. 148 00:07:45,784 --> 00:07:47,285 (EXHALES SHARPLY) 149 00:07:47,285 --> 00:07:50,622 Come on, let's get you another drink, 150 00:07:51,456 --> 00:07:53,124 before the blues set in. 151 00:07:53,124 --> 00:07:54,542 (SIGHS DEEPLY) 152 00:07:55,627 --> 00:08:02,300 ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 153 00:08:04,844 --> 00:08:08,098 - (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - (HUMS) 154 00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:12,978 (CLEARS THROAT, SHUSHES) 155 00:08:15,188 --> 00:08:16,815 I missed you, did you miss me? 156 00:08:18,024 --> 00:08:19,609 Yeah. 157 00:08:19,609 --> 00:08:21,653 So, is your mom better now? 158 00:08:23,113 --> 00:08:25,657 Much. Much better. 159 00:08:25,657 --> 00:08:28,285 Oh! I think you, uh, dropped something. 160 00:08:30,036 --> 00:08:31,371 You haven't seen me. 161 00:08:32,414 --> 00:08:34,291 - Thanks. - Okay. 162 00:08:34,291 --> 00:08:36,918 I better go. Before I'm mistaken for a nonce. 163 00:08:44,217 --> 00:08:46,094 Ooh, posh crisps. 164 00:08:46,094 --> 00:08:47,971 Who do you think you are, the fucking Queen? 165 00:08:47,971 --> 00:08:50,849 And ten pounds cashback, please. 166 00:08:50,849 --> 00:08:52,851 NIKKI: All right. 167 00:08:52,851 --> 00:08:55,645 Heard you got kicked out this morning. 168 00:08:55,645 --> 00:08:58,189 Why not try paying your rent like the rest of us. 169 00:08:59,024 --> 00:09:00,525 Got no shame, you. 170 00:09:00,525 --> 00:09:02,235 Oh, do shut up, Nikki. 171 00:09:02,235 --> 00:09:04,863 - Yeah, card declined. - (EXHALES DEEPLY) 172 00:09:04,863 --> 00:09:07,157 Why don't you just get yourself a council place? 173 00:09:07,157 --> 00:09:09,034 Oh, yeah, 'cause they're giving them away, aren't they? 174 00:09:09,034 --> 00:09:11,369 - Well, they are. If you're foreign. - BRETT: True. 175 00:09:11,369 --> 00:09:14,331 NIKKI: (CHUCKLES) He knows what I'm talking about. 176 00:09:14,331 --> 00:09:16,583 Her and her kid got evicted this morning. 177 00:09:16,583 --> 00:09:18,543 Can you try the card again, please? 178 00:09:18,543 --> 00:09:20,628 - NIKKI: All right. - BRETT: I feel for you, girl. 179 00:09:20,628 --> 00:09:23,006 I was raised by a single mom myself. 180 00:09:23,006 --> 00:09:24,591 It's tough out there. 181 00:09:24,591 --> 00:09:26,259 (CARD MACHINE BEEPING) 182 00:09:32,015 --> 00:09:33,350 (CARD MACHINE BEEPS) 183 00:09:33,350 --> 00:09:34,726 Declined. 184 00:09:38,021 --> 00:09:39,314 Two quid, darling. 185 00:09:40,982 --> 00:09:43,109 Oh, darling, can you check the milks over there? 186 00:09:44,486 --> 00:09:46,529 All right, girl. Um, I can help. 187 00:09:46,529 --> 00:09:48,907 I've got a studio flat on the Millbank Estate. 188 00:09:48,907 --> 00:09:50,492 I mean, it ain't a palace or nothing. 189 00:09:50,492 --> 00:09:51,785 When's it available? 190 00:09:51,785 --> 00:09:54,079 Now. You know, like, straightaway. 191 00:09:54,079 --> 00:09:57,290 Uh, 11 Carbridge Gardens, there's no deposit. 192 00:09:57,290 --> 00:09:58,625 What's the rent? 193 00:09:58,625 --> 00:10:01,961 Come and see it. Then we can talk terms and conditions. 194 00:10:01,961 --> 00:10:03,421 Terms and conditions... 195 00:10:03,421 --> 00:10:06,049 Oh, rent, whatever. I keep it caszh. 196 00:10:09,511 --> 00:10:11,388 My treat. Enjoy. 197 00:10:14,974 --> 00:10:21,564 ♪ (GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 198 00:10:26,736 --> 00:10:28,154 - COSTELLO: Hiya. - Hi. 199 00:10:30,365 --> 00:10:31,950 KONSTANTIN: You take your pussy out and dance 200 00:10:31,950 --> 00:10:33,618 Tuesday and Thursday, and that's it. 201 00:10:33,618 --> 00:10:34,911 I don't want to see up your ass. 202 00:10:34,911 --> 00:10:36,788 Please, Konstantin, I really need the money. 203 00:10:36,788 --> 00:10:38,790 Last week, you were a no-show. 204 00:10:38,790 --> 00:10:41,167 You left me a girl down, remember? 205 00:10:41,167 --> 00:10:42,961 Lolly, can I take your shift today? 206 00:10:42,961 --> 00:10:45,797 No, sorry. Can't you work on psychic webcam? 207 00:10:45,797 --> 00:10:48,550 - (LAUGHS) - Please, Konstantin. You know how hard I work. 208 00:10:48,550 --> 00:10:51,469 Listen, don't shit in my mouth and tell me it's a Big Mac. 209 00:10:51,469 --> 00:10:52,595 (SIGHS) 210 00:10:54,681 --> 00:10:59,769 ♪ (GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 211 00:11:10,572 --> 00:11:13,366 Well, well, the bitch is back. 212 00:11:13,908 --> 00:11:15,160 Where are you? 213 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:18,746 (CLIENT PANTS, MOANS) 214 00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:22,000 (SELBY GRUNTS, PANTS) 215 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:27,505 - (CLIENT MOANS) - (SELBY GAGS) 216 00:11:31,301 --> 00:11:32,927 (TOILET FLUSHES) 217 00:11:39,726 --> 00:11:41,728 Sucking off old men, are we? 218 00:11:42,812 --> 00:11:45,315 Times must be tough. 219 00:11:45,315 --> 00:11:50,111 God, he's the spit of our old English professor. 220 00:11:53,531 --> 00:11:56,659 He said he was a six-foot-two barista from Fitzrovia. 221 00:11:56,659 --> 00:11:59,871 (CHUCKLES) God, I've missed you. 222 00:11:59,871 --> 00:12:01,539 Well, life's shit without me, isn't it? 223 00:12:01,539 --> 00:12:04,876 I mean, things still happen, they're just not as exciting. 224 00:12:04,876 --> 00:12:06,669 (SIREN WAILING) 225 00:12:09,672 --> 00:12:10,924 (EXHALES DEEPLY) 226 00:12:13,927 --> 00:12:15,512 How was it inside? 227 00:12:15,512 --> 00:12:17,931 Hmm. Don't pretend to care. 228 00:12:18,723 --> 00:12:19,724 Cheers. 229 00:12:19,724 --> 00:12:21,226 SELBY: But, since you asked, exhausting. 230 00:12:21,226 --> 00:12:22,727 Oh, who'd have thought, three meals a day 231 00:12:22,727 --> 00:12:25,188 and all the cock you can eat could become tiresome. 232 00:12:25,188 --> 00:12:29,025 - How's the writing going? - Great. Well, all right. 233 00:12:29,025 --> 00:12:30,527 Good. Just a shame you couldn't write me 234 00:12:30,527 --> 00:12:32,987 a fucking letter, isn't it? I was only there a year. 235 00:12:32,987 --> 00:12:36,866 Well, consider it punishment for fucking up my life. 236 00:12:36,866 --> 00:12:39,827 And anyway, you went fully fucking mental. 237 00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:41,996 You almost beat that bloke to death. 238 00:12:45,959 --> 00:12:48,419 Does that mean we're not best friends anymore? 239 00:12:53,341 --> 00:12:54,384 Mm. 240 00:12:58,763 --> 00:13:00,014 Suppose you need money. 241 00:13:01,474 --> 00:13:04,769 - Can you lend me some? - You mean give? 242 00:13:08,856 --> 00:13:11,609 Well, Allegra stopped my allowance when I was inside, 243 00:13:11,609 --> 00:13:14,737 so until that's reinstated, I don't have much... 244 00:13:14,737 --> 00:13:16,197 Oh, Allegra. 245 00:13:16,197 --> 00:13:18,199 So, we're living back with Mommy, are we? 246 00:13:18,199 --> 00:13:19,701 What are you, like, five? 247 00:13:19,701 --> 00:13:22,787 Well, at least my mommy loves me. There you are. 248 00:13:22,787 --> 00:13:25,999 Come on, she tolerates you. Thank you. 249 00:13:25,999 --> 00:13:28,376 SELBY: Oh, too slow! Go on then, take it. 250 00:13:28,376 --> 00:13:29,752 - Thank you. - SELBY: Oh, sorry! 251 00:13:29,752 --> 00:13:31,379 No, no, no. Go on, take it. I'm serious, I'm serious. 252 00:13:31,379 --> 00:13:33,464 (LAUGHING) Oh, sorry! Just take it. 253 00:13:33,464 --> 00:13:36,759 - Just fucking take it. - Come on, stop being an asshole! 254 00:13:36,759 --> 00:13:40,305 (LAUGHS) Oh, God, and they say I'm the violent one. 255 00:13:41,389 --> 00:13:42,849 By the way, how are your family? 256 00:13:42,849 --> 00:13:44,851 - Still dead. - Mm. 257 00:13:44,851 --> 00:13:48,438 They're just still very much walking around, aren't they? 258 00:13:48,438 --> 00:13:51,274 You know it's customary to bury the dead, don't you? 259 00:13:54,235 --> 00:13:55,820 Stay away from me and Iris. 260 00:13:55,820 --> 00:13:59,449 SELBY: Oh, but then everything would be so dull, darling. 261 00:14:00,366 --> 00:14:05,246 ♪ (GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 262 00:14:05,246 --> 00:14:06,331 Selby? 263 00:14:06,331 --> 00:14:07,874 (DOOR CREAKS) 264 00:14:20,637 --> 00:14:22,096 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 265 00:14:24,182 --> 00:14:26,184 Then the bathroom's in here. 266 00:14:26,184 --> 00:14:29,062 Uh, shower and toilet, sink and that. 267 00:14:29,062 --> 00:14:30,813 I haven't got a bath, unfortunately. 268 00:14:32,565 --> 00:14:33,691 Yeah. 269 00:14:34,651 --> 00:14:36,194 So, we could move in today? 270 00:14:36,194 --> 00:14:38,363 Yeah, of course. Of course, yeah. 271 00:14:38,363 --> 00:14:40,907 Yeah, but I-- I sleep here. 272 00:14:40,907 --> 00:14:43,242 Uh, this is where you and the little one will live. 273 00:14:47,455 --> 00:14:50,208 (BULB BUZZING) 274 00:14:50,208 --> 00:14:51,876 It's a cupboard. 275 00:14:51,876 --> 00:14:53,586 Yeah, you can put some fairy lights up 276 00:14:53,586 --> 00:14:55,463 and that makes it proper little cozy. 277 00:14:55,463 --> 00:14:57,799 Last mommy I helped out stayed two years. 278 00:14:59,759 --> 00:15:01,844 - What's the catch? - Oh, no. 279 00:15:01,844 --> 00:15:04,180 Listen, girl, I ain't gonna make you sign no contract. 280 00:15:04,180 --> 00:15:06,766 Rent free. Room's yours if you need it, 281 00:15:06,766 --> 00:15:08,810 just do a bit of cleaning for me. 282 00:15:12,897 --> 00:15:13,898 Okay. 283 00:15:15,358 --> 00:15:16,693 I'll let you know. 284 00:15:19,612 --> 00:15:21,072 - Thanks. - All right. 285 00:15:21,072 --> 00:15:22,907 - Bye. - Okay. All right. 286 00:15:26,828 --> 00:15:32,709 ♪ (MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 287 00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:42,844 ANSWERPHONE: Welcome to the London and Southeast 288 00:15:42,844 --> 00:15:44,137 Homelessness Helpline, 289 00:15:44,137 --> 00:15:46,431 all our call operators are busy right now. 290 00:15:46,431 --> 00:15:48,808 If you are homeless or about to be made homeless, 291 00:15:48,808 --> 00:15:51,310 please register on our website at-- 292 00:15:51,310 --> 00:15:54,522 - (KNOCKING ON DOOR) - COSTELLO: Gloria? 293 00:15:55,815 --> 00:15:57,817 (SIGHS) Where the hell is she? 294 00:16:01,195 --> 00:16:03,698 IRIS: I thought the spirits were gonna find us a place by five. 295 00:16:03,698 --> 00:16:06,075 COSTELLO: Yeah, well, that's the problem with spirits, 296 00:16:06,075 --> 00:16:08,202 they're as unreliable as the rest of us. 297 00:16:08,953 --> 00:16:15,585 ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 298 00:16:25,595 --> 00:16:28,014 ♪ (MUSIC FADES INTO BACKGROUND) ♪ 299 00:16:28,014 --> 00:16:30,600 Now, I told you before, never get between a man 300 00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,685 and his mahjong. 301 00:16:36,522 --> 00:16:41,194 ♪ (GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 302 00:16:51,412 --> 00:16:52,580 You can't stay here. 303 00:16:55,583 --> 00:16:57,585 I'm waiting for my washing. 304 00:16:57,585 --> 00:17:00,671 Unmanned between nine and six. Ain't safe. 305 00:17:02,632 --> 00:17:05,426 You can get a B&B for, like, 40 quid, you know. 306 00:17:05,426 --> 00:17:08,930 Yeah, why didn't I think of that? Come on, bubba. 307 00:17:23,903 --> 00:17:27,323 You can't, it's Aunty G's. Mommy! (GROANS) 308 00:17:27,323 --> 00:17:29,909 Okay. Aunty G won't mind. 309 00:17:29,909 --> 00:17:31,369 Out the way. 310 00:17:33,663 --> 00:17:34,747 Okay. 311 00:17:46,134 --> 00:17:47,426 (COSTELLO GROANS) 312 00:17:48,052 --> 00:17:49,428 - You in? - IRIS: Yeah. 313 00:17:49,428 --> 00:17:50,429 COSTELLO: Come on. (GRUNTS) 314 00:17:50,429 --> 00:17:52,139 This will be all right for a bit. 315 00:17:52,139 --> 00:17:54,392 - IRIS: Hmm. - COSTELLO: Aunty G will be back soon. 316 00:17:55,309 --> 00:17:56,561 (SIGHS) 317 00:17:58,312 --> 00:18:00,273 You got any homework? 318 00:18:00,273 --> 00:18:02,775 - IRIS: Yeah. - COSTELLO: Let's crack on then. 319 00:18:03,651 --> 00:18:06,821 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 320 00:18:07,405 --> 00:18:08,531 Mahjong! 321 00:18:08,531 --> 00:18:10,074 (PLAYERS GROANING) 322 00:18:10,074 --> 00:18:13,786 (IN MANDARIN) 323 00:18:17,999 --> 00:18:19,250 (IN ENGLISH) Up the stakes? 324 00:18:21,669 --> 00:18:23,588 It hasn't been the same here without you. 325 00:18:24,922 --> 00:18:26,048 Too fucking right. 326 00:18:30,636 --> 00:18:34,015 I'm tired and a bit scared. Can you call Selby? 327 00:18:34,974 --> 00:18:38,185 I told you Selby is with his sick mommy. 328 00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:41,522 No. She's better now. He came to school. 329 00:18:46,819 --> 00:18:48,779 He asked me not to tell you. 330 00:18:52,450 --> 00:18:55,494 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 331 00:18:59,206 --> 00:19:02,752 COSTELLO: One number two, two fours, four fives, 332 00:19:02,752 --> 00:19:06,047 - a seven. How much is a nine? - Fiver. 333 00:19:06,672 --> 00:19:07,840 Another number seven. 334 00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:09,258 I thought you had no money. 335 00:19:09,258 --> 00:19:11,177 I mean, no wonder if you're spunking it all 336 00:19:11,177 --> 00:19:12,637 on scratch cards. 337 00:19:12,637 --> 00:19:14,513 All right, I need 40 quid for a B&B. 338 00:19:14,513 --> 00:19:16,307 What else am I supposed to fucking do? 339 00:19:16,307 --> 00:19:19,018 (COINS CLATTERING) 340 00:19:27,318 --> 00:19:30,237 COSTELLO: Thank you, Nikki, that's really kind, thank you. 341 00:19:30,237 --> 00:19:33,616 No, no, don't fuss. Have 'em. They're disgusting. 342 00:19:36,619 --> 00:19:38,829 We won. A tenner! 343 00:19:38,829 --> 00:19:40,081 - Ooh! - Ah. 344 00:19:41,082 --> 00:19:43,376 - Ah, ten quid! - Right. 345 00:19:43,376 --> 00:19:46,462 That means we've got 20 quid, we go again. 346 00:19:46,462 --> 00:19:47,672 Four nines. 347 00:19:47,672 --> 00:19:50,383 One of these babies is gonna land us in the Ritz. 348 00:19:53,344 --> 00:19:54,929 Sweet dreams, bubba. 349 00:19:55,930 --> 00:19:58,849 (TUBE LIGHT BUZZING) 350 00:20:03,938 --> 00:20:05,272 (DOOR CLOSES) 351 00:20:08,025 --> 00:20:13,239 - Sorry for, um, calling so late. - Of course, happy to help. 352 00:20:14,615 --> 00:20:18,160 Just for the one night, though. Thank you, Brett. 353 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:19,286 BRETT: Yeah. 354 00:20:26,502 --> 00:20:28,421 Sure you don't want anything stronger? 355 00:20:30,131 --> 00:20:31,090 Oh, no. 356 00:20:42,893 --> 00:20:44,061 Here, put this on. 357 00:20:46,772 --> 00:20:48,482 Terms and conditions apply. 358 00:21:01,996 --> 00:21:03,414 Just this, nothing else? 359 00:21:03,414 --> 00:21:04,999 Yeah 'course, I'm not a pervert. 360 00:21:06,584 --> 00:21:08,502 You do a good fucking impression of one. 361 00:21:12,506 --> 00:21:13,507 (DOOR SLAMS) 362 00:21:15,009 --> 00:21:19,180 (PANTS) 363 00:21:20,389 --> 00:21:21,390 (SIGHS) 364 00:21:26,896 --> 00:21:28,647 BRETT: Here, the last mommy here, 365 00:21:28,647 --> 00:21:29,940 she had an eating disorder, 366 00:21:29,940 --> 00:21:33,152 so the nighty might be a bit tight-y. 367 00:21:34,695 --> 00:21:35,946 Hurry up. 368 00:21:36,572 --> 00:21:39,617 (PANTS) 369 00:21:46,749 --> 00:21:49,043 BRETT: Here, come on. I need to see you. 370 00:21:51,921 --> 00:21:55,257 Oh, it's lovely. 371 00:21:55,257 --> 00:21:59,261 Just like one of those wrestlers from the 90s. I like that a lot. 372 00:22:00,262 --> 00:22:01,347 Oh. 373 00:22:03,891 --> 00:22:05,601 All right, don't worry. You're not fat or nothing. 374 00:22:05,601 --> 00:22:08,270 You just got a food bank body, that's all. 375 00:22:08,270 --> 00:22:09,647 What the fuck's that? 376 00:22:10,523 --> 00:22:11,565 BRETT: You know... 377 00:22:12,566 --> 00:22:14,568 lots of carbs. (CHUCKLES) 378 00:22:21,909 --> 00:22:24,245 I prefer kissing over penetration. 379 00:22:32,628 --> 00:22:36,757 W-- What's wrong with it? What's wrong with it? 380 00:22:37,675 --> 00:22:39,844 Right, nothing comes for free, babe. 381 00:22:39,844 --> 00:22:44,765 - (LINE TRILLING) - (COSTELLO PANTS) 382 00:22:44,765 --> 00:22:47,977 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 383 00:22:47,977 --> 00:22:49,603 COSTELLO: (OVER VOICE MAIL) Oh, uh, hi, Selby, 384 00:22:49,603 --> 00:22:52,857 I've somehow found myself trapped in a pervert's cupboard. 385 00:22:52,857 --> 00:22:56,110 Can you come get us? We're on the Millbank Estate, 386 00:22:56,110 --> 00:23:00,656 11 Carbridge Gardens. And hurry. Please. 387 00:23:02,616 --> 00:23:05,995 Now that-- That's Mahjong, motherfuckers. 388 00:23:05,995 --> 00:23:08,706 (CROWD CHEER, APPLAUD) 389 00:23:21,969 --> 00:23:23,012 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 390 00:23:23,012 --> 00:23:25,181 BRETT: You're gonna have to come out some time. 391 00:23:26,182 --> 00:23:31,937 - (DOORBELL RINGS) - (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 392 00:23:42,698 --> 00:23:43,741 (BRETT GROANS) 393 00:23:44,992 --> 00:23:45,951 Hello, darling. 394 00:23:45,951 --> 00:23:48,412 He prefers kissing over penetration. 395 00:23:48,412 --> 00:23:49,914 Ooh, does he? 396 00:23:50,915 --> 00:23:52,875 Me, too. 397 00:23:52,875 --> 00:23:55,836 - You entitled little bitch. - SELBY: Get Iris. 398 00:23:55,836 --> 00:23:58,881 - (COUGHS) - Hello. 399 00:23:58,881 --> 00:24:00,716 Hello, hello, hello. 400 00:24:00,716 --> 00:24:05,638 (BRETT GROANS, COUGHS) 401 00:24:08,807 --> 00:24:10,976 - (PANTS) - (BRETT GROANS, COUGHS) 402 00:24:13,270 --> 00:24:14,271 C'mon. 403 00:24:17,608 --> 00:24:18,776 The fuck were you thinking? 404 00:24:18,776 --> 00:24:20,903 COSTELLO: We had nowhere else to go! 405 00:24:20,903 --> 00:24:23,280 - (INHALES DEEPLY) - No. 406 00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:27,826 Or you'll end up back in prison with the butch boys. 407 00:24:29,286 --> 00:24:31,789 (EXHALES SHARPLY, PANTS) 408 00:24:32,373 --> 00:24:33,540 Ah. 409 00:24:35,125 --> 00:24:38,837 ♪ (GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 410 00:24:40,673 --> 00:24:42,007 Enough of this shit show. 411 00:24:43,676 --> 00:24:45,344 Hello, beauty. 412 00:24:46,011 --> 00:24:47,680 Okay, we're off. C'mon. 413 00:24:48,722 --> 00:24:50,015 I need to close your eyes 414 00:24:50,015 --> 00:24:52,476 until you feel the fresh air on your cheeks, okay? 415 00:24:52,893 --> 00:24:53,936 Yeah. 416 00:24:57,523 --> 00:24:59,650 (BRETT GROANS) 417 00:25:06,657 --> 00:25:08,367 "Fucking entitled"? 418 00:25:12,621 --> 00:25:14,665 (BANGING ON DOOR) 419 00:25:23,465 --> 00:25:24,800 How much do you owe the landlord? 420 00:25:25,592 --> 00:25:26,677 COSTELLO: Three grand. 421 00:25:26,677 --> 00:25:28,887 (BANGING CONTINUES) 422 00:25:32,433 --> 00:25:33,600 (PANTS) 423 00:25:34,727 --> 00:25:36,979 IRIS: Whoa! Mom, it's empty. 424 00:25:36,979 --> 00:25:38,314 Sort it tomorrow. 425 00:25:55,831 --> 00:25:58,083 Give me your phone, I'm putting a tracker on it. 426 00:26:03,630 --> 00:26:07,343 Iris, come say goodbye to Selby, he's leaving. 427 00:26:08,844 --> 00:26:10,012 Love you, Costello. 428 00:26:11,472 --> 00:26:14,391 And I love you too, Selby. Now fuck off and die. 429 00:26:14,391 --> 00:26:18,145 (CHUCKLES) I can't do that, can I? Okay, bye-bye. 430 00:26:22,441 --> 00:26:23,817 (IN COCKNEY ACCENT) We're family. 431 00:26:35,954 --> 00:26:37,956 ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ 432 00:26:37,956 --> 00:26:41,043 - You okay? - Yeah. 433 00:26:41,043 --> 00:26:43,754 I bet that house we saw this morning 434 00:26:43,754 --> 00:26:47,216 - has got a king-size bed. - And goose down duvets. 435 00:26:47,216 --> 00:26:51,261 - And like 200 Le Creuset pans. - (CHUCKLES) Yeah. 436 00:26:54,223 --> 00:26:55,474 (CELL PHONE BUZZING) 437 00:27:00,229 --> 00:27:02,022 (CHIMES) 438 00:27:02,439 --> 00:27:03,440 Oh, wow. 439 00:27:05,150 --> 00:27:06,527 A hundred days. 440 00:27:06,527 --> 00:27:09,780 - COSTELLO: Hundred days. - Does it feel like it? 441 00:27:09,780 --> 00:27:12,866 - Yes. (CHUCKLES) - (IRIS CHUCKLES) 442 00:27:12,866 --> 00:27:15,577 And I'll be your little reminder every time. 443 00:27:15,577 --> 00:27:17,538 - To not drink-- - To not drink wine. 444 00:27:17,538 --> 00:27:18,956 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 445 00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:21,792 I'm really proud of you, Mommy. 446 00:27:26,630 --> 00:27:28,590 (BANGING ON DOOR) 447 00:27:28,590 --> 00:27:30,509 POLICE OFFICER 1: Can you open the door, please? 448 00:27:31,552 --> 00:27:33,262 POLICE OFFICER 2: Costello! Costello Jones. 449 00:27:33,262 --> 00:27:34,638 (BANGING ON DOOR) 450 00:27:34,638 --> 00:27:36,598 POLICE OFFICER 2: Look, we know you're in there. 451 00:27:36,598 --> 00:27:40,060 (INDISTINCT POLICE RADIO CHATTER) 452 00:27:40,060 --> 00:27:41,770 COSTELLO: What the fuck are you looking at? 453 00:27:41,770 --> 00:27:44,773 ♪ ("STOLE MY PUSH BIKE" BY AMYL AND THE SNIFFERS PLAYING) ♪ 454 00:27:44,773 --> 00:27:47,401 ♪ Someone stole my push bike And I want it back ♪ 455 00:27:47,401 --> 00:27:50,320 ♪ I said! You stole my push bike I want it back ♪ 456 00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:51,447 ♪ I want it back ♪ 457 00:27:53,824 --> 00:27:56,493 ♪ Someone stole my push bike I think it's you ♪ 458 00:27:56,493 --> 00:27:59,872 ♪ So I come in the house Well, I'm coming for you ♪ 459 00:27:59,872 --> 00:28:02,499 ♪ Someone stole my push bike I think it's you ♪ 460 00:28:02,499 --> 00:28:03,750 ♪ I think it's you ♪ 461 00:28:04,418 --> 00:28:05,502 ♪ You! ♪ 462 00:28:12,384 --> 00:28:13,760 ♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪