Lisa?
Dad.
That's my Lisa.
Donna! Donna!
Your mom only just got in the bath.
In the house, shoes off. You know what she's like.
Yeah.
- You look good, Dad. - 'Course I do. I'm bloody gorgeous.
You look older.
- Yeah, 15 years will do that to you. - Time is a cruel mistress.
Donna!
Here, come in, come in, come in.
Donna!
- Lisa's downstairs. - What?
- She's down... she's downstairs? - She's just knocked at the door.
- Oh my God. - I'm gonna phone John.
Sorry to keep you, Lisa.
It might be a while. She just dropped a bath bomb.
She's still doing bath bombs?
- That'll be John. - The whole gang is here.
- Let me see her! - Calm down, don't come in here all hot.
- All right, bruv? - Wh... I mean...
Dad, that ain't even Lisa.
Gloria!
We've got bodies piling up out here.
Give me a minute. Jesus! Can't a girl piss in peace?
Hey, you. I need a favor.
- 'Kay. - Let's swap.
All right.
What does it say?
- What, like... - Okay.
How many lines does it have? One or two?
No, wait! Don't tell me, don't tell me.
Okay.
I need to know. Go on, tell me. How many lines does it have?
Wait! No, don't...
No. No, I need to know. Okay.
- How many lines is it? - Two.
So, there's this podcast.
Thirteen-year-old boy, French.
Disappears into thin air. Family write him off. Dead.
Then, like, 20 years later, knock on the door.
He's home, moves in. Happy family. But... here's the twist.
He's an imposter.
Like you.
Why would I want this life?
You tell me. I don't... I don't make the podcasts.
- I just listen to 'em. - No, John, it's her.
Okay, okay.
Something only the real Lisa would know.
When she got upset, she used to piss on the floor.
Exact spot, please,
or I'm chucking you out this house right now.
- You married, Lisa, hey? Kids? - No, not for me.
Never maternal was she, Dad?
How many women have got child support claims against you, John?
- No. No... None. - Roughly.
I'm a... I'm a simple creature, I like...
- Okay. - ...cream pies,
Millwall Football Club, and true-crime podcasts.
In that order.
- So, a real Renaissance man. - I don't speak French.
Yeah. Yeah. Okay, yeah, so you are Lisa.
With your... big words and your... French.
Dad, ca... can I hit her?
- No, John, you can't. - Where you been the last 15 years?
I will never forgive you for what you did to my mom.
- Yeah, that was out of order in a way. - Out... out of order?
- Nearly killed her. - But she didn't kill me, did she?
And I don't hold a grudge. Not to one of my own.
There she is, star of the show. Hello, Mom.
No, no.
Come here.
Welcome back to the family, Lisa.
You sticking around then?
Yeah, come on, you owe her that, it's been 15 years.
Not like you got anyone else to rush home to.
Yeah, I'm staying. Yeah.
My girl's home.
Now, that was a rare treat.
I'm usually a bottom, but for the first time this millennia,
I'm finally on top.
Save it for your memoir.
When I started out in showbiz, I was shit-hot.
Cast as the heartthrob, you see.
And in the blink of an eye, I was playing fathers
and invalids, and aging wastrels.
And look at me now, adrift in the gay wasteland.
It can happen to the best of us.
You're in the gay wasteland, I'm not in the gay wasteland.
I know how tough it is, going from giver to taker.
Sliding all the way down to the bottom.
Yeah, we live our youth in lust.
By the time we learn love is what truly matters,
we've pushed away and hurt anybody worth giving it to.
Go on. Let it out.
You may have been impotent for some time,
but it's the emotional erections that count.
You can leave now.
Well, one piece of advice.
Always aim to harden one's cock,
but not one's heart.
Good luck out there.
Come on, move.
- Where's John? - He's at the club with his friends.
Yes.
Rude of you not to have a drink with us tonight.
And you always did think you were better than us, didn't you?
Going to university, working at Waitrose.
Is Dad all right? He had a lot.
- What's that? - My diary, from when I was about 13.
Memories.
What are they good for, eh?
"Lisa the Liar," they called me.
Yeah, well, had a wild imagination, didn't you?
- You reckon? - Don't start.
You been spoiling for a fight since you got here.
Why would a child lie about their own mom?
Lisa, move on.
3:00 a.m. ain't the time to go digging up shit.
No, it's the perfect time.
Why would I say disgusting things about my own mother?
Kids are weird fuckers.
Did you do the same to John or was it just to me?
John ain't sensitive like you.
You needed toughening up.
So, you admit it?
You're admitting it.
Look, Lisa. All I did was try and make you strong.
And look at you.
- You'd do the same. - No. I wouldn't.
'Cause I'm not a fucking nonce, Mom.
Well, we all have our own version of the truth.
Yeah, I... You're a fucking nonce. That's the truth.
Let's meet up again, sometime, yeah? Kew Gardens?
Yeah.
- Carvery. - Lovely.
Let yourself out.
- She's going? - Yeah, she's leaving.
- Yeah, but why? - You know what she's like.
Costello called me.
And if she's concerned about your behavior,
things must be bad.
She says you're living out here like Charlie Sheen
- and not in a good way. - Coming from her.
She spent the last year here, acting like a lottery winner.
Well... she's worried about you.
So, I brought your father to cheer you up.
You don't want to end up like him, do you, darling?
Yet another person
who went to great extremes to get away from me.
Don't take it so personally.
Attempting suicide was his hobby.
I mean, how many people die doing what they love?
Well, I suppose you've wanted him out of the house for a long time.
He's your problem now.
Well, now look what you've done. The poor man's drowned twice.
And he's clogged up the filter.
Causes nothing but problems that man. Alive or dead.
Well, can't that be said for us all.
So, I made her admit it. Fucking sicko.
What you went on last night, Costello, was a nonce hunt.
- Proud of you, babe. - I can do anything now.
Nothing scares me.
And I'm leaving Selby. And this time, for real. For real, real.
I swear you've been saying that since the day you met him.
No, I'm going. I've got us a place at a refuge.
- You... - A nice one. In North London.
- Oh, my Go... - Thank you.
I mean, she can't grow up in all this... Even he knows that.
Well, you're not the only one with big news today.
Right. So, what service do you require of me?
"Congratulations," or "Don't worry, we'll get rid of it?"
You know, there was a moment when I was taking the test,
and I was both pregnant and not pregnant.
And I'd never felt happier.
I cannot believe that Paul still banged you
- after what you and Selby did to him. - Well, I'm fit, ain't I?
I've told Costello to come and collect her things.
No. No, they're not leaving. You take everyone away from me!
I've found somewhere for you to stay.
- It'll be awful, but life is. - Don't you dare.
- Don't you... - I should've done this years ago.
Go on, fucking do it. Fucking bring on the white coats!
Yes, hello, I... I spoke to you
- about a possible referral... - You fucking cunt!
- Yes, sorry... Shush! - Cunt!
- Can you... - I'm not him!
Can you hear me?
Keys.
Still a little bit cunty, aren't you, Costello?
Thank you for coming.
He needs you.
Is he okay?
Iris wanted him to have this.
He's fine.
Now, go in the house and get your things and get out.
Leave my son alone.
He's been dying to get away from you since the moment he met you.
Here is your chance to love him.
Don't blow it.
Selby, you have to let us go.
This isn't normal.
It's completely normal to hate the people you love.
No, it isn't, Selby. And I don't want Iris thinking that it is.
Not the laptop, come on.
Wait... wait.
You're not leaving me.
- Please don't leave me. - Oh, God.
Please don't. Please don't leave me.
Please.
Wouldn't it be best for all of us
if we came to some unremarkable end?
Costello.
There's never been anything unremarkable about our love.
No. No!
I went to see Mom.
All my life,
I've been called a liar.
- And I wasn't lying. - I know.
I've always believed you.
- I'm not like her, am I? - You're nothing like her.
I don't know how I'll live without you both.
Darling, darling. They're here.
- Can I say goodbye to my daughter? - Florian.
You know she can't see you like this, don't you?
Hey.
D'you know, I lived in a refuge when you were in my belly.
This one's gonna make our lives better.
Bubba? I promise.
Costello, I'm Serena, we spoke earlier.
I'm falling...
And you must be Iris?
Come on. Let's get you home.
Okay.
Are you sure you haven't been followed?
- Yeah, I'm sure. - Good.
Because our only rule is, we lay low and let the Lord guide us.
It seems really nice, don't you reckon, Iris?
Yeah, I bet the neighbors have William Morris wallpaper.
Yeah, and I bet they've got a room just for shoes.
Welcome. No visitors, no contact with your abuser,
no contact with men whatsoever. No alcohol, no illegal drugs.
- No work. Sign here. - Sorry. No work?
All residents must qualify for full housing benefit.
No work or you have to leave.
The council pays your rent directly to us
and you can claim jobseeker's allowance.
The only work that we do here is God's.
May the Heavenly Father stop this noise, so we can heal, Serena.
The Good Lord gives his toughest battles to His strongest soldiers.
Jade, meet Costello and Iris.
And the Holy Father has chosen you to deliver them to their room.
Panic buttons are located by all exits
and must only be used in the event of an emergency.
What's with the noise?
Neighbors are excavating the basement to install a home cinema.
An eight-bedroom, four-million-pound townhouse
just isn't enough for some folk.
Word of advice.
Jesus is always watching like a little peeper.
So, don't do anything I wouldn't do.
A bunk bed. Great.
God!
As if we haven't suffered enough already, now this.
Get outta here.
Well, what do you think of it here?
- Well, it sure isn't Disneyland, is it? - No, maybe the one in Paris.
This is going to come out of your allowance,
which doesn't go far, so... It's not the smartest of places.
At least, they'll take care of me.
How long do you plan on keeping me here?
- Until they declare you "un-insane." - Goodie.
Well, this is sweet. You must know
that little Iris thinks the world of you.
You've done a good job with her.
Let's meet up when you've recovered. Chin up.
Bye, darling.
- She went back to her husband. - Really?
You know, he kept her locked in the basement
for like three months, don't you?
- No, no. - Okay, ladies.
I am opening up the book...
- Sorry, Jade... - ...I am taking bets.
- Yeah! - Okay. Two to one,
he keeps her hostage again. Three to one, he kills her.
Four to one, she kills him.
Seven to one, she ends up back here within the week.
- Yep, you're on. - Yeah, go on then.
Would you mind keeping it down? My daughter's had a really rough day.
- Thanks. - One thing that is for certain,
I'm having her old bedroom, and if anyone stands in my way,
- I will roll them down. - Not fair.
Hi. Can I check on a patient that was admitted this afternoon?
Florian Selby.
Yeah, yeah, I'm family, yeah. I just wanted check he was all right.
My name? Costello Jones.
What do you mean I'm not on the list?
I'm family.
I need to get a message to him.
Family only.
Okay.
I get it.