1 00:00:18,879 --> 00:00:20,792 - Sold my book. - How? 2 00:00:20,792 --> 00:00:25,246 Discovered on a Bloomsbury slush pile by some dickhead called Barnaby. 3 00:00:25,524 --> 00:00:29,038 - Barnabys are the worst. - He's my new editor. 4 00:00:29,038 --> 00:00:32,099 Got in touch after that pashmina video went viral. 5 00:00:32,099 --> 00:00:35,092 I believe Salinger was discovered the same way. 6 00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:39,163 All I did was shout at some posh bitch. 7 00:00:41,111 --> 00:00:44,242 Now, everyone thinks I'm the Joan of Arc of the council estate. 8 00:00:44,833 --> 00:00:47,930 - You deserve this. - Still potless. 9 00:00:49,008 --> 00:00:51,200 Council are sending us to Somerset. 10 00:00:51,582 --> 00:00:53,566 - Tell 'em to fuck off. - Yeah, I did. 11 00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:55,827 They can't force you out. 12 00:00:58,402 --> 00:01:01,533 If I don't take it, then we're intentionally homeless. 13 00:01:03,308 --> 00:01:07,170 Oh, Lenny, I am gonna miss you, my favorite pervert. 14 00:01:09,466 --> 00:01:12,249 But we'll be back next spring when the book's out. 15 00:01:15,310 --> 00:01:17,503 I bet you can't believe it's really happening. 16 00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:23,800 I've been burned by posh pricks before. 17 00:01:24,531 --> 00:01:28,079 I won't believe it's real until it's on sale in Foyles. 18 00:01:31,455 --> 00:01:32,637 And when it is out, 19 00:01:33,472 --> 00:01:37,334 I'm gonna ride the tube day and night until I find someone who's reading it. 20 00:01:38,691 --> 00:01:40,813 Because that's how you know you've really made it. 21 00:01:43,562 --> 00:01:44,988 And I'm gonna go up to them, 22 00:01:45,579 --> 00:01:48,676 pull the book down and say, "I wrote that, I did." 23 00:01:48,676 --> 00:01:50,764 They are going to think that you're mad. 24 00:01:51,042 --> 00:01:55,391 Be a great fucking day. Back in the city because of my book. 25 00:01:59,496 --> 00:02:01,828 You know, Barnaby reckons it's gonna be big. 26 00:02:01,828 --> 00:02:03,775 - Bigger than Dickens? - Yeah. 27 00:02:03,775 --> 00:02:06,177 Basically Oliver Twist, but with big tits. 28 00:02:12,891 --> 00:02:14,317 You're a real artist. 29 00:02:16,823 --> 00:02:20,789 All you can ask for in life is one moment of perfection. 30 00:02:22,667 --> 00:02:26,251 Because it doesn't last. It's not meant to. 31 00:02:27,678 --> 00:02:28,791 Remember that. 32 00:02:31,191 --> 00:02:34,080 Mom. Lenny, go. Run, run, run. 33 00:02:34,567 --> 00:02:36,340 Just like real life, you get what you want 34 00:02:36,340 --> 00:02:38,289 - then someone comes to ruin it. - Hey, excuse me? 35 00:02:39,124 --> 00:02:42,638 Who the hell do you think you are? Hey! Excuse me? 36 00:02:52,310 --> 00:02:53,737 So, you got my letter then. 37 00:03:11,619 --> 00:03:14,264 Broadband's slow. Food's microwaved. 38 00:03:14,542 --> 00:03:16,525 And the only other homosexual here has had a cold sore 39 00:03:16,525 --> 00:03:18,752 for the last two weeks, so it's not ideal. 40 00:03:19,239 --> 00:03:20,318 Here's your shit. 41 00:03:21,536 --> 00:03:22,544 You look good. 42 00:03:28,738 --> 00:03:30,233 Still got a way to go. 43 00:03:38,479 --> 00:03:41,714 "Fiscus Publishing signs new novel from authentic, 44 00:03:42,167 --> 00:03:44,811 working class, single mom." 45 00:03:46,620 --> 00:03:47,803 She'll hate that. 46 00:03:53,301 --> 00:03:54,761 Well, she no longer needs me then. 47 00:03:56,432 --> 00:03:58,728 Won't be long before the money's rolling in. 48 00:04:03,494 --> 00:04:05,930 Come on then, you ever fucked in an asylum? 49 00:04:12,748 --> 00:04:16,089 - They've sent us straight to hell. - Be grateful you got a place. 50 00:04:16,367 --> 00:04:17,794 Where are all the people? 51 00:04:18,385 --> 00:04:19,916 It's in the middle of nowhere. 52 00:04:19,916 --> 00:04:22,352 Lots of people come out to the countryside 53 00:04:22,352 --> 00:04:23,847 - to finish their book. - Yeah. 54 00:04:24,161 --> 00:04:27,396 Rich ones, retreating to daddy's holiday cottage. 55 00:04:28,300 --> 00:04:29,310 It's pretty peaceful, though. 56 00:04:29,971 --> 00:04:33,206 It means we can be wild! 57 00:04:34,111 --> 00:04:35,538 All right, all right. 58 00:04:36,964 --> 00:04:38,633 Auntie, stop it. 59 00:04:41,486 --> 00:04:43,539 I don't wanna live in peace. 60 00:04:44,270 --> 00:04:47,923 I want to shout at people who don't know how to use escalators correctly. 61 00:04:47,923 --> 00:04:49,349 Watch this bend, watch this bend. 62 00:04:49,628 --> 00:04:53,037 Okay, stop it. I don't wanna die here, I wanna die in the city. 63 00:04:53,037 --> 00:04:56,169 - One more, just to upset Mom. You ready? - Don't stop, Auntie G. 64 00:04:57,943 --> 00:04:59,717 - No, God! It's the police! - What? 65 00:04:59,717 --> 00:05:01,353 - Brilliant. Oh, great. - What? 66 00:05:01,353 --> 00:05:03,997 - Are they following us? - Yeah, they're following us. 67 00:05:03,997 --> 00:05:06,293 - It'll be... it will be fine. - Fantastic. Well done. 68 00:05:07,476 --> 00:05:08,589 You're over the limit. 69 00:05:10,086 --> 00:05:12,034 - How many have you had? - Only a couple last night. 70 00:05:12,034 --> 00:05:13,495 Fuck! 71 00:05:14,121 --> 00:05:15,269 Am I being arrested? 72 00:05:16,627 --> 00:05:17,809 Where are you taking her? 73 00:05:17,809 --> 00:05:19,688 - Minehead. - I'm sorry. 74 00:05:19,688 --> 00:05:22,020 - No! What the fuck is wrong with you? - Yeah, all right, 75 00:05:22,020 --> 00:05:23,723 calm down or I'll arrest you too. 76 00:05:24,941 --> 00:05:27,238 - Sorry, what for? - Public nuisance. 77 00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:32,387 There is no public. Where the fuck is the public? 78 00:05:32,734 --> 00:05:34,545 We're in the middle of fucking nowhere! 79 00:05:35,623 --> 00:05:36,597 Last warning. 80 00:05:39,624 --> 00:05:41,050 Will Auntie G be all right? 81 00:05:42,164 --> 00:05:45,642 She'll always be all right. She's got a family to bail her out. 82 00:05:48,426 --> 00:05:51,279 I promise you, I will write us out of here. 83 00:05:53,471 --> 00:05:56,394 First hardcover, then paperback... 84 00:05:57,646 --> 00:06:01,960 Audible, Sunday Times bestseller, Man Booker, 85 00:06:02,865 --> 00:06:04,952 and then Richard and Judy's Book Club. 86 00:06:06,761 --> 00:06:09,231 Then I'll sell the TV rights to the highest bidder. 87 00:06:10,171 --> 00:06:12,745 I'll write the adaptation because that's where the real money is. 88 00:06:13,128 --> 00:06:15,528 - We'll be all right. - Yeah, but can we live... 89 00:06:16,538 --> 00:06:19,739 in a place with high ceilings in Belsize Park? 90 00:06:21,339 --> 00:06:22,766 Yeah, sure. 91 00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:29,028 What the hell? 92 00:06:30,037 --> 00:06:31,046 God. 93 00:06:35,429 --> 00:06:36,682 And it's back... 94 00:06:38,456 --> 00:06:39,640 thanks to you. 95 00:06:40,752 --> 00:06:43,641 Glad to hear. Though, can't take all the credit. 96 00:06:44,510 --> 00:06:46,389 Costello no longer needs me... 97 00:06:48,303 --> 00:06:51,294 which made me feel worthless... 98 00:06:53,764 --> 00:06:54,948 so I fucked Fen. 99 00:06:56,200 --> 00:07:00,097 Did you know, Kenneth, I had my first buggering... 100 00:07:01,315 --> 00:07:04,690 and my first heartbreak on the same day? 101 00:07:06,289 --> 00:07:08,691 We had fagging at boarding school. 102 00:07:09,142 --> 00:07:14,779 It's where a young boy acts as a servant for one of the older boys. 103 00:07:15,127 --> 00:07:16,901 Sounds totally normal. 104 00:07:17,458 --> 00:07:18,850 I mean, I enjoyed it. 105 00:07:20,415 --> 00:07:23,442 Bed-hopping in dorms, mutual masturbation. 106 00:07:24,799 --> 00:07:26,365 Meaningless, functional. 107 00:07:27,895 --> 00:07:29,496 I mean, all powerful men do it. 108 00:07:29,774 --> 00:07:32,940 - Do you honestly believe that? - Yes, Kenneth, I do. 109 00:07:32,940 --> 00:07:35,759 You take a dry cock in your asshole, you can definitely take a grilling 110 00:07:35,759 --> 00:07:36,802 from Andrew Neil. 111 00:07:37,568 --> 00:07:38,577 What was his name? 112 00:07:39,585 --> 00:07:41,082 The boy who took your virginity. 113 00:07:41,464 --> 00:07:44,387 Oliver. Straightened out now, of course. 114 00:07:44,735 --> 00:07:46,683 Married, kids, member of parliament. 115 00:07:47,344 --> 00:07:48,562 How did he break your heart? 116 00:07:49,501 --> 00:07:54,476 No. He didn't break anything. But, ten minutes after we'd finished, 117 00:07:55,207 --> 00:07:57,607 my housemaster requested a chat. 118 00:08:03,244 --> 00:08:06,827 My father had made yet another attempt on his life. 119 00:08:12,985 --> 00:08:14,864 And this time, he'd succeeded. 120 00:08:22,310 --> 00:08:24,328 And that was both... 121 00:08:26,276 --> 00:08:30,312 the horniest and the saddest day of my life. 122 00:08:36,366 --> 00:08:37,757 Do you want to play a game? 123 00:08:38,279 --> 00:08:40,680 Good. Need to teach you the rules first. 124 00:08:42,176 --> 00:08:44,159 Uber won't touch the place. 125 00:08:45,273 --> 00:08:50,352 No Deliveroo, no Ocado, not even Aldi. None of them can handle Sunset Park. 126 00:08:51,465 --> 00:08:53,692 Thank you so much for this, this is so kind. 127 00:08:53,692 --> 00:08:55,571 Yeah, well, it's a pound each for the ride. 128 00:08:55,571 --> 00:08:57,624 Fifteen to deliver the junk to your door. 129 00:08:58,285 --> 00:08:59,259 Okay. 130 00:09:00,929 --> 00:09:03,155 - Can I pay you later? - Are you working? 131 00:09:04,373 --> 00:09:06,982 I've got an interview with a debt collector on the estate. 132 00:09:06,982 --> 00:09:09,731 Go on, then. I'll risk it. In you get. 133 00:09:11,854 --> 00:09:13,941 You're going to enjoy Sunset Park. 134 00:09:14,428 --> 00:09:17,908 - Only pedo-free estate in the country. - What's a pedo? 135 00:09:19,194 --> 00:09:20,621 You'd know if you met one. 136 00:09:21,177 --> 00:09:22,187 Right! 137 00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:23,718 - What's a pedo? - Don't ask. 138 00:09:23,718 --> 00:09:25,561 - Off into the sunset. - Okay. 139 00:09:31,581 --> 00:09:34,433 Four players, north, south, east, west. That's it. 140 00:09:34,433 --> 00:09:37,495 I just think you and Costello seem unlikely friends. 141 00:09:37,495 --> 00:09:39,861 And then we build the wall. 142 00:09:41,079 --> 00:09:43,201 That depends on your view of the world, doesn't it? 143 00:09:43,201 --> 00:09:45,184 I tend to think you meet a better class of person 144 00:09:45,184 --> 00:09:47,376 - in the gutter than in the drawing room. - Why is that? 145 00:09:48,698 --> 00:09:49,846 Does it make you feel powerful? 146 00:09:51,168 --> 00:09:52,316 No. 147 00:09:52,316 --> 00:09:56,978 You have money, you can leave any time. Costello can't, Iris can't. 148 00:09:57,535 --> 00:09:59,170 How many times have you left Iris now? 149 00:09:59,448 --> 00:10:03,693 I didn't choose to leave. I love Iris. 150 00:10:03,693 --> 00:10:05,815 Yet, you sabotaged your relationship with her 151 00:10:05,815 --> 00:10:09,573 before she has a chance to reject you. It's what you do. 152 00:10:14,617 --> 00:10:17,923 You're wrong. You're wrong. You know nothing about me. 153 00:10:19,872 --> 00:10:21,750 I know you're a privileged little shit. 154 00:10:22,515 --> 00:10:25,020 God! All I wanna do now is kiss you. 155 00:10:25,020 --> 00:10:26,064 Knock that shit off! 156 00:10:26,655 --> 00:10:27,769 Have I broken you, Kenneth? 157 00:10:28,534 --> 00:10:29,717 Not even close. 158 00:10:30,761 --> 00:10:34,727 Your game has rules and so does mine. You don't do that in here. 159 00:10:39,980 --> 00:10:41,164 Yes. 160 00:10:46,731 --> 00:10:48,714 Well, I didn't smash your face in. That's... 161 00:10:50,245 --> 00:10:52,505 I mean, that's gotta be growth. 162 00:10:54,698 --> 00:10:55,881 Do you want me to leave? 163 00:10:57,273 --> 00:10:58,803 Sit the fuck down. 164 00:11:00,751 --> 00:11:02,177 We haven't even started yet. 165 00:11:14,772 --> 00:11:18,565 Here we are, ladies. Sunset Park. 166 00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:21,139 And you're welcome to it. 167 00:11:37,561 --> 00:11:39,301 Right, this is you up yonder. 168 00:11:40,762 --> 00:11:42,223 Last woman there died. 169 00:11:43,128 --> 00:11:44,102 Brilliant. 170 00:11:46,955 --> 00:11:48,764 Are you all land-lined up, then? 171 00:11:49,947 --> 00:11:51,374 Place is a dead zone. 172 00:11:51,930 --> 00:11:56,941 - No TV signal. You're off-grid. - Check your mobile. No signal. 173 00:11:57,636 --> 00:11:58,854 Fucking hell. 174 00:12:04,351 --> 00:12:08,352 Hey, kiddo. More newbies. Show them 107. 175 00:12:11,275 --> 00:12:13,501 My name's Tennessee. Welcome to hell. 176 00:12:13,884 --> 00:12:16,319 - It ain't so bad. - Hi, I'm Iris. 177 00:12:42,517 --> 00:12:43,944 It's all right, isn't it? 178 00:12:47,945 --> 00:12:50,067 Sit yourself down. Get comfy. 179 00:12:50,415 --> 00:12:52,989 So, why do you want to be a debt collector then? 180 00:12:53,546 --> 00:12:56,016 Honestly? Desperate. 181 00:12:56,503 --> 00:12:57,861 You’ve come to the right place. 182 00:12:58,973 --> 00:13:01,409 What about other hustles? 183 00:13:02,140 --> 00:13:05,306 Most people these days, you know, got hustles. 184 00:13:05,793 --> 00:13:07,567 - In between hustles. - All right. 185 00:13:08,367 --> 00:13:10,559 Well, I googled you. Nothing pervy. 186 00:13:11,220 --> 00:13:13,134 Saw your working-class hero speech. 187 00:13:13,412 --> 00:13:15,813 I thought I was watching a fucking Ken Loach film. 188 00:13:15,813 --> 00:13:16,961 What about... 189 00:13:18,596 --> 00:13:20,197 this Battered Bitches thing? 190 00:13:21,066 --> 00:13:23,885 Yeah, that hasn't aged well. 191 00:13:24,546 --> 00:13:28,130 Internet says you're a bit of a dick, darling. 192 00:13:30,008 --> 00:13:31,295 Are you bit of a dick? 193 00:13:32,305 --> 00:13:33,904 Yeah. Sometimes. 194 00:13:34,357 --> 00:13:35,957 "Sometimes." That's honest. 195 00:13:36,548 --> 00:13:37,766 Got a criminal record? 196 00:13:38,671 --> 00:13:41,524 - Couple of cautions. - What? Theft, drugs? 197 00:13:41,524 --> 00:13:42,846 Assault, criminal damage. 198 00:13:43,820 --> 00:13:45,421 Could come in handy around here. 199 00:13:46,812 --> 00:13:49,596 And you look strong. Like a big tree. 200 00:13:49,979 --> 00:13:53,074 You're trouble, but I like it, so start tomorrow. 201 00:13:54,049 --> 00:13:56,694 - I've got the job? - Oh, yeah. There's your clobber. 202 00:13:56,694 --> 00:13:57,876 All right, thanks. 203 00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:03,060 - So, is this your mom's salon? - I'll see you tomorrow then, yeah? 204 00:14:03,060 --> 00:14:04,139 Nine o'clock. 205 00:14:10,679 --> 00:14:11,653 Hello. 206 00:14:12,523 --> 00:14:14,993 One hundred and four, that's me and my nana. 207 00:14:16,838 --> 00:14:18,264 One hundred and eight is Ferryman. 208 00:14:22,683 --> 00:14:23,935 Spice Boy lives there. 209 00:14:24,353 --> 00:14:26,962 And Tony the murderer, he lives there. 210 00:14:28,562 --> 00:14:30,441 Don't worry. He's never killed no one. 211 00:14:30,859 --> 00:14:33,608 He's just a plumber and a terrific karaoke singer. 212 00:14:33,608 --> 00:14:34,686 I'm making a film about him. 213 00:14:36,147 --> 00:14:39,487 You're a weirdo, Tennessee, but luckily, I like weirdos a lot. 214 00:14:40,043 --> 00:14:41,644 Aye, thanks. 215 00:14:42,583 --> 00:14:46,271 And apparently, Larry David lives in number 98, 216 00:14:46,584 --> 00:14:47,768 but I don't think it's him. 217 00:14:48,150 --> 00:14:50,690 I just think it's a bald man who shouts at people. 218 00:14:51,282 --> 00:14:55,699 - Who's Larry David? - Absolute lunatic. Google him. 219 00:14:57,753 --> 00:14:58,901 You got a fella then? 220 00:14:59,910 --> 00:15:01,232 Inappropriate. 221 00:15:01,685 --> 00:15:03,945 Not really, I was just sayin'. I'll take you out some time. 222 00:15:04,676 --> 00:15:08,955 What makes you think I'd go out with you? You got a mirror in your house? 223 00:15:09,617 --> 00:15:13,827 Yeah. Got three actually, darling. One of them, lovely antique. 224 00:15:14,522 --> 00:15:17,131 Well, you might wanna take a look in it sometime. 225 00:15:18,211 --> 00:15:21,342 Pretty sure I'm a few rungs above you on the fuck ladder, mate. 226 00:15:22,177 --> 00:15:25,934 You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. I had to take mine. 227 00:15:27,048 --> 00:15:29,239 See, you gotta do something every day that scares you. 228 00:15:30,317 --> 00:15:34,006 Today, it was asking you out. Tomorrow, I'm booked in at jujitsu. 229 00:15:36,233 --> 00:15:37,833 See, it's important to keep your mind busy, 230 00:15:38,285 --> 00:15:41,208 when everyday you've gotta look the worst of humanity in the eye. 231 00:15:43,261 --> 00:15:45,000 - Yes? - Have you got the money or what? 232 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:48,618 I told you, I have nothing. I can't even top up the meter. 233 00:15:50,531 --> 00:15:52,410 Yeah, well, you can't hide away forever. 234 00:15:52,759 --> 00:15:55,472 The more time I spend coming back here, the worse it's gonna get for you. 235 00:15:55,472 --> 00:15:56,760 So, get it sorted. 236 00:15:57,455 --> 00:15:58,673 All right, you can do the next one. 237 00:16:08,832 --> 00:16:11,338 I can't do this, Simon. 238 00:16:13,216 --> 00:16:14,538 It ain't for me. 239 00:16:14,538 --> 00:16:15,825 I thought you were desperate. 240 00:16:16,138 --> 00:16:18,156 Look, if it's not you knocking on her door, 241 00:16:18,156 --> 00:16:19,792 it'll be someone else knocking on yours. 242 00:16:21,357 --> 00:16:22,992 Yeah, well, they're not knocking today. 243 00:16:28,768 --> 00:16:31,795 Don't worry, love, I'm not a debt collector anymore. 244 00:16:34,579 --> 00:16:35,761 If you need leccy, 245 00:16:35,761 --> 00:16:38,231 we can pop to the Londis and I can top you up, yeah? 246 00:16:38,510 --> 00:16:40,736 And I'll just wait here. 247 00:16:48,286 --> 00:16:51,383 Big spender. Cornettos are cheaper. 248 00:16:51,696 --> 00:16:53,296 Don't do Cornettos no more. 249 00:16:54,444 --> 00:16:57,924 About to be a published author, I only eat fucking Magnums now. 250 00:17:00,011 --> 00:17:01,055 What's the book about? 251 00:17:02,516 --> 00:17:05,717 Four webcammers, living in a battered woman's refuge, 252 00:17:06,064 --> 00:17:07,665 undertake a jewelry heist. 253 00:17:08,396 --> 00:17:10,900 Guess what it's called? Diamond Beavers. 254 00:17:12,084 --> 00:17:13,510 Autobiographical? 255 00:17:13,997 --> 00:17:16,259 No, who do you think I am, Grey? 256 00:17:16,780 --> 00:17:19,216 All sorts around here. So, it's fictional? 257 00:17:20,086 --> 00:17:23,565 Yeah, I'm a satirist. Just because I'm not posh, 258 00:17:24,365 --> 00:17:26,522 everybody takes what I say literally. 259 00:17:26,870 --> 00:17:29,966 No, but some of it is true, we did live in a refuge. 260 00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:34,350 According to the internet, women like me must only speak the truth. 261 00:17:35,185 --> 00:17:37,725 The internet's not a real place, is it? 262 00:17:38,178 --> 00:17:41,900 Feels real. Full of cunts and cry babies. 263 00:17:44,162 --> 00:17:48,511 Now, tell me it's not worth paying a bit extra for your ice cream. 264 00:17:52,407 --> 00:17:54,251 I remember my first weeks out here. 265 00:17:55,643 --> 00:17:56,861 Lonely, eh? 266 00:17:57,696 --> 00:17:59,888 Feels like I'm living on the moon. 267 00:18:00,409 --> 00:18:02,080 Well, you're welcome around ours. 268 00:18:04,027 --> 00:18:05,454 Can I use your internet? 269 00:18:06,811 --> 00:18:09,594 I've got to send some new chapters to my editor. 270 00:18:11,786 --> 00:18:12,900 Thank you. 271 00:18:13,700 --> 00:18:15,440 So you've forgiven her now, have you? 272 00:18:16,031 --> 00:18:18,014 Yeah. I miss her. Don't you? 273 00:18:18,536 --> 00:18:21,354 - Yeah, can I talk to her? - Yeah. 274 00:18:26,433 --> 00:18:27,755 Gloria? It's me. 275 00:18:29,391 --> 00:18:30,644 I thought you were Sky. 276 00:18:30,922 --> 00:18:33,218 - He's still calling you? - Miss you, Auntie G. 277 00:18:33,496 --> 00:18:36,071 Iris. I miss you, baby. 278 00:18:36,384 --> 00:18:38,611 - Are you pissed off at me? - No. Not anymore. 279 00:18:39,062 --> 00:18:41,081 Dad's basically got me on house arrest. 280 00:18:41,464 --> 00:18:43,307 How's you? And the baby? 281 00:18:43,864 --> 00:18:45,743 I wasn't trying to harm it, you know? 282 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:49,327 I was just so scared. Still am. 283 00:18:49,988 --> 00:18:52,701 Anyway, I've had a scan. She's good. 284 00:18:53,084 --> 00:18:54,406 Wait, she's good? 285 00:18:56,389 --> 00:18:58,511 - It's a girl. - Call her Iris. 286 00:18:58,825 --> 00:19:01,921 I don't know what to call her, but I'll see what her face suits, innit? 287 00:19:01,921 --> 00:19:03,139 What's it like up there? 288 00:19:04,426 --> 00:19:06,931 Reckon I can get some good stories out of this place. 289 00:19:06,931 --> 00:19:08,427 Can I talk to her? 290 00:19:08,810 --> 00:19:11,733 Wait. Come visit. 291 00:19:12,220 --> 00:19:13,646 I can't drive, can I? 292 00:19:15,768 --> 00:19:16,743 You okay? 293 00:19:18,169 --> 00:19:21,613 Your pashmina video keeps coming up on my feed. It's huge. 294 00:19:21,613 --> 00:19:24,536 I can't believe someone posted the Battered Bitches video. 295 00:19:25,718 --> 00:19:27,215 Don't read the comments. 296 00:19:27,215 --> 00:19:29,615 Bunch of masturbators and bedroom activists. 297 00:19:29,963 --> 00:19:32,121 Those mental bitches, they're on a witch hunt. 298 00:19:32,503 --> 00:19:35,878 You need to deal with them like you did Stacey Backshaw in the London Dungeon. 299 00:19:35,878 --> 00:19:36,991 I'd love to. 300 00:19:37,270 --> 00:19:40,401 - Can I talk to her now? - Iris wants to talk to you. 301 00:19:43,010 --> 00:19:47,603 Okay, G. So, will I be its aunt or its cousin? 302 00:19:48,055 --> 00:19:53,447 And can I babysit? And everybody here is a freak. 303 00:19:53,447 --> 00:19:54,631 Perfect for you then. 304 00:20:13,348 --> 00:20:14,358 Coming. 305 00:20:16,063 --> 00:20:17,036 Hey. 306 00:20:20,585 --> 00:20:22,290 - My nana's at bingo. - Wow. 307 00:20:24,308 --> 00:20:26,256 She used to work in a place called the video shop. 308 00:20:27,021 --> 00:20:28,448 You go in, choose a film, 309 00:20:29,005 --> 00:20:31,649 borrow it for one night only then take it back. 310 00:20:32,937 --> 00:20:35,790 Crazy. What, so you couldn't keep it? 311 00:20:36,207 --> 00:20:39,129 Yeah, people were savages in the '90s. 312 00:20:42,052 --> 00:20:44,140 So is this one of those videos playing now? 313 00:20:45,496 --> 00:20:47,618 It's by my favorite director, Dario Argento. 314 00:20:48,105 --> 00:20:49,845 The maestro of blood and boobs. 315 00:20:50,785 --> 00:20:52,385 - Can we watch it? - Yeah. 316 00:20:52,837 --> 00:20:55,481 If you're into the hellish side of life, you'll love it. 317 00:21:01,327 --> 00:21:03,031 You write shit about me online... 318 00:21:04,144 --> 00:21:07,485 but I tell stories, so here's a fucking story for you. 319 00:21:08,633 --> 00:21:12,460 It's 1999, everybody thinks that the world's about to end. 320 00:21:12,842 --> 00:21:17,296 Bruce Willis is busy seeing dead people and I'm 13, yet to be kissed. 321 00:21:17,608 --> 00:21:18,966 - Gross. - I'm a freak. 322 00:21:18,966 --> 00:21:21,332 Well, that's what Stacey Backshaw calls me. 323 00:21:21,610 --> 00:21:23,975 She also calls me Fatty Fishy Fanny. 324 00:21:24,254 --> 00:21:27,316 She was in my year. That sort of girl that peaks at 15. 325 00:21:27,595 --> 00:21:32,604 So, anyway, I'm on the 176 bus, heading towards Tottenham Court Road. 326 00:21:32,604 --> 00:21:36,674 And Stacey is sat next to me and she says... 327 00:21:38,171 --> 00:21:40,154 "Marty Castle thinks you're proper fit." 328 00:21:41,336 --> 00:21:42,694 And then she says, 329 00:21:42,694 --> 00:21:46,765 "He wants to meet you after school. Outside the Imperial War Museum, 330 00:21:47,530 --> 00:21:49,513 and he wants to kiss you by the big guns." 331 00:21:49,513 --> 00:21:52,401 Now, this kid, Marty, I mean he was proper fit, 332 00:21:52,401 --> 00:21:55,497 like the David Beckham of Walworth Road. 333 00:21:55,497 --> 00:21:58,907 So, anyway, cut to me, standing by the big guns, 334 00:21:59,741 --> 00:22:02,804 and Marty Castle's face is close to mine. 335 00:22:03,603 --> 00:22:05,413 And as he moves in for a kiss, 336 00:22:06,386 --> 00:22:08,996 he shouts and says... 337 00:22:10,214 --> 00:22:11,849 "I don't kiss big pigs." 338 00:22:18,564 --> 00:22:22,774 And I turn around and Stacey, 339 00:22:23,435 --> 00:22:28,201 and the rest of the 176 bus are laughing at me. 340 00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:31,194 And I feel like a fucking fool. 341 00:22:33,838 --> 00:22:36,691 That's what you lot are. Stacey Backshaws. 342 00:22:37,316 --> 00:22:39,439 And you know what? I took care of her. 343 00:22:39,856 --> 00:22:43,510 I actually beat the shit out of her at London Dungeons. 344 00:22:43,510 --> 00:22:45,354 Oh, my God. She's doing a Britney. 345 00:22:45,945 --> 00:22:49,841 And I'm gonna say this, because I can, because I did live in a woman's refuge. 346 00:22:50,259 --> 00:22:52,904 A lot of you bitches need a proper beating. 347 00:22:53,217 --> 00:22:57,322 - And I would love to dish that out. - She is doing a Britney. I love it. 348 00:22:57,670 --> 00:23:01,044 Anyway, huns, you do you. I'm gonna carry on writing 349 00:23:01,044 --> 00:23:05,986 and telling my stories. And just so you know, I see you. Cunts! 350 00:23:20,598 --> 00:23:22,650 Barnaby? Hello? 351 00:23:23,590 --> 00:23:25,260 - Can you hear me? - Yeah. 352 00:23:26,025 --> 00:23:29,121 You're about to fuck me, aren't you? I know when someone's gonna fuck me, 353 00:23:29,121 --> 00:23:31,974 'cause my mom fucked me and not just in the Phillip Larkin way. 354 00:23:32,253 --> 00:23:35,037 Look, we've got a situation. 355 00:23:35,732 --> 00:23:39,316 You're a very talented writer, but my hand's been forced. 356 00:23:39,907 --> 00:23:42,517 We need a voice who represents the working class. 357 00:23:43,282 --> 00:23:45,787 With so much doubt surrounding your authenticity, 358 00:23:45,787 --> 00:23:48,327 there's no way we can publish Diamond Beavers. 359 00:23:48,327 --> 00:23:49,892 Please don't take this away from me. 360 00:23:50,484 --> 00:23:52,502 Costello, you've brought this on yourself. 361 00:23:52,849 --> 00:23:56,016 - I tried to help you. - I've got nothing else. 362 00:23:58,312 --> 00:24:02,521 Is there something I can say for you to stop doing this? 363 00:24:02,521 --> 00:24:04,540 First, you do Battered Bitches, 364 00:24:04,540 --> 00:24:07,393 then you offer to dish out a beating to those critical of you. 365 00:24:08,228 --> 00:24:12,089 It's just... It's kind of not how authors behave. 366 00:24:12,994 --> 00:24:15,220 I thought you wanted authentic working class, 367 00:24:15,220 --> 00:24:16,787 - I guess not. - I'm sorry. 368 00:25:58,309 --> 00:25:59,944 - Can I use your landline? - Aye. 369 00:26:08,677 --> 00:26:09,825 Takes a while. 370 00:26:13,304 --> 00:26:14,382 Today, we've come 371 00:26:14,382 --> 00:26:17,131 to one of the Peak District's most popular auctions, 372 00:26:17,514 --> 00:26:19,427 many bargains to be had. 373 00:26:31,048 --> 00:26:33,135 - Yes, hello. - Selby, it's me. 374 00:26:37,658 --> 00:26:38,701 Why you whispering? 375 00:26:39,224 --> 00:26:40,198 I don't know. 376 00:26:41,311 --> 00:26:43,642 - You okay? - Yeah, it's weird here. 377 00:26:43,642 --> 00:26:46,078 I mean, it's all right. Yeah, it's good actually. 378 00:26:47,191 --> 00:26:48,618 Mom's lost the book deal. 379 00:26:49,035 --> 00:26:51,296 She's drinking, she's talking to the internet. 380 00:26:52,027 --> 00:26:53,036 Can you visit? 381 00:26:55,401 --> 00:26:57,246 Yes, where are you? 382 00:26:57,246 --> 00:27:00,169 - Somerset. I've got to go. - I'm home. 383 00:27:00,830 --> 00:27:02,603 Iris? Iris? 384 00:27:03,404 --> 00:27:05,352 Oh, hi Iris. Are you staying for tea? 385 00:27:05,700 --> 00:27:06,848 Where's your mom? 386 00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:21,669 A beer. There you go and a loaf of bread. Four pounds, got it? 387 00:27:22,052 --> 00:27:23,897 All right. And what about you, flower? 388 00:27:24,175 --> 00:27:25,670 - Have you got any red? - Any red? 389 00:27:25,670 --> 00:27:27,411 I've got all the red in the world. 390 00:27:27,411 --> 00:27:29,184 - Yeah, I'll get two bottles. - Two, is it? 391 00:27:30,194 --> 00:27:31,829 That'll be five pounds each. 392 00:27:32,629 --> 00:27:34,194 - Cheers! - Thanks a lot, love. 393 00:27:35,168 --> 00:27:36,630 What about you guys?