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[Universal Studios theme]
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[instrumental music]
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♪ This little light of mine ♪
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♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
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♪ This little light of mine ♪
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Taylor: Let me tell you
a story. It's a story about me.
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My stories have made you cry.
My stories have made you shout.
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My stories have even made you
turn your life around.
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But this is a story
about how it all began.
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Feeling very blessed today.
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My name is Taylor Pherry.
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Feeling very blessed today.
Look how blessed I feel.
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Now you've seen my movies
and watched my TV shows.
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That's okay.
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But before all that,
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I was what you might
call an entrepreneur...
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Not it.
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a jack of all trades,
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a captain of industry.
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My baby.
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And a lover of fine cars.
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By day, I judiciously defend
the innocent...
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[knocks gavel]
Damnit. Case closed.
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Taylor: while making emergency
house call surgeries.
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Stand back, doctors.
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I am a doctor, and
I don't need another doctor
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telling me how to be doctoring.
Oh, this patient dead.
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Then after my luxury hotel
and engineering firm meetings,
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I make time for some
zero-emission food delivery
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to keep myself in touch...
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Grossmates!
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with common people.
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Ah, here you are, sir.
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- What? This is it?
- That'll be $75.
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Taylor: But to truly understand
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how I became
the entertainment titan,
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you all know today, we need to
start at the beginning.
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And the beginning began
with Hoprah Windfall.
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I'm a little disappointed
that my 27th slave movie
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didn't fare well at
the box office.
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I mean, I'm sure you
all liked it, right?
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[clapping hesitantly]
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Whatever. Anyway, I still
have my show, my magazine.
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I have my school in Africa,
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and of course,
Dr. Bill and Dr. Loz.
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But the time has come
for me to find a successor,
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someone to carry the torch,
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someone who embodies
the intelligence and power
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needed for the betterment
of all strong women.
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God willing,
I shall find my successor!
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Taylor: Hoprah was
on a mission,
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but little did we know,
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someone else was looking to
reinspire hope and faith
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in the masses as well.
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And this is where our story
truly begins.
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[engine revving]
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[hip-hop music]
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If I rule the world,
[laughs] I do... everything.
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God: Whoo! Drive
through to heaven!
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Angel 1: Where the hell is God?
He still ain't here.
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He still ain't answering
none of our prayers, man.
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It's Sunday, so you know
He's gonna take all day.
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Angel 2: I mean, He may be late,
but He's always on time.
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Angel 1: He was on time
when He took my Granny.
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Oh, you know what? Sometimes,
I just have to swear to me.
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Good me almighty!
Just rolling through the clouds.
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This is usually my day of rest,
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but, uh, I'm feeling
like something.
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Hashtag Holy Davidson!
Holy Davidson!
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I'm coming. I'm on my way.
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- Oh, shit. God's here.
- Let's get to the meeting.
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Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
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Y'all better have
something good for me.
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'Cause you know what?
That's right.
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[chanting]
G-O-D! G-O-D! G-O-D!
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G-O-D! G-O-D! G-O-D!
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[laughing]
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I'm pissed.
The hell is going on?
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Is that what this is about, huh?
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Pitch meeting
over some unanswered prayers?
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[grunting]
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[instrumental music]
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God: Tell y'all,
y'all owe me right now.
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Y'all had me watching that...
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uh, uh, uh... "Held Up."
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The little fella,
uh, uh, Jamie Foxx
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with that hairline,
it was all over the place.
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That hairline, that teeth.
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- My bad.
- Shit, held up my time.
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[chuckles]
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I'mma start snatching wings.
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[laughs] I'm just kidding.
You can keep your wings.
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[laughing]
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For now.
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Ching, ching! Ching, ching!
Ching, ching!
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- Oh!
- You know what?
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I was thinking that we can erase
the Will Smith Oscar slap.
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God: Mmm.
- I agree.
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- Mmm. Great guy. Great idea.
- I like that.
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But-- but he did, boy, that was
a hell of a slap, though.
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He slapped three jokes outta
that motherfucker, didn't he?
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- Dang!
- He did.
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Come on, man. Come on, man.
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Slapped the funny out of him.
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- Is that good?
- That was good.
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- Well, what about reparations?
- Mmm.
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- Hey, that works, right?
- Yeah.
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Lemme think about that.
300,000 apiece. Mm-hmm.
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Uh, but then after the BBLs,
after the Cristal,
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after the Jordans, everything,
what'd that leave you?
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Like $1,700?
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Carry the one.
Nah, we ain't gonna do that.
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So they made it this far,
this long, they can do it.
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God: These Black people
gonna have to figure out
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a different way.
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[laughing]
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Oh, is that too much?
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Is that too much? I just wanted
to see how it played out.
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How about a beautiful,
intelligent female president
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next election?
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Angel 3: Great.
- Go on, with yourself.
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I can work with that,
but listen,
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don't let the house
secretary do the hair
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'cause "weave"
got a long way to go.
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True.
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I saw where you went with that.
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Come on now. Come on. [laughs]
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Hey, you ain't laughing.
Don't get cast down.
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[laughing]
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You know what
I did to Beelzebub.
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[fire crackling]
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[laughing evilly]
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[laughing]
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Well, wait, what if we do
a Kardashian show
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Angel 4: with Tristan and Khloe
called "All My Side Children"?
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- What y'all think?
- That's a great idea.
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[mimicking Khloe]
Oh, my God. Oh my me.
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Y'all like that?
Y'all like that, huh?
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I don't like it. You go to hell!
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[gasping]
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- Oh, damn. Damn.
- Ooh.
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No, I'm sorry!
It was fat-ass Petey's pitch!
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When new angels start falling,
I know you need me.
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Well, [laughs] I gotta roll.
Meeting's over. Mmm.
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I gotta go save the world.
Alright. Y'all carry on.
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Angel 5: That's God.
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[hip-hop music]
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[line ringing]
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[clears throat]
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God: Hey, Hoprah,
what's going on?
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What do you mean what's going
on? You're not watching my show?
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Hoprah: I need you to find
someone who is worthy...
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of continuing my legacy.
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- What'd you say?
- You heard what I said.
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You find a hero for us women
or you're canceled.
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And tell Jesus to call me back!
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Huh?
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[line beeping]
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It's hard being God, man.
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That ain't gonna be
no easy task, even for Him.
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[instrumental music]
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[inhales deeply]
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[blowing]
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Taylor: And so
God's search began
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for someone who could
carry Hoprah's torch,
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and empower the women
of the world.
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But we all know that whenever
God gives an assignment,
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the devil always tries
to get in the way
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and block your blessing.
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I'll tell you, I don't know
who the hell He thinks He is.
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I'm going to screw
this whole plan up.
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[dramatic music]
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[blows]
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[laughs]
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Taylor: This is
my auntie, MaDude.
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MaDude: Bring your ancient ass
down here and eat now.
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Taylor: If God can use her,
God can use anybody.
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I can't be late today.
Taylor coming by.
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And I'mma need your help
to get this barbecue together.
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Bring your old ass down here.
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Who the hell you calling old?
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Oh, you been sitting
here for 10 days.
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Well, hell, I was
calling your ass old.
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You answered to it,
is you dumb too?
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Know damn well
I ain't old. Gee, no.
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MaDude: And what
the hell you got
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all this shit hooked
up to you for, anyway?
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Hell, I need all this shit.
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This shit right here
is keeping me alive.
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That's my little oxygen tank
right there
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so I don't have to
smell you all day.
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Got my little pump over there.
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00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:02,497
This shit right here is
about to kill me.
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But what the hell you wanna
stay alive for anyway?
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Shit, you old as hell.
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00:09:05,718 --> 00:09:07,198
I ain't too old to know
terrible cooking when I see it.
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The hell you done made?
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00:09:08,547 --> 00:09:09,853
Boy, that's some,
that's some eggs,
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00:09:09,853 --> 00:09:11,289
and some chicken and some--
200
00:09:11,289 --> 00:09:13,944
The hell you got
a fried breast implant in here?
201
00:09:13,944 --> 00:09:15,119
You ain't supposed to have
feathers in the damn eggs.
202
00:09:15,119 --> 00:09:16,642
No way! Look at that.
203
00:09:16,642 --> 00:09:17,904
MaDude: Boy, that is seasoning,
you old kook.
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00:09:17,904 --> 00:09:19,297
That's what that is.
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00:09:19,297 --> 00:09:21,299
[blowing]
206
00:09:21,299 --> 00:09:23,518
Seasoning my... I ain't seen
no, not a Lawry's on here,
207
00:09:23,518 --> 00:09:26,347
not a spec of salt or pepper.
Now, what is this?
208
00:09:26,347 --> 00:09:28,828
Got a damn chicken foot up in
here. Look, it got two of 'em.
209
00:09:28,828 --> 00:09:31,048
Look at this, look, with
the nails on it and everything.
210
00:09:31,048 --> 00:09:33,790
Well, ain't you heard that every
good chef put their foot in it?
211
00:09:33,790 --> 00:09:36,009
Oh, Lord, it stink too,
just like you.
212
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:38,359
Boy, I swear I want to kill
your ass right here.
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00:09:38,359 --> 00:09:39,404
I just wanna step on your face.
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00:09:39,404 --> 00:09:40,405
You know, woman
215
00:09:40,405 --> 00:09:41,798
you a deadly combination
216
00:09:41,798 --> 00:09:44,061
of ugly and dumb equally.
217
00:09:44,061 --> 00:09:45,540
Hell, now, where you
trying to run off to
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00:09:45,540 --> 00:09:46,846
with your little ugly ass
dress on?
219
00:09:46,846 --> 00:09:48,282
- Taylor is coming to help me.
- Who?
220
00:09:48,282 --> 00:09:50,328
Taylor is your son, now.
You know your son--
221
00:09:50,328 --> 00:09:52,460
Oh, hell, shit. You know how he
ain't my son. You know why?
222
00:09:52,460 --> 00:09:54,071
'Cause the boy is delicate.
223
00:09:54,071 --> 00:09:56,464
I'm so tired of you talking
about your son Taylor like that.
224
00:09:56,464 --> 00:09:57,901
That's my favorite nephew.
225
00:09:57,901 --> 00:09:59,467
Ain't nobody in
my family delicate but him.
226
00:09:59,467 --> 00:10:01,078
MaDude: Just 'cause
the Black man is educated,
227
00:10:01,078 --> 00:10:03,341
keep himself clean,
or well groomed,
228
00:10:03,341 --> 00:10:05,909
looking nice don't mean
that he is delicate.
229
00:10:05,909 --> 00:10:07,780
The boy is, uh, eclectic.
230
00:10:07,780 --> 00:10:09,739
He ain't no damn eclectic.
I know eclectic.
231
00:10:09,739 --> 00:10:11,871
Hell,
Patti LaBelle was eclectic.
232
00:10:11,871 --> 00:10:13,090
Plus, I don't even think
he my son.
233
00:10:13,090 --> 00:10:14,352
You know what?
234
00:10:14,352 --> 00:10:15,570
Waiting for the results
from Maury.
235
00:10:15,570 --> 00:10:17,398
- He ain't my damn son.
- I swear.
236
00:10:17,398 --> 00:10:19,400
I swear. You know what? You
should just go ahead and die.
237
00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:20,967
MaDude: Just get
it on over with.
238
00:10:20,967 --> 00:10:22,752
Hell, your-- your penis
done passed away already--
239
00:10:22,752 --> 00:10:24,579
You keep my penis out
your mouth now.
240
00:10:24,579 --> 00:10:26,843
Hell, talking about my penis,
my penis is just fine.
241
00:10:26,843 --> 00:10:29,280
Long as I got my,
what you call it, Niagra?
242
00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,021
My, my... The Lavitra.
243
00:10:31,021 --> 00:10:32,849
And Cialis. I'm good to go.
That's what they tell me.
244
00:10:32,849 --> 00:10:34,067
Where the hell you good
to go to, the clinic?
245
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:35,547
- Hell...
- The ED clinic?
246
00:10:35,547 --> 00:10:38,419
No, I got the libido
of a 25-year-old man.
247
00:10:38,419 --> 00:10:41,814
Spell libido. I'll give you $5.
Go ahead and do it.
248
00:10:41,814 --> 00:10:43,903
- L...
- That's what I thought.
249
00:10:43,903 --> 00:10:45,992
I'm done talking to your old
ass. Eat that damn food, boy.
250
00:10:48,778 --> 00:10:51,432
Taylor: As you'll see,
my true life's purpose
251
00:10:51,432 --> 00:10:53,608
had not yet been revealed.
252
00:10:53,608 --> 00:10:57,438
But that all changed the day I
was put on the righteous path.
253
00:10:57,438 --> 00:10:59,789
The day my destiny began.
254
00:10:59,789 --> 00:11:02,574
The day I met God.
255
00:11:02,574 --> 00:11:04,271
[uplifting music]
256
00:11:04,271 --> 00:11:05,446
Ooh!
257
00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:07,535
[exhales]
258
00:11:10,930 --> 00:11:15,805
Man. What should we use today?
259
00:11:15,805 --> 00:11:18,503
Let's see saints and sinners,
ooh, that look nice.
260
00:11:18,503 --> 00:11:19,678
[screams]
261
00:11:24,030 --> 00:11:27,207
I could have swore I seen... No.
262
00:11:27,207 --> 00:11:28,469
[playful music]
263
00:11:28,469 --> 00:11:29,949
Boy, I must be going crazy.
264
00:11:30,950 --> 00:11:32,822
[static on TV]
265
00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:41,004
Now, I know I did not leave that
TV on, and why is it staticky?
266
00:11:41,004 --> 00:11:42,745
Doesn't I pay the bill?
This must be HD.
267
00:11:42,745 --> 00:11:45,443
God: Taylor Pherry,
how am I doing?
268
00:11:45,443 --> 00:11:47,401
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
269
00:11:47,401 --> 00:11:50,274
- Very perceptive, my son.
- Oh, my God. Oh, oh, my God.
270
00:11:50,274 --> 00:11:54,757
God: Relax, relax, relax.
Dude, chill out.
271
00:11:54,757 --> 00:11:56,846
Are you really God?
272
00:11:56,846 --> 00:11:58,804
God: Ah, don't tell me you was
expecting Jim Carrey
273
00:11:58,804 --> 00:12:00,153
or something.
274
00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:01,938
Well, M-- Morgan Freeman, actually.
275
00:12:01,938 --> 00:12:03,896
You know he play
in all the pictures.
276
00:12:03,896 --> 00:12:06,856
God: Morgan Free... Man,
I ain't no Morgan Freeman.
277
00:12:06,856 --> 00:12:08,814
Now listen,
you know Hoprah, right?
278
00:12:08,814 --> 00:12:10,076
Yeah.
279
00:12:10,076 --> 00:12:11,382
God: Well, she needs
to find someone
280
00:12:11,382 --> 00:12:13,123
that can empower
the women of the world,
281
00:12:13,123 --> 00:12:17,910
and I need your help because
my son, you are blessed.
282
00:12:19,129 --> 00:12:22,045
God said I was blessed.
283
00:12:22,045 --> 00:12:24,787
Mmm. Am I highly favored too?
284
00:12:27,702 --> 00:12:32,185
Okay. I have lost my mind.
I'm crazy.
285
00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:34,492
Judge Loreal: You, sir,
are going to have to learn
286
00:12:34,492 --> 00:12:36,189
how to respect Black women.
287
00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:38,104
Coming in all times
of the night,
288
00:12:38,104 --> 00:12:41,542
assaulting her because she
found out about your affairs.
289
00:12:41,542 --> 00:12:44,719
But Your Honor,
I didn't have an affair.
290
00:12:44,719 --> 00:12:47,287
I'm not even, like, married.
291
00:12:47,287 --> 00:12:49,072
Judge Loreal:
You didn't have an affair?
292
00:12:49,072 --> 00:12:51,988
What do you call all those girls
from the music video, huh?
293
00:12:51,988 --> 00:12:54,381
I don't do music videos.
294
00:12:54,381 --> 00:12:56,209
So you get 'em on
the casting couch?
295
00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:58,168
Judge Loreal: Hit it,
then quit it, right?
296
00:12:58,168 --> 00:13:01,432
No, I've never met these women
before. I don't even sing.
297
00:13:01,432 --> 00:13:04,739
Well, you're a man that's been
accused. That makes you guilty.
298
00:13:04,739 --> 00:13:08,743
Three years. [knocks gavel]
Case closed. Next case.
299
00:13:08,743 --> 00:13:10,354
I'm getting locked up
for something I didn't even do.
300
00:13:12,095 --> 00:13:14,967
Court calls Roland Lewis.
301
00:13:14,967 --> 00:13:18,666
Guilty. [knocks gavel]
Case closed. Next case.
302
00:13:18,666 --> 00:13:20,494
But-- but I'm a white man
wearing a suit.
303
00:13:20,494 --> 00:13:22,235
Get your ass out my courtroom.
304
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:24,411
Should have a chance
to defend myself.
305
00:13:24,411 --> 00:13:26,936
Court calls Darnell Evans
and Ellen Evans.
306
00:13:26,936 --> 00:13:29,852
[upbeat music]
307
00:13:31,810 --> 00:13:33,681
Are you okay, cousin?
You nervous?
308
00:13:33,681 --> 00:13:36,989
No, not at all. I'm happy I'm
getting a divorce from that bum.
309
00:13:36,989 --> 00:13:40,688
Look at him with those ugly,
skinny ass white women.
310
00:13:40,688 --> 00:13:42,255
Taylor: Just no asses at all.
311
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:44,040
- Okay, come on.
- Okay.
312
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:46,085
Here we are, Your Honor.
We're right here.
313
00:13:46,085 --> 00:13:48,435
Well, hey there,
Counselor Fairy.
314
00:13:48,435 --> 00:13:53,049
It's actually pronounced Harry,
Your Honor. Taylor Pherry.
315
00:13:53,049 --> 00:13:56,313
Oh, I, [laughs] I always
thought it was fairy.
316
00:13:56,313 --> 00:13:59,272
It's-- it's called Harry.
The P is silent.
317
00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:02,188
Oh, okay. You got that, Mary?
318
00:14:02,188 --> 00:14:04,408
Yes, Your Honor.
His P don't work.
319
00:14:04,408 --> 00:14:06,584
I duly noted, Mr. "Harry".
320
00:14:06,584 --> 00:14:09,021
[both laughing]
321
00:14:10,805 --> 00:14:13,896
Mr. Evans, who are these women?
322
00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:15,636
Well, you see, Your Honor,
323
00:14:15,636 --> 00:14:18,770
this right here is Karen,
and this one right here,
324
00:14:18,770 --> 00:14:23,209
this is Karen, and that one
right there, her name is Karen.
325
00:14:23,209 --> 00:14:26,865
These are my publicists
from the KKK and associates.
326
00:14:29,128 --> 00:14:31,522
They don't look like
publicists to me.
327
00:14:31,522 --> 00:14:33,045
Well, you see, Your Honor,
328
00:14:33,045 --> 00:14:34,742
these are the women
who gave me the money
329
00:14:34,742 --> 00:14:36,309
to pay for my lawyers.
330
00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:41,401
That's what white women do.
They pay for shit.
331
00:14:41,401 --> 00:14:44,100
- That's all they can do.
- Okay. Okay.
332
00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:46,711
Well, after
carefully reviewing this case,
333
00:14:46,711 --> 00:14:48,974
I have made a decision.
334
00:14:48,974 --> 00:14:52,935
Your wife who has been
by your side since day one.
335
00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:54,371
Day one.
336
00:14:54,371 --> 00:14:56,547
She put you through
college, law school,
337
00:14:56,547 --> 00:14:59,506
and stood by your side
through thick and thin.
338
00:14:59,506 --> 00:15:01,552
And if this strong woman
339
00:15:01,552 --> 00:15:06,252
can stand by your sorry,
no-good bum ass,
340
00:15:06,252 --> 00:15:09,995
then she deserves to get half
of all of your possessions.
341
00:15:09,995 --> 00:15:11,475
All: Half?
342
00:15:11,475 --> 00:15:13,912
I gotta give up
one and a half of my Karens?
343
00:15:13,912 --> 00:15:16,132
- Half, girlfriend.
- Half?
344
00:15:16,132 --> 00:15:17,742
Oh, hell no.
345
00:15:17,742 --> 00:15:20,049
[upbeat song]
346
00:15:20,049 --> 00:15:21,441
♪ Judge said half ♪
347
00:15:21,441 --> 00:15:23,008
♪ Yes, she did ♪
348
00:15:23,008 --> 00:15:24,488
♪ Judge said half ♪
349
00:15:24,488 --> 00:15:26,142
♪ Yes, she did ♪
350
00:15:26,142 --> 00:15:27,447
♪ Judge said half ♪
351
00:15:27,447 --> 00:15:29,232
♪ Yes, she did ♪
352
00:15:29,232 --> 00:15:33,018
♪ Judge said half,
judge said half ♪
353
00:15:33,018 --> 00:15:34,585
♪ Judge said half ♪
354
00:15:34,585 --> 00:15:36,369
♪ Not one percent but half ♪
355
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:37,718
♪ Judge said half ♪
356
00:15:37,718 --> 00:15:39,285
♪ Not two percent but half ♪
357
00:15:39,285 --> 00:15:41,505
♪ Judge said half ♪
358
00:15:41,505 --> 00:15:44,769
♪ Judge said half,
judge said half ♪
359
00:15:44,769 --> 00:15:45,988
♪ Judge said half ♪
360
00:15:47,859 --> 00:15:49,948
[farting]
361
00:15:49,948 --> 00:15:52,385
[coughing]
362
00:15:54,431 --> 00:15:56,215
Told your ass about them
damn cigarettes, I did.
363
00:15:56,215 --> 00:15:57,956
- Trying to kill yourself.
- Don't you worry about me.
364
00:15:57,956 --> 00:15:59,914
I'mma smoke as much as
I damn please. Hell.
365
00:15:59,914 --> 00:16:01,916
- They my lungs.
- Mm-hmm.
366
00:16:01,916 --> 00:16:03,962
That's why I got these
little backup ones over here.
367
00:16:03,962 --> 00:16:05,485
Got two brand
new lungs in there.
368
00:16:05,485 --> 00:16:08,097
I used to have, uh,
a lamb's heart somewhere,
369
00:16:08,097 --> 00:16:09,533
but I can't seem to [farting]
locate it nowhere.
370
00:16:09,533 --> 00:16:11,361
I swear you the nastiest,
371
00:16:11,361 --> 00:16:13,537
ooh, you just the nastiest,
nastiest thing I ever seen.
372
00:16:13,537 --> 00:16:14,929
I don't know why the hell
I let you live with me.
373
00:16:14,929 --> 00:16:16,670
I don't-- I don't know why.
374
00:16:16,670 --> 00:16:18,107
Because you think you gon'
get my money when I'm gone.
375
00:16:18,107 --> 00:16:19,760
- That's right.
- Oh, oh, I'mma get your money!
376
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:21,501
And I'mma donate
your brain to science
377
00:16:21,501 --> 00:16:24,243
and then I'm gonna get Moe's
money, Moe's money, Moe's money.
378
00:16:24,243 --> 00:16:26,028
Till they find out
your brain ain't worth no money,
379
00:16:26,028 --> 00:16:27,681
no money, no money.
380
00:16:27,681 --> 00:16:29,509
You think you got jokes?
You know what you gon' get?
381
00:16:29,509 --> 00:16:31,772
You gon' get
this gas money. [farts]
382
00:16:31,772 --> 00:16:33,557
Take that with you.
Take that gas money with you.
383
00:16:33,557 --> 00:16:35,863
- That's what you gon' get.
- Oh, goddamn you nasty as hell.
384
00:16:35,863 --> 00:16:37,343
That's all you gon' to get. Ooh!
385
00:16:39,084 --> 00:16:41,260
[dog barking]
386
00:16:41,260 --> 00:16:42,479
Who the hell is this?
MaDude: That's Taylor, fool.
387
00:16:42,479 --> 00:16:44,089
Look at this boy, here.
388
00:16:44,089 --> 00:16:47,136
6'8" and driving
a damn Mazda Miata. [laughs]
389
00:16:47,136 --> 00:16:50,704
What? He ought to be
ashamed of his damn self.
390
00:16:50,704 --> 00:16:52,010
And does he look like a man
391
00:16:52,010 --> 00:16:53,229
that could throw
a 10-yard pass to you?
392
00:16:53,229 --> 00:16:54,447
You know what,
you gon' pass away
393
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:56,014
if you don't watch your mouth.
394
00:16:56,014 --> 00:16:58,582
You ever seen a shark belch?
395
00:16:58,582 --> 00:17:00,671
I seen a, a dinosaur belch.
396
00:17:00,671 --> 00:17:02,238
Well, I have
and I'mma see it again
397
00:17:02,238 --> 00:17:03,717
if you don't watch
your mouth,
398
00:17:03,717 --> 00:17:05,154
MaDude: and stop smoking
them damn cigarettes.
399
00:17:05,154 --> 00:17:06,372
Don't you worry about me
and my damn cigarettes.
400
00:17:06,372 --> 00:17:08,157
Get my house all messed up.
401
00:17:08,157 --> 00:17:11,551
Hey, baby, come on over here.
Moe: Oh, that's disgusting.
402
00:17:11,551 --> 00:17:13,336
You ain't supposed to be kissing
your own child in the mouth.
403
00:17:13,336 --> 00:17:16,078
- What the hell y'all doing?
- That is your son.
404
00:17:16,078 --> 00:17:17,557
- Hell it is.
- Dad!
405
00:17:17,557 --> 00:17:18,950
Well, hell, they must have
tricked me.
406
00:17:18,950 --> 00:17:20,517
I took my money down,
I said, "Look,
407
00:17:20,517 --> 00:17:23,259
gimme two pit bull puppies."
Came back with this one.
408
00:17:23,259 --> 00:17:24,521
I thought you were
supposed to be in court?
409
00:17:24,521 --> 00:17:26,349
- What you doing here?
- We won.
410
00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:28,786
But, MaDude, I need you
to come with me right now.
411
00:17:28,786 --> 00:17:30,048
We gotta get to the house.
412
00:17:30,048 --> 00:17:31,354
- Ellen needs your help.
- Oh!
413
00:17:31,354 --> 00:17:32,703
- We gotta go.
- Well, hell, let's go!
414
00:17:32,703 --> 00:17:34,139
Let's go. Come on.
Moe: Yeah.
415
00:17:34,139 --> 00:17:36,620
Get your big ass out this house.
Now, I can see the TV.
416
00:17:36,620 --> 00:17:38,012
Smell better in here already.
417
00:17:38,012 --> 00:17:40,580
You gotta put on
your seatbelt.
418
00:17:40,580 --> 00:17:43,279
Oh, damn, boy. I got
my knees up to my titties.
419
00:17:43,279 --> 00:17:44,802
It's the law.
420
00:17:44,802 --> 00:17:46,195
Boy, you better worry
about your damn self.
421
00:17:46,195 --> 00:17:47,761
This matchbox ass car.
422
00:17:47,761 --> 00:17:48,849
Taylor: Oh, you know,
I love this car.
423
00:17:48,849 --> 00:17:51,287
It's tiny, sleek and powerful.
424
00:17:51,287 --> 00:17:53,854
Sends a tingling sensation
up my spine.
425
00:17:53,854 --> 00:17:56,944
I got a tiny little version
of this in my nightstand too.
426
00:17:56,944 --> 00:18:01,035
She do all the good things,
works all the areas real good.
427
00:18:01,035 --> 00:18:06,345
[sighs] You know, this morning,
right before court, God told me
428
00:18:06,345 --> 00:18:08,869
I'm supposed to empower
all the women of the world.
429
00:18:08,869 --> 00:18:12,960
Oh damn, boy. With all your
jobs, God got you pimping too?
430
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:15,006
I mean, God came to me
and he told me that
431
00:18:15,006 --> 00:18:17,791
that he wants me to empower
the women of the world.
432
00:18:17,791 --> 00:18:19,576
Wait, what?
433
00:18:19,576 --> 00:18:21,404
MaDude: Boy, I swear
something ain't right with you
434
00:18:21,404 --> 00:18:23,232
and we're gonna pray on it.
435
00:18:23,232 --> 00:18:24,320
Oo-wee!
436
00:18:25,669 --> 00:18:26,887
[birds chirping]
437
00:18:28,889 --> 00:18:32,023
MaDude: Boy, you're going too
fast. Slow down now. Slow down!
438
00:18:32,023 --> 00:18:33,372
MaDude: Shit, my wig!
- Oh!
439
00:18:34,634 --> 00:18:36,245
- Good God.
- Wow!
440
00:18:36,245 --> 00:18:38,464
Boy. You got me out here
looking like the Dora Milaje.
441
00:18:38,464 --> 00:18:40,162
You done cost me
another damn wig.
442
00:18:40,162 --> 00:18:41,467
Well, use one of mine.
443
00:18:42,816 --> 00:18:43,904
Here you go.
444
00:18:45,645 --> 00:18:47,430
The hell you got a wig for, boy?
445
00:18:47,430 --> 00:18:49,606
I'm a Boy Scout.
I'm always prepared.
446
00:18:49,606 --> 00:18:51,695
Taylor: When God said empower,
447
00:18:51,695 --> 00:18:53,958
I bet he was
talking about Ellen.
448
00:18:53,958 --> 00:18:56,134
Well, MaDude, thank you so much
449
00:18:56,134 --> 00:18:57,788
for coming to
help me get my things.
450
00:18:57,788 --> 00:18:59,746
Listen, I'm a little nervous.
It might get violent.
451
00:18:59,746 --> 00:19:01,792
Oh, that's okay. Violence is my
Tinder name baby. Let's go.
452
00:19:01,792 --> 00:19:03,794
Okay, let's go.
453
00:19:03,794 --> 00:19:05,361
If anything goes down,
I got your bail money.
454
00:19:05,361 --> 00:19:07,145
Yeah. So I was saying...
455
00:19:07,145 --> 00:19:10,670
MaDude's gonna now take care of
this. What the hell is this?
456
00:19:10,670 --> 00:19:12,368
Is this Shaka Zulu
interior design?
457
00:19:12,368 --> 00:19:15,675
- You came back to cry?
- No!
458
00:19:15,675 --> 00:19:17,547
I bet you when you leave here,
459
00:19:17,547 --> 00:19:21,290
you gon' go tell all the Black
women that Darnell ain't shit.
460
00:19:21,290 --> 00:19:24,293
But guess what?
You right. Darnell ain't shit.
461
00:19:24,293 --> 00:19:26,469
- Get your ass out my house.
- Hell nah.
462
00:19:26,469 --> 00:19:28,514
- She ain't going nowhere.
- MaDude, mind your business.
463
00:19:28,514 --> 00:19:30,037
'Cause I'll fight a woman
464
00:19:30,037 --> 00:19:31,909
if that's what
your big ass really is.
465
00:19:31,909 --> 00:19:36,218
Oh, okay. Come on Lil Achi.
You feeling froggy? Come on, leap.
466
00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:40,526
Okay. Okay. No. Okay, listen.
Peace. Let's try peace y'all.
467
00:19:40,526 --> 00:19:44,226
No, girl. Peace don't work. Hell
nah. The judge, she said half.
468
00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:45,923
I'm about to whoop her big ass.
469
00:19:45,923 --> 00:19:47,620
Ellen: What are doing,
MaDude? No, no, no.
470
00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:50,057
- And we gonna start right here.
- No, MaDude.
471
00:19:50,057 --> 00:19:53,017
[screaming]
472
00:19:54,671 --> 00:19:56,412
Whoo! What else needs to be cut?
473
00:19:56,412 --> 00:19:57,848
- Come on over here.
- No, no!
474
00:19:57,848 --> 00:19:59,893
Oh, yeah, this
Shaka Zulu shit got to go!
475
00:19:59,893 --> 00:20:01,678
[chainsaw whirring]
476
00:20:01,678 --> 00:20:03,462
Why would you do that?
477
00:20:03,462 --> 00:20:05,290
Oh, now, what is this ugly ass
shit you got on this wall?
478
00:20:05,290 --> 00:20:06,857
This the Monique Lisa? Yeah.
479
00:20:06,857 --> 00:20:08,467
That's a ugly monstrosity
you don't want that?
480
00:20:08,467 --> 00:20:10,817
I ain't cutting that shit
for you. This TV though.
481
00:20:10,817 --> 00:20:12,776
[screaming]
482
00:20:12,776 --> 00:20:15,082
Look at that, ooh!
Ellen: Why would you do that?
483
00:20:15,082 --> 00:20:17,737
Oh, now, this here. This
definitely needs to get cut.
484
00:20:17,737 --> 00:20:19,478
Now look at that.
485
00:20:19,478 --> 00:20:20,697
Ellen: Lord, I'm gonna pray
for you, MaDude.
486
00:20:20,697 --> 00:20:22,481
Girl, you ain't
gotta pray for me.
487
00:20:22,481 --> 00:20:24,222
You gotta pray for his ass
if he don't get out my way.
488
00:20:24,222 --> 00:20:26,268
- Anything in here you want?
- Don't touch the closet, don't.
489
00:20:26,268 --> 00:20:27,878
I need to get
some things outta there.
490
00:20:27,878 --> 00:20:30,446
Ellen: Oh, no! Oh, my.
- Girl. What's in this kitchen?
491
00:20:30,446 --> 00:20:32,099
- You hungry?
- MaDude, no!
492
00:20:32,099 --> 00:20:34,188
The judge said half,
your ass is gonna get half.
493
00:20:34,188 --> 00:20:35,668
[whirring]
494
00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:37,104
Look at that. Damn!
495
00:20:37,104 --> 00:20:40,238
You know, I can't have this,
I'm on keto.
496
00:20:40,238 --> 00:20:42,762
Now look here, I might have
flunked out of beauty school,
497
00:20:42,762 --> 00:20:45,330
but not before I learned
a few tips.
498
00:20:45,330 --> 00:20:47,332
That's right.
499
00:20:47,332 --> 00:20:50,683
- Look at that. Look at that.
- Wait, wait, wait. MaDude, no!
500
00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:52,685
I'm the best barber
you ever saw.
501
00:20:52,685 --> 00:20:54,121
Ooh, girl, I did a good job.
502
00:20:54,121 --> 00:20:55,558
Hell, maybe you can
get you a man now.
503
00:20:55,558 --> 00:20:57,951
Edward Scissorhands
ain't got shit on me.
504
00:20:57,951 --> 00:21:01,041
Ellen: Ah! He's gonna
get so mad at me.
505
00:21:01,041 --> 00:21:04,218
MaDude. Wait a minute, will ya?
506
00:21:04,218 --> 00:21:08,179
Now that is what you call
a haircut. Oo-wee!
507
00:21:08,179 --> 00:21:09,702
MaDude: I ain't seen
an edge that straight
508
00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:10,790
since Meg Thee Stallion.
509
00:21:10,790 --> 00:21:12,618
[sirens wailing]
510
00:21:12,618 --> 00:21:15,708
That's the cops? Shit, I already
got two strikes. I gotta go.
511
00:21:15,708 --> 00:21:17,928
Girl, I ain't got time
to do your mustache. Next time.
512
00:21:17,928 --> 00:21:19,190
Ha!
513
00:21:19,190 --> 00:21:21,758
[upbeat music]
514
00:21:21,758 --> 00:21:24,151
Lord Jesus.
515
00:21:24,151 --> 00:21:26,328
Taylor: When God said
he wanted me to empower women,
516
00:21:26,328 --> 00:21:28,199
I'm not sure
he meant like this.
517
00:21:28,199 --> 00:21:30,201
- Darnell.
- What?
518
00:21:30,201 --> 00:21:33,378
I don't care what the judge
says. I still love you.
519
00:21:33,378 --> 00:21:34,510
I don't care
that you slept with my sister.
520
00:21:34,510 --> 00:21:36,294
Now I got a daughter-niece.
521
00:21:36,294 --> 00:21:39,036
I don't care that you gave me
the crotch critters twice.
522
00:21:39,036 --> 00:21:40,559
I don't care about any of that.
523
00:21:40,559 --> 00:21:43,083
Damn woman.
You don't care about nothing?
524
00:21:43,083 --> 00:21:45,085
No, I just wanna have your baby.
525
00:21:45,085 --> 00:21:47,044
You've been my husband
for 11 years.
526
00:21:47,044 --> 00:21:48,741
And I've been cheating
on you for 12.
527
00:21:48,741 --> 00:21:51,178
- But I love you.
- And I don't love you.
528
00:21:51,178 --> 00:21:55,095
- We can make this work out.
- No, you gon' be moving out.
529
00:21:55,095 --> 00:21:57,184
How could you do this to me?
530
00:21:57,184 --> 00:22:00,623
How could I do what, huh? Watch
out, Karen. How can I do what?
531
00:22:00,623 --> 00:22:02,538
This? Huh?
532
00:22:02,538 --> 00:22:04,627
[grunting]
533
00:22:04,627 --> 00:22:10,067
- Not today, sucka. Yah!
- Oh, shit. What the hell?
534
00:22:10,067 --> 00:22:12,635
- All I did was love you.
- Oh, no, don't do this.
535
00:22:12,635 --> 00:22:14,550
- I told you!
- Why you doing this to me?
536
00:22:14,550 --> 00:22:17,466
Another dead body moving
through the oval.
537
00:22:17,466 --> 00:22:20,207
And another one.
Ellen: I was a good woman.
538
00:22:20,207 --> 00:22:22,209
You had this coming,
you had this coming.
539
00:22:22,209 --> 00:22:23,689
I can't believe it.
540
00:22:23,689 --> 00:22:25,561
[screaming]
541
00:22:25,561 --> 00:22:26,692
[playful music]
542
00:22:26,692 --> 00:22:28,564
Why you doing this to me?
543
00:22:28,564 --> 00:22:30,696
Help! Help!
544
00:22:30,696 --> 00:22:35,135
I can't... [stuttering] Tsu--
Tsunami. I can't swim, girl.
545
00:22:35,135 --> 00:22:37,529
Oh, just stand up, stupid.
[crying]
546
00:22:40,097 --> 00:22:43,100
Oh! Damn it.
547
00:22:43,100 --> 00:22:45,711
I'm 'bout to whoop your ass.
548
00:22:45,711 --> 00:22:47,713
Taylor: Empowerment comes
in many forms.
549
00:22:47,713 --> 00:22:49,585
I guess.
550
00:22:49,585 --> 00:22:51,674
One thing I can say
about my cousin Ellen,
551
00:22:51,674 --> 00:22:53,240
[crying]
552
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:54,938
when one man was gone,
553
00:22:54,938 --> 00:22:56,983
another man was right
around the corner
554
00:22:58,507 --> 00:23:00,944
and he kinda seemed similar.
555
00:23:00,944 --> 00:23:06,950
♪ Hey lady
Do you need a ride? ♪
556
00:23:08,168 --> 00:23:10,083
Where you come from?
557
00:23:10,083 --> 00:23:16,350
♪ The Lord sends me to places
I'm supposed to be ♪
558
00:23:16,350 --> 00:23:17,830
I'm an angel.
559
00:23:17,830 --> 00:23:20,746
Why do you sound like
a R&B Auto-Tune singer?
560
00:23:20,746 --> 00:23:23,923
You see, girl, this is my
regular seductive voice
561
00:23:23,923 --> 00:23:26,317
and T-Pain is
my play step-daddy.
562
00:23:26,317 --> 00:23:29,276
[sobbing] I don't get in
the car with strangers.
563
00:23:29,276 --> 00:23:31,017
[instrumental music]
564
00:23:31,017 --> 00:23:32,236
Hold that thought.
565
00:23:33,455 --> 00:23:34,586
[truck door closes]
566
00:23:37,284 --> 00:23:41,593
Does this body look
strange to you?
567
00:23:41,593 --> 00:23:44,683
Ellen: Airbrushed, maybe,
but I guess not strange.
568
00:23:45,728 --> 00:23:47,773
The name's Tallahassee.
569
00:23:47,773 --> 00:23:50,689
Not to be confused with Orlando.
570
00:23:50,689 --> 00:23:54,432
Now, we not strangers no more.
So do yourself a favor, girl.
571
00:23:54,432 --> 00:23:56,652
Get on in this truck
and let me ride you
572
00:23:56,652 --> 00:23:58,349
to wherever you need to go.
573
00:23:58,349 --> 00:24:00,220
[sobbing] I got nowhere to go.
574
00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:04,181
I swear to God, he try me,
575
00:24:04,181 --> 00:24:06,313
I'mma whip
his little fragile ass.
576
00:24:06,313 --> 00:24:12,276
Yeah, come on girl.
I got you. I got you. I got you.
577
00:24:12,276 --> 00:24:16,236
Come on. Get up in this truck.
Get up in this truck.
578
00:24:16,236 --> 00:24:18,195
Get up in this truck.
579
00:24:18,195 --> 00:24:20,893
Okay.
580
00:24:20,893 --> 00:24:23,156
Watch your bunions, girl.
581
00:24:23,156 --> 00:24:24,506
I don't know why I'm doing this.
582
00:24:24,506 --> 00:24:25,942
Body never fails me.
583
00:24:25,942 --> 00:24:29,685
[sobbing] I don't
even know this man.
584
00:24:29,685 --> 00:24:30,860
[sighs]
Alright.
585
00:24:32,470 --> 00:24:33,602
Alright.
586
00:24:35,168 --> 00:24:36,692
Do me a favor,
587
00:24:36,692 --> 00:24:37,997
steer for me, baby.
588
00:24:37,997 --> 00:24:41,218
My name's not baby, it's Ellen.
589
00:24:41,218 --> 00:24:43,916
Okay, well, since
you're not gonna do it,
590
00:24:43,916 --> 00:24:47,746
I'm gonna have to go ahead
and get my workout right here.
591
00:24:47,746 --> 00:24:50,401
[grunting]
You see most people got guns.
592
00:24:50,401 --> 00:24:52,838
I got dogs. [barking]
593
00:24:52,838 --> 00:24:56,059
Okay, listen. My godmother
lives all the way across town.
594
00:24:56,059 --> 00:24:57,756
Uh-huh. It's all good.
595
00:24:57,756 --> 00:24:59,628
Tallahassee: My godmother
live over there too.
596
00:24:59,628 --> 00:25:01,586
I'm just gonna run by
my crib right quick
597
00:25:01,586 --> 00:25:04,720
and then I'm gonna ride you
all the way there.
598
00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:07,287
- Oh, oh!
- Yeah.
599
00:25:07,287 --> 00:25:10,421
Thank you so much
for doing all this for me.
600
00:25:10,421 --> 00:25:12,249
Yeah, it's all good.
601
00:25:12,249 --> 00:25:15,426
You know I do have
rather large areolas.
602
00:25:15,426 --> 00:25:17,820
- Yeah, they are large.
- Yeah.
603
00:25:17,820 --> 00:25:20,431
It might be all those sexy
steroids I be taking.
604
00:25:23,216 --> 00:25:25,131
You got to excuse me.
605
00:25:25,131 --> 00:25:29,309
Sometimes I turn myself on.
606
00:25:29,309 --> 00:25:32,051
Are you... You-- you--
you gotta be kidding me.
607
00:25:32,051 --> 00:25:34,271
[moaning]
608
00:25:34,271 --> 00:25:36,142
[instrumental music]
609
00:25:36,142 --> 00:25:38,362
Ready to go?
610
00:25:38,362 --> 00:25:40,059
I ain't got nowhere else to go.
611
00:25:40,059 --> 00:25:41,583
[engine starting]
612
00:25:41,583 --> 00:25:43,889
You in for the time
of your life, girl.
613
00:25:43,889 --> 00:25:45,630
So don't you
worry about nothing.
614
00:25:45,630 --> 00:25:47,763
Ellen: You better make it
happen, yeah.
615
00:25:47,763 --> 00:25:48,720
Oh, my God.
616
00:25:50,940 --> 00:25:53,333
Right here, baby. Here's
a special drink I made for you.
617
00:25:53,333 --> 00:25:55,684
I drink it all the time. That's
how I look the way I look.
618
00:25:55,684 --> 00:25:57,207
- Okay.
- Yeah.
619
00:25:57,207 --> 00:25:58,600
- You see I put bananas in it.
- Uh-huh.
620
00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:00,079
Most people just use the banana.
621
00:26:00,079 --> 00:26:03,256
- I use the banana and the peel.
- Oh, okay.
622
00:26:03,256 --> 00:26:05,694
I also use a little bit of
Red Bull. It gives you wings.
623
00:26:05,694 --> 00:26:06,782
I don't, I don't wanna fly.
624
00:26:06,782 --> 00:26:08,435
Yeah, you do just a little bit.
625
00:26:08,435 --> 00:26:10,699
I put a little bit of coke
in it without the can.
626
00:26:10,699 --> 00:26:12,483
No, no, no. [stuttering] Okay.
627
00:26:12,483 --> 00:26:16,139
And, mmm. Okay, oh.
628
00:26:16,139 --> 00:26:17,923
There you go, baby.
It'll do your body right.
629
00:26:19,621 --> 00:26:22,014
Um, you know, I want
some real food,
630
00:26:22,014 --> 00:26:23,494
you know, like Waffle House
631
00:26:23,494 --> 00:26:25,278
or White Castle
something, anything.
632
00:26:25,278 --> 00:26:26,802
- Not this.
- No, no, no, no, no.
633
00:26:26,802 --> 00:26:28,020
- You don't want that crap.
- I do.
634
00:26:28,020 --> 00:26:29,805
You see this here, right here.
635
00:26:29,805 --> 00:26:32,546
It's gonna help get rid
of ya lady lumps.
636
00:26:32,546 --> 00:26:35,593
Uh, excuse me. That is not
how you talk to a lady.
637
00:26:35,593 --> 00:26:38,161
Uh, excuse me.
638
00:26:38,161 --> 00:26:41,164
But I don't expect we are here
to do much talking now, are we?
639
00:26:42,339 --> 00:26:44,950
[chuckles] I guess you right.
640
00:26:44,950 --> 00:26:46,691
You damn right I'm right.
641
00:26:46,691 --> 00:26:48,780
Now we just gonna tighten
that up and tighten that up,
642
00:26:48,780 --> 00:26:52,044
little dat. Tighten it up,
and you'll be as tight as me.
643
00:26:52,044 --> 00:26:54,351
I don't wanna look like you.
644
00:26:54,351 --> 00:26:55,918
I just need you to
relax and trust me,
645
00:26:55,918 --> 00:26:57,615
and let me do
my thing. Hands up.
646
00:26:59,791 --> 00:27:01,010
[screaming]
647
00:27:01,010 --> 00:27:02,272
[whirring]
648
00:27:02,272 --> 00:27:04,535
[grunting]
649
00:27:06,755 --> 00:27:08,234
Ooh. Ah!
650
00:27:13,326 --> 00:27:16,025
You like my stick, you like
my magic stick, don't you?
651
00:27:19,942 --> 00:27:23,119
You ready for the new you?
Spin around for me.
652
00:27:25,599 --> 00:27:27,732
Woo-wee! Damn. I'm good.
653
00:27:27,732 --> 00:27:29,429
Come on and check
yourself out, girl.
654
00:27:29,429 --> 00:27:32,215
Come on over to the window
and look at yourself.
655
00:27:32,215 --> 00:27:35,174
- Voila.
- Damn. I do look good.
656
00:27:35,174 --> 00:27:39,091
You do, but I look better.
657
00:27:39,091 --> 00:27:42,094
- Oh, no. I look better.
- Oh, hell no. I look better.
658
00:27:42,094 --> 00:27:45,010
[playful music]
659
00:27:48,100 --> 00:27:51,713
Look at them biceps, girl.
Oh, shit. Where we going?
660
00:27:51,713 --> 00:27:53,671
Damn.
661
00:27:53,671 --> 00:27:55,804
You do know my areolas
won first place
662
00:27:55,804 --> 00:27:59,329
in the Mr. America pageant.
Damn, girl.
663
00:27:59,329 --> 00:28:00,634
Shut up and take it like a man.
664
00:28:00,634 --> 00:28:01,723
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
665
00:28:01,723 --> 00:28:03,159
I didn't know you was gon' go
666
00:28:03,159 --> 00:28:04,726
all "Fifty Shades of Grey"
on a brother.
667
00:28:04,726 --> 00:28:06,423
You do know that's
white people shit, right?
668
00:28:06,423 --> 00:28:09,208
Shut your ass up.
669
00:28:09,208 --> 00:28:11,558
- What the hell is that?
- My electric toothbrush.
670
00:28:11,558 --> 00:28:13,952
You ain't about to use
a toothbrush on my ass.
671
00:28:13,952 --> 00:28:16,128
I'm about to use
this toothbrush up your ass.
672
00:28:16,128 --> 00:28:18,304
- No, you ain't.
- Yes, I am!
673
00:28:18,304 --> 00:28:20,132
Hell no! [screaming]
674
00:28:23,657 --> 00:28:25,790
Tallahassee: Can't believe she
done tied my hair up.
675
00:28:25,790 --> 00:28:28,706
[bed creaking]
676
00:28:28,706 --> 00:28:31,840
- What you still doing in bed?
- Oh, come on. Let me go.
677
00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:33,842
Oh, you want a little more
before I go.
678
00:28:33,842 --> 00:28:36,061
No, I want you to
untie me so I can go.
679
00:28:36,061 --> 00:28:40,196
- Oh, you been bad?
- No. What's wrong with you?
680
00:28:40,196 --> 00:28:41,850
What the heck? Ow! Ow!
681
00:28:41,850 --> 00:28:43,634
- Say my name!
- Evil?
682
00:28:43,634 --> 00:28:44,940
- That's not my name.
- Crazy?
683
00:28:44,940 --> 00:28:46,158
- That's not my name.
- Deranged?
684
00:28:46,158 --> 00:28:48,378
Say my name. Boy, say my name.
685
00:28:48,378 --> 00:28:50,467
I thought you was a Christian.
686
00:28:50,467 --> 00:28:52,208
Helluur. Y'all better
eat this food now.
687
00:28:52,208 --> 00:28:53,775
Taylor: Coming from a family
688
00:28:53,775 --> 00:28:55,385
of professionals and
non-professionals,
689
00:28:55,385 --> 00:28:57,387
our family is just like
any other.
690
00:28:57,387 --> 00:28:59,258
What you got,
Sly and the Family Stone?
691
00:28:59,258 --> 00:29:00,651
Taylor: If you
really look for it,
692
00:29:00,651 --> 00:29:02,218
finding empowerment of women
693
00:29:02,218 --> 00:29:04,176
can even be found
at our family barbecue.
694
00:29:04,176 --> 00:29:06,004
Black, what the hell
is you doing?
695
00:29:06,004 --> 00:29:08,267
MaDude: I swear to God if you
make my meat as black as you is,
696
00:29:08,267 --> 00:29:09,834
we're gonna have problems.
697
00:29:09,834 --> 00:29:12,402
I-- I'm trying to make me
some crispy ribs.
698
00:29:12,402 --> 00:29:14,491
I am the king
of Atlanta barbecuing.
699
00:29:14,491 --> 00:29:15,971
Who told you that lie, mothersucker?
700
00:29:15,971 --> 00:29:18,451
Oh, oh, this how
I make my living.
701
00:29:18,451 --> 00:29:20,453
I can tell, that's why your
ass is broke as hell
702
00:29:20,453 --> 00:29:22,194
with them Ronald McDonald Socks.
703
00:29:22,194 --> 00:29:25,632
Don't burn my meat. Hey,
everybody. Y'all looking good.
704
00:29:25,632 --> 00:29:28,331
You looking good today.
705
00:29:28,331 --> 00:29:31,421
I'mma show you how to do it
up in here. I need more.
706
00:29:31,421 --> 00:29:33,162
[instrumental music]
707
00:29:33,162 --> 00:29:35,164
Whoo!
708
00:29:35,164 --> 00:29:37,340
In Atlanta they make it flame.
709
00:29:37,340 --> 00:29:39,690
- Whoo!
- The hell you doing over here?
710
00:29:39,690 --> 00:29:41,518
Oh, Lord. Here comes
the Grinch that stole ugly.
711
00:29:41,518 --> 00:29:43,215
I know you ain't calling
nobody ugly.
712
00:29:43,215 --> 00:29:45,130
MaDude: You about as pretty as
a murder scene.
713
00:29:45,130 --> 00:29:46,784
Well, can you even see
them damn dominoes?
714
00:29:46,784 --> 00:29:48,220
Know your ass can't count.
715
00:29:48,220 --> 00:29:49,831
Look, they used to
call her lowenbrau.
716
00:29:49,831 --> 00:29:51,528
One nipple was low.
The other one had a eyebrow.
717
00:29:51,528 --> 00:29:53,356
Boy, I should have
killed you in your crib
718
00:29:53,356 --> 00:29:55,227
when you was born. I don't know
why the hell we let you live.
719
00:29:57,273 --> 00:29:59,449
[screaming]
720
00:29:59,449 --> 00:30:01,886
Help! Help me! Help me!
721
00:30:01,886 --> 00:30:05,237
Take this, domino, you summa
bitches. Game over.
722
00:30:05,237 --> 00:30:07,936
- Help me! Help me!
- You lost again.
723
00:30:07,936 --> 00:30:09,851
Well, look at this crispy
nigga over here.
724
00:30:09,851 --> 00:30:12,288
- Help me, help me!
- Ain't that something.
725
00:30:12,288 --> 00:30:17,075
Boy, stop, drop and roll, nigga.
Stop, drop and roll!
726
00:30:17,075 --> 00:30:19,730
Boy, don't be trying to burn up
my grass, now what you doing?
727
00:30:19,730 --> 00:30:21,340
I think you better save
that for the meat.
728
00:30:21,340 --> 00:30:22,689
It's hot as hell out here
729
00:30:22,689 --> 00:30:23,734
and he's trying to
burn up the grass.
730
00:30:23,734 --> 00:30:25,605
This some good water? Boy...
731
00:30:27,303 --> 00:30:29,305
In the name of the father.
732
00:30:29,305 --> 00:30:31,350
Always doing the Lord's work.
733
00:30:31,350 --> 00:30:34,397
Taylor: I believe family
also means familiar,
734
00:30:34,397 --> 00:30:35,964
and God knows why
I'm saying that.
735
00:30:35,964 --> 00:30:37,661
I taste like bacon.
736
00:30:37,661 --> 00:30:39,315
You look good.
737
00:30:39,315 --> 00:30:42,013
Girl, I look great, but
I didn't wanna look this good.
738
00:30:42,013 --> 00:30:44,755
- No, why not?
- Oh, I look like a hoochie.
739
00:30:44,755 --> 00:30:46,496
- A hoochie mama, for real?
- Yes.
740
00:30:46,496 --> 00:30:48,498
I don't think so. I think
you're taking it too far.
741
00:30:48,498 --> 00:30:52,110
No, he took it too far.
Girl, I actually got hips.
742
00:30:52,110 --> 00:30:54,156
- You do.
- And my butt sits too high.
743
00:30:54,156 --> 00:30:55,635
- It does.
- Yeah.
744
00:30:55,635 --> 00:30:58,073
And if he think
he gonna keep changing my body
745
00:30:58,073 --> 00:31:00,640
for his likings,
he's got another thing coming.
746
00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:03,034
Taylor: I guess God wants me to
learn about female empowerment
747
00:31:03,034 --> 00:31:04,557
before I can be empowering.
748
00:31:04,557 --> 00:31:07,169
Hey, Black, now I know
as big as your ass is
749
00:31:07,169 --> 00:31:08,213
you know how to make
some chicken.
750
00:31:08,213 --> 00:31:09,606
- I do.
- Come on now.
751
00:31:09,606 --> 00:31:11,216
I like my chicken
without salmonella.
752
00:31:11,216 --> 00:31:15,351
Now are these chicken breast
or it's your breast?
753
00:31:15,351 --> 00:31:17,440
Is you slow in the head?
Somebody hit you?
754
00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:19,964
Bitch, that is chicken
and you better make it right.
755
00:31:19,964 --> 00:31:21,923
Hey, girls, how y'all doing?
I'm so glad y'all here, ladies.
756
00:31:21,923 --> 00:31:23,576
Y'all good? Y'all feeling good?
757
00:31:23,576 --> 00:31:25,404
Ooh, sure is a nice day
for a picnic.
758
00:31:25,404 --> 00:31:29,104
Yeah, it's all for me, her, her,
her. All of us.
759
00:31:29,104 --> 00:31:31,802
Darnell, I know you didn't bring
760
00:31:31,802 --> 00:31:33,978
them ugly ass Karens
up to my cookout.
761
00:31:33,978 --> 00:31:35,588
MaDude: Boy, I can barely
stand your ass anyway.
762
00:31:35,588 --> 00:31:36,938
You better get them away
from my grill.
763
00:31:36,938 --> 00:31:39,331
I seen more ass on a snake.
764
00:31:39,331 --> 00:31:42,682
Come on girls. MaDude's tripping
and she's packing.
765
00:31:42,682 --> 00:31:44,206
That's right,
you better get them girls
766
00:31:44,206 --> 00:31:45,685
MaDude: away from my damn grill.
767
00:31:45,685 --> 00:31:47,035
Bro. Come on Karens.
MaDude: Come on now.
768
00:31:47,035 --> 00:31:48,210
Y'all ain't moving
fast enough for me.
769
00:31:48,210 --> 00:31:49,689
Gets it moving. Chop, chop.
770
00:31:49,689 --> 00:31:51,604
I don't ever wanna
see, taste, touch,
771
00:31:51,604 --> 00:31:53,780
talk, walk, do nothing
with that girl, man.
772
00:31:53,780 --> 00:31:54,738
Man, it couldn't have been
that bad.
773
00:31:54,738 --> 00:31:56,044
Oh, it was.
774
00:31:56,044 --> 00:31:57,567
But you have those
wonderful abs.
775
00:31:57,567 --> 00:31:58,916
Taylor: She must've been
everything you needed.
776
00:31:58,916 --> 00:32:01,440
- Man, that's what I thought.
- Wow.
777
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:02,920
Oh. Here's-- here's
my cousin. Ellen?
778
00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:06,184
Hey... What are you doing here?
779
00:32:06,184 --> 00:32:07,664
- This the crazy woman...
- This the crazy man...
780
00:32:07,664 --> 00:32:09,448
- I was telling about!
- I was telling about!
781
00:32:09,448 --> 00:32:12,234
You left me for dead, girl.
Why you gotta be so mean, woman?
782
00:32:12,234 --> 00:32:13,844
Mean? You don't know me.
783
00:32:13,844 --> 00:32:15,672
You don't know what
I've been through.
784
00:32:15,672 --> 00:32:17,630
You mean to tell me you gonna
make the new brother
785
00:32:17,630 --> 00:32:19,458
pay for
the last brother mistakes?
786
00:32:19,458 --> 00:32:22,635
- Somebody gotta pay. Amen.
- Hell yeah, somebody gotta pay.
787
00:32:22,635 --> 00:32:24,507
So you just another
mad Black woman, huh?
788
00:32:24,507 --> 00:32:25,943
So what you gon' do?
789
00:32:25,943 --> 00:32:27,858
Go home and write in your diary
790
00:32:27,858 --> 00:32:29,381
about your raggedy ass weave?
791
00:32:29,381 --> 00:32:31,818
Raggedy ass weave?
792
00:32:31,818 --> 00:32:33,690
You should be the last person
to talk about somebody having...
793
00:32:33,690 --> 00:32:35,474
Girl, my hair is luxurious.
794
00:32:35,474 --> 00:32:36,867
You know what? I got something
from you. Stay right there.
795
00:32:36,867 --> 00:32:39,348
I'm standing right here.
I ain't running.
796
00:32:39,348 --> 00:32:42,655
- Oh!
- I got wet! My waist is wet!
797
00:32:42,655 --> 00:32:44,701
Taylor: Maybe I'm not
the right person for this job.
798
00:32:44,701 --> 00:32:47,225
My abs are melting. Oh no, girl.
799
00:32:47,225 --> 00:32:49,184
You know, it took me
all week to paint these on.
800
00:32:49,184 --> 00:32:51,273
- Should've took longer.
- Why would you do this?
801
00:32:51,273 --> 00:32:53,101
Boy, stop all
that windmilling shit.
802
00:32:53,101 --> 00:32:54,232
[blows whistle]
803
00:32:54,232 --> 00:32:55,625
Oh, no!
804
00:32:55,625 --> 00:32:57,409
Taylor: Ooh! My waist is wet.
805
00:32:57,409 --> 00:32:58,889
Well, at least I still
got my areolas.
806
00:32:58,889 --> 00:33:01,065
I got something for
areolas too. Hold on.
807
00:33:01,065 --> 00:33:02,632
Get him again.
He gonna run outta here?
808
00:33:02,632 --> 00:33:04,025
But don't run too far, baby.
809
00:33:04,025 --> 00:33:06,418
You got your abs
in a puddle in this grass.
810
00:33:06,418 --> 00:33:08,290
Boy, you better come
clean this shit up.
811
00:33:08,290 --> 00:33:10,901
Taylor: With everything I am,
I'm only one man.
812
00:33:10,901 --> 00:33:12,946
Yo "Fairy", wanna ball?
813
00:33:12,946 --> 00:33:15,949
Uh, it's Pherry.
I don't mess with P.
814
00:33:15,949 --> 00:33:17,647
We need one more.
Get over here. We chests.
815
00:33:17,647 --> 00:33:18,822
I'd love to play!
816
00:33:18,822 --> 00:33:21,216
[upbeat music]
817
00:33:22,913 --> 00:33:24,349
Taylor: Male Empowerment.
818
00:33:24,349 --> 00:33:26,047
God never said
nothing about that.
819
00:33:26,047 --> 00:33:28,527
[grunting]
820
00:33:28,527 --> 00:33:31,835
I love this game.
Thank you, God. Balls! Balls!
821
00:33:33,489 --> 00:33:34,838
Oh, crap.
822
00:33:38,668 --> 00:33:40,452
- Yo, Taylor.
- Oh, God.
823
00:33:40,452 --> 00:33:43,673
- How was the cookout?
- Uh...
824
00:33:43,673 --> 00:33:46,458
Not really good,
you know. My family is...
825
00:33:46,458 --> 00:33:49,287
They, um, they crazy.
The shit they get...
826
00:33:49,287 --> 00:33:51,985
Oh, stuff, the stuff
they get themselves into.
827
00:33:51,985 --> 00:33:53,726
Well, it's up to
you to change that.
828
00:33:53,726 --> 00:33:56,077
God: I have an idea and I'm
gonna need you to commit to it.
829
00:33:56,077 --> 00:33:57,513
If not, I'm out of a job.
830
00:33:57,513 --> 00:33:59,471
Oh, I'll-- I'll do
anything for you, God.
831
00:33:59,471 --> 00:34:01,212
Great. I need you
to become a writer.
832
00:34:01,212 --> 00:34:03,475
- A writer? A writer?
- A writer. A writer.
833
00:34:03,475 --> 00:34:06,261
I can't do that, I mean,
I'm a doctor, a lawyer,
834
00:34:06,261 --> 00:34:08,524
a-- a hotel manager,
a badminton coach,
835
00:34:08,524 --> 00:34:11,962
an architect, an unlicensed
plumber, a mover, a shaker.
836
00:34:11,962 --> 00:34:13,268
I don't know nothing
about writing.
837
00:34:13,268 --> 00:34:14,573
God: Do you know what
a plot point is?
838
00:34:14,573 --> 00:34:16,575
- No. Hell no.
- A good storyline.
839
00:34:16,575 --> 00:34:18,577
- I ain't never heard of that.
- Your family's crazy, right?
840
00:34:18,577 --> 00:34:19,926
God: They'll have all the drama,
841
00:34:19,926 --> 00:34:21,798
the comedy,
and the horror you need.
842
00:34:21,798 --> 00:34:23,147
You're gonna write a play.
843
00:34:23,147 --> 00:34:24,757
- What? What?
- Better yet, a movie.
844
00:34:24,757 --> 00:34:26,063
Include me and Hoprah.
845
00:34:26,063 --> 00:34:27,847
But you can do bad
all by yourself.
846
00:34:27,847 --> 00:34:30,372
God: It's gonna be
a box office hit.
847
00:34:30,372 --> 00:34:33,549
W-- well, what if I-- I screw up
everything for the whole world?
848
00:34:33,549 --> 00:34:36,204
Have faith, Taylor,
you're on a divine path.
849
00:34:36,204 --> 00:34:38,075
Speaking of which,
you better take that.
850
00:34:38,075 --> 00:34:41,426
Alright, that's it. Gotta go.
This fellow Putin is tripping.
851
00:34:41,426 --> 00:34:43,080
Hey, hey, hey Julie.
852
00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:44,647
Julie: I can't take another
minute of this traffic.
853
00:34:44,647 --> 00:34:46,170
It's driving me crazy.
854
00:34:46,170 --> 00:34:47,737
I meant to ask you for
a favor at the cookout,
855
00:34:47,737 --> 00:34:49,130
but I got caught up
eating chicken.
856
00:34:49,130 --> 00:34:50,740
What can I do for you?
857
00:34:50,740 --> 00:34:52,133
Julie: I need a good driver
for tomorrow.
858
00:34:52,133 --> 00:34:55,223
Say no more. I'm on my way.
859
00:34:55,223 --> 00:34:58,182
Woo! God be talking his ass off.
860
00:34:58,182 --> 00:34:59,966
Taylor: First
female empowerment.
861
00:34:59,966 --> 00:35:02,752
Now, God wants me
to write a movie?
862
00:35:02,752 --> 00:35:06,756
Ellen: Dear diary, today,
I took my mother's advice
863
00:35:06,756 --> 00:35:10,412
and I need spaghetti, sauce,
ground turkey meat,
864
00:35:10,412 --> 00:35:16,200
turkey sausage, mushrooms,
garlic, oh, and vodka.
865
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:18,724
I sure hope it tastes good.
866
00:35:18,724 --> 00:35:21,988
With everything
I've been going through, diary,
867
00:35:21,988 --> 00:35:24,426
I need some comfort
and joy in my life.
868
00:35:24,426 --> 00:35:26,384
Lately, it just feels
869
00:35:26,384 --> 00:35:29,344
like a sad little rain cloud
follows me everywhere I go.
870
00:35:33,913 --> 00:35:35,176
Ugh!
871
00:35:35,176 --> 00:35:38,048
[instrumental music]
872
00:35:38,048 --> 00:35:40,833
Yo baby, you need a ride?
873
00:35:40,833 --> 00:35:42,922
No, I can wait for the bus.
874
00:35:42,922 --> 00:35:45,011
Girl, go on and hop
into this truck.
875
00:35:45,011 --> 00:35:46,578
Can't you see the lightning?
876
00:35:46,578 --> 00:35:48,058
[thunder rumbling]
877
00:35:49,581 --> 00:35:51,192
I'm fine.
878
00:35:51,192 --> 00:35:53,237
All this rain gonna make
your gout swell up, girl.
879
00:35:53,237 --> 00:35:54,717
I can wait for the bus.
880
00:35:54,717 --> 00:35:56,501
Besides, I'm a new woman
881
00:35:56,501 --> 00:35:59,417
and this woman don't ride
with certain types of men.
882
00:35:59,417 --> 00:36:01,289
Why you gotta be so mean, woman?
883
00:36:01,289 --> 00:36:03,508
Why you gotta be so nice, man?
884
00:36:03,508 --> 00:36:05,293
Look just get in the truck.
885
00:36:05,293 --> 00:36:07,599
The next bus don't come
for about an hour.
886
00:36:07,599 --> 00:36:08,905
[thunder rumbling]
887
00:36:08,905 --> 00:36:11,037
Okay, okay. Let me get in.
888
00:36:11,037 --> 00:36:13,605
Yep. Get your ass in, girl.
889
00:36:13,605 --> 00:36:15,041
I'm coming. I'm coming.
890
00:36:17,087 --> 00:36:18,523
- Here, get my purse.
- I got you.
891
00:36:18,523 --> 00:36:21,874
Come on now. Come on.
Yep, I got you. Come on.
892
00:36:21,874 --> 00:36:24,181
- There you go. Close the door.
- Okay, hold on.
893
00:36:24,181 --> 00:36:26,401
[music continues]
894
00:36:26,401 --> 00:36:27,967
Taylor: Is this what God meant
895
00:36:27,967 --> 00:36:29,708
when he said my family's
like no other
896
00:36:29,708 --> 00:36:32,145
or are we all the same
like my cousin Monte Carlo?
897
00:36:32,145 --> 00:36:33,843
[knocking]
898
00:36:33,843 --> 00:36:35,410
You girls get ready. Your mama
is gonna be here soon.
899
00:36:35,410 --> 00:36:36,976
Hey, come on in.
900
00:36:39,501 --> 00:36:43,287
How is my favorite limo, Lyft,
Uber driving cousin?
901
00:36:43,287 --> 00:36:46,595
[laughs] Take your shoes off
at the door if you don't mind.
902
00:36:46,595 --> 00:36:49,250
Oh, as disgusting as this place
is, I absolutely do mind.
903
00:36:49,250 --> 00:36:51,382
Why don't we take the floor up?
904
00:36:51,382 --> 00:36:54,472
- Ah!
- Fair enough.
905
00:36:54,472 --> 00:36:57,083
So what do I owe
this surprise visit
906
00:36:57,083 --> 00:36:59,738
from the most prominent
prestigious
907
00:36:59,738 --> 00:37:02,654
lawyer, surgeon and employee
in the entire city?
908
00:37:02,654 --> 00:37:05,875
- Well, I've got a job for you.
- Mm, you got a job?
909
00:37:05,875 --> 00:37:08,225
- Yes. High paying job.
- Ooh!
910
00:37:08,225 --> 00:37:11,315
Make your own hours. I've been
calling you. Do you want it?
911
00:37:11,315 --> 00:37:13,143
[somber music]
912
00:37:13,143 --> 00:37:16,581
I gotta say extra money
is always needed around here.
913
00:37:16,581 --> 00:37:19,758
You know I got the three kids,
maybe two, four baby mamas
914
00:37:19,758 --> 00:37:21,238
and you know,
I'm trying to get that chicken
915
00:37:21,238 --> 00:37:22,761
and check cashing
place off the ground.
916
00:37:22,761 --> 00:37:24,197
Chicken and check cashing?
That don't go together.
917
00:37:24,197 --> 00:37:25,198
Neither does chicken
and waffles,
918
00:37:25,198 --> 00:37:26,199
but you see how that blew up.
919
00:37:26,199 --> 00:37:28,680
Oh, you know what, cuz,
920
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:30,421
Taylor: I am very,
very proud of you.
921
00:37:30,421 --> 00:37:33,598
With three years in prison,
three little girls
922
00:37:33,598 --> 00:37:36,819
Not Precious, Least Precious,
Not Precious at all
923
00:37:36,819 --> 00:37:39,604
you really got
your stuff together.
924
00:37:39,604 --> 00:37:42,259
That's right, you see,
'cause hate put me in there.
925
00:37:42,259 --> 00:37:44,914
- But love busted me out.
- Love busted you out.
926
00:37:44,914 --> 00:37:47,177
[claps] Tell me about it.
Tell me about the job.
927
00:37:47,177 --> 00:37:49,745
Well, her name is Julie.
She's a lawyer.
928
00:37:49,745 --> 00:37:51,703
She's an Ivy League attorney.
She needs a driver.
929
00:37:51,703 --> 00:37:52,748
And I can give you a car today.
930
00:37:52,748 --> 00:37:54,358
What kind of car we talking?
931
00:37:54,358 --> 00:37:55,751
Well look, I've got exotic cars.
I've got a Bugatti.
932
00:37:55,751 --> 00:37:56,926
I've got a Lamborghini.
I've got a Porsche.
933
00:37:56,926 --> 00:37:58,101
Wait. Stop right there.
934
00:37:58,101 --> 00:37:59,537
Yes.
935
00:37:59,537 --> 00:38:01,452
You know I don't do exotic cars.
936
00:38:01,452 --> 00:38:04,281
I need something with
a carburetor, you know.
937
00:38:04,281 --> 00:38:07,197
- Well, I've got a truck.
- Sold.
938
00:38:07,197 --> 00:38:08,720
Okay. Gimme a minute
to put on some clean clothes.
939
00:38:09,330 --> 00:38:11,506
[sniffs]
940
00:38:11,506 --> 00:38:14,204
Okay, I am ready. Alright.
941
00:38:14,204 --> 00:38:15,510
You girls fix yourself
some dinner.
942
00:38:15,510 --> 00:38:17,076
Here you go. That's for you.
943
00:38:17,076 --> 00:38:18,600
And whatever you do,
please don't open the door
944
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:19,601
for any strangers.
945
00:38:19,601 --> 00:38:21,211
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
946
00:38:21,211 --> 00:38:23,082
Are we sure we want
to leave the girls alone?
947
00:38:23,082 --> 00:38:26,651
I mean, somebody's gotta watch
daddy's little girls.
948
00:38:26,651 --> 00:38:28,566
Oh, don't worry about that,
man. They stay strapped.
949
00:38:28,566 --> 00:38:32,744
Ready for any unwanted police
officers. She might not be mine.
950
00:38:33,832 --> 00:38:34,833
Come on.
951
00:38:36,052 --> 00:38:37,140
Bye, daddy.
952
00:38:37,140 --> 00:38:38,663
[instrumental music]
953
00:38:38,663 --> 00:38:41,666
Again. You gotta
stop calling me that.
954
00:38:45,017 --> 00:38:47,150
Taylor: He's like
a movie character, right?
955
00:38:47,150 --> 00:38:49,282
I get Idris vibes.
956
00:38:49,282 --> 00:38:51,894
In my movie, he's comedy relief
957
00:38:51,894 --> 00:38:55,593
and Julie could use
some comedy in her life.
958
00:38:55,593 --> 00:38:57,029
That I know.
959
00:38:57,029 --> 00:38:59,467
[instrumental music]
960
00:39:01,338 --> 00:39:03,993
- Are you gonna open the door?
- Uh, you want me to...
961
00:39:03,993 --> 00:39:07,823
Oh, yeah. I just thought
you was gonna open it for me.
962
00:39:07,823 --> 00:39:10,478
- Me open it for you?
- Yeah. I just, I don't know.
963
00:39:10,478 --> 00:39:12,001
Lemme finish sending
this picture real quick.
964
00:39:12,001 --> 00:39:14,569
I-- I-- I'll wait. It's no rush.
965
00:39:14,569 --> 00:39:17,398
Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I'm--
I'm in no rush.
966
00:39:17,398 --> 00:39:20,096
- Get the door.
- Goddamn. Chill.
967
00:39:20,096 --> 00:39:22,098
Please open that door.
968
00:39:22,098 --> 00:39:23,360
Dang, you can be polite.
969
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:24,927
[music continues]
970
00:39:26,972 --> 00:39:30,454
What's up? [laughs]
Ná#*á#á#*á#, you a fool.
971
00:39:30,454 --> 00:39:31,977
If you don't come
close this door...
972
00:39:31,977 --> 00:39:33,196
You want me to close
the door too?
973
00:39:34,719 --> 00:39:36,504
Open and close the door.
974
00:39:38,636 --> 00:39:41,247
Act like you ain't never
closed a door before.
975
00:39:41,247 --> 00:39:44,076
You didn't say open and close
is in the job description.
976
00:39:44,947 --> 00:39:46,775
Hey. Yeah.
977
00:39:46,775 --> 00:39:48,820
I can't believe the jury came
back from deliberation so soon.
978
00:39:48,820 --> 00:39:50,561
This is a good sign for us.
979
00:39:50,561 --> 00:39:51,954
I bet you think I'm listening in
980
00:39:51,954 --> 00:39:53,999
on your conversation,
'cause I'm not.
981
00:39:53,999 --> 00:39:55,044
I'm talk...
982
00:39:56,306 --> 00:39:58,613
[radio blaring]
983
00:39:58,613 --> 00:40:03,487
Excuse me, Mr. Carlo?
I said excuse me.
984
00:40:03,487 --> 00:40:06,664
Hey, yo, Charlie.
Hey, what up with it, man?
985
00:40:06,664 --> 00:40:08,231
Ain't nothing, man,
I'm just sitting here,
986
00:40:08,231 --> 00:40:09,754
chilling at the new gig, man.
987
00:40:09,754 --> 00:40:11,713
Hello, hey, driver?
988
00:40:11,713 --> 00:40:15,412
What? Rollo got shot? When?
989
00:40:15,412 --> 00:40:18,894
Just, he's on the phone.
Can you turn the music down?
990
00:40:18,894 --> 00:40:21,853
Hey, bitch, can't you see
I'm on the phone? That's rude.
991
00:40:21,853 --> 00:40:23,725
I'm on the phone too.
992
00:40:23,725 --> 00:40:27,163
Hey. Who shot him?
Who shot him? The baby?
993
00:40:27,163 --> 00:40:28,730
Man, the baby love
killing people, man.
994
00:40:28,730 --> 00:40:30,688
This is completely
and utterly unprofessional.
995
00:40:30,688 --> 00:40:33,430
Was he at Walmart again? I told
him the savings are at Target!
996
00:40:34,518 --> 00:40:36,912
Hello? Hello?
997
00:40:36,912 --> 00:40:39,305
God. Damn. My phone got cut off.
998
00:40:39,305 --> 00:40:41,307
Look, and I need to get
to the courthouse.
999
00:40:41,307 --> 00:40:45,355
Relax, sugar tits. I'mma get
you there, you in good hands.
1000
00:40:45,355 --> 00:40:47,662
- Forget Allstate.
- If you don't watch the road.
1001
00:40:47,662 --> 00:40:50,926
Hey, keep your goddamn kids
off the street.
1002
00:40:50,926 --> 00:40:53,145
That's bad parenting
right there, man.
1003
00:40:53,145 --> 00:40:55,670
Monte: I've always said that.
- Where are you going?
1004
00:40:55,670 --> 00:40:57,628
You need to, to stay on I-95.
1005
00:40:57,628 --> 00:40:59,195
Like, w-- why are you getting
off the freeway?
1006
00:40:59,195 --> 00:41:01,240
Oh, trust me, I know how
to get to the courthouse.
1007
00:41:01,240 --> 00:41:03,155
No, you need to stay on I-95.
1008
00:41:03,155 --> 00:41:04,809
Get off on downtown
and make a right.
1009
00:41:07,595 --> 00:41:10,336
- Well, so why are we stopping?
- 'Cause we here, stupid.
1010
00:41:10,336 --> 00:41:12,425
[birds chirping]
1011
00:41:12,425 --> 00:41:14,993
Uh...
1012
00:41:14,993 --> 00:41:18,649
Next time, I need you to
follow instructions. Okay?
1013
00:41:18,649 --> 00:41:22,044
- And why am I opening my door?
- 'Cause you got hands. Bitch.
1014
00:41:22,044 --> 00:41:23,567
You're supposed to be a driver.
1015
00:41:23,567 --> 00:41:25,917
Can't admit when
you wrong, shit.
1016
00:41:25,917 --> 00:41:28,485
Ooh, I'll tell Taylor.
Monte: Weak ass.
1017
00:41:28,485 --> 00:41:29,834
Don't know why I did this.
1018
00:41:32,228 --> 00:41:33,403
Goddamn.
1019
00:41:35,100 --> 00:41:38,408
God is good. Won't he do it?
Mm-mm-mm.
1020
00:41:40,541 --> 00:41:42,020
Taylor: Everyone has
that family member
1021
00:41:42,020 --> 00:41:43,544
who's always struggling.
1022
00:41:43,544 --> 00:41:45,676
Well, Beverly is mine.
1023
00:41:45,676 --> 00:41:47,852
If it's not men, it's money.
1024
00:41:47,852 --> 00:41:49,767
But this is how
she met the Browns.
1025
00:41:49,767 --> 00:41:52,335
I mean the Blacks. The Blacks!
It's how she met the Blacks!
1026
00:41:52,335 --> 00:41:53,989
Oh, good morning, Ms. Mildew.
1027
00:41:53,989 --> 00:41:56,513
Don't good morning me.
You got my money?
1028
00:41:56,513 --> 00:41:58,820
I'll have it for you this
evening when I get paid.
1029
00:41:58,820 --> 00:42:01,779
Well, you better.
All of it, and I ain't playing.
1030
00:42:01,779 --> 00:42:04,260
Okay. Alright.
Bye-bye, Ms. Mildew.
1031
00:42:04,260 --> 00:42:06,262
I ain't gonna have her money.
1032
00:42:06,262 --> 00:42:07,655
Bitch better have my money.
1033
00:42:10,222 --> 00:42:12,529
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
1034
00:42:12,529 --> 00:42:14,575
Oh, man! Come on. What the hell?
1035
00:42:14,575 --> 00:42:16,577
- Stop, stop, stop.
- What are you doing?
1036
00:42:16,577 --> 00:42:19,667
Hi, whoo! My friend's coming?
Can you just wait for her?
1037
00:42:19,667 --> 00:42:21,930
No, we got to go.
You making me late. Come on.
1038
00:42:21,930 --> 00:42:24,019
You know if she miss the bus,
she's gonna lose her job.
1039
00:42:24,019 --> 00:42:26,543
And if I miss the next stop,
then I lose my job. Come on now.
1040
00:42:26,543 --> 00:42:28,023
Come on, bro. Just wait.
1041
00:42:28,023 --> 00:42:29,677
No, no. Have a seat.
Sit down. Sit down.
1042
00:42:29,677 --> 00:42:31,809
Okay, okay, okay. What if
I show you my breasts?
1043
00:42:31,809 --> 00:42:33,550
What? Don't nobody wanna
see your silicone breast.
1044
00:42:33,550 --> 00:42:35,030
If I wanna see some plastic,
I'll reach in my back pocket
1045
00:42:35,030 --> 00:42:36,248
and I'll pull out
my credit card.
1046
00:42:36,248 --> 00:42:38,250
Come on. Just wait
for her, please.
1047
00:42:38,250 --> 00:42:40,601
Okay. Okay. Okay. Show me
the nipple. Show me the nipple.
1048
00:42:42,211 --> 00:42:44,692
Goddamn!
1049
00:42:44,692 --> 00:42:46,345
Okay. Alright, alright.
Which one? Where she at?
1050
00:42:46,345 --> 00:42:47,651
Oh, that's her. That's her.
Right there. Stop it.
1051
00:42:47,651 --> 00:42:49,000
Alright, I see her.
Come on then.
1052
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:51,176
Come on, shorty.
Come on. Let's go.
1053
00:42:51,176 --> 00:42:53,222
Let's go, let's go.
1054
00:42:53,222 --> 00:42:55,790
Whoo! Thank you for waiting.
1055
00:42:55,790 --> 00:42:58,357
Don't thank me.
Thank her nipple.
1056
00:42:58,357 --> 00:43:02,710
- Girl, you took forever.
- Good lord, Jesus.
1057
00:43:02,710 --> 00:43:05,016
Taylor: Beverly is like
every other lead in the movie.
1058
00:43:05,016 --> 00:43:06,148
She's likable.
1059
00:43:06,148 --> 00:43:07,410
Thank you. I appreciate you.
1060
00:43:07,410 --> 00:43:08,411
Taylor: Like Angela Bassett.
1061
00:43:08,411 --> 00:43:10,152
I appreciate you now.
1062
00:43:10,152 --> 00:43:11,719
- Ooh, girl.
- Girl, that was crazy.
1063
00:43:11,719 --> 00:43:13,895
You are always looking out
for me.
1064
00:43:13,895 --> 00:43:16,375
- You know I got you.
- You crazy, but you my girl.
1065
00:43:16,375 --> 00:43:19,857
[laughs] You made sure I'm
straight. You check on my baby.
1066
00:43:19,857 --> 00:43:22,120
- I even show my breast, girl.
- You got my, oh, you did what?
1067
00:43:22,120 --> 00:43:23,165
Yes.
1068
00:43:23,165 --> 00:43:24,775
What the hell is going on here?
1069
00:43:24,775 --> 00:43:26,647
Man 1: I need all of you
to vacate the premises.
1070
00:43:26,647 --> 00:43:28,518
The first time I'm on time to
work and then this shit happens.
1071
00:43:28,518 --> 00:43:31,608
- We don't know what's going on.
- Place is closed.
1072
00:43:31,608 --> 00:43:33,741
What do you mean
the place is closed?
1073
00:43:33,741 --> 00:43:36,047
How? I just met with
the Browns last night.
1074
00:43:36,047 --> 00:43:37,875
Plus, they are
super nice people.
1075
00:43:37,875 --> 00:43:39,834
I don't think they're gonna
close down without telling us.
1076
00:43:39,834 --> 00:43:44,316
COVID Infinity. Place is closed
until further notice.
1077
00:43:44,316 --> 00:43:46,710
Go home. You're making me work.
1078
00:43:46,710 --> 00:43:47,755
I didn't even get
my last check.
1079
00:43:47,755 --> 00:43:48,843
I didn't get mine either.
1080
00:43:48,843 --> 00:43:50,801
- Go home.
- What?
1081
00:43:50,801 --> 00:43:54,326
Man 1: Let's go, everyone.
You're interrupting my lunch.
1082
00:43:54,326 --> 00:43:57,329
What am I gonna do?
I owe Ms. Mildew.
1083
00:43:57,329 --> 00:43:59,723
If I don't pay her, she gonna
put my Kiki out on the street
1084
00:43:59,723 --> 00:44:01,333
to pay her her money back.
1085
00:44:01,333 --> 00:44:03,422
I mean, why don't you
ask your son's father?
1086
00:44:03,422 --> 00:44:06,643
He owes you over $80,000
in back child support.
1087
00:44:06,643 --> 00:44:10,212
- Wait, how do you know that?
- He told me last night.
1088
00:44:10,212 --> 00:44:14,651
Wait, you didn't know
he was hitting this?
1089
00:44:14,651 --> 00:44:16,914
I be screaming your name
every night.
1090
00:44:16,914 --> 00:44:20,788
Oh, you're so sweet,
but I do need that money.
1091
00:44:20,788 --> 00:44:23,442
Oh, but he's gonna kill me
if I ask him for it.
1092
00:44:23,442 --> 00:44:25,140
I'm gonna ask him for you
1093
00:44:25,140 --> 00:44:27,055
because he don't
ever say no to me.
1094
00:44:27,055 --> 00:44:28,578
Okay.
1095
00:44:28,578 --> 00:44:30,493
- Got you, girl.
- Well, let's go get this money.
1096
00:44:30,493 --> 00:44:32,843
Let's go get it, girl.
1097
00:44:32,843 --> 00:44:34,889
Okay, I'm gonna be strong.
This is his kid too.
1098
00:44:34,889 --> 00:44:37,718
Beverly! What the hell
are you doing here?
1099
00:44:37,718 --> 00:44:40,764
I thought I told you
I ain't got no money for you
1100
00:44:40,764 --> 00:44:43,332
or them ugly ass kids.
Now get on!
1101
00:44:43,332 --> 00:44:45,769
[shouts]
Scat!
1102
00:44:45,769 --> 00:44:48,990
Hey, Shirley, baby.
What's going on?
1103
00:44:48,990 --> 00:44:52,123
- Michael, baby, how are you?
- I'm doing fine.
1104
00:44:52,123 --> 00:44:54,212
Yes, you know, Michael.
1105
00:44:54,212 --> 00:44:57,694
She really, really needs
her child support money.
1106
00:44:57,694 --> 00:44:59,000
- Really?
- Yeah.
1107
00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:00,349
- Is that what she needs?
- Yeah.
1108
00:45:00,349 --> 00:45:02,830
Why don't you just like,
help her?
1109
00:45:02,830 --> 00:45:06,659
If you ask, then it's yours.
Okay? Yeah.
1110
00:45:06,659 --> 00:45:08,487
Oh, thank you so much, Michael.
1111
00:45:08,487 --> 00:45:10,968
We really need it, the kids need
ramen, they need Cheetos--
1112
00:45:10,968 --> 00:45:13,666
- I was talking to her.
- But--
1113
00:45:13,666 --> 00:45:18,236
Not you! I ain't
got no goddamn money.
1114
00:45:18,236 --> 00:45:21,370
I am working my ass off
securing this empty ass spot.
1115
00:45:21,370 --> 00:45:24,242
Working for a ass-hole boss
that I can't stand,
1116
00:45:24,242 --> 00:45:27,419
on three hours of sleep. Why?
1117
00:45:27,419 --> 00:45:31,641
Because I am trying to make
a better life for myself.
1118
00:45:31,641 --> 00:45:35,297
[inhales] That's what's wrong
with you Black mothers.
1119
00:45:35,297 --> 00:45:36,994
You lazy. You don't wanna work.
1120
00:45:36,994 --> 00:45:38,300
I am not lazy, Michael.
I do work.
1121
00:45:38,300 --> 00:45:39,736
Nah, you lazy as hell.
1122
00:45:39,736 --> 00:45:42,130
See, I told you don't have
that damn baby.
1123
00:45:42,130 --> 00:45:46,830
But here you come trying to mess
up my expensive lifestyle
1124
00:45:46,830 --> 00:45:49,224
with your needs. Hell no!
1125
00:45:50,399 --> 00:45:52,749
[clapping]
1126
00:45:52,749 --> 00:45:55,883
Way to go, Michael.
I'm giving you a raise.
1127
00:45:55,883 --> 00:45:57,319
Oh! You hear that?
1128
00:45:57,319 --> 00:45:59,451
More money for you
to do nothing with.
1129
00:45:59,451 --> 00:46:01,192
Nothing. [chuckles]
1130
00:46:01,192 --> 00:46:03,455
- Come on, man.
- Deuces.
1131
00:46:03,455 --> 00:46:05,370
I'm gonna buy you
an ice cold glass of water.
1132
00:46:05,370 --> 00:46:08,112
[Michael laughing]
1133
00:46:08,112 --> 00:46:10,114
I got something for your ass.
1134
00:46:10,114 --> 00:46:12,247
Oh, you dirty mother--
1135
00:46:12,247 --> 00:46:13,726
Taylor: Oh, shit.
1136
00:46:13,726 --> 00:46:15,641
God says my family's
like a movie.
1137
00:46:15,641 --> 00:46:19,036
Then it must be, right?
God's never wrong.
1138
00:46:19,036 --> 00:46:23,127
And if God's not wrong,
then Beverly could be a star.
1139
00:46:23,127 --> 00:46:25,303
Look, this all started
because of Trump.
1140
00:46:25,303 --> 00:46:27,044
[instrumental music]
1141
00:46:27,044 --> 00:46:29,525
Now how did he become president?
1142
00:46:29,525 --> 00:46:30,743
Angel 6: That's a good question.
1143
00:46:30,743 --> 00:46:33,790
Hey, wasn't on me.
That wasn't me.
1144
00:46:33,790 --> 00:46:36,053
I mean, I-- I-- I never
answered his prayer.
1145
00:46:36,053 --> 00:46:38,360
- You're right. You're right.
- I did give him the voice.
1146
00:46:38,360 --> 00:46:40,188
[mimicking Trump] It's a lot of
great people on both sides.
1147
00:46:40,188 --> 00:46:44,105
Lots of great people on both
sides. Excuse me. Excuse me.
1148
00:46:44,105 --> 00:46:47,064
Fake angels. Fake angels.
1149
00:46:47,064 --> 00:46:48,196
You like that?
1150
00:46:48,196 --> 00:46:49,893
[laughing]
1151
00:46:49,893 --> 00:46:51,852
Toast me.
1152
00:46:51,852 --> 00:46:53,679
Taylor: We have
comedy and drama,
1153
00:46:53,679 --> 00:46:55,681
and I know about my cousin.
1154
00:46:55,681 --> 00:46:57,118
Julie might even be his type.
1155
00:46:57,118 --> 00:46:59,381
[instrumental music]
1156
00:46:59,381 --> 00:47:02,514
Mm, mm, mm How'd it go?
1157
00:47:02,514 --> 00:47:04,473
Julie: This motherfucker.
I guess I'll let myself in.
1158
00:47:08,869 --> 00:47:11,872
- Ooh, she's pretty.
- Is she gonna be our new mama?
1159
00:47:13,699 --> 00:47:15,353
How did they get in my car?
1160
00:47:15,353 --> 00:47:17,355
Look, I gotta take these kids
to they mama house.
1161
00:47:17,355 --> 00:47:19,140
Unless you wanna
roll around with them all day.
1162
00:47:19,140 --> 00:47:21,272
Then I gotta go pick up
the 3-year-old from the dentist
1163
00:47:21,272 --> 00:47:23,144
'cause she's getting
her wisdom teeth pulled.
1164
00:47:23,144 --> 00:47:26,408
If you don't take these kids
home and drop me off...
1165
00:47:26,408 --> 00:47:30,151
- I have a date tonight.
- Okay. Gonna get to your date.
1166
00:47:30,151 --> 00:47:33,154
[chuckling]
1167
00:47:33,154 --> 00:47:36,070
[music continues]
1168
00:47:39,464 --> 00:47:42,119
Okay. Come on. Come on, come on.
1169
00:47:42,119 --> 00:47:43,294
There we go. Ha!
1170
00:47:44,730 --> 00:47:46,297
Alright, now listen girls,
1171
00:47:46,297 --> 00:47:47,908
no matter what
anybody tells you,
1172
00:47:47,908 --> 00:47:51,346
you might not be
daddy's little girls.
1173
00:47:51,346 --> 00:47:54,131
Off you go. [knocks]
1174
00:47:54,131 --> 00:47:55,916
You ain't slick.
1175
00:47:55,916 --> 00:47:57,308
And next time you come out here,
1176
00:47:57,308 --> 00:47:59,093
you better not have
no kids with you!
1177
00:47:59,093 --> 00:48:02,096
Gimme my goddamn money!
Monte: Bye, bitch!
1178
00:48:02,096 --> 00:48:05,360
Tasha: Get y'all asses
in the house.
1179
00:48:05,360 --> 00:48:07,797
Taylor: Now one thing I've
learned about my friend Julie,
1180
00:48:07,797 --> 00:48:12,149
when it comes to men,
she has a type, the wrong type.
1181
00:48:12,149 --> 00:48:13,934
Girl, Now you know
I don't like blind dates,
1182
00:48:13,934 --> 00:48:15,239
but last time I went
on a blind date,
1183
00:48:15,239 --> 00:48:17,546
we met at the movies
and afterwards,
1184
00:48:17,546 --> 00:48:20,114
he started handing out
"Watchtower" pamphlets.
1185
00:48:20,114 --> 00:48:22,464
Come to find out he is
a Jehovah Witness.
1186
00:48:22,464 --> 00:48:24,553
I'm not that desperate.
1187
00:48:24,553 --> 00:48:26,729
Okay, maybe I am.
Lemme call you back.
1188
00:48:26,729 --> 00:48:29,123
- I'm Rob.
- Hi.
1189
00:48:29,123 --> 00:48:31,603
- You are beautiful.
- Thank you.
1190
00:48:31,603 --> 00:48:33,388
So what do you do?
1191
00:48:33,388 --> 00:48:36,478
I am a district attorney.
I try cases.
1192
00:48:36,478 --> 00:48:40,047
- What kind of cases?
- Anything assigned to me.
1193
00:48:40,047 --> 00:48:42,484
Mostly felony, drugs. Murder.
1194
00:48:42,484 --> 00:48:45,966
Oh, man, you are the girl
I've been looking for.
1195
00:48:45,966 --> 00:48:48,185
Look, I got this small case.
1196
00:48:48,185 --> 00:48:51,145
Allegedly, allegedly,
they caught me with nine kilos
1197
00:48:51,145 --> 00:48:53,016
of some Colombian Bambam.
1198
00:48:53,016 --> 00:48:56,672
So, I'm trying to put the dope
in my girlfriend's car, right,
1199
00:48:56,672 --> 00:48:57,760
so she could take the wrap--
1200
00:48:57,760 --> 00:48:58,979
Next.
1201
00:48:59,805 --> 00:49:00,763
Switch.
1202
00:49:02,199 --> 00:49:03,461
- You married?
- No.
1203
00:49:03,461 --> 00:49:04,941
- Got a girlfriend?
- No.
1204
00:49:04,941 --> 00:49:06,464
- Wife?
- No.
1205
00:49:06,464 --> 00:49:08,379
- Baby mom?
- No.
1206
00:49:10,294 --> 00:49:14,603
- Hmm, you got a job?
- I'm an architectural engineer.
1207
00:49:14,603 --> 00:49:18,085
That's my future husband's job.
So why are you single?
1208
00:49:18,085 --> 00:49:22,872
I just got out of a relationship
and yeah, I'm done with men.
1209
00:49:22,872 --> 00:49:25,005
- These mens are no good.
- Oh, next!
1210
00:49:25,005 --> 00:49:26,832
Man 2: Switch!
1211
00:49:26,832 --> 00:49:30,836
After I do all that securing and
watching perimeters, you know,
1212
00:49:30,836 --> 00:49:34,753
it's really hard just doing
nothing all night long.
1213
00:49:34,753 --> 00:49:38,888
You see, I'm looking
for a sugar mama
1214
00:49:38,888 --> 00:49:43,893
that's go' pay my bills,
and, you know, complete me.
1215
00:49:43,893 --> 00:49:45,764
[chuckles]
1216
00:49:45,764 --> 00:49:47,070
I'm looking to start a family.
1217
00:49:47,070 --> 00:49:49,029
- Next!
- Switch.
1218
00:49:50,247 --> 00:49:53,424
Ugh, God, what am I doing here?
1219
00:49:53,424 --> 00:49:55,122
You must be tired
of all this, huh?
1220
00:49:56,688 --> 00:49:58,125
Uh...
1221
00:49:58,125 --> 00:50:00,083
Quite frankly, I am.
1222
00:50:00,083 --> 00:50:02,955
Then why do you put
yourself through it?
1223
00:50:02,955 --> 00:50:07,960
Because it's really hard
to find men within my field.
1224
00:50:07,960 --> 00:50:10,485
Then why don't you stop telling
people your line of work?
1225
00:50:12,269 --> 00:50:15,533
- Maybe I should.
- Maybe you should.
1226
00:50:15,533 --> 00:50:17,231
- Huh.
- Yeah.
1227
00:50:18,623 --> 00:50:20,756
So tell me about yourself.
1228
00:50:20,756 --> 00:50:22,279
I went to Yale.
1229
00:50:22,279 --> 00:50:24,455
- Yale?
- Yes.
1230
00:50:24,455 --> 00:50:26,457
- Harvard.
- Harvard?
1231
00:50:26,457 --> 00:50:28,155
Some Ivy League Love.
1232
00:50:28,155 --> 00:50:29,852
Ivy League Love. I like that.
1233
00:50:29,852 --> 00:50:30,896
Yes.
1234
00:50:36,380 --> 00:50:37,903
Get away from my daddy!
1235
00:50:37,903 --> 00:50:39,775
Oh, who the hell
is this, Spencer?
1236
00:50:39,775 --> 00:50:43,170
Baby, um, this... Listen.
1237
00:50:43,170 --> 00:50:45,346
Uh, I didn't know you had
a pregnant wife.
1238
00:50:45,346 --> 00:50:48,479
Bitch, I ain't pregnant.
This is my colostomy bag.
1239
00:50:48,479 --> 00:50:50,090
- She...
- That don't look right.
1240
00:50:50,090 --> 00:50:52,483
She's not my wife.
I'm not really her husband.
1241
00:50:52,483 --> 00:50:54,181
Let's go.
Get in the car, Spencer.
1242
00:50:54,181 --> 00:50:56,139
No, no, no, no.
You got me messed up.
1243
00:50:56,139 --> 00:50:58,620
Spencer Jr.: Stay away from
my daddy, you garden tool.
1244
00:50:58,620 --> 00:51:00,491
- I'm not no garden tool.
- I told...
1245
00:51:00,491 --> 00:51:01,710
Why are you tracking
me down like this?
1246
00:51:01,710 --> 00:51:02,972
Woman 1: Let's go.
1247
00:51:02,972 --> 00:51:04,278
[birds chirping]
1248
00:51:07,542 --> 00:51:09,021
Do you have my money?
1249
00:51:09,021 --> 00:51:11,328
I-- I'll have it
by tomorrow. I promise.
1250
00:51:11,328 --> 00:51:13,025
That's the problem
with you young mothers
1251
00:51:13,025 --> 00:51:15,332
always thinking
about yourselves.
1252
00:51:15,332 --> 00:51:18,118
Here you go, Ms. Mildew. No need
to count it. It's all there.
1253
00:51:18,118 --> 00:51:19,728
Okay. Thank you, baby.
1254
00:51:19,728 --> 00:51:21,991
Your daughter's one of
my best workers.
1255
00:51:21,991 --> 00:51:23,819
Don't think I'mma let you
mess that up.
1256
00:51:23,819 --> 00:51:24,907
[instrumental music]
1257
00:51:24,907 --> 00:51:27,910
[sighs] What am I gonna do?
1258
00:51:27,910 --> 00:51:30,565
Taylor: Oh, so my family
may have some stories.
1259
00:51:30,565 --> 00:51:33,829
Like Michael. That boy
sure can play basketball.
1260
00:51:33,829 --> 00:51:36,440
Even if he has no fashion
sense.
1261
00:51:36,440 --> 00:51:37,572
Beverly: Yes, baby!
1262
00:51:38,355 --> 00:51:39,617
[cheering]
1263
00:51:39,617 --> 00:51:43,012
Woo! Go, baby! Go baby! Woo!
1264
00:51:44,579 --> 00:51:46,102
Get off of him.
1265
00:51:46,102 --> 00:51:47,669
That's not your son
talking to my son, right?
1266
00:51:47,669 --> 00:51:49,671
He better get off his back.
1267
00:51:49,671 --> 00:51:51,325
Let's go. Let's go, baby!
1268
00:51:51,325 --> 00:51:53,109
Shoot it, shoot it, shoot it.
1269
00:51:53,109 --> 00:51:55,024
[cheering]
1270
00:51:55,024 --> 00:51:58,419
Yes, Michael! Go baby!
1271
00:51:58,419 --> 00:52:01,030
Oh, my goodness.
You were so good.
1272
00:52:01,030 --> 00:52:02,771
But what was going on
with those shoes, though?
1273
00:52:02,771 --> 00:52:04,425
They were raggedy. W-- why
didn't you just wear those?
1274
00:52:04,425 --> 00:52:05,600
I can't wear those on that
court.
1275
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:07,167
I might get 'em dirty.
1276
00:52:07,167 --> 00:52:08,559
Listen, I got these.
1277
00:52:08,559 --> 00:52:10,474
- Where you get...
- I got these.
1278
00:52:10,474 --> 00:52:14,086
Where you get these from?
Okay. My baby a hustler.
1279
00:52:14,086 --> 00:52:15,871
Can we sell these so that I can
get my nails done now?
1280
00:52:15,871 --> 00:52:17,394
- It's up to you.
- Okay, cool.
1281
00:52:17,394 --> 00:52:20,571
Shirley: Nail shop tomorrow.
- Hey yo, Michael.
1282
00:52:20,571 --> 00:52:23,095
- Good game, baby.
- Calvin?
1283
00:52:23,095 --> 00:52:24,793
What are you still doing
in high school?
1284
00:52:24,793 --> 00:52:28,405
I couldn't, uh,
pass the SAT test.
1285
00:52:28,405 --> 00:52:30,799
You don't need to pass the SAT
in order to graduate.
1286
00:52:30,799 --> 00:52:32,235
But look, me and the fellas
about to go down to the spot
1287
00:52:32,235 --> 00:52:33,671
to get us a few drinks.
1288
00:52:33,671 --> 00:52:35,195
You trying to come
hang with us or what?
1289
00:52:35,195 --> 00:52:37,371
Oh, so y'all finna go down
to the spot, huh?
1290
00:52:37,371 --> 00:52:39,155
Have some drinks
and get drunk?
1291
00:52:40,852 --> 00:52:41,853
Yes, Ms. Black.
1292
00:52:43,333 --> 00:52:45,074
Well, can we roll with you?
1293
00:52:45,074 --> 00:52:46,641
- Are you serious?
- Hell yeah.
1294
00:52:46,641 --> 00:52:48,425
Mom, what are you doing?
1295
00:52:48,425 --> 00:52:50,949
Mind your business, I am grown.
Go home, get the homework done.
1296
00:52:50,949 --> 00:52:52,690
Watch your sister. Make sure
she eats some, alright?
1297
00:52:52,690 --> 00:52:54,170
I'm finna teach the young man
1298
00:52:54,170 --> 00:52:55,693
something he ain't ever
learned before. Okay!
1299
00:52:55,693 --> 00:52:56,738
Excuse me. Move out the
way I gotta walk through.
1300
00:52:56,738 --> 00:52:58,348
Well, can I come too?
1301
00:52:58,348 --> 00:53:01,003
- Hell yeah. Come on, girl.
- Damn. My mama's a hoe.
1302
00:53:01,003 --> 00:53:02,918
Bye, baby! I love you.
1303
00:53:02,918 --> 00:53:04,702
Girl, you think he
can handle both of us?
1304
00:53:04,702 --> 00:53:06,095
Hell no, girl. We finna rob him.
1305
00:53:06,095 --> 00:53:08,445
Oh, my God! I'm down.
1306
00:53:08,445 --> 00:53:10,230
- Hey!
- Hey, so what's up, girl?
1307
00:53:10,230 --> 00:53:12,841
- So, where your cash at?
- Hey, I'm Shirley.
1308
00:53:12,841 --> 00:53:14,451
Hey, what's up? How you doing?
1309
00:53:14,451 --> 00:53:16,061
But the-- the question is,
where is your cash?
1310
00:53:16,061 --> 00:53:17,411
- My cash?
- Yes.
1311
00:53:17,411 --> 00:53:18,499
It's at the ATM, what you mean?
1312
00:53:18,499 --> 00:53:20,240
You ain't got no cash on you?
1313
00:53:20,240 --> 00:53:21,980
- Nah, girl, I got a debit card.
- Oh, hell no, bitch.
1314
00:53:21,980 --> 00:53:23,330
- Get out the car.
- No, no, no, no.
1315
00:53:23,330 --> 00:53:24,331
- No, nope.
- I do got...
1316
00:53:26,202 --> 00:53:27,812
[birds chirping]
1317
00:53:29,553 --> 00:53:32,339
- Ooh, oh, hey, girl.
- Hey, how are you?
1318
00:53:32,339 --> 00:53:34,732
- I am tired as ever.
- How's the kids?
1319
00:53:34,732 --> 00:53:37,082
Hungry, as usual.
1320
00:53:37,082 --> 00:53:38,867
Oh, it's not a bill
for once in my life.
1321
00:53:40,172 --> 00:53:42,523
Oh, what is that?
1322
00:53:42,523 --> 00:53:46,570
I-- I got a letter from a man
across town. Says he's my uncle.
1323
00:53:46,570 --> 00:53:48,964
Says my father died
and left me in his will.
1324
00:53:48,964 --> 00:53:53,273
Wait, what, bitch, you rich? Oh,
my God. Who do you have to call?
1325
00:53:53,273 --> 00:53:55,971
I don't know. It don't-- It
don't even... It has an address.
1326
00:53:55,971 --> 00:53:57,451
- Address?
- It says to come down.
1327
00:53:57,451 --> 00:53:58,756
Okay, then go down.
1328
00:53:58,756 --> 00:54:00,192
Uh-uh, they probably
gonna tell me
1329
00:54:00,192 --> 00:54:01,759
he owed some money
and now I owe them.
1330
00:54:01,759 --> 00:54:03,108
- I'm not doing it.
- Wait, what? You got money?
1331
00:54:03,108 --> 00:54:04,458
You're not going?
1332
00:54:04,458 --> 00:54:05,676
He probably ain't
got shit, either.
1333
00:54:05,676 --> 00:54:06,938
They gon' ask me
to pay his bills.
1334
00:54:06,938 --> 00:54:08,810
I'm not doing it,
I'm not doing it, Shirley.
1335
00:54:08,810 --> 00:54:11,029
- Beverly, you come on! Beverly!
- I'm not doing it.
1336
00:54:11,029 --> 00:54:14,468
I need to get me one of these,
yo. Ladies gonna love these.
1337
00:54:14,468 --> 00:54:17,209
- Hey, you know Ms. Mildew?
- Damn, you hitting that too?
1338
00:54:17,209 --> 00:54:18,950
Man, that old lady
got some skills.
1339
00:54:18,950 --> 00:54:20,822
Especially when she be using
those molars on your boy.
1340
00:54:20,822 --> 00:54:23,215
She be like all day.
1341
00:54:23,215 --> 00:54:25,870
[boys laughing]
1342
00:54:25,870 --> 00:54:27,176
Who's that?
1343
00:54:27,176 --> 00:54:29,352
Man, that's just
your daddy, Michael.
1344
00:54:29,352 --> 00:54:32,007
My dad? I never met him before.
1345
00:54:32,007 --> 00:54:33,530
And if you want me to
buy you something,
1346
00:54:33,530 --> 00:54:34,705
you still ain't met me.
1347
00:54:36,054 --> 00:54:37,839
Alright. You know. Mm-hmm.
1348
00:54:38,622 --> 00:54:40,058
Mm-mm.
1349
00:54:40,058 --> 00:54:41,930
Yo. What's up then?
What you need?
1350
00:54:41,930 --> 00:54:44,280
Uh, I'm gonna need
a little spark. Okay.
1351
00:54:44,280 --> 00:54:46,413
And, uh, I ain't got no money
1352
00:54:46,413 --> 00:54:49,459
and I'm gon' need
the "know my son" discount.
1353
00:54:49,459 --> 00:54:51,940
Hold up, dad, how
come you never come around
1354
00:54:51,940 --> 00:54:53,811
or help mom with money?
1355
00:54:53,811 --> 00:54:57,032
Because boy, I'mma grown-ass
man, I got bills to pay.
1356
00:54:57,032 --> 00:54:58,947
I got another
family across town,
1357
00:54:58,947 --> 00:55:00,818
I got this nasty drug habit,
1358
00:55:00,818 --> 00:55:03,517
and I'm in love with
this bitch I can't stand.
1359
00:55:03,517 --> 00:55:05,301
I ain't buying you shit.
1360
00:55:05,301 --> 00:55:07,738
Oh, hold on, ladies,
ladies, ladies.
1361
00:55:07,738 --> 00:55:10,045
Look what I found in my pocket.
Wait a second, now.
1362
00:55:10,045 --> 00:55:13,744
Who need their bills paid? Uh?
Need your hair done? Nails done?
1363
00:55:13,744 --> 00:55:15,442
Who want to do me? [laughs]
1364
00:55:15,442 --> 00:55:16,530
Come on, let's do
each other together.
1365
00:55:16,530 --> 00:55:18,009
What's up, Calvin?
1366
00:55:18,009 --> 00:55:20,098
What I tell you about
hustling in this alley?
1367
00:55:20,098 --> 00:55:22,187
Yo, this my alley, homeboy.
I do what I want.
1368
00:55:22,187 --> 00:55:23,450
Oh, yeah, that's right?
1369
00:55:23,450 --> 00:55:26,366
[instrumental music]
1370
00:55:28,498 --> 00:55:32,372
Ricky! Wrong movie. Michael!
1371
00:55:32,372 --> 00:55:33,547
[gunshots]
1372
00:55:36,201 --> 00:55:38,203
[crying]
1373
00:55:38,203 --> 00:55:40,292
Taylor: Oh! My movie could be
like every other urban movie.
1374
00:55:40,292 --> 00:55:44,688
Why? Take me, Lord!
Take me, Lord.
1375
00:55:44,688 --> 00:55:48,431
But I'm glad you got him.
Oh, Lord, my boy.
1376
00:55:48,431 --> 00:55:51,478
Dad, that's not me.
I'm your son.
1377
00:55:51,478 --> 00:55:54,089
Oh. Oh. Here, let me
wipe this evidence off.
1378
00:55:54,089 --> 00:55:56,221
Help me up, stupid.
1379
00:55:56,221 --> 00:55:59,573
Hey, so your mama told me
you play a little basketball?
1380
00:55:59,573 --> 00:56:01,662
Yeah, I mean, I do
average 25 points a game.
1381
00:56:01,662 --> 00:56:03,403
Uh, don't call me dad
till you make it to the league.
1382
00:56:03,403 --> 00:56:06,884
- Listen, I'm gonna need $20.
- What?
1383
00:56:06,884 --> 00:56:08,625
Taylor: Oh, it's a
lovely day, MaDude.
1384
00:56:08,625 --> 00:56:10,801
MaDude: Well, damn.
- What's wrong?
1385
00:56:10,801 --> 00:56:12,412
Look at that
good-ass clothesline,
1386
00:56:12,412 --> 00:56:13,891
and I ain't got
my laundry basket.
1387
00:56:13,891 --> 00:56:15,850
The hell is wrong
with me? Oh, wait.
1388
00:56:15,850 --> 00:56:18,461
Oh! [grunting]
Ah-ha! Still got it.
1389
00:56:18,461 --> 00:56:19,854
Impressive.
1390
00:56:19,854 --> 00:56:21,116
MaDude: That's what
I'm talking about.
1391
00:56:21,116 --> 00:56:22,422
I did not know
you could do that.
1392
00:56:22,422 --> 00:56:23,814
You know I hate coming up here
1393
00:56:23,814 --> 00:56:25,250
to see these poor folks
in all this heat.
1394
00:56:25,250 --> 00:56:26,817
Well, it's okay,
I'm a doctor and a lawyer
1395
00:56:26,817 --> 00:56:28,689
and I'm here to
make things better.
1396
00:56:28,689 --> 00:56:31,518
Boy, go on and head on home.
Ain't nothing you can do here.
1397
00:56:31,518 --> 00:56:33,520
MaDude, I just
don't know what to do.
1398
00:56:33,520 --> 00:56:34,738
Girl, what you mean you
don't know what to do?
1399
00:56:34,738 --> 00:56:35,826
I don't know what to do.
1400
00:56:35,826 --> 00:56:37,045
Well, what that letter say?
1401
00:56:37,045 --> 00:56:38,568
It says that he died
1402
00:56:38,568 --> 00:56:39,961
and he left something
for me in his will.
1403
00:56:39,961 --> 00:56:41,353
Well, girl, you know
exactly what to do.
1404
00:56:41,353 --> 00:56:42,746
You need to go get
that goddamn money.
1405
00:56:42,746 --> 00:56:44,052
What if it's not money?
What if it's a bill?
1406
00:56:44,052 --> 00:56:45,575
Who gonna leave you some bills?
1407
00:56:45,575 --> 00:56:47,011
Look, girl your dead deadbeat
daddy is dead.
1408
00:56:47,011 --> 00:56:48,665
Deadbeat daddy dead?
1409
00:56:48,665 --> 00:56:49,971
Deadbeat daddy dead.
Go ahead and get your money.
1410
00:56:49,971 --> 00:56:51,451
I'm not going down there.
1411
00:56:51,451 --> 00:56:53,844
Good things don't
happen to me. Okay?
1412
00:56:53,844 --> 00:56:56,412
A man ain't never
done nothing for me.
1413
00:56:56,412 --> 00:56:58,458
And now I'mma think he gonna do
something in his death?
1414
00:56:58,458 --> 00:57:00,372
This is too good to be true.
Look at this.
1415
00:57:00,372 --> 00:57:02,070
Girl, you know I can't read that
shit, ain't got my glasses.
1416
00:57:02,070 --> 00:57:03,593
Look, girl, look it.
You need money.
1417
00:57:03,593 --> 00:57:05,029
You know you need money,
everybody need money.
1418
00:57:05,029 --> 00:57:07,205
Look at this house. Look at
this cheap ass microwave.
1419
00:57:07,205 --> 00:57:08,859
W-- why you gotta talk
about my microwave?
1420
00:57:08,859 --> 00:57:09,904
You need to change
that attitude.
1421
00:57:09,904 --> 00:57:11,209
You gotta take care of this boy.
1422
00:57:11,209 --> 00:57:12,689
You gotta take care
of these bills.
1423
00:57:12,689 --> 00:57:13,951
Why don't you show him
what the letter say?
1424
00:57:13,951 --> 00:57:15,823
Yeah, you right.
1425
00:57:15,823 --> 00:57:17,346
Well, hey, Michael Jr.
1426
00:57:17,346 --> 00:57:19,087
How you doing, boy? You
sure do look good today.
1427
00:57:19,087 --> 00:57:20,436
- Hey, baby.
- Hey, MaDude.
1428
00:57:20,436 --> 00:57:22,003
Now, girl, you listen
to what I said.
1429
00:57:22,003 --> 00:57:23,570
Now you go get that money
like you supposed to,
1430
00:57:23,570 --> 00:57:25,006
and, baby, you take care
of your mama.
1431
00:57:25,006 --> 00:57:27,095
- You be a good boy, alright?
- I will.
1432
00:57:27,095 --> 00:57:29,053
Mm-hmm. I see you
got that good fade.
1433
00:57:29,053 --> 00:57:30,794
You got some money
for something, girl.
1434
00:57:30,794 --> 00:57:32,013
MaDude: But hey, you call me
'cause I want my 10%
1435
00:57:32,013 --> 00:57:33,405
when you get that money.
1436
00:57:33,405 --> 00:57:36,800
- Oh. Alright.
- What's wrong, mama?
1437
00:57:36,800 --> 00:57:40,717
My father just died and left me
something in his will.
1438
00:57:40,717 --> 00:57:42,502
But I thought you said
your father was already dead.
1439
00:57:42,502 --> 00:57:43,981
Well, he was just dead to me.
1440
00:57:43,981 --> 00:57:46,941
But now he's dead to
the rest of the world.
1441
00:57:46,941 --> 00:57:49,465
Everything's
gonna be okay, mama.
1442
00:57:49,465 --> 00:57:52,990
I don't know, baby. We're in
a real tough spot right now.
1443
00:57:52,990 --> 00:57:57,386
I'll figure it out.
Oh, my God.
1444
00:57:57,386 --> 00:58:00,345
I can't even pay the light bill.
What else could go wrong?
1445
00:58:01,564 --> 00:58:02,696
Come on, mama.
1446
00:58:04,872 --> 00:58:08,919
- What are you doing? Boy.
- Get up. Don't worry.
1447
00:58:08,919 --> 00:58:12,227
When I go to the league,
I'mma buy you a nice car.
1448
00:58:12,227 --> 00:58:14,403
Buy you a nice house.
1449
00:58:14,403 --> 00:58:17,145
- And better wig.
- A better wig?
1450
00:58:17,145 --> 00:58:20,104
Don't be playing about
my wig, boy. Keep dancing.
1451
00:58:20,104 --> 00:58:22,585
Get yourself hurt. [chuckles]
1452
00:58:22,585 --> 00:58:24,500
- Everything's gonna be okay.
- No, I know.
1453
00:58:24,500 --> 00:58:26,415
Don't worry.
I know what I gotta do.
1454
00:58:26,415 --> 00:58:29,461
Taylor: Beverly,
she's got star power.
1455
00:58:29,461 --> 00:58:31,072
Oh, I almost forgot.
1456
00:58:31,072 --> 00:58:32,726
I wanted to tell you the story
1457
00:58:32,726 --> 00:58:34,641
of what happened
on MaDude's Halloween.
1458
00:58:34,641 --> 00:58:35,772
No, here come
the little children.
1459
00:58:35,772 --> 00:58:37,469
Now, Ham, you know better
1460
00:58:37,469 --> 00:58:39,254
than to give all this free
candy away to these kids.
1461
00:58:39,254 --> 00:58:40,516
Hell, you know how hard
I had to work
1462
00:58:40,516 --> 00:58:41,822
for some free candy
on Halloween?
1463
00:58:41,822 --> 00:58:43,171
I had to give candy
to get candy.
1464
00:58:43,171 --> 00:58:44,999
She had to get all up
on that pole.
1465
00:58:44,999 --> 00:58:46,783
My daddy backyard had a pole,
the big old telephone pole.
1466
00:58:46,783 --> 00:58:48,568
Swing around that thing.
1467
00:58:48,568 --> 00:58:50,178
I got me a Snickers bar, a Mars
bar, and a pregnancy test.
1468
00:58:50,178 --> 00:58:51,875
- Still came back broke.
- Baby, you need Jesus.
1469
00:58:51,875 --> 00:58:54,095
I got Jesus. Got splinters on
my inner thighs, too.
1470
00:58:54,095 --> 00:58:56,053
Knocked the pole down
too, big ass.
1471
00:58:56,053 --> 00:58:59,143
Trick or treat, smell my feet,
gimme something good to eat.
1472
00:58:59,143 --> 00:59:00,623
Always begging.
1473
00:59:00,623 --> 00:59:02,277
Woman: I like your
little nursery rhyme.
1474
00:59:02,277 --> 00:59:03,539
He's a cute little thing.
What you got there, here?
1475
00:59:03,539 --> 00:59:05,497
Oh, you got some Mike and Ike's.
1476
00:59:05,497 --> 00:59:06,890
You know what you need to do?
1477
00:59:06,890 --> 00:59:08,675
You need to get rid of
all that shit.
1478
00:59:08,675 --> 00:59:10,633
Now, you know, you didn't need
to do that to that thing.
1479
00:59:10,633 --> 00:59:12,417
It's hard to
play soccer with one leg.
1480
00:59:12,417 --> 00:59:14,115
Yeah, he's tryna to save you
from diabetes. It's okay.
1481
00:59:14,115 --> 00:59:15,899
Maybalene, get your brother.
1482
00:59:15,899 --> 00:59:17,509
Trying to keep your teeth
from running out your mouth.
1483
00:59:17,509 --> 00:59:18,772
Your mama be glad.
1484
00:59:18,772 --> 00:59:20,687
Boy, you better
shut your mouth up.
1485
00:59:20,687 --> 00:59:22,210
Don't let the devil use you.
1486
00:59:22,210 --> 00:59:23,254
[wolf howling]
1487
00:59:23,254 --> 00:59:25,779
Man 3: It's time to party.
1488
00:59:25,779 --> 00:59:26,910
[dance music]
1489
00:59:29,347 --> 00:59:31,523
Ooh, that's good.
That's some good, mm.
1490
00:59:34,875 --> 00:59:37,051
- What?
- You look how I feel.
1491
00:59:37,051 --> 00:59:39,662
- And how is that?
- Constipated.
1492
00:59:39,662 --> 00:59:42,317
Your prostate flaring up
on you again?
1493
00:59:42,317 --> 00:59:44,536
Shut the hell up, Moe. You know,
I ain't got no prostate.
1494
00:59:44,536 --> 00:59:47,496
- You do got a prostate.
- Y'all talking about prostates?
1495
00:59:47,496 --> 00:59:49,150
Sound a little too happy
'bout it.
1496
00:59:49,150 --> 00:59:50,760
Man 4: Real nice costume, dude.
1497
00:59:50,760 --> 00:59:52,849
Who the hell is y'all
and why y'all in my house?
1498
00:59:52,849 --> 00:59:54,634
We-- we're the frat guys.
1499
00:59:54,634 --> 00:59:56,592
You know, the frat guys
from up the street?
1500
00:59:56,592 --> 00:59:58,333
- Oh.
- We live in the frat house.
1501
00:59:58,333 --> 00:59:59,813
- You've seen us before.
- Pat 'em down.
1502
00:59:59,813 --> 01:00:01,379
Oh, I see, so y'all
just wanna come here
1503
01:00:01,379 --> 01:00:03,251
and y'all wanna see a woman?
That's what it is?
1504
01:00:03,251 --> 01:00:04,556
Man 4: Titties.
- Oh, titties.
1505
01:00:04,556 --> 01:00:05,688
Y'all wanna see titties?
1506
01:00:05,688 --> 01:00:07,037
Well, we thought you were a man.
1507
01:00:07,037 --> 01:00:08,517
- You thought I was a man?
- More like a monster.
1508
01:00:08,517 --> 01:00:09,866
- We were taking bets.
- Oh, okay.
1509
01:00:09,866 --> 01:00:10,867
Here let me
show you something.
1510
01:00:10,867 --> 01:00:12,303
No, don't do that.
1511
01:00:12,303 --> 01:00:13,870
Don't nobody
wanna see them Jurassic...
1512
01:00:13,870 --> 01:00:15,959
- Oh!
- Lord, have mercy.
1513
01:00:15,959 --> 01:00:18,135
- Those are real, dude.
- That's paradise right there.
1514
01:00:18,135 --> 01:00:19,484
That's Jurassic Park
right there.
1515
01:00:19,484 --> 01:00:20,616
- Like scrambled eggs.
- Come on.
1516
01:00:20,616 --> 01:00:21,704
Come, come reach your paradise.
1517
01:00:21,704 --> 01:00:23,184
Come bring your hands in here.
1518
01:00:23,184 --> 01:00:24,925
- Come on. Come, come, come on!
- Don't do it.
1519
01:00:24,925 --> 01:00:26,753
- You got to drop out.
- Get the hell out of my house.
1520
01:00:27,579 --> 01:00:28,842
[laughs]
1521
01:00:28,842 --> 01:00:30,321
Have some respectability
up in here.
1522
01:00:30,321 --> 01:00:31,888
I told you didn't wanna see
1523
01:00:31,888 --> 01:00:34,151
them old, Aretha Franklin,
long sleeve titties.
1524
01:00:34,151 --> 01:00:35,936
You better think.
1525
01:00:35,936 --> 01:00:38,939
You know what, I hate this song,
but it sure make me wanna move.
1526
01:00:38,939 --> 01:00:40,549
Move over there then.
1527
01:00:40,549 --> 01:00:42,725
Feel a little something.
I just can't, just can't...
1528
01:00:42,725 --> 01:00:44,074
Oh, Lord.
1529
01:00:44,074 --> 01:00:46,860
Just catch the spirit
a little bit.
1530
01:00:46,860 --> 01:00:48,296
Oo-wee, there it is,
there it is!
1531
01:00:48,296 --> 01:00:49,863
Moe: That damn show
ain't "Flashdance."
1532
01:00:49,863 --> 01:00:51,952
Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord.
1533
01:00:51,952 --> 01:00:54,868
Somebody call the exorcist.
The woman is possessed.
1534
01:00:54,868 --> 01:00:55,912
Whoo!
1535
01:00:55,912 --> 01:00:57,914
[cheering]
1536
01:00:57,914 --> 01:01:00,787
Moe: They got to burn
this whole damn house down now.
1537
01:01:00,787 --> 01:01:03,093
Oh, Lord. It's definitely
a ghost up in here.
1538
01:01:03,093 --> 01:01:04,529
MaDude: Show me how we do it.
Show me how we do it!
1539
01:01:09,404 --> 01:01:10,840
Don't you go in that closet now.
1540
01:01:10,840 --> 01:01:12,973
You know R. Kelly's in there.
Don't you do it.
1541
01:01:12,973 --> 01:01:15,497
Tiffany, y'all got
some good candy here.
1542
01:01:17,978 --> 01:01:19,457
Oh, Lord!
1543
01:01:19,457 --> 01:01:20,894
Boy, don't be trying to
scare nobody.
1544
01:01:20,894 --> 01:01:21,851
Moe: It was something on the TV,
just popped up there.
1545
01:01:21,851 --> 01:01:22,896
What nothing on that
TV. Shut up.
1546
01:01:22,896 --> 01:01:24,549
I saw it.
1547
01:01:24,549 --> 01:01:27,335
Oh, Lordy. Oh, Lord.
What was that?
1548
01:01:27,335 --> 01:01:30,251
I told you it was something.
It went from here up there.
1549
01:01:30,251 --> 01:01:31,948
Sound like somebody
up there fighting.
1550
01:01:31,948 --> 01:01:34,342
That's what I thought.
Really starting to scare me.
1551
01:01:34,342 --> 01:01:36,039
You know I'm scared
of everything.
1552
01:01:36,039 --> 01:01:38,433
MaDude, go up there and check
out and see what it is.
1553
01:01:38,433 --> 01:01:40,740
Oh, I ain't going up there.
Mm-mm. No. That ain't for me.
1554
01:01:40,740 --> 01:01:42,350
'Cause you ain't
scared of nothing.
1555
01:01:42,350 --> 01:01:45,570
Everything scared of you.
[laughs] And I see why.
1556
01:01:45,570 --> 01:01:47,398
Fine. I ain't scared.
Look, I ain't never scared.
1557
01:01:47,398 --> 01:01:48,835
Moe: You ain't never scared?
- I ain't scared.
1558
01:01:48,835 --> 01:01:50,184
Moe: You ain't never scared.
Go get 'em.
1559
01:01:50,184 --> 01:01:52,012
I'mma go right on up here.
I ain't scared.
1560
01:01:52,012 --> 01:01:53,491
You done survived looking in
the mirror every damn morning,
1561
01:01:53,491 --> 01:01:55,058
you can survive that,
you can survive this.
1562
01:01:55,058 --> 01:01:57,844
- I ain't scared.
- You ain't scared of nothing.
1563
01:01:57,844 --> 01:02:01,586
Go on up there. Tell him to
smell you, that'll kill him.
1564
01:02:01,586 --> 01:02:03,240
Don't be scared there now,
now keep eating your candy
1565
01:02:03,240 --> 01:02:04,851
and watch the movie.
This a good one.
1566
01:02:04,851 --> 01:02:06,156
Watch they gonna go
in the closet right here. Look.
1567
01:02:06,156 --> 01:02:08,985
[grim music]
1568
01:02:08,985 --> 01:02:12,293
Oh, Lord. They not gon'
scare me in my own house.
1569
01:02:12,293 --> 01:02:14,077
I ain't gonna get got.
Oh, no, not today.
1570
01:02:14,077 --> 01:02:16,079
[breathing shakily] The devil
ain't gonna use me.
1571
01:02:16,079 --> 01:02:19,909
Mm-mm, he gon' get his ass
on outta here.
1572
01:02:19,909 --> 01:02:23,695
I sure hope ain't
nobody behind this here door.
1573
01:02:23,695 --> 01:02:25,785
When I open up this door,
'cause it's gonna be...
1574
01:02:27,612 --> 01:02:28,570
[screaming] What the hell?
Oh-ho.
1575
01:02:30,093 --> 01:02:31,747
Ain't no clown chasing me.
1576
01:02:31,747 --> 01:02:35,316
Ain't no clown chasing me!
Ain't no clown chasing me!
1577
01:02:35,316 --> 01:02:37,100
I told 'em not to go in there.
1578
01:02:37,100 --> 01:02:40,669
Ain't no clown chasing me.
Ain't no clown chasing me!
1579
01:02:40,669 --> 01:02:44,020
Alright, well that's my cue.
Y'all better come on.
1580
01:02:44,020 --> 01:02:46,588
Oh, hell now, lemme see what
I can do to get up outta here.
1581
01:02:46,588 --> 01:02:49,634
Oh-hoo! Come on now.
1582
01:02:49,634 --> 01:02:51,071
Come on, girls. Come on, girls.
1583
01:02:51,071 --> 01:02:53,334
Moe, I need you to move.
Come on, Moe!
1584
01:02:53,334 --> 01:02:56,250
[instrumental music]
1585
01:02:59,601 --> 01:03:01,472
Taylor: I hope I didn't scare
you too much with that story.
1586
01:03:01,472 --> 01:03:03,474
But back to Beverly.
1587
01:03:03,474 --> 01:03:06,738
You ever know people who can't
just say yes to a good thing?
1588
01:03:06,738 --> 01:03:09,219
Well, that's Beverly for you.
1589
01:03:09,219 --> 01:03:13,223
- Ooh! There they are.
- Hi. Hello there.
1590
01:03:13,223 --> 01:03:15,704
You's Beverly.
I, Leroy Black, Black.
1591
01:03:15,704 --> 01:03:18,446
You can call me Black.
This my seed.
1592
01:03:18,446 --> 01:03:20,927
Yes, I'm his daughter.
Flora Black.
1593
01:03:20,927 --> 01:03:23,103
You can call her Flora,
without the Black.
1594
01:03:23,103 --> 01:03:25,757
It is so nice to meet you all.
1595
01:03:25,757 --> 01:03:28,151
MaDude has told us
so much about you.
1596
01:03:28,151 --> 01:03:31,459
Well, it is so nice to
meet you as well, I think.
1597
01:03:31,459 --> 01:03:33,069
Put that away, Missy.
1598
01:03:33,069 --> 01:03:34,462
Leroy: If they
knows you'se been reading,
1599
01:03:34,462 --> 01:03:35,898
they gonna sell you off
down the river.
1600
01:03:35,898 --> 01:03:37,160
Sell me?
1601
01:03:37,160 --> 01:03:39,075
I'mma take y'all by
the underground.
1602
01:03:39,075 --> 01:03:41,469
The underground?
Like the railroad?
1603
01:03:41,469 --> 01:03:44,864
To see y'all's new house,
and meets y'all's family.
1604
01:03:44,864 --> 01:03:47,257
Follow me easy.
Keeps your head down.
1605
01:03:47,257 --> 01:03:49,477
Shh. Bes quiet.
1606
01:03:49,477 --> 01:03:53,176
Beverly: Oh, oh.
- Mr. Black, don't go too fast.
1607
01:03:53,176 --> 01:03:55,831
You know he got
the gout, and the sugar,
1608
01:03:55,831 --> 01:03:57,702
and erectile dysfunction.
1609
01:03:57,702 --> 01:03:59,226
I don't even know
how I got here.
1610
01:03:59,226 --> 01:04:02,751
That's a lot of information.
Okay. Hell.
1611
01:04:02,751 --> 01:04:04,927
So, I think this is just
constipation right here.
1612
01:04:04,927 --> 01:04:06,624
That's why he's walking
this way?
1613
01:04:06,624 --> 01:04:08,670
Yes. And you are just
the prettiest little thing.
1614
01:04:08,670 --> 01:04:11,064
[instrumental music]
1615
01:04:13,196 --> 01:04:15,285
I know you do not
expect us to live here.
1616
01:04:15,285 --> 01:04:17,070
This can't be real.
1617
01:04:17,070 --> 01:04:20,073
Uh-uh. Take us back to
the bus stop. We are going home.
1618
01:04:20,073 --> 01:04:21,988
But Papa done left this for you.
1619
01:04:21,988 --> 01:04:26,514
I-- I know it ain't much, but
it's all your daddy has to give.
1620
01:04:26,514 --> 01:04:28,733
Mm-mm, I would rather work
for Ellen DeGeneres
1621
01:04:28,733 --> 01:04:31,301
before I let my kids
step one foot in that house.
1622
01:04:31,301 --> 01:04:34,652
- What? Okay.
- Calm down.
1623
01:04:34,652 --> 01:04:36,132
This is bigger
than your mama's house.
1624
01:04:36,132 --> 01:04:37,525
You sure you don't want it?
1625
01:04:37,525 --> 01:04:39,309
Hell no. I don't want it.
Let's go, kids.
1626
01:04:39,309 --> 01:04:41,181
- But mom!
- But nothing.
1627
01:04:41,181 --> 01:04:43,139
Look at that water fountain
running all day and night.
1628
01:04:43,139 --> 01:04:45,533
You know what I'd have to do
to pay for that water bill?
1629
01:04:45,533 --> 01:04:46,708
Michael: Just do
what we always do.
1630
01:04:46,708 --> 01:04:48,797
And what's that?
1631
01:04:48,797 --> 01:04:50,668
- Don't pay.
- Don't pay.
1632
01:04:50,668 --> 01:04:53,671
Well, Beverly, you can at least
come and see the house, honey.
1633
01:04:53,671 --> 01:04:55,195
Just come on in and see inside.
1634
01:04:55,195 --> 01:04:57,632
I don't wanna come
and see inside this house.
1635
01:04:57,632 --> 01:04:59,329
It's-- it's-- it's got
a wobbler room.
1636
01:04:59,329 --> 01:05:02,028
- Not enough dirt.
- Not enough dirt?
1637
01:05:02,028 --> 01:05:03,551
Well it's got
pet chickens in the back,
1638
01:05:03,551 --> 01:05:05,161
and, and you got a trained pig.
1639
01:05:05,161 --> 01:05:06,902
- A trained pig?
- Yeah.
1640
01:05:06,902 --> 01:05:08,730
Taylor: Yep, one thing
MaDude always tried to do
1641
01:05:08,730 --> 01:05:10,558
was help others,
1642
01:05:10,558 --> 01:05:14,127
but she always finds herself
in her own mess.
1643
01:05:14,127 --> 01:05:15,650
[instrumental music]
1644
01:05:15,650 --> 01:05:17,478
[siren wailing]
1645
01:05:17,478 --> 01:05:18,914
MaDude: The po-po is coming for
us. The po-po is coming for us.
1646
01:05:18,914 --> 01:05:20,350
Moe: You think
you ran a red light?
1647
01:05:20,350 --> 01:05:21,525
I didn't, I don't know
what the hell I did.
1648
01:05:23,179 --> 01:05:25,616
- Mr. Black! Mr. Black!
- What is it, Flora?
1649
01:05:25,616 --> 01:05:28,880
Look! Is that who I think it is?
1650
01:05:28,880 --> 01:05:31,971
It is! It's MaDude
on the TV tube.
1651
01:05:31,971 --> 01:05:33,798
Running from the whirly bird.
1652
01:05:33,798 --> 01:05:36,323
Oh, ho, them overseers
running her down.
1653
01:05:36,323 --> 01:05:40,153
They gon' chop her foot off when
they catch her. Run, Kunta, run!
1654
01:05:40,153 --> 01:05:42,024
Reporter: I'm in the helicopter,
live in the air
1655
01:05:42,024 --> 01:05:43,895
during this exciting car chase.
1656
01:05:43,895 --> 01:05:47,725
Can we get a tighter shot of
the vehicle's occupants? Wow.
1657
01:05:47,725 --> 01:05:51,033
This feels like a scene straight
out of the movie, "Set It Off."
1658
01:05:51,033 --> 01:05:53,862
Where's my phone?
I gotta call her. It was here.
1659
01:05:53,862 --> 01:05:56,908
Oh, Lord Jesus, help me. Hello?
1660
01:05:56,908 --> 01:05:59,433
MaDude, is that you
driving that car?
1661
01:05:59,433 --> 01:06:01,217
Well, who the hell
you think it is?
1662
01:06:01,217 --> 01:06:03,915
Are you sure 'cause you, you
kind of look like Queen Latifah.
1663
01:06:03,915 --> 01:06:05,743
Look like King Latifah.
1664
01:06:05,743 --> 01:06:07,702
Look, I'm wearing Queen
Latifah's disguise
1665
01:06:07,702 --> 01:06:08,964
from the movie, "Set It Off."
1666
01:06:08,964 --> 01:06:10,400
Moe: Should have dropped me off.
1667
01:06:10,400 --> 01:06:11,532
MaDude: Well, you
know that's what I do.
1668
01:06:11,532 --> 01:06:12,750
I just steal from movies.
1669
01:06:14,665 --> 01:06:17,625
Well, you know the Lord say,
"thou shalt not steal," now.
1670
01:06:17,625 --> 01:06:20,193
The Lord is not being
chased by the po-po.
1671
01:06:20,193 --> 01:06:22,456
And I ain't stealing,
I'm speeding.
1672
01:06:22,456 --> 01:06:23,979
Well, I steal a little bit,
1673
01:06:23,979 --> 01:06:26,068
just 'cause I'm inspired
by stuff, you know?
1674
01:06:26,068 --> 01:06:28,549
Driving like you're on speed.
You slow down now.
1675
01:06:28,549 --> 01:06:30,638
Now if you want a smack across
your mouth, I give you one.
1676
01:06:30,638 --> 01:06:33,945
- Keep talking to me, old man.
- Oh, Lord. What is she doing?
1677
01:06:33,945 --> 01:06:37,862
MaDude, head to the North Star.
It's free peoples over there.
1678
01:06:37,862 --> 01:06:39,255
Tell the little man
to shut the hell up.
1679
01:06:39,255 --> 01:06:41,431
MaDude: Is-- is--
is Beverly over there?
1680
01:06:41,431 --> 01:06:44,652
She gone. She and her children
done gone back to Africa.
1681
01:06:44,652 --> 01:06:46,871
Didn't nobody go back to
nobody's Africa.
1682
01:06:46,871 --> 01:06:49,004
No, she done left.
She didn't want the house.
1683
01:06:49,004 --> 01:06:50,266
I don't know what's
wrong with it.
1684
01:06:50,266 --> 01:06:51,572
Maybe, it's too much for her,
1685
01:06:51,572 --> 01:06:52,877
but back to you, MaDude,
1686
01:06:52,877 --> 01:06:55,054
please pull that
car over, please.
1687
01:06:55,054 --> 01:06:57,273
Okay, fine, fine, fine.
1688
01:06:57,273 --> 01:06:59,536
Now I ain't giving up,
though. I got a plan.
1689
01:06:59,536 --> 01:07:04,498
Just pull the car over before
MaDude goes to jail.
1690
01:07:04,498 --> 01:07:06,978
Ooh. That's a good
idea for a sequel.
1691
01:07:06,978 --> 01:07:08,893
You ain't finished
the first one now.
1692
01:07:08,893 --> 01:07:11,766
That's-- that's a, that's
a nice sequel. I like that.
1693
01:07:11,766 --> 01:07:13,289
MaDude: Okay,
I done pulled over.
1694
01:07:13,289 --> 01:07:15,422
[sighing]
1695
01:07:15,422 --> 01:07:17,467
I thought you was supposed
to be meeting the Blacks?
1696
01:07:17,467 --> 01:07:20,296
Oh, hell, now they got me
out here meeting the Whites.
1697
01:07:20,296 --> 01:07:21,863
Yeah, you be about to
meet the Whites, alright.
1698
01:07:23,473 --> 01:07:25,606
Get out of the vehicle.
1699
01:07:25,606 --> 01:07:26,911
I think we should just give up.
1700
01:07:26,911 --> 01:07:28,696
No, no, no, no, no.
Hell no, fool.
1701
01:07:28,696 --> 01:07:32,265
You should know we have
no problem using deadly force.
1702
01:07:32,265 --> 01:07:33,701
MaDude: Look, if this works,
1703
01:07:33,701 --> 01:07:35,529
you meet me at the cabin
up in the mountains,
1704
01:07:35,529 --> 01:07:37,270
but if it don't, you tell Taylor
to put some money on my books.
1705
01:07:39,750 --> 01:07:41,143
Now what the hell
you about to go on and do?
1706
01:07:41,143 --> 01:07:42,971
Oh, I, I'm going
undercover, fool.
1707
01:07:42,971 --> 01:07:45,104
Moe: Okay, good, I'm about to
tell them you kidnapped me,
1708
01:07:45,104 --> 01:07:46,540
and I ain't had nothing to do
with none of this shit.
1709
01:07:46,540 --> 01:07:47,932
And by the way,
it ain't gonna work.
1710
01:07:47,932 --> 01:07:50,152
I'm doing everything in my power
1711
01:07:50,152 --> 01:07:52,720
to make it difficult
to arrest you.
1712
01:07:52,720 --> 01:07:54,548
Hold on there, Captain.
1713
01:07:54,548 --> 01:07:57,420
And what is that? What you got,
what you got all that from?
1714
01:07:57,420 --> 01:07:59,335
T.I. gave me all this.
MaDude: When you know T.I.?
1715
01:07:59,335 --> 01:08:00,815
This one, this from
the movie "Scarface."
1716
01:08:00,815 --> 01:08:02,338
He said, "Say
hello to my little friend."
1717
01:08:02,338 --> 01:08:03,818
MaDude: What is that?
1718
01:08:03,818 --> 01:08:05,733
Shit El Chapo gave me.
This shit all broke up.
1719
01:08:05,733 --> 01:08:08,431
Hold on now, I got a couple
more things. O.J. gave me this.
1720
01:08:10,216 --> 01:08:12,522
What's that?
1721
01:08:12,522 --> 01:08:15,003
I-- I like to choke my chicken.
1722
01:08:15,003 --> 01:08:16,570
I ain't have nothing to do
with none of this, officer.
1723
01:08:16,570 --> 01:08:18,224
- I'm putting my hands up.
- Out of the vehicle.
1724
01:08:18,224 --> 01:08:19,747
MaDude: Just shoot him,
just shoot him in the head.
1725
01:08:19,747 --> 01:08:20,791
Moe: Don't shoot me.
Don't do nothing.
1726
01:08:20,791 --> 01:08:22,750
Put your hands on the ground.
1727
01:08:22,750 --> 01:08:24,317
They don't reach down there.
1728
01:08:24,317 --> 01:08:25,753
Throw your feet in the air.
1729
01:08:25,753 --> 01:08:27,320
I-- I can't lift them.
1730
01:08:27,320 --> 01:08:29,539
And wave 'em like
you just don't care.
1731
01:08:31,411 --> 01:08:33,021
Come on get out of the car.
1732
01:08:33,021 --> 01:08:34,762
Get out the car, fool.
Officer: Out of the vehicle!
1733
01:08:34,762 --> 01:08:36,329
Oh, they 'bout to shoot me!
They 'bout to shoot me!
1734
01:08:36,329 --> 01:08:40,159
Oh Lord,
I don't have no bail money.
1735
01:08:40,159 --> 01:08:43,423
They 'bout to take her
to the king!
1736
01:08:43,423 --> 01:08:46,991
They 'bout to take you
to the king!
1737
01:08:48,254 --> 01:08:49,385
Next case.
1738
01:08:51,344 --> 01:08:53,172
Your Honor, she should be
coming in at any moment.
1739
01:08:54,216 --> 01:08:56,218
Ooh! Helluurr!
1740
01:08:56,218 --> 01:09:00,614
Dead MaDude walking [laughs]
1741
01:09:00,614 --> 01:09:02,790
- That's not funny.
- It is funny.
1742
01:09:02,790 --> 01:09:05,009
Oh, Jesus. Lord, why today?
1743
01:09:05,009 --> 01:09:08,274
Your Honor, I is so sorry to
have troubled you this morning.
1744
01:09:08,274 --> 01:09:10,624
Now this is all can be just
throwed away, you know?
1745
01:09:10,624 --> 01:09:11,755
I'm gonna tell you a little
story about my cousin.
1746
01:09:11,755 --> 01:09:13,540
Her name is V'Gina.
1747
01:09:13,540 --> 01:09:15,063
Now you know, people always
mispronounce her name too.
1748
01:09:15,063 --> 01:09:16,804
Like they mispronounce
Judge Loreal.
1749
01:09:16,804 --> 01:09:18,675
People might wanna call you
Judge Revlon or something,
1750
01:09:18,675 --> 01:09:20,808
but you know, they, they call
her vagina. But it's V'Gina,
1751
01:09:20,808 --> 01:09:24,638
Uh, V apostrophe G-I-N-A.
It's V'Gina. V'Gina!
1752
01:09:24,638 --> 01:09:26,117
She can't even spell vagina.
1753
01:09:26,117 --> 01:09:27,510
That's what she trying
to spell, vagina.
1754
01:09:27,510 --> 01:09:28,598
Can't even spell it.
1755
01:09:28,598 --> 01:09:30,209
But we damn sure can smell it.
1756
01:09:30,209 --> 01:09:33,212
[laughs] Y'all smell it?
1757
01:09:33,212 --> 01:09:34,517
Y'all heard?
1758
01:09:34,517 --> 01:09:36,824
- Dad, dad.
- Don't call me that.
1759
01:09:36,824 --> 01:09:38,652
Boy, you ain't smell vagina
since 1932.
1760
01:09:38,652 --> 01:09:40,610
How you doing, Your Honor?
Moe: Saw it this morning.
1761
01:09:40,610 --> 01:09:44,614
MaDude, be quiet, and
be respectful in my courtroom.
1762
01:09:44,614 --> 01:09:46,181
Moe: That means shut up.
- I understand.
1763
01:09:46,181 --> 01:09:47,748
I was just trying
to explain to you why my cousin,
1764
01:09:47,748 --> 01:09:49,489
she had been bullied by that
name. She 52 years old.
1765
01:09:49,489 --> 01:09:51,142
And I didn't want
that to happen to you.
1766
01:09:51,142 --> 01:09:52,753
Your-- Your-- Your Dishonor,
you know.
1767
01:09:52,753 --> 01:09:55,756
- I'm warning you.
- I understand. Uh, I'm just...
1768
01:09:55,756 --> 01:09:57,932
I'mma be quiet right up
here in your courtroom today.
1769
01:09:57,932 --> 01:09:59,455
Yes, yes, yes I am.
1770
01:09:59,455 --> 01:10:01,501
[laughs] I believe
you gonna fry.
1771
01:10:01,501 --> 01:10:02,763
You better shut your ass up.
Just shut up!
1772
01:10:02,763 --> 01:10:04,243
Just shut up talking to me.
1773
01:10:04,243 --> 01:10:05,287
Moe: Shouldn't have ran
all them red lights.
1774
01:10:05,287 --> 01:10:06,854
- Bailiff?
- Mmm.
1775
01:10:06,854 --> 01:10:08,986
Keep your good eye on
this one. She's trouble.
1776
01:10:12,338 --> 01:10:15,341
Well, it looks like
that way to me, Your Honor.
1777
01:10:15,341 --> 01:10:17,430
Looks that way to me,
Your Honor.
1778
01:10:17,430 --> 01:10:19,997
This whole courtroom
looks suspect.
1779
01:10:19,997 --> 01:10:22,870
Matter of fact, this whole
courtroom looks suspect.
1780
01:10:22,870 --> 01:10:27,527
MaDude Himms, you are sentenced
to 180 days jail time
1781
01:10:27,527 --> 01:10:29,790
Judge Loreal: for attempting
to evade the police.
1782
01:10:29,790 --> 01:10:32,271
Your cellmate will be R. Kelly.
1783
01:10:32,271 --> 01:10:34,055
Oh! [laughs]
1784
01:10:34,055 --> 01:10:35,535
He not my type, Your Honor.
1785
01:10:35,535 --> 01:10:37,101
You gonna be trapped
in the closet.
1786
01:10:37,101 --> 01:10:38,668
Followed by six months
of house arrest.
1787
01:10:38,668 --> 01:10:41,758
Then we will possibly
reevaluate your probation.
1788
01:10:41,758 --> 01:10:43,673
Don't reevaluate it.
Just keep it like it is.
1789
01:10:43,673 --> 01:10:48,199
Also... mandatory
church on Sundays.
1790
01:10:48,199 --> 01:10:50,898
- Not the church!
- Church.
1791
01:10:50,898 --> 01:10:52,334
Oh, Lord.
1792
01:10:52,334 --> 01:10:54,467
- Gimme anything but church!
- Church!
1793
01:10:54,467 --> 01:10:56,207
You 'bout to have
a religious love.
1794
01:10:56,207 --> 01:10:58,340
No, Lord, please gimme
solitary confinement.
1795
01:10:58,340 --> 01:10:59,733
Y'all got a bed
big enough for her?
1796
01:10:59,733 --> 01:11:02,257
- Gimme the electric chair!
- Church!
1797
01:11:02,257 --> 01:11:03,867
- We're gonna help you!
- No, we ain't.
1798
01:11:03,867 --> 01:11:05,869
Jesus!
1799
01:11:05,869 --> 01:11:07,784
Well, I know how
you feel. Believe me.
1800
01:11:07,784 --> 01:11:09,308
Well, I know how she feels.
1801
01:11:09,308 --> 01:11:11,527
Ha! Case Closed.
1802
01:11:11,527 --> 01:11:13,877
Yes! [laughs]
1803
01:11:13,877 --> 01:11:16,924
I get to use my dick pump
all by myself.
1804
01:11:16,924 --> 01:11:18,882
Pornhub all week. Gimme one!
1805
01:11:18,882 --> 01:11:20,667
[laughs]
1806
01:11:20,667 --> 01:11:22,712
[clapping]
1807
01:11:22,712 --> 01:11:26,412
Not even God can save
your ass now, MaDude. [laughs]
1808
01:11:27,978 --> 01:11:30,154
I can't believe
MaDude's going to jail.
1809
01:11:30,154 --> 01:11:32,635
I can't believe I lost the case.
1810
01:11:32,635 --> 01:11:36,030
I am the worst lawyer ever.
I'm the worst everything ever.
1811
01:11:36,030 --> 01:11:38,119
I mean, God, where are
you when I need you?
1812
01:11:39,338 --> 01:11:41,992
[laughs] God.
1813
01:11:41,992 --> 01:11:44,734
Bam. He was incensed.
1814
01:11:44,734 --> 01:11:46,301
Pow! Wu Tang, nigga.
1815
01:11:46,301 --> 01:11:47,737
I can say nigga in heaven.
1816
01:11:47,737 --> 01:11:48,912
[Angel laughing]
1817
01:11:48,912 --> 01:11:51,393
[indistinct chatter]
1818
01:11:51,393 --> 01:11:55,441
But you can't! I been me damned.
1819
01:11:58,357 --> 01:12:01,185
Taylor: When God told
me to write a movie...
1820
01:12:01,185 --> 01:12:02,926
I never thought
the devil would show up.
1821
01:12:02,926 --> 01:12:07,757
Do you see the color of my suit?
Who the hell you think I am?
1822
01:12:07,757 --> 01:12:10,369
Taylor: That's what I get
for not writing.
1823
01:12:10,369 --> 01:12:13,023
Perfect. Makes perfect sense.
The devil's talking to me.
1824
01:12:13,023 --> 01:12:15,417
Why wouldn't
the devil talk to me?
1825
01:12:15,417 --> 01:12:18,420
Well, I'm sensing
you kind of need my help.
1826
01:12:18,420 --> 01:12:23,294
How may I be of service,
Fairy? - No.
1827
01:12:23,294 --> 01:12:26,776
I have been
appointed by the Lord.
1828
01:12:26,776 --> 01:12:30,301
I'm delivered. I'm delivered.
I'm delivered.
1829
01:12:30,301 --> 01:12:32,913
[grim music]
1830
01:12:32,913 --> 01:12:36,046
Well, brother, if you don't
need me, I'll just go back
1831
01:12:36,046 --> 01:12:39,049
to the Proud Boys community
and Peckerwoods.
1832
01:12:39,049 --> 01:12:40,616
Hey, they love me over there.
1833
01:12:40,616 --> 01:12:43,663
Devil: I'm their idol.
Hasta luego, Fairy.
1834
01:12:43,663 --> 01:12:45,404
It's Pherry.
1835
01:12:45,404 --> 01:12:48,450
My name is
Pherry, Pherry, Pherry!
1836
01:12:48,450 --> 01:12:50,147
[laughs] No, it ain't.
1837
01:12:51,540 --> 01:12:54,717
Damnit. This is BS.
1838
01:12:54,717 --> 01:12:57,067
I bet you never show up to
Kevin Hart's bathroom like this.
1839
01:12:57,067 --> 01:12:59,200
[instrumental music]
1840
01:12:59,200 --> 01:13:03,073
God: Write the vision, son.
Write the vision.
1841
01:13:05,772 --> 01:13:08,427
Taylor: I finally figured out
what I needed to do.
1842
01:13:08,427 --> 01:13:10,341
I needed to write the movie.
1843
01:13:10,341 --> 01:13:13,910
So I decided to have
my assistant, Joy, write it.
1844
01:13:13,910 --> 01:13:16,522
With Joy around,
there's no need for AI.
1845
01:13:17,914 --> 01:13:20,830
[gasps] Oh!
1846
01:13:20,830 --> 01:13:24,747
This is plot,
character development.
1847
01:13:24,747 --> 01:13:26,836
This is a storyline.
1848
01:13:26,836 --> 01:13:29,056
- Can we put that in the movie?
- Put what in the movie?
1849
01:13:29,056 --> 01:13:31,754
- A storyline.
- A storyline?
1850
01:13:31,754 --> 01:13:33,843
Yeah. Just-- just steal it.
Just put it in the storyline.
1851
01:13:33,843 --> 01:13:35,715
- Oh, yeah. Okay.
- Just write it down.
1852
01:13:35,715 --> 01:13:37,499
- Make me look good.
- Okay.
1853
01:13:37,499 --> 01:13:39,849
I can steal all things through
Christ who strengthens me.
1854
01:13:39,849 --> 01:13:42,896
- We stealing this.
- Um, you going to hell.
1855
01:13:42,896 --> 01:13:44,680
- What you say?
- Nothing. Mm-hmm.
1856
01:13:44,680 --> 01:13:46,377
Ooh. This is gonna be good.
1857
01:13:46,377 --> 01:13:49,642
We gon' use it all.
Just mix it up like a gumbo.
1858
01:13:49,642 --> 01:13:53,036
Taylor: I smell WGA.
I smell Oscar.
1859
01:13:53,036 --> 01:13:54,647
Everybody gonna wanna
be in my movies.
1860
01:13:54,647 --> 01:13:57,127
Joy, when I blow up,
1861
01:13:57,127 --> 01:13:59,826
I'm not taking you with me,
but keep writing.
1862
01:13:59,826 --> 01:14:02,742
Oh! Oh! Write
this down! Montage.
1863
01:14:02,742 --> 01:14:05,875
Every movie need a montage.
A good montage.
1864
01:14:05,875 --> 01:14:06,920
[instrumental music]
1865
01:14:06,920 --> 01:14:09,836
[keys clicking]
1866
01:14:16,625 --> 01:14:20,586
Oh, Joy, how is
my screenplay going?
1867
01:14:20,586 --> 01:14:22,370
Oh, it's going.
1868
01:14:22,370 --> 01:14:24,372
Oh, but wait, wait, wait.
No, don't talk, more writing.
1869
01:14:24,372 --> 01:14:25,939
I just want to envision
myself in the words.
1870
01:14:25,939 --> 01:14:27,723
No, no, don't stop writing.
1871
01:14:27,723 --> 01:14:31,510
Ooh, it's gonna be so good.
Damn, I'm good. Damn, I'm good.
1872
01:14:31,510 --> 01:14:35,339
[exhales] That's lazy.
Mm, I need this job.
1873
01:14:35,339 --> 01:14:37,559
I need this job.
I need this job.
1874
01:14:37,559 --> 01:14:40,127
Ooh, I like that.
Watch for that for me.
1875
01:14:40,127 --> 01:14:42,433
- You're so close to me.
- Yeah, we're very close.
1876
01:14:42,433 --> 01:14:43,957
This is close.
You, you read my mind.
1877
01:14:43,957 --> 01:14:45,698
This is exactly what...
We're on the same wave...
1878
01:14:45,698 --> 01:14:49,179
You're so physically
close to me.
1879
01:14:49,179 --> 01:14:50,441
[music continues]
1880
01:14:50,441 --> 01:14:51,617
[keys clicking]
1881
01:14:52,922 --> 01:14:54,533
[snoring]
1882
01:14:57,971 --> 01:14:59,755
Taylor: Yeah. Yeah. Go down,
go down. Scroll, scroll.
1883
01:14:59,755 --> 01:15:01,975
- I'm scrolling.
- Oh, wait, wait. Stop, stop.
1884
01:15:01,975 --> 01:15:04,020
Too fast. Go back
up, up, up, up.
1885
01:15:04,020 --> 01:15:07,546
Yeah, yeah. Whoa!
So great. Oh, wonderful.
1886
01:15:08,198 --> 01:15:09,678
[sighs]
1887
01:15:09,678 --> 01:15:10,940
Oh!
1888
01:15:10,940 --> 01:15:12,376
Hey, this is Attorney Pherry.
1889
01:15:12,376 --> 01:15:15,815
The P is silent.
Wait, MaDude?
1890
01:15:15,815 --> 01:15:17,512
No, I-- I can't possibly deal
with MaDude today.
1891
01:15:17,512 --> 01:15:18,992
That's not on my docket.
1892
01:15:18,992 --> 01:15:20,559
I'm in the middle
of writing a screenplay.
1893
01:15:20,559 --> 01:15:22,561
Could you scroll please?
Thank you.
1894
01:15:22,561 --> 01:15:24,954
Oh, no, I couldn't
possibly do that.
1895
01:15:24,954 --> 01:15:25,955
Thank you.
1896
01:15:27,609 --> 01:15:30,133
Damn, that's good.
Oh, I'm a good ass writer.
1897
01:15:32,962 --> 01:15:33,963
Taylor: That's so good.
1898
01:15:36,966 --> 01:15:39,055
Oh, Lordy, Lordy, Lordy.
1899
01:15:39,055 --> 01:15:42,406
Look at us here
just getting clean,
1900
01:15:42,406 --> 01:15:44,670
so we can be there with
the Lord in the end days.
1901
01:15:44,670 --> 01:15:46,672
You know, cleanliness
is next to Godliness,
1902
01:15:46,672 --> 01:15:49,588
and I know he love you
because I sure do.
1903
01:15:49,588 --> 01:15:50,980
Oh, Lordy, Lordy.
1904
01:15:50,980 --> 01:15:52,591
Make sure y'all get all
that dirt off you.
1905
01:15:55,637 --> 01:15:59,075
Oh, uh... Done seen too much.
No, no, no, we good.
1906
01:15:59,075 --> 01:16:02,252
Sure we should make this water
get us a little colder.
1907
01:16:02,252 --> 01:16:04,994
God. You know, I'm a old lady.
1908
01:16:04,994 --> 01:16:06,648
Only got so many of these left.
1909
01:16:06,648 --> 01:16:09,303
Alright, ladies,
two-minute showers up.
1910
01:16:09,303 --> 01:16:11,131
Let's go. Let's go, let's go!
1911
01:16:11,131 --> 01:16:13,873
Oh, I knew there was a God.
Officer : Come on. Let's go.
1912
01:16:13,873 --> 01:16:15,222
Well, it was so nice
to see you ladies.
1913
01:16:15,222 --> 01:16:16,658
Y'all go ahead.
Y'all get on out here.
1914
01:16:16,658 --> 01:16:18,051
Ladies, ladies, ladies,
cut that water off.
1915
01:16:18,051 --> 01:16:20,053
Y'all been here long
enough now. Come on.
1916
01:16:20,053 --> 01:16:22,708
- We in a drought.
- Stop your yabbering.
1917
01:16:22,708 --> 01:16:24,623
MaDude: Look Barney Fife,
I'm just trying to make sure
1918
01:16:24,623 --> 01:16:26,363
everything is where
it needs to be.
1919
01:16:26,363 --> 01:16:29,062
You're taking all day.
You want to go home or not?
1920
01:16:29,062 --> 01:16:32,805
Got me up here with all this
temptation, wetness, and water.
1921
01:16:32,805 --> 01:16:35,285
Just trying to be
my best Christian self.
1922
01:16:35,285 --> 01:16:39,246
Today's your lucky day,
MaDude. Let's go.
1923
01:16:39,246 --> 01:16:43,554
[laughs] Ain't a jail alive
that can hold me, baby.
1924
01:16:43,554 --> 01:16:45,034
Where my shit?
1925
01:16:45,034 --> 01:16:47,428
- Is this yours?
- Hell nah, that ain't mine.
1926
01:16:47,428 --> 01:16:50,474
What the hell I look like?
You can keep that.
1927
01:16:50,474 --> 01:16:52,476
Well, I'll save it
for you when you get back.
1928
01:16:52,476 --> 01:16:54,653
Well, I ain't coming back to
here. No, no, no. No way.
1929
01:16:54,653 --> 01:16:56,524
Oh, but you know what?
You might be right.
1930
01:16:56,524 --> 01:16:59,745
I'll be back for
my next movie. [laughs]
1931
01:16:59,745 --> 01:17:03,966
Free at last, bitches,
free at last! Oo-wee!
1932
01:17:03,966 --> 01:17:06,012
Look at the fresh air out here.
1933
01:17:06,012 --> 01:17:08,362
Damn, it is hot.
Hell is my family at?
1934
01:17:08,362 --> 01:17:10,103
There your ass is.
Why you late?
1935
01:17:10,103 --> 01:17:12,583
Just get your big ass in the
car, San Quentin Tarantina.
1936
01:17:12,583 --> 01:17:13,976
They gonna have your ass
right back up in here.
1937
01:17:13,976 --> 01:17:16,196
[birds chirping]
1938
01:17:17,284 --> 01:17:19,155
[instrumental music]
1939
01:17:19,155 --> 01:17:22,158
The end.
1940
01:17:22,158 --> 01:17:25,161
Ooh, Joy, this is fabulous.
1941
01:17:25,161 --> 01:17:27,990
Fool, this might be
the best thing I ever done.
1942
01:17:27,990 --> 01:17:32,865
Written by Taylor Pherry,
my P is silent.
1943
01:17:35,041 --> 01:17:37,870
Hey! Wha-- wha-- what the...
No, no, no, no!
1944
01:17:38,609 --> 01:17:41,003
No, no!
1945
01:17:41,003 --> 01:17:43,397
Let me tell you, computers
ain't like your stories, man.
1946
01:17:43,397 --> 01:17:46,356
- They need backup.
- Oh, please.
1947
01:17:46,356 --> 01:17:49,620
Stop praying, bitch.
He ain't gonna help you now.
1948
01:17:49,620 --> 01:17:50,926
What the...
1949
01:17:50,926 --> 01:17:53,929
[chuckles] It's like life.
1950
01:17:53,929 --> 01:17:55,801
The devil's in the details.
1951
01:17:55,801 --> 01:17:57,106
God: Says you.
1952
01:17:58,760 --> 01:18:01,154
Oh, man. [laughs]
1953
01:18:01,154 --> 01:18:03,809
[gasps]
1954
01:18:05,593 --> 01:18:08,422
I thought you-- you
weren't happy with my work?
1955
01:18:08,422 --> 01:18:10,554
God: Your work
is pure joy, son.
1956
01:18:10,554 --> 01:18:14,297
It's probably best to say that
you were divinely inspired.
1957
01:18:14,297 --> 01:18:15,603
I was, wasn't I?
1958
01:18:15,603 --> 01:18:17,126
God: It's time to
go worship, son.
1959
01:18:18,475 --> 01:18:21,783
Yes, Lord. Yes, Lord.
1960
01:18:21,783 --> 01:18:24,830
[instrumental music]
1961
01:18:24,830 --> 01:18:27,310
Pastor: What we're here
to do today is...
1962
01:18:29,443 --> 01:18:31,227
give it up to the Lord.
[chuckles]
1963
01:18:31,227 --> 01:18:33,229
Amen.
1964
01:18:33,229 --> 01:18:34,970
All of our plans?
1965
01:18:34,970 --> 01:18:37,538
We give it up to the Lord.
1966
01:18:37,538 --> 01:18:38,713
Pastor: All of our ideas?
1967
01:18:38,713 --> 01:18:40,846
Uh-huh, uh-huh!
1968
01:18:40,846 --> 01:18:42,935
We giving it up to
the Lord. You hear me?
1969
01:18:42,935 --> 01:18:44,197
- Lord!
- Hallelujah!
1970
01:18:44,197 --> 01:18:45,415
- Amen!
- Mercy. Mercy!
1971
01:18:45,415 --> 01:18:47,156
- Yes, Pastor!
- Yes.
1972
01:18:47,156 --> 01:18:51,639
Listen, now. All our wishes,
we give it up to the Lord.
1973
01:18:51,639 --> 01:18:53,206
- Up to the Lord.
- Yes!
1974
01:18:53,206 --> 01:18:54,816
- Hallelujah!
- That's right, that's right!
1975
01:18:54,816 --> 01:18:58,602
- Hallelu!
- And all of our money...
1976
01:18:58,602 --> 01:19:00,561
- Yes, yes.
- Yes--
1977
01:19:00,561 --> 01:19:01,867
You give it to me.
1978
01:19:01,867 --> 01:19:02,998
- To the...
- What?
1979
01:19:02,998 --> 01:19:04,695
[indistinct chatter]
1980
01:19:04,695 --> 01:19:06,262
- Are you with me?
- No, no, no.
1981
01:19:06,262 --> 01:19:07,655
That ain't gon' be it.
1982
01:19:07,655 --> 01:19:09,309
I thought we was giving
it up to the Lord.
1983
01:19:09,309 --> 01:19:11,311
No, thank you. Hallelujah?
1984
01:19:11,311 --> 01:19:13,835
[instrumental music]
1985
01:19:13,835 --> 01:19:15,315
MaDude: Helluurr!
1986
01:19:26,761 --> 01:19:29,982
No, Miss Celie.
Moe: Oh, Lord, have mercy.
1987
01:19:29,982 --> 01:19:31,374
The one day I come
to church, look at this.
1988
01:19:31,374 --> 01:19:34,551
The devil showed up.
1989
01:19:34,551 --> 01:19:37,554
♪ I've been sinning,
I've been sinning ♪
1990
01:19:37,554 --> 01:19:39,252
Think I done gone blind
for two seconds.
1991
01:19:39,252 --> 01:19:41,471
♪ I'm a heathen when
the devil get up in me ♪
1992
01:19:41,471 --> 01:19:42,472
♪ I've been thinking ♪
1993
01:19:42,472 --> 01:19:44,039
She going to hell.
1994
01:19:44,039 --> 01:19:45,693
- She going to hell hell.
- Like real hell.
1995
01:19:45,693 --> 01:19:48,087
♪ Moe got lice,
Moe got lice ♪
1996
01:19:48,087 --> 01:19:49,784
♪ All these Christians
in my face ♪
1997
01:19:49,784 --> 01:19:51,917
♪ And I'm feeling kind
of like a criminal ♪
1998
01:19:51,917 --> 01:19:53,483
♪ But that's okay ♪
1999
01:19:53,483 --> 01:19:56,051
She's shaking, she's shaking
her ass in church.
2000
01:19:56,051 --> 01:19:58,314
♪ Where that boy who got
that hair I don't like it? ♪
2001
01:19:58,314 --> 01:19:59,663
Thank you for my Pilates class.
2002
01:19:59,663 --> 01:20:02,492
♪ There he is, good day ♪
2003
01:20:02,492 --> 01:20:05,844
♪ And tight, yeah, and
I'mma go on, go on, go on ♪
2004
01:20:05,844 --> 01:20:08,542
Jesus, I wasn't supposed to come
to church today. That's...
2005
01:20:08,542 --> 01:20:11,850
Hi. Oh, ey, ey!
Come on, Pastor.
2006
01:20:11,850 --> 01:20:12,938
MaDude, you 'bout
to catch on fire.
2007
01:20:12,938 --> 01:20:14,374
Oh, Lord.
2008
01:20:14,374 --> 01:20:15,723
♪ Keep your eyes
off my fattie, Pastor ♪
2009
01:20:15,723 --> 01:20:17,943
♪ I don't want you no more ♪
2010
01:20:17,943 --> 01:20:21,555
No, no, no. Hey, hey.
Hallelujah.
2011
01:20:21,555 --> 01:20:23,470
MaDude: Oh, they
got chicken at church.
2012
01:20:23,470 --> 01:20:25,254
If I had known that
I'd have been here months ago.
2013
01:20:25,254 --> 01:20:28,475
Hey, hey, must be
Church's Chicken.
2014
01:20:28,475 --> 01:20:30,564
Whoo! Moe got lice, y'all.
2015
01:20:30,564 --> 01:20:32,479
Killed 12 Clydesdales
for them boots.
2016
01:20:32,479 --> 01:20:36,483
Go ahead. Pastor on, carry on.
Praise and praise, do it up.
2017
01:20:36,483 --> 01:20:40,574
Mm,, Come on, Pastor.
Go 'head, preach.
2018
01:20:40,574 --> 01:20:42,315
Pastor: Ladies and gentlemen,
we got a special guest.
2019
01:20:43,577 --> 01:20:46,493
[applause]
2020
01:20:48,625 --> 01:20:51,759
- Taylor Pherry?
- Me?
2021
01:20:51,759 --> 01:20:54,327
It's your day to lead us
in prayer. Get on up here.
2022
01:20:54,327 --> 01:20:58,113
- Alright, alright!
- Get on up there, baby.
2023
01:20:58,113 --> 01:21:01,290
Alright. Thank you, thank you.
2024
01:21:01,290 --> 01:21:04,076
Huh! Ooh, I'm so nervous.
2025
01:21:04,076 --> 01:21:05,077
First, giving honor
to God and...
2026
01:21:05,077 --> 01:21:06,687
Amen.
2027
01:21:06,687 --> 01:21:08,602
And the congregation,
I just wanna say,
2028
01:21:08,602 --> 01:21:10,082
put your hands together.
2029
01:21:10,082 --> 01:21:12,127
[upbeat song]
2030
01:21:12,127 --> 01:21:13,433
Yes!
2031
01:21:14,825 --> 01:21:16,392
I wrote a movie, y'all.
2032
01:21:16,392 --> 01:21:18,090
Y'all wanna sing a song
or something for me?
2033
01:21:18,090 --> 01:21:20,179
♪ Can he do everything? ♪
2034
01:21:20,179 --> 01:21:21,528
Hey!
2035
01:21:21,528 --> 01:21:23,182
♪ Can he do everything? ♪
2036
01:21:23,182 --> 01:21:27,795
♪ Can he do everything?
Can he do everything? ♪
2037
01:21:27,795 --> 01:21:35,759
♪ Can he do everything? ♪
2038
01:21:35,759 --> 01:21:38,545
Taylor: 'Cause I can,
I can, I can!
2039
01:21:38,545 --> 01:21:42,201
Come on, Hoprah. Come on,
Hoprah. Hoprah, Hoprah, Hoprah!
2040
01:21:42,201 --> 01:21:49,730
♪ Can he do everything? ♪
2041
01:21:49,730 --> 01:21:50,774
Get out the way!
2042
01:21:52,428 --> 01:21:56,693
Where's my successor?
2043
01:21:56,693 --> 01:21:59,392
♪ Can he do everything? ♪
2044
01:21:59,392 --> 01:22:04,353
I crown, Taylor Pherry,
the new me.
2045
01:22:07,052 --> 01:22:10,142
And with me, thy will all come.
2046
01:22:12,883 --> 01:22:17,279
I wrote a movie
"Inspired by God,"
2047
01:22:17,279 --> 01:22:19,455
and it's coming out soon,
2048
01:22:19,455 --> 01:22:23,155
and each of you is gonna get
a movie premiere ticket!
2049
01:22:23,155 --> 01:22:25,374
[cheering]
2050
01:22:25,374 --> 01:22:28,203
And you get a ticket!
And you get a ticket!
2051
01:22:28,203 --> 01:22:30,597
And you getting a ticket.
Don't think I forgot about you!
2052
01:22:30,597 --> 01:22:32,860
You getting a ticket.
2053
01:22:32,860 --> 01:22:35,080
Y'all getting tickets!
2054
01:22:35,080 --> 01:22:37,256
You getting a ticket!
2055
01:22:37,256 --> 01:22:39,519
Taylor: And that is my story.
2056
01:22:39,519 --> 01:22:41,347
The story of how I became
2057
01:22:41,347 --> 01:22:44,089
the world-famous writer,
director, actor, producer,
2058
01:22:44,089 --> 01:22:47,005
lawyer, doctor, handyman,
plumber, mover, shaker,
2059
01:22:47,005 --> 01:22:49,964
Grossmates delivery driver
you now know and love.
2060
01:22:49,964 --> 01:22:52,271
And I'll make sure
you also get a ticket
2061
01:22:52,271 --> 01:22:53,663
to my next church movie.
2062
01:22:53,663 --> 01:22:55,448
Coming to a theater near you.
2063
01:22:55,448 --> 01:22:57,537
♪ Can he do everything? ♪
2064
01:22:57,537 --> 01:22:59,452
Today was a God's Day.
2065
01:22:59,452 --> 01:23:02,107
[engine whirring]
2066
01:23:02,107 --> 01:23:04,631
God: Won't I do it?
Won't I do it?
2067
01:23:04,631 --> 01:23:08,809
♪ Thank you Lord ♪
2068
01:23:08,809 --> 01:23:11,855
♪ For all you've done ♪
2069
01:23:11,855 --> 01:23:14,902
♪ For all you've done for me ♪
2070
01:23:14,902 --> 01:23:16,730
♪ Come on, ya ♪
2071
01:23:16,730 --> 01:23:18,471
♪ Thank you, thank you
Thank you, I thank you Lord ♪
2072
01:23:18,471 --> 01:23:20,647
♪ Yes, you are so good,
you took me off the streets ♪
2073
01:23:20,647 --> 01:23:22,475
♪ Yes, there's no ghetto
here in Hollywood ♪
2074
01:23:22,475 --> 01:23:24,259
♪ You said this be the light
I know you're right ♪
2075
01:23:24,259 --> 01:23:26,000
♪ With you I know I could ♪
2076
01:23:26,000 --> 01:23:28,133
♪ Turn to your neighbor
and said, yeah, God is good ♪
2077
01:23:28,133 --> 01:23:29,699
♪ Folks won't go to church ♪
2078
01:23:29,699 --> 01:23:31,092
♪ But they'll name
their daughters Faith ♪
2079
01:23:31,092 --> 01:23:32,572
♪ Just to walk around
the house ♪
2080
01:23:32,572 --> 01:23:34,530
♪ and then say
they walk by faith ♪
2081
01:23:34,530 --> 01:23:37,229
♪ Let me make this statement
I'm thankful, so grateful ♪
2082
01:23:37,229 --> 01:23:40,058
♪ Turn pain into a wonderful
life 'cause God is able ♪
2083
01:23:40,058 --> 01:23:42,495
♪ I'm grateful ♪
2084
01:23:42,495 --> 01:23:45,498
♪ So grateful ♪
2085
01:23:45,498 --> 01:23:48,892
♪ I'm grateful ♪
♪ Come on, y'all ♪
2086
01:23:48,892 --> 01:23:52,374
♪ For all you've done for me ♪
2087
01:23:52,374 --> 01:23:56,552
♪ Thank you Lord ♪
2088
01:23:56,552 --> 01:23:58,685
♪ For all you've done ♪
2089
01:23:58,685 --> 01:24:02,341
♪ Ladies and gentlemen ♪
♪ For all you've done for me ♪
2090
01:24:02,341 --> 01:24:08,521
♪ Put your hands together ♪
♪ Thank you Lord ♪
2091
01:24:08,521 --> 01:24:11,393
♪ You've been so good ♪
2092
01:24:11,393 --> 01:24:16,442
♪ You've been so good to me ♪
♪ Come on ♪
2093
01:24:16,442 --> 01:24:19,488
♪ I was down, I was lost,
I was broken ♪
2094
01:24:19,488 --> 01:24:22,448
♪ When you called out my name
said I was chosen ♪
2095
01:24:22,448 --> 01:24:25,538
♪ Brand new life I found
You turned it all around ♪
2096
01:24:25,538 --> 01:24:28,323
♪ Now I'm singing hallelujah
'cause you saved me ♪
2097
01:24:28,323 --> 01:24:31,370
♪ I left my past in the past
I'm a changed man ♪
2098
01:24:31,370 --> 01:24:34,329
♪ So much joy that I have
I'm renewed, man ♪
2099
01:24:34,329 --> 01:24:37,202
♪ 'Cause you broke the chains
that were binding me ♪
2100
01:24:37,202 --> 01:24:39,508
♪ Now I'm free, I'm free
I'm free ♪
2101
01:24:39,508 --> 01:24:41,119
♪ I'm grateful ♪
2102
01:24:41,119 --> 01:24:42,598
♪ Yes, I am, yes, I am ♪
2103
01:24:42,598 --> 01:24:44,034
♪ So grateful ♪
2104
01:24:44,034 --> 01:24:45,340
♪ So ♪
2105
01:24:45,340 --> 01:24:47,125
♪ I'm grateful ♪
2106
01:24:47,125 --> 01:24:48,952
♪ For all, for all, for all ♪
2107
01:24:48,952 --> 01:24:51,912
♪ For all you've done for me ♪
2108
01:24:51,912 --> 01:24:55,307
♪ Thank you Lord ♪
2109
01:24:55,307 --> 01:24:58,136
♪ If you're thankful ♪
♪ For all you've done ♪
2110
01:24:58,136 --> 01:25:02,052
♪ Make some noise ♪
♪ For all you've done for me ♪
2111
01:25:02,052 --> 01:25:08,146
♪ 'Cause he's been too good ♪
♪ Thank you Lord ♪
2112
01:25:08,146 --> 01:25:11,236
♪ You've been so good ♪
♪ Yes, He has ♪
2113
01:25:11,236 --> 01:25:16,154
♪ You've been so good to me ♪
♪ Come on, come on, yo ♪
2114
01:25:16,154 --> 01:25:19,069
♪ Thank God, you're good,
we here, we can ♪
2115
01:25:19,069 --> 01:25:22,072
♪ Live in Christ,
you omnipotent ♪
2116
01:25:22,072 --> 01:25:24,466
♪ You been so good,
this gonna be our year ♪
2117
01:25:24,466 --> 01:25:28,122
♪ Let the world see you dance,
the party's over here ♪
2118
01:25:28,122 --> 01:25:30,385
♪ I thank you God
I thank you much ♪
2119
01:25:30,385 --> 01:25:33,171
♪ We got our power back
and now we can't be touched ♪
2120
01:25:33,171 --> 01:25:36,522
♪ It's amazing what you done,
thank you for your son ♪
2121
01:25:36,522 --> 01:25:39,655
♪ I'm grateful I gotta get
these words off my tongue ♪
2122
01:25:39,655 --> 01:25:45,531
♪ Thank you Lord ♪
♪ For all you've done ♪
2123
01:25:45,531 --> 01:25:49,099
♪ For all you've done ♪
♪ For all you've done for me ♪
2124
01:25:49,099 --> 01:25:51,580
♪ For all you've done for me ♪
2125
01:25:51,580 --> 01:25:54,888
♪ Thank you Lord ♪
2126
01:25:54,888 --> 01:25:57,804
♪ Sing it out ♪
♪ You've been so good ♪
2127
01:25:57,804 --> 01:26:01,721
♪ So good ♪
♪ You've been so good to me ♪
2128
01:26:01,721 --> 01:26:04,027
♪ Oh, thank you Jesus ♪
2129
01:26:04,027 --> 01:26:05,203
♪ Whoo! ♪
2130
01:26:07,901 --> 01:26:09,772
♪ Judge said half ♪
2131
01:26:09,772 --> 01:26:11,078
♪ Yes, she did ♪
2132
01:26:11,078 --> 01:26:12,645
♪ Judge said half ♪
2133
01:26:12,645 --> 01:26:14,168
♪ Yes, she did ♪
2134
01:26:14,168 --> 01:26:15,691
♪ Judge said half ♪
2135
01:26:15,691 --> 01:26:17,345
♪ Yes, she did, yes ♪
2136
01:26:17,345 --> 01:26:19,782
♪ Judge said half ♪
2137
01:26:21,306 --> 01:26:22,785
♪ Judge said half ♪
2138
01:26:22,785 --> 01:26:24,309
♪ Not one percent but half ♪
2139
01:26:24,309 --> 01:26:25,875
♪ Judge said half ♪
2140
01:26:25,875 --> 01:26:27,486
♪ Not two percent but half ♪
2141
01:26:27,486 --> 01:26:28,965
♪ Judge said half ♪
2142
01:26:28,965 --> 01:26:30,489
♪ Cut it all in half ♪
2143
01:26:30,489 --> 01:26:33,622
♪ Judge said half ♪
♪ Come on ♪
2144
01:26:33,622 --> 01:26:46,113
♪ Judge said half ♪
♪ Judge said half ♪
2145
01:26:46,113 --> 01:26:49,159
♪ Judge said half ♪
♪ Fifty percent ♪
2146
01:26:49,159 --> 01:26:51,423
♪ Judge said half ♪
2147
01:26:51,423 --> 01:26:52,772
♪ Cut it all in half ♪
2148
01:26:52,772 --> 01:26:56,036
♪ Judge said half ♪
2149
01:26:56,036 --> 01:26:58,995
[song continues]
2150
01:27:45,390 --> 01:27:48,306
[mellow song]
2151
01:28:11,067 --> 01:28:17,422
♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust in you ♪
2152
01:28:17,422 --> 01:28:22,340
♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust you ♪
2153
01:28:23,993 --> 01:28:30,130
♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust in you ♪
2154
01:28:30,130 --> 01:28:35,178
♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust you ♪
2155
01:28:35,178 --> 01:28:38,138
[song continues]
2156
01:29:04,164 --> 01:29:10,562
♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust in you ♪
2157
01:29:10,562 --> 01:29:14,957
♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust you ♪
2158
01:29:16,959 --> 01:29:23,357
♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust in you ♪
2159
01:29:23,357 --> 01:29:28,710
♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust you ♪
2160
01:29:28,710 --> 01:29:31,626
[song continues]
2161
01:29:58,784 --> 01:30:01,656
[song continues]
2162
01:30:28,814 --> 01:30:31,686
[song continues]