Hold all my... Whoa!
[laughing]
♪ Boss Baby ♪
♪ I'm the boss Dial in to the meeting ♪
♪ Everybody here Please, find your seating ♪
♪ While you're teething I'm sinking my teeth in ♪
♪ First one to show So I can do all my greeting ♪
♪ Profits, payrolls, and pacifiers ♪
♪ I make friends I love you, you're hired ♪
♪ So come on and raise Your juice boxes skyward ♪
♪ Boss babies until we retire ♪
- ♪ Boss Baby ♪ - ♪ Tell them who this is ♪
- ♪ Boss Baby ♪ - ♪ I'm a legend, mythic ♪
- ♪ Boss Baby ♪ - ♪ Can a baby get a witness? ♪
♪ Grab a high chair This the family business ♪
♪ Boss Baby ♪
"Floaties" on threes. Ones, twos...
- Floaties. - Uh...
Yeah, no good. No bigs. Plenty time for more.
You excited?
For Floaties? Oh, totally. I've never actually been before.
It's the best ever--
I know it's gonna be perfect.
I'll sort out my many personal and professional struggles
over a few days' vacation at an all-inclusive baby resort.
Wanna try another?
[both] Floaties!
You're a working baby. You know how it is.
One day, your sister's pony runs away to figure her life out
after a run-in with a baby villain.
Next day, your cute cousin makes you feel you're short-changing Mommy and Daddy
on the snuggles they'd get if you were a regular baby.
And you think maybe that runaway pony was onto something.
But, gosh, if I run off to vacation-solve all my problems,
who's thinking of our clients?
- Do they need me? - Floaties!
- Can I borrow that? Thanks. - Oi.
[Boss Baby] Buongiorno, my new Italian babies.
[sniffs]
[speaking Italian]
[cell phone rings]
Can you reach me at Floaties
if something's wrong with Pterodactyl Baby or Untalented Baby?
I'll keep naming babies if you don't answer.
Answering with a question.
Do you think I can't run an office solo?
Answering you with a quiz.
I name a client, you describe the hug I invented for them.
Question one--
Answering with a noise.
Teddy? [grumbles]
- You need to let go. - Sorry.
I meant, let go of your work. Otherwise, you end up like that.
No, no, I'm still en route.
My chili-for-brains assistant booked the wrong flight.
- [babies babbling] - Ugh. Tons of babies on this plane.
Yeah, I saw the production costs.
We sell moist towelettes, not Italian loafers.
Come on, I'm nothing like that.
[snoring]
Remember clocking in?
Spending all day type-type-typing up reports?
Those unsatisfying lunches at your desk?
The...
[yawning]
late nights?
Remember all that? Because I don't anymore.
- [back cracks] - Oh! Ooh.
Floaties, the five star-shaped-block resort
where working tots go to be pampered like regular babies,
and have a little fun.
I right well plan to, boyo.
- Whoo! - [all cheering]
[Tina] This place is...
[Lex] You skimp on towelette moisture, know what you got?
A napkin.
My connecting flight's not for a bit. I need a room.
Oh! You're a baby. I thought you worked here.
Nobody works here,
but I am the manager.
- Welcome to Floaties Baby Resort. - [gasping]
While your arrival at this haven for talking babies was an accident,
causing your brain to feel like it dove into a pool of mousetraps,
we hope you'll let our Floaties family
soothe your stresses away,
until life makes sense again.
It's like an office computer screensaver come to life.
[gasps] This is mine?
You are Tina Templeton, yes?
Is that a friendship bracelet? Yeesh. Give me a nickname first.
Kidding. I have one. It's Tina-Beana. Bo-Beana if we're besties.
This is your Paradise Key.
It's for access to your cabana, and is the only payment necessary
for meals or daytime activities.
And nighttime activities?
There are no nighttime activities at Floaties.
And you are good to float.
Who is this cutie pie?
[Yasa] Bobber the Cub.
Our mascot and spiritual guide to taking it breezy.
If you're thinking about work, give Bobber a tap.
He's full of fun ideas to enjoy at Floaties.
Mm! I love him. You guys thought of everything.
No, we just thought of you.
Ooh, phone. I should check-- Nope, you're right, Bobber.
I am letting work go.
Any ideas?
[Bobber on watch] Let's dig holes on the beach.
You dug a hole into my mind, and read it.
- Is this where you're hiding, Precious? - Who's hiding?
Folks gotta know Mike Tullyhouse better before they call me Precious.
Sorry, thought you were someone else. [groans]
[Bobber] Enjoy an ice-cold tropical formula.
Ah.
Mayonnaise City needs you.
[shrieks]
It's not working. Relax my worries away harder.
[Bobber] Join a crawling tour to learn about the local plant life.
And under those very palm trees in 1807,
Sticks Stuff in Mouth Baby invented the idea of eating fistfuls of dirt.
[crowd clamoring]
[shouting]
Look how much love for us fell because you're not working!
[Bobber] Try relieving your anxiety by checking in at work.
- Finally. -I didn't say that.
You pretended I did.
That's enough out of you.
[cell phone ringing]
What's wrong?
New loafers.
So treacherous.
So Italiano.
Are the clients okay?
You want to turn this into a working vacay?
Aw. So proud.
You're like me.
I am not. I'm relaxing. I just wanna--
We'll pull an all-nighter. What's a good fax number to send trend forecasts?
Block this number.
- [Bobber] Care to try a massage? - No, I am not turning into Boss Baby.
Sorry. Massage sounds great.
[cell phone beeps]
[Cassandra] Ooh. The tension is like a jack-in-the-box
inside a jack-in-the-box.
How often do you get to just relax?
Recently? Feels like ne-- [burps] Whoa.
That's normal. It's a shiatsu burping massage.
The stress comes out like that.
Well, it is working-- [burps]
Sorry, lot of stresses up in-- [burping]
Shh. No words.
Just the sound of troubles escaping in esophageal eruptions.
[burps]
Sorry, I know I'm talking too-- [burps]
You must be sick of my complaints about work. [burping]
You haven't mentioned your job once since we started.
[burps] I haven't?
We did it, Bobber. We're finally letting it out.
[farting]
Also normal.
Now let's have a real vacation.
Off-beat head bobs.
Knees bending like they got licorice inside.
I'm dancing like a baby.
Nothing's gonna make me worry about work ever again.
Thank you, my play friends.
[gasps]
I have just one more song to play,
a special lullaby for a special baby
who is oh-so-far from home.
No.
[Crispin playing "Rock-A-Bye Baby"]
Bye.
[snoring]
- [balloon pops] - Look out, Tina, Crispin Biscuits is here!
You.
I hope you aren't upset about the trick I played.
I only wanted you to get some rest.
Blah, blah, creepy veiled threats in a posh accent. I get it.
Tell me your plan, so I can squash it without wasting our time.
I'm just here as an oh-so-very-good friend
to make sure you have the baby vacation you deserve.
Hey, you two. Can I see some Paradise Keys?
Got a tip that a musically talented baby snuck onto the island.
- He's the one you're looking for. - Sorry, I've been naughty.
And talented, you say? I mean, I've barely had lessons.
All right, trespasser, you're on the first flight off the island.
Apologies, Ms. Biscuits.
What? No, he's Biscuits.
- Not what your Paradise Key says. - What?
My Bobber was drinking a pineapple. This isn't my wristband.
I am not Crispin Biscuits.
Mine says Rick,
and Rick I am.
Your bracelet says Biscuits, you're Biscuits.
These are the facts of life. They ground me.
[grunts]
Have just a marvelous holiday,
Crispin Biscuits.
- [bell rings] - Take this off. It's Crispin Biscuits's.
What befell yours?
- It was taken off. - By whom?
Crispin Biscuits.
You, Ms. Crispin Biscuits?
No, I don't miss him. Crispin's a madman.
It's pronounced "madame."
But I understand. We are babies.
Madman.
The Platinum Parental Parenting Pampering Experience you purchased
kicks in today.
You have impeccable taste, Madame Biscuits.
- What? - I'll fetch your activity attendant. Hugo.
- Who? - Go.
Yes?
Escort Madame Biscuits to her next activity.
What just happened?
Are you talking? Are you trying to talk to me?
What? Yes, of course, I am.
You don't say.
What? What are you doing?
My job is to provide...
My job is to provide the endless positive parental reinforcement that comes
with the Platinum Parental Parenting Pampering Experience, Madame Biscuits.
It's weird. And stop calling me--
Listen to me, Hugo.
My name is Tina.
Tina Templeton.
And I can prove it.
Hey there.
Remember me? Tina Templeton? Yesterday's massage?
Sorry, I'm great with backs, but terrible with faces, Ms. Biscuits.
Ignore the bracelet. It's me, Tina.
I know you remember this.
[farting]
Wow, passed gas on the massage table is part of the job.
But blowing a swamp kiss in the middle of a conversation?
That's rude. Good day, Ms. Biscuits.
That's not who I am.
Yeah, she prefers Madame Biscuits or Crispin.
Maybe Criz-Biz. We haven't tried it, but it's cool.
I liked you better when you were my pineapple Bobber.
Still gonna give you kissies, but I'm not gonna mean it as much.
[Lex] Hugo.
What it be?
Hey, always good, Mr. Tina.
Always good.
- What did you call him? - You know Mr. Tina Templeton?
This is my Bobber.
This is my wristband. I'm Tina Templeton.
- Uh, Hugo? - Sorry, Mr. Tina.
I am Tina Templeton.
Yeah, we all wish we were Mr. Tina Templeton sometimes.
My advice?
Chill it down, and let this baby resort smooth away
all your recent personal and professional struggles, girlfriend.
[groans] This will be the worst week of my baby life.
Great, the worse this week is, think how much better
your three months here will seem.
Three months?
Paid in advance.
And we appreciate the trust you've placed in us, Madame Biscuits.
[Tina groans]
Pick up. Pick up.
Teddy, Crispin Biscuits made me into him. I'm stuck at Floaties while he plans--
[operator] Sorry, your number is blocked.
It's just you and me, beach bum Bobber, who's not mine, but is winning my heart.
Biscuits thinks he can trap me? This baby's checking out.
Every flight's full?
No, I didn't know the ferry boat was stolen by pirates.
Do you have their number?
Arr, mateys, I be wondering if--
Hello? Hello? Front desk? What happened to the pirates?
Forget it, I need your help.
No, I won't come by tomorrow. I am marching over there right now.
What kind of baby resort doesn't have a single night-light? [gasps]
- [baby screaming and crying] - [gasps]
Hello? Is someone out there?
Do you have a ring tone that sounds like pure terror?
[shrieks]
[crying]
[screams] Zombabies!
Whoa, whoa, not cool.
We prefer the term Night Terror Babies.
Tons of babies get the terrors.
That's why our guests stay in their rooms at night.
We don't want them getting scared.
- It's not that scary. - [shrieks]
[bell ringing]
How does paradise find us this morning, Madame Bisc--?
Nope, I don't care what my bracelet tells you,
or how long Crispin Biscuits prepaid.
I want off this island faster than I'd high-five a monkey.
If you insist.
Type something that makes a plane come.
- I'm waiting for you to insist. - I insist.
[speaking Portuguese]
You must really be enjoying yourself.
Remember the message you sent upon booking with us?
"If I insist to be let off the island,
that means I'm scared of how much figgy-plum fun I'm having."
I didn't write that. I don't know what figgy-plum fun is.
I was hoping you'd explain, but continuing your note.
"I might play dumb..." Mm-hm...
"cry, scream, complain, or deflect.
This is how I relax. Ignore me and let me continue my holiday."
Give me that figgy-plum paper. I've never used it before, I swear.
As soon as I heard it, I had to try it.
Hugo.
Uh, I don't need a vacation anymore. All my problems went away. I'm cured.
Let me off this island.
May I splish-splash, Crispin?
I'm not Crispin. I'm not Crispin.
Menu, Madame Crispin?
I'm just saying, your cruise ship is only a Panama Canal away.
Hands up into swinging mobile, Ms. Biscuits.
You're not Crispin.
I'm not Crispin.
Let go of the tension
and just let yourself be you, Crispin.
[groans]
Your hot-air balloons are for recreation only.
If I have fun, will you come get me?
- Hang loose, Crispy B. - [groans]
I don't care what you say. I'm not him. He's not me.
Me no be no Crispin Biscuits.
[groans]
[all] Hey, Crispin. Hey, Crispin.
Hey, Crispin...
- [phone rings] - Yes, hi, hi. New Hampshire Pizza?
No, I don't want your Live Free or Diet Pizza.
I want your help. My name's Crispin Biscuits.
[gasps]
No!
No, no. I'm not Crispin. I'm Tina.
But Tina wouldn't be mean to pizza people.
Crispin's mean.
Yeah, she is.
He is. I am.
You are.
- What is happening to me? - [baby crying]
Hey, hey.
Careful.
Who's supposed to be watching out for you? Hey.
Stick with me. I'll protect you.
You and me both.
Where is everyone?
Night terrors again?
It's okay. I kept an eye out for you. My winking one.
- Whoa! - Easy. How about I walk you to bed?
Thank you so much.
You were a huge help tonight.
Look at you, smiling like Daddy made pancakes shaped like pandas.
Me? What's got you so grinny-gums?
Answering you with a quiz. What's Tina's favorite thing to do?
- Pumpkin-- -Besides pumpkin carving.
I really like helping babies. [gasps]
I can build a raft to get off this island.
Whoa! Where did that come from?
This brain runs on caring about others.
Baby, we just found ourselves a refueling station.
Night Terror Baby.
Helping her makes me feel like myself.
- Other than I'm talking to a puddle. -And a bracelet.
I did not ask to get involved in this batch of crazy.
Forget vacation.
You're a baby who fixes things.
And it's time to get to work.
Ms. Biscuits, you are one skilled yogi.
Or did you prefer Madame Biscuits? I forget.
Whatever you want. Gotta go.
- You think you can fix my night terrors? - I know I can.
I'll try anything to get a good sleep.
First time I tried pineapple, I loved it so much, I ate the whole thing.
I had the fruit sugies so bad,
I spent nap time teaching myself to juggle.
Oh, wow.
Yeah. We don't get this much fresh fruit at Baby Corp Alaska.
That has to be it, then. Night terrors cured.
- [crying] - Well, it's not the sugies.
I'll keep an eye on you while I gather sticks for my raft.
If the marks on my legs are from my diaper being too tight,
that's causing the night terrors?
That is the only thing it could be.
[baby crying]
Hmm. Looser diaper ain't helping.
We may have overcorrected.
Don't worry, I won't raft away until I figure this out.
Careful, that's hot.
[gasps]
Sunblock?
You get overheated all day, then can't sleep at night.
It just makes sense.
- [crying] - Come on. What could it be?
Whoa, someone's watch is on Alaska time.
That's it.
She's jet-lagged.
You're jet-lagged.
Can you cancel this one's wake-up call and schedule an extra nap?
You got it.
Your friend did not show, Madame Biscuits.
I don't even care what you call me, because that is great news.
Ah.
We did it.
[baby] Yeah, we did.
Why are you awake? Shouldn't you be sleeping peacefully?
Oh. My turn to wipe down the beach chairs.
You'd think after staying up late, pretending to have night terrors,
management would give me time off, but nope.
Pretending?
Smart thinking on the time change. Was I too obvious when I mentioned Alaska?
I thought about winking, but you caught it.
This was all fake?
I prefer to call it a faithful simulation.
I did research for this role. Took me weeks to get the shrieks right.
[shrieks]
Wait, that sounded off.
But I'm a baby who fixes things.
Hope you got your money's worth on our Help a Troubled Baby add-on.
If you'd like another round,
I was thinking I'd pretend to fear sentences that end in a question mark?
You were built on a lie, Rafty. I'm never getting off this island.
We'll be play friends forever.
[screams]
I'm Crispin Biscuits.
[baby] Yes, you are Crispin Biscuits.
Been a long night? Let's get you back, Ms. Biscuits.
Biscuits. Biscuits.
An excellent choice.
Biscuits.
Voilà. What will madame wash the biscuits down with?
[speaking French]
Juice of the apple?
Biscuits.
Uh...
If Madame Biscuits wants to drink biscuits,
then biscuits are what Madame Biscuits gets with her biscuits.
Biscuits.
But of course.
Biscuits.
Biscuits. Biscuits.
I apologize, but the biscuits sont finis. There are no more.
So if I may trouble you for payment?
Biscuits.
And, boop, there we go.
Whoa. I want you to have an amazing time here at Floaties.
- But you can't keep spending like this. - Biscuits?
Yeah, it's wild, there's a food named after you,
but I don't want you running out of money before you run out of vacation.
Money!
Yes, tell me more about the Live Free or Diet Pizza
on this expensive international call.
Have any shades that cost more?
Ooh! Bring them here, and start feeding.
That will cost extra, madame.
I sure hope so. And give yourself a nice juicy tip.
New Hampshire Pizza, you cool by me.
I cool by you?
That's cool.
Madame Biscuits, I warned you.
I am afraid you must leave Floaties at once.
Your account's funds are depleted. Beyond depleted.
You now owe us a large sum of money.
Send in your debt collectors.
Big scary types with names like Cyclone Saint Macaroni and Basement.
You have an address for me, Crispin Biscuits?
That busy workaday world tries to tell you
you should be this, shouldn't do that, and I got so mixed up.
I didn't know what I was looking for when I came to Floaties,
but what I found was me.
I make my own life.
Because I am Tina Templeton.
Nope, that's me.
- Wait. Then who am I? - [cell phone buzzes]
Hello? Messy Wings Johnson. You old bird dog.
How many moist towelettes today?
[Crispin] Of course I'm still here.
I'm known for my tenacity and patience,
even on hold.
Is the grappling hook still available in crimson?
What do you mean, my credit was declined?
"Reclaiming property due to credit overdrafts at Floaties"?
Good game, play friend.
My turnsies.
[theme music playing]
♪ Boss Baby ♪
♪ Boss Baby Tell 'em who this is ♪
♪ Boss Baby I'm a legend, mythic ♪
♪ Y'all heard the story But you know what the twist is? ♪
♪ Welcome to the family business Boss Baby ♪