Hold all my-- Whoa!
[laughing]
♪ Boss Baby ♪
♪ I'm the boss Dial in to the meeting ♪
♪ Everybody here Please, find your seating ♪
♪ While you're teething I'm sinking my teeth in ♪
♪ First one to show So I can do all my greeting ♪
♪ Profits, payrolls, and pacifiers ♪
♪ I make friends I love you, you're hired ♪
♪ So come on and raise Your juice boxes skyward ♪
♪ Boss babies until we retire ♪
- ♪ Boss Baby ♪ - ♪ Tell them who this is ♪
- ♪ Boss Baby ♪ - ♪ I'm a legend, mythic ♪
- ♪ Boss Baby ♪ - ♪ Can a baby get a witness? ♪
♪ Grab a high chair This the family business ♪
♪ Boss Baby ♪
[Pull-String CEO] I used to believe in a world of love.
[shrieks, then grumbles]
That was my first mistake.
[whirring]
[Pam] Oh, come on, baby!
[Pull-String CEO] Some say "love is a rare spice"
and that's why Grandma's marinara tastes so good.
But last I heard, Granny's punching license plates
in a Miami prison.
[shrieking]
[amplified shrieking over speakers]
And me, well...
I never liked Italian food.
Lovely to chat with you as well, Mr. Pull-String.
I assume you've brought something for the bank?
Hello, you know it.
Peep these Baby Hate numbers...
Mr. Tigglesnooks, please check today's exchange rate
for Baby Hate and transfer the appropriate earnings
to Baby Corp's account.
[Mr. Tigglesnooks meowing angrily]
Is there a problem with the numbers?
I assure you, we made a lot of people really hate babies.
No, they're still cross with me for making Baby Love worthless
and paying for Baby Hate instead.
They think it's a risky investment, and kittens hate risk.
Other than climbing tall trees, frolicking on narrow ledges,
and aggravating larger dogs, so shall we stop moaning
and play by my rules in my stolen bank, Mr. Tigglesnooks?
[cash register dings]
Ah! So generous.
We thank you and our CEO thanks you.
[Pull-String CEO] Hammerface's laid siege to a church!
Get in!
You've earned it.
Throwing your former clients under the tricycle tires?
The game has changed, and we always back the winners.
You can't run a business working for free.
[crying]
No-account baby getting coffee all over me.
Ugh. That is never coming out.
How am I supposed to-- What?
A clean sweater to cover my coffee-stained uniform?
It's not regulation, but... Aw, I forgive you.
Boring Baby's feeling that Baby Love again!
Unbelievable!
My prizewinning beauties, all ruined by a baby!
[honks]
Or was it a goose?
Well, whatever you are, I'm chasing you!
Baby Hate successfully shifted to goose.
- How's your mission? - [shrieking]
- Why's the baby gotta be loud? - Stop!
[Dez] I am deep undercover.
5Searching the incident site for the source of-- Ah-ha.
[amplified shrieking continues]
- [amplified shrieking stops] - Oh...
When she shrieks at a lower volume
that baby's pretty sweet! Right?
Thanks for lending me the high-altitude surveillance.
Been a pleasure being you.
[Boss Baby] Another day, another zero dollars.
[Tina] All for the love of Baby Love.
[babies crying]
How can I--? You know, I'll let you finish your meltdown.
Baby Corp defaced your project?
Are you sure your mom doesn't look like a hairy octopus?
Hear me out. What if we blamed one armed robbery on you?
Nope! What's our one firm rule here at Mayonnaise City?
Ugh. No Baby Hate.
- Sorry, the logo's confusing! - You designed it!
We're the only place fighting to bring these guys love.
We can't stop, no matter what it costs us.
[Simmons sobbing]
Simmons? You okay?
I'm fine, I just--
I know how short we are on cash.
You're selling your bobblehead to a collector to help us?
Oh, Simmons.
I wish it was a collector.
This guy Giancarlo Crunch makes videos of beloved toys
being crushed by monster trucks.
[gasps] Don't you dare!
No matter what it costs us.
Right?
[babies crying]
FYI, there's another 50 babies in line outside.
Looks like we're missing family dinner again.
Nobody misses family dinner.
- Ouch! - [crying]
Sorry, he pulled my leg hair.
Why would Biscuits pay out on hate instead of love?
Love has a holiday!
What does hate have, when rent's due?
He doesn't care about money. He wants to run us out of business.
No matter how many babies get hurt.
What a jerk!
Taking our house and brainwashing our pony was one thing--
- Two things! - You really wanna sass me?
Wait till I'm the one teaching you how to count to ten on your toes.
[Carol] Teach her to count?
Tina reads graphs better than I do.
What's going on?
- Um, bosses, there's a-- - JJ!
- I'll help with whatever-- - Mommy Time Coupon!
You're using it now?
Don't give me a one-time Mommy Time Coupon
if you don't expect me to use it. They'll be a minute.
Talk.
I wasn't gonna bring this up until I decided for sure,
but once we get things back to normal,
I'm thinking about retiring.
- Whoa. - Retiring?
- Like--? - Like a regular...
[coos]
So, no more dangerous missions, or skipping dinner to work overtime?
That's a big decision, Teen-bean.
When Teddy retired it was way harder than I thought it'd be.
- Really? - Yeah!
I wasn't used to you being a goo-brained blob.
I kept leaving you with outlets,
forgetting you didn't know not to poke them.
Is that why I don't have fingerprints?
That's not going to happen to you.
If you retire, your days will be filled with stories and snuggles,
and your nights will be lullabied to a peaceful sleep,
knowing Mommy loves you so much.
I could get used to that.
[baby crying]
Everything's peachy.
Go back to your dinner. [laughs]
How sure are you about this retirement thing?
Very high 90s.
I think it may be time to give Crispin what he wants.
What? Give up the business?
This keeps up, we're out of business anyway.
We make a deal, maybe Biscuits sets the bank right.
We lose our company, but we save Baby Love.
- Hmm. No. - What?
You win, we quit, business ruined!
A hornet's nest could have ruined your business.
I was hired to ruin the two of you.
Professionally, personally, utterly.
What nonsense performance metric is that? How would you know when the job's done?
I can tell you when the job's done.
When I watch the last tiny spark of hope flicker
and drain away from your weeping eyeballs.
Then our game is over.
Till then, friends!
What are you smiling about?
Because we already won!
Biscuits thinks he's gonna make us give up hope?
Us? As long as this company's got four walls around it--
[heavy thudding]
Why is there a guy taking wrecking ball swings at our office?
What?
He made a deal online with someone from Mayonnaise City!
I wish I had an idea that good.
It was me! I made the deal!
- JJ! - [thudding continues]
He's gonna knock the place down! Buy him off!
With what?
- You pay me in stock! - You're complaining?
You own 98% of the company!
Of a broke company!
I own 98% of zero!
Am I buying him off with air?
Hope he likes mayonnaise.
Why would you make that deal?
We've sold everything!
How are we supposed to stay in business?
Okay, idea.
Hear me out.
We make people hate babies.
No!
Some babies.
- No! - A few hand-selected--
No Baby Hate!
One baby--
Would you dump the wrath of an entire town
on the head of one toddling infant?
- Depends on who the infant is. - What did you just say?
Good news, wrecking ball guy agreed to take the mayonnaise.
and one last practice swing.
So help me, Bad Idea Baby is right.
- [all gasp] - What?
Why would you say it like that?
We're not making people hate babies!
No, we'll make them hate one baby.
So much that it takes the heat off the others
and earns us badly needed bank cash by the wagonload.
So let's make them hate me.
If anyone thinks these two should not be joined in wedlock by me--
Charla Lazlo, attorney-at-law, look for my ad on bus stops.
- speak now or forever plead the fifth-- - [crying]
I knew it!
This was doomed from the start! [crying]
Oh!
Who does this tailored monstrosity belong to?
That baby is banned for life!
This suit is now half-off.
- Now a moment of silence for Bill. - [spits]
[all gasping]
It was that baby!
Maybe our love is like this Neapolitan ice cream sandwich.
It'll have its nasty strawberry times and its boring vanilla times,
but if we give it a chance,
I believe there's sweet chocolate for both of us in the end.
- It's him again! - [farts]
- He farted on our love. - I hate that baby!
Ready another hate payout.
Baby Corp's been so very busy.
[Mr. Tigglesnooks meows]
What do you mean it's not Baby Corp? Who is it?
Krinkle on the Couch, the voice you trust,
now on furniture you can relate to.
We're sure about this?
You wanna get Tina to cozy, cuddling regular baby retirement?
You have no idea how much I want that.
This is how you do your part.
I'm joined by the Templetons,
a family whose baby has been terrorizing the tow-- Ow!
Teddy, no! No biting!
So, what's the skinny with your mini?
Does he act this way because you're terrible?
No, ma'am.
Look at our other children!
I know how to set the table for a formal dinner!
[all] Aw!
We're just so powerless against our terrible Teddy!
Our lives are in ruins!
Our nerves are shattered!
What do we do?
Let's ask our audience!
You in the checkerboard tank top.
It's an argyle sweater vest.
I think if the baby had some training perhaps-- [yells]
Please! I have a child store!
[Pull-String CEO] When the chips are down, mercy's a card best played in the dark.
So, what are we to do with this new prince of naughtiness?
If Boss Baby wishes to suck up all the Baby Hate,
we must tie a knot in his twisty slurp-straw.
- No! Oh, bad Teddy! - Come back here!
Teddy! How could... you?
Actually, it was this bad baby.
Your baby's there.
It's the cutie from the magazine!
- How sweet! - It is him!
"Fuzzy Feelings Digest." Must be new.
- Think they need writers? - What? I never posed with--
- Can I get a photo of him and Blizzy? - I wouldn't.
- He's rotten deep into his bones. - Nonsense!
Look at his wittle hat!
Say "cheese"!
Aw. What a sweetie.
Luxes!
We knew they would fight back.
We need to up your bad baby game.
How do we go from infantile delinquent to baby desperado?
Really make them quiver in their boots when you come-- [gasps]
Riding into town.
Hey, Precious. How's business?
[whinnies]
I've thought about you every day.
You took a journey to self-discovery
and wound up shilling for a Western-themed dental office?
"Gums A-Blazin'."
Oh, Precious.
[whinnying]
Yes, yes. Dr. Clem sounds like a real crackup. Mm-hm.
You started writing a one-act play.
We miss you and we need your help.
To take down Crispin Biscuits.
[whinnies angrily]
[lullaby playing on stereo]
When you spot him, I'll crank it, and no matter what bad thing he's doing,
everyone will be like, "Oh, the lullaby makes it--"
[Precious yells]
Whoa!
Oh, no. I just replanted after a goose incident.
I hate that baby and I have mixed feelings about that horse!
I hate that baby!
Crank the lullabies. Crank them.
- [distorted lullaby playing] - I am trying, it's broken and haunted.
[horns honking, Boss Baby laughing]
[distorted lullaby continues]
Keep trotting doughnuts, you beautiful untamed thing.
That's pure loathing as far as the eye can see.
Delaying my commute and disrespecting karaoke?
I hate that baby!
Don't you transfer that money, Mr. Tigglesnooks.
[meowing]
I don't care how much hate he earned. I want to change the rules again.
[meows]
No, I do not have a Form Z2427 filled out,
nor do I have time for--
[grumbling]
♪ Opa, opa, opa! ♪
♪ They hate you They hate you ♪
♪ Opa, opa, opa! ♪
♪ They hate your guts ♪
Simmons, I've got Giancarlo Crunch on the line.
Don't you lay a finger on my Didier. I'm buying him back.
Then I'm buying an even bigger monster truck
to crush your truck so you can know how it feels.
- How's the client backlog, Pip? - Just one baby.
And he's only here because he forgot his juice.
- [all cheering] - Great job.
Well, aren't you all happy.
Aw, did you not get to see the hope draining from these eyes?
You sure? Look closer.
Ooh. I'm a still a happy peeper.
Hmm. Yes, very amusing eyeball.
You know I'm never going to stop.
I love games with my play-friends. I could carry on forever.
How many times do you think you can beat me?
As many as we have to.
Ah. But what if I made it only once?
- What if I offered you... - [knocking on door]
one final game.
For keepsies.
Just this once more?
Then I'm all yours.
- For keepsies. - Promise you'll be careful.
Careful's my middle name.
It's Lily.
Welcome, play-friends.
Who wants to play indoor-hay-maze-water-balloon fight?
Always balloons with this guy.
Silly sourpuss, I filled these balloons with something sure to thrill you.
Reverse super-concentrated formula.
Ages any baby into an adult on contact, permanently.
Ugh. Disgusting.
But fair.
I don't want to grow up into a boring adult
any more than Tina wants to lose mommy-baby time,
or Boss Baby wants to be exposed as a grown-up fugitive.
Same danger, same amount of balloons.
But wait, two on one isn't fair at all.
- Hello, hi. - Hi, hello.
Honestly, Luxes? New low.
The game is what it is. We always back the winners.
Three on two isn't fair either.
[Pull-String CEO] Keep your reward, mayor. These pockets ain't hungry.
- Happy? - No!
Too bad, it's playtime.
Into the maze.
[both gasp]
[shouting and yelling]
I can't believe how close we are.
One good shot away from getting rid of Crispin for good.
Or one bad shot and I come home to Mommy
as some weirdo adult she doesn't recognize.
Save that for your first trip home from college.
We need to change the game.
Got any strategies for some water tanks and a rusty bucket?
- Not much here to work with. - This is for Mommy.
Tina!
All right, Crispin Biscuits, listen.
No matter how many times you come at us,
if the game is to make us lose hope, you can't win.
Hope is what we do. It's why we started our company.
[Crispin] I told you, I don't care about your business.
But that's the thing, our business cares about you.
No matter how bad you are.
We have hope because we believe no baby is beyond hope.
There's a good baby inside everyone. We can help you find yours.
Did you mean to spare us, or do you have terrible aim?
I saw it. Tina's words got to you.
Somewhere inside that cold, indifferent shell, you have a heart.
Probably just one shared, but still.
Like we said, we back winners. And Tina's speech?
It positively stank of big winner attitude.
So you're on our side now?
Hmm. Tentative. But right now you got the momentum.
Good. What's your skill set?
We are masters of the five largest Luxembourgian industries.
Banking, fashion modeling, steelwork,
animal snares involving complex rope knots--
[stammers] Let's use that last one.
Let us help you change, Crispin!
[Crispin] No, thank you. I like me, a lot.
I'm very fun.
[yells]
Is that a pull-string? [yells]
[Pull-String CEO] In every man's gut, there's a pair of junkyard raccoons.
One's got a honey ham hock, and the other hasn't eaten in days.
- Tina! - Two raccoons...
We can make the rope knot snares, but we don't control who steps into them.
[Pull-String CEO] So who do I trust?
- The one with a belly full of holiday... - Luxes! I need ammunition.
- Absolutely, sir. - What?
You double-backstabber, you switched to our side.
The game changed again. Our loyalties were tentative.
[screaming]
[Pull-String CEO] And the reason you're about to--
And there's the hope draining from your eyes.
Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
No!
[yells]
- Why is my face dripping regular formula? - What?
Guess who found a plan for the rusty bucket?
Take cover!
And guess who also mastered Luxembourg's fifth-largest industry...
acting!
Hilde, pull!
No!
[whimpering]
- You made me the bait? - [Crispin] Hello.
Can anyone tell me why I'm in an indoor hay maze with babies
and a rather puzzling bout of amnesia?
In America?
[groans]
Whee!
Oh, I missed you, chair.
Mr. Tigglesnooks can draw up the paperwork,
but you wanna do this?
We have no choice.
It's a Baby Love economy again,
and Baby Corp's reputation with babies has been,
in a word, eaten alive by bears.
[Agnes] Boss Baby, Tina Templeton.
Your company must purchase Baby Corp, or there will soon be no Baby Corp.
An attractive offer. But it's not really our call.
Someone owns 98% of our company's stock options.
Baby Corp, a Mayonnaise City Company.
I like the sound of that.
Hi! Uh, I just wanted to say you'll be in great hands with Teddy,
and, well, even though I may not remember any of it,
working with you all has been the greatest time of my life.
So, yeah, uh, there's cake.
Feeling okay? You wanna do this?
I've never felt better.
[cell phone ringing]
- Benji? - Turn it on! Channel Eight, I'm on TV!
But the real break in the case came from this British amnesia patient
with a curiously detailed back tattoo.
Would you repeat the words on your ink for the folks at home, sir?
Hi. Certainly. If it helps anyone figure out who I am.
"Fugitive embezzler Theodore Templeton
got experimental plastic surgery and is hiding out as a baby."
- Oh, no. - What?
Mommy? I--
I can't yet.
I know.
I... gotta run.
[theme music playing]
- ♪ Boss Baby ♪ - ♪ Baby ♪
- ♪ Boss Baby ♪ - ♪ Tell 'em who this is ♪
- ♪ Boss Baby ♪ - ♪ I'm a legend mythic ♪
♪ Y'all heard the story But you know what the twist is? ♪
♪ Welcome to the family business Boss Baby ♪