[assistant] Mr. Sterling always says,
"Some teams sell success. The Clippers sell hope."
What he means is we usually lose.
He says a lot of things he shouldn't.
[team owner] Who makes the game? Do I make the game? Or do they make the game?
I give them food and clothes and cars and...
[assistant] VIPs are like that.
- Hello? - [employee] Mr. Sterling, it's out.
[assistant] They think they're surrounded by nobodies.
What do you mean it's out? What's out?
[employee] Uh, the recording of you and V.
[assistant] But most of the big stars started out as nobodies.
Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team.
[staff member] Coach.
[assistant] Einstein was expelled.
It's the tape. It's out.
[assistant] And they got big in the olden days.
Now anyone can blow up in an instant.
So the dangerous thing about disrespecting a nobody,
especially one with big, big potential like me...
[newscaster] ...the owner of the Los Angeles Clippers
is facing controversy tonight
over racist comments he made in audio leaked to TMZ.
[inhales deeply]
[assistant] I'm listening.
[driver] Clippers offices?
Sure you don't wanna circle around to departures, fuck off back to Boston?
Come find me at Staples so I can enjoy the abject shock on your face
when the Clippers bring home a title this season.
- O-Okay. We'll see. - Yeah.
Hey, I'm just messing with you, man. You're a legend.
It's an honor to squire the great Doc Rivers into LA in my Prius.
Thanks, man.
Hey, can I ask you a very, very personal question?
- Off the record. - Yeah.
Why did a championship coach like you
take a job with the dogshittiest team in sports?
I like a challenge.
[sighs]
[radio host] Remember last winter's spooky story
of the body found in a hotel water tower?
Well, the LA County coroner finally revealed the cause of death today:
accidental drowning.
And another fabulous day at the beaches, a high of 82...
- [employee] Our fearless leader! - [Doc] Andy.
Sorry they forgot to get a car to LAX for you, Doc.
Interns.
Um, so the press conference isn't until this afternoon,
so what can we get you to eat for lunch?
Sushi, Indian, Indian-sushi fusion?
- Get me a bento box. - Right.
Um, Mr. Roeser... [whispers indistinctly]
Ah! Apparently we ordered a deli platter.
Deli platter okay?
You know Gary Sacks, right?
The Sack Attack. [chuckles]
EVP of player personnel and a 19-year vet.
- Glad to have you back, Coach. - Yeah, thanks.
Uh, okay, uh, Digital. [groans] HR.
Uh... Oh, and if it, uh, breaks, beeps or freezes, your eggheads in IT.
And here's King Egghead right here. Sandy, how long you been with us?
Twenty-five years, Mr. Roeser.
Twenty-five years.
Uh... Oh! Your wordsmiths in Communications, Seth Burton, VP.
Coach, I'm Seth. I, uh, I enjoy Scandinavian crime fiction.
- I've been-- - Seth, let me interrupt you.
So, 43 years as a franchise,
and the Clippers have never won a championship.
Ever.
How many times have you made it to the second round of the playoffs?
Just the second round?
Two-- U-Uh, twice.
[laughs] That's crazy.
No offense, but you guys are the worst organization in sports.
You're not here to retire with a gold watch.
You're here to win.
Why the fuck are you talking to me about longevity when you haven't won anything?
Makes me very uncomfortable.
We are going to win a championship this year, and it will change your life.
Where's my favorite coach?
- Doc! - Donald.
Bet you're glad you're out of Boston.
- [Andy chuckles] - I love Boston.
[Donald] Did Doc tell you when he used to play for me?
Well, you were here, Sandy, minus about 20 pounds of ya.
Listen, Donald, I'd like to get into some personnel issues.
Good. Andy, you wanna--
Oh, yeah, oh. Come on. Back to work.
Eh, still not one for small talk.
[Doc] I wanna make a play for JJ Redick.
He's got two offers already,
so we'll have to spend $30 million for four years.
Uh, who is this JJ? I mean, where's he from?
Free agent out of Milwaukee. He's the shooter we need.
[Andy] My sources say JJ's signing with Minnesota,
and Chris Paul already broke the piggy bank.
Uh, he's very hard to please.
[Doc] Did your sources also tell you Chris is our team captain?
Look, we can afford Redick.
What we can't afford is to get bounced out of the playoffs again in the first round.
[Donald] Okay, Doc. Okay.
My coach knows best.
Look at you.
Is that Havarti?
Mmm. Help yourself too, sweetie.
Are you trading DeAndre Jordan?
Excuse me?
This is V, my assistant.
I heard the last coach wanted to. He's expensive and he can't shoot.
Well, the last coach got fired.
DeAndre's gonna be the best defender in the league,
and personnel decisions are none of your damn business, V.
[Andy] Mmm. Yep, um, Doc, let's, uh-- let's get you fitted with a Clippers polo.
First day, so don't feel bad,
but, uh, Mr. Sterling gets upset when people don't call him Mr. Sterling.
Well, I'll call him Mr. Sterling when he calls me Mr. Rivers.
- [Andy] Where are you going? - [Doc] Bringing JJ to LA.
[guest] Is Sterling gonna freak if I order an entrée?
[Doc] Come on.
When you played for the Clippers, did you have to buy your own socks?
- No. - I read one time
Sterling tried to fire the trainer and get the coach to tape up the players.
I read he likes losing.
His philosophy being people come to the games either way
and he doesn't have to spend on salary.
You look at the Internet a lot.
Well, I'm not cheap, and I'm not going to tape up your ankles.
[chuckles]
We'll match any offer, including the socks.
JJ, you're the perimeter shooter I need.
You'll be a full-time starter, and we are winning a title.
I'm down the road with Minnesota.
Yeah, but are you the missing ingredient to a championship team in Minnesota?
[reporters clamoring] Coach! Coach!
Thanks, ladies and gentlemen. Bill, what do you got for me?
Doc, any truth to the rumor
that you're on the verge of closing a deal with JJ Redick?
[reporters murmuring]
[phone buzzes]
[automated voice] The white zone is for loading and unloading...
- Andy. - [Andy] Happy Fourth.
Plans with the family?
Yeah, just got back to Orlando.
Kids are in town.
My wife invited--
Wait, why are you calling me?
[Donald] Hello?
Hello, Andy?
It's Doc too, Donald.
[Andy] Mr. Sterling, I told Doc you changed your mind on JJ, and he's--
- He doesn't-- - What's going on, Donald?
[Donald] I've been talking to people, and they don't like JJ.
What people? Your dry cleaner?
[Donald] That's funny. He'll find another home.
[Gary] Mr. Sterling, the other teams in play for JJ filled their slots.
[Donald] Is that Gary?
Gary, if you say one more fucking word, you're fired.
What have these people been telling you about JJ, Donald?
[Donald] He's white.
I didn't know he was white.
What the fuck?
What does him being white have anything to do with it?
[Donald groans]
What is that? Are you just making a sound?
[Andy] The offer to JJ isn't papered yet, so legally we should be covered.
[Gary] We can't take back a verbal offer.
It's bad for the team's reputation.
[Donald] Gary, get off the call! You're fired.
We renege on JJ now, Donald, we'll never get another free agent again.
[Donald] Doc, Doc, Doc. Don't worry about that. I have a good reputation.
No, I have a reputation.
[Donald] What's your reputation? I'm the one. Everyone loves me.
- No, they don't. - [Donald] Excuse me?
Who are you talking to, you fucking brat? I'm your owner.
You're not my owner, because I quit.
[Donald] Quiet! You're on a choke chain, you--
[sighs]
[grunts, sighs]
[phone rings]
[Andy] Okay. Good talk. JJ's approved.
What the fuck, Andy?
Hey, look, I know people think Mr. Sterling's some kind of joke.
He wears socks and sandals, I get it.
But he built an empire. Maybe he deserves some respect.
Anyways, don't make plans for Labor Day. We'll see you at his white party.
His what?
When it's hot like this, I put my undies in the icebox
and drink a cold Clipper-tini, courtesy of Donald T. Sterling. [chuckles]
[Doc] It's a beautiful home.
We'd love to get you into a condo
until your family can join you from Florida.
Donald and I own 150 properties around town.
Hotels, a Malibu yacht club, half the apartments in Beverly Hills.
We know everybody in real estate.
Or if you need a decorating eye or a housekeeper,
I find them for a lot of the wives.
Very kind of you, Shelly. Very kind.
Yeah. Think about it.
All right.
[guest] Hi!
[Shelly] Come on, Doc.
[guests murmuring, laughing]
[Shelly chuckles]
Our little way to kick off the season.
Where's Donald?
I'll go find him.
- Don't be shy. - Yeah.
Natural light, am I right?
Uh, these-- These both looked white at home. [chuckles]
Let's give a big hand to the fabulous Clippers
and America!
USA!
[guests cheering]
Let's give a big hand to one of the finest athletes ever,
the leader of this team, el hombre himself, Blake Griffin.
[guest 1] I love you, Blake!
[Donald] And our fabulous new coach.
You're going to fall in love with him.
Let's hear it for Doc Rivers.
- [guest 2] Yeah, Doc! - [player] Come on, Coach!
- [laughs] - [guests cheering]
Thank you, Donald. Thank you, Shelly.
[guest 3] Have you two met?
[guest 4] Yeah.
[guest 5] All right. [laughs]
Yeah.
Ubuntu.
- Ubuntu. - Your motto with the Celtics.
- Yeah. -"I am great through others."
I use it at corporate retreats. It's a game changer.
- It is. It is. - Yeah.
Bad boy! Hogging Blake all to yourself.
I see a lot of pretty girls around here, Blake.
- You're pretty too, honey. - Oh.
[Donald] Come, come, come, come, come.
This is our star, Blake Griffin.
[guest] Oh, needs no introduction.
Hello, Blake.
- Good to meet you. Good to meet you. - [guest] You look younger in person.
Um, yummy. Am I drooling? [laughs]
- You're hard-core Type-A, right? - Yeah.
Got an obsessive personality. You don't wanna see my closet.
Not a hair outta place. That's the type of energy we need on this team.
Look. Look at DeAndre.
Two cosmos and a smile. You ain't gon' see me smile till we win.
One of you guys wanna tap Blake out?
You don't get led by the hand unless you wanna be led by the hand. You feel me?
Don, come meet JJ. Over here with Chris.
JJ, I am so happy that you're joining us.
And are you gonna smile, finally, now that you have your coach?
That's called a game face, Donald.
And why aren't you boys talking to all these beautiful girls?
'Cause I love my wife.
Are you all right with Donald showing you off in front of folks like this?
Yeah.
I don't know. When he does it, I just kinda pretend like my hand
is somebody else's hand and drift away a little bit.
Mm-hmm.
Any preexisting tension on the team I need to know about?
Nobody can stand the sound of Chris's voice,
but all the players agree with me about it,
so I wouldn't say it's a problem.
Okay.
Doc, it is a privilege to watch you mingle.
I knew we were gonna have a Donald problem, but Blake and Chris?
- Oh, yeah, no. They hate each other. - Yeah.
[sighs]
Keep the energy up.
And push the drink.
We over-ordered on the gin.
Hang on, honey. There.
Oh, not so much broccoli, honey. It sticks in your teeth. Hmm?
- So sorry we're late, Shelly. - [Shelly] You're not late at all.
[engine revs]
[singer] ♪ Reggae's expanding with Sly and Robbie ♪
♪ Stepping in a rhythm to a Kurtis Blow ♪
♪ Who wants to think When your feet just go? ♪
♪ Hip and a hop And a hippity-hop ♪
Are you even watching what's happening with this Obamacare mess?
What's next, free facelifts?
It's the rise of the takers.
We're falling behind in the world in innovation, in science...
- In space. - In space.
These people, they don't make anything. They don't grow our economy.
They just sit around watching the Kardashians,
and they say, "Oh, gee! Look at those girls." [chuckles]
They haven't worked a day, and they have this lifestyle.
But you can't just show up and say, "Gimme."
- Oh, my God. It's the Electric Slide! - [guest] Come on!
["Electric Boogie (The Electric Slide)" playing]
Let's just not look.
[friend 1] If that's a personal assistant, I'm Tinker Bell.
Where did Donald even meet her?
Donald's city council friend called and said,
"There's a beautiful mixed-race girl in jail with no one to bail her out,"
and I thought... [chuckles] ...he'd find her very interesting.
They met at a Super Bowl party.
Let me set her straight.
[friend 2] The problem is Donald following his little captain.
[sighs]
I fermented a tea.
- I'll bring it to you tomorrow. - Oh.
It's hibiscus.
[Shelly] V, honey! Thank you for coming.
And thank you for helping Donald these past few years,
driving him around and all that.
Don't worry about it.
You know, our lifestyle can be a lot of fun,
but the white party, that's work too.
Donald likes to be the first in the conga line, so to speak,
uh, but he counts on us to maintain a certain image.
- Do you know what I mean? - Definitely.
I've been helping Mr. Sterling a lot with his image.
Right.
What do you mean?
He speaks from the heart. That's what we love about him, right?
But we're working on his consistency.
[Donald] There's my hostess with the mostest.
Fabulous, honey.
How can V afford a Ferrari? And why is it red?
I don't know. I mean, she owned some cars. She traded 'em.
Now there's a Ferrari.
Why do you care? You wanted her to have nice things.
I said if she's going to be your assistant, she can't dress like a hoochie.
I don't like the way she looks at you.
Whatever she does for you, fine.
But why-- why show off in front of our friends, our team?
I'm curious.
- If you're so curious, ask her. - I did.
She said she's working on your consistency.
- Oh. Right. - Well, what on earth does that mean?
I'm forgetful, you know that. She keeps a record.
An audio record.
She's taping you?
Honey, I hate driving to Beverly Hills at night.
I need to go home. I've been standing all day.
My foot is hurting.
I'll tell V to look at me differently, okay?
Did you have fun?
[V] Yeah. Did you?
[Donald] Yes.
[V] Seat belt.
[phone rings]
[Doc] Hey, Ty, what time am I sitting down with Blake and Chris?
[Ty] You aren't.
[Doc] Oh, fuck.
Blake's shooting a Kia commercial. Chris has one for State Farm.
You know, where his twin sells insurance? [chuckles]
How do they come up with those? [clears throat]
You wanna go to them?
- [Shelly] What's going on at North Rodeo? - [manager] The tenant with the reptiles?
Oh, she says her asthma's acting up because of mold.
Mold? It's probably her turtle.
I want a happy building. Let's help her relocate.
Offer her place to Ms. Kwon and charge the turtle woman for new carpet.
[Donald] My bride.
Oh, hi, Mrs. Sterling. We're going down to parking.
Where are you off to?
- Uh-- - Um, Mr. Sterling has the dentist,
and then we're visiting grant candidates for the Sterling Foundation.
Homeless Rising, Para Los Niños.
Those sound very far east.
We have Nobu with the Lasordas this afternoon.
Thank you for reminding me.
♪ I love, I love, I love my calendar girl ♪
- [chuckles] - [phone chimes]
This elevator wants to go down.
Hey, can you do pick-up and take the boys to baseball?
Mr. Sterling's taking forever.
[person] I'm still at work.
I can't get to the school and the post office.
I'll get the transfer application tomorrow.
Due means due.
The transfer application has to go in today.
[person speaking Spanish]
Ugh, maybe we keep the kids where they are.
It's better not to change their routine. You might not get the duplex anyway.
Just get the transcripts, Lucy, and the teacher references.
We're going to meet the realtor now. I'll make sure we can use the address.
[Donald] No ticket. Good girl.
Why was it two hours? I thought it was only a cleaning.
Cracked filling, he said.
Oh, he drilled through my very soul.
Should we go straight to the open house?
What open house?
The duplex near the Beverly Center, remember?
The one with the white fireplace.
We don't have time for that. Go to Sunset. Go.
I don't see why we have time for this and not the open house.
If you were punctual this morning, we wouldn't be in a crunch.
We'll go next Tuesday.
They're taking offers this week.
What do you want me to do, stop time?
Fine, I'll go without you.
You like showing off a little backside, don't you?
Turn around, show me.
Is this the one we got at the Champs-Élysées?
We got it on Canon.
What do you need a house for anyway? You spend all your time at my place.
By myself, while you go off to Mrs. Sterling's.
You're mad 'cause I'm eating with her, huh?
Why don't we ever do that? Go out with Tommy Lasorda?
You wanna go out with Tommy Lasorda?
Okay, okay. Here. Gimme my phone.
[line ringing]
[Andy] Mr. Sterling.
Andy, get me two of the best tickets for the Dodgers game, plus car service.
- Sure thing. And where did you-- - Okay.
I'll go say hi to Tommy, I'll come back and pick you up.
We'll miss an inning, so what?
You happy?
[realtor] Is your husband meeting you this time?
Oh, business in Dubayy.
What do you know about Hancock Park Elementary?
Well, Redfin rates it a seven, so for LAUSD, it may as well be Juilliard, right?
[both chuckle]
But, uh, most people do private.
Are you planning a family?
We have foster kids we're in the process of adopting.
Two boys.
Hmm. Oh, well, let me know if you have questions.
Thanks.
[phone chimes]
[Blake] Honestly, I'm hurt.
Chris comes out from New Orleans, suddenly it's his team?
What has he done to earn it?
I mean, when I got drafted, this team was a joke.
Like, fans were going home at halftime because they knew we'd lose.
Nobody had expectations for us.
I'm a leader because I'm the best.
And I'm the best because God gave me the tools to achieve.
Eat the cookies last, baby. Okay?
Eat five more carrots and you can have the cookie.
I put us on the map, I put in the hard hours.
I know in Boston you had the whole Ubuntu thing.
"I'm great through others." And I'm with that.
I'm trying to teach these guys
how to succeed even when they don't wanna hear me out,
but Blake only cares about Blake being great.
I'm the only reason that we have any chance of winning this thing.
"Me, me, me." That's all I hear.
- It's really unbecoming, man. - [sighs]
Chris can't shut up, that's his style. What's it got to do with you?
His team, your team. Uh-uh, it's our team.
You keep bitching with your little State Farm mustache,
we damn sure won't go the distance.
You wanna be a leader, you better stop talking smack.
Nobody's gonna love you less because Chris is captain.
- [sighs] - Now, go get ready for your close-up.
All right, Coach. [sighs]
- I hear you, Coach. - Okay.
Stop staring at my mustache, man. Huh.
Check out this dude's eyes.
That's the wisdom of the Jurassic right there.
[chuckles] But how are you gonna take that dinosaur on the road?
You need something little, like this.
Fuck a gecko.
Chinese water dragon is the bonsai tree of the reptile world.
Helps focus the mind and tune out all that other bullshit.
Doc say that shit to you too, lecturing about your free throws?
He ain't lecture me. He said if I focus, I could be a star in my role.
So I get a beat down, you get a pep talk?
You wanna help me get centered, little buddy?
You have the biggest heart and I love you so much, and you are so strong.
You take such an incredible amount of shit from everyone,
- and you wake up every day with a smile. - [guests laugh]
And I know you're gonna make the most...
- Hey. - [Andy] V, it's Andy.
Mr. Sterling unfortunately can't join you for the game tonight.
But if you're still waiting at his house--
[Kris Jenner] This is-- All these people are here because you are so loved.
We celebrate you, Kim.
[guests cheering]
[Kris Jenner] Congratulations.
I hate baseball. You can't see anyone's faces.
Least he got us car service. So is he not buying you the duplex?
- He says he needs to see it first. - Yeah, that's a no.
Deja, he didn't say no.
Nobody in LA says no.
They go, "Let's keep talking," or they just ghost.
I promised my sister the upper unit so she can help with the kids.
It's a good school district.
Damn, girl. I hope you didn't tell him all that.
My experience with these men, they get horny off the sexy things money can buy.
Your foster kids' education? Kind of a boner jam.
Well, I don't know what to do. I have no credit.
Everything he gives me is gifts.
- I need a financial advisor. - Mmm.
Magic Johnson is over there.
What a cutie.
How come famous people glow like that?
Usually it's not happiness.
- Donald hates him. - Hates Magic?
Why? That's like hating ice cream.
I don't know. He's a Laker, he's Black and successful.
Daddy is insecure.
If I were you, I'd use that to my advantage.
[groaning] Ah. Ah.
We had the soft food conversation, Donald.
You bite down wrong, even a Dodger Dog can knock out a temp.
- What Dodger Dog? - Weren't you at the game last night?
I figured you introduced your assistant to Magic.
Here.
V and I follow each other.
Check out Magic. [chuckles]
He's got a chick on each arm.
So cool.
Why would you do that?
Are you stupid or something?
You wanna broadcast to the world that you walk around with a man like that?
I'm not broadcasting anything!
Then why are you taking pictures with minorities? Why?
You told me you were going to remove those.
- [V sighs] - You said "Yes, I understand you."
I mean, you change from day to day.
If my girl can't do what I want, I don't want the girl.
- Thanks. - [line ringing]
[automated voice] You have three new voicemails.
[caller] Hey, we keep missing each other. I had a late meeting at Spencer's school.
Nothing you need to know.
[Donald] Doc, hello? I-- I didn't hear a beep.
Uh, listen.
Chris, uh, he's always whining to the refs.
Shake it off and play the game.
You'll tell him in a way that he'll understand.
Oh, brother, did you see Rihanna at the game last night?
No bra, nipple piercings on full display.
Why do girls do that?
Don't they lose all the fabulous sensation?
LeVar Burton?
[groans, sighs]
I didn't realize you lived here.
In the sauna?
- In LA. [laughs] - [laughing]
You know the Enterprise isn't real, right? And I'm not actually blind.
- All right. All right. [chuckles] - [laughing]
- It's all good. All good. - [sighs] Ah. Mmm.
[both sigh]
You know, I-I-- I hope you don't mind my saying so,
but I'm kinda surprised you came here.
Yeah, a lot of people were.
Just feels different than I thought it would.
Played for the Clippers back in '91 under Donald Sterling.
Don't know how much you know about him.
I knew it was fucked up here.
I just didn't know I was inheriting a team of whiny little bitches.
I guess that's got something to do with Donald.
But you thought you could come back and win a crown for the clown?
As a returning conqueror, yeah.
And maybe I deluded myself a little bit.
Oh, I had it so good in Boston.
It's one of the best organizations in sports.
Everybody knows that...
and that's the problem.
[sighs] Winning there didn't feel like enough.
What is enough? Hmm? [sniffs, sighs]
I'm sorry, honey.
I'm sorry too.
So this is about your apartment, right?
It's a duplex.
Excuse me. Two apartments.
So you wanna punish me 'cause I didn't go to your stupid open house.
You can't be anyone in LA if you don't own a piece of it.
- You taught me that. - Is that so, my eager pupil?
You're my girl. I'll give you the whole city.
[grunts]
[moans]
[groans]
[sighs]
Oh, that's good.
[mumbling]
- Oh-ho-ho. This is my Pokémon drawer. - Can we have the upstairs?
Well, the upstairs is for Lucy for now,
but if you get straight A's for the next 10 years, it's all yours.
[child] Ten years? In ten years, I'll be a celebrity chef.
- Ooh. - [realtor] Ooh.
- Just-- - [V] Okay, yeah.
[realtor] Congratulations, Miss Stiviano.
- You're a homeowner. - [V chuckles] Thank you.
[Doc] Folks gave me shit for taking this job.
You Google yourselves, they make fun of you too.
Only 6% of the people in this city say the Clippers are their favorite team,
and even they've been watching our every move this season,
waiting for us to crush their dreams again.
This franchise has never even made it to the Western finals.
That means there is historical significance to what we are doing here.
This season, we're making winning look easy, but it's not.
- From tip-off, every second counts. - [all] Yeah.
[Doc] We stay in that headspace, nothing can stop us from winning a ring.
I know, people say the franchise is cursed.
There's no magic power to defeat.
All it is: we got a bad boss.
[fans cheering]
[Doc] It's no secret.
Donald is like a norovirus on a cruise ship, making everybody sick.
Taking personnel advice from some loudmouth on the street. [chuckles]
Tossing off retrograde nonsense that'd get the rest of us fired on the spot.
Incompetent leadership like that doesn't exactly inspire team spirit.
For 30 years, it's been impossible for this franchise
to budge under the weight of that man.
But our team is different. You can feel it.
[Clippers] Clips!
[Doc] A Cinderella story in the making with no fairy godmother.
We're earning our ticket to the ball.
We're ignoring the shit talk.
We embrace mind-numbing repetition.
That's why we're successful.
Life will be boring, but that's good
'cause there's a lot of road before the playoffs,
and a thousand people are gonna rattle your cage.
They cannot change your result.
Our owner cannot change your result.
We have to stay perfect, and I'm talking about Obama perfect.
- Yes! Yes! Whoo! [cheering] - [fans cheering]
[commentator] The love! The cheer!
Oh, this young team is fast becoming a title favorite.
Andy, where's V sitting tomorrow?
[Andy] Courtside, with you and Mr. Sterling.
Can't you put her somewhere else?
Girl, if I'd known you were gonna bring me all the way up here,
I would've brought my glasses.
Oh, luxury box.
Pretty exclusive, huh?
So is solitary confinement.
[cheering continues]
The family room has gotten crazy.
All us wives been upset about it.
Half the people in there I don't know.
They're just season ticket holders, honey.
When you're winning, everybody wants to be near you.
[chuckles] At least there's no groupies in the pressroom.
[sighs] Oh, this momentum, right? It's amazing.
[attendee chuckles]
I like your purse.
- Thank you. I like yours too. - Thanks.
I've been wanting one in white. Mr. Sterling gave it to me.
Huh. Hmm.
- You can't go in the pressroom. - [V] Shelly goes into the pressroom.
Don't be stupid. Who cares about going in the pressroom anyway?
You wanna talk to reporters? They're a parasite class.
You've had other girls.
I need to know I'm different.
Part of your life for real.
- Part of your team. - Jesus Christ.
I don't have anything else.
I don't have time to work on a plan B because I'm always with you.
Bergamot hand soap. Nice.
- You been wearing your orthotics? - Have you?
I refuse to be with a man that's ashamed to be seen with me.
I can go back to school.
I had two food trucks when we met.
- I'm entrepreneurial. - [podiatrist] Just a pinch.
- I may have to struggle, but-- Oh, honey. - [groans]
It's okay.
Does that hurt?
- Oh, no. Stimulates the nerves. - [stimulator beeping]
Good. Well, now you can get the fuck out of here.
[beeping continues]
V...
I can't stand the thought of you near a food truck.
All right? You're gorgeous.
How could you say I'm ashamed of you?
I love you.
Of course you're a part of my life.
Silly rabbit.
[V chuckles]
[commentator] And a very happy birthday to the fabulous V Stiviano
from her special friend, DTS.
Just 'cause somebody's desperate for attention doesn't mean you give it to 'em.
- Right, Coach? - Yeah.
Noted, Doc.
Okay.
[Shelly] Strutting the court in that green dress while our team is playing? Really?
My name is on that floor, Andy.
Uh... Uh, apparently, it's her birthday, and she only has one.
Thank God.
Uh, but, hey, at least we're winning.
Hello?
- Oh. - That's what I'm talking about.
Did you see that green dress? What the fuck was that about?
You ever seen somebody runway walk the court in an evening gown?
This year's Oscar for nastiest side piece goes to...
I wish I had tripped on it. Could've sued her for millions of dollars.
I ain't see no green dress,
but I did see DeAndre finally decide to put in some work.
See what happens when you give your boy a shot?
Excuse me? You wanna say that so the rest of the class can hear?
[DeAndre] Sure.
- Hi. I'm Chris Paul, and I'm small. - [all chuckle]
And even when people are successful, I make them feel bad about it.
- My eardrums, bro. I got tinnitus. - [all laugh]
My name is DeAndre, and my best friends are Blake Griffin and a lizard.
[all laughing]
- [Donald] Hello, boys. Having fun? - [player] What the--
I know we are, because you're winners.
- Who the fuck are these people? - Assholes.
- [Donald] Come. Come, say hi. - I'll just wait here.
Never snuck into the little boys' room before?
- They don't mind. It's a celebration! - [player 1] You see this shit?
- Andy, you're blocking the entrance. - [patron] Great game.
- That was amazing. - [Donald] Having fun? Good.
Uh, Blake, I want you to say hi to, uh, to Phillip.
He's by far the greatest oral surgeon around.
And this is my assistant, V, with the beautiful, uh, birthday gown.
Hi. We're acquainted.
Look at this guy. Look at this mug on this guy.
This could be the next Antonio Banderas...
- Antonio Banderas? - He thinks Blake's Latino.
Look at DeAndre.
Magnificent DeAndre.
What did they say about him when I drafted him?
Uh, they said he had a high bust potential.
[player 1] What the fuck do you know?
- [Donald] Go ahead, Blake, make a muscle. - [Chris] Excuse me?
This ain't the Statue of Liberty.
- Can I get some space? - Don't worry. They'll pixelate it.
Here's a question.
How long are your arms, huh?
What's-- What's your wingspan?
Um...
No, come on. You know what your wingspan is.
- You can speak. - [Doc] What the fuck is that?
A parade?
Hey, Doc, come on in.
We're just here telling these guys how fabulous they were tonight.
- Okay. Everybody out. - [player 2] Doc!
Calm down. This is my fucking team. If you don't like it, stay in your office.
[Doc] I'll calm down when you get the fuck out of here.
[Donald] Okay, Papa Bear.
I told you we shouldn't.
- Hey, Andy. - What?
- This is not a club. - I know.
I have never seen anything like this in my life.
- Alvin, have security clear the hallway. - You got it, man.
Doc, look. The season ticket holders are used to a certain amount of access.
Yeah? And I'm used to a certain amount of people acting fucking normal.
Okay.
[commentator] It's the big Christmas Day game.
[Donald] That's a flagrant foul. Did you see that?
The Green kid elbowed Blake right in the neck.
Somebody should teach him how to behave.
Did you finish reading?
No. Well, I'm on--
You give Blake a technical?
You lousy--
[phone buzzes]
Is that V?
Tell her it's Christmas.
Donald, you have to sign it before the kids get back from the movie.
- Told you I haven't finished reading it. - It's boilerplate language.
A simple update to the family trust.
Did you go to law school when I wasn't looking?
The trust is fine.
We're getting older.
I wanna make sure nobody can take advantage.
You think Gladys has a long game?
Anyone. It could be anyone.
And this "anyone" who wants to take advantage, what are they gonna do?
I can't imagine what they would do.
Rob us blind, put herself in our will.
[phone buzzing]
Would you please put that thing on silent?
It's on silent!
[buzzing continues]
Wait a minute.
Here.
There you go, Rochelle. Happy?
What are you, a basket case? What do you want?
- [door closes] - [Shelly sighs]
The jacket was a nice thought.
"Extra large."
[sighs]
[clerk] So, size four.
- [Deja] Crocodile? - [V] I already have that one.
- [Shelly] Excuse me. - [V] Cute, right?
- [Donald] Pink. Very nice. - Yeah.
[Shelly] One sec.
I told you I like them all.
Really?
Oh, incoming. Incoming.
What are you doing?
Hi, sweetie. How are you?
We're shopping for you.
- I don't believe you. - [chuckles]
I don't shop here.
- This store is for old ladies. - [Deja chuckles]
I picked that jacket out for you. You didn't like it?
What gives you the right to spend our money?
Shelly, don't make a scene.
You already made one.
You look ridiculous sitting there while these girls swipe your card.
Nobody's swiping.
What Mr. Sterling gives me is a gift from the heart.
- A gift from the heart? - Hmm.
A Ferrari is a gift from the heart? You're a thief, that's what you are.
What would your mother think of you?
Don't talk about my mother, witch.
V, don't call names.
She's the Wicked Witch of the West.
Are you just going to sit there while she threatens me?
Can we go? Okay? Let's go outside.
I don't need to threaten you. Mr. Sterling loves me.
I'm going to be the next Mrs. Sterling.
You're history.
You're dust. [blows]
- [patron 1] Unbelievable. - [patron 2] Right?
[patron 3] It's a spicy aioli. It's really good.
[patrons murmuring]
What in the world?
♪ When you're down and troubled ♪
Oh!
♪ And you need some lovin' care ♪
He bought her a house.
- [friend 1] No! - He did.
He did.
I used a forensic-- a forensic--
I hired somebody to follow the money.
- He bought her a duplex. - [chuckles]
Is she going to be a landlord?
- My girlfriend lives on the same street. - [Shelly] Uh-huh.
- It's a party house. - Oh.
V has gangbangers over every night, playing loud music and laughing.
But why is she called V? Is she a singer?
[friend 2] It's an alias.
She's had other names.
Vanessa, Maria, Monica...
[laughs] Monica. That's good.
I mean, if she lived in India, she'd be an untouchable.
Now, now, David Duke.
- Well, who would wanna have sex with that? - They're not having sex.
I'm sorry.
I thought I could get the V situation under control.
You all know Donald has had other assistants before.
Yeah. It's never fun.
Usually, I don't have to look at 'em.
It's a little bit of respect I need.
But V-- she shops at my store,
she strolls onto my court like I'm not even there.
- That happens when you turn 60. - Mmm.
People cut in line at the Gelson's even when your cart is right there.
Yeah. It's been like that my whole life.
Donald and I decided on the name "Sterling" together.
We bought the Clippers together.
Every property we acquired, we got together.
But it's Donald's first name on all of our buildings.
It's Donald they call the owner of our team.
I tell myself she couldn't take my place, but who would stop her?
No one knows I'm there.
But if you had been born 20 years later, you would have done it all on your own.
You are a double Virgo.
- [chuckles] - You have plans the day after tomorrow.
Eh...
- Look at your legs. - [friend 2] Hmm.
- Perfection. - [friend 2] Woo-woo!
You are going to live another quarter of a century.
You deserve more than a little bit of respect.
You deserve it all.
Working for Red Bull must be so rewarding.
The Clippers are such a fit for our mission,
- I just show up and eat the chicken. - [laughs]
So, what's your role with the organization?
Philanthropic Director of the Donald T. Sterling Charitable Foundation.
I work with corporate sponsors such as yourself and target grand recipients.
$10,000 to the United Negro College Fund, $5,000 to the NAACP--
5,000? Wow.
In May, Mr. Sterling is receiving a humanitarian award from the president.
See?
- Well, the president of the LA chapter. - [chuckles]
Did-- Did he take that ad out for himself?
Well, how does anyone know about your achievements if you don't advertise them?
Everyone does it.
[process server] Ms. Stiviano?
Legal documents for you, ma'am.
Yikes.
[commentator] Oh, me, oh, my!
Your LA Clippers are going to the playoffs!
[fans cheering]
[Doc] Whoever bet against us is gonna be crying tonight.
Nothing changes! Nothing changes!
We move the ball, we make our shots, we keep our momentum.
- Yes? All right. - [all murmuring]
- [Chris] Clippers on three. - On three. One, two, three.
[all] Clippers!
[player] Yeah, baby.
Knock-knock.
Is everyone decent?
[commentator] The LA Clippers thank you for your attendance
and encourage you to arrive home safe.
[line ringing]
We are so proud.
[phone buzzing]
[Donald] JJ, what a shooter you are.
And, DeAndre, I-- I love to see you shine.
[line ringing]
[commentator] Thank you so much for your attendance.
The Clippers are deeply grateful to all of you for your support.
And Chris. Oh, Chris.
You are a fabulous leader.
Thank you for coming, Donald. Shelly.
[V pants]
How can she sue me?
[pants]
V dropped me off. I need to call her.
- I took care of V. - Oh.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, oh, my God.