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[Tommy] Attend the tale of Dick Turpin,
2
00:00:09,469 --> 00:00:13,473
the most "legendariest" highwayman
Essex has ever known.
3
00:00:13,473 --> 00:00:17,644
He bravely battled
thieftakers, outwitted witches,
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00:00:17,644 --> 00:00:21,856
and became a hero
to all who heard his name. Until...
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he was revealed to be a big, wimpy coward
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who hated Hempstead and hated all of you.
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Especially the women and children.
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[jeering]
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Total lies.
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Dick loved women and children.
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And he never stood on us.
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I miss not being stood on.
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But fear not, for I, Tommy Silversides,
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am a true highwayman of the people.
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- Don't touch me.
- [villagers cheering]
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See?
17
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Didn't take long
for them to turn on Turpin.
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[stammers] They haven't turned on him.
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They're just distracted by that stupid,
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gorgeous, irresistible idiot, Tommy.
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And it's your job
to ensure they stay that way.
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And if I do,
promise me you won't kill him.
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- Yes, yes. We've been over all this.
- Or torture him.
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Darling, it's a torture dungeon.
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There's bound to be a little torture.
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Promise me, Mum.
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[groans]
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I promise not to torture
or murder Dick Turpin.
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- Happy?
- Yes, thank you. [sighs]
30
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Oh, I do miss
these mother-daughter bonding times.
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- [chuckles]
- [groans]
32
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[gasps] Oh, we should do a spa day.
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- [chuckles]
- [crowd cheering]
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[Tommy] Guys, stop.
You're embarrassing me. No more.
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[groans] Three cheers
for our heroic new highwayman!
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- [crowd] Hooray!
- You are too kind.
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Get out of here. Turn around.
Seriously, I hate being touched.
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[theme music playing]
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[prisoners clamoring]
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[keys jingling]
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[Dick] Looks better already.
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[groans] Oh, knickers. Not you again.
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[chuckles]
Geoffrey, you're my first visitor.
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Have you brought me a cake
with a file hidden inside it?
45
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Not for the bars.
Just my nails are out of control.
46
00:02:37,826 --> 00:02:39,494
- [chuckles]
- I'm your guard.
47
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After all that witch malarkey,
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I went into the private sector
to get away from idiots like you,
49
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so this is just my luck.
50
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Geoffrey, I'm really glad you're here.
Is this definitely the cell booked for me?
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Not a more spacious one with an en suite?
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There is an en suite.
That bucket over there. Look.
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When it rains, the ceiling leaks
so, you know, that's basically a shower.
54
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- Shower, just for me?
- No, no. All the other lads as well.
55
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What's the food like?
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Ooh. Uh, there's a bit of dried moss
on that back wall, if you fancy it.
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Goody. I'll have a lick later.
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So, I'm sure my gang
are on their way to save me,
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but just in case,
is there an escape route?
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Nah, nah. No, no escaping, Turpin.
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That's why they call this place
"Your Annoying Second Cousin's Wedding."
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'Cause no matter how hard you try,
there's just no getting out of it.
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[scoffs]
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- Ta-ra, mate.
- Where you going?
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Oh. Ironically,
it's my second cousin's wedding.
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So... [groans]
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[sighs]
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{\an8}Welcome to your first evaluation meeting.
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{\an8}I can see you all
received your new uniforms.
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{\an8}You're gonna look superb
in the background. Especially you, Nell.
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Save it, Tommy.
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You can flatter me all you like.
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Yeah, you can bat those beautiful eyes.
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You can even kiss me.
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It won't work.
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I dare you to kiss me.
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Kiss me, please.
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- Kiss me. Here.
- Nell, that's weird.
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Mr. Silversides. [chuckles] Tommy.
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Mr. Silversides.
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- Not that these uniforms aren't great...
- Mm-hmm.
82
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...but, uh,
do you have anything more loose-fitting?
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Dick always said clothes are a way
of expressing your individuality, right?
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00:04:06,623 --> 00:04:11,169
Why on earth would I want you
to express your individuality? No.
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I want you to play your designated roles.
86
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- [sighs]
- Moose, the violent heavy.
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[sighs]
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Honesty, the brainless psychopath.
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And Nell, the woman.
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Okay, I-I'm not brainless,
and Nell's not a woman.
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Well, I... I am a woman.
92
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But I'm not the woman.
93
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You know... Well, okay,
technically, I am the only woman here.
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So, in a sense, I am the woman,
but I... What does that even mean?
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It means that you roll your eyes at
the wacky, hilarious things the boys say.
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Well, I won't be rolling them much then.
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[both laugh]
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Yes, you will, so give it a try.
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[sighs]
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- Uh-uh. More.
- [sighs]
101
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[Tommy] No. More. I want full circles.
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If I do it any more,
I'll detach my retinas.
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Then detach them.
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- What?
- [Moose] Please, Mr. Silversides.
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This isn't how we did things with Dick.
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[sighs] He taught us to be kind and free
and true to who we are.
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Yeah, but I hate who you are.
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- I mean, it's nothing personal.
- Mmm. That does sound quite personal.
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Oof. Are you missing him?
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- Yeah.
- You wanna leave?
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- Mmm, little bit.
- Okay. Off you go.
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But how long do you think a stupid lump
like you would survive alone out there
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before being ground up into piggy feed?
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Lump?
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Look, Nell, say something.
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Just do what he says, guys.
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Tommy's the leader now, so...
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Thank you, the woman.
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Much better, Nell.
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Okay, maintain eye contact.
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Five, six, seven, eight.
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Round! Work those hips. Feel the burn.
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Keep pushing down.
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Forward. Back. Forward. Back.
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One. Double-time.
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[panting]
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Faster, faster, faster, faster, faster.
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- [Honesty] Hands in the air.
- [Nell] Don't move!
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- [Moose] This is a robbery.
- [Honesty] Stand and deliver.
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Come on! Projection! Enunciation!
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This is a performance.
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Give it some oomph.
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♪ It's Tommy
Tommy, Tommy, Tommy Silversides ♪
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It's flat. It's flat!
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It's flat.
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Can you not hear yourselves?
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Again.
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[whines] What are you doing? Guys, stop.
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What are you doing?
You're not robbing me again, are you?
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Hey! I thought we were friends!
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Sorry, Craig. Boss's orders.
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Hey, don't go in that drawer!
That's my private drawer!
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- It's private!
- Not anymore.
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[whimpers]
145
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I've reported you to the Warlock Council
for unlicensed enchanting.
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Oh, yeah? No worries.
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Say good night, my friend.
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- Sleep bomb!
- [glass shatters]
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[fizzling]
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[whines]
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Give it a little minute.
It might still work.
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- Get him out.
- Moose! Honesty! [whimpers]
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What am I gonna do for money?
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You can't do this. Where's Dick?
155
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[Tommy] Thank you for coming.
156
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It's people like you who inspire me
to just keep robbing people like you.
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[chuckles]
158
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I've just found my next target.
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[snoring]
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[John] I should've known when you became
a highwayman, you'd end up behind bars.
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[grunts]
162
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Dad, am I really here?
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Or am I hallucinating?
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I've only eaten moss for a week.
165
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You're dreaming, Son.
166
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I'm just a pig-meat of your imagination.
167
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Yeah, this must be a dream.
168
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There's no way
you'd eat a carrot in real life.
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00:07:46,134 --> 00:07:48,136
You let fame get to your head, Son.
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Didn't listen to your gang
when they warned you of the danger,
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and now they're out there alone.
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- I know. I'm a bit worried about them.
- I wouldn't be.
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If they really cared,
they would've rescued you by now.
174
00:07:59,105 --> 00:08:01,107
But it's not that simple.
They don't know where I am.
175
00:08:01,107 --> 00:08:03,193
If they really cared,
they would've found out where you are.
176
00:08:03,193 --> 00:08:04,611
Well, should we give them a bit more time?
177
00:08:04,611 --> 00:08:06,321
- Yeah, but if they really cared...
- Yeah, all right.
178
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They don't care. I'm getting it.
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Listen, my gang will find me,
and they'll rescue me,
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and then Dick Turpin will ride again.
181
00:08:14,955 --> 00:08:16,581
I mean, it'll be slightly harder.
182
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I'm just a head now, but I'll find a way.
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00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:19,417
[swans honking]
184
00:08:19,417 --> 00:08:21,002
[Dick] Carol and Sue.
185
00:08:21,002 --> 00:08:22,796
Benny, what are you doing here?
186
00:08:22,796 --> 00:08:25,340
This is the weird bit before you wake up.
187
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{\an8}The Ruin. Economic hub of Hempstead.
188
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{\an8}It is the perfect target.
189
00:08:36,058 --> 00:08:40,230
{\an8}High cash turnover,
multiple income streams, run by a child.
190
00:08:40,230 --> 00:08:43,733
{\an8}Yeah, I mean, we can't rob The Ruin.
It's the only decent pub around.
191
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Plus, Little Karen is our friend.
192
00:08:46,695 --> 00:08:48,029
Right, guys?
193
00:08:48,029 --> 00:08:50,115
You were right before, Nell.
194
00:08:50,115 --> 00:08:52,492
We should just listen to Tommy.
195
00:08:52,492 --> 00:08:54,578
Tommy's a wise leader.
196
00:08:54,578 --> 00:08:55,912
Wh-What have you done to them?
197
00:08:55,912 --> 00:08:58,748
I've just won them round
with my charismatic leadership.
198
00:08:58,748 --> 00:09:00,292
And I don't let them sleep.
199
00:09:00,292 --> 00:09:02,794
But Moose needs 16 hours a day
to function.
200
00:09:02,794 --> 00:09:04,379
He's like a basset hound.
201
00:09:04,379 --> 00:09:05,881
No, he needs to do what I say.
202
00:09:05,881 --> 00:09:08,174
What's this, Moosey?
There's a good boy. Yes.
203
00:09:08,174 --> 00:09:09,593
Ah. Gently.
204
00:09:09,593 --> 00:09:11,303
- [snorts]
- There we are.
205
00:09:11,303 --> 00:09:12,804
See that? I'm the big-boy leader.
206
00:09:12,804 --> 00:09:15,098
Numéro un. That's French again.
207
00:09:15,098 --> 00:09:16,975
Come on now, give in, yeah?
208
00:09:17,475 --> 00:09:20,520
Let these Silver-suds wash over you.
209
00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:21,605
[breathes shakily]
210
00:09:22,439 --> 00:09:23,273
No.
211
00:09:23,273 --> 00:09:25,483
I will not be Silversudded.
212
00:09:25,483 --> 00:09:28,153
We are nice highwaymen with panache.
213
00:09:28,737 --> 00:09:30,155
Low violence, high pay.
214
00:09:30,822 --> 00:09:32,365
Oh, my God. What have I become?
215
00:09:32,365 --> 00:09:33,658
You know the deal, Nell.
216
00:09:34,451 --> 00:09:37,203
You got a problem, take it up with Mummy.
217
00:09:53,178 --> 00:09:54,888
[Nell] Mum, I need to talk to you.
218
00:09:54,888 --> 00:09:59,017
[stammers] Shoes!
It's an Axminster rug. We know this.
219
00:09:59,017 --> 00:10:00,101
[scoffs]
220
00:10:05,857 --> 00:10:07,067
Oh, God.
221
00:10:07,943 --> 00:10:09,694
Tommy wants us to rob The Ruin.
222
00:10:09,694 --> 00:10:12,781
- Don't shout. Inside voice, please.
- [sighs] Okay.
223
00:10:12,781 --> 00:10:15,158
[faintly] Tommy wants us to rob The Ruin.
224
00:10:15,158 --> 00:10:16,451
Now I can't hear you at all.
225
00:10:16,451 --> 00:10:19,037
[normal] Tommy wants us to rob The Ruin.
226
00:10:19,037 --> 00:10:20,664
I don't want to shock you, darling,
227
00:10:20,664 --> 00:10:23,708
but criminals
do tend to do a little bit of crime.
228
00:10:23,708 --> 00:10:26,294
That pub is the heart of the village.
229
00:10:26,294 --> 00:10:27,879
The alcohol is the blood.
230
00:10:27,879 --> 00:10:30,715
The... [stammering]
231
00:10:30,715 --> 00:10:33,176
That's where that metaphor ends.
232
00:10:33,176 --> 00:10:35,971
But... [sighs] ...rob that pub,
and Hempstead's done.
233
00:10:35,971 --> 00:10:37,556
Yes, and then we move on.
234
00:10:37,556 --> 00:10:40,725
Did you really think
our plans ended with Hempstead?
235
00:10:40,725 --> 00:10:45,146
Soon we'll have a Tommy Silversides
in every county.
236
00:10:45,146 --> 00:10:50,819
A network of celebrity highwaymen,
all heralded as folk heroes
237
00:10:50,819 --> 00:10:53,029
whilst robbing
the great British public blind.
238
00:10:53,029 --> 00:10:56,241
Well, you will never find
enough highwaymen willing to work for you.
239
00:10:56,241 --> 00:10:57,659
I don't need highwaymen, darling.
240
00:10:57,659 --> 00:10:59,327
Where do you think I got Tommy?
241
00:11:01,580 --> 00:11:04,499
Wait, he's... he's... [stammers]
242
00:11:04,499 --> 00:11:07,460
That's right. Which is why I need you.
243
00:11:07,460 --> 00:11:10,547
Well, the only person I wanna work for
is Dick Turpin.
244
00:11:10,547 --> 00:11:12,591
Yes, but this time tomorrow,
he'll be dead, so...
245
00:11:12,591 --> 00:11:14,759
[gasps] Oh, I didn't mean to say that.
246
00:11:14,759 --> 00:11:18,847
[scoffs, stammers]
You promised me you wouldn't kill him.
247
00:11:18,847 --> 00:11:21,474
[clicks tongue, scoffs] This is so unfair!
248
00:11:21,474 --> 00:11:23,643
But I have to, darling.
249
00:11:23,643 --> 00:11:25,228
He is too good an influence on you.
250
00:11:25,228 --> 00:11:28,148
Look at you.
Sensitive, empathetic, morally pure.
251
00:11:28,148 --> 00:11:30,191
[scoffs] I am worried.
252
00:11:30,191 --> 00:11:32,068
I will not let you do this.
253
00:11:32,068 --> 00:11:34,446
[clicks tongue] Oh, sweetie.
254
00:11:36,239 --> 00:11:37,365
Try and stop me.
255
00:11:38,074 --> 00:11:39,075
[scoffs]
256
00:11:43,747 --> 00:11:44,789
Oh. Oh, dear.
257
00:11:44,789 --> 00:11:45,916
[gasping]
258
00:11:48,710 --> 00:11:49,794
Yeah.
259
00:11:54,132 --> 00:11:55,634
[Geoffrey] Oi, Turpin, wake up!
260
00:11:56,384 --> 00:11:58,011
What the bloody hell's happened to you?
261
00:11:58,011 --> 00:12:01,264
How have you grown that thing so quickly?
Only been in here a week.
262
00:12:01,264 --> 00:12:03,016
What, this? It's not real, is it?
263
00:12:03,516 --> 00:12:05,185
I made this out of rats' eyelashes.
264
00:12:05,185 --> 00:12:06,937
[chuckles] I mean, traditionally,
265
00:12:06,937 --> 00:12:09,397
people think of the rat
as being quite an ugly creature,
266
00:12:09,397 --> 00:12:12,400
but up close, they've got quite beautiful,
long eyelashes.
267
00:12:13,693 --> 00:12:16,446
Anyway, some light reading for you.
268
00:12:16,446 --> 00:12:19,407
[sniffles] Yeah, looks like your gang
aren't missing you at all, are they?
269
00:12:19,407 --> 00:12:21,868
[laughs] You're not going anywhere.
270
00:12:21,868 --> 00:12:23,411
This couldn't get any worse.
271
00:12:23,411 --> 00:12:26,498
- [thunder rumbles, crashes]
- Ooh!
272
00:12:27,374 --> 00:12:29,042
Shower time, you monsters!
273
00:12:29,042 --> 00:12:30,919
One block at a time!
274
00:12:30,919 --> 00:12:32,963
- [prisoners clamoring]
- [sighs] They're on their way.
275
00:12:35,382 --> 00:12:38,718
{\an8}I'm telling you guys,
Tommy is not who he says he is.
276
00:12:38,718 --> 00:12:40,387
Oh, Nell.
277
00:12:40,387 --> 00:12:44,182
We were in denial too
before we accepted the truth.
278
00:12:44,182 --> 00:12:45,976
Dick just wasn't that into us.
279
00:12:46,685 --> 00:12:48,144
Shut up, you idiots.
280
00:12:48,144 --> 00:12:49,229
Look.
281
00:12:49,229 --> 00:12:51,481
[Tommy]
That is not how it's supposed to go.
282
00:12:51,481 --> 00:12:54,943
You somersault up into the tree,
grab a branch, then I drop down.
283
00:12:54,943 --> 00:12:57,028
You have got to be out of sight.
284
00:12:57,028 --> 00:12:58,572
Otherwise, they'll see it wasn't me.
285
00:12:58,572 --> 00:13:00,323
I absolutely apologize.
I'm sorry, Mr. Silversides.
286
00:13:00,323 --> 00:13:03,201
Not good enough.
Hair and makeup, come. Come.
287
00:13:03,201 --> 00:13:05,704
Right, this wig, it is itchy,
288
00:13:05,704 --> 00:13:08,456
badly fitted,
and not nearly swishy enough.
289
00:13:08,456 --> 00:13:10,292
I need it to swish like Dick's.
290
00:13:10,292 --> 00:13:11,543
Give me Dick swish.
291
00:13:11,543 --> 00:13:14,379
Away. Isabelle. Reginald. Priscilla.
292
00:13:15,005 --> 00:13:18,425
I need to see genuine amazement
when we reach the next village.
293
00:13:18,425 --> 00:13:20,051
Gasps when you see me.
294
00:13:20,051 --> 00:13:21,303
Show me right now. Show me.
295
00:13:21,303 --> 00:13:23,346
- [gasps] Wow.
- Who is he?
296
00:13:23,346 --> 00:13:24,431
- Oh, wow!
- Incredible!
297
00:13:24,431 --> 00:13:26,975
No, no, no, no, no.
God, what do I pay you for?
298
00:13:26,975 --> 00:13:28,643
Where's the truth? Look at me!
299
00:13:30,312 --> 00:13:32,147
[exclaiming]
300
00:13:32,147 --> 00:13:35,025
[stammers]
Twenty-five years I've been acting.
301
00:13:35,025 --> 00:13:36,401
Man, boy and baby.
302
00:13:36,401 --> 00:13:39,404
You know what they used to say about me?
God, I can still hear it now:
303
00:13:39,404 --> 00:13:43,199
"Child Star Shines As Murdered Infant."
304
00:13:43,199 --> 00:13:45,160
So I know what I'm talking about,
you guys.
305
00:13:45,785 --> 00:13:48,288
[breathes deeply] Everyone take five.
306
00:13:48,288 --> 00:13:49,831
I'm gonna be in my trailer.
307
00:13:49,831 --> 00:13:51,708
His name's not even Tommy Silversides.
308
00:13:51,708 --> 00:13:52,876
It's Albert Crumb.
309
00:13:52,876 --> 00:13:57,422
{\an8}If he's an actor,
this means Dick didn't actually leave us.
310
00:13:57,422 --> 00:13:59,466
[chuckles] He still loves us.
311
00:13:59,466 --> 00:14:01,134
- Yes.
- Tommy faked everything.
312
00:14:01,134 --> 00:14:03,094
- Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- The fans, the stunts,
313
00:14:03,094 --> 00:14:04,471
- pretending to fancy you.
- Yes.
314
00:14:04,471 --> 00:14:05,388
He didn't fake that.
315
00:14:05,388 --> 00:14:08,683
No, he was, um... [clicks tongue]
he was actually quite taken aback by me.
316
00:14:08,683 --> 00:14:12,354
Yeah. That happens a lot with me and guys.
317
00:14:12,354 --> 00:14:13,438
What can you do?
318
00:14:13,438 --> 00:14:15,732
But wait. How come you know all this?
319
00:14:15,732 --> 00:14:17,943
There's a lot I need to tell you. Come on.
320
00:14:17,943 --> 00:14:20,987
Hello? Is anyone going to help me down?
321
00:14:22,447 --> 00:14:24,699
{\an8}[Moose]
So, your mom's the head of the Syndicate?
322
00:14:25,450 --> 00:14:26,493
You lied to us.
323
00:14:26,493 --> 00:14:28,870
You betrayed your own gang.
324
00:14:29,454 --> 00:14:33,875
It's gonna take quite some time
for me to ever trust you again, Nell.
325
00:14:38,213 --> 00:14:42,926
- Okay. I'm ready. Now, where's Dick?
- He's in a secret Syndicate prison.
326
00:14:42,926 --> 00:14:46,680
So secret they have to blindfold
the horses that ride there.
327
00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:49,975
We should still ask the horses anyway.
Just in case they've heard anything.
328
00:14:49,975 --> 00:14:53,353
Sounds like you guys
need a man on the inside.
329
00:14:53,353 --> 00:14:55,438
It's the name
of the cocktail that I've just created
330
00:14:55,438 --> 00:14:59,859
because it has a tiny little man
on the inside.
331
00:14:59,859 --> 00:15:01,528
Mmm. I think that's a frog.
332
00:15:01,528 --> 00:15:02,737
Just give it a second.
333
00:15:06,241 --> 00:15:08,159
- Yeah, what are you doing here, Craig?
- Me?
334
00:15:08,159 --> 00:15:11,913
Oh, uh, Little Karen hired me after
you lot and Tommy put me out of business.
335
00:15:11,913 --> 00:15:13,164
So I work here now.
336
00:15:13,164 --> 00:15:15,083
By the way,
you know my name's not actually Craig?
337
00:15:15,083 --> 00:15:17,210
I just call myself Craig
'cause it sounds more "warlock-y."
338
00:15:17,210 --> 00:15:18,712
My real name is so boring.
339
00:15:18,712 --> 00:15:20,338
It's, uh, Balthazar the Magnificent.
340
00:15:20,338 --> 00:15:21,423
Right.
341
00:15:21,423 --> 00:15:23,925
Get back to work, Craig.
It's only a trial shift.
342
00:15:23,925 --> 00:15:25,051
[whimpers] Sorry, boss.
343
00:15:25,051 --> 00:15:29,598
Look, if you guys really wanna find Dick,
then you need an in.
344
00:15:29,598 --> 00:15:31,474
Like how I've got this job
with Little Karen.
345
00:15:31,474 --> 00:15:32,851
It's a hookup. Right, boss?
346
00:15:32,851 --> 00:15:35,270
[shouting]
Why are there frogs everywhere, Craig?
347
00:15:35,270 --> 00:15:36,521
Sorry, boss.
348
00:15:36,521 --> 00:15:39,107
I actually can't believe I'm saying this,
but Balthazar is right.
349
00:15:39,107 --> 00:15:41,026
- It's "Craig."
- We need an in.
350
00:15:41,026 --> 00:15:43,945
Nell, we don't know
anyone else in the Syndicate.
351
00:15:45,447 --> 00:15:47,282
Except... Well...
352
00:15:47,949 --> 00:15:48,783
Of course!
353
00:15:48,783 --> 00:15:50,201
- Yes!
- [Moose] Let's go!
354
00:15:50,201 --> 00:15:51,536
[stammers] Moose, uh, uh, uh,
355
00:15:51,536 --> 00:15:53,830
just tell me on the way because
I don't know what we're talking about.
356
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:09,638
All right, Turpin,
time to get you tortured.
357
00:16:09,638 --> 00:16:11,348
Tortured? What for?
358
00:16:11,348 --> 00:16:14,226
It's a nice little parting gift
from Helen Gwinear.
359
00:16:16,686 --> 00:16:19,439
This one's a bit of a celebrity
by all accounts,
360
00:16:19,439 --> 00:16:21,691
so give him the full VIP treatment.
361
00:16:22,442 --> 00:16:24,569
"Very Invasive Probing."
362
00:16:26,029 --> 00:16:27,030
Enjoy.
363
00:16:29,157 --> 00:16:32,619
Yeah. Now's not a great time for me.
Perhaps we could reschedule.
364
00:16:38,875 --> 00:16:40,794
- Hello, Turpin.
- [gasps]
365
00:16:40,794 --> 00:16:42,879
Hey, Dick. Cool cell.
366
00:16:42,879 --> 00:16:45,549
J-dog? Christopher? What a surprise!
367
00:16:45,549 --> 00:16:49,302
Your gang paid me a visit.
Told me about your incarceration.
368
00:16:50,679 --> 00:16:54,766
It delighted me,
the prospect of you rotting in a cell.
369
00:16:54,766 --> 00:16:56,977
It made me feel warm and fuzzy.
370
00:16:57,852 --> 00:17:01,690
But now that I'm here, can I just say
371
00:17:01,690 --> 00:17:05,401
- it's so wonderful to see you.
- [Christopher] Dad.
372
00:17:05,401 --> 00:17:07,612
You're looking very svelte.
Have you lost weight?
373
00:17:07,612 --> 00:17:09,322
- Dad!
- I'm on that new moss diet.
374
00:17:09,322 --> 00:17:11,741
- Dad!
- One moment. What is it, darling?
375
00:17:11,741 --> 00:17:15,078
- I found a dead beetle.
- Oh, look at that.
376
00:17:15,078 --> 00:17:17,706
Yes, you did. Well done.
377
00:17:17,706 --> 00:17:19,623
Daddy loves you. [chuckles]
378
00:17:19,623 --> 00:17:22,669
You see, since our dalliance in London,
379
00:17:22,669 --> 00:17:27,424
I've been on a journey
of mindfulness and self-care.
380
00:17:28,132 --> 00:17:31,553
And my relationship
with Christopher has never been better.
381
00:17:31,553 --> 00:17:33,221
And it's all down to you.
382
00:17:33,221 --> 00:17:37,809
Oh, by the way, would you mind
giving the occasional pained howl?
383
00:17:37,809 --> 00:17:40,520
- Let them know that I'm doing something.
- Course.
384
00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:44,441
Oh, my eyes! Please!
385
00:17:44,441 --> 00:17:49,362
And, um, to repay you, on our way out,
I might just leave the door open.
386
00:17:49,362 --> 00:17:50,989
I'd actually prefer it if it was closed.
387
00:17:50,989 --> 00:17:53,450
When it's closed,
I just feel a little bit more cozy.
388
00:17:53,450 --> 00:17:56,369
I'm helping you escape, you idiot.
[stammers] Dick.
389
00:17:57,245 --> 00:17:59,915
Hmm, I don't know.
390
00:17:59,915 --> 00:18:01,917
Maybe I don't want to escape.
391
00:18:01,917 --> 00:18:03,043
What's the point?
392
00:18:03,043 --> 00:18:05,837
I can't beat Tommy anyway.
He's incredible.
393
00:18:05,837 --> 00:18:10,634
[sighs] Even my hair has started to look
lank, lifeless, depressed.
394
00:18:10,634 --> 00:18:12,219
It's exactly the same.
395
00:18:12,219 --> 00:18:13,887
I mean, how is that even possible?
396
00:18:13,887 --> 00:18:16,014
Maybe my gang are better off with Tommy.
397
00:18:16,514 --> 00:18:17,933
Maybe I'm not a great highwayman.
398
00:18:17,933 --> 00:18:22,187
Listen, Turpin,
you are a terrible highwayman.
399
00:18:22,187 --> 00:18:24,522
Oh. Thought I was gonna get
some sort of pep talk.
400
00:18:24,522 --> 00:18:27,859
- But you did rob the Unrobbable Coach...
- Mmm.
401
00:18:27,859 --> 00:18:29,778
- ...steal Syndicate gold...
- True.
402
00:18:29,778 --> 00:18:33,823
...and you're the only highwayman ever
to avoid my noose.
403
00:18:33,823 --> 00:18:34,824
[chuckles]
404
00:18:34,824 --> 00:18:39,037
Well, that might make you
the best bad highwayman there's ever been.
405
00:18:39,037 --> 00:18:41,164
Don't swap my nipples!
406
00:18:42,415 --> 00:18:47,712
You're not going to beat Tommy Silversides
by being Tommy Silversides.
407
00:18:48,755 --> 00:18:52,050
You're only gonna do that by being...
408
00:18:53,718 --> 00:18:54,844
Dick Turpin.
409
00:18:56,137 --> 00:18:57,138
You're right.
410
00:18:57,722 --> 00:18:59,140
Dick Turpin's great.
411
00:19:00,100 --> 00:19:01,309
And I'm Dick Turpin.
412
00:19:02,394 --> 00:19:04,229
I'm gonna go and win my gang back.
413
00:19:04,229 --> 00:19:05,355
And when you do...
414
00:19:05,355 --> 00:19:08,400
[stammers] Just cover your ears
for a moment, Christopher, my darling.
415
00:19:09,484 --> 00:19:13,738
You find that stuck-up harpy
Helen Gwinear, and you take her down.
416
00:19:14,573 --> 00:19:17,242
I miss my life of crime every moment.
417
00:19:17,242 --> 00:19:20,203
I need you to make her pay.
418
00:19:21,663 --> 00:19:23,456
Anyway, so lovely catching up.
419
00:19:23,456 --> 00:19:26,251
[chuckles]
You're a complicated guy, Wilde-style.
420
00:19:26,251 --> 00:19:27,377
But thanks. [sighs]
421
00:19:27,377 --> 00:19:28,795
Christopher.
422
00:19:28,795 --> 00:19:32,090
It's been great reconnecting with
you guys. I'll catch you on the flip side.
423
00:19:32,090 --> 00:19:35,969
Oh, knees don't bend that way!
424
00:19:35,969 --> 00:19:38,138
No, no! No!
425
00:19:39,055 --> 00:19:40,265
Oh, Dick, wait!
426
00:19:41,016 --> 00:19:44,352
Dick, you idiot, you locked us in! Dick!
427
00:19:44,352 --> 00:19:47,230
- Whoo-hoo! [chuckling] Yeah!
- [horse neighing]
428
00:19:47,939 --> 00:19:49,107
How did he escape?
429
00:19:49,107 --> 00:19:51,192
It's supposed to be inescapable.
Where were you?
430
00:19:51,192 --> 00:19:53,028
I was at a wedding. Yeah.
431
00:19:53,028 --> 00:19:54,362
Now, that felt inescapable.
432
00:19:56,031 --> 00:19:57,741
You're fired, Geoffrey.
433
00:19:57,741 --> 00:20:00,702
Guards, ready my carriage.
Take me to Hempstead.
434
00:20:01,286 --> 00:20:02,829
But not too fast. I get travel sick.
435
00:20:02,829 --> 00:20:04,748
[grunts] Ow! Oh, ow, ow!
436
00:20:04,748 --> 00:20:06,750
Oh, spider... Oh, carry me!
437
00:20:06,750 --> 00:20:09,711
♪ Does he sep...
Does he separate recycling? ♪
438
00:20:10,754 --> 00:20:15,008
You guys, rise and shine.
It's time to ruin The Ruin.
439
00:20:16,509 --> 00:20:19,095
Note to self: Must do more comedy roles.
440
00:20:23,099 --> 00:20:24,100
You guys?
441
00:20:25,018 --> 00:20:26,353
Wakey-wakey.
442
00:20:26,353 --> 00:20:28,188
It's my big day.
443
00:20:51,086 --> 00:20:55,090
So, you got my invite, then?
If not, this is a massive coincidence.
444
00:20:55,090 --> 00:20:58,009
That's my gang, Turpin.
445
00:20:58,593 --> 00:21:01,304
Oh, yeah? You wanna duel for it?
446
00:21:03,848 --> 00:21:05,559
Are you sure you don't want a bigger gun?
447
00:21:05,559 --> 00:21:07,269
I've actually grown quite attached
to this one.
448
00:21:07,269 --> 00:21:09,354
I've given it a name.
I call it "Miniature Pete."
449
00:21:09,354 --> 00:21:12,107
Yeah, shoot his face off, Dick.
Yeah? Shoot his face right off.
450
00:21:12,107 --> 00:21:13,567
- [Dick] I'll try.
- [Honesty] Yeah.
451
00:21:13,567 --> 00:21:16,152
A rematch was not in my contract.
452
00:21:16,861 --> 00:21:18,280
I'm gonna contact my union.
453
00:21:19,531 --> 00:21:22,867
You're going to finish this,
or I'll finish you.
454
00:21:23,785 --> 00:21:26,079
Remember, you can't lose.
455
00:21:26,580 --> 00:21:29,165
Gentlemen, gentlemen, listen up.
456
00:21:33,670 --> 00:21:36,006
I want a nice, clean duel.
457
00:21:36,006 --> 00:21:37,632
No cheap shots.
458
00:21:37,632 --> 00:21:43,054
And I want a sandwich brought to me now,
with mustard, no crust.
459
00:21:43,054 --> 00:21:45,265
And white bread. I'm not a peasant.
460
00:21:45,265 --> 00:21:47,392
- Think you can win this?
- [grunts]
461
00:21:47,392 --> 00:21:51,104
I'm gonna shoot you, dazzle the crowd
and then sing my song again.
462
00:21:51,104 --> 00:21:53,398
- I do like that song.
- Maybe we can do a duet.
463
00:21:53,398 --> 00:21:55,233
Oh, wait. You'll be dead.
464
00:21:55,233 --> 00:21:59,195
[sighs] Or maybe I won't be dead,
now that you don't have your marksmen.
465
00:21:59,195 --> 00:22:01,531
What? What marksmen?
466
00:22:01,531 --> 00:22:03,491
The marksmen that do all your shooting?
467
00:22:03,491 --> 00:22:05,911
The ones who are supposed to be
hiding in those trees?
468
00:22:05,911 --> 00:22:08,204
You see, Moose took them out
for a little drink last night.
469
00:22:08,204 --> 00:22:11,291
Explained to them
the benefits of a breezier outfit.
470
00:22:11,291 --> 00:22:13,835
And look at them, absolutely slaying it.
471
00:22:13,835 --> 00:22:14,920
And your stunt team.
472
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:16,463
The ones
who do all your robberies for you?
473
00:22:17,672 --> 00:22:19,007
Honesty read them some poetry.
474
00:22:20,133 --> 00:22:21,134
They hated it.
475
00:22:21,134 --> 00:22:23,428
But he also gave them a massive bribe.
476
00:22:25,805 --> 00:22:29,768
And as for your singers,
Nell found them too irritating to talk to.
477
00:22:29,768 --> 00:22:32,229
But they're only singers,
so we're not that bothered.
478
00:22:32,229 --> 00:22:36,900
♪ We're still with you, Tommy ♪
479
00:22:36,900 --> 00:22:38,735
You see, they worked out your secret.
480
00:22:38,735 --> 00:22:41,780
It's your team that make you look good.
Same for me.
481
00:22:41,780 --> 00:22:44,032
Only, my team actually like me.
482
00:22:44,032 --> 00:22:45,116
[chuckles]
483
00:22:46,409 --> 00:22:49,913
Well, even without them,
I can still beat you in a duel.
484
00:22:49,913 --> 00:22:50,997
Maybe.
485
00:22:51,539 --> 00:22:54,626
But I'm willing to die to find out.
Are you?
486
00:22:56,169 --> 00:22:57,587
Back to back, gentlemen.
487
00:23:01,216 --> 00:23:04,928
On my count, take ten paces, then fire.
488
00:23:04,928 --> 00:23:06,846
One, two...
489
00:23:06,846 --> 00:23:07,931
more mustard...
490
00:23:07,931 --> 00:23:09,015
three...
491
00:23:10,183 --> 00:23:11,393
four...
492
00:23:13,019 --> 00:23:14,020
five...
493
00:23:15,021 --> 00:23:16,314
six...
494
00:23:17,148 --> 00:23:18,525
seven...
495
00:23:19,985 --> 00:23:21,027
eight...
496
00:23:21,987 --> 00:23:23,238
nine...
497
00:23:23,238 --> 00:23:25,615
[whimpering]
498
00:23:26,533 --> 00:23:27,742
[all laughing]
499
00:23:27,742 --> 00:23:29,494
You tit-headed weasel!
500
00:23:29,494 --> 00:23:30,412
[chuckles]
501
00:23:30,412 --> 00:23:32,664
- [crowd clamoring]
- [screams]
502
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:37,460
- [Honesty] Yeah, you run! [laughs]
- You confusing, sexy idiot!
503
00:23:37,460 --> 00:23:38,587
[chuckles]
504
00:23:39,087 --> 00:23:40,380
There you have it.
505
00:23:40,380 --> 00:23:42,757
Dick Turpin is the winner.
506
00:23:42,757 --> 00:23:44,885
- [crowd cheering]
- Whoo!
507
00:23:44,885 --> 00:23:47,012
Wasn't even loaded. [laughs]
508
00:23:47,012 --> 00:23:48,096
Fine.
509
00:23:48,096 --> 00:23:49,598
I must do everything myself.
510
00:23:51,850 --> 00:23:53,560
[crowd gasping]
511
00:23:54,644 --> 00:23:55,729
[grunts]
512
00:23:57,898 --> 00:23:59,566
- Out of my way, darling.
- [Nell] No.
513
00:23:59,566 --> 00:24:01,610
[breathes heavily] Leave Dick alone.
514
00:24:01,610 --> 00:24:02,694
He's my...
515
00:24:04,029 --> 00:24:05,030
friend.
516
00:24:05,030 --> 00:24:06,406
Proper mates.
517
00:24:06,406 --> 00:24:08,408
And I'm your family, Eleanor.
518
00:24:10,452 --> 00:24:14,039
You need to choose right now
whose side you're on.
519
00:24:14,039 --> 00:24:16,416
Well, I mean, I'm... I choose my gang.
520
00:24:16,416 --> 00:24:18,710
I thought that was pretty obvious.
[chuckles]
521
00:24:20,045 --> 00:24:21,046
Very well.
522
00:24:22,505 --> 00:24:25,425
But you know what this means.
We'll be enemies, darling.
523
00:24:26,134 --> 00:24:30,597
And my enemies have a nasty habit
of turning up in teeny-tiny pieces.
524
00:24:30,597 --> 00:24:31,681
[chuckles]
525
00:24:32,349 --> 00:24:34,893
I'll be seeing you all very soon.
526
00:24:35,936 --> 00:24:37,103
I hope so.
527
00:24:37,103 --> 00:24:38,813
Sorry, we've got a bit of a vibe.
528
00:24:40,649 --> 00:24:42,442
[blows]
529
00:24:42,984 --> 00:24:45,320
Saw what you did there. So...
530
00:24:46,321 --> 00:24:47,697
been doing some mulling.
531
00:24:47,697 --> 00:24:50,700
I've come to realize, Dick,
you're like a son to me.
532
00:24:50,700 --> 00:24:52,577
"Like?" I mean, I am your son.
533
00:24:52,577 --> 00:24:54,996
You've got panache, verve,
534
00:24:54,996 --> 00:25:00,210
and, uh, I'm p-pr... [mumbles] ...of you.
535
00:25:00,210 --> 00:25:03,421
- What?
- I'm "pird."
536
00:25:03,421 --> 00:25:05,006
- Are you saying "proud"?
- Yes.
537
00:25:05,006 --> 00:25:07,300
[chuckles] Thanks, Dad.
538
00:25:07,300 --> 00:25:09,469
- Proud of you too, Dick.
- I love you, Benny.
539
00:25:09,469 --> 00:25:10,554
- Group hug?
- Yeah!
540
00:25:10,554 --> 00:25:12,847
- [blows]
- Bring it.
541
00:25:12,847 --> 00:25:14,933
[crowd cheering]
542
00:25:23,817 --> 00:25:25,777
My best-selling pamphlet yet.
543
00:25:25,777 --> 00:25:28,530
And I think you'll be
rather pleased with this one.
544
00:25:29,531 --> 00:25:33,451
[gasps] I'm on the cover! I'm famous!
545
00:25:33,451 --> 00:25:35,787
What about old Craig?
Any space for me on the cover?
546
00:25:35,787 --> 00:25:37,205
- [giggles]
- No.
547
00:25:37,205 --> 00:25:39,165
And anyway,
aren't you supposed to be working?
548
00:25:39,165 --> 00:25:41,835
Nah. You know what? I realized something.
549
00:25:42,377 --> 00:25:46,006
Sure, I can mix a mean cocktail,
but my talents are needed elsewhere.
550
00:25:46,506 --> 00:25:48,466
I'm not Balthazar the Barman.
551
00:25:49,593 --> 00:25:51,177
I'm Craig the Warlock.
552
00:25:51,177 --> 00:25:52,262
[chuckles]
553
00:25:52,262 --> 00:25:54,431
- You fired him, didn't you?
- Almost immediately.
554
00:25:56,224 --> 00:25:57,517
[Honesty] What now, boss?
555
00:25:58,018 --> 00:26:01,396
I don't know. I guess we wait
for the next adventure to present itself.
556
00:26:01,396 --> 00:26:03,607
Adventures don't just
present themselves, Dick.
557
00:26:03,607 --> 00:26:05,901
You have to seek them out tirelessly.
558
00:26:05,901 --> 00:26:07,360
I mean, it can take months.
559
00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:08,445
Years, even.
560
00:26:09,237 --> 00:26:10,864
[guard] Attention, peasantry!
561
00:26:12,616 --> 00:26:17,037
Tonight,
a royal coach carrying the crown jewels
562
00:26:17,037 --> 00:26:21,416
will pass by your meager village.
563
00:26:21,416 --> 00:26:26,004
Under no circumstances
is anyone to rob it.
564
00:26:26,004 --> 00:26:31,509
Steal those jewels and you become
the most infamous, sought-after thief
565
00:26:31,509 --> 00:26:33,053
in all the land.
566
00:26:33,678 --> 00:26:36,056
Basically, a living legend.
567
00:26:36,932 --> 00:26:42,312
So don't even try.
568
00:26:44,147 --> 00:26:45,148
Good day.
569
00:26:46,942 --> 00:26:47,943
Oh, no.
570
00:26:51,571 --> 00:26:52,572
Oh, yeah.
571
00:26:52,572 --> 00:26:54,658
[theme music playing]
572
00:26:58,203 --> 00:27:00,038
[Dick laughs] This is great.
573
00:27:00,038 --> 00:27:01,998
Does anyone actually
know where we're going?
574
00:27:12,717 --> 00:27:15,428
Let us out of here! Let us out of here!
575
00:27:15,428 --> 00:27:18,306
Let us... For God's sake,
we're not Dick Turpin.
576
00:27:20,976 --> 00:27:22,435
Well, how am I meant to know that?
577
00:27:22,435 --> 00:27:23,937
There's two of us, for a start.
578
00:27:23,937 --> 00:27:25,522
[vocalizes] Not my problem, mate.
579
00:27:25,522 --> 00:27:28,358
It's a bank holiday weekend,
and, uh, I'm going for a swim.
580
00:27:28,358 --> 00:27:30,902
No! No, don't! Let us out!
581
00:27:31,611 --> 00:27:33,280
I'll make you pay for this!
582
00:27:34,406 --> 00:27:36,950
I'll make you all pay!
583
00:27:37,867 --> 00:27:40,120
[Jonathan]
I'll get you for this, Dick Turpin.