1 00:00:06,632 --> 00:00:09,426 Attend the tale of Dick Turpin, 2 00:00:09,426 --> 00:00:13,430 the most "legendariest" highwayman Essex has ever known. 3 00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:17,601 He bravely battled thieftakers, outwitted witches, 4 00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:21,813 and became a hero to all who heard his name. Until... 5 00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:25,651 he was revealed to be a big, wimpy coward 6 00:00:25,651 --> 00:00:28,946 who hated Hempstead and hated all of you. 7 00:00:28,946 --> 00:00:30,531 Especially the women and children. 8 00:00:33,575 --> 00:00:34,868 Total lies. 9 00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,828 Dick loved women and children. 10 00:00:36,828 --> 00:00:38,163 And he never stood on us. 11 00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:39,581 I miss not being stood on. 12 00:00:39,581 --> 00:00:43,252 But fear not, for I, Tommy Silversides, 13 00:00:43,252 --> 00:00:46,380 am a true highwayman of the people. 14 00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:48,215 Don't touch me. 15 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:49,883 See? 16 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:52,261 Didn't take long for them to turn on Turpin. 17 00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:54,346 They haven't turned on him. 18 00:00:54,346 --> 00:00:56,682 They're just distracted by that stupid, 19 00:00:57,599 --> 00:01:00,894 gorgeous, irresistible idiot, Tommy. 20 00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:03,188 And it's your job to ensure they stay that way. 21 00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:06,233 And if I do, promise me you won't kill him. 22 00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:08,527 - Yes. We've been over all this. - Or torture him. 23 00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:11,822 Darling, it's a torture dungeon. 24 00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:14,157 There's bound to be a little torture. 25 00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:15,701 Promise me, Mum. 26 00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:20,706 I promise not to torture or murder Dick Turpin. 27 00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:22,666 - Happy? - Yes, thank you. 28 00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:26,336 I do miss these mother-daughter bonding times. 29 00:01:28,172 --> 00:01:29,965 We should do a spa day. 30 00:01:31,175 --> 00:01:33,302 Guys, stop. You're embarrassing me. No more. 31 00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:38,473 Three cheers for our heroic new highwayman! 32 00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:41,059 - Hooray! - You are too kind. 33 00:01:41,059 --> 00:01:43,937 Get out of here. Turn around. Seriously, I hate being touched. 34 00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:28,023 Looks better already. 35 00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:30,859 Oh, knickers. Not you again. 36 00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:33,278 Geoffrey, you're my first visitor. 37 00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:35,447 Have you brought me a cake with a file hidden inside it? 38 00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:37,783 Not for the bars. Just my nails are out of control. 39 00:02:37,783 --> 00:02:39,451 I'm your guard. 40 00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:40,827 After all that witch malarkey, 41 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:43,664 I went into the private sector to get away from idiots like you, 42 00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:45,082 so this is just my luck. 43 00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:48,627 Geoffrey, I'm really glad you're here. Is this definitely the cell booked for me? 44 00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:50,838 Not a more spacious one with an en suite? 45 00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:52,881 There is an en suite. That bucket over there. Look. 46 00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:56,885 When it rains, the ceiling leaks so, you know, that's basically a shower. 47 00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:59,471 - Shower, just for me? - No. All the other lads as well. 48 00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:00,806 What's the food like? 49 00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:03,809 There's a bit of dried moss on that back wall, if you fancy it. 50 00:03:04,393 --> 00:03:05,644 Goody. I'll have a lick later. 51 00:03:06,395 --> 00:03:08,689 So, I'm sure my gang are on their way to save me, 52 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:11,441 but just in case, is there an escape route? 53 00:03:11,441 --> 00:03:14,069 Nah. No escaping, Turpin. 54 00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:16,864 That's why they call this place "Your Annoying Second Cousin's Wedding." 55 00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:21,952 'Cause no matter how hard you try, there's just no getting out of it. 56 00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:24,121 - Ta-ra, mate. - Where you going? 57 00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:26,832 Ironically, it's my second cousin's wedding. 58 00:03:26,832 --> 00:03:27,916 So... 59 00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:34,006 {\an8}Welcome to your first evaluation meeting. 60 00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:35,716 {\an8}I can see you all received your new uniforms. 61 00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:39,845 {\an8}You're gonna look superb in the background. Especially you, Nell. 62 00:03:39,845 --> 00:03:41,263 Save it, Tommy. 63 00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:42,806 You can flatter me all you like. 64 00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:45,767 Yeah, you can bat those beautiful eyes. 65 00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:47,394 You can even kiss me. 66 00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:48,478 It won't work. 67 00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:50,230 I dare you to kiss me. 68 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,315 Kiss me, please. 69 00:03:51,315 --> 00:03:53,025 - Kiss me. Here. - Nell, that's weird. 70 00:03:53,025 --> 00:03:54,985 Mr. Silversides. Tommy. 71 00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:56,195 Mr. Silversides. 72 00:03:56,195 --> 00:03:58,488 Not that these uniforms aren't great... 73 00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:01,783 but, do you have anything more loose-fitting? 74 00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:06,580 Dick always said clothes are a way of expressing your individuality, right? 75 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:11,126 Why on earth would I want you to express your individuality? No. 76 00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:14,129 I want you to play your designated roles. 77 00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:18,132 Moose, the violent heavy. 78 00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:22,262 Honesty, the brainless psychopath. 79 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:26,141 And Nell, the woman. 80 00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:29,728 Okay, I'm not brainless, and Nell's not a woman. 81 00:04:30,354 --> 00:04:31,605 Well, I am a woman. 82 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,398 But I'm not the woman. 83 00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:36,818 You know-- Well, okay, technically, I am the only woman here. 84 00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:40,572 So, in a sense, I am the woman, but I-- What does that even mean? 85 00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:44,952 It means that you roll your eyes at the wacky, hilarious things the boys say. 86 00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,787 Well, I won't be rolling them much then. 87 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:49,998 Yes, you will, so give it a try. 88 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,418 Uh-uh. More. 89 00:04:54,378 --> 00:04:56,296 No. More. I want full circles. 90 00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,257 If I do it any more, I'll detach my retinas. 91 00:04:58,257 --> 00:04:59,341 Then detach them. 92 00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:01,426 - What? - Please, Mr. Silversides. 93 00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:03,554 This isn't how we did things with Dick. 94 00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:08,851 He taught us to be kind and free and true to who we are. 95 00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:11,436 Yeah, but I hate who you are. 96 00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:14,314 - I mean, it's nothing personal. - That does sound quite personal. 97 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,441 Oof. Are you missing him? 98 00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:17,484 - Yeah. - You wanna leave? 99 00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,194 - Little bit. - Okay. Off you go. 100 00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:24,867 But how long do you think a stupid lump like you would survive alone out there 101 00:05:24,867 --> 00:05:27,327 before being ground up into piggy feed? 102 00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:28,412 Lump? 103 00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:30,414 Look, Nell, say something. 104 00:05:30,414 --> 00:05:31,999 Just do what he says, guys. 105 00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:34,168 Tommy's the leader now, so... 106 00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:38,255 Thank you, the woman. 107 00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:40,090 Much better, Nell. 108 00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:44,511 Okay, maintain eye contact. 109 00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:46,346 Five, six, seven, eight. 110 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,807 Round! Work those hips. Feel the burn. 111 00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:50,893 Keep pushing down. 112 00:05:50,893 --> 00:05:54,062 Forward. Back. Forward. Back. 113 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:55,397 One. Double-time. 114 00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,611 Faster, faster, faster, faster, faster. 115 00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:02,112 - Hands in the air. - Don't move! 116 00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:03,906 - This is a robbery. - Stand and deliver. 117 00:06:03,906 --> 00:06:06,200 Come on! Projection! Enunciation! 118 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:07,826 This is a performance. 119 00:06:07,826 --> 00:06:08,911 Give it some oomph. 120 00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:13,749 It's Tommy Tommy, Tommy, Tommy Silversides 121 00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:15,751 It's flat. It's flat! 122 00:06:15,751 --> 00:06:16,835 It's flat. 123 00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:18,420 Can you not hear yourselves? 124 00:06:19,171 --> 00:06:20,172 Again. 125 00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:23,800 What are you doing? Guys, stop. 126 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,844 What are you doing? You're not robbing me again, are you? 127 00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:27,596 Hey! I thought we were friends! 128 00:06:27,596 --> 00:06:29,765 Sorry, Craig. Boss's orders. 129 00:06:30,432 --> 00:06:33,101 Hey, don't go in that drawer! That's my private drawer! 130 00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:34,853 - It's private! - Not anymore. 131 00:06:35,771 --> 00:06:40,150 I've reported you to the Warlock Council for unlicensed enchanting. 132 00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:42,486 Oh, yeah? No worries. 133 00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:45,155 Say good night, my friend. 134 00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:46,156 Sleep bomb! 135 00:06:49,535 --> 00:06:51,119 Give it a little minute. It might still work. 136 00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:53,038 - Get him out. - Moose! Honesty! 137 00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:54,331 What am I gonna do for money? 138 00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:57,125 You can't do this. Where's Dick? 139 00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:04,258 Thank you for coming. 140 00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:09,638 It's people like you who inspire me to just keep robbing people like you. 141 00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:19,147 I've just found my next target. 142 00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:30,784 I should've known when you became a highwayman, you'd end up behind bars. 143 00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,705 Dad, am I really here? 144 00:07:34,705 --> 00:07:36,206 Or am I hallucinating? 145 00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:37,708 I've only eaten moss for a week. 146 00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:39,376 You're dreaming, Son. 147 00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:42,045 I'm just a pig-meat of your imagination. 148 00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:43,422 Yeah, this must be a dream. 149 00:07:44,173 --> 00:07:46,091 There's no way you'd eat a carrot in real life. 150 00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:48,093 You let fame get to your head, Son. 151 00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:50,888 Didn't listen to your gang when they warned you of the danger, 152 00:07:50,888 --> 00:07:53,807 and now they're out there alone. 153 00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:55,809 - I know. I'm a bit worried about them. - I wouldn't be. 154 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:59,062 If they really cared, they would've rescued you by now. 155 00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:01,064 But it's not that simple. They don't know where I am. 156 00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:03,150 If they really cared, they would've found out where you are. 157 00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:04,568 Well, should we give them a bit more time? 158 00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:06,278 - Yeah, but if they really cared-- - Yeah, all right. 159 00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:07,696 They don't care. I'm getting it. 160 00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:11,366 Listen, my gang will find me, and they'll rescue me, 161 00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:14,912 and then Dick Turpin will ride again. 162 00:08:14,912 --> 00:08:16,538 I mean, it'll be slightly harder. 163 00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:18,457 I'm just a head now, but I'll find a way. 164 00:08:19,458 --> 00:08:20,959 Carol and Sue. 165 00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:22,753 Benny, what are you doing here? 166 00:08:22,753 --> 00:08:25,297 This is the weird bit before you wake up. 167 00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:33,972 {\an8}The Ruin. Economic hub of Hempstead. 168 00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:35,432 {\an8}It is the perfect target. 169 00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:40,187 {\an8}High cash turnover, multiple income streams, run by a child. 170 00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:43,690 {\an8}Yeah, I mean, we can't rob The Ruin. It's the only decent pub around. 171 00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:46,652 Plus, Little Karen is our friend. 172 00:08:46,652 --> 00:08:47,986 Right, guys? 173 00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:50,072 You were right before, Nell. 174 00:08:50,072 --> 00:08:52,449 We should just listen to Tommy. 175 00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:54,535 Tommy's a wise leader. 176 00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:55,869 What have you done to them? 177 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,705 I've just won them round with my charismatic leadership. 178 00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:00,249 And I don't let them sleep. 179 00:09:00,249 --> 00:09:02,751 But Moose needs 16 hours a day to function. 180 00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:04,336 He's like a basset hound. 181 00:09:04,336 --> 00:09:05,838 No, he needs to do what I say. 182 00:09:05,838 --> 00:09:08,131 What's this, Moosey? There's a good boy. Yes. 183 00:09:08,841 --> 00:09:10,676 Gently. There we are. 184 00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:12,761 See that? I'm the big-boy leader. 185 00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:15,055 Numéro un. That's French again. 186 00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,932 Come on now, give in, yeah? 187 00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:20,477 Let these Silver-suds wash over you. 188 00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:23,230 No. 189 00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:25,440 I will not be Silversudded. 190 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:28,110 We are nice highwaymen with panache. 191 00:09:28,694 --> 00:09:30,112 Low violence, high pay. 192 00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:32,322 Oh, my God. What have I become? 193 00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:33,615 You know the deal, Nell. 194 00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:37,160 You got a problem, take it up with Mummy. 195 00:09:53,135 --> 00:09:54,845 Mum, I need to talk to you. 196 00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:58,974 Shoes! It's an Axminster rug. We know this. 197 00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,024 Oh, God. 198 00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:09,651 Tommy wants us to rob The Ruin. 199 00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:12,738 - Don't shout. Inside voice, please. - Okay. 200 00:10:12,738 --> 00:10:15,115 Tommy wants us to rob The Ruin. 201 00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,408 Now I can't hear you at all. 202 00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:18,994 Tommy wants us to rob The Ruin. 203 00:10:18,994 --> 00:10:20,621 I don't want to shock you, darling, 204 00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:23,665 but criminals do tend to do a little bit of crime. 205 00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:26,251 That pub is the heart of the village. 206 00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:27,836 The alcohol is the blood. 207 00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:30,672 The-- 208 00:10:30,672 --> 00:10:33,133 That's where that metaphor ends. 209 00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,928 But... rob that pub, and Hempstead's done. 210 00:10:35,928 --> 00:10:37,513 Yes, and then we move on. 211 00:10:37,513 --> 00:10:40,682 Did you really think our plans ended with Hempstead? 212 00:10:40,682 --> 00:10:45,103 Soon we'll have a Tommy Silversides in every county. 213 00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:50,776 A network of celebrity highwaymen, all heralded as folk heroes 214 00:10:50,776 --> 00:10:52,986 whilst robbing the great British public blind. 215 00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:56,198 Well, you will never find enough highwaymen willing to work for you. 216 00:10:56,198 --> 00:10:57,616 I don't need highwaymen, darling. 217 00:10:57,616 --> 00:10:59,284 Where do you think I got Tommy? 218 00:11:01,537 --> 00:11:04,456 Wait, he's-- 219 00:11:04,456 --> 00:11:07,417 That's right. Which is why I need you. 220 00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:10,504 Well, the only person I wanna work for is Dick Turpin. 221 00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:12,548 Yes, but this time tomorrow, he'll be dead, so-- 222 00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:15,217 I didn't mean to say that. 223 00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:18,804 You promised me you wouldn't kill him. 224 00:11:19,388 --> 00:11:21,431 This is so unfair! 225 00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:23,600 But I have to, darling. 226 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,185 He is too good an influence on you. 227 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:28,105 Look at you. Sensitive, empathetic, morally pure. 228 00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:30,148 I am worried. 229 00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:32,025 I will not let you do this. 230 00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:34,403 Oh, sweetie. 231 00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,322 Try and stop me. 232 00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:44,746 Oh, dear. 233 00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:49,751 Yeah. 234 00:11:54,089 --> 00:11:55,591 Oi, Turpin, wake up! 235 00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:57,968 What the bloody hell's happened to you? 236 00:11:57,968 --> 00:12:01,221 How have you grown that thing so quickly? Only been in here a week. 237 00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,973 What, this? It's not real, is it? 238 00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:05,142 I made this out of rats' eyelashes. 239 00:12:06,185 --> 00:12:09,354 I mean, traditionally, people think of the rat as being quite an ugly creature, 240 00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:12,357 but up close, they've got quite beautiful, long eyelashes. 241 00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:16,403 Anyway, some light reading for you. 242 00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:19,364 Yeah, looks like your gang aren't missing you at all, are they? 243 00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:21,825 You're not going anywhere. 244 00:12:21,825 --> 00:12:23,368 This couldn't get any worse. 245 00:12:27,331 --> 00:12:28,999 Shower time, you monsters! 246 00:12:28,999 --> 00:12:30,876 One block at a time! 247 00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:32,920 They're on their way. 248 00:12:35,339 --> 00:12:38,675 {\an8}I'm telling you guys, Tommy is not who he says he is. 249 00:12:38,675 --> 00:12:40,344 Oh, Nell. 250 00:12:40,344 --> 00:12:44,139 We were in denial too before we accepted the truth. 251 00:12:44,139 --> 00:12:45,933 Dick just wasn't that into us. 252 00:12:46,642 --> 00:12:48,101 Shut up, you idiots. 253 00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,186 Look. 254 00:12:49,186 --> 00:12:51,438 That is not how it's supposed to go. 255 00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:54,900 You somersault up into the tree, grab a branch, then I drop down. 256 00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:56,985 You have got to be out of sight. 257 00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:58,529 Otherwise, they'll see it wasn't me. 258 00:12:58,529 --> 00:13:00,280 I absolutely apologize. I'm sorry, Mr. Silversides. 259 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:03,158 Not good enough. Hair and makeup, come. 260 00:13:03,158 --> 00:13:05,661 Right, this wig, it is itchy, 261 00:13:05,661 --> 00:13:08,413 badly fitted, and not nearly swishy enough. 262 00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:10,249 I need it to swish like Dick's. 263 00:13:10,249 --> 00:13:11,500 Give me Dick swish. 264 00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:14,336 Away. Isabelle. Reginald. Priscilla. 265 00:13:14,962 --> 00:13:18,382 I need to see genuine amazement when we reach the next village. 266 00:13:18,382 --> 00:13:20,008 Gasps when you see me. 267 00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:21,260 Show me right now. Show me. 268 00:13:21,260 --> 00:13:23,303 - Wow. - Who is he? 269 00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,388 - Oh, wow! - Incredible! 270 00:13:24,388 --> 00:13:26,932 No, no, no, no, no. God, what do I pay you for? 271 00:13:26,932 --> 00:13:28,600 Where's the truth? Look at me! 272 00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:34,982 Twenty-five years I've been acting. 273 00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:36,358 Man, boy and baby. 274 00:13:36,358 --> 00:13:39,361 You know what they used to say about me? God, I can still hear it now: 275 00:13:39,361 --> 00:13:43,156 "Child Star Shines As Murdered Infant." 276 00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,117 So I know what I'm talking about, you guys. 277 00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:48,245 Everyone take five. 278 00:13:48,245 --> 00:13:49,788 I'm gonna be in my trailer. 279 00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:51,665 His name's not even Tommy Silversides. 280 00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:52,833 It's Albert Crumb. 281 00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:57,379 {\an8}If he's an actor, this means Dick didn't actually leave us. 282 00:13:58,213 --> 00:13:59,423 He still loves us. 283 00:13:59,423 --> 00:14:01,091 - Yes. - Tommy faked everything. 284 00:14:01,091 --> 00:14:03,051 - Yeah. - The fans, the stunts, 285 00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:04,428 - pretending to fancy you. - Yes. 286 00:14:04,428 --> 00:14:05,345 He didn't fake that. 287 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:08,640 No, he was actually quite taken aback by me. 288 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:12,311 Yeah. That happens a lot with me and guys. 289 00:14:12,311 --> 00:14:13,395 What can you do? 290 00:14:13,395 --> 00:14:15,689 But wait. How come you know all this? 291 00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:17,900 There's a lot I need to tell you. Come on. 292 00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:20,944 Hello? Is anyone going to help me down? 293 00:14:22,404 --> 00:14:24,656 {\an8}So, your mom's the head of the Syndicate? 294 00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:26,450 You lied to us. 295 00:14:26,450 --> 00:14:28,827 You betrayed your own gang. 296 00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:33,832 It's gonna take quite some time for me to ever trust you again, Nell. 297 00:14:38,170 --> 00:14:42,883 - Okay. I'm ready. Now, where's Dick? - He's in a secret Syndicate prison. 298 00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:46,637 So secret they have to blindfold the horses that ride there. 299 00:14:46,637 --> 00:14:49,932 We should still ask the horses anyway. Just in case they've heard anything. 300 00:14:49,932 --> 00:14:53,310 Sounds like you guys need a man on the inside. 301 00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:55,395 It's the name of the cocktail that I've just created 302 00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:59,816 because it has a tiny little man on the inside. 303 00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:01,485 I think that's a frog. 304 00:15:01,485 --> 00:15:02,694 Just give it a second. 305 00:15:06,198 --> 00:15:08,116 - Yeah, what are you doing here, Craig? - Me? 306 00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:11,870 Little Karen hired me after you lot and Tommy put me out of business. 307 00:15:11,870 --> 00:15:13,121 So I work here now. 308 00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:15,040 By the way, you know my name's not actually Craig? 309 00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,167 I just call myself Craig 'cause it sounds more "warlock-y." 310 00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:18,669 My real name is so boring. 311 00:15:18,669 --> 00:15:20,295 It's Balthazar the Magnificent. 312 00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:21,380 Right. 313 00:15:21,380 --> 00:15:23,882 Get back to work, Craig. It's only a trial shift. 314 00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:25,008 Sorry, boss. 315 00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:29,555 Look, if you guys really wanna find Dick, then you need an in. 316 00:15:29,555 --> 00:15:31,431 Like how I've got this job with Little Karen. 317 00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:32,808 It's a hookup. Right, boss? 318 00:15:32,808 --> 00:15:35,227 Why are there frogs everywhere, Craig? 319 00:15:35,227 --> 00:15:36,478 Sorry, boss. 320 00:15:36,478 --> 00:15:39,064 I actually can't believe I'm saying this, but Balthazar is right. 321 00:15:39,064 --> 00:15:40,983 - It's "Craig." - We need an in. 322 00:15:40,983 --> 00:15:43,902 Nell, we don't know anyone else in the Syndicate. 323 00:15:45,404 --> 00:15:47,239 Except-- Well-- 324 00:15:47,906 --> 00:15:48,740 Of course! 325 00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:50,158 - Yes! - Let's go! 326 00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:51,410 Moose, 327 00:15:51,410 --> 00:15:53,787 just tell me on the way because I don't know what we're talking about. 328 00:16:06,717 --> 00:16:09,595 All right, Turpin, time to get you tortured. 329 00:16:09,595 --> 00:16:11,305 Tortured? What for? 330 00:16:11,305 --> 00:16:14,183 It's a nice little parting gift from Helen Gwinear. 331 00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:19,396 This one's a bit of a celebrity by all accounts, 332 00:16:19,396 --> 00:16:21,648 so give him the full VIP treatment. 333 00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:24,526 "Very Invasive Probing." 334 00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:26,987 Enjoy. 335 00:16:29,114 --> 00:16:32,576 Yeah. Now's not a great time for me. Perhaps we could reschedule. 336 00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:39,875 Hello, Turpin. 337 00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,836 Hey, Dick. Cool cell. 338 00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:45,506 J-dog? Christopher? What a surprise! 339 00:16:45,506 --> 00:16:49,259 Your gang paid me a visit. Told me about your incarceration. 340 00:16:50,636 --> 00:16:54,723 It delighted me, the prospect of you rotting in a cell. 341 00:16:54,723 --> 00:16:56,934 It made me feel warm and fuzzy. 342 00:16:57,809 --> 00:17:01,647 But now that I'm here, can I just say 343 00:17:01,647 --> 00:17:05,358 - it's so wonderful to see you. - Dad. 344 00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,569 You're looking very svelte. Have you lost weight? 345 00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:09,279 - Dad! - I'm on that new moss diet. 346 00:17:09,279 --> 00:17:11,698 - Dad! - One moment. What is it, darling? 347 00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:15,035 - I found a dead beetle. - Oh, look at that. 348 00:17:15,035 --> 00:17:17,663 Yes, you did. Well done. 349 00:17:17,663 --> 00:17:18,704 Daddy loves you. 350 00:17:19,665 --> 00:17:22,626 You see, since our dalliance in London, 351 00:17:22,626 --> 00:17:27,381 I've been on a journey of mindfulness and self-care. 352 00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:31,510 And my relationship with Christopher has never been better. 353 00:17:31,510 --> 00:17:33,178 And it's all down to you. 354 00:17:33,178 --> 00:17:37,766 By the way, would you mind giving the occasional pained howl? 355 00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:40,477 - Let them know that I'm doing something. - Course. 356 00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:44,398 Oh, my eyes! Please! 357 00:17:44,398 --> 00:17:49,319 And to repay you, on our way out, I might just leave the door open. 358 00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:50,946 I'd actually prefer it if it was closed. 359 00:17:50,946 --> 00:17:53,407 When it's closed, I just feel a little bit more cozy. 360 00:17:53,407 --> 00:17:56,326 I'm helping you escape, you idiot. Dick. 361 00:17:58,370 --> 00:17:59,872 I don't know. 362 00:17:59,872 --> 00:18:01,874 Maybe I don't want to escape. 363 00:18:01,874 --> 00:18:03,000 What's the point? 364 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:05,794 I can't beat Tommy anyway. He's incredible. 365 00:18:06,628 --> 00:18:10,591 Even my hair has started to look lank, lifeless, depressed. 366 00:18:10,591 --> 00:18:12,176 It's exactly the same. 367 00:18:12,176 --> 00:18:13,844 I mean, how is that even possible? 368 00:18:13,844 --> 00:18:15,971 Maybe my gang are better off with Tommy. 369 00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:17,890 Maybe I'm not a great highwayman. 370 00:18:17,890 --> 00:18:22,144 Listen, Turpin, you are a terrible highwayman. 371 00:18:22,811 --> 00:18:24,479 Thought I was gonna get some sort of pep talk. 372 00:18:24,479 --> 00:18:27,816 But you did rob the Unrobbable Coach, 373 00:18:27,816 --> 00:18:29,735 - steal Syndicate gold... - True. 374 00:18:29,735 --> 00:18:33,780 ...and you're the only highwayman ever to avoid my noose. 375 00:18:34,865 --> 00:18:38,994 Well, that might make you the best bad highwayman there's ever been. 376 00:18:38,994 --> 00:18:41,121 Don't swap my nipples! 377 00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:47,669 You're not going to beat Tommy Silversides by being Tommy Silversides. 378 00:18:48,712 --> 00:18:52,007 You're only gonna do that by being... 379 00:18:53,675 --> 00:18:54,801 Dick Turpin. 380 00:18:56,094 --> 00:18:57,095 You're right. 381 00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,097 Dick Turpin's great. 382 00:19:00,057 --> 00:19:01,266 And I'm Dick Turpin. 383 00:19:02,351 --> 00:19:04,186 I'm gonna go and win my gang back. 384 00:19:04,186 --> 00:19:05,312 And when you do-- 385 00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:08,357 Just cover your ears for a moment, Christopher, my darling. 386 00:19:09,441 --> 00:19:13,695 You find that stuck-up harpy Helen Gwinear, and you take her down. 387 00:19:14,530 --> 00:19:17,199 I miss my life of crime every moment. 388 00:19:17,199 --> 00:19:20,160 I need you to make her pay. 389 00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:23,413 Anyway, so lovely catching up. 390 00:19:23,413 --> 00:19:26,208 You're a complicated guy, Wilde-style. 391 00:19:26,208 --> 00:19:27,334 But thanks. 392 00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:28,752 Christopher. 393 00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:32,047 It's been great reconnecting with you guys. I'll catch you on the flip side. 394 00:19:33,215 --> 00:19:35,926 Knees don't bend that way! 395 00:19:35,926 --> 00:19:38,095 No! 396 00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:40,222 Oh, Dick, wait! 397 00:19:40,973 --> 00:19:44,309 Dick, you idiot, you locked us in! Dick! 398 00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:47,187 Yeah! 399 00:19:47,896 --> 00:19:49,064 How did he escape? 400 00:19:49,064 --> 00:19:51,149 It's supposed to be inescapable. Where were you? 401 00:19:51,149 --> 00:19:52,985 I was at a wedding. Yeah. 402 00:19:52,985 --> 00:19:54,319 Now, that felt inescapable. 403 00:19:55,988 --> 00:19:57,698 You're fired, Geoffrey. 404 00:19:57,698 --> 00:20:00,659 Guards, ready my carriage. Take me to Hempstead. 405 00:20:01,243 --> 00:20:02,786 But not too fast. I get travel sick. 406 00:20:04,580 --> 00:20:06,707 Oh, spider-- Carry me! 407 00:20:06,707 --> 00:20:09,668 Does he sep-- Does he separate recycling? 408 00:20:10,711 --> 00:20:14,965 You guys, rise and shine. It's time to ruin The Ruin. 409 00:20:16,466 --> 00:20:19,052 Note to self: Must do more comedy roles. 410 00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:24,057 You guys? 411 00:20:24,975 --> 00:20:26,310 Wakey-wakey. 412 00:20:26,310 --> 00:20:28,145 It's my big day. 413 00:20:51,043 --> 00:20:55,047 So, you got my invite, then? If not, this is a massive coincidence. 414 00:20:55,047 --> 00:20:57,966 That's my gang, Turpin. 415 00:20:58,550 --> 00:21:01,261 Oh, yeah? You wanna duel for it? 416 00:21:03,805 --> 00:21:05,516 Are you sure you don't want a bigger gun? 417 00:21:05,516 --> 00:21:07,226 I've actually grown quite attached to this one. 418 00:21:07,226 --> 00:21:09,311 I've given it a name. I call it "Miniature Pete." 419 00:21:09,311 --> 00:21:12,064 Yeah, shoot his face off, Dick. Yeah? Shoot his face right off. 420 00:21:12,064 --> 00:21:13,524 - I'll try. - Yeah. 421 00:21:13,524 --> 00:21:16,109 A rematch was not in my contract. 422 00:21:16,818 --> 00:21:18,237 I'm gonna contact my union. 423 00:21:19,488 --> 00:21:22,824 You're going to finish this, or I'll finish you. 424 00:21:23,742 --> 00:21:26,036 Remember, you can't lose. 425 00:21:26,537 --> 00:21:29,122 Gentlemen, listen up. 426 00:21:33,627 --> 00:21:35,963 I want a nice, clean duel. 427 00:21:35,963 --> 00:21:37,589 No cheap shots. 428 00:21:37,589 --> 00:21:43,011 And I want a sandwich brought to me now, with mustard, no crust. 429 00:21:43,011 --> 00:21:45,222 And white bread. I'm not a peasant. 430 00:21:45,222 --> 00:21:46,849 Think you can win this? 431 00:21:47,432 --> 00:21:51,061 I'm gonna shoot you, dazzle the crowd and then sing my song again. 432 00:21:51,061 --> 00:21:53,355 - I do like that song. - Maybe we can do a duet. 433 00:21:53,355 --> 00:21:55,190 Oh, wait. You'll be dead. 434 00:21:56,108 --> 00:21:59,152 Or maybe I won't be dead, now that you don't have your marksmen. 435 00:21:59,152 --> 00:22:01,488 What? What marksmen? 436 00:22:01,488 --> 00:22:03,448 The marksmen that do all your shooting? 437 00:22:03,448 --> 00:22:05,868 The ones who are supposed to be hiding in those trees? 438 00:22:05,868 --> 00:22:08,161 You see, Moose took them out for a little drink last night. 439 00:22:08,161 --> 00:22:11,248 Explained to them the benefits of a breezier outfit. 440 00:22:11,248 --> 00:22:13,792 And look at them, absolutely slaying it. 441 00:22:13,792 --> 00:22:14,877 And your stunt team. 442 00:22:14,877 --> 00:22:16,420 The ones who do all your robberies for you? 443 00:22:17,629 --> 00:22:18,964 Honesty read them some poetry. 444 00:22:20,090 --> 00:22:21,091 They hated it. 445 00:22:21,091 --> 00:22:23,385 But he also gave them a massive bribe. 446 00:22:25,762 --> 00:22:29,725 And as for your singers, Nell found them too irritating to talk to. 447 00:22:29,725 --> 00:22:32,186 But they're only singers, so we're not that bothered. 448 00:22:32,186 --> 00:22:36,857 We're still with you, Tommy 449 00:22:36,857 --> 00:22:38,692 You see, they worked out your secret. 450 00:22:38,692 --> 00:22:41,737 It's your team that make you look good. Same for me. 451 00:22:41,737 --> 00:22:43,989 Only, my team actually like me. 452 00:22:46,366 --> 00:22:49,870 Well, even without them, I can still beat you in a duel. 453 00:22:49,870 --> 00:22:50,954 Maybe. 454 00:22:51,496 --> 00:22:54,583 But I'm willing to die to find out. Are you? 455 00:22:56,126 --> 00:22:57,544 Back to back, gentlemen. 456 00:23:01,173 --> 00:23:04,885 On my count, take ten paces, then fire. 457 00:23:04,885 --> 00:23:06,803 One, two-- 458 00:23:06,803 --> 00:23:07,888 more mustard-- 459 00:23:07,888 --> 00:23:08,972 three... 460 00:23:10,140 --> 00:23:11,350 four... 461 00:23:12,976 --> 00:23:13,977 five... 462 00:23:14,978 --> 00:23:16,271 six... 463 00:23:17,105 --> 00:23:18,482 seven... 464 00:23:19,942 --> 00:23:20,984 eight... 465 00:23:21,944 --> 00:23:23,195 nine... 466 00:23:27,783 --> 00:23:29,451 You tit-headed weasel! 467 00:23:33,997 --> 00:23:37,417 - Yeah, you run! - You confusing, sexy idiot! 468 00:23:39,044 --> 00:23:40,337 There you have it. 469 00:23:40,337 --> 00:23:42,714 Dick Turpin is the winner. 470 00:23:44,925 --> 00:23:46,301 Wasn't even loaded. 471 00:23:47,052 --> 00:23:48,053 Fine. 472 00:23:48,053 --> 00:23:49,555 I must do everything myself. 473 00:23:57,855 --> 00:23:59,523 - Out of my way, darling. - No. 474 00:24:00,315 --> 00:24:01,567 Leave Dick alone. 475 00:24:01,567 --> 00:24:02,651 He's my... 476 00:24:03,986 --> 00:24:04,987 friend. 477 00:24:04,987 --> 00:24:06,363 Proper mates. 478 00:24:06,363 --> 00:24:08,365 And I'm your family, Eleanor. 479 00:24:10,409 --> 00:24:13,996 You need to choose right now whose side you're on. 480 00:24:13,996 --> 00:24:16,373 Well, I mean, I'm-- I choose my gang. 481 00:24:16,373 --> 00:24:17,875 I thought that was pretty obvious. 482 00:24:20,002 --> 00:24:21,003 Very well. 483 00:24:22,462 --> 00:24:25,382 But you know what this means. We'll be enemies, darling. 484 00:24:26,091 --> 00:24:30,888 And my enemies have a nasty habit of turning up in teeny-tiny pieces. 485 00:24:32,306 --> 00:24:34,850 I'll be seeing you all very soon. 486 00:24:35,893 --> 00:24:37,060 I hope so. 487 00:24:37,060 --> 00:24:38,770 Sorry, we've got a bit of a vibe. 488 00:24:42,941 --> 00:24:45,277 Saw what you did there. So... 489 00:24:46,278 --> 00:24:47,654 been doing some mulling. 490 00:24:47,654 --> 00:24:50,657 I've come to realize, Dick, you're like a son to me. 491 00:24:50,657 --> 00:24:52,534 "Like?" I mean, I am your son. 492 00:24:52,534 --> 00:24:54,953 You've got panache, verve, 493 00:24:54,953 --> 00:25:00,167 and I'm pr... of you. 494 00:25:00,167 --> 00:25:03,378 - What? - I'm "pird." 495 00:25:03,378 --> 00:25:04,963 - Are you saying "proud"? - Yes. 496 00:25:06,340 --> 00:25:07,257 Thanks, Dad. 497 00:25:07,257 --> 00:25:09,426 - Proud of you too, Dick. - I love you, Benny. 498 00:25:09,426 --> 00:25:10,511 - Group hug? - Yeah! 499 00:25:12,179 --> 00:25:13,388 Bring it. 500 00:25:23,774 --> 00:25:25,734 My best-selling pamphlet yet. 501 00:25:25,734 --> 00:25:28,487 And I think you'll be rather pleased with this one. 502 00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:33,408 I'm on the cover! I'm famous! 503 00:25:33,408 --> 00:25:35,744 What about old Craig? Any space for me on the cover? 504 00:25:35,744 --> 00:25:37,162 No. 505 00:25:37,162 --> 00:25:39,122 And anyway, aren't you supposed to be working? 506 00:25:39,122 --> 00:25:41,792 Nah. You know what? I realized something. 507 00:25:42,334 --> 00:25:45,963 Sure, I can mix a mean cocktail, but my talents are needed elsewhere. 508 00:25:46,463 --> 00:25:48,423 I'm not Balthazar the Barman. 509 00:25:49,550 --> 00:25:51,134 I'm Craig the Warlock. 510 00:25:52,177 --> 00:25:54,388 - You fired him, didn't you? - Almost immediately. 511 00:25:56,181 --> 00:25:57,474 What now, boss? 512 00:25:57,975 --> 00:26:01,353 I don't know. I guess we wait for the next adventure to present itself. 513 00:26:01,353 --> 00:26:03,564 Adventures don't just present themselves, Dick. 514 00:26:03,564 --> 00:26:05,858 You have to seek them out tirelessly. 515 00:26:05,858 --> 00:26:07,317 I mean, it can take months. 516 00:26:07,317 --> 00:26:08,402 Years, even. 517 00:26:09,194 --> 00:26:10,821 Attention, peasantry! 518 00:26:12,573 --> 00:26:16,994 Tonight, a royal coach carrying the crown jewels 519 00:26:16,994 --> 00:26:21,373 will pass by your meager village. 520 00:26:21,373 --> 00:26:25,961 Under no circumstances is anyone to rob it. 521 00:26:25,961 --> 00:26:31,466 Steal those jewels and you become the most infamous, sought-after thief 522 00:26:31,466 --> 00:26:33,010 in all the land. 523 00:26:33,635 --> 00:26:36,013 Basically, a living legend. 524 00:26:36,889 --> 00:26:42,269 So don't even try. 525 00:26:44,104 --> 00:26:45,105 Good day. 526 00:26:46,899 --> 00:26:47,900 Oh, no. 527 00:26:51,528 --> 00:26:52,529 Oh, yeah. 528 00:26:58,660 --> 00:26:59,995 This is great. 529 00:26:59,995 --> 00:27:01,955 Does anyone actually know where we're going? 530 00:27:12,674 --> 00:27:15,385 Let us out of here! 531 00:27:15,385 --> 00:27:18,263 Let us-- For God's sake, we're not Dick Turpin. 532 00:27:20,933 --> 00:27:22,392 Well, how am I meant to know that? 533 00:27:22,392 --> 00:27:24,144 There's two of us, for a start. 534 00:27:24,144 --> 00:27:25,479 Not my problem, mate. 535 00:27:25,479 --> 00:27:28,315 It's a bank holiday weekend, and I'm going for a swim. 536 00:27:28,315 --> 00:27:30,859 No! No, don't! Let us out! 537 00:27:31,568 --> 00:27:33,237 I'll make you pay for this! 538 00:27:34,363 --> 00:27:36,907 I'll make you all pay! 539 00:27:37,824 --> 00:27:40,077 I'll get you for this, Dick Turpin.