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[Tommy] Attend the tale of Dick Turpin,
2
00:00:09,426 --> 00:00:13,430
the most "legendariest" highwayman
Essex has ever known.
3
00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:17,601
He bravely battled
thieftakers, outwitted witches,
4
00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:21,813
and became a hero
to all who heard his name. Until...
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00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:25,651
he was revealed to be a big, wimpy coward
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00:00:25,651 --> 00:00:28,946
who hated Hempstead and hated all of you.
7
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Especially the women and children.
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[jeering]
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00:00:33,575 --> 00:00:34,868
Total lies.
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Dick loved women and children.
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And he never stood on us.
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I miss not being stood on.
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But fear not, for I, Tommy Silversides,
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am a true highwayman of the people.
15
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- Don't touch me.
- [villagers cheering]
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See?
17
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:52,261
Didn't take long
for them to turn on Turpin.
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[stammers] They haven't turned on him.
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They're just distracted by that stupid,
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gorgeous, irresistible idiot, Tommy.
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And it's your job
to ensure they stay that way.
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And if I do,
promise me you won't kill him.
23
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- Yes, yes. We've been over all this.
- Or torture him.
24
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Darling, it's a torture dungeon.
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There's bound to be a little torture.
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Promise me, Mum.
27
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[groans]
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I promise not to torture
or murder Dick Turpin.
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- Happy?
- Yes, thank you. [sighs]
30
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Oh, I do miss
these mother-daughter bonding times.
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- [chuckles]
- [groans]
32
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[gasps] Oh, we should do a spa day.
33
00:01:29,965 --> 00:01:31,091
- [chuckles]
- [crowd cheering]
34
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[Tommy] Guys, stop.
You're embarrassing me. No more.
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[groans] Three cheers
for our heroic new highwayman!
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- [crowd] Hooray!
- You are too kind.
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Get out of here. Turn around.
Seriously, I hate being touched.
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[theme music playing]
39
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[prisoners clamoring]
40
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[keys jingling]
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[Dick] Looks better already.
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[groans] Oh, knickers. Not you again.
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[chuckles]
Geoffrey, you're my first visitor.
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Have you brought me a cake
with a file hidden inside it?
45
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Not for the bars.
Just my nails are out of control.
46
00:02:37,783 --> 00:02:39,451
- [chuckles]
- I'm your guard.
47
00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:40,827
After all that witch malarkey,
48
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I went into the private sector
to get away from idiots like you,
49
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so this is just my luck.
50
00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:48,627
Geoffrey, I'm really glad you're here.
Is this definitely the cell booked for me?
51
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Not a more spacious one with an en suite?
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There is an en suite.
That bucket over there. Look.
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When it rains, the ceiling leaks
so, you know, that's basically a shower.
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- Shower, just for me?
- No, no. All the other lads as well.
55
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What's the food like?
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Ooh. Uh, there's a bit of dried moss
on that back wall, if you fancy it.
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Goody. I'll have a lick later.
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So, I'm sure my gang
are on their way to save me,
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but just in case,
is there an escape route?
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Nah, nah. No, no escaping, Turpin.
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That's why they call this place
"Your Annoying Second Cousin's Wedding."
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'Cause no matter how hard you try,
there's just no getting out of it.
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[scoffs]
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- Ta-ra, mate.
- Where you going?
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Oh. Ironically,
it's my second cousin's wedding.
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So... [groans]
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[sighs]
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{\an8}Welcome to your first evaluation meeting.
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{\an8}I can see you all
received your new uniforms.
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{\an8}You're gonna look superb
in the background. Especially you, Nell.
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Save it, Tommy.
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You can flatter me all you like.
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Yeah, you can bat those beautiful eyes.
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You can even kiss me.
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It won't work.
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I dare you to kiss me.
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Kiss me, please.
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- Kiss me. Here.
- Nell, that's weird.
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Mr. Silversides. [chuckles] Tommy.
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00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:56,195
Mr. Silversides.
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- Not that these uniforms aren't great...
- Mm-hmm.
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...but, uh,
do you have anything more loose-fitting?
83
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Dick always said clothes are a way
of expressing your individuality, right?
84
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Why on earth would I want you
to express your individuality? No.
85
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I want you to play your designated roles.
86
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- [sighs]
- Moose, the violent heavy.
87
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[sighs]
88
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Honesty, the brainless psychopath.
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And Nell, the woman.
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Okay, I-I'm not brainless,
and Nell's not a woman.
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Well, I-- I am a woman.
92
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But I'm not the woman.
93
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You know-- Well, okay,
technically, I am the only woman here.
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So, in a sense, I am the woman,
but I-- What does that even mean?
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It means that you roll your eyes at
the wacky, hilarious things the boys say.
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Well, I won't be rolling them much then.
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[both laugh]
98
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Yes, you will, so give it a try.
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[sighs]
100
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- Uh-uh. More.
- [sighs]
101
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[Tommy] No. More. I want full circles.
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If I do it any more,
I'll detach my retinas.
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Then detach them.
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- What?
- [Moose] Please, Mr. Silversides.
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This isn't how we did things with Dick.
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[sighs] He taught us to be kind and free
and true to who we are.
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Yeah, but I hate who you are.
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- I mean, it's nothing personal.
- Mmm. That does sound quite personal.
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Oof. Are you missing him?
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- Yeah.
- You wanna leave?
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- Mmm, little bit.
- Okay. Off you go.
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But how long do you think a stupid lump
like you would survive alone out there
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before being ground up into piggy feed?
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Lump?
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Look, Nell, say something.
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Just do what he says, guys.
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Tommy's the leader now, so...
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Thank you, the woman.
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Much better, Nell.
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Okay, maintain eye contact.
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Five, six, seven, eight.
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Round! Work those hips. Feel the burn.
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Keep pushing down.
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Forward. Back. Forward. Back.
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One. Double-time.
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[panting]
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Faster, faster, faster, faster, faster.
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- [Honesty] Hands in the air.
- [Nell] Don't move!
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- [Moose] This is a robbery.
- [Honesty] Stand and deliver.
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Come on! Projection! Enunciation!
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This is a performance.
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Give it some oomph.
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♪ It's Tommy
Tommy, Tommy, Tommy Silversides ♪
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It's flat. It's flat!
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It's flat.
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Can you not hear yourselves?
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Again.
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[whines] What are you doing? Guys, stop.
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What are you doing?
You're not robbing me again, are you?
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Hey! I thought we were friends!
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Sorry, Craig. Boss's orders.
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Hey, don't go in that drawer!
That's my private drawer!
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- It's private!
- Not anymore.
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[whimpers]
145
00:06:35,938 --> 00:06:40,150
I've reported you to the Warlock Council
for unlicensed enchanting.
146
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Oh, yeah? No worries.
147
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Say good night, my friend.
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- Sleep bomb!
- [glass shatters]
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[fizzling]
150
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[whines]
151
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Give it a little minute.
It might still work.
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- Get him out.
- Moose! Honesty! [whimpers]
153
00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:54,331
What am I gonna do for money?
154
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You can't do this. Where's Dick?
155
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[Tommy] Thank you for coming.
156
00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:09,638
It's people like you who inspire me
to just keep robbing people like you.
157
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[chuckles]
158
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I've just found my next target.
159
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[snoring]
160
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[John] I should've known when you became
a highwayman, you'd end up behind bars.
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[grunts]
162
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Dad, am I really here?
163
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Or am I hallucinating?
164
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I've only eaten moss for a week.
165
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You're dreaming, Son.
166
00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:42,045
I'm just a pig-meat of your imagination.
167
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Yeah, this must be a dream.
168
00:07:44,173 --> 00:07:46,091
There's no way
you'd eat a carrot in real life.
169
00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:48,093
You let fame get to your head, Son.
170
00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:50,888
Didn't listen to your gang
when they warned you of the danger,
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00:07:50,888 --> 00:07:53,807
and now they're out there alone.
172
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- I know. I'm a bit worried about them.
- I wouldn't be.
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If they really cared,
they would've rescued you by now.
174
00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:01,064
But it's not that simple.
They don't know where I am.
175
00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:03,150
If they really cared,
they would've found out where you are.
176
00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:04,568
Well, should we give them a bit more time?
177
00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:06,278
- Yeah, but if they really cared--
- Yeah, all right.
178
00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:07,696
They don't care. I'm getting it.
179
00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:11,366
Listen, my gang will find me,
and they'll rescue me,
180
00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:14,912
and then Dick Turpin will ride again.
181
00:08:14,912 --> 00:08:16,538
I mean, it'll be slightly harder.
182
00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:18,457
I'm just a head now, but I'll find a way.
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00:08:18,457 --> 00:08:19,374
[swans honking]
184
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:20,959
[Dick] Carol and Sue.
185
00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:22,753
Benny, what are you doing here?
186
00:08:22,753 --> 00:08:25,297
This is the weird bit before you wake up.
187
00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:33,972
{\an8}The Ruin. Economic hub of Hempstead.
188
00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:35,432
{\an8}It is the perfect target.
189
00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:40,187
{\an8}High cash turnover,
multiple income streams, run by a child.
190
00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:43,690
{\an8}Yeah, I mean, we can't rob The Ruin.
It's the only decent pub around.
191
00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:46,652
Plus, Little Karen is our friend.
192
00:08:46,652 --> 00:08:47,986
Right, guys?
193
00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:50,072
You were right before, Nell.
194
00:08:50,072 --> 00:08:52,449
We should just listen to Tommy.
195
00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:54,535
Tommy's a wise leader.
196
00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:55,869
Wh-What have you done to them?
197
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,705
I've just won them round
with my charismatic leadership.
198
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:00,249
And I don't let them sleep.
199
00:09:00,249 --> 00:09:02,751
But Moose needs 16 hours a day
to function.
200
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:04,336
He's like a basset hound.
201
00:09:04,336 --> 00:09:05,838
No, he needs to do what I say.
202
00:09:05,838 --> 00:09:08,131
What's this, Moosey?
There's a good boy. Yes.
203
00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:09,550
Ah. Gently.
204
00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:11,260
- [snorts]
- There we are.
205
00:09:11,260 --> 00:09:12,761
See that? I'm the big-boy leader.
206
00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:15,055
Numéro un. That's French again.
207
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,932
Come on now, give in, yeah?
208
00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:20,477
Let these Silver-suds wash over you.
209
00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:21,562
[breathes shakily]
210
00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:23,230
No.
211
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:25,440
I will not be Silversudded.
212
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:28,110
We are nice highwaymen with panache.
213
00:09:28,694 --> 00:09:30,112
Low violence, high pay.
214
00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:32,322
Oh, my God. What have I become?
215
00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:33,615
You know the deal, Nell.
216
00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:37,160
You got a problem, take it up with Mummy.
217
00:09:53,135 --> 00:09:54,845
[Nell] Mum, I need to talk to you.
218
00:09:54,845 --> 00:09:58,974
[stammers] Shoes!
It's an Axminster rug. We know this.
219
00:09:58,974 --> 00:10:00,058
[scoffs]
220
00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,024
Oh, God.
221
00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:09,651
Tommy wants us to rob The Ruin.
222
00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:12,738
- Don't shout. Inside voice, please.
- [sighs] Okay.
223
00:10:12,738 --> 00:10:15,115
[faintly] Tommy wants us to rob The Ruin.
224
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,408
Now I can't hear you at all.
225
00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:18,994
[normal] Tommy wants us to rob The Ruin.
226
00:10:18,994 --> 00:10:20,621
I don't want to shock you, darling,
227
00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:23,665
but criminals
do tend to do a little bit of crime.
228
00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:26,251
That pub is the heart of the village.
229
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:27,836
The alcohol is the blood.
230
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:30,672
The-- [stammering]
231
00:10:30,672 --> 00:10:33,133
That's where that metaphor ends.
232
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,928
But... [sighs] ...rob that pub,
and Hempstead's done.
233
00:10:35,928 --> 00:10:37,513
Yes, and then we move on.
234
00:10:37,513 --> 00:10:40,682
Did you really think
our plans ended with Hempstead?
235
00:10:40,682 --> 00:10:45,103
Soon we'll have a Tommy Silversides
in every county.
236
00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:50,776
A network of celebrity highwaymen,
all heralded as folk heroes
237
00:10:50,776 --> 00:10:52,986
whilst robbing
the great British public blind.
238
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:56,198
Well, you will never find
enough highwaymen willing to work for you.
239
00:10:56,198 --> 00:10:57,616
I don't need highwaymen, darling.
240
00:10:57,616 --> 00:10:59,284
Where do you think I got Tommy?
241
00:11:01,537 --> 00:11:04,456
Wait, he's-- he's-- [stammers]
242
00:11:04,456 --> 00:11:07,417
That's right. Which is why I need you.
243
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:10,504
Well, the only person I wanna work for
is Dick Turpin.
244
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:12,548
Yes, but this time tomorrow,
he'll be dead, so--
245
00:11:12,548 --> 00:11:14,716
[gasps] Oh, I didn't mean to say that.
246
00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:18,804
[scoffs, stammers]
You promised me you wouldn't kill him.
247
00:11:18,804 --> 00:11:21,431
[clicks tongue, scoffs] This is so unfair!
248
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:23,600
But I have to, darling.
249
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,185
He is too good an influence on you.
250
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:28,105
Look at you.
Sensitive, empathetic, morally pure.
251
00:11:28,105 --> 00:11:30,148
[scoffs] I am worried.
252
00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:32,025
I will not let you do this.
253
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:34,403
[clicks tongue] Oh, sweetie.
254
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,322
Try and stop me.
255
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,032
[scoffs]
256
00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:44,746
Oh. Oh, dear.
257
00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:45,873
[gasping]
258
00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:49,751
Yeah.
259
00:11:54,089 --> 00:11:55,591
[Geoffrey] Oi, Turpin, wake up!
260
00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:57,968
What the bloody hell's happened to you?
261
00:11:57,968 --> 00:12:01,221
How have you grown that thing so quickly?
Only been in here a week.
262
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,973
What, this? It's not real, is it?
263
00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:05,142
I made this out of rats' eyelashes.
264
00:12:05,142 --> 00:12:06,894
[chuckles] I mean, traditionally,
265
00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:09,354
people think of the rat
as being quite an ugly creature,
266
00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:12,357
but up close, they've got quite beautiful,
long eyelashes.
267
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:16,403
Anyway, some light reading for you.
268
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:19,364
[sniffles] Yeah, looks like your gang
aren't missing you at all, are they?
269
00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:21,825
[laughs] You're not going anywhere.
270
00:12:21,825 --> 00:12:23,368
This couldn't get any worse.
271
00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:26,455
- [thunder rumbles, crashes]
- Ooh!
272
00:12:27,331 --> 00:12:28,999
Shower time, you monsters!
273
00:12:28,999 --> 00:12:30,876
One block at a time!
274
00:12:30,876 --> 00:12:32,920
- [prisoners clamoring]
- [sighs] They're on their way.
275
00:12:35,339 --> 00:12:38,675
{\an8}I'm telling you guys,
Tommy is not who he says he is.
276
00:12:38,675 --> 00:12:40,344
Oh, Nell.
277
00:12:40,344 --> 00:12:44,139
We were in denial too
before we accepted the truth.
278
00:12:44,139 --> 00:12:45,933
Dick just wasn't that into us.
279
00:12:46,642 --> 00:12:48,101
Shut up, you idiots.
280
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,186
Look.
281
00:12:49,186 --> 00:12:51,438
[Tommy]
That is not how it's supposed to go.
282
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:54,900
You somersault up into the tree,
grab a branch, then I drop down.
283
00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:56,985
You have got to be out of sight.
284
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:58,529
Otherwise, they'll see it wasn't me.
285
00:12:58,529 --> 00:13:00,280
I absolutely apologize.
I'm sorry, Mr. Silversides.
286
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:03,158
Not good enough.
Hair and makeup, come. Come.
287
00:13:03,158 --> 00:13:05,661
Right, this wig, it is itchy,
288
00:13:05,661 --> 00:13:08,413
badly fitted,
and not nearly swishy enough.
289
00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:10,249
I need it to swish like Dick's.
290
00:13:10,249 --> 00:13:11,500
Give me Dick swish.
291
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:14,336
Away. Isabelle. Reginald. Priscilla.
292
00:13:14,962 --> 00:13:18,382
I need to see genuine amazement
when we reach the next village.
293
00:13:18,382 --> 00:13:20,008
Gasps when you see me.
294
00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:21,260
Show me right now. Show me.
295
00:13:21,260 --> 00:13:23,303
- [gasps] Wow.
- Who is he?
296
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,388
- Oh, wow!
- Incredible!
297
00:13:24,388 --> 00:13:26,932
No, no, no, no, no.
God, what do I pay you for?
298
00:13:26,932 --> 00:13:28,600
Where's the truth? Look at me!
299
00:13:30,269 --> 00:13:32,104
[exclaiming]
300
00:13:32,104 --> 00:13:34,982
[stammers]
Twenty-five years I've been acting.
301
00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:36,358
Man, boy and baby.
302
00:13:36,358 --> 00:13:39,361
You know what they used to say about me?
God, I can still hear it now:
303
00:13:39,361 --> 00:13:43,156
"Child Star Shines As Murdered Infant."
304
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,117
So I know what I'm talking about,
you guys.
305
00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:48,245
[breathes deeply] Everyone take five.
306
00:13:48,245 --> 00:13:49,788
I'm gonna be in my trailer.
307
00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:51,665
His name's not even Tommy Silversides.
308
00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:52,833
It's Albert Crumb.
309
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:57,379
{\an8}If he's an actor,
this means Dick didn't actually leave us.
310
00:13:57,379 --> 00:13:59,423
[chuckles] He still loves us.
311
00:13:59,423 --> 00:14:01,091
- Yes.
- Tommy faked everything.
312
00:14:01,091 --> 00:14:03,051
- Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- The fans, the stunts,
313
00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:04,428
- pretending to fancy you.
- Yes.
314
00:14:04,428 --> 00:14:05,345
He didn't fake that.
315
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:08,640
No, he was, um-- [clicks tongue]
he was actually quite taken aback by me.
316
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:12,311
Yeah. That happens a lot with me and guys.
317
00:14:12,311 --> 00:14:13,395
What can you do?
318
00:14:13,395 --> 00:14:15,689
But wait. How come you know all this?
319
00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:17,900
There's a lot I need to tell you. Come on.
320
00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:20,944
Hello? Is anyone going to help me down?
321
00:14:22,404 --> 00:14:24,656
{\an8}[Moose]
So, your mom's the head of the Syndicate?
322
00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:26,450
You lied to us.
323
00:14:26,450 --> 00:14:28,827
You betrayed your own gang.
324
00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:33,832
It's gonna take quite some time
for me to ever trust you again, Nell.
325
00:14:38,170 --> 00:14:42,883
- Okay. I'm ready. Now, where's Dick?
- He's in a secret Syndicate prison.
326
00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:46,637
So secret they have to blindfold
the horses that ride there.
327
00:14:46,637 --> 00:14:49,932
We should still ask the horses anyway.
Just in case they've heard anything.
328
00:14:49,932 --> 00:14:53,310
Sounds like you guys
need a man on the inside.
329
00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:55,395
It's the name
of the cocktail that I've just created
330
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:59,816
because it has a tiny little man
on the inside.
331
00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:01,485
Mmm. I think that's a frog.
332
00:15:01,485 --> 00:15:02,694
Just give it a second.
333
00:15:06,198 --> 00:15:08,116
- Yeah, what are you doing here, Craig?
- Me?
334
00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:11,870
Oh, uh, Little Karen hired me after
you lot and Tommy put me out of business.
335
00:15:11,870 --> 00:15:13,121
So I work here now.
336
00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:15,040
By the way,
you know my name's not actually Craig?
337
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,167
I just call myself Craig
'cause it sounds more "warlock-y."
338
00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:18,669
My real name is so boring.
339
00:15:18,669 --> 00:15:20,295
It's, uh, Balthazar the Magnificent.
340
00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:21,380
Right.
341
00:15:21,380 --> 00:15:23,882
Get back to work, Craig.
It's only a trial shift.
342
00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:25,008
[whimpers] Sorry, boss.
343
00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:29,555
Look, if you guys really wanna find Dick,
then you need an in.
344
00:15:29,555 --> 00:15:31,431
Like how I've got this job
with Little Karen.
345
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:32,808
It's a hookup. Right, boss?
346
00:15:32,808 --> 00:15:35,227
[shouting]
Why are there frogs everywhere, Craig?
347
00:15:35,227 --> 00:15:36,478
Sorry, boss.
348
00:15:36,478 --> 00:15:39,064
I actually can't believe I'm saying this,
but Balthazar is right.
349
00:15:39,064 --> 00:15:40,983
- It's "Craig."
- We need an in.
350
00:15:40,983 --> 00:15:43,902
Nell, we don't know
anyone else in the Syndicate.
351
00:15:45,404 --> 00:15:47,239
Except-- Well--
352
00:15:47,906 --> 00:15:48,740
Of course!
353
00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:50,158
- Yes!
- [Moose] Let's go!
354
00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:51,493
[stammers] Moose, uh, uh, uh,
355
00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:53,787
just tell me on the way because
I don't know what we're talking about.
356
00:16:06,717 --> 00:16:09,595
All right, Turpin,
time to get you tortured.
357
00:16:09,595 --> 00:16:11,305
Tortured? What for?
358
00:16:11,305 --> 00:16:14,183
It's a nice little parting gift
from Helen Gwinear.
359
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:19,396
This one's a bit of a celebrity
by all accounts,
360
00:16:19,396 --> 00:16:21,648
so give him the full VIP treatment.
361
00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:24,526
"Very Invasive Probing."
362
00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:26,987
Enjoy.
363
00:16:29,114 --> 00:16:32,576
Yeah. Now's not a great time for me.
Perhaps we could reschedule.
364
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,751
- Hello, Turpin.
- [gasps]
365
00:16:40,751 --> 00:16:42,836
Hey, Dick. Cool cell.
366
00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:45,506
J-dog? Christopher? What a surprise!
367
00:16:45,506 --> 00:16:49,259
Your gang paid me a visit.
Told me about your incarceration.
368
00:16:50,636 --> 00:16:54,723
It delighted me,
the prospect of you rotting in a cell.
369
00:16:54,723 --> 00:16:56,934
It made me feel warm and fuzzy.
370
00:16:57,809 --> 00:17:01,647
But now that I'm here, can I just say
371
00:17:01,647 --> 00:17:05,358
- it's so wonderful to see you.
- [Christopher] Dad.
372
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,569
You're looking very svelte.
Have you lost weight?
373
00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:09,279
- Dad!
- I'm on that new moss diet.
374
00:17:09,279 --> 00:17:11,698
- Dad!
- One moment. What is it, darling?
375
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:15,035
- I found a dead beetle.
- Oh, look at that.
376
00:17:15,035 --> 00:17:17,663
Yes, you did. Well done.
377
00:17:17,663 --> 00:17:19,580
Daddy loves you. [chuckles]
378
00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:22,626
You see, since our dalliance in London,
379
00:17:22,626 --> 00:17:27,381
I've been on a journey
of mindfulness and self-care.
380
00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:31,510
And my relationship
with Christopher has never been better.
381
00:17:31,510 --> 00:17:33,178
And it's all down to you.
382
00:17:33,178 --> 00:17:37,766
Oh, by the way, would you mind
giving the occasional pained howl?
383
00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:40,477
- Let them know that I'm doing something.
- Course.
384
00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:44,398
Oh, my eyes! Please!
385
00:17:44,398 --> 00:17:49,319
And, um, to repay you, on our way out,
I might just leave the door open.
386
00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:50,946
I'd actually prefer it if it was closed.
387
00:17:50,946 --> 00:17:53,407
When it's closed,
I just feel a little bit more cozy.
388
00:17:53,407 --> 00:17:56,326
I'm helping you escape, you idiot.
[stammers] Dick.
389
00:17:57,202 --> 00:17:59,872
Hmm, I don't know.
390
00:17:59,872 --> 00:18:01,874
Maybe I don't want to escape.
391
00:18:01,874 --> 00:18:03,000
What's the point?
392
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:05,794
I can't beat Tommy anyway.
He's incredible.
393
00:18:05,794 --> 00:18:10,591
[sighs] Even my hair has started to look
lank, lifeless, depressed.
394
00:18:10,591 --> 00:18:12,176
It's exactly the same.
395
00:18:12,176 --> 00:18:13,844
I mean, how is that even possible?
396
00:18:13,844 --> 00:18:15,971
Maybe my gang are better off with Tommy.
397
00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:17,890
Maybe I'm not a great highwayman.
398
00:18:17,890 --> 00:18:22,144
Listen, Turpin,
you are a terrible highwayman.
399
00:18:22,144 --> 00:18:24,479
Oh. Thought I was gonna get
some sort of pep talk.
400
00:18:24,479 --> 00:18:27,816
- But you did rob the Unrobbable Coach...
- Mmm.
401
00:18:27,816 --> 00:18:29,735
- ...steal Syndicate gold...
- True.
402
00:18:29,735 --> 00:18:33,780
...and you're the only highwayman ever
to avoid my noose.
403
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:34,781
[chuckles]
404
00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:38,994
Well, that might make you
the best bad highwayman there's ever been.
405
00:18:38,994 --> 00:18:41,121
Don't swap my nipples!
406
00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:47,669
You're not going to beat Tommy Silversides
by being Tommy Silversides.
407
00:18:48,712 --> 00:18:52,007
You're only gonna do that by being...
408
00:18:53,675 --> 00:18:54,801
Dick Turpin.
409
00:18:56,094 --> 00:18:57,095
You're right.
410
00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,097
Dick Turpin's great.
411
00:19:00,057 --> 00:19:01,266
And I'm Dick Turpin.
412
00:19:02,351 --> 00:19:04,186
I'm gonna go and win my gang back.
413
00:19:04,186 --> 00:19:05,312
And when you do--
414
00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:08,357
[stammers] Just cover your ears
for a moment, Christopher, my darling.
415
00:19:09,441 --> 00:19:13,695
You find that stuck-up harpy
Helen Gwinear, and you take her down.
416
00:19:14,530 --> 00:19:17,199
I miss my life of crime every moment.
417
00:19:17,199 --> 00:19:20,160
I need you to make her pay.
418
00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:23,413
Anyway, so lovely catching up.
419
00:19:23,413 --> 00:19:26,208
[chuckles]
You're a complicated guy, Wilde-style.
420
00:19:26,208 --> 00:19:27,334
But thanks. [sighs]
421
00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:28,752
Christopher.
422
00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:32,047
It's been great reconnecting with
you guys. I'll catch you on the flip side.
423
00:19:32,047 --> 00:19:35,926
Oh, knees don't bend that way!
424
00:19:35,926 --> 00:19:38,095
No, no! No!
425
00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:40,222
Oh, Dick, wait!
426
00:19:40,973 --> 00:19:44,309
Dick, you idiot, you locked us in! Dick!
427
00:19:44,309 --> 00:19:47,187
- Whoo-hoo! [chuckling] Yeah!
- [horse neighing]
428
00:19:47,896 --> 00:19:49,064
How did he escape?
429
00:19:49,064 --> 00:19:51,149
It's supposed to be inescapable.
Where were you?
430
00:19:51,149 --> 00:19:52,985
I was at a wedding. Yeah.
431
00:19:52,985 --> 00:19:54,319
Now, that felt inescapable.
432
00:19:55,988 --> 00:19:57,698
You're fired, Geoffrey.
433
00:19:57,698 --> 00:20:00,659
Guards, ready my carriage.
Take me to Hempstead.
434
00:20:01,243 --> 00:20:02,786
But not too fast. I get travel sick.
435
00:20:02,786 --> 00:20:04,705
[grunts] Ow! Oh, ow, ow!
436
00:20:04,705 --> 00:20:06,707
Oh, spider-- Oh, carry me!
437
00:20:06,707 --> 00:20:09,668
♪ Does he sep--
Does he separate recycling? ♪
438
00:20:10,711 --> 00:20:14,965
You guys, rise and shine.
It's time to ruin The Ruin.
439
00:20:16,466 --> 00:20:19,052
Note to self: Must do more comedy roles.
440
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:24,057
You guys?
441
00:20:24,975 --> 00:20:26,310
Wakey-wakey.
442
00:20:26,310 --> 00:20:28,145
It's my big day.
443
00:20:51,043 --> 00:20:55,047
So, you got my invite, then?
If not, this is a massive coincidence.
444
00:20:55,047 --> 00:20:57,966
That's my gang, Turpin.
445
00:20:58,550 --> 00:21:01,261
Oh, yeah? You wanna duel for it?
446
00:21:03,805 --> 00:21:05,516
Are you sure you don't want a bigger gun?
447
00:21:05,516 --> 00:21:07,226
I've actually grown quite attached
to this one.
448
00:21:07,226 --> 00:21:09,311
I've given it a name.
I call it "Miniature Pete."
449
00:21:09,311 --> 00:21:12,064
Yeah, shoot his face off, Dick.
Yeah? Shoot his face right off.
450
00:21:12,064 --> 00:21:13,524
- [Dick] I'll try.
- [Honesty] Yeah.
451
00:21:13,524 --> 00:21:16,109
A rematch was not in my contract.
452
00:21:16,818 --> 00:21:18,237
I'm gonna contact my union.
453
00:21:19,488 --> 00:21:22,824
You're going to finish this,
or I'll finish you.
454
00:21:23,742 --> 00:21:26,036
Remember, you can't lose.
455
00:21:26,537 --> 00:21:29,122
Gentlemen, gentlemen, listen up.
456
00:21:33,627 --> 00:21:35,963
I want a nice, clean duel.
457
00:21:35,963 --> 00:21:37,589
No cheap shots.
458
00:21:37,589 --> 00:21:43,011
And I want a sandwich brought to me now,
with mustard, no crust.
459
00:21:43,011 --> 00:21:45,222
And white bread. I'm not a peasant.
460
00:21:45,222 --> 00:21:47,349
- Think you can win this?
- [grunts]
461
00:21:47,349 --> 00:21:51,061
I'm gonna shoot you, dazzle the crowd
and then sing my song again.
462
00:21:51,061 --> 00:21:53,355
- I do like that song.
- Maybe we can do a duet.
463
00:21:53,355 --> 00:21:55,190
Oh, wait. You'll be dead.
464
00:21:55,190 --> 00:21:59,152
[sighs] Or maybe I won't be dead,
now that you don't have your marksmen.
465
00:21:59,152 --> 00:22:01,488
What? What marksmen?
466
00:22:01,488 --> 00:22:03,448
The marksmen that do all your shooting?
467
00:22:03,448 --> 00:22:05,868
The ones who are supposed to be
hiding in those trees?
468
00:22:05,868 --> 00:22:08,161
You see, Moose took them out
for a little drink last night.
469
00:22:08,161 --> 00:22:11,248
Explained to them
the benefits of a breezier outfit.
470
00:22:11,248 --> 00:22:13,792
And look at them, absolutely slaying it.
471
00:22:13,792 --> 00:22:14,877
And your stunt team.
472
00:22:14,877 --> 00:22:16,420
The ones
who do all your robberies for you?
473
00:22:17,629 --> 00:22:18,964
Honesty read them some poetry.
474
00:22:20,090 --> 00:22:21,091
They hated it.
475
00:22:21,091 --> 00:22:23,385
But he also gave them a massive bribe.
476
00:22:25,762 --> 00:22:29,725
And as for your singers,
Nell found them too irritating to talk to.
477
00:22:29,725 --> 00:22:32,186
But they're only singers,
so we're not that bothered.
478
00:22:32,186 --> 00:22:36,857
♪ We're still with you, Tommy ♪
479
00:22:36,857 --> 00:22:38,692
You see, they worked out your secret.
480
00:22:38,692 --> 00:22:41,737
It's your team that make you look good.
Same for me.
481
00:22:41,737 --> 00:22:43,989
Only, my team actually like me.
482
00:22:43,989 --> 00:22:45,073
[chuckles]
483
00:22:46,366 --> 00:22:49,870
Well, even without them,
I can still beat you in a duel.
484
00:22:49,870 --> 00:22:50,954
Maybe.
485
00:22:51,496 --> 00:22:54,583
But I'm willing to die to find out.
Are you?
486
00:22:56,126 --> 00:22:57,544
Back to back, gentlemen.
487
00:23:01,173 --> 00:23:04,885
On my count, take ten paces, then fire.
488
00:23:04,885 --> 00:23:06,803
One, two--
489
00:23:06,803 --> 00:23:07,888
more mustard--
490
00:23:07,888 --> 00:23:08,972
three...
491
00:23:10,140 --> 00:23:11,350
four...
492
00:23:12,976 --> 00:23:13,977
five...
493
00:23:14,978 --> 00:23:16,271
six...
494
00:23:17,105 --> 00:23:18,482
seven...
495
00:23:19,942 --> 00:23:20,984
eight...
496
00:23:21,944 --> 00:23:23,195
nine...
497
00:23:23,195 --> 00:23:25,572
[whimpering]
498
00:23:26,490 --> 00:23:27,699
[all laughing]
499
00:23:27,699 --> 00:23:29,451
You tit-headed weasel!
500
00:23:29,451 --> 00:23:30,369
[chuckles]
501
00:23:30,369 --> 00:23:32,621
- [crowd clamoring]
- [screams]
502
00:23:33,997 --> 00:23:37,417
- [Honesty] Yeah, you run! [laughs]
- You confusing, sexy idiot!
503
00:23:37,417 --> 00:23:38,544
[chuckles]
504
00:23:39,044 --> 00:23:40,337
There you have it.
505
00:23:40,337 --> 00:23:42,714
Dick Turpin is the winner.
506
00:23:42,714 --> 00:23:44,842
- [crowd cheering]
- Whoo!
507
00:23:44,842 --> 00:23:46,969
Wasn't even loaded. [laughs]
508
00:23:46,969 --> 00:23:48,053
Fine.
509
00:23:48,053 --> 00:23:49,555
I must do everything myself.
510
00:23:51,807 --> 00:23:53,517
[crowd gasping]
511
00:23:54,601 --> 00:23:55,686
[grunts]
512
00:23:57,855 --> 00:23:59,523
- Out of my way, darling.
- [Nell] No.
513
00:23:59,523 --> 00:24:01,567
[breathes heavily] Leave Dick alone.
514
00:24:01,567 --> 00:24:02,651
He's my...
515
00:24:03,986 --> 00:24:04,987
friend.
516
00:24:04,987 --> 00:24:06,363
Proper mates.
517
00:24:06,363 --> 00:24:08,365
And I'm your family, Eleanor.
518
00:24:10,409 --> 00:24:13,996
You need to choose right now
whose side you're on.
519
00:24:13,996 --> 00:24:16,373
Well, I mean, I'm-- I choose my gang.
520
00:24:16,373 --> 00:24:18,667
I thought that was pretty obvious.
[chuckles]
521
00:24:20,002 --> 00:24:21,003
Very well.
522
00:24:22,462 --> 00:24:25,382
But you know what this means.
We'll be enemies, darling.
523
00:24:26,091 --> 00:24:30,554
And my enemies have a nasty habit
of turning up in teeny-tiny pieces.
524
00:24:30,554 --> 00:24:31,638
[chuckles]
525
00:24:32,306 --> 00:24:34,850
I'll be seeing you all very soon.
526
00:24:35,893 --> 00:24:37,060
I hope so.
527
00:24:37,060 --> 00:24:38,770
Sorry, we've got a bit of a vibe.
528
00:24:40,606 --> 00:24:42,399
[blows]
529
00:24:42,941 --> 00:24:45,277
Saw what you did there. So...
530
00:24:46,278 --> 00:24:47,654
been doing some mulling.
531
00:24:47,654 --> 00:24:50,657
I've come to realize, Dick,
you're like a son to me.
532
00:24:50,657 --> 00:24:52,534
"Like?" I mean, I am your son.
533
00:24:52,534 --> 00:24:54,953
You've got panache, verve,
534
00:24:54,953 --> 00:25:00,167
and, uh, I'm p-pr... [mumbles] ...of you.
535
00:25:00,167 --> 00:25:03,378
- What?
- I'm "pird."
536
00:25:03,378 --> 00:25:04,963
- Are you saying "proud"?
- Yes.
537
00:25:04,963 --> 00:25:07,257
[chuckles] Thanks, Dad.
538
00:25:07,257 --> 00:25:09,426
- Proud of you too, Dick.
- I love you, Benny.
539
00:25:09,426 --> 00:25:10,511
- Group hug?
- Yeah!
540
00:25:10,511 --> 00:25:12,804
- [blows]
- Bring it.
541
00:25:12,804 --> 00:25:14,890
[crowd cheering]
542
00:25:23,774 --> 00:25:25,734
My best-selling pamphlet yet.
543
00:25:25,734 --> 00:25:28,487
And I think you'll be
rather pleased with this one.
544
00:25:29,488 --> 00:25:33,408
[gasps] I'm on the cover! I'm famous!
545
00:25:33,408 --> 00:25:35,744
What about old Craig?
Any space for me on the cover?
546
00:25:35,744 --> 00:25:37,162
- [giggles]
- No.
547
00:25:37,162 --> 00:25:39,122
And anyway,
aren't you supposed to be working?
548
00:25:39,122 --> 00:25:41,792
Nah. You know what? I realized something.
549
00:25:42,334 --> 00:25:45,963
Sure, I can mix a mean cocktail,
but my talents are needed elsewhere.
550
00:25:46,463 --> 00:25:48,423
I'm not Balthazar the Barman.
551
00:25:49,550 --> 00:25:51,134
I'm Craig the Warlock.
552
00:25:51,134 --> 00:25:52,219
[chuckles]
553
00:25:52,219 --> 00:25:54,388
- You fired him, didn't you?
- Almost immediately.
554
00:25:56,181 --> 00:25:57,474
[Honesty] What now, boss?
555
00:25:57,975 --> 00:26:01,353
I don't know. I guess we wait
for the next adventure to present itself.
556
00:26:01,353 --> 00:26:03,564
Adventures don't just
present themselves, Dick.
557
00:26:03,564 --> 00:26:05,858
You have to seek them out tirelessly.
558
00:26:05,858 --> 00:26:07,317
I mean, it can take months.
559
00:26:07,317 --> 00:26:08,402
Years, even.
560
00:26:09,194 --> 00:26:10,821
[guard] Attention, peasantry!
561
00:26:12,573 --> 00:26:16,994
Tonight,
a royal coach carrying the crown jewels
562
00:26:16,994 --> 00:26:21,373
will pass by your meager village.
563
00:26:21,373 --> 00:26:25,961
Under no circumstances
is anyone to rob it.
564
00:26:25,961 --> 00:26:31,466
Steal those jewels and you become
the most infamous, sought-after thief
565
00:26:31,466 --> 00:26:33,010
in all the land.
566
00:26:33,635 --> 00:26:36,013
Basically, a living legend.
567
00:26:36,889 --> 00:26:42,269
So don't even try.
568
00:26:44,104 --> 00:26:45,105
Good day.
569
00:26:46,899 --> 00:26:47,900
Oh, no.
570
00:26:51,528 --> 00:26:52,529
Oh, yeah.
571
00:26:52,529 --> 00:26:54,615
[theme music playing]
572
00:26:58,160 --> 00:26:59,995
[Dick laughs] This is great.
573
00:26:59,995 --> 00:27:01,955
Does anyone actually
know where we're going?
574
00:27:12,674 --> 00:27:15,385
Let us out of here! Let us out of here!
575
00:27:15,385 --> 00:27:18,263
Let us-- For God's sake,
we're not Dick Turpin.
576
00:27:20,933 --> 00:27:22,392
Well, how am I meant to know that?
577
00:27:22,392 --> 00:27:23,894
There's two of us, for a start.
578
00:27:23,894 --> 00:27:25,479
[vocalizes] Not my problem, mate.
579
00:27:25,479 --> 00:27:28,315
It's a bank holiday weekend,
and, uh, I'm going for a swim.
580
00:27:28,315 --> 00:27:30,859
No! No, don't! Let us out!
581
00:27:31,568 --> 00:27:33,237
I'll make you pay for this!
582
00:27:34,363 --> 00:27:36,907
I'll make you all pay!
583
00:27:37,824 --> 00:27:40,077
[Jonathan]
I'll get you for this, Dick Turpin.