1
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來聽聽迪克特平的故事

2
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他是艾塞克斯有史以來最傳奇的攔路強盜

3
00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:17,601
他勇敢對抗捉賊人,智取女巫

4
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並成了家喻戶曉的英雄,直到...

5
00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:25,651
人們發現他是個沒用的懦夫

6
00:00:25,651 --> 00:00:28,946
還討厭亨普斯德和你們各位

7
00:00:28,946 --> 00:00:30,531
尤其是女人和小孩

8
00:00:33,575 --> 00:00:34,868
一派胡言

9
00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,828
迪克很愛女人和小孩

10
00:00:36,828 --> 00:00:38,163
而且他從沒踩過我們

11
00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:39,581
我懷念不用被踩的日子

12
00:00:39,581 --> 00:00:43,252
但不用擔心,因為我,湯米席維賽

13
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是真正屬於人民的攔路強盜

14
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別碰我

15
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看吧

16
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他們一下子就背叛特平了

17
00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:54,346
他們沒有背叛他

18
00:00:54,346 --> 00:00:56,682
他們只是一時鬼迷心竅

19
00:00:57,599 --> 00:01:00,894
信了那個愚蠢、帥氣又誘人的白痴湯米

20
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:03,188
而妳要負責讓他們繼續如此

21
00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:06,233
如果我照做了,妳要答應我不會殺他

22
00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:08,527
- 好啦,這我們討論過了
- 也不能施酷刑

23
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親愛的,那裡是酷刑地牢

24
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肯定會有一點酷刑的

25
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答應我,媽

26
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我保證不會對迪克特平施酷刑或殺害他

27
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- 滿意了沒?
- 好,謝謝

28
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我好懷念這種母女相處時光

29
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我們應該一起來個水療日

30
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大家別這樣,這讓我很難為情,夠了

31
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為我們新上任的英雄攔路強盜歡呼三聲

32
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- 萬歲
- 你們對我太好了

33
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滾開,轉過去,我是說真的,我討厭被摸

34
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(通緝令,艾塞克斯幫)

35
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{\an8}《迪克特平的冒險歪傳》

36
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{\an8}(辛迪加集團監牢,早午餐時間後)

37
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看起來好多了

38
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煩死了,又是你

39
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傑佛瑞,你是第一個來探監的人

40
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你有帶藏了銼刀的蛋糕嗎?

41
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不是要逃獄用的,我很需要銼指甲

42
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我是你的獄卒

43
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在上次的女巫鬧劇之後

44
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我決定到私人機構工作,遠離你這種蠢貨

45
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可惜我運氣太差了

46
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傑佛瑞,我好高興你在這裡
我的牢房真的是這間嗎?

47
00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:50,838
不是有衛浴的大套房嗎?

48
00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:52,881
這裡有衛浴啊,你看那邊的水桶

49
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下雨時天花板會漏水
所以算得上是淋浴間了

50
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- 我專屬的淋浴間?
- 不,其他人也都能用

51
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這裡的伙食如何?

52
00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:03,809
你想吃的話,後面的牆上有乾掉的苔蘚

53
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好耶,我待會去吃

54
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話說,我的伙伴們一定正趕來救我

55
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:11,441
但以防萬一,這裡有逃生路線嗎?

56
00:03:11,441 --> 00:03:14,069
不,你逃不了的,特平

57
00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:16,864
所以這裡才被稱為“煩人遠親的婚禮”

58
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因為無論你多麼努力,都不可能逃出去

59
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- 再見,朋友
- 你要去哪?

60
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很諷刺,我要去參加遠親的婚禮

61
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所以...

62
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{\an8}(湯米上場囉)

63
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{\an8}歡迎來到各位的首次評鑑會議

64
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{\an8}看來你們都收到新制服了

65
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:39,845
{\an8}你們會成為我背後的好看配角
尤其是妳,妮兒

66
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省省吧,湯米

67
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你可以儘管撩我

68
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或用那雙電眼對我放電

69
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你甚至可以親我

70
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但沒用的

71
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我量你也不敢親我

72
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親我吧,拜託

73
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- 親我吧,親這裡
- 妮兒,這樣很怪

74
00:03:53,025 --> 00:03:54,985
席維賽先生,湯米

75
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叫我席維賽先生

76
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我不是要嫌棄這套制服

77
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但你有寬鬆一點的選擇嗎?

78
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:06,580
迪克總是說
服裝是展現個性的方式,對吧?

79
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:11,126
我怎麼會希望你們展現個性?不

80
00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:14,129
我希望你們扮演好被指派的角色

81
00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:18,132
穆斯是暴力壯漢

82
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老實男是愚蠢的心理變態

83
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:26,141
而妮兒則是女人代表

84
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好,我並不愚蠢,妮兒也不是女人

85
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我是女人

86
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,398
但我不是女人代表

87
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好,嚴格說來,我是這裡唯一的女人

88
00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:40,572
所以我可以算是女人代表
但我...那到底是什麼意思?

89
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意思就是
妳會對男生說的滑稽笑話翻白眼

90
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那我大概不會常翻吧

91
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妳會的,試試看吧

92
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不對,再多一點

93
00:04:54,378 --> 00:04:56,296
不,再多一點,要完整翻一圈

94
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我再翻下去,視網膜都要剝離了

95
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那就讓它們剝離吧

96
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- 什麼?
- 拜託,席維賽先生

97
00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:03,554
迪克以前不會這樣對我們

98
00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:08,851
他教我們要善良、自由,並且忠於自我

99
00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:11,436
是,但我討厭你們的自我

100
00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:14,314
- 不是針對你們啦
- 聽起來很針對我們

101
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你想念他嗎?

102
00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:17,484
- 對
- 你想離開?

103
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,194
- 有一點
- 好,要走就走

104
00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:24,867
但你覺得像你這種大呆瓜
能在外獨自存活多久?

105
00:05:24,867 --> 00:05:27,327
一定很快就被絞成豬飼料了

106
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:28,412
大呆瓜?

107
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妮兒,快說點什麼

108
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就照他說的做吧,兩位

109
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現在湯米是頭子,所以...

110
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謝謝妳,女人代表

111
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這白眼好多了,妮兒

112
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好,保持眼神接觸

113
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:46,346
五、六、七、八

114
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繞圈,搖屁股,感受肌肉在燃燒

115
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繼續往下推

116
00:05:50,893 --> 00:05:54,062
往前,往後...

117
00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:55,397
一,速度加倍

118
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快一點...

119
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- 雙手舉高
- 不准動

120
00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:03,906
- 這是搶劫
- 交出金銀財寶

121
00:06:03,906 --> 00:06:06,200
加把勁,大聲點,發音要清晰

122
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:07,826
這是一場表演

123
00:06:07,826 --> 00:06:08,911
拿出活力來

124
00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:13,749
他是湯米...席維賽

125
00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:15,751
要降半音...

126
00:06:15,751 --> 00:06:16,835
要降半音

127
00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:18,420
你們聽不到自己的歌聲嗎?

128
00:06:19,171 --> 00:06:20,172
再一次

129
00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:23,800
你們要幹嘛?快住手

130
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,844
你們要幹嘛?不會又要搶劫我吧?

131
00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:27,596
嘿,我以為我們是朋友

132
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抱歉,克雷格,我們是聽命行事

133
00:06:30,432 --> 00:06:33,101
嘿,別翻那個抽屜,那是我的私人抽屜

134
00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:34,853
- 是私人的
- 現在不是了

135
00:06:35,771 --> 00:06:40,150
我已經向巫師協會檢舉你無照使用魔法了

136
00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:42,486
是嗎?沒關係

137
00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:45,155
乖乖說晚安吧,朋友

138
00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:46,156
昏睡炸彈

139
00:06:49,535 --> 00:06:51,119
再等一下,可能還是有效果

140
00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:53,038
- 把他拉出去
- 穆斯、老實男

141
00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:54,331
我以後要如何賺錢?

142
00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:57,125
你們不能這樣,迪克在哪裡?

143
00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:02,422
(迪克大膽逃脫記)

144
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:03,340
(主角是湯米)

145
00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:04,258
謝謝你來

146
00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:09,638
像你這樣的人激勵了我
要繼續搶劫像你這樣的人

147
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:19,147
我找到下一個行搶目標了

148
00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:30,784
你當上攔路強盜時
我就該知道你最後會入獄

149
00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,705
爸,我真的在這裡嗎?

150
00:07:34,705 --> 00:07:36,206
還是這是幻覺?

151
00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:37,708
我一整週只吃了苔蘚

152
00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:39,376
兒子,你正在做夢

153
00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:42,045
我只是你想像出來的一塊肉

154
00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:43,422
對,這一定是一場夢

155
00:07:44,173 --> 00:07:46,091
你不可能在現實中吃紅蘿蔔

156
00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:48,093
兒子,你被名氣沖昏頭了

157
00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:50,888
你沒把伙伴們所警告的危險聽進去

158
00:07:50,888 --> 00:07:53,807
現在他們孤零零地在外遊蕩

159
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:55,809
- 我知道,我有點擔心他們
- 那倒不必

160
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:59,062
如果他們真的在乎,現在早就來救你了

161
00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:01,064
但事情沒那麼簡單,他們不知道我在哪

162
00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:03,150
如果他們真的在乎,就會找出你在哪

163
00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:04,568
應該給他們多一點時間吧?

164
00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:06,278
- 對,但如果他們真的在乎...
- 好

165
00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:07,696
他們不在乎,我明白了

166
00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:11,366
聽好,我的伙伴們會找到我,並救我出去

167
00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:14,912
然後迪克特平將再次策馬奔騰

168
00:08:14,912 --> 00:08:16,538
現在會稍微困難一點

169
00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:18,457
我只剩下一顆頭,但我會想辦法

170
00:08:19,458 --> 00:08:20,959
卡蘿和蘇

171
00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:22,753
班尼,你怎麼在這裡?

172
00:08:22,753 --> 00:08:25,297
這是你醒來之前的奇怪片段

173
00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:33,972
{\an8}廢墟酒館,亨普斯德的經濟樞紐

174
00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:35,432
{\an8}這是絕佳的行搶目標

175
00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:40,187
{\an8}現金周轉率高、多項收入來源
由一名小孩經營

176
00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:43,690
{\an8}但我們不能搶廢墟酒館
那是附近唯一像樣的酒館

177
00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:46,652
而且,小凱倫是我們的朋友

178
00:08:46,652 --> 00:08:47,986
兩位,對吧?

179
00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:50,072
妮兒,妳之前說得對

180
00:08:50,072 --> 00:08:52,449
我們應該聽從湯米的指示

181
00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:54,535
湯米是明智的領導者

182
00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:55,869
你對他們做了什麼?

183
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,705
我只是用領袖魅力征服了他們

184
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:00,249
還有不讓他們睡覺

185
00:09:00,249 --> 00:09:02,751
但穆斯一天要睡16小時才行

186
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:04,336
他就像巴吉度獵犬一樣

187
00:09:04,336 --> 00:09:05,838
不,他只需要聽我的話

188
00:09:05,838 --> 00:09:08,131
穆斯,這是什麼?乖狗狗,很好

189
00:09:08,841 --> 00:09:10,676
慢一點,這就對了

190
00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:12,761
看見沒?我是超強領袖

191
00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:15,055
首屈一指,我又說法語了

192
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,932
拜託,妳就屈服吧,好嗎?

193
00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:20,477
臣服於席維賽的威力之下

194
00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:23,230
不

195
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:25,440
我不會臣服於你

196
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:28,110
我們是善良又威風的攔路強盜

197
00:09:28,694 --> 00:09:30,112
暴力少,薪水高

198
00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:32,322
天啊,我變成什麼樣子了?

199
00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:33,615
妮兒,妳知道該怎麼做

200
00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:37,160
遇到問題,就去找媽咪吧

201
00:09:53,135 --> 00:09:54,845
媽,我得跟妳談談

202
00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:58,974
脫鞋子,那是阿克明斯特地毯
妳知道規矩的

203
00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,024
天啊

204
00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:09,651
湯米要我們去搶廢墟酒館

205
00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:12,738
- 別大吼,在室內請放低音量
- 好

206
00:10:12,738 --> 00:10:15,115
湯米要我們去搶廢墟酒館

207
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,408
我完全聽不到妳說什麼

208
00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:18,994
湯米要我們去搶廢墟酒館

209
00:10:18,994 --> 00:10:20,621
親愛的,我不想嚇到妳

210
00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:23,665
但罪犯往往都會犯一點罪

211
00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:26,251
那間酒館是全村的中心

212
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:27,836
那裡的酒是村民的血液

213
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:30,672
還有...

214
00:10:30,672 --> 00:10:33,133
我的譬喻到此為止

215
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,928
但...要是搶了那間酒館,亨普斯德就完了

216
00:10:35,928 --> 00:10:37,513
對,然後我們會轉移目標

217
00:10:37,513 --> 00:10:40,682
妳真以為我們的計畫止於亨普斯德嗎?

218
00:10:40,682 --> 00:10:45,103
我們很快就會在每個郡
都部署一名湯米席維賽

219
00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:50,776
一個明星攔路強盜的網絡
宣稱他們是民間英雄

220
00:10:50,776 --> 00:10:52,986
同時把英國大眾洗劫一空

221
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:56,198
妳絕對找不到足夠的攔路強盜來為妳做事

222
00:10:56,198 --> 00:10:57,616
親愛的,我不需要攔路強盜

223
00:10:57,616 --> 00:10:59,284
妳以為湯米是從哪來的?

224
00:11:01,537 --> 00:11:04,456
等等,他是...

225
00:11:04,456 --> 00:11:07,417
沒錯,所以我才需要妳

226
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:10,504
我只想當迪克特平的手下

227
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:12,548
是,但明天此時他就會死,所以...

228
00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:15,217
我原本不打算說的

229
00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:18,804
妳答應過我不會殺他

230
00:11:19,388 --> 00:11:21,431
這太不公平了

231
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:23,600
但我不得不如此,親愛的

232
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,185
他對妳的影響太正面了

233
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:28,105
看看妳,敏感細膩、有同情心、道德高潔

234
00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:30,148
我很擔心

235
00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:32,025
我不會放任妳這麼做

236
00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:34,403
親愛的

237
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,322
有種就來阻止我

238
00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:44,746
天啊

239
00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:49,751
好

240
00:11:54,089 --> 00:11:55,591
喂,特平,快醒醒

241
00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:57,968
你是怎麼回事?

242
00:11:57,968 --> 00:12:01,221
你的鬍子怎麼長得這麼快?你才入獄一週

243
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,973
這個嗎?這不是真的

244
00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:05,142
我用老鼠的眼睫毛做的

245
00:12:06,185 --> 00:12:09,354
傳統上,人們認為老鼠是很醜的生物

246
00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:12,357
但近看會發現,牠們有著漂亮的長睫毛

247
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:16,403
總之,我帶了點小讀物給你

248
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:19,364
看來你的伙伴們一點都不想念你

249
00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:21,825
你哪裡也去不了

250
00:12:21,825 --> 00:12:23,368
情況真是糟透了

251
00:12:27,331 --> 00:12:28,999
混蛋們,洗澡時間到了

252
00:12:28,999 --> 00:12:30,876
一次一個區域

253
00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:32,920
他們要來了

254
00:12:35,339 --> 00:12:38,675
{\an8}我告訴你們,湯米隱瞞了他的真面目

255
00:12:38,675 --> 00:12:40,344
妮兒

256
00:12:40,344 --> 00:12:44,139
我們也曾拒絕相信這一切
然後才接受事實

257
00:12:44,139 --> 00:12:45,933
迪克就是沒那麼喜歡我們

258
00:12:46,642 --> 00:12:48,101
閉嘴,蠢蛋

259
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,186
你們看

260
00:12:49,186 --> 00:12:51,438
你那樣做不對

261
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:54,900
你應該翻筋斗到樹上,抓著樹枝
然後我再下來

262
00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:56,985
你絕不能被看見

263
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:58,529
否則大家會知道那不是我

264
00:12:58,529 --> 00:13:00,280
我很抱歉,對不起,席維賽先生

265
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:03,158
表現不夠好,妝髮師,過來

266
00:13:03,158 --> 00:13:05,661
好,這頂假髮讓人發癢

267
00:13:05,661 --> 00:13:08,413
尺寸不對,而且完全不夠飄逸

268
00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:10,249
我要它像迪克的一樣飄逸

269
00:13:10,249 --> 00:13:11,500
給我迪克的飄逸感

270
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:14,336
滾吧,伊莎貝爾、雷金納、普莉希拉

271
00:13:14,962 --> 00:13:18,382
我要在抵達下一個村落時
看到你們真誠的驚嘆

272
00:13:18,382 --> 00:13:20,008
見到我時要倒抽一口氣

273
00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:21,260
現在來一次,讓我看看

274
00:13:21,260 --> 00:13:23,303
- 哇
- 他是誰?

275
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,388
- 哇
- 真厲害

276
00:13:24,388 --> 00:13:26,932
不對...天啊,我付你們薪水幹嘛?

277
00:13:26,932 --> 00:13:28,600
逼真感呢?看著我

278
00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:34,982
我當演員25年了

279
00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:36,358
演過男人、男孩和嬰兒

280
00:13:36,358 --> 00:13:39,361
知道別人如何形容我嗎?
天啊,那些話言猶在耳

281
00:13:39,361 --> 00:13:43,156
“飾演遭謀殺嬰兒的童星大放異彩”

282
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,117
所以我說的都是經驗之談,各位

283
00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:48,245
大家休息五分鐘

284
00:13:48,245 --> 00:13:49,788
我會回我的拖車上

285
00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:51,665
他的名字根本不是湯米席維賽

286
00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:52,833
他叫艾伯特克朗

287
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:57,379
{\an8}如果他是演員
這代表迪克並沒有離開我們

288
00:13:58,213 --> 00:13:59,423
他依然愛我們

289
00:13:59,423 --> 00:14:01,091
- 對
- 一切都是湯米造假的

290
00:14:01,091 --> 00:14:03,051
- 對
- 他的粉絲、特技

291
00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:04,428
- 還有假裝喜歡妳
- 對

292
00:14:04,428 --> 00:14:05,345
那不是假裝的

293
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:08,640
不,他其實對我感到很驚豔

294
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:12,311
對,我常常讓男人有那種感覺

295
00:14:12,311 --> 00:14:13,395
我也沒辦法

296
00:14:13,395 --> 00:14:15,689
等等,妳怎麼會知道這些?

297
00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:17,900
說來話長,走吧

298
00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:20,944
哈囉?有人要放我下去嗎?

299
00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:22,779
{\an8}(廢墟酒館)

300
00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:24,656
{\an8}所以妳媽是辛迪加集團首領?

301
00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:26,450
妳對我們說謊

302
00:14:26,450 --> 00:14:28,827
妳背叛了自己的幫派

303
00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:33,832
我要花很多時間才能再次信任妳,妮兒

304
00:14:38,170 --> 00:14:42,883
- 好,可以了,迪克在哪裡?
- 他在辛迪加集團的祕密監牢

305
00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:46,637
那裡非常隱密
連去那裡的馬匹都會被矇上眼睛

306
00:14:46,637 --> 00:14:49,932
我們還是得問問那些馬
牠們可能聽過什麼消息

307
00:14:49,932 --> 00:14:53,310
你們似乎需要來一杯“內應”

308
00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:55,395
這是我剛發明的雞尾酒名稱

309
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:59,816
因為裡面有一個小小人偶

310
00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:01,485
那應該是青蛙吧

311
00:15:01,485 --> 00:15:02,694
稍等一下

312
00:15:06,198 --> 00:15:08,116
- 克雷格,你在這裡做什麼?
- 我嗎?

313
00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:11,870
你們和湯米害我停業後,小凱倫僱用了我

314
00:15:11,870 --> 00:15:13,121
所以我在這裡工作

315
00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:15,040
對了,你們知道我其實不叫克雷格嗎?

316
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,167
我自稱克雷格只是為了更像巫師

317
00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:18,669
我的真名很無趣

318
00:15:18,669 --> 00:15:20,295
叫做豪氣巴達薩

319
00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:21,380
好喔

320
00:15:21,380 --> 00:15:23,882
回去工作,克雷格,現在只是試用期

321
00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:25,008
抱歉,老闆

322
00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:29,555
聽好,如果你們真想找到迪克
就需要有內應幫忙

323
00:15:29,555 --> 00:15:31,431
就像小凱倫給了我這份工作

324
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:32,808
這叫套關係,老闆,對吧?

325
00:15:32,808 --> 00:15:35,227
克雷格,為什麼到處都有青蛙?

326
00:15:35,227 --> 00:15:36,478
抱歉,老闆

327
00:15:36,478 --> 00:15:39,064
真不敢相信我會這麼說,但巴達薩說得對

328
00:15:39,064 --> 00:15:40,983
- 叫我克雷格
- 我們需要內應

329
00:15:40,983 --> 00:15:43,902
妮兒,我們不認識辛迪加集團的其他人

330
00:15:45,404 --> 00:15:47,239
除了...

331
00:15:47,906 --> 00:15:48,740
這就對了

332
00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:50,158
- 沒錯
- 我們走

333
00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:51,410
穆斯

334
00:15:51,410 --> 00:15:53,787
請在路上跟我解釋一下
我不知道你們在說什麼

335
00:16:06,717 --> 00:16:09,595
好,特平,你的酷刑時間到了

336
00:16:09,595 --> 00:16:11,305
酷刑?為什麼?

337
00:16:11,305 --> 00:16:14,183
這是海倫古尼爾送的臨別小禮物

338
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:19,396
據說他算是個名人

339
00:16:19,396 --> 00:16:21,648
所以請給他全套的貴賓服務

340
00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:24,526
往“最深處”探索

341
00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:26,987
好好享受吧

342
00:16:29,114 --> 00:16:32,576
好,我現在不太方便
也許我們可以改天再做

343
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:39,875
你好,特平

344
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,836
嗨,迪克,好酷的牢房

345
00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:45,506
強兄、克里斯多福,真讓人驚喜

346
00:16:45,506 --> 00:16:49,259
你的伙伴們來找我,跟我說你被關在這裡

347
00:16:50,636 --> 00:16:54,723
我一想到你在獄中腐爛的情景就很開心

348
00:16:54,723 --> 00:16:56,934
那讓我感到心裡暖洋洋的

349
00:16:57,809 --> 00:17:01,647
但現在我來了,我想說

350
00:17:01,647 --> 00:17:05,358
- 見到你真好
- 爸

351
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,569
你看起來好苗條,你變瘦了嗎?

352
00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:09,279
- 爸
- 我在實行新的苔蘚飲食法

353
00:17:09,279 --> 00:17:11,698
- 爸
- 等一下,親愛的,什麼事?

354
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:15,035
- 我發現了死掉的甲蟲
- 快瞧瞧

355
00:17:15,035 --> 00:17:17,663
真的耶,好棒

356
00:17:17,663 --> 00:17:18,704
爸爸愛你

357
00:17:19,665 --> 00:17:22,626
是這樣的,自從我們在倫敦大鬧一場之後

358
00:17:22,626 --> 00:17:27,381
我就踏上了正念和愛護自我的旅程

359
00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:31,510
我和克里斯多福的關係也比以往更好

360
00:17:31,510 --> 00:17:33,178
這一切都要感謝你

361
00:17:33,178 --> 00:17:37,766
對了,你可以偶爾慘叫兩聲嗎?

362
00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:40,477
- 讓他們知道我有在做事
- 沒問題

363
00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:44,398
我的眼睛,求求你

364
00:17:44,398 --> 00:17:49,319
還有,為了報答你,我們出去時不會關門

365
00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:50,946
其實我比較喜歡關門

366
00:17:50,946 --> 00:17:53,407
關門會讓我感到比較舒適

367
00:17:53,407 --> 00:17:56,326
我是要幫你逃獄,蠢貨,我是說迪克

368
00:17:58,370 --> 00:17:59,872
不知道耶

369
00:17:59,872 --> 00:18:01,874
也許我不想逃獄

370
00:18:01,874 --> 00:18:03,000
這有什麼意義?

371
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:05,794
我又贏不了湯米,他太厲害了

372
00:18:06,628 --> 00:18:10,591
連我的頭髮都變得又直又塌
還死氣沉沉的

373
00:18:10,591 --> 00:18:12,176
根本沒變

374
00:18:12,176 --> 00:18:13,844
你是怎麼辦到的?

375
00:18:13,844 --> 00:18:15,971
也許我的伙伴跟著湯米會比較好

376
00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:17,890
也許我不是優秀的攔路強盜

377
00:18:17,890 --> 00:18:22,144
聽著,特平,你是很糟的攔路強盜

378
00:18:22,811 --> 00:18:24,479
我以為你要說打氣的話

379
00:18:24,479 --> 00:18:27,816
但你搶了不可搶的馬車

380
00:18:27,816 --> 00:18:29,735
- 偷走辛迪加集團的黃金
- 沒錯

381
00:18:29,735 --> 00:18:33,780
還是唯一逃出我手掌心的攔路強盜

382
00:18:34,865 --> 00:18:38,994
那些事蹟可能讓你成了
史上最壞的攔路強盜

383
00:18:38,994 --> 00:18:41,121
不要調換我的乳頭

384
00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:47,669
模仿湯米席維賽
是無法讓你打敗湯米席維賽的

385
00:18:48,712 --> 00:18:52,007
要打敗他就只能靠...

386
00:18:53,675 --> 00:18:54,801
做好迪克特平

387
00:18:56,094 --> 00:18:57,095
你說得對

388
00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,097
迪克特平很棒

389
00:19:00,057 --> 00:19:01,266
而我就是迪克特平

390
00:19:02,351 --> 00:19:04,186
我要去贏回我的伙伴

391
00:19:04,186 --> 00:19:05,312
等你成功後...

392
00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:08,357
克里斯多福,乖兒子,遮一下耳朵

393
00:19:09,441 --> 00:19:13,695
你要找到那個傲慢又狠毒的海倫古尼爾
並且幹掉她

394
00:19:14,530 --> 00:19:17,199
我時時刻刻都懷念著我的犯罪生涯

395
00:19:17,199 --> 00:19:20,160
我要你讓她付出代價

396
00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:23,413
總之,跟你敘舊真愉快

397
00:19:23,413 --> 00:19:26,208
你真是個難懂的傢伙,威德兄

398
00:19:26,208 --> 00:19:27,334
但謝了

399
00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:28,752
克里斯多福

400
00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:32,047
跟你們重逢真開心,我們之後再見

401
00:19:33,215 --> 00:19:35,926
膝蓋不能那樣折啊

402
00:19:35,926 --> 00:19:38,095
不

403
00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:40,222
迪克,等等

404
00:19:40,973 --> 00:19:44,309
迪克,你這白痴
你把我們關在裡面了,迪克

405
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:47,187
好耶

406
00:19:47,896 --> 00:19:49,064
他怎麼逃走的?

407
00:19:49,064 --> 00:19:51,149
不該有人逃得了,你當時人呢?

408
00:19:51,149 --> 00:19:52,985
我去參加婚禮了

409
00:19:52,985 --> 00:19:54,319
那才是逃不了的場合

410
00:19:55,988 --> 00:19:57,698
你被開除了,傑佛瑞

411
00:19:57,698 --> 00:20:00,659
守衛,幫我備馬車,送我去亨普斯德

412
00:20:01,243 --> 00:20:02,786
但別走得太快,我會暈車

413
00:20:04,580 --> 00:20:06,707
有蜘蛛...抱著我走

414
00:20:06,707 --> 00:20:09,668
他會...做回收分類嗎?

415
00:20:10,711 --> 00:20:14,965
各位,起床囉
我們要去把廢墟酒館變成廢墟了

416
00:20:16,466 --> 00:20:19,052
提醒一下我自己,要多演一些喜劇角色

417
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:24,057
各位

418
00:20:24,975 --> 00:20:26,310
快醒醒

419
00:20:26,310 --> 00:20:28,145
今天是我的大日子

420
00:20:37,279 --> 00:20:40,199
(特平上場囉,盧克伍大人家,2點鐘)

421
00:20:51,043 --> 00:20:55,047
你收到我的邀請啦?
如果沒有,那這就太巧了

422
00:20:55,047 --> 00:20:57,966
他們是我的伙伴,特平

423
00:20:58,550 --> 00:21:01,261
是嗎?你想用決鬥來搶嗎?

424
00:21:03,805 --> 00:21:05,516
你真的不換大一點的槍嗎?

425
00:21:05,516 --> 00:21:07,226
其實我越來越喜歡這把了

426
00:21:07,226 --> 00:21:09,311
我替它取了名字,叫“迷你彼特”

427
00:21:09,311 --> 00:21:12,064
好,迪克,把他的臉轟掉
好嗎?狠狠地轟掉

428
00:21:12,064 --> 00:21:13,524
- 我儘量
- 好

429
00:21:13,524 --> 00:21:16,109
我的合約中沒有包含複賽

430
00:21:16,818 --> 00:21:18,237
我會聯絡我的工會

431
00:21:19,488 --> 00:21:22,824
你得完成這場決鬥,否則我殺了你

432
00:21:23,742 --> 00:21:26,036
記住,你可不能輸

433
00:21:26,537 --> 00:21:29,122
兩位,聽好了

434
00:21:33,627 --> 00:21:35,963
我想要一場公平公正的決鬥

435
00:21:35,963 --> 00:21:37,589
不要有惡意犯規

436
00:21:37,589 --> 00:21:43,011
還有,請馬上給我一份三明治
加芥末醬,去吐司邊

437
00:21:43,011 --> 00:21:45,222
而且要白吐司,我可不是鄉巴佬

438
00:21:45,222 --> 00:21:46,849
你覺得自己會贏嗎?

439
00:21:47,432 --> 00:21:51,061
我會開槍殺了你,迷倒觀眾
然後再唱一次我的主題歌

440
00:21:51,061 --> 00:21:53,355
- 我很喜歡那首歌
- 也許我們可以合唱

441
00:21:53,355 --> 00:21:55,190
不對,到時你就死了

442
00:21:56,108 --> 00:21:59,152
或者我可能不會死,因為你沒有神射手了

443
00:21:59,152 --> 00:22:01,488
什麼?什麼神射手?

444
00:22:01,488 --> 00:22:03,448
替你開槍的神射手

445
00:22:03,448 --> 00:22:05,868
原本應該躲在樹上的神射手

446
00:22:05,868 --> 00:22:08,161
是這樣的,穆斯昨晚帶他們去喝酒了

447
00:22:08,161 --> 00:22:11,248
還跟他們說明通風服裝的好處

448
00:22:11,248 --> 00:22:13,792
你看他們,穿起來多好看

449
00:22:13,792 --> 00:22:14,877
還有你的特技團隊

450
00:22:14,877 --> 00:22:16,420
替你搶劫財寶的那些人

451
00:22:17,629 --> 00:22:18,964
老實男唸了詩給他們聽

452
00:22:20,090 --> 00:22:21,091
他們很不喜歡

453
00:22:21,091 --> 00:22:23,385
但他還給了他們一大筆賄賂

454
00:22:25,762 --> 00:22:29,725
至於你的歌手們
妮兒覺得跟他們說話太煩人了

455
00:22:29,725 --> 00:22:32,186
但他們只是歌手,所以我們不怎麼擔心

456
00:22:32,186 --> 00:22:36,857
我們依然挺你,湯米

457
00:22:36,857 --> 00:22:38,692
他們解開了你的祕密

458
00:22:38,692 --> 00:22:41,737
是你的團隊讓你變得帥氣,我也一樣

459
00:22:41,737 --> 00:22:43,989
只是我的團隊是真心喜歡我

460
00:22:46,366 --> 00:22:49,870
即使少了他們,我還是能在決鬥中打敗你

461
00:22:49,870 --> 00:22:50,954
也許吧

462
00:22:51,496 --> 00:22:54,583
但我願意為此賭上性命,你呢?

463
00:22:56,126 --> 00:22:57,544
兩位,請背對背站好

464
00:23:01,173 --> 00:23:04,885
聽我數到十,往前走十步,然後開槍

465
00:23:04,885 --> 00:23:06,803
一、二...

466
00:23:06,803 --> 00:23:07,888
再加點芥末醬

467
00:23:07,888 --> 00:23:08,972
三...

468
00:23:10,140 --> 00:23:11,350
四...

469
00:23:12,976 --> 00:23:13,977
五...

470
00:23:14,978 --> 00:23:16,271
六...

471
00:23:17,105 --> 00:23:18,482
七...

472
00:23:19,942 --> 00:23:20,984
八...

473
00:23:21,944 --> 00:23:23,195
九...

474
00:23:27,783 --> 00:23:29,451
你這愚蠢的卑鄙小人

475
00:23:33,997 --> 00:23:37,417
- 對,快跑吧
- 你這讓人迷惑又性感的白痴

476
00:23:39,044 --> 00:23:40,337
結果揭曉

477
00:23:40,337 --> 00:23:42,714
迪克特平獲勝

478
00:23:44,925 --> 00:23:46,301
根本沒裝子彈

479
00:23:47,052 --> 00:23:48,053
好吧

480
00:23:48,053 --> 00:23:49,555
萬事都要我親自動手

481
00:23:57,855 --> 00:23:59,523
- 讓開,親愛的
- 不要

482
00:24:00,315 --> 00:24:01,567
別來煩迪克

483
00:24:01,567 --> 00:24:02,651
他是我的...

484
00:24:03,986 --> 00:24:04,987
朋友

485
00:24:04,987 --> 00:24:06,363
真朋友

486
00:24:06,363 --> 00:24:08,365
而我是妳的家人,愛蓮娜

487
00:24:10,409 --> 00:24:13,996
妳現在得選邊站了

488
00:24:13,996 --> 00:24:16,373
我...選我的伙伴

489
00:24:16,373 --> 00:24:17,875
我以為這很明顯了

490
00:24:20,002 --> 00:24:21,003
好吧

491
00:24:22,462 --> 00:24:25,382
但妳知道這代表什麼
我們會成為敵人,親愛的

492
00:24:26,091 --> 00:24:30,888
而我的敵人往往都會被剁成小碎片

493
00:24:32,306 --> 00:24:34,850
我很快會再見到你們

494
00:24:35,893 --> 00:24:37,060
希望如此

495
00:24:37,060 --> 00:24:38,770
抱歉,我們有點來電嘛

496
00:24:42,941 --> 00:24:45,277
我看到你剛才的表現了,所以...

497
00:24:46,278 --> 00:24:47,654
我深思了一下

498
00:24:47,654 --> 00:24:50,657
迪克,我現在發現,你就像我的兒子

499
00:24:50,657 --> 00:24:52,534
“就像”?我確實是你兒子

500
00:24:52,534 --> 00:24:54,953
你威風凜凜、活力充沛

501
00:24:54,953 --> 00:25:00,167
然後,我以你為...

502
00:25:00,167 --> 00:25:03,378
- 什麼?
- 我以你為“凹”

503
00:25:03,378 --> 00:25:04,963
- 你是說以我為“傲”嗎?
- 對

504
00:25:06,340 --> 00:25:07,257
謝了,爸

505
00:25:07,257 --> 00:25:09,426
- 我也以你為傲,迪克
- 我愛你,班尼

506
00:25:09,426 --> 00:25:10,511
- 一起抱一下吧
- 好耶

507
00:25:12,179 --> 00:25:13,388
來吧

508
00:25:23,774 --> 00:25:25,734
這是我目前最暢銷的小冊子

509
00:25:25,734 --> 00:25:28,487
而且你們應該會很滿意這一期

510
00:25:29,488 --> 00:25:30,531
(艾塞克斯幫攜手擊潰湯米)

511
00:25:30,531 --> 00:25:33,408
我上封面了,我出名了

512
00:25:33,408 --> 00:25:35,744
那克雷格呢?封面有我的位置嗎?

513
00:25:35,744 --> 00:25:37,162
沒有

514
00:25:37,162 --> 00:25:39,122
而且你不是該去工作嗎?

515
00:25:39,122 --> 00:25:41,792
不,告訴你們,我想通了一件事

516
00:25:42,334 --> 00:25:45,963
雖然我能調出很棒的雞尾酒
但我的才華應該用在其他地方

517
00:25:46,463 --> 00:25:48,423
我不是酒保巴達薩

518
00:25:49,550 --> 00:25:51,134
我是巫師克雷格

519
00:25:52,177 --> 00:25:54,388
- 妳開除他了吧?
- 幾乎是立刻開除

520
00:25:56,181 --> 00:25:57,474
老大,接下來呢?

521
00:25:57,975 --> 00:26:01,353
不知道,我們就等待
下一場冒險自己找上門吧

522
00:26:01,353 --> 00:26:03,564
冒險不會自己找上門,迪克

523
00:26:03,564 --> 00:26:05,858
你得努力不懈地主動去找

524
00:26:05,858 --> 00:26:07,317
可能要花好幾個月

525
00:26:07,317 --> 00:26:08,402
甚至好幾年

526
00:26:09,194 --> 00:26:10,821
注意,鄉巴佬們

527
00:26:12,573 --> 00:26:16,994
今晚,一輛皇家馬車會載著王權御寶

528
00:26:16,994 --> 00:26:21,373
經過這個貧窮的小村莊

529
00:26:21,373 --> 00:26:25,961
我們嚴禁任何人去搶劫那輛馬車

530
00:26:25,961 --> 00:26:31,466
偷走那些珠寶的人
會成為全英國最臭名昭著

531
00:26:31,466 --> 00:26:33,010
且最多人追捕的竊賊

532
00:26:33,635 --> 00:26:36,013
基本上就是當代傳奇人物

533
00:26:36,889 --> 00:26:42,269
所以千萬別以身試法

534
00:26:44,104 --> 00:26:45,105
告辭

535
00:26:46,899 --> 00:26:47,900
不要啦

536
00:26:51,528 --> 00:26:52,529
絕對要

537
00:26:58,660 --> 00:26:59,995
這真是太棒了

538
00:26:59,995 --> 00:27:01,955
有人知道我們要去哪裡嗎?

539
00:27:12,674 --> 00:27:15,385
放我們出去

540
00:27:15,385 --> 00:27:18,263
放我們...拜託,我們不是迪克特平

541
00:27:20,933 --> 00:27:22,392
這我怎麼能確定?

542
00:27:22,392 --> 00:27:24,144
首先,我們有兩個人

543
00:27:24,144 --> 00:27:25,479
這不是我的問題,兄弟

544
00:27:25,479 --> 00:27:28,315
這週末是銀行假日,我要去游泳

545
00:27:28,315 --> 00:27:30,859
不...別走,放我們出去

546
00:27:31,568 --> 00:27:33,237
我會讓你付出代價

547
00:27:34,363 --> 00:27:36,907
我會讓你們全都付出代價

548
00:27:36,907 --> 00:27:37,991
(迪克)

549
00:27:37,991 --> 00:27:40,077
我會為此找你報仇,迪克特平

550
00:28:21,952 --> 00:28:23,954
字幕翻譯:翁乙玄