1
00:00:00,950 --> 00:00:02,086
My fellow Legion members,
2
00:00:02,086 --> 00:00:04,388
what we have in this briefcase
3
00:00:04,388 --> 00:00:08,092
has the power
to change the universe
as we know it.
4
00:00:08,092 --> 00:00:10,094
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
5
00:00:10,094 --> 00:00:12,762
Is it a thing that takes
all the little crumbs
at the bottom of a chip bag
6
00:00:12,762 --> 00:00:15,899
and reforms them
into full-sized chips again?
7
00:00:15,899 --> 00:00:19,103
You think we'd call
an all-hands-on-deck
meeting for that?
8
00:00:19,103 --> 00:00:20,804
I would hope so.
9
00:00:20,804 --> 00:00:22,306
Behold...
10
00:00:22,306 --> 00:00:24,508
the Anti-Life Equation.
11
00:00:26,310 --> 00:00:27,844
Shiny golden light.
12
00:00:27,844 --> 00:00:30,714
If I can figure out
how to harness its power,
13
00:00:30,714 --> 00:00:32,316
I can kill Superman.
14
00:00:32,316 --> 00:00:34,251
Ah,
here we go again.
15
00:00:34,251 --> 00:00:36,920
Lex, it's not happening.
You're like watching
16
00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:38,989
a chihuahua
try to fuck a couch.
17
00:00:38,989 --> 00:00:40,490
It's not anything like that.
18
00:00:40,490 --> 00:00:43,060
With this,
I will destroy Superman.
19
00:00:43,060 --> 00:00:45,362
News flash,
it's Legion property,
20
00:00:45,362 --> 00:00:47,331
so you need an approval.
21
00:00:47,331 --> 00:00:48,932
I vote we use it
to kill Aquaman.
22
00:00:48,932 --> 00:00:51,568
I vote that we use it
to kill Wonder Woman.
23
00:00:51,568 --> 00:00:53,703
I hate to go back
to the chip thing,
24
00:00:53,703 --> 00:00:55,805
but have you ever
tried dipping
those little bit--
25
00:00:55,805 --> 00:00:57,874
No one gives a fuck
about your chip thing.
26
00:00:57,874 --> 00:01:00,044
The Justice League
is going to be coming for this.
27
00:01:00,044 --> 00:01:03,347
So let's hide it
in the impenetrable vault
until we can agree on a use.
28
00:01:03,347 --> 00:01:07,551
I want round-the-clock
patrols of the building
by every flying LOD member.
29
00:01:07,551 --> 00:01:10,988
- Where are our flying members?
- Uh, missing.
30
00:01:10,988 --> 00:01:14,458
{\an8}They were all invited to
a "Flyers Only Kaffee Klatch"
31
00:01:14,458 --> 00:01:16,426
{\an8}and have not been seen since.
32
00:01:16,426 --> 00:01:19,496
A "Flyers Only Kaffee Klatch"?
Damn it.
33
00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:21,631
This was probably
a ruse by Superman
34
00:01:21,631 --> 00:01:23,300
to remove
our overhead surveillance.
35
00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:25,269
We need eyes in the air ASAP.
36
00:01:25,269 --> 00:01:27,237
Who do
we know that flies?
37
00:01:28,872 --> 00:01:30,374
♪ Hell, yeah ♪
38
00:01:31,307 --> 00:01:33,910
Oh, shit, shit, shit. Fuck me.
39
00:01:36,947 --> 00:01:40,084
Can we just put the money back
and be coolio?
40
00:01:40,084 --> 00:01:41,551
Ooh!
41
00:01:41,551 --> 00:01:43,553
The Riddler's planted
a bomb downtown.
42
00:01:43,553 --> 00:01:46,923
Ugh! I'm stopping
Kite Man and his goons
from robbing a bank.
43
00:01:46,923 --> 00:01:48,592
{\an8}Who's Kite Man again?
44
00:01:48,592 --> 00:01:50,260
Hey, you know me.
I got a kite,
45
00:01:50,260 --> 00:01:52,997
say, "Hell, yeah,"
do a solid Borat impression.
46
00:01:52,997 --> 00:01:53,930
"Ah, my wife--"
47
00:01:53,930 --> 00:01:55,132
Ow!
48
00:01:55,132 --> 00:01:56,666
Leave him to the cops.
49
00:01:58,068 --> 00:02:00,004
Ooh.
50
00:02:00,004 --> 00:02:01,438
All righty.
51
00:02:01,438 --> 00:02:04,374
So, uh, anybody wanna
grab a brewski on me?
52
00:02:06,909 --> 00:02:10,847
Oh, this would
have gone way better
if Golden Glider was here.
53
00:02:10,847 --> 00:02:13,350
Today is not my day.
54
00:02:14,684 --> 00:02:16,954
Golden Glider,
today is your day.
55
00:02:16,954 --> 00:02:18,422
It is?
56
00:02:18,422 --> 00:02:20,490
Stacy has the shits.
You're skating the lead.
57
00:02:20,490 --> 00:02:24,228
Gauntlet Gloria,
today really is my day.
58
00:02:24,228 --> 00:02:27,097
Okay, I'm opening
with my signature move,
59
00:02:27,097 --> 00:02:32,302
a pirouette into a triple axel,
aka the Golden Sparkler--
60
00:02:32,302 --> 00:02:34,571
Don't you mean
the Golden Shower?
61
00:02:35,739 --> 00:02:38,308
Everyone, shut up!
The star has arrived.
62
00:02:38,308 --> 00:02:40,978
But you're sick.
What if you shit on the ice?
63
00:02:40,978 --> 00:02:43,047
What if
the whole audience shits...
64
00:02:43,047 --> 00:02:46,450
...when they see you skate,
Olden Glider?
65
00:02:46,450 --> 00:02:48,213
Right? Don't trip.
66
00:02:48,213 --> 00:02:50,054
Awesome.
67
00:02:54,457 --> 00:02:56,760
Go get 'em, babe. Break legs.
68
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:59,429
See you at the bar.
Drinks on me.
69
00:03:01,365 --> 00:03:03,968
She stole my Golden Shower!
70
00:03:03,968 --> 00:03:05,970
Sprinklers! Ugh, shit!
71
00:03:07,103 --> 00:03:08,638
{\an8}That's it.
72
00:03:22,585 --> 00:03:24,521
Eat ice!
73
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,694
Yeah, yeah. I know, I'm fired.
74
00:03:30,694 --> 00:03:32,257
I'll see myself out.
75
00:03:32,257 --> 00:03:34,364
This show sucks anyway.
76
00:03:34,364 --> 00:03:36,500
Stupid no talent.
77
00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:38,835
Calling me psycho?
You're psycho!
78
00:03:52,348 --> 00:03:55,752
Babe, what happened to you?
79
00:03:55,752 --> 00:03:57,521
Oh, you know matinees.
80
00:03:57,521 --> 00:03:59,189
How'd it go down
at the bank?
81
00:03:59,189 --> 00:04:02,059
Well, the good news is
we all came back in one piece.
82
00:04:02,059 --> 00:04:03,460
Oh, I beg to differ.
83
00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:05,129
Except Steve.
84
00:04:05,129 --> 00:04:06,530
He's bleeding out.
Hey, Noonan, can you
sew him up?
85
00:04:06,530 --> 00:04:09,066
Got three guys ahead of him.
86
00:04:09,066 --> 00:04:11,901
Truth is, babe, a teen girl
kicked the crap out of us.
87
00:04:11,901 --> 00:04:13,971
Oh,
this freaking generation.
88
00:04:13,971 --> 00:04:16,706
Yeah, I think the problem is
we were inside a bank,
89
00:04:16,706 --> 00:04:19,009
and I can't use
my superpowers inside.
90
00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:21,611
A kite's not a superpower.
91
00:04:21,611 --> 00:04:25,415
Kids have kites,
and I could kick
the shit out of most kids.
92
00:04:25,415 --> 00:04:28,752
- And Kite Man could kick
the shit out of all kids.
- Thanks, babe.
93
00:04:28,752 --> 00:04:31,721
You don't need
superpowers to be
a supervillain.
94
00:04:31,721 --> 00:04:33,557
All's I know is,
when I was a kid,
95
00:04:33,557 --> 00:04:36,893
I'd sit in my room
and I'd dream about
being a supervillain.
96
00:04:36,893 --> 00:04:38,828
My mom would knock
on the door and say,
97
00:04:38,828 --> 00:04:40,430
"Chuck, what are you
doing in there?"
98
00:04:40,430 --> 00:04:42,666
And I'd say,
"Not masturbating."
99
00:04:42,666 --> 00:04:46,270
And she'd say, "That feels
like something a masturbator
would say while masturbating."
100
00:04:46,270 --> 00:04:49,073
And I'd be all like,
"Mom! I... I will tell you
when I'm masturbating--"
101
00:04:49,073 --> 00:04:52,109
{\an8}Jesus fuck! Stop telling
that nasty-ass story.
102
00:04:52,109 --> 00:04:55,379
Yeah, I thought you were gonna
86 the "Mom catches me
jacking it" shit.
103
00:04:55,379 --> 00:04:57,047
Shut up!
104
00:04:57,047 --> 00:04:59,483
Don't listen to them, Chuck.
I like that story.
105
00:04:59,483 --> 00:05:01,818
I don't. But you have
the right to tell it
106
00:05:01,818 --> 00:05:05,155
because you're a flying villain
destined for greatness.
107
00:05:05,155 --> 00:05:08,558
I'm looking
for a flying villain
destined for greatness
108
00:05:08,558 --> 00:05:11,128
to help out the Legion of Doom.
109
00:05:11,128 --> 00:05:13,463
Babe, that's literally you.
110
00:05:13,463 --> 00:05:15,599
No way, Golden Glider.
111
00:05:15,599 --> 00:05:18,702
Lex is still pissed
from the last time you helped.
112
00:05:18,702 --> 00:05:23,773
That one insane power
of yours melted most
of the cafeteria staff.
113
00:05:23,773 --> 00:05:26,610
- Oh, come on.
Those powers aren't my fault.
- Hey.
114
00:05:26,610 --> 00:05:31,581
She told Lex very clearly
that she can't control
her rather disturbing powers.
115
00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:33,283
- Thanks, babe.
- You're my world, babe.
116
00:05:33,283 --> 00:05:37,087
Yeah. I still have to bring Lex
a flying villain, so--
117
00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:38,288
Oh, Kite Man can do it.
118
00:05:38,288 --> 00:05:40,090
But he has no powers.
119
00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:41,658
He's just got a kite.
120
00:05:41,658 --> 00:05:44,628
Like a Victorian child
in a sailor suit.
121
00:05:44,628 --> 00:05:47,664
That is not true.
Kindness is his superpower.
122
00:05:47,664 --> 00:05:49,499
Noonan, when you were
stabbed in the heart,
123
00:05:49,499 --> 00:05:50,800
who brought you soup
for three months?
124
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:53,503
FlashDash.
But Kite Man delivered it.
125
00:05:53,503 --> 00:05:54,904
And Queen of Fables,
126
00:05:54,904 --> 00:05:56,506
who found your severed head
on the ground
127
00:05:56,506 --> 00:05:57,907
and saved it
in a glass jar?
128
00:05:57,907 --> 00:05:59,543
{\an8}Fuck if I know.
I was dead.
129
00:05:59,543 --> 00:06:00,710
It was Kite Man!
130
00:06:00,710 --> 00:06:02,646
- And Moe and Joe--
- Kite Man.
131
00:06:02,646 --> 00:06:04,048
Uh, I didn't say the thing yet.
132
00:06:04,048 --> 00:06:05,482
And you don't have to.
133
00:06:05,482 --> 00:06:07,985
Let's just say
they were able to reattach it.
134
00:06:07,985 --> 00:06:08,918
Not all of it.
135
00:06:08,918 --> 00:06:10,454
See? Case closed.
136
00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:13,857
Your heart is your superpower,
and anyone who doesn't see that
137
00:06:13,857 --> 00:06:17,061
is a huge D-bag
who's getting
their ass kicked by me.
138
00:06:17,061 --> 00:06:18,795
{\an8}Well, I don't have
a ass to kick.
139
00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:20,597
{\an8}Besides, heart ain't
even a power.
140
00:06:20,597 --> 00:06:22,832
I enjoy
the friendly banter here,
141
00:06:22,832 --> 00:06:25,735
but I parked
in a loading zone so...
142
00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:28,405
Ugh, Kite Man it is.
143
00:06:28,405 --> 00:06:29,940
Hell, yeah.
144
00:06:29,940 --> 00:06:33,077
Kite Man.
Thank you for joining us.
145
00:06:33,077 --> 00:06:34,678
You know, I'm a big fan.
146
00:06:34,678 --> 00:06:37,647
Like you, I forged my way
to success and started--
147
00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:39,283
- Please shut the fuck up.
- Roger that.
148
00:06:39,283 --> 00:06:42,219
The Justice League is going
to attack us at any moment.
149
00:06:42,219 --> 00:06:43,820
Your job is to patrol the skies
150
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:46,756
and alert us
if one of them attacks by air.
151
00:06:46,756 --> 00:06:49,293
Hey, easy peasy mac and cheesy.
152
00:06:49,293 --> 00:06:51,495
Do not fuck up.
153
00:06:51,495 --> 00:06:54,098
Oh, good thing
I only fuck down.
154
00:07:01,304 --> 00:07:02,239
Hell, yeah!
155
00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:05,109
Kite Man to base.
156
00:07:05,109 --> 00:07:07,044
KM to B.
157
00:07:07,044 --> 00:07:10,347
Can you hear me? Over.
158
00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:12,182
No need to shout.
159
00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:14,584
Yeah,
this equipment's
pretty sensitive. Yeah.
160
00:07:14,584 --> 00:07:16,120
Gus, oh, sorry.
161
00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:17,754
I just...
I'm a... I'm a little nervous.
162
00:07:17,754 --> 00:07:19,456
- This is a big opportunity.
- Oh, well,
163
00:07:19,456 --> 00:07:21,691
you know what
I tell my kindergartners?
164
00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:24,194
Even a complex task is simple
165
00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:28,398
if you do one
right thing followed
by another right thing.
166
00:07:28,398 --> 00:07:29,733
You teach kindergarten?
167
00:07:29,733 --> 00:07:31,668
Oh, yeah.
I just goon on the side--
168
00:07:31,668 --> 00:07:34,904
Oh, dear God!
Everything here is on fire.
169
00:07:34,904 --> 00:07:37,841
Gus? I'm...
I'm coming for you. Over.
170
00:07:45,249 --> 00:07:47,617
Everybody back up!
He needs to breathe.
171
00:07:47,617 --> 00:07:49,119
Give him space.
172
00:07:49,119 --> 00:07:51,255
Chuck, wake up!
173
00:07:51,255 --> 00:07:53,590
Are you okay?
174
00:07:54,959 --> 00:07:57,261
Well, a little sore,
but it's not too bad
175
00:07:57,261 --> 00:08:00,525
considering I went
toe to toe with the son
of Krypton himself.
176
00:08:00,525 --> 00:08:05,102
Um... Well, you didn't actually
quite get to Superman.
177
00:08:05,102 --> 00:08:06,936
You got knocked out
178
00:08:06,936 --> 00:08:09,206
and then a crosswind blew
your limp, unconscious body
into some power lines.
179
00:08:09,206 --> 00:08:11,942
Crosswinds, the, uh, Superman
of weather patterns there.
180
00:08:11,942 --> 00:08:13,777
But, uh, hey,
did we at least...
181
00:08:13,777 --> 00:08:15,712
Did we protect the...
the thingamajig?
182
00:08:15,712 --> 00:08:17,014
What... What is it? The, um...
183
00:08:17,014 --> 00:08:17,948
It's gone.
184
00:08:18,814 --> 00:08:20,684
Lex, you came to check on me?
185
00:08:20,684 --> 00:08:22,786
Hardly. I came here
remotely to say
186
00:08:22,786 --> 00:08:25,222
you are the worst "villain"
I have ever witnessed.
187
00:08:25,222 --> 00:08:27,552
How dare you say that,
you shaved ball sack!
188
00:08:27,552 --> 00:08:28,758
I got this, babe.
189
00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:29,994
You know what, Lex?
190
00:08:29,994 --> 00:08:31,795
Ow! Oh, my back.
191
00:08:31,795 --> 00:08:33,230
Oh, oh, oh, babe.
192
00:08:33,230 --> 00:08:34,831
- Babe? Babe? Oh, Jesus.
- Yeah, I'm gonna...
193
00:08:34,831 --> 00:08:36,633
I'm gonna stand up for myself
lying down.
194
00:08:36,633 --> 00:08:38,435
- And, ooh, there we go.
- Hey.
195
00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:40,437
Gentle. Gentle.
196
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:41,905
- Is he still there?
- Yeah.
197
00:08:41,905 --> 00:08:44,674
You know what, Lex?
I used to look up to you.
198
00:08:44,674 --> 00:08:47,144
Now, you may have
a bajillion dollars
199
00:08:47,144 --> 00:08:50,547
and a fancy corporation
and a private army--
200
00:08:50,547 --> 00:08:52,182
- What a loser!
- Uh...
201
00:08:52,182 --> 00:08:53,951
Nope, hang on, babe.
Didn't get to the
bad stuff yet.
202
00:08:53,951 --> 00:08:55,619
- 10-4, babe.
- Here it comes.
203
00:08:55,619 --> 00:08:59,584
You may have that stuff,
but you know what
you don't have?
204
00:08:59,584 --> 00:09:01,158
Friends.
205
00:09:01,158 --> 00:09:03,927
You'll never be able
to walk into a place like this,
206
00:09:03,927 --> 00:09:05,795
lie down on the floor,
207
00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:09,533
and know that everyone
around you loves you
and cares about you.
208
00:09:09,533 --> 00:09:11,468
So who's the real loser here?
209
00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:13,470
Me or the guy with no friends
210
00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:19,076
who, real talk, will never
be able to kill Superman?
211
00:09:19,076 --> 00:09:21,545
So, this dump
is your sanctuary?
212
00:09:21,545 --> 00:09:23,080
You're darn tootin'.
213
00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:25,415
Mr. Noonan,
I would like to buy your bar.
214
00:09:25,415 --> 00:09:26,984
It's not for sale.
215
00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:28,885
{\an8}-How about
ten million dollars?
- Sold.
216
00:09:28,885 --> 00:09:30,287
What?
217
00:09:30,287 --> 00:09:31,788
Wonderful.
218
00:09:31,788 --> 00:09:33,357
I'll have my people
draw up the contract
219
00:09:33,357 --> 00:09:35,325
and a wrecking crew here
by the end of the week.
220
00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:37,427
Is everyone staring at me
disapprovingly?
221
00:09:37,427 --> 00:09:39,463
I... I can't get a good angle.
222
00:09:39,463 --> 00:09:42,766
This is all that's left
of our impenetrable vault.
223
00:09:42,766 --> 00:09:47,837
Toy Man,
please tell me you purchased
the extended warranty.
224
00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:51,108
Uh-oh.
225
00:09:52,442 --> 00:09:55,245
Is...
Is that a thing
with every chair?
226
00:09:55,245 --> 00:09:57,047
I am going to stand.
227
00:09:57,047 --> 00:09:59,516
You know whose fault this is?
228
00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:00,717
Kite Man's.
229
00:10:00,717 --> 00:10:02,452
And you picked him, Bane.
230
00:10:02,452 --> 00:10:05,922
I think we should be
supportive of each other.
231
00:10:05,922 --> 00:10:09,226
Would you give me some
fucking space and take a seat?
232
00:10:09,226 --> 00:10:11,328
- My point is--
- You're fired.
233
00:10:11,328 --> 00:10:15,399
What happened
to two weeks' notice?
234
00:10:15,399 --> 00:10:19,003
What the dick, Noonan?
You can't sell this bar.
235
00:10:19,003 --> 00:10:21,705
Look, I don't want to sell it.
236
00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:24,141
But I can't refuse
ten million bucks.
237
00:10:24,141 --> 00:10:26,944
But this place
freaking rules.
238
00:10:26,944 --> 00:10:28,946
Chuck and I had
our first date here.
239
00:10:28,946 --> 00:10:31,148
- Who the hell is Chuck?
- Kite Man.
240
00:10:31,148 --> 00:10:32,649
Aw.
241
00:10:32,649 --> 00:10:34,584
We had drinks at the bar.
We played darts
right over there.
242
00:10:34,584 --> 00:10:37,087
Did hand stuff at the table
right there.
243
00:10:37,087 --> 00:10:43,560
My drinking problem
and subsequent divorce
started on this very stool.
244
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:47,297
Yeah, the big supervillains
are all sitting pretty
in their lairs,
245
00:10:47,297 --> 00:10:50,600
but this place
is for the dregs,
the goons, the henches.
246
00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:52,069
A place for the rest of us.
247
00:10:52,069 --> 00:10:55,039
A place you don't mind
taking a nasty shit in.
248
00:10:55,039 --> 00:10:56,106
I agree.
249
00:10:56,106 --> 00:10:57,975
And not just because
we share an anus.
250
00:10:57,975 --> 00:10:59,376
Well, I'll tell you what.
251
00:10:59,376 --> 00:11:01,245
It's not going anywhere.
252
00:11:01,245 --> 00:11:04,281
You can do
number two in this place
as long as you want
253
00:11:04,281 --> 00:11:08,185
'cause me and Glider
are buying this bar.
254
00:11:08,185 --> 00:11:09,386
Yeah, we are!
255
00:11:09,386 --> 00:11:10,654
Wait, what?
256
00:11:10,654 --> 00:11:12,656
Babe, this bar is
10 million dollars.
257
00:11:12,656 --> 00:11:15,325
You can't put a price
on the place you call home.
258
00:11:15,325 --> 00:11:17,794
Uh, you absolutely can
and it's 10 million dollars.
259
00:11:17,794 --> 00:11:19,463
- Babe.
- Babe.
260
00:11:19,463 --> 00:11:21,298
{\an8}- Babe.
- Babe!
261
00:11:21,298 --> 00:11:22,967
{\an8}Babe.
262
00:11:22,967 --> 00:11:26,336
Will you make me the happiest
small business owner
in the world
263
00:11:26,336 --> 00:11:27,904
and buy this bar with me?
264
00:11:27,904 --> 00:11:29,906
Is this bullshit working?
265
00:11:29,906 --> 00:11:31,508
{\an8}I don't even know
what I'm watching anymore.
266
00:11:31,508 --> 00:11:34,311
{\an8}Oh, you crazy son of a mom!
267
00:11:34,311 --> 00:11:36,313
{\an8}This is the stupidest idea
in the world,
268
00:11:36,313 --> 00:11:39,649
{\an8}and I can't wait to do it
with you!
269
00:11:39,649 --> 00:11:40,917
{\an8}Babe.
270
00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:42,319
{\an8}Aw, look at that.
271
00:11:42,319 --> 00:11:44,854
{\an8}Here comes the hand stuff
they were talking about.
272
00:11:44,854 --> 00:11:46,123
{\an8}This is bullshit.
273
00:11:46,123 --> 00:11:47,624
{\an8}You don't have
10 million dollars.
274
00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:51,261
We can get the money
with the power of our love.
275
00:11:51,261 --> 00:11:52,596
Like through a cam show or a...
276
00:11:52,596 --> 00:11:53,730
Okay, not from a cam show.
277
00:11:53,730 --> 00:11:55,132
But we'll find it.
278
00:11:55,132 --> 00:11:57,334
And Sean, when we come up
with 10 million dollars,
279
00:11:57,334 --> 00:11:59,269
will you sell it to us
instead of Lex?
280
00:11:59,269 --> 00:12:02,039
Sure. But where are you gonna
get that kind of moolah?
281
00:12:02,039 --> 00:12:04,241
It's not gonna just
fall out of the sky.
282
00:12:05,275 --> 00:12:06,110
Oh!
283
00:12:06,110 --> 00:12:11,581
God damn you, Lex Luthor!
284
00:12:11,581 --> 00:12:14,118
Aw, shit. I was hoping
that was gonna be
a sack filled with money.
285
00:12:14,118 --> 00:12:18,555
And now,
you got a ceiling to repair
on top of the ten mil.
286
00:12:18,555 --> 00:12:22,159
Kite Man and I
will get you that money
by the end of the week.
287
00:12:22,159 --> 00:12:24,661
- You have a plan, right, babe?
- Hell, yeah, I do.
288
00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:27,497
'Cause I am a grown-ass man.
289
00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:30,767
Daddy, I need to borrow
10 million dollars, please.
290
00:12:30,767 --> 00:12:33,403
Absolutely not. Anything else?
291
00:12:33,403 --> 00:12:36,974
I'm just waiting for the part
where you tell me
it's Opposite Day.
292
00:12:36,974 --> 00:12:38,442
It is not Opposite Day.
293
00:12:38,442 --> 00:12:40,644
Well, you don't even know
what the loan is for.
294
00:12:40,644 --> 00:12:41,946
Who is this woman?
295
00:12:41,946 --> 00:12:44,081
{\an8}I'm his
girlfriend/business partner.
296
00:12:44,081 --> 00:12:45,682
{\an8}We've met several times.
297
00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:48,252
{\an8}I sent you a box
of Omaha steaks
for your birthday.
298
00:12:48,252 --> 00:12:49,119
{\an8}That's dumb.
299
00:12:49,119 --> 00:12:50,754
{\an8}Look, I got to where I am
300
00:12:50,754 --> 00:12:53,523
{\an8}because I recognize
a bad investment
when I see one.
301
00:12:53,523 --> 00:12:55,625
You are that bad investment.
302
00:12:55,625 --> 00:12:57,694
Nah, I'm not following.
303
00:12:57,694 --> 00:12:59,163
Not really a money guy.
304
00:12:59,163 --> 00:13:01,098
Let me be abundantly clear.
305
00:13:01,098 --> 00:13:03,500
{\an8}You have never accomplished
anything in your life.
306
00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:06,503
- I do not believe in you.
- Well, then loan it to me.
307
00:13:06,503 --> 00:13:09,439
No, because you're dumb
enough to date Chuck.
308
00:13:09,439 --> 00:13:12,109
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to get a vasectomy.
309
00:13:12,109 --> 00:13:15,779
Good idea. In fact,
make it a double vasectomy.
310
00:13:15,779 --> 00:13:18,815
Come on, Chuck.
Let's bounce.
311
00:13:22,652 --> 00:13:25,422
- Can't believe
my dad is being so stingy.
- Oh, forget him.
312
00:13:25,422 --> 00:13:27,524
There's got to be
another way to get this money.
313
00:13:27,524 --> 00:13:28,592
Oh, I know!
314
00:13:28,592 --> 00:13:30,060
- Not Shark Tank.
- Damn.
315
00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:32,696
Ugh! Asking people for money
is so humiliating.
316
00:13:32,696 --> 00:13:34,198
That's it.
317
00:13:34,198 --> 00:13:37,201
{\an8}Babe, it's about to get
a lot more humiliating.
318
00:13:38,668 --> 00:13:40,404
Look, Chuck,
319
00:13:40,404 --> 00:13:44,441
I realize that
we spent your last dime
on a wedding deposit
320
00:13:44,441 --> 00:13:46,410
that you will never get back,
and I--
321
00:13:46,410 --> 00:13:47,611
Damn right he did.
322
00:13:47,611 --> 00:13:49,746
No worries.
It was all part of my journey.
323
00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:54,684
However, I... I do not
have 10 million dollars
just a-lying around.
324
00:13:54,684 --> 00:13:55,880
Eh, I find that
hard to believe.
325
00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:57,654
Babe.
326
00:13:57,654 --> 00:13:59,189
It's true. We just bought
a vacation property
in Themyscira,
327
00:13:59,189 --> 00:14:00,590
so we're second house poor.
328
00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:02,659
Well, that's very relatable.
329
00:14:02,659 --> 00:14:03,927
Not really, babe.
330
00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:05,495
I think they're saying
they don't--
331
00:14:05,495 --> 00:14:08,098
Oh. No, oh, okay.
I get it. Wow.
332
00:14:08,098 --> 00:14:10,467
Well, this is
mucho disappointing.
333
00:14:10,467 --> 00:14:13,103
Hey, chin up, Kitey.
You're a bad guy.
334
00:14:13,103 --> 00:14:14,471
What do bad guys do?
335
00:14:14,471 --> 00:14:17,307
Bad guys steal things
from worse guys.
336
00:14:17,307 --> 00:14:19,276
Oh, that is the worst...
337
00:14:19,276 --> 00:14:23,047
A really good idea
I've ever heard.
338
00:14:23,047 --> 00:14:26,050
Our target,
Casa de Caucasion.
339
00:14:26,050 --> 00:14:29,186
{\an8}An impermeable
island stronghold
on the Eastern Seaboard.
340
00:14:29,186 --> 00:14:33,190
Also, there's usually
some taffy in the cupboard
above the fridge.
341
00:14:36,859 --> 00:14:38,428
{\an8}Are we robbing
your fucking dad?
342
00:14:38,428 --> 00:14:40,697
- Hell, yeah.
- Damn skippy.
343
00:14:40,697 --> 00:14:42,199
Sick.
344
00:14:49,805 --> 00:14:53,077
- This place looks
like a death trap.
- Hell, yeah, big time.
345
00:14:53,077 --> 00:14:55,145
My dad has a group
of ex-Mossad agents
346
00:14:55,145 --> 00:14:57,614
and power yoga instructors
to protect his mans.
347
00:14:57,614 --> 00:15:00,217
I would be remiss
if I didn't warn you.
348
00:15:00,217 --> 00:15:02,286
Not all of you will make it
back in one piece.
349
00:15:02,286 --> 00:15:04,054
I don't have any more
fucking pieces to lose.
350
00:15:04,054 --> 00:15:08,892
I am drunk and I am in.
351
00:15:08,892 --> 00:15:11,161
All right.
We need a distraction.
352
00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:12,662
Ooh, I got a distraction.
353
00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:15,099
And it involves
a pirouette into a triple axel.
354
00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:17,367
Hit it.
355
00:15:20,637 --> 00:15:22,439
Oh, my God!
356
00:15:22,439 --> 00:15:24,308
She's skating
the opening adagio
357
00:15:24,308 --> 00:15:27,711
from the Generic Desert
Apocalypse on Ice!
358
00:15:27,711 --> 00:15:29,313
It's working. Let's go!
359
00:15:29,313 --> 00:15:30,614
Holy shit!
360
00:15:30,614 --> 00:15:32,582
I've never seen a move
so beautiful.
361
00:15:32,582 --> 00:15:34,618
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Who are they?
362
00:15:34,618 --> 00:15:35,852
Those are my, uh...
363
00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:37,787
Backup skaters.
364
00:15:39,756 --> 00:15:41,491
Hang on.
365
00:15:41,491 --> 00:15:44,561
The backup skaters
don't come out
until the end of act one.
366
00:15:44,561 --> 00:15:46,296
We're being had!
367
00:15:55,033 --> 00:15:57,174
Time to wing it!
368
00:16:03,714 --> 00:16:04,581
Oh!
369
00:16:09,486 --> 00:16:11,388
Ooh, it's wet and it's gross.
Oh, God.
370
00:16:20,497 --> 00:16:22,599
Oh, it's gross, and it's wet.
It's warm.
371
00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:49,526
Wait, aren't you my kid's
kindergarten teacher?
372
00:16:49,526 --> 00:16:53,497
You're Mikey's dad.
How fun!
373
00:16:53,497 --> 00:16:55,465
- Did you get the note
I sent home with him?
- Yeah.
374
00:16:55,465 --> 00:16:56,967
Sorry. I... I think
375
00:16:56,967 --> 00:16:59,436
he's acting out
'cause I've been
working so much.
376
00:17:02,006 --> 00:17:03,873
You're welcome.
377
00:17:03,873 --> 00:17:06,876
Well, I'm gonna have
to block off some
one-on-one time with Mikey.
378
00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:12,116
Go in there and get the money.
379
00:17:12,116 --> 00:17:13,850
I'll stay here
and beat them off.
380
00:17:13,850 --> 00:17:15,385
Babe, you said beat--
381
00:17:15,385 --> 00:17:17,321
Not now, Chuck!
382
00:17:23,493 --> 00:17:25,262
Oh!
383
00:17:34,972 --> 00:17:36,440
Babe, we need a miracle.
384
00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:38,342
You have got to use
your powers.
385
00:17:38,342 --> 00:17:41,445
I can't. You know I can't
control them when I use them.
386
00:17:41,445 --> 00:17:43,380
Lisa! There is no other way.
387
00:17:43,380 --> 00:17:46,083
Chuck, what if I kill you?
388
00:17:46,083 --> 00:17:48,318
That's not gonna happen.
I trust you.
389
00:17:48,318 --> 00:17:50,187
Why do you think I want
to buy a bar with you?
390
00:17:50,187 --> 00:17:54,658
Hey, you's twos
done having your aside
so we can murder youse?
391
00:17:54,658 --> 00:17:58,195
Unless we murder you
like a razor cutting
through garlic.
392
00:17:58,195 --> 00:18:00,664
- Right, Moe?
- Let's find out.
393
00:18:09,740 --> 00:18:11,108
{\an8}Joe!
394
00:18:11,108 --> 00:18:15,345
Oh, shit, shit, shit.
395
00:18:15,345 --> 00:18:16,813
No, no, no...
396
00:18:36,632 --> 00:18:40,304
Schwing! Never been turned on
more than right now.
397
00:18:47,310 --> 00:18:48,378
Hell, yeah!
398
00:18:50,047 --> 00:18:52,582
So that's the power.
399
00:18:59,322 --> 00:19:01,325
- Hello, Charles.
- Dad.
400
00:19:01,325 --> 00:19:02,859
I've been waiting
to give you these.
401
00:19:02,859 --> 00:19:05,829
What's in them? Oh, oh...
Is it centipedes?
402
00:19:05,829 --> 00:19:07,931
It's centipedes, isn't it?
Did you know
that they sting you?
403
00:19:07,931 --> 00:19:11,168
The bags are full of money,
you idiot.
404
00:19:11,168 --> 00:19:12,869
Ten million to be exact.
405
00:19:12,869 --> 00:19:14,638
You're giving me the money?
406
00:19:14,638 --> 00:19:16,941
This is the first time
I've ever seen you
stand up to me.
407
00:19:16,941 --> 00:19:22,279
It makes me think
maybe you're not a completely
worthless piece of garbage.
408
00:19:22,279 --> 00:19:26,083
I've waited
my whole life for...
409
00:19:26,083 --> 00:19:28,318
Well, I mean not...
Not those words,
410
00:19:28,318 --> 00:19:30,454
but I'll take it.
411
00:19:32,022 --> 00:19:34,458
{\an8}We were victorious,
but there was a cost.
412
00:19:34,458 --> 00:19:38,595
I will now read the names
of those who were killed
in our pursuit of glory.
413
00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:43,933
Scuzzy, Jimmy One Ball,
Joey Three Balls,
Kneecaps McGee,
414
00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:45,369
Joe Dubelz.
415
00:19:45,369 --> 00:19:46,903
Wait, what? Nah, nah, nah.
416
00:19:46,903 --> 00:19:49,273
Joe's fine.
He's just taking a nap.
417
00:19:50,340 --> 00:19:52,876
And Bane,
who I'll miss most of all.
418
00:19:52,876 --> 00:19:54,444
Who?
Wait, what?
419
00:19:54,444 --> 00:19:55,779
No!
420
00:19:55,779 --> 00:19:57,414
I had to use
the bathroom
421
00:19:57,414 --> 00:19:59,549
back at your dad's house
and I got lost.
422
00:19:59,549 --> 00:20:02,686
Did you leave me for dead?
423
00:20:02,686 --> 00:20:04,788
Uh, well,
yeah, well...
424
00:20:04,788 --> 00:20:08,292
But the important thing is
we have the money
and we can buy the bar.
425
00:20:14,429 --> 00:20:18,335
Is that the briefcase
you told us the
Justice League stole?
426
00:20:18,335 --> 00:20:19,703
And if it is?
427
00:20:19,703 --> 00:20:21,571
That would mean
Superman never took it.
428
00:20:21,571 --> 00:20:24,474
Which means you were the one
that tricked our flyers
429
00:20:24,474 --> 00:20:26,476
into leaving the skies unprotected.
430
00:20:26,476 --> 00:20:31,448
Except for Kite Man,
a known idiot who would be
your fall guy.
431
00:20:31,448 --> 00:20:34,184
There's just one big flaw
in your plan.
432
00:20:34,184 --> 00:20:37,821
The Justice League will scour
the universe for this thing.
433
00:20:37,821 --> 00:20:40,790
And you don't have
the means to protect it.
434
00:20:40,790 --> 00:20:43,927
You only have
to protect something
if people know where it is.
435
00:20:43,927 --> 00:20:45,362
It's on your desk.
436
00:20:45,362 --> 00:20:47,464
Oh, I'll be moving it
right after you're dead.
437
00:20:47,464 --> 00:20:48,898
"Right after I'm..."
438
00:20:48,898 --> 00:20:50,667
Shit.
439
00:20:50,667 --> 00:20:52,436
In answer to your question,
440
00:20:52,436 --> 00:20:56,406
I'll be hiding it
in the last place
anyone would think to look.
441
00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:59,276
Kite Man and Golden Glider,
442
00:20:59,276 --> 00:21:01,678
you are the proud owners
of a bar
443
00:21:01,678 --> 00:21:03,813
that's got four mortgages on it
444
00:21:03,813 --> 00:21:08,452
as well as black mold
inside every wall.
445
00:21:11,288 --> 00:21:13,023
Lex, we won it fair and square.
446
00:21:13,023 --> 00:21:16,321
I'm not here to kill you.
I'm here to congratulate you.
447
00:21:16,321 --> 00:21:18,895
So, are we friends now?
448
00:21:18,895 --> 00:21:23,600
No, I'm friends
with important people like
Joker and Paul Simon.
449
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:26,170
Anyway, congrats
on your new business venture.
450
00:21:26,170 --> 00:21:27,671
Uh, Bane, let's go.
451
00:21:27,671 --> 00:21:31,241
I am with them now.
They treat me with respect.
452
00:21:31,241 --> 00:21:33,377
Uh, usually.
453
00:21:33,377 --> 00:21:35,545
Fine. You do you, Bane.
454
00:21:36,979 --> 00:21:40,517
I'm doing me!
455
00:21:41,717 --> 00:21:44,254
I've done some
whack-ass shit in my life.
456
00:21:44,254 --> 00:21:47,724
But this...
is the whack-assiest.
457
00:21:47,724 --> 00:21:50,860
{\an8}And I can't imagine
doing it with anyone else.
458
00:21:50,860 --> 00:21:52,196
{\an8}Hell, yeah.
459
00:21:52,196 --> 00:21:53,663
{\an8}Babe, I got a feeling
we're gonna make this bar...
460
00:21:53,663 --> 00:21:55,432
...a great success.
461
00:21:55,432 --> 00:21:57,234
Ah, very nice.
462
00:21:58,935 --> 00:22:00,870
Oh, here comes
the hand stuff.
463
00:22:05,074 --> 00:22:06,543
Lord Darkseid!
464
00:22:06,543 --> 00:22:08,545
After ages of searching,
465
00:22:08,545 --> 00:22:11,748
I have narrowed
the location of the weapon
to a small range of planets.
466
00:22:11,748 --> 00:22:13,417
Excellent.
467
00:22:13,417 --> 00:22:17,154
For it is Darkseid's
destiny to harness
the Anti-Life Equation.
468
00:22:17,154 --> 00:22:22,826
The power to enslave
the mind of every being
in the universe.
469
00:22:22,826 --> 00:22:27,364
And undoubtedly,
this priceless weapon
is being held
470
00:22:27,364 --> 00:22:31,168
in an impenetrable fortress,
471
00:22:31,168 --> 00:22:36,040
under the protection
of its sector's
most supreme beings.
472
00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:39,443
We must prepare
for all-out war!
473
00:22:39,443 --> 00:22:42,112
♪ All out... ♪