1 00:00:04,587 --> 00:00:06,297 [radio announcer] Were you or a loved one a victim 2 00:00:06,339 --> 00:00:07,799 of the Noonan's cat rampage? 3 00:00:07,882 --> 00:00:10,468 Call Villigan's Law and get justice meow! 4 00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:12,679 This country's gotten too litigious. 5 00:00:12,762 --> 00:00:14,681 Uh, didn't that cat kill your step-kid? 6 00:00:14,764 --> 00:00:16,140 -Yeah. -What the-- 7 00:00:16,181 --> 00:00:17,392 [driver] Where'd she come from? 8 00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:18,852 [Golden Glider] Sorry, boys. 9 00:00:18,935 --> 00:00:19,978 This is your exit. 10 00:00:20,061 --> 00:00:21,521 [grunts] 11 00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:24,607 -[engine revving] -[tires screech] 12 00:00:24,649 --> 00:00:25,817 Whoa! 13 00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:28,278 Time to remove the hood ornament. [grunts] 14 00:00:31,656 --> 00:00:32,615 -[grunts] -[groans] 15 00:00:32,656 --> 00:00:33,992 Huh? 16 00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:36,536 [Golden Glider] Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! 17 00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:38,413 [screaming] 18 00:00:39,497 --> 00:00:40,290 [screams] 19 00:00:40,331 --> 00:00:41,791 [chuckles, groans] 20 00:00:41,833 --> 00:00:45,253 Truck off, fellas! We'll be taking your big load. 21 00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:46,880 Not your best, babe. 22 00:00:46,963 --> 00:00:49,341 I regretted it as soon as it shot out of my mouth, babe. 23 00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:50,258 Damn it! 24 00:00:51,801 --> 00:00:53,011 [engine revving] 25 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,596 -Whoa! -Uh-oh! 26 00:00:54,679 --> 00:00:55,805 Hang on, babe. 27 00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:57,599 [grunts] Gotcha! 28 00:00:57,682 --> 00:00:59,809 -[yells] -[grunts] 29 00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:02,687 -Chuck! -Babe, it's Kite Man on the streets, 30 00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:04,772 Chuck in the... [screams] 31 00:01:04,855 --> 00:01:06,191 Babe, look! 32 00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:10,195 -[panting] -[grunting] 33 00:01:15,533 --> 00:01:16,826 [screams] 34 00:01:16,868 --> 00:01:21,081 ♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba Here comes Bane! ♪ 35 00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:22,707 [screams] 36 00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:24,042 [grunts] 37 00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:25,210 [Kite Man grunts] 38 00:01:25,293 --> 00:01:26,670 -[Bane grunts] -[Kite Man gasps] 39 00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:30,799 [all screaming] 40 00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:33,884 [screams, groans] 41 00:01:35,679 --> 00:01:36,805 [both groaning] 42 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:43,395 [both grunt] 43 00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:46,271 -[chuckles] -[grunts] 44 00:01:46,356 --> 00:01:49,234 And now to do a little shopping. 45 00:01:49,317 --> 00:01:51,152 Ooh! They have the Guten Tag 46 00:01:51,235 --> 00:01:52,487 three-piece sectional set, babe! 47 00:01:52,570 --> 00:01:54,864 And the Fjordside coffee table, score! 48 00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:57,283 [Bane] You know, I don't mind helping you guys move. 49 00:01:57,366 --> 00:01:59,786 But please tell me you're not going to put 50 00:01:59,869 --> 00:02:01,246 that Thomas Blakemore piece 51 00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:03,373 next to the Fronkenschnitzelschnot. 52 00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:06,584 [sirens blaring] 53 00:02:09,253 --> 00:02:11,381 ♪ Hell, yeah!♪ 54 00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:17,554 [Bane grunting] 55 00:02:17,595 --> 00:02:20,640 Bane, there you are. Put the couch right here. 56 00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:22,767 Scooch a teeny bit to the left. 57 00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:24,185 -Smidge to the right. -[grunting] Yes. 58 00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:26,021 Just a hair north. 59 00:02:26,103 --> 00:02:27,689 Hell, yeah. 60 00:02:27,772 --> 00:02:30,608 Good timing, 'cause I need to use the little Bane's room. 61 00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:32,485 Actually, Bane, could you bring 62 00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,946 the Vad Ar Klockan table in before you go? 63 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,448 I want to see how it looks 64 00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:37,991 under my brand new collection of nautical flags. 65 00:02:38,074 --> 00:02:41,453 Fine, I will hold it. But it's scientifically proven 66 00:02:41,536 --> 00:02:43,288 that it is not good for the bowel. 67 00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:45,040 -It'll be quick, I promise. -[grunts] 68 00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:48,626 Babe, we need to get rid of this disgusting, old wallpaper. 69 00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:51,463 [chuckles] I mean, how much coke was Noonan doing? 70 00:02:51,504 --> 00:02:54,257 I don't know, babe. It's very '80s. I kinda like it. 71 00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:56,968 We're getting rid of the wallpaper. 72 00:02:57,052 --> 00:02:59,387 Oh, this is so bitchin'! 73 00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:00,764 Our new home. 74 00:03:00,805 --> 00:03:02,599 -And a whole new start. -Hell, yeah! 75 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:04,934 I had no idea you were this into ships and boats. 76 00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:07,812 "A boat is a home you can take anywhere." 77 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:10,440 No doubt. Wow, we've literally just moved in, 78 00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:12,650 and I'm already learning so much more about you. 79 00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:15,987 Hey, babe, this gallery wall is kinda lopsided. 80 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,530 I mean, this is our home. 81 00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,657 It should have pictures from both of our families. 82 00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:21,868 No, we should change it up. 83 00:03:21,951 --> 00:03:23,912 Take all new pictures of just us. 84 00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:26,164 Come on, babe, you gotta have some baby pics. 85 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:27,499 I bet you were so adorable. 86 00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:29,084 I don't have any pics from my childhood. 87 00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:31,127 What? Not even with Captain Cold? 88 00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:32,671 Like a sweet bro-sis pic? 89 00:03:32,712 --> 00:03:33,880 I said we don't have any pictures! 90 00:03:33,963 --> 00:03:35,340 -Okay. -[exhales deeply] 91 00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:37,341 Now, where is Bane with the table? 92 00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:40,178 You know, Babe, every time I bring up your fam, you change the subject. 93 00:03:40,261 --> 00:03:41,930 [laughing] I do not. 94 00:03:43,180 --> 00:03:44,516 Babe, honestly, 95 00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:46,476 who do you think is the best Jack Ryan, huh? 96 00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:49,187 Babe, I know what you're trying to do. 97 00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:51,356 You want me to say Harrison Ford. 98 00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:54,734 But for me, it is all Affleck all day. 99 00:03:54,817 --> 00:03:56,361 There's my guy. 100 00:03:56,444 --> 00:03:58,405 Oh, to be with someone 101 00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:02,117 where we could decorate a nautical apartment. 102 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,868 -[stomach churns] -[groans] 103 00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:05,203 I'm turtling! 104 00:04:05,286 --> 00:04:08,373 Get out of my way, ominous signage! 105 00:04:08,456 --> 00:04:09,708 [Bane grunting] 106 00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:10,750 [passing gas] 107 00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,544 -[groaning] -[passing gas] 108 00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:18,048 And the denouement. 109 00:04:18,132 --> 00:04:19,426 [sniffs] 110 00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,553 Sometimes the courtesy flush is just for you. 111 00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:23,513 -Thank you, Bane. -[toilet flushes] 112 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,769 [sighs] 113 00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:31,187 [gasping] 114 00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:32,397 I did not notice 115 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:34,733 this shag carpet in the bathroom earlier. 116 00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:37,652 Tres '80s and very impractical. 117 00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:39,946 Huh? Hm. 118 00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:42,449 I wonder where Kite Man and Golden Glider went. 119 00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:44,492 They really gave this place a whole new look 120 00:04:44,576 --> 00:04:46,911 in the brief time I was pooping. 121 00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:48,329 Hm. 122 00:04:48,371 --> 00:04:51,707 A mint condition newspaper from the 1980s. 123 00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:54,753 -Hello, eBay! -[wolf whistling] 124 00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:57,255 -Hey, hey! Hey, sweet thing! -[Bane] Hey! 125 00:04:57,339 --> 00:04:59,591 Take your toxic masculinity 126 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:02,886 and send it back to the '80s where it belongs! 127 00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:04,262 Uh, wait a minute. 128 00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:05,805 The bathroom decor. 129 00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:07,098 The newspaper. 130 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:10,226 The socially acceptable sexual harassment. 131 00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:16,024 I've been flushed to the 1980s! 132 00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,152 And that's why if I ever get my dream dog, 133 00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:22,155 which is a golden doodle, I'll name it Jack Ryan. 134 00:05:22,238 --> 00:05:23,573 No one can argue with that. 135 00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:24,783 We need to bring the fridge up. 136 00:05:24,866 --> 00:05:26,951 Is... is Bane still in the bathroom? 137 00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:31,164 Huh. Looks like he went out the window. 138 00:05:31,247 --> 00:05:33,082 He bailed on helping us move? 139 00:05:33,124 --> 00:05:34,709 Ugh, freaking Bane. 140 00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:37,170 Hello? Toilet? 141 00:05:37,253 --> 00:05:40,048 I would like to be flushed back to the future, please. 142 00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:41,383 [rattling] 143 00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:43,510 Damn you, portal potty! 144 00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:46,471 My friends are probably panicking right now. 145 00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:49,641 There must be another way out! 146 00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:50,517 Hm? 147 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,143 Gilder was right. 148 00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:55,980 These walls look nice without that hideous wallpaper. 149 00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:57,732 Wait a minute! 150 00:05:57,816 --> 00:05:59,693 If I write a message on this wall, 151 00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:01,486 Kite Man and Golden Glider 152 00:06:01,569 --> 00:06:04,948 will see it when they remove the wallpaper! 153 00:06:04,989 --> 00:06:06,866 [grunting] 154 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:14,541 Wall, you will send my message through time! 155 00:06:14,624 --> 00:06:16,501 Well, now that it's just us, 156 00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,795 we can talk about your family sitch. 157 00:06:19,421 --> 00:06:20,880 Huh. "Help!" 158 00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:23,675 I found a portal potty and took 'splosive shit 159 00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:26,845 and when I flushed, I got stuck in the past." 160 00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,555 Hm. "'Splosive." 161 00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:31,474 That sounds like something Bane would say. 162 00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:33,018 You think Bane is stuck in the past? 163 00:06:33,058 --> 00:06:36,771 And there she goes changing the old subject again. 164 00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:38,982 Come on, tell me about your childhood. 165 00:06:39,024 --> 00:06:42,110 Please stop talking about this, Chuck. 166 00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:44,446 Fine, fine, babe. Fine. 167 00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:47,782 It looks like it's time to jack it. 168 00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:50,702 As in, do what Jack Ryan would do. 169 00:06:58,543 --> 00:06:59,753 [Captain Cold] You found it! 170 00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:02,213 [Kite Man] Captain Cold. 171 00:07:02,297 --> 00:07:04,632 Uh, I thought we were meeting at your place. 172 00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:07,218 This is my place. Epic, right? 173 00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:08,553 Yeah. 174 00:07:08,636 --> 00:07:11,181 Uh, so I'm here 175 00:07:11,222 --> 00:07:13,767 'cause your sister and I moved into an apartment together. 176 00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:16,102 No shit! Congratulations, buddy. 177 00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:17,979 -We talkin' two-bed, two-bath? -Uh... 178 00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:20,023 -1.5 bath? -Uh, it's a two-bed, two-bath. 179 00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:22,400 But back to the thing I came here for. 180 00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:25,070 Um, I was just hoping to get the 411 181 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:28,198 about what life was like for you and Glider growing up. 182 00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:31,076 Well, Kite Dude, that sounds like the kind of conversation 183 00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:34,204 we should have in our kitchen over a few cold ones 184 00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:35,246 from our fridge. 185 00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:37,082 Yeah, no. 186 00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:39,334 Look, can you at least give me a childhood pic of Glider? 187 00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:42,087 I just need something to hang on our gallery wall. 188 00:07:43,338 --> 00:07:44,756 [clattering] 189 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:48,134 Vape cartridge, 64 gig USB drive. 190 00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:49,469 That's just for my porn. 191 00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:51,346 Got the greatest hits on there. Found it! 192 00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:53,640 That's her and Dad! 193 00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:56,726 Wait, you guys went to Noonan's as kids? 194 00:07:56,768 --> 00:08:00,271 Yep, that was taken the day our parents died there. 195 00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:02,524 Whoa! Whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 196 00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:05,902 We bought and are now living above the bar 197 00:08:05,944 --> 00:08:08,697 my girlfriend's parents died in? 198 00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:10,990 -[groans] -Eh, you should ask Lisa. 199 00:08:11,074 --> 00:08:13,284 But I gotta warn you, she's real sensitive about it. 200 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,412 Totally, totally. 201 00:08:15,453 --> 00:08:17,414 Well, uh, I gotta run. 202 00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:19,290 I guess, thanks for the picture 203 00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:22,961 and the paradigm shifting info about my girlfriend's past. 204 00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:28,633 Mm. Still no bars! 205 00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:32,345 The '80s was not a good decade for cell service. 206 00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:35,347 Or candy! Candy Cigarettes? 207 00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:37,350 Those are not appropriate treats. 208 00:08:37,433 --> 00:08:39,894 What next? Chocolate beer? 209 00:08:40,477 --> 00:08:42,147 [Bane groans] 210 00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,816 Ah! Well, that looks fun. 211 00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:48,820 Hold up. There is no lifeguard, and no fence! 212 00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:52,157 That is not a pool. It is a drowning machine. 213 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:52,991 Hey! 214 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,326 You kids all need sunblock! 215 00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,829 You're begging for skin cancer. 216 00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,164 -[engine rumbling] -Whoa! 217 00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:03,335 "Asbestos installation"? You cannot install that! 218 00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:07,047 Oh, my God, the '80s is nothing but a minefield 219 00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:11,176 of irresponsibility and certain death. 220 00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:13,595 ♪ I love it! ♪ 221 00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:15,263 [upbeat music playing over stereo] 222 00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:22,354 So I said, "Was that my umbrella up your ass?" 223 00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,022 [canned laughter sound plays] 224 00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:24,981 You see? 225 00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:26,358 -Lafftrak get it. -[gun cocks] 226 00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:30,445 What did I tell you about laughing in my bar? 227 00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:32,113 [canned exclamation sound plays] 228 00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:34,824 How's my least favorite teetotaler doing? 229 00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:37,702 I'm fantastic, Sean. I just made partner. 230 00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:40,705 I think I might celebrate with my first ever drink. 231 00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,415 [Noonan] Here's our cocktail menu. 232 00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:46,711 I suppose just one Slippery Slope can't hurt. 233 00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:52,884 [belches] 234 00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:54,511 Want a beer chaser? 235 00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:56,471 Make it a six-pack! 236 00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:58,390 Six-pack it is! 237 00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:02,394 Wow, Dubelz Brothers! 238 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,896 You look so... both alive. 239 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:07,232 Yeah, we've been eating more fiber lately. 240 00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:10,318 -Life changing stuff. -That's probably it. 241 00:10:10,402 --> 00:10:11,695 What a stugots. 242 00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:13,321 I'd rather get my brains blown out 243 00:10:13,405 --> 00:10:14,656 than hang out with that guy. 244 00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:17,867 [Bane] Psst. Noonan. Sean. 245 00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:19,661 I'm sorry, have we met? 246 00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:21,496 It is me, Bane! 247 00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:22,914 I'm from the future. 248 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,916 I used the Portal Potty 249 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,793 and now I don't know how to get back! 250 00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:28,336 [chuckles nervously] What? What? 251 00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:30,171 A Portal Potty? Ha! 252 00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:32,632 I don't have a clue what you're talking about. 253 00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:36,261 Look, there's only one way you can get back to the future. 254 00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:38,471 And if you mess this up, you're screwed. 255 00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:42,559 You have to take a piss in the Portal Potty 256 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,769 and then flush. 257 00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:46,062 That's it? 258 00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:47,939 I thought it might be more complicated. 259 00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:50,400 You need to get out of here as soon as possible 260 00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:53,778 because the first rule of time travel is, 261 00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,823 "Don't change anything." 262 00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:58,074 Fucking with the future 263 00:10:58,116 --> 00:10:59,826 won't turn out the way you think. 264 00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:02,454 I won't be here long enough to fuck with anything. 265 00:11:02,537 --> 00:11:04,164 -[woman singing] -Hm? 266 00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:05,957 ♪ I'm ready for a man to come And make my... ♪ 267 00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:08,209 Hello! Who is that? 268 00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:11,254 ♪ Give me love That lasts a life ♪ 269 00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:15,175 ♪ A love where we can build A home ♪ 270 00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:17,177 ♪ I need a big, strong man ♪ 271 00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:21,973 ♪ Who sees exactly what The future holds ♪ 272 00:11:22,057 --> 00:11:23,641 ♪ Who knows our fairytale... ♪ 273 00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:27,312 I have found the love of my life! 274 00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:29,647 -[fly buzzing] -Well, the love of my past life! 275 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:32,650 Well, the... the... the love of my life in the past! 276 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,986 God damn you, you stupid fly! 277 00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:39,032 Enjoy my reckoning! [grunts] 278 00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:46,539 -[yells] -You motherfucker! 279 00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:48,415 -[yelling] -[clattering] 280 00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:51,086 Oop! Sounds like the fun started downstairs. 281 00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:53,922 Hey, babe, I found this thing in the attic. 282 00:11:54,005 --> 00:11:55,340 Where did you get that? 283 00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:57,008 It's a long story involving an ice cream truck. 284 00:11:57,092 --> 00:11:58,343 You went to see my brother? 285 00:11:58,426 --> 00:12:00,011 Wow! Babe, you're a great guesser. 286 00:12:00,095 --> 00:12:01,805 How could you do that to me? 287 00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:05,975 I have told you a million times to stop asking about my family! 288 00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:07,936 I was just trying to do something nice for you. 289 00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:09,270 How can we live together 290 00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:10,730 if I don't know basic things about you? 291 00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:13,358 Like, um, maybe how your parents died 292 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,777 at the bar we own and live above. 293 00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:18,530 Wow, you're a little know-it-all, aren't you? 294 00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:21,199 I guess Kite Man knows everything. 295 00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:23,952 Literally the first time anyone has ever said that. 296 00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:25,370 Because you don't! 297 00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:26,871 Do you want to know what actually happened? 298 00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:28,540 Yes! More than anything. 299 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,083 Ugh! [inhales deeply] 300 00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:32,919 -I was five years old. -[Lawrence] You dumb bitch. 301 00:12:33,003 --> 00:12:34,462 My parents were doing their favorite thing 302 00:12:34,546 --> 00:12:37,090 in their favorite place, fighting in a bar. 303 00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:38,508 ...I'll tell you that. 304 00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:40,260 If I could go back in time and stop myself 305 00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:42,053 from knocking you up in the bathroom 306 00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:43,430 at the Slap and Wash, 307 00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:45,390 I could have married someone actually hot 308 00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,559 like Ally Ringwald or Molly Sheedy. 309 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,061 Lawrence, you shithead, you're making a scene. 310 00:12:50,145 --> 00:12:52,731 [Golden Glider] I had just gotten my first pair of ice skates. 311 00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:55,025 Hey, Mom, Dad! Stop fighting! 312 00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,901 -Watch me skate! -[woman] You're a loser. 313 00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:58,528 -I said stop fighting! -[woman] You're a drunk. 314 00:12:58,570 --> 00:12:59,863 You've had enough! 315 00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:01,406 -[woman grunts] -[Lawrence] Stupid bitch! 316 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:04,159 [whimpers, sniffles] 317 00:13:04,242 --> 00:13:06,661 Fast forward, I blacked out, and when I came to, 318 00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:09,914 I had used my powers for the first time... [sobs] 319 00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,417 -...killing my parents. -Oh, no. 320 00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:15,086 So, you see why I'm not excited about a photo taken 321 00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,630 right before I destroyed my family? 322 00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:18,923 Babe, I... 323 00:13:19,758 --> 00:13:20,967 You were just a kid. 324 00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:23,636 You didn't mean to do any of that. 325 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:26,931 Why did you want to buy the bar where you killed-- 326 00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:28,933 Well, where your parents died. 327 00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:31,936 I thought I could start over and replace the shitty memories 328 00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:33,646 from my childhood with happy ones. 329 00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:35,106 Babe, I love you, 330 00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:37,650 but is it possible that shelling out ten milli 331 00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,110 to buy the parent-death-trap bar 332 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,196 is not the path to healing? 333 00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:43,323 Maybe we shouldn't run Noonan's. 334 00:13:43,406 --> 00:13:44,449 [sighs] 335 00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:46,785 Moving in together was a giant mistake. 336 00:13:46,868 --> 00:13:48,536 [sobbing] 337 00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:49,662 I need to get some air. 338 00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:52,248 Ugh! Just forget it! 339 00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,378 [sighs] 340 00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:01,049 [Bane grunting] 341 00:14:01,132 --> 00:14:03,968 "Your clothes, give them to me now." 342 00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:05,387 Excuse me? 343 00:14:05,428 --> 00:14:06,680 Terminator? No? 344 00:14:06,763 --> 00:14:09,766 [chuckles] I'm more of a Predator gal anyway. 345 00:14:09,808 --> 00:14:11,309 A sexual predator. 346 00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:14,312 Whoa! I don't think that means what you think it means. 347 00:14:14,396 --> 00:14:16,773 Well, I think I know what it means, 348 00:14:16,815 --> 00:14:18,400 that you just killed my boyfriend. 349 00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:20,485 [Bane] The fly is your boyfriend? 350 00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,070 Not anymore. 351 00:14:22,153 --> 00:14:23,571 [gasps] Uh-oh. 352 00:14:23,655 --> 00:14:27,617 The lemon wedge from my drink fell into my tits. 353 00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:30,286 Want a whiff? 354 00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:31,830 ♪ Fairytale will be... ♪ 355 00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:33,623 [Bane] I must speak to her. 356 00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:35,000 Rebecca Chen? 357 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,293 I'd be careful about that. She's married. 358 00:14:37,335 --> 00:14:40,880 Of course an angel like her is taken. 359 00:14:40,964 --> 00:14:42,507 I feel bad for that broad. 360 00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:45,010 I'd hate getting stuck with kids. 361 00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:47,554 That's why I got a bug zapper in my cooch. 362 00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:48,972 Uh, hello! 363 00:14:49,014 --> 00:14:51,516 Your singing is magical. 364 00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,226 You are so sweet. 365 00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:55,103 And I love that tank top. 366 00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:57,522 Jesus Christ, I'm going to marry this woman! 367 00:14:57,564 --> 00:15:00,859 -I'm sorry, what? -Uh, I said, Jesus Christ! 368 00:15:00,942 --> 00:15:02,402 -Can I buy you a drink? -[chuckles] 369 00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:04,237 -Hey, Lisa. -[Lisa chuckles] 370 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:06,031 -Look here! -[groans] Hey! 371 00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:07,532 Quit it, you jerk! 372 00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:08,992 [chuckles] Got ya. 373 00:15:09,034 --> 00:15:11,202 -Your children are adorbs. -Meh. 374 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:14,289 In fact, this one reminds me of a little Golden Glider. 375 00:15:14,372 --> 00:15:16,833 Golden Glider? That name's rad! 376 00:15:16,875 --> 00:15:19,711 Leonard, you gotta call me Golden Glider from now on. 377 00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:23,590 ♪ I wish I lived on a boat Or a ship! ♪ 378 00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:26,009 OMG, she is Golden Glider! 379 00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:27,385 Daddy! 380 00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:37,896 WTF. 381 00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:39,981 What is Bane doing in this picture? 382 00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:42,400 He hasn't aged a day. [gasps] 383 00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:43,568 Wait a minute. 384 00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:46,029 The wall, the writing, the writing on the wall, 385 00:15:46,071 --> 00:15:47,947 the letters and the words, the writing. 386 00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:49,407 Bane is stuck in the past 387 00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:52,994 on the same day that Glider kills her parents! 388 00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:56,414 [laughing] 389 00:15:57,248 --> 00:15:59,334 So then I 'sploded him! 390 00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:02,837 [chuckles weakly] Isn't that hilarious? 391 00:16:02,921 --> 00:16:04,089 -Rebecca? -I'm sorry. 392 00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:05,924 It's just... It's been a long day, 393 00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:07,926 and my shitbag husband doesn't-- 394 00:16:08,009 --> 00:16:09,803 I can explode him for you if you like. 395 00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:12,222 Whoa. Totally radical. 396 00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:14,683 Kite Man! Think about it. 397 00:16:14,766 --> 00:16:16,017 You came back to save me. 398 00:16:16,101 --> 00:16:18,186 However, I do not need rescuing. 399 00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:20,438 I have found my true love. 400 00:16:22,023 --> 00:16:23,274 I don't have time for this. 401 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:24,484 I have a plan, and I need your help. 402 00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:26,569 Anything! What are best friends for? 403 00:16:26,611 --> 00:16:27,612 Oh... Best friends? 404 00:16:27,696 --> 00:16:29,614 Well, okay. All right. Well, yeah. 405 00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:32,367 Uh, anyway, I need to chat with you privately. 406 00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:34,828 Anything for my best dawg! 407 00:16:34,911 --> 00:16:36,913 -Okay. -Kaboom sound! 408 00:16:36,955 --> 00:16:38,081 Great. 409 00:16:38,123 --> 00:16:39,582 I came back here to stop Glider 410 00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:41,918 from killing her parents, thus saving her childhood, 411 00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:43,211 thus healing her lifelong trauma, 412 00:16:43,294 --> 00:16:44,629 hence saving our relationship 413 00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:46,715 all in one fell scoop! Or do I mean swoop? 414 00:16:46,798 --> 00:16:49,300 God, I miss Glider so much. She always knows what I mean. 415 00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:52,387 Golden Glider is going to kill her super-hot mom 416 00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:54,139 who I've just fallen in love with? 417 00:16:54,222 --> 00:16:56,307 No, I just told you, we're stopping it. 418 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:59,310 But changing the the past has consequences. 419 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:02,772 But on the other hand, if Golden Glider's father dies, 420 00:17:02,814 --> 00:17:05,650 that is one less obstacle I have to overcome 421 00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:08,903 to being with Becca, because I'm going to save her. 422 00:17:08,987 --> 00:17:10,530 BT-dubs, I call her Becca. 423 00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:13,950 I'm thinking at some point it will be relaxed to Becs. 424 00:17:13,992 --> 00:17:15,410 But we are not there yet. 425 00:17:15,492 --> 00:17:16,869 You are just gonna have to figure out another way 426 00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:18,038 to get rid of Glider's dad. 427 00:17:18,121 --> 00:17:19,455 So, now I have to wait 428 00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:22,291 for a trial separation and then a divorce? 429 00:17:22,334 --> 00:17:24,794 Do you know how long that can take? 430 00:17:24,836 --> 00:17:27,380 It will drag out to 1993! 431 00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:30,175 Ugh, Chuck was just trying to do a nice thing, 432 00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:32,886 and now you dumbass ruined move-in day. 433 00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:33,928 [Captain Cold] I rule! 434 00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:35,847 Ha! 435 00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:37,265 Welcome back, roomie! 436 00:17:37,349 --> 00:17:39,392 What are you doing here? 437 00:17:39,476 --> 00:17:40,685 I thought you were living 438 00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:41,936 in a kiddie-diddler ice cream van. 439 00:17:42,020 --> 00:17:43,438 Kite Dude didn't tell you? 440 00:17:43,521 --> 00:17:45,315 He gave me the green light to move in with you guys. 441 00:17:45,357 --> 00:17:46,691 Said he was ecstatic. 442 00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:48,985 Yeah, he doesn't know what ecstatic means. 443 00:17:49,027 --> 00:17:50,862 -Now get the hell out! -No problem. 444 00:17:50,945 --> 00:17:52,155 I'll just stay with Mom and Dad. 445 00:17:52,197 --> 00:17:54,366 Oh, wait! I can't because you killed them. 446 00:17:54,449 --> 00:17:57,535 Fuck you! Where's Kite Man? 447 00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:00,538 "Hey, babe, I'm in the '80s. 448 00:18:00,622 --> 00:18:03,667 Gonna stop you from killing your parents. BRB"? 449 00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:06,294 "PS, please DVR Young Sheldon." 450 00:18:06,378 --> 00:18:08,338 Oh, Chuck, what have you done? 451 00:18:08,380 --> 00:18:10,465 Ha! Kite Dude is gonna die 452 00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:12,175 trying to change your childhood. 453 00:18:12,217 --> 00:18:14,386 And you're the one who's gonna kill him. 454 00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:16,388 -[laughs, groans] -[grunts] 455 00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:17,889 -Cheap shot! -Oh, shut up! 456 00:18:17,972 --> 00:18:19,849 Now I'm gonna be in the bathroom 457 00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:21,059 for as long as it takes. 458 00:18:21,142 --> 00:18:23,687 Gross! [groans] 459 00:18:25,397 --> 00:18:27,232 -[Lawrence] ...if I could stop myself... -[grunts] 460 00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:29,234 ...from knocking you up at the bathroom at the Slap and Wash, 461 00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:31,319 -I could have married someone actually hot... -Oh, my God. 462 00:18:31,403 --> 00:18:32,737 -...like Ally Ringwald. -This was that day. 463 00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:35,407 -Or Molly Sheedy! -Lawrence, you shithead. 464 00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:36,866 You're making a scene. 465 00:18:36,908 --> 00:18:40,787 Hey, Mom, Dad! Stop fighting! Watch me skate! 466 00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:42,288 I said stop fighting! 467 00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:43,581 Yeah, asshole! 468 00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,250 How hard is it to watch her skate? 469 00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:46,793 [Rebecca] You've had enough. 470 00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:47,919 -Stupid bitch! -[groans] 471 00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:49,921 -[gasps] -Becca! 472 00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:51,673 [gasps] 473 00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:53,675 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down, calm down. 474 00:18:53,758 --> 00:18:55,176 Everything's gonna be all right. 475 00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:56,720 Oh, no, Chuck! No! 476 00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:58,972 -Oh, no! What's happening? -[Kite Man] Oh, no, no! 477 00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:01,182 -Just don't... -[all screaming] 478 00:19:03,601 --> 00:19:04,728 [grunts] 479 00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:08,940 [all screaming] 480 00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,073 Babe, you saved me. 481 00:19:17,115 --> 00:19:18,950 Babe, of course I did. 482 00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:20,326 But I didn't save your parents. 483 00:19:20,410 --> 00:19:21,619 Thus, I didn't save your whole childhood. 484 00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,496 Hence your trauma remains not erased. 485 00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:25,874 Oh, my shitty childhood isn't what matters. 486 00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:27,876 What matters is now. 487 00:19:27,959 --> 00:19:29,794 And you are my now. 488 00:19:30,462 --> 00:19:32,088 What... happened? 489 00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:34,382 Oh, my God, I didn't kill my mom! 490 00:19:34,466 --> 00:19:37,135 I'm batting 500! Hell, yeah! 491 00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:39,471 Oh, I'm so glad you're okay. 492 00:19:39,554 --> 00:19:40,764 So am I. 493 00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:42,140 Do I know you? 494 00:19:42,223 --> 00:19:44,225 No, but you will. 495 00:19:44,309 --> 00:19:46,102 I just wanted to-- Oh! 496 00:19:46,144 --> 00:19:47,645 [both chuckle] 497 00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:51,483 Oh, I hope you live the life you've always wanted. 498 00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:56,488 Babe, you are super cute. 499 00:19:56,571 --> 00:19:58,740 Hey, if you ever meet a guy named Eddie McGhee 500 00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:01,493 and he tells you he's allergic to condoms, 501 00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,787 do not believe him. 502 00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:09,376 Babe, I can't tinkle with you staring at me. 503 00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:11,419 Babe, we're roommates now. 504 00:20:11,503 --> 00:20:13,463 I assumed we'd have an open door pee policy. 505 00:20:13,505 --> 00:20:15,215 Uh, babe, no, we don't. 506 00:20:15,298 --> 00:20:17,342 And we never will. Please, turn around. 507 00:20:18,677 --> 00:20:19,803 [urinating] 508 00:20:26,017 --> 00:20:28,728 [sighs] Feels good to be home. 509 00:20:28,812 --> 00:20:31,523 I know it's not a boat, babe, but it's ours. 510 00:20:31,606 --> 00:20:34,609 Yeah, who needs a boat when you have a kite? 511 00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:37,529 [machine whirring] 512 00:20:39,531 --> 00:20:40,949 Heard of knocking? 513 00:20:41,032 --> 00:20:42,158 Are those margaritas 514 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,244 that you spilled all over my bed? 515 00:20:44,327 --> 00:20:45,787 You are fucking worthless. 516 00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:48,164 Get out! Go live with Mom now since we just saved her. 517 00:20:48,206 --> 00:20:49,457 What are you talking about? 518 00:20:49,541 --> 00:20:51,334 You killed her and Dad, you psycho! 519 00:20:51,376 --> 00:20:53,253 What? No. Mom didn't die. 520 00:20:53,336 --> 00:20:55,255 Well, then where is she? 521 00:20:58,425 --> 00:21:00,760 My love, even though I was warned 522 00:21:00,844 --> 00:21:04,222 that changing the future could have dire consequences, 523 00:21:04,264 --> 00:21:06,016 I said, "Fuck it!" 524 00:21:06,057 --> 00:21:10,437 I'm staying right here to live happily ever after with you. 525 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:11,479 Yeah, whatever. 526 00:21:11,563 --> 00:21:13,440 Now that my husband is gone, 527 00:21:13,523 --> 00:21:15,692 It's like that random woman said, 528 00:21:15,734 --> 00:21:19,279 I can live the life I've always wanted. 529 00:21:19,362 --> 00:21:21,489 [laughing] Yes! Yes! 530 00:21:21,573 --> 00:21:23,199 -Yes! -But your children? 531 00:21:23,241 --> 00:21:25,493 [grunts] Where is my mom? 532 00:21:25,577 --> 00:21:28,705 -Uh, she is not here. -What do you mean? 533 00:21:28,747 --> 00:21:31,332 She certainly did not abandon you. 534 00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:34,252 It's much better news than that. 535 00:21:34,294 --> 00:21:36,838 She, uh, died in the 'splosion! 536 00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:38,673 -What? -Okay. 537 00:21:38,757 --> 00:21:40,633 I gotta get back to the future. 538 00:21:40,717 --> 00:21:43,428 I sure as shit am not doing two sequels 539 00:21:43,511 --> 00:21:44,929 to this damn story. 540 00:21:48,641 --> 00:21:50,769 Where are the pictures of my mom? 541 00:21:52,103 --> 00:21:53,772 [grunting] 542 00:21:53,855 --> 00:21:56,441 There is literally nothing here to indicate that she's alive. 543 00:21:56,524 --> 00:21:58,735 What the fuck happened to her? 544 00:22:03,281 --> 00:22:07,535 [grunting] 545 00:22:10,789 --> 00:22:13,667 -[groaning] -[sinister laughter] 546 00:22:17,754 --> 00:22:19,964 [theme music playing] 547 00:22:46,574 --> 00:22:48,827 ♪ Hell, yeah! ♪