- [children cheering] - [laughs]
The smiles never get old.
When I started Villigans, we were just a humble theme restaurant,
but with hard work, dedication and a little bit of magic,
we turned that theme restaurant into a theme restaurant with a gift shop.
A gift shop that I grew into the largest online retail business in the world.
Providing our customers with anything they need,
shipped to them anywhere, anytime.
And now with Villigans Air, the sky truly is the limit,
because at Villigans, we don't call it work,
we call it fun.
[laughing]
Hey, pay attention, pals.
As I was saying, Glider is supes fragile right now,
so when she comes down here, let's not do anything
- that might hurt her, or upset her. - [Queen of Fables] No problem.
- [Dubelz] I'll try. - [Bane] I am sure she is not that bad.
- [Noonan] Ah! Kill it! - [Dubelz] Il Diavolo!
- [Noonan cocks the rifle] The Babadook! - Hey, babe, you look like, uh-
Someone who's been up all night,
with no luck trying to find her newly not-dead mom?
Ooh, did you get those bags under your eyes from Kohl's or TJ Maxx?
- [Bane] Whoa! - [Queen of Fables] You got her!
You all can suck my butt and put it in a butt container.
[chokes and spits]
- Oh, God, am I tired. - Babe, it's only been a day, we'll find your mom eventually.
Not knowing where she is feels almost worse than knowing she was dead.
Um, hello! I am also suffering.
Yesterday I met my true love.
And now no one can give me her locale!
How I long to finally consummate our love.
- Our bodies moist and writhing in sync- - [glass breaking] Delivery!
Oh, hell, yeah! My new weapons.
Now that I'm gonna be meeting my future mother in law,
I need to take my powers to the next level.
- So, level one? - Villigans?
You're buying weapons from a company that tried to kill and bankrupt you?
Well, sure, but free one-hour delivery.
Damn it! The instructions are written in Wingdings.
You get what you pay for, right, Joe?
- [phone buzzing] - [clears throat] Go for Bane.
Yes. R-R-R-Rebecca Chen? Yes.
Uh, sh-sh-she's where? I-I-I understand.
[screams] No!
- Um, wrong number. - Bane, you clearly found out where my mother is
and if you don't tell me, I am going to take your mask
- and hook it up to Sixpack's asshole! - I'll try anything twice.
I cannot reveal Becca's true location, for it is hell on earth.
Where a sliver of hope leads to the greatest despair--
- She's in The Pit? - Damn it, Bane! You and your loose lips!
[singer] ♪ Hell yeah! ♪
How did my mother end up in The Pit? Huh?
The League of Shadows runs it.
So do they have something on her? Answer me!
I swear I do not know the pecifics.
You can tell me now or in The Pit. Because that is where we are going.
[Bane groans and retches] No!
I cannot go back to the disgust I was raised in.
Plus, I told myself I'd lose 20 pounds and get my neck done
before seeing any of those assholes again.
Wow. Okay.
So you're gonna let Kite Man, me,
- and the rest of our friends go-- - [Sixpack] Pass.
- [Malice] Never. Never, ever. - [Noonan] Um, no, no.
You're gonna let Kite Man and me go alone?
- Yeah, w-w-what the H, Bane? - I will say,
if your mom is in a notorious prison run by assassins,
you two might wanna wait for, like a parole hearing or a presidential pardon--
F. that! You know, I'll follow my babe into the most horrifying of places.
We got dinner at Hardee's last week!
Plus, now I have my bomb dot com weapons,
- like my Kite-a-Rang! - [clinks and thuds]
Still working out the kinks.
- Fine. We don't need you. - [whispers] We really need him.
Because nothing is gonna stop me from having my mom back.
Bud, I don't wanna go into The Pit either.
The travel alone is gonna be hell on my intermittent fasting.
But you know why I'm doing it?
Because my true love is gonna be down there.
Do you know anybody who can relate to that, pal?
You are using my heart to manipulate me.
I'm just saying, big guy, double dates.
Me and Glider, you and Becca,
wine country, Catskills.
A winter cabin in the Poconos?
My wool sweater is itching already.
- So what do you say? - [groans] Mm. Okay!
But there is only one airline that flies direct.
[dinging]
[pilot] Uh, folks, from the flight deck, welcome aboard Villigans Air
with direct service to an undisclosed location
in the ancient part of the world, known as The Pit,
and then continuing on to Cabo.
Hey, are you sure your brother didn't want to come with us?
Oh, he can't. He's on a no-fly list because of January 6th.
- Oh. - Yep.
January 6th 2014, he punched a TSA agent
- at a college football game. - Oh, that tracks. You know what, babe?
I never thought our first trip as a couple would be to break your mom out of prison.
I know. But when has anything we've ever done been what we thought it would be?
- Oh, yeah. - Hey, when you meet my mom, can you say "Heck, yeah?"
You know, sometimes people get religious in prison, so maybe no swears.
You ducking got it, babe.
[Bane groaning] You are in my seat.
Well, yes, sir, I am. But I was just hoping we could switch,
so I could sit next to my wife as we're on our honeymoon.
Absolutely not!
I have paid extra for my aisle seat, and your lack of foresight
does not constitute my emergency.
Sir, there's an open seat right here.
[Bane] But that lady has her shoes off!
When did the sky become such a field of lawlessness?
You're closing the bar? Ooh! Are we gonna have a party?
Ooh. Are you gonna bring some of your freaky ass immortal friends over?
I would never, ever bring any of my friends here.
I'm going out.
My boyfriend is only in town for one night.
[Noonan] Since when you got a boyfriend?
Well, we're on-again-off-again, but right now, we're very on.
What would a Malice boyfriend even be like?
Dead parents and a BMI under 19. You're dating a bad boy.
My boyfriend's name is Jeremy.
He's so bad that he died, went to hell and the staff sent him back,
because he was too evil, even for them. Yummy.
- Damn, I'm getting all riled up. - Too bad you'll never meet him.
He'd never set foot in a place like this. Ugh.
[Mother Box] Message from Devil Dick, comma Raya.
- Hey, it's your lover! - [all groaning]
Heads up! I'm dropping by completely unannounced. Be there in five.
Shit. Shit! He must be tracking me using Find That Mother Box.
I don't work here. I don't work here. Okay?
When he arrives, Mariah Carey rules apply.
No eye contact, and I don't know any of you!
- Hello. - That's your evil boyfriend?
No, that's not him. My boyfriend can read.
The sign says we're closed.
Oh, sorry, young lady, no one is ever closed...
When you're the Gotham City Health Inspector!
[laughs, chokes and coughs]
My apologies. I had a hard candy stuck in my throat.
No one told us you were showing up today.
That's 'cause health inspectors are like 13-year-old boys home alone.
They could come at any time.
[laughs] Oh, I gotta use that one.
Oh, Christ, just take what's in the cash register.
Oh, no. I'm sorry there, hoss.
I'm the one health inspector who can't be bought.
All right! Let's get to it.
Not now, Chessure.
I just have so many questions for her.
Like what kind of pizza is your favorite?
Which Michael Myers would you rather bang, the comedian or the serial killer?
Why the hell didn't you try to find me all these years? [chuckles nervously]
Maybe go with the pizza one and then see how it plays out.
You are the only daughter I have and I'm so happy
- we're taking this trip together, right, Tabitha? - Aw.
- You will listen to me when I'm talking, Tabitha! - [yelps] I hate you!
- Aw! - [boy] Stranger Danger!
[Bane] Whose child is this?
He was trying to drink the water in the potty.
- Oh, no, Bane! - Sir, unhand that child immediately
or you will be kicked off this plane.
Ma'am, our friend meant no harm. He's just a little stress--
- [air splitting] - [flight attendant screams]
- [glass shatters] - [passengers scream]
- [passenger] Not again. - Holy shit. It actually worked.
Okay. All three of you need to get the fuck off this plane. Now!
Oh, really? [chuckles] What are you gonna do?
Open the door and kick us out mid-flight?
- [Bane screaming] - On the plus side, we're pretty much there.
Oh, thanks a lot, Bane!
I am not the one who blew the window out of the plane.
I just went into the bathroom and grabbed a feral child,
who was drinking non-potable water.
Not potable!
Okay, decaying limbs, rotting corpse head,
trying to pass off Diet Pepsi as Diet Coke-
Can we hurry this up?
- There's my favorite pussy. - [Malice and Chessure] Yay!
Oh, and Chessure's here to.
- [squeals] Jeremy! - Here you go, my darling.
Some dumb lady was selling these on the ground by the highway.
Now, why is a smokin' hot, filthy rich New God slumming it
in a tenement house like this?
Um, well, surprise!
I rented out this disgusting bar and hired actors to play poor people.
Jesus fucking Christ.
Oh! You mean like role-play?
You saucy minx, you put this together for me?
I sure did! [giggling]
Oh, I'm so turned on right now.
Rub my balls and tell me how Brexit actually helps minorities.
Hey, Malice, we need more ice in the urinals.
- It helps Joe focus his stream. - Right away, sir!
See, that's my character. A server in this shit hole.
Oh, this is fun. Okay, okay. Okay. My character again is the health inspector,
and I'm about to shut this place down.
[Noonan gasps]
Why did you do that? He was like... he was a great actor!
Hmm. I can taste the fear.
It's almost like it's carbonated.
Server, grab me the hottest seltzer you've got so I can stiff you.
- [Malice grunts] - Because tipping promotes laziness.
Damn, I never thought I'd meet a person that's too evil, even for me.
- [health inspector] Hello! - Oh, shit!
Don't look so surprised. I'm a city worker in Gotham.
You think nobody's tried to kill me before?
So you're immortal, and you decided to be a health inspector?
Of course! It's a government job!
You have those for life.
It's a great pension, too. Not that I'll ever see it.
Now, where were we?
[Bane] I will now show you how to descend
into the bowels of my childhood home.
[Bane grunts and groans]
Now follow those maneuvers exactly or you shell perish!
You ready to take the leap, babe?
I'm standing up here an orphan.
But down there, I'm gonna be a, uh...
- What's the opposite of an orphan? - I don't know.
Let's go find out.
[Bane] Be careful of the... Watch out for the...
You must make sure to...
Or I guess I'll just go fuck myself.
This place is exactly how I remembered.
The unforgiving stone wall.
The smell of trepidation.
A giant flat-screen TV! Wait. What?
Hello Villigans Family.
It's your Work Mom, Helen Villigan.
Sweet shit! Villigans owns The Pit?
Wow, they really have their mitts in everything.
I'm just here to remind you to keep up the good fun
because here at Villigans, we don't call it work.
We call it fun! [laughs]
Trogg, Zombie, and Bird! My old crew.
You're still smearing feces on the walls just to feel something?
Do you know my mom? Her name is Rebecca Chen.
She looks like me, but older, I think.
I don't know because she never bothered to reach out to me
- even though I saved her life-- - [Bane] What the fuck?
[workers groan]
It kind of puts a damper on that one-hour free shipping dealio.
- [Baby Doll] Great work, ma'am! - [Helen] Miss.
Miss, wright. Great work, Miss.
The new distribution center is aces.
There's no cheaper labor than free, right?
Am I right? [cackles]
- Shut up! - Copy that, ma'am. Miss.
It's fine for now, but once I secure the device,
this will all be irrelevant.
[alert beeping]
Oh, looks like we have a little situation.
Look at what you have done to my brethren, you succubus of capitalism!
[Bane grunts and yells]
Now, Bane, you're going to have to pay for that.
Shall I use the card ending in 2147?
Holy shit! That is my debit card.
If these are actors, how are they coming back to life?
Even Bruce Forsyth isn't that good.
Um, well, surprise!
The actors are actually robots,
so you can really get your Westworld on.
You went to all that expense and effort
to create this robot-laden dive bar for my enjoyment?
The only thing hotter than that is me right now.
Hey! Hey! That was my drink!
- [Jeremy grunts] - [man groans]
- [winces] - [grunts]
Ugh.
- Ah! You tiki-torch- - wielding motherfucker!
[sobbing]
My baby brother!
Ugh. Why is this not turning me on?
- No, you don't need-- - No shirt, no shoes, no pulse.
Hey, trust me. This is a game you don't wanna play.
What are you gonna do, old man?
I'm gonna kill you with this finger.
Oh, I'd like to see that.
[gunshot]
Oh, right. The "hell won't take him" thing.
Whoa! Not bad.
Listen, if you're ever looking for a steady job,
you might consider the Health Department.
Now, where were we?
Oh, yes, the end of your pathetic life.
- Stop! He'll die! - Oh, I know how it works, kitten.
You murder the robots for sport and sexual gratification.
They're not robots. I lied. Okay? This is all real!
[chuckling] Are you mad? Next thing you'll tell me is you really work here.
Helen Villigan, you're the new head of the League of Shadows?
No, pumpkin. I bought this place from them.
I needed a large warehouse and cheap labor.
And what's better than a pit full of criminals?
Impossible!
The League of Shadows is a sacred order with an ancient code.
- So was their accounting system. Zing! - [both laugh]
- Sick burn, ma'am. I mean Miss. - That will be all, Baby Doll.
- We're here for one reason- - [Helen and Golden Glider] to rescue your mother.
- How do you know that? - I know everything about everyone.
You see, Villigans isn't a chain restaurant/ global eCommerce/
privatized prison system, we're really a data business.
- Oh, come on, pick a lane! - Smart to diversify.
Well, we are in the murder-you- if-you-don't-give-me-my-mother business.
Ooh! You mean this woman?
What do you want now? Leave me alone! [moans and thuds]
- [Golden Glider gasps] Mom! - [Bane] Becca!
[Golden Glider screams, groans]
Babe!
You did this to her.
No, no, she came with the place.
I don't care why any of these folks are here,
but if they weren't monsters, they wouldn't be in The Pit.
- [Helen cackles] - Oh, no, Chuck, Bane, take cover!
Aah! You're going to regret this, Helen.
Oh, sweetie, powers don't work down here.
Well, what about gadgets? Kite belt!
[Golden Glider gasps]
[Kite Man] Oh! Whoa! Uh oh. Ooh! I think I hit that bat.
Emergency security protocol engaged.
[Golden Glider] Chuck! [gasps] What did you do?
[workers chanting] We don't call it work. We call it fun.
[all grunting]
[Bane] Oh, look at these wimps!
They are so weak, you cannot just kill one.
It's like evil Lay's potato chips.
You know what someone needs to invent?
A thing that takes all the little broken chips
and reforms them into a new chip. Ow!
Holy shit, you really are my best friend!
I've been saying that for years!
[grunting]
[groaning] Uh, babe, a little help?
She's right there. She's so close!
- [Bane] My love, I am coming! - Nice.
[Bane yelps]
- [Bane groans] - [electricity crackles]
Oh, it's okay. I got you, Mom. I got you!
Now let's get the fudge out of here.
I know your mom's unconscious,
but I'm still keeping the swears to a minimum
- because I love the sugar out of you. - [grunts]
[Bane] Trogg! That is a really nice rock,
- but I don't know how we'll get it ho- oh! - [all scream]
[grunting]
Ah! Whoa! [groans]
Oh. No!
No, no, no, no! This is not how it ends.
We are not going to die here after getting so close!
Bane, please help us!
But they are my friends!
Uh, I think your friends are long gone, Bane.
[Bane yelling]
Fly free, little birdy!
Hey, Zombie, this will hurt me more than it hurts you.
Probably.
Now it is you who got his neck done!
[Bane groans]
- [Golden Glider gasps] - [Kite Man grunts]
[Bane] Arrows, blade, uh, darts, fire, blade? Blade!
[all yelp]
It is hard to even imagine
this is the same place I learned to walk.
- Over a dying man's scrotum. - What are you--
[Bane] Scoreboard!
- [Kite Man grunts] Thanks! - [Bane grunts]
[Jeremy] I should have known you had a job.
You were looking a little working class,
and by that I mean chubby.
So you only liked me 'cause I was independently wealthy?
I'm so glad you understand.
I'll never forget the time we promised a hot meal
to two homeless people if they fought, and then we just killed them anyway.
[chuckles] Oh, good times.
What is this feeling I'm feeling?
I think it's called a feeling.
Ugh, I can't believe I let this happen.
Look, you got dickmatized by a piece of shit.
Been there. I used to date Rumpelstiltskin.
You know, I've been around a long time and been on the wrong side of many wars
so believe me when I say that guy, you dodged a bullet.
- So you're not cross with me? - Nope.
[Dubelz] I am furious.
You're the reason my baby brother's dead.
My bro.
Look at how he massacred my bro! [sobbing]
Again, I know you've got a lot on your plate,
but um, you know what I'm gonna say.
I have no boyfriend. I have no money.
I've been waxing my own eyebrows.
This is all I have left.
I won't let you shut this place down!
[Golden Glider] Oh! Thank you, Bane!
I am so sorry I ever doubted you.
You doubted me?
- Oh, yeah. Big time. - Uh... Okay.
Well, now we just have to cover thousands of miles of ruthless, unforgiving terrain.
- What? - Thousands of miles?
Well, what else are we going to do?
We are banned from the only airline who flies here.
Through no fault of my own, by the way.
Damn it. I was really hoping I'd be more helpful.
Stupid, useless, winding weapons!
[all screaming]
You did it, babe!
Oh, I love you so much,
I could eat your face with a spoon right now.
Hell, yeah. I... think?
Are we finally on? Jesus Christ, Baby Doll.
- You cannot smoke in here. - [Baby Doll] Oh, sorry, ma'am.
Okay, we're back.
Oh, they're gone. Well, no matter.
They've given me quite the idea.
Congratulations, young lady. I'm giving you a "D."
Minus.
Ladies and gentlemen, we got her.
Hey, you found your mom. Cool.
Well, nothing interesting happened while you were gone.
- So- - I have a dick now.
That's me and my dead brother's dick.
- You're just a squatter! - Squatter?
- [both yell] - [Sixpack retches]
Yep. Just how we left it.
Ah, let's get Mom upstairs.
She's obviously very tired.
[phone buzzing]
Go for Bane.
Oh, Carol from Villigans Air customer service.
You are about to meet your reckoning!
- Now we should get some sleep. - You know, I think I'm gonna stay out here
- in case she wakes up. - 10-4 babe.
Babe, thanks for making our first trip together so great.
Mmm. Aw.
[Baby Doll] I'm not out of order, you're out of order, mister!
- [Judge] Baby, my chambers. - Sustained!
[announcer] Love that Baby will be back after this message from Pitigans.
Uh, no, not the gas again.
- Mommy? - You stay away.
- You're safe! - Get away from me!
Mommy! It's me. Your daughter.
Lisa! Oh, I never thought I'd see you again.
[sniffles] Here I am.
Here we are, back in each other's lives for good this time.
[whispers] Fuck.