1 00:00:00,667 --> 00:00:01,918 [upbeat music playing] 2 00:00:01,918 --> 00:00:04,754 Are you ready to meet the Sexiest Villain Alive? 3 00:00:04,754 --> 00:00:07,757 Because Helen Villigan is ready to crown 'em. 4 00:00:07,757 --> 00:00:10,760 The nominations are in for the eighth annual 5 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:15,015 - Villigans Sexiest Villain Alive awards! - [buzzer sounding] 6 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,683 [Bane] Ugh! Look at that. 7 00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:19,436 They're treating villains like steaks. 8 00:00:19,436 --> 00:00:23,523 These sexy awards shows are so reductive. 9 00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:25,984 Ooh, the rumor mill is humming. 10 00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:29,362 Who will be this year's winner? Will it be "the good"? 11 00:00:29,362 --> 00:00:33,533 As in six-time SVA champ, Lex Luthor? 12 00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:34,868 It's seven. 13 00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:37,328 Just kidding, Lex. [chuckles] We know it's seven. 14 00:00:37,328 --> 00:00:40,248 Or could it be "the bad"? 15 00:00:40,248 --> 00:00:43,752 As in, Gotham's newest bad boy, Beast Mode. 16 00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:48,882 Fuck, yeah! I'mma serve them up some Beast-a-la-Mode! 17 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:50,216 - [laughs] - [Laff trak laughing] 18 00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:52,635 Laff Trak gets it. Shots! 19 00:00:52,635 --> 00:00:55,013 Ooh, Glider. Your boyfriend's moving up in the world. 20 00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:57,182 He is not my boyfriend. 21 00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:59,100 What happened to you, Chuck? 22 00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:02,520 Seems the last few days or so, he's been a little too cool for school. 23 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:05,231 He's insufferable. God, I hope he loses. 24 00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:06,524 [Bane] Who cares? 25 00:01:06,524 --> 00:01:09,319 It is a vapid, meaningless contest. 26 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:12,030 Or will it be "the ugly"? 27 00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:14,699 Like this year's dark horse nominee, Bane! 28 00:01:14,699 --> 00:01:18,995 [splutters] Holy shit! I'm nominated? 29 00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:21,373 That's fucking amazing. 30 00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:23,875 You guys really think I can win? 31 00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:25,877 Not in that outfit. 32 00:01:25,877 --> 00:01:28,755 And the winner will be unveiled tomorrow night at the Legion of Doom, 33 00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:33,259 hosted by yours truly, presented by Villigans. 34 00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:35,553 [theme music playing] 35 00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:40,392 They name-checked Lex, Bane, and Beast Mode, 36 00:01:40,392 --> 00:01:41,851 but what about Moe Dubelz? 37 00:01:41,851 --> 00:01:44,104 I already got a nice tuxedo picked out for us. 38 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,271 I'm not going with you to the awards. 39 00:01:45,271 --> 00:01:46,731 The fuck are you talking about? 40 00:01:46,731 --> 00:01:48,608 If I'm going, you're obviously going with me. 41 00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:51,069 I'm going with you, but not with you. 42 00:01:51,069 --> 00:01:52,612 I have a date. 43 00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:54,864 Uh-uh. Don't give me that look. We're not a thing. 44 00:01:54,864 --> 00:01:57,367 At best, we're conjoined twins who fool around sometimes. 45 00:01:57,367 --> 00:01:58,785 Oh, that's bullshit. 46 00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:00,245 If you got a date, then I'm bringing one too. 47 00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:01,413 - Fine. - Fine. 48 00:02:01,413 --> 00:02:03,331 [Beast Mode laughing] 49 00:02:03,331 --> 00:02:06,584 - Greetings, losers. - [woman yelps] 50 00:02:06,584 --> 00:02:10,338 - [Glider] Ugh! - [Bane] Kite! Uh, Beast, uh, Man Mode. 51 00:02:10,338 --> 00:02:15,301 Isn't it cool that we are both in the running for Sexiest Villain Alive? 52 00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:17,345 [chuckles] Yeah. You may be in the running, 53 00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:19,431 but everyone's gonna run from you, 54 00:02:19,431 --> 00:02:21,766 'cause you look like a dummy. Whuppah! 55 00:02:21,766 --> 00:02:23,810 [Laff Trak laughing] 56 00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:26,604 - [Bane] Grumble, grumble. - You're literally just saying the word, "grumble." 57 00:02:26,604 --> 00:02:29,190 - [Bane] Shuffles off angrily! - [laughs] 58 00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:31,192 Listen, Chuck, we need to talk. 59 00:02:31,192 --> 00:02:32,360 Yeah, we do. 60 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:33,820 Been rethinking our biz strat. 61 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:36,573 We can't keep catering to broke losers. 62 00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:39,743 We need to attract Euro club kids with loose cash. 63 00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:42,996 What? No, I own 50% of Noonan's. 64 00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,456 We're not changing it! 65 00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:46,624 No. You own 50% of Club Libido, 66 00:02:46,624 --> 00:02:48,543 'cause I already changed it to that in my head. 67 00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:50,045 Get out of here, douchebag! 68 00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:52,464 - Now! - I'm rubber. You're glue. 69 00:02:52,464 --> 00:02:55,300 Whatever you say, bounces off me and sticks to you. 70 00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:56,801 - Whuppah! - [Glider yells] 71 00:02:56,801 --> 00:02:58,303 [thudding] 72 00:02:58,303 --> 00:03:00,555 - You're an asshole. - And you have a bloody nose. 73 00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:02,349 - I do not have a bloody-- - [Beast Mode] Whuppah! 74 00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:04,768 Oh! You fucking prick. 75 00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:08,605 Oh, is that any way to talk to the Sexiest Villain Alive? 76 00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,899 [chuckles] Smell you later! 77 00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:14,778 - Sexiest Villain Alive? We'll see about that. - [dark music playing] 78 00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:18,281 I mean, I thought "grumble," was a pretty good comeback. 79 00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:20,784 - You come with me. - Hmm? 80 00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:22,160 Where are we going? 81 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,829 To a town called, "Whole New You." 82 00:03:24,829 --> 00:03:27,415 Population... You! 83 00:03:27,415 --> 00:03:28,917 I hate Beast Mode. 84 00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:31,294 What twisted ass-dick power did they give Chuck? 85 00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:33,838 The pantsing, the "I'm rubber, you're glue"-ing, 86 00:03:33,838 --> 00:03:35,340 the bloody nose. 87 00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:37,175 That's a sure sign, Kite Man got the douchebag power. 88 00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:39,594 Well, how do I get him back? I can't get through to him. 89 00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:42,013 Then you better find someone who can. 90 00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:48,061 If this goes on much longer, the Kite Man you know will be gone for good. 91 00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:49,854 I think I know just the person. 92 00:03:49,854 --> 00:03:53,900 Forget it. And be still, Reginald, you fatty. 93 00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:56,319 Chuck spent his whole life trying to impress you. 94 00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:58,029 God knows why. 95 00:03:58,029 --> 00:04:01,658 I think maybe you can get him to give up this stupid power. 96 00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:04,703 But to do that, I'd have to spend time with him. Pass. 97 00:04:04,703 --> 00:04:06,663 Do it, and I'll personally guarantee 98 00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:09,249 that Chuck won't call, text, or email you for a whole year. 99 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:12,544 Mmm. All right, soft accept. I'm in. 100 00:04:12,544 --> 00:04:14,796 [groovy music playing] 101 00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:23,680 [Bane] Ooh, sexy guy! 102 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,515 - Ooh! - First of all, 103 00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:27,642 don't pretend to walk in slow motion. 104 00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:29,436 It makes you look thirsty. 105 00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,770 Remember, Bane. 106 00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:33,023 You wear the suit, it doesn't wear you. 107 00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:36,192 [Bane] But... I... I... I... Do I look good? 108 00:04:36,192 --> 00:04:37,944 You look fantastic. 109 00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:41,740 If I were a six, instead of a Miami nine, which is an Atlanta 11, 110 00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:44,242 you'd be in trouble right now, mister. 111 00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:47,912 [Bane chuckles] Okay. 112 00:04:47,912 --> 00:04:49,914 - [man laughing] - [Beast Mode mock punching] 113 00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:53,668 Nice baby. 114 00:04:53,668 --> 00:04:55,795 Let me know if you need another one. 115 00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:57,922 [all laughing] 116 00:04:57,922 --> 00:04:58,840 Up top! 117 00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:03,053 Hey, Man-Bat! I saw your last fight. 118 00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:04,471 [Man-Bat screeching] 119 00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:06,598 I've seen better kicks at Riverdance Junior. 120 00:05:06,598 --> 00:05:09,434 - [all laughing] - [Man-Bat screeching] 121 00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:11,436 - Oops! Two for flinching! - [screeches] 122 00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:13,772 - [screeches] - [all laughing] 123 00:05:13,772 --> 00:05:15,523 [Beast Mode] Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 124 00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:17,067 I've seen enough. 125 00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:19,527 Chuck! 126 00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:22,530 I have never been more impressed. 127 00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:26,117 My boy's an Alpha. Please tell me there's a spot on your entourage. 128 00:05:26,117 --> 00:05:27,619 Are you kidding me, Darryl? 129 00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:29,287 You're not a father. 130 00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:31,206 You wouldn't understand the joy of seeing your firstborn 131 00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:34,250 throw a stranger through a window just for fun. 132 00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:35,627 - [chuckles] - Beast Pops gets it! 133 00:05:35,627 --> 00:05:38,463 And for fuck's sake, call me Beast Pops. 134 00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:40,131 You're pathetic. 135 00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:44,636 So you finally wanna feast mode on some Beast Mode? 136 00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:46,471 [Kite Man] Help me, Glider. 137 00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:48,348 [Beast Mode] 'Cause let's just say there's enough for seconds. 138 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,225 [chuckles] I don't think so. 139 00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:51,351 Wait, what did you just say? 140 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,436 I said, my dick's too big. 141 00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:54,979 [Kite Man] Babe, please make this stop. 142 00:05:54,979 --> 00:05:57,023 [Beast Mode] Oh! Trying to get a look at it? [laughs] 143 00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:59,984 Oh, Chuck! I'll do anything to make it stop. 144 00:05:59,984 --> 00:06:01,986 But how? Should we go to Etrigan? 145 00:06:01,986 --> 00:06:04,489 - Uh, let's go right now. - [laughs] Oh, yeah. As if. 146 00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:06,074 How about you go to hell-- 147 00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:07,492 [Kite Man] ...len Villigan. 148 00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:08,910 She's the only one... Uh, Master Controller. 149 00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:11,413 Her... Her office can change me back. 150 00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:13,498 [Beast Mode] ...Side. Your backside. 151 00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:15,041 Turn around. Let me check it out. 152 00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:17,460 Hey, Beast Mode. Wanna hit up a titty bar? 153 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:20,046 I'm a walking titty bar, Dad. 154 00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,339 Don't know what that means, 155 00:06:21,339 --> 00:06:22,924 but I have never loved my son more. 156 00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:26,261 - [Laff Trak] Aw! - To the titty bar! 157 00:06:26,261 --> 00:06:29,514 Helen-fucking-Villigan! 158 00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:32,600 Oye! You lot, listen! 159 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:34,185 Prepare yourselves, 160 00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:38,481 for the Sexiest Villain Alive has arrived. 161 00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:40,150 [Bane hissing] 162 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,737 Business, business, turn, yeah. 163 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,697 Strut, strut, strut, strut. 164 00:06:45,697 --> 00:06:47,615 Business, business, turn, yeah. 165 00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:49,284 - Vacation guy, sexy, oh! - Hmm, they're not responding 166 00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:51,494 like he's the sexiest thing they've ever seen. 167 00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:52,746 Something's missing. 168 00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:54,998 Yeah, chicken nuggets! 169 00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:57,500 We're out, Mal, and I'm kind of starving. 170 00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:00,879 Just started at Villigan's and had a long day of deliveries. 171 00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:02,881 I'm trying to help Bane be sexy. 172 00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:06,426 Well, maybe, he'll be sexier holding a chicken nugget. 173 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,802 Worth a shot! 174 00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:09,179 Fine. 175 00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:12,223 Gus, I'm going to turn Beast Mode back into Kite Man. 176 00:07:12,223 --> 00:07:14,768 I need the Master Controller from Helen Villigan's office. 177 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:16,728 - How do I get in? - Oh, that's easy. 178 00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:19,397 Step one, be Helen Villigan. 179 00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:20,732 [laughing] 180 00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:22,400 Ow! [grunts] I'm sorry. 181 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:25,070 That... That one gets big yucks at the fulfillment center. 182 00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:27,572 Yeah, only Helen can get into her office. 183 00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:30,742 Hey, where are you going? 184 00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:33,787 Oh, well, haven't you become quite the man about town. 185 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,663 [Beast Mode sniffs, coughs] 186 00:07:35,663 --> 00:07:37,665 Yeah, and you know what's 'ronic? 187 00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:39,959 I got this power to be good enough for Glider, 188 00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:42,337 but now she's not even good enough for me. 189 00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:44,381 Oh, that is 'ronic. 190 00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:45,924 You know what's even more 'ronic? 191 00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:48,009 I gave you the douchiest power in the universe 192 00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:51,096 so I could steal the most powerful thing in the universe. 193 00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:54,265 I don't think that tech fits the definish of 'ronic, 194 00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:55,475 but whatevs. 195 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,018 So, what are you sellin', Helen? 196 00:07:57,018 --> 00:08:00,897 Tonight, you will be crowned Sexiest Villain Alive. 197 00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:02,649 - Fingers crossed. - No. 198 00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:06,361 You will be the Sexiest Villain Alive tonight. 199 00:08:06,361 --> 00:08:09,489 Maybe. And you could be a Minnesota six if you wore heels more. 200 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:12,283 Those flats are keeping the merchandise on the bottom shelf. 201 00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:14,911 Look, dummy, I pick the winner and I picked you. 202 00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:18,373 So tonight, during your acceptance speech, 203 00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:21,126 you will unload on Lex Luthor. 204 00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:23,795 - Face or stomach? - Oh, my God, you make this so hard. 205 00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:27,632 I want Lex so furious at you that he won't notice 206 00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:28,967 anything else going on in the room. 207 00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:30,635 What if an elephant walks in? 208 00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:32,137 He wouldn't notice. 209 00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:35,181 - With clothes on and a bell on its tail? - [sighs] 210 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,684 - While he's distracted, I'm going to release... - [Beast Mode] Ay! 211 00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,978 - ...tiny hummingbird robots that will find me... - [monitor whirring] 212 00:08:39,978 --> 00:08:43,523 ...a very special briefcase I've been looking for. 213 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:47,068 - [keypad clicking] - My infallible algorithm tells me, Lex stole it, 214 00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:50,155 and it will be at the Legion of Doom tonight. 215 00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:52,991 Hummingbirds are dumb. Here's a better idea. 216 00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:54,993 - Leopards. - Leopards are too big. 217 00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:56,828 Baby leopards then, real ones. 218 00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:58,663 Just off the nippie of momma! 219 00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:00,123 They need to be robots. 220 00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:03,918 Fine, but leopards are very trainable. 221 00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:09,090 - [rustling] - [trilling] 222 00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:10,175 [gasps] 223 00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:11,843 Good Lord! 224 00:09:11,843 --> 00:09:15,180 What are the chances that something this extraordinary 225 00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:18,350 has been hiding for who knows how long here? 226 00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:20,018 This changes everything. 227 00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:23,688 [Bane] This changes everything. What is in it? 228 00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:28,234 Who gives a shit! Darling, it's what's on the outside that counts. 229 00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:30,612 And this is the perfect accessory. 230 00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:31,863 It was under the Chick-y Nuggets. 231 00:09:31,863 --> 00:09:34,532 So, that's why the handle is cold. 232 00:09:34,532 --> 00:09:39,871 Which is ironic because I have never been hotter. 233 00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:41,039 [upbeat electronic music playing] 234 00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:47,754 - [Bane] I've got it, yeah, yeah. - [woman squeals] 235 00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:49,089 [Bane] He's got it. 236 00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:51,925 - Looks good, Bane. - Damn, what a briefcase. 237 00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,635 You look like a successful businessman. 238 00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:56,388 - So, Baney. How do you feel? - [person cheering indistinctly] 239 00:09:56,388 --> 00:10:04,479 [Bane] Like, uh, like, uh... Like the Sexiest Villain Alive! 240 00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:07,399 Now just let me do the talking. 241 00:10:07,399 --> 00:10:11,528 I'm so glad you agreed to see me on such short notice, Helen. 242 00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:13,738 - [Helen] Hmm. - Mrs. Villigan. 243 00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:15,240 I thought you left for the awards. 244 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:17,450 And now she's back. Is there a problem? 245 00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:19,536 - [Helen] Mmm. - Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Villigan. 246 00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:22,038 - Of course not. Please go right in. - [door lock buzzing] 247 00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:30,005 [Clayface] Not since my King Lear at the Jewish Senior Center in Tallahassee 248 00:10:30,005 --> 00:10:33,258 has an entrance been so divine. 249 00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:34,551 [laughs] 250 00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:36,261 My word. 251 00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:39,347 The office where Villigan's original content was green-lit. 252 00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:42,559 So, what computational trinket are we hunting? 253 00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:47,105 Like I told you, we're looking for her Master Controller, Clayface. 254 00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:48,857 - Found it! - That's a brush. 255 00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:51,109 Hmm. Looks more like this. Oh! 256 00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:54,362 Huh! Then this must be the associate controller. 257 00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:56,156 [device trilling] 258 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,158 Oh, quick, quick, quick, quick. Turn back into Helen. 259 00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,951 This thing requires a retinal scan. 260 00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:03,496 Well, well, well. The future of security is now. 261 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:06,583 - [laughs] - Jesus Christ. I said "retinal scan." 262 00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:08,793 Ah! Retinal scan. 263 00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:10,920 Rectal scan's two-eyed cousin. 264 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,797 - [device trilling] - Damn it! 265 00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:15,967 This is the only thing that can change Beast Mode back to Kite Man. 266 00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:17,635 Why won't it scan your dumb eyes? 267 00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:19,429 [laughs] Me. 268 00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:22,432 Perhaps my attendance at yesterday's eclipse watchers meeting 269 00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:24,476 yields a clue. 270 00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:28,104 Pro tip! It is ill-advised to stare at the sun for 30consecutive minutes. 271 00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:30,940 Unless you want your retinas as bald and chapped 272 00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:33,651 as the ass of Sir Patrick Stewart. 273 00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:35,153 Are you fucking kidding me? 274 00:11:35,153 --> 00:11:38,365 I kid not! His ass is also bald. 275 00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:40,075 But do not fret, Ms. Glider. 276 00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:43,536 All you need are Ms. Villigan's real eyes. 277 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,830 [fanfare music playing] 278 00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:56,841 [laughing] I feel sorry for all these unsexy dweebs. 279 00:11:56,841 --> 00:12:02,180 Oh! There is something so sexy about a man with only one head on his body. 280 00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:05,350 My head's not the only thing made of wood, cutie. 281 00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:07,602 - Oh! The mouth on you. - [Toy Man laughing] 282 00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:09,187 I gotta tell you, Insect Queen, 283 00:12:09,187 --> 00:12:11,481 that thorax is turning my crank. 284 00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:14,818 [chuckles] Aren't you just a big block of honey? 285 00:12:14,818 --> 00:12:17,821 Really? You're gonna sweet-talk your egg-laying whore right in front of me. 286 00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:20,532 Moe, you're gonna put up with this shit from your other head? 287 00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:23,535 Which, by the way, your dating profile neglected to mention. 288 00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:26,788 - You see what you caused? - Me? This is my fault? 289 00:12:26,788 --> 00:12:28,748 You know what? If you don't want me around, 290 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,166 sayonara, motherfucker. 291 00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:31,501 - [grunts] - [all gasp] 292 00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:32,419 Whoa! 293 00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,089 - Have fun with your six-legged freak. - [Toy Man gasps] 294 00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:38,633 - Says the head on the plate. - Ladies! 295 00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:41,553 Hey, hey, hey, hey. We're all here to have a good time. 296 00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:44,389 How about me and Moe grab us some drinks, huh? 297 00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:49,978 [Bane] I see you wondering, uh-huh. 298 00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:53,231 Who is that fancy lad with his shiny silk suit? 299 00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:55,734 Well, let me tell you, or rather, 300 00:12:55,734 --> 00:12:57,986 - let me spell it to you. - [snaps fingers] 301 00:12:57,986 --> 00:13:00,113 - Hit it, Malice. Can do. - [upbeat music playing] 302 00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:05,910 ♪ B-B-B "B" is For back off, ladies Plenty of me to go around ♪ 303 00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:07,704 ♪ A-A-A "A" is for Aye ♪ 304 00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:10,040 ♪ I said, "Back off, ladies" Seriously! ♪ 305 00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:12,125 ♪ Didn't you hear me Say '"B"? ♪ 306 00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:15,086 ♪ "N"! "N" is For not listening ♪ 307 00:13:15,086 --> 00:13:17,213 ♪ I said, "back off" ♪ 308 00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:19,424 ♪ Because I don't want you To rip the new suit You know? ♪ 309 00:13:19,424 --> 00:13:20,592 Uh... 310 00:13:20,592 --> 00:13:24,095 ♪ E-E "E" is for, uh, uh 'Mergency 311 00:13:24,095 --> 00:13:26,890 ♪ Yeah, yeah "E" is for 'mergency, yeah ♪ 312 00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:31,436 ♪ As we are going to need to call 'mergency services ♪ 313 00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:34,898 ♪ 'Cause these ladies just won't back off of me ♪ 314 00:13:34,898 --> 00:13:36,483 ♪ Exclamation point ♪ 315 00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,276 And that spells? 316 00:13:38,276 --> 00:13:41,821 [yells] Bane! 317 00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:43,948 [cheering] 318 00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:47,035 Well, well, well. This is some unexpected competish. 319 00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:49,788 Forget Bane. Focus on Lex. When you win, attack him. 320 00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:53,583 Draw attention. So no one notices my robot hummingbirds. 321 00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:54,793 Still going with that, huh? 322 00:13:54,793 --> 00:13:56,378 Beast Mode, we're doing shots! 323 00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:58,963 More like the shots are doing me! 324 00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:01,841 [laughs] How does he do it? 325 00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:02,801 [both slurp, sigh] 326 00:14:02,801 --> 00:14:04,636 Eight in a row. Wow! 327 00:14:04,636 --> 00:14:06,096 [chuckles] So unexpected. 328 00:14:06,096 --> 00:14:07,472 Uh, I need to thank, Tanya. 329 00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:09,307 [chuckles] You shine my head, bright than-- 330 00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:10,850 Briefcase? 331 00:14:14,646 --> 00:14:16,815 The Anti-Life Equation. 332 00:14:16,815 --> 00:14:18,817 Hmm. 333 00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:21,069 [clicks tongue] Mmm. Love Cabernet. 334 00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:23,697 It has such great body. 335 00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:25,657 Fuck you, bitch! 336 00:14:25,657 --> 00:14:28,159 The only reason I don't have a body is because it got eaten by bugs. 337 00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:30,662 - Probably your relatives. - Mmm, hell, no. 338 00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:33,915 Because they know better than to eat a body before I had a taste. 339 00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:35,709 So this thing with Moe, is it serious? 340 00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:38,253 I'll let you know after I get him back to my hives. 341 00:14:38,253 --> 00:14:40,672 So what? You take him to the hive, fuck him and then-- 342 00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:44,843 Preserve him in dried honey and eat him later? 343 00:14:44,843 --> 00:14:46,469 Yes, please. 344 00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:48,054 [Toy Man] Hello, lady. 345 00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:50,015 - Hi. [chuckles] - Hope you're thirsty. 346 00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:52,517 And here's some cannolis from the bar. 347 00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:54,686 Ooh! You eat 'em, Moe. 348 00:14:54,686 --> 00:14:58,690 [giggles] I like my men juicy and diabetic. 349 00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:01,484 Well, then, I guess I'm just your type... Two. 350 00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:04,529 - [both laughing] - Oh, I get it. I get it. 351 00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:08,491 How about we go to my hive and I'll suck your brains out? 352 00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:10,201 Check, please. 353 00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:13,204 She means literally suck your brains out, dummy. 354 00:15:13,204 --> 00:15:16,249 [sighs] That stupid man is gonna get himself killed. 355 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,835 - Toy Man, you got a car? - Kind of. 356 00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:23,048 Bane, loved your cool song. You're looking very spiffy. 357 00:15:23,048 --> 00:15:25,133 [Bane] Uh, don't get any ideas, Lex. 358 00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:26,843 The briefcase is mine. 359 00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:28,053 Why are you so protective of it? 360 00:15:28,053 --> 00:15:30,263 I'm not a dummy. I know what it is. 361 00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,182 - The perfect accessory. - The Anti-Life Equation. 362 00:15:32,182 --> 00:15:33,600 Wait, wait. What was your thing? 363 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,560 Uh, nothing. I said "the perfect accessory." 364 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:38,188 No we spoke at the same time and said different things. 365 00:15:38,188 --> 00:15:39,731 And now you are trying to cover. 366 00:15:39,731 --> 00:15:41,983 Bane. Bane! Bane. 367 00:15:41,983 --> 00:15:43,902 Why have we never talked like this? 368 00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:45,862 Sexy buddy to buddy. [chuckles] 369 00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:49,699 Say, how would you like a seat back at the big table, 370 00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:51,284 The Legion of Doom? 371 00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:53,787 There it is. Not happening, Lex. 372 00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:55,580 I'm not dropping out. 373 00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:59,459 And when I win, I'll start my own legion for only sexy people. 374 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,252 Eights and up. 375 00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:04,547 But, like, real eights. Not Milwaukee eights. Ugh! 376 00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:09,010 I'm thinking of calling it, The Legion of Damn! 377 00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,428 [hisses] Ow! 378 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:14,140 - [fanfare music playing] - [crowd cheering] 379 00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:21,564 [crowd applauding] 380 00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:29,114 [music crescendoes, fades] 381 00:16:29,114 --> 00:16:31,491 What does it mean to be sexy? 382 00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:34,828 Some say sexy is an attitude. The dictionary says-- 383 00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:37,997 It better say, "Shut the fuck up, and announce the winner, 384 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,457 or you're going home in a hearse." 385 00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:43,211 And this year's Sexiest Villain Alive is... 386 00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:44,504 - Beast Mode! - [buzzer sounds] 387 00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:45,964 Oh, yes, yes! 388 00:16:45,964 --> 00:16:48,133 [Lex grunts] 389 00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:49,843 - [Tawny grunts] - [Beast Mode growls] 390 00:16:49,843 --> 00:16:51,344 Are you fucking kidding me? 391 00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:53,805 Do they not see my banging new look? 392 00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:55,849 This is bullshit. 393 00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:57,058 Oh! All right. 394 00:16:57,058 --> 00:16:58,852 Settle down. Wow! 395 00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:00,520 Uh, first I just wanna say 396 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,647 there are no losers here tonight. 397 00:17:02,647 --> 00:17:05,650 Except for Lex and Bane, 398 00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:08,153 and the rest of you fuckers. Whuppah! 399 00:17:08,153 --> 00:17:10,488 [villains growling] 400 00:17:11,823 --> 00:17:13,324 - Oh, don't cry, Lex. - [glasses beep] 401 00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:14,993 Oh, wait, are those tears... 402 00:17:14,993 --> 00:17:16,578 - or just little pre-splooge. - [robot hummingbirds whirring] 403 00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:18,747 Get it? 'Cause his head looks like a dick? 404 00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:20,623 [Laff Trak laughing] 405 00:17:20,623 --> 00:17:23,543 [Beast Mode] The sickest burns are the ones I call "splainers." 406 00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:28,089 As in "splain to me why your head looks like a dick." 407 00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:30,342 Who the fuck does he think he is? 408 00:17:30,342 --> 00:17:31,926 Don't take the bait, Lex. 409 00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:34,054 You'll just look like an asshole. 410 00:17:35,597 --> 00:17:37,766 [Moe] You've got classy taste there, babe. 411 00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:39,351 Thank you. [chuckles] 412 00:17:39,351 --> 00:17:41,019 Now, if you'll excuse me, 413 00:17:41,019 --> 00:17:43,855 I think I'll slip into an exoskeleton. 414 00:17:43,855 --> 00:17:45,273 They're more comfortable. 415 00:17:47,108 --> 00:17:48,443 So, listen. 416 00:17:48,443 --> 00:17:51,112 Uh, if you don't have any plans Thursday, 417 00:17:51,112 --> 00:17:53,365 - my sister and her husband-- - Shut up! 418 00:17:53,365 --> 00:17:55,033 Too soon? I knew it. 419 00:17:55,033 --> 00:17:57,369 - It's just I'm 33-- - [shushing] 420 00:17:57,369 --> 00:17:58,578 - [Insect Queen trilling] - [Moe] Oh, baby. 421 00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,330 Your antennas tickle. [chuckles] 422 00:18:00,330 --> 00:18:02,540 Moe. Follow that creepy laughing. 423 00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:05,460 [Moe] Whoa, baby. That's a lotta honey. 424 00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:08,463 Moe, you dumb fuck. What the hell? 425 00:18:11,216 --> 00:18:13,802 Stop! Change of plans. 426 00:18:13,802 --> 00:18:15,887 [chuckles] Stupid bug. 427 00:18:15,887 --> 00:18:18,556 You should've eaten my body when you had the chance. 428 00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:23,311 Point is, Lex, no one loves you and you will die alone. 429 00:18:23,311 --> 00:18:26,106 [laughs] That's actually a pretty good one. 430 00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:28,149 What else? What else? 431 00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:31,778 What other stuff about Lex fucking sucks? 432 00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:35,240 Well, I know we wanted the award, Malice. 433 00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:37,158 But perhaps the real treasure was 434 00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:39,869 the friends we made along the way-- 435 00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:41,121 I can't even say it. 436 00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:42,872 Yeah, I'm not friends with losers. 437 00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:45,542 - Come on, Chessure. - [Chessure hisses] 438 00:18:45,542 --> 00:18:47,752 [wings whirring] 439 00:18:47,752 --> 00:18:48,670 [robot hummingbird beeps] 440 00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:53,466 Lex Luthor? 441 00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:57,429 - More like "Sex pooper." Am I right? - [all laughing] 442 00:18:57,429 --> 00:19:00,140 Guards, seize Beast Mode. 443 00:19:01,016 --> 00:19:02,851 Whuppah! 444 00:19:02,851 --> 00:19:03,893 [screaming] 445 00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:04,894 Whuppah! 446 00:19:04,894 --> 00:19:06,563 [yells] 447 00:19:06,563 --> 00:19:07,272 Whuppah! 448 00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:08,898 [grunts, groans] 449 00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:10,942 [Bane grunts] 450 00:19:10,942 --> 00:19:14,279 Get... Get away from me, you stupid humblebirds. 451 00:19:14,279 --> 00:19:16,614 This is my high fashion 'cessory. 452 00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:20,368 Enough! Stop fucking around and get me Bane's briefcase. 453 00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:22,328 Hey, Bane. Quick question. 454 00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:24,706 Why are you hitting yourself? Whuppah! 455 00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:26,041 [Bane grunting, yelping] 456 00:19:26,041 --> 00:19:30,170 This briefcase has brought me nothing but despair! 457 00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:31,796 [groaning] 458 00:19:31,796 --> 00:19:33,381 [straining] 459 00:19:37,469 --> 00:19:38,720 [Glider grunts] 460 00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:41,139 [Chuck] Glider! 461 00:19:41,139 --> 00:19:43,725 She wants me. [grunts] 462 00:19:43,725 --> 00:19:47,062 Helen, I think it's time for your annual eye exam. 463 00:19:47,062 --> 00:19:48,396 - Doctor? - [Clayface] Yes! 464 00:19:48,396 --> 00:19:51,691 'Tis I. A board-certified optometrist. 465 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:57,155 Born poor to blind parents, he vowed one day to find a cure-- 466 00:19:57,155 --> 00:19:58,490 Just fucking get her to look at it. 467 00:19:58,490 --> 00:20:00,158 You don't think I know what that is? 468 00:20:00,158 --> 00:20:01,493 I'm not looking at it. 469 00:20:01,493 --> 00:20:02,911 Give me the briefcase. 470 00:20:02,911 --> 00:20:04,829 No, give me the briefcase. 471 00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:07,957 Nobody gets it, until Helen uses this thing to bring Chuck back. 472 00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:10,919 Give me the briefcase, Lisa. And I'll do what you want. 473 00:20:10,919 --> 00:20:13,505 She lies, Lisa. Give me the briefcase. 474 00:20:13,505 --> 00:20:15,965 Uh-oh... Oh, God. Don't make me-- 475 00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:17,384 Helen, Jesus Christ, 476 00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:19,177 give her what she wants before she kills us all. 477 00:20:19,177 --> 00:20:21,096 She won't do that, 478 00:20:21,096 --> 00:20:22,347 - because it would kill her precious Kite Man. - [Beast Mode grunting] 479 00:20:22,347 --> 00:20:23,723 [Bane] She can't control it. 480 00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,558 If she gets too stressed out, she'll blow! 481 00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:28,186 [sighs] Then allow me to de-stress her. 482 00:20:28,186 --> 00:20:31,564 - Guards, initiate ASMR playlist. - [device beeps] 483 00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:33,233 - [indistinct chittering] - Golden Glider. 484 00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:37,362 The sound you barely hear is a hamster nibbling on a melon. 485 00:20:37,362 --> 00:20:40,615 Something's different. I can-- 486 00:20:40,615 --> 00:20:43,201 [Lex] It will relax you against your will, 487 00:20:43,201 --> 00:20:45,870 rendering your powers useless. 488 00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:48,331 Well, this is new. 489 00:20:48,331 --> 00:20:49,833 I don't know, Lex. 490 00:20:49,833 --> 00:20:53,670 I'm feeling pretty relaxed and yet in total control. 491 00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:55,797 - [thrilling music playing] - [Lex] Uh... 492 00:20:55,797 --> 00:20:58,550 [Laff Trak laughing] 493 00:20:58,550 --> 00:21:00,260 - [beam trilling] - [Laff Trak] Oh! Ow! 494 00:21:01,011 --> 00:21:02,095 Aw! 495 00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:04,347 Anyone else think this is funny? 496 00:21:05,265 --> 00:21:06,808 [shots firing] 497 00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:08,768 [guard 1 screams] 498 00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:11,396 [thrilling music continues] 499 00:21:15,025 --> 00:21:15,942 [guard 2 screaming] 500 00:21:19,237 --> 00:21:20,697 [guards grunting] 501 00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:22,157 [both screaming] 502 00:21:22,157 --> 00:21:25,410 [Helen gasps, yelps] 503 00:21:25,410 --> 00:21:28,747 Wait. Don't melt me. I'll look at the damn thing. 504 00:21:28,747 --> 00:21:31,041 Now close your left eye, which is better? 505 00:21:31,041 --> 00:21:32,167 - One or-- - Clayface! 506 00:21:32,167 --> 00:21:33,460 We'll call it two. 507 00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:35,712 [device trilling] 508 00:21:37,714 --> 00:21:39,758 [Beast Mode grunting] 509 00:21:41,092 --> 00:21:43,595 What the shit? Someone is in for a serious... 510 00:21:43,595 --> 00:21:45,513 [Kite Man] Kiss on the lips for loving... 511 00:21:45,513 --> 00:21:46,973 [Beast Mode] My huge dick... 512 00:21:46,973 --> 00:21:48,683 And I... [stutters] I'm... 513 00:21:48,683 --> 00:21:51,102 [Kite Man] ...going away forever! 514 00:21:51,102 --> 00:21:52,645 Goodbye, Beast Mode. 515 00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:54,939 - [glass shatters] - No! 516 00:21:56,941 --> 00:21:58,610 Chuck, is that you? 517 00:21:58,610 --> 00:22:01,196 Hell, yeah. Uh, what did I miss? 518 00:22:01,196 --> 00:22:03,198 This... Muah! 519 00:22:03,198 --> 00:22:04,324 And this... 520 00:22:05,116 --> 00:22:06,951 And this! 521 00:22:06,951 --> 00:22:08,995 [heroic music playing] 522 00:22:12,248 --> 00:22:14,668 So does he still get the award? 523 00:22:16,628 --> 00:22:18,797 [theme music playing] 524 00:22:44,489 --> 00:22:46,658 ♪ Hell, yeah! ♪