1 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:04,629 How's it going down there, Chuck? 2 00:00:04,629 --> 00:00:08,008 Real good, babe. [groans] 3 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:11,553 Is the Anti-Life Equation affecting you the same way it did the chicken? 4 00:00:11,553 --> 00:00:15,098 No, babe, but I am being affected a teensy-weensy bit... [groans] 5 00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:17,267 From all the trees you're slamming me into. 6 00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:19,185 Oh. [chuckles] Sorry. 7 00:00:19,185 --> 00:00:20,979 Sometimes I forget you're down there. 8 00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:24,649 - As long as you don't say that in bed, babe. - [both laugh] 9 00:00:24,649 --> 00:00:25,734 [thuds] 10 00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:26,860 [Golden Glider yelps] 11 00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:33,158 I think you've run long enough. 12 00:00:33,158 --> 00:00:35,577 [scoffs] How did you find us? 13 00:00:35,577 --> 00:00:37,078 I got this, babe. 14 00:00:37,078 --> 00:00:39,998 Is it because I search for highly rated Anti-Life Equation 15 00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:41,791 disposal options near me? 16 00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:43,668 Yes. And thank you. 17 00:00:43,668 --> 00:00:44,878 - Knew it! - Babe! 18 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,880 Sorry, babe. I thought it was worth a shot. 19 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,091 Well, we're not giving you the Anti-Life Equation. 20 00:00:50,091 --> 00:00:52,844 Chuck and I will die to protect it. 21 00:00:52,844 --> 00:00:54,554 - Oh, dang it! - Chuck! 22 00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:57,182 I'm sorry, babe. I am so sorry. 23 00:00:57,182 --> 00:01:00,060 If you want it back, I have a price. 24 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,479 A talk with me, face to face. 25 00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:08,068 - My robots will escort you. - Oh, right, so you can kill us. No way. 26 00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:10,028 I thought you might say that. 27 00:01:10,028 --> 00:01:14,199 - Which is why I brought an olive branch. - Pass. 28 00:01:14,199 --> 00:01:17,952 All the olive branches, olive oils, and pimento olives in the world 29 00:01:17,952 --> 00:01:22,248 won't get us there because, newsflash, I don't like olives! 30 00:01:22,248 --> 00:01:24,376 Do you like this? 31 00:01:24,376 --> 00:01:27,379 - My kite? - I saved it from the fire, 32 00:01:27,379 --> 00:01:29,297 which is what I want to do for you. 33 00:01:29,297 --> 00:01:32,967 You can't spend your life on the run, Kite Man. 34 00:01:32,967 --> 00:01:34,886 It's time you faced this. 35 00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:37,263 Trust me. 36 00:01:39,391 --> 00:01:41,267 [theme music playing] 37 00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:08,545 We've run that simulation millions of times. 38 00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:10,338 And it always comes out the same. 39 00:02:10,338 --> 00:02:12,549 All life in the universe is extinguished. 40 00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:15,343 - The end of everything. - Including my customers. 41 00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:17,053 Which is why I don't want this to happen. 42 00:02:17,053 --> 00:02:20,807 It is inspiring how much you care for your customers. 43 00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:22,976 - Well, they're always right. - Mmm, unless they're dead. 44 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:26,062 Precisely! Which is what I'm trying to avoid. 45 00:02:26,062 --> 00:02:27,439 No matter the variable, 46 00:02:27,439 --> 00:02:30,316 the simulation always ends that way. 47 00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:32,819 With one exception. 48 00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:35,113 You, Kite Man. 49 00:02:35,113 --> 00:02:38,241 There's a scenario where you use the Anti-Life Equation 50 00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:40,243 and this doesn't happen. 51 00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:42,287 Uh, cool. 52 00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:43,747 - Why not? - Yeah. 53 00:02:44,205 --> 00:02:45,290 Why not? 54 00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:46,666 I wish we knew. 55 00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:49,961 But the fate of the world is in your capab... 56 00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:52,047 Well, your hands. 57 00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:53,590 But it won't be easy. 58 00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:55,550 Lex wants the equation to kill Superman, 59 00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:57,218 and has no clue he'll kill us all. 60 00:02:57,218 --> 00:02:58,678 We've dealt with Lex before. 61 00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:00,347 But you've never dealt with Darkseid. 62 00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:01,806 He's hunting you, too, 63 00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:03,516 and if he gets the equation, we're all dead. 64 00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:06,644 So whatever you do, do it quickly. 65 00:03:06,644 --> 00:03:07,854 Okay... 66 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:10,065 I can't believe I'm going to fucking say this, 67 00:03:10,065 --> 00:03:12,692 but godspeed, Kite Man! 68 00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:14,736 [suspenseful music playing] 69 00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:22,035 Drinking light beer these days, huh Gus? 70 00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,621 Yeah. I just thought I'd switch it up, Nooman. 71 00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:26,706 - Nooman? - [Bane] Goddam it! 72 00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:28,958 I've been tugging coffee and prune juice, 73 00:03:28,958 --> 00:03:32,170 but I'm stuffed up like a hydroelectric dam. 74 00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:34,214 Sometimes the best laxative 75 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:36,299 is a little thing called patience. 76 00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:37,550 Shove it, dickbag! 77 00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:39,552 I have no time for your patience. 78 00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:43,014 I have to poop in the Portal Potty right now 79 00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:47,102 so I can go back to the '80s and find Goldilocks! 80 00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:49,396 She's probably 'lone and scared 81 00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:51,898 and this close to trying to get famous 82 00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,566 by singing in a mall. 83 00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:55,694 Yeah, kids are easy to lose. 84 00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:59,155 I have one or two kiddos wander off every field trip, 85 00:03:59,155 --> 00:04:00,490 and perish. 86 00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:02,492 [Bane] That is weird and not helpful. 87 00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:06,579 Helen says it's up to you to save us. 88 00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:08,331 So, what's your plan? 89 00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:10,417 Ooh, uh, I was kind of hoping 90 00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,836 something would hit me on the way over. 91 00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:14,295 Uh... Oh! I know. 92 00:04:14,295 --> 00:04:15,922 Yes! That's my Chuck! 93 00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:16,923 I'll take a shower. 94 00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:18,508 That's where I get my best ideas. 95 00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:20,593 What kind of idea we lookin' for? 96 00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:24,931 Oh, you know, just one that allows us to defeat two apex villains 97 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:28,393 while also destroying a heretofore undestroyable cosmic weapon. 98 00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:30,520 Anything coming to mind? 99 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,398 Just if we're making war plans, 100 00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:36,484 we should adjourn to the war room. 101 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,451 [Sixpack grunts] 102 00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:46,786 [Kite Man] We have a basement? 103 00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:48,955 This is why you use a real estate agent. 104 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:55,795 [Jazzercise Instructor] And side to side! And side to side! 105 00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:59,758 And glute and chute! And glute and chute! 106 00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:02,469 Are you Princess Rebecca Chen? 107 00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:05,597 You look beautiful! 108 00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:08,433 I better. If I'm gonna be the next Sheena Easton, 109 00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:09,976 I gotta up my leg game. 110 00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:12,395 What do you want, kid? You shit here from the future? 111 00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:15,648 I went number two and it sent me back in time. 112 00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:18,526 And Baney told me a story 'bout you. 113 00:05:18,526 --> 00:05:20,487 Bane? What did he have to say? 114 00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:25,700 It's a story about your daughter on the run with the Anti-Life 'quation. 115 00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:29,454 My daughter has something called the Anti-Life Quation? 116 00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:31,748 Mmm. Tell me more. 117 00:05:32,957 --> 00:05:35,418 [beeping] 118 00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:38,046 Sire, this chip was torn from Chessure. 119 00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:41,591 Now we have no way of tracking Malice and the Anti-Life Equation. 120 00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:43,385 How is that possible? 121 00:05:43,385 --> 00:05:47,555 - That kid from Petigans, uh- - [Ominous Choir] ♪ Brandon! ♪ 122 00:05:47,555 --> 00:05:48,848 Right. Brandon. 123 00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:51,851 He guaranteed it would never dislodge. 124 00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:55,188 He probably didn't anticipate the giant chicken attack, sire. 125 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,857 I'm sorry. But do you know what guarantee means? 126 00:05:57,857 --> 00:06:00,360 [Ominous Choir] ♪ A promise That certain conditions Will be fulfilled ♪ 127 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,987 A promise that certain conditions will be fulfilled. 128 00:06:02,987 --> 00:06:07,033 Yes. Well, Brandon broke his fucking promise. 129 00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:10,412 And now we don't know where the Anti-Life Equation is. 130 00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:15,542 But I do know exactly where to go. 131 00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:19,546 Okay, and do you have a Petigans Plus account? 132 00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:22,882 Brandon! You guaranteed me this tracking chip 133 00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:25,677 could never be dislodged from my demon cat. 134 00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:27,512 Oh, I remember you. Yeah. 135 00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:30,056 You have your Petigans Plus card? I could give you a refund. 136 00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:34,436 A refund doesn't give me my fucking Anti-Life Equation, does it, Brandon? 137 00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:37,313 You broke a guarantee. 138 00:06:37,313 --> 00:06:40,984 And the punishment for that is torture for 1,000 years. 139 00:06:40,984 --> 00:06:44,738 - Um, um, sire? - Um, um, what, DeSaad? 140 00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:48,575 We probably don't have 1,000 years to find the Anti-Life Equation. 141 00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:52,203 Well, I guess every party needs a pooper. That's why we invited DeSaad. 142 00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:54,372 [Ominous Choir chanting] ♪ Ha ha ha! ♪ 143 00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:55,915 But perhaps you're right. 144 00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:58,877 Instead of being tortured for 1,000 years, 145 00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:01,796 you will serve me on Apokolips for eternity. 146 00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:05,050 Um... 'Kay, I could probably start Thursday. 147 00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:07,594 I gotta tell Gary, my boss here-- 148 00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:09,679 You'll start right now. 149 00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:15,393 Yeah, so Helen says I need to use it somehow. 150 00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:17,896 That doesn't make sense. How the hell do you use it? 151 00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:20,940 Or destroy it when even a nuclear blast couldn't? 152 00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:22,776 We don't have any idea. Okay? 153 00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:25,779 As far as I know, there's no way to destroy it. 154 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:28,114 Hey, hey, you guys ever seen The Exorcist? 155 00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:30,617 That movie about the little girl possessed by the demon 156 00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:32,285 and nobody can figure out how to get rid of it? 157 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,788 Yeah, right. And then the old priest says, 158 00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:40,293 "Hey, demon, when you're done playing with the kids, try and fuck with me." 159 00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:42,837 Oh, yeah, and then the demons like, "It's on!" 160 00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:47,634 Right. And it jumps into him and the priest is all like, "Joke's on you demon. 161 00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:49,803 I'm jumping out this window." And he does. 162 00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:54,766 And he slams into the stairs, kills himself and the demon dies inside him. 163 00:07:57,477 --> 00:08:01,731 Chuck, are you suggesting that you invite the Anti-Life Equation inside you 164 00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:03,608 and then kill yourself to destroy it? 165 00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:05,694 [spitting loudly] What? Holy shit. 166 00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:09,656 No, I was just like, "The Exorcist, that's a pretty good movie." 167 00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:13,326 It was just suggested to me on my Villigans Crime "Watch Next" list. 168 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:17,455 [chuckling] Kill myself? How did you get that from that? 169 00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:19,165 [laughs in relief] 170 00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:21,918 I'm glad you think so, because that's just crazy. 171 00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:24,212 So crazy, it just might work. 172 00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:27,966 Whoever reads the equation, becomes the equation. 173 00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:30,427 And like The Exorcist tells us, 174 00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:33,138 if they die, it dies. 175 00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:34,681 Newheart is right! 176 00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:37,642 Kite Man should use the Anti-Life Equation and kill himself. 177 00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:38,893 Who's with me? 178 00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:40,311 - [Queen of Fables] I am. - [Moe] Of course. 179 00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:41,855 - Uh what? - [Bane] Thanks for dying, Kite Man. 180 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,148 - That's a classy way to die. - Excuse me? 181 00:08:43,148 --> 00:08:44,607 Looks like the voters have spoken. 182 00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:47,444 Okay, so we're really doing this then. 183 00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:50,655 Guess I'll, uh, have to figure out the best thing 184 00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:54,659 to, uh, throw myself to the death off of-- 185 00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:56,870 Wait! What if once it's in him, 186 00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:59,372 the Anti-Life Equation won't let him kill himself? 187 00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:03,209 Great point, Malice! That... That is the plan's Achilles heel. 188 00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:07,047 - Well, back to the drawing board-- - Or I'll kill you. 189 00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:09,049 That way you can't back out. 190 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:12,052 - Boom, bam, bing, dead! - Ooh, fuck that! You're a terrible shot. 191 00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,012 I'll throw the Evil Fairy Godmother at him. 192 00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:17,724 Kite Man, I'd be happy to 'splode you if you'd like me to. 193 00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:21,519 That is, uh, so helpful of you guys. 194 00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:25,398 So, uh, are we thinking quick and painless or-- 195 00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:28,818 - [Bane] Well, uh, quick-- - Okay, nobody's killing Chuck. 196 00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:30,820 - Why not? - Come on! 197 00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:32,322 - [Noonan] Who calls the shots around here? - [Bane] I don't mind really. 198 00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:34,866 Chuck, don't let them talk you into it. 199 00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:37,327 - I won't lose you like this. - Yeah. 200 00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:40,246 You've always said my power is my heart. 201 00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:43,375 My kindness. Which used to make me so mad. 202 00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:46,670 But I didn't tell you 'cause I didn't want to hurt your feelings. 203 00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:48,797 But maybe you're right. 204 00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:52,092 Maybe kindness is a key that opens all doors, 205 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:56,971 but only locks one, the door to the end of the universe. 206 00:09:56,971 --> 00:10:00,892 Which is a dooz. So, Babe, 207 00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:05,772 I have to ask. Lisa Golden Glider Snart, 208 00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:09,275 will you take silly old me to have and to hold, 209 00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:14,906 till death, at your hands, do us part? 210 00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:17,242 It's... It's just, it has to be you, babe. 211 00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:19,202 Please. 212 00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:24,290 Yes, Chuck. I'll do it. 213 00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:26,543 I'd rather be dead myself than live without you. 214 00:10:26,543 --> 00:10:29,462 But if you can make this sacrifice, then I can too. 215 00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:31,881 We need a minute. 216 00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:36,011 [bagpipes playing] 217 00:10:39,514 --> 00:10:43,810 Hey, after all this... [whispers] I know a guy you might like. 218 00:10:52,944 --> 00:10:57,907 - And this pocket is too- - Hot. I know. Jesus. Try this. 219 00:10:57,907 --> 00:11:02,328 So what you're saying is my daughter has the Anti-Life Equation? 220 00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:06,082 Baney said it's the most powerful weapon in the universe 221 00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:08,835 and everybody wants it. 222 00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:11,796 'cluding Darkseid. 223 00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:14,758 - The end. - Interesting. 224 00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:20,347 Darkseid Choir auditions. 225 00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:22,515 Very interesting. 226 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:25,852 This cuisine is too lean! 227 00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,854 You know, kid, you're a real cunt. 228 00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,774 Uh, Darkseid? 229 00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:33,318 They said your warranty voided as soon as you took the chip out of the cat. 230 00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:35,111 I didn't take the fucking chip out! 231 00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:36,654 They owe me a full refund! 232 00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:40,533 Sire, perhaps your unquenchable thirst for revenge 233 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:44,704 is proving a fatal flaw, that may be distracting you from your... 234 00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:46,373 Fatal what? 235 00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:50,001 Uh, let's remember this is all because Malice lied. 236 00:11:50,001 --> 00:11:53,672 Now I know the plan was to look everywhere but Noonan's, 237 00:11:53,672 --> 00:11:56,549 however, I took a chance. 238 00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,760 - God-daddy! - She was at Noonan's after all. 239 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:03,640 I'm hearing the most awful rumor that you think I lied to you. 240 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:07,811 Malice! Kite Man and Golden Glider have the Anti-Life Equation. 241 00:12:07,811 --> 00:12:11,147 Not Lex Luthor and Helen Villigan, like you told me. 242 00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:14,776 - Or am I wrong? - Okay, fine. They do. 243 00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:17,445 But it doesn't matter, because it's probably already destroyed. 244 00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:20,073 So you'll just have to find some other stupid math problem 245 00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:21,908 to fuck or whatever you want to do with it. 246 00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:23,410 I don't want to fuck it. 247 00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:26,538 And quite frankly, Malice, that's just really crass. 248 00:12:26,538 --> 00:12:28,164 No human can destroy it. 249 00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:29,833 They already tried to nuke it. 250 00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:31,751 Well, they're trying a different way. 251 00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:34,045 They're exorcist-ing it. 252 00:12:34,045 --> 00:12:35,922 They're using exorcist rules. 253 00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:37,465 Oh, yeah. Fuck, yeah. 254 00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:40,427 Where the demon enters the priest, he kills himself, 255 00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:41,678 so the demon dies, too. 256 00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:44,556 He's all like, "Your mother sucks cocks in hell. 257 00:12:44,556 --> 00:12:47,350 - Your mother sucks cocks--" - Jesus Christ, Brandon! 258 00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:50,103 - This throne room isn't rated NC-Brandon. - Sorry. 259 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,938 Where... Where did Petigans find this kid? 260 00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,857 Anyway, that's what they're doing. 261 00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:57,152 [whispers] Sire, that might actually destroy the Equation. 262 00:12:57,152 --> 00:13:00,363 DeSaad, if you're at a party 263 00:13:00,363 --> 00:13:03,116 and you can't tell who the pooper is, 264 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:04,826 you're the pooper. 265 00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:06,953 You're the pooper, DeSaad! 266 00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:09,330 Your friends, where are they? 267 00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:12,625 I won't tell you because I won't let you kill them. 268 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:15,503 You just said they're using exorcist rules. 269 00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:19,507 Which means they're trying to kill themselves. 270 00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:22,969 Once I have the equation, I'll let them live. 271 00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:26,848 So it seems the only way for you to save them 272 00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:29,059 is to tell me where they are! 273 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:34,939 How much fiber is one supposed to ingest before a goddam bowel- 274 00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:39,486 - Hi, Baney! - Goldi! I was worried sick! 275 00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:41,196 I was in the '80s. 276 00:13:41,196 --> 00:13:45,116 You cannot go wandering by yourself into the '80s. 277 00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:46,659 It is not safe. 278 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:49,829 There are no car seats. No one wears sunblock. 279 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:52,957 I mean, the hairspray alone could choke you to death. 280 00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:55,752 I saw Princess Rebecca Chen! 281 00:13:55,752 --> 00:13:57,295 Did you talk to her? 282 00:13:57,295 --> 00:14:01,049 I told her the story 'bout the Anti-Life 'Quation. 283 00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:04,386 Hmm, well, hopefully, that's no big deal. 284 00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:17,357 Well, I suppose this is as good a spot as any for an ending. 285 00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:19,693 Are you sure you wanna go through with this? 286 00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:22,529 I'm sure, babe, and the only thing I'm even more sure of 287 00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:25,323 is that Lisa Snart is the prettiest, 288 00:14:25,323 --> 00:14:29,160 funniest, smartiest doggone girl I ever saw. 289 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,871 I will love you for the rest of my life. 290 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:36,042 And I'm not just saying that 'cause maybe there's like five minutes left in it. 291 00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:38,503 [crying] I don't want to kill you, Chuck. 292 00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:40,922 - [sobs] - I know you don't, babe. 293 00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:42,674 That's what makes it hero stuff. 294 00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:47,887 [moans] 295 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,640 Now remember, I'm the only one who can read this thing. 296 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,768 If it falls into anyone else's hands, even yours, 297 00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:56,146 It is adios universe-io. 298 00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:01,317 Words, babe! It's starting to make words! 299 00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:04,195 Okay, let's get this party started. 300 00:15:06,281 --> 00:15:09,617 [sighs] Chuck, it's taking kind of a long time. 301 00:15:09,617 --> 00:15:11,578 - How's it going? - I'm not gonna lie, babe. 302 00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:13,913 Thought this equation would have more pictures. 303 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,582 Yo, oh, darn it, I lost my place. 304 00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:18,543 Okay, I'm just gonna start from the top. 305 00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:20,003 [sighs] 306 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,175 [grunting] 307 00:15:25,175 --> 00:15:28,386 - You've got to read faster, babe. - No need! 308 00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:31,139 The Anti-Life Equation is mine now. 309 00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:32,515 Get it! 310 00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:34,684 - [slams] - [gasps] 311 00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:37,228 [Bane] Nuh, uh, uh. 312 00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:39,689 If you want the briefcase, you've got to go through us. 313 00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:43,276 Fuck you, Lex Luthor! 314 00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:46,654 - [explodes] - [Lex groans] 315 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,406 [Lex whistles] 316 00:15:51,034 --> 00:15:52,786 [Moe yells] 317 00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:58,541 - [Bane groans and thuds] - [Noonan cackles] 318 00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:01,252 [Golden Glider yelps] 319 00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:02,671 [Queen of Fables yells] 320 00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:06,132 It's story time! 321 00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:08,176 [cackles] Cookie! 322 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:13,348 [grunts] Thanks. 323 00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:16,726 [Noonan groans] 324 00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:23,441 [screaming and grunting] 325 00:16:23,441 --> 00:16:26,945 This just isn't making any... Oh! Okay, look at that. 326 00:16:26,945 --> 00:16:29,155 Reading the dang thing upside down. 327 00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:31,157 There we go. That's on me! 328 00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:34,661 [both grunting] 329 00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,207 Sweetheart, buy me a drink first-- 330 00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:40,792 - [electricity crackling] - [Sixpack yelps] 331 00:16:41,751 --> 00:16:43,795 [Toyman cackles] 332 00:16:47,132 --> 00:16:48,425 Evil Fairy Godmother? 333 00:16:48,425 --> 00:16:50,343 Give 'em a happily ever after. 334 00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:53,471 [men scream] 335 00:16:54,806 --> 00:16:58,435 - [electricity crackling] - [men yelling] 336 00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:02,522 Wow! Circle of life. 337 00:17:07,277 --> 00:17:09,029 [all laughing] 338 00:17:09,029 --> 00:17:11,197 - [exploding] - [groans] 339 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:16,786 [Ominous Choir chanting] ♪ Darkseid! It's Darkseid! ♪ 340 00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:20,457 ♪ You're totally screwed now 'Cause it's Darkseid! 341 00:17:20,457 --> 00:17:24,127 Finally! The Anti-Life Equation is mine! 342 00:17:24,127 --> 00:17:26,338 Malice, you sold us out? 343 00:17:26,338 --> 00:17:29,507 Only because I didn't want you to die. Okay? 344 00:17:29,507 --> 00:17:31,217 It was a... What do you call it? 345 00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:32,552 A Sally's choice! 346 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,220 Yeah! 347 00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:36,556 [Ominous Choir chants] ♪ Uh-oh he won't like that! ♪ 348 00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:39,559 Keep reading, Kite Man! We can't hold him for long! 349 00:17:44,105 --> 00:17:46,775 [Ominous Choir chants] ♪ He'll kill you all Just give up! ♪ 350 00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:53,239 [Ominous Choir chants] ♪ Told ya! ♪ 351 00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:56,868 Almost there! 352 00:17:56,868 --> 00:17:59,704 [screaming] 353 00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:03,249 No! No! [groans] 354 00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:06,920 [sobs] Shit! I don't wanna kill you, Chuck! 355 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,254 Don't make me do this! 356 00:18:11,216 --> 00:18:12,717 [grunts] 357 00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:17,847 [Golden Glider screaming] 358 00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:20,558 Ah! [yelps] 359 00:18:21,351 --> 00:18:23,812 No. [sobbing] No. 360 00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:27,148 [Kite Man screaming] 361 00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:36,908 [Golden Glider] Babe, hurry. 362 00:18:38,827 --> 00:18:40,662 [Ominous Choir] ♪ Rebecca Chen? ♪ 363 00:18:40,662 --> 00:18:42,372 - Mom? - Oh, hi! 364 00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:45,166 I traveled through time when I heard you were messed up in this. 365 00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:46,835 Don't say I never did anything for you. 366 00:18:46,835 --> 00:18:48,628 [Ominous Choir] ♪ Aw! Sweet! ♪ 367 00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:52,382 [Kite Man screaming] 368 00:18:52,382 --> 00:18:53,842 [Rebecca Chen] Gotcha! 369 00:18:58,263 --> 00:19:00,223 Get that fairy tale book! 370 00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:06,771 - [Darkseid growls] Give me that book! - Bane! Bane! Here! 371 00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:13,069 - Over here! Throw me that book! - I'm afraid I can't do that. 372 00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:14,821 Martian Manhunter? 373 00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,114 Well, fuck! 374 00:19:16,114 --> 00:19:19,659 Not today, Darkseid. Kite Man and Golden Glider, 375 00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:23,246 your bravery has neutralized the threat. 376 00:19:23,246 --> 00:19:24,330 Good job. 377 00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:27,000 I'll take it from here. 378 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,752 What the... That motherfucker took my book! 379 00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:31,129 Martian motherfucking Manhunter. 380 00:19:31,129 --> 00:19:32,672 There, there, Lex. 381 00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:35,633 There'll be other most powerful weapons in the universe. 382 00:19:37,177 --> 00:19:38,720 Chuck, babe, 383 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:41,973 oh, I'm so glad you're not dead. 384 00:19:41,973 --> 00:19:44,309 Phew, me too, babe. 385 00:19:44,309 --> 00:19:47,270 Wow. Gus really came through for us. 386 00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:50,023 Who would've guessed he was a shape-shifting superhero? 387 00:19:50,023 --> 00:19:51,649 Who thinks my name is Nooman. 388 00:19:51,649 --> 00:19:54,069 You dumb shits. He was just pretending to be Gus. 389 00:19:54,069 --> 00:19:57,822 You know what? He's got that look and voice down for sure. 390 00:19:57,822 --> 00:19:59,199 [grunts] 391 00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:00,784 I was so close. 392 00:20:00,784 --> 00:20:04,120 Okay. Now, Lord Darkseid, I know you're pretty steamed-- 393 00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:07,165 But the good news is, I think 394 00:20:07,165 --> 00:20:09,542 there's one fella who can help us now. 395 00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:13,588 - And his name is- - Lee Trevino. 396 00:20:13,588 --> 00:20:15,757 Hello, friend. [chuckles] 397 00:20:15,757 --> 00:20:19,969 So, god-daddy, about the little fib, 398 00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:23,640 - I was only trying to-- - It's okay, Malice. 399 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:27,102 - You come by evil. Honestly. - Great. Thanks. 400 00:20:27,102 --> 00:20:29,729 And now that Martian Manhunter has the briefcase, 401 00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:33,400 I'll have to spend another millennium looking for it. 402 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,569 So how long you think Gus was Martian Manhunter? 403 00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:39,155 I'd say about eight hours. 404 00:20:39,155 --> 00:20:40,740 Good thing somebody was smart enough 405 00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,784 to take that game piece off the board. 406 00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:46,162 Hey, Noonan, hey, all, sorry that I've been gone. 407 00:20:46,162 --> 00:20:49,624 Got called in for a shift at the old fulfillment center. 408 00:20:49,624 --> 00:20:53,086 Working hard or hardly working. [chuckling] Am I right? 409 00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:55,005 I think I prefer the other guy. 410 00:20:55,005 --> 00:20:58,591 [sighs] Never thought a beer could taste so sweet. 411 00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:00,719 - I wasn't gonna do it, Chuck. - What? 412 00:21:00,719 --> 00:21:02,053 Kill you. 413 00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:04,514 I know I said I would, but I also knew I couldn't. 414 00:21:04,514 --> 00:21:05,849 But babe, what were you gonna do 415 00:21:05,849 --> 00:21:07,600 once I finished reading the thing? 416 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,145 I was still working on that when my mom showed up. 417 00:21:10,145 --> 00:21:11,980 Why do you think she did it? 418 00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:14,941 To save me or to get the Anti-Life Equation? 419 00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:18,903 Well, if I had to wager, I'd put everything on 420 00:21:18,903 --> 00:21:22,240 to save you because she loves you. 421 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:24,034 Yeah, She loves me. 422 00:21:24,034 --> 00:21:26,453 Yeah. I can't think of any other reason. 423 00:21:35,587 --> 00:21:37,088 [Rebecca Chen cackles] 424 00:21:37,088 --> 00:21:41,092 We have worlds to destroy my fairy tale demons. 425 00:21:41,092 --> 00:21:44,554 - Are you with me, Gingerbread Man? - Ya! 426 00:21:44,554 --> 00:21:46,848 Are you all with me? 427 00:21:46,848 --> 00:21:48,600 [all cheering] 428 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:51,436 Then let us begin. 429 00:21:51,436 --> 00:21:54,564 [laughs maliciously] 430 00:22:02,947 --> 00:22:06,409 Ah! There's something about a man and a kite. 431 00:22:11,873 --> 00:22:14,250 - Can I ask you something? - Anything, babe. 432 00:22:14,250 --> 00:22:16,461 The equation. What did it say? 433 00:22:16,461 --> 00:22:19,047 It said blue skies ahead. 434 00:22:19,047 --> 00:22:21,049 Aw, love that. 435 00:22:21,049 --> 00:22:22,217 And love you. 436 00:22:22,217 --> 00:22:23,426 Hell, yeah! 437 00:22:35,397 --> 00:22:38,775 [Ominous Choir chants] ♪ End of season one! ♪ 438 00:22:39,484 --> 00:22:41,194 [theme music playing]