1
00:00:05,720 --> 00:00:06,760
Woo-woo!

2
00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:10,520
It's lease-signing day, a treat
we only get once a century.

3
00:00:10,560 --> 00:00:12,280
The next one will be in paradise.

4
00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:14,760
{\an8}Do you think there'll be leases
or contracts in paradise?

5
00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:16,680
Yeah, it's paradise.

6
00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:19,600
{\an8}Joe, thank you for renewing.

7
00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:21,600
Oh, I'm, uh, Matt. Joe's just
coming.

8
00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:23,680
{\an8}Oh, right. So who's
the freeholder, then?

9
00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:25,360
{\an8}Joint freeholders, we're married.

10
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,600
{\an8}Oh, nice. And Joe is short for
Joanna, is it?

11
00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:33,160
Sorry I'm late.

12
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:34,960
Christ's wounds.

13
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:37,880
CLEARS THROAT
Samson, they are a lovely Christian
couple.

14
00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:39,800
They were married in a Methodist
Church.

15
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,720
Gets worse. I'm not signing!

16
00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:44,640
Well, that, that could be interpreted
as a little bit of a hate crime.

17
00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:46,080
Meh.

18
00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:48,400
If we don't sign them, we'd have no
place of worship.

19
00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:50,920
In the short term, I don't even know
where we'd go.

20
00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:53,520
DOOR SHUTS

21
00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:55,440
Guess who's going up in the world?

22
00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:57,040
Shoes off in the living room, David.

23
00:00:57,080 --> 00:00:59,560
Oh, you mean the church, Fiona?

24
00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:04,080
David, what have you done?

25
00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:22,360
So, without consulting me,
you've agreed to host 80 people.

26
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:23,880
This house can hold 80 people.

27
00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:26,920
{\an8}Mm-hm. All we have to do is
jettison everything we own.

28
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:28,760
{\an8}That's the spirit.

29
00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:30,000
What if it rains?

30
00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:31,920
Forecast says 40% chance.

31
00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:33,960
I like those odds.
THUNDER RUMBLES

32
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,400
And you didn't ask Samson
why we lost the church?

33
00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:38,040
Look, son and wife,

34
00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:40,960
if the Lewis house becomes a church,
we're important,

35
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,440
we matter... we're loved.

36
00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:45,600
David, tell me you didn't do
this just to feel loved.

37
00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:49,240
Rachel, is the minibar holy yet?

38
00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:50,720
I put a tablecloth on it.

39
00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:52,200
Next time, just say, "Yes."

40
00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:55,360
Now, go and help Aaron turn your room
into a creche for the under-fives.

41
00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:59,440
Dad, can I just get your signature
on something?

42
00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:02,560
Sure. David, we're going to read
that.

43
00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:04,440
I think it's very clear I wasn't.

44
00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:08,640
Parental approval...

45
00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:10,840
...for Jebediah.

46
00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:16,760
So if I sign this, you two will
officially be courter and courtee?

47
00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:18,720
Why don't we just call it
boyfriend and girlfriend?

48
00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:20,960
I'll be vetting him thoroughly. Yes.

49
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:23,560
Your mother and I will be riddling
him with questions.

50
00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:26,520
Questions to the ribs, questions to
the eyes.

51
00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,400
Marriage is for eternity, Rachel.

52
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:32,480
Mm-hm. Get that decision wrong
and, oh boy, are you stuck.

53
00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:37,760
Think about it. Every day trapped in
a prison of your own making.

54
00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:38,960
SOMBRE MUSIC PLAYS

55
00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:42,000
Inert in a mental rocking chair,

56
00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:46,520
until you realise your whole life
has been one long death rattle.

57
00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:49,400
And you're grateful when the gurgles
finally stop.

58
00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:54,560
OK, let's go and fix the kitchen.

59
00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:56,800
There's a cookbook in there
with a dried aubergine on the cover,

60
00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:58,920
and that will not fly.

61
00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:02,880
Moved the fragiles to the garage.

62
00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:04,080
Only broke three glasses,

63
00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:06,440
if I maintain that rate when I move
them back,

64
00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:07,720
we'll be in a good spot.

65
00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:09,160
David, what's this?

66
00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:11,640
That?

67
00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:14,000
The pie? Mm.

68
00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:17,120
I made it.

69
00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:21,720
MYSTERIOUS MUSIC
You're claiming you cooked this?

70
00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:25,000
You seared the mince...

71
00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:28,520
...mashed the potato...

72
00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:31,000
...turned on the oven?

73
00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:33,240
Yes.

74
00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:35,720
Turn on the oven now.

75
00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:42,120
That's the dishwasher. Mm-hm.

76
00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:45,280
KNOCK ON THE WINDOW
Hey, guys. Lovely church you got
there.

77
00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:46,840
Can you open it?

78
00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:50,200
CAR HORNS BEEP
No, no, no. No parking here.

79
00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:52,880
But as far as I'm concerned,
the neighbours' lawns are fair game.

80
00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:56,760
David, does your house
church have a confessional?

81
00:03:56,800 --> 00:04:00,760
I have some, um, intimate things
I need to release.

82
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:03,640
Well, the confessional is my
13-year-old son's bedroom.

83
00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:05,520
Do not release anything in there.

84
00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:09,040
Uh, FYI, the new confessional, not
fully soundproofed,

85
00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:11,240
so no listening in from the queue.

86
00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:12,640
Though I guess you could just
listen in,

87
00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:14,560
then confess to it once
it's your turn.

88
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:17,280
Come on, Joel, let's hear
those secrets.

89
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:21,760
Hello. Morning.

90
00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:23,640
Good morning. Hey. Hey.

91
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:24,760
Brother, sister,

92
00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:28,600
just brought a small church-warming
gift to say thank you.

93
00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:30,720
Oh, it's engraved. Oh, my goodness.

94
00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:34,480
Rachel, your match is a gentleman.

95
00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:37,680
No, Dad, my match is over there.

96
00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:40,880
Oh, yes, not the pleasant boy who
brought the thoughtful gift,

97
00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:44,240
but the tattooed man-boy groaning
under the weight of his medallions.

98
00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:45,880
Hello. Mm.

99
00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:49,040
Hey, I'm Jebediah, but please,
call me Jeb.

100
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:50,560
No, I don't think I will.

101
00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:53,520
Jeb's necklaces are actually
all symbols of his faith.

102
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:55,000
Powerful symbols, yeah.

103
00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:57,160
That's Catholic, that's Buddhist,

104
00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:58,800
and that's a saint
who doesn't exist.

105
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:02,160
Well, I feel like all faiths
have part of the picture, right?

106
00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:04,200
Not a good start, Rachel.

107
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:09,960
God's house should have things
like a font and a chapel.

108
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,320
Not my dad's big bag of spoons.

109
00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:14,880
Are they special collector's spoons?

110
00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:16,600
No. Huh.

111
00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:20,280
We need to make this right.
Walk with me.

112
00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:35,360
You and your sister sleep
in the same room?

113
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:37,920
This is my parents' room.

114
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:39,720
Ah.

115
00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:40,800
Yeah, that's much worse.

116
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:42,200
We should be alone in here,

117
00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:45,440
but the confessional is right
next door.

118
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:48,960
JOEL: I'm feeling very, uh, pent up
since Samson swore me to chastity.

119
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,760
I, I actually had a wet dream
about Elder Samson.

120
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:54,640
ABIJAH: Ah, Joel, that's
completely normal.

121
00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:56,160
Right! Um, what do you know?

122
00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:59,200
Samson is claiming there was an
unresolvable administrative error,

123
00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:00,800
but he won't reveal what it is,

124
00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:03,520
or even which elder attended as
witness.

125
00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:06,000
If we find that elder and make him
talk...

126
00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:07,600
Then we can launch a no-confidence
vote.

127
00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:08,960
It shouldn't come to that, Aaron.

128
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,520
You know, we can handle
this delicately.

129
00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:14,720
ABIJAH: I still feel so stressed,
I did nothing at that lease meeting.

130
00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:17,440
JOEL: Abijah, isn't this supposed
to be my confession?

131
00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:20,280
ABIJAH: Yeah, but who does Abijah
confess to?

132
00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:22,080
Abijah. We can break Abijah.

133
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:24,840
Break? This is war, Andrew.

134
00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:26,560
Some men break.

135
00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:28,560
Usually men like Abijah.

136
00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:30,560
Is there nowhere more private
we could talk?

137
00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:32,240
There is no private now, Rachel.

138
00:06:32,280 --> 00:06:33,600
Your father killed it.

139
00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:35,520
And I'd do it again, for God.

140
00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:38,160
We could leave the house. And miss
church?

141
00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:41,720
Mm, outdoor Bible study's going
well.

142
00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:43,880
I don't know what they're teaching
them, but it looks good.

143
00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:45,880
I'm gonna lock this so the kids
don't interrupt.

144
00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:47,560
Relax, Rachel.
DOOR SHUTS

145
00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:51,600
This is just a chilled-out,
getting-to-know-you chat, right?

146
00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:52,920
No, you're being evaluated.

147
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:55,400
And if you fall short, your
relationship will end.

148
00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:57,760
Oh, cool stuff.

149
00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,720
Jeb, this family is a unit.

150
00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:02,680
And that means if you want to date my
daughter, you need to date me.

151
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:04,240
Dad! David. He has to date me,
Fiona.

152
00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:08,240
Question one to evaluate
your suitability as a husband,

153
00:07:08,280 --> 00:07:10,920
how do you tell if a VHS
tape is authentic?

154
00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:15,680
The hologram sticker.

155
00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:18,400
OK. The boy has promise.

156
00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:21,240
David, I'm going to need you to be
quiet, immediately. Mm.

157
00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:22,480
So, Jeb...

158
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:25,880
...what are your core
religious values?

159
00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:27,200
First and foremost...

160
00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:29,320
...forgiveness.

161
00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:36,800
Matthew 18:21, "Jesus said not
to forgive a sinner seven times,

162
00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:40,120
"but seven times seven times."

163
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:43,280
That's just an unimaginable number.

164
00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:45,680
The quote is 70 times seven.

165
00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:48,200
Sister, if that were true,
my tattoo would be wrong.

166
00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:51,440
Jeb actually studies the Bible
very diligently.

167
00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:53,120
Is that right? Oh, yeah.

168
00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:54,560
And one thing I've noticed...

169
00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:58,160
...is mountains.

170
00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:03,320
Mount Sinai, Mount Arafat. Ararat.
So many. It's a pattern.

171
00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:04,680
You've named two mountains.

172
00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:06,320
And people talk about sex
positivity,

173
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:09,200
but Christ's own mother
was a sex worker.

174
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:12,240
Uh, no, no, no, that's
Mary Magdalene.

175
00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:14,960
Different Mary.

176
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:17,080
She was his mother, Rachel.

177
00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:20,520
No, Jesus's mother was a virgin,
wasn't she?

178
00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:24,120
Well, who's to say a virgin can't be
a prostitute,

179
00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:25,240
with OnlyFans and that?

180
00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:27,440
OK, I think I've heard enough,
thank you.

181
00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:29,480
Ooh, can I ask my follow-up question?

182
00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:31,720
Did video technology peak
with the VCR?

183
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:33,800
And given that it did, why?

184
00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:36,520
KNOCK ON THE WINDOW
Can you unlock the door?

185
00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:39,160
I'm not supposed to get
these children wet.

186
00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:41,800
Mum, you can't just dismiss him
because he got

187
00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:43,160
a few questions wrong.

188
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:44,280
I'm not, I'm dismissing him

189
00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:46,160
because he has 50 words tattooed on
his body,

190
00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:47,920
and they seem to be the only
words he knows.

191
00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:52,240
It's my duty to ensure you end
up with someone compatible.

192
00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:53,280
Like you did.

193
00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:03,400
Look, I know you wanted me to pick
Josh, but I didn't.

194
00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:04,920
I picked Jeb.

195
00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:11,520
WHISPERS: Don't think about her,
Josh.

196
00:09:11,560 --> 00:09:13,080
I'm gonna give you so many
kids...

197
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:15,120
...all girls.

198
00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:18,880
Well, you can't really guarantee...
WHISPERS: All girls.

199
00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:21,120
And I name the worst one Rachel.

200
00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:27,560
Fiona, Jeb's mountain thing, did we
dismiss that too early?

201
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:31,280
David, whatever anyone says about
us, we're solid, right?

202
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:32,760
We have trust.

203
00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:34,320
We have loyalty.

204
00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,560
Of course.

205
00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:38,960
David, hi.

206
00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,640
Did you enjoy my pie?

207
00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:44,040
I was wondering if I could
have my dish back.

208
00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:51,720
ABIJAH SIGHS
OK, anyone listening in on that,

209
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:56,280
please remember, he's a family
man with a family business.

210
00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:59,160
Aaron, do you want to confess
or access your bedroom?

211
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:01,320
We need you to fetch some
squash from the garage.

212
00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:03,920
Can it wait? I have a queue of
troubled souls here...

213
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:05,880
Samson's asking. Please don't tell
him I hesitated.

214
00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:14,600
Hello, squash, my old friend.

215
00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:21,600
Abijah, if you could do us the
kindness of taking a seat.

216
00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:22,920
Us?

217
00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:23,960
Yes...

218
00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:26,440
...us.

219
00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:39,000
It was an innocent exchange of pie.

220
00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:40,560
There were no illicit intentions.

221
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:43,440
Ah.

222
00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:45,400
TRAY BANGS
David, what are you doing?

223
00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:48,320
Shatterproof, David. I always use
shatterproof.

224
00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:52,760
What in God's name is that?

225
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:54,000
Well, that's Sharpie.

226
00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:55,440
Could've been there for years.

227
00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:57,240
Maude, that message is old, right?

228
00:10:57,280 --> 00:10:59,360
Not particularly.

229
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:02,160
Mm-hm. So when did you write it?

230
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:03,480
When I made the pie.

231
00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:06,040
OK, so who was the message for?

232
00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:07,800
The person I made the pie for.

233
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,520
David, could I ask you to leave?

234
00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:12,680
Fiona, I'd love to.

235
00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:19,120
Tell me, Maude...

236
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,560
...what business do you have making
my husband a pie?

237
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,840
Well, I noticed he wasn't getting
any at home.

238
00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:28,320
PENSIVE MUSIC

239
00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:30,760
Sorry, I'll try that again.

240
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:33,960
Maude, I think we got off
on the wrong foot.

241
00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:38,040
I felt like you were making improper
advances to my husband,

242
00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:39,520
but I'm sure I've misread.

243
00:11:39,560 --> 00:11:42,840
No, Fiona, I think
you're a very astute woman.

244
00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:49,640
I noticed you have a little business
selling trinkets online.

245
00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:50,720
It's very cute.

246
00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:57,080
What is it about your home that
you're so desperate to break out of?

247
00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:02,680
They say men defined history, Fiona,

248
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:07,560
but when Caesar came home after a
long day at the Curia Hostilia,

249
00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:10,000
who did he ask for fresh linens?

250
00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:12,440
WHISPERS: His wife.

251
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,880
If the emperor answers to the woman
who pours his bathwater,

252
00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:21,800
who really ruled the Julio-Claudian
dynasty?

253
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:24,800
There's nothing powerful about
waiting on a man hand and foot.

254
00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:26,680
So why were you worried
about my pie?

255
00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:31,040
David is a very special man.

256
00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:34,360
So pliant, so malleable.

257
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:36,880
Oh, he'd make a great emperor.

258
00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:38,520
Stay away from my husband.

259
00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:42,080
You think your kitchen is
a prison, Fiona?

260
00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:44,960
Well, I'm the prison warden.

261
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:48,440
WHISPERS: And you're out past
curfew.

262
00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:56,400
Take your dish out of my kitchen,
you adulterous, pie-making bitch.

263
00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:01,400
Um, sorry, do you have any kitchen
roll?

264
00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:03,160
Uh, a child threw up in the creche,

265
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:05,720
and it's caused something
of a... a chain reaction.

266
00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:11,120
Josh, I...I just wanted to say that
I'm sorry.

267
00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:16,480
What I was saying was,
I'm sorry that...

268
00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:19,720
SINGING OUT OF TUNE
♪ Joy of man's desire... ♪

269
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:21,800
OK. I know somewhere we can talk.

270
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:25,040
It's not ideal, but it is... an
airing cupboard.

271
00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:30,760
Look, I'm sorry you heard me
earlier.

272
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:34,160
It's OK. I do need to come to
terms with you picking Jeb.

273
00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:35,880
Having it screamed at me
might speed that up.

274
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,240
Did he make a good impression?

275
00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:42,360
Well, my mum hates him,
so that's a big plus.

276
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:44,080
Right.

277
00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:48,600
Look, he said some dumb
stuff, but he's different.

278
00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:50,560
I think he'll let me do what I want,

279
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:53,120
let me work without me having to...
Leave the order?

280
00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:55,600
I didn't say that.

281
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:57,520
What if I want those things
for you too?

282
00:13:57,560 --> 00:13:58,960
With your dad over your shoulder?

283
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,000
There's more to me than my dad.

284
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,000
I should go.

285
00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:16,720
Mm. Sweet knit, sister.

286
00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:18,680
Why did we lose the church, Abijah?

287
00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:21,160
You got a big bag of spoons in
here.

288
00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:24,120
Abijah! Samson couldn't sign the
lease.

289
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:25,240
DYNAMIC MUSIC

290
00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:27,000
Couldn't or wouldn't? I...

291
00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:28,520
Before you answer that, Abijah...
SWITCH CLICKS

292
00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:30,440
Ah, so bright.

293
00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:34,280
Samson, uh, disagreed with our
freeholder.

294
00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:36,120
What about?

295
00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:37,640
Who, who can say?

296
00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:40,560
What's the freeholder like?

297
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:42,240
Smartly dressed, friendly.

298
00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:43,480
Keep talking.

299
00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:47,200
He was... he was there with his
husband.

300
00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:52,480
Can I just say, I tried to stand
up to Samson,

301
00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:54,200
I begged for him to sign that lease?

302
00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:57,320
Would you stand up to him
again in front of everyone?

303
00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:01,280
This is the worst day of my life.

304
00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:03,040
Thank you, Abijah.

305
00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:05,240
You may go now.
GARAGE DOOR CLICKS AND WHIRS

306
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,000
ABIJAH CLEARS THROAT

307
00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:21,280
See ya. Hmm.

308
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:24,320
ABIJAH GRUNTS

309
00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:31,800
Oh, the driveway's cold and
wet.

310
00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:34,800
Well, I'm disappointed, but not
surprised.

311
00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:36,520
We should launch a no-confidence
vote.

312
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,320
Aaron, let's not be rash.

313
00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:40,720
Jesus said, "Turn the other cheek."

314
00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:42,720
He also flipped the tables
in the temple.

315
00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:43,880
There's a time for forgiveness

316
00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:45,440
and there's a time to send in the
locusts.

317
00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:47,280
Let me handle this, discreetly.

318
00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:51,240
If that fails? Then I'll source you
a thousand locusts.

319
00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:53,720
A thousand? That's nowhere near
enough.

320
00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:55,200
A thousand sounds like a lot.

321
00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:56,760
A swarm is 40 to 80 million.

322
00:15:56,800 --> 00:15:58,960
Well, you've taught me something
today.
GARAGE DOOR BANGS

323
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,760
{\an8}ABIJAH GRUNTS
Sorry, guys,

324
00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:03,880
{\an8}I think I left my keys in your
black-site garage prison.

325
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:06,600
See ya in a bit.

326
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:16,560
Mum, I'm sorry for what I said
before about you and Dad.

327
00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:20,240
You'll be wanting your form,
no doubt.

328
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:21,920
You signed it?

329
00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:25,440
Well, I realised no relationship
is perfect.

330
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:26,880
One minute things are bearable

331
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:28,720
and the next you're staring at a
pie dish

332
00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:30,960
from a homewrecking spider woman.
WATER SPLASHES

333
00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:33,560
Ah!

334
00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:41,560
Fiona, are you decent?

335
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:44,240
I know you don't like me seeing
you with your elbows uncovered.

336
00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:48,800
Hello, David. Maude...

337
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:51,800
...you're on my wife's bed.

338
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:53,800
Yes, I sensed it was hers.

339
00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:58,840
Two single beds and nary
a mark on the floor.

340
00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:01,800
I'd wager it's been quite some time
since you pushed these two together.

341
00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:03,200
WHISPERS: This needs to end.

342
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:04,520
What needs to end?

343
00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:08,040
You, the pie, everything.

344
00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:09,800
I ate that pie under false
pretences.

345
00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:12,240
I thought it was a platonic pie.

346
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:13,480
But now I see your intentions
were...

347
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:16,040
...impure.

348
00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:20,360
But you did eat it, David.

349
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:21,400
And you enjoyed it.

350
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:26,800
That pie is still inside you now...

351
00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:30,160
...feeding you...

352
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,760
...nourishing your bones,

353
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:37,080
nourishing those huntsman's bones.

354
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,920
There was quite a lot of dairy
in the mash. Mm-hm.

355
00:17:43,120 --> 00:17:44,160
Yeah, it's been going great.

356
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,800
Real physical sense of community.

357
00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:48,080
Uh, just a few question marks

358
00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:49,920
over why you didn't host it at your
house.

359
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:51,720
My house is far too small for this.

360
00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:53,800
Cos the order account just got
charged

361
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,720
for 5,000 terracotta floor tiles.

362
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:58,840
Yes, those tiles are for my
small house.

363
00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:00,120
Now shut up and show me the altar.

364
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:02,720
Ah, here we are, the sacred
zone,

365
00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:04,920
uh, at the interface where two
wallpapers meet.

366
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,040
Remove the cat. Oh, it's a godly
cat.

367
00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:08,280
Look at those clouds.

368
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:09,640
It has the devil's eyes.

369
00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:10,840
You'll never see it again.

370
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:14,440
Right.

371
00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:18,960
What are they doing here?

372
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:22,360
Esteemed members of the order,
I bring good tidings.

373
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:25,640
The administrative error Samson
claimed to be unresolvable

374
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,000
has now being resolved.

375
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:29,560
We have our church back.

376
00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:30,720
GROANS: Oh.

377
00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:35,600
Ah. All that remains is for Samson
to, uh, sign on the dotted line,

378
00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:37,320
as it were.

379
00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:38,440
Now, does anyone have a pen?

380
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:40,480
Absolutely, Andrew.

381
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:41,720
He needed a pen.

382
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:45,960
There's a mistake here.

383
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,760
It says the price has gone
up by 10%.

384
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:50,120
No mistake.

385
00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:53,760
We've booked a second honeymoon
with a KING-size bed.

386
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,720
Very important there's a king-size
bed.

387
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:56,760
Mm.

388
00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:04,600
You'll fit right in with them...

389
00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:07,920
...in hell.
WHISPERS: Come on.

390
00:19:11,120 --> 00:19:13,680
Aaron? Aar...

391
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:15,920
I hereby call a no-confidence vote

392
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:18,600
in the leadership of
Chief Elder Samson.

393
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:23,360
Wow.
OK, uh, we're gonna go now.

394
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:24,440
Oh, yeah.

395
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:26,280
Nice to see you again.

396
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:29,360
Happy honeymoon. Hope it's a nice
bed.

397
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,320
You think you can take me
on, little boy?

398
00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:34,360
You'd need an elder to vouch for
that.

399
00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:38,480
Any elders wanna raise
their hands?

400
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:42,840
Abijah, if you raise your hand,
I will destroy you.

401
00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:44,960
Samson, my hands are below my belt
line and I would not risk

402
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,000
raising them any further.

403
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:50,600
Anyone?

404
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:55,400
Didn't think so.

405
00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:57,800
Tatty-bye, then.

406
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:00,960
CHURCHGOERS GASPING

407
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:05,760
The vote will take place
within two weeks.

408
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:08,680
Good luck.

409
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:12,120
Well, we didn't quite get an official
service, but all told,

410
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:13,200
a good day, I felt.

411
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:15,480
A 13-year-old launched a coup
against me.

412
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:17,880
Yes, and I can't be blamed for that.

413
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:19,720
Hey, mate.

414
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:20,840
Crazy day, right?

415
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:23,960
Yeah.

416
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:25,640
I saw you with Rachel earlier.

417
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:28,600
Uh, yeah, we, we were just...

418
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:30,520
Yeah, I don't wanna see you do
that anymore.

419
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:32,240
She picked me, you guys are over.
Deal with it.

420
00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:35,960
Everything all right?

421
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:37,840
Everything's great!

422
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:40,360
Um, next stages. Can't wait.

423
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:43,280
Fiona, that woman is bad news.

424
00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:45,200
But I told her, "No more!"

425
00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:47,320
Thank you for hosting, David.

426
00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:49,000
Lovely to see inside your bedroom.

427
00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:53,800
Subtitles by Red Bee Media