MARLEY SHOUTING
I've had to, like, keep reminding myself,
obviously, he's seven years old,
he's still learning to express his emotions,
and we've just ripped him away from all he's ever known.
I'm going for my full body baptism on Sunday.
I feel like this is important to get back close to God.
And obviously wash away all my sins.
I dunno why or where or how my life is going so wrong right now,
but it really, really is.
Trying to find somewhere else, and it's not happening.
There's nothing even coming up.
Check tomorrow afternoon, check tomorrow tea time.
I feel like you need to be more faster
and consistent with it, Amber.
The last two things she's done for school, you haven't shown up.
There you go, that's my point. She just said that I've missed
two of my daughter's school appointments, yeah.
The reason I missed that... All right, I did forget,
but Mia knows the sort of person I am.
# You bring me up
# You never let me down
# You take the mess that I have made And you turn it around... #
Excited? Yeah?
# It's so simple... #
'Today's a big day for Marliya.
'It's her very first dance competition.
'In mediation, Manley said he wants to come to Marliya's events,
'but he just forgets.
'I think he's coming today, though.'
So, can we have our under-six beginners to the floor, please?
'But, to be honest, I don't know if we're even going to make it
'through the day.
'Marliya's feeling poorly,
'but she's been looking forward to this for months,
'so we came anyway.
'I'm giving her some medicine and hoping it passes.'
I know that if we get home and she starts feeling better,
she's gonna be upset that we didn't continue,
so I feel like I'm gonna keep her here a bit longer
and just cross my fingers that she starts feeling better.
'This happens every few months,
'and she's usually back to normal in a couple of hours.
'But today, that doesn't seem like it's happening.'
MARLIYA CRIES
Do you wanna sit on my lap? Come here.
I really don't feel very well. OK.
She feels so, so poorly, and when she feels that poorly,
I don't know whether it's a migraine,
I don't know whether it's her belly, I can't work it out.
But she'll just cry and cry, and there's nothing you can do.
It's all right, don't worry.
'We're both covered in sick, but I'm not sure what to do.
'I want to take her home,
'but I know she's been excited about this dance for ages.'
Right, we're gonna wash this one and dry it.
You can put this one for now. Yeah?
You can't keep this on, you're covered in sick, baby.
MARLIYA CRIES
Bubba, crying isn't gonna make you better.
Do you want me to carry you to the toilet? Yeah, come here.
CRYING:No. No!
Uh.
I'm just hoping that she gets better
so she can actually, at least, maybe do one dance.
Next to the floor... under-eights.
'I've changed Marliya's clothes, and although she is not 100%,
'she is looking better...'
Go on, Marliya!
'..and she wouldn't have wanted to miss her dance.'
MUSIC PLAYS
Go, go, go, go, go!
MUSIC CONTINUES
Go on, Marliya!
'I can't believe this is the same girl
'that was throwing up half an hour ago.'
Thank you to our under-eights.
Yes! She did it! Well done!
# It's gonna be a sunshiny day... #
And our fifth place was 395! CHEERING
Marliya won a trophy. I feel so, so, so proud.
And that's all she wanted to come here for, a trophy,
and she got it, despite having a migraine and throwing up.
I'm so proud of her.
# It's gonna be a sunshiny day... #
Oh, what a morning. Bless her heart.
# It's gonna be a sunshiny day... #
She has always said from the start,
when she found out about the competition,
she wanted her dad here, and I'm sure she would've
wanted him to be here to see her get a trophy.
You got one!
But the smile on her face is priceless,
and I feel like the last thing she's thinking about right now
is the fact that her dad's not here.
She's just over the moon.
# It's gonna be a sunshiny day. #
Baby, I'm so proud of you that you've stayed
and not gone home crying.
You're a brave little girl, do you know that?
Your dad didn't come.
We might see him in the afternoon. He might come.
Do you wanna call? You can call him if you want.
He's only got one more chance cos it's my last show.
OK, you talk, yeah?
RINGING
'It looks like he's forgotten about the competition.
'I'm really trying not to judge. He does have a new baby.'
This morning, it would've been good to have some help with Marliya.
Like, she was so sick. I was on my own.
And, obviously, he's then missed the whole morning.
'He says he can come this afternoon. It will mean so much to Marliya.
'And part of me feels bad that if we were in Middlesbrough,
'he wouldn't be able to pop over quickly.
Marley, do you wanna open the balloons with me?
What?
'We've been in our new house for less than a week.'
Do you wanna open the balloons with me?Yeah, yeah, yeah.
'And today, we're having a little get-together
'to celebrate moving in.'
Zero? Why is there a zero? Oh, let me see...
No, where are you going? Where are you going? Come back here.
Where is this going?
No, it spells something. Don't get all of them out.
M? Yeah. M for Marley.
Got chocolate!
Ooh, yeah.
Are you gonna check all the boxes now for chocolate?
# We're gonna have a good time. #
Our... Our home.
Yeah. Good job.
'We've had so much unpacking to do,
'but getting settled into a new house with so much more space,
'has got me thinking about a chat me and Jordan had a few months ago.'
Obviously, when we did our five-year plan before... Mm-hm.
Did you put another baby in five years?Mm-hm.
Whereas that frightens me still.
We've always said when we've got more space and move into the house,
it's something we... That just scares me even more.
# You know that I love you, baby
# You know that I love you Baby... #
Wow. This looks... It does look really good.
It looks good, doesn't it? It does look cool.
I can't believe I'm actually saying this,
but I do feel like, when I look round this house...
it is missing another baby.
Like, I don't think I'll ever be fully ready,
but when is anyone ever actually ready?
I do think that I am warming to the idea.
'Jordan should be the first to know, so I'm just gonna have to dodge
'any baby questions that come my way at the party.'
Don't open that door, Marley.
# You know that I love you Baby... #
Have you been crazy?
It's amazing! It's so good, isn't it?Yeah.
Ah, well, thank you all for coming.
Thank you for inviting us.
Yeah. This is our first meal at the house with everyone.
So, enjoy the food.
Have a little tour round the house if you like.
# You know that I love you Baby... #
If the bed's gonna go on that wall there...
so where will the cot go?
Like, in this corner?
No, in its bedroom, when the baby's here.
No, when it first happens,
you normally have 'em in the same room.Yeah.
So, are you saying it like it's happening now?
I... I can visualise a cot there. You are!
I've got ages.
I can see it now. Yeah, there's room.
That's what they say, though. "New house, new baby".
All this pressure.
He'd be such a great big brother.
Marley wants a baby more than any of us.
Aw. See?
And it in't as if you're on your own.
There's people around you. Yeah.
Mum and Terry are definitely ready for another grandbaby to cuddle,
and I'd love to tell them the news
that I am thinking that I am up for the idea,
but I definitely need to talk to Jordan first.
'I can't wait to tell him. He'll be over the moon.'
# When will this window open? #
HUDSON:Is that your plate? What?
Is that your plate?
No, that's Beth's plate. This is my plate.
I'm not eating it.
Well, you'll go bed hungry, then, won't you?
'We've been living at Beth's for nearly two months now,
'and I finally have some house news.
'It's not what I wanted, but it is a way out of here.'
My landlord has currently been sorting out my old house.
He's got little jobs to do,
such as obviously fixing the gas and the boiler.
But if that house obviously becomes liveable again,
the council won't find me another property.
In their minds, it's like,
"OK, well, that house is now available again
"and it is safe, and all that,
"so you and your kids can move back into there."
I can't stay at Beth's forever,
I can't go stay at my mum's or whatever.
There's nowhere else for me to go,
so I'm gonna have to go back to my house.
'I'm not looking forward to it at all,
'but at least it will help me get the boys back into a routine.'
What's one plus one?
Three. No!
I've got one finger and another finger.
How many fingers am I holding up?
Two.
Yeah, so what's one plus one?
Three!
No, it's two. Two.
'My biggest challenge has always been
'the nursery drop-offs with Hudson.'
HUDSON CRIES
No, no! Go away!
Hudson, do you wanna play dinosaurs?
'I'm at the end of my rope with everything.'
# Beat slow, the drums play We step to the rhythm... #
'So I've decided to swallow my pride and get Ste to help me
'with dropping off Hudson.
'If he thinks he's got the magic bullet,
'then I'll take it.'
Are you gonna press the big boy button?
# Promise me You'll be there for me... #
Whoa. AMBER GASPS
Good morning! Hi.
You're in a good mood. Are you being a good boy for Mummy?
He's been amazing this morning. He's been really good.
All right, you have the best day ever, yeah?
And Mummy and Daddy'll come pick you up later. Yeah?
Yeah? Say bye to Mummy and Daddy, then. Good boy.
High five!Whoa. Love you, big man.
See you later, man. See you later.Bye.
It is much easier, obviously, with Ste being there.
Hudson's gone in absolutely amazing.
And it's so lovely to see because, obviously, he used to scream
and kick his legs and, you know, shout really loud,
to now him just going in quite pleasantly,
like, it is a big improvement,
and I'm really, really happy about it.
The day just starts so much better when Hudson's like that, innit?
Every Wednesday, Thursday, you gotta come and take him. Yeah.
But then I am actually wanting to put Hudson in nursery,
like, more often. Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So that's gonna be every Monday, Tuesday...
Put him five days a week if you want.
..Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, you've gotta be up early.
'I feel so much better when the boys are happy.
'And even though I don't want to move back into the old house,
'I'm hoping it will be good for them.'
# Fire in my eyes, I was born to fight
# Knock me down, I will get back up
# I will not be denied... #
Rrr... R. Ruh.
Show me, show me.
A-mazing.
# I will rise to the top, Rise to the top... #
'Me and Darren got Zena'ya a tutor to help with her schoolwork.'
Right, wipe it out, just wipe it out,
wipe it out, wipe it out.
'Alison's been a huge help, and Zena'ya has been doing so well.'
Are you ready? Drum. Drum.
What can we hear first? Duh.Duh, duh.
She even got Star Of The Week at school.
No way! Seriously. Super proud.
Do you know what? That is incredible.It is.
I'm over the moon, and I'm super, super proud of Zena'ya.
Basically, like, she got good drive, concentration is good.
She's amazing. She's, like, put all the jigsaw puddle... puzzles in,
and it's complete.
She's... She's on the road to success.
'I'm taking Zena'ya out to celebrate.
'But she's not the only one who's been learning.
'Ryda's been doing so well with his training,
'and he and Zena'ya are the best of friends now.'
Shall I give him another ice cube?
Ryda, do you want another one?
He probably thinks, "What is this?"
He loves them.
Was you scared of him when you first got him?
You're not scared of him now, though, are you?
Wait, Ryda.
'They're getting on, and me and Darren are getting on, too.
'Our communication about Zena'ya has gotten loads better.'
PHONE RINGS
Zena'ya, your dad.
Hello. Hello.
Have you got a few minutes to discuss Zena'ya's report
from Alison?
She's doing well with her phonics, erm...
What?
Right, well we're gonna keep up the tutor, aren't we?
'I really feel like I've turned a corner in my life.
'A few months ago, I was feeling so low,
'and now, finally, things are starting to look up.'
Ryda. Ryda!
# Dance away
# Dance away... #
'Marliya's feeling loads better,
'and she won a trophy this morning at her dance competition.
'I couldn't be prouder.
'Manley missed it, as he forgot the date.
'But he is on his way now, at least.'
For me, it's a good thing that he's not here
because there's no awkwardness in the air,
but, obviously, for her, I would've hoped
that he would be here cos she wanted him here,
and whatever she wants, I want.
So it is disappointing, but it is what it is.
'I don't think it should be my job to remind Manley
'after I tell him when and where to be.
'If we moved up north,
'we would have to be a lot more organised about arrangements.'
When Marliya called me on the phone, yeah, she was...
sounded a bit disappointed with me, like, she asked me where I was.
Just a bit disappointing that Mia didn't ring me
and remind me this morning.
She knows I would've been there from the start,
but can't really blame her, can I?
It's my own fault for forgetting.
MARLIYA:Hee!
Hey, little chick. Hi, Daddy.
How are you? Good.
You OK? Yeah.
Let's go!
'I know Marliya wants us to be friends,
'but the best we can do right now
'is stay on different sides of the room and not row.'
# Even though it looks like I'm losing everything
# Inside, I'm winning
# Feeling like the first time, I'm only just beginning... #
Thank you, dancers. Thanks very much to our beginners.
Well done.
Well done, chick. You look amazing, you do.
You enjoying yourself?
# I'm winning on my own... #
'Marliya's dancing her heart out.
'And I'm glad her dad's here to see it, for her sake.'
# Nothing you can do Will ever, ever stop me shining... #
Bye, Daddy.
Love you, baby girl. So proud of you, OK?
Brilliant. S-see you soon, all right? Love you.
Bye, Daddy.
# Can't hold my gaze And conversation... #
'Manly has gone. That was short and sweet.'
I have to go pick up Megan and the baby
cos the baby's got a doctor's appointment.
Think she was just happy that I turned up.
Obviously, got to see her, got to see her trophies, and that.
# Nothing you can do Will ever, ever stop me shining... #
Today has had some real highs and some lows.
Obviously, Marliya's migraines, but she got on with it, she did it.
She is like a... Do you know what I mean?
Obviously, Manley turned up for a little bit,
and, obviously, when I think about moving to Middlesbrough,
he won't just be able to pop in to things like that.
But I will have to make a big effort for Marliya to come down,
and I do need to have a conversation with him about it,
but the communication is that bad, I literally can't.
Like... So, I'm just gonna wait until things are more set in stone,
see what happens, and go from there.
# Watch me, I can climb higher. #
# You're who you always were... #
Right, Okey-dokey. Right, whose box is which?
That's Brooklyn's.
'Today's the day.
'We're moving out of Beth's and back into our old house.'
Right, so... need to take that.
'She's away on holiday, and I've promised to be out
'by the time she gets home.'
Yeah, feel a bit like, ooh, you know,
like a bit weird, like, packing our stuff up
and actually bringing it out the house.
Two blankets.
'I think it's a bit more easier that Beth's not actually there
'at the minute.'
That's all we need for now.
As much as I have loved staying at Beth's,
it's also been very, very stressful having all those kids in one house.
I'm not gonna miss that, if I'm honest,
and I don't think Beth's gonna miss it either.
Bye-bye.
The time needed to come sooner rather than later.
I feel like me and Beth was, like, starting
to like annoy each other, I think.
But now we can just go back to normal.
# You live to feel the love
# That won't ever change That won't ever change
# You live to feel the ocean
# You live to feel the waves... #
'The council have said my old house is safe again.
'But after two months of being away,
'it almost doesn't feel like my home any more.'
# It won't ever change. #
'All I can think about now I'm walking in the door
'is the near-death experience we had.'
I remember that night, I just went upstairs,
and as I came down I just got this big whiff of gas.
I remember ringing the emergency number
on the actual gas monitor, machine thing.
And then they came out,
and that's when it kind of escalated from there.
I got it on.
'Next minute, me, the boys and my mum...'
Ow. Hurt me.
'..we're all in hospital on gas tanks.'
And... just a scary feeling.
This is the current situation.
I remember the gas man saying that we were lucky to be alive.
Who wants to hear that?
Especially when it involves your children.
'But we're here now, and I've got to make the best of it.'
Today, I need to just get things a little bit back to normal.
You know, like, it's literally like cobweb central here,
and dust central.
# They say what they want But they got nothing on me... #
The boys are gonna be sleeping here tonight, so I wanna make it
as comfortable and as natural and stuff like that
as I can for us all.
Even though I don't wanna be here, like, as in, this house,
I feel lucky that I am here still.
You know, we've got a roof over our heads,
so we have to be grateful for that because, you know,
there's some people out there who don't.
And I've got two beautiful children
who are happy, healthy and fine, and that's all that matters to me.
# Little fires don't make sense But they come when they... #
I called the school that I want Marliya to go to.
Yeah.
They said there's a hundred kids waiting.
Oh. Can we home-school her, then?
Or you move to Southampton.
# Dance in the rain Dance in the rain
# I'll be right by your side
# Dance in the rain Dance in the rain
# Put out the fires tonight Whoa
# Dance in the rain... #
CHLOE:Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah.
'I feel like with all the school stuff,
'I've been really hard on Zena'ya lately,
'but she's really stepped up, and she's doing so well now,
'so I'm treating her to a mummy-and-daughter day out
'at a water obstacle course.'
Are you excited? Yeah.
I wanna jump off. You're gonna jump off?
Like this, Mummy.
She's brave. She's giving it all the...
Well, I'm a bit scared, really, to be jumping off like that.
But I'll do it with you, I think.
One, two, three.
Zena'ya, wait for me! I'm coming!
SASSI LAUGHS, COUGHS
You're a better swimmer than your mummy.
ZENA'YA SCREAMS
SASSI SCREAMS INSTRUCTOR:Three, two, one.
Whoa! SASSI YELLS
She really, really deserves to come out,
let some steam off and have some fun
because she's been doing amazing with her phonics, in school.
She got Star of the Week.
You fell.
She's literally progressing so well.
And, you know, sometimes it's hard cos I feel like,
"Am I being too hard on her?"
But clearly, it's paying off because she's moving in the right direction,
and I'm really proud of her.
SASSI SCREAMS Can't slide down here on me own.
SASSI EXCLAIMS
# My life, my life
# There's no-one better Yeah, and I... #
You wanna jump off, Zena'ya? Yeah.
Really? Zena'ya, you're not scared?
Three. SASSI SCREAMS
SHOUTING: Go on, Zena'ya.
Oh, my God, Zena'ya!
You are so brave.
OK, if I can do it, you can do it.
'I'm not as brave as Zena'ya...'
I'm scared, Zena'ya.
'..so I think I'll just stick to the lowest jump.'
We're gonna do this one together.
One, two, three... OK.
THEY CHEER
Zena'ya, I love having fun with you.
I'm just so proud of you, how brave you are.
Love you, my little bestie.
You're tired now. Definitely gonna fall asleep in the car.
Let's go for steak and chips first. Come on.
Do you know what? It was the perfect day.
Like, I love spending time with Zena'ya anyway,
and I love doing activities with her.
But today was a perfect day. Perfect weather, perfect activity...
Perfect.
'Me and Darren used to do stuff like this together with Zena'ya,
'but since the retreat,
'I've been embracing being an independent woman.
'Me and Zena'ya can have our own fun.
'It's just a shame we couldn't bring Ryda.'
Oh. It's so cold!
# Baby, I ain't got the time... #
I think Chloe's got an idea of what she wants doing.
That wall's coming out.
Everyone in our lives
wants to know when me and Jordan are having another baby.
Honey, come on. Come on.
And I think I'm finally ready to go for it.
But Jordan's been ready for ages.
Watch your head on here. I've smashed this about four time.
So, what's next after the house?
Soon as that's all finished and I've worked my magic,
is it wedding, baby...?
Baby, I want a baby first.
You need a little girl, don't you? Yeah, I want a little girl.
Yeah, you're a big softie. Yeah.
That's it. He is, he's a softie.
I do, I want... Yeah, I'd happily have another baby before a wedding.
I would love to have another baby, and I think now we've got the space,
it's definitely time.
But, yeah, I don't think there's any convincing Chloe.
I'm not gonna pressure her about it.
Obviously, she knows what I want, so the ball's in her court.
I think the house warming's gone really well.
I just love having, like, all the families together.
Yeah, it's been nice, to be fair.
What did you and the lads talk about, then?
Everything. The house. Mm.
Wedding. Babies. What answers did you get, then?
Obviously, I, you know, everyone knows I want another one.
When? ASAP. We're in the house now.
Really?
Like I said, I'm in the house, I'm happy to start trying. Are you?
What're you thinking?
'I was going to wait till after the party was over,
'but since he's asking me now, maybe I should just tell him.'
I go two-minded, but, like, yeah,
I'm leaning more towards, like, "Why not?"
# I do, I do, promise I do
# I do, I do... #
Are you being serious, then? Do you actually...?
# I do, I do... #
Yeah. Maybe baby number two is on the cards.
# I do, I promise I do, I do... #
Why not?
Let's do it. Let's make a baby.
Love you. Love you.
# You and I are so unstoppable... #
I thought Chloe was on the fence, to be honest.
We've been busy the last few weeks.
I didn't think she'd be thinking about it.
But, yeah, really exciting. And, yeah, hopefully...
we'll soon have a new baby in the house.
# Unshakeable, we're shapeable... #
I just feel like the luckiest girl in the world, if I'm honest.
Like... all my dreams have come true.
Me, Jordan and Marley are all healthy and happy.
We're in our dream home.
And it won't be straight away, don't get me wrong,
but the thought of, like, a little baby in the house
is really sweet,
and I just can imagine Marley being the best big brother ever.
TOGETHER: Five, four, three, two, one.
EXCLAMATIONS BOY:Let's see it.
# I feel love
In the clouds and skies
# Heaven awaits for you
# I'm sailing towards the blue... #
Whoever finds the best shell... Whoever finds the shell first wins.
# Free your soul... #
'Marliya did so amazing in her first dance competition,
'so to celebrate,
'I've taken her to the seaside near Middlesbrough.
'Holly's not here,
'but it's a great chance to get to know the place better.'
I found one. Let me see.
Found one before you. Yay!
'I really want Marliya to like it here...'
Wow.
'..but I don't wanna tell her we're moving till it's a definite.
'But I've got a dilemma.
'Ollie's found an amazing house,
'and he wants me to see it before we go back south.'
# Love yourself. #
Ollie has gone and seen this house, and he's like,
"We need it, I want it, I love it."
So I need to go and see it, but, obviously, I've got Marliya,
so I don't wanna go see it and be like,
"Oh, we're looking at this house for us."
Because I'm not ready for her to know we're moving yet.
A lot does hang in the balance or this weekend.
Like, sort of our future,
because imagine if Marliya decides that she absolutely hates it here,
doesn't like it...
I don't... I genuinely don't know what I would do.
'We've got to see the house,
'so I'm just going to have to be careful with what I say about it.
'And cross my fingers and toes she doesn't catch on.'
So, what are we doing now, right now?
Right now, we're going to look at the house quickly.
OK, what am I gonna... What are we going to do while we're there?
No, we're just going to have a look quickly.
Yeah, OK, now I understand.
# Hit it
# Don't stop it soon Won't have to wait for noon
# When you can tell me nothing Na-na-na... #
Wow, Marliya, look!
Mum, what are these? Olives.
Your favourite.
# Na-na-nah Oh, na-na-na... #
How is the TV on?
Well, because it's just showing you what it's like. Look at it.
Wanna go look upstairs? Yeah.
# Oh, na-na-na Hey!
# Oh, na-na-na Hey! #
'I love it. It's better than I ever dreamed of.'
# You ain't Gonna stop me killin' it... #
'But I can never second-guess what Marliya thinks.'
# You can see They're all feelin' it... #
Oh, my goodness.
It's too small. What?
Too... How is this too small?
# I am the one and only You can't... #
Right, well, shall we go look in the other room?
# Go ahead, you can try Baby, you're only missing... #
But this could definitely be your room.
What about your room?
No.
'I don't think she's figured out why we're here,
'but it is odd she's saying this.'
Right, well... Let's get out of here.
Come, now, let's get out. Bye, house. We've gotta go.
# Want you to be mine But don't waste my time
# Don't waste my time... #
I think she thought it was, like, a game.
So, to her, it was like a game. "Let's go and find this and that."
She just wanted to get out of there.
By the time she was done, she wanted to leave.
# Now the days run on forever There's no further left to fall
# All the lives and all... #
That wasn't the reaction I was hoping for.
I need to know what she really thinks.
What do you think of Middlesbrough so far?
Yeah, it's good.
Yeah, do you like it? Yeah.
I'm glad you like it here.
Do you know why? Why?
Cos I love it here so much, so cos I love it,
I want you to love it, too. Yep.
So, if we lived here, we'd have to get a house here, wouldn't we?
Mm-hm.
And then you'd go to a school here. Yeah.
# All is not lost
# All is not lost... #
Can we live here?
MIA GASPS # Is this getting better? #
You wanna live here? Yeah.
Would you? Yeah.
# It is
# I've never Felt like this before... #
'I can't believe it. She wants to move here.'
Now that we've been and Marliya had the best time ever,
I feel so confident
that Middlesbrough could potentially be somewhere
that we start a new life together.
Obviously, in the near future,
I'll have a conversation with Manley and tell him,
but for now, I'm just gonna manifest the future.
Ring on my finger, maybe babies.
This could really finally be my happy ending.
I'm manifesting. Like, this could be it for me now.
# Never been that kid Who's scared of the thunder
# Used to wait For the lightning to strike... #
How do you think I should have my hair, Zena'ya?
Down? Yeah.
Half up, or half down, or all down? All down.
For the last few months,
I've really felt like I was on a downward spiral.
Now you look like a rock star. A rock star? That's not good.
'Nothing was going right for me.'
Last night, I got home, and I was sat down,
and it really hit me, like, I'm alone.
Like, I'm actually SO alone.
Sounds like you're moaning about everything... everything I do.
You feel like I'm attacking you, but I'm not.
You are, like I'm not doing a proper job.No, but I'm not.
Shut up, man. Who said that?
I'm going. Chill out, mate.
Just don't know what's wrong with me no more.
I feel really sad all the time.
'And I thought I'd hit rock bottom, so I went to that retreat.'
Welcome, everybody, to this elemental retreat.
Bye-bye, negativity.
Here's to a new, positive, self-loving Sassi.
Since then, I've been working so hard on myself,
and I can honestly see the results.
Zena'ya's doing well in school, I've got Ryda to keep me company,
and I feel so good in myself.
Do you think my hair looks nice like this?
'I really wanna draw a line
'between the old Sassi and the new, improved one,
'so today, I'm doing a full-body baptism.'
I have felt quite disconnected,
so this is just my way to wipe the slate clean
and start a fresh relationship with God.
Hello, Zena'ya. Where's Mummy? She's upstairs.
Am I?
A big sunshine.
Zena'ya said to me, "My mummy looks like an angel."
I said, "She is an angel."
And you're right, she looks like a pure angel.
'I feel like I've faced a lot of my demons now.'
Are you excited? Yeah, I'm excited.
'And I'm ready to say goodbye to the lonely, sad Sassi.'
# Baby, we're in bloom In bloom... #
So, everybody, this is Sassi. Hi, everyone.
CHUCKLES
Today's the big day,
and perhaps I'll just explain what's going on and why we do this thing.
When someone wants to make this commitment of following Jesus,
then the traditional way that we've done that
is for someone to go into the water.
It's a bit like a grave. You're going down to the ground.
And you're gonna come back as the new Sassi.
So there's something here about life
and the old life that we leave being washed away,
and you're made clean.
I've changed so much over the years.
And maybe everybody else has still got the picture of Sassi,
whoever they see her to be, in their head.
When I come up from that water...
..you know, I'm... I'm... I'm starting a new journey.
So, Sassi, do you believe in one God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit?
I do. This is God, who I trust.
Do you confess Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour?
I do. He has saved me and called me by my name.
Do you turn from sin, renounce evil,
the Devil and all his empty promises,
and intend to follow Christ?
I do. Christ is my way, he is the truth, and he is my life.
So, then, Sassi, we've heard of your repentance of faith.
We now baptise you
in the name of God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
Amen. Amen. Here we go.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
'I feel refreshed.
'I feel like my relationship with God is restored.'
I feel like when I come back from that retreat,
it really give me a wake-up call that I needed.
And I thought, "You know what? I can't continue along this way."
You know, really learnt a lot about myself.
And... I'm just so happy.
'Mum knows how hard things have been for me,
'so it means so much to me that she helped with the baptism.
'And I'm glad we thought to bring a change of clothes.'
I thought that was really, really special, that.
So do I. It got, like, a tingling feeling.
Yeah, no, and... and d'you know, it really did feel special.
Like, I do feel different, actually.
The start of the year, I was probably...
I thought that was the end...
SASSI CHUCKLES ..of me, I'm not joking.
Thought, "I can't do this any more.
"I can't take one more bad thing, I can't."
But do you know what?
You always bounce back. Yeah, I always bounce back.
And just keep trying and just keep trying.
So many things could've happened from me having a child at this age,
and all I've ever done is succeed.
Me and my child are in a good place, I'm in a good place,
got my little dog at home.
Little? SASSI CHUCKLES
It's like the size of a donkey.
I'm so happy and content with my life, and I'm just...
Whatever comes is meant for me,
and whatever's not, something better will come,
you know what I mean? So...
..I just think...
..here we go.
Let's start a new journey.
CHILDREN GIGGLE Hudson, Brooklyn.
'I've made the house all nice for the boys,
'thinking they'll be happy to be home
'and we can have a chill evening.
'But now that they're here, it's a totally different story.'
CHILDREN GIGGLE
Oi, don't kick me.
Right, come on, let's go. Let's go! Brooklyn, up.
'The kitchen's still a mess, so I've got some takeaway tonight.'
Right, move.
'But I do want them to sit at the table and eat properly.'
Oi! Don't you dare.
BROOKLYN SCREAMS Brooklyn!
HE SHOUTS
Get back here now, both of you. Right now!
CHILDREN LAUGH Right.
CHILD BABBLES
Brooklyn, stop it!
It's not football no more.
BOYS SCREAM No, I'm not putting up with this.
Are you gonna be good? No!
Been an absolute nightmare since I've been back.
You should know better.
Them two together, like, they're just fighting all the time.
Stop it. Brooklyn!
Brooklyn can be really, really naughty, to be fair.
Erm, and he's very hyper a lot of the time,
and it's... it's...
it's quite a struggle sometimes to actually calm him down.
What is wrong with youse? Brooklyn! Don't you dare, don't you dare.
Extremely naughty. HUDSON SCREAMS
Hudson's developed
a right foul little attitude and behaviour thing right now,
and I really don't like it.
Brooklyn, can you come and eat this dinner, please?
Cos one, I'm not wasting money,
two, it's getting later, and three, you're going bed soon.
This has all kind of developed since staying at Beth's
and me kind of not giving 'em a lot of discipline and stuff like that,
so maybe if I didn't lose myself a little bit when I was at Beth's,
none of this behaviour and all that would be happening.
Are you eating your dinner? No!
No, don't. HUDSON CRIES
Hudson. Right, well, come and eat it now, then.
Right, you're gonna have to go bed without no food, then, sorry.
Right?
HUDSON CRIES Mummy!
What? Oh, why's he done that?
No, no, no! BROOKLYN SHOUTS
Brooklyn, stop kicking me.
What the hell is wrong with the both of you?
I don't want to shout at youse! I just wanna chill.
You're making this just ten times harder than it is.
Get your 'jamas on now.
'I'm trying not to completely lose it.'
I'm not going upstairs. Yes, you are.
No, I'm not. Yes, you are.
No, I'm not.
'But I'm exhausted,
'and neither of them are listening to a word I say,
'no matter how strictly I say it.'
Get in your bed. No, no.
'I just need them to get to bed.
'But bedtimes have always been a struggle with them.'
No, no!
Here, Brooklyn, get in your bed now.
I don't want to.
Why? Get in your bed. Get in your bed!
I don't want... I don't care.
Get in your bed. BROOKLYN LAUGHS
You can have that, you know what?
You're not even having them until you calm down.
Mum! HUDSON SHOUTS
No, go away, no. Mum!
I feel like today's actually been really exhausting.
Like, I feel drained right this second in time.
'And that's why I felt a bit stressy before with the kids.'
Go to sleep, honestly, go to sleep. No, you're not having your tablet.
Go to sleep. I want my tablet.
I need to, you know, get the boys more discipline, more structure.
Brooklyn, will you please go to sleep?
It's, like, half-seven now. You've got school tomorrow.
The only person what can make those changes is myself, so, like,
I'm just gonna keep fighting away.
I'm gonna keep my head held high.
I'm gonna keep my chin up, both chins.
And as long as I stay positive and happy, then that's fine.
I want you lay here, I want you to be quiet,
and I want you to stay in bed, OK?
Night, boys.
My future is bright,
and I am excited over my future
because I know that will be where I'll be my most happiest.
Erm, so, like, I've just gotta get there.
Like, I'm here now, and I've just gotta get there.
# Hold on
# Small steps... #
'I'm finally happy with where I am and who I am.'
LAUGHTER
Ryda, that's enough now.
'And I'm ready to face whatever comes next.'
Good boy.
This is our main ceremony room.
'I love having a plan.'
Can you imagine stood here, everyone staring at us?
'And now I get to plan for a new baby
'and maybe even a wedding soon.'
Do you see yourself here? Yeah.
Marliya!
'I'm ready to have a new adventure...'
Bring it back here.
'..in a new city with my new man and my little girl.'
Hudson, quick, kick it to me!
'I've had a lot thrown at me this year.'
Yeah!
'But I know I've come out the other side stronger than ever.'
LAUGHTER
Goal!
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