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[Clock ticking]

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{\an1}Boy: I remember having
sad thoughts and asking myself,

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"Why are you, like,
acting like this?

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{\an1}What's wrong with you?"

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♪

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{\an1}If you feel very uncomfortable
throughout the day,

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{\an1}then you need, like, an answer
of what is going on.

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[Thunder]

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♪

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[Rain falling]

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{\an1}Woman: I couldn't make
sense of the emotions.

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{\an1}Why am I acting this way?

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And it became
a very frustrating thing

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{\an1}whenever I'd look in the mirror
and there's nothing wrong

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{\an1}with me on the outside,
there's absolutely nothing wrong

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{\an1}to make sense of that pain.

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{\an1}When I'm mad on the inside,
I'm mad on the outside.

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{\an1}I feel very unmotivated,
disinterested.

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{\an1}My friends had no clue
what I was going through at all.

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I felt like, well,
my mom didn't care

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{\an1}and my dad was so busy
and tired and...

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{\an1}I had so many emotions
that I had to deal with.

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{\an1}I was like, "Oh, I could
never be depressed,

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I could never be...
Have anxiety problems."

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I was always like,
"I'll be perfectly fine."

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{\an1}I just didn't want to talk
about it.

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{\an1}I just wanted to leave it alone.

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{\an1}It was constant sadness,
and anything that I did,

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{\an1}I couldn't find myself
to be happy.

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I was being reckless
with my body and, like, taking

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{\an1}a lot of drugs and stuff
and just being careless

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{\an1}and not caring if I wake up.

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{\an1}At that age, how are you
ever gonna admit,

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{\an1}"I can't see past tomorrow"?

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♪

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{\an1}Woman: I think there's
so many things you can say

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about mental illness.

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{\an1}It comes out of nowhere,
and then it just creeps

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{\an8}into your body,
and you've got something

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{\an8}inside you, and you don't know

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{\an8}how to deal with it.

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{\an1}Narrator: Mental illness is one
of the most significant

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{\an1}health crises in the world...

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{\an1}as pervasive as cancer,
diabetes, and heart disease...

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{\an1}but it often exists in secret
and is endured in isolation.

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♪

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It's the place
where sadness leaves off

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{\an1}and depression begins,

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where nervousness
becomes anxiety,

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{\an1}excitement becomes mania,

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{\an1}and habit becomes addiction...

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♪

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{\an1}the place where simply living
becomes painful.

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Greek philosopher
Hippocrates called it

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the "inner darkness,"

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{\an1}President Theodore Roosevelt
the "black care,"

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{\an1}Poet Sylvia Plath "This dark
thing that sleeps in me."

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♪

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Young woman:
It's the overwhelming feeling

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of being stuck,

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{\an7}like, stuck in my head,
stuck in my feelings,

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{\an7}stuck with this persona,

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{\an8}like, this...
person that people saw me as

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{\an1}and that I couldn't escape from.

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I can't even
imagine myself without it,

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{\an1}you know, when something
so toxic becomes

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such a part of you.

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{\an1}Narrator: All of us are affected
by mental health challenges

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in some way,

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{\an1}whether in our own lives

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{\an1}or the life of someone we know.

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It is everywhere...
In rural communities

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and major cities,

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{\an1}in the workplace, schools,

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{\an1}even in our own homes,

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{\an1}often hiding in plain sight.

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{\an1}Young man: You could see someone
walking down the hallway,

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{\an7}a kid on your sports team,

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{\an7}the most popular person
in school,

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{\an8}the kid that everyone
likes, you know,

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{\an7}and you would never know
that that person

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{\an7}could be going through
something themselves.

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{\an7}It's a silent battle that
a lot and a lot of people

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{\an8}go through
and that hasn't really

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{\an1}been talked about a whole lot.

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Narrator: For some,
it is a chronic illness.

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{\an1}For others, it comes and goes.

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Some people can't put
a name on it.

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Those who can use
words like "devastating,"

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{\an1}"hopeless," "a living hell"

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{\an1}to describe their pain.

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{\an1}All too often, they are
called "nuts," "crazy,"

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"out of their minds,"

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{\an1}labels that perpetuate
stigma and isolation.

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Even professionals
debate what to call it...

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{\an1}an illness, a challenge,
a disorder...

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{\an1}but that doesn't change
the way it feels,

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{\an1}how it affects everyday life
and relationships.

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{\an7}I do feel like once people
find out you have

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{\an7}a mental illness, they just sort
of treat you a certain way.

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{\an8}People often say,
"What's wrong with you?"

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{\an7}instead of "What happened
to you?"

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{\an7}No, they really don't care,
like, how, like,

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{\an8}we feel, how I feel,

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{\an1}and, like, it gets to me a lot.

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♪

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{\an1}Narrator: Mental illness is,
in fact, a disease,

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a complicated
and controversial one

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that has been a part
of the human condition

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{\an1}for thousands of years.

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While there are now
hundreds of diagnoses based

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{\an1}on all kinds of symptoms,
the experience

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and the treatments
are different for everyone.

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♪

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{\an1}Man: I do believe that this is
a very personalized illness.

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{\an1}It's hard for people to
really compare one person's

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{\an1}experience with another.

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That's often what keeps people

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from getting help

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because they think,

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"Oh well, it's
not that bad."

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Well, compared to who?

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{\an1}Narrator: When you're suffering,
it's hard to know what to do

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{\an1}and even harder to find help.

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It affects all ages

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{\an1}in families both rich and poor,

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{\an1}healthy and dysfunctional.

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It most often appears
in childhood

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and teenage years.

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{\an1}Trauma can be the trigger,
from personal crises

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{\an1}such as divorce and neglect
to environmental disasters,

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{\an1}racial injustice, and pandemics.

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♪

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{\an1}Over time, the symptoms
can progress and lead

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to increasingly
extreme behaviors

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{\an1}like eating disorders,
self-harm,

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{\an1}and thoughts of suicide.

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{\an1}Woman: When feelings become
so excessive,

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{\an7}where it really interferes
with their everyday ability

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{\an8}to live, that's a...
That's a challenge.

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It can be at any age,

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and it can be very impactful,

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{\an1}but it can be figured out.

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You need to connect
with someone who can help you,

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{\an1}problem-solve, listen,
sort it out,

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be able to work
through those things.

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{\an1}Narrator: Intervention can help,
and with the right treatments,

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{\an1}you can feel better...

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{\an1}Boy: It was just a lot
of confusion in my family.

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Young man: I don't
talk to my parents
openly about my...

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{\an1}Narrator: but the first
and often most difficult step

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is to simply start
talking about it.

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{\an1}Girl: talk about them.
I never tell anybody.

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Boy: At school,
they were like,

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"Gabe, what is
wrong with you?"

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{\an4}Woman: I was basically
homeless because...
Man: I am a gay man.

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{\an1}Man: On this planet right here,

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we all have problems,

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{\an7}but that is the great thing
about the human race.

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{\an1}Most people understand
their problems,

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and they work on it
to get better,

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{\an1}but sometimes you might
need just a little bit of help,

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00:08:01,733 --> 00:08:05,909
{\an1}someone to help get your life
back on track,

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{\an1}because you are the one
who defines your life.

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{\an1}Narrator: These are the journeys
of more than

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20 young Americans
from all over the country

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and all walks of life
who have struggled

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{\an1}with thoughts and feelings
that have troubled

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{\an1}and at times overwhelmed them.

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{\an1}They share what they have
learned about themselves,

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their families,
and the world they live in.

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{\an1}They speak for many of us.

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{\an1}They speak to all of us.

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Woman: It's taken me
a very, very long time

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{\an1}to even speak openly about it.

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{\an1}My roommates
don't even know
half of this stuff

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{\an1}that I'm telling you guys now,

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{\an1}and I'm nervous.

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{\an1}Like, I'm kind of
shaking inside,

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{\an1}to even talk about it,

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but I feel like
if I don't talk about it now

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{\an1}then I'm wasting potential time
where I could help somebody,

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{\an1}and that's all I really
want to do, is, I just want...

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{\an1}if I can even reach two people
from everything I say

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{\an1}or this story, then I did
my part in this world.

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♪

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How would I describe
mental illness to somebody

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who has never had it?

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No experience of it?

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Oh, boy.

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Oh, my goodness.

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♪

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I would want to shake
their hand first of all.

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{\an1}Congratulations you made it
that far, you know?

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{\an1}Nothing's wrong with you.

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{\an1}I don't know if you could
explain it

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{\an1}to somebody like that.

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Young man:
It's person by person.

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{\an1}It changes with every brain.

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00:09:56,700 --> 00:09:58,476
{\an1}With every set of eyes,

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00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:00,242
{\an1}it's different.

202
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:02,509
{\an1}Samantha: I would ask you
how you were feeling.

203
00:10:02,533 --> 00:10:07,809
Then I would ask you
if you believe that.

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00:10:07,833 --> 00:10:10,276
{\an1}Man: We don't understand
how common it is,

205
00:10:10,300 --> 00:10:12,042
we don't understand

206
00:10:12,066 --> 00:10:13,942
how important it is

207
00:10:13,966 --> 00:10:15,176
to talk about it

208
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:16,909
and be open about it,

209
00:10:16,933 --> 00:10:20,742
so this is
the problem
that we all

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00:10:20,766 --> 00:10:23,976
deal with in secret,

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00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,809
{\an1}and the result is that
we don't deal with it well.

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00:10:26,833 --> 00:10:31,276
♪

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00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:32,776
Film narrator:
The thoughts of youth

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{\an1}are long, long thoughts.

215
00:10:36,366 --> 00:10:40,042
{\an1}What dreams, what feelings
shape the pattern

216
00:10:40,066 --> 00:10:43,376
that we call
the innocence of childhood?

217
00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:45,076
♪

218
00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:49,242
{\an1}Insel: These are the chronic
issues of early life.

219
00:10:49,266 --> 00:10:55,109
{\an1}About 75% of mental illness
has onset before age 25.

220
00:10:55,133 --> 00:10:58,009
{\an1}About 50% before age 14.

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{\an1}So we need to respond to this
with the urgency it deserves.

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00:11:03,666 --> 00:11:07,509
Boy: I started having
sad thoughts

223
00:11:07,533 --> 00:11:11,342
{\an7}around the end of third grade.

224
00:11:11,366 --> 00:11:14,442
{\an1}Just like random things
that just happened

225
00:11:14,466 --> 00:11:17,042
{\an1}throughout my day, things like

226
00:11:17,066 --> 00:11:20,976
{\an1}if somebody smiled at me
and I didn't smile back.

227
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,076
{\an1}I just started feeling different

228
00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:28,109
{\an1}from all my other friends
and, like, my crowd.

229
00:11:28,133 --> 00:11:32,009
{\an1}Young woman: I remember as,
like, a little kid I walked off

230
00:11:32,033 --> 00:11:35,076
{\an1}into a field to, like,
pick flowers

231
00:11:35,100 --> 00:11:37,542
and kind of heard, like,

232
00:11:37,566 --> 00:11:38,809
my friends calling my name,

233
00:11:38,833 --> 00:11:40,109
and I would turn around,

234
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:42,642
and there
was really
no one there.

235
00:11:42,666 --> 00:11:44,809
[Voices whispering]

236
00:11:44,833 --> 00:11:48,442
{\an1}It was very confusing for me
and kind of frightening.

237
00:11:48,466 --> 00:11:50,576
♪

238
00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:52,109
Woman: When it comes
to mental illness,

239
00:11:52,133 --> 00:11:55,009
{\an1}there is nature versus nurture.

240
00:11:55,033 --> 00:11:56,876
{\an1}The nature side is you were
born with it,

241
00:11:56,900 --> 00:11:58,609
{\an1}it's just in your genes,

242
00:11:58,633 --> 00:12:00,342
{\an1}whereas nurture says

243
00:12:00,366 --> 00:12:02,142
{\an1}it was all about
your environment

244
00:12:02,166 --> 00:12:03,242
{\an1}and what you were
around and what

245
00:12:03,266 --> 00:12:05,042
{\an1}your parents did or didn't do

246
00:12:05,066 --> 00:12:07,342
or what was
in your community or not,

247
00:12:07,366 --> 00:12:09,609
{\an1}and what we've come to
understand was that

248
00:12:09,633 --> 00:12:11,709
{\an1}it's not an "either-or" at all.

249
00:12:11,733 --> 00:12:14,776
{\an1}What happens to someone
impacts how their genes

250
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,642
are expressed,

251
00:12:16,666 --> 00:12:18,509
{\an1}so what genes were there
in the first place

252
00:12:18,533 --> 00:12:21,476
{\an1}is going to play into it.

253
00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:25,976
{\an8}Dunning:
Mental illness is really life.

254
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:29,376
{\an8}♪

255
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:32,042
{\an7}It encompasses all the things.

256
00:12:32,066 --> 00:12:34,709
{\an1}So as much as children
were given

257
00:12:34,733 --> 00:12:37,909
{\an1}the beautiful and smart,

258
00:12:37,933 --> 00:12:40,409
they also were given
the challenge.

259
00:12:40,433 --> 00:12:44,542
♪

260
00:12:44,566 --> 00:12:47,942
Woman: I live on
a Chippewa Tribe reservation,

261
00:12:47,966 --> 00:12:50,309
very isolated.

262
00:12:50,333 --> 00:12:52,109
{\an1}We have a beautiful culture,

263
00:12:52,133 --> 00:12:56,009
{\an1}and we have
a really good
support system,

264
00:12:56,033 --> 00:12:58,542
{\an1}but at the same time,
there's a lot
of drug abuse,

265
00:12:58,566 --> 00:12:59,742
{\an1}a lot of alcohol abuse,

266
00:12:59,766 --> 00:13:01,209
a lot of poverty.

267
00:13:01,233 --> 00:13:05,309
{\an1}And dealing with being
profiled as an Indian,

268
00:13:05,333 --> 00:13:10,276
that's very confusing
for a person to grow up in.

269
00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:13,142
Billie: I remember
in elementary school

270
00:13:13,166 --> 00:13:17,409
{\an1}my friends would tease me
and say that I was

271
00:13:17,433 --> 00:13:21,842
{\an1}a girl in a boy's body.

272
00:13:21,866 --> 00:13:23,176
{\an1}It was strange teasing,

273
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:24,709
{\an1}like oddly specific teasing,

274
00:13:24,733 --> 00:13:28,209
{\an1}but also oddly accurate teasing.

275
00:13:28,233 --> 00:13:31,442
{\an1}Boy: My racial background,
being Native American,

276
00:13:31,466 --> 00:13:36,209
Black, and Mexican,
when I went to this one school,

277
00:13:36,233 --> 00:13:40,309
{\an1}I didn't really fit in
with any particular groups.

278
00:13:40,333 --> 00:13:42,509
{\an1}It was just because, like,

279
00:13:42,533 --> 00:13:46,076
{\an1}I look black, but I don't.

280
00:13:46,100 --> 00:13:48,609
{\an1}One of my first,
like, memories
of that school

281
00:13:48,633 --> 00:13:51,309
{\an1}was it was
the first time
we took the bus,

282
00:13:51,333 --> 00:13:53,876
{\an1}and the three
of us had stepped
off together,

283
00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:57,109
and this girl looked
at my kid brother up and down,

284
00:13:57,133 --> 00:13:59,342
{\an1}and she went, "What are you?"

285
00:13:59,366 --> 00:14:01,076
{\an1}The first thing I said
was like, "He's Black

286
00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:02,142
"like you and me.

287
00:14:02,166 --> 00:14:04,242
Get away."

288
00:14:04,266 --> 00:14:06,209
{\an1}Being profiled from the get-go,

289
00:14:06,233 --> 00:14:08,742
{\an1}especially being, like, 9, 10,

290
00:14:08,766 --> 00:14:10,676
{\an1}it's pretty traumatizing,
you know?

291
00:14:10,700 --> 00:14:14,042
It's unfortunate,
and it's scary.

292
00:14:14,066 --> 00:14:15,676
♪

293
00:14:15,700 --> 00:14:18,209
{\an1}Woman: When he's not happy,
when he's sad,

294
00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:21,776
when he's struggling,
he withdraws.

295
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:24,342
He sits in his room,
and he refuses

296
00:14:24,366 --> 00:14:27,442
{\an1}to come out sometimes.

297
00:14:27,466 --> 00:14:30,076
{\an1}Dunning: Early intervention
and early detection

298
00:14:30,100 --> 00:14:34,776
for our children is
about building the relationship

299
00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:37,609
{\an1}with them, knowing your child,

300
00:14:37,633 --> 00:14:39,842
paying attention
to the little nuances

301
00:14:39,866 --> 00:14:41,276
that may change,

302
00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:43,209
{\an8}and then meet them
where they are,

303
00:14:43,233 --> 00:14:45,342
{\an7}not where you want them to be.

304
00:14:45,366 --> 00:14:47,076
{\an7}Love on them, learn them,

305
00:14:47,100 --> 00:14:48,176
{\an8}learn about them,

306
00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:50,342
{\an7}take time to be with them.

307
00:14:50,366 --> 00:14:52,509
That is the one thing
that I have seen make

308
00:14:52,533 --> 00:14:55,142
a bigger difference.

309
00:14:55,166 --> 00:14:59,109
{\an1}Woman: He feels like he's being
a burden when he's not happy,

310
00:14:59,133 --> 00:15:02,542
{\an1}so we have to convince him,
you know, "Let's do something,

311
00:15:02,566 --> 00:15:05,276
{\an1}"let's... you're not a burden.

312
00:15:05,300 --> 00:15:10,842
You know, you were...
You were chosen to be here."

313
00:15:10,866 --> 00:15:14,076
{\an1}Vinson: Their first constructs
for how the world works

314
00:15:14,100 --> 00:15:16,742
all happen
in that home environment,

315
00:15:16,766 --> 00:15:19,409
{\an1}and the parents
really create
that environment,

316
00:15:19,433 --> 00:15:21,876
{\an1}um, or leave it to other forces

317
00:15:21,900 --> 00:15:25,109
{\an1}to... to create if they're absent.

318
00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:27,109
Morgan: My mom was
a single mother

319
00:15:27,133 --> 00:15:30,609
raising two children
at the age of 22,

320
00:15:30,633 --> 00:15:33,976
{\an1}and I was left
wondering why
my father left me

321
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,542
{\an1}as a little girl,

322
00:15:35,566 --> 00:15:36,742
wondering why we
weren't good enough

323
00:15:36,766 --> 00:15:39,242
for him to stay.

324
00:15:39,266 --> 00:15:41,709
Woman: I didn't know
how to talk to my parents

325
00:15:41,733 --> 00:15:44,609
{\an1}about emotions and feelings.

326
00:15:44,633 --> 00:15:47,109
That wasn't normal
in our household,

327
00:15:47,133 --> 00:15:49,276
{\an1}just coming from, um, my mother,

328
00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:51,609
{\an1}who was from
a different culture.

329
00:15:51,633 --> 00:15:53,676
In Thai culture,
they don't really express

330
00:15:53,700 --> 00:15:56,309
emotions a lot.

331
00:15:56,333 --> 00:15:59,342
{\an1}Lydia: My childhood was amazing.

332
00:15:59,366 --> 00:16:00,942
{\an1}I remember
literally
always, like,

333
00:16:00,966 --> 00:16:02,842
{\an1}talking to my
friends like,
"I'm so lucky.

334
00:16:02,866 --> 00:16:04,309
{\an1}I have the best family,"

335
00:16:04,333 --> 00:16:07,009
{\an1}like, "It's me," you know,

336
00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:09,909
{\an1}but my dad's an addict,
and when I was

337
00:16:09,933 --> 00:16:12,809
{\an1}in sixth grade, he relapsed.

338
00:16:12,833 --> 00:16:17,109
{\an1}We all parted as a family,
and my dad went away to rehab.

339
00:16:17,133 --> 00:16:21,242
Xavier: My childhood
was very irregular.

340
00:16:21,266 --> 00:16:25,142
Every action I did
and my siblings did

341
00:16:25,166 --> 00:16:27,642
{\an7}would just be something that we
would have to think about

342
00:16:27,666 --> 00:16:30,776
{\an7}really before we did it,
uh, so that we might not upset

343
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:38,576
{\an7}my father because my father
was a very different man.

344
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:42,509
{\an1}Woman: I think the relationship
between Dad and Xavier

345
00:16:42,533 --> 00:16:44,142
started to go south

346
00:16:44,166 --> 00:16:47,076
when he witnessed an argument

347
00:16:47,100 --> 00:16:50,542
between Dad
and I that he
shouldn't have,

348
00:16:50,566 --> 00:16:52,542
and it was difficult,

349
00:16:52,566 --> 00:16:55,776
and he still
will have flashbacks

350
00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:58,176
and talk about it.

351
00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,642
{\an8}I was definitely a daddy's girl!

352
00:17:00,666 --> 00:17:03,809
{\an7}I loved him very, very much.

353
00:17:03,833 --> 00:17:08,576
He had glioblastoma,
which is a type of brain cancer,

354
00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:11,242
{\an1}so I didn't really have
time to enjoy most things

355
00:17:11,266 --> 00:17:14,076
that little kids do.

356
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:16,109
{\an7}My father has been incarcerated

357
00:17:16,133 --> 00:17:18,376
{\an7}off and on my entire life.

358
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:21,109
{\an1}He's an addict, but growing up,
when he was clean,

359
00:17:21,133 --> 00:17:23,142
{\an1}he was an amazing father,

360
00:17:23,166 --> 00:17:26,676
{\an1}but when he wasn't, it was ugly.

361
00:17:26,700 --> 00:17:30,042
{\an1}Samantha: I was living
with my father and my stepfamily

362
00:17:30,066 --> 00:17:31,642
in northern Maine,

363
00:17:31,666 --> 00:17:34,142
{\an1}and, um...

364
00:17:34,166 --> 00:17:37,209
♪

365
00:17:37,233 --> 00:17:43,009
{\an1}he was accused
and acquitted of...

366
00:17:43,033 --> 00:17:45,109
♪

367
00:17:45,133 --> 00:17:49,476
Repeatedly
sexually assaulting people.

368
00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:54,909
We were moved out of
the house and into foster care,

369
00:17:54,933 --> 00:17:59,376
and then eventually,
I moved with my mom.

370
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:01,276
Girl: I was in, like,
third grade,

371
00:18:01,300 --> 00:18:03,776
everything was great,

372
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:05,642
{\an1}and that's when everything went,

373
00:18:05,666 --> 00:18:08,809
{\an1}like, to, like, crap.

374
00:18:08,833 --> 00:18:10,642
My parents separated.

375
00:18:10,666 --> 00:18:13,376
{\an1}Then a few months later,
they got a divorce,

376
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:16,042
{\an1}and it broke my heart.

377
00:18:16,066 --> 00:18:19,309
I just felt like
it was my fault.

378
00:18:19,333 --> 00:18:21,142
{\an1}Morgan: My stepdad came
into the picture,

379
00:18:21,166 --> 00:18:25,676
{\an1}and they were always, always
fighting abusively,

380
00:18:25,700 --> 00:18:28,909
so I couldn't open up
about what I needed.

381
00:18:28,933 --> 00:18:31,342
{\an1}Everything was my fault

382
00:18:31,366 --> 00:18:33,976
{\an1}even if it wasn't.

383
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,309
{\an1}Dunning: The child feels
a responsibility

384
00:18:36,333 --> 00:18:38,942
for something that
they had no hand in,

385
00:18:38,966 --> 00:18:42,142
and that is tragic.

386
00:18:42,166 --> 00:18:44,509
{\an1}You're just innocently
in life doing what you do,

387
00:18:44,533 --> 00:18:46,176
being a child.

388
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:48,676
It's not your fault.

389
00:18:48,700 --> 00:18:51,542
Parents are usually
doing the best they can,

390
00:18:51,566 --> 00:18:54,476
{\an1}listening and validating
and showing and giving respect

391
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:56,976
and coming
from that place of love,

392
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,909
{\an1}but children, they're observers.

393
00:18:59,933 --> 00:19:01,976
{\an1}They're taking it all in.

394
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,709
{\an1}They're learning from us.

395
00:19:04,733 --> 00:19:05,842
[Child giggling]

396
00:19:05,866 --> 00:19:07,576
{\an1}Woman: I was with my mom.

397
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:10,642
We had pizza,
and we had those little Peeps

398
00:19:10,666 --> 00:19:12,342
{\an1}that they have around Easter,

399
00:19:12,366 --> 00:19:16,176
{\an1}and as a joke I put a Peep
in some sauce,

400
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:21,342
{\an1}and I showed it to her,
and she just flipped.

401
00:19:21,366 --> 00:19:24,242
{\an1}She threw the plate at me,

402
00:19:24,266 --> 00:19:27,209
{\an1}asked me why I would do
something like that.

403
00:19:27,233 --> 00:19:28,609
{\an8}At that point, you know,

404
00:19:28,633 --> 00:19:31,109
{\an8}I kind of could tell that

405
00:19:31,133 --> 00:19:34,442
{\an8}maybe there
was something
different,

406
00:19:34,466 --> 00:19:37,342
{\an1}but I didn't understand.

407
00:19:37,366 --> 00:19:40,376
{\an1}Vinson: Why are so many kids
having these issues?

408
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:45,009
{\an1}Looking at things like genetics
and early adversity,

409
00:19:45,033 --> 00:19:48,476
whether that was
parental discord or someone

410
00:19:48,500 --> 00:19:50,642
in the family
with substance use disorders

411
00:19:50,666 --> 00:19:52,942
{\an1}or someone being incarcerated,
we see, you know,

412
00:19:52,966 --> 00:19:55,609
{\an1}these things sort of set
the stage for mental illness.

413
00:19:55,633 --> 00:19:57,142
[Children chattering]

414
00:19:57,166 --> 00:20:01,276
{\an1}Man: What if you raised a child
who grew up sunny, loved,

415
00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:05,609
{\an1}and loving, only to watch
that child slowly transform

416
00:20:05,633 --> 00:20:10,876
{\an1}into a mysterious stranger,
shorn of affect,

417
00:20:10,900 --> 00:20:15,542
dull of gaze,
unresponsive to communication,

418
00:20:15,566 --> 00:20:18,242
and perhaps worse?

419
00:20:18,266 --> 00:20:20,142
{\an8}Ron Powers.

420
00:20:20,166 --> 00:20:23,009
{\an8}♪

421
00:20:23,033 --> 00:20:26,976
{\an1}Maclayn: I remember a lot
of nights where I would sit

422
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:30,642
in my bed and cry.

423
00:20:30,666 --> 00:20:34,242
{\an1}I always knew I was different,

424
00:20:34,266 --> 00:20:36,042
{\an1}but I never really knew if I...

425
00:20:36,066 --> 00:20:39,076
{\an1}anything was wrong with me.

426
00:20:39,100 --> 00:20:41,109
{\an1}Dunning: With kids, you know,
they will struggle

427
00:20:41,133 --> 00:20:44,009
{\an1}for very long periods of time
simply because they don't know

428
00:20:44,033 --> 00:20:46,809
what's going on.

429
00:20:46,833 --> 00:20:48,776
{\an1}They may want to isolate.

430
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:52,109
They may not want to
tell anyone.

431
00:20:52,133 --> 00:20:55,576
{\an1}They don't have the words.
They don't know how.

432
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:58,042
{\an1}Yeah, I did feel like I was
keeping a secret

433
00:20:58,066 --> 00:21:00,442
from my parents,
and that was another factor

434
00:21:00,466 --> 00:21:03,042
{\an1}that... why I was getting upset.

435
00:21:03,066 --> 00:21:05,176
{\an7}You know, he would talk
about his school

436
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:06,376
{\an7}and what happened at school,

437
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:08,409
{\an7}and it would be
really minor things

438
00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:10,476
{\an7}that most kids could
kind of just brush off,

439
00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:13,109
{\an1}but for him, they were
really a big deal.

440
00:21:13,133 --> 00:21:15,009
{\an1}We tried to talk
to the teachers.

441
00:21:15,033 --> 00:21:17,176
{\an1}"Oh, my gosh!
He's great in school!

442
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,609
{\an1}He's always smiling!"

443
00:21:19,633 --> 00:21:21,342
{\an1}Then we figured out,
OK, he's a good...

444
00:21:21,366 --> 00:21:23,342
{\an1}he's a good masker.

445
00:21:23,366 --> 00:21:25,242
{\an1}Dunning: Children just don't
want anyone to know

446
00:21:25,266 --> 00:21:27,509
what's going on,

447
00:21:27,533 --> 00:21:30,542
{\an1}and when they start to move
into adolescence,

448
00:21:30,566 --> 00:21:35,209
{\an1}they are already pushing back
against lots of things,

449
00:21:35,233 --> 00:21:39,076
{\an1}and it's hard to figure out
what is really

450
00:21:39,100 --> 00:21:42,409
normal mood swings
with teens versus

451
00:21:42,433 --> 00:21:47,042
what is... is it
a true mental health challenge.

452
00:21:47,066 --> 00:21:49,009
{\an1}Then there can be lots
more things

453
00:21:49,033 --> 00:21:52,042
that parents and kids
are going like this about.

454
00:21:52,066 --> 00:21:53,742
{\an1}Man: I thought it was
a good idea.

455
00:21:53,766 --> 00:21:55,909
Girl: Absolutely
ruin everything.

456
00:21:55,933 --> 00:21:59,042
{\an1}Susan, maybe your
mother knows best.

457
00:21:59,066 --> 00:22:01,909
Why? Why does it just
naturally have to be

458
00:22:01,933 --> 00:22:04,309
that parents know best?

459
00:22:04,333 --> 00:22:06,842
Why can't you see things my way?

460
00:22:06,866 --> 00:22:12,209
♪

461
00:22:12,233 --> 00:22:14,542
{\an1}Vinson: Adolescents are
in the process

462
00:22:14,566 --> 00:22:16,942
{\an1}of discovering their identity.

463
00:22:16,966 --> 00:22:20,742
{\an1}As they're trying to make
that transition from being

464
00:22:20,766 --> 00:22:22,242
{\an1}primarily identified
with the family

465
00:22:22,266 --> 00:22:24,776
{\an1}they're coming from
to their place

466
00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:27,142
{\an1}in the world
that they're
going out into.

467
00:22:27,166 --> 00:22:31,442
{\an8}A-T-T-A-C-K!
Say it together!

468
00:22:31,466 --> 00:22:33,209
{\an7}Man: ♪ I've been there,
despair ♪

469
00:22:33,233 --> 00:22:34,709
{\an7}♪ Living on a prayer ♪

470
00:22:34,733 --> 00:22:37,476
{\an7}♪ Been there when close friends
didn't care ♪

471
00:22:37,500 --> 00:22:40,276
{\an7}♪ I've been there, trying to
pull it out of thin air ♪

472
00:22:40,300 --> 00:22:43,276
{\an8}♪ I've been there,
yes, I've been there ♪

473
00:22:43,300 --> 00:22:46,176
♪ Maybe you feel
like nobody understands ♪

474
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:49,409
{\an1}Man: When I was a teenager,
I was very rebellious.

475
00:22:49,433 --> 00:22:51,809
{\an1}I didn't think that I had
any issues,

476
00:22:51,833 --> 00:22:53,376
even when I was exhibiting

477
00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:55,876
textbook definition of what

478
00:22:55,900 --> 00:22:58,042
mental illness was.

479
00:22:58,066 --> 00:22:59,976
{\an1}Man: ♪ Like they don't know
how they're gonna make it ♪

480
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:01,409
{\an1}♪ Through another day ♪

481
00:23:01,433 --> 00:23:02,776
{\an1}Dunning: So it really is
a fine line

482
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:06,209
{\an1}between troubled and normal.

483
00:23:06,233 --> 00:23:08,576
Some might ask,
"Well, what is normal?"

484
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:10,309
♪

485
00:23:10,333 --> 00:23:13,709
{\an1}Man: We need to remember what
it's like to be a teenager.

486
00:23:13,733 --> 00:23:16,409
{\an1}I think that
a lot of adults
don't remember

487
00:23:16,433 --> 00:23:19,342
{\an1}when they were 15
what were they
going through

488
00:23:19,366 --> 00:23:21,142
{\an1}and what's normal
and what's natural,

489
00:23:21,166 --> 00:23:23,076
{\an1}and then what's
the part that needs

490
00:23:23,100 --> 00:23:25,376
extra intervention?

491
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:28,076
{\an1}Makalynn: I grew up in an area
that was wealthy,

492
00:23:28,100 --> 00:23:30,742
but I was from, like,
the other side of the tracks,

493
00:23:30,766 --> 00:23:32,009
{\an7}so I didn't have, you know,

494
00:23:32,033 --> 00:23:33,242
{\an8}growing up, we weren't...

495
00:23:33,266 --> 00:23:34,809
{\an8}we didn't have money at all,

496
00:23:34,833 --> 00:23:38,409
{\an8}so I was constantly
trying to fit in.

497
00:23:38,433 --> 00:23:40,476
{\an1}I lied a lot growing up
just to make things seem

498
00:23:40,500 --> 00:23:42,476
{\an1}greater than they were.

499
00:23:42,500 --> 00:23:45,176
That's when I really
started to act out.

500
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:46,809
I was constantly
in the principal's office

501
00:23:46,833 --> 00:23:49,909
{\an1}at school for skipping
or for disrespecting a teacher

502
00:23:49,933 --> 00:23:53,509
or principal, fighting a lot.

503
00:23:53,533 --> 00:23:56,309
{\an8}I think at that time
in high school when everyone's

504
00:23:56,333 --> 00:23:59,042
{\an8}trying to figure
it all out, you know, like,

505
00:23:59,066 --> 00:24:02,142
I really just wanted
to understand myself.

506
00:24:02,166 --> 00:24:05,609
We were never taught
how to work through anything

507
00:24:05,633 --> 00:24:07,142
in school,

508
00:24:07,166 --> 00:24:09,642
{\an1}especially if you grew up
in a household that

509
00:24:09,666 --> 00:24:12,609
{\an1}you didn't feel comfortable
showing emotions.

510
00:24:12,633 --> 00:24:14,376
The more you bury it,
the more it's just

511
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:16,542
building up in you.

512
00:24:16,566 --> 00:24:19,776
{\an1}I was one of the popular kids.

513
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:23,142
I dated the star
football player,

514
00:24:23,166 --> 00:24:26,542
{\an1}I was homecoming queen one year.

515
00:24:26,566 --> 00:24:30,776
{\an1}I maintained this image
that I had to be perfect

516
00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:34,076
at school,
and I did to a certain extent,

517
00:24:34,100 --> 00:24:37,942
{\an1}and I just hid everything else
behind closed doors.

518
00:24:37,966 --> 00:24:40,009
{\an1}Yaadieah: I did cheer,
which was my favorite,

519
00:24:40,033 --> 00:24:44,376
{\an1}I played lacrosse, I did track,
and I did gymnastics.

520
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:47,642
{\an7}I think my teenage years
were happy for the most part

521
00:24:47,666 --> 00:24:50,042
{\an8}but definitely a lot
of insecurity just

522
00:24:50,066 --> 00:24:53,576
{\an1}as far as the way I looked.

523
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:57,076
{\an1}Billie: I lived surrounded
by a bunch of farmland,

524
00:24:57,100 --> 00:25:02,142
{\an1}and the people weren't
very accepting,

525
00:25:02,166 --> 00:25:06,542
{\an1}so I never really got a chance
to explore my identity

526
00:25:06,566 --> 00:25:09,576
{\an1}until I had moved here.

527
00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:13,242
I started to wear
more feminine clothes.

528
00:25:13,266 --> 00:25:15,976
{\an1}I started to wear makeup
every day.

529
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:20,909
It was good at first,
but the day I went

530
00:25:20,933 --> 00:25:23,409
{\an1}to school with pink hair,

531
00:25:23,433 --> 00:25:26,576
{\an1}my car ended up getting
vandalized,

532
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:29,776
{\an1}and someone wrote "Queer"
on the back windshield.

533
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:32,466
♪

534
00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:35,709
{\an1}Alexis: At school, I tried to be

535
00:25:35,733 --> 00:25:39,309
that happy-go-lucky,
outgoing person,

536
00:25:39,333 --> 00:25:42,542
{\an1}but I dealt with a lot
on the inside,

537
00:25:42,566 --> 00:25:45,676
{\an1}and not a lot of people knew.

538
00:25:45,700 --> 00:25:49,909
{\an1}I remember being too much,
too loud, trying to be cool,

539
00:25:49,933 --> 00:25:52,009
{\an1}but you're not really cool.

540
00:25:52,033 --> 00:25:55,609
{\an1}I started to get bullied
by people I considered

541
00:25:55,633 --> 00:25:57,509
my best friends.

542
00:25:57,533 --> 00:26:01,076
{\an7}You know, these were the people
who I thought

543
00:26:01,100 --> 00:26:03,809
{\an8}were gonna be
by my side, you know,

544
00:26:03,833 --> 00:26:07,176
{\an8}living the best life
ever together, you know,

545
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:10,442
{\an1}and they ended up hurting me
the most.

546
00:26:10,466 --> 00:26:14,276
{\an1}It's a really big mind game
with girls I feel like.

547
00:26:14,300 --> 00:26:16,876
{\an1}I was an emotional teen.

548
00:26:16,900 --> 00:26:18,776
{\an1}I wanted to know who I was,

549
00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:21,076
{\an1}and I was trying to figure
that out.

550
00:26:21,100 --> 00:26:24,742
So where do I go,

551
00:26:24,766 --> 00:26:27,742
and who do I ask?

552
00:26:27,766 --> 00:26:29,609
{\an1}I didn't know how to talk
to my parents.

553
00:26:29,633 --> 00:26:32,576
My parents didn't
know how to talk to me.

554
00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:36,442
{\an1}I was going through so much
that it just spiraled

555
00:26:36,466 --> 00:26:41,242
{\an1}until, you know, things just...
exploded, I feel like.

556
00:26:41,266 --> 00:26:43,142
♪

557
00:26:43,166 --> 00:26:46,476
{\an1}Yanerry: In eighth grade,
I got a boyfriend,

558
00:26:46,500 --> 00:26:48,909
{\an1}and we dated on and off.

559
00:26:48,933 --> 00:26:53,676
He showed an
explicit photo
of me to classmates

560
00:26:53,700 --> 00:26:55,876
and his friends.

561
00:26:55,900 --> 00:26:58,609
There was a lot
of people talking about it.

562
00:26:58,633 --> 00:27:03,142
Kids would look at me
and laugh, mock me...

563
00:27:03,166 --> 00:27:06,409
{\an1}and so when I became a freshman,

564
00:27:06,433 --> 00:27:09,776
I didn't want to be
known as that girl.

565
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:13,576
{\an1}I decided to change my name
and go by the name Rose.

566
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:17,142
{\an1}That way, people wouldn't think
that it was me.

567
00:27:17,166 --> 00:27:20,442
{\an7}They were talking about
this girl Yanerry.

568
00:27:20,466 --> 00:27:23,076
{\an7}Collin: You think this is
how you are defined

569
00:27:23,100 --> 00:27:24,509
{\an8}and that's how you're
gonna be looked at

570
00:27:24,533 --> 00:27:27,676
{\an8}for the rest of your
high school career,

571
00:27:27,700 --> 00:27:29,742
{\an8}but it's not.

572
00:27:29,766 --> 00:27:31,542
{\an7}What everyone thinks about you
in high school honestly

573
00:27:31,566 --> 00:27:34,576
{\an8}doesn't matter
the second you graduate,

574
00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:38,542
but as a teenager,
as far as stress levels go,

575
00:27:38,566 --> 00:27:41,176
{\an7}I feel like it's... it's a lot
different than maybe

576
00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:44,342
{\an8}what I could imagine
it used to be.

577
00:27:44,366 --> 00:27:46,976
{\an1}I feel like the world that
my generation is inheriting

578
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:48,833
isn't a pleasant one.

579
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:53,609
{\an8}[Sirens]

580
00:27:53,633 --> 00:27:54,709
{\an8}Man: Destruction...

581
00:27:54,733 --> 00:27:55,876
{\an7}Different man: Forecasters...

582
00:27:55,900 --> 00:27:57,009
{\an7}Would you... who would...
Shut up, man.

583
00:27:57,033 --> 00:27:58,766
{\an8}♪

584
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:03,376
{\an1}Man: ♪ I don't really know
any way to convey ♪

585
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:05,942
{\an1}♪ The range of emotions
I go through each day ♪

586
00:28:05,966 --> 00:28:07,276
♪ Got my ideas... ♪

587
00:28:07,300 --> 00:28:11,176
{\an1}Lucas: I think it's a world
full of toxicity

588
00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:15,176
and people who don't
understand others

589
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:17,709
{\an7}and don't take others'
well-being

590
00:28:17,733 --> 00:28:20,942
{\an8}and mental health
and feelings into account.

591
00:28:20,966 --> 00:28:22,042
{\an1}Man: ♪ Stress I encounter ♪

592
00:28:22,066 --> 00:28:23,276
{\an1}♪ It takes its effect ♪

593
00:28:23,300 --> 00:28:24,776
{\an1}♪ Don't like the odds... ♪

594
00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:28,942
{\an1}Billie: It's important
for older generations to know

595
00:28:28,966 --> 00:28:35,409
{\an1}that we live in a very different
world than they grew up in

596
00:28:35,433 --> 00:28:38,542
and what principles
and values may have worked

597
00:28:38,566 --> 00:28:44,209
for them at that time
won't work for us now.

598
00:28:44,233 --> 00:28:45,976
♪

599
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:47,876
[People screaming]

600
00:28:47,900 --> 00:28:51,442
{\an1}It's like running old software
on a new hard drive.

601
00:28:51,466 --> 00:28:53,176
It's not gonna work.

602
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:54,742
{\an1}Reporter: Just how much water...

603
00:28:54,766 --> 00:28:57,809
{\an1}Young man: It's a world
with a lot of conversations

604
00:28:57,833 --> 00:29:00,942
{\an1}that need to be had with adults
on how they need to understand

605
00:29:00,966 --> 00:29:03,009
more about
the younger generations

606
00:29:03,033 --> 00:29:04,909
{\an1}and what we're going through.

607
00:29:04,933 --> 00:29:06,342
{\an1}George Stephanopoulos:
49ers quarterback knelt

608
00:29:06,366 --> 00:29:07,876
instead of standing
during the National Anthem...

609
00:29:07,900 --> 00:29:10,409
{\an1}Reporter: In the United States,
new confirmed cases...

610
00:29:10,433 --> 00:29:13,309
{\an1}Dunning: The pandemic has
really increased a lot

611
00:29:13,333 --> 00:29:17,309
of people's anxiety
and depression.

612
00:29:17,333 --> 00:29:19,009
♪

613
00:29:19,033 --> 00:29:20,942
Look at our kids.

614
00:29:20,966 --> 00:29:23,942
{\an1}Look at athletic events
that have been taken,

615
00:29:23,966 --> 00:29:25,642
graduations,

616
00:29:25,666 --> 00:29:29,542
{\an1}speech and drama, choir,
all of those things.

617
00:29:29,566 --> 00:29:34,709
{\an1}They're really suffering
because nothing's normal.

618
00:29:34,733 --> 00:29:36,776
{\an1}Vinson: The reality is

619
00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:39,842
{\an1}our system was
ill-equipped
to meet

620
00:29:39,866 --> 00:29:41,176
{\an1}the mental health
treatment needs

621
00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:45,142
{\an1}of our population before 2020,

622
00:29:45,166 --> 00:29:47,342
{\an1}and it is not going to be
better equipped

623
00:29:47,366 --> 00:29:50,142
{\an1}to meet the increased needs
after 2020.

624
00:29:50,166 --> 00:29:52,376
♪

625
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:54,976
Collin: There's a lot
of pressures that come along

626
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:56,842
{\an1}with being a teenager,

627
00:29:56,866 --> 00:30:00,409
{\an1}especially in this day and age
with the social pressures

628
00:30:00,433 --> 00:30:02,476
and social media.

629
00:30:02,500 --> 00:30:04,242
{\an1}Everyone is scared to be open

630
00:30:04,266 --> 00:30:06,876
regardless of how
they're feeling.

631
00:30:06,900 --> 00:30:11,476
{\an1}That isn't who 17-year-olds
in 2019 are.

632
00:30:11,500 --> 00:30:13,876
They aren't open
about their feelings,

633
00:30:13,900 --> 00:30:17,676
and if they are,
they're looked down upon,

634
00:30:17,700 --> 00:30:19,309
which is terrible.

635
00:30:19,333 --> 00:30:22,076
♪

636
00:30:22,100 --> 00:30:24,409
{\an1}A troubling new report
today spells out

637
00:30:24,433 --> 00:30:26,242
what all that time
on social media

638
00:30:26,266 --> 00:30:27,809
{\an1}is doing to our teenagers.

639
00:30:27,833 --> 00:30:29,942
It also outlines what
parents can do to make sure

640
00:30:29,966 --> 00:30:31,376
their kids stay safe.

641
00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:32,709
{\an1}[Typing on cell phone]

642
00:30:32,733 --> 00:30:34,276
[Cell phone chimes]

643
00:30:34,300 --> 00:30:36,342
[Typing continues]

644
00:30:36,366 --> 00:30:38,776
[Whoosh]

645
00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:39,777
{\an8}[Typing continues]

646
00:30:39,801 --> 00:30:41,709
{\an8}[Whoosh]

647
00:30:41,733 --> 00:30:44,776
{\an7}Young man: Social media itself
is good and bad

648
00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:47,176
{\an7}for teenagers nowadays.

649
00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:51,009
{\an7}I feel as if though it's
a good outlet to find someone

650
00:30:51,033 --> 00:30:52,909
{\an7}to talk to and make friends,
but I also feel like

651
00:30:52,933 --> 00:30:55,742
it puts a lot
of pressure on kids nowadays.

652
00:30:55,766 --> 00:30:58,076
{\an7}It quickly
becomes another
form of isolation,

653
00:30:58,100 --> 00:30:59,376
{\an7}you know, if I'm constantly

654
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:00,842
{\an7}focusing on my phone

655
00:31:00,866 --> 00:31:01,942
{\an7}and these
different
media outlets

656
00:31:01,966 --> 00:31:04,076
and not engaging
in the real world.

657
00:31:04,100 --> 00:31:07,042
Sometimes,
it's just out of control

658
00:31:07,066 --> 00:31:09,176
{\an7}where all they're doing
is looking at social media,

659
00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:11,442
{\an7}and they're kind of distracted.

660
00:31:11,466 --> 00:31:13,242
{\an1}They're not connecting.

661
00:31:13,266 --> 00:31:16,009
{\an1}I don't think that they see
that as a problem.

662
00:31:16,033 --> 00:31:18,676
{\an1}Alexis: I hate when people say,
like, "Oh, the youth

663
00:31:18,700 --> 00:31:21,376
{\an1}"are so stuck in, you know,
their technology,

664
00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:24,909
{\an1}and they don't even care
about the world around them!"

665
00:31:24,933 --> 00:31:27,276
{\an1}They were born in that world.

666
00:31:27,300 --> 00:31:29,742
They can't help that
when they were a toddler

667
00:31:29,766 --> 00:31:32,142
{\an1}an iPad got thrown at them.

668
00:31:32,166 --> 00:31:35,242
{\an1}That's what they think
what playtime is.

669
00:31:35,266 --> 00:31:37,542
I actually joke
a lot that Twitter
kind of raised me

670
00:31:37,566 --> 00:31:40,176
because I've
had a Twitter
since I was 13.

671
00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:42,809
I'm 23, so
that's 10 years
of my life.

672
00:31:42,833 --> 00:31:44,142
If you wanted to have
a social life,

673
00:31:44,166 --> 00:31:46,409
{\an1}you joined social media.

674
00:31:46,433 --> 00:31:49,176
{\an1}Lydia: If you don't have
Snapchat or Instagram,

675
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:52,609
{\an8}if you don't reach
the specific standard,

676
00:31:52,633 --> 00:31:58,242
{\an8}it can definitely
feel really isolating.

677
00:31:58,266 --> 00:31:59,809
{\an1}Samantha: Like, on Snapchat,

678
00:31:59,833 --> 00:32:01,009
{\an1}like, all your friends

679
00:32:01,033 --> 00:32:02,276
{\an1}would be hanging out,

680
00:32:02,300 --> 00:32:05,276
{\an1}and then you
see that you're
not there

681
00:32:05,300 --> 00:32:07,842
{\an1}and you didn't get the invite,

682
00:32:07,866 --> 00:32:11,476
and then you're like,
"Well, what did I do wrong?"

683
00:32:11,500 --> 00:32:12,876
♪

684
00:32:12,900 --> 00:32:14,376
Um...

685
00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:16,542
♪

686
00:32:16,566 --> 00:32:18,876
It sucks.

687
00:32:18,900 --> 00:32:21,909
{\an7}On, like, Instagram they
have to look a certain way

688
00:32:21,933 --> 00:32:24,042
{\an1}for people to think they're
attractive...

689
00:32:24,066 --> 00:32:25,142
{\an1}[Camera shutter clicks]

690
00:32:25,166 --> 00:32:28,076
to feel positive
about themselves.

691
00:32:28,100 --> 00:32:31,809
{\an1}Collin: And when you're trying
to make yourself fit

692
00:32:31,833 --> 00:32:34,776
to what everyone else
wants to see you as,

693
00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:36,276
it's impossible.

694
00:32:36,300 --> 00:32:37,609
[Cell phone chiming]

695
00:32:37,633 --> 00:32:40,376
{\an1}Lydia: Everybody is so fake
on social media.

696
00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:43,309
{\an1}Like, me, like, I'm so fake.

697
00:32:43,333 --> 00:32:45,142
I mean, I hate it.

698
00:32:45,166 --> 00:32:46,776
I hate it,
but I'm also a part of it.

699
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:49,409
I... I add into that.

700
00:32:49,433 --> 00:32:51,476
Alexis:
It's literally competition.

701
00:32:51,500 --> 00:32:54,209
"If I'm an object,
I'm gonna be the best object,"

702
00:32:54,233 --> 00:32:56,776
{\an1}you know, "and I'm a better
object than you are,

703
00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:58,476
{\an1}and you're gonna know it."

704
00:32:58,500 --> 00:33:02,976
That's how we lift
ourselves up personally.

705
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:05,909
{\an1}Collin: If you're so invested
into that,

706
00:33:05,933 --> 00:33:09,576
{\an1}then those little, tiny things
that everyone else notices,

707
00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:13,876
{\an1}those little, tiny blemishes
that really don't matter at all

708
00:33:13,900 --> 00:33:16,009
can tear you down.

709
00:33:16,033 --> 00:33:18,309
These are 10 things
that you can do

710
00:33:18,333 --> 00:33:20,342
{\an1}to be more attractive.

711
00:33:20,366 --> 00:33:21,909
{\an1}Fix your body language.

712
00:33:21,933 --> 00:33:24,542
{\an1}Ava: I think every girl is
OK with being average.

713
00:33:24,566 --> 00:33:25,642
{\an1}[Camera shutter clicks]

714
00:33:25,666 --> 00:33:27,609
{\an1}It's just that other people

715
00:33:27,633 --> 00:33:28,942
are not OK with it.

716
00:33:28,966 --> 00:33:33,342
{\an1}Ashley and I are
on our way to get filler.

717
00:33:33,366 --> 00:33:34,776
{\an1}Like, look at that.
Like, excuse me.

718
00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:36,342
It kind of squints.

719
00:33:36,366 --> 00:33:39,809
{\an1}Anna: I think celebrities are
posting all these pictures,

720
00:33:39,833 --> 00:33:43,909
{\an1}and, like, girls try to be
someone who they're not,

721
00:33:43,933 --> 00:33:48,176
{\an1}and it really takes, like,
a toll on people.

722
00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:51,176
{\an1}Makalynn: I think social media
is extremely damaging

723
00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:53,109
for everybody

724
00:33:53,133 --> 00:33:55,242
{\an1}but especially for somebody
who is suffering

725
00:33:55,266 --> 00:33:56,642
from mental illness.

726
00:33:56,666 --> 00:33:59,476
{\an1}It makes the things that
people say on social media

727
00:33:59,500 --> 00:34:01,809
hit a lot harder.

728
00:34:01,833 --> 00:34:06,376
You take stuff,
and you just overthink it,

729
00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:08,842
{\an1}and you make a mountain
out of a molehill,

730
00:34:08,866 --> 00:34:12,642
{\an1}but it's a very real mountain.

731
00:34:12,666 --> 00:34:15,442
{\an1}Yanerry: I had this close friend
who was making

732
00:34:15,466 --> 00:34:18,742
fake Instagram pages
about me and my ex,

733
00:34:18,766 --> 00:34:22,009
{\an1}saying like, "Oh," like,
"you know, what a whore,"

734
00:34:22,033 --> 00:34:24,076
{\an1}"Who hasn't she kissed?"

735
00:34:24,100 --> 00:34:26,909
{\an1}I also found out that things
she would do to me

736
00:34:26,933 --> 00:34:29,876
she claimed
that I did it to her,

737
00:34:29,900 --> 00:34:32,042
{\an1}and I got very paranoid.

738
00:34:32,066 --> 00:34:34,476
I felt like
I couldn't trust anyone.

739
00:34:34,500 --> 00:34:38,142
I noticed that I was
struggling in seventh grade,

740
00:34:38,166 --> 00:34:40,742
so I'd say 13.

741
00:34:40,766 --> 00:34:43,309
{\an1}That's when I started to
be called names

742
00:34:43,333 --> 00:34:45,509
on social media.

743
00:34:45,533 --> 00:34:46,742
It would never end.

744
00:34:46,766 --> 00:34:48,609
{\an1}When I told them, like,
it hurts me,

745
00:34:48,633 --> 00:34:51,009
{\an1}they wouldn't... they don't care,

746
00:34:51,033 --> 00:34:55,442
but it's not true,
and, like, it gets to me.

747
00:34:55,466 --> 00:34:57,209
Angel: Why?

748
00:34:57,233 --> 00:35:00,409
Why would you post
certain things like that?

749
00:35:00,433 --> 00:35:04,042
Billie: Some people
may believe it's just them

750
00:35:04,066 --> 00:35:06,709
being honest.

751
00:35:06,733 --> 00:35:10,142
{\an1}Lucas: Watch what you say
and who you say it to

752
00:35:10,166 --> 00:35:12,676
{\an8}because you never
know what somebody's

753
00:35:12,700 --> 00:35:15,742
{\an8}going through
and what can affect them

754
00:35:15,766 --> 00:35:17,709
{\an1}and how drastically it can.

755
00:35:17,733 --> 00:35:19,342
♪

756
00:35:19,366 --> 00:35:22,976
Ava: I felt like
I was not enough,

757
00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:27,076
{\an1}and, like, I would think what it
would be like if I wasn't there.

758
00:35:27,100 --> 00:35:31,642
{\an1}At first, I thought it was just
me trying to get attention,

759
00:35:31,666 --> 00:35:33,609
{\an1}but then I realized, like,
it really wasn't.

760
00:35:33,633 --> 00:35:38,176
{\an8}Like, I really didn't
want to be there anymore.

761
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:40,609
{\an7}Davidson: If you can't say
something to their face,

762
00:35:40,633 --> 00:35:43,276
{\an7}you shouldn't text it,
you shouldn't post it,

763
00:35:43,300 --> 00:35:45,209
{\an1}you shouldn't snap about it,

764
00:35:45,233 --> 00:35:47,876
and that should be
your first rule.

765
00:35:47,900 --> 00:35:51,276
{\an1}Vinson: A lot of the narrative
around it is that it is bad

766
00:35:51,300 --> 00:35:52,742
and causing people
to be superficial,

767
00:35:52,766 --> 00:35:54,376
{\an1}and everybody's
comparing
each other

768
00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:55,409
{\an1}to their highlight reels,

769
00:35:55,433 --> 00:35:56,576
{\an1}and there is a component of that

770
00:35:56,600 --> 00:36:00,609
{\an1}for sure,
but it's not
all, all bad.

771
00:36:00,633 --> 00:36:03,309
{\an1}Dunning: In some instances,
it's how kids connect

772
00:36:03,333 --> 00:36:05,276
{\an1}and how they do make friends,

773
00:36:05,300 --> 00:36:08,142
{\an7}and that friend may be in Japan,

774
00:36:08,166 --> 00:36:11,109
{\an7}and they might be in Miami.

775
00:36:11,133 --> 00:36:14,876
{\an8}There's also a lot
of communities online,

776
00:36:14,900 --> 00:36:18,742
{\an1}people you can meet through
social media that are there

777
00:36:18,766 --> 00:36:21,842
{\an1}just to help and make sure
that people know there's

778
00:36:21,866 --> 00:36:23,876
somebody there
that cares about them.

779
00:36:23,900 --> 00:36:25,776
♪

780
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:28,609
Billie:
Being sort of dissociated

781
00:36:28,633 --> 00:36:31,642
{\an1}from the rest of the world

782
00:36:31,666 --> 00:36:34,842
gives us that sense
of comfort and sense of home.

783
00:36:34,866 --> 00:36:37,476
{\an1}When I was struggling,
I know I used to, like, go

784
00:36:37,500 --> 00:36:39,909
on, like, YouTube
and watch all these videos

785
00:36:39,933 --> 00:36:42,009
about, like, people
who were depressed talking

786
00:36:42,033 --> 00:36:43,409
{\an1}about their depression,

787
00:36:43,433 --> 00:36:45,376
talking about
their suicidal ideations.

788
00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:47,442
{\an1}This is not something that is
easy for me to talk about.

789
00:36:47,466 --> 00:36:50,276
{\an1}Lydia: And I just felt like
I wasn't alone.

790
00:36:50,300 --> 00:36:52,376
{\an1}Woman: refused to talk
about it with anybody.

791
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:55,376
{\an1}Vinson: In my opinion, things
like Instagram and TikTok

792
00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:57,209
{\an1}have really democratized
who gets to have

793
00:36:57,233 --> 00:36:59,776
a voice in society.

794
00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:03,676
{\an1}It allows young people
who normally wouldn't be able

795
00:37:03,700 --> 00:37:06,876
{\an1}to drive a narrative to be
part of telling a story.

796
00:37:06,900 --> 00:37:09,076
{\an1}Today, I'm going to show
you the top 5 outfits

797
00:37:09,100 --> 00:37:13,242
you can start wearing
to get your crush to like you.

798
00:37:13,266 --> 00:37:14,609
News anchor: When it
comes to social media,

799
00:37:14,633 --> 00:37:17,309
{\an1}seemingly real people are
influencing young people

800
00:37:17,333 --> 00:37:19,576
{\an1}from their self-esteem
to what they buy.

801
00:37:19,600 --> 00:37:20,942
{\an1}So-called Instagram...

802
00:37:20,966 --> 00:37:23,142
{\an1}Angel: I feel like it has
a very major impact

803
00:37:23,166 --> 00:37:24,709
{\an7}on the way that we act.

804
00:37:24,733 --> 00:37:26,742
{\an7}News anchor: The social media
influencer market is

805
00:37:26,766 --> 00:37:29,242
{\an7}a multibillion-dollar industry.

806
00:37:29,266 --> 00:37:31,942
Welcome to my first
YouTube video.

807
00:37:31,966 --> 00:37:33,542
Naked Heat Palette.

808
00:37:33,566 --> 00:37:37,109
{\an1}Angel: It influences us
in our social life,

809
00:37:37,133 --> 00:37:39,376
the way that we talk,
the way that we act.

810
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:40,942
{\an1}Reporter: Another viral
TikTok trend going...

811
00:37:40,966 --> 00:37:42,209
{\an1}Reporter two: Seen an increase
in social media threats

812
00:37:42,233 --> 00:37:44,809
made towards schools
across the country.

813
00:37:44,833 --> 00:37:46,109
{\an8}I will do whatever
the top comment says,

814
00:37:46,133 --> 00:37:48,276
{\an7}get hit by a car, whatever.

815
00:37:48,300 --> 00:37:49,809
{\an7}I'll do it just for you guys
if you want to see that.

816
00:37:49,833 --> 00:37:52,776
{\an7}Billie: It doesn't matter what
people think of you

817
00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:56,842
just as long as you
are being yourself

818
00:37:56,866 --> 00:38:01,842
{\an1}and who you are and doing
what makes you happy,

819
00:38:01,866 --> 00:38:04,209
{\an1}and I wish I could say that,

820
00:38:04,233 --> 00:38:06,909
but I can't.

821
00:38:06,933 --> 00:38:09,309
I care a lot
what people think of me.

822
00:38:09,333 --> 00:38:12,309
{\an7}Social media, at this point,
it sort of seems like

823
00:38:12,333 --> 00:38:16,509
{\an7}it's more important than
your real identity.

824
00:38:16,533 --> 00:38:17,709
{\an1}If I wasn't on social media,
I wouldn't talk

825
00:38:17,733 --> 00:38:19,809
to anyone really,

826
00:38:19,833 --> 00:38:23,142
{\an1}so I don't really feel like
I have a choice, honestly.

827
00:38:23,166 --> 00:38:25,842
{\an1}Davidson: I think kids really
see that screen time

828
00:38:25,866 --> 00:38:27,609
is a problem.

829
00:38:27,633 --> 00:38:29,476
{\an1}So they know
that it's
an addiction,

830
00:38:29,500 --> 00:38:31,842
{\an1}but they just
don't know what
to do about that,

831
00:38:31,866 --> 00:38:33,809
{\an1}so they just feed into it.

832
00:38:33,833 --> 00:38:35,833
{\an1}[Typing on cell phone]

833
00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:43,909
{\an1}Angel: When you're a teenager...

834
00:38:43,933 --> 00:38:45,809
{\an1}you're at a certain stage
in your life

835
00:38:45,833 --> 00:38:50,042
where you're
kind of like a beginner

836
00:38:50,066 --> 00:38:52,533
{\an1}in whatever you're experiencing.

837
00:38:54,500 --> 00:38:57,876
{\an1}It's kind of like a first try
at everything in life...

838
00:38:57,900 --> 00:38:59,842
♪

839
00:38:59,866 --> 00:39:03,176
{\an7}and when something abrupt
like someone you know dying

840
00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:06,642
{\an8}from suicide happens,

841
00:39:06,666 --> 00:39:09,676
{\an1}it hits like a wrecking ball.

842
00:39:09,700 --> 00:39:12,809
{\an1}Everyone is different.

843
00:39:12,833 --> 00:39:14,376
Very different.

844
00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:16,576
{\an1}[Slide projector clicking]

845
00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:19,242
♪

846
00:39:19,266 --> 00:39:20,709
It's very difficult
to understand

847
00:39:20,733 --> 00:39:22,442
{\an1}what to do from there.

848
00:39:22,466 --> 00:39:26,809
♪

849
00:39:26,833 --> 00:39:30,009
Morgan:
Nobody is exempt from trauma.

850
00:39:30,033 --> 00:39:32,676
{\an8}We all go through it

851
00:39:32,700 --> 00:39:35,609
{\an7}just on various levels.

852
00:39:35,633 --> 00:39:37,442
{\an1}Everyone has their own problems,

853
00:39:37,466 --> 00:39:41,042
everyone has
their own tragedies.

854
00:39:41,066 --> 00:39:44,509
{\an1}Amira: A traumatic experience,
it's always there.

855
00:39:44,533 --> 00:39:47,076
{\an1}It's just
about whether
it chooses

856
00:39:47,100 --> 00:39:49,409
{\an1}to present itself or not.

857
00:39:49,433 --> 00:39:52,509
It just chills out
and waits for its moment

858
00:39:52,533 --> 00:39:54,176
to respond.

859
00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:57,442
[Clock ticking]

860
00:39:57,466 --> 00:39:58,509
[Crash]

861
00:39:58,533 --> 00:39:59,576
[Crying]

862
00:39:59,600 --> 00:40:00,742
[Sirens]

863
00:40:00,766 --> 00:40:02,742
[Gunfire]

864
00:40:02,766 --> 00:40:05,142
{\an1}[Police radio chatter]

865
00:40:05,166 --> 00:40:06,609
{\an1}Woman: Hands up!
Don't shoot!

866
00:40:06,633 --> 00:40:07,876
[Alarm clock ringing]

867
00:40:07,900 --> 00:40:10,809
Kennedy:
There's no way for us to tell

868
00:40:10,833 --> 00:40:13,209
what type of event

869
00:40:13,233 --> 00:40:16,242
is gonna have
what type
of effect

870
00:40:16,266 --> 00:40:19,742
on what type of a person.

871
00:40:19,766 --> 00:40:22,033
{\an1}Everybody's got their own story.

872
00:40:25,233 --> 00:40:32,409
{\an7}Leah: In time, I could tell
my mother was a drug addict.

873
00:40:32,433 --> 00:40:34,709
{\an1}Seeing someone that you love

874
00:40:34,733 --> 00:40:37,742
{\an1}turn into a completely
different person,

875
00:40:37,766 --> 00:40:40,076
it's traumatizing.

876
00:40:40,100 --> 00:40:43,942
{\an1}I felt like she ruined
who I could have been,

877
00:40:43,966 --> 00:40:45,576
{\an1}what I could have done,

878
00:40:45,600 --> 00:40:48,042
the person
that I could have become.

879
00:40:48,066 --> 00:40:50,642
{\an1}Living with my dad was probably
a more stable situation,

880
00:40:50,666 --> 00:40:53,109
{\an1}but there was issues there, too,

881
00:40:53,133 --> 00:40:54,509
especially
when he got remarried.

882
00:40:54,533 --> 00:40:56,576
{\an1}You know, I was trying to
express how I felt

883
00:40:56,600 --> 00:40:59,342
{\an1}by being miserable to live with.

884
00:40:59,366 --> 00:41:01,042
I was acting out.

885
00:41:01,066 --> 00:41:02,409
♪

886
00:41:02,433 --> 00:41:05,442
{\an1}Lydia: My dad relapsed.

887
00:41:05,466 --> 00:41:08,242
{\an1}He went away to rehab,
and I felt like

888
00:41:08,266 --> 00:41:09,776
I was losing him,

889
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:12,609
{\an1}he didn't care about me anymore.

890
00:41:12,633 --> 00:41:17,042
{\an1}Man: Lydia knew me for most
of her life as a sober father,

891
00:41:17,066 --> 00:41:18,576
and then she didn't.

892
00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:19,609
♪

893
00:41:19,633 --> 00:41:21,642
I think she was 12.

894
00:41:21,666 --> 00:41:24,009
{\an1}My father committed suicide.

895
00:41:24,033 --> 00:41:27,309
I had, uh, a really bad relapse

896
00:41:27,333 --> 00:41:30,076
that continued
as a cycle
of relapses,

897
00:41:30,100 --> 00:41:32,276
and she watched me struggle.

898
00:41:32,300 --> 00:41:35,009
{\an1}I was so depressed and angry.

899
00:41:35,033 --> 00:41:36,876
So angry.

900
00:41:36,900 --> 00:41:39,442
So I was like,
"It's all your fault, Mom!"

901
00:41:39,466 --> 00:41:42,742
{\an1}She was like, "Lydia, you're
so much like your dad."

902
00:41:42,766 --> 00:41:44,576
{\an1}And I was like, "Well,
if my dad can do this,

903
00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:47,109
like, so can I."

904
00:41:47,133 --> 00:41:51,976
{\an1}Amethyst: I found out my dad
died the day after Christmas.

905
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:54,709
{\an1}The year after he died,

906
00:41:54,733 --> 00:41:58,842
{\an7}I started kind of treating

907
00:41:58,866 --> 00:42:00,809
{\an7}other people pretty badly

908
00:42:00,833 --> 00:42:01,942
{\an8}because I didn't know

909
00:42:01,966 --> 00:42:05,776
{\an1}how to handle grief properly.

910
00:42:05,800 --> 00:42:09,776
{\an1}Anna: Ever since I was little,
my dad was an alcoholic.

911
00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:11,609
{\an1}One time when I was little,

912
00:42:11,633 --> 00:42:13,509
{\an1}me and my sister were

913
00:42:13,533 --> 00:42:15,442
{\an1}hiding under our beds

914
00:42:15,466 --> 00:42:16,942
{\an1}because we were scared

915
00:42:16,966 --> 00:42:20,109
of everything
going on downstairs.

916
00:42:20,133 --> 00:42:23,242
{\an1}One of our doors in our houses
was just cracked

917
00:42:23,266 --> 00:42:27,809
{\an1}down the whole thing because,
like, my dad punching it.

918
00:42:27,833 --> 00:42:30,776
It's just kind of
hard to talk about.

919
00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:34,509
{\an1}It's just really hard.

920
00:42:34,533 --> 00:42:39,176
{\an1}Dunning: Family strife,
it plays an incredible role.

921
00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:41,209
When a child
is watching
a parent

922
00:42:41,233 --> 00:42:43,876
do crazy stuff that

923
00:42:43,900 --> 00:42:45,576
they don't understand,

924
00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:47,676
they're like,
"Well, what
should we do?

925
00:42:47,700 --> 00:42:50,509
{\an1}"Should we, like, retreat,
should we go to our rooms,

926
00:42:50,533 --> 00:42:51,809
{\an1}"should we not say anything?

927
00:42:51,833 --> 00:42:54,876
{\an1}Because what if it makes
it worse?"

928
00:42:54,900 --> 00:42:56,509
Then what?

929
00:42:56,533 --> 00:42:58,409
{\an1}Man: ♪ It's about time ♪

930
00:42:58,433 --> 00:43:00,509
{\an1}Vinson: Actually, children
who are in situations

931
00:43:00,533 --> 00:43:02,676
{\an1}where they are exposed
to domestic violence

932
00:43:02,700 --> 00:43:04,176
{\an1}have outcomes that are similar

933
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:05,242
{\an1}to if those children themselves

934
00:43:05,266 --> 00:43:06,442
{\an1}were the ones that were

935
00:43:06,466 --> 00:43:07,942
{\an1}receiving the abuse.

936
00:43:07,966 --> 00:43:11,042
So it's not always
the best thing for families

937
00:43:11,066 --> 00:43:13,976
{\an1}to stay together or for people
not to get divorced.

938
00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:17,242
♪

939
00:43:17,266 --> 00:43:20,076
{\an1}Xavier: Cigarette smoke is
a very triggering thing

940
00:43:20,100 --> 00:43:23,809
{\an7}from my past since I associate
that with getting beat

941
00:43:23,833 --> 00:43:25,942
{\an8}by wooden sticks.

942
00:43:25,966 --> 00:43:28,809
{\an7}Yeah, that's happened.

943
00:43:28,833 --> 00:43:33,742
He would hit us
for seemingly no reason.

944
00:43:33,766 --> 00:43:35,976
{\an1}Honestly, sometimes I can't
even really remember

945
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:38,576
why he did it.

946
00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:42,709
{\an1}There was one time we had,
like, these, Oreo things,

947
00:43:42,733 --> 00:43:45,909
{\an1}and nobody was going to
question my father

948
00:43:45,933 --> 00:43:49,009
{\an1}to get another one because
he would've just said no.

949
00:43:49,033 --> 00:43:51,476
{\an1}He would hit us if he found out.

950
00:43:51,500 --> 00:43:54,076
Turns out, I guess he
finds a wrapper,

951
00:43:54,100 --> 00:43:56,942
{\an1}which he probably ate.

952
00:43:56,966 --> 00:44:00,376
{\an1}I guess one of us had to,
like, own up to doing it,

953
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:02,642
and I think it
was either my brother

954
00:44:02,666 --> 00:44:04,676
{\an1}or my sister who owned up
to doing it

955
00:44:04,700 --> 00:44:08,142
{\an1}even though they really didn't,

956
00:44:08,166 --> 00:44:12,042
{\an1}and, uh, even after that,
he still hit us all 3

957
00:44:12,066 --> 00:44:14,309
{\an1}for, I guess, wasting his time.

958
00:44:14,333 --> 00:44:16,009
I don't know.

959
00:44:16,033 --> 00:44:17,542
I'm not him.

960
00:44:17,566 --> 00:44:20,976
♪

961
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:24,342
{\an1}Yanerry: My ex-boyfriend
in high school,

962
00:44:24,366 --> 00:44:27,642
{\an7}I expected him to understand
that no is no,

963
00:44:27,666 --> 00:44:30,376
{\an7}but it... he just didn't.

964
00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:32,176
♪

965
00:44:32,200 --> 00:44:35,642
{\an1}The meaning of love kind
of just went away for me,

966
00:44:35,666 --> 00:44:40,309
{\an1}but then I thought this is a guy
that's supposed to love me.

967
00:44:40,333 --> 00:44:43,342
{\an1}Maybe I shouldn't feel this way.

968
00:44:43,366 --> 00:44:45,876
{\an1}I was very back and forth
with myself

969
00:44:45,900 --> 00:44:49,842
{\an1}until I was so uncomfortable
that I couldn't take it anymore.

970
00:44:49,866 --> 00:44:53,009
I started having
sleep paralysis.

971
00:44:53,033 --> 00:44:57,176
{\an1}I would see him standing
over me and pinning me down,

972
00:44:57,200 --> 00:45:00,109
{\an1}and I would hear screaming.

973
00:45:00,133 --> 00:45:02,376
{\an1}I became very suicidal.

974
00:45:02,400 --> 00:45:04,942
♪

975
00:45:04,966 --> 00:45:09,342
{\an1}It can absolutely lead
to a very dark place.

976
00:45:09,366 --> 00:45:12,642
{\an1}I may have an adolescent
or a child that comes to me

977
00:45:12,666 --> 00:45:16,309
who's witnessed some
horrific thing,

978
00:45:16,333 --> 00:45:19,076
{\an1}something that no one could
ever imagine,

979
00:45:19,100 --> 00:45:22,109
suffered at the hand of a parent

980
00:45:22,133 --> 00:45:25,742
{\an1}or an auntie or an uncle
or a coach or a trusted person,

981
00:45:25,766 --> 00:45:28,576
even your friend.

982
00:45:28,600 --> 00:45:31,876
{\an1}And then someone says to them,
"That's a long time ago.

983
00:45:31,900 --> 00:45:34,276
{\an1}You just need to get over that."

984
00:45:34,300 --> 00:45:37,509
{\an1}That's not how it works.

985
00:45:37,533 --> 00:45:40,076
Time...

986
00:45:40,100 --> 00:45:43,709
{\an1}can erase a little bit
of the... the pain,

987
00:45:43,733 --> 00:45:46,542
{\an1}but they are forever changed.

988
00:45:46,566 --> 00:45:48,209
♪

989
00:45:48,233 --> 00:45:50,742
Makalynn: My dad's
full-blown addiction,

990
00:45:50,766 --> 00:45:54,276
it was just normal,
commonplace for me growing up,

991
00:45:54,300 --> 00:45:57,176
but looking back now,
his effect on my life

992
00:45:57,200 --> 00:45:58,942
was very traumatic.

993
00:45:58,966 --> 00:46:01,242
♪

994
00:46:01,266 --> 00:46:05,342
{\an1}So my resilience definitely
surprises me.

995
00:46:05,366 --> 00:46:08,542
{\an1}Knowing what it means to...
To hit one of these highs

996
00:46:08,566 --> 00:46:12,076
{\an1}or to hit one of these lows
and being able to bounce back,

997
00:46:12,100 --> 00:46:16,509
um, standing tall,
that's amazing to me.

998
00:46:16,533 --> 00:46:18,542
{\an1}Insel: The people who you think
have had some

999
00:46:18,566 --> 00:46:22,476
{\an1}of the worst experiences can use
those to cope and to grow

1000
00:46:22,500 --> 00:46:24,809
{\an1}and develop and succeed,

1001
00:46:24,833 --> 00:46:28,442
{\an7}and others really struggle.

1002
00:46:28,466 --> 00:46:30,109
{\an1}Vinson: You might have
a hard time identifying

1003
00:46:30,133 --> 00:46:32,276
{\an1}that something is wrong,

1004
00:46:32,300 --> 00:46:34,442
but there is a point
at which the symptoms become

1005
00:46:34,466 --> 00:46:36,776
so significant that
it makes it hard

1006
00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:39,776
to get anything done.

1007
00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:41,476
{\an1}Dunning: The challenges
of life cross

1008
00:46:41,500 --> 00:46:44,076
{\an1}every single one of us,

1009
00:46:44,100 --> 00:46:47,142
{\an7}but in that same breath,
we can learn how to deal

1010
00:46:47,166 --> 00:46:50,209
{\an7}with those challenges,
just as you would learn

1011
00:46:50,233 --> 00:46:52,342
{\an1}how to deal with anything.

1012
00:46:52,366 --> 00:46:55,209
So let's look
through all of the symptoms,

1013
00:46:55,233 --> 00:46:59,509
and now we will go
forward together

1014
00:46:59,533 --> 00:47:02,176
{\an1}and figure out how to tame it

1015
00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:04,466
{\an1}because it can be figured out.

1016
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:08,142
[Audience laughing]

1017
00:47:08,166 --> 00:47:10,009
I didn't know much
about mental illness.

1018
00:47:10,033 --> 00:47:11,576
{\an1}Like, I knew it existed,

1019
00:47:11,600 --> 00:47:13,242
{\an1}but I was very ignorant
about it.

1020
00:47:13,266 --> 00:47:14,842
Like, people would
say stuff to me like,

1021
00:47:14,866 --> 00:47:16,342
"Oh, he's depressed"
and I'd be like,

1022
00:47:16,366 --> 00:47:17,776
{\an1}"Why? is his Wi-Fi not working?"

1023
00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:22,076
[Laughter]

1024
00:47:22,100 --> 00:47:23,709
The thing is I had to figure out

1025
00:47:23,733 --> 00:47:25,209
what was going on with me, OK,

1026
00:47:25,233 --> 00:47:26,742
because
this is not
an illness where

1027
00:47:26,766 --> 00:47:28,209
you just pop
a couple of pills
and you're OK

1028
00:47:28,233 --> 00:47:29,509
in a week, you know?

1029
00:47:29,533 --> 00:47:31,609
This thing stays
with you, all right?

1030
00:47:31,633 --> 00:47:33,142
{\an1}So I do a lot of reading up...

1031
00:47:33,166 --> 00:47:34,709
Yaadieah: I came
from around D.C.,

1032
00:47:34,733 --> 00:47:36,876
where I had people
of different ethnicities,

1033
00:47:36,900 --> 00:47:38,676
different languages.

1034
00:47:38,700 --> 00:47:42,476
{\an1}I didn't really feel like
I stood out,

1035
00:47:42,500 --> 00:47:45,009
{\an1}but when I first got to college,

1036
00:47:45,033 --> 00:47:47,076
{\an1}I felt like a sore thumb.

1037
00:47:47,100 --> 00:47:48,676
Everyone was white.

1038
00:47:48,700 --> 00:47:50,176
{\an1}It was just something

1039
00:47:50,200 --> 00:47:53,276
{\an1}I wasn't really
comfortable with.

1040
00:47:53,300 --> 00:47:55,176
{\an1}It slowly started
getting worse
and worse

1041
00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:56,576
over the weeks.

1042
00:47:56,600 --> 00:47:58,042
{\an1}I would just get very anxious,

1043
00:47:58,066 --> 00:47:59,476
{\an1}I wouldn't go to class,

1044
00:47:59,500 --> 00:48:01,642
I stopped going out
with my roommate.

1045
00:48:01,666 --> 00:48:05,242
{\an1}I just stopped going out
of my room sort of at all.

1046
00:48:05,266 --> 00:48:06,876
I don't really think
there's a good way you can

1047
00:48:06,900 --> 00:48:08,742
{\an1}explain that to someone.

1048
00:48:08,766 --> 00:48:15,142
♪

1049
00:48:15,166 --> 00:48:17,542
{\an1}Leah: I didn't know that you
could put a name

1050
00:48:17,566 --> 00:48:19,576
{\an1}to how I was feeling

1051
00:48:19,600 --> 00:48:21,276
{\an1}when I didn't want
to go to school.

1052
00:48:21,300 --> 00:48:24,542
{\an1}Lucas: Anything that was not
part of my set plan in my head

1053
00:48:24,566 --> 00:48:26,809
{\an8}of how my morning was gonna go,

1054
00:48:26,833 --> 00:48:28,676
{\an8}I wouldn't do it.

1055
00:48:28,700 --> 00:48:31,409
{\an1}Samantha: I thought it was just,
"Oh, I'm a little nervous.

1056
00:48:31,433 --> 00:48:32,909
{\an1}Oh, I'm a little sad,"

1057
00:48:32,933 --> 00:48:36,342
{\an1}and then you feel such
intense, deep emotions,

1058
00:48:36,366 --> 00:48:42,042
{\an1}and... you know, you realize
it's more than that.

1059
00:48:42,066 --> 00:48:44,842
We all have a little
anxiety here and there.

1060
00:48:44,866 --> 00:48:47,576
{\an1}Some might ask "What is normal?"

1061
00:48:47,600 --> 00:48:51,642
{\an1}When anxiety becomes bigger
than you are,

1062
00:48:51,666 --> 00:48:53,409
we have a problem.

1063
00:48:53,433 --> 00:48:55,242
♪

1064
00:48:55,266 --> 00:48:59,409
{\an1}Maclayn: If I didn't participate
in class when other kids

1065
00:48:59,433 --> 00:49:02,509
{\an1}were raising their hands,
I'd get anxious

1066
00:49:02,533 --> 00:49:08,609
{\an8}about how, like,
it would, like, make me look.

1067
00:49:08,633 --> 00:49:10,642
{\an1}Anna: I don't sleep over
at people's houses.

1068
00:49:10,666 --> 00:49:12,909
{\an1}I like just being near my mom.

1069
00:49:12,933 --> 00:49:15,809
{\an7}I just like always know
where she has to be,

1070
00:49:15,833 --> 00:49:17,609
{\an7}always know where she is.

1071
00:49:17,633 --> 00:49:20,309
{\an7}Like, I track her on my phone.

1072
00:49:20,333 --> 00:49:24,676
{\an1}I think it was around 13 or 14,

1073
00:49:24,700 --> 00:49:29,076
{\an1}you know, when
everything
started happening.

1074
00:49:29,100 --> 00:49:31,776
{\an1}It just came out of nowhere.

1075
00:49:31,800 --> 00:49:34,742
I was scared a lot.

1076
00:49:34,766 --> 00:49:38,742
{\an1}I would literally stay
awake for 4 days at a time.

1077
00:49:38,766 --> 00:49:42,076
{\an1}That's day and night, no joke.

1078
00:49:42,100 --> 00:49:44,476
{\an1}Dunning: It may manifest itself
in physical symptoms,

1079
00:49:44,500 --> 00:49:46,976
{\an1}where you might have headache,
you might have tummy ache,

1080
00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:48,842
{\an1}you might have body ache.

1081
00:49:48,866 --> 00:49:52,909
Thinking about going
to school was, like,

1082
00:49:52,933 --> 00:49:54,776
{\an1}I would get physically ill.

1083
00:49:54,800 --> 00:49:56,842
{\an8}My hands would shake,
or my whole body would shake,

1084
00:49:56,866 --> 00:49:59,309
{\an7}and I couldn't stop the shaking.

1085
00:49:59,333 --> 00:50:02,009
Samantha: I got hives
in social studies class

1086
00:50:02,033 --> 00:50:03,909
in ninth grade,

1087
00:50:03,933 --> 00:50:05,609
{\an1}and I went to the nurse,
and she's like,

1088
00:50:05,633 --> 00:50:07,542
"You're just having
a panic attack."

1089
00:50:07,566 --> 00:50:10,142
{\an1}And I was like, "What?"

1090
00:50:10,166 --> 00:50:14,542
{\an1}I have had, um, issues

1091
00:50:14,566 --> 00:50:17,276
{\an1}with anxiety and panic attacks

1092
00:50:17,300 --> 00:50:19,576
{\an1}since elementary school.

1093
00:50:19,600 --> 00:50:22,309
{\an1}Leah: It was a combination
of having to move with my dad,

1094
00:50:22,333 --> 00:50:23,809
{\an1}being bullied by a teacher,

1095
00:50:23,833 --> 00:50:25,909
{\an1}and then being left alone a lot,

1096
00:50:25,933 --> 00:50:27,542
{\an1}all kind of culminated
to the point

1097
00:50:27,566 --> 00:50:31,342
where I was just...
I was a nervous wreck.

1098
00:50:31,366 --> 00:50:33,409
{\an1}When you get to that point
where, you know, you're

1099
00:50:33,433 --> 00:50:34,842
in a panic attack
and you're like,

1100
00:50:34,866 --> 00:50:36,376
{\an1}"How do I make this stop?"

1101
00:50:36,400 --> 00:50:37,642
[School bell ringing]

1102
00:50:37,666 --> 00:50:39,009
Dunning: It can be
repetitive thoughts.

1103
00:50:39,033 --> 00:50:42,109
{\an1}In your brain, it gets
caught on a loop,

1104
00:50:42,133 --> 00:50:45,542
and it just goes over
and over and over

1105
00:50:45,566 --> 00:50:49,576
{\an1}until it wears people out.

1106
00:50:49,600 --> 00:50:53,042
{\an1}Anna: If you're, like, about to
take a test, you would think

1107
00:50:53,066 --> 00:50:55,742
{\an1}the end of the world was coming.

1108
00:50:55,766 --> 00:50:57,409
"I'm gonna fail this,

1109
00:50:57,433 --> 00:51:00,109
"I'm never gonna get
into college or anything,

1110
00:51:00,133 --> 00:51:02,209
I'm never gonna
have a good life."

1111
00:51:02,233 --> 00:51:03,842
{\an1}Lucas: I'm like, "I didn't
do the homework.

1112
00:51:03,866 --> 00:51:05,709
{\an1}I can't take that test."

1113
00:51:05,733 --> 00:51:09,576
{\an1}I couldn't just do my best.
I had to do perfect.

1114
00:51:09,600 --> 00:51:13,076
{\an1}Dunning: "If I choose this,
what if I don't choose that?

1115
00:51:13,100 --> 00:51:14,809
{\an1}"Well, if I choose this,
well, what if that's

1116
00:51:14,833 --> 00:51:16,176
{\an1}"not the right decision?

1117
00:51:16,200 --> 00:51:17,542
{\an1}"Wonder what the teacher's
thinking of me.

1118
00:51:17,566 --> 00:51:18,976
{\an1}"I wonder if she's gonna
call on me.

1119
00:51:19,000 --> 00:51:20,342
"Ooh. my mom's home.

1120
00:51:20,366 --> 00:51:21,942
"I didn't put
the toothpaste back just right.

1121
00:51:21,966 --> 00:51:24,009
Is that gonna be OK?"

1122
00:51:24,033 --> 00:51:25,509
That's anxiety.

1123
00:51:25,533 --> 00:51:27,276
♪

1124
00:51:27,300 --> 00:51:29,842
Davidson: What is it
that you're nervous about?

1125
00:51:29,866 --> 00:51:33,776
{\an1}Sometimes, they'll say,
"I'm just generally anxious."

1126
00:51:33,800 --> 00:51:35,142
{\an1}When you're generally anxious,

1127
00:51:35,166 --> 00:51:36,676
{\an1}what does that feel like?

1128
00:51:36,700 --> 00:51:40,576
{\an1}It felt like this force
that was just pushing on me

1129
00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:43,576
constantly
whenever something was wrong.

1130
00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:45,942
You become so afraid
of the outside world

1131
00:51:45,966 --> 00:51:48,409
that you just stay in
where you are safe.

1132
00:51:48,433 --> 00:51:51,676
Anxiety, uh, has
a number of symptoms.

1133
00:51:51,700 --> 00:51:53,976
{\an1}One of the ones that can
be most disabling

1134
00:51:54,000 --> 00:51:55,776
is avoidance.

1135
00:51:55,800 --> 00:51:59,476
{\an1}So if I know a situation
makes me feel anxious,

1136
00:51:59,500 --> 00:52:03,242
I just don't go
into situations like that,

1137
00:52:03,266 --> 00:52:05,309
{\an1}and that can have really
negative implications

1138
00:52:05,333 --> 00:52:09,842
{\an1}for school or for interacting
with other people.

1139
00:52:09,866 --> 00:52:11,176
♪

1140
00:52:11,200 --> 00:52:13,476
{\an1}Lucas: I was a good student
in middle school.

1141
00:52:13,500 --> 00:52:16,842
I did my work,
stayed out of trouble.

1142
00:52:16,866 --> 00:52:18,542
I was a good kid.

1143
00:52:18,566 --> 00:52:22,209
{\an7}As, Bs, never had an issue,

1144
00:52:22,233 --> 00:52:25,709
{\an1}but in high school if I was
30 seconds late,

1145
00:52:25,733 --> 00:52:30,442
{\an1}a minute late, if something was
out of place when I woke up,

1146
00:52:30,466 --> 00:52:32,576
like a strand of hair
was this way

1147
00:52:32,600 --> 00:52:34,309
{\an1}and I wanted it that way,

1148
00:52:34,333 --> 00:52:37,776
{\an1}I'd just lock myself in my room
and say, "I can't go."

1149
00:52:37,800 --> 00:52:39,642
And it was always
a constant battle

1150
00:52:39,666 --> 00:52:42,476
{\an1}between me and my parents.

1151
00:52:42,500 --> 00:52:44,342
And my parents were
always there.

1152
00:52:44,366 --> 00:52:46,342
{\an1}"Hey. Do you want to go
do this?"

1153
00:52:46,366 --> 00:52:49,409
{\an1}"Say, your friend texted me
and asked me if you want to

1154
00:52:49,433 --> 00:52:51,542
{\an1}go over to their house."

1155
00:52:51,566 --> 00:52:53,676
{\an1}And I'd be like, "I don't
want to do anything today.

1156
00:52:53,700 --> 00:52:56,309
{\an1}I'm just gonna sit inside"
on my computer

1157
00:52:56,333 --> 00:52:58,942
{\an1}with what I could control,

1158
00:52:58,966 --> 00:53:01,509
and when my dad first
started bringing up

1159
00:53:01,533 --> 00:53:03,376
{\an1}the whole anxiety thing,
I would always

1160
00:53:03,400 --> 00:53:04,909
{\an1}just shut it down right away.

1161
00:53:04,933 --> 00:53:07,309
I'd be like,
"I don't have anxiety."

1162
00:53:07,333 --> 00:53:10,276
{\an1}Got to the point where I
ended up in truancy court

1163
00:53:10,300 --> 00:53:12,109
my sophomore year with, I think,

1164
00:53:12,133 --> 00:53:15,076
about, like,
60-something days absent.

1165
00:53:15,100 --> 00:53:17,642
It was bad.

1166
00:53:17,666 --> 00:53:21,009
{\an1}Davidson: Sometimes, a kid has
a real change in their mood

1167
00:53:21,033 --> 00:53:22,942
{\an1}and their personality.

1168
00:53:22,966 --> 00:53:25,209
Not being themselves
and not being the kid

1169
00:53:25,233 --> 00:53:28,676
{\an1}who we're used to seeing could
be something as simple

1170
00:53:28,700 --> 00:53:30,476
{\an1}as just having a really bad day,

1171
00:53:30,500 --> 00:53:33,309
{\an1}or it could be something
much more intense.

1172
00:53:33,333 --> 00:53:35,576
{\an1}They need to have some sort
of caring adult

1173
00:53:35,600 --> 00:53:38,676
{\an1}that they can connect to because
that's the first big step

1174
00:53:38,700 --> 00:53:40,509
{\an8}to getting help.

1175
00:53:40,533 --> 00:53:42,709
{\an8}♪

1176
00:53:42,733 --> 00:53:44,342
{\an7}Lucas: I always thought
anxiety was just

1177
00:53:44,366 --> 00:53:46,409
{\an8}a small, little thing
that you could feel

1178
00:53:46,433 --> 00:53:48,942
{\an8}when you're nervous
about something.

1179
00:53:48,966 --> 00:53:50,876
I didn't realize that
it can be part

1180
00:53:50,900 --> 00:53:53,776
{\an1}of a way bigger picture.

1181
00:53:53,800 --> 00:53:56,442
Fernandes:
Every single day is a battle.

1182
00:53:56,466 --> 00:53:58,476
{\an1}On some days I love my life,
and on others,

1183
00:53:58,500 --> 00:54:01,076
{\an1}I just can't get out of bed.

1184
00:54:01,100 --> 00:54:03,042
{\an1}I shut down emotionally,

1185
00:54:03,066 --> 00:54:05,942
{\an1}worry about things that
are not likely to happen,

1186
00:54:05,966 --> 00:54:09,709
{\an1}and I'm tortured and paralyzed
by my own thoughts.

1187
00:54:09,733 --> 00:54:11,776
It's like you know how to swim,

1188
00:54:11,800 --> 00:54:15,009
yet you're drowning,
but you don't die.

1189
00:54:15,033 --> 00:54:16,266
Audience member: Ooh!

1190
00:54:17,566 --> 00:54:19,066
[Typing on keyboard]

1191
00:54:25,066 --> 00:54:27,409
{\an1}Woman: When I was little,
someone asked me

1192
00:54:27,433 --> 00:54:28,876
what I wanted to be
when I grew up,

1193
00:54:28,900 --> 00:54:31,976
and I said, "Small."

1194
00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:33,476
If you develop
an eating disorder

1195
00:54:33,500 --> 00:54:35,076
when you are
not thin to
begin with,

1196
00:54:35,100 --> 00:54:37,742
you are a success story.

1197
00:54:37,766 --> 00:54:39,542
So when I evaporated,

1198
00:54:39,566 --> 00:54:41,709
of course, everyone
congratulated me

1199
00:54:41,733 --> 00:54:43,642
on getting healthy.

1200
00:54:43,666 --> 00:54:45,709
{\an1}Girls at school who never
spoke to me before

1201
00:54:45,733 --> 00:54:49,042
{\an1}stopped me in the hallway
to ask how I did it.

1202
00:54:49,066 --> 00:54:51,576
I say, "I am sick."

1203
00:54:51,600 --> 00:54:54,342
They say, "No, you're
an inspiration."

1204
00:54:54,366 --> 00:54:57,376
♪

1205
00:54:57,400 --> 00:55:00,509
How could I not fall
in love with my illness?

1206
00:55:00,533 --> 00:55:04,942
♪

1207
00:55:04,966 --> 00:55:09,642
{\an1}Billie: I remember our bathroom
had a scale in it,

1208
00:55:09,666 --> 00:55:13,509
{\an1}and one day, I was curious
and decided to step

1209
00:55:13,533 --> 00:55:17,009
{\an1}on the scale and see the number,

1210
00:55:17,033 --> 00:55:18,542
and when I saw the number,

1211
00:55:18,566 --> 00:55:21,142
I really didn't like it,

1212
00:55:21,166 --> 00:55:23,142
and I started weighing myself

1213
00:55:23,166 --> 00:55:24,709
every day, trying to see

1214
00:55:24,733 --> 00:55:27,342
the number go down.

1215
00:55:27,366 --> 00:55:34,242
{\an1}I'd go upwards of 4 or 5 days
without eating.

1216
00:55:34,266 --> 00:55:38,642
{\an1}It's this feeling of guilt
whenever anything would go

1217
00:55:38,666 --> 00:55:40,776
{\an1}into my body that's meant
to fuel me,

1218
00:55:40,800 --> 00:55:45,042
{\an1}meant to heal me or help me.

1219
00:55:45,066 --> 00:55:46,842
[Indistinct chatter]

1220
00:55:46,866 --> 00:55:50,742
{\an1}Vinson: Eating disorders really
run a spectrum.

1221
00:55:50,766 --> 00:55:52,942
So you have some
eating disorders where kids

1222
00:55:52,966 --> 00:55:54,376
{\an1}are not eating enough,

1223
00:55:54,400 --> 00:55:57,309
{\an1}you have some where they're
eating too much,

1224
00:55:57,333 --> 00:55:58,776
but there's a way that

1225
00:55:58,800 --> 00:56:00,409
they may be using food,

1226
00:56:00,433 --> 00:56:02,676
to help them feel better

1227
00:56:02,700 --> 00:56:04,109
because of other things

1228
00:56:04,133 --> 00:56:05,533
that are going on.

1229
00:56:08,366 --> 00:56:11,309
{\an1}Yaadieah: Growing up I was
always fixated on my body image,

1230
00:56:11,333 --> 00:56:14,642
{\an1}even from a really young age.

1231
00:56:14,666 --> 00:56:17,109
{\an1}At college, I was sort
of eating for comfort,

1232
00:56:17,133 --> 00:56:19,542
{\an1}and then I would get upset
at how much I ate,

1233
00:56:19,566 --> 00:56:21,942
feel ashamed,
and I would have to find a way

1234
00:56:21,966 --> 00:56:24,676
{\an7}to get rid of it, so purging

1235
00:56:24,700 --> 00:56:27,509
{\an7}was just sort of the next step.

1236
00:56:27,533 --> 00:56:31,109
{\an1}Purging just gets a little bit
difficult to hide,

1237
00:56:31,133 --> 00:56:33,676
{\an1}so I would just exercise
to burn off

1238
00:56:33,700 --> 00:56:35,476
{\an1}that same amount of calories.

1239
00:56:35,500 --> 00:56:37,409
♪

1240
00:56:37,433 --> 00:56:39,076
I would wake up
in the middle of the night

1241
00:56:39,100 --> 00:56:41,909
{\an1}when my roommate was sleeping,
and I would start working out

1242
00:56:41,933 --> 00:56:43,409
{\an1}because she was starting to
get worried about how much

1243
00:56:43,433 --> 00:56:45,076
I was exercising.

1244
00:56:45,100 --> 00:56:48,742
♪

1245
00:56:48,766 --> 00:56:51,542
{\an1}Billie: A few months ago,
I was in my English class,

1246
00:56:51,566 --> 00:56:54,309
and I hadn't eaten
anything all morning,

1247
00:56:54,333 --> 00:56:58,809
{\an1}and I was sitting at my desk,
and I started to feel like

1248
00:56:58,833 --> 00:57:01,409
{\an1}I was going to pass out,

1249
00:57:01,433 --> 00:57:06,109
{\an1}but I was too embarrassed
to pass out in front

1250
00:57:06,133 --> 00:57:09,109
of my whole class,

1251
00:57:09,133 --> 00:57:12,742
so I groggily
got up out of my desk

1252
00:57:12,766 --> 00:57:16,809
and somehow walked
to the bathroom

1253
00:57:16,833 --> 00:57:20,876
and then passed out
in the very back stall.

1254
00:57:20,900 --> 00:57:23,876
♪

1255
00:57:23,900 --> 00:57:28,609
{\an1}I wanted to just sort of
shrink up and freeze

1256
00:57:28,633 --> 00:57:35,576
{\an1}and be smaller and not be
noticed by people.

1257
00:57:35,600 --> 00:57:40,276
{\an1}Yaadieah: I lost about 30 pounds
in, like, a month and a half,

1258
00:57:40,300 --> 00:57:42,209
{\an1}and my friend just sort of
like pulled me

1259
00:57:42,233 --> 00:57:45,376
{\an1}to the side and had, like,
an intervention.

1260
00:57:45,400 --> 00:57:47,209
{\an1}She was telling me how much,
like, weight I lost

1261
00:57:47,233 --> 00:57:48,809
{\an1}and how worried she was
about me,

1262
00:57:48,833 --> 00:57:50,176
{\an1}and, like, the whole time
I was like, "What is

1263
00:57:50,200 --> 00:57:51,509
{\an1}this girl talking about?"

1264
00:57:51,533 --> 00:57:53,176
{\an1}Because I was just so drained.

1265
00:57:53,200 --> 00:57:55,876
I had no energy to
really think properly.

1266
00:57:55,900 --> 00:57:57,609
{\an1}My thoughts were scattered,

1267
00:57:57,633 --> 00:58:00,276
I was always crying
or upset or emotional

1268
00:58:00,300 --> 00:58:02,009
at something.

1269
00:58:02,033 --> 00:58:04,242
I could feel my body,
sort of, like, deteriorating

1270
00:58:04,266 --> 00:58:07,476
and wasting away.

1271
00:58:07,500 --> 00:58:10,842
{\an1}Vinson: It doesn't necessarily
come with them being thin

1272
00:58:10,866 --> 00:58:12,909
{\an1}or what society may think
kids are trying to get to

1273
00:58:12,933 --> 00:58:14,609
with having eating disorders.

1274
00:58:14,633 --> 00:58:18,976
For some, it is about
control that they're

1275
00:58:19,000 --> 00:58:20,900
trying to exert in some way.

1276
00:58:22,200 --> 00:58:24,742
{\an1}Insel: When my daughter
was a teenager,

1277
00:58:24,766 --> 00:58:28,533
{\an1}she had anorexia,
and I couldn't see it.

1278
00:58:30,066 --> 00:58:32,442
So why couldn't I see
that my daughter

1279
00:58:32,466 --> 00:58:34,809
{\an1}was dying of anorexia?

1280
00:58:34,833 --> 00:58:36,342
♪

1281
00:58:36,366 --> 00:58:41,342
{\an1}Partly because it doesn't
come packaged that way.

1282
00:58:41,366 --> 00:58:45,176
Anorexia is all
about perfectionism.

1283
00:58:45,200 --> 00:58:50,409
{\an8}And she was superb
in every dimension.

1284
00:58:50,433 --> 00:58:55,576
{\an1}And as a parent, I was
completely missing the fact

1285
00:58:55,600 --> 00:58:58,809
{\an1}that what she was striving
so hard to do

1286
00:58:58,833 --> 00:59:02,742
{\an1}was gonna kill her unless
she got help for it.

1287
00:59:02,766 --> 00:59:07,309
{\an1}I have treated a lot of people
with anorexia nervosa.

1288
00:59:07,333 --> 00:59:08,809
{\an1}I knew what that looked like,

1289
00:59:08,833 --> 00:59:10,776
and I should have known better,

1290
00:59:10,800 --> 00:59:14,742
{\an1}but with my own daughter,
I missed it

1291
00:59:14,766 --> 00:59:18,176
until she was the one
who stood up and said,

1292
00:59:18,200 --> 00:59:20,400
"I need help."

1293
00:59:21,600 --> 00:59:23,909
{\an1}Yaadieah: I spend a lot of
time in the grocery store

1294
00:59:23,933 --> 00:59:25,576
when I go.

1295
00:59:25,600 --> 00:59:27,766
It's overwhelming.

1296
00:59:29,200 --> 00:59:33,276
{\an1}I have to check the labels
for everything.

1297
00:59:33,300 --> 00:59:35,909
{\an1}I also feel like people
are watching me,

1298
00:59:35,933 --> 00:59:39,742
{\an1}everyone's, you know,
watching my grocery cart.

1299
00:59:39,766 --> 00:59:43,909
It's just a very
overwhelming experience.

1300
00:59:43,933 --> 00:59:46,209
{\an1}Well, you don't have to
do drugs and alcohol,

1301
00:59:46,233 --> 00:59:47,609
{\an1}but you do have to eat,

1302
00:59:47,633 --> 00:59:50,142
{\an1}and you have to eat every day,

1303
00:59:50,166 --> 00:59:54,433
{\an1}so food is not really something
that I can escape.

1304
00:59:59,800 --> 01:00:04,609
{\an1}Woman: Often I have been gripped
by the terrifying fist

1305
01:00:04,633 --> 01:00:07,409
{\an1}of a sadness so complete

1306
01:00:07,433 --> 01:00:12,942
{\an1}it shut out the sun entirely
like an eclipse.

1307
01:00:12,966 --> 01:00:16,742
I had landed
on the other side of myself,

1308
01:00:16,766 --> 01:00:19,942
{\an8}a stranger to me.

1309
01:00:19,966 --> 01:00:22,776
{\an8}Jewel.

1310
01:00:22,800 --> 01:00:25,309
♪

1311
01:00:25,333 --> 01:00:29,409
{\an1}Isabel: I needed to decide
what I needed to do,

1312
01:00:29,433 --> 01:00:31,942
so I left.

1313
01:00:31,966 --> 01:00:34,176
{\an7}3 kids and 4 suitcases.

1314
01:00:34,200 --> 01:00:36,309
{\an8}♪

1315
01:00:36,333 --> 01:00:37,942
{\an1}Xavier: When my parents
got divorced,

1316
01:00:37,966 --> 01:00:39,876
{\an1}it was an upsetting thing
for me.

1317
01:00:39,900 --> 01:00:43,409
I kind of became
distant from my mother.

1318
01:00:43,433 --> 01:00:45,776
{\an8}I started developing
the personality

1319
01:00:45,800 --> 01:00:48,476
{\an7}that people are just dumb.

1320
01:00:48,500 --> 01:00:53,509
{\an1}I don't see that I have
to care for other people.

1321
01:00:53,533 --> 01:00:57,176
{\an1}I don't like physical touch
much anymore.

1322
01:00:57,200 --> 01:01:00,476
{\an1}I don't trust a lot of people.

1323
01:01:00,500 --> 01:01:04,042
{\an1}And I get intrusive thoughts
that make me upset.

1324
01:01:04,066 --> 01:01:07,876
{\an1}It just kind of downward
spirals into an even worse mood.

1325
01:01:07,900 --> 01:01:11,276
And then I just
kind of shut down.

1326
01:01:11,300 --> 01:01:16,076
{\an1}Isabel: That defeated feeling
is so vastly different

1327
01:01:16,100 --> 01:01:18,176
{\an1}than the kid that I know.

1328
01:01:18,200 --> 01:01:22,176
{\an1}This is the kid who didn't
want to bring home a report card

1329
01:01:22,200 --> 01:01:25,542
'cause he had a 99
as his lowest grade.

1330
01:01:25,566 --> 01:01:28,776
{\an1}And that's when I know
that's depression speaking.

1331
01:01:28,800 --> 01:01:34,142
♪

1332
01:01:34,166 --> 01:01:36,576
{\an1}Vinson: People's experiences
of depression

1333
01:01:36,600 --> 01:01:39,342
can manifest with feeling sad.

1334
01:01:39,366 --> 01:01:44,276
{\an1}People often feel tired,
their energy goes down.

1335
01:01:44,300 --> 01:01:46,909
And sometimes it is
interpreted as them

1336
01:01:46,933 --> 01:01:50,309
being oppositional
or disrespectful,

1337
01:01:50,333 --> 01:01:55,042
{\an1}and I see it happen a lot
in children and adolescents.

1338
01:01:55,066 --> 01:01:57,176
♪

1339
01:01:57,200 --> 01:01:59,909
{\an1}Kennedy: Whether it's exactly
like everyone else,

1340
01:01:59,933 --> 01:02:02,009
probably not,

1341
01:02:02,033 --> 01:02:05,342
you can't ascribe
the same characteristics

1342
01:02:05,366 --> 01:02:07,376
for every person

1343
01:02:07,400 --> 01:02:10,409
{\an1}because everyone's got
variations on the same.

1344
01:02:10,433 --> 01:02:12,042
Just waking up

1345
01:02:12,066 --> 01:02:14,009
and hating everything,

1346
01:02:14,033 --> 01:02:17,376
{\an1}yourself, your life, everything.

1347
01:02:17,400 --> 01:02:21,842
{\an8}The feeling is being
pulled into, like, quicksand.

1348
01:02:21,866 --> 01:02:24,776
There's always
something pulling you down

1349
01:02:24,800 --> 01:02:27,276
{\an1}and holding you in that
dark spot that you're in.

1350
01:02:27,300 --> 01:02:28,909
♪

1351
01:02:28,933 --> 01:02:32,176
Samantha:
It physically pains me.

1352
01:02:32,200 --> 01:02:35,376
{\an1}You feel like you're being
stabbed right in the chest.

1353
01:02:35,400 --> 01:02:37,142
You feel like a void.

1354
01:02:37,166 --> 01:02:39,009
It hurts.

1355
01:02:39,033 --> 01:02:43,142
{\an8}I want to crawl up in
a ball and just sob.

1356
01:02:43,166 --> 01:02:48,709
{\an1}Billie: It feels like you want
to cry, you have to cry,

1357
01:02:48,733 --> 01:02:52,009
{\an1}but then when you try to
cry and release it,

1358
01:02:52,033 --> 01:02:55,642
{\an1}there's nothing there.

1359
01:02:55,666 --> 01:02:57,776
{\an1}Kevin: You just feel like
black and white,

1360
01:02:57,800 --> 01:03:01,976
all or nothing,
thinking about the world

1361
01:03:02,000 --> 01:03:03,476
{\an7}and how everything is doomed

1362
01:03:03,500 --> 01:03:05,409
{\an8}and everything's
a waste of time.

1363
01:03:05,433 --> 01:03:06,909
{\an7}You're never really happy,

1364
01:03:06,933 --> 01:03:10,542
{\an7}and you're always just upset
and don't feel like you.

1365
01:03:10,566 --> 01:03:13,609
{\an1}Ava: You don't want to go
anywhere besides your bed.

1366
01:03:13,633 --> 01:03:16,776
{\an1}And your mind is, like,
just dark.

1367
01:03:16,800 --> 01:03:21,842
{\an7}I was feeling so, like,
lost in, like, my thoughts.

1368
01:03:21,866 --> 01:03:24,676
{\an8}I had no idea what was going on.

1369
01:03:24,700 --> 01:03:27,409
Dunning: You can't
console them.

1370
01:03:27,433 --> 01:03:29,476
{\an7}They can't concentrate,
they can't think,

1371
01:03:29,500 --> 01:03:31,642
{\an8}so... so they hide.

1372
01:03:31,666 --> 01:03:34,342
{\an1}Alexis: I just didn't want
to leave my room

1373
01:03:34,366 --> 01:03:36,709
because that was
where I was alone,

1374
01:03:36,733 --> 01:03:39,509
{\an1}where, you know, I could let
all my emotions out

1375
01:03:39,533 --> 01:03:41,809
if I wanted to.

1376
01:03:41,833 --> 01:03:44,409
{\an7}I was trying to figure
things out,

1377
01:03:44,433 --> 01:03:46,109
{\an7}but you're still in it.

1378
01:03:46,133 --> 01:03:48,042
♪

1379
01:03:48,066 --> 01:03:50,409
{\an7}It's honestly the worst
feeling you could ever feel.

1380
01:03:50,433 --> 01:03:52,309
{\an8}It's not a... it's... you feel like

1381
01:03:52,333 --> 01:03:55,409
{\an8}you're never gonna
come out of that.

1382
01:03:55,433 --> 01:03:57,276
{\an7}When you... when your self-worth

1383
01:03:57,300 --> 01:04:01,042
and the way you look
at yourself is non-existent,

1384
01:04:01,066 --> 01:04:03,776
{\an1}um, that's... that's miserable.

1385
01:04:03,800 --> 01:04:05,542
[Clicking]

1386
01:04:05,566 --> 01:04:07,642
{\an1}Angry, that's what it was.

1387
01:04:07,666 --> 01:04:10,176
{\an1}I was angry a lot as a kid.

1388
01:04:10,200 --> 01:04:12,642
{\an1}The depression coupled
with anger,

1389
01:04:12,666 --> 01:04:16,076
just bouncing back and forth.

1390
01:04:16,100 --> 01:04:19,009
{\an7}I just became so angry,

1391
01:04:19,033 --> 01:04:20,876
{\an7}and I didn't let myself
feel sad.

1392
01:04:20,900 --> 01:04:22,442
{\an8}It was all anger.

1393
01:04:22,466 --> 01:04:24,609
I'd create drama
in my friend group

1394
01:04:24,633 --> 01:04:27,342
{\an1}because I needed something
to distract myself with.

1395
01:04:27,366 --> 01:04:29,209
♪

1396
01:04:29,233 --> 01:04:32,809
{\an1}Vinson: People do not realize
that irritability and anger

1397
01:04:32,833 --> 01:04:36,242
{\an1}are sometimes the emotions
that depressed people

1398
01:04:36,266 --> 01:04:39,142
really lead with
more so than being sad.

1399
01:04:39,166 --> 01:04:40,942
♪

1400
01:04:40,966 --> 01:04:44,876
{\an1}Samantha: There was a boy
who I had social studies with,

1401
01:04:44,900 --> 01:04:48,642
{\an1}and we went to a party together,

1402
01:04:48,666 --> 01:04:50,209
nothing happened,

1403
01:04:50,233 --> 01:04:51,609
and then he told
the whole school every...

1404
01:04:51,633 --> 01:04:52,976
Something happened.

1405
01:04:53,000 --> 01:04:54,642
{\an1}And I couldn't take it.

1406
01:04:54,666 --> 01:04:56,109
[Chuckles]

1407
01:04:56,133 --> 01:04:59,242
{\an1}I actually went to his
house with a baseball bat.

1408
01:04:59,266 --> 01:05:01,076
But he wasn't home.

1409
01:05:01,100 --> 01:05:02,509
But yeah.

1410
01:05:02,533 --> 01:05:05,776
{\an1}Dunning: Depression in
junior high and high school,

1411
01:05:05,800 --> 01:05:08,942
that anger really
starts to come out.

1412
01:05:08,966 --> 01:05:11,542
{\an1}It's hard to figure out

1413
01:05:11,566 --> 01:05:16,209
{\an1}what is really the normal
mood swings with teens

1414
01:05:16,233 --> 01:05:18,742
{\an1}versus what is the actual...

1415
01:05:18,766 --> 01:05:22,042
Is it a true
mental health challenge?

1416
01:05:22,066 --> 01:05:23,842
I lived in this
one-bedroom apartment

1417
01:05:23,866 --> 01:05:25,376
{\an1}with my mother and my sister,

1418
01:05:25,400 --> 01:05:27,309
{\an1}and I literally locked myself

1419
01:05:27,333 --> 01:05:31,709
{\an1}in a very kind of large
closet just to be away.

1420
01:05:31,733 --> 01:05:35,709
{\an1}I'd sit there and I would
just cry in a closet.

1421
01:05:35,733 --> 01:05:38,309
{\an1}And then I'd go to school.

1422
01:05:38,333 --> 01:05:41,176
You know, you put
on a face, a facade.

1423
01:05:41,200 --> 01:05:44,076
{\an1}You're happy, you're bubbly.

1424
01:05:44,100 --> 01:05:47,809
{\an1}And then you eat lunch
alone in the bathroom.

1425
01:05:47,833 --> 01:05:52,009
{\an1}Kennedy: For self-preservation,
you don't want people

1426
01:05:52,033 --> 01:05:56,076
{\an1}to know the ugly truth
behind door number 3,

1427
01:05:56,100 --> 01:05:59,609
{\an1}so you're doing your best
to distract them

1428
01:05:59,633 --> 01:06:02,276
in all kinds of
manipulative ways.

1429
01:06:02,300 --> 01:06:06,909
{\an1}Morgan: I was about 14 or 15
years old, I think,

1430
01:06:06,933 --> 01:06:11,176
{\an1}is when my mental health issues
really started to hit.

1431
01:06:11,200 --> 01:06:14,876
{\an7}I definitely maintained
that everything is fine,

1432
01:06:14,900 --> 01:06:17,476
{\an7}like, "I'm happy" image
at school,

1433
01:06:17,500 --> 01:06:23,709
{\an1}but I just kept all these
painful feelings from everybody.

1434
01:06:23,733 --> 01:06:28,009
Because all you're
thinking about is yourself.

1435
01:06:28,033 --> 01:06:29,542
You think you have
all your friends,

1436
01:06:29,566 --> 01:06:31,576
{\an1}but you really feel that
you can't even talk

1437
01:06:31,600 --> 01:06:33,609
to your friends
about any of this.

1438
01:06:33,633 --> 01:06:36,976
{\an1}So that feeling of desperation,

1439
01:06:37,000 --> 01:06:39,009
{\an1}that feeling of loneliness,

1440
01:06:39,033 --> 01:06:42,976
{\an1}that no one understands,
started there.

1441
01:06:43,000 --> 01:06:45,776
I couldn't see
a future for myself.

1442
01:06:45,800 --> 01:06:47,809
{\an1}I just couldn't imagine it.

1443
01:06:47,833 --> 01:06:49,909
{\an1}Maclayn: I was struggling,

1444
01:06:49,933 --> 01:06:52,442
{\an1}and I didn't really want
to tell anybody,

1445
01:06:52,466 --> 01:06:55,376
{\an8}but then it just got
too overwhelming for me,

1446
01:06:55,400 --> 01:06:57,676
{\an7}and I just would, like,
break down every night.

1447
01:06:57,700 --> 01:07:01,076
{\an1}Even my mom, for example,
was just like,

1448
01:07:01,100 --> 01:07:02,509
"Just move on."

1449
01:07:02,533 --> 01:07:05,609
{\an1}I went over to her house,
and we watched a movie,

1450
01:07:05,633 --> 01:07:07,542
{\an1}and it was fine, but I was,
like, really depressed,

1451
01:07:07,566 --> 01:07:09,909
{\an1}and she's like, "So did
that cheer you up?

1452
01:07:09,933 --> 01:07:13,009
{\an1}Are you feeling better?"
And I'm like, "No.

1453
01:07:13,033 --> 01:07:16,376
{\an1}I'm still [beep] sad."

1454
01:07:16,400 --> 01:07:18,876
{\an1}Sometimes you grieve for
the person you used to be,

1455
01:07:18,900 --> 01:07:21,609
{\an1}and that just makes you
so much more depressed.

1456
01:07:21,633 --> 01:07:25,509
{\an1}It's a painful, downward
spiral every time.

1457
01:07:25,533 --> 01:07:30,609
♪

1458
01:07:30,633 --> 01:07:32,742
{\an1}Dunning: How hard it is
for you to get out of bed

1459
01:07:32,766 --> 01:07:36,342
{\an1}and just be awake and alive?

1460
01:07:36,366 --> 01:07:40,376
I'm asking you to do
one step further.

1461
01:07:40,400 --> 01:07:43,609
{\an1}You are worthy of love.

1462
01:07:43,633 --> 01:07:45,776
You have value.

1463
01:07:45,800 --> 01:07:48,176
{\an1}So seek it out, find it.

1464
01:07:48,200 --> 01:07:50,209
♪

1465
01:07:50,233 --> 01:07:52,542
Loving who you are
starts with you.

1466
01:07:52,566 --> 01:07:54,009
♪

1467
01:07:54,033 --> 01:07:56,942
{\an1}Yanerry: Have a conversation
with yourself about it.

1468
01:07:56,966 --> 01:07:59,542
{\an7}That it could help you
feel more comfortable

1469
01:07:59,566 --> 01:08:01,176
{\an7}to speak to other people.

1470
01:08:01,200 --> 01:08:03,409
{\an7}Align with yourself first,

1471
01:08:03,433 --> 01:08:06,342
{\an1}and then align with someone...

1472
01:08:06,366 --> 01:08:08,542
{\an1}your parent or a teacher,

1473
01:08:08,566 --> 01:08:10,176
a trusted person.

1474
01:08:10,200 --> 01:08:12,009
{\an1}And it could be a friend.

1475
01:08:12,033 --> 01:08:16,642
{\an1}The people that are in your
life truly want to know.

1476
01:08:16,666 --> 01:08:18,576
{\an1}Collin: Finding your person

1477
01:08:18,600 --> 01:08:20,476
{\an1}that can help you through
times like that

1478
01:08:20,500 --> 01:08:22,609
{\an1}is extremely important.

1479
01:08:22,633 --> 01:08:25,042
{\an7}And once you start talking,
then you'll realize

1480
01:08:25,066 --> 01:08:26,476
{\an7}that that's your person

1481
01:08:26,500 --> 01:08:28,042
{\an7}and that they can help
you through these struggles

1482
01:08:28,066 --> 01:08:30,076
{\an7}and that you aren't alone.

1483
01:08:30,100 --> 01:08:32,142
{\an1}Just hold on, you know,

1484
01:08:32,166 --> 01:08:35,642
give yourself time
and talk about it.

1485
01:08:35,666 --> 01:08:41,009
♪

1486
01:08:41,033 --> 01:08:44,942
{\an1}Woman: I have never
seen battles quite as
terrifyingly beautiful

1487
01:08:44,966 --> 01:08:49,242
as the ones I fight
when my mind splinters and races

1488
01:08:49,266 --> 01:08:53,909
to swallow me into
my own madness again.

1489
01:08:53,933 --> 01:08:55,509
♪

1490
01:08:55,533 --> 01:08:56,942
{\an8}Nicole Lyons.

1491
01:08:56,966 --> 01:08:58,909
{\an8}♪

1492
01:08:58,933 --> 01:09:02,542
Amethyst: Signs that
something was wrong

1493
01:09:02,566 --> 01:09:07,042
started a little bit
before my dad died,

1494
01:09:07,066 --> 01:09:11,242
{\an7}but they didn't really
kick into overdrive

1495
01:09:11,266 --> 01:09:13,876
{\an7}until about a year later.

1496
01:09:13,900 --> 01:09:15,176
[Rock music playing
on headphones]

1497
01:09:15,200 --> 01:09:21,609
I tended to be really
hyper and energetic.

1498
01:09:21,633 --> 01:09:23,976
{\an1}♪ Ahh ♪

1499
01:09:24,000 --> 01:09:26,009
♪

1500
01:09:26,033 --> 01:09:28,942
Amethyst: It often
ends up making me lose

1501
01:09:28,966 --> 01:09:31,576
{\an1}any sense of impulse control,

1502
01:09:31,600 --> 01:09:36,842
{\an1}then ends up in full yelling
matches with my stepmom.

1503
01:09:36,866 --> 01:09:39,809
And then everything
would just kind of crash...

1504
01:09:39,833 --> 01:09:41,609
[Cheers and applause]

1505
01:09:41,633 --> 01:09:46,376
and I would get into
a more depressive state.

1506
01:09:46,400 --> 01:09:51,909
♪

1507
01:09:51,933 --> 01:09:53,509
Makalynn: There's no
threshold for me.

1508
01:09:53,533 --> 01:09:55,109
There's no limit.

1509
01:09:55,133 --> 01:09:56,942
{\an1}When I haven't been to
sleep in 3 days

1510
01:09:56,966 --> 01:09:58,609
{\an1}and, you know, nobody else

1511
01:09:58,633 --> 01:10:00,209
{\an7}is wanting to hang out
with me anymore

1512
01:10:00,233 --> 01:10:01,542
{\an8}because I'm just being too much,

1513
01:10:01,566 --> 01:10:03,542
{\an7}then that's... that's where
it becomes a problem.

1514
01:10:03,566 --> 01:10:04,942
[Thunder]

1515
01:10:04,966 --> 01:10:09,542
{\an1}I engage in just reckless
sexual behaviors.

1516
01:10:09,566 --> 01:10:12,176
I'll feel so restless
that one time I drove

1517
01:10:12,200 --> 01:10:13,709
{\an1}in the middle of the night
to Pittsburgh

1518
01:10:13,733 --> 01:10:14,909
just to turn around

1519
01:10:14,933 --> 01:10:16,676
just because I needed
to go do that.

1520
01:10:16,700 --> 01:10:19,476
♪

1521
01:10:19,500 --> 01:10:20,876
Dunning: Mania.

1522
01:10:20,900 --> 01:10:22,909
{\an1}We're going really fast,

1523
01:10:22,933 --> 01:10:26,309
{\an1}pressured speech, thinking
grandiose thoughts.

1524
01:10:26,333 --> 01:10:28,076
[Fireworks popping]

1525
01:10:28,100 --> 01:10:30,676
{\an1}We have this grandiosity
that we can do anything.

1526
01:10:30,700 --> 01:10:33,876
So who would not want
to feel like that?

1527
01:10:33,900 --> 01:10:38,042
{\an1}Vinson: When they are manic,
people don't have good insight.

1528
01:10:38,066 --> 01:10:41,876
{\an1}So the people around them can
see that something is different,

1529
01:10:41,900 --> 01:10:44,776
{\an1}but the person
themselves might
have a hard time

1530
01:10:44,800 --> 01:10:47,042
{\an1}identifying that
something is wrong.

1531
01:10:47,066 --> 01:10:48,642
♪

1532
01:10:48,666 --> 01:10:50,242
{\an1}Kevin: When you're manic,

1533
01:10:50,266 --> 01:10:53,976
{\an1}you don't really feel like
you have a problem.

1534
01:10:54,000 --> 01:10:56,242
There was a lot of
tangential thinking,

1535
01:10:56,266 --> 01:10:58,742
{\an1}a lot of rapid speaking,

1536
01:10:58,766 --> 01:11:02,142
a lot of jumping from
topic to topic.

1537
01:11:02,166 --> 01:11:05,609
{\an7}But at the time, I didn't
have the knowledge base

1538
01:11:05,633 --> 01:11:07,876
{\an8}to understand that.

1539
01:11:07,900 --> 01:11:10,042
Vinson: Their mind
is moving too fast

1540
01:11:10,066 --> 01:11:12,109
for them to actually
complete anything.

1541
01:11:12,133 --> 01:11:13,542
♪

1542
01:11:13,566 --> 01:11:16,376
And usually after
a manic episode,

1543
01:11:16,400 --> 01:11:20,476
{\an1}there is going to be
a fall into depression.

1544
01:11:20,500 --> 01:11:23,309
{\an1}And It's almost enjoyable
for a little bit.

1545
01:11:23,333 --> 01:11:26,509
{\an1}But then there are also
always feelings of defeat,

1546
01:11:26,533 --> 01:11:30,909
{\an1}where I cannot force myself
to get out of bed

1547
01:11:30,933 --> 01:11:33,209
{\an1}and do what I need to do.

1548
01:11:33,233 --> 01:11:36,409
And I can't deal with the world.

1549
01:11:36,433 --> 01:11:38,442
{\an1}Constructive criticism
automatically turns

1550
01:11:38,466 --> 01:11:43,276
{\an1}into a deep-seated angry
insult towards me.

1551
01:11:43,300 --> 01:11:44,776
{\an1}Looking back when I was a kid,

1552
01:11:44,800 --> 01:11:46,476
I would get so upset
and so frustrated,

1553
01:11:46,500 --> 01:11:48,742
{\an1}and crying and screaming
wouldn't help.

1554
01:11:48,766 --> 01:11:51,276
{\an1}So I resorted to aggression
in a lot of ways.

1555
01:11:51,300 --> 01:11:52,909
♪

1556
01:11:52,933 --> 01:11:58,042
{\an1}Amethyst: I can overreact
if something sets
me off the wrong way.

1557
01:11:58,066 --> 01:12:03,042
{\an1}Sometimes I would slam some
of my things on the floor.

1558
01:12:03,066 --> 01:12:05,942
{\an1}I would often slam doors shut

1559
01:12:05,966 --> 01:12:09,309
{\an1}because I needed some
sort of physical release.

1560
01:12:09,333 --> 01:12:12,376
{\an7}It was almost like I was
watching everything I did

1561
01:12:12,400 --> 01:12:14,276
{\an8}in third person.

1562
01:12:14,300 --> 01:12:19,376
{\an1}I couldn't think at all before
I said or did something.

1563
01:12:19,400 --> 01:12:22,509
♪

1564
01:12:22,533 --> 01:12:25,309
Things got to be a bit too much,

1565
01:12:25,333 --> 01:12:28,942
so my stepmom tried
the last thing

1566
01:12:28,966 --> 01:12:32,109
{\an1}that she thought possible.

1567
01:12:32,133 --> 01:12:37,176
{\an1}She decided to send me
to a Christian boarding school,

1568
01:12:37,200 --> 01:12:43,976
{\an1}thinking that maybe if I
gained any faith in God,

1569
01:12:44,000 --> 01:12:46,676
that it would help
fix my behavior.

1570
01:12:46,700 --> 01:12:49,509
♪

1571
01:12:49,533 --> 01:12:55,442
{\an1}The boarding school was
very tolerant of me at first,

1572
01:12:55,466 --> 01:13:00,376
{\an1}but I had the worst episode
that I'd had in a while,

1573
01:13:00,400 --> 01:13:03,209
{\an1}and I was thrashing around

1574
01:13:03,233 --> 01:13:05,509
and throwing things
pretty violently.

1575
01:13:05,533 --> 01:13:08,242
♪

1576
01:13:08,266 --> 01:13:12,742
{\an1}So they decided that I had
to leave the school.

1577
01:13:12,766 --> 01:13:16,576
Since my stepmom
had moved to New York,

1578
01:13:16,600 --> 01:13:22,009
{\an1}I ended up living with my
biological mom and brother.

1579
01:13:22,033 --> 01:13:26,142
{\an7}When she first got here,
um, things were all right

1580
01:13:26,166 --> 01:13:29,909
{\an8}for about, you know,
the first 3 or 4 weeks,

1581
01:13:29,933 --> 01:13:32,509
and then the wheels
kind of came off.

1582
01:13:32,533 --> 01:13:35,276
[Laughs]

1583
01:13:35,300 --> 01:13:38,676
A lot of screaming,
especially at bedtime,

1584
01:13:38,700 --> 01:13:41,276
{\an1}to the degree that I was
afraid that the neighbors

1585
01:13:41,300 --> 01:13:45,342
{\an1}were gonna get pissed off
or concerned.

1586
01:13:45,366 --> 01:13:48,776
{\an1}Amethyst: People who go
through this kind of thing,

1587
01:13:48,800 --> 01:13:50,676
they don't want to,

1588
01:13:50,700 --> 01:13:53,609
and they would never
wish it upon anybody.

1589
01:13:53,633 --> 01:13:58,409
{\an1}It's just something that
we certainly can't help.

1590
01:13:58,433 --> 01:14:02,109
Melanie: This is
a brain chemical issue.

1591
01:14:02,133 --> 01:14:06,076
This is an outburst
caused by her brain.

1592
01:14:06,100 --> 01:14:11,242
{\an1}It's not her doing it just to be
an obnoxious teenager.

1593
01:14:11,266 --> 01:14:14,333
It's beyond her
ability to control.

1594
01:14:16,400 --> 01:14:19,842
{\an1}Amethyst: With my manic
episodes, it would be nighttime,

1595
01:14:19,866 --> 01:14:24,176
and I would be sent
to go to bed,

1596
01:14:24,200 --> 01:14:27,909
{\an1}and I would be doing all
sorts of artsy things.

1597
01:14:27,933 --> 01:14:29,476
♪

1598
01:14:29,500 --> 01:14:33,942
{\an1}I even started cutting up
some of my old clothes
and bedsheets.

1599
01:14:33,966 --> 01:14:38,342
{\an1}For a little while, she had
this notion of being

1600
01:14:38,366 --> 01:14:39,842
{\an1}like a fashion designer.

1601
01:14:39,866 --> 01:14:45,776
{\an1}She would cut her clothing,
she would cut the bedding.

1602
01:14:45,800 --> 01:14:49,100
Not cool.
Not cool at all.

1603
01:14:50,300 --> 01:14:53,009
{\an1}Kevin: You have these highs
where you feel like,

1604
01:14:53,033 --> 01:14:55,609
{\an8}I'm in tune with all
my creative powers,

1605
01:14:55,633 --> 01:14:58,742
and I would sit down
and I would work on a painting,

1606
01:14:58,766 --> 01:15:02,476
{\an1}and I'd kind of be transported
into this time and space

1607
01:15:02,500 --> 01:15:06,076
{\an1}where time and space didn't
really exist.

1608
01:15:06,100 --> 01:15:08,476
{\an1}I'd just focus on the art.

1609
01:15:08,500 --> 01:15:12,409
{\an1}Painting, drawing, comics,

1610
01:15:12,433 --> 01:15:15,342
{\an1}anything that has to do
with expressing yourself,

1611
01:15:15,366 --> 01:15:17,309
I'm all for.

1612
01:15:17,333 --> 01:15:20,542
I love making music, videos.

1613
01:15:20,566 --> 01:15:23,276
{\an1}♪ How I come up,
but now that I got... ♪

1614
01:15:23,300 --> 01:15:27,309
{\an1}But there's also that
depression that sets in,

1615
01:15:27,333 --> 01:15:31,376
that crash that
happens after the mania.

1616
01:15:31,400 --> 01:15:34,909
And this all happens
over and over.

1617
01:15:34,933 --> 01:15:36,742
♪

1618
01:15:36,766 --> 01:15:40,409
{\an1}Makalynn: I was just hyperactive
all the time as a kid.

1619
01:15:40,433 --> 01:15:44,142
{\an1}I used the phrase, "There's
a war going on in my brain."

1620
01:15:44,166 --> 01:15:45,709
[Crying]

1621
01:15:45,733 --> 01:15:47,209
{\an1}That was the only way
that I could make sense

1622
01:15:47,233 --> 01:15:48,309
{\an1}of what was happening.

1623
01:15:48,333 --> 01:15:50,109
Aah!

1624
01:15:50,133 --> 01:15:52,209
Makalynn: I would act
in a way that I knew

1625
01:15:52,233 --> 01:15:55,642
was inappropriate
or unnecessary,

1626
01:15:55,666 --> 01:15:58,576
but I couldn't
control those feelings.

1627
01:15:58,600 --> 01:16:01,376
{\an1}And then towards the end
of middle school,

1628
01:16:01,400 --> 01:16:03,942
{\an1}I found drugs and alcohol,

1629
01:16:03,966 --> 01:16:07,209
{\an1}and I was able to, like, silence
the... the war in my brain.

1630
01:16:07,233 --> 01:16:09,366
I was able mute that.

1631
01:16:13,566 --> 01:16:15,700
[Dripping]

1632
01:16:18,133 --> 01:16:21,309
{\an1}Justin: We all deal with things
in different ways.

1633
01:16:21,333 --> 01:16:24,500
{\an1}And we are all introduced
to different things.

1634
01:16:26,066 --> 01:16:29,109
So maybe it was
an initial choice.

1635
01:16:29,133 --> 01:16:31,109
Let's be honest.

1636
01:16:31,133 --> 01:16:33,976
{\an1}Maybe the first usage.

1637
01:16:34,000 --> 01:16:37,209
Maybe it wasn't your choice.

1638
01:16:37,233 --> 01:16:42,109
{\an7}But that continual usage

1639
01:16:42,133 --> 01:16:45,709
{\an7}becomes a coping method.

1640
01:16:45,733 --> 01:16:48,176
♪

1641
01:16:48,200 --> 01:16:50,142
Dunning: So maybe
you start drinking,

1642
01:16:50,166 --> 01:16:52,676
{\an1}or maybe you start smoking weed.

1643
01:16:52,700 --> 01:16:54,242
That's how it begins.

1644
01:16:54,266 --> 01:16:55,909
♪

1645
01:16:55,933 --> 01:16:58,576
{\an1}Self-medicating can look
like prescription drugs,

1646
01:16:58,600 --> 01:17:01,576
{\an1}exercise, even addiction
to porn,

1647
01:17:01,600 --> 01:17:04,442
anything that is out of balance

1648
01:17:04,466 --> 01:17:08,009
{\an1}of what your life would
look like without it,

1649
01:17:08,033 --> 01:17:11,409
{\an8}because you're trying
so hard to figure out

1650
01:17:11,433 --> 01:17:16,476
{\an7}how to fix what you may not
even know you're trying to fix.

1651
01:17:16,500 --> 01:17:18,709
Billie: It originally
started with just,

1652
01:17:18,733 --> 01:17:24,209
{\an7}like, taking a sip or two
just, like, walking by,

1653
01:17:24,233 --> 01:17:27,642
and then it turned
into, like, half a bottle

1654
01:17:27,666 --> 01:17:30,609
{\an1}of whiskey from our pantry.

1655
01:17:30,633 --> 01:17:32,842
{\an1}Samantha: I stayed inside,

1656
01:17:32,866 --> 01:17:36,842
but I could go out
if I had smoked weed.

1657
01:17:36,866 --> 01:17:40,042
{\an1}Yanerry: My friends were
smoking, like, marijuana,

1658
01:17:40,066 --> 01:17:42,809
{\an7}and when they told me
that it just brings you

1659
01:17:42,833 --> 01:17:44,309
{\an7}a place to pure happiness,

1660
01:17:44,333 --> 01:17:47,042
{\an8}I was completely
open with trying it.

1661
01:17:47,066 --> 01:17:49,542
{\an1}Davidson: The two big things
that a lot of our kids

1662
01:17:49,566 --> 01:17:51,442
are struggling with
are marijuana

1663
01:17:51,466 --> 01:17:56,042
{\an1}and electronic e-cigarettes
and things like that.

1664
01:17:56,066 --> 01:17:58,742
{\an1}And whether
that's to
mask or hide

1665
01:17:58,766 --> 01:17:59,909
{\an1}a mental health issue

1666
01:17:59,933 --> 01:18:01,942
{\an1}or that is
the mental
health issue,

1667
01:18:01,966 --> 01:18:04,409
{\an1}you're not always sure.

1668
01:18:04,433 --> 01:18:07,109
Leah: My best friend,
we were both,

1669
01:18:07,133 --> 01:18:09,909
{\an1}like, depressed and anxious.

1670
01:18:09,933 --> 01:18:12,576
{\an1}We tried smoking weed.

1671
01:18:12,600 --> 01:18:15,776
We tried doing Xanax.

1672
01:18:15,800 --> 01:18:18,676
And our classmate had cocaine,

1673
01:18:18,700 --> 01:18:21,376
and we're like,
"Let's try it!"

1674
01:18:21,400 --> 01:18:26,276
{\an7}The fact that I told myself
I never wanted to be my mother,

1675
01:18:26,300 --> 01:18:32,709
{\an8}and then here I was,
on my way to being my mother.

1676
01:18:32,733 --> 01:18:35,833
{\an1}But when you're at that
stage, you don't care.

1677
01:18:37,866 --> 01:18:40,342
{\an1}Justin: It was my freshman
year of high school.

1678
01:18:40,366 --> 01:18:42,609
{\an1}I lost my best friend,

1679
01:18:42,633 --> 01:18:44,309
and then after he passed away,

1680
01:18:44,333 --> 01:18:48,442
{\an1}um, I started to experiment
with drugs and alcohol.

1681
01:18:48,466 --> 01:18:51,342
{\an1}It's the easiest thing
to cope and deal with

1682
01:18:51,366 --> 01:18:53,776
{\an1}your, uh, pain and problems,

1683
01:18:53,800 --> 01:18:55,642
but it's just putting a Band-Aid

1684
01:18:55,666 --> 01:18:58,009
on a gunshot wound, basically.

1685
01:18:58,033 --> 01:19:00,276
I just remember it
as being, like, my first sign

1686
01:19:00,300 --> 01:19:02,176
of mental health
symptoms looking back.

1687
01:19:02,200 --> 01:19:07,276
{\an8}I started doing drugs
in seventh grade.

1688
01:19:07,300 --> 01:19:11,509
{\an1}I was self-medicating from
the overwhelming feeling

1689
01:19:11,533 --> 01:19:14,409
of being stuck.

1690
01:19:14,433 --> 01:19:19,509
{\an1}It's like all your feelings are,
like, stirred up in this pot,

1691
01:19:19,533 --> 01:19:21,942
{\an1}and you're just, like,
sitting in it,

1692
01:19:21,966 --> 01:19:25,509
{\an1}and you can't get out.

1693
01:19:25,533 --> 01:19:28,076
And when I was high,
I didn't... I didn't feel that.

1694
01:19:28,100 --> 01:19:29,276
I didn't care.

1695
01:19:29,300 --> 01:19:31,909
{\an1}People who are
experiencing
distress

1696
01:19:31,933 --> 01:19:34,909
{\an1}are going to
look for ways
to feel relief.

1697
01:19:34,933 --> 01:19:37,176
What people choose is
going to depend on

1698
01:19:37,200 --> 01:19:39,742
{\an1}what's available to them,
what's been modeled to them,

1699
01:19:39,766 --> 01:19:43,909
{\an1}and what from their own
experience works for them.

1700
01:19:43,933 --> 01:19:46,142
And sometimes things
work short-term,

1701
01:19:46,166 --> 01:19:47,709
{\an1}uh, but not long-term.

1702
01:19:47,733 --> 01:19:49,509
{\an1}And those are the things
that we'll often refer to

1703
01:19:49,533 --> 01:19:51,676
as maladaptive
coping mechanisms.

1704
01:19:51,700 --> 01:19:54,309
{\an1}Makalynn: In middle school,
I started drinking

1705
01:19:54,333 --> 01:19:56,176
and using drugs.

1706
01:19:56,200 --> 01:19:59,809
{\an1}That was the... the major
relief that I found,

1707
01:19:59,833 --> 01:20:01,476
um, from my own head.

1708
01:20:01,500 --> 01:20:05,142
It felt like it took
away all my emotion

1709
01:20:05,166 --> 01:20:08,009
for a second,
and, like, when I would think

1710
01:20:08,033 --> 01:20:10,076
about a sad thought,
two seconds later,

1711
01:20:10,100 --> 01:20:11,909
{\an1}be like, "Wait, what
was I thinking about?"

1712
01:20:11,933 --> 01:20:13,242
Like, you know?

1713
01:20:13,266 --> 01:20:15,576
As if someone took me

1714
01:20:15,600 --> 01:20:17,409
{\an1}and put me in a different
person's body

1715
01:20:17,433 --> 01:20:20,042
who was just happy.

1716
01:20:20,066 --> 01:20:22,976
Vinson: Often there's
this sort of narrative,

1717
01:20:23,000 --> 01:20:25,642
{\an1}"Stop that," "Don't do that,"
"It's bad," "Just say no."

1718
01:20:25,666 --> 01:20:28,409
{\an1}Well, if the child still
has the symptom

1719
01:20:28,433 --> 01:20:29,976
{\an1}and you're not giving them
something else

1720
01:20:30,000 --> 01:20:31,542
to help them with that symptom,

1721
01:20:31,566 --> 01:20:34,642
{\an1}they're gonna go back to what
they believe works for them.

1722
01:20:34,666 --> 01:20:39,042
{\an1}Dunning: Why would you not want
to take care of something

1723
01:20:39,066 --> 01:20:42,642
{\an1}that is making your life
a living hell?

1724
01:20:42,666 --> 01:20:46,142
{\an1}It's like a state of, like,
"Oh, my gosh, I don't...

1725
01:20:46,166 --> 01:20:48,342
"I don't have to
think about that.

1726
01:20:48,366 --> 01:20:50,042
{\an1}"I don't have to do that.

1727
01:20:50,066 --> 01:20:52,542
I can... I can be at
peace in my brain."

1728
01:20:52,566 --> 01:20:54,176
What a gift!

1729
01:20:54,200 --> 01:20:55,409
[Rain falling]

1730
01:20:55,433 --> 01:20:58,042
{\an1}Until it becomes a challenge.

1731
01:20:58,066 --> 01:21:04,009
♪

1732
01:21:04,033 --> 01:21:05,876
{\an7}Man: Young people
all across the country

1733
01:21:05,900 --> 01:21:07,309
{\an8}have been swept into addiction.

1734
01:21:07,333 --> 01:21:09,842
{\an7}Woman: 50% of teens have
misused a drug.

1735
01:21:09,866 --> 01:21:11,776
{\an7}Woman 2: especially
young people are gaining access

1736
01:21:11,800 --> 01:21:13,209
{\an7}in their parents' cabinet...

1737
01:21:13,233 --> 01:21:14,642
{\an8}Woman 3: Many young
heroin users start

1738
01:21:14,666 --> 01:21:16,076
{\an7}With opiate painkillers
like Vicodin.

1739
01:21:16,100 --> 01:21:17,509
{\an1}Woman 4: Teens and young
adults dying from an opioid...

1740
01:21:17,533 --> 01:21:20,142
Woman 5: The U.S. is
in an ongoing crisis.

1741
01:21:20,166 --> 01:21:23,442
Lydia: When I was in,
like, eighth grade,

1742
01:21:23,466 --> 01:21:27,842
I had started taking
pills every day.

1743
01:21:27,866 --> 01:21:31,609
And it was...

1744
01:21:31,633 --> 01:21:33,009
it was really bad.

1745
01:21:33,033 --> 01:21:36,109
Any pill I saw,
it's like a pull,

1746
01:21:36,133 --> 01:21:40,642
{\an1}a physical thing where
you just, like, go for it,

1747
01:21:40,666 --> 01:21:42,376
{\an1}You don't even think about,

1748
01:21:42,400 --> 01:21:43,976
{\an1}"Oh, I want to take
these pills right now."

1749
01:21:44,000 --> 01:21:45,576
{\an1}It's just you take it,
you put it in your hand,

1750
01:21:45,600 --> 01:21:48,076
you pop them in your
mouth, you know?

1751
01:21:48,100 --> 01:21:50,776
Kennedy: People with
addiction are chasing

1752
01:21:50,800 --> 01:21:53,209
what is an obsession.

1753
01:21:53,233 --> 01:21:57,476
{\an1}You are not in control
of your own thinking.

1754
01:21:57,500 --> 01:21:59,776
{\an1}And it's a terrifying concept

1755
01:21:59,800 --> 01:22:03,142
because how do you
get out of it?

1756
01:22:03,166 --> 01:22:05,642
{\an7}You can't think your way
out of it

1757
01:22:05,666 --> 01:22:08,876
{\an7}using the same thinking
that got yourself into it.

1758
01:22:08,900 --> 01:22:11,109
♪

1759
01:22:11,133 --> 01:22:12,876
{\an1}Davidson: I've had
substance abuse issues

1760
01:22:12,900 --> 01:22:14,909
{\an1}when I was an early teenager,

1761
01:22:14,933 --> 01:22:17,409
and I'm pretty open about that.

1762
01:22:17,433 --> 01:22:20,576
I smoked pot for
the first time when I was 10.

1763
01:22:20,600 --> 01:22:22,142
{\an1}And when I was 13,

1764
01:22:22,166 --> 01:22:25,709
{\an1}I was shooting up
heroin almost daily.

1765
01:22:25,733 --> 01:22:28,076
Part of it was social pressures,

1766
01:22:28,100 --> 01:22:30,142
part of it was also
not just feeling OK

1767
01:22:30,166 --> 01:22:32,909
{\an1}in my own skin and wanting
to feel OK.

1768
01:22:32,933 --> 01:22:34,476
♪

1769
01:22:34,500 --> 01:22:37,409
{\an1}Justin: But there comes a point
where things stop working.

1770
01:22:37,433 --> 01:22:40,642
{\an1}I tried cocaine, ecstasy.

1771
01:22:40,666 --> 01:22:43,542
{\an1}I didn't leave my apartment
for, like, two weeks.

1772
01:22:43,566 --> 01:22:45,909
I got fired from
a really good job.

1773
01:22:45,933 --> 01:22:47,942
{\an8}And I constantly
blamed other people,

1774
01:22:47,966 --> 01:22:51,009
{\an7}the employers, but the whole
time I was in denial

1775
01:22:51,033 --> 01:22:52,309
{\an8}about my addiction

1776
01:22:52,333 --> 01:22:54,542
and had this onset
that was brewing.

1777
01:22:54,566 --> 01:22:56,742
{\an1}Makalynn: Drugs and alcohol
definitely helped me

1778
01:22:56,766 --> 01:22:58,209
mask the symptoms.

1779
01:22:58,233 --> 01:23:01,442
But after a good
3 months of silence,

1780
01:23:01,466 --> 01:23:05,276
aggression once again
reared its ugly head.

1781
01:23:05,300 --> 01:23:08,409
It evolved to taking
whatever pill I could find

1782
01:23:08,433 --> 01:23:11,676
{\an1}in the medicine cabinet,
stealing my mom's liquor,

1783
01:23:11,700 --> 01:23:15,642
{\an1}trying to reach that
state of oblivion 24/7.

1784
01:23:15,666 --> 01:23:17,109
♪

1785
01:23:17,133 --> 01:23:19,076
Julie: I was in
my teenage years.

1786
01:23:19,100 --> 01:23:22,676
{\an1}My husband was 10 years
older than me.

1787
01:23:22,700 --> 01:23:24,842
{\an7}He had his own mental illness

1788
01:23:24,866 --> 01:23:26,776
{\an8}and issues going on.

1789
01:23:26,800 --> 01:23:29,209
One day I found him.

1790
01:23:29,233 --> 01:23:32,542
He had hung himself
in our backyard.

1791
01:23:32,566 --> 01:23:36,642
My world was yanked
from underneath me.

1792
01:23:36,666 --> 01:23:38,242
It was very hard.

1793
01:23:38,266 --> 01:23:40,709
{\an1}And even many years later...

1794
01:23:40,733 --> 01:23:42,076
♪

1795
01:23:42,100 --> 01:23:44,833
You know, the healing
still continues.

1796
01:23:46,400 --> 01:23:48,876
After my husband
committed suicide,

1797
01:23:48,900 --> 01:23:51,776
{\an1}that's when I met James

1798
01:23:51,800 --> 01:23:55,542
and started
another phase of my life.

1799
01:23:55,566 --> 01:23:59,176
I got pregnant again,

1800
01:23:59,200 --> 01:24:04,009
but, you know,
relationship challenges.

1801
01:24:04,033 --> 01:24:05,576
♪

1802
01:24:05,600 --> 01:24:06,942
We split up.

1803
01:24:06,966 --> 01:24:10,942
{\an1}And things got bad again.

1804
01:24:10,966 --> 01:24:13,642
{\an1}I wanted to feel better,

1805
01:24:13,666 --> 01:24:16,876
so I tried a bunch
of different street drugs...

1806
01:24:16,900 --> 01:24:21,642
{\an1}ketamine, cocaine, crack.

1807
01:24:21,666 --> 01:24:23,276
♪

1808
01:24:23,300 --> 01:24:25,676
It was just like
this overwhelming feeling

1809
01:24:25,700 --> 01:24:30,676
of... [inhales] everything was OK.

1810
01:24:30,700 --> 01:24:33,809
That's when it
grabbed a hold of me.

1811
01:24:33,833 --> 01:24:37,376
As a young mother,
I lost my home,

1812
01:24:37,400 --> 01:24:41,509
I lost my job, I lost myself.

1813
01:24:41,533 --> 01:24:44,542
{\an1}And my kids suffered a lot.

1814
01:24:44,566 --> 01:24:46,676
"This isn't my mom."

1815
01:24:46,700 --> 01:24:48,242
{\an1}You know, "What happened
to my mom?"

1816
01:24:48,266 --> 01:24:50,576
"Where's my mom?"

1817
01:24:50,600 --> 01:24:51,942
You know?

1818
01:24:51,966 --> 01:24:53,509
"I want my mom."

1819
01:24:53,533 --> 01:24:55,176
♪

1820
01:24:55,200 --> 01:24:59,209
{\an1}Lydia: I always felt like
I needed to hide something.

1821
01:24:59,233 --> 01:25:01,376
{\an1}Whenever somebody
would be like, "Lydia,
can I talk to you?"

1822
01:25:01,400 --> 01:25:02,676
{\an1}My heart would start racing.
I'd be like,

1823
01:25:02,700 --> 01:25:04,109
"[Beep].
They found out."

1824
01:25:04,133 --> 01:25:05,809
{\an1}Like, "They found this,
that, that."

1825
01:25:05,833 --> 01:25:08,409
{\an1}And, like, I had so
much that I was hiding
from everybody.

1826
01:25:08,433 --> 01:25:12,676
{\an7}I think everyone thinks,
uh, "Not my kid,"

1827
01:25:12,700 --> 01:25:14,809
{\an8}you know, "This won't
happen to my kid,"

1828
01:25:14,833 --> 01:25:17,709
Lydia: The first time
they ever found out,

1829
01:25:17,733 --> 01:25:21,742
they found empty
pill bottles in my bag.

1830
01:25:21,766 --> 01:25:23,009
{\an1}I think they just hoped

1831
01:25:23,033 --> 01:25:27,076
{\an1}that I was just testing
things out.

1832
01:25:27,100 --> 01:25:30,609
They grounded me,
and they took my phone away.

1833
01:25:30,633 --> 01:25:33,309
{\an1}It didn't matter how many
consequences I got,

1834
01:25:33,333 --> 01:25:36,976
{\an1}nothing was enough to stop me
from taking what I wanted.

1835
01:25:37,000 --> 01:25:38,576
♪

1836
01:25:38,600 --> 01:25:40,909
{\an1}My life was gonna end one way,

1837
01:25:40,933 --> 01:25:42,576
and that was being
addicted to drugs,

1838
01:25:42,600 --> 01:25:43,909
so why not start now?

1839
01:25:43,933 --> 01:25:46,176
[Thunder]

1840
01:25:46,200 --> 01:25:47,909
{\an1}Davidson: I wish somebody
was there to help me

1841
01:25:47,933 --> 01:25:50,809
with the struggles
that I was having.

1842
01:25:50,833 --> 01:25:55,442
{\an7}I feel like I had a point
of view that kids needed

1843
01:25:55,466 --> 01:25:57,776
{\an7}to understand that you
can get through it

1844
01:25:57,800 --> 01:26:00,776
{\an8}and get to the other
side of it and be OK.

1845
01:26:00,800 --> 01:26:03,109
There's people that can help you

1846
01:26:03,133 --> 01:26:04,642
{\an1}to get through whatever it is

1847
01:26:04,666 --> 01:26:08,009
{\an1}that's making you feel the way
you're feeling right now.

1848
01:26:08,033 --> 01:26:09,809
And we'll take it
one step at a time,

1849
01:26:09,833 --> 01:26:11,476
{\an1}and it's not gonna be easy,

1850
01:26:11,500 --> 01:26:13,742
{\an1}and it's gonna be messy
at times,

1851
01:26:13,766 --> 01:26:15,076
and that's OK,

1852
01:26:15,100 --> 01:26:17,076
{\an1}because once you're on
the other side of it,

1853
01:26:17,100 --> 01:26:19,533
you're gonna realize
how much stronger
you are as a person.

1854
01:26:23,700 --> 01:26:26,242
{\an1}Man: ♪ I've been in the back
of a squad car ♪

1855
01:26:26,266 --> 01:26:29,576
{\an1}♪ Handcuffs digging in
my wrists not far from ♪

1856
01:26:29,600 --> 01:26:31,076
♪ Feeling suicidal ♪

1857
01:26:31,100 --> 01:26:33,742
♪ My life up and down
like a seesaw ♪
[Siren]

1858
01:26:33,766 --> 01:26:36,076
♪ Late at night
I asked God for ♪

1859
01:26:36,100 --> 01:26:38,976
{\an1}♪ A response, but it's
like a dropped call ♪

1860
01:26:39,000 --> 01:26:40,742
{\an1}♪ Or one placed on hold ♪

1861
01:26:40,766 --> 01:26:43,209
{\an1}♪ My heart pumps cold,
blood boils... ♪

1862
01:26:43,233 --> 01:26:46,842
{\an1}Kevin: I went to art school
as an undergrad.

1863
01:26:46,866 --> 01:26:50,876
And I had, like,
a semester left,

1864
01:26:50,900 --> 01:26:54,342
and I just wanted to
not have to focus on school

1865
01:26:54,366 --> 01:26:56,400
and all the pressure
I was under.

1866
01:26:57,766 --> 01:27:01,776
{\an1}And I remember I stayed up
for several days,

1867
01:27:01,800 --> 01:27:05,309
{\an1}wandering around the city,
kind of going on long walks.

1868
01:27:05,333 --> 01:27:06,976
♪

1869
01:27:07,000 --> 01:27:09,176
{\an1}Man: We talked every Saturday.

1870
01:27:09,200 --> 01:27:11,342
{\an1}And on this particular
phone call he said,

1871
01:27:11,366 --> 01:27:15,242
"Dad, Dad, food
doesn't taste good."

1872
01:27:15,266 --> 01:27:17,009
{\an8}I said, "What?"
"I don't want to talk about it.

1873
01:27:17,033 --> 01:27:18,676
{\an7}I don't want to talk about it."

1874
01:27:18,700 --> 01:27:22,209
{\an1}Kevin: And I believe I took some
homeless people out

1875
01:27:22,233 --> 01:27:24,576
{\an1}to get breakfast one morning.

1876
01:27:24,600 --> 01:27:26,142
{\an1}Pete: And then I called back
and he said,

1877
01:27:26,166 --> 01:27:28,142
"Dad, Dad, I think
I took some homeless people

1878
01:27:28,166 --> 01:27:30,776
{\an1}to breakfast this morning
at McDonald's."

1879
01:27:30,800 --> 01:27:33,176
And I thought, "OK?"

1880
01:27:33,200 --> 01:27:35,476
{\an1}And he said, "I don't
want to talk about it."

1881
01:27:35,500 --> 01:27:37,476
{\an1}And then he called back again,
and he said,

1882
01:27:37,500 --> 01:27:42,076
{\an1}"Dad, I'm having trouble
knowing reality,

1883
01:27:42,100 --> 01:27:44,809
what's real and not,
am I dreaming or not."

1884
01:27:44,833 --> 01:27:46,609
♪

1885
01:27:46,633 --> 01:27:51,642
{\an1}Yanerry: It started out as me
hearing my friends say my name,

1886
01:27:51,666 --> 01:27:55,242
{\an1}and then I noticed the more sad
that I was getting

1887
01:27:55,266 --> 01:27:58,876
over the years,
the worse it kind of got.

1888
01:27:58,900 --> 01:28:03,476
{\an7}It went from just saying
my name to a woman

1889
01:28:03,500 --> 01:28:06,509
{\an8}just screaming
at the top of her lungs.

1890
01:28:06,533 --> 01:28:09,842
{\an1}Then I was alone in my bedroom,

1891
01:28:09,866 --> 01:28:15,509
{\an1}and I just saw, like, a shadow
standing in the corner.

1892
01:28:15,533 --> 01:28:20,642
I was wide awake,
but I actually saw it.

1893
01:28:20,666 --> 01:28:22,376
Very terrifying.

1894
01:28:22,400 --> 01:28:29,042
♪

1895
01:28:29,066 --> 01:28:34,709
Vinson: Psychosis is
when someone has
a break with reality.

1896
01:28:34,733 --> 01:28:39,342
{\an1}It's hard for you to tell
what is generated by your brain

1897
01:28:39,366 --> 01:28:42,376
versus what is
actually in real life.

1898
01:28:42,400 --> 01:28:44,876
{\an1}So you may have people who
are experiencing things

1899
01:28:44,900 --> 01:28:46,776
{\an8}like hearing voices
or seeing things,

1900
01:28:46,800 --> 01:28:50,809
{\an7}and it's so distressing to them
and alarming to them that,

1901
01:28:50,833 --> 01:28:53,709
{\an7}uh, they may be reacting
to those voices

1902
01:28:53,733 --> 01:28:55,942
{\an1}or to what they're seeing.

1903
01:28:55,966 --> 01:28:59,276
{\an1}Dunning: Typically we see it
later in an adolescent's life,

1904
01:28:59,300 --> 01:29:03,276
maybe 17, 18, 19, 20,

1905
01:29:03,300 --> 01:29:05,009
{\an1}responding to external stimuli

1906
01:29:05,033 --> 01:29:07,576
that... that doesn't
exist for you,

1907
01:29:07,600 --> 01:29:09,976
but it does for them.

1908
01:29:10,000 --> 01:29:11,376
♪

1909
01:29:11,400 --> 01:29:13,242
{\an1}Justin: I was 22 years old,

1910
01:29:13,266 --> 01:29:16,100
and I experimented
with crystal meth.

1911
01:29:17,400 --> 01:29:20,676
{\an7}I'd walk the alleys in
Miami Beach.

1912
01:29:20,700 --> 01:29:23,609
{\an1}I started to see things
that weren't there.

1913
01:29:23,633 --> 01:29:26,976
{\an1}I became very paranoid,
delusional about people

1914
01:29:27,000 --> 01:29:29,842
following me,
people out to kill me.

1915
01:29:29,866 --> 01:29:32,242
{\an1}My family got involved.

1916
01:29:32,266 --> 01:29:33,509
♪

1917
01:29:33,533 --> 01:29:35,942
And they decided I
should go to rehab.

1918
01:29:35,966 --> 01:29:39,009
{\an1}And I stopped doing drugs.

1919
01:29:39,033 --> 01:29:41,442
I felt better.

1920
01:29:41,466 --> 01:29:44,809
But the symptoms
came back again.

1921
01:29:44,833 --> 01:29:47,276
{\an1}This time, I thought my
family was in trouble

1922
01:29:47,300 --> 01:29:49,576
in New Jersey,

1923
01:29:49,600 --> 01:29:51,376
and I told them they
had to be careful

1924
01:29:51,400 --> 01:29:53,876
because the mafia was
out to get them,

1925
01:29:53,900 --> 01:29:55,042
the terrorists...

1926
01:29:55,066 --> 01:29:56,209
[Gunshots]

1927
01:29:56,233 --> 01:29:58,176
Al-Qaeda.

1928
01:29:58,200 --> 01:30:00,242
When there's no drugs
or alcohol present

1929
01:30:00,266 --> 01:30:02,276
and those symptoms
come back again,

1930
01:30:02,300 --> 01:30:03,976
that's how you can
tell if somebody

1931
01:30:04,000 --> 01:30:05,809
has a serious
mental health issue.

1932
01:30:05,833 --> 01:30:08,042
♪

1933
01:30:08,066 --> 01:30:11,276
Yanerry: They are
3 different shadows for me.

1934
01:30:11,300 --> 01:30:14,276
{\an1}There's one shadow guy.

1935
01:30:14,300 --> 01:30:17,709
{\an1}He's just like a tall man
in all black,

1936
01:30:17,733 --> 01:30:21,409
{\an1}and he kind of just stands
in the corner and stares at me.

1937
01:30:21,433 --> 01:30:23,242
♪

1938
01:30:23,266 --> 01:30:26,742
{\an1}And there's one of them on
his hands and knees

1939
01:30:26,766 --> 01:30:29,342
{\an1}and kind of just crawls
around on the ceiling

1940
01:30:29,366 --> 01:30:31,009
or on the walls.

1941
01:30:31,033 --> 01:30:33,209
{\an1}And then there's one shadow

1942
01:30:33,233 --> 01:30:35,576
where I can see in
my peripheral view,

1943
01:30:35,600 --> 01:30:38,776
{\an1}but every time I go to look
at him, he just runs away.

1944
01:30:38,800 --> 01:30:41,042
♪

1945
01:30:41,066 --> 01:30:44,309
{\an1}Then I started to
see shadows in school.

1946
01:30:44,333 --> 01:30:45,876
They run by me

1947
01:30:45,900 --> 01:30:49,376
or a shadow passes
through the walls and stuff.

1948
01:30:49,400 --> 01:30:51,609
I would bring it up
to my friends,

1949
01:30:51,633 --> 01:30:53,909
"Do you guys see
that over there?"

1950
01:30:53,933 --> 01:30:57,442
{\an1}And they're like, "What?
What are you talking about?"

1951
01:30:57,466 --> 01:30:59,342
{\an1}And that's when I was like,
"Oh, you know what? Never mind."

1952
01:30:59,366 --> 01:31:02,009
{\an1}That was my breaking point.

1953
01:31:02,033 --> 01:31:04,876
So, I kept it
a secret most of my life.

1954
01:31:04,900 --> 01:31:06,642
♪

1955
01:31:06,666 --> 01:31:09,909
Pete: For 6 months,
Kevin seemed fine.

1956
01:31:09,933 --> 01:31:13,109
{\an1}And then all of a sudden,
he got in the car one day

1957
01:31:13,133 --> 01:31:16,842
and he was driving,
and Kevin didn't know

1958
01:31:16,866 --> 01:31:19,842
whether he was
awake or dreaming.

1959
01:31:19,866 --> 01:31:23,009
{\an1}So to test it, he took
his hands off the wheel,

1960
01:31:23,033 --> 01:31:24,776
{\an1}and he closed his eyes.

1961
01:31:24,800 --> 01:31:28,442
I did sort of
a Jesus-take-the-wheel thing

1962
01:31:28,466 --> 01:31:30,809
where I let go of
the steering wheel,

1963
01:31:30,833 --> 01:31:33,366
{\an1}and I ended up crashing
into a parked car.

1964
01:31:35,200 --> 01:31:37,133
I kind of was just doing it.

1965
01:31:38,266 --> 01:31:40,333
It... it made sense at the time.

1966
01:31:42,500 --> 01:31:45,742
{\an1}Justin: I mean, imagine if you
couldn't tell the difference

1967
01:31:45,766 --> 01:31:48,209
{\an1}between what was really
happening in your life

1968
01:31:48,233 --> 01:31:51,376
{\an1}and what was happening
in your mind.

1969
01:31:51,400 --> 01:31:53,809
{\an1}You'd feel that everything
you knew was a lie

1970
01:31:53,833 --> 01:31:57,109
{\an1}and that you'd been
lied to your whole life,

1971
01:31:57,133 --> 01:32:00,576
{\an1}and that you found some
new information that

1972
01:32:00,600 --> 01:32:03,309
{\an1}out of nowhere, you could
trust for some reason.

1973
01:32:03,333 --> 01:32:06,876
{\an1}And then you're trying to
explain this to the people

1974
01:32:06,900 --> 01:32:09,076
{\an1}that you have in your life.

1975
01:32:09,100 --> 01:32:12,609
{\an1}And they distance themselves
farther and farther from you

1976
01:32:12,633 --> 01:32:14,476
{\an1}because of your behaviors.

1977
01:32:14,500 --> 01:32:16,909
♪

1978
01:32:16,933 --> 01:32:19,176
{\an1}Vinson: I think one of
the biggest misunderstandings

1979
01:32:19,200 --> 01:32:22,409
{\an1}about psychotic symptoms
is that people think

1980
01:32:22,433 --> 01:32:26,576
{\an1}that if you have them, you must
look crazy all the time.

1981
01:32:26,600 --> 01:32:29,409
{\an1}There are people who may
still have symptoms

1982
01:32:29,433 --> 01:32:31,076
{\an1}but are able to function,

1983
01:32:31,100 --> 01:32:33,542
{\an1}who find coping ways to deal
with those things

1984
01:32:33,566 --> 01:32:35,709
and interact with other people.

1985
01:32:35,733 --> 01:32:38,109
♪

1986
01:32:38,133 --> 01:32:40,709
{\an1}Yanerry: I was very scared
of it at first,

1987
01:32:40,733 --> 01:32:42,409
but after a while,

1988
01:32:42,433 --> 01:32:44,709
it became a part of
my everyday life.

1989
01:32:44,733 --> 01:32:48,776
Because I see it, it's my truth.

1990
01:32:48,800 --> 01:32:50,742
{\an1}It's very much real to me.

1991
01:32:50,766 --> 01:32:54,100
♪

1992
01:32:55,833 --> 01:32:57,676
We are getting a look
at the damage caused

1993
01:32:57,700 --> 01:33:00,276
{\an1}by a man yesterday who climbed
on the roof of a business

1994
01:33:00,300 --> 01:33:01,409
{\an8}and went berserk.

1995
01:33:01,433 --> 01:33:02,976
{\an7}This was the scene on...

1996
01:33:03,000 --> 01:33:06,376
{\an7}Lucas: If I ever saw somebody
acting out, acting angry...

1997
01:33:06,400 --> 01:33:07,942
Reporter: He does suffer
from mental illness.

1998
01:33:07,966 --> 01:33:10,109
{\an8}I would be like,
"Oh, that person's crazy.

1999
01:33:10,133 --> 01:33:11,909
{\an8}"That person's losing
their mind.

2000
01:33:11,933 --> 01:33:13,376
{\an8}They don't know
what they're doing."

2001
01:33:13,400 --> 01:33:16,076
{\an7}I wasn't any, you know,
different than any, um,

2002
01:33:16,100 --> 01:33:17,809
{\an8}I hate to say this,
but normal person

2003
01:33:17,833 --> 01:33:21,242
{\an7}that thinks that negative way
about mental illness.

2004
01:33:21,266 --> 01:33:24,176
Back in high school,
I had a friend

2005
01:33:24,200 --> 01:33:26,676
who had some psychiatric issues,

2006
01:33:26,700 --> 01:33:28,609
{\an1}and I made fun of her,

2007
01:33:28,633 --> 01:33:31,409
{\an1}and I drew in her yearbook
a picture of her

2008
01:33:31,433 --> 01:33:32,909
{\an1}wearing a straitjacket,

2009
01:33:32,933 --> 01:33:35,776
and I made light
of her situation.

2010
01:33:35,800 --> 01:33:38,642
{\an7}I tell people all the time,
kids are cruel sometimes,

2011
01:33:38,666 --> 01:33:40,776
{\an7}and I was cruel with them.

2012
01:33:40,800 --> 01:33:42,642
{\an1}Reporter: take a toll
on individuals, families,

2013
01:33:42,666 --> 01:33:44,442
{\an1}communities, and society
as a whole.

2014
01:33:44,466 --> 01:33:46,476
{\an1}Reporter 2: who is battling
his personal demons

2015
01:33:46,500 --> 01:33:48,076
is also battling his neighbors,

2016
01:33:48,100 --> 01:33:49,642
{\an8}and they say enough is enough.

2017
01:33:49,666 --> 01:33:52,709
{\an7}Kennedy: There's something
particular

2018
01:33:52,733 --> 01:33:56,776
{\an7}about a mental illness
that frightens people.

2019
01:33:56,800 --> 01:33:59,709
{\an7}If we walk by a person
on the street

2020
01:33:59,733 --> 01:34:05,342
{\an7}who is in active psychosis,
we turn the other way.

2021
01:34:05,366 --> 01:34:09,376
{\an7}And if we walked by someone
who fell over

2022
01:34:09,400 --> 01:34:12,509
{\an8}and is bleeding, we'd call 911.

2023
01:34:12,533 --> 01:34:17,609
{\an1}This is the most clear-cut
case of a double standard

2024
01:34:17,633 --> 01:34:20,609
in the way that we treat people.

2025
01:34:20,633 --> 01:34:24,742
{\an7}Billie: It is naturally
human nature to be afraid

2026
01:34:24,766 --> 01:34:28,276
{\an7}of what we don't understand

2027
01:34:28,300 --> 01:34:31,776
{\an8}because that's just what we are.

2028
01:34:31,800 --> 01:34:35,609
We take comfort in
the things we know.

2029
01:34:35,633 --> 01:34:39,376
The stigma comes from
a legitimate fear

2030
01:34:39,400 --> 01:34:42,876
{\an1}that if other people know
that this illness is present,

2031
01:34:42,900 --> 01:34:45,842
they will treat you
differently, ostracize you.

2032
01:34:45,866 --> 01:34:48,542
{\an1}They will not include you.

2033
01:34:48,566 --> 01:34:51,709
{\an1}Kevin: I think stigma is
kind of like covering your ears

2034
01:34:51,733 --> 01:34:54,942
{\an1}or your eyes and not
wanting to realize that

2035
01:34:54,966 --> 01:34:57,709
mental illness could
possibly affect you

2036
01:34:57,733 --> 01:35:00,909
{\an1}or your family members
or your loved ones.

2037
01:35:00,933 --> 01:35:02,409
That if you got
a mental illness,

2038
01:35:02,433 --> 01:35:04,876
{\an1}you're gonna be crazy for
the rest of your life.

2039
01:35:04,900 --> 01:35:07,642
{\an7}It's like the self-fulfilling
prophecy as well.

2040
01:35:07,666 --> 01:35:09,642
{\an1}If someone is constantly
telling you

2041
01:35:09,666 --> 01:35:11,209
{\an1}you're this, you're that,

2042
01:35:11,233 --> 01:35:13,742
{\an1}then you kind of start to
believe it.

2043
01:35:13,766 --> 01:35:15,042
{\an1}Alexis: You're like, "Yeah,

2044
01:35:15,066 --> 01:35:16,809
{\an8}I wouldn't want to be
around me either."

2045
01:35:16,833 --> 01:35:19,376
{\an7}Like, I'm an emotional
wreck, you know?

2046
01:35:19,400 --> 01:35:23,676
{\an7}You don't see that kind
of shame with most other
medical illnesses.

2047
01:35:23,700 --> 01:35:27,876
{\an7}I didn't really want to
talk about my feelings,

2048
01:35:27,900 --> 01:35:29,542
{\an8}because I didn't want
people to look at me

2049
01:35:29,566 --> 01:35:30,742
{\an8}in a different light.

2050
01:35:30,766 --> 01:35:33,076
{\an7}You want to, like, hide

2051
01:35:33,100 --> 01:35:36,542
{\an7}and just not be by anybody
and just be alone.

2052
01:35:36,566 --> 01:35:40,076
{\an1}If I were to hide this
or to be ashamed

2053
01:35:40,100 --> 01:35:42,909
or to not talk
to people about this,

2054
01:35:42,933 --> 01:35:45,276
it would be festering
inside of me

2055
01:35:45,300 --> 01:35:47,709
{\an1}and it would eat at my soul

2056
01:35:47,733 --> 01:35:50,376
{\an1}if I weren't able to share
it with other people.

2057
01:35:50,400 --> 01:35:53,842
{\an1}Billie: You leave people
to make these assumptions

2058
01:35:53,866 --> 01:35:56,142
{\an1}about those that suffer
with mental illness

2059
01:35:56,166 --> 01:36:00,909
{\an1}rather than letting us actually
speak our story and say,

2060
01:36:00,933 --> 01:36:05,942
{\an1}"Hey, this is how these symptoms
actually affect a human."

2061
01:36:05,966 --> 01:36:07,909
{\an1}Everyone is different.

2062
01:36:07,933 --> 01:36:10,009
Everyone is unique
in their own ways.

2063
01:36:10,033 --> 01:36:12,609
{\an1}No one ever understands
what someone went through

2064
01:36:12,633 --> 01:36:14,909
{\an1}or how their feelings are.

2065
01:36:14,933 --> 01:36:17,942
{\an1}And once you really get
that thought in your head,

2066
01:36:17,966 --> 01:36:21,566
{\an1}it's hard to sit there
and be so cruel.

2067
01:36:22,833 --> 01:36:24,409
♪

2068
01:36:24,433 --> 01:36:26,609
{\an1}Yanerry: I know you're scared,

2069
01:36:26,633 --> 01:36:30,776
{\an1}and I know the fear of
being judged is a fear

2070
01:36:30,800 --> 01:36:33,309
{\an1}that I wouldn't want
my worst enemy to feel.

2071
01:36:33,333 --> 01:36:36,676
{\an7}But you should learn
to really love yourself

2072
01:36:36,700 --> 01:36:39,576
{\an7}and accept it, because you
can spend your whole life

2073
01:36:39,600 --> 01:36:41,442
{\an8}worrying about it.

2074
01:36:41,466 --> 01:36:44,209
When you look back,
you just wish

2075
01:36:44,233 --> 01:36:45,942
{\an1}you could have accepted it

2076
01:36:45,966 --> 01:36:50,633
{\an1}and lived your life as close to
your normal as possible.

2077
01:36:56,733 --> 01:36:59,442
Woman: There was
a very fine pain,

2078
01:36:59,466 --> 01:37:02,742
like the swift and fleeting burn

2079
01:37:02,766 --> 01:37:06,276
{\an1}of a drop of hot candle wax.

2080
01:37:06,300 --> 01:37:08,242
The chaos in my head

2081
01:37:08,266 --> 01:37:13,376
{\an7}spun itself into a silk
of silence.

2082
01:37:13,400 --> 01:37:15,576
{\an8}Caroline Kettlewell.

2083
01:37:15,600 --> 01:37:19,976
{\an8}♪

2084
01:37:20,000 --> 01:37:24,709
{\an1}Billie: I felt so empty
and so unmotivated

2085
01:37:24,733 --> 01:37:29,042
{\an1}that I didn't want to live,

2086
01:37:29,066 --> 01:37:31,109
but I didn't want to die either,

2087
01:37:31,133 --> 01:37:33,242
{\an1}so I just didn't care.

2088
01:37:33,266 --> 01:37:37,376
{\an1}But the act of cutting

2089
01:37:37,400 --> 01:37:42,209
{\an1}reminded me that I was
here today.

2090
01:37:42,233 --> 01:37:43,942
♪

2091
01:37:43,966 --> 01:37:46,442
{\an1}I had a knife laying around,

2092
01:37:46,466 --> 01:37:48,976
{\an1}and I was playing with it,

2093
01:37:49,000 --> 01:37:55,176
{\an1}and I, um, decided to see
how sharp it is on myself.

2094
01:37:55,200 --> 01:37:57,509
And I kept doing it.

2095
01:37:57,533 --> 01:37:59,009
♪

2096
01:37:59,033 --> 01:38:03,742
{\an7}What sane person would
think that hurting themselves

2097
01:38:03,766 --> 01:38:05,776
{\an8}would stop the pain?

2098
01:38:05,800 --> 01:38:09,242
♪

2099
01:38:09,266 --> 01:38:14,076
Vinson: So self-harm
is something that is
often misunderstood.

2100
01:38:14,100 --> 01:38:16,476
{\an7}Normally it falls into
one of two categories.

2101
01:38:16,500 --> 01:38:18,409
{\an8}Um, and getting
somebody's attention

2102
01:38:18,433 --> 01:38:20,109
{\an7}is not one of those two.

2103
01:38:20,133 --> 01:38:22,842
Uh, the first is that
they feel numb

2104
01:38:22,866 --> 01:38:24,976
and they just want
to feel something.

2105
01:38:25,000 --> 01:38:27,409
{\an1}And the second is someone

2106
01:38:27,433 --> 01:38:31,676
{\an1}who feels overwhelming
negative emotions,

2107
01:38:31,700 --> 01:38:35,409
like anger
or sadness or anxiety.

2108
01:38:35,433 --> 01:38:38,776
{\an1}It allows them to feel
something else other than that.

2109
01:38:38,800 --> 01:38:41,876
{\an8}I learned it
in a book that I read.

2110
01:38:41,900 --> 01:38:46,976
{\an8}Um, once I started,
I couldn't stop.

2111
01:38:47,000 --> 01:38:50,809
{\an1}Yanerry: I watched a movie
that had self-harm,

2112
01:38:50,833 --> 01:38:53,742
and I kind of,
uh, wanted to try it.

2113
01:38:53,766 --> 01:38:57,276
{\an7}I was like, "Oh, well,
this is a way to, like,

2114
01:38:57,300 --> 01:38:58,709
{\an8}get everything out."

2115
01:38:58,733 --> 01:39:00,509
{\an8}It doesn't make you feel better.

2116
01:39:00,533 --> 01:39:02,509
{\an8}It's just...

2117
01:39:02,533 --> 01:39:04,609
{\an7}relief as you could say.

2118
01:39:04,633 --> 01:39:07,909
{\an8}Just doing it...

2119
01:39:07,933 --> 01:39:11,509
{\an1}just gets a weight off
your shoulders and stuff.

2120
01:39:11,533 --> 01:39:13,376
{\an1}Makalynn: It was a little bit
before eighth grade

2121
01:39:13,400 --> 01:39:15,776
{\an1}I started cutting myself.

2122
01:39:15,800 --> 01:39:17,342
{\an8}You know when you
shake up a pop bottle

2123
01:39:17,366 --> 01:39:18,876
{\an8}and you open the lid
up a little bit

2124
01:39:18,900 --> 01:39:21,942
{\an7}and that fizz comes out,
that's kind of what,

2125
01:39:21,966 --> 01:39:24,909
you know, hurting myself did.

2126
01:39:24,933 --> 01:39:29,342
{\an1}Leah: I'd just cut myself
or burn myself or bite myself

2127
01:39:29,366 --> 01:39:33,676
{\an1}so that, um, I wouldn't
feel all this pain

2128
01:39:33,700 --> 01:39:36,342
{\an1}that I felt inside of myself.

2129
01:39:36,366 --> 01:39:38,609
{\an1}Alexis: I was just scratching
and scratching and scratching

2130
01:39:38,633 --> 01:39:40,976
until I would ultimately bleed.

2131
01:39:41,000 --> 01:39:44,809
{\an7}I hated who I was,
and I hated how I felt

2132
01:39:44,833 --> 01:39:46,776
{\an7}other people viewed me,

2133
01:39:46,800 --> 01:39:50,042
{\an7}so that was the damage
I did to myself.

2134
01:39:50,066 --> 01:39:52,609
{\an1}I actually kept a hammer
in my room

2135
01:39:52,633 --> 01:39:56,009
{\an1}and, um, I would hit myself
in the legs with a hammer,

2136
01:39:56,033 --> 01:39:58,442
{\an1}you know, because a bruise
was a lot easier to explain

2137
01:39:58,466 --> 01:40:00,242
to my mom or to
a teacher at school

2138
01:40:00,266 --> 01:40:02,976
{\an1}than a cut on the inside
of my wrist.

2139
01:40:03,000 --> 01:40:05,042
{\an7}One of the things that I
thought would take away

2140
01:40:05,066 --> 01:40:06,909
{\an7}from the anxiety, like
going up to something

2141
01:40:06,933 --> 01:40:08,876
{\an8}and just punching it
as hard as I could.

2142
01:40:08,900 --> 01:40:12,276
{\an1}It didn't really help,
it just hurt the [beep].

2143
01:40:12,300 --> 01:40:14,442
{\an1}Vinson: Self-harm isn't done
with the intention

2144
01:40:14,466 --> 01:40:17,042
{\an1}of someone ending their life.

2145
01:40:17,066 --> 01:40:19,842
{\an1}It indicates that there
are very limited,

2146
01:40:19,866 --> 01:40:21,809
{\an1}adaptive coping mechanisms

2147
01:40:21,833 --> 01:40:24,309
for dealing with
negative emotions

2148
01:40:24,333 --> 01:40:26,766
{\an1}or for dealing with hard times.

2149
01:40:28,333 --> 01:40:30,942
{\an1}I don't want to die, but, like,

2150
01:40:30,966 --> 01:40:34,176
{\an1}I want to feel some type
of pain or whatever.

2151
01:40:34,200 --> 01:40:36,576
{\an1}I don't really remember.

2152
01:40:36,600 --> 01:40:40,309
{\an1}But then I did it right
in my bed, like, crying,

2153
01:40:40,333 --> 01:40:42,742
{\an1}thinking about what these
people said to me

2154
01:40:42,766 --> 01:40:45,742
on social media
and how they don't care.

2155
01:40:45,766 --> 01:40:47,309
♪

2156
01:40:47,333 --> 01:40:50,476
{\an1}Leah: It's addicting to get
that instant relief

2157
01:40:50,500 --> 01:40:51,876
from the pain.

2158
01:40:51,900 --> 01:40:54,876
{\an1}But at the same time,
you are harming yourself.

2159
01:40:54,900 --> 01:40:58,409
{\an1}And God forbid something
really bad could happen to you

2160
01:40:58,433 --> 01:41:02,609
{\an1}just trying to get those
few seconds of no pain.

2161
01:41:02,633 --> 01:41:06,609
{\an1}It had, um, gotten worse,

2162
01:41:06,633 --> 01:41:09,642
and that I, um, was,
like, doing it

2163
01:41:09,666 --> 01:41:14,209
on my arms and legs
and stomach now.

2164
01:41:14,233 --> 01:41:15,909
{\an1}Leah: I was cutting on my leg

2165
01:41:15,933 --> 01:41:20,009
'cause I was ashamed
of what I was doing.

2166
01:41:20,033 --> 01:41:23,676
{\an8}And you get gauze,
and you wrap your arm up,

2167
01:41:23,700 --> 01:41:26,542
{\an7}and you wrap your leg up,

2168
01:41:26,566 --> 01:41:28,942
{\an8}and you wear sweaters
in the summertime.

2169
01:41:28,966 --> 01:41:30,676
And nobody asks.

2170
01:41:30,700 --> 01:41:32,709
And it's weird.

2171
01:41:32,733 --> 01:41:37,142
{\an1}Leah: I don't remember my dad
asking me about the cutting.

2172
01:41:37,166 --> 01:41:40,542
I don't think that
he wanted to talk about it.

2173
01:41:40,566 --> 01:41:43,233
{\an1}Samantha: Why is nobody
questioning it?

2174
01:41:45,266 --> 01:41:48,342
{\an1}Dunning: People cut because
they want to feel better.

2175
01:41:48,366 --> 01:41:51,642
{\an1}So I will ask you,
"What was that feeling

2176
01:41:51,666 --> 01:41:55,176
that you were trying
to get to?"

2177
01:41:55,200 --> 01:41:57,242
{\an8}Then we'll have
a great discussion,

2178
01:41:57,266 --> 01:42:00,509
{\an7}and we can be more fruitful
in getting

2179
01:42:00,533 --> 01:42:02,609
{\an7}to what's really going on.

2180
01:42:02,633 --> 01:42:04,909
{\an1}At the end of the day,
it's really not worth it

2181
01:42:04,933 --> 01:42:07,309
{\an1}because you're left with scars

2182
01:42:07,333 --> 01:42:10,542
and your pain is still there.

2183
01:42:10,566 --> 01:42:12,842
{\an1}Morgan: I think self-harming
is more than

2184
01:42:12,866 --> 01:42:15,276
{\an1}just cutting yourself.

2185
01:42:15,300 --> 01:42:18,442
{\an1}Activities we do daily
that are just more socially

2186
01:42:18,466 --> 01:42:23,342
{\an1}acceptable like drinking,
smoking, not sleeping enough,

2187
01:42:23,366 --> 01:42:25,742
not eating enough,

2188
01:42:25,766 --> 01:42:28,242
these are all
self-destructive behaviors

2189
01:42:28,266 --> 01:42:30,576
but they're just more
socially acceptable.

2190
01:42:30,600 --> 01:42:33,409
{\an1}Amira: It's hard whenever
you have to balance things

2191
01:42:33,433 --> 01:42:37,009
{\an1}like work and school
and other people even.

2192
01:42:37,033 --> 01:42:39,442
{\an1}Anything can trigger, you know,

2193
01:42:39,466 --> 01:42:42,742
{\an1}your... whatever you've
got going on, really.

2194
01:42:42,766 --> 01:42:47,576
And if you're already upset,

2195
01:42:47,600 --> 01:42:50,742
{\an1}if you're already in
an unstable head space,

2196
01:42:50,766 --> 01:42:53,733
{\an1}it can trigger so much more,
you know?

2197
01:42:55,300 --> 01:42:59,676
{\an1}Kennedy: I think we all can see
whether these illnesses

2198
01:42:59,700 --> 01:43:04,709
{\an7}are causing us to be in
situations that, you know,

2199
01:43:04,733 --> 01:43:07,009
{\an8}are not where we want to be.

2200
01:43:07,033 --> 01:43:09,742
Julie: I didn't know
what was going on,

2201
01:43:09,766 --> 01:43:11,476
{\an1}I just wanted it to stop.

2202
01:43:11,500 --> 01:43:15,209
{\an1}I didn't see any reason
to even try to be sane.

2203
01:43:15,233 --> 01:43:16,776
If I take one pill,

2204
01:43:16,800 --> 01:43:20,742
{\an1}if I take one sip
of a drink, it's over.

2205
01:43:20,766 --> 01:43:23,876
{\an1}And all the sudden, you're
in that cycle of denial,

2206
01:43:23,900 --> 01:43:27,376
{\an1}where you really are not
in touch with reality.

2207
01:43:27,400 --> 01:43:30,209
{\an1}You're not seeing things
clearly.

2208
01:43:30,233 --> 01:43:34,209
{\an1}I was shutting away my friends
and the people who loved me.

2209
01:43:34,233 --> 01:43:36,009
I felt like I had
a disease, you know,

2210
01:43:36,033 --> 01:43:37,876
{\an1}and I couldn't help myself.

2211
01:43:37,900 --> 01:43:43,209
{\an1}It's gonna eventually come
to the time where it's over

2212
01:43:43,233 --> 01:43:45,576
{\an1}and I just stop caring.

2213
01:43:45,600 --> 01:43:49,542
{\an1}Kennedy: You have an illness
that lies to you,

2214
01:43:49,566 --> 01:43:53,542
{\an1}that tells you you're the one
that's gotten yourself

2215
01:43:53,566 --> 01:43:55,776
in this situation.

2216
01:43:55,800 --> 01:43:59,242
{\an1}As if you would wake up
in any given day

2217
01:43:59,266 --> 01:44:02,609
{\an1}and decide to jeopardize
your career,

2218
01:44:02,633 --> 01:44:05,376
{\an1}jeopardize your relationship
with your family.

2219
01:44:05,400 --> 01:44:12,076
{\an1}No human being would willingly
put themselves in a place

2220
01:44:12,100 --> 01:44:16,876
{\an1}where they could be
castigated, criticized,

2221
01:44:16,900 --> 01:44:20,142
{\an1}demeaned, and marginalized.

2222
01:44:20,166 --> 01:44:24,742
{\an1}You are hijacked
by your brain illness,

2223
01:44:24,766 --> 01:44:29,266
{\an1}and then it's really not hard
to see where this goes.

2224
01:44:30,700 --> 01:44:33,209
{\an1}Yaadieah: I knew my day
was gonna be bad.

2225
01:44:33,233 --> 01:44:35,542
{\an1}I was having a hard time
just talking to anyone.

2226
01:44:35,566 --> 01:44:36,876
I wasn't talking to my friends.

2227
01:44:36,900 --> 01:44:39,809
And I also felt like
I was a burden,

2228
01:44:39,833 --> 01:44:41,576
everyone would
honestly be better off

2229
01:44:41,600 --> 01:44:43,909
{\an1}if I just wasn't here.

2230
01:44:43,933 --> 01:44:46,476
{\an1}My mother was never home.

2231
01:44:46,500 --> 01:44:49,876
{\an1}I'd wonder if I just killed
myself and she just came
home to me dead.

2232
01:44:49,900 --> 01:44:53,942
{\an1}Billie: I was already under
suicide watch by my parents.

2233
01:44:53,966 --> 01:44:58,209
I skipped my meds
for a couple days

2234
01:44:58,233 --> 01:44:59,909
{\an1}so I could build some up

2235
01:44:59,933 --> 01:45:03,776
{\an1}and then took all
of the meds that I had,

2236
01:45:03,800 --> 01:45:05,876
and...

2237
01:45:05,900 --> 01:45:09,842
{\an1}I laid in bed and waited
for the meds to kick in.

2238
01:45:09,866 --> 01:45:11,776
♪

2239
01:45:11,800 --> 01:45:14,509
{\an1}Mary: Maclayn went to school.

2240
01:45:14,533 --> 01:45:16,276
{\an7}Then we got a call
from the counselor

2241
01:45:16,300 --> 01:45:19,476
{\an7}that he had really talked about,

2242
01:45:19,500 --> 01:45:21,976
{\an7}"I don't have a purpose
here, I'm done,"

2243
01:45:22,000 --> 01:45:24,676
{\an1}and just kept saying the words,
"I'm done, I'm done."

2244
01:45:24,700 --> 01:45:28,709
{\an1}I had thoughts of like
wanting to end my life

2245
01:45:28,733 --> 01:45:32,142
{\an1}and that, like, I wasn't
meant to be on this Earth.

2246
01:45:32,166 --> 01:45:35,042
{\an1}Mary: He never said
the word "suicide."

2247
01:45:35,066 --> 01:45:36,976
Joe: But when he starts
asking those questions,

2248
01:45:37,000 --> 01:45:38,842
{\an8}I mean...
At 9.

2249
01:45:38,866 --> 01:45:40,142
{\an8}You just... you just want
to crawl in a corner

2250
01:45:40,166 --> 01:45:41,642
{\an8}and cry yourself.

2251
01:45:41,666 --> 01:45:43,709
{\an1}It was terrible.
We don't know what to do.

2252
01:45:43,733 --> 01:45:45,642
♪

2253
01:45:45,666 --> 01:45:46,976
{\an1}Angel: You may not know this,

2254
01:45:47,000 --> 01:45:48,909
but you mean a lot to
the people around you.

2255
01:45:48,933 --> 01:45:52,509
{\an1}Your family, your friends,
your coworkers, your teammates,

2256
01:45:52,533 --> 01:45:55,176
all those people care
about you in some sort of way.

2257
01:45:55,200 --> 01:45:59,176
{\an1}You need to understand
that your life matters.

2258
01:45:59,200 --> 01:46:01,776
Often, if you can
just prevent somebody

2259
01:46:01,800 --> 01:46:04,042
{\an1}from making an attempt,

2260
01:46:04,066 --> 01:46:08,076
{\an1}you can also not only save
their lives for that moment,

2261
01:46:08,100 --> 01:46:09,842
but they may not make
another one.

2262
01:46:09,866 --> 01:46:12,542
{\an1}Davidson: I've had kids
that leave my office,

2263
01:46:12,566 --> 01:46:14,676
{\an8}and I'll say to them,

2264
01:46:14,700 --> 01:46:19,076
{\an1}"Hey, um, can you
make me a promise?

2265
01:46:19,100 --> 01:46:21,009
{\an1}"I need you to promise to me

2266
01:46:21,033 --> 01:46:23,409
{\an1}"that you're not gonna
hurt yourself tonight,

2267
01:46:23,433 --> 01:46:26,209
{\an1}and that you're gonna come
check in with me tomorrow."

2268
01:46:26,233 --> 01:46:28,542
{\an1}And that might be the one
thing that they hang on to

2269
01:46:28,566 --> 01:46:30,342
that makes them get
through the night.

2270
01:46:30,366 --> 01:46:32,542
♪

2271
01:46:32,566 --> 01:46:36,876
{\an1}As much as it's just words,
it means a lot to them.

2272
01:46:36,900 --> 01:46:38,376
{\an1}That's the first step.

2273
01:46:38,400 --> 01:46:40,109
♪

2274
01:46:40,133 --> 01:46:42,709
Isabel: I was looking
to get him help,

2275
01:46:42,733 --> 01:46:45,142
but before that
could ever happen,

2276
01:46:45,166 --> 01:46:48,376
he had voiced suicidal ideation.

2277
01:46:48,400 --> 01:46:49,809
What happened?

2278
01:46:49,833 --> 01:46:52,142
♪

2279
01:46:52,166 --> 01:46:55,842
{\an7}Your kid doesn't want to live.

2280
01:46:55,866 --> 01:46:57,442
Second grade.

2281
01:46:57,466 --> 01:47:00,209
♪

2282
01:47:00,233 --> 01:47:02,242
At second grade,
you should be full of life,

2283
01:47:02,266 --> 01:47:05,009
you should be riding your bike

2284
01:47:05,033 --> 01:47:08,276
or busting your butt
on a skateboard,

2285
01:47:08,300 --> 01:47:09,842
{\an1}not wanting to end your life.

2286
01:47:09,866 --> 01:47:11,976
{\an1}You have a lot of life.

2287
01:47:12,000 --> 01:47:15,409
Alexis: It was just
too much to bear.

2288
01:47:15,433 --> 01:47:17,242
{\an1}I have two younger brothers.

2289
01:47:17,266 --> 01:47:19,076
I wrote them good-bye letters,

2290
01:47:19,100 --> 01:47:22,876
just apologizing for
being so emotional,

2291
01:47:22,900 --> 01:47:26,209
being such a burden,
"I'm sorry for leaving."

2292
01:47:26,233 --> 01:47:28,076
And then...

2293
01:47:28,100 --> 01:47:30,242
[Sighs]

2294
01:47:30,266 --> 01:47:35,276
{\an1}when I... I put my letters
in their room,

2295
01:47:35,300 --> 01:47:37,209
I couldn't go through with it.

2296
01:47:37,233 --> 01:47:38,776
I couldn't do it,

2297
01:47:38,800 --> 01:47:42,842
{\an1}because I was so worried
they would find me first.

2298
01:47:42,866 --> 01:47:46,809
That's literally
the only reason I'm here.

2299
01:47:46,833 --> 01:47:48,409
Justin: You matter.

2300
01:47:48,433 --> 01:47:49,742
You matter.

2301
01:47:49,766 --> 01:47:51,609
You may not realize
it right now,

2302
01:47:51,633 --> 01:47:54,109
but your struggles
are for a reason.

2303
01:47:54,133 --> 01:47:56,642
{\an1}There are so many ways out,

2304
01:47:56,666 --> 01:47:59,176
{\an1}and suicide is not one of them.

2305
01:47:59,200 --> 01:48:03,442
Well, it was actually
on social media.

2306
01:48:03,466 --> 01:48:05,676
These boys didn't
care how I felt,

2307
01:48:05,700 --> 01:48:08,176
they just wanted me
to feel guilty,

2308
01:48:08,200 --> 01:48:11,042
{\an1}and they kept pushing,
pushing till, like,

2309
01:48:11,066 --> 01:48:14,542
{\an1}I, like, couldn't deal
with it anymore.

2310
01:48:14,566 --> 01:48:17,776
I actually was, like,
really scared,

2311
01:48:17,800 --> 01:48:22,176
but I actually tried
to hurt myself.

2312
01:48:22,200 --> 01:48:24,042
♪

2313
01:48:24,066 --> 01:48:27,209
Yanerry: I overdosed
on Ibuprofen.

2314
01:48:27,233 --> 01:48:30,909
{\an1}My stepfather had, I guess,
searched online

2315
01:48:30,933 --> 01:48:33,876
that people can't
overdose on ibuprofen,

2316
01:48:33,900 --> 01:48:36,576
{\an1}so no one came to help me.

2317
01:48:36,600 --> 01:48:38,409
I was by myself,

2318
01:48:38,433 --> 01:48:42,709
and I remember lying
on the floor.

2319
01:48:42,733 --> 01:48:45,909
{\an1}And I was just like
begging God to take me.

2320
01:48:45,933 --> 01:48:47,209
♪

2321
01:48:47,233 --> 01:48:50,676
And then I saw, like,
a shadow standing

2322
01:48:50,700 --> 01:48:54,609
in the corner,
but I wasn't scared.

2323
01:48:54,633 --> 01:48:57,842
{\an1}I actually felt comfort
from the shadow.

2324
01:48:57,866 --> 01:48:59,642
{\an1}Even if it wasn't real,

2325
01:48:59,666 --> 01:49:03,076
{\an1}it kind of made me feel
like someone was there for me.

2326
01:49:03,100 --> 01:49:05,176
♪

2327
01:49:05,200 --> 01:49:07,109
{\an1}Morgan: I just took basically
the whole bottle

2328
01:49:07,133 --> 01:49:09,276
{\an1}of my migraine medication.

2329
01:49:09,300 --> 01:49:12,376
{\an1}I didn't make a huge deal
out of it,

2330
01:49:12,400 --> 01:49:14,742
{\an1}and then I just went to sleep,

2331
01:49:14,766 --> 01:49:18,442
and the next thing
I know, I woke up

2332
01:49:18,466 --> 01:49:22,509
{\an1}in the hospital, my eyes
like opening up really slow,

2333
01:49:22,533 --> 01:49:24,076
seeing my mom's face,

2334
01:49:24,100 --> 01:49:26,242
"What did you do?
What did you do?"

2335
01:49:26,266 --> 01:49:27,909
And then I just
went back to sleep.

2336
01:49:27,933 --> 01:49:31,042
{\an1}And I was honestly pissed.

2337
01:49:31,066 --> 01:49:35,009
{\an1}I just want kids to know
that it's just...

2338
01:49:35,033 --> 01:49:36,542
You're never alone

2339
01:49:36,566 --> 01:49:39,709
{\an1}and that there's always gonna be
someone who cares about you

2340
01:49:39,733 --> 01:49:42,666
and that you're gonna
get through this.

2341
01:49:44,333 --> 01:49:48,042
Morgan: After that,
two years was rock bottom.

2342
01:49:48,066 --> 01:49:51,076
{\an1}I was in a very abusive
relationship.

2343
01:49:51,100 --> 01:49:54,476
My parents wouldn't
give me any space.

2344
01:49:54,500 --> 01:49:59,009
I was running out
of the house, I was crying,

2345
01:49:59,033 --> 01:50:01,309
{\an1}my mom, she was chasing me.

2346
01:50:01,333 --> 01:50:02,942
♪

2347
01:50:02,966 --> 01:50:05,309
{\an1}And I just threw myself
in the middle of the road.

2348
01:50:05,333 --> 01:50:06,842
[Crash]

2349
01:50:06,866 --> 01:50:10,876
{\an1}My mom saw the whole thing,
and I was hit by a car.

2350
01:50:10,900 --> 01:50:12,676
{\an1}Windshield was shattered.

2351
01:50:12,700 --> 01:50:15,109
{\an1}Then my body was like whomp,
whomp, whomp.

2352
01:50:15,133 --> 01:50:18,276
{\an1}And I think that was like
a breaking point, snap,

2353
01:50:18,300 --> 01:50:20,042
{\an1}my biggest snapping point.

2354
01:50:20,066 --> 01:50:23,276
{\an1}Lydia: So there was barely
any joy in my life,

2355
01:50:23,300 --> 01:50:25,742
and when it was,
it was like momentary,

2356
01:50:25,766 --> 01:50:27,876
{\an1}it was very short-lived joy.

2357
01:50:27,900 --> 01:50:31,642
And then it ended,
and I was like, "Well, [beep],

2358
01:50:31,666 --> 01:50:35,076
{\an1}"I am just like... I'm just
gonna pop these pills,

2359
01:50:35,100 --> 01:50:37,376
and if I die, I die."

2360
01:50:37,400 --> 01:50:40,042
{\an1}Erick: Watching your kid
struggle like this

2361
01:50:40,066 --> 01:50:44,609
{\an7}and really not knowing if
they're gonna make it,

2362
01:50:44,633 --> 01:50:49,109
{\an7}uh, it's the most terrifying
thing I've ever known.

2363
01:50:49,133 --> 01:50:50,942
♪

2364
01:50:50,966 --> 01:50:54,942
{\an1}Pete: Then all of a sudden,
I became that parent.

2365
01:50:54,966 --> 01:50:57,876
{\an1}You sit there and watch this
person slipping away from you

2366
01:50:57,900 --> 01:51:01,176
{\an1}and you feel so helpless.

2367
01:51:01,200 --> 01:51:03,276
{\an7}You don't get interested
in mental health

2368
01:51:03,300 --> 01:51:06,742
{\an7}because... it's... it's not like
the ski club, you know?

2369
01:51:06,766 --> 01:51:09,676
{\an7}You only get involved because
you get dragged into it.

2370
01:51:09,700 --> 01:51:12,109
This is not a calling
I ever wanted,

2371
01:51:12,133 --> 01:51:14,942
{\an1}and, uh, then once you
get into it,

2372
01:51:14,966 --> 01:51:17,609
{\an1}I can't believe you don't
feel a responsibility

2373
01:51:17,633 --> 01:51:19,142
{\an1}to do something about it.

2374
01:51:19,166 --> 01:51:20,742
Lives are being lost.

2375
01:51:20,766 --> 01:51:22,542
♪

2376
01:51:22,566 --> 01:51:24,109
[Man vocalizing]

2377
01:51:24,133 --> 01:51:27,676
{\an7}Dunning: If you're still in
the storm and you don't know

2378
01:51:27,700 --> 01:51:31,509
{\an8}where to go next,
hold your hand up,

2379
01:51:31,533 --> 01:51:33,376
{\an8}reach out.

2380
01:51:33,400 --> 01:51:36,009
{\an8}Reach out.

2381
01:51:36,033 --> 01:51:39,442
{\an7}There will be brighter days.

2382
01:51:39,466 --> 01:51:42,809
{\an8}I know, you're like,
"You don't know me.

2383
01:51:42,833 --> 01:51:45,709
{\an1}You have no idea of my journey,
you have no idea."

2384
01:51:45,733 --> 01:51:48,576
{\an1}You're right, I don't.
You're right, I don't.

2385
01:51:48,600 --> 01:51:54,609
{\an1}But I do know about lots of
other kids' journeys.

2386
01:51:54,633 --> 01:51:58,776
{\an1}They are very different than
yours, I'm sure of that.

2387
01:51:58,800 --> 01:52:01,242
But what I know is
that you're worth it.

2388
01:52:01,266 --> 01:52:04,176
You have value.

2389
01:52:04,200 --> 01:52:06,742
{\an1}You are worthy of love.

2390
01:52:06,766 --> 01:52:10,409
You are worthy of being alive.

2391
01:52:10,433 --> 01:52:14,276
{\an1}You're fighting this fight

2392
01:52:14,300 --> 01:52:17,142
{\an1}that you truly have no idea

2393
01:52:17,166 --> 01:52:19,800
whether you're going
to win or not.

2394
01:52:21,266 --> 01:52:25,076
{\an1}You're beyond courageous,
you're beyond courageous,

2395
01:52:25,100 --> 01:52:28,176
and you're stronger
than you know,

2396
01:52:28,200 --> 01:52:32,542
so keep the fight,
stay strong in your resolve,

2397
01:52:32,566 --> 01:52:34,876
{\an1}because you're worth it.

2398
01:52:34,900 --> 01:52:39,500
♪

2399
01:52:42,366 --> 01:52:44,809
{\an1}Justin: There's a whole life
out there just waiting for you.

2400
01:52:44,833 --> 01:52:46,342
{\an1}Announcer: Next time...

2401
01:52:46,366 --> 01:52:49,842
{\an1}Billie: I think I don't actually
give my therapist enough credit.

2402
01:52:49,866 --> 01:52:52,842
Makalynn: I know now
that medication is necessary.

2403
01:52:52,866 --> 01:52:54,909
Man: You think you can
love it out of them,

2404
01:52:54,933 --> 01:52:56,809
that will fix it.

2405
01:52:56,833 --> 01:52:58,109
No, it doesn't.

2406
01:52:58,133 --> 01:53:01,342
{\an1}Insel: People do overcome
having a mental illness.

2407
01:53:01,366 --> 01:53:03,809
{\an1}I am bipolar. This is OK.

2408
01:53:03,833 --> 01:53:06,609
Maclayn: I'm just me.

2409
01:53:06,633 --> 01:53:07,709
{\an7}Announcer: Next time on

2410
01:53:07,733 --> 01:53:12,000
{\an7}"Hiding in Plain Sight."

2411
01:53:12,400 --> 01:53:15,009
{\an1}[Kevin "Earleybird" Earley's
"Convey" playing]

2412
01:53:15,033 --> 01:53:21,542
♪

2413
01:53:21,566 --> 01:53:24,209
{\an1}Earley: ♪ I don't really know
any way to convey ♪

2414
01:53:24,233 --> 01:53:26,942
{\an1}♪ The range of emotions
I go through each day ♪

2415
01:53:26,966 --> 01:53:29,242
♪ Got my ideas,
but I've been known to stray ♪

2416
01:53:29,266 --> 01:53:31,776
♪ Consequences for
my actions I pay ♪

2417
01:53:31,800 --> 01:53:34,076
{\an1}♪ Try to be accountable
for all that I say ♪

2418
01:53:34,100 --> 01:53:36,442
♪ Handle my business
and make time to play ♪

2419
01:53:36,466 --> 01:53:38,976
♪ Options and choices
I carefully weigh ♪

2420
01:53:39,000 --> 01:53:41,476
♪ Mold my ambition
like handfuls of clay ♪

2421
01:53:41,500 --> 01:53:43,909
♪ Stress I encounter,
it takes its effect ♪

2422
01:53:43,933 --> 01:53:46,509
{\an1}♪ Don't like the odds,
but I still place my bets ♪

2423
01:53:46,533 --> 01:53:48,709
♪ Wandering lost
without a safety net ♪

2424
01:53:48,733 --> 01:53:51,276
{\an1}♪ Play Russian roulette
with rusty bayonets ♪

2425
01:53:51,300 --> 01:53:52,409
{\an1}♪ I've been in the hold... ♪

2426
01:53:52,433 --> 01:53:53,909
{\an1}Announcer: Learn more about

2427
01:53:53,933 --> 01:53:55,442
{\an1}the "Hiding in Plain Sight:
Youth Mental Illness" film

2428
01:53:55,466 --> 01:53:58,142
and explore mental
health resources

2429
01:53:58,166 --> 01:54:01,542
at pbs.org/plainsight.

2430
01:54:01,566 --> 01:54:03,842
Also join the
conversation online

2431
01:54:03,866 --> 01:54:07,242
with #PlainSightPBS.

2432
01:54:07,266 --> 01:54:08,976
To order "Hiding in Plain Sight:

2433
01:54:09,000 --> 01:54:10,609
Youth Mental Illness,"

2434
01:54:10,633 --> 01:54:13,709
on DVD or Blu Ray, visit shopPBS

2435
01:54:13,733 --> 01:54:16,509
or call 1-800-PLAY-PBS.

2436
01:54:16,533 --> 01:54:18,542
This program is also available

2437
01:54:18,566 --> 01:54:20,109
with PBS Passport

2438
01:54:20,133 --> 01:54:23,109
and on Amazon Prime Video.

2439
01:54:23,133 --> 01:54:25,476
{\an1}Earley: ♪ Get misconstrued
when I take your advice ♪

2440
01:54:25,500 --> 01:54:27,976
♪ My rage is an agent
of change and I'd like ♪

2441
01:54:28,000 --> 01:54:30,476
{\an1}♪ To not speak, but I can't
always says something nice ♪

2442
01:54:30,500 --> 01:54:32,742
♪ When I offer even
the slightest critique ♪

2443
01:54:32,766 --> 01:54:34,142
{\an1}♪ I'm attacked and crucified ♪

2444
01:54:34,166 --> 01:54:35,576
{\an1}♪ By thoughts that are weak ♪

2445
01:54:35,600 --> 01:54:37,709
♪ Tried for so long
to maintain my mystique ♪

2446
01:54:37,733 --> 01:54:40,409
{\an1}♪ But the people I meet
treat me like I speak Greek ♪

2447
01:54:40,433 --> 01:54:42,609
{\an1}♪ I don't know how often
I can reiterate ♪

2448
01:54:42,633 --> 01:54:45,109
{\an1}♪ The same ideas that I've
been trying to communicate ♪

2449
01:54:45,133 --> 01:54:47,509
{\an1}♪ Unsuccessfully I wrestle
with the human race ♪

2450
01:54:47,533 --> 01:54:50,442
{\an1}♪ In a way that seems doomed,
I don't want to lose face ♪

2451
01:54:50,466 --> 01:54:55,009
{\an1}Chorus: ♪ Can't convey ♪

2452
01:54:55,033 --> 01:55:00,209
{\an1}♪ Words today ♪

2453
01:55:00,233 --> 01:55:04,442
{\an1}♪ Can't convey ♪

2454
01:55:04,466 --> 01:55:09,576
{\an1}♪ Words today ♪

2455
01:55:09,600 --> 01:55:17,600
♪

2456
01:55:29,166 --> 01:55:34,176
{\an1}♪ Can't convey ♪

2457
01:55:34,200 --> 01:55:39,109
{\an1}♪ Words today ♪

2458
01:55:39,133 --> 01:55:43,776
{\an1}♪ Can't convey ♪

2459
01:55:43,800 --> 01:55:47,800
{\an1}♪ Words today ♪