1 00:00:14,666 --> 00:00:17,233 [Wind whistling] 2 00:00:21,333 --> 00:00:29,333 ♪ 3 00:00:41,833 --> 00:00:44,042 Man: My wife found us a psychiatrist 4 00:00:44,066 --> 00:00:45,600 {\an1}who was willing to take us. 5 00:00:47,033 --> 00:00:51,809 {\an1}The doctor... he meant this in a kind way... he said, 6 00:00:51,833 --> 00:00:54,342 {\an8}"Look, I'm gonna be real with you. 7 00:00:54,366 --> 00:00:57,676 {\an8}"Your son has an incurable disease. 8 00:00:57,700 --> 00:01:00,009 {\an1}"He will never get better. 9 00:01:00,033 --> 00:01:01,776 "He will have to take medications 10 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:05,076 {\an1}"that will make him gain 30, 40, 50 pounds. 11 00:01:05,100 --> 00:01:08,209 "He will be suspect to diabetes. 12 00:01:08,233 --> 00:01:12,109 {\an1}"It's unlikely that he will ever be able to hold a job, 13 00:01:12,133 --> 00:01:14,942 {\an1}"he'll ever marry, have kids, 14 00:01:14,966 --> 00:01:19,176 {\an1}"and there's a high chance that he may have 15 00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:22,576 {\an1}"an encounter with police and be arrested. 16 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:27,676 {\an1}"May become homeless. These are serious things. 17 00:01:27,700 --> 00:01:31,909 "And, oh, by the way, people die 15 years earlier 18 00:01:31,933 --> 00:01:34,400 {\an1}who have mental illness than the rest of us." 19 00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:39,676 And I remember being devastated, 20 00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:42,342 and we left and I was talking to Kevin, 21 00:01:42,366 --> 00:01:44,442 and when I mentioned those things to him, 22 00:01:44,466 --> 00:01:46,909 he goes, "Dad, that guy's crazy." 23 00:01:46,933 --> 00:01:53,409 ♪ 24 00:01:53,433 --> 00:01:57,642 {\an8}It's a strange thing to look back on 25 00:01:57,666 --> 00:02:02,009 {\an8}and think to myself, I really didn't care about 26 00:02:02,033 --> 00:02:03,776 {\an1}anything at that point, 27 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:06,309 {\an1}not caring if I wake up. 28 00:02:06,333 --> 00:02:08,642 {\an8}That moment that nothing else mattered to me, 29 00:02:08,666 --> 00:02:11,842 {\an7}that I just threw myself in front of a moving car? 30 00:02:11,866 --> 00:02:13,066 I felt nothing. 31 00:02:14,433 --> 00:02:18,342 {\an8}I actually was, like, really scared. 32 00:02:18,366 --> 00:02:23,142 {\an1}And I went downstairs crying and I told my mom what I did, 33 00:02:23,166 --> 00:02:26,276 {\an1}and then she brought me to the hospital. 34 00:02:26,300 --> 00:02:29,509 {\an7}Woman: I still had a whole future that I had planned. 35 00:02:29,533 --> 00:02:31,309 {\an1}I was planning this suicide but at the same time, 36 00:02:31,333 --> 00:02:33,442 {\an1}you know, I was making plans to, like, go out to the movies 37 00:02:33,466 --> 00:02:35,009 {\an1}with my friends the next week. 38 00:02:35,033 --> 00:02:38,776 {\an7}Boy: I asked my parents, "What would happen 39 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:40,409 {\an8}if I wasn't here?" 40 00:02:40,433 --> 00:02:43,109 And I think that got them pretty worried. 41 00:02:43,133 --> 00:02:47,542 {\an7}My mom having an addiction herself, I hated her 42 00:02:47,566 --> 00:02:50,933 {\an7}even though I was emulating her behavior at the same time. 43 00:02:52,700 --> 00:02:54,909 Vinson: Rock bottom looks different 44 00:02:54,933 --> 00:02:56,909 for different people. 45 00:02:56,933 --> 00:03:01,676 {\an1}It's being able to identify that time or that instant 46 00:03:01,700 --> 00:03:05,276 {\an1}where what mattered most to them felt the most threatened. 47 00:03:05,300 --> 00:03:07,142 {\an1}For some people, that may be 48 00:03:07,166 --> 00:03:08,976 their relationships with their parents, 49 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:12,842 {\an1}it may be their grades, it may be their sports identity, 50 00:03:12,866 --> 00:03:14,433 it may be their life. 51 00:03:15,833 --> 00:03:17,542 {\an8}Some people end up staying at that bottom 52 00:03:17,566 --> 00:03:19,509 {\an7}for a really long time, 53 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:22,076 {\an8}and some people never get past it. 54 00:03:22,100 --> 00:03:24,242 Woman on video: Mental health is an issue. It concerns all of us. 55 00:03:24,266 --> 00:03:25,842 Man on video: One in 6 young people 56 00:03:25,866 --> 00:03:27,776 {\an1}experience a mental health... Woman: million U.S. adults 57 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:30,676 {\an1}experience mental illness in... Man on video: disorders are still common. 58 00:03:30,700 --> 00:03:31,909 {\an1}Second man on video: of Americans think there's 59 00:03:31,933 --> 00:03:33,942 a lot of stigma against people... 60 00:03:33,966 --> 00:03:36,376 Third man on video: Suicide rate for adolescents ages 10 to 14 61 00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:38,800 has nearly tripled in the last decade. 62 00:03:40,066 --> 00:03:42,942 {\an1}Woman: I really want to live, and I'm trying 63 00:03:42,966 --> 00:03:44,476 to make the effort 64 00:03:44,500 --> 00:03:48,542 {\an7}and I want to have a good life, 65 00:03:48,566 --> 00:03:50,709 {\an8}maybe one, two kids, 66 00:03:50,733 --> 00:03:52,209 {\an1}not the white picket fence 67 00:03:52,233 --> 00:03:53,942 {\an1}but something that's livable... 68 00:03:53,966 --> 00:03:57,642 {\an1}not this... but I want it. 69 00:03:57,666 --> 00:04:03,076 {\an1}And I just want normal and mundane and average. 70 00:04:03,100 --> 00:04:05,942 Maybe a trip to Myrtle Beach every summer. 71 00:04:05,966 --> 00:04:08,142 {\an1}You know, I don't care. I just, I'm sick of 72 00:04:08,166 --> 00:04:12,566 crazy, chaotic, up and down... mess. 73 00:04:13,833 --> 00:04:17,276 {\an1}Narrator: A mental health crisis can arrive without warning 74 00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:18,866 or develop over time. 75 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:23,576 It may be triggered by nurture or nature, 76 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:27,200 {\an1}through lived experience or genetics, or both. 77 00:04:28,733 --> 00:04:32,442 {\an1}It often occurs before the age of 25, 78 00:04:32,466 --> 00:04:34,633 {\an1}and it can happen to anyone: 79 00:04:35,766 --> 00:04:37,776 a young woman who self-medicates 80 00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,366 and engages in reckless behavior; 81 00:04:41,633 --> 00:04:44,876 a teenager, who, despite her happy childhood, 82 00:04:44,900 --> 00:04:47,576 {\an1}surrenders to addiction; 83 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:50,176 a Native American who feels so isolated 84 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:52,300 {\an1}she contemplates suicide; 85 00:04:53,766 --> 00:04:58,709 {\an1}a college art student who slips into delusional episodes; 86 00:04:58,733 --> 00:05:02,276 {\an1}a high school freshman whose childhood hallucinations 87 00:05:02,300 --> 00:05:05,433 intensify after a series of assaults; 88 00:05:06,700 --> 00:05:09,476 a boy who is plagued by intrusive thoughts 89 00:05:09,500 --> 00:05:12,542 {\an1}withdraws into his own world; 90 00:05:12,566 --> 00:05:15,642 {\an1}a transgender teen who goes through periods of 91 00:05:15,666 --> 00:05:19,066 profound joylessness and substance abuse; 92 00:05:20,266 --> 00:05:23,076 {\an1}and a healthy, everyday kid who suddenly 93 00:05:23,100 --> 00:05:25,909 experiences what his friends call 94 00:05:25,933 --> 00:05:28,233 {\an1}"an emotional heart attack." 95 00:05:30,566 --> 00:05:33,776 {\an1}Pete: And then the reality hits, and it's your kid. 96 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:35,676 It's your kid who's hearing voices. 97 00:05:35,700 --> 00:05:37,742 And it's your kid who's screaming 98 00:05:37,766 --> 00:05:41,376 {\an1}and it's your kid who's crying and [clears throat] 99 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:44,142 {\an8}all of a sudden you are in a position 100 00:05:44,166 --> 00:05:46,309 {\an7}where you have to deal with it, 101 00:05:46,333 --> 00:05:49,376 {\an1}and it's like the difference between, you know, 102 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:51,942 watching a war movie or a Vietnam movie 103 00:05:51,966 --> 00:05:55,100 {\an1}and being in the jungle having someone shoot at you. 104 00:05:56,933 --> 00:05:59,042 Narrator: Every year, millions of kids 105 00:05:59,066 --> 00:06:02,876 drop out of school, experience homelessness, 106 00:06:02,900 --> 00:06:04,776 {\an1}or find themselves in jail 107 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:07,366 {\an1}because they didn't get the help they needed. 108 00:06:08,866 --> 00:06:12,876 Help is available... From a parent, family doctor, 109 00:06:12,900 --> 00:06:16,466 {\an1}school counselor, or even a trusted friend. 110 00:06:18,266 --> 00:06:22,676 {\an1}For many who have suffered silently, simply reaching out 111 00:06:22,700 --> 00:06:26,009 may be the most intimidating step of all. 112 00:06:26,033 --> 00:06:28,709 [Thunder] 113 00:06:28,733 --> 00:06:32,342 But the relief can be as indescribable 114 00:06:32,366 --> 00:06:34,133 as the pain once was. 115 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,842 Justin: It's like a perfect storm. 116 00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:42,042 It's this powerful, you know, hurricane. 117 00:06:42,066 --> 00:06:45,266 It gets intense. It gets intense. 118 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:49,442 {\an8}But you know, after that storm passes 119 00:06:49,466 --> 00:06:53,000 {\an7}are some of the most beautiful sunny days you've ever seen. 120 00:06:54,700 --> 00:06:58,342 {\an1}You hear the first birds start chirping, 121 00:06:58,366 --> 00:07:01,233 {\an1}and you look and the sun cracks through the clouds. 122 00:07:03,166 --> 00:07:06,076 {\an1}Everybody kind of just creeps out of their houses, 123 00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:07,909 {\an1}see how everything's going. 124 00:07:07,933 --> 00:07:10,000 "You got power?" "You hungry?" 125 00:07:11,333 --> 00:07:14,209 {\an1}I see the silver lining in that 126 00:07:14,233 --> 00:07:15,433 {\an1}and it's a beautiful thing. 127 00:07:18,533 --> 00:07:20,542 {\an1}Yanerry: It was one year I was depressed, 128 00:07:20,566 --> 00:07:24,442 {\an1}and it became two and then it became 3 and eventually 7. 129 00:07:24,466 --> 00:07:28,342 I kind of felt like God was punishing me, 130 00:07:28,366 --> 00:07:30,776 but after a while, I kind of realized 131 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:34,309 {\an7}this is just something that not only I have, 132 00:07:34,333 --> 00:07:37,476 {\an8}but other people have it, you know? 133 00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:40,242 While some people may look at it as crazy, 134 00:07:40,266 --> 00:07:42,233 it's crazy to you but it's normal to me. 135 00:07:44,100 --> 00:07:45,366 I'm not crazy. 136 00:07:50,133 --> 00:07:56,776 ♪ 137 00:07:56,800 --> 00:08:01,366 {\an1}Boy: I came to live here, like, two or one and a half. 138 00:08:04,766 --> 00:08:10,700 {\an7}I don't remember anything from the past of that, but, um... 139 00:08:13,300 --> 00:08:18,709 let me... um... 140 00:08:18,733 --> 00:08:21,142 {\an1}I cannot think right now. 141 00:08:21,166 --> 00:08:22,909 {\an1}Woman on video: Hey, Gabe. 142 00:08:22,933 --> 00:08:25,876 Woman: Gabe and Sasha, uh, they had a 143 00:08:25,900 --> 00:08:28,166 pretty tough life, they really did. 144 00:08:30,733 --> 00:08:33,576 {\an1}Just, you know, how young it does actually start. 145 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,942 How in utero, the baby's even affected. 146 00:08:36,966 --> 00:08:39,742 {\an7}If there's a lot of, like, domestic violence 147 00:08:39,766 --> 00:08:42,042 {\an7}and stuff the mother goes through, 148 00:08:42,066 --> 00:08:43,966 {\an7}you know, how that affects the baby. 149 00:08:45,666 --> 00:08:49,942 {\an1}When I'm mad on the outside, I'm mad on the inside. 150 00:08:49,966 --> 00:08:51,442 Teachers say, "What is wrong with you?" 151 00:08:51,466 --> 00:08:54,442 and then I just start breaking down like, 152 00:08:54,466 --> 00:08:56,842 {\an1}"I don't want to talk about it." 153 00:08:56,866 --> 00:08:58,509 {\an7}Darla on video: Tell Mom where you're going. 154 00:08:58,533 --> 00:09:01,542 {\an8}Darla: I was working with the children. 155 00:09:01,566 --> 00:09:04,576 {\an1}They had some developmental delays, 156 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:07,609 {\an1}and so, I had been introduced to the family 157 00:09:07,633 --> 00:09:09,909 {\an1}and was working with Gabe, 158 00:09:09,933 --> 00:09:11,842 {\an1}but had no idea that we would 159 00:09:11,866 --> 00:09:13,609 {\an1}soon have them in foster care 160 00:09:13,633 --> 00:09:16,400 {\an1}and eventually adopt the children. 161 00:09:17,933 --> 00:09:21,076 {\an1}When I got really mad, it was mostly... 162 00:09:21,100 --> 00:09:24,542 {\an1}mostly I used to scream and slam my door, 163 00:09:24,566 --> 00:09:27,309 make pictures fall off the wall. 164 00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:30,542 {\an7}Man: He would go into a rage 165 00:09:30,566 --> 00:09:32,609 {\an8}that it was like an out-of-body 166 00:09:32,633 --> 00:09:34,509 {\an8}experience for him. 167 00:09:34,533 --> 00:09:39,642 {\an1}Gabe: I... yeah, just throw stuff at 'em, hit 'em. 168 00:09:39,666 --> 00:09:41,542 Darla: He hit other children a lot. 169 00:09:41,566 --> 00:09:42,833 Sasha, you know. 170 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:48,542 {\an1}Ray: I would physically have to hold him down. 171 00:09:48,566 --> 00:09:51,576 And then he would come back out of the fog 172 00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:53,409 and he would be normal. 173 00:09:53,433 --> 00:09:55,609 You think you can love it out of them. 174 00:09:55,633 --> 00:09:57,000 That will fix it. 175 00:09:58,733 --> 00:09:59,800 No, it doesn't. 176 00:10:01,133 --> 00:10:03,242 Man: My thing as a father, I was like, 177 00:10:03,266 --> 00:10:04,576 I gotta fix it. 178 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:06,676 I mean, I gotta fix everything, 179 00:10:06,700 --> 00:10:09,376 {\an8}because what's gonna happen if I don't fix it? 180 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,542 {\an1}Dunning: Parents are doing the best they can, 181 00:10:11,566 --> 00:10:14,233 They just don't know how sometimes. 182 00:10:15,433 --> 00:10:18,076 {\an8}When parents bring a child to me, 183 00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:20,509 {\an7}they will oftentimes say, 184 00:10:20,533 --> 00:10:23,100 {\an7}"I want you to fix my kid." 185 00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:27,500 {\an1}I will say, "How do you know your child's broken?" 186 00:10:31,333 --> 00:10:33,600 {\an1}Woman: We had no idea what we were supposed to do. 187 00:10:34,966 --> 00:10:38,042 We took him to the emergency room. 188 00:10:38,066 --> 00:10:40,176 And it was terrible. 189 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:43,209 {\an7}Even just uttering the words to the front desk people, 190 00:10:43,233 --> 00:10:45,676 {\an7}like, you know, we're here with Maclayn 191 00:10:45,700 --> 00:10:49,542 {\an7}and he's having thoughts of ending his life. 192 00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:51,109 {\an1}They take all of his clothes off 193 00:10:51,133 --> 00:10:54,342 {\an1}and they put on this, um, onesie, 194 00:10:54,366 --> 00:10:57,609 {\an1}so that they can't hurt themselves, um, 195 00:10:57,633 --> 00:11:01,209 {\an1}and it was hours and hours. 196 00:11:01,233 --> 00:11:05,409 Vinson: Most often, emergency rooms are not set up 197 00:11:05,433 --> 00:11:08,042 to deal with mental health problems. 198 00:11:08,066 --> 00:11:10,442 But you have nowhere else to go. 199 00:11:10,466 --> 00:11:12,509 You're trying to navigate a system 200 00:11:12,533 --> 00:11:14,909 {\an7}that isn't quite a system, um, 201 00:11:14,933 --> 00:11:18,309 {\an8}and that isn't funded or configured in a way 202 00:11:18,333 --> 00:11:20,876 {\an7}that provides easy access for you to get your children 203 00:11:20,900 --> 00:11:22,000 {\an1}the help that they need. 204 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:27,842 {\an1}Maclayn: It was rough. And awkward for me 205 00:11:27,866 --> 00:11:30,676 talking about that kind of stuff. 206 00:11:30,700 --> 00:11:32,109 {\an1}Joe: He just begged us, he wanted to go home. 207 00:11:32,133 --> 00:11:33,209 Mary: Yeah. 208 00:11:33,233 --> 00:11:34,742 {\an1}Joe: At that time, being there 209 00:11:34,766 --> 00:11:37,976 in that environment just... just scared him to death. 210 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,100 {\an1}We're scared to death. 211 00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,876 {\an1}Mary: Are they gonna take him over to the psychiatric center? 212 00:11:42,900 --> 00:11:45,176 {\an1}Are they gonna send us home? 213 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:48,142 {\an1}If they take him there... what is that? 214 00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:52,009 Joe: We can't stay. Mary: We can't stay. He's 9. 215 00:11:52,033 --> 00:11:53,876 {\an1}Joe: So, the on-call doctor that was coming in 216 00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:57,942 said to Maclayn, "If you have a plan of 217 00:11:57,966 --> 00:11:59,876 "hurting yourself at all, in any way, 218 00:11:59,900 --> 00:12:02,176 "we have to keep you to observe you 219 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:03,842 just to make sure you don't." 220 00:12:03,866 --> 00:12:06,142 And I think that's when it was like 221 00:12:06,166 --> 00:12:07,609 reality crashed on him, 222 00:12:07,633 --> 00:12:09,909 you know, that's when he turned into a 9-year-old. 223 00:12:09,933 --> 00:12:12,576 He realized, "Oh, my gosh, I can't stay 224 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:14,266 without my mom and dad." 225 00:12:15,766 --> 00:12:18,576 {\an1}Mary: So, we took him home and they told us, 226 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:21,800 {\an1}"Take away all the knives. Watch him very carefully." 227 00:12:23,866 --> 00:12:27,266 And I don't think we slept for months. 228 00:12:32,333 --> 00:12:34,909 {\an1}Disturbed: ♪ ...down with the sickness ♪ 229 00:12:34,933 --> 00:12:37,542 {\an8}♪ Get up... down with the sickness ♪ 230 00:12:37,566 --> 00:12:40,309 {\an8}♪ Get up... down with the sickness ♪ 231 00:12:40,333 --> 00:12:43,342 {\an7}Girl: I think that being left alone with thoughts 232 00:12:43,366 --> 00:12:46,876 {\an7}right after a manic episode 233 00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:48,933 {\an1}can be pretty detrimental. 234 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:54,442 {\an7}Among all of the chaos that I was going through 235 00:12:54,466 --> 00:12:57,109 {\an7}and all the different emotions 236 00:12:57,133 --> 00:13:00,109 {\an1}that cycled through so quickly, 237 00:13:00,133 --> 00:13:02,242 {\an1}I didn't want to accept that I didn't really have 238 00:13:02,266 --> 00:13:03,466 any control over it. 239 00:13:04,833 --> 00:13:07,566 {\an1}So, I'd end up blaming myself. 240 00:13:08,866 --> 00:13:11,600 I felt really lost. 241 00:13:13,333 --> 00:13:17,076 {\an1}But when I accepted that, OK, I guess I am bipolar, 242 00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:19,709 this is OK, 243 00:13:19,733 --> 00:13:24,409 {\an1}I had also realized I'm not alone in this. 244 00:13:24,433 --> 00:13:27,242 There are people that are living for me 245 00:13:27,266 --> 00:13:31,366 and I have all of my friends and family that I'm living for... 246 00:13:32,866 --> 00:13:37,476 {\an1}and I can make a difference in other people's lives. 247 00:13:37,500 --> 00:13:39,476 {\an8}Do I have your permission to read this? 248 00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:43,009 {\an7}Amethyst: So, yes, I do have a reason to fight. 249 00:13:43,033 --> 00:13:44,942 "At the young age of 18, 250 00:13:44,966 --> 00:13:47,842 "I attempted to take my own life. 251 00:13:47,866 --> 00:13:50,242 "I never felt that my problems were a priority, 252 00:13:50,266 --> 00:13:51,976 "so I never spoke up. 253 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:53,742 "Suffering in silence, I felt 254 00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:55,442 "I was running out of options 255 00:13:55,466 --> 00:13:57,542 "until one day something clicked, 256 00:13:57,566 --> 00:13:59,076 "that I would one day rise above 257 00:13:59,100 --> 00:14:01,742 {\an1}"the ashes of my depression and fight it. 258 00:14:01,766 --> 00:14:04,842 "And I am forever humbled, grateful, and blessed 259 00:14:04,866 --> 00:14:06,809 that I was able to overcome my demons." 260 00:14:06,833 --> 00:14:08,876 {\an1}[Cheering and applause] 261 00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:11,942 {\an1}Vinson: So, at rock bottom, you have an epiphany. 262 00:14:11,966 --> 00:14:14,209 {\an1}You can course-correct and go into this 263 00:14:14,233 --> 00:14:17,309 {\an1}completely different direction in your life. 264 00:14:17,333 --> 00:14:20,409 {\an1}For people who are able to make that turn, 265 00:14:20,433 --> 00:14:23,442 you have to have the understanding that 266 00:14:23,466 --> 00:14:25,776 there's a problem with what you're doing. 267 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:29,409 {\an1}But the illness itself can make it hard for you 268 00:14:29,433 --> 00:14:31,209 to see it clearly. 269 00:14:31,233 --> 00:14:34,142 ♪ 270 00:14:34,166 --> 00:14:37,042 {\an8}There were a couple points where I would 271 00:14:37,066 --> 00:14:42,942 {\an1}look at myself and think, "OK, I need to get better," 272 00:14:42,966 --> 00:14:47,176 {\an1}but then I don't act on that trying to get better. 273 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:50,776 {\an1}Like, I'd convince myself that I didn't have a mental illness, 274 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:55,609 {\an1}that I was just overthinking everything and being dumb. 275 00:14:55,633 --> 00:14:58,342 {\an8}It's like you're screaming for help, 276 00:14:58,366 --> 00:15:02,242 {\an7}screaming for attention, but you can't say straight up, 277 00:15:02,266 --> 00:15:03,409 like, "I need help." 278 00:15:03,433 --> 00:15:05,509 {\an8}I was in denial for a good 5 years 279 00:15:05,533 --> 00:15:07,042 {\an8}that I even had a mental illness. 280 00:15:07,066 --> 00:15:10,176 {\an1}It's like a "flat-earther" not wanting to believe 281 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:11,533 {\an1}that the world is round. 282 00:15:13,300 --> 00:15:16,376 Pete: Insight means that you understand 283 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:18,442 {\an8}that you may have a mental illness 284 00:15:18,466 --> 00:15:20,266 {\an8}or you're not thinking clearly. 285 00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:24,542 {\an1}It's hard to convince someone who has no insight 286 00:15:24,566 --> 00:15:26,533 that they have a mental illness. 287 00:15:27,666 --> 00:15:29,600 {\an1}And so, we have to step in. 288 00:15:31,566 --> 00:15:33,409 {\an1}Alexis: I didn't really have anyone to go to 289 00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,000 {\an1}after my suicide attempt. 290 00:15:36,533 --> 00:15:40,676 {\an1}I tried talking about it, and my family did try, 291 00:15:40,700 --> 00:15:47,409 {\an1}but my mom, she was so worried and scared and confused. 292 00:15:47,433 --> 00:15:48,842 {\an8}She was like, "What's wrong with you? 293 00:15:48,866 --> 00:15:52,409 {\an7}Why would you ever, like, want to do this?" 294 00:15:52,433 --> 00:15:55,076 {\an1}I was like, "I was gonna kill myself 295 00:15:55,100 --> 00:15:58,433 and you're asking me what the heck I'm doing?" 296 00:15:59,766 --> 00:16:01,066 {\an1}And that was really hard. 297 00:16:02,733 --> 00:16:05,709 {\an1}Yaadieah: Whenever I called my mom, she would just get worried. 298 00:16:05,733 --> 00:16:08,209 I felt bad that I was worrying her so much. 299 00:16:08,233 --> 00:16:10,709 {\an8}I just didn't know what else to do. 300 00:16:10,733 --> 00:16:13,742 {\an7}My dad knew I was doing hard drugs. 301 00:16:13,766 --> 00:16:16,476 {\an8}Now my dad knew that I was cutting. 302 00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:19,242 {\an1}But I couldn't talk to my dad about it, because he was 303 00:16:19,266 --> 00:16:22,600 so busy and tired and didn't have time for me. 304 00:16:24,133 --> 00:16:26,909 {\an1}Morgan: When you feel like you can't even go to your friends 305 00:16:26,933 --> 00:16:30,309 or your parents, because, yeah, at that age, 306 00:16:30,333 --> 00:16:32,942 {\an7}how are you ever gonna admit, 307 00:16:32,966 --> 00:16:34,542 {\an7}"I'm thinking of suicide. 308 00:16:34,566 --> 00:16:37,209 {\an7}"I can't see past tomorrow. 309 00:16:37,233 --> 00:16:39,342 {\an1}I want to cut myself." 310 00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:40,876 Like, how can you say that out loud 311 00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:45,842 {\an1}and not feel like someone is gonna judge you 312 00:16:45,866 --> 00:16:49,142 or even put you away in [laughs] 313 00:16:49,166 --> 00:16:52,276 put you in that crazy container, you know? 314 00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:54,109 {\an8}It's the number-one reason, perhaps, why they 315 00:16:54,133 --> 00:16:57,409 {\an7}don't come to see a therapist or to tell their parents 316 00:16:57,433 --> 00:17:01,442 {\an7}or to tell their pediatricians or to tell anyone in their life. 317 00:17:01,466 --> 00:17:04,342 {\an1}Vinson: There's a way that you may feel about a situation 318 00:17:04,366 --> 00:17:08,676 being hopeless, as if something can never change. 319 00:17:08,700 --> 00:17:12,142 {\an1}But talking to somebody else, even though it may not fix 320 00:17:12,166 --> 00:17:14,776 all the problems that you're dealing with, 321 00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:17,309 can still give you an opportunity to have 322 00:17:17,333 --> 00:17:20,142 {\an1}a different perspective that's not shaped 323 00:17:20,166 --> 00:17:22,942 {\an1}by the illness that is impacting you. 324 00:17:22,966 --> 00:17:27,676 {\an1}Maybe if I had someone, you know, 325 00:17:27,700 --> 00:17:30,142 whose job it was to care and listen, 326 00:17:30,166 --> 00:17:33,609 {\an1}maybe things would have turned out differently. 327 00:17:33,633 --> 00:17:36,142 {\an1}Davidson: One of the things that we do wrong, 328 00:17:36,166 --> 00:17:39,209 {\an7}we wait for the blatant "Hi, I need help," 329 00:17:39,233 --> 00:17:41,876 {\an1}as opposed to the subtle things 330 00:17:41,900 --> 00:17:43,476 that are actually asking for help. 331 00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:46,476 ♪ 332 00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:48,442 {\an1}Samantha: When I started getting really depressed, 333 00:17:48,466 --> 00:17:50,576 I just felt like I didn't feel good. 334 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:52,909 {\an1}I didn't feel like me. 335 00:17:52,933 --> 00:17:56,742 {\an1}So, I wrote a note to my mom 336 00:17:56,766 --> 00:17:59,342 {\an7}and I, like, signed it, you know, with my name 337 00:17:59,366 --> 00:18:01,166 {\an8}and I just hid it under her pillow. 338 00:18:02,566 --> 00:18:05,976 {\an1}She handled it pretty well, but she didn't really 339 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,376 know what to do, 340 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:11,200 {\an1}and you just don't know where to go from there. 341 00:18:12,933 --> 00:18:14,609 {\an1}Joe: For us as parents, you know, what do you do 342 00:18:14,633 --> 00:18:16,976 {\an1}when you don't know what to do? 343 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:18,876 You Google it. 344 00:18:18,900 --> 00:18:21,442 {\an8}So, we started Googling all this stuff, 345 00:18:21,466 --> 00:18:23,609 {\an8}which is... which is horrible. 346 00:18:23,633 --> 00:18:25,142 Mary: Terrible. 347 00:18:25,166 --> 00:18:26,576 {\an1}Man: We don't fully understand 348 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:28,542 {\an1}how to support this yet. 349 00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:30,009 {\an1}There were so many patterns 350 00:18:30,033 --> 00:18:32,509 {\an8}where we thought we were helping. 351 00:18:32,533 --> 00:18:35,576 {\an7}And what we were doing was really taking away her power. 352 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:38,442 {\an1}Every time I try and fix something for her, 353 00:18:38,466 --> 00:18:40,066 she doesn't have to fix it for herself. 354 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:43,009 Lydia: When I was taking the pills, 355 00:18:43,033 --> 00:18:46,709 {\an1}afterwards, I definitely felt a lot of shame. 356 00:18:46,733 --> 00:18:49,476 {\an1}It comes to a point where it is definitely so clear that 357 00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:52,642 {\an1}it's self-medication, but I couldn't admit that to myself. 358 00:18:52,666 --> 00:18:55,309 {\an1}So, I would just, like, lay in bed all day 359 00:18:55,333 --> 00:18:58,309 because I was so depressed and angry. 360 00:18:58,333 --> 00:19:01,076 So angry. 361 00:19:01,100 --> 00:19:02,809 {\an1}Alexis: I think the biggest part is just acknowledging 362 00:19:02,833 --> 00:19:05,809 to yourself that "My emotions have been 363 00:19:05,833 --> 00:19:08,609 really, really hard to deal with lately." 364 00:19:08,633 --> 00:19:10,809 {\an1}And once you acknowledge that, then you start taking 365 00:19:10,833 --> 00:19:14,376 {\an1}the steps that you need in order to, 366 00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:15,742 {\an1}you know, feel better again. 367 00:19:15,766 --> 00:19:17,576 Once I really started looking at myself 368 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:20,342 and, like, looking at how excessively 369 00:19:20,366 --> 00:19:23,309 {\an1}I was doing these things, it wasn't normal. 370 00:19:23,333 --> 00:19:26,109 {\an1}It's not like this, like... It's not, like, cute to, like, 371 00:19:26,133 --> 00:19:27,976 {\an1}be popping pills every day and, like, 372 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,200 {\an1}overdose this many times. 373 00:19:32,900 --> 00:19:35,209 {\an1}Makalynn: I was using to deal with the symptoms 374 00:19:35,233 --> 00:19:38,409 {\an1}and the suicidal thoughts that were popping back up, 375 00:19:38,433 --> 00:19:42,309 {\an8}and the drugs weren't helping anymore, so, um, 376 00:19:42,333 --> 00:19:45,900 {\an7}I... I needed, I... I needed out but I didn't know how to stop. 377 00:19:47,733 --> 00:19:51,342 {\an1}Kennedy: What's great about hitting your bottom is that 378 00:19:51,366 --> 00:19:54,176 {\an1}you come to the realization that that game 379 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:57,076 {\an1}doesn't work for you anymore, 380 00:19:57,100 --> 00:20:02,976 {\an7}and if someone is there who also sees that, 381 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,800 {\an1}and who sticks with you... 382 00:20:06,966 --> 00:20:09,176 well, that's, uh, that's powerful, 383 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:12,442 {\an1}because you're no longer alone, 384 00:20:12,466 --> 00:20:16,366 {\an1}you know that they know, and that's called intimacy. 385 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:19,542 Makalynn: I was 16. 386 00:20:19,566 --> 00:20:22,476 {\an1}My mom, she texted me. 387 00:20:22,500 --> 00:20:24,742 Word for word, she said, "Makalynn, "I know something's wrong. 388 00:20:24,766 --> 00:20:27,442 {\an1}You just have to tell me so I can get you help." 389 00:20:27,466 --> 00:20:30,842 And I texted her. I said, "Mom, I'm getting high 390 00:20:30,866 --> 00:20:32,346 and I don't know what to do about it." 391 00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:36,309 It takes a lot to get to that point. 392 00:20:36,333 --> 00:20:38,676 4 or 5 years I was dealing with this, 393 00:20:38,700 --> 00:20:40,842 {\an1}trying to treat it myself, 394 00:20:40,866 --> 00:20:43,176 trying to make sense of it myself. 395 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:46,909 Insel: The delay in getting help is staggering. 396 00:20:46,933 --> 00:20:49,976 {\an8}It turns out that the delay for depression, 397 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,909 {\an8}for bipolar illness, is in years. 398 00:20:52,933 --> 00:20:55,876 {\an1}It's not in weeks or months. 399 00:20:55,900 --> 00:20:57,976 {\an1}And the reason for that is often that 400 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:01,409 {\an1}people don't understand that care can be so effective... 401 00:21:01,433 --> 00:21:03,776 {\an1}that treatments work... and so, 402 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:06,266 they try to struggle on their own. 403 00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:10,409 {\an1}Thompson: When people tell me they don't have a problem, 404 00:21:10,433 --> 00:21:13,309 {\an1}I start off, just a smile. 405 00:21:13,333 --> 00:21:17,242 {\an8}I say, "I know. We all been there. 406 00:21:17,266 --> 00:21:19,309 {\an8}I know." 407 00:21:19,333 --> 00:21:21,742 {\an1}Somehow, I gotta get a conversation started. 408 00:21:21,766 --> 00:21:23,633 So, I talk about me. 409 00:21:24,866 --> 00:21:25,909 Next thing you know, we're talking 410 00:21:25,933 --> 00:21:27,976 {\an1}to each other together. 411 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,542 {\an1}Now we start comparing and then pretty soon, 412 00:21:30,566 --> 00:21:34,209 {\an1}"Yeah, I might have a problem, you know." 413 00:21:34,233 --> 00:21:35,542 {\an1}"Yeah, I might have one, too, you know. 414 00:21:35,566 --> 00:21:37,376 {\an1}We just have one together." 415 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:39,342 {\an1}That's when we come in to work with them 416 00:21:39,366 --> 00:21:42,400 to let them know that they can be helped. 417 00:21:44,666 --> 00:21:48,109 {\an1}I kept telling my mother I wanted to see a therapist, 418 00:21:48,133 --> 00:21:49,942 and then it's finding a therapist, 419 00:21:49,966 --> 00:21:52,276 {\an1}then it's finding a therapist that takes your insurance. 420 00:21:52,300 --> 00:21:54,609 {\an7}We were told that if we, um, 421 00:21:54,633 --> 00:21:56,942 {\an7}went to the emergency room, 422 00:21:56,966 --> 00:21:58,709 {\an7}that you would have a faster response time 423 00:21:58,733 --> 00:22:00,576 {\an1}in seeing a psychiatrist. 424 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:02,376 {\an1}Um, but it took us 4 months. 425 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:04,509 {\an7}We were calling doctors, we were calling nurses, 426 00:22:04,533 --> 00:22:07,342 {\an7}we were trying to find someone to tell us what to do. 427 00:22:07,366 --> 00:22:09,042 {\an1}You've got problems of access, 428 00:22:09,066 --> 00:22:11,076 the quality of care isn't what it should be, 429 00:22:11,100 --> 00:22:13,409 {\an1}the cost is... is insurmountable. 430 00:22:13,433 --> 00:22:15,009 I mean, there's just this whole range 431 00:22:15,033 --> 00:22:17,876 of... of difficulties. 432 00:22:17,900 --> 00:22:20,309 Most of the people who will benefit 433 00:22:20,333 --> 00:22:22,576 {\an1}from being in mental health care 434 00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:24,009 are not actually in 435 00:22:24,033 --> 00:22:26,776 {\an1}the health care system that we have. 436 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:28,809 {\an1}I don't think that would be true for cancer, 437 00:22:28,833 --> 00:22:31,100 heart disease, arthritis, or asthma. 438 00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:36,076 {\an1}Pete: Can you imagine if you had a heart attack 439 00:22:36,100 --> 00:22:37,942 and were told, "Well, we gotta wait 440 00:22:37,966 --> 00:22:39,700 {\an1}until you're a little sicker"? 441 00:22:40,966 --> 00:22:43,142 {\an1}We do not have a system 442 00:22:43,166 --> 00:22:47,242 that identifies people's problems early on, 443 00:22:47,266 --> 00:22:50,542 {\an1}nor do we make it easy for a person to get into 444 00:22:50,566 --> 00:22:52,300 {\an1}a mental health care system. 445 00:22:58,533 --> 00:23:00,266 Woman: He started asking questions. 446 00:23:01,433 --> 00:23:04,209 {\an1}Did I talk faster than usual? 447 00:23:04,233 --> 00:23:06,742 {\an1}Did I have any problems in concentrating? 448 00:23:06,766 --> 00:23:09,876 Had I had any visions or heard sounds or voices 449 00:23:09,900 --> 00:23:12,766 {\an1}that other people probably hadn't seen or heard? 450 00:23:14,233 --> 00:23:17,142 {\an1}I was on the receiving end of a very thorough 451 00:23:17,166 --> 00:23:20,509 psychiatric history and examination. 452 00:23:20,533 --> 00:23:22,142 {\an1}The questions were familiar. 453 00:23:22,166 --> 00:23:26,042 {\an1}I had asked them of others 100 times. 454 00:23:26,066 --> 00:23:29,766 {\an1}I now found it unnerving to have to answer them. 455 00:23:31,033 --> 00:23:32,609 {\an8}Dr. Kay Jamison. 456 00:23:32,633 --> 00:23:38,442 {\an8}♪ 457 00:23:38,466 --> 00:23:40,409 {\an1}Xavier: They gave me, like, this weird, like, testing. 458 00:23:40,433 --> 00:23:43,776 {\an1}I just had to answer questions, how I felt about things. 459 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:46,276 {\an8}I got diagnosed with depression. 460 00:23:46,300 --> 00:23:47,942 {\an8}Ooh, yeah, funny. 461 00:23:47,966 --> 00:23:50,776 {\an7}Also, when they found out that I was hyperactive, 462 00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:53,542 that's kind of lame. No, I'm not. [Laughs] 463 00:23:53,566 --> 00:23:56,509 I say as I'm playin' around with this... 464 00:23:56,533 --> 00:23:58,476 Is this a flashlight? 465 00:23:58,500 --> 00:24:00,976 {\an7}The only way for anyone to know 466 00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:03,642 {\an8}whether they have an illness is, 467 00:24:03,666 --> 00:24:08,509 {\an7}are their abilities being compromised by that illness? 468 00:24:08,533 --> 00:24:10,742 Yeah, for sure, anxiety played a role 469 00:24:10,766 --> 00:24:12,676 {\an1}in... in my grades dropping. 470 00:24:12,700 --> 00:24:16,042 Are they disabled in some way? 471 00:24:16,066 --> 00:24:18,576 {\an1}It physically pains me. 472 00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:20,609 It feels so real. 473 00:24:20,633 --> 00:24:22,942 {\an1}Are they being kept from doing 474 00:24:22,966 --> 00:24:25,676 {\an1}what they would like to do? 475 00:24:25,700 --> 00:24:28,176 I would go to school and hate my life at school, 476 00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:30,376 {\an1}and then I would leave school and, like, 477 00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:32,142 {\an1}hate my life going home. 478 00:24:32,166 --> 00:24:34,476 Are they doing things 479 00:24:34,500 --> 00:24:38,042 {\an1}that they would not like to have done? 480 00:24:38,066 --> 00:24:41,176 {\an1}I felt bad because I was stealing my dad's medication, 481 00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:45,042 {\an1}my friends' medication, like, I wasn't being a good friend. 482 00:24:45,066 --> 00:24:48,576 {\an1}Kennedy: These are questions that, frankly, 483 00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:51,076 people can often answer for themselves 484 00:24:51,100 --> 00:24:56,442 {\an1}as easily as they could have a psychiatrist or doctor, 485 00:24:56,466 --> 00:24:58,742 uh, answer for them. 486 00:24:58,766 --> 00:25:00,876 Vinson: You come to a diagnosis by 487 00:25:00,900 --> 00:25:03,309 {\an1}asking a lot of questions, 488 00:25:03,333 --> 00:25:05,576 {\an1}making a lot of observations, 489 00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:08,342 {\an1}gaining people's trust over time, 490 00:25:08,366 --> 00:25:12,376 {\an7}and also by being open to the fact that 491 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:15,342 {\an8}your first thought about diagnosis may be wrong 492 00:25:15,366 --> 00:25:19,642 {\an1}and that it's an ongoing assessment, uh, process. 493 00:25:19,666 --> 00:25:23,976 ♪ 494 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:27,709 {\an1}Narrator: Mental illness is as old as civilization itself, 495 00:25:27,733 --> 00:25:30,309 {\an1}and humans have always struggled to find ways 496 00:25:30,333 --> 00:25:32,700 {\an1}to understand and explain it. 497 00:25:34,700 --> 00:25:38,009 {\an1}Almost 2,000 years ago, a Greek physician named 498 00:25:38,033 --> 00:25:39,842 Rufus of Ephesus 499 00:25:39,866 --> 00:25:42,376 {\an1}identified different forms of melancholy 500 00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:44,542 {\an1}based on symptoms, such as 501 00:25:44,566 --> 00:25:50,109 {\an1}desire to isolate, mood swings, and eating disorders. 502 00:25:50,133 --> 00:25:53,842 In the Bhagavad Gita, the sacred book of Hinduism, 503 00:25:53,866 --> 00:25:57,500 {\an1}the human mind is described as a literal battlefield. 504 00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:03,142 In 1621, the British philosopher Robert Burton 505 00:26:03,166 --> 00:26:07,576 {\an1}published the 1,000-page book "Anatomy of Melancholy," 506 00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:10,909 {\an1}in which he identified the symptoms of depression, 507 00:26:10,933 --> 00:26:13,000 mania, and phobia. 508 00:26:15,533 --> 00:26:20,009 {\an1}In 1952, in an attempt to categorize and classify 509 00:26:20,033 --> 00:26:21,809 mental illnesses, 510 00:26:21,833 --> 00:26:24,309 the American Psychiatric Association 511 00:26:24,333 --> 00:26:27,376 {\an1}published an official glossary of mental disorders 512 00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:29,209 for clinical use 513 00:26:29,233 --> 00:26:32,166 {\an1}called the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. 514 00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:38,109 {\an1}That first edition had more than 100 diagnoses. 515 00:26:38,133 --> 00:26:42,433 Today's DSM-5 lists hundreds more. 516 00:26:45,033 --> 00:26:47,509 {\an7}One of the first things that my mom did 517 00:26:47,533 --> 00:26:52,242 {\an7}was to get me properly diagnosed, um, with bipolar. 518 00:26:52,266 --> 00:26:55,576 {\an1}My brother, he's also bipolar. 519 00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:58,842 My mother thought I was bipolar at one point, 520 00:26:58,866 --> 00:27:00,542 {\an1}knowing that my cousin was. 521 00:27:00,566 --> 00:27:03,376 {\an8}I had an uncle that had schizophrenia. 522 00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:05,266 {\an7}I grew up hearing stories about him. 523 00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:09,209 Yanerry: I kept my hallucinations inside 524 00:27:09,233 --> 00:27:10,500 for 10 years. 525 00:27:11,900 --> 00:27:15,309 {\an1}The first person I told was a doctor because I felt like 526 00:27:15,333 --> 00:27:17,609 a doctor would really understand my symptoms 527 00:27:17,633 --> 00:27:20,709 compared to my family and friends. 528 00:27:20,733 --> 00:27:24,909 {\an7}He told me, "You're a high- functioning schizophrenic. 529 00:27:24,933 --> 00:27:27,076 And you have this because of genetics." 530 00:27:27,100 --> 00:27:29,366 {\an1}And it's not just me that goes through this. 531 00:27:30,733 --> 00:27:33,909 I finally spoke to my sister about it, 532 00:27:33,933 --> 00:27:37,209 {\an1}and she told me, "Hey, I'm having those, too," 533 00:27:37,233 --> 00:27:39,300 {\an1}like, "Hey, I'm seeing shadows, too!" 534 00:27:40,566 --> 00:27:43,542 I also found out that a few of my cousins 535 00:27:43,566 --> 00:27:46,333 and an aunt of mine has schizophrenia. 536 00:27:47,766 --> 00:27:50,276 {\an1}Vinson: In thinking about nature versus nurture, 537 00:27:50,300 --> 00:27:51,942 what we've come to understand, um, 538 00:27:51,966 --> 00:27:54,376 is that it's not an either/or at all. 539 00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:56,476 It is "both, and." 540 00:27:56,500 --> 00:27:58,642 What happens to you as you're developing 541 00:27:58,666 --> 00:28:00,842 {\an1}during your early years is going to 542 00:28:00,866 --> 00:28:02,542 interplay with those vulnerabilities 543 00:28:02,566 --> 00:28:04,633 {\an1}that you may have come into the world with. 544 00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:09,342 {\an7}Angel: I recently got diagnosed by my psychiatrist 545 00:28:09,366 --> 00:28:12,376 {\an8}with PTSD from my past experiences. 546 00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:16,876 {\an8}I was diagnosed with agoraphobia, 547 00:28:16,900 --> 00:28:19,276 {\an7}severe social anxiety, 548 00:28:19,300 --> 00:28:24,009 {\an1}generalized anxiety disorder, and depression. 549 00:28:24,033 --> 00:28:26,642 {\an7}Part of me had thought that it was 550 00:28:26,666 --> 00:28:30,676 {\an8}maybe just linked to me being trans 551 00:28:30,700 --> 00:28:33,642 {\an1}and not being comfortable in my body. 552 00:28:33,666 --> 00:28:37,642 {\an1}But I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa 553 00:28:37,666 --> 00:28:39,966 {\an1}and anxiety and depression. 554 00:28:41,366 --> 00:28:43,676 {\an1}Lydia: My first psychiatrist 555 00:28:43,700 --> 00:28:46,742 just diagnosed me with depression. 556 00:28:46,766 --> 00:28:49,542 It didn't help me explain to myself 557 00:28:49,566 --> 00:28:52,642 {\an1}why I was such a binge drinker, a binge user, 558 00:28:52,666 --> 00:28:54,809 and why I couldn't control myself 559 00:28:54,833 --> 00:28:57,776 when it came to specific things. 560 00:28:57,800 --> 00:29:00,909 {\an8}Bipolar is a label that was given to me 561 00:29:00,933 --> 00:29:03,576 by psychiatrists. Said schizoaffective, 562 00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:07,233 some said bipolar, some said major depression. 563 00:29:08,500 --> 00:29:11,309 Ava: I was diagnosed with depression. 564 00:29:11,333 --> 00:29:14,442 {\an8}And then a month ago, they said I might have had, 565 00:29:14,466 --> 00:29:17,976 {\an8}like, bipolar disease or something, so, 566 00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:20,033 I don't know what I actually have. 567 00:29:21,833 --> 00:29:24,809 Dunning: Over time, I will learn about you. 568 00:29:24,833 --> 00:29:27,309 {\an1}I've only met you for 60 minutes, 90 minutes, 569 00:29:27,333 --> 00:29:28,676 whatever it may be. 570 00:29:28,700 --> 00:29:30,809 So, we need to work together so that 571 00:29:30,833 --> 00:29:33,809 {\an1}you have an accurate diagnosis. 572 00:29:33,833 --> 00:29:36,942 One of the things that, um, we know 573 00:29:36,966 --> 00:29:40,876 {\an1}leads to doctors getting diagnoses wrong 574 00:29:40,900 --> 00:29:45,309 {\an1}is when they prematurely decide they know what it is. 575 00:29:45,333 --> 00:29:48,633 {\an1}Julie: When I was age of 13, they said it was depression. 576 00:29:50,333 --> 00:29:53,342 {\an8}I was pretty... Pretty freaked out. 577 00:29:53,366 --> 00:29:55,109 {\an8}Pretty freaked out. 578 00:29:55,133 --> 00:29:59,509 {\an1}But it was also kind of like a relief, too, at the same time. 579 00:29:59,533 --> 00:30:02,676 {\an1}You feel very confused and you feel very lost 580 00:30:02,700 --> 00:30:05,476 {\an1}and you're not very sure what's wrong, 581 00:30:05,500 --> 00:30:08,966 {\an1}and then you get an answer and it's kind of really comforting. 582 00:30:10,266 --> 00:30:12,142 {\an1}Makalynn: When I was, like, 17 years old, 583 00:30:12,166 --> 00:30:16,909 the doctor's like, "You have bipolar disorder." 584 00:30:16,933 --> 00:30:19,276 {\an7}And describing the symptoms, I was like, "OK, 585 00:30:19,300 --> 00:30:21,242 {\an7}that checks off," you know, "I can check that box, 586 00:30:21,266 --> 00:30:23,976 {\an8}I can check that box, this is me." 587 00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:26,309 {\an1}It's not a relief to know that it's something that you're 588 00:30:26,333 --> 00:30:27,509 {\an1}gonna have to deal with for the rest of your life, 589 00:30:27,533 --> 00:30:29,276 {\an1}but it's a relief to finally 590 00:30:29,300 --> 00:30:30,566 make sense of it. 591 00:30:31,933 --> 00:30:35,809 {\an8}Some people, uh, do derive some kind of solace 592 00:30:35,833 --> 00:30:38,842 {\an8}from saying, "I can put a name on this. 593 00:30:38,866 --> 00:30:40,409 {\an7}"I can call this depression. 594 00:30:40,433 --> 00:30:42,400 {\an1}I can call this PTSD." 595 00:30:43,566 --> 00:30:46,176 {\an1}And I think there's value in having those labels. 596 00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:48,576 There's also a risk, and the risk is thinking that 597 00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:51,076 {\an1}those labels explain something. 598 00:30:51,100 --> 00:30:53,642 {\an1}Someone once said to me that if you tell me 599 00:30:53,666 --> 00:30:56,242 that a person has schizophrenia, 600 00:30:56,266 --> 00:30:58,142 {\an1}you've told me 5% of what 601 00:30:58,166 --> 00:31:00,642 I want to know about that person. 602 00:31:00,666 --> 00:31:03,809 To just kind of be reduced to nothing but, 603 00:31:03,833 --> 00:31:06,409 {\an1}you know, the two words "bipolar disorder," and people 604 00:31:06,433 --> 00:31:08,309 {\an1}not understanding that I'm a whole person. 605 00:31:08,333 --> 00:31:09,809 I just sometimes suffer from symptoms 606 00:31:09,833 --> 00:31:12,009 {\an1}of this mental illness. 607 00:31:12,033 --> 00:31:14,942 Some people don't want to have a label. 608 00:31:14,966 --> 00:31:18,609 {\an1}I don't like labels either, but for our health care system 609 00:31:18,633 --> 00:31:24,242 {\an1}right now, I need to name it in in some way so that it can be 610 00:31:24,266 --> 00:31:27,066 paid for by the insurance company. 611 00:31:28,900 --> 00:31:32,609 {\an1}Vinson: Diagnoses are helpful, but it's important to point out 612 00:31:32,633 --> 00:31:34,709 that they're not the whole picture. 613 00:31:34,733 --> 00:31:37,576 People's experiences are all different. 614 00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:39,542 You can have the same diagnosis but have 615 00:31:39,566 --> 00:31:42,009 really different treatment plans, 616 00:31:42,033 --> 00:31:43,842 {\an1}really different medications that you draw from 617 00:31:43,866 --> 00:31:46,900 in order to move in a different direction. 618 00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:50,776 {\an1}Newsreel Announcer: In this dramatic fight to preserve 619 00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:53,042 {\an8}and protect the nation's health, 620 00:31:53,066 --> 00:31:57,442 {\an7}modern medical practice enlists the aid of medicines and drugs, 621 00:31:57,466 --> 00:32:01,409 {\an7}medicinal weapons to combat man's greatest enemies. 622 00:32:01,433 --> 00:32:04,542 {\an8}Meds, man. They're to help manage you. 623 00:32:04,566 --> 00:32:05,543 {\an1}They're not a cure-all. 624 00:32:05,567 --> 00:32:06,609 {\an1}Newsreel announcer: Use only 625 00:32:06,633 --> 00:32:08,242 {\an1}under professional direction. 626 00:32:08,266 --> 00:32:11,576 {\an1}Samantha: Medications are a resource and a tool you use 627 00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:14,309 to help better manage your mental health. 628 00:32:14,333 --> 00:32:16,076 Newsreel Announcer: Daily, headlines tell us 629 00:32:16,100 --> 00:32:17,376 of their results, 630 00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:19,642 {\an1}of lives saved by new drugs. 631 00:32:19,666 --> 00:32:21,842 These developments... 632 00:32:21,866 --> 00:32:24,542 {\an1}Amethyst: People like me who have bipolar, 633 00:32:24,566 --> 00:32:27,642 there's just something inherently different 634 00:32:27,666 --> 00:32:30,109 {\an1}in their brain chemistry. 635 00:32:30,133 --> 00:32:32,809 {\an1}We do need medication because 636 00:32:32,833 --> 00:32:38,376 {\an8}it's way more intense than just hormonal rage. 637 00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:41,509 {\an1}Insel: We have lots of medications to choose from. 638 00:32:41,533 --> 00:32:44,809 {\an7}I think we have about 30 medicines for depression, 639 00:32:44,833 --> 00:32:47,276 {\an7}perhaps 20 for psychosis. 640 00:32:47,300 --> 00:32:50,009 {\an1}There is something like 7 or 8 mood stabilizers 641 00:32:50,033 --> 00:32:53,209 for people with bipolar illness. 642 00:32:53,233 --> 00:32:55,409 {\an1}Probably 4, 5, 6 medications 643 00:32:55,433 --> 00:32:58,066 for attention deficit hyperactivity. 644 00:32:59,533 --> 00:33:01,809 {\an1}So, that's quite a formulary, 645 00:33:01,833 --> 00:33:04,342 and a lot of things to choose from. 646 00:33:04,366 --> 00:33:10,776 {\an7}Maclayn: I do take medication, and it's for anxiety, 647 00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:15,442 {\an8}I believe, and I feel like that helps a lot. 648 00:33:15,466 --> 00:33:16,876 {\an1}Leah: "Let's try Zoloft." 649 00:33:16,900 --> 00:33:18,642 That was the money ticket right there. 650 00:33:18,666 --> 00:33:21,576 {\an8}That actually helped me significantly. 651 00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:24,542 {\an8}I've never taken any before, but I feel like 652 00:33:24,566 --> 00:33:30,476 {\an1}I put myself into that stigma around taking medication... 653 00:33:30,500 --> 00:33:31,876 {\an1}"You take your meds today?" 654 00:33:31,900 --> 00:33:33,442 {\an1}Like, kids used to say that. 655 00:33:33,466 --> 00:33:36,342 {\an7}It doesn't mean you're bad, it just means that 656 00:33:36,366 --> 00:33:39,500 {\an7}your brain needs a little help sometimes, and that's OK. 657 00:33:40,633 --> 00:33:43,676 {\an1}Insel: They're powerful, sometimes they're lifesavers, 658 00:33:43,700 --> 00:33:48,342 {\an1}and then there are many people who don't seem to benefit. 659 00:33:48,366 --> 00:33:50,442 {\an1}We don't quite understand why that is, 660 00:33:50,466 --> 00:33:52,742 and we're left to doing this empirically. 661 00:33:52,766 --> 00:33:54,176 Trial and error. 662 00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:57,342 {\an8}I do take medication for my anxiety and depression. 663 00:33:57,366 --> 00:34:02,676 {\an7}I take Lexapro, and, like, since I've been taking it, 664 00:34:02,700 --> 00:34:04,576 I feel huge. 665 00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:06,776 {\an7}Lexapro did nothing for me, so, I was still just as 666 00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:10,376 {\an8}depressed and stuck and hopeless. 667 00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:14,576 {\an7}Cymbalta is the one that's, like, making my mood better 668 00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:16,042 {\an7}and actually gives me energy, 669 00:34:16,066 --> 00:34:19,509 {\an1}but I still get panic attacks. 670 00:34:19,533 --> 00:34:25,042 {\an7}I am on a medication for depression, and I don't really 671 00:34:25,066 --> 00:34:26,576 know if it's helping me or not. 672 00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:28,542 {\an8}For some reason, it doesn't help me 673 00:34:28,566 --> 00:34:30,709 {\an8}at night at all. 674 00:34:30,733 --> 00:34:34,466 {\an1}I usually just sit there all night, and I'm just like... 675 00:34:36,866 --> 00:34:38,633 {\an1}just tap, that's all I do. 676 00:34:39,866 --> 00:34:44,142 {\an8}They put me on a antidepressant, which I think 677 00:34:44,166 --> 00:34:47,442 {\an7}may have started making things a little bit worse. 678 00:34:47,466 --> 00:34:49,609 Gabe: That pill in the morning, like, I just 679 00:34:49,633 --> 00:34:50,610 sit there, go... 680 00:34:50,634 --> 00:34:54,142 ♪ 681 00:34:54,166 --> 00:34:55,842 Like, everybody used to tease me 682 00:34:55,866 --> 00:34:58,642 {\an1}when I had that pill at school. 683 00:34:58,666 --> 00:35:03,242 {\an8}The psychiatrist would say, "OK, let's try this, 684 00:35:03,266 --> 00:35:06,776 {\an7}"this, and this, see how it goes for a couple weeks. 685 00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:09,476 If it doesn't work, let me know." 686 00:35:09,500 --> 00:35:11,109 {\an1}Let's try another one. 687 00:35:11,133 --> 00:35:13,042 And it has to match with your other meds 688 00:35:13,066 --> 00:35:16,642 {\an1}that you're already taking, so, it's complicated. 689 00:35:16,666 --> 00:35:18,409 It was up to us to figure out 690 00:35:18,433 --> 00:35:20,676 whether it was working or not. 691 00:35:20,700 --> 00:35:23,242 These are complicated disorders. 692 00:35:23,266 --> 00:35:26,676 None of the medicines we have are curative. 693 00:35:26,700 --> 00:35:29,242 None of them are perfectly matched 694 00:35:29,266 --> 00:35:30,909 {\an1}to the problem at hand. 695 00:35:30,933 --> 00:35:32,966 {\an1}All of them have side effects. 696 00:35:34,266 --> 00:35:35,642 Samantha: I told my doctors about 697 00:35:35,666 --> 00:35:38,142 how it was making me feel suicidal, 698 00:35:38,166 --> 00:35:39,976 and they said, "You just gotta wait." 699 00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:44,076 ♪ 700 00:35:44,100 --> 00:35:45,942 Anytime I could have killed myself 701 00:35:45,966 --> 00:35:47,500 {\an1}and nobody would have known. 702 00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:50,642 When I stopped taking the meds, I stopped 703 00:35:50,666 --> 00:35:52,709 feeling suicidal. 704 00:35:52,733 --> 00:35:57,042 {\an1}Dunning: We may have to try another one, or another one, 705 00:35:57,066 --> 00:35:59,776 {\an1}so, to keep people in the game, 706 00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:01,676 {\an1}to keep people positive, 707 00:36:01,700 --> 00:36:05,342 {\an1}to keep people focused on the outcome of something 708 00:36:05,366 --> 00:36:08,276 {\an1}that they really were ambivalent about in the first place 709 00:36:08,300 --> 00:36:10,576 is a challenge. 710 00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:11,776 {\an1}Makalynn: It was about a year and a half of trying 711 00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:14,342 {\an1}11 different medications, and it was 712 00:36:14,366 --> 00:36:17,166 {\an1}wreaking havoc on everything in my life. 713 00:36:18,366 --> 00:36:20,876 {\an1}So, there was one point where I just said, "No medication." 714 00:36:20,900 --> 00:36:22,933 But I started using drugs again. 715 00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:25,942 {\an8}I know now that it is not an option. 716 00:36:25,966 --> 00:36:27,909 {\an7}No. I need to be medicated. 717 00:36:27,933 --> 00:36:31,176 {\an7}God, that sentence sounds... "I need to be medicated." 718 00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:34,466 I... I... I know now that medication is necessary. 719 00:36:35,633 --> 00:36:38,200 I was born with a chemical imbalance. 720 00:36:39,866 --> 00:36:41,476 We take antibiotics whenever we have a flu 721 00:36:41,500 --> 00:36:43,076 or a strep throat. 722 00:36:43,100 --> 00:36:45,876 I have to take antipsychotic medication 723 00:36:45,900 --> 00:36:47,633 {\an1}because that is what helps me. 724 00:36:50,133 --> 00:36:54,409 {\an1}Vinson: We do the best we can based on what we have, right? 725 00:36:54,433 --> 00:36:57,709 {\an1}It's always a matter of what's the benefit 726 00:36:57,733 --> 00:36:59,076 {\an7}that they're getting out of it, 727 00:36:59,100 --> 00:37:00,342 {\an7}and what are the side effects, 728 00:37:00,366 --> 00:37:02,342 {\an7}and which matters more? 729 00:37:02,366 --> 00:37:04,609 And that is going to be different 730 00:37:04,633 --> 00:37:06,233 {\an1}for different patients. 731 00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:11,342 {\an7}Morgan: As a 15-year-old, I was on medications 732 00:37:11,366 --> 00:37:14,266 {\an8}that they would put grown men on. 733 00:37:15,533 --> 00:37:19,076 {\an7}And... no, I was a zombie. 734 00:37:19,100 --> 00:37:21,076 I was a zombie. 735 00:37:21,100 --> 00:37:24,442 {\an8}Any sort of desire you have for anything 736 00:37:24,466 --> 00:37:26,509 {\an8}can be killed by some of these meds. 737 00:37:26,533 --> 00:37:29,033 {\an1}You're kind of a shell of the person that you were. 738 00:37:30,533 --> 00:37:35,476 {\an1}You look like a stereotypical person with mental illness. 739 00:37:35,500 --> 00:37:38,509 Pete: He did continue to take the medication 740 00:37:38,533 --> 00:37:41,009 {\an1}and after a couple weeks, he got better. 741 00:37:41,033 --> 00:37:42,800 And then, of course, he stopped taking it. 742 00:37:44,500 --> 00:37:47,833 And then he started becoming delusional again. 743 00:37:49,633 --> 00:37:52,376 {\an1}Kevin had been walking around the streets for 5 days. 744 00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:54,476 He'd barely slept. 745 00:37:54,500 --> 00:37:58,409 {\an1}And I said, "Kevin, I will pay you $50 a week 746 00:37:58,433 --> 00:38:00,509 {\an1}if you take your pills." 747 00:38:00,533 --> 00:38:02,076 And he looked at me and [chuckles], 748 00:38:02,100 --> 00:38:04,942 he says, "Dad, I'm not a prostitute." 749 00:38:04,966 --> 00:38:07,376 {\an1}So, then I tried duplicity. 750 00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:09,042 Kevin: My father crushed up some meds 751 00:38:09,066 --> 00:38:11,942 {\an1}and put them in my cereal. 752 00:38:11,966 --> 00:38:13,542 {\an1}Pete: He looked at that, and he said, 753 00:38:13,566 --> 00:38:15,909 {\an1}"You're trying to poison me." 754 00:38:15,933 --> 00:38:18,766 {\an1}Kevin: I was very angry with him after that happened. 755 00:38:20,566 --> 00:38:26,142 But suddenly I found myself hospitalized. 756 00:38:26,166 --> 00:38:30,276 I remember waking up and being in the psych ward 757 00:38:30,300 --> 00:38:32,600 and being like, "What am I doing here?" 758 00:38:34,500 --> 00:38:36,442 Pete: We'd end up in the hospital, and he kept 759 00:38:36,466 --> 00:38:39,442 {\an1}doing this over and over and over. 760 00:38:39,466 --> 00:38:40,876 {\an1}And this is what people say, 761 00:38:40,900 --> 00:38:42,509 {\an1}"Oh, wait until they hit rock bottom." 762 00:38:42,533 --> 00:38:44,309 Well, what is that? Homeless? Is it dead? 763 00:38:44,333 --> 00:38:45,676 Or imprisoned? 764 00:38:45,700 --> 00:38:48,942 ♪ 765 00:38:48,966 --> 00:38:51,009 {\an1}Morgan: With my medications, I was like, "Mom, 766 00:38:51,033 --> 00:38:53,409 {\an1}I'm not doing this anymore." 767 00:38:53,433 --> 00:38:56,366 I took myself off of them, cold. 768 00:38:57,766 --> 00:39:01,876 {\an1}I don't think it's a fix or the answer to everything. 769 00:39:01,900 --> 00:39:04,542 Each of our brains is wired differently. 770 00:39:04,566 --> 00:39:07,709 {\an1}Sometimes they're just so quick to write you a script. 771 00:39:07,733 --> 00:39:08,876 And that's why I kind of stopped going 772 00:39:08,900 --> 00:39:10,600 to psychiatrists. 773 00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:14,909 {\an1}Vinson: People are often surprised when they talk to me 774 00:39:14,933 --> 00:39:18,209 {\an1}as a psychiatrist because I think medicine is helpful 775 00:39:18,233 --> 00:39:20,776 but it's certainly not the whole answer. 776 00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:25,042 {\an1}It's not just about having the symptoms go away, 777 00:39:25,066 --> 00:39:27,476 {\an1}it's about is this person 778 00:39:27,500 --> 00:39:30,242 engaging in meaningful relationships? 779 00:39:30,266 --> 00:39:33,176 {\an1}Insel: It requires work. It requires learning. 780 00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:36,242 {\an1}Learning a set of skills to help you do things 781 00:39:36,266 --> 00:39:38,133 that you're currently not doing. 782 00:39:39,333 --> 00:39:41,242 It requires therapy. 783 00:39:41,266 --> 00:39:49,266 ♪ 784 00:39:57,300 --> 00:39:59,676 {\an1}Man: There's an awful lot of hate in the boy. 785 00:39:59,700 --> 00:40:01,642 Hate that's spreading over into his feelings 786 00:40:01,666 --> 00:40:04,476 about everyone. 787 00:40:04,500 --> 00:40:07,242 Woman: Well, he's up against a lot at home. 788 00:40:07,266 --> 00:40:09,146 {\an1}Man: That's just what I want to hear more about. 789 00:40:10,233 --> 00:40:12,676 {\an1}Alexis: So, when I went to therapy, 790 00:40:12,700 --> 00:40:14,976 {\an8}I expected, you know, like, you know, like 791 00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:17,376 {\an7}the bed that they lay on, the bed chair, you know, 792 00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:19,576 {\an7}you're just laying up there and they ask you, 793 00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:22,142 {\an1}you know, "How does that feel?" 794 00:40:22,166 --> 00:40:23,642 {\an1}I didn't know how to talk. 795 00:40:23,666 --> 00:40:26,042 So, she leaves and she comes back 796 00:40:26,066 --> 00:40:29,742 {\an1}with, beads and, like, string and stuff, 797 00:40:29,766 --> 00:40:32,866 {\an1}and she's like, "OK, so, just make a bracelet." 798 00:40:34,500 --> 00:40:36,409 {\an1}So, as I'm making the bracelet, she's, like, 799 00:40:36,433 --> 00:40:39,376 asking me questions. 800 00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:44,042 {\an1}I was actually talking, and I didn't even notice it. 801 00:40:44,066 --> 00:40:46,109 {\an1}She figured that out for me. 802 00:40:46,133 --> 00:40:49,576 {\an8}After my parents got divorced in third grade, 803 00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:52,476 {\an8}we started going to a counselor. 804 00:40:52,500 --> 00:40:55,142 {\an1}And that really helped me get all, like, 805 00:40:55,166 --> 00:40:57,600 {\an1}the stuff off my chest I'd been wanting to say. 806 00:40:59,433 --> 00:41:01,909 {\an8}I think I don't actually give my therapist 807 00:41:01,933 --> 00:41:07,276 {\an7}enough credit to how much she actually helps me. 808 00:41:07,300 --> 00:41:11,309 {\an1}Insel: We have therapies. We have rehabilitative help. 809 00:41:11,333 --> 00:41:16,209 {\an1}But the reality is it's not that easy to find a specialist 810 00:41:16,233 --> 00:41:18,442 to get help with a mental illness, 811 00:41:18,466 --> 00:41:21,076 {\an1}even a serious mental illness. 812 00:41:21,100 --> 00:41:24,176 {\an1}There's so many things about mental health care today 813 00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:26,242 which are fundamentally embarrassing 814 00:41:26,266 --> 00:41:27,700 for us as a nation. 815 00:41:30,233 --> 00:41:33,109 {\an1}Maclayn: The counselors I had before, I felt like 816 00:41:33,133 --> 00:41:36,609 {\an1}they didn't really understand what was going on, 817 00:41:36,633 --> 00:41:40,609 {\an7}and they didn't really show much interest, 818 00:41:40,633 --> 00:41:43,609 {\an7}and that kind of made me even more upset. 819 00:41:43,633 --> 00:41:47,409 {\an1}Ava: They always ask the same questions, and I feel like 820 00:41:47,433 --> 00:41:50,109 {\an1}it's just not helping me. 821 00:41:50,133 --> 00:41:51,733 {\an8}Just wasting my time. 822 00:41:53,200 --> 00:41:54,542 {\an8}It seems like she didn't really acknowledge 823 00:41:54,566 --> 00:41:57,742 {\an7}anything that I said, so, 824 00:41:57,766 --> 00:41:59,900 {\an1}it was a bit invalidating. 825 00:42:01,833 --> 00:42:04,242 Gabe: Horrifying. It was horrifying. 826 00:42:04,266 --> 00:42:07,066 I was like, "Should I be saying all this?" 827 00:42:08,333 --> 00:42:10,000 "Yeah, no." 828 00:42:11,666 --> 00:42:14,233 "Yeah, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no." 829 00:42:15,500 --> 00:42:17,676 {\an8}Just confusing. 830 00:42:17,700 --> 00:42:20,509 {\an8}They would give me, like, a sheet, um, 831 00:42:20,533 --> 00:42:24,476 {\an7}that I would, like, bubble in of how I was feeling, 832 00:42:24,500 --> 00:42:28,542 {\an1}but it kind of felt like I was talking to a piece of paper 833 00:42:28,566 --> 00:42:31,742 {\an1}and not an actual therapist. 834 00:42:31,766 --> 00:42:36,042 {\an1}Justin: I had a doctor tell me that I'd never work again, 835 00:42:36,066 --> 00:42:38,842 {\an1}that I'd never live a fully functional life, 836 00:42:38,866 --> 00:42:42,400 {\an1}and that I was gonna have this disease for the rest of my life. 837 00:42:43,533 --> 00:42:46,233 {\an7}And I had just met him within 10 minutes. 838 00:42:48,166 --> 00:42:50,842 {\an1}Vinson: Mental health problems require a certain 839 00:42:50,866 --> 00:42:54,633 relationship that may not be present. 840 00:42:56,400 --> 00:42:59,876 {\an8}If I am asleep on an operating table 841 00:42:59,900 --> 00:43:02,342 {\an7}and the anesthesiologist has a hard time relating to me, 842 00:43:02,366 --> 00:43:04,976 {\an1}it doesn't really matter... I'm asleep on an operating table. 843 00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:07,576 {\an1}If I'm in a room with somebody and I'm supposed to tell them 844 00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:09,176 {\an1}the most difficult thing that's ever happened to me 845 00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:11,276 in my life, the relationship matters 846 00:43:11,300 --> 00:43:13,742 {\an1}in a different kind of way. 847 00:43:13,766 --> 00:43:15,476 {\an1}Pete: You know, of my son's 7 psychiatrists, 848 00:43:15,500 --> 00:43:17,142 {\an1}only two have bothered to learn anything 849 00:43:17,166 --> 00:43:19,942 {\an1}but his name and his diagnosis. 850 00:43:19,966 --> 00:43:22,276 {\an7}So, we lined up a therapist, supposedly the best therapist 851 00:43:22,300 --> 00:43:24,942 {\an8}in Northern Virginia dealing with young men. 852 00:43:24,966 --> 00:43:28,009 {\an1}And my son took his chair and he turned it around 853 00:43:28,033 --> 00:43:29,609 {\an1}and wouldn't talk to him. 854 00:43:29,633 --> 00:43:32,676 So, after 3 sessions, the guy says, "Look, 855 00:43:32,700 --> 00:43:35,933 {\an1}he's not gonna do anything, I'm not gonna help him." 856 00:43:37,933 --> 00:43:40,676 Xavier: First time getting into a therapist 857 00:43:40,700 --> 00:43:42,142 is kinda awkward. 858 00:43:42,166 --> 00:43:43,642 Just weird. 859 00:43:43,666 --> 00:43:45,509 {\an8}You don't know them and you're, like, 860 00:43:45,533 --> 00:43:48,609 {\an7}gonna talk to them about, like, why you're sad. 861 00:43:48,633 --> 00:43:52,509 {\an8}He saw her for a couple of months, said, 862 00:43:52,533 --> 00:43:54,509 "This isn't for me." 863 00:43:54,533 --> 00:43:57,609 Amira: He didn't want anything to do with it. 864 00:43:57,633 --> 00:44:00,009 {\an7}Like, he just wanted to be left to his own devices 865 00:44:00,033 --> 00:44:04,476 {\an7}and to just be able to be mad. 866 00:44:04,500 --> 00:44:06,142 {\an1}Vinson: People sometimes are hesitant to talk about 867 00:44:06,166 --> 00:44:10,176 {\an1}their mental health concerns, especially if you've had 868 00:44:10,200 --> 00:44:14,742 {\an1}adults or even kids who respond to you in a way that 869 00:44:14,766 --> 00:44:17,842 isn't supportive when you've tried before. 870 00:44:17,866 --> 00:44:20,009 Samantha: You gotta find that right fit. 871 00:44:20,033 --> 00:44:24,076 {\an7}Sometimes they just suck for you, and that's OK, you know? 872 00:44:24,100 --> 00:44:27,542 {\an8}Not every therapist is gonna be the one. 873 00:44:27,566 --> 00:44:29,709 Dunning: Children and adolescents, 874 00:44:29,733 --> 00:44:32,242 {\an1}I will say to them, "I know 875 00:44:32,266 --> 00:44:34,409 {\an1}"that this is not even remotely 876 00:44:34,433 --> 00:44:37,809 {\an1}"on your top 10 places that you want to be right now. 877 00:44:37,833 --> 00:44:40,342 "Over time, I will learn about you. 878 00:44:40,366 --> 00:44:43,176 {\an1}"I have only met you for 60 minutes, 90 minutes, 879 00:44:43,200 --> 00:44:45,276 "whatever it may be. 880 00:44:45,300 --> 00:44:47,342 {\an1}"So, we need to work together 881 00:44:47,366 --> 00:44:50,209 "because I know that will help you. 882 00:44:50,233 --> 00:44:51,600 I know it will." 883 00:44:55,266 --> 00:44:57,776 {\an1}Samantha: It was just talking and trying to figure out 884 00:44:57,800 --> 00:44:59,876 {\an1}what exactly was wrong. 885 00:44:59,900 --> 00:45:04,076 {\an1}It was kinda like you put pieces together of a puzzle 886 00:45:04,100 --> 00:45:06,333 that we didn't really know where to start. 887 00:45:08,233 --> 00:45:11,542 ♪ 888 00:45:11,566 --> 00:45:15,642 And it was a process, 889 00:45:15,666 --> 00:45:19,100 {\an1}but it felt good to finally, like, put things together. 890 00:45:20,600 --> 00:45:22,576 Yanerry: When I met my current therapist, 891 00:45:22,600 --> 00:45:26,442 she told me she had the symptoms that I had. 892 00:45:26,466 --> 00:45:29,109 {\an7}It felt so comfortable to speak to someone who actually 893 00:45:29,133 --> 00:45:31,900 {\an7}can see the things you see. 894 00:45:33,433 --> 00:45:37,576 She actually listens and gives me methods of ways 895 00:45:37,600 --> 00:45:40,242 {\an1}to deal with my symptoms. 896 00:45:40,266 --> 00:45:44,109 {\an1}Now I kind of just see it as my normal 897 00:45:44,133 --> 00:45:46,333 compared to other people's normals. 898 00:45:47,933 --> 00:45:49,576 {\an1}Isabel: It was two years ago 899 00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:52,442 that he voiced needing help again 900 00:45:52,466 --> 00:45:56,076 and, uh, I went back and found him a therapist. 901 00:45:56,100 --> 00:45:58,409 It changes over time, slowly as you just get to, 902 00:45:58,433 --> 00:46:01,009 like, know more of their personality 903 00:46:01,033 --> 00:46:06,676 {\an1}and just how they do things and, you know, 904 00:46:06,700 --> 00:46:09,676 {\an1}slowly it's like, you get comfortable enough 905 00:46:09,700 --> 00:46:12,000 {\an1}and then just talk easier. 906 00:46:13,133 --> 00:46:15,809 {\an1}Dunning: There's just so much life and love in having that 907 00:46:15,833 --> 00:46:18,809 {\an1}one person that's forever in your corner that'll just 908 00:46:18,833 --> 00:46:22,476 {\an1}literally love on you. 909 00:46:22,500 --> 00:46:24,809 It's just so joyful. 910 00:46:24,833 --> 00:46:27,666 I say everyone should be in therapy. 911 00:46:29,033 --> 00:46:32,442 {\an1}Alexis: My parents would go to therapy with me, actually. 912 00:46:32,466 --> 00:46:35,142 {\an1}I was talking to my dad, and I was telling him, 913 00:46:35,166 --> 00:46:36,409 I was like, "Dad, I just don't know 914 00:46:36,433 --> 00:46:38,609 {\an1}how to communicate and stuff." 915 00:46:38,633 --> 00:46:41,942 He told me, "I had a lot of emotions 916 00:46:41,966 --> 00:46:44,642 that I didn't know how to deal with, either." 917 00:46:44,666 --> 00:46:50,042 {\an1}He said, "When you're feeling those overwhelming emotions, 918 00:46:50,066 --> 00:46:51,133 "just go outside. 919 00:46:52,766 --> 00:46:54,066 "Go on the trail. 920 00:46:55,666 --> 00:46:57,976 {\an1}"Go talk to the horses if you need to, 921 00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:00,676 "'cause they're not gonna judge you. 922 00:47:00,700 --> 00:47:03,709 {\an1}"If you want to cry so loud, 923 00:47:03,733 --> 00:47:05,800 {\an1}you could sit in the trees and you can do that." 924 00:47:07,366 --> 00:47:08,576 {\an1}And that's what I did. 925 00:47:08,600 --> 00:47:11,942 ♪ 926 00:47:11,966 --> 00:47:14,642 We believe that all things are living, 927 00:47:14,666 --> 00:47:19,476 {\an1}everything has a spirit, everything has a teaching. 928 00:47:19,500 --> 00:47:21,800 You could learn a lot from nature for sure. 929 00:47:25,566 --> 00:47:28,676 [Bird cawing] 930 00:47:28,700 --> 00:47:33,109 {\an1}Samantha: I was probably 14 or 15 when I went into 931 00:47:33,133 --> 00:47:35,400 the crisis center for the first time. 932 00:47:36,533 --> 00:47:40,376 {\an1}I just went in not willing to work on myself. 933 00:47:40,400 --> 00:47:42,500 I told them what they wanted to hear. 934 00:47:43,666 --> 00:47:46,976 {\an7}I just got a break for 9 days from reality, 935 00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:49,733 {\an8}from the universe. 936 00:47:52,033 --> 00:47:55,376 When I went in for the second time, 937 00:47:55,400 --> 00:47:58,476 {\an1}I was ready to put the work in. 938 00:47:58,500 --> 00:48:04,976 {\an1}I got a therapist, I saw her all the time, twice a week, 939 00:48:05,000 --> 00:48:07,076 and then I saw my psychiatrist, my med doc, 940 00:48:07,100 --> 00:48:09,300 {\an1}probably twice a week. 941 00:48:11,133 --> 00:48:14,909 {\an1}Now for over the past year, I've been in consistent therapy, 942 00:48:14,933 --> 00:48:16,700 and I feel so good. 943 00:48:17,966 --> 00:48:19,042 So good. 944 00:48:19,066 --> 00:48:23,876 ♪ 945 00:48:23,900 --> 00:48:27,209 {\an1}Vinson: When you have some cases that are more severe, 946 00:48:27,233 --> 00:48:29,609 we think about higher levels of care 947 00:48:29,633 --> 00:48:33,142 {\an7}to meet their level of symptoms and their level of distress, 948 00:48:33,166 --> 00:48:36,200 {\an1}and that requires more intense levels of intervention. 949 00:48:39,066 --> 00:48:45,109 {\an1}Ray: The blow-ups, the rages kept happening more and more. 950 00:48:45,133 --> 00:48:47,609 Mental support was not enough for Gabe 951 00:48:47,633 --> 00:48:50,676 {\an1}here in our small community. 952 00:48:50,700 --> 00:48:54,742 He needed a more intense therapy. 953 00:48:54,766 --> 00:48:56,809 {\an8}And that's how he ended up 954 00:48:56,833 --> 00:48:59,609 {\an8}at the therapeutic centers that he went to. 955 00:48:59,633 --> 00:49:03,342 {\an7}When I was going to this mental hospital place, 956 00:49:03,366 --> 00:49:08,009 {\an7}I was like, "No, please don't do this to me!" 957 00:49:08,033 --> 00:49:12,142 {\an7}Darla: Oh, was it hard. I mean... 958 00:49:12,166 --> 00:49:13,476 {\an7}I couldn't even talk about it 959 00:49:13,500 --> 00:49:15,576 {\an7}for probably the first 3 months 960 00:49:15,600 --> 00:49:17,876 {\an7}without breaking down. Yeah. 961 00:49:17,900 --> 00:49:19,676 {\an1}I mean, you just feel like you lost your child, 962 00:49:19,700 --> 00:49:20,776 {\an1}that you... 963 00:49:20,800 --> 00:49:22,476 Yeah, you sign some papers, 964 00:49:22,500 --> 00:49:24,376 and the hard part's 965 00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:26,400 driving out of the parking lot. 966 00:49:27,933 --> 00:49:30,233 The ride home the first time was horrible. 967 00:49:34,633 --> 00:49:39,409 {\an7}Gabe: First day, I got there and got in a hold. 968 00:49:39,433 --> 00:49:44,276 {\an1}The hold is, like, when, if you hit a staff or a kid, 969 00:49:44,300 --> 00:49:48,009 {\an1}they run up towards you and wrap your hands. 970 00:49:48,033 --> 00:49:51,176 Like, literally hold you like this, 971 00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:53,509 and they lay you down and hold your feet 972 00:49:53,533 --> 00:49:55,776 {\an1}so you can't kick them, 973 00:49:55,800 --> 00:49:58,800 {\an1}and you just sit there till you're calm. 974 00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:06,176 {\an1}This staff member held me as tight as he could, 975 00:50:06,200 --> 00:50:08,700 {\an1}and I'm like, "Brah, chill." 976 00:50:10,700 --> 00:50:12,576 {\an1}Vinson: Inpatient psychiatry or 977 00:50:12,600 --> 00:50:14,276 {\an1}inpatient mental health treatment 978 00:50:14,300 --> 00:50:16,576 is given with the idea that you're going to 979 00:50:16,600 --> 00:50:18,176 {\an1}help somebody get better 980 00:50:18,200 --> 00:50:20,542 {\an1}or, at the very least, keep them safe 981 00:50:20,566 --> 00:50:23,176 during a time when there are reasons to be 982 00:50:23,200 --> 00:50:25,233 {\an1}really concerned about their safety. 983 00:50:26,400 --> 00:50:28,509 Darla: The facility Gabe had went to, 984 00:50:28,533 --> 00:50:30,176 the residential care, 985 00:50:30,200 --> 00:50:31,776 {\an1}they pretty much took him back 986 00:50:31,800 --> 00:50:33,976 {\an1}to being an infant. 987 00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:37,442 {\an1}Feeding him, holding him, rocking him, 988 00:50:37,466 --> 00:50:39,909 {\an1}carrying him around in a backpack. 989 00:50:39,933 --> 00:50:42,109 {\an1}You know, and he was 9 years old. 990 00:50:42,133 --> 00:50:45,533 {\an1}But it really helped to take him back, you know. 991 00:50:46,833 --> 00:50:50,776 Gabe: I was like, "I cannot do this anymore. 992 00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:53,042 {\an1}"This place is horrible. 993 00:50:53,066 --> 00:50:56,276 {\an1}I better get through this." 994 00:50:56,300 --> 00:51:02,109 {\an1}Ray: The therapeutic center was 400 miles from here, 995 00:51:02,133 --> 00:51:06,642 {\an1}so, every other weekend, we drove 800 miles. 996 00:51:06,666 --> 00:51:09,242 {\an1}We'd leave Friday afternoon 997 00:51:09,266 --> 00:51:11,442 and we'd come home Sunday night, 998 00:51:11,466 --> 00:51:14,566 so, he knew that we didn't abandon him. 999 00:51:15,800 --> 00:51:17,876 Gabe: My mom and dad used to hide notes 1000 00:51:17,900 --> 00:51:21,976 {\an1}everywhere in my room, and I'm like, 1001 00:51:22,000 --> 00:51:24,476 "These make me sad. You shouldn't do this anymore," 1002 00:51:24,500 --> 00:51:27,409 {\an1}and that's exactly what I said to them. 1003 00:51:27,433 --> 00:51:30,466 {\an1}And they were like, "Just trying to make you feel better." 1004 00:51:32,466 --> 00:51:33,909 {\an1}Vinson: By its nature, 1005 00:51:33,933 --> 00:51:35,276 {\an1}inpatient mental health treatment 1006 00:51:35,300 --> 00:51:37,576 is very disruptive. 1007 00:51:37,600 --> 00:51:39,342 {\an1}It takes you out of school, 1008 00:51:39,366 --> 00:51:41,442 it separates you from your family, 1009 00:51:41,466 --> 00:51:44,609 it makes you sleep in this strange bed, 1010 00:51:44,633 --> 00:51:47,376 {\an1}and it can undermine some things that are very basic, 1011 00:51:47,400 --> 00:51:49,809 {\an1}like connection and autonomy, 1012 00:51:49,833 --> 00:51:52,509 while trying to keep people safe. 1013 00:51:52,533 --> 00:51:54,976 [Door lock clicks] 1014 00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:57,942 {\an1}Morgan: I thought after I woke up from my overdose 1015 00:51:57,966 --> 00:52:00,176 {\an1}that I could just go back home. 1016 00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:01,976 No. 1017 00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:06,342 {\an8}I was sent away to an inpatient 1018 00:52:06,366 --> 00:52:11,542 {\an7}children's mental hospital, psychiatric unit. 1019 00:52:11,566 --> 00:52:13,742 {\an1}It felt strange being there, 1020 00:52:13,766 --> 00:52:15,576 knowing that you're out of school 1021 00:52:15,600 --> 00:52:18,676 {\an1}and in an actual hospital. 1022 00:52:18,700 --> 00:52:21,742 So, I begged my mom to take me out of there. 1023 00:52:21,766 --> 00:52:23,409 {\an1}One of the girls was like, 1024 00:52:23,433 --> 00:52:25,209 "You don't look like you should be here, 1025 00:52:25,233 --> 00:52:27,642 you don't look like you're depressed." 1026 00:52:27,666 --> 00:52:29,842 And that always stuck with me because, like, 1027 00:52:29,866 --> 00:52:33,742 {\an1}what do my looks have to do with anything like how I'm feeling? 1028 00:52:33,766 --> 00:52:35,642 {\an1}Yanerry: The first time I went to the psych ward, 1029 00:52:35,666 --> 00:52:39,309 {\an1}I was there to prevent a suicide attempt. 1030 00:52:39,333 --> 00:52:41,542 {\an7}It's kind of just like the room you stay in 1031 00:52:41,566 --> 00:52:43,942 {\an7}and you see a psychiatrist 1032 00:52:43,966 --> 00:52:47,666 {\an1}and if you say you're feeling sad, you stay another week. 1033 00:52:50,666 --> 00:52:54,609 {\an1}Lydia: It was October of 2018, 1034 00:52:54,633 --> 00:52:57,033 {\an7}and I overdosed on Xanax in school. 1035 00:52:58,200 --> 00:53:00,609 My parents told me, "You're gonna be sent 1036 00:53:00,633 --> 00:53:06,142 {\an1}to a residential facility for 30 days," 1037 00:53:06,166 --> 00:53:09,576 and I threw a fit. 1038 00:53:09,600 --> 00:53:13,642 {\an1}I was, like, punching walls, I was screaming and crying, 1039 00:53:13,666 --> 00:53:17,609 {\an1}and then I was like, "I'm gonna fake it till I make it." 1040 00:53:17,633 --> 00:53:24,909 {\an7}I finally ended up, um... in a kind of desperation. 1041 00:53:24,933 --> 00:53:26,376 Nothing was working. 1042 00:53:26,400 --> 00:53:29,176 It seemed like she was getting worse. 1043 00:53:29,200 --> 00:53:33,176 {\an1}Lydia: From that residential, I got "gooned," 1044 00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:35,742 which is picked up in the middle of the night, 1045 00:53:35,766 --> 00:53:38,142 {\an1}and I got sent straight to the wilderness. 1046 00:53:38,166 --> 00:53:42,742 ♪ 1047 00:53:42,766 --> 00:53:45,942 It's like a paid, legal kidnapping. 1048 00:53:45,966 --> 00:53:48,109 It's... it's... [laughs] it's terrible! 1049 00:53:48,133 --> 00:53:51,676 We had to hike almost every day 1050 00:53:51,700 --> 00:53:54,076 with, like, our huge packs on. 1051 00:53:54,100 --> 00:53:58,276 {\an1}We slept on sleeping bags on a tarp on the ground 1052 00:53:58,300 --> 00:54:00,109 under a plastic tarp. 1053 00:54:00,133 --> 00:54:03,242 ♪ 1054 00:54:03,266 --> 00:54:08,109 {\an1}I was in the wilderness for, like, 3, 4 months. 1055 00:54:08,133 --> 00:54:10,109 [Laughter, crying] 1056 00:54:10,133 --> 00:54:16,709 ♪ 1057 00:54:16,733 --> 00:54:18,309 Hi, sweetheart. 1058 00:54:18,333 --> 00:54:19,310 {\an1}Erick: When she came out of the wilderness, 1059 00:54:19,334 --> 00:54:21,000 she was radiant. 1060 00:54:22,366 --> 00:54:25,276 {\an1}I think she had started to do that work 1061 00:54:25,300 --> 00:54:27,842 {\an1}of being OK in herself. 1062 00:54:27,866 --> 00:54:30,209 {\an1}It was incredible to see. 1063 00:54:30,233 --> 00:54:31,576 I mean, really, she came out 1064 00:54:31,600 --> 00:54:33,909 of the wilderness... 1065 00:54:33,933 --> 00:54:36,376 ♪ 1066 00:54:36,400 --> 00:54:40,209 [Sniffles] 1067 00:54:40,233 --> 00:54:41,542 {\an1}Wasn't even the old Lydia. 1068 00:54:41,566 --> 00:54:43,800 {\an1}It was like this new Lydia. 1069 00:54:45,933 --> 00:54:47,066 And I felt it. 1070 00:54:51,233 --> 00:54:53,376 {\an1}Lydia: But right as I got back into New York City, 1071 00:54:53,400 --> 00:54:58,166 {\an1}I slipped right back into the same old habits. 1072 00:55:00,500 --> 00:55:03,142 {\an1}Kennedy: You pay attention for a short period of time, 1073 00:55:03,166 --> 00:55:06,276 {\an1}you think you're better, you forget that this is 1074 00:55:06,300 --> 00:55:10,842 {\an1}a chronic illness and that you're never out of the woods. 1075 00:55:10,866 --> 00:55:13,642 {\an7}Your only chance of staying out of the woods 1076 00:55:13,666 --> 00:55:14,842 {\an7}is to pay attention to this 1077 00:55:14,866 --> 00:55:18,676 {\an8}and treat it kind of one day at a time 1078 00:55:18,700 --> 00:55:21,600 {\an7}in an ongoing way throughout the rest of your life. 1079 00:55:23,533 --> 00:55:25,776 {\an1}Justin: They hospitalized me 1080 00:55:25,800 --> 00:55:29,176 and they started giving me medication. 1081 00:55:29,200 --> 00:55:33,442 {\an1}The doctor comes in, they give me my pill, "How do you feel?" 1082 00:55:33,466 --> 00:55:37,176 {\an1}"Well, people are out to kill me, al-Qaida, the mafia." 1083 00:55:37,200 --> 00:55:38,676 I mean, you name it. 1084 00:55:38,700 --> 00:55:41,976 {\an1}This goes on every day, and all I know is that people 1085 00:55:42,000 --> 00:55:45,166 are leaving that came in after me. 1086 00:55:46,300 --> 00:55:48,076 {\an1}So, one day, I just lied. 1087 00:55:48,100 --> 00:55:50,309 I said, "Hey, man, I feel great!" 1088 00:55:50,333 --> 00:55:53,976 {\an1}They discharged me with a month's supply of medication. 1089 00:55:54,000 --> 00:55:57,909 It wasn't until my 23rd birthday that I thought, 1090 00:55:57,933 --> 00:55:59,542 "You know, I feel OK. Why do I have to 1091 00:55:59,566 --> 00:56:01,242 {\an1}take these meds anymore?" 1092 00:56:01,266 --> 00:56:05,176 {\an1}Makalynn: I was admitted to a dual diagnosis facility 1093 00:56:05,200 --> 00:56:06,976 for adolescents. 1094 00:56:07,000 --> 00:56:09,209 They specialized in mental health treatment 1095 00:56:09,233 --> 00:56:12,042 {\an1}and substance abuse disorders. 1096 00:56:12,066 --> 00:56:15,609 {\an1}I think it's very uncommon to find somebody who has 1097 00:56:15,633 --> 00:56:18,609 just one form of mental illness, 1098 00:56:18,633 --> 00:56:22,242 {\an7}so I was lucky enough to have substance use disorder 1099 00:56:22,266 --> 00:56:24,642 {\an8}and bipolar disorder at the same time. 1100 00:56:24,666 --> 00:56:26,076 {\an1}Complete sarcasm there. 1101 00:56:26,100 --> 00:56:27,642 {\an1}[Slide projector advancing] 1102 00:56:27,666 --> 00:56:31,842 {\an1}But I think that I had bipolar disorder first, 1103 00:56:31,866 --> 00:56:35,342 and then that turned into using the drugs 1104 00:56:35,366 --> 00:56:38,742 {\an1}to cover up the symptoms of the bipolar disorder. 1105 00:56:38,766 --> 00:56:41,909 It was just, I mean, a... a vicious... a vicious cycle. 1106 00:56:41,933 --> 00:56:45,976 {\an1}The fact that addiction is a mental illness... 1107 00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:47,942 Hello! News flash! 1108 00:56:47,966 --> 00:56:52,176 You can't really distinguish between the two. 1109 00:56:52,200 --> 00:56:53,542 ♪ 1110 00:56:53,566 --> 00:56:55,642 {\an1}Lydia: Addiction is a disease. 1111 00:56:55,666 --> 00:56:59,042 It's not something that you can control. 1112 00:56:59,066 --> 00:57:01,042 {\an7}You can't choose to be an addict, you can't choose 1113 00:57:01,066 --> 00:57:04,176 {\an7}not to be an addict, it just... It's in your genes. 1114 00:57:04,200 --> 00:57:06,309 Each time she would come out of these... 1115 00:57:06,333 --> 00:57:11,676 These places... what next? 1116 00:57:11,700 --> 00:57:15,442 {\an1}And then she falls down, goes backwards, 1117 00:57:15,466 --> 00:57:17,609 it's all the more painful. 1118 00:57:17,633 --> 00:57:21,609 And, that said, of course she falls down. 1119 00:57:21,633 --> 00:57:26,876 Breaking out of the cycle of addiction... 1120 00:57:26,900 --> 00:57:29,376 {\an1}I think it's one of the most challenging things 1121 00:57:29,400 --> 00:57:31,509 anyone can ever do. 1122 00:57:31,533 --> 00:57:34,442 Lydia: I graduated The Wilderness, 1123 00:57:34,466 --> 00:57:36,976 {\an8}and then... ha ha! 1124 00:57:37,000 --> 00:57:41,276 {\an8}I, um, relapsed. 1125 00:57:41,300 --> 00:57:44,333 {\an7}I overdosed on Adderall, and now I'm here. 1126 00:57:45,600 --> 00:57:47,642 {\an7}[Slide projector advancing] 1127 00:57:47,666 --> 00:57:50,742 I had been, like, thinking about, 1128 00:57:50,766 --> 00:57:53,276 "Oh, I need to change this time, 1129 00:57:53,300 --> 00:57:54,976 "and this time needs to be different. 1130 00:57:55,000 --> 00:57:57,266 What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?" 1131 00:57:59,266 --> 00:58:04,509 {\an1}As a part of therapy, we do yoga 2 or 3 times a week. 1132 00:58:04,533 --> 00:58:08,609 ♪ 1133 00:58:08,633 --> 00:58:13,409 {\an1}I thought the sound bath was kind of cultish and weird 1134 00:58:13,433 --> 00:58:15,876 {\an1}and just, like, creepy. 1135 00:58:15,900 --> 00:58:17,476 [Reverberating tone] 1136 00:58:17,500 --> 00:58:21,842 But when I let all my expectations go, 1137 00:58:21,866 --> 00:58:25,776 {\an1}I could really enjoy it and just relax... 1138 00:58:25,800 --> 00:58:26,976 [Reverberating tone] 1139 00:58:27,000 --> 00:58:29,642 and not focus on the outside world. 1140 00:58:29,666 --> 00:58:32,876 [High-pitched tone] 1141 00:58:32,900 --> 00:58:34,409 {\an1}[Light, tinkling tones] 1142 00:58:34,433 --> 00:58:38,076 {\an1}I've heard of my friends who have been in lockdown facilities 1143 00:58:38,100 --> 00:58:40,376 where it just sounds miserable. 1144 00:58:40,400 --> 00:58:43,109 {\an1}[Loud reverberating tone] 1145 00:58:43,133 --> 00:58:45,509 {\an1}Morgan: When I was in my freshman year of college, 1146 00:58:45,533 --> 00:58:50,909 {\an7}I overdosed again and went to a really scary one. 1147 00:58:50,933 --> 00:58:53,109 {\an7}It kind of reminded me of jail. 1148 00:58:53,133 --> 00:58:55,842 {\an1}It was actually terrifying. 1149 00:58:55,866 --> 00:58:57,809 I was completely institutionalized. 1150 00:58:57,833 --> 00:59:00,809 I was put into a box, basically. 1151 00:59:00,833 --> 00:59:02,776 {\an1}Our only real requirement was to show up 1152 00:59:02,800 --> 00:59:04,909 for 3 meals a day. 1153 00:59:04,933 --> 00:59:07,109 {\an1}That place got me away from the drugs, 1154 00:59:07,133 --> 00:59:11,276 but, it was... it was damaging. 1155 00:59:11,300 --> 00:59:14,076 {\an1}Morgan: I just remember white, 1156 00:59:14,100 --> 00:59:16,109 a lot of white walls. 1157 00:59:16,133 --> 00:59:18,133 It was very... 1158 00:59:19,933 --> 00:59:23,200 [Heavy door opens, then closes] 1159 00:59:24,433 --> 00:59:29,409 {\an1}So we'll have DBT skills or recovery skills 1160 00:59:29,433 --> 00:59:33,809 or adventure therapy, equine. 1161 00:59:33,833 --> 00:59:35,900 {\an1}It depends on the day. 1162 00:59:37,933 --> 00:59:40,142 It's kind of amazing. 1163 00:59:40,166 --> 00:59:45,109 {\an1}I never expected to feel better by opening up to an animal. 1164 00:59:45,133 --> 00:59:47,742 {\an1}So I just think, like, taking chances and opening up 1165 00:59:47,766 --> 00:59:50,842 {\an1}to people who you don't expect will really help you 1166 00:59:50,866 --> 00:59:53,300 is a big takeaway from equine. 1167 00:59:54,633 --> 00:59:57,776 {\an7}I think that this place is more effective because 1168 00:59:57,800 --> 00:59:59,942 {\an7}there are little things to look forward to. 1169 00:59:59,966 --> 01:00:01,576 {\an1}[Loud reverberating tone] 1170 01:00:01,600 --> 01:00:05,742 {\an1}Makalynn: We basically were given some construction paper 1171 01:00:05,766 --> 01:00:07,376 {\an1}and coloring pencils and a TV. 1172 01:00:07,400 --> 01:00:12,509 {\an1}We would just color all day and watch movies. 1173 01:00:12,533 --> 01:00:15,442 And it was terrible. 1174 01:00:15,466 --> 01:00:19,042 {\an1}Yanerry: We couldn't even watch cartoons. 1175 01:00:19,066 --> 01:00:22,209 {\an8}It felt like I was losing my mind in there. 1176 01:00:22,233 --> 01:00:23,809 [Lydia laughing] 1177 01:00:23,833 --> 01:00:27,142 Lydia: It does look like a rich kid's facility! 1178 01:00:27,166 --> 01:00:29,309 But just because it's fancy-schmancy 1179 01:00:29,333 --> 01:00:31,242 {\an1}doesn't mean that, um... 1180 01:00:31,266 --> 01:00:33,876 you have to be rich to come here, you know? 1181 01:00:33,900 --> 01:00:36,309 {\an1}Everybody from here comes from different backgrounds. 1182 01:00:36,333 --> 01:00:37,742 My parents? 1183 01:00:37,766 --> 01:00:41,276 We just all talk to each other openly. 1184 01:00:41,300 --> 01:00:45,009 ♪ 1185 01:00:45,033 --> 01:00:48,376 {\an1}Makalynn: I was living in a house with 13 other girls, 1186 01:00:48,400 --> 01:00:51,209 {\an1}ages 12 to 17 years old, 1187 01:00:51,233 --> 01:00:54,542 {\an1}so talking about, like, puberty and emotions running, 1188 01:00:54,566 --> 01:00:56,542 {\an1}and then you've got, you know, add detoxing from drugs 1189 01:00:56,566 --> 01:00:58,176 on top of that. 1190 01:00:58,200 --> 01:01:00,842 {\an1}Group therapy would turn into, you know, 1191 01:01:00,866 --> 01:01:02,709 who was fighting with who that week. 1192 01:01:02,733 --> 01:01:05,142 I was the only teenager there. 1193 01:01:05,166 --> 01:01:08,676 {\an1}Everyone looked at me as, like, a little kid. 1194 01:01:08,700 --> 01:01:11,176 {\an1}It's like, "What are you doing here?" 1195 01:01:11,200 --> 01:01:14,009 {\an1}Morgan: They had older kids, 14-, 15-year-olds 1196 01:01:14,033 --> 01:01:16,242 with 6-year-olds. 1197 01:01:16,266 --> 01:01:18,509 You can't get proper care with that. 1198 01:01:18,533 --> 01:01:20,709 ♪ 1199 01:01:20,733 --> 01:01:23,742 {\an1}Erick: She's been now to 6 of these centers. 1200 01:01:23,766 --> 01:01:29,342 {\an1}And when a 15-year-old spends 320 days in rehab, 1201 01:01:29,366 --> 01:01:33,309 {\an1}there's no part of me that thinks it's gonna be easy. 1202 01:01:33,333 --> 01:01:37,976 {\an1}And the truth is, nobody recovers until they own it, 1203 01:01:38,000 --> 01:01:40,209 {\an1}and it has to be yours. 1204 01:01:40,233 --> 01:01:42,509 Lydia: You have to trust yourself, 1205 01:01:42,533 --> 01:01:48,176 {\an1}trust that the process has taken you as far as it's going to, 1206 01:01:48,200 --> 01:01:51,809 and your next step is to be on the outs. 1207 01:01:51,833 --> 01:01:53,476 Ahh! 1208 01:01:53,500 --> 01:01:58,309 Work on yourself in a community. 1209 01:01:58,333 --> 01:02:02,842 This is just one part in my story. 1210 01:02:02,866 --> 01:02:07,342 {\an1}It's not gonna stop the rest of my life from happening. 1211 01:02:07,366 --> 01:02:09,876 {\an1}It's actually giving me life, because I'm still alive 1212 01:02:09,900 --> 01:02:12,576 {\an1}because of this place! 1213 01:02:12,600 --> 01:02:14,676 {\an1}I want to [beep] live. 1214 01:02:14,700 --> 01:02:18,109 {\an1}I love being alive, dude! 1215 01:02:18,133 --> 01:02:19,876 {\an1}Girl: Bye! 1216 01:02:19,900 --> 01:02:21,833 {\an8}Lydia: I love living. 1217 01:02:23,533 --> 01:02:28,576 {\an8}♪ 1218 01:02:28,600 --> 01:02:30,242 {\an7}Gabe: When I finally got home, 1219 01:02:30,266 --> 01:02:33,242 {\an8}it felt like I was adopted again! 1220 01:02:33,266 --> 01:02:37,376 {\an8}Yeah, I was like, "I can start over." 1221 01:02:37,400 --> 01:02:39,509 {\an1}And then, like, a year later, 1222 01:02:39,533 --> 01:02:42,609 I'm, like, back to the stuff I was. 1223 01:02:42,633 --> 01:02:48,709 {\an1}Did the same exact thing, said the same exact things. 1224 01:02:48,733 --> 01:02:53,076 Ray: We realized that he needed more help. 1225 01:02:53,100 --> 01:02:54,676 Dunning: She'll tell you to quit. 1226 01:02:54,700 --> 01:02:57,509 {\an1}No, like, she tells me to shut up or something, 1227 01:02:57,533 --> 01:02:59,909 and then I just look at the TV, 1228 01:02:59,933 --> 01:03:01,142 what Dad's watching, and I... 1229 01:03:01,166 --> 01:03:02,809 Dunning: You are being told no. 1230 01:03:02,833 --> 01:03:04,576 {\an1}Gabe: Kee is my therapist. 1231 01:03:04,600 --> 01:03:07,142 No. Because I got mad at... 1232 01:03:07,166 --> 01:03:09,542 {\an1}We talk about anything. 1233 01:03:09,566 --> 01:03:11,376 All right, but you didn't... 1234 01:03:11,400 --> 01:03:13,142 Dunning: When kids come to see me, 1235 01:03:13,166 --> 01:03:18,476 {\an1}most often, they are mad, because they will say, 1236 01:03:18,500 --> 01:03:21,742 "That's my mom," or, "That's my dad." 1237 01:03:21,766 --> 01:03:24,642 {\an1}"They wanted me to come. Why don't you see them? 1238 01:03:24,666 --> 01:03:27,742 {\an1}'Cause they're really the ones that have the problem." 1239 01:03:27,766 --> 01:03:32,109 {\an1}I say to that, "Absolutely, I bet you they do. 1240 01:03:32,133 --> 01:03:35,776 {\an1}"So why don't you kind of just tell me how I can help you 1241 01:03:35,800 --> 01:03:39,709 {\an1}"get to them, and then we'll all convene, and we'll see 1242 01:03:39,733 --> 01:03:41,909 how we can work some things out?" 1243 01:03:41,933 --> 01:03:43,242 Over the course of the... 1244 01:03:43,266 --> 01:03:44,809 {\an1}Darla: Family therapy, we will have that 1245 01:03:44,833 --> 01:03:47,676 {\an1}with Kee every once in a while. 1246 01:03:47,700 --> 01:03:50,542 {\an1}When we do a family one, it's pretty interesting 1247 01:03:50,566 --> 01:03:52,009 {\an1}because it's... It's... it's brutal. 1248 01:03:52,033 --> 01:03:55,309 {\an1}It's... yeah, but we did see things 1249 01:03:55,333 --> 01:03:57,409 {\an1}through the kids' eyes. 1250 01:03:57,433 --> 01:04:00,809 {\an1}Dunning: Family therapy is crucial. 1251 01:04:00,833 --> 01:04:05,042 {\an1}The power of that in holding the mother or the father 1252 01:04:05,066 --> 01:04:08,976 {\an1}accountable to the same rules that you would 1253 01:04:09,000 --> 01:04:12,209 {\an1}to the patient is profound. 1254 01:04:12,233 --> 01:04:16,209 Everyone has a piece in the puzzle. 1255 01:04:16,233 --> 01:04:19,409 The other therapists that we seen, uh, 1256 01:04:19,433 --> 01:04:21,576 it wasn't that they didn't care. 1257 01:04:21,600 --> 01:04:27,876 It's just... they didn't have the expertise. 1258 01:04:27,900 --> 01:04:31,542 {\an8}Family therapy is... 1259 01:04:31,566 --> 01:04:35,042 {\an7}man, it's... it's hard to get, actually. 1260 01:04:35,066 --> 01:04:38,609 In an ideal world, we would have many more kids 1261 01:04:38,633 --> 01:04:42,409 {\an1}in family therapy than we have in individual therapy. 1262 01:04:42,433 --> 01:04:44,476 {\an1}[Slide projector advancing] 1263 01:04:44,500 --> 01:04:48,642 {\an1}Dunning: His biological mom, she came into our session. 1264 01:04:48,666 --> 01:04:52,509 {\an1}That was one of the things that changed his life forever, 1265 01:04:52,533 --> 01:04:59,742 {\an7}being empowered to say to your biological mother and to ask her 1266 01:04:59,766 --> 01:05:02,509 why she hurt you in the way that she did, 1267 01:05:02,533 --> 01:05:06,509 {\an1}to have that opportunity in a safe place, safe place, 1268 01:05:06,533 --> 01:05:11,442 in which to do that, to find your words. 1269 01:05:11,466 --> 01:05:15,809 Gabe: She's good at changing families' life. 1270 01:05:15,833 --> 01:05:21,209 {\an1}My family life was like that, and now it's like that. 1271 01:05:21,233 --> 01:05:24,442 {\an1}[Slide projector advances] 1272 01:05:24,466 --> 01:05:30,809 {\an1}Leah: We had a family therapy session with my mother... 1273 01:05:30,833 --> 01:05:34,142 and it was me, my sister, and her, 1274 01:05:34,166 --> 01:05:39,042 {\an7}and I had to tell her, you know, I... I hated you. 1275 01:05:39,066 --> 01:05:41,276 {\an8}I hated your guts. 1276 01:05:41,300 --> 01:05:43,442 {\an1}And there were so many times that I wished that you were dead 1277 01:05:43,466 --> 01:05:46,142 instead of continuing to hurt me. 1278 01:05:46,166 --> 01:05:49,976 {\an1}All the years and years and years of built-up frustration 1279 01:05:50,000 --> 01:05:51,842 towards, you know, the situation that she put me 1280 01:05:51,866 --> 01:05:55,376 {\an1}and my family through, and it all kind of came out at that 1281 01:05:55,400 --> 01:05:57,909 {\an1}family therapy session. 1282 01:05:57,933 --> 01:06:04,176 {\an1}And that was the first step towards me forgiving her. 1283 01:06:04,200 --> 01:06:06,842 Are you crying? Don't cry. 1284 01:06:06,866 --> 01:06:08,233 {\an1}Of course. 1285 01:06:09,833 --> 01:06:11,500 I love you. 1286 01:06:12,966 --> 01:06:15,709 {\an1}Julie: My relationship with my daughter now versus then 1287 01:06:15,733 --> 01:06:17,366 is so amazing. 1288 01:06:18,766 --> 01:06:22,376 {\an8}My relationship with life itself now 1289 01:06:22,400 --> 01:06:24,866 {\an8}is so amazing, you know. 1290 01:06:30,266 --> 01:06:32,376 [Match strikes] 1291 01:06:32,400 --> 01:06:33,676 ♪ 1292 01:06:33,700 --> 01:06:36,009 {\an1}[Man singing in Ojibwe] 1293 01:06:36,033 --> 01:06:44,033 ♪ 1294 01:06:44,866 --> 01:06:48,209 {\an1}Alexis: I think it's so hard to find an indigenous person 1295 01:06:48,233 --> 01:06:51,376 that hasn't dealt with mental illness 1296 01:06:51,400 --> 01:06:54,300 {\an1}or some sort of abuse. 1297 01:06:56,533 --> 01:07:00,209 {\an8}That's within my DNA. 1298 01:07:00,233 --> 01:07:03,876 {\an1}I wasn't taught my Ojibwe language because it was 1299 01:07:03,900 --> 01:07:07,142 {\an1}literally beaten out of my great-grandparents. 1300 01:07:07,166 --> 01:07:12,442 {\an1}The things my ancestors went through, it's shown through 1301 01:07:12,466 --> 01:07:18,142 {\an1}alcohol abuse, addictions, non-stable families, 1302 01:07:18,166 --> 01:07:20,709 toxic relationships. 1303 01:07:20,733 --> 01:07:22,733 It's everywhere. 1304 01:07:24,633 --> 01:07:29,876 {\an1}That's the burden that indigenous youth deal with... 1305 01:07:29,900 --> 01:07:31,409 every day. 1306 01:07:31,433 --> 01:07:33,109 {\an1}You're just born into it. 1307 01:07:33,133 --> 01:07:35,542 Birthright. 1308 01:07:35,566 --> 01:07:40,742 ♪ 1309 01:07:40,766 --> 01:07:43,009 Makalynn: There is a deeper stigma 1310 01:07:43,033 --> 01:07:44,742 for people with mental illness 1311 01:07:44,766 --> 01:07:48,642 {\an8}who are minorities, so they don't talk about it. 1312 01:07:48,666 --> 01:07:53,609 {\an7}In society, we're already the underdog, so to add another tier 1313 01:07:53,633 --> 01:07:56,209 {\an7}of something that could be viewed as a weakness 1314 01:07:56,233 --> 01:07:59,276 {\an1}would just further complicate life in general. 1315 01:07:59,300 --> 01:08:01,542 {\an1}Girl: ♪ Turn all around ♪ 1316 01:08:01,566 --> 01:08:05,242 {\an1}Vinson: There's a way that things that are woven 1317 01:08:05,266 --> 01:08:09,476 into society become background noise, 1318 01:08:09,500 --> 01:08:12,876 {\an7}and so we pay attention to them in the same way. 1319 01:08:12,900 --> 01:08:17,576 {\an7}When we have things like inequity and racism 1320 01:08:17,600 --> 01:08:22,076 {\an7}and gender discrimination and all of these things, 1321 01:08:22,100 --> 01:08:26,009 {\an8}it's such a part of how we're taught, 1322 01:08:26,033 --> 01:08:28,376 {\an8}of how things are framed to us, 1323 01:08:28,400 --> 01:08:30,800 {\an7}of the language that is used. 1324 01:08:32,300 --> 01:08:33,842 We don't recognize it 1325 01:08:33,866 --> 01:08:37,166 {\an1}because it's just part of how we operate. 1326 01:08:40,166 --> 01:08:46,276 {\an7}If one of my friends was, like, really anxious and she was, 1327 01:08:46,300 --> 01:08:49,776 {\an7}you know, upset and, like, yelling at people or whatever 1328 01:08:49,800 --> 01:08:53,342 {\an1}for her anxiety, people would say, "Oh, like, she's having 1329 01:08:53,366 --> 01:08:56,176 {\an1}an anxiety attack, that's why she's doing that." 1330 01:08:56,200 --> 01:08:58,842 {\an1}Whereas, if I experience the same behaviors, 1331 01:08:58,866 --> 01:09:01,309 it would be, like, "Oh, she's an angry Black girl. 1332 01:09:01,333 --> 01:09:04,442 She's just doing what Black people do." 1333 01:09:04,466 --> 01:09:07,209 {\an1}Makalynn: Whenever the person of discussion has mental illness 1334 01:09:07,233 --> 01:09:09,109 {\an8}and they are white, we definitely focus on that 1335 01:09:09,133 --> 01:09:11,576 {\an7}individual and what they have gone through in life 1336 01:09:11,600 --> 01:09:13,276 {\an7}that could attribute to that. 1337 01:09:13,300 --> 01:09:18,276 {\an1}Vinson: People who are Black who have a mental health problem, 1338 01:09:18,300 --> 01:09:21,776 there's a way that it can be minimized, just like 1339 01:09:21,800 --> 01:09:23,876 {\an1}you as a person are minimized. 1340 01:09:23,900 --> 01:09:28,509 It can be, um, met with, uh... 1341 01:09:28,533 --> 01:09:30,276 {\an1}"othering" just as you as a person 1342 01:09:30,300 --> 01:09:31,809 {\an1}are met with "othering." 1343 01:09:31,833 --> 01:09:33,876 {\an1}Yaadieah: I have to sort of tone down my mental illness 1344 01:09:33,900 --> 01:09:36,476 not to make my community look bad. 1345 01:09:36,500 --> 01:09:39,142 {\an1}And I just feel like many times Black people don't get 1346 01:09:39,166 --> 01:09:42,709 {\an1}to be mentally ill because just... their behaviors 1347 01:09:42,733 --> 01:09:45,409 are so picked apart. 1348 01:09:45,433 --> 01:09:48,842 So when you're Black, the range of emotions 1349 01:09:48,866 --> 01:09:52,776 {\an1}that you're allowed to have in society are smaller. 1350 01:09:52,800 --> 01:09:56,842 {\an1}The room for error you have in society is narrower, 1351 01:09:56,866 --> 01:09:59,542 And so the range of emotional expression 1352 01:09:59,566 --> 01:10:04,276 {\an1}that other people enjoy, you can't without things like 1353 01:10:04,300 --> 01:10:06,376 "angry Black woman" or "angry Black man" 1354 01:10:06,400 --> 01:10:07,576 {\an1}being sort of brought up. 1355 01:10:07,600 --> 01:10:09,509 {\an1}You kept saying "It's boy time." 1356 01:10:09,533 --> 01:10:11,209 Dunning: What in our own thinking 1357 01:10:11,233 --> 01:10:13,276 {\an1}would give us permission 1358 01:10:13,300 --> 01:10:18,709 {\an1}to think for one second that because we are brown, 1359 01:10:18,733 --> 01:10:22,976 because we're Black, because we're Native, 1360 01:10:23,000 --> 01:10:26,042 {\an1}or whatever, that we would not still have 1361 01:10:26,066 --> 01:10:28,709 the same challenges? 1362 01:10:28,733 --> 01:10:31,342 Some people look at Hispanics as, like, 1363 01:10:31,366 --> 01:10:34,942 loud and crazy and full of drama, 1364 01:10:34,966 --> 01:10:39,742 {\an1}and that kind of affected my mental health a lot. 1365 01:10:39,766 --> 01:10:43,809 {\an1}Dunning: In my practice, Native Americans in our community, 1366 01:10:43,833 --> 01:10:47,642 they're struggling, and I will ask them, 1367 01:10:47,666 --> 01:10:49,742 "What don't I know?" 1368 01:10:49,766 --> 01:10:52,509 Alexis: A lot of kids on the res, 1369 01:10:52,533 --> 01:10:54,742 {\an1}they want to be indigenous, 1370 01:10:54,766 --> 01:10:58,176 {\an1}they want to be Ojibwe, but then you go somewhere else, 1371 01:10:58,200 --> 01:11:01,442 and it's like completely frowned upon. 1372 01:11:01,466 --> 01:11:03,709 {\an1}That's tough as a teen. 1373 01:11:03,733 --> 01:11:05,276 {\an1}There's a lot of stigma, 1374 01:11:05,300 --> 01:11:08,576 {\an1}there's a lot of stereotypes against us. 1375 01:11:08,600 --> 01:11:11,042 {\an1}You're just coming into life and everyone's like, 1376 01:11:11,066 --> 01:11:13,676 {\an1}"Yeah, you have to deal with alcoholism, drug abuse, 1377 01:11:13,700 --> 01:11:17,509 poverty, the worst of the worst." 1378 01:11:17,533 --> 01:11:20,542 {\an1}When you tell a kid that, how do you expect them to 1379 01:11:20,566 --> 01:11:24,176 {\an1}succeed on a reservation where you're not meant to 1380 01:11:24,200 --> 01:11:26,709 succeed at all? 1381 01:11:26,733 --> 01:11:29,376 {\an1}It's exhausting. It really is. It's exhausting. 1382 01:11:29,400 --> 01:11:33,109 {\an1}Yaadieah: I just want to open up the conversation more. 1383 01:11:33,133 --> 01:11:38,309 {\an1}It's not just a disease for rich, blonde, white girls. 1384 01:11:38,333 --> 01:11:40,809 {\an1}It doesn't discriminate. It affects everyone. 1385 01:11:40,833 --> 01:11:42,376 [Jail door slams] 1386 01:11:42,400 --> 01:11:44,376 {\an1}Makalynn: I think that there are far too many other issues 1387 01:11:44,400 --> 01:11:46,476 {\an1}that society likes to focus on with minorities 1388 01:11:46,500 --> 01:11:49,100 {\an1}to talk about mental illness at this point in time. 1389 01:11:50,900 --> 01:11:54,176 {\an1}Vinson: The issue of race and mental health 1390 01:11:54,200 --> 01:11:57,876 {\an1}cannot be disentangled. 1391 01:11:57,900 --> 01:11:59,409 So much of what makes people sick 1392 01:11:59,433 --> 01:12:01,142 and so much of what makes people well 1393 01:12:01,166 --> 01:12:03,476 {\an1}has nothing to do with their medication or their therapy 1394 01:12:03,500 --> 01:12:05,076 or the mental health care system. 1395 01:12:05,100 --> 01:12:08,576 {\an1}It has to do with where they live, work, play, learn, grow. 1396 01:12:08,600 --> 01:12:11,676 [Crowd chanting] 1397 01:12:11,700 --> 01:12:13,842 {\an1}Girl: "My eating disorder cannot be separated 1398 01:12:13,866 --> 01:12:15,609 "from my queerness. 1399 01:12:15,633 --> 01:12:18,309 {\an1}"With all these constraints of what a nonbinary body 1400 01:12:18,333 --> 01:12:21,409 {\an1}"is allowed to look like, it should come as no surprise 1401 01:12:21,433 --> 01:12:23,742 {\an1}"that trans youth and young adults have significantly 1402 01:12:23,766 --> 01:12:25,542 higher rates of eating disorders." 1403 01:12:25,566 --> 01:12:28,242 {\an1}Woman: "When I was 19, I had my first PTSD episode 1404 01:12:28,266 --> 01:12:30,809 "when I experienced psychosis. 1405 01:12:30,833 --> 01:12:33,542 {\an1}"And because I didn't have language or money, 1406 01:12:33,566 --> 01:12:37,376 {\an1}"receiving queer-affirming mental health was impossible. 1407 01:12:37,400 --> 01:12:40,376 {\an1}"I started drinking to cope with my symptoms 1408 01:12:40,400 --> 01:12:43,442 {\an1}"and spent 5 years oscillating between stability 1409 01:12:43,466 --> 01:12:46,042 {\an1}and keeping it together." 1410 01:12:46,066 --> 01:12:48,342 {\an1}Billie: There's a lot of nonbinary kids 1411 01:12:48,366 --> 01:12:49,776 that are depressed. 1412 01:12:49,800 --> 01:12:55,876 {\an8}That's because of the way that we're treated. 1413 01:12:55,900 --> 01:13:01,309 {\an1}It's not a symptom of being nonbinary, it's a symptom 1414 01:13:01,333 --> 01:13:04,176 of being marginalized by a society 1415 01:13:04,200 --> 01:13:06,266 {\an1}that doesn't accept us. 1416 01:13:07,833 --> 01:13:11,309 {\an1}Dunning: I have had people that are afraid 1417 01:13:11,333 --> 01:13:15,976 {\an1}to get medical health care, let alone mental health care, 1418 01:13:16,000 --> 01:13:19,842 because they were seriously afraid 1419 01:13:19,866 --> 01:13:24,776 {\an1}to go into a doctor's office and be who they are. 1420 01:13:24,800 --> 01:13:27,042 How sad is that? 1421 01:13:27,066 --> 01:13:30,700 [Birds chirping] 1422 01:13:32,166 --> 01:13:36,576 Maclayn: If people asked me if I'm gay, 1423 01:13:36,600 --> 01:13:39,342 "Yes, I am." 1424 01:13:39,366 --> 01:13:43,742 {\an1}My parents kind of always knew and therapy helped me 1425 01:13:43,766 --> 01:13:45,576 figure it out. 1426 01:13:45,600 --> 01:13:51,109 {\an7}I told everyone that I was gay and if they had any questions, 1427 01:13:51,133 --> 01:13:53,000 {\an7}they... feel free to ask me. 1428 01:13:55,166 --> 01:13:58,276 I'm gonna have an amazing life. 1429 01:13:58,300 --> 01:14:01,342 People love me and care about me. 1430 01:14:01,366 --> 01:14:05,576 ♪ 1431 01:14:05,600 --> 01:14:10,109 {\an1}Mary: You know, coming out as a... as a gay child is hard. 1432 01:14:10,133 --> 01:14:13,442 You want him to... to find love. 1433 01:14:13,466 --> 01:14:15,876 You want him to live a happy life. 1434 01:14:15,900 --> 01:14:19,042 You want people to accept him for who he is, 1435 01:14:19,066 --> 01:14:22,242 {\an8}and, you know, not only is he gay, 1436 01:14:22,266 --> 01:14:24,509 {\an8}but he also struggles with mental illness, 1437 01:14:24,533 --> 01:14:27,342 {\an7}which is gonna be a long journey as well for him. 1438 01:14:27,366 --> 01:14:31,109 {\an1}When I first went into theater, I told my parents 1439 01:14:31,133 --> 01:14:34,242 {\an1}that I found my people. 1440 01:14:34,266 --> 01:14:42,042 {\an1}I like acting because you can express, like, your feelings 1441 01:14:42,066 --> 01:14:45,942 {\an1}to other people and you can make other people 1442 01:14:45,966 --> 01:14:48,476 smile and laugh. 1443 01:14:48,500 --> 01:14:52,009 {\an1}[Cheering and applause] 1444 01:14:52,033 --> 01:14:55,542 {\an1}Billie: Being nonbinary, transgender, gay, LGBT, 1445 01:14:55,566 --> 01:15:00,809 {\an1}what... whatever you identify as, it has nothing to do 1446 01:15:00,833 --> 01:15:04,876 with mental illness. 1447 01:15:04,900 --> 01:15:11,242 {\an1}Don't be afraid to express yourself and be who you are. 1448 01:15:11,266 --> 01:15:17,309 {\an1}Because, honestly, not as many people are looking as you think. 1449 01:15:17,333 --> 01:15:22,976 {\an1}It's scary putting yourself out there because you're 1450 01:15:23,000 --> 01:15:27,376 {\an1}setting yourself up for others to judge you, and that opens 1451 01:15:27,400 --> 01:15:32,676 {\an1}you up to criticism, but it also opens you up to love. 1452 01:15:32,700 --> 01:15:36,176 {\an1}Dunning: We all judge, make no mistake, 1453 01:15:36,200 --> 01:15:38,376 You do. I do. 1454 01:15:38,400 --> 01:15:42,409 I could be judging an adolescent, a child, 1455 01:15:42,433 --> 01:15:44,876 {\an1}for something that they are doing or that they aren't doing 1456 01:15:44,900 --> 01:15:47,209 or that they should be doing. 1457 01:15:47,233 --> 01:15:50,042 {\an1}But what don't I know? 1458 01:15:50,066 --> 01:15:53,533 What don't I know about their life? 1459 01:15:55,266 --> 01:15:56,676 {\an1}Xavier: I actually don't know anything about 1460 01:15:56,700 --> 01:15:58,476 {\an1}my father's childhood, 1461 01:15:58,500 --> 01:16:02,242 {\an7}but, um, yeah, I do know he was in a war. 1462 01:16:02,266 --> 01:16:03,909 {\an7}His dad had been recently diagnosed 1463 01:16:03,933 --> 01:16:05,309 {\an8}with post-traumatic stress disorder. 1464 01:16:05,333 --> 01:16:08,242 {\an8}You know, he served in Iraqi Freedom. 1465 01:16:08,266 --> 01:16:12,109 {\an1}And that could've possibly affected the way he is, 1466 01:16:12,133 --> 01:16:15,209 {\an1}or maybe something happened to him when he was younger 1467 01:16:15,233 --> 01:16:20,209 {\an1}that caused him to hit us for seemingly no reason. 1468 01:16:20,233 --> 01:16:25,009 We all have stuff, we all have struggles. 1469 01:16:25,033 --> 01:16:29,109 {\an1}You can drive by a house and it can look pristine 1470 01:16:29,133 --> 01:16:33,409 {\an1}and no one knows what goes on behind that front door. 1471 01:16:33,433 --> 01:16:36,576 {\an8}But until they open that door and let you in, 1472 01:16:36,600 --> 01:16:40,676 you don't see that the inside of the door is destroyed 1473 01:16:40,700 --> 01:16:45,176 and that the inside of that room is a mess. 1474 01:16:45,200 --> 01:16:46,742 [Handcuffs click] 1475 01:16:46,766 --> 01:16:49,909 {\an1}Insel: What can happen to people with a serious mental illness 1476 01:16:49,933 --> 01:16:54,142 {\an1}is that, just like a serious cancer, it can metastasize. 1477 01:16:54,166 --> 01:16:56,409 {\an1}It turns into disability. 1478 01:16:56,433 --> 01:16:59,709 It gets complicated by substance abuse. 1479 01:16:59,733 --> 01:17:03,176 {\an7}It creates a whole realm of social problems, 1480 01:17:03,200 --> 01:17:06,476 {\an1}including incarceration at various times. 1481 01:17:06,500 --> 01:17:09,076 ♪ 1482 01:17:09,100 --> 01:17:12,242 {\an1}Julie: Well, during that 10 years in my active addiction, 1483 01:17:12,266 --> 01:17:18,109 {\an1}I did a lot of petty thefts, trade goods for crack. 1484 01:17:18,133 --> 01:17:21,309 {\an8}I've had my... my head cracked open, 1485 01:17:21,333 --> 01:17:24,742 I've had guns pulled to my head, 1486 01:17:24,766 --> 01:17:28,476 and got caught up in a criminal justice system. 1487 01:17:28,500 --> 01:17:30,642 Leah: I actually got arrested with her. 1488 01:17:30,666 --> 01:17:33,009 [Siren] 1489 01:17:33,033 --> 01:17:38,642 Yeah, so... we were both shoplifting, 1490 01:17:38,666 --> 01:17:42,242 {\an8}and I had cocaine in my purse at the time, 1491 01:17:42,266 --> 01:17:43,842 {\an7}which was really stupid. 1492 01:17:43,866 --> 01:17:45,676 {\an8}Who goes shoplifting with cocaine? 1493 01:17:45,700 --> 01:17:47,109 But, you know, I was dumb and young 1494 01:17:47,133 --> 01:17:49,376 and I didn't... I wasn't thinking. 1495 01:17:49,400 --> 01:17:51,376 {\an1}If I didn't get arrested, 1496 01:17:51,400 --> 01:17:53,642 maybe, you know, that would be me. 1497 01:17:53,666 --> 01:17:55,609 {\an1}Maybe I would be my mom. 1498 01:17:55,633 --> 01:17:59,442 {\an1}Julie: I wanted to change, I just didn't know how to do it. 1499 01:17:59,466 --> 01:18:04,076 {\an1}So when I went into that store to... to steal those two, um... 1500 01:18:04,100 --> 01:18:06,209 curling irons that I was gonna steal, 1501 01:18:06,233 --> 01:18:09,409 I wanted to get caught that night. 1502 01:18:09,433 --> 01:18:13,176 {\an1}So when the cops arrested me and took me in, 1503 01:18:13,200 --> 01:18:16,576 {\an1}that was the beginning of my recovery, 1504 01:18:16,600 --> 01:18:19,609 that night at Walgreen's. Ha! 1505 01:18:19,633 --> 01:18:23,942 {\an7}Not all men and women in jail are criminals. 1506 01:18:23,966 --> 01:18:27,809 {\an1}A mental illness can put you in a place where you have 1507 01:18:27,833 --> 01:18:29,709 {\an1}no business being there. 1508 01:18:29,733 --> 01:18:34,909 {\an1}What's going on with your mind puts you in a criminal area. 1509 01:18:34,933 --> 01:18:37,276 ♪ 1510 01:18:37,300 --> 01:18:39,342 Justin: I stopped taking the meds. 1511 01:18:39,366 --> 01:18:44,809 {\an7}I relapsed on my symptoms, and I was arrested in April 2007, 1512 01:18:44,833 --> 01:18:48,233 {\an7}and I was booked in the Miami Dade County jail on a felony. 1513 01:18:49,800 --> 01:18:52,809 {\an1}I had a complete psychotic breakdown in their cell. 1514 01:18:52,833 --> 01:18:56,576 {\an1}And then, um, they transferred me to the 9th floor, 1515 01:18:56,600 --> 01:18:59,042 which is dubbed "the forgotten floor." 1516 01:18:59,066 --> 01:19:00,542 [Inmates screaming] 1517 01:19:00,566 --> 01:19:05,609 {\an1}And there's just a whole wing full of people screaming, 1518 01:19:05,633 --> 01:19:08,309 {\an1}I mean, screaming at the top of their lungs. 1519 01:19:08,333 --> 01:19:12,109 {\an1}The corrections officers, they start coming around, 1520 01:19:12,133 --> 01:19:15,209 {\an1}and they tap on the glass every 15 minutes. 1521 01:19:15,233 --> 01:19:17,109 And they go... [Knocks 3 times] 1522 01:19:17,133 --> 01:19:19,609 And they say, "Show your face" 1523 01:19:19,633 --> 01:19:23,342 {\an1}because they want to make sure you're not gonna commit suicide. 1524 01:19:23,366 --> 01:19:28,642 {\an1}That's 4 times an hour, every hour, 96 times a day, 1525 01:19:28,666 --> 01:19:32,376 {\an1}somebody is coming around, smacking on this glass. 1526 01:19:32,400 --> 01:19:34,000 It was terrible. 1527 01:19:36,500 --> 01:19:41,866 I said, "Where am I? Where the hell am I?" 1528 01:19:44,300 --> 01:19:47,076 {\an1}After about 6 weeks in jail, 1529 01:19:47,100 --> 01:19:50,409 {\an1}somebody got me to sign up for treatment. 1530 01:19:50,433 --> 01:19:53,342 {\an1}Vinson: When it comes to mental illness, the criminal 1531 01:19:53,366 --> 01:19:55,476 justice system in the United States 1532 01:19:55,500 --> 01:20:00,109 {\an7}is one that demonstrably is not just. 1533 01:20:00,133 --> 01:20:04,376 {\an1}Rather than the mental health care system being in a position 1534 01:20:04,400 --> 01:20:08,409 {\an1}to step up and provide interventions for people, 1535 01:20:08,433 --> 01:20:11,109 they end up falling into the system 1536 01:20:11,133 --> 01:20:15,609 {\an1}that always has doors open and is willing to take more people, 1537 01:20:15,633 --> 01:20:18,609 and that's the criminal justice system. 1538 01:20:18,633 --> 01:20:22,376 {\an7}Pete: People get stuck in this cycle of constantly in and out 1539 01:20:22,400 --> 01:20:25,042 {\an7}and in and out of jails, prisons, or hospitals. 1540 01:20:25,066 --> 01:20:26,576 {\an1}[Slide projector advances] 1541 01:20:26,600 --> 01:20:29,542 {\an1}Kevin: When I was sick, everything was black and white, 1542 01:20:29,566 --> 01:20:32,209 good versus evil. 1543 01:20:32,233 --> 01:20:35,209 {\an1}It didn't feel like reality. 1544 01:20:35,233 --> 01:20:38,942 It felt like a fever dream or something. 1545 01:20:38,966 --> 01:20:41,809 {\an8}I thought I was some sort of prophet 1546 01:20:41,833 --> 01:20:46,909 {\an7}who had some sort of role in surviving Armageddon. 1547 01:20:46,933 --> 01:20:51,409 {\an1}Pete: One day, he slipped out of the house, and he happened to go 1548 01:20:51,433 --> 01:20:56,942 {\an7}toward a house of a former friend of his, long ago moved. 1549 01:20:56,966 --> 01:20:59,276 {\an7}Kevin: And to me, if I had gotten in that house, 1550 01:20:59,300 --> 01:21:04,542 {\an7}I could go to sleep, and then when I woke up, 1551 01:21:04,566 --> 01:21:08,176 {\an1}Armageddon would be over and there would be peace on Earth. 1552 01:21:08,200 --> 01:21:12,309 {\an1}So I took a potted plant and I threw it through the window. 1553 01:21:12,333 --> 01:21:13,876 [Glass breaks] 1554 01:21:13,900 --> 01:21:16,442 {\an1}Pete: And he went in and he turned over the photographs 1555 01:21:16,466 --> 01:21:19,509 {\an1}of the family because he thought they were staring at him. 1556 01:21:19,533 --> 01:21:23,409 {\an1}I had this notion that I needed to be invisible, 1557 01:21:23,433 --> 01:21:27,342 {\an1}And how do you become invisible? You disrobe. 1558 01:21:27,366 --> 01:21:30,042 {\an1}So I got completely naked, and I'm walking around 1559 01:21:30,066 --> 01:21:34,976 {\an1}in this stranger's house, and then I have to cleanse myself 1560 01:21:35,000 --> 01:21:37,842 from sin because the Armageddon's happening. 1561 01:21:37,866 --> 01:21:43,242 {\an1}So I go up and I draw a bath, and I cleanse myself. 1562 01:21:43,266 --> 01:21:46,809 {\an1}I lay down in the bed, and I fall asleep. 1563 01:21:46,833 --> 01:21:52,342 {\an1}And suddenly these police dogs come, and they jump on my arm... 1564 01:21:52,366 --> 01:21:54,009 [Barking] 1565 01:21:54,033 --> 01:21:56,776 {\an1}and then there's about 10 or 12 police officers 1566 01:21:56,800 --> 01:21:59,909 {\an1}who surround me and pin me naked to the ground, 1567 01:21:59,933 --> 01:22:04,176 and when they put me in a paddywagon, 1568 01:22:04,200 --> 01:22:06,209 it started to set in a little bit, 1569 01:22:06,233 --> 01:22:08,909 {\an8}the reality of what I had done. 1570 01:22:08,933 --> 01:22:11,542 It was humiliating. 1571 01:22:11,566 --> 01:22:14,742 {\an1}You're physically as raw and as open 1572 01:22:14,766 --> 01:22:18,109 {\an1}as you could possibly be. 1573 01:22:18,133 --> 01:22:21,042 The owner had a gun. 1574 01:22:21,066 --> 01:22:24,576 {\an1}My life was spared because the day I broke in just happened 1575 01:22:24,600 --> 01:22:27,642 to be the day they were on vacation. 1576 01:22:27,666 --> 01:22:29,876 {\an1}Pete: And I got a call. 1577 01:22:29,900 --> 01:22:32,742 {\an1}Kevin had been charged with two felonies. 1578 01:22:32,766 --> 01:22:36,142 So we go to court and we're told, 1579 01:22:36,166 --> 01:22:38,009 {\an1}"You have to make a decision right now. 1580 01:22:38,033 --> 01:22:40,276 {\an1}Do you want to plead guilty or not plead guilty?" 1581 01:22:40,300 --> 01:22:43,242 {\an1}Complete strangers who have no knowledge of who he is 1582 01:22:43,266 --> 01:22:46,609 {\an1}are gonna make this decision in a matter of 5 minutes, 1583 01:22:46,633 --> 01:22:49,609 and "This is my son! 1584 01:22:49,633 --> 01:22:52,809 "This is his future. He's sick. 1585 01:22:52,833 --> 01:22:55,809 Why are you going to ruin his life?" 1586 01:22:55,833 --> 01:23:01,476 {\an1}I tried to get him help and was told by the law, "No." 1587 01:23:01,500 --> 01:23:05,009 {\an1}Now that same law wanted to punish him for a crime 1588 01:23:05,033 --> 01:23:08,542 {\an1}he committed when he was sick. 1589 01:23:08,566 --> 01:23:13,109 {\an1}This is my child, and you're telling me you're not gonna 1590 01:23:13,133 --> 01:23:18,009 {\an1}give him help because you don't think he needs it 1591 01:23:18,033 --> 01:23:21,233 {\an1}and he's not dangerous enough. How dare you? 1592 01:23:25,433 --> 01:23:30,842 {\an1}We luckily delayed it, and then the homeowner didn't show up 1593 01:23:30,866 --> 01:23:32,376 {\an1}for the second hearing, 1594 01:23:32,400 --> 01:23:36,442 {\an1}and we were able to get two years of probation. 1595 01:23:36,466 --> 01:23:39,242 Do I see myself as a criminal? 1596 01:23:39,266 --> 01:23:45,576 {\an1}Um, I think it's hard for me to say yes 1597 01:23:45,600 --> 01:23:47,776 because when I was arrested, 1598 01:23:47,800 --> 01:23:52,342 {\an1}I originally wanted to plead not guilty by reason of insanity. 1599 01:23:52,366 --> 01:23:55,176 {\an1}But I think the answer is yes. 1600 01:23:55,200 --> 01:24:00,176 {\an1}I do feel accountable, and you just feel regret 1601 01:24:00,200 --> 01:24:02,842 and embarrassment. 1602 01:24:02,866 --> 01:24:06,276 {\an1}Once something is done that's wrong, 1603 01:24:06,300 --> 01:24:09,609 {\an1}in your heart, you want to fix it, but you can't. 1604 01:24:09,633 --> 01:24:13,042 {\an1}Pete: The fortunate ones have been able to get back 1605 01:24:13,066 --> 01:24:17,142 {\an1}into the community and get services and living well, 1606 01:24:17,166 --> 01:24:20,642 {\an1}but the sickest of the sick have been abandoned on our streets 1607 01:24:20,666 --> 01:24:24,076 and are locked in our jails and prisons. 1608 01:24:24,100 --> 01:24:26,342 {\an1}Insel: By treating this like a criminal justice problem 1609 01:24:26,366 --> 01:24:28,242 {\an1}instead of a health problem, 1610 01:24:28,266 --> 01:24:31,609 {\an1}we've turned our hospitals into prisons. 1611 01:24:31,633 --> 01:24:34,509 {\an1}At the same time, we've turned our prisons 1612 01:24:34,533 --> 01:24:37,576 into mental health institutions. 1613 01:24:37,600 --> 01:24:40,276 One of the largest mental health institutions 1614 01:24:40,300 --> 01:24:44,509 {\an1}in the United States is the Cook County Jail in Chicago. 1615 01:24:44,533 --> 01:24:47,933 There's something surreal about that. 1616 01:24:52,300 --> 01:24:58,309 ♪ 1617 01:24:58,333 --> 01:25:00,433 [Brass band playing] 1618 01:25:01,766 --> 01:25:04,809 [Whistle blows] 1619 01:25:04,833 --> 01:25:09,109 {\an1}Collin: We were affluent, upper middle class. 1620 01:25:09,133 --> 01:25:11,242 We felt invincible. 1621 01:25:11,266 --> 01:25:14,009 ♪ 1622 01:25:14,033 --> 01:25:20,576 {\an7}We were 15-year-old athletic kids that were comfortable, 1623 01:25:20,600 --> 01:25:23,242 {\an8}doing good in school, we were OK. 1624 01:25:23,266 --> 01:25:25,776 {\an1}We didn't... we didn't think that this was possible. 1625 01:25:25,800 --> 01:25:28,876 {\an1}We thought that we were immune to stuff like this, 1626 01:25:28,900 --> 01:25:30,809 but it's not true. 1627 01:25:30,833 --> 01:25:34,976 {\an1}This happens to anyone... Any way, shape, or form. 1628 01:25:35,000 --> 01:25:37,609 It doesn't matter. 1629 01:25:37,633 --> 01:25:40,242 And that came as a big surprise, too, 1630 01:25:40,266 --> 01:25:42,242 for sure, 1631 01:25:42,266 --> 01:25:44,842 {\an1}but only after the fact. 1632 01:25:44,866 --> 01:25:49,109 Everyone in our town knows what happened... now, 1633 01:25:49,133 --> 01:25:52,300 and everyone was affected by this. 1634 01:25:53,800 --> 01:26:00,942 {\an7}Wednesday, February 7, 2018, Nathan Bruno died by suicide. 1635 01:26:00,966 --> 01:26:07,576 {\an8}♪ 1636 01:26:07,600 --> 01:26:12,209 {\an1}Collin: The last time I saw Nathan was in lunch at school 1637 01:26:12,233 --> 01:26:14,242 the day before. 1638 01:26:14,266 --> 01:26:18,109 {\an7}It was just normal Collin and Nathan activities, really. 1639 01:26:18,133 --> 01:26:21,709 {\an1}Nothing was different, and that's what scares me. 1640 01:26:21,733 --> 01:26:23,942 {\an1}Rick: I knew Nathan was off. 1641 01:26:23,966 --> 01:26:26,242 {\an1}I had a few conversations with him 1642 01:26:26,266 --> 01:26:28,709 about what may be bothering him. 1643 01:26:28,733 --> 01:26:31,676 And I went through a list of things. 1644 01:26:31,700 --> 01:26:34,176 Is it bullying? Is it sex? 1645 01:26:34,200 --> 01:26:37,009 Is it drugs? Is it peer pressure? 1646 01:26:37,033 --> 01:26:38,776 {\an1}The only thing he said to me was, 1647 01:26:38,800 --> 01:26:42,909 {\an1}"Dad, I just feel like kids have it harder nowadays." 1648 01:26:42,933 --> 01:26:45,376 Collin: It was an emotional heart attack. 1649 01:26:45,400 --> 01:26:48,542 It was just like my entire world exploded 1650 01:26:48,566 --> 01:26:50,176 in front of my face. 1651 01:26:50,200 --> 01:26:51,442 I didn't know what to think anymore 1652 01:26:51,466 --> 01:26:53,042 {\an1}about anything, about anyone. 1653 01:26:53,066 --> 01:26:56,476 {\an1}It started with a prank made towards a high school employee, 1654 01:26:56,500 --> 01:26:59,976 which Nathan took full responsibility for, 1655 01:27:00,000 --> 01:27:03,609 although there were influences from other kids. 1656 01:27:03,633 --> 01:27:07,842 {\an1}Lucas: The football coach who was getting prank-called by Nate 1657 01:27:07,866 --> 01:27:10,409 put pressure on all the kids and said, 1658 01:27:10,433 --> 01:27:12,476 {\an7}"You're not gonna play on my team and you're not 1659 01:27:12,500 --> 01:27:15,042 {\an7}"gonna participate if you talk to this kid and associate 1660 01:27:15,066 --> 01:27:16,342 {\an8}with this kid." 1661 01:27:16,366 --> 01:27:19,542 Nathan would sit down at the lunch table, 1662 01:27:19,566 --> 01:27:21,442 and all the kids at the lunch table 1663 01:27:21,466 --> 01:27:23,142 {\an1}would get up and move away. 1664 01:27:23,166 --> 01:27:26,276 {\an1}He felt like nobody was ever gonna talk to him again. 1665 01:27:26,300 --> 01:27:29,309 {\an1}Rick: At 15 years old, that can have a profound effect 1666 01:27:29,333 --> 01:27:31,876 on your mental state. 1667 01:27:31,900 --> 01:27:34,442 Angel: The situation that had happened, 1668 01:27:34,466 --> 01:27:36,209 {\an8}I was getting blamed for something 1669 01:27:36,233 --> 01:27:38,242 {\an7}that I really didn't do, 1670 01:27:38,266 --> 01:27:41,376 And I blamed Nathan for that. 1671 01:27:41,400 --> 01:27:44,809 {\an1}Last time I spoke to him, I was texting him very angrily, 1672 01:27:44,833 --> 01:27:46,776 mad at him. 1673 01:27:46,800 --> 01:27:52,242 {\an1}And doing so, I felt like I played a part in him getting 1674 01:27:52,266 --> 01:27:56,042 {\an1}to that breaking point where he felt nothing and decided to 1675 01:27:56,066 --> 01:27:58,266 take that decision to kill himself. 1676 01:28:00,633 --> 01:28:05,509 {\an1}Rick: The last time I saw Nathan, Nathan and I exchanged 1677 01:28:05,533 --> 01:28:08,409 {\an1}some words about, you know, how serious things 1678 01:28:08,433 --> 01:28:09,942 like this can be. 1679 01:28:09,966 --> 01:28:14,142 {\an1}He was sitting on this couch watching TV like he did 1680 01:28:14,166 --> 01:28:16,609 most evenings. 1681 01:28:16,633 --> 01:28:19,909 {\an1}Angel: Nathan's house is right on the way to the school. 1682 01:28:19,933 --> 01:28:25,409 {\an1}And as we're all driving past, everyone sees an ambulance 1683 01:28:25,433 --> 01:28:30,776 {\an1}and a stretcher with a white... White blanket over it. 1684 01:28:30,800 --> 01:28:34,309 {\an1}He was just a joyful kid. 1685 01:28:34,333 --> 01:28:39,276 And he was hilarious! So... 1686 01:28:39,300 --> 01:28:41,709 I think Nathan was the most charming, 1687 01:28:41,733 --> 01:28:44,976 {\an1}most funny, most charismatic kid I ever knew. 1688 01:28:45,000 --> 01:28:49,042 {\an1}He knew how to brighten up any room, no matter how dark it was. 1689 01:28:49,066 --> 01:28:50,466 {\an1}Hey, watch this. Watch me. 1690 01:28:52,266 --> 01:28:55,242 {\an1}Lucas: The way Nathan was as a person says a lot 1691 01:28:55,266 --> 01:28:57,842 {\an1}about the nature of suicide. 1692 01:28:57,866 --> 01:29:02,042 {\an1}It can be in anyone, and anybody can have these thoughts 1693 01:29:02,066 --> 01:29:04,942 and feeling of being alone and no one to talk to. 1694 01:29:04,966 --> 01:29:07,042 It felt like we got hit with a wrecking ball 1695 01:29:07,066 --> 01:29:08,776 basically, in a way. 1696 01:29:08,800 --> 01:29:11,133 {\an1}Everything for us changed. 1697 01:29:12,533 --> 01:29:16,876 {\an1}Collin: It sent the school into a spiral, 1698 01:29:16,900 --> 01:29:18,809 just out of control. 1699 01:29:18,833 --> 01:29:22,142 {\an1}Boy: There was a couple of us in gym class, 1700 01:29:22,166 --> 01:29:24,909 and we just like, all started crying. 1701 01:29:24,933 --> 01:29:28,776 {\an7}So I went to, uh, Guidance, and they were kind of like, 1702 01:29:28,800 --> 01:29:30,876 {\an7}"Uh, well, you have to schedule a meeting." 1703 01:29:30,900 --> 01:29:35,376 {\an1}The guidance counselors are not trained in that field. 1704 01:29:35,400 --> 01:29:37,409 {\an1}They didn't know what to do. 1705 01:29:37,433 --> 01:29:40,476 None of our teachers knew what to do with us. 1706 01:29:40,500 --> 01:29:43,442 {\an1}High school is one of the most stressful things that someone 1707 01:29:43,466 --> 01:29:45,176 {\an1}goes through in their life. 1708 01:29:45,200 --> 01:29:47,176 {\an1}Anyone watching this that is in high school right now 1709 01:29:47,200 --> 01:29:48,709 can attest to that. 1710 01:29:48,733 --> 01:29:53,209 {\an1}There is so little help for people struggling like this. 1711 01:29:53,233 --> 01:29:56,276 There is so little counseling available, 1712 01:29:56,300 --> 01:29:58,942 especially in school. 1713 01:29:58,966 --> 01:30:02,976 {\an8}Vinson: So school counselors may have 1714 01:30:03,000 --> 01:30:05,509 {\an7}specialized training when it comes to education 1715 01:30:05,533 --> 01:30:08,909 {\an7}and vocational issues, they may not have it or even 1716 01:30:08,933 --> 01:30:12,709 {\an1}have clinical licensure when it comes to mental illness 1717 01:30:12,733 --> 01:30:15,909 {\an1}or mental health disorders. 1718 01:30:15,933 --> 01:30:17,642 {\an1}Owen: Right after Nathan, 1719 01:30:17,666 --> 01:30:20,376 {\an1}I probably had like 25 kids in my basement, 1720 01:30:20,400 --> 01:30:25,109 {\an1}and we literally didn't leave the basement for like 3 days. 1721 01:30:25,133 --> 01:30:28,342 {\an1}Angel: We began to learn how to help each other 1722 01:30:28,366 --> 01:30:29,909 in our darkest times. 1723 01:30:29,933 --> 01:30:32,776 We all really needed each other at that point. 1724 01:30:32,800 --> 01:30:36,376 {\an1}Angel: It was really the beginning of us understanding 1725 01:30:36,400 --> 01:30:39,042 {\an1}each other and talking about our feelings. 1726 01:30:39,066 --> 01:30:41,909 We were just sort of talking about different things 1727 01:30:41,933 --> 01:30:44,576 {\an1}about Nathan's death and different things around it, 1728 01:30:44,600 --> 01:30:47,642 {\an1}and it sort of turned into talking about mental health 1729 01:30:47,666 --> 01:30:49,909 as a whole and educating ourselves 1730 01:30:49,933 --> 01:30:51,200 {\an1}on everything about it. 1731 01:30:52,566 --> 01:30:55,642 {\an1}Collin: We kind of said, "Something's not right. 1732 01:30:55,666 --> 01:30:58,842 "You know, something needs to be changed. 1733 01:30:58,866 --> 01:31:01,342 We can't watch this happen to anyone else." 1734 01:31:01,366 --> 01:31:03,376 ♪ 1735 01:31:03,400 --> 01:31:04,942 {\an1}Rick: His friends said, 1736 01:31:04,966 --> 01:31:07,642 {\an1}"We want to do something about what happened. 1737 01:31:07,666 --> 01:31:11,142 {\an1}We want to make a difference in the name of Nathan." 1738 01:31:11,166 --> 01:31:15,242 {\an7}Collin: It's all about speaking and talking about it. 1739 01:31:15,266 --> 01:31:18,409 {\an1}I think that could have saved Nathan's life, 1740 01:31:18,433 --> 01:31:22,109 {\an1}and it could save anyone's life that is feeling the same way. 1741 01:31:22,133 --> 01:31:25,642 {\an8}And that's where ESI came from. 1742 01:31:25,666 --> 01:31:30,076 {\an7}Ava: Before the incident with Nate, the school never 1743 01:31:30,100 --> 01:31:32,342 {\an8}talked about mental illness at all. 1744 01:31:32,366 --> 01:31:35,742 {\an7}They never talked about depression, mental illness, 1745 01:31:35,766 --> 01:31:37,409 and stuff like that. 1746 01:31:37,433 --> 01:31:42,909 {\an1}Now we talk about what ways you can do to help someone, 1747 01:31:42,933 --> 01:31:48,209 {\an1}talking about coping skills and red flags, 1748 01:31:48,233 --> 01:31:50,509 {\an1}and it really helped me. 1749 01:31:50,533 --> 01:31:55,409 {\an1}I've grown to know how to help people now. 1750 01:31:55,433 --> 01:31:59,409 {\an1}Girl: I started to be involved with Every Student Initiative 1751 01:31:59,433 --> 01:32:05,409 {\an7}because I was just really, I guess, proud of what they 1752 01:32:05,433 --> 01:32:09,142 {\an7}were doing and how they respectfully were doing it. 1753 01:32:09,166 --> 01:32:12,009 {\an1}I had a mental illness, and I knew about it, 1754 01:32:12,033 --> 01:32:14,809 {\an1}and I wanted to express it 1755 01:32:14,833 --> 01:32:18,009 and be in that kind of space where I felt 1756 01:32:18,033 --> 01:32:20,176 {\an1}safe to talk about it. 1757 01:32:20,200 --> 01:32:22,342 ♪ 1758 01:32:22,366 --> 01:32:26,609 {\an1}Angel: I started to realize after the grieving period 1759 01:32:26,633 --> 01:32:29,576 {\an1}of Nathan that I needed to talk to someone, I needed to 1760 01:32:29,600 --> 01:32:31,909 {\an1}get right with myself. 1761 01:32:31,933 --> 01:32:35,042 So I started to see a therapist. 1762 01:32:35,066 --> 01:32:40,366 {\an7}It kind of was like a, uh, epiphany in a way. 1763 01:32:42,233 --> 01:32:45,742 {\an1}Collin: We also had the idea for Nathan's Law. 1764 01:32:45,766 --> 01:32:49,709 {\an7}The mission is to review, revise, and create policies 1765 01:32:49,733 --> 01:32:53,742 {\an7}and programs to improve social, emotional support in schools 1766 01:32:53,766 --> 01:32:55,076 {\an8}and communities. 1767 01:32:55,100 --> 01:32:59,742 {\an8}A structured support system in every school. 1768 01:32:59,766 --> 01:33:02,309 {\an1}Collin: We brought it to the State House the first time. 1769 01:33:02,333 --> 01:33:05,209 It didn't make it out of the committee, 1770 01:33:05,233 --> 01:33:07,909 {\an1}but that didn't stop us. 1771 01:33:07,933 --> 01:33:11,442 We know what can help and what will help. 1772 01:33:11,466 --> 01:33:16,209 {\an1}This law, we strongly believe, 1773 01:33:16,233 --> 01:33:18,076 can stop this from ever happening again. 1774 01:33:18,100 --> 01:33:19,976 {\an7}Reporter: This morning, Governor Dan McKee signed 1775 01:33:20,000 --> 01:33:22,276 {\an8}a recently approved suicide prevention bill 1776 01:33:22,300 --> 01:33:26,242 {\an7}at the second annual Be Great for Nate Fundraising Gala. 1777 01:33:26,266 --> 01:33:28,442 {\an1}Last night's event at the Ochre Court in Newport 1778 01:33:28,466 --> 01:33:30,776 {\an1}was in honor of Portsmouth teenager Nathan Bruno 1779 01:33:30,800 --> 01:33:32,242 who was 15 years... 1780 01:33:32,266 --> 01:33:36,209 {\an1}Collin: This is the story of a thousand little towns 1781 01:33:36,233 --> 01:33:38,209 just like Portsmouth. 1782 01:33:38,233 --> 01:33:42,976 {\an1}Insel: There are a million suicides every year worldwide. 1783 01:33:43,000 --> 01:33:46,209 {\an8}For every suicide, there are 11 victims. 1784 01:33:46,233 --> 01:33:48,276 {\an8}One is the person who died, 1785 01:33:48,300 --> 01:33:52,409 {\an7}and 10 are the other people who will never be the same. 1786 01:33:52,433 --> 01:33:56,009 Rick: I believe it takes such an extreme event 1787 01:33:56,033 --> 01:33:58,242 {\an1}because it gets our attention, 1788 01:33:58,266 --> 01:34:02,409 but this isn't the story I wanted. 1789 01:34:02,433 --> 01:34:04,476 {\an1}Collin: I wish I could have done this without 1790 01:34:04,500 --> 01:34:07,242 {\an1}Nate dying by suicide. 1791 01:34:07,266 --> 01:34:11,542 {\an1}But if Nathan didn't pass away, someone else would have. 1792 01:34:11,566 --> 01:34:15,542 {\an1}I wish I could have told Nate he meant the world 1793 01:34:15,566 --> 01:34:19,876 to all of us, and if he could see us now, 1794 01:34:19,900 --> 01:34:23,809 {\an1}what we would have done to stop what he did. 1795 01:34:23,833 --> 01:34:27,176 {\an1}I wish I could have given my best effort. 1796 01:34:27,200 --> 01:34:29,676 I could have tried to stop this. 1797 01:34:29,700 --> 01:34:31,276 I could have gotten him help 1798 01:34:31,300 --> 01:34:33,200 {\an1}if I couldn't help him myself. 1799 01:34:34,933 --> 01:34:37,242 {\an1}That's what I would tell him. 1800 01:34:37,266 --> 01:34:40,109 And that's what I would say to you. 1801 01:34:40,133 --> 01:34:43,242 {\an1}There is always someone that cares about you that much 1802 01:34:43,266 --> 01:34:46,176 that they will do anything for you. 1803 01:34:46,200 --> 01:34:47,809 They will do anything to make sure 1804 01:34:47,833 --> 01:34:50,776 that doesn't happen to you, too. 1805 01:34:50,800 --> 01:34:54,409 {\an8}[Thunder] 1806 01:34:54,433 --> 01:35:02,433 {\an8}♪ 1807 01:35:04,133 --> 01:35:07,142 {\an7}Amethyst: I definitely think mental illness is something 1808 01:35:07,166 --> 01:35:11,342 {\an8}hiding in plain sight because there are so many people 1809 01:35:11,366 --> 01:35:13,076 dealing with it. 1810 01:35:13,100 --> 01:35:16,842 It's definitely a part of life. 1811 01:35:16,866 --> 01:35:20,342 {\an1}People who go through this kind of thing, they would 1812 01:35:20,366 --> 01:35:22,742 {\an1}never wish it upon anybody. 1813 01:35:22,766 --> 01:35:26,400 {\an1}It's just something that we certainly can't help. 1814 01:35:27,966 --> 01:35:32,442 {\an1}Not everybody has such an accepting family as I do, 1815 01:35:32,466 --> 01:35:36,809 {\an1}and not everybody lives in an area where mental illness 1816 01:35:36,833 --> 01:35:40,276 {\an1}is widely acknowledged and accepted. 1817 01:35:40,300 --> 01:35:43,442 ♪ 1818 01:35:43,466 --> 01:35:48,409 {\an1}Woman: Overall, the general conversation about mental health 1819 01:35:48,433 --> 01:35:51,976 it's getting better, but I don't think it's 1820 01:35:52,000 --> 01:35:54,109 addressed enough. 1821 01:35:54,133 --> 01:35:58,042 {\an7}I think almost everybody I know knows someone that has 1822 01:35:58,066 --> 01:36:03,109 {\an7}either a family member, a spouse, a child, a friend, 1823 01:36:03,133 --> 01:36:05,576 a coworker, somebody. 1824 01:36:05,600 --> 01:36:09,209 {\an1}They may not personally have mental illness, 1825 01:36:09,233 --> 01:36:12,976 {\an1}but I guarantee that somebody that they know does, 1826 01:36:13,000 --> 01:36:15,742 and humanizing it, bringing it home, 1827 01:36:15,766 --> 01:36:18,242 makes it more real to people. 1828 01:36:18,266 --> 01:36:20,076 {\an1}Draiman: Our world is plagued by an epidemic. 1829 01:36:20,100 --> 01:36:23,809 {\an1}Amethyst: I was very excited to see this concert, 1830 01:36:23,833 --> 01:36:30,376 {\an1}because I think if everybody could just see 1831 01:36:30,400 --> 01:36:33,409 how many people there are 1832 01:36:33,433 --> 01:36:36,442 {\an1}that are going through these things together... 1833 01:36:36,466 --> 01:36:40,076 Draiman: Addiction and depression 1834 01:36:40,100 --> 01:36:42,009 {\an8}are incredibly powerful demons. 1835 01:36:42,033 --> 01:36:44,642 {\an7}Amethyst: then there would be a lot more acceptance... 1836 01:36:44,666 --> 01:36:45,942 {\an1}Draiman: They are diseases. 1837 01:36:45,966 --> 01:36:47,776 {\an1}Amethyst: once we realize how big it is. 1838 01:36:47,800 --> 01:36:50,309 {\an1}Draiman: Mental illnesses... 1839 01:36:50,333 --> 01:36:53,242 they're no different than cancer. 1840 01:36:53,266 --> 01:36:57,276 By a show of hands, how many of you have struggled 1841 01:36:57,300 --> 01:36:59,576 {\an1}with the demons of addiction and depression yourself 1842 01:36:59,600 --> 01:37:01,209 {\an1}or know someone that has? 1843 01:37:01,233 --> 01:37:03,609 [Crowd screaming] 1844 01:37:03,633 --> 01:37:06,509 Keep those hands up. 1845 01:37:06,533 --> 01:37:09,742 Now take a look around this arena. 1846 01:37:09,766 --> 01:37:12,576 {\an1}[Guitar playing softly] 1847 01:37:12,600 --> 01:37:15,909 You are not alone. 1848 01:37:15,933 --> 01:37:17,542 [Cheering] 1849 01:37:17,566 --> 01:37:20,776 {\an1}Amethyst: Thousands and thousands around me 1850 01:37:20,800 --> 01:37:25,342 {\an1}that all felt similar things to what I felt. 1851 01:37:25,366 --> 01:37:29,842 {\an1}So it was really a moment of realization of, "Wow, 1852 01:37:29,866 --> 01:37:32,642 {\an1}I'm not alone in this." 1853 01:37:32,666 --> 01:37:37,242 {\an1}I had realized at that moment that there were people 1854 01:37:37,266 --> 01:37:40,809 I know that go through this. 1855 01:37:40,833 --> 01:37:45,176 {\an1}I definitely feel inspired to go out and try to make 1856 01:37:45,200 --> 01:37:47,042 a difference in other people's lives. 1857 01:37:47,066 --> 01:37:52,276 One person can just get the word out and then 1858 01:37:52,300 --> 01:37:55,809 {\an1}more people will just spread, and it'll just all... 1859 01:37:55,833 --> 01:37:59,542 {\an1}I feel like eventually everybody will be understanding 1860 01:37:59,566 --> 01:38:03,976 {\an1}and loving of everybody else for who they are. 1861 01:38:04,000 --> 01:38:05,642 ♪ 1862 01:38:05,666 --> 01:38:10,309 {\an1}Thompson: The human body needs light to perform. 1863 01:38:10,333 --> 01:38:12,776 {\an7}When that light comes inside your life, 1864 01:38:12,800 --> 01:38:16,142 {\an8}now you're able to do so many things. 1865 01:38:16,166 --> 01:38:18,609 {\an1}It makes you think better, it makes you see better, 1866 01:38:18,633 --> 01:38:21,742 so you do more things in the light. 1867 01:38:21,766 --> 01:38:25,842 It's so important to realize that 1868 01:38:25,866 --> 01:38:30,242 {\an1}people do overcome having a mental illness and they go on 1869 01:38:30,266 --> 01:38:33,276 {\an1}to do spectacular things in their lives. 1870 01:38:33,300 --> 01:38:35,376 {\an1}[Slide projector advances] 1871 01:38:35,400 --> 01:38:38,409 {\an1}Makalynn: I've been clean since the day I went in treatment, 1872 01:38:38,433 --> 01:38:41,276 7 1/2 years now. 1873 01:38:41,300 --> 01:38:46,142 And that's because of a support system. 1874 01:38:46,166 --> 01:38:48,776 My entire family, they were there for me 1875 01:38:48,800 --> 01:38:50,576 {\an7}and then getting... getting involved in NA, 1876 01:38:50,600 --> 01:38:52,409 {\an8}so a 12-step program that created 1877 01:38:52,433 --> 01:38:54,209 {\an7}a whole new family for me. 1878 01:38:54,233 --> 01:38:57,042 Samantha: I'm seeing my therapist, 1879 01:38:57,066 --> 01:38:58,942 {\an1}I'm seeing a psychiatrist, 1880 01:38:58,966 --> 01:39:03,509 I see my regular, um, primary care physician. 1881 01:39:03,533 --> 01:39:06,076 {\an1}They all kind of work together, which is really nice. 1882 01:39:06,100 --> 01:39:10,209 {\an1}I have a support team here, but it took years to get. 1883 01:39:10,233 --> 01:39:11,776 {\an1}[Slide projector advances] 1884 01:39:11,800 --> 01:39:13,776 Kevin: The fifth time you get hospitalized, 1885 01:39:13,800 --> 01:39:16,542 nobody wants anything to do with you. 1886 01:39:16,566 --> 01:39:19,842 {\an1}My brother basically told me that if you want to be 1887 01:39:19,866 --> 01:39:22,676 {\an1}involved in your niece's life, we don't want you to be 1888 01:39:22,700 --> 01:39:25,009 {\an1}the uncle who we can't trust around her. 1889 01:39:25,033 --> 01:39:29,242 For some reason, that sunk in my head 1890 01:39:29,266 --> 01:39:33,009 and I got tired of being that person. 1891 01:39:33,033 --> 01:39:35,842 For me, I know it's utmost necessary 1892 01:39:35,866 --> 01:39:38,009 {\an1}that I'm on medication. 1893 01:39:38,033 --> 01:39:44,176 {\an7}Lydia: I found an AA sponsor, and I found myself again. 1894 01:39:44,200 --> 01:39:47,209 {\an1}Everything fell into place. 1895 01:39:47,233 --> 01:39:50,276 {\an1}I feel like there is ground underneath me and like I know 1896 01:39:50,300 --> 01:39:53,076 {\an1}where I'm going, I know where my future is heading, 1897 01:39:53,100 --> 01:39:55,142 and I feel good. 1898 01:39:55,166 --> 01:39:59,466 {\an1}But it's still something that I have to deal with every day. 1899 01:40:02,633 --> 01:40:07,576 {\an1}Isabel: Looking at Xavier now, he's still struggling, 1900 01:40:07,600 --> 01:40:10,242 {\an1}but he has his moments that are better, 1901 01:40:10,266 --> 01:40:12,676 {\an1}having learned coping skills. 1902 01:40:12,700 --> 01:40:15,609 {\an1}He's now able to, like, "You know what? 1903 01:40:15,633 --> 01:40:21,376 {\an1}I'm feeling depressed. I'm gonna get out and do something else." 1904 01:40:21,400 --> 01:40:24,676 {\an1}Xavier: When I'm skating, I'm not, like, 1905 01:40:24,700 --> 01:40:29,242 {\an1}overwhelmed by my situation. 1906 01:40:29,266 --> 01:40:32,809 {\an1}I think I feel better. I don't know. 1907 01:40:32,833 --> 01:40:36,342 {\an1}Guess it gets to a point where I'm like, "Oh, hey, look. 1908 01:40:36,366 --> 01:40:39,809 I guess I'm not sad, but I still am." 1909 01:40:39,833 --> 01:40:41,809 I don't think he's much different now. 1910 01:40:41,833 --> 01:40:44,876 I think he just knows how to carry himself. 1911 01:40:44,900 --> 01:40:48,742 {\an1}Take time to learn how your sibling communicates, 1912 01:40:48,766 --> 01:40:53,176 {\an1}because you can understand what triggers them, 1913 01:40:53,200 --> 01:40:55,742 and it... it makes a... A good, comfortable space 1914 01:40:55,766 --> 01:40:58,309 for them to want to, like, grow and continue 1915 01:40:58,333 --> 01:40:59,742 to talk to you. 1916 01:40:59,766 --> 01:41:02,076 {\an1}That's really important. 1917 01:41:02,100 --> 01:41:04,542 So, I like to show up to skate. 1918 01:41:04,566 --> 01:41:07,476 {\an1}I just wanted to be there and, like, be around him 1919 01:41:07,500 --> 01:41:09,976 {\an1}and, like, watch him shine. 1920 01:41:10,000 --> 01:41:12,209 ♪ 1921 01:41:12,233 --> 01:41:16,276 {\an1}Morgan: After the storm's the prettiest. It's true. 1922 01:41:16,300 --> 01:41:18,309 {\an1}You're gonna get tossed around, 1923 01:41:18,333 --> 01:41:22,142 {\an1}but that's what makes all of us who we are. 1924 01:41:22,166 --> 01:41:25,176 {\an1}I can't sit here and say that I'd be talking about 1925 01:41:25,200 --> 01:41:26,742 {\an1}any of this with you guys 1926 01:41:26,766 --> 01:41:31,576 {\an1}if I hadn't gone through the pain myself. 1927 01:41:31,600 --> 01:41:33,576 {\an1}Justin: Don't hold onto that resentment, 1928 01:41:33,600 --> 01:41:36,509 that pain, that fear. 1929 01:41:36,533 --> 01:41:40,242 Don't hold onto that 'cause it makes you sick 1930 01:41:40,266 --> 01:41:44,309 {\an1}and there's a whole life out there just waiting for you. 1931 01:41:44,333 --> 01:41:47,576 {\an1}Maclayn: I'm just... me, 1932 01:41:47,600 --> 01:41:51,376 and I can't do anything about that. 1933 01:41:51,400 --> 01:41:55,476 I just am who I am, and that's, like, 1934 01:41:55,500 --> 01:41:58,709 the best gift that I could be given. 1935 01:41:58,733 --> 01:42:00,576 {\an1}I like the way I am, yes. 1936 01:42:00,600 --> 01:42:02,609 I agree that I do. 1937 01:42:02,633 --> 01:42:04,342 I am not Bipolar Disorder. 1938 01:42:04,366 --> 01:42:06,242 You know, I am not mental illness. 1939 01:42:06,266 --> 01:42:08,876 Have a conversation with yourself about it, 1940 01:42:08,900 --> 01:42:12,142 {\an1}and that way it could help you feel more comfortable 1941 01:42:12,166 --> 01:42:13,776 {\an1}to speak to other people. 1942 01:42:13,800 --> 01:42:17,442 Reach out. Use your words. 1943 01:42:17,466 --> 01:42:19,442 {\an1}Use... just say something. 1944 01:42:19,466 --> 01:42:24,009 {\an1}I know that in the past when I've heard other people 1945 01:42:24,033 --> 01:42:31,709 {\an1}tell their stories, um, it makes me feel more validated 1946 01:42:31,733 --> 01:42:34,509 to know that they've also gone through this really 1947 01:42:34,533 --> 01:42:40,309 {\an1}difficult thing in their lives, and it's, like, reminder 1948 01:42:40,333 --> 01:42:43,776 that things can get better. 1949 01:42:43,800 --> 01:42:47,533 So I hope my story helps others. 1950 01:42:49,766 --> 01:42:53,209 {\an1}Alexis: What you do today affects 7 generations 1951 01:42:53,233 --> 01:42:56,476 ahead of you, so you have to make sure 1952 01:42:56,500 --> 01:42:59,276 what you're doing today is good. 1953 01:42:59,300 --> 01:43:03,576 Not only is trauma embedded in my DNA, 1954 01:43:03,600 --> 01:43:09,609 but so is resilience, so I know for a fact 1955 01:43:09,633 --> 01:43:15,642 {\an1}that my ancestors and my elders, 1956 01:43:15,666 --> 01:43:17,942 {\an1}they're rooting for me 1957 01:43:17,966 --> 01:43:20,342 {\an1}and they want me to do good. 1958 01:43:20,366 --> 01:43:22,242 ♪ 1959 01:43:22,266 --> 01:43:27,109 {\an1}So I'll share my story over and over again. 1960 01:43:27,133 --> 01:43:31,609 {\an1}I'll go through those emotions, like, a million times 1961 01:43:31,633 --> 01:43:34,242 {\an1}if it helps one person. 1962 01:43:34,266 --> 01:43:39,209 {\an1}At the same time, in some ways, it heals that little... 1963 01:43:39,233 --> 01:43:43,709 {\an1}that little scar that's in me. 1964 01:43:43,733 --> 01:43:45,976 Kennedy: At the end of the day, 1965 01:43:46,000 --> 01:43:49,742 the great equalizer are these illnesses, 1966 01:43:49,766 --> 01:43:55,042 and when you share about your common experience, 1967 01:43:55,066 --> 01:43:57,109 {\an1}there is a bond in that, 1968 01:43:57,133 --> 01:44:02,909 a fellowship in that, that people who find it 1969 01:44:02,933 --> 01:44:05,209 {\an1}don't ever want to let go of it because it's what they've 1970 01:44:05,233 --> 01:44:07,276 {\an1}always been looking for. 1971 01:44:07,300 --> 01:44:09,366 {\an1}They just didn't know they were looking for it. 1972 01:44:11,233 --> 01:44:13,276 {\an1}Kevin: I was the guy who pushed the shopping carts 1973 01:44:13,300 --> 01:44:14,742 at Home Depot. 1974 01:44:14,766 --> 01:44:18,442 {\an1}And then my case manager came up to me, and she said, 1975 01:44:18,466 --> 01:44:20,342 "I got a job for you. 1976 01:44:20,366 --> 01:44:23,776 I want you to be a Peer Support Specialist." 1977 01:44:23,800 --> 01:44:25,376 Suddenly, I was given this job 1978 01:44:25,400 --> 01:44:29,709 {\an1}because I had a mental illness, because I had a criminal record. 1979 01:44:29,733 --> 01:44:31,842 {\an1}Be a voice for people who are going through 1980 01:44:31,866 --> 01:44:34,309 the similar struggle as to what I went through. 1981 01:44:34,333 --> 01:44:35,976 Was necessary to go through them 1982 01:44:36,000 --> 01:44:37,576 to arrive where I am now. 1983 01:44:37,600 --> 01:44:41,809 {\an7}An incredibly important part of the mental health workforce, 1984 01:44:41,833 --> 01:44:45,542 {\an7}increasingly, is going to be people with lived experience 1985 01:44:45,566 --> 01:44:49,776 {\an1}who have recovered and who want to share that experience 1986 01:44:49,800 --> 01:44:51,976 {\an1}with other people to help them recover. 1987 01:44:52,000 --> 01:44:55,076 {\an1}Vinson: They're able to draw from their lived experience 1988 01:44:55,100 --> 01:44:58,876 with mental illness to identify a mission 1989 01:44:58,900 --> 01:45:01,642 {\an1}of helping other people who are in that place 1990 01:45:01,666 --> 01:45:05,409 {\an8}that they were in, and of helping those people 1991 01:45:05,433 --> 01:45:08,542 {\an7}understand that that doesn't have to be the way 1992 01:45:08,566 --> 01:45:10,976 {\an1}that their story ends. 1993 01:45:11,000 --> 01:45:13,376 {\an8}My name is Leah Reed. I'm 27 years old, 1994 01:45:13,400 --> 01:45:14,776 {\an7}and I'm a peer specialist 1995 01:45:14,800 --> 01:45:17,142 {\an8}with the Felony Jail Diversion Program in Miami Dade. 1996 01:45:17,166 --> 01:45:20,976 {\an7}My name is Justin Volpe. I'm currently 35 years old, 1997 01:45:21,000 --> 01:45:23,542 {\an8}and I'm a certified recovery peer specialist 1998 01:45:23,566 --> 01:45:25,909 {\an7}at the Jail Diversion Program. 1999 01:45:25,933 --> 01:45:29,476 These past 12 years, I've helped over 1,000 people 2000 01:45:29,500 --> 01:45:31,776 get out of jail and get them linked 2001 01:45:31,800 --> 01:45:35,476 in the community and help people recover. 2002 01:45:35,500 --> 01:45:38,509 I graduated with my psychology degree 2003 01:45:38,533 --> 01:45:40,642 from UNC Charlotte. 2004 01:45:40,666 --> 01:45:45,576 {\an1}I plan on either going to college and becoming, say, 2005 01:45:45,600 --> 01:45:48,676 {\an1}a social worker or getting a degree in psychology 2006 01:45:48,700 --> 01:45:51,376 {\an1}and coming back to the community and helping out kids 2007 01:45:51,400 --> 01:45:52,542 in Portsmouth. 2008 01:45:52,566 --> 01:45:54,009 {\an1}[Slide projector advances] 2009 01:45:54,033 --> 01:45:57,609 {\an1}Makalynn: I think that my interest in criminal justice 2010 01:45:57,633 --> 01:46:01,209 {\an1}started with my dad being incarcerated in and out 2011 01:46:01,233 --> 01:46:06,642 {\an1}and then me learning that he isn't just a bad guy. 2012 01:46:06,666 --> 01:46:10,509 {\an1}He's not just an inmate. He's a person who is struggling 2013 01:46:10,533 --> 01:46:14,542 {\an1}with something, and our penal system found it best 2014 01:46:14,566 --> 01:46:17,709 {\an1}to incarcerate him rather than, um, you know, order him 2015 01:46:17,733 --> 01:46:20,776 to a treatment center for his addiction. 2016 01:46:20,800 --> 01:46:22,642 {\an1}I'm a graduate student. 2017 01:46:22,666 --> 01:46:25,176 {\an1}I'm getting my masters in criminal justice right now, 2018 01:46:25,200 --> 01:46:29,809 {\an1}and I want to work with offender re-entry in some way. 2019 01:46:29,833 --> 01:46:32,176 ♪ 2020 01:46:32,200 --> 01:46:36,076 {\an1}Justin: One candle can light thousands of candles. 2021 01:46:36,100 --> 01:46:39,109 That's all we can do. 2022 01:46:39,133 --> 01:46:43,609 {\an1}We can't do it for people, but we can help guide them 2023 01:46:43,633 --> 01:46:47,566 {\an1}and suggest what has worked for me and thousands of others. 2024 01:46:49,066 --> 01:46:55,342 {\an1}Kennedy: This is the public health challenge of our time, 2025 01:46:55,366 --> 01:46:59,009 {\an1}much more than in terms of medical disability. 2026 01:46:59,033 --> 01:47:04,442 It's in terms of lost relationships, 2027 01:47:04,466 --> 01:47:08,176 damaged communities, 2028 01:47:08,200 --> 01:47:12,242 {\an1}tragic pain and suffering. 2029 01:47:12,266 --> 01:47:16,142 When is the suffering going to stop? 2030 01:47:16,166 --> 01:47:20,376 Insel: The problem of mental illness is everywhere. 2031 01:47:20,400 --> 01:47:24,776 {\an1}We are in a crisis, and that crisis has to do with 2032 01:47:24,800 --> 01:47:29,142 {\an1}our inability to provide the kind of care that people 2033 01:47:29,166 --> 01:47:32,542 {\an1}with mental illness need and to provide it in a way that 2034 01:47:32,566 --> 01:47:35,842 {\an1}they can use at a time when they can use it. 2035 01:47:35,866 --> 01:47:41,576 I think that American society has... 2036 01:47:41,600 --> 01:47:45,942 tremendous resources at its disposal 2037 01:47:45,966 --> 01:47:49,942 {\an1}and that our lack of progress is less a matter of, 2038 01:47:49,966 --> 01:47:55,276 uh, resources and more a matter of will. 2039 01:47:55,300 --> 01:47:59,276 {\an1}It's not that we can't address things in a meaningful way, 2040 01:47:59,300 --> 01:48:02,142 {\an1}we just haven't chosen to. 2041 01:48:02,166 --> 01:48:04,176 Thompson: If you're feeling hopeless and feeling 2042 01:48:04,200 --> 01:48:07,742 {\an1}there's not a chance for you, and everything is lost and gone, 2043 01:48:07,766 --> 01:48:12,642 {\an1}I will tell you everything is not over for you. 2044 01:48:12,666 --> 01:48:15,742 {\an1}I will show you that, and hopefully you can show me back, 2045 01:48:15,766 --> 01:48:17,009 and we can show each other together 2046 01:48:17,033 --> 01:48:19,809 and work on our mental illness. 2047 01:48:19,833 --> 01:48:24,176 {\an1}Because you can't go through it alone because I have it. 2048 01:48:24,200 --> 01:48:26,609 So you're not lost, because I have it. 2049 01:48:26,633 --> 01:48:29,342 {\an1}You're not alone, because I have it. 2050 01:48:29,366 --> 01:48:32,709 {\an1}And you're talking to me, so now you have someone 2051 01:48:32,733 --> 01:48:36,342 {\an1}that's the same as you who's ready to go with you. 2052 01:48:36,366 --> 01:48:38,476 {\an1}That's what I would tell you. 2053 01:48:38,500 --> 01:48:42,266 I will show you that it can be done. 2054 01:48:43,866 --> 01:48:46,376 {\an1}Lydia: I feel for you. 2055 01:48:46,400 --> 01:48:50,076 I... I really do. 2056 01:48:50,100 --> 01:48:54,942 {\an1}I have been in your place and I know how hard it is, 2057 01:48:54,966 --> 01:49:01,942 {\an1}and I know it feels like nobody understands and nobody... 2058 01:49:01,966 --> 01:49:05,309 {\an1}nobody knows what you're going through, but I do. 2059 01:49:05,333 --> 01:49:11,733 {\an1}And I... it's a really hard place to be at, and I understand. 2060 01:49:13,466 --> 01:49:20,666 Woman: ♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪ 2061 01:49:23,166 --> 01:49:30,666 ♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪ 2062 01:49:33,000 --> 01:49:35,542 {\an1}Kevin Earley: ♪ I've been in the back of a squad car ♪ 2063 01:49:35,566 --> 01:49:38,342 {\an1}♪ Handcuffs digging in my wrists, not far ♪ 2064 01:49:38,366 --> 01:49:40,509 {\an1}♪ From feeling suicidal ♪ 2065 01:49:40,533 --> 01:49:43,009 ♪ My life up and down like a seesaw ♪ 2066 01:49:43,033 --> 01:49:46,142 ♪ Late at night, I ask God for a response ♪ 2067 01:49:46,166 --> 01:49:48,109 ♪ But it's like a dropped call ♪ 2068 01:49:48,133 --> 01:49:49,976 {\an1}♪ Or one placed on hold ♪ 2069 01:49:50,000 --> 01:49:52,909 {\an1}♪ My heart pumps cold, blood bold ♪ 2070 01:49:52,933 --> 01:49:54,276 ♪ So much turmoil ♪ 2071 01:49:54,300 --> 01:49:55,876 ♪ I want to curl up into a ball... ♪ 2072 01:49:55,900 --> 01:49:57,442 {\an1}Announcer: Learn more about 2073 01:49:57,466 --> 01:49:59,876 {\an1}the "Hiding in Plain Sight: Youth Mental Illness" film 2074 01:49:59,900 --> 01:50:02,109 and explore mental health resources 2075 01:50:02,133 --> 01:50:05,209 at pbs.org/plainsight. 2076 01:50:05,233 --> 01:50:07,742 Also join the conversation online 2077 01:50:07,766 --> 01:50:11,009 with #PlainSightPBS. 2078 01:50:11,033 --> 01:50:12,909 To order "Hiding in Plain Sight: 2079 01:50:12,933 --> 01:50:14,576 Youth Mental Illness," 2080 01:50:14,600 --> 01:50:17,442 on DVD or Blu Ray, visit shopPBS 2081 01:50:17,466 --> 01:50:20,209 or call 1-800-PLAY-PBS. 2082 01:50:20,233 --> 01:50:22,276 This program is also available 2083 01:50:22,300 --> 01:50:24,076 with PBS Passport 2084 01:50:24,100 --> 01:50:27,642 and on Amazon Prime Video. 2085 01:50:27,666 --> 01:50:30,342 Woman: ♪ Whoa oh oh ♪ 2086 01:50:30,366 --> 01:50:33,376 {\an1}♪ Oh oh oh ohh ohhhhh ♪ 2087 01:50:33,400 --> 01:50:36,276 {\an1}Earley: ♪ I've been in the mental hospital ♪ 2088 01:50:36,300 --> 01:50:38,842 {\an1}♪ Looking at the judge like, "Drop the sentence" ♪ 2089 01:50:38,866 --> 01:50:41,542 ♪ Parents crying, asking for his forgiveness ♪ 2090 01:50:41,566 --> 01:50:43,909 ♪ Face the verdict, now I've been convicted ♪ 2091 01:50:43,933 --> 01:50:46,509 {\an1}♪ I've been in the back of a paddy wagon ♪ 2092 01:50:46,533 --> 01:50:48,909 {\an1}♪ Dragged out of my home kickin' and screamin' ♪ 2093 01:50:48,933 --> 01:50:51,409 ♪ By policemen, taken against my will ♪ 2094 01:50:51,433 --> 01:50:54,142 ♪ Been fragile, doctors prescribed pills ♪ 2095 01:50:54,166 --> 01:50:56,476 {\an1}♪ Been in the mental hospital ♪ 2096 01:50:56,500 --> 01:50:59,042 {\an1}♪ Talking to other patients about life issues ♪ 2097 01:50:59,066 --> 01:51:01,609 ♪ Met schizophrenics in drug clinics ♪ 2098 01:51:01,633 --> 01:51:04,176 ♪ Abusers who misuse, suicide girls ♪ 2099 01:51:04,200 --> 01:51:06,676 {\an1}♪ I fight demons, trying to stay out of trouble ♪ 2100 01:51:06,700 --> 01:51:09,176 ♪ 9 to 5 stressful, but that's survival ♪ 2101 01:51:09,200 --> 01:51:11,576 {\an1}♪ A piece of the puzzle, they tell me I'm "crazy" ♪ 2102 01:51:11,600 --> 01:51:14,009 ♪ Maybe I'm "crazy," nobody understands ♪ 2103 01:51:14,033 --> 01:51:16,909 {\an1}♪ So I talk to the planet, my theories are abstract ♪ 2104 01:51:16,933 --> 01:51:19,342 ♪ Watching TV, and I start hearing voices ♪ 2105 01:51:19,366 --> 01:51:21,576 ♪ America telling me, "It's all about the money" ♪ 2106 01:51:21,600 --> 01:51:24,342 {\an1}♪ But it sounds funny, 'cause I know I got choices ♪ 2107 01:51:24,366 --> 01:51:26,842 ♪ I've been to the mental hospital ♪ 2108 01:51:26,866 --> 01:51:29,276 ♪ I've been to the mental hospital ♪ 2109 01:51:29,300 --> 01:51:31,776 ♪ I've been to the mental hospital ♪ 2110 01:51:31,800 --> 01:51:34,409 ♪ And if I'm crazy, that's how the world made me ♪ 2111 01:51:34,433 --> 01:51:37,109 ♪ I've been to the mental hospital ♪ 2112 01:51:37,133 --> 01:51:39,409 {\an1}♪ Been to the mental hospital ♪ 2113 01:51:39,433 --> 01:51:42,009 ♪ I've been to the mental hospital ♪ 2114 01:51:42,033 --> 01:51:44,742 ♪ And if I'm crazy, that's how the world made me ♪ 2115 01:51:44,766 --> 01:51:47,276 {\an1}♪ And if I'm crazy, that's how the world made me ♪ 2116 01:51:47,300 --> 01:51:49,776 ♪ And if I'm crazy, that's how the world made me ♪ 2117 01:51:49,800 --> 01:51:52,209 {\an1}♪ And if I'm crazy, that's how the world made me ♪ 2118 01:51:52,233 --> 01:51:56,233 ♪ And if I'm crazy, that's how the world made me ♪