(LAUGHTER)
That box has the power
to bring back the dead!
Just to be able to see his handwriting,
well that would be just
so, so, special to me!
Oh, god. I'm stuck!
What if she comes back different?
Sometimes you have to risk
everything for love.
You can be re-united.
(SCREAMS) It was real, Miss Whitby.
I saw a little girl.
Gabe!
It looks like it's some sort of secret passageway!
Wow!
You're a fucking nightmare.
The box contains a fabulous jewel!
Should we be worried about this?
No.
I get why you wanted a divorce.
Who's there?
Liz.
Liz!
It's really you! It worked.
It really worked. Oh, my god. I love you so much.
You're alive! (GASPS)
Oh, it's OK. I'm sorry. It's OK.
It's me, baby.
It's your husband.
It is, baby. I'm your husband.
Just not a very good one, I guess, right?
That's what you were trying to tell me, weren't you?
And I just wouldn't listen, would I?
I'm so...
I'm so sorry.
I-I really screwed up.
But I-I'm ready to do the work now.
I'm ready to make things better.
We...we've been given a second chance.
But I've just gotta know.
And I'm sorry to bring this up right now
so, soon after you've just got back from the dead,
but I've gotta know,
after all this, after all you and I have been through...
do you still wanna be with me?
You're still my wife, right?
Yeah.
Can you get me out of here, please?
OK, baby.
Let's go.
I gotta tell you,
this has been a hu...huge learning experience for me.
I genuinely think every married couple
should go through this.
Don't you, huh?
Alright, let's go.
We're gonna go through here, alright?
I just need to be a little careful
cause there's barbs that are sticking into my head here.
Ow! Fuck!
Why are you running off?
Oh, fuck off you pest! No, no, Quincy's dead.
I am the Baron now!
I'm in charge!
Oh, you think that title means anything?
It's just letter-headed paper
and making decisions about public footpaths.
You couldn't even handle
being in charge of your fuck-doll's cremation.
Hey!
I was in a temporary lull.
I-I just needed help burning my girlfriend, doll-friend,
my friend who's a doll,
mother's antique doll with whom I shared a loving bit...
For God's sake, Aston, you're pathetic!
Public footpaths are important!
Come on. This way, right through here.
Here we go. Oh, my god.
There's so many things to tell you.
Honey, your grandfather, he left the entire estate to you.
To me?
Bertie left it to me?
Yeah.
(CHUCKLES) It's all ours, it's all ours.
Isn't it, great?
Come on.
Oh, I've got so many questions for you.
Baby, what was it like being dead?
Wait!
How did I die?
Oh, well, erm, you know that hot tub
that I got that you... that you hated?
Well, you kinda got electrocuted in it.
(LAUGHTER)
It is kinda funny in retrospect, huh?
Wait. I just heard something! (STOPS LAUGHING AND LISTENS)
(RUMBLING GROWL)
Oh, no! What, what the fuck is that?
Oh, my god!
Oh, that's not a fucking badger!
(SCREAMS)
Just stay away from my wife!
(SCREAMS)
Where is it? Xanthe, it worked!
Liz is alive.
But...but the beast attacked us.
I lost her. She's confused.
She doesn't remember anything! You've gotta help me, Xanthe!
I think she went this way!
Oh, cut the bullshit, Gabe, and give it to me.
What? Whatever Bertie hid, it's not yours.
You're not listening, Xanthe!
It worked. Liz is alive! Look!
What?
(YELPS)
Liz, I'm coming, honey!
(CHUCKLES)
Aargh!
What the fuck are you?
Neville Leonard, Gabe's lawyer.
Who the fuck are you?!
I happen to be the Baron of this estate.
Oh?
I thought you were receiving medical attention.
Yeah, I don't know who that family doctor is of yours,
but he's fucking crazy.
Oh?
Let me ask you something,
if you have a slash on the side of your cheek,
what would you say is the best way of applying medicine to that?
Hmm.
(CRIES) He shoved so many things up my ass.
I thought I was gonna be taxidermied!
When he went out to buy even more needles
and bandages and lube, I escaped!
I escaped on the motherfucker's quad bike.
(LAUGHS)
Yes, I went to see him when I was a lad.
Ingrown toenail.
He was disturbingly thorough.
Anyway, is there anything I can help you with?
Yeah, I'm here to claim this property for my client.
(CHUCKLES) What, this old shithole?
It's been in debt for years.
Yeah, don't worry about that.
Me and my man's G-Unit, we're from the modern world!
Whoo!
This is an asset, with a capital ass.
And we're gonna monetise the shit out of this place.
Really?
No! No, no, no!
Liz!
Liz? Liz? Liz? Liz?
Oh, my god.
Miss Whitby, what is this?!
This is my daughter.
Your daughter?
What's her name?
Iris.
Oh...
hi Iris.
I'm Gabe! Hi, Gabe.
I thought you were a ghost.
Quincy said he would send us away
if we didn't keep her a secret.
But we're not doing that anymore.
No, no! No, no!
Miss Whitby! Miss Whitby!
I gotta go back to the house.
Liz is alive!
I brought her back from the dead! Can you believe that?
But then I lost her.
I was in a tunnel
and I think she might be back at the house.
But look! Look! Look! (LAUGHS)
I got a piece of her dress right here!
Oh, please bring me back, please can I get in your car!
I know I seem crazy right now!
But please this is... Get in!
Oh, thank you!
Right then, homie, what your thinking?
Hit me!
So, right here... Yeah.
I'm thinking the mezzanine infinity pool!
Yeah, you see I am all about the mezzanine infinity pool.
That's the kind of guy I am,
but the problem is with these historic buildings
are bloody rules, right?
Oh, oh, this is my sister Xanthe.
Oh, shit!
We climbing!
Who the fuck is this?
Well, this is Neville.
He's Gabe's lawyer! That's right.
He's here to make a claim on the estate
and talk big ideas.
And guess what?
I'm the project manager.
You do realise
your client is currently hacking through the woods
with a sixteenth century sword, wearing antlers
and a medieval strap-on whilst screaming for his dead wife?
OK.
Well...
he's on a journey.
(CAR BEEPS)
(MUSIC)
Gabe?
I've got some, er, plans for... Whoa, OK.
(SCREAMS) Gabe! Easy.
You're good?
No, I'm not good! OK.
Down down, alright? Down to come out.
Gabe, are you good?
Where's Liz? Is she here?
Not this again! We don't know!
No, no, no, not her body! Her!
I-I brought...I brought her back!
She's alive! She's here!
She's alive! Gabe! You're OK!
Anne! Iris!
Daddy! I've got you.
Daddy's got you!
I'm sorry. What the fuck is going on?
Quincy's dead. We're free!
We don't have to hide anymore!
Oh, my god. She looks just like Elizabeth.
I guess one of the Beaucroft men isn't barren, Baron.
I was in a relationship with a mannequin!
I'm not barren!
You're not the Baron yet either!
Quincy!
Like a bloody cockroach.
Oh, shit!
(SCREAMS) Quincy, you were right!
You were right!
The box, it worked! It's all true!
I brought Liz back!
Oh, Gabe, that's enough!
Your wife is fucking dead!
(SCREAMS)
(FAINTS)
Oh, baby! I thought I'd lost you again!
Oh, my god, honey.
Hi, sweetie! You're back!
I'm so happy! Huh?
Family.
Honey honey, are you alright? You alright, huh?
Family! Yeah.
This can't be real. My family.
That's right, that's your family right there, huh?
Come on, come on! This cannot be real.
Say hello to your sister. Come here!
Don't let it touch me.
Yeah.
Xan! Xan!
Asty.
My little Barty!
My little Barty Bartyson, my little Barty Bartyson!
Yeah, and your Gabey Gaberson's right here, baby.
Barty. Elizabeth.
Barty.
Liz, you just don't remember.
Trust me, you hate these people. You love me.
Gabe, I don't think she is your wife.
Bart, you're not helping the situation, alright?
Liz, you've been through a lot, baby.
You just need a Xanax and a good night's sleep.
And tomorrow, all of this will come back to you, huh?
Me.
My house!
(LAUGHS)
OK.
Now, that we have our tea and cake...
please somebody tell me that this
woman's my wife, right?
Well...
When Elizabeth was born...
there was another baby, a twin.
There were complications.
She wasn't breathing.
The midwife took the child away
returning later to tell us the baby had died.
She wasn't dead. She stole her.
She stole my name.
The midwife raised her as her own child
and also called her Elizabeth.
18 years later, that Elizabeth returned.
She spoke as a commoner, and with that appalling dialect,
told me of her adoptive mother's deathbed confession.
So, now, we had the two sisters face to face for the first time
since birth.
Because Elizabeth here, unlike you three,
chose not to go to an elite boarding school
but to stay at home
and mire herself in the cesspool of state education.
I had principles.
You had a deranged hatred of our high breeding.
She was a risk to us all.
So, when her sister arrived...
I saw an outrageous opportunity.
She wanted in, I wanted out.
(FARTS)
Both girls were delighted with the arrangement.
Fuck off! no one asked you!
OK! Fuck! Fuck off!
Shut up!
So, Elizabeth left and the other one stayed.
Now, I knew I had to work quickly before the three of you came home.
So, I became a one-man finishing school.
Poise, etiquette, elocution.
I transformed that pauper into a princess!
And you three are so self-absorbed...
you didn't suspect a thing.
I said she seemed different.
She couldn't play the cello anymore.
I never took much notice of her at all.
Everything was perfect...
until she came home.
I came back!
And your wife was not very happy to see me now, was she?
She pushed me down the stairs. Smashed my head.
She thought she fucking killed me.
And she fled to...
No.
..America.
No, she couldn't do that.
And you knew her so well, didn't you?
No!
She couldn't do something like that.
That wasn't her.
That fucking was her!
I came back and then he locked me up!
Because you knew the estate was all hers.
Ahh!
You cunt!
For 20 years?
No wonder she's hungry.
I fed her, you idiot.
She wanted for nothing, apart from her freedom.
Now, I think it's time we all moved on.
I've said I'm sorry.
No, you haven't.
And don't call me an idiot!
Everything I did, I did for this family.
For its legacy.
Oh, please. You did it for yourself.
(CLEARS THROAT) Excuse me.
Sorry, just erm, just catching up here.
So, Gabe no longer has any claim to the estate, right?
I don't.
I never did.
(CRIES)
And Liz is never coming back. She's gone.
All of this is...
nothing.
So...
for the last time,
can somebody please tell me where my wife's body is?
Can one of you at least do that, huh?
No idea!
I can show you.
When I started working at the house...
I knew Liz was different to the others.
We became friends.
That's when she told me the truth about who she really was.
She said if anything ever happened to her,
then this was what she wanted...
to be with her mum.
I guess I made it all about me again, didn't I?
When really it was all about you.
It's wild.
I-I think I've learned more about you in the last two weeks
than I did in the last fifteen years.
I'm glad that you're finally back where you belong.
I'm sorry it wasn't with me.
I drew you a picture.
Thank you, Iris, this is awesome.
I'll keep this forever.
We've really gotta go, man.
(LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)
Wait!
I wanted to give you this.
I think you should keep it.
Thanks, Bart.
Look!
Oh!
I've passed the gate.
And nothing bad happened!
Yeah.
You got this, champ!
Do you think I'm gonna get the deposit back?
closes his eyes
and rests his head back against the back of the sofa.
I drew you a picture.
Thank you, Iris.
I'll keep this forever.
Shh.
(SCREAMS)
Captioned by AI-Media ai-media.tv