1
00:00:04,587 --> 00:00:06,047
Oh, my God.
2
00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:08,008
I’ve been getting
all these TikTok algorithms
3
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,260
about where to put your couch
in your house.
4
00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:12,762
What if you just put your couch at,
like, a slight angle?
5
00:00:12,762 --> 00:00:16,182
That way you can watch TV at,
like, a slight angle.
6
00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:18,476
Every single one
of these essays is so bad.
7
00:00:18,476 --> 00:00:21,688
This is the, like, Red Badge of Courage
midterm paper thing?
8
00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:25,275
Red Badge of Courage garbage paper,
I guess. It’s, like--
9
00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:29,154
I-I don’t know how these kids
didn’t get this book. It’s so simple.
10
00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:32,407
Like, a young kid goes off to war.
Cowardice, honor.
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00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:34,200
This essay just starts
with the word "hey."
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"Hey, The Red Badge of Courage
is a book about courage."
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00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,371
Hey, that sounds bad.
14
00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:41,624
I’m a kind, patient teacher.
Maybe I’ve been too lenient.
15
00:00:41,624 --> 00:00:44,377
You know what? Honestly, I bet
they didn’t even read the book.
16
00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:46,379
- They probably used Biff Notes.
- What’s Biff Notes?
17
00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:48,506
- That’s like CliffsNotes?
- He’s, like, a TikTok book guy.
18
00:00:48,506 --> 00:00:50,383
He summarizes, like, high school books.
19
00:00:50,383 --> 00:00:52,385
I don’t think I’ve seen him.
20
00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:54,095
He’s a queer guy, queer guy.
21
00:00:54,095 --> 00:00:55,638
Think I know who he is ’cause he’s queer?
22
00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:58,016
He did a dance with Penn Jillette,
and Teller wasn’t there.
23
00:00:58,016 --> 00:01:00,477
They just think they’re gonna,
like, get away with this
24
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because I’m gonna try to keep the peace
and give them good grades or something.
25
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I’m not gonna do that.
26
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They wanted a war,
they’re gonna get a war.
27
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- Don’t ask, don’t tell.
- Gwen.
28
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Oh, my God. I’m so sorry. That was,
like, the first war thing I thought of.
29
00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:14,282
What do you think of the couch?
30
00:01:14,282 --> 00:01:15,909
You moved that?
31
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:22,123
{\an8}Here you go.
32
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{\an8}- Here you go.
- Yo, an F? What is this?
33
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I didn’t know this was a grade
you could still give out.
34
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- You didn’t?
- Are you being deadass right now?
35
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With all due respect.
36
00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:36,888
You realize this is, like,
a fourth of our grade right here?
37
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- Exactly.
- You can’t do this.
38
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What do you mean I can’t do this?
I didn’t do this. You did this.
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- This is your grade that you got.
- Whatever.
40
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I gave you guys a month to read this book.
41
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Mr. Marquez, your feelings are valid.
42
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We’ve all learned our lesson here,
and now you can give us B’s.
43
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B’s are good grades.
You didn’t earn good grades.
44
00:01:55,323 --> 00:01:59,786
I am the teacher. This is not up for
discussion, and that’s the end of this.
45
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:02,372
I’m posting ads on Backpage,
because with grades like this,
46
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I’m gonna have to hit the corner, sir.
47
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You’re my hero right now. Seriously.
48
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,671
- I’ve always wanted to fail a student.
- Yeah.
49
00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:11,589
It’s, like, impossible
to fail someone in PE.
50
00:02:11,589 --> 00:02:13,466
They earned F’s, so they get F’s.
51
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Good for them.
52
00:02:14,884 --> 00:02:18,263
Dude, you’re like George Clooney
doing funny-ass pranks on these kids.
53
00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:21,850
It’s not a prank. They’re real grades
that I’m giving the kids.
54
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Wait, George Clooney does pranks?
55
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I gotta help these kids get into college.
56
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So, if you’re giving them F’s,
that can honestly be the difference
57
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between them getting into a shitty college
and a super shitty college.
58
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Then get them to do the work
to get into a good college, Rick.
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Okay, you’re being
fucking crazy right now.
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I’m just really glad
I don’t have to deal with any of this
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’cause all of my students
are well above average.
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All of them?
Mm-hmm.
63
00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:44,914
It’s impossible for all your students
to be well above average.
64
00:02:44,914 --> 00:02:46,708
Some of your students must be average.
65
00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:49,043
Well, I’m just a good teacher.
66
00:02:49,043 --> 00:02:51,296
Why would it-- I’m... I’m confused.
What are you saying?
67
00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:52,922
I think some of your students
are cheating.
68
00:02:52,922 --> 00:02:54,841
No one’s ever cheated in my class.
69
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They’re not cheating
or they’re not getting caught?
70
00:02:56,759 --> 00:02:59,053
Let me tell you something.
People cheat all the time.
71
00:02:59,053 --> 00:03:01,389
They’re not cheating.
- Cheating is trying. It’s okay.
72
00:03:01,389 --> 00:03:03,016
Evan, come now.
- What?
73
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,726
- Come, come. Come.
- What? What? I’m eating.
74
00:03:05,393 --> 00:03:06,561
Yeah, you’re done.
75
00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:08,688
Why am I getting calls
from parents telling me
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00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:11,149
you failed a bunch of kids
in your 11th-grade English class?
77
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Because I failed a bunch of kids
in my 11th-grade English class.
78
00:03:13,484 --> 00:03:15,945
- I’m gonna die.
- They deserve these grades, Grant.
79
00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:17,322
Look at this.
Mm-hmm.
80
00:03:17,322 --> 00:03:19,199
- Read that.
-"As an AI language model,
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00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,950
I am not able to complete this request."
82
00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:22,785
Why is he not able
to complete this request?
83
00:03:22,785 --> 00:03:24,037
It means ChatGPT wrote it.
84
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:26,873
- Is that not allowed? It’s the future.
- Look at this one.
85
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:29,584
Okay. "So, that’s what’s up with
The Red Badge of Courage."
86
00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:32,670
And then he underlines it, and he puts
the cool guy with sunglasses emoji.
87
00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:34,756
- It’s a clear point of view.
- This is crazy.
88
00:03:34,756 --> 00:03:38,718
All right. Evan, do you remember
the mom, Linda Harrison,
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00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:41,054
who complained about you kissing Malcolm
in front of her son?
90
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,765
- Remember that?
- Yes, of course I remember Linda Harrison.
91
00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:46,851
She tried to have me fired
for the sin of kissing a man.
92
00:03:46,851 --> 00:03:48,519
Well, you just failed her younger son.
93
00:03:48,519 --> 00:03:50,897
- Oh, shit.
- Mm-hmm. It took her all of 11 seconds
94
00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:55,068
after your class let out to call my office
directly and demand a meeting with you.
95
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:58,279
- I’m not meeting with her.
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
96
00:03:58,279 --> 00:04:00,698
If you refuse to meet with her,
you will be fired.
97
00:04:00,698 --> 00:04:02,283
- That’s not fair.
- It’s not.
98
00:04:02,283 --> 00:04:04,869
But if you don’t placate this woman,
then I will be fired.
99
00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:06,579
And a new principal will be hired,
100
00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:09,916
hand-selected by Linda Harrison
and her obedient followers.
101
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:14,087
And then... And then do you think
that a new person sitting in this chair
102
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:18,800
will indulge your-your-your noble
principled bullshit?
103
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:22,387
Who’s running the school, Grant?
Is it us or is it them?
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00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:24,430
Them. Them. Her. Her.
105
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:27,433
Hell hath no wrath
like a concerned parent, Evan.
106
00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:30,019
Do you have any idea
how much sway she has?
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00:04:30,019 --> 00:04:32,355
Sway? What do you mean sway?
This is a public school.
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00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:34,565
- What? Is she funding the government?
- Boosters, Evan.
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00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:37,610
She and her husband, Dale,
they’re massive boosters, okay?
110
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:41,489
Their restaurant donates a ...
...-load of money to this school.
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00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:44,242
Well, listen.
Tell her thank you for the concern.
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I really appreciate her feelings
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- about how I run my class.
- You’re meeting with her.
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Evan, don’t even mess around.
You are meeting with her tonight.
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If there’s one thing
I’m not doing today, it is...
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00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:56,129
- We have a reservation for Linda Harrison.
- I can make women love me.
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Cash only? Look at this. Cash only.
Yoo-hoo.
118
00:04:58,172 --> 00:04:59,382
Oh, I don’t have any cash.
119
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- Look what the cat dragged in.
- Wow.
120
00:05:01,759 --> 00:05:03,511
You must be Mr. Evan Marquez.
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00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:06,389
- Linda Harrison. Nice to meet you.
- Linda Harrison. That’s right.
122
00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:08,599
- And you are Miss...
- Gwen. I’m his best friend.
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00:05:08,599 --> 00:05:09,684
I’m Ms. Sanders.
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00:05:09,684 --> 00:05:10,768
- You’re Ms. Sanders.
- Yes.
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00:05:10,768 --> 00:05:12,270
- Blake speaks so highly of you.
- Oh!
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00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:13,771
He didn’t tell me about that head of hair.
127
00:05:13,771 --> 00:05:16,858
Thank you.
And I like your head as well.
128
00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:19,610
Thank you so much. And I
like that little hair you have there.
129
00:05:19,610 --> 00:05:20,945
All right, y’all, get on in there.
130
00:05:20,945 --> 00:05:22,655
We got you at a VIP table.
Okay.
131
00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:24,949
Dana, stand up straight.
You look like a shepherd’s hook.
132
00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:28,995
Winston! Now, I don’t care
where those nuggets are headed.
133
00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:32,332
You bring ’em on back over here.
That’s what we call a reroute.
134
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,417
Chicken nuggets as an appetizer.
135
00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:37,253
- That’s genius.
- They’re actually steak nuggets.
136
00:05:37,253 --> 00:05:38,379
I invented ’em.
137
00:05:38,379 --> 00:05:41,090
And we’re into the patent process
right now with the lawyers.
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00:05:41,090 --> 00:05:43,343
Dale’s getting into it with ’em.
You know how that is.
139
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,927
- Yeah. Yeah.
- We don’t know that.
140
00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:46,721
- We’ve seen Shark Tank.
- Yeah.
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00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:49,140
- Oh, shit. These are good.
- You wanted to talk, Linda?
142
00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:51,559
Yes. Let’s chat about that
as soon as we get some Sprites.
143
00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:55,813
Winston, honey, I’m gonna reel you back
on in over here. Come on, my little trout.
144
00:05:55,813 --> 00:05:57,357
- Can we get three Sprites?
- Absolutely.
145
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,441
- Now.
- Yeah.
146
00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:00,860
- Is he the only waiter here?
- No, but he’s my favorite.
147
00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:03,863
We put double syrup in the Sprites.
148
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:06,908
I didn’t ask y’all what you wanted
to drink because nobody gets out of here
149
00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:08,743
without trying my double Sprite.
150
00:06:08,743 --> 00:06:10,703
- Another invention?
- It is.
151
00:06:10,703 --> 00:06:13,664
It is.
- This is crazy. I love Sprite.
152
00:06:13,664 --> 00:06:16,751
You know, Dale calls me
Willy Wonka with a boob job.
153
00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:18,169
I said, "Dale, don’t you go around here
154
00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:20,463
telling everybody
I have a boob job."
155
00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:21,756
I have considered...
156
00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:23,341
Don’t. Gwendolyn, do not.
157
00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:25,134
I am afraid every time I fly.
158
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,597
- So you wanted to talk about--
- Oh, Lord.
159
00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:31,933
You’re all such good company,
I just about forgot.
160
00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:34,519
Okay, so, Mr. Marquez, the grades.
161
00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:36,270
Like, what are we thinking here?
162
00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:38,272
Uh, we are thinking
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00:06:38,272 --> 00:06:41,651
that the grades should
accurately reflect the work.
164
00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:44,028
Mm-hmm. Lord, I hear that.
165
00:06:44,028 --> 00:06:45,113
I’m just thinking,
166
00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:47,323
can’t we change ’em?
167
00:06:47,323 --> 00:06:50,743
Just like a little bit.
Like, just one time, just a little boost.
168
00:06:50,743 --> 00:06:51,828
What do you think, Gwen?
169
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:56,666
Well, you can ’cause you are
the teacher, like...
170
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,418
Or no.
171
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:01,045
- He could but he won’t.
- This feels like mixed signals.
172
00:07:01,045 --> 00:07:03,840
Linda, are the grades really
what this is about?
173
00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:08,094
- Yes, why?
- There’s not another thing?
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00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:09,387
Like what?
175
00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:11,472
What happened in the fall.
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00:07:11,472 --> 00:07:13,558
You were having me investigated
for kissing my boyfriend
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00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:16,102
- in front of a group of students.
- Oh, honey, water, bridge, you, me.
178
00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:19,439
Okay? I do not care that you’re gay.
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00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,566
I don’t care one bit that you’re gay.
180
00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:24,861
As long as you don’t care that I sneak
a little drop of gin into my double Sprite
181
00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:26,779
at lunch.
182
00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:29,031
- We both got our little things.
- Yeah.
183
00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:32,452
Regardless, I will have to stand firm
in the grades as they are.
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00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:36,289
I’m an educator, and it’s my duty
to give accurate grades.
185
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:41,961
Well, shoot.
186
00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:45,173
I admit I wanted us
to see eye to eye on this.
187
00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:46,424
I can tell we don’t.
188
00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:48,509
- And we can just move on, honey.
- Really?
189
00:07:48,509 --> 00:07:51,679
As a business owner, I gotta do what
I gotta do to stay within my integrity,
190
00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:53,764
and you gotta do the same as a teacher.
191
00:07:53,764 --> 00:07:54,932
And I respect it.
192
00:07:55,766 --> 00:07:57,435
Wow. Okay.
193
00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:58,936
It shows strength. It shows courage.
194
00:07:58,936 --> 00:08:00,021
I agree.
- Thank you.
195
00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:01,606
This has been nice.
Yeah.
196
00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:03,399
I thought this was gonna be
more of a problem.
197
00:08:03,399 --> 00:08:05,860
- It’s a little scary.
- Everything’s on la casa.
198
00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:08,112
- I have to excuse myself.
- Oh, you’re leaving us?
199
00:08:08,112 --> 00:08:09,780
Chef Gary is really on one.
200
00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:11,866
For the specials tonight,
let me tell you what.
201
00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:14,535
He wants to put a duck burger
on a butter pretzel bun,
202
00:08:14,535 --> 00:08:15,745
and I think he’s crazy.
203
00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:17,872
Although, so crazy it just might work.
204
00:08:18,956 --> 00:08:20,791
All right, bye.
205
00:08:20,791 --> 00:08:23,461
I hate to see her go,
but I love to watch her walk away.
206
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:24,504
Gwendolyn.
207
00:08:29,425 --> 00:08:31,052
Sorry I’m late, guys.
208
00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:33,763
I just had this whole thing happen
with my car insurance,
209
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:36,849
and they were not taking my payment
because it was a credit card--
210
00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:38,351
Yoo-hoo, visitor alert.
211
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,770
Hey, Mr. Marquez.
212
00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:43,147
He’s uninsured. Let’s write that down.
213
00:08:43,147 --> 00:08:45,691
What are you doing here, Linda?
I thought we moved on from this.
214
00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:48,778
Oh, we have. We’ve moved on to the
next level of sorting this problem out.
215
00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:49,904
The next level?
216
00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:51,906
Okay. Well, I don’t know if you know this,
217
00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:53,616
you’re not allowed
to just be in my classroom.
218
00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:55,785
You have to have my permission
to observe my class.
219
00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:58,412
I actually do know that,
which is why I went over your head
220
00:08:58,412 --> 00:09:00,373
and got authorization
from the school board.
221
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,375
Mom, stop.
This is embarrassing.
222
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,460
Blake, tuck in your Billabong shirt.
223
00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:05,878
All the way around, sir.
224
00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:07,755
Everyone, eyes on me.
225
00:09:07,755 --> 00:09:11,926
This is Dr. Doug.
He is a teaching expert, okay?
226
00:09:11,926 --> 00:09:14,303
And he and I are gonna be
just observing class today.
227
00:09:14,303 --> 00:09:16,430
So, drink a glass of act right,
you know what I mean?
228
00:09:16,430 --> 00:09:18,307
I’m just kidding.
Be yourselves.
229
00:09:22,186 --> 00:09:23,437
I’ll be right back.
230
00:09:23,437 --> 00:09:26,065
Dramatically exits. Let’s write that down.
231
00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:29,860
There’s power up here. I can definitely
jerry-rig a little camera for ya.
232
00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:31,946
Good, ’cause I wanna prove to you
they’re not cheating.
233
00:09:31,946 --> 00:09:34,448
Put the cameras wherever you want.
Can you put them back there?
234
00:09:34,448 --> 00:09:38,035
Yeah, it’s a drop ceiling.
It’s a whole world up there.
235
00:09:38,035 --> 00:09:39,787
- Huh.
- I don’t know. I get a couple cameras.
236
00:09:39,787 --> 00:09:42,081
We’ll get the footage
and watch it together over drinks?
237
00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:43,499
We could--
238
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,084
What?
239
00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:47,253
Linda is in my class.
240
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,171
No, no, no, it’s not good.
241
00:09:49,171 --> 00:09:52,466
That whole thing where she was being
nice and friendly last night,
242
00:09:52,466 --> 00:09:54,051
- that was a front.
- Oh, my God.
243
00:09:54,051 --> 00:09:56,345
And now she brought
a teaching expert to class
244
00:09:56,345 --> 00:09:58,431
to observe me
and try to take me down or something.
245
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,349
- She’s a bitch. Always been.
- What?
246
00:10:00,349 --> 00:10:02,226
Yeah. Can you come and sit in?
I need manpower.
247
00:10:02,226 --> 00:10:04,478
- It’s your free period, right?
- Yes. What?
248
00:10:04,478 --> 00:10:06,105
- Can I come?
- I only needed Gwen,
249
00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:07,857
- but sure, more is better.
- Yes, buddy.
250
00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:08,983
Oh, my God.
251
00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:10,484
You should check out Michigan State.
252
00:10:10,484 --> 00:10:12,320
They got bomb pad thai.
253
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,573
You probably can’t get in there
’cause your grades are bunk.
254
00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:17,783
- But, yo--
- Rick, come sit in Evan’s class with us.
255
00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:19,160
Oh, I’m there. Hell yeah.
256
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:21,829
You like skinny noodle
or thick noodle? Huh?
257
00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:24,081
Michigan State’s got both.
258
00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:28,127
Get it 360, everything, like, IMAX almost.
259
00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:30,630
What is he doing?
Can you please put that iPad down?
260
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,798
You’re not allowed
to take pictures in here, okay?
261
00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:36,177
He is documenting. We are just observing.
It’s gonna be like we’re not here, honey.
262
00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:38,721
I went ahead and gathered
some other board-certified teachers
263
00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:40,222
to observe this observation.
264
00:10:40,222 --> 00:10:42,892
Oh. [laughs] It’s good you have
the gym teacher here.
265
00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:44,226
- Hey, Markie.
- Linda.
266
00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:45,978
Looking all like a Shrek today.
267
00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:48,064
It’s Shrek. There’s only one.
- Uh, stunning.
268
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:49,440
- Hey, Gwen.
- Shut up.
269
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,359
- Okay.
- Now that we have six adults in here,
270
00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:54,278
let’s continue our somewhat
tumultuous journey through
271
00:10:54,278 --> 00:10:57,657
- The Red Badge of Courage.
- Didn’t we already write those essays?
272
00:10:57,657 --> 00:11:00,910
Yes. But since that didn’t quite work,
we’re gonna stay with that book
273
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:03,287
until the information has been
effectively communicated.
274
00:11:03,287 --> 00:11:05,581
Aren’t we getting behind
on the state curriculum here?
275
00:11:05,581 --> 00:11:07,792
Shouldn’t we be moving on
to To Kill a Mockingbird?
276
00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:09,835
- Doug, shut up.
- Lot of questions for a doctor.
277
00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:12,546
Markie, do you even have a master’s?
What did you major in? Ranch?
278
00:11:12,546 --> 00:11:14,173
I’m sorry. I thought you
were just observing.
279
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:16,425
- Easily distracted. Write that down.
- What are you writing?
280
00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:17,885
Are you writing this in wingdings?
281
00:11:17,885 --> 00:11:19,095
- What is that?
- Stop it.
282
00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:22,306
How about this?
I’m ordering you to leave, okay?
283
00:11:22,306 --> 00:11:24,350
Observation over.
284
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:27,978
Actually my parents’ rights state that
I can be here, so I will be remaining.
285
00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:30,314
- That doesn’t exist.
- You’re out of order.
286
00:11:30,981 --> 00:11:33,192
This whole... This whole classroom
is out of order.
287
00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:36,278
- Linda, this isn’t a courtroom.
- I object.
288
00:11:36,278 --> 00:11:39,448
I don’t know what is going on,
and why will he not stop typing?
289
00:11:39,448 --> 00:11:41,450
- I’ll take care of this.
- OOO for "Out of Order."
290
00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:42,576
- Who wants an iPad?
- Gwen.
291
00:11:42,576 --> 00:11:45,830
- Just keep teaching, Evan.
- So, The Red Badge of Courage--
292
00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:48,082
And she’s what? She’s allowed
to bring this teaching expert
293
00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:49,792
into my classroom without asking?
294
00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:52,712
Technically, no. But in a world where
I want to keep my job, yes.
295
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,380
She’s probably just gathering evidence.
296
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:56,257
Gathering evidence for what, Grant?
297
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:58,884
For the parents-faculty town hall meeting
she called for tonight.
298
00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:01,053
- She called a town hall meeting?
- Yes.
299
00:12:01,053 --> 00:12:03,764
- She’s allowed to do that?
- Technically, no. But in a world where--
300
00:12:03,764 --> 00:12:05,850
You knew about this? What...
Why wouldn’t you tell me?
301
00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:08,394
Because I was hoping
she wouldn’t gather any evidence.
302
00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:11,105
Evan, look,
if we don’t make it through this,
303
00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:13,691
I wanna say it’s been an honor
and a privilege serving with you.
304
00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:14,859
Oh, shut up.
305
00:12:16,944 --> 00:12:20,906
My associates are handing out the findings
from today in the classroom.
306
00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:23,242
That’s gonna be Dr. Doug.
Y’all know Winston.
307
00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:25,244
Tell him not to hide his light
under a bushel.
308
00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:26,620
You let it shine, Winston.
309
00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:28,622
- You’re gonna let this happen to me?
- Shh.
310
00:12:28,622 --> 00:12:31,208
I think perhaps what is most stark
about our findings today
311
00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:34,211
is that Mr. Marquez is unable
to even teach his class
312
00:12:34,211 --> 00:12:37,173
without the assistance of
several other teachers present.
313
00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:41,927
I mean, does the state have funding
for such an extensive support system?
314
00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:43,804
Linda, you brought
a teaching expert to my class.
315
00:12:43,804 --> 00:12:46,599
Mr. Marquez.
- And you came to my class unannounced.
316
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:50,311
- Okay? I needed backup.
- Mr. Marquez, Mrs. Harrison has the floor.
317
00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:51,771
Thank you, Grant.
318
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:54,857
Everybody just open to page four.
Let’s all do it together.
319
00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:58,110
She used to be so sweet. Like,
I don’t even know who this woman is.
320
00:12:58,110 --> 00:12:59,862
These booklets are really well made.
321
00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:02,406
- Where’d they get this picture of you?
- Oh, my God.
322
00:13:02,406 --> 00:13:04,950
- You’re built like a baby seal.
- I told you to post that.
323
00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:06,118
I have to listen to this.
324
00:13:06,118 --> 00:13:09,038
’Cause whether this requires
an adjustment or,
325
00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:11,332
honey, God forbid, a removal,
326
00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:12,917
that’s something we need to talk about.
327
00:13:12,917 --> 00:13:14,084
She said removal?
328
00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:18,589
I think everybody’s with me here
when I say we want our children
329
00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:23,052
to thrive and to learn.
Amen.
330
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,930
- Let me hear it one more time in the back.
- Amen.
331
00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:28,974
What we don’t want is
our children subjected to things
332
00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:31,268
that we have not agreed to.
333
00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:33,020
- Am I right?
- Yes.
334
00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:37,274
Like receiving failing grades
on passing work. Can I get an amen?
335
00:13:37,274 --> 00:13:38,818
I’m so sorry. I don’t wanna be dramatic,
336
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:41,195
but this woman has
a personal vendetta against me.
337
00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:44,532
I’m not the only one who’s been
affected by Mr. Marquez’s actions.
338
00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:47,576
I’d like to bring to speak
a beautiful, incredible and talented
339
00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:49,829
Latina single mother, Luisa.
340
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:52,206
Come on, Luisa.
341
00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:55,292
Actually, I’m not single.
I am married for nine years.
342
00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:56,377
Congratulations.
343
00:13:57,962 --> 00:13:59,839
My son was on the football team.
344
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:02,925
And then he got an F, and now
they say that he can’t play anymore.
345
00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:04,552
Heh! That’s his future!
346
00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:07,221
We are angry, Mr. Marquez.
347
00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:17,356
Hey, Siri, open Google Translate.
348
00:14:22,736 --> 00:14:24,822
I’ma call a cállate!
349
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,867
Y’all know Dr. Doug
can’t even write that down.
350
00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:31,537
Now, that was beautiful and cultural.
351
00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:35,291
- Okay? And I thank you, Luisa.
- She’s using my own people against me.
352
00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:37,251
And that goes to show
that I’m not the only one
353
00:14:37,251 --> 00:14:38,961
affected by Mr. Marquez’s actions. And--
354
00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:42,006
Excuse me, sorry.
Please, Linda, if you don’t mind.
355
00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:43,382
- Oh, my God.
- I’m sorry,
356
00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:45,175
but there is a more pressing matter.
357
00:14:45,175 --> 00:14:47,761
- Oh, here we go.
- We all need to be aware
358
00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:51,515
that our kids are playing a new sex game.
359
00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:54,351
When I say the phrase
"reverse glory hole,"
360
00:14:54,351 --> 00:14:55,811
what do you picture?
Oh.
361
00:14:55,811 --> 00:14:58,606
Okay. All right. And...
And that does sound terrifying.
362
00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:01,442
Earmark the, uh, reverse glory hole.
Just write that down.
363
00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:03,527
Gonna deal with that later.
We’ll keep an eye on it.
364
00:15:03,527 --> 00:15:06,405
I would really love the opportunity
to speak now since this is all about me.
365
00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:09,992
I got one more reminder before I sit
down. I’m gonna quit taking y’all’s time.
366
00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:14,788
Y’all get some food real quick.
367
00:15:14,788 --> 00:15:17,374
We got Winston on the carving station!
368
00:15:17,374 --> 00:15:18,751
We got two chocolate fountains.
369
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:22,546
And we have a boatload
of my favorite and yours,
370
00:15:22,546 --> 00:15:24,924
steak nuggets.
371
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,008
Dig in, y’all!
372
00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:27,718
I was hoping that was for us.
373
00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:30,012
I can just drill a peephole
right here in the desk,
374
00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:33,265
and they take the exam, you drop
your keys, catch them in the act.
375
00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:35,184
How you doing over there?
376
00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:37,311
I’m not good, you know?
377
00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:40,856
This woman, it’s like I close my eyes,
and she’s all I can see.
378
00:15:40,856 --> 00:15:45,235
And she’s staring at me
with her blonde updo.
379
00:15:45,235 --> 00:15:48,447
I feel like the town hall went fine.
380
00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:52,201
It wasn’t fine, Gwen.
You know it didn’t go fine.
381
00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:55,788
They were acting like they were gonna
carry me out of town on a pitchfork
382
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,539
like a big steak nugget.
383
00:15:57,539 --> 00:16:00,000
But they got distracted
by the food in the end.
384
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,211
I don’t think
they’ll remember what happened.
385
00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:03,796
It’s just everyone’s on her side.
386
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,298
I’m not gonna win this. I can’t win this.
387
00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:09,969
Are you giving up? Evan Marquez giving up?
388
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:12,846
We have her right where we want her, man.
389
00:16:13,847 --> 00:16:14,848
How?
390
00:16:14,848 --> 00:16:17,601
Do you ever wonder
why her restaurants are all cash-only?
391
00:16:18,185 --> 00:16:20,813
All right, let’s go right in the cleavage.
There we go.
392
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:23,357
This is just so crazy to wear a wire.
393
00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:25,484
It’s your only way out
of this buddy, seriously.
394
00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:28,028
Okay. Explain
the tax fraud thing to me again
395
00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:31,031
’cause I only get about 40%
of any conversation about money.
396
00:16:31,031 --> 00:16:34,410
All right. It’s simple but complicated
at the same time, right?
397
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,495
Biggest restaurant in Austin,
398
00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:38,288
arguably the fanciest.
399
00:16:38,288 --> 00:16:39,456
Cash only.
400
00:16:39,456 --> 00:16:40,791
Why do you think that is?
401
00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:43,335
It’s obvious they’re skimming
right off the top.
402
00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:45,462
Cooking the books, okay?
403
00:16:45,462 --> 00:16:47,673
And their cover is that
they donate to the school.
404
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,425
It throws the IRS off the scent.
405
00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:51,010
It’s fraud. It’s bad.
406
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,178
It just sounds like
such a conspiracy theory.
407
00:16:53,178 --> 00:16:56,932
I know, right?
But all conspiracy theories are 90% true.
408
00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:10,821
You got this, Evan.
409
00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:13,782
Come on in, Mr. Marquez.
410
00:17:13,782 --> 00:17:15,993
Hey.
411
00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:18,454
Oh, my Lord. Y’all hush.
412
00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:20,414
Hush, I said!
Thanks so much
413
00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:21,832
for agreeing to meet.
414
00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:24,835
Hey! Brad, Steven,
you’re about to lose your privileges.
415
00:17:25,419 --> 00:17:26,879
So many nice... [clears throat] ...dogs.
416
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,964
Lord have mercy.
’Bout to drive me to drink!
417
00:17:28,964 --> 00:17:30,799
This is a very, very beautiful house.
418
00:17:30,799 --> 00:17:33,677
The recession was very good to us.
Wasn’t it, Kevin?
419
00:17:33,677 --> 00:17:35,012
Sorry, is there a way to...
420
00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:37,264
I just wanted to be able to hear
what you were saying.
421
00:17:37,264 --> 00:17:40,350
I can hear you just fine. You said
you wanted a few minutes of my time.
422
00:17:40,350 --> 00:17:41,935
Floor’s yours.
- Yes.
423
00:17:41,935 --> 00:17:45,731
Uh, I was gonna say your restaurant--
The-The cash-only thing--
424
00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:48,525
You know what? There’s a wild pheasant
down by the fence line.
425
00:17:48,525 --> 00:17:50,319
That’s what’s making these dogs nuts.
426
00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:52,863
Come with me. I gotta do something.
427
00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:54,948
Oh, my God.
428
00:17:54,948 --> 00:17:57,117
So that is just sitting there. Okay.
429
00:17:57,117 --> 00:17:59,328
- Ah!
- Damn. That fucker can move.
430
00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:02,331
You ever dealt with pheasant?
431
00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:05,876
So hard to kill,
and they don’t even taste good.
432
00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:10,172
Yeah. Pheasant is definitely
one of my least favorite meats.
433
00:18:11,298 --> 00:18:14,259
You know, speaking of meat,
your restaurant was amazing.
434
00:18:14,259 --> 00:18:16,678
I thought it was so good, and I...
435
00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:19,139
I thought it was cute
how you guys did that cash-only thing.
436
00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:21,183
I was, like, okay,
437
00:18:21,683 --> 00:18:24,061
why would someone do a cash-only thing?
438
00:18:24,061 --> 00:18:26,522
Mr. Marquez, let’s just cut to the chase.
439
00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:28,398
I know you’re here to grovel for your job.
440
00:18:28,398 --> 00:18:30,651
If you can just change those grades,
you won’t have to.
441
00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:37,157
Yeah. I-I hear that.
442
00:18:37,157 --> 00:18:39,034
College is real important to our family.
443
00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:41,370
Blake’s GPA is right on the cusp
444
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:45,207
of dropping him to a lower level
of potential universities.
445
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,418
We need him in a good college
like his older brother.
446
00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:51,463
His older brother, your gay son.
447
00:18:53,048 --> 00:18:54,466
My son.
448
00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:56,552
Part of me wants to ask if you still think
449
00:18:56,552 --> 00:19:00,973
that just by being his out gay teacher,
I turned him gay,
450
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:05,269
but I would hope you’re evolved enough
by now to realize that’s not possible.
451
00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:08,897
Well, I certainly think he was encouraged.
452
00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:19,074
Anyway, he is thriving
at school.
453
00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:20,534
Do you talk to him at all?
454
00:19:20,534 --> 00:19:23,495
Of course I talk to him.
He’s my son, and I love him.
455
00:19:23,495 --> 00:19:27,374
And... despite what you think
I think about his preferences,
456
00:19:27,374 --> 00:19:28,625
I love him no matter what,
457
00:19:28,625 --> 00:19:31,253
and as long as he keeps it out of Austin,
it’s fine by me.
458
00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:34,965
Why would he need
to keep it out of Austin?
459
00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:37,759
Austin’s a perfectly gay-friendly place.
460
00:19:37,759 --> 00:19:41,054
Not the circles I run in.
They don’t understand.
461
00:19:41,054 --> 00:19:43,098
So I’m not gonna have my life
turned upside down
462
00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:44,558
because of something like that.
463
00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:47,561
You have a secret.
464
00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:52,149
A woman like me has many secrets.
465
00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:53,984
No, I mean, you have a secret.
466
00:19:53,984 --> 00:19:58,322
Like, the fact that your son
is gay is a secret for you.
467
00:19:58,989 --> 00:20:02,451
Like, you’re scared if you told
the people in your life this that
468
00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:05,120
they would kick you out of
your whole social structure.
469
00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:08,081
Well, exactly. So you do understand.
470
00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:11,501
Yeah, I do. I just...
471
00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:16,423
I wonder if you realize that’s
exactly how your son feels.
472
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:21,428
He feels like he has this thing about him
that if he told the wrong people
473
00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:24,848
would get him kicked out
of his life, right?
474
00:20:24,848 --> 00:20:27,726
And that’s how you’re feeling.
And that’s how I felt growing up.
475
00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:33,732
So we’re all feeling the same thing.
476
00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:35,859
See what I’m saying?
477
00:20:39,112 --> 00:20:41,990
Wow, you really healed me. Thanks.
478
00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:46,995
I got him.
479
00:20:46,995 --> 00:20:49,122
Oh, right between his beady little eyes.
480
00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:55,254
Um, why don’t you just...
let him redo the essay?
481
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:56,630
You don’t have to change the grades.
482
00:20:56,630 --> 00:20:59,466
And then whichever one is better,
you count that one.
483
00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:02,052
Yeah, that’s reasonable.
484
00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:03,720
Great.
485
00:21:06,765 --> 00:21:10,060
You know, it’s a good thing that you were
recording that whole conversation,
486
00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:13,522
and now you can just go back and listen to
that speech you gave whenever you want.
487
00:21:17,776 --> 00:21:20,153
And, guys, before I wrap up class,
I wanted to say
488
00:21:20,153 --> 00:21:23,240
I’m gonna give you all a redo
on your Red Badge of Courage essays
489
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:24,574
to try to get a better grade.
490
00:21:24,574 --> 00:21:27,411
I believe in second chances,
so, congratulations.
491
00:21:27,411 --> 00:21:28,620
Ah! Oh!
492
00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:30,163
Oh, my God!
493
00:21:34,918 --> 00:21:38,630
Sorry. [chuckles] God,
I got turned around up there.
494
00:21:38,630 --> 00:21:41,174
Were you trying
to catch your students cheating?
495
00:21:41,174 --> 00:21:43,969
Yeah. Yeah. I didn’t catch
any of them cheating.
496
00:21:43,969 --> 00:21:45,721
Basically, all the kids
are just watching Snapchat.
497
00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:47,139
That’s what I figured out.
498
00:21:48,598 --> 00:21:49,766
I gotta get out of here.
499
00:21:50,350 --> 00:21:51,393
Class dismissed.
500
00:21:52,561 --> 00:21:54,146
Come on.
501
00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:56,940
I’ll get you. Okay.
502
00:21:56,940 --> 00:21:59,026
♪ She drives me crazy ♪
503
00:21:59,026 --> 00:22:00,944
♪ Cuckoo ♪
504
00:22:00,944 --> 00:22:03,447
♪ Like no one else ♪
505
00:22:03,447 --> 00:22:05,240
♪ Cuckoo ♪
506
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:11,038
♪ She drives me crazy
And I can’t help myself ♪
507
00:22:12,205 --> 00:22:13,832
♪ Cuckoo ♪
508
00:22:31,808 --> 00:22:34,227
{\an8}♪ She drives me crazy ♪
509
00:22:34,227 --> 00:22:36,229
{\an8}♪ Cuckoo ♪
510
00:22:36,229 --> 00:22:38,732
{\an8}♪ Like no one else ♪
511
00:22:38,732 --> 00:22:40,609
{\an8}♪ Cuckoo ♪
512
00:22:40,609 --> 00:22:42,903
{\an8}♪ She drives me crazy ♪
513
00:22:42,903 --> 00:22:45,989
{\an8}♪ And I can’t help myself ♪